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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,981 --> 00:00:04,250 So, from all the stories you've collected 2 00:00:04,283 --> 00:00:06,586 For your book, would you say that, 3 00:00:06,619 --> 00:00:10,256 In general, sex after kids is terrible? 4 00:00:11,623 --> 00:00:12,624 Yes! 5 00:00:15,193 --> 00:00:17,996 In fact, the jury is still out as to whether or not 6 00:00:18,029 --> 00:00:20,298 Kids are good for marriages. 7 00:00:20,331 --> 00:00:21,567 Period. 8 00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:24,235 There's a psychological study that says that 9 00:00:24,269 --> 00:00:28,206 83% of couples suffer some form of moderate 10 00:00:28,239 --> 00:00:31,275 Or severe crisis after kids come into the picture. 11 00:00:34,645 --> 00:00:37,381 I would say then, the answer is, 12 00:00:37,414 --> 00:00:40,084 Professionally speaking, of course, 13 00:00:40,117 --> 00:00:43,120 That kids are not good for your sex life. 14 00:00:45,756 --> 00:00:47,557 At all! 15 00:01:27,695 --> 00:01:29,130 Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! 16 00:01:29,163 --> 00:01:30,064 Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! 17 00:01:30,097 --> 00:01:31,165 Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! 18 00:01:31,198 --> 00:01:34,502 Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! 19 00:02:08,500 --> 00:02:10,335 - Hey. - Hey. 20 00:02:10,369 --> 00:02:11,470 Finally get her to sleep? 21 00:02:11,503 --> 00:02:13,372 Mm. Down like a clown, Charlie Brown. 22 00:02:13,405 --> 00:02:14,372 Excellent 23 00:02:14,405 --> 00:02:16,207 - Mmm. - I'll drink to that. 24 00:02:18,242 --> 00:02:19,911 What's all this? 25 00:02:19,944 --> 00:02:21,746 Well, I thought it would be nice for a change. 26 00:02:21,780 --> 00:02:23,181 Pretend we're adults, right? 27 00:02:25,049 --> 00:02:27,251 Are you trying to seduce me? 28 00:02:27,285 --> 00:02:29,487 And you got some tomato sauce on your chin, too... 29 00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:30,488 - actually. - Oh. 30 00:02:31,755 --> 00:02:35,458 Babe, I'm covered in spit up and I'm exhausted. 31 00:02:35,492 --> 00:02:39,029 Can we try, maybe tomorrow or later this week? 32 00:02:39,062 --> 00:02:40,397 Yeah, sure. 33 00:02:41,531 --> 00:02:42,600 That'd be fine, sure. 34 00:02:48,238 --> 00:02:49,438 You're mad. 35 00:02:49,471 --> 00:02:51,473 No, I'm not mad. Why would I be mad? 36 00:02:51,507 --> 00:02:52,942 Because it's been a while. 37 00:02:52,975 --> 00:02:55,111 It hasn't been a while, it's been a year. 38 00:02:55,144 --> 00:02:56,946 It has not been a year. 39 00:02:56,979 --> 00:02:59,548 Right, then it's been 359 days. 40 00:02:59,582 --> 00:03:01,651 And eleven hours. 41 00:03:01,684 --> 00:03:03,019 - No. - Yeah. 42 00:03:04,453 --> 00:03:06,054 Yeah. 43 00:03:06,087 --> 00:03:07,789 - Really? - Mhmm. 44 00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:13,729 Okay, all right. Let's go. 45 00:03:13,762 --> 00:03:14,763 Where? 46 00:03:14,796 --> 00:03:16,998 We're gonna have sex right now. 47 00:03:17,032 --> 00:03:19,300 - Are you serious? - Yep. Let's go. 48 00:03:20,736 --> 00:03:22,270 Okay. 49 00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:29,944 Oh, yeah. 50 00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:31,345 - That's nice. - Yeah, yeah. 51 00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:32,246 That's good, you good? 52 00:03:32,279 --> 00:03:33,280 Oh, yeah. 53 00:03:33,313 --> 00:03:34,548 Mm-kay. 54 00:03:34,581 --> 00:03:36,851 So do you want, want me to start now, or...? 55 00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:37,985 Start? 56 00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:40,855 What the hell have you been doing? 57 00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:42,355 I don't know, gaining entry? 58 00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:45,124 Oh! 59 00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:48,094 Okay, okay. No no no. No. 60 00:03:48,127 --> 00:03:49,963 Stop. Okay, we're done. This counts. 61 00:03:49,996 --> 00:03:51,030 - What? - Yep. 62 00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:52,799 Counts? As what? That was two strokes. 63 00:03:52,832 --> 00:03:54,834 Come on, give a fella a fighting chance here. 64 00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:56,269 Okay. 65 00:03:56,302 --> 00:03:58,437 Ahh! No, no. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 66 00:03:58,471 --> 00:04:00,773 We're done. I'm sorry, babes. You're killing me. 67 00:04:00,806 --> 00:04:02,407 It feels like I'm having sex with branding iron. 68 00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:03,441 Oh my God. 69 00:04:03,475 --> 00:04:05,110 I'm sorry, ever since the baby it just... 70 00:04:05,143 --> 00:04:06,178 Oh, okay, okay. 71 00:04:06,211 --> 00:04:07,479 Okay, we don't have to do this now. 72 00:04:07,512 --> 00:04:08,681 - Okay. Okay. - It's fine, okay? 73 00:04:09,281 --> 00:04:10,282 - Just... - What? 74 00:04:10,315 --> 00:04:12,184 Can you just stop. Just don't move. At all. 75 00:04:12,217 --> 00:04:13,218 - At all? - At all. 76 00:04:13,251 --> 00:04:14,252 Don't move? 77 00:04:14,286 --> 00:04:16,821 Yes. 78 00:04:16,854 --> 00:04:18,222 Does losing my erection count as moving? 79 00:04:18,255 --> 00:04:19,691 Yes. So don't. 80 00:04:26,463 --> 00:04:28,265 Babes, when was the last time you trimmed your nose hair? 81 00:04:28,299 --> 00:04:31,102 Can we keep this remotely sexy, please? 82 00:04:31,135 --> 00:04:33,304 I'm, I'm here trying to please you. 83 00:04:33,337 --> 00:04:35,906 Right? I'm trying to pleasure you. 84 00:04:35,939 --> 00:04:37,373 Aw, you want to pleasure me? 85 00:04:37,407 --> 00:04:38,408 Yeah. 86 00:04:39,409 --> 00:04:41,377 Will you let me sleep in tomorrow? 87 00:04:42,879 --> 00:04:45,248 Sure, okay. Just... 88 00:04:45,281 --> 00:04:46,917 Okay, sorry! 89 00:04:48,218 --> 00:04:49,886 Hello gorgeous. 90 00:04:51,187 --> 00:04:52,788 Vanessa? 91 00:04:52,822 --> 00:04:55,224 And in the first time in well over a year, 92 00:04:55,257 --> 00:04:58,027 Vanessa Thomas is expected to make an appearance 93 00:04:58,060 --> 00:05:01,663 Tonight at the annual Humanitarian Awards. 94 00:05:01,697 --> 00:05:04,033 Tune in tomorrow morning to see what she wore 95 00:05:04,066 --> 00:05:05,801 Down the red carpet. 96 00:05:06,902 --> 00:05:09,337 Hun? What are we going to do if we run into... 97 00:05:11,239 --> 00:05:12,741 What are you doing? 98 00:05:12,774 --> 00:05:14,142 The limo's going to be here in half an hour. 99 00:05:14,175 --> 00:05:15,409 No. Its more than I need. 100 00:05:15,443 --> 00:05:17,545 Here. Take. 101 00:05:17,578 --> 00:05:18,947 Hey oops. 102 00:05:20,381 --> 00:05:22,050 Whoa. He's burning up. 103 00:05:22,083 --> 00:05:25,720 He's just a little hot, Sean. The sitter will take care of it. 104 00:05:25,754 --> 00:05:27,354 You look like hell too. 105 00:05:27,387 --> 00:05:30,257 Well of course I look like hell. Let me put my face on. 106 00:05:30,290 --> 00:05:33,193 Oh, hon hon hon. He got you sick! 107 00:05:33,226 --> 00:05:34,828 No. We're going out, Sean. 108 00:05:34,862 --> 00:05:36,096 We're going out and I'm gonna have 109 00:05:36,129 --> 00:05:37,264 The time of my Li... 110 00:05:41,234 --> 00:05:42,770 Did you just throw up in your mouth? 111 00:05:47,606 --> 00:05:49,341 Hon, I'm calling the sitter. 112 00:05:49,375 --> 00:05:51,643 No! You're being honored. 113 00:05:51,677 --> 00:05:54,246 Yeah but... I'll just go. 114 00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:55,782 No! We'll both go. 115 00:05:55,815 --> 00:05:57,716 No, come on, hon, he, obviously he needs you. 116 00:05:57,750 --> 00:05:58,818 Not some stranger. 117 00:05:58,851 --> 00:06:01,220 No no, but Sean, I bought, I bought a dress. 