Original subtitles

Previously on "The Real

Previously on "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills"...

- We'll get on the boat in Croatia,

and we'll be on the boat for eight days.

- Nice trip.

I was like, you know what? I miss riding horses.

It's what I grew up doing,

and so then I did that for, like, 15 years.

She mentioned that you were into horses.

- I knew you would connect.

- I've just gotten off mine...

- What? - like two hours ago.

- How was it growing up with your dad?

- Well, I don't know him.

- All right, well...

Erika comes off to me like a cool girl,

you know, like I'm too cool for anything.

- 14! - What?

- I won!

- Oh, my God!

both: Aah!

- I'm glad to see that you two are getting on so well.

- I know!

- Yeah, we're having a good time.

- I hope you can forgive me.

I feel like a weight has been lifted.

Dorit and I are gonna put this behind us

and move forward.

- I love when everyone's getting along.

- Don't worry, it won't last long.

- I know! - Stop.

[upbeat music]

- In this town, fame and money come and go,

but friends should not.

♪ ♪

- Some people call me cold.

But that's not ice-- it's diamonds.

♪ ♪

- I believe in excess of everything,

except moderation.

♪ ♪

- Having the best isn't important to me,

but being my best is.

♪ ♪

- I don't have to buy it, 'cause I already own it.

♪ ♪

- The queen of diamonds

always has an ace up her sleeve.

♪ ♪

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Do you get prison letters? - No.

Do you get prison letters?

- Yeah. Erika Jayne fans in jail.

- I would like another Giggy. I want him cloned.

- Giggy cloned?

He's eight years old, for God's sake.

He's got more life in him than you have.

- Well, please, God, he has.

- I think you're losing your mind.

- What? - I found a lot of poop.

- Where? - Rat's poop.

Right here.

- Poo in there?

- Yeah, a lot of poo.

- What?

- Come here, Cruz. Give me a hug.

- Is that--Oh! - Cruz?

- You're snubbing daddy?

- Come here, give me a hug.

- Right?

- Oh, no, I was kind of hoping you weren't coming in

when I was arranging my sunglasses.

♪ ♪

You know how you tease me for having all these sunglasses?

- It looks good, babe. - It's getting there.

- Honey, you haven't told me about Vegas yet.

I want to hear.

- I definitely had moments this weekend

where I connected with Erika. - Yeah.

- I am surprised that Erika and I

were able to get on so well.

Can we get drinks?

- Sure.

- Sorry, but-- thank you.

- This is really interesting. So you're cool with Erika?

- Cool with Erika. - And how are you with Rinna?

Because it's your birthday on Friday.

I was gonna do a little dinner,

and then I need to decide who's coming.

- Rinna was nice.

She immediately was just like... - That's honest.

- I'm really sorry and I know what I did

and it was wrong and I don't know why I do what I do.

- I'm a good person.

Give me a chance to see me for who I really am.

- I definitely have a little precaution,

if you will.

- But she's starting with I'm sorry...

- Yes. - I can't explain my behavior,

can we move forward? - Let me earn my--yeah.

- On that basis,

I don't think you should ask Erika and not Rinna.

- I'm happy to include her.

- Okay. I can't even believe that you're actually

telling me to invite Rinna to your birthday.

- I know! I know!

♪ ♪

[pounding]

- Honey, do you want any tea?

- Honey, I can't hear you.

I can't hear you with all the hammering.

- Okay, I'll be there in a minute.

[upbeat music]

Hi, honey. - What's up, Bub?

- What are you eating?

- I'm being healthy.

I'm eating oatmeal, fruit, and water.

- That--that's very good, honey.

Croatia cannot come any sooner.

I mean, this is definitely the best time to be leaving town.

I cannot hear the hammer anymore.

My kids are gonna start moving out one by one

with all this hammering.

- I know.

- My husband wanted to buy a new house.

So I looked and I looked.

I tried to be open-minded, but I just love my house

more than any of the homes I've seen.

[sawing and hammering]

It's okay, the floor is today.

- They've been paid 50%.

- But yesterday was a new bill thing.

I forgot to tell you.

So we decided if we really want a little bit of a change,

then why don't we just stay here

and renovate the home that we already love so much?

[saw buzzes]

This construction is ruining my life.

[laughs] - It looks so bad.

- I wanted something that felt a little more modern,

so we decided to change out all of our hardwood floors.

I'm going to add a fireplace in my bathroom.

We're gonna change the shape of the pool,

because I don't know what that shape is

but it's really ugly.

Can you put your foot on there one second?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, I mean any smaller than that,

that's gonna look too busy.

I'm good with that, 16x16.

Right now, we're living in renovation hell.

I don't care what happens to my house while I'm gone

as long as there are floors when I get home.

- How about the-- the showers down here?

- We tell him little bits at a time.

- Okay, I get it.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Hi.

- Hi. How are you?

- Good. Thanks. - You look so pretty.

- Thanks. So do you. Thanks for having me.