118 00:06:01,253 --> 00:06:02,220 And shoes. 119 00:06:02,253 --> 00:06:04,923 Hon. Be honest, you don't do heels anymore. 120 00:06:04,956 --> 00:06:05,891 Hey, you watch it. 121 00:06:05,924 --> 00:06:07,859 I can still rock a pump. 122 00:06:07,893 --> 00:06:09,360 I know. For fifteen minutes. 123 00:06:09,394 --> 00:06:11,396 Yeah, but no... 124 00:06:11,429 --> 00:06:13,564 But those are a fierce ass fifteen minutes. 125 00:06:13,598 --> 00:06:14,399 Watch me go! 126 00:06:14,432 --> 00:06:16,034 I am calling the sitter. 127 00:06:16,067 --> 00:06:17,602 Sean... 128 00:06:17,635 --> 00:06:18,936 You suck, Sean! 129 00:06:21,038 --> 00:06:22,506 Right back at you. 130 00:06:29,179 --> 00:06:31,248 And if you need us, you call us. 131 00:06:31,281 --> 00:06:33,083 And, and if it's an emergency 132 00:06:33,117 --> 00:06:34,618 You call Gage or Larissa. 133 00:06:34,651 --> 00:06:35,886 And take cabs. 134 00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:38,988 Public transit is filthy and the streets are full of vagrants. 135 00:06:39,022 --> 00:06:39,655 Okay, Mom- 136 00:06:39,688 --> 00:06:40,723 Do you need any money? 137 00:06:40,756 --> 00:06:43,059 Mom. I have a job and you know that... Okay. 138 00:06:43,092 --> 00:06:45,194 Dad, can you help me out a little bit here please. 139 00:06:45,228 --> 00:06:46,429 You're going to be just fine, kiddo. 140 00:06:46,462 --> 00:06:48,164 Mwah. Mmm. 141 00:06:48,197 --> 00:06:50,333 Now. Give 'em hell. 142 00:06:51,534 --> 00:06:53,803 You guys are gonna be bored out of your minds 143 00:06:53,837 --> 00:06:54,837 Without me around here. 144 00:06:54,870 --> 00:06:57,705 Oh, we'll all be just fine, won't we, hon? 145 00:06:57,739 --> 00:06:59,107 Of course we will. 146 00:06:59,141 --> 00:07:01,343 Your Dad and I know how to entertain ourselves. 147 00:07:02,677 --> 00:07:03,711 Mhmm. 148 00:07:27,034 --> 00:07:29,302 Let's start with the yellow this time. 149 00:07:29,335 --> 00:07:31,872 The yellow pieces. Get me all the yellow pieces. 150 00:07:36,943 --> 00:07:37,878 Thank you. 151 00:07:44,985 --> 00:07:46,452 I'm tired. 152 00:07:48,453 --> 00:07:49,654 I'm gonna go to bed. 153 00:07:49,688 --> 00:07:50,822 Oh. 154 00:07:50,856 --> 00:07:51,957 Yeah. 155 00:07:52,591 --> 00:07:54,259 Sure. Yeah. 156 00:07:54,293 --> 00:07:55,827 Oh. 157 00:08:03,668 --> 00:08:07,538 Oh my g... oh my god, faster, faster, yeah! 158 00:08:07,571 --> 00:08:08,873 Right there. Right there! 159 00:08:08,907 --> 00:08:10,341 Get it! Get it! 160 00:08:10,374 --> 00:08:11,709 Horton? 161 00:08:11,742 --> 00:08:13,077 What's wrong? 162 00:08:18,349 --> 00:08:19,984 Would you care for some... 163 00:08:21,019 --> 00:08:22,385 Sex? 164 00:08:27,891 --> 00:08:30,060 God, you do know how to make me laugh. 165 00:08:30,093 --> 00:08:32,262 You thought I... Yeah. 166 00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:34,998 Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! 167 00:08:35,032 --> 00:08:36,399 I just... I just don't understand it. 168 00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:37,700 I don't understand how you can sit there 169 00:08:37,734 --> 00:08:40,302 While your child's heart is breaking in the next room. 170 00:08:40,336 --> 00:08:41,737 His heart is not breaking. 171 00:08:41,770 --> 00:08:43,005 He's just pissed off 172 00:08:43,039 --> 00:08:44,406 That we're not rocking him to sleep. 173 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:46,943 Two nights. That's all the book says it'll take. 174 00:08:46,976 --> 00:08:48,477 It's torture. 175 00:08:48,510 --> 00:08:51,080 We are not torturing him. 176 00:08:51,113 --> 00:08:52,014 Please. 177 00:08:52,048 --> 00:08:56,418 Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! 178 00:08:56,452 --> 00:08:57,986 Mommy, I love you! 179 00:08:59,054 --> 00:09:00,655 Hey! No! 180 00:09:04,993 --> 00:09:06,727 What're you doing? 181 00:09:06,761 --> 00:09:08,029 Ohh. 182 00:09:08,063 --> 00:09:10,498 Foreplay. It'll take your mind off the cries. 183 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:15,069 If I have sex with you while our son is screaming 184 00:09:15,102 --> 00:09:16,836 In the next room, I'm forever going to associate 185 00:09:16,870 --> 00:09:18,205 Intimacy with pain. 186 00:09:18,238 --> 00:09:20,374 Oh, well that's kind of hot, isn't it? 187 00:09:29,249 --> 00:09:30,517 Pussy! 188 00:09:31,884 --> 00:09:33,786 Shh. 189 00:09:33,819 --> 00:09:35,154 Oi! 190 00:09:35,188 --> 00:09:36,722 Let's make a deal, alright? 191 00:09:36,755 --> 00:09:39,158 You go to sleep straight away 192 00:09:39,192 --> 00:09:40,994 And your first fake ID is on Uncle Peyton. 193 00:09:41,027 --> 00:09:42,361 All right? 194 00:09:45,131 --> 00:09:47,500 You gonna be alright with her? 195 00:09:47,533 --> 00:09:49,102 Yeah, sure. What can go wrong? 196 00:09:49,135 --> 00:09:51,336 Everything can go wrong, Pey. 197 00:09:51,369 --> 00:09:54,839 Every night I high five myself just for keepin' her alive. 198 00:09:54,872 --> 00:09:57,342 Listen, I have TeleHealth on speed dial. 199 00:09:57,375 --> 00:09:59,944 If you call though you've got to ask for Marcy, 200 00:09:59,978 --> 00:10:02,747 She's nice and sort of knows me a bit now. 201 00:10:02,780 --> 00:10:05,517 So, everybody else just sort of threatens to call 202 00:10:05,550 --> 00:10:07,751 Social services on you. 203 00:10:07,784 --> 00:10:10,654 Are you goin' out dressed like that? 204 00:10:10,687 --> 00:10:12,189 Yeah. Why? 205 00:10:12,223 --> 00:10:14,591 Oh, depends. You want to get laid? 206 00:10:14,625 --> 00:10:16,960 I don't know. I mean yeah, I suppose. 207 00:10:16,994 --> 00:10:18,495 I just wanna go out and meet somebody nice, 208 00:10:18,529 --> 00:10:20,031 You know, who might like me. 209 00:10:20,064 --> 00:10:21,165 Sort of test the waters a bit. 210 00:10:21,198 --> 00:10:22,233 You're a single mom, you don't got 211 00:10:22,266 --> 00:10:24,035 Time to be fucking about. 212 00:10:24,068 --> 00:10:26,669 Go out there and have some fun. 213 00:10:26,702 --> 00:10:28,104 Do you mean like dodgeball? 214 00:10:28,138 --> 00:10:30,973 I mean like gettin' fucking laid. 215 00:10:31,007 --> 00:10:34,777 Okay, well I mean, I sup... I suppose I could give it a go. 216 00:10:34,810 --> 00:10:37,147 Have you seen my diaphragm? 217 00:10:37,180 --> 00:10:39,649 'Course I haven't seen your fucking diaphragm. 218 00:10:39,682 --> 00:10:41,251 Besides you're protected. 219 00:10:41,284 --> 00:10:42,951 You know, your tits and whatnot. 220 00:10:42,984 --> 00:10:44,386 Wha-what do you mean? 221 00:10:44,419 --> 00:10:46,021 Oh, I was fuckin' this bird back home 222 00:10:46,055 --> 00:10:47,156 And she said she couldn't get pregnant 223 00:10:47,189 --> 00:10:48,690 While she was breastfeedin'. 224 00:10:48,723 --> 00:10:50,692 Saved a fortune on condoms. 225 00:10:50,725 --> 00:10:53,495 Are condoms very expensive now? 226 00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:55,397 You're missing the point of the story, love. 227 00:10:55,430 --> 00:10:56,898 Right. Okay. 228 00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:08,809 Yeah, so my father took off when I was a baby, 229 00:11:08,842 --> 00:11:11,412 So there's a special place in my heart for people like you. 230 00:11:11,445 --> 00:11:14,482 Nobody ran off on me. I, I, I chose this, you know. 231 00:11:14,515 --> 00:11:15,116 Oh! 232 00:11:15,149 --> 00:11:17,016 Yeah, I knocked myself up. 233 00:11:17,050 --> 00:11:17,550 Yeah. 234 00:11:17,584 --> 00:11:18,785 I mean, well, no. 235 00:11:18,818 --> 00:11:20,487 I mean, I didn't knock myself up. 236 00:11:20,520 --> 00:11:23,256 I went to one of those sperm banks, you know. 237 00:11:23,290 --> 00:11:25,158 Well, spank banks I think you call them. 238 00:11:25,192 --> 00:11:26,859 Well, I mean, I don't know if you do, but... 239 00:11:26,893 --> 00:11:28,561 Anyway, I've always just really wanted a family, 240 00:11:28,595 --> 00:11:31,298 You know, just, I've always just sort of had this hole 241 00:11:31,331 --> 00:11:33,500 Inside of me that kinda needed filling up, 242 00:11:33,533 --> 00:11:35,301 So I just, I thought maybe a baby 243 00:11:35,334 --> 00:11:36,302 Could do that, you know. 244 00:11:36,335 --> 00:11:37,603 Yeah, yeah, yeah! No, it's so true, they... 245 00:11:37,636 --> 00:11:39,371 I mean it's not, you know, it's been different 246 00:11:39,405 --> 00:11:41,540 Than I expected, so... 247 00:11:41,573 --> 00:11:43,875 I mean don't get me wrong, I love the baby to bits, 248 00:11:43,909 --> 00:11:45,844 I really do, you know, but... 249 00:11:45,877 --> 00:11:49,381 God, I mean they poop a lot, don't they? 250 00:11:49,415 --> 00:11:52,250 And they suck. It's all a lot of sucking. 251 00:11:52,283 --> 00:11:54,051 I mean, it's already eatin' me out of house and home 252 00:11:54,085 --> 00:11:55,886 And it's only me boobs. 253 00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:58,223 So you know, here I am. 254 00:11:58,256 --> 00:11:59,924 Just kind of out and about. 255 00:11:59,957 --> 00:12:01,726 - Looking for love. - Yeah, yeah... 256 00:12:01,759 --> 00:12:03,060 No! No, God, no. 257 00:12:03,094 --> 00:12:05,430 I'm not... no love for me just, uh, just casual. 258 00:12:05,463 --> 00:12:07,365 You know, just gettin' out. 259 00:12:07,398 --> 00:12:08,966 Yeah, I mean, God, who in their right mind's 260 00:12:08,999 --> 00:12:10,267 Looking for a single mom? 261 00:12:10,300 --> 00:12:13,603 You know, I mean maybe a pedophile, I suppose. 262 00:12:13,637 --> 00:12:15,405 Not that you're a pedophile. Are you? 263 00:12:15,439 --> 00:12:16,806 No! 264 00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:17,807 So you know... 265 00:12:17,841 --> 00:12:19,243 I mean, my brother put it best, you know, 266 00:12:19,276 --> 00:12:20,710 He put it like: 267 00:12:20,744 --> 00:12:22,812 The hole I need fillin' up is probably 268 00:12:22,846 --> 00:12:24,314 Not an emotional one. 269 00:12:24,348 --> 00:12:26,750 You know, it's a... a different hole... 270 00:12:26,783 --> 00:12:27,950 Your brother told you this? 271 00:12:27,983 --> 00:12:30,286 Yeah. Yeah. 272 00:12:30,319 --> 00:12:33,656 And, good news is, we don't need a condom. 273 00:12:33,689 --> 00:12:35,391 Because of me tits. 274 00:12:35,424 --> 00:12:38,994 So. We just, ah, we just do it... 275 00:12:50,505 --> 00:12:52,140 - God! - Oh! 276 00:12:52,174 --> 00:12:55,610 Oh, fuck! Oh! 277 00:12:55,643 --> 00:12:56,944 - Oh, god! - Shh. 278 00:12:56,978 --> 00:12:58,346 You're gonna, you're gonna wake her, you're gonna wake her. 279 00:12:58,380 --> 00:13:01,749 Oh, God, it's so fucking hot that you're a Dad. 280 00:13:01,783 --> 00:13:03,116 - Oh! - Thanks. 281 00:13:03,150 --> 00:13:05,852 Oh, god. Oh, fuck. 282 00:13:05,886 --> 00:13:07,188 Oh, fuck. Turn me over. 283 00:13:07,221 --> 00:13:10,491 Yeah. Oh God. 284 00:13:10,524 --> 00:13:12,659 Oh, fuck. 285 00:13:13,494 --> 00:13:14,861 Oh, god. 286 00:13:15,529 --> 00:13:17,063 Oh. 287 00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:18,299 Oh, God. 288 00:13:18,332 --> 00:13:19,366 Pull my hair. 289 00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:20,300 Pull my hair. 290 00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:21,901 Oh, god yeah! 291 00:13:21,934 --> 00:13:23,636 Oh, punish me, daddy. 292 00:13:23,669 --> 00:13:24,537 Oh, fuck. 293 00:13:24,570 --> 00:13:25,471 Smack my ass. 294 00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:26,206 - Smack your ass? - Yeah! 295 00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:27,207 Oh, punish me. 296 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:29,342 Oh, punish me, daddy. 297 00:13:29,375 --> 00:13:30,643 Fuck me, daddy! 298 00:13:30,676 --> 00:13:31,777 Oh, punish me. 299 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:34,013 I love the way you fuck me, daddy! 300 00:13:34,046 --> 00:13:35,147 - Oh! - Okay, okay. 301 00:13:35,181 --> 00:13:36,716 I can't do this. I'm out. I'm out. 302 00:13:39,651 --> 00:13:42,687 Oh, please will you just give Uncle Peyton a break. Look... 303 00:13:42,721 --> 00:13:45,524 I could smother you and you wouldn't even know it. 304 00:13:45,557 --> 00:13:46,858 I didn't mean that. 305 00:13:46,891 --> 00:13:48,493 I love you, honestly, to pieces, 306 00:13:48,527 --> 00:13:52,030 But will you please just shut the fuck up! 307 00:13:52,063 --> 00:13:54,333 Pey? You all right? 308 00:13:56,667 --> 00:13:58,001 How do I turn her off? 309 00:13:59,437 --> 00:14:02,673 You mean they're not supposed to scream bloody murder all the time? 310 00:14:06,977 --> 00:14:08,145 Are you sure this is 311 00:14:08,178 --> 00:14:10,080 How you're supposed to put her to sleep? 312 00:14:10,113 --> 00:14:12,649 It's not so bad, you know, once you get used to it like. 313 00:14:12,682 --> 00:14:15,252 I don't know whether I could ever put up with that. 314 00:14:15,285 --> 00:14:17,019 It makes me want to eat glass. 315 00:14:17,053 --> 00:14:18,655 You know what Lou, 316 00:14:18,688 --> 00:14:21,458 I don't know if I'm gonna be able to stay here. 317 00:14:21,491 --> 00:14:22,525 Well, what are you going to do? 318 00:14:22,559 --> 00:14:23,693 You going to go buy a house 319 00:14:23,726 --> 00:14:25,662 With all your inheritance money you pissed away? 320 00:14:25,695 --> 00:14:28,498 Hey, there's no need to be a bitch about it, all right. 321 00:14:28,531 --> 00:14:32,033 I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Pey, I didn't mean that. 322 00:14:32,067 --> 00:14:33,402 Stay. 323 00:14:33,435 --> 00:14:34,603 Be my nanny. 324 00:14:34,636 --> 00:14:36,171 - Fuck off. - No, come on. 325 00:14:36,204 --> 00:14:37,606 It's free room and board. 326 00:14:37,639 --> 00:14:40,175 No seriously, fuck off, I'm just passing through. 327 00:14:40,208 --> 00:14:42,010 I've got plans. 328 00:14:42,043 --> 00:14:44,413 Besides, what d'you need a Nanny for anyway? 329 00:14:45,714 --> 00:14:48,516 Well, it's harder than I thought it was gonna be... 330 00:14:48,549 --> 00:14:50,251 You know, doin' it on my own... 331 00:14:52,987 --> 00:14:54,154 Hey! 332 00:14:54,722 --> 00:14:55,956 Hey, she stopped crying. 333 00:14:55,990 --> 00:14:59,093 See, it's not so hard. 334 00:14:59,126 --> 00:15:01,762 Why are you back so early anyway? 335 00:15:01,796 --> 00:15:03,030 I don't know. 336 00:15:03,063 --> 00:15:04,365 Couldn't close the deal, eh? 337 00:15:04,399 --> 00:15:05,699 You see, you were searching 338 00:15:05,732 --> 00:15:07,367 For the wrong type of man. 339 00:15:07,401 --> 00:15:10,304 What you need is a sexual deviant, you know? 340 00:15:10,337 --> 00:15:12,739 Someone who'll smash your back doors in 341 00:15:12,772 --> 00:15:14,941 And walk away without a second thought. 342 00:15:16,310 --> 00:15:17,877 You know, maybe you're right. 343 00:15:17,911 --> 00:15:19,112 Maybe I should just give up 344 00:15:19,145 --> 00:15:20,780 On all this love and fulfillment lark. 345 00:15:20,814 --> 00:15:23,482 I mean, it's never done me any favors, has it? 346 00:15:23,516 --> 00:15:24,783 Just been a slew of endless 347 00:15:24,817 --> 00:15:27,219 Disappointment and rejection. 348 00:15:28,220 --> 00:15:29,254 Right. 349 00:15:29,288 --> 00:15:30,556 That's it. 350 00:15:30,589 --> 00:15:34,059 No more love for me. Only lust for this trollop. 351 00:15:34,092 --> 00:15:35,328 Right? Yeah? 352 00:15:35,361 --> 00:15:36,895 I'm gonna get out there and I'm gonna get someone 353 00:15:36,929 --> 00:15:38,331 To really give it to me. 354 00:15:38,364 --> 00:15:39,864 You know, someone, someone who'll say, 355 00:15:39,897 --> 00:15:40,832 "Who's your Daddy" 356 00:15:40,865 --> 00:15:42,734 And really smash in my side door... 357 00:15:42,767 --> 00:15:44,902 - Your back door... - My back door! 358 00:15:44,936 --> 00:15:45,937 Yeah. 359 00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:50,642 How do I find a social deviant? 