- Well, thanks for coming.

♪ ♪

- Are you guys ready yet or you still need more time?

- What's great? Like, what are some of these that are good?

- What about the special?

- Yeah, it's-- - Why don't we do that

and the albacore? - Perfect.

And do you mind if we get some edamame?

- Sure. - With no salt, please.

- No salt, okay. - Thank you.

- I got to tell you.

I give you so many props for coming on that trip.

- You normally don't meet so many people at one time.

- You know what? You're right.

- So you have, like, that moment to have a connection

with each person. - Right.

You know, I really like Teddi,

but sometimes I just open up too quickly.

They're this close to Kim dying.

- Wow.

- Did you or did you not

say that my sister is close to death?

- So I'm trying to get to know people slowly.

I'm learning that from Erika Jayne

to just like, you know, just take your time.

Your kids are in preschool. - Preschool, yeah.

- In the same preschool?

- Mm-hmm. - Oh, that's good.

- Yeah. Like, $35,000 a year.

It's crazy. - I know. It's crazy.

- Tuition in L.A. is more expensive

than college. - It is.

It's really funny, I never put my kids

in, like, "fancy school."

They always went to, like, the granola schools.

Like, they didn't learn to read until they were, like, ten.

[laughs]

- Lisa Vanderpump and Dorit

both warned me about Lisa Rinna.

- I had a horrible time with Rinna.

- There are some people in the group that

will seize on the opportunity

to make something small something very, very big.

- To be perfectly honest, she's fun.

I like her.

I'm gonna make my own assessment.

- Ooh, that looks good.

- I know, that does look good.

Well, even walking into schools

when, like, everybody's like super done up, I'm like...

- I'm sorry, that whole thing. - Sorry.

I was definitely, like, the one looking down.

I'm like, "Oh, I only have one Cartier LOVE bracelet.

I'm out of this (BLEEP)"--

- Really? It's gotten to be that?

- Oh, yes. - Oh, come on.

- In Beverly Hills when I meet new people,

I've noticed there's a lot of, like,

keeping up with the Joneses,

but I grew up in South Carolina,

and truthfully, I don't care.

I don't even know who the Joneses are.

For me, I mean, I rode horses for a living.

I wore my hair in a hairnet every day.

There was no, like... - That's so amazing.

- glamming.

I was in second grade

when my parents split up.

Most of my time was spent riding, and I loved it.

It was an escape from anything I had to worry about.

For me, horses, 100%

kept me on, like, the straight-- the straight path.

- I believe it, 'cause I think it's really good for girls.

And, you know, Delilah rode for a lot of years,

and then she got thrown.

- Oh. - When she got thrown, it--

- It--it scared her? - Scared her.

- Kids that grow up in broken homes

can get a little lost.

Horses gave me empathy

and something to focus on.

I invited Lisa to come to a horse show

that I'm doing in San Diego on Saturday,

and I'll probably invite Dorit.

- That would be fun. - Come. We can--

- Will you show? - I show. I'm competing.

- Oh, you're showing. - Mm-hmm.

- Do you jump? - I jump.

- [gasps] - Yeah.

My only advice is wear closed-toe shoes.

- Let's do it. Sounds fun.

- Cool. - That's great.

I can't wait to see you jump.

[laughter]

- Coming up...

- Do you remember the girls?

Can you say hi?

together: Hi!

- Bad guy!

[lively music]

♪ ♪

- Okay, it's sweet. It's nice for a little casual dinner.

♪ ♪

Why didn't you put the roses on the table? It looks so sweet.

- A couple more on the-- - And we need

a nice red wine.

PK will probably want to drink red.

It's quite last minute, but PK reached out

and said he wanted to have a dinner for Dorit.

- Do you want to do flowers? - Yes.

- Some white flowers there then. - White?

- Yeah, and then I'll just do a set menu.

- And let's have some martinis available

for cocktails. - All right, perfect.

And I love Dorit,

so I'm happy to host it for her.

Giggy, you can sit here.

Be a good boy.

♪ ♪

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Happy birthday... ♪ - Oh!

- ♪ To you ♪

- [squeals] - ♪ Happy birthday ♪

♪ To you ♪

- Oh, my angel!

- ♪ Happy birthday ♪ - [babbles]

- ♪ Dear Mommy ♪ - Ba-ba.

- Ba-ba! - Oh, my goodness.

- I'm sorry Jagger can't be here,

but unfortunately, he's sleeping.

- Oh, my goodness. No, he needs a nap, baby.

- Oh, yay, munchkin!

- Honey, please get ready.

♪ ♪

- Hi! - Hi!

- Oh, thank you. How are you, you gorgeous thing?

- Look at you. - Oh, look at you.

- How are you? Edwin.

- This is my husband, Edwin, Lisa.

- Hi, Edwin.

- How beautiful are you? - Oh, well, ditto.

I mean, what a husband.

He's young, fit, handsome, virile,

all of the above.