360 00:15:50,675 --> 00:15:51,776 What, what do I do? 361 00:15:51,809 --> 00:15:54,746 Well you know, basically you gotta clearly indicate 362 00:15:54,779 --> 00:15:56,414 What you will and you won't do, all right? 363 00:15:56,448 --> 00:15:59,015 Um... dirty Sanchez. Strawberry sundae. 364 00:15:59,049 --> 00:16:00,016 That sort of thing. 365 00:16:00,050 --> 00:16:02,152 Okay, well Strawberry Sundae sounds all right. 366 00:16:02,185 --> 00:16:03,520 How's that work? 367 00:16:03,554 --> 00:16:05,789 Well, it's when you release your demons 368 00:16:05,822 --> 00:16:08,625 Into the lady's face, and you know, when she can't see, 369 00:16:08,659 --> 00:16:11,261 You smash her one in the nose. 370 00:16:11,294 --> 00:16:12,996 Strawberry Sundae. 371 00:16:13,029 --> 00:16:14,930 That's awful. 372 00:16:14,964 --> 00:16:18,568 Who would do such a thing to another human being? 373 00:16:20,002 --> 00:16:23,138 Oh, Peyton! Don't do that to someone! 374 00:16:23,172 --> 00:16:24,607 She asked me too... 375 00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:26,809 Oh. Well. I suppose if she asked. 376 00:16:26,842 --> 00:16:27,977 Yeah. 377 00:16:32,414 --> 00:16:33,281 How old is he? 378 00:16:33,314 --> 00:16:34,649 Two and a half. 379 00:16:34,683 --> 00:16:35,817 Aw. 380 00:16:37,652 --> 00:16:39,621 So, do you mind if I ask how you two met? 381 00:16:39,654 --> 00:16:41,289 - Online. - A bookstore. 382 00:16:41,322 --> 00:16:42,857 We, we actually met online 383 00:16:42,891 --> 00:16:45,226 But it embarrasses her to say that, so... 384 00:16:45,259 --> 00:16:47,629 No, no! That's amazing. 385 00:16:47,662 --> 00:16:50,964 I just always assumed that online dating was for losers. 386 00:16:50,998 --> 00:16:52,800 No, you're not losers! 387 00:16:52,833 --> 00:16:56,136 I loved it. I order everything online, so. 388 00:16:56,169 --> 00:16:57,638 Order, seriously? 389 00:16:57,671 --> 00:16:59,006 Really? 390 00:16:59,039 --> 00:17:02,142 So which one of you gave birth, then? 391 00:17:02,175 --> 00:17:05,012 Excuse me? Which one of you is the real mom? 392 00:17:05,045 --> 00:17:06,179 Oh, uh... 393 00:17:06,213 --> 00:17:07,547 We both are. 394 00:17:07,580 --> 00:17:11,217 Maybe one of us carried him in her womb, you know. 395 00:17:11,250 --> 00:17:13,520 Maybe... maybe we both adopted him. 396 00:17:13,553 --> 00:17:14,754 Maybe one of us... 397 00:17:14,787 --> 00:17:16,656 Donated an egg and the other one carried it. 398 00:17:16,689 --> 00:17:19,158 Doesn't really matter, we're both raising the child 399 00:17:19,191 --> 00:17:20,593 And we're committed to his well-being 400 00:17:20,627 --> 00:17:23,229 Which makes us both real moms. 401 00:17:23,262 --> 00:17:24,431 Yeah. 402 00:17:24,464 --> 00:17:27,198 I'm sorry. I just... I didn't mean to offend you. 403 00:17:27,232 --> 00:17:29,000 I just don't... 404 00:17:29,034 --> 00:17:31,670 Know the, the protocol for people in your situation. 405 00:17:33,338 --> 00:17:34,873 Our situation? 406 00:17:34,906 --> 00:17:36,775 It's, it's funny cause it's not actually a situation, 407 00:17:36,808 --> 00:17:38,977 We are... we're lesbians. 408 00:17:39,010 --> 00:17:40,546 It's our family. 409 00:17:40,579 --> 00:17:42,113 Are you retarded? 410 00:17:42,147 --> 00:17:43,213 No... 411 00:17:43,247 --> 00:17:44,682 We should go to the park more often. 412 00:17:44,715 --> 00:17:45,583 Who the fuck still talks like... 413 00:17:45,616 --> 00:17:46,851 Hey hey, language. 414 00:17:46,884 --> 00:17:48,686 Who the fiddlesticks still talks like that? 415 00:17:48,719 --> 00:17:51,288 "People in your situation. " Say lesbian! 416 00:17:51,321 --> 00:17:53,290 Hell, say dyke, for all I care. 417 00:17:54,425 --> 00:17:55,560 You know it's over, right babe? 418 00:17:55,593 --> 00:17:57,294 I know. 419 00:18:02,365 --> 00:18:05,602 Maybe it's not such a terrible question, though. I mean... 420 00:18:08,137 --> 00:18:09,539 Maybe one of us should be more Mom 421 00:18:09,573 --> 00:18:11,775 And then the other more Dad. 422 00:18:13,376 --> 00:18:16,312 And if so, I call Mom. 423 00:18:16,345 --> 00:18:18,981 Why, so you can have the monopoly on being cute? 424 00:18:19,014 --> 00:18:20,315 I like pink. 425 00:18:20,348 --> 00:18:22,785 No. Look. One of our strengths as a couple 426 00:18:22,818 --> 00:18:26,455 Is how different we are. Maybe, um... 427 00:18:26,489 --> 00:18:28,824 Maybe we should embrace that. 428 00:18:28,857 --> 00:18:31,059 Give him a little bit more structure. 429 00:18:31,093 --> 00:18:32,595 You sound like a pamphlet. 430 00:18:32,628 --> 00:18:33,996 Cunt. 431 00:18:34,029 --> 00:18:35,196 Language! 432 00:18:35,229 --> 00:18:37,331 Oh, no, that's not a swear, it's an actual body part... 433 00:18:38,966 --> 00:18:40,502 Okay, it's a swear, 434 00:18:42,537 --> 00:18:43,971 But you were being a bit of a cunt. 435 00:18:44,005 --> 00:18:45,006 Ah! Hey, hey, hey! 436 00:18:45,039 --> 00:18:48,643 We are gentle with people and things. 437 00:18:48,676 --> 00:18:49,644 We are... 438 00:18:49,677 --> 00:18:52,113 Gentle with people and things. 439 00:18:52,146 --> 00:18:54,380 Except when we're being a cunt. 440 00:18:55,616 --> 00:18:59,252 # The wipers on the bus go, swish, swish, swish, 441 00:18:59,285 --> 00:19:02,422 # all through the town. 442 00:19:02,455 --> 00:19:05,792 # The people on the bus go Hi, Hi, Annie 443 00:19:05,826 --> 00:19:07,227 - Honey. - Hey, honey! 444 00:19:07,260 --> 00:19:08,294 You're home early. 445 00:19:08,328 --> 00:19:10,830 Yeah! Uh, where's the baby? 446 00:19:10,863 --> 00:19:12,131 Oh, she's upstairs napping. 447 00:19:12,164 --> 00:19:13,666 So you were just singing that to yourself? 448 00:19:16,301 --> 00:19:18,037 It got stuck in my head? 449 00:19:18,070 --> 00:19:19,872 Okay, let's go with that. Um... 450 00:19:19,905 --> 00:19:20,973 I've got a little surprise for you. 451 00:19:21,006 --> 00:19:21,941 Oh! 452 00:19:21,974 --> 00:19:23,108 I like surprises. 453 00:19:23,142 --> 00:19:24,376 Okay, just a second... 454 00:19:25,277 --> 00:19:26,245 Come on in. 455 00:19:31,015 --> 00:19:32,651 Nice to meet you. 456 00:19:35,419 --> 00:19:38,222 So to summarize, the issue is that when Jules 457 00:19:38,256 --> 00:19:40,224 Is in the mood, 458 00:19:40,258 --> 00:19:42,894 It's always during the day when Ben is at work, 459 00:19:42,927 --> 00:19:46,463 And when Ben comes home, you are simply exhausted. 460 00:19:46,496 --> 00:19:47,765 Exactly. Yep. 461 00:19:48,732 --> 00:19:49,733 What about the weekends? 462 00:19:49,767 --> 00:19:51,368 Oh no, That's... that's when stuff's getting done 463 00:19:51,401 --> 00:19:52,636 - around the house. - Yes. No... 464 00:19:52,670 --> 00:19:54,638 - We have to do laundry... - Lot of things, yeah... 465 00:19:54,672 --> 00:19:56,239 - And shopping. And laundry. - Right. 466 00:19:56,273 --> 00:19:57,307 There's a lot of laundry. 467 00:19:57,340 --> 00:19:58,809 Yeah. It's not uncommon. 468 00:20:00,578 --> 00:20:05,047 But what most couples don't realize is that, on average, 469 00:20:05,081 --> 00:20:08,918 Seven to twenty minutes is all it takes to have sex. 470 00:20:08,951 --> 00:20:11,187 Less time than laundry. 471 00:20:11,220 --> 00:20:13,990 I'm sorry, are you criticizing the way that I do laundry? 472 00:20:14,023 --> 00:20:15,391 - Ooh. - Because, um... 473 00:20:15,424 --> 00:20:17,794 - I pre-soak my cloth diapers - Yeah. 474 00:20:17,827 --> 00:20:18,995 - So... - It's pretty important. 475 00:20:19,028 --> 00:20:20,962 - Presoaking is kinda crucial. - Yeah, it takes a long... 476 00:20:20,996 --> 00:20:21,830 - The stains will cake right in - longer but... 477 00:20:21,863 --> 00:20:23,264 - And I think... - It's an investment. 478 00:20:23,298 --> 00:20:25,366 I think he gets it. No one's saying it's a bad idea. 479 00:20:26,434 --> 00:20:27,936 No, no, no. I'm saying, 480 00:20:27,969 --> 00:20:30,706 I'm saying that I just want both of you to be aware 481 00:20:30,739 --> 00:20:35,143 Of each other's investment, 482 00:20:35,176 --> 00:20:36,745 You know? 483 00:20:36,778 --> 00:20:38,278 I mean be Ben is... 484 00:20:38,312 --> 00:20:40,681 Clearly, sexually... 485 00:20:40,715 --> 00:20:43,984 Frustrated, aren't you Ben? 486 00:20:44,018 --> 00:20:46,621 It's be... it's been a year. 487 00:20:46,654 --> 00:20:47,955 No. No! 488 00:20:47,988 --> 00:20:48,956 The other night... 489 00:20:48,989 --> 00:20:49,957 - Oh, that thing, you do not, - We had sex. 490 00:20:49,990 --> 00:20:50,958 You do not get to count that. 491 00:20:50,991 --> 00:20:52,059 - I'm sorry. - Oh, I count it. 492 00:20:52,092 --> 00:20:53,694 - Nope. - It counts. 493 00:20:53,728 --> 00:20:55,095 - A year. - Yeah. 494 00:20:55,129 --> 00:20:56,830 And your baby's six months old. 495 00:20:56,863 --> 00:20:57,931 Right. 496 00:20:57,964 --> 00:21:00,967 Well, my gynecologist said that it couldn't hurt 497 00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:03,402 To abstain from sex during pregnancy. 498 00:21:03,436 --> 00:21:04,971 What did your dentist say? 499 00:21:05,004 --> 00:21:06,405 Okay... 500 00:21:06,439 --> 00:21:07,941 What did your proctologist say? 501 00:21:07,974 --> 00:21:09,542 - Oh, he says you're gross. - Okay. 502 00:21:09,575 --> 00:21:12,311 He comes... he comes up with a good question. 503 00:21:12,345 --> 00:21:14,980 There's a difference between 504 00:21:15,013 --> 00:21:16,882 Abstaining from vaginal sex 505 00:21:16,915 --> 00:21:20,118 And sexual contact all together. 506 00:21:20,152 --> 00:21:21,486 Now... 507 00:21:22,955 --> 00:21:25,123 Let me ask you... 508 00:21:25,157 --> 00:21:27,325 Do you have a reason... 509 00:21:27,359 --> 00:21:30,828 For avoiding fellating your husband? 510 00:21:34,598 --> 00:21:35,700 Mother's don't fellate. 511 00:21:35,733 --> 00:21:37,101 - Yes, they do. - No they don't. 512 00:21:37,134 --> 00:21:39,103 What? There's a, there's a whole genre of porn... 513 00:21:39,136 --> 00:21:40,571 - devoted to that very idea. - Ohh... 514 00:21:40,604 --> 00:21:44,041 Now, I... I'm gon... I'm going to suggest something here 515 00:21:44,075 --> 00:21:46,477 That I suggest to all my clients. 516 00:21:46,510 --> 00:21:48,611 For one hundred days 517 00:21:48,645 --> 00:21:50,914 I want you to have sex every day. 518 00:21:50,947 --> 00:21:52,482 I haven't done that since college. 519 00:21:52,515 --> 00:21:53,684 When... 520 00:21:53,717 --> 00:21:55,652 Did you do that in college? We were together in college. 521 00:21:55,686 --> 00:21:57,187 Not the whole time. 522 00:21:58,054 --> 00:21:59,155 Um. 523 00:21:59,189 --> 00:22:00,590 When we... 524 00:22:00,623 --> 00:22:04,060 Have sex and I have this... burning sensation. 525 00:22:04,094 --> 00:22:06,261 It just, it doesn't go away. 526 00:22:06,295 --> 00:22:08,463 Oh, there's a pamphlet for that... 527 00:22:08,497 --> 00:22:12,735 I want you to, to treat this hundred days like exercise. 528 00:22:14,003 --> 00:22:16,605 It doesn't sound like a great idea at the time, 529 00:22:16,638 --> 00:22:18,774 And we always make excuses for not doing it, 530 00:22:18,808 --> 00:22:20,642 But once you start - 531 00:22:20,676 --> 00:22:21,844 It's good. 532 00:22:21,877 --> 00:22:25,279 And when you really get into it - it's pleasant, really. 533 00:22:25,313 --> 00:22:26,781 Pleasant. 534 00:22:26,815 --> 00:22:27,816 What do you say, honey? 535 00:22:27,849 --> 00:22:29,383 You want get into something... 536 00:22:29,417 --> 00:22:31,319 Pleasant with me? 537 00:22:31,352 --> 00:22:32,486 - Sure. - Yeah? 538 00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:33,487 Yeah. 539 00:22:33,521 --> 00:22:34,689 We'll still do the laundry though, right? 540 00:22:34,723 --> 00:22:35,690 Yes, we'll still do the laundry. 541 00:22:35,724 --> 00:22:37,158 Okay, good. I just put a fresh load in. 542 00:22:37,191 --> 00:22:39,493 Yeah, well, I would like to put a fresh load in 543 00:22:39,527 --> 00:22:41,361 Myself, from time to time. 544 00:22:41,394 --> 00:22:42,429 Okay... 545 00:22:42,462 --> 00:22:44,197 She served it up, Doc. It's a... 546 00:22:44,231 --> 00:22:45,799 But you don't have to bring it- 547 00:22:45,833 --> 00:22:46,800 Put a "fresh load" in. 548 00:22:46,834 --> 00:22:48,501 Did you want another cup... 549 00:22:48,535 --> 00:22:49,870 Coffee? 550 00:22:49,903 --> 00:22:50,871 No. Thank you. 551 00:22:50,904 --> 00:22:51,705 - Okay. - Okay. 552 00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:54,274 Oh... 553 00:22:54,307 --> 00:22:57,144 He's so cute! How do you stand it? 554 00:22:57,177 --> 00:23:00,179 Oh, the incessant screaming helps balance it out nicely. 555 00:23:01,547 --> 00:23:03,349 There's my little Oopsie. 556 00:23:04,784 --> 00:23:06,085 I've been meaning to ask you... 557 00:23:06,118 --> 00:23:07,887 Why do you call him "Oopsie"? 558 00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:11,023 Oh, it's just Sean's nickname for him. 559 00:23:11,057 --> 00:23:13,826 You were a big surprise, weren't you, baby? 560 00:23:13,860 --> 00:23:16,194 I've missed seeing you on television. 561 00:23:16,227 --> 00:23:18,529 Oh! Thank you for saying that! 562 00:23:18,563 --> 00:23:20,631 You know, Horton and I were both very surprised 563 00:23:20,665 --> 00:23:22,267 That you didn't go back to the show 564 00:23:22,300 --> 00:23:24,335 After your maternity leave. 565 00:23:24,369 --> 00:23:25,670 It was the baby weight, right? 566 00:23:25,703 --> 00:23:27,572 Oh god, no. I've lost all the baby weight. 567 00:23:27,605 --> 00:23:30,275 Oh. Of course you have. 568 00:23:33,443 --> 00:23:37,915 No, I, ah, I just decided that it was just important 569 00:23:37,948 --> 00:23:39,850 To stay home to raise this little guy. 570 00:23:39,884 --> 00:23:41,518 And Sean makes more than enough for both of us, 571 00:23:41,551 --> 00:23:44,188 So just, why bother with all of the drama, you know? 572 00:23:44,221 --> 00:23:45,255 So... 573 00:23:45,289 --> 00:23:48,993 How's being a full-time Mom working out for you? 574 00:23:49,026 --> 00:23:52,295 Well, uh, I um... 575 00:23:52,328 --> 00:23:53,997 I've lost my mind, 576 00:23:54,030 --> 00:23:54,964 Is what's happened. 577 00:23:56,165 --> 00:23:58,968 I've always thought that, if I was ever going to have 578 00:23:59,002 --> 00:24:03,272 A, just a dirty, nasty little thing, I would... 579 00:24:03,306 --> 00:24:05,374 Keep it in a closet until I needed it for a charity event 580 00:24:05,408 --> 00:24:09,111 Or something. But! I've gone Full Metal Stepford here. 581 00:24:09,144 --> 00:24:12,948 a strict formal dress code, 582 00:24:12,981 --> 00:24:17,953 There was 82 handmade gift bags, a $5,000 candy table, 583 00:24:17,986 --> 00:24:19,121 12 different kinds of sandwiches 584 00:24:19,154 --> 00:24:22,457 Including the swordfish canapé, which was lovely. 585 00:24:22,490 --> 00:24:24,092 Looks like you covered everything. 586 00:24:24,126 --> 00:24:25,493 Yeah, no yeah yeah. 587 00:24:26,527 --> 00:24:29,096 Everything, except, uh, other kids. 588 00:24:29,130 --> 00:24:30,998 You forgot to invite other children? 589 00:24:32,433 --> 00:24:34,601 We don't know any other children. 590 00:24:34,635 --> 00:24:36,804 Oh. I see. 591 00:24:36,838 --> 00:24:41,042 So, uh, how are things here with the empty nest? 592 00:24:41,075 --> 00:24:42,776 Must be like a second honeymoon around here. 593 00:24:42,810 --> 00:24:44,010 Oh... 594 00:24:46,146 --> 00:24:48,414 Well, we're not all as young and sexy 595 00:24:48,448 --> 00:24:49,916 As you are, you know. 596 00:24:50,951 --> 00:24:54,454 I just... I don't find her attractive anymore. 