Teddi, I have to say,

not bad.

- Oh, after you.

- Oh, no, after you. - After you.

- [laughs]

Ken, nice to see you.

Giggy. - Hello.

- Hello. - Look at you.

- Well, look at you. Hi!

- How are you?

- Well. Thank you.

Hi, Teddi. Hi. Nice to see you.

- Have you met Teddi's husband?

- No, I've not. - Hi.

- Hi. - Edwin.

- Edwin, Lisa. - Pleasure to meet you.

- Lisa, pleasure. - Nice to meet you.

- Likewise. - All right, I'm Erika.

- Erika, I'm Edwin. - Nice to meet you.

- Pleasure to meet you. - Thank you.

[upbeat music]

- I own a home security, home automation company.

- So you keep us all safe?

- And we do home automation as well.

- Oh, no, you need to give us a system

that keeps us safe from her.

- He doesn't supply Tasers. - That's impossible.

I'm sorry. That's right.

- Perfect, darling.

- Oh, thank you.

- Hello! - Hello!

Happy birthday!

- Happy birthday. - Thank you.

- The fact that I've been invited to Dorit's birthday

is a real big plus.

You look great. - How are you?

- Well. Thank you. How are you?

- Yeah, good. I'm great.

- Good. Good.

The last time I saw PK

had some bumps.

- I've never ever done coke. - Fine.

Okay. - Never in my life.

- I just said-- - You said

did you and your husband go in the bathroom--

- No. I said-- - Yeah, you did.

- I wouldn't say I'm apprehensive,

but I'm not like, okay, this is gonna be great

and everything is gonna be just fine.

- Hi, honey, how are you? - Hi, darling. How are you?

- Good. Good.

- Hello. - Hello!

- Hi. How are you?

- Great. You remember my girlfriend, Kim.

- Hello. - Hi, sweetheart.

- Hi, how are you?

- Ladies and gentlemen, would you kindly take your seats?

- Hi, baby. - You look beautiful.

- Thank you, my love.

[upbeat music]

- Are we missing Kyle tonight?

- Kyle is away.

- Kyle is in Croatia.

♪ ♪

- Thank you very much.

- Oh, these are so yummy. Which one?

- This is amazing, the tuna tartare.

- Oh, no, the crispy rice.

- My love, excuse me a second.

I'm just gonna go and get something for you.

- Oh!

- I hope you have a good present.

- So good. [gasps]

Oh!

My baby. - Happy birthday, baby!

- Oh, my.

- Go wish mommy happy birthday.

- [gasps] Bubba...

- He's kept this a secret. - Baby!

- He kept it a secret.

- Hi, my baby!

- Jagger just in a little white tux

with tails and a balloon for his mom.

What a sweet little baby.

- Thank you, my love!

- Look at his suit.

- Jagger is my heart and soul,

and PK dressing him up

is the most unforgettable birthday

I could have ever, ever, ever wished for.

But another good gift is...

Birkins.

- Thank you very much.

- And we're still on a group text.

- Do you remember the girls?

Can you say hi?

together: Hi!

- Bad guy!

- What was that? - Bad guy.

- Who's a bad guy?

Is Erika the bad guy?

[whimsical music]

- Maybe. You know, kids do tell the truth.

But maybe he was prompted.

- You're the bad guy.

- Thank you. - That's right.

I wear that like a badge of honor, young man.

- She loves it!

I swear to God,

he never heard that from me.

I may have thought it at one point,

but I never, ever, ever said it.

- You the bad guy!

- Oh, no! I'm the good guy.

- [laughs] He chose you first.

- He did choose me first.

- Well, I mean, that's spot on...

until he calls me a bad guy.

Now it's a load of rubbish.

- My son's very into, like...

- Bad guys. - bad guys

and superheroes.

- I was in the car today driving right up to my house,

and one of your dad's songs came on

and I have a Tesla, so it comes up with picture.

And now that I've met you, I was--

it was a whole nother connotation.

- It's a little different when you're singing along to it?

- Yeah. It was cool.

- Teddi's father is John Cougar Mellencamp.

- He fancies himself a singer.

- No, you know what I used to do?

I used to, when I was 16... - Oh, God.

- I used to be a background dancer.

- Get the (BLEEP) out of here.

- No. - I was.

- The pictures, his eyebrows

are, like, honestly pencil thin.

- I did have some plucked eyebrows.

- Kind of (BLEEP)ing amazing.

- Yeah.

- He has stories that I'm like, "What?"

Then you see the photographic evidence

with, like, eyebrows thinner than mine

and you're like, "I love that man."

- Teddi was telling me you're a singer as well.

- I'm a performer, yes.

- Very cool. - Thank you.

- Bad term. - Pardon me?

- I always say the wrong terms when it comes to--

- No, no, no, it's fine. Yeah, it's all good.

- Yeah.

- Honestly, I have to say, there was, like, a moment

when we were in Vegas where I was just kind of talking

and I felt, like, dismissed by you for a second.