597 00:24:54,487 --> 00:24:57,423 I think I traded in low cuts and long legs for... 598 00:24:57,457 --> 00:24:59,659 Sweat pants and breast milk stains. 599 00:24:59,692 --> 00:25:03,295 That'll all go away. You guys are still having sex, right? 600 00:25:06,265 --> 00:25:09,468 Don't get me started. She's insatiable. It's ridiculous. 601 00:25:09,501 --> 00:25:11,670 You should get some real problems. 602 00:25:11,703 --> 00:25:14,206 Do you know when the last time I even saw Dolores naked was? 603 00:25:14,239 --> 00:25:15,674 I had hair. 604 00:25:15,707 --> 00:25:18,176 I don't even know what we are anymore. 605 00:25:18,209 --> 00:25:20,144 Friends, I suppose... 606 00:25:20,178 --> 00:25:23,514 Well, c'mon, seriously, you're still young, you know. 607 00:25:23,547 --> 00:25:24,916 And you had a good run at it. 608 00:25:24,949 --> 00:25:27,351 You brought up three amazing kids. 609 00:25:27,385 --> 00:25:29,453 There's no, there's no shame in calling it a day 610 00:25:29,487 --> 00:25:31,222 If the passion's gone. 611 00:25:31,255 --> 00:25:33,958 Sean. She is the mother of my children. 612 00:25:33,992 --> 00:25:36,159 Yeah. But they're gone. 613 00:25:37,127 --> 00:25:38,361 Right? 614 00:25:42,332 --> 00:25:44,701 So your penis is still actually in this girl when you decide 615 00:25:44,734 --> 00:25:46,236 That you never want to see her again? 616 00:25:46,269 --> 00:25:48,038 She called me "Daddy". 617 00:25:48,071 --> 00:25:49,506 Ooh. 618 00:25:49,539 --> 00:25:52,542 Okay, so um, couldn't you just say: 619 00:25:52,575 --> 00:25:54,343 "Please don't call me Daddy"? 620 00:25:54,376 --> 00:25:55,477 I mean, that's what adults do, right? 621 00:25:55,511 --> 00:25:57,813 They communicate. They just don't pull out. 622 00:25:57,846 --> 00:25:58,881 It's true, actually. 623 00:25:58,915 --> 00:26:02,018 Larissa never has a problem telling me exactly, 624 00:26:02,051 --> 00:26:04,253 Specifically what it is that I'm doing wrong. 625 00:26:04,286 --> 00:26:05,821 I believe you. 626 00:26:05,854 --> 00:26:09,892 Well, okay, that's because I want to be in a relationship. 627 00:26:09,926 --> 00:26:11,259 Gage is just looking to have a good time. 628 00:26:11,292 --> 00:26:12,327 That is... 629 00:26:13,594 --> 00:26:14,762 Ephraim? 630 00:26:16,898 --> 00:26:18,066 He's okay. Look. 631 00:26:18,099 --> 00:26:19,700 What are you trying to say about me, huh? 632 00:26:21,802 --> 00:26:23,571 Okay, um. 633 00:26:23,604 --> 00:26:24,940 You... 634 00:26:24,973 --> 00:26:27,275 Knowingly choose imperfect women 635 00:26:27,308 --> 00:26:29,709 So that you can use it as an excuse to get rid of them 636 00:26:29,743 --> 00:26:31,545 When you get bored. 637 00:26:31,578 --> 00:26:33,380 That's really shitty, Larissa. 638 00:26:33,413 --> 00:26:35,182 Oh, it is without a doubt shitty. 639 00:26:35,215 --> 00:26:36,917 I don't do that. 640 00:26:36,951 --> 00:26:39,053 Why did you break up with that, uh, teacher? 641 00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:42,889 She had to go to bed too early. 642 00:26:42,923 --> 00:26:44,258 The waitress? 643 00:26:46,059 --> 00:26:47,826 She stayed up way too late. 644 00:26:50,563 --> 00:26:52,298 So wait, you're saying that I'm the problem? 645 00:26:52,331 --> 00:26:53,366 Look. 646 00:26:53,399 --> 00:26:54,400 He's having a moment. 647 00:26:54,433 --> 00:26:55,868 Awwwww! 648 00:26:55,901 --> 00:26:58,237 Oh, come on honey, 649 00:26:58,271 --> 00:26:59,238 Prove us wrong. 650 00:26:59,272 --> 00:27:02,408 Find yourself a nice, normal woman 651 00:27:02,441 --> 00:27:04,242 And give her an actual shot. 652 00:27:04,276 --> 00:27:07,412 Yeah, and where does one find a "nice normal" woman? 653 00:27:07,445 --> 00:27:08,480 Mom Group. 654 00:27:10,348 --> 00:27:11,916 Lots of ladies. 655 00:27:11,950 --> 00:27:14,552 Big... milk- 656 00:27:15,553 --> 00:27:16,054 Full breasts. 657 00:27:17,455 --> 00:27:18,423 Wow. 658 00:27:19,958 --> 00:27:21,258 Ahh. 659 00:27:23,060 --> 00:27:23,894 It's eight o'clock. 660 00:27:23,927 --> 00:27:25,129 Yeah. Yes it is. 661 00:27:25,162 --> 00:27:26,363 Yeah. 662 00:27:26,397 --> 00:27:28,099 Uh, do you want to do this in the bedroom? 663 00:27:28,132 --> 00:27:29,166 Yeah, it's probably most comfortable. 664 00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:30,134 Okay. 665 00:27:30,167 --> 00:27:31,335 Yeah, just have to brush my teeth first. 666 00:27:31,368 --> 00:27:32,069 Really? 667 00:27:32,103 --> 00:27:33,037 Yeah, I mean, well... 668 00:27:33,070 --> 00:27:34,438 We're probably gonna kiss and stuff, right? 669 00:27:34,471 --> 00:27:35,439 Right. Right, yeah. 670 00:27:35,472 --> 00:27:36,640 - Yeah. - Okay. 671 00:27:36,673 --> 00:27:39,976 Okay, um... Oh, did you want shirt on or off? Were you... 672 00:27:40,010 --> 00:27:42,212 Like, were you, are you gonna fondle my nipples... 673 00:27:42,245 --> 00:27:44,680 I didn't really have any nipple plans, per say. 674 00:27:44,714 --> 00:27:46,316 Right. It turns you on, though, right? 675 00:27:46,349 --> 00:27:48,884 Well, yeah, but I thought turned you on too. 676 00:27:48,918 --> 00:27:50,720 You could light my nipples on fire right now 677 00:27:50,753 --> 00:27:52,522 And I would not feel it. 678 00:27:54,390 --> 00:27:55,358 Mmmm. 679 00:27:55,825 --> 00:27:56,458 Yeah? 680 00:27:56,491 --> 00:27:58,327 - That's good. - Good. 681 00:27:58,360 --> 00:28:00,495 You're so... 682 00:28:00,529 --> 00:28:01,963 You're so beautiful. 683 00:28:01,997 --> 00:28:03,798 Thanks. 684 00:28:05,734 --> 00:28:06,968 Yeah. 685 00:28:07,002 --> 00:28:10,272 It's... it's kind of like you're trying to put out a small fire. 686 00:28:10,305 --> 00:28:11,873 Yeah? Cause it's hot? 687 00:28:11,906 --> 00:28:13,941 No, it's just cause you're, you're punching me now. 688 00:28:13,974 --> 00:28:15,309 You're just punching me right in the dick. 689 00:28:15,343 --> 00:28:17,278 - Oh, I'm sorry! - Yeah. 690 00:28:17,311 --> 00:28:18,779 - Just - It's okay. 691 00:28:18,812 --> 00:28:20,648 Why is it sometimes you're so rock hard 692 00:28:20,681 --> 00:28:23,951 And then other days you're like an old woman's breast. 693 00:28:23,984 --> 00:28:26,887 Okay, your dirty talk needs a lot of work. 694 00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:27,955 Okay, do you want me, 695 00:28:27,988 --> 00:28:29,257 Should I fellate you, or something? 696 00:28:29,290 --> 00:28:31,824 Can you think of a less sexy way to ask me that? 697 00:28:31,858 --> 00:28:32,859 How can I get you get hard? 698 00:28:32,892 --> 00:28:34,061 I don't know. 699 00:28:35,528 --> 00:28:36,796 There's all this pressure now. 700 00:28:36,829 --> 00:28:38,431 I know, right?! 701 00:28:39,666 --> 00:28:41,701 I, I, I can't do all this pre-planning. 702 00:28:41,734 --> 00:28:44,171 I need this to be spontaneous. 703 00:28:44,204 --> 00:28:45,838 Feel like I'm doing chores. 704 00:28:45,872 --> 00:28:47,707 Oh, I need to put the dry... Laundry in the dry... 705 00:28:47,740 --> 00:28:49,641 Can we please not talk about laundry, right now? 706 00:28:49,675 --> 00:28:50,776 Okay, seriously... 707 00:28:50,809 --> 00:28:51,743 Okay. 708 00:28:51,777 --> 00:28:53,011 Look, we have to get through this, all right? 709 00:28:53,045 --> 00:28:54,113 - I know. - Somehow. 710 00:28:54,146 --> 00:28:56,682 A hundred consecutive days. 711 00:28:56,715 --> 00:28:58,517 It's supposed to be fun! 712 00:28:58,550 --> 00:29:00,786 Well, he didn't say when we had to start. 713 00:29:01,953 --> 00:29:03,989 We could start tomorrow. 714 00:29:04,022 --> 00:29:05,357 Yeah, exactly. 715 00:29:06,591 --> 00:29:07,758 Okay. Good talk. 716 00:29:07,792 --> 00:29:08,993 Yeah? 717 00:29:09,026 --> 00:29:09,994 Yeah. Go team. 718 00:29:10,027 --> 00:29:11,028 Mmm. 719 00:29:17,368 --> 00:29:18,336 So are we gonna put the clothes in the dryer? 720 00:29:18,369 --> 00:29:20,571 Yeah, I got it. I got it. Okay. 721 00:29:26,476 --> 00:29:28,212 Hon? 722 00:29:31,047 --> 00:29:32,216 Hon? 723 00:29:33,250 --> 00:29:34,984 How was your day? 724 00:29:52,368 --> 00:29:54,069 Hey Daddy... 725 00:29:54,103 --> 00:29:56,772 Hey... Mama? 726 00:29:56,805 --> 00:29:57,740 Wow. 727 00:29:57,773 --> 00:30:00,475 I finally fit into my lingerie. 728 00:30:00,508 --> 00:30:02,810 Yeah. More or less, yeah. 729 00:30:05,180 --> 00:30:06,814 Is Oops asleep? 730 00:30:06,848 --> 00:30:08,583 He's at, uh, grandma's. 731 00:30:10,985 --> 00:30:13,921 Oof. I, uh, I had a long day. 732 00:30:13,955 --> 00:30:16,823 Great. Let's have a long night. 733 00:30:16,857 --> 00:30:17,791 I just want to grab something. 734 00:30:17,824 --> 00:30:19,460 I'm a little peckish. 735 00:30:19,493 --> 00:30:23,530 I've got something for you to snack on right here. 736 00:30:23,564 --> 00:30:24,898 Yeah... 737 00:30:24,931 --> 00:30:27,434 Um, no, I was, I was... 738 00:30:27,468 --> 00:30:28,969 Something with protein, that's what I was thinking... 739 00:30:29,002 --> 00:30:31,472 Sean. Listen, my, uh... 740 00:30:31,505 --> 00:30:34,440 My ego is holding on by a thread, here okay? 741 00:30:34,474 --> 00:30:37,710 I have had enough of bitches in the park, 742 00:30:37,743 --> 00:30:39,245 That's where the real bitches are, okay? 743 00:30:39,279 --> 00:30:41,914 Talking about how to get their kids to go to sleep 744 00:30:41,947 --> 00:30:43,283 And what kind of apple sauce to eat, 745 00:30:43,316 --> 00:30:47,086 And, and preservatives and... You know, I don't give a shit. 746 00:30:47,119 --> 00:30:48,354 I just... 747 00:30:48,388 --> 00:30:50,223 Want to feel like an woman. 748 00:30:55,460 --> 00:30:56,795 Alrighty then. 749 00:31:02,801 --> 00:31:03,802 What? 750 00:31:04,369 --> 00:31:05,704 Nothing, honey. 751 00:31:10,140 --> 00:31:11,675 Did you let the cat in here? 752 00:31:11,709 --> 00:31:13,211 No. Why? 753 00:31:13,244 --> 00:31:16,013 Really? It smells like rancid urine. 754 00:31:16,046 --> 00:31:18,782 I don't, I don't smell anything. 755 00:31:18,816 --> 00:31:20,684 I'm not crazy. 756 00:31:20,718 --> 00:31:21,785 It must have permeated the cover, 757 00:31:21,819 --> 00:31:23,086 We'll have to burn it. 758 00:31:28,725 --> 00:31:30,059 What? 759 00:31:30,092 --> 00:31:31,661 It's you! 760 00:31:31,694 --> 00:31:34,831 Did you get sprayed by a skunk, or something? 761 00:31:34,864 --> 00:31:36,599 It's hormonal! 762 00:31:36,633 --> 00:31:39,269 What?! How come I've never noticed that before? 763 00:31:39,302 --> 00:31:40,870 Because I put a ridiculous amount of effort 764 00:31:40,903 --> 00:31:43,005 Into not perspiring around you. 765 00:31:47,509 --> 00:31:50,078 That feels great. That's really good. 766 00:31:55,384 --> 00:31:56,785 That feels great. 767 00:31:57,853 --> 00:32:00,489 No no no. Don't touch my kangaroo pouch. 768 00:32:13,834 --> 00:32:14,769 No, I need a time-out. 769 00:32:14,802 --> 00:32:15,803 - The smell. - Don't you dare. 770 00:32:15,836 --> 00:32:17,405 - I'm so goddamn close. - Just a minute. 771 00:32:18,606 --> 00:32:20,006 I can't stand the smell, I'm going to be sick... 772 00:32:20,039 --> 00:32:22,208 No, c'mon! Just seven more thrusts. Man up! 773 00:32:23,743 --> 00:32:24,911 - Come on. - I'm on fire. 774 00:32:24,944 --> 00:32:25,979 Hurry up! 775 00:32:26,012 --> 00:32:26,946 - Four... three... - I'm gonna be sick! 776 00:32:26,980 --> 00:32:28,682 - Nyah! - No, I'm gonna be sick. 777 00:32:28,715 --> 00:32:32,852 Nyah! Nyah! Nyah! Nyah! Nyah! 778 00:32:32,886 --> 00:32:35,054 Ohh! 779 00:32:38,891 --> 00:32:40,893 That was amazing. 780 00:32:44,963 --> 00:32:46,899 How long do you think before you can go again? 781 00:33:10,588 --> 00:33:12,423 I think we need to have a talk. 782 00:33:13,657 --> 00:33:15,058 Sure. 783 00:33:15,091 --> 00:33:17,861 Can you, do you remember that bright yellow piece... 784 00:33:17,894 --> 00:33:19,129 - that we had... - Dolores. 785 00:33:20,096 --> 00:33:21,665 Oh, it's serious. 786 00:33:22,699 --> 00:33:24,301 Well... 787 00:33:24,335 --> 00:33:26,737 The other night I asked you if you wanted to have, 788 00:33:26,770 --> 00:33:27,604 You know. 789 00:33:27,638 --> 00:33:30,272 And um, you laughed in my face. 790 00:33:32,375 --> 00:33:33,843 Well... 791 00:33:33,876 --> 00:33:35,745 I thought you were joking, honey. 792 00:33:35,778 --> 00:33:37,947 Why would I joke about that? 793 00:33:37,980 --> 00:33:39,148 Because we never have sex... 794 00:33:39,181 --> 00:33:40,516 Exactly. 795 00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:46,588 Are you unhappy, Horton? 796 00:33:46,621 --> 00:33:48,156 Um... 797 00:33:48,189 --> 00:33:50,959 I think so. 798 00:33:50,992 --> 00:33:51,993 You know, I, I have needs. 799 00:33:52,026 --> 00:33:53,862 And I have to make sure those needs are met. 800 00:33:53,895 --> 00:33:57,932 So if you've decided that you don't like having sex... 801 00:33:57,966 --> 00:33:59,300 I love sex! 802 00:33:59,334 --> 00:34:01,069 Then why aren't we having it? 803 00:34:02,504 --> 00:34:04,071 Okay. 804 00:34:05,038 --> 00:34:07,341 To be frank, it's... 805 00:34:09,009 --> 00:34:10,811 It got a little boring. 806 00:34:10,844 --> 00:34:13,246 The same thing over and over and over again, 807 00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:16,016 I mean, you, you, you had no focus. 808 00:34:16,049 --> 00:34:18,619 There was no attention to what I needed. 809 00:34:18,652 --> 00:34:21,088 A woman needs... 810 00:34:21,121 --> 00:34:22,589 Certain things... 811 00:34:22,622 --> 00:34:24,991 Done to her, to build... 812 00:34:25,024 --> 00:34:29,295 Up to, slowly build up to a climax. 813 00:34:29,328 --> 00:34:31,498 You mean you've never had an orgasm? 814 00:34:33,733 --> 00:34:35,234 No, I have orgasms all the time, 815 00:34:35,267 --> 00:34:37,637 I just never have them with you. 816 00:34:37,670 --> 00:34:40,305 Not even when I touched your "spot"? 817 00:34:40,338 --> 00:34:41,973 Oh, honey... 818 00:34:42,007 --> 00:34:46,678 Where "the spot" is and, and where you thought it was... 819 00:34:46,712 --> 00:34:48,880 Worlds apart. 820 00:34:48,914 --> 00:34:50,649 Well how the hell was I suppose to know?! 821 00:34:50,682 --> 00:34:52,818 It's not like it comes with GPS. 822 00:34:52,851 --> 00:34:55,521 You could have asked. 823 00:34:56,388 --> 00:34:57,388 Okay. 824 00:34:58,723 --> 00:35:00,357 Well... 825 00:35:00,391 --> 00:35:02,460 Now I'm asking. 826 00:35:07,398 --> 00:35:08,866 Okay. 827 00:35:09,366 --> 00:35:10,835 Om. Om nom nom. 828 00:35:10,868 --> 00:35:11,936 You got your peaches here too. 829 00:35:11,969 --> 00:35:13,571 Okay? Let's get Dada some breakfast. 830 00:35:22,779 --> 00:35:23,913 Is that good? 831 00:35:26,716 --> 00:35:28,718 - Morning Dada. - Good morning. 832 00:35:28,752 --> 00:35:30,920 What would you like for breakfast? 833 00:35:30,954 --> 00:35:32,020 Oh... 834 00:35:32,054 --> 00:35:33,422 Mmm 835 00:35:33,456 --> 00:35:34,457 Morning. 836 00:35:35,758 --> 00:35:36,959 Mmm. 837 00:35:39,394 --> 00:35:40,996 What're you doing? 838 00:35:41,029 --> 00:35:43,365 Welcome to Day One, baby. 839 00:35:43,398 --> 00:35:45,067 Ahh... 840 00:35:45,100 --> 00:35:46,535 Oh, she's right there. 841 00:35:46,569 --> 00:35:48,136 I turned her around, she's fine. 842 00:35:50,505 --> 00:35:51,506 You know, she's going to hear us, though. 843 00:35:51,539 --> 00:35:53,207 You know, kids can't make memories 844 00:35:53,240 --> 00:35:56,878 'Til they're about two. I'll keep the moaning to a minimum. 845 00:35:56,911 --> 00:35:59,747 No, I'm sorry, I can't. It's just, it's too weird. 846 00:36:01,483 --> 00:36:02,650 Right. Sure. 847 00:36:02,684 --> 00:36:03,851 Can I make you some eggs? 848 00:36:03,885 --> 00:36:07,053 Oh, I'll, I'll get something at, at work. It'll be fine. 849 00:36:07,087 --> 00:36:08,388 I appreciate the sentiment! 850 00:36:08,421 --> 00:36:10,491 Oh, it was a super awesome sentiment. 851 00:36:10,524 --> 00:36:11,892 It was a lovely gesture! 852 00:36:11,925 --> 00:36:13,494 Yeah, like flowers. 853 00:36:15,496 --> 00:36:16,630 Shoot... 854 00:36:23,103 --> 00:36:24,837 - Hey. - Hey. 855 00:36:26,872 --> 00:36:28,107 What'd ya bring me? 856 00:36:29,208 --> 00:36:31,443 Chocolate! Thank you. 857 00:36:33,378 --> 00:36:34,880 Where is he? 858 00:36:36,582 --> 00:36:38,551 Come on, you know how I feel about television. 859 00:36:38,584 --> 00:36:40,686 Okay, first of all, that's your thing, not mine. 860 00:36:40,720 --> 00:36:42,654 I don't want my kid be a pop-culture ignoramus. 861 00:36:42,687 --> 00:36:44,088 And I prescreened it, 862 00:36:44,122 --> 00:36:45,423 It's all about sharing and shit. 863 00:36:45,456 --> 00:36:47,125 That's not the point. 864 00:36:47,158 --> 00:36:48,760 I had a bunch of e-mails to respond to, 865 00:36:48,793 --> 00:36:50,228 He was crawling all over the keyboard 866 00:36:50,261 --> 00:36:51,730 Wanting to know which button he could push. 867 00:36:51,763 --> 00:36:54,398 It was either that or I lock him in the closet. 868 00:36:54,432 --> 00:36:55,534 Was the world going to end 869 00:36:55,567 --> 00:36:57,135 If you didn't get back to these people right away? 870 00:36:57,168 --> 00:36:59,003 Maybe. 871 00:36:59,037 --> 00:37:01,271 Do you know when the last time was that I checked my e-mail? 872 00:37:01,304 --> 00:37:03,841 You forward poems with kittens and rainbows, 873 00:37:03,874 --> 00:37:05,208 Don't compare that to my work. 874 00:37:06,276 --> 00:37:07,344 Television is not a baby-sitter. 875 00:37:07,377 --> 00:37:08,411 Damn right it's not. 876 00:37:08,445 --> 00:37:09,813 Babysitters are lazy little bitches. 877 00:37:09,847 --> 00:37:10,681 My boy is down there 878 00:37:10,714 --> 00:37:12,149 Learning about the birds and the bees. 879 00:37:14,184 --> 00:37:16,753 Actual... actual birds and bees. It's the honey episode. 880 00:37:38,139 --> 00:37:41,009 Ahhhh] 881 00:37:41,042 --> 00:37:42,410 Huh! 882 00:37:45,581 --> 00:37:46,682 Huh... 883 00:37:52,019 --> 00:37:53,353 Can I bug you about something? 884 00:37:54,555 --> 00:37:55,623 Well, you didn't really give me an option there, did you? 885 00:37:55,656 --> 00:37:56,924 Nuh uh. 886 00:37:56,957 --> 00:37:58,225 How're you doin'? How's your, how's your first week going? 887 00:37:58,258 --> 00:37:59,159 It's really fun. 888 00:37:59,193 --> 00:38:00,928 Yeah. The tips pick up, by the way. Later. 889 00:38:00,961 --> 00:38:01,996 The tips are great. 890 00:38:02,029 --> 00:38:03,097 I'm really happy with it. 891 00:38:03,931 --> 00:38:05,165 Good deal. 892 00:38:05,199 --> 00:38:07,034 How can I help you? 893 00:38:07,067 --> 00:38:11,004 I was just wondering if you could take a look at these. 894 00:38:11,037 --> 00:38:12,538 Oh. Sure. 895 00:38:12,572 --> 00:38:14,574 These are... okay, that's you naked. 896 00:38:14,608 --> 00:38:15,909 They're boudoir photos. 897 00:38:15,942 --> 00:38:17,543 I need to pick three and get them blown-up. 898 00:38:17,577 --> 00:38:19,278 Um, for what? 899 00:38:20,479 --> 00:38:21,480 For fun. 900 00:38:23,082 --> 00:38:24,550 So do you like this- 901 00:38:24,584 --> 00:38:25,585 No! Hey! Okay. 902 00:38:25,619 --> 00:38:27,185 Come on! You didn't even look at them. 903 00:38:27,219 --> 00:38:29,121 That's, that's completely inappropriate. 904 00:38:29,154 --> 00:38:31,023 Why? It's just a naked body. 905 00:38:31,056 --> 00:38:32,557 Have you never seen a woman's naked body before? 906 00:38:32,591 --> 00:38:34,593 Not an employees, no. I um- 907 00:38:34,627 --> 00:38:37,129 Oh look, you're... you're turned on. 908 00:38:37,162 --> 00:38:41,900 Okay, that's... You know what? That's uh... 909 00:38:41,934 --> 00:38:43,435 Don't be embarrassed. 910 00:38:43,468 --> 00:38:44,902 You're supposed to get aroused. 911 00:38:44,936 --> 00:38:46,437 Wow. 912 00:38:47,404 --> 00:38:48,472 I think you're a cutie. 913 00:38:50,107 --> 00:38:51,242 Um... 914 00:38:53,077 --> 00:38:56,113 Oh! I got, I got a phone call. I gotta take this. 915 00:38:56,147 --> 00:38:57,782 I need you to look at these later. 916 00:38:57,815 --> 00:38:59,050 It's my wife. 917 00:38:59,083 --> 00:39:01,085 Whatever. 918 00:39:06,657 --> 00:39:07,390 Hi honey. 919 00:39:07,423 --> 00:39:09,192 I'm horny. 920 00:39:09,225 --> 00:39:10,360 Excuse me? 921 00:39:10,393 --> 00:39:13,363 Ooh, I'm standing against a vibrating washing machine. 922 00:39:13,396 --> 00:39:15,131 You have no idea how good this feels. 923 00:39:15,165 --> 00:39:16,132 Are you kidding me right now? 924 00:39:16,166 --> 00:39:18,134 Oof, can you talk dirty to me? 925 00:39:18,168 --> 00:39:18,802 - No. I... - Hey, Ben! 926 00:39:18,835 --> 00:39:20,135 - Please. - Hey Jeff! 927 00:39:20,169 --> 00:39:21,804 - Please, please, please. - I'm at work! 928 00:39:21,837 --> 00:39:23,105 You are a bad girl. 929 00:39:23,138 --> 00:39:24,573 Yeah. Yeah, just like that, yeah. 930 00:39:24,606 --> 00:39:26,776 No. No, I mean like you are a bad... 931 00:39:26,809 --> 00:39:28,678 Naughty girl, Okay? This is torture for me. 932 00:39:28,711 --> 00:39:30,746 Yeah, tell me how naughty I am. 933 00:39:30,780 --> 00:39:31,781 - Oooh. - No. No, no, no. 934 00:39:31,814 --> 00:39:32,915 I'm not participating in this, okay? 935 00:39:32,948 --> 00:39:34,183 This is doing nothing for me. 936 00:39:34,216 --> 00:39:36,118 Mhmm. Yeah, keep going. 937 00:39:36,151 --> 00:39:37,118 - Okay, I hate you right now. - Oh, baby. Don't stop. 938 00:39:37,151 --> 00:39:38,619 You know that? You're gonna give me blue balls 939 00:39:38,653 --> 00:39:39,988 Because of this. I'm going to be walking around 940 00:39:40,021 --> 00:39:41,690 With a twinge in my nut sack all day. 941 00:39:41,723 --> 00:39:42,924 Oh! 942 00:39:43,557 --> 00:39:44,726 Mmmm. 943 00:39:44,759 --> 00:39:45,827 I just want you to know that this has been 944 00:39:45,860 --> 00:39:47,028 A horrible experience for me. 945 00:39:47,061 --> 00:39:48,129 Oh, that's great babes. 946 00:39:50,131 --> 00:39:51,866 No, you know what, I'm gonna come home at lunch. 947 00:39:51,900 --> 00:39:54,668 I can't. I've got Moms Group. 948 00:39:54,702 --> 00:39:56,569 You are a terrible person. 949 00:39:56,603 --> 00:39:57,537 Love you too. 950 00:39:57,570 --> 00:39:58,571 Hey... 951 00:40:19,325 --> 00:40:20,426 Okay. 952 00:40:24,864 --> 00:40:28,034 Did Lou tell you guys the one about Mr. Funny? 953 00:40:28,067 --> 00:40:29,035 I haven't heard it. 954 00:40:29,068 --> 00:40:31,269 No, no, no. Nobody needs to hear that. 955 00:40:31,302 --> 00:40:32,237 Come on, 956 00:40:32,270 --> 00:40:33,905 Lou, do it for the new guy. 957 00:40:33,939 --> 00:40:35,807 No. It was just... 958 00:40:35,841 --> 00:40:39,310 Lou has discovered her post-baby sexuality. 959 00:40:39,344 --> 00:40:42,013 I swear to God, you have got to write a blog. 960 00:40:42,047 --> 00:40:43,014 Do it! 961 00:40:43,048 --> 00:40:45,216 I met, I met this bloke online. 962 00:40:45,250 --> 00:40:47,551 And he seemed like a very nice guy, you know, 963 00:40:47,584 --> 00:40:50,054 So I, I agreed to have him pick me up for a date. 964 00:40:50,087 --> 00:40:52,089 And so, he made you laugh a lot? 965 00:40:52,122 --> 00:40:53,057 Not really, no. 966 00:40:53,090 --> 00:40:54,725 So, why do you call him Mr. Funny? 967 00:40:54,759 --> 00:40:56,293 No, that's actually his name. 968 00:40:56,326 --> 00:40:58,062 He's, you know, he's a professional clown 969 00:40:58,095 --> 00:40:59,063 For a living. 970 00:41:00,697 --> 00:41:02,432 I mean, I think, I think he was nervous 971 00:41:02,466 --> 00:41:04,268 Because he got in and he just, 972 00:41:04,301 --> 00:41:06,002 