- What moment are you talking about?

- You were setting up drinks.

- What was it like growing up with your dad?

- Honestly--

- You're not defined by your parents.

[laughs]

I'm kidding.

I'm being an asshole.

God, I'm really sorry if I did that.

I don't think that I did, though.

I don't remember that at all.

- I am the kind of person that,

regardless of how awkward I may feel,

I'm gonna tell someone that made me feel uncomfortable.

- Well, I'm sorry.

- It's okay.

All right.

- All right.

Okay, you didn't get a warm feeling from me in Vegas.

- Rinna, get up, make a speech.

Come on, you've got something nice to say now.

You had a very nice experience in Vegas.

- It was nice.

- Are you really-- she's gonna do--

- I'll do a speech. Why not?

- Oh, Rinna's gonna make a speech!

- Oh, my God, really?

Lisa Vanderpump, my birthday is not the time or the place

for you to be playing with your Lisa Rinna doll.

- First of all, it's kind of a miracle that

I'm here.

So let's--right?

- [laughter] - Exactly!

It's kind of a miracle,

and I think that six months ago, five months ago,

four months ago... - Two days ago.

- [laughs] - Two months ago...

- Wasn't so great.

- Totally.

- We're in a really nice place.

So thank you, and happy birthday to you.

Dorit and I aren't, like, on buddy-buddy terms,

but I think it shows,

if I may say so myself,

how willing I am to move forward.

- Happy birthday, darling, and--

- Happy birthday. - Thank you.

- It was great. - Thank you for inviting me.

- Exactly.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

- Miracles do happen.

- Coming up...

- There was this moment in my father's house.

He said, "Well, you know, my wife, she never had any kids

and I never had any kids."

I was like, "Yeah."

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[knock on door]

- You made it!

Hey, there.

- Hey, how are you? - I'm good.

- It's great to see you.

♪ ♪

- Get on in here. - Ready to get to work.

I'm excited to hear some more stories,

ask a bunch more questions,

flesh out what we've been talking about so far.

get to work on creating something awesome.

- So we talked about confirmation.

We talked about being unruly.

We talked about being a little headstrong.

My book is currently titled, "Pretty Mess,"

and it's kind of been

a chance to tell my story...

the way I remember it.

We talked about growing up

and my mom and my father,

but, you know, we could go deeper if you want.

I have read a few of Brian Moylan's pieces,

and I like the voice.

He's intelligent, he's funny.

So I reached out to him and I said,

"Hey, would you be interested in, you know,

"helping me write this book?

I've never written, you know, a book before."

And he said, "Yeah."

- We didn't talk much about your father.

He was never around at all when you were--

- No. My mom and dad were married,

but he left when I was like about nine months old.

Went on and lived his life,

and I did not meet my dad until I was 25.

He invited me up for Thanksgiving and--

- He reached out to you?

- Yeah. It was awkward, for sure.

- And on Thanksgiving, that's a lot of pressure.

It's a big holiday.

You're there are a stranger's house by yourself.

- Basically a stranger's house by myself.

There was this moment in--

in my father's house

and his daughter, she was a little toddler

and she was playing around and I said, you know,

"Well, how did you end up with the baby?"

And he said, "Well, you know, my wife, she never had any kids

and I never had any kids."

I was like, "Yeah."

What do you say to that?

It was very...

telling.

He had never ever acknowledged my existence

to anyone,

and obviously to himself as well.

[somber music]

- How many times did you see him?

- One, two,

three.

- And did you have to break up with him

and say, "I don't think I want to see you anymore"?

Or did it just kind of peter out?

- It just kind of petered out,

and I think that, you know, we lost contact

and there it is.

- And you have no contact with him today?

- No.

You can't go back

and repair that.

There's nothing to repair...

'cause it never existed.

I never existed.

- At the time, your son was very young,

did that experience inform the way

you operated as a parent?

- You know, when people get divorced, they have a choice

whether they want to stay in a child's life or not.

- Right.

- And my ex-husband and I worked very closely.

I mean, we still talk today. - Yeah.

- My son has a great father,

and he has a great stepfather

and he's been able to learn from both men

and--and take great lessons.

And at the end of the day, we have one thing in common,

that is the love for our child,

and so that supersedes anything.

- Going through everything with your father,

how do you come out of that experience

and not have all these sort of negative emotions

about what he did?

[somber music]

- I don't really know, other than I just knew that

whatever it was that I was ever possibly searching for

was not there.

It is what it is.

- Yeah.

- You know?

[upbeat music]

- Yes, you do poop, don't you?

♪ ♪

- Hi, Hanky and Panky.

- Hello.

I'm cleaning the bridge.

- So you're cleaning poop.

- Would you mind doing it? - No, I won't.

- Oh, come on. - No, I won't do it.

I love it all day long,

Vanderpump just picking up poop.

- Lisa, it's so wet!

Aah! - Come on, you got to help her.

- Oh, my God. - I'll help you, Dorit.

- Thank you! - You're all fancy

and I look like a man.

- Oh, my God, I'm so nervous. - Look at you.

- Lisa Rinna and Lisa Vanderpump

are not getting the full picture here.

We're going to a horse show.

- Lisa, darling. - How fabulous.

- Oh, yeah. Well, see, now you look a little more appropriate.

- Okay.

- Rinna is dressed like a cowboy,

and Vanderpump doesn't really fit a horse show glam.

I clearly am probably the most fashionable here.

- So we're going to Tokyo. The girls are working.

- Oh, you're going to Tokyo?

- Going to Tokyo on Monday.

- Who with, just the girls?

- Well, I got an extra ticket, and I invited Erika.

This is in Canada, and I was thinking,

"What if Erika came to Tokyo with us?"

- (BLEEP), yeah!

- So you're going to Tokyo for how long?

- For five days. - So they pay for you to go as--

- They pay for me to go as a chaperone.

They have to... - Yeah, because she's 16.

- because she's only 16. We're the old broads.

- You're three years younger than me.

- Are you really three years older than me?

- I am. - Is that your true birthday?

- So you think I'm lying? - Yeah.

- Okay, look. - Oh, my gosh!

- Oh, my God! - She's showing me the license.

I can't wait. Is she really 80?

- I can't--no. - Yeah, I get to see it.

- Put it back. Put it back. - No, I need to see it.

- No, I can't! - Let me see it!

Give it to me! - I can't do it.

I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't do it.

- Why? How old are you, 75?

- Aah!

- I think the only thing that might be 75 round here

might be Rinna's IQ.

Give it to her.

- Bam! - [gasps]

Oh, my God.

- And I look pretty damn good there.

- You are telling the truth! - Vanderpump tells the truth.

- She was born in 1960 and I was born in 1963.

That's so juicy and delicious to me.

That's the one thing she can never have over me.

Okay, so this is good, because lots of people think you're 70.

- There might be-- - And now they won't.

- There might be one little lie on there.

It might be the... - Where?

- 108 pounds. - How much you weigh?

- [laughs] - Is that what you put down?

[laughs]

- Coming up...

- I love church. I went every--

- You need to go to beg for forgiveness.

- [laughs]

Confession. - Don't mind her.

[upbeat music]

[horse whinnies]

♪ ♪

- Hey, we're gonna head up there pretty soon.

That's always cute. - Is that cute?

♪ ♪

Okay, let's go make friends.

Where's the little angel?

- She's right there.

- Oh, are you ready before me?

There are few things I love more

than riding horses.

Hi, Mama.

I'm excited to get to know you.

I'm showing at Showpark.

It's a horse competition where you jump around,

you know, eight to ten fences

in a certain order

and you try to do it as smooth as possible.

She's got her game face on.

- Hopefully I'll give you no trouble today, Mama.

- I think we're gonna get along just fine.

I'm riding a horse named Virtue,

who's owned by my trainers,

because horses are an expensive sport.

All right, well, I'm excited.

- Me too. It's gonna be fun. - Let's do it.

Let's go learn the course... - All right.

- get organized. - Let's get organized,

and she'll meet us up there. - Okay, perfect.

Not only do you pay for the horse,

which is over six digits,

you're paying for its care, you're paying for its food.

They get new shoes every four to six weeks,

and they're more expensive than a child.

[upbeat music]

- Hey, hi. You look beautiful.

- Thank you. - Very clean for the horse show.

Get ready to be dirty

and get ready for a little dust.

So let's go head this way. - Oh, look at this.

- She was down here by-- with her horse.

- This is so cool! - So let's go visit.

- Oh, my God, this is great.

- Where is the red carpet, please?

- This is VIP for now.

We'll make sure they know for next time.

- Teddi said, "Consider yourself forewarned,"

when I said I intend on going into

full Kentucky Derby regalia.

- Okay, I'm just gonna say I am dress...

- I cannot help myself. - perfectly.

- You are dressed beyond perfectly.

- I am so perfect, and I can't stand it,

in my sh-- kickers.

- All I heard was VIP area,

right where I should be, all I heard in the conversation.

- Teddi. - Teddi!

- Oh, my God!

- Look at this.

- [laughs]

- I think I said closed-toe shoes.

- I know!

- Okay, fine, don't listen to my closed-toe shoe advice.

Not only is it a safety issue,

there's horsesh-- and port-a-johns.

- Wait, good luck hug.

- Thank you. - You'll do amazing.

- Thanks.

Hopefully you guys have fun.

- Yes, we will.

- I love seeing this side of Teddi

because you can see that she's very passionate about it.

And I think that that's something

we'll definitely bond over.

[upbeat music]

- Okay, so right lead single,

smooth, then you might need to lift it

a couple times in the end. - Okay.

Two, five, oxer me.

I grew up competing every single weekend.

I was a professional equestrian for 12 years.

I guess you could say it was almost like an addiction.

I loved it.

To this day, if I want to escape,

I'm gonna go to the barn.

Thank you.

- This is-- - Shh.

- Oh, okay. Whoo!

[cheering]

- Whoo-hoo!

- No matter what, when I'm competing,

I'm always a little bit nervous.

But when the girls are there watching,

it adds to it.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Now, do the jumps get increasingly taller?

- I want to say yes, but I don't know.

This one's taller.

♪ ♪

- Yes!

- Good job. Attagirl.

I ride a lot and I've ridden for many years,

but Teddi takes it to another level.

♪ ♪

I ride.

Teddi is a consummate professional.

- Second place, entry number 150.

That was Country Lane.

Taking the blue ribbon, the Balmoral entry...

- [gasps] Teddi!

- Teddi Mellencamp--

[cheering]

- She got first place. - Yeah, she got first place.

- We brought her luck!

[laughter and applause]

- Teddi... - That was really good

all these changes and things.

- You were amazing. - Great job.

- You were amazing! - Really great job.

- It was awesome.

- Thank you so much. He's such a good boy.

I got first place. Of course I'm happy.

I'm proud, because for me,

I'm 100%, like, "don't (BLEEP) with me" competitive.

It's always been in me.

- You're a great rider. - Thank you so much.

- I mean, amazing. - When I used to

be able to practice all the time, like, that's when

it really felt, like, magical.

When I'm not practiced,

you're just giving it really to God--like, "Help me!"

- Right, right. - 'Cause I'm not prepared.

- Are you quite religious?

- I am, yeah.

- I just had that feeling. So am I.

- You are? - Yeah.

- We go to church every Sunday. - Do you?

- Mm-hmm. - I support our church as well.

- I love church. I went every--

- You need to go to beg for forgiveness.

[laughter]

- Confession, trust me.

- Don't mind her.

- Coming up...

- They put him on me.

One of the nurses was like, "He's not okay!"

And they're like, "Code blue." - [gasps]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[cell phone rings]

- Hey, Mom. - Hi.

- So I want to get with you today

about--you know, we've--

I've been meeting with the coauthor

and talking about this book that we're writing.

What do you, based upon our last conversation,

have for me?

- Man, did I run up on some stuff.

[laughter]

- It's important for my mom to have a voice in my book

because she's very important in helping me

frame my childhood, my young adulthood.

- Look at that.

Do you remember when you modeled for Saks Fifth Avenue?

- I was a kid, yeah.

I've been performing since I was a kid.

Moved to New York City, worked, got married,

had a baby, got a divorce,

moved to Los Angeles, met my husband

being a cocktail waitress in Beverly Hills.

- No.

- I can't believe you guys kept all this stuff.

- You earned certain toys or things, too.

When you auditioned and you got the part--

- I bought that sh-- with my own money I earned.

My mom was a young, single mom,

and she was very affectionate

and told me she loved me, but she was also very hard.

I think sometimes you treated me like an adult.

when I really wasn't ready. - Right.

- I know that you didn't do it with bad intent,

but it was hard.

She wanted me to be tough.

She wanted me to be self-sufficient.

She wanted me to rely on myself and no one else.

And I understand that.

We're gonna touch on some hard stuff.

We talked about my father.

- I had some photos of him when he was little.

- Mom, I don't need pictures of my father

when he was a child.

- Okay. I won't then.

- I don't think that's a--

That doesn't have any value to me.

- Right.

- My grandmother used to send

my father's father, so my grandfather,

pictures of me,

and he would send them back to my grandmother

saying that my father didn't want to see them.

"Please stop sending pictures of Erika."

So I wouldn't feel comfortable

putting his picture in my book.

She can hold on to it.

We got a lot of my stuff, a lot of my backstory,

a lot of, like, school and-- and creative stuff,

but what we don't have is a lot of our story,

mine and yours,

so I'd like to look for that.

We as humans forget

how rich of a life you really live, you know.

How many different experiences,

how many different relationships,

how many, you know, heartaches and triumphs

and, you know, all that kind of stuff you really had.

All right, Mommy, I love you. Thanks.

- I love you. See you later, sweetie.

- Okay, bye, Mama. Bye. - Bye.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Probably in, like, 20 minutes

you should figure out what you're gonna wear and stuff.

- How am I supposed to go dressed to this thing?

- I don't know. I'm gonna wear, like, white jeans and a top.

It's just at their house. She's cooking, so...

- You're coming for dinner this week.

- Okay.

- For our husbands to get to know each other,

so I haven't invited other people.

- When are you gonna leave? - 15 minutes.

- Why? - Sorry, I know.

Sometimes mommies and daddies got to go out.

You know how, like, when you like our special time?

- Mm-hmm.

- Daddy and mommy like their special time, too.

- [whines]

- I know.

[upbeat music]

- I do not remember the last time

I was this excited over china.

- It's an investment.

- I've been wanting to do this for a long time.

And the fact that Teddi and Edwin are coming over tonight

is like the perfect excuse. - Yeah, it's perfect.

- Oh, my gosh, my husband's thoroughly gonna kill me.

- He's literally gonna kill you.

- Genuinely. $950.

- Yeah, for a plate.

- I definitely need to burn this, like, ASAP.

- Hello, Bubba.

- [laughs] Okay.

- What's this, honey?

- I think we had this downstairs.

- Baby, what is it, honey?

[dramatic music]

How much are these dishes?

- I don't really know how much they are,

because it's kind of like a set.

♪ ♪

Maybe on occasion

there's a few white lies.

I've got to cook, my love. - Oh, okay.

- Leave me be, baby, and I'll--

- Well, I'm gonna go and get ready.

- Okay. I love you. - All right.

[upbeat music]

- I found this wine at the house.

Should we Google it, make sure it's nice?

Or should we stop? - You should stop.

I do not trust-- - Maybe it's nice.

It's a $30 bottle of wine.

- Just go buy some, like, nice champagne.

- Right. Can we stop somewhere?

- Absolutely.

- Give me your credit card then.

- This dish is all about the flavor.

I like a lot of cumin on this.

Okay, it's going in.

I'm a very good cook.

My mother is basically like a professional chef.

Tell me how you found these places.

I've been here for two years... - I Googled.

- and I cannot find it anywhere. - I Googled it.

- It's how she expresses herself

and shows love.

So I've learned from her,

and my husband loves my cooking.

[upbeat music]

[knock on door]

They're not prompt. They're (BLEEP)ing early.

- Oh, are you ready?

- I'm ready, my love, just by the skin of my teeth.

- No matter what event I'm attending

or what I am doing, I'm always punctual.

It's a respect thing.

- I love rosé champagne. - I'm not gonna lie.

I was gonna just give you something I found

in the cupboard, and then my husband's like,

"We need to stop." - Aw.

- And I'm an accountability coach.

I got to be accountable, right?

- Well, I thought we'd start with some white wine.

There's a little bit of cheese and crudités.

- Perfect. - Sweet.

- And then we can move to red wine

if you guys fancy. - You don't want pink champagne?

- I don't mind. I love it. - It's pink.

- Okay, but then if you get some flute glasses.

I'm very particular, guys.

You don't understand. I'm a control freak.

Is that white wine, my love? - Yeah.

- He realized once he had to get flutes, it was too--

it was gonna be too much. - Yes!

- He's like, "you know what?"

- [laughing] Yeah! He's like, "Okay, we're going with wine."

- Correct, got too much. - He had the wine.

He had the glasses.

Wine goes in a wineglass.

Champagne goes in a champagne glass.

You wouldn't eat cereal with a fork.

So I was engaged twice before PK.

- Were you married before?

- No, never married.

- I had my first kid when I was 26.

- You guys gonna go for another?

- Yeah, I think-- - Are we going for another

or not? - Tonight's the night.

- Honey-- - Not our night.

We're not having another one.

- Why are you not having another one?

- We had a really scary delivery with Cruz.

- I made sure that it was gonna be a boy.

- Yes, sex selection. - Like, we could have taken

one of the 11 girls... - We could have take--

- but we kept choosing the one boy.

- But I was like, no, I want the boy, I want the boy.

- IVF is one of the hardest things

you can go through as a woman.

One of your biggest jobs is to make babies.

And when you can't,

you feel sad

'cause you're--you're not able to make your baby,

and you also feel sad 'cause you feel like you're failing.

- Oh, sh--, what happened?

- They put him on me.

One of the nurses was like, "He's not okay!"

And they're like, "Code blue." - [gasps]

- And I'm just sitting there

and, like, it-- he wasn't breathing.

They took him right to the NICU. - Oh, my God.

- So literally it's-- - Oh, my God.

- We have, like, ten doctors come in.

I thought-- - But what was--

what was wrong? - The head goes.

- So he has... - The head goes, yeah.

- a heart condition, so all of us have three valves,

and he has two working valves,

and his third one is like a--

it's like a rusty valve almost.

- I just remember my-- my sisters went in the room

and they're crying, she's crying.

I'm like, holy crap. - Oh.

- I was just crying, saying, "All right,

"just give me one more chance.

I'll never do this again." - 'Cause you thought

you were being punished for choosing a boy.

- Yes.

- I'm his mother.

My job is to protect him.

And that little bit of me that felt like

I was selecting something,

I chose for him to be a boy,

and, you know, God didn't choose for me...

It'll always make me feel a little guilty.

- When my first son was born,

he came out-- - I can't bear it.

- I'd never had a baby before. He came out blue

with a cone head.

Like, literally cone head.

Like, I was looking at him, oh, my God.

[lilting music]

- That's the same...

ish.

- Anyway, I'm trying to lighten the evening, babe.

- Coming up...

- It was designed to hurt me.

Lisa Rinna with the, "(BLEEP) you!"

[upbeat music]

[tablet rings]

- Oh!

Well, hello, Kyle.

- Hello, there.

- How are you? Look at you.

- It's so beautiful here. Look at this.

Oh, my God.

- Oh, Kyle, it is so gorgeous.

- It's so nice to have all my kids trapped on the boat.

They can't go anywhere. It's amazing.

- What's that like? [laughs]

- Well, like, breakfast, lunch, and dinner,

you know, you're all together. That's what I love about it.

- I'd love that. Okay, your life is--

- I miss everybody. What's happening?

- You know what? We miss you.

We went to Villa Blanca the other night

for Dorit's birthday,

and we had a really nice time.

- How was it seeing PK for the first time in a while?

- I know. You know what?

Time really does heal a lot.

It was fine seeing him. It was nice.

- Hi, I'm the local friend therapist,

just checking in to make sure everyone's getting along.

- Everybody's having a nice time right now.

We're having fun. So that's really--

- Oh, good.

- It's a relief, you know?

- Okay, well, hold down the fort. Keep the peace.

- I--hey, Kyle, you know, that's my middle name.

Lisa Peace Rinna.

[laughter]

- Okay, see you later.

- Okay, have fun. Bye!

Mwah. Bye.

[upbeat music]

- Baby, can we have dinner? - Yes.

♪ ♪

- Teddi, you need to step up your game.

♪ ♪

So how often does Dorit cook?

- She cooks a lot, and she's a brilliant cook.

But I love the particular dish she's cooked tonight,

which is my favorite. I call it the Moroccan dish.

It's not really Moroccan, but you'll--

but you'll try it.

♪ ♪

- He's like, "Would you start cooking if I proposed?"

And I'm like, "Yeah!" - [laughs]

- Whoo! Look at that. - Wow!

- Wow! - Oh, wow.

- I am actually going to serve everyone

if it's okay.

- So I want to just tell the guys one thing

that we had a dinner party here--

with Rinna a year or so ago.

- Yep.

- And it was the first time I ever met her,

and she was so nice,

and we had such a nice evening.

- I only like people to enjoy themselves at my dinner parties,

by the way. - Well, good.

- After the evening,

it clearly wasn't as nice for her

as it was for us,

'cause she basically left

and just basically attacked Dorit,

attacked me, attacked the whole evening

It was just really weird.

It would be like you sitting here having a fab evening,

and then going back and saying...

- Thank you so much.

- to your friends, "Oh, my God, they're the worst hosts.

The food was disgusting," this, that, the other.

- And this is when you guys

just first got to meet each other?

- Well, I--was this the first time you met her?

- First time I met her. - Yeah.

He thinks Lisa Rinna is schizophrenic.

- That's a big accusation.

I mean, unless you have a medical license,

I don't think I'd go there.

- He had said this when I came back from a girls' trip

to Hong Kong and I was really distraught.

And I said, "PK, I do not know

where this came from."

I mean, one morning she invited me in her room for coffee,

and things were fine.

- Hi, welcome.

- Thank you. - How'd you sleep?

- Hello. - I didn't really.

- Hi. - You didn't?

- And then that night I was on a boat,

and it was like a missile attack.

- Why are you so defensive?

Why can't you be like, "I (BLEEP)ed up, I'm so sorry"?

- Are you (BLEEP)ing kidding me?

- I'm not (BLEEP)ing kidding you.

- It was designed to hurt me.

She once again got in my face

Lisa Rinna with the, "(BLEEP) you!"

She's one person one minute,

then she's another person another minute,

and she's got rage and regret and rage and regret.

And it's like, oh, my God, someone,

a friend of yours nonetheless,

is capable of doing something so vicious to you.

The fact that she would get up and give me a speech

on my birthday...

- We're in a really nice place.

So thank you, and happy birthday to you.

- is so preposterous that it's funny.

- I'm confused.

You just had this big moment

where you've forgiven each other.

- Listen, I'm perfectly capable

of cleaning this slate.

- I would be happy with just trying that.

- And now you're at a dinner talking about it again.

That's not forgiveness in my opinion.

Seeing you guys at the horse show together,

like, I'm shocked hearing this. Like, I'm like, what?

Because it all seemed very easy.

- You wait, babe.

- Next time on "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills"...

[upbeat music]

- Come on, we are in Tokyo.

- There's your girls. - Those are my girls up there!

- What are you guys doing tomorrow?

- Two store openings.

- And then we have "Vogue."

- Aah! together: Aah!

- All right, let's go.

- Hey, wait for me!

- Because I grew up in a broken home,

family time is something I always wanted.

Whoo-hoo! - [laughs]

- I want to give my kids the life

I didn't fully get to have.

- If Kyle wants to be mean... - Really?

- then you will know it.

- Well, at least it's on the table and out

instead of being sneaky.

- I'm gonna come up with a whole new strap-on line

named the Camille.

- Dorit. - I am making--

- Camille, you're a stupid (BLEEP)!

- To learn more about the housewives,

go to bravotv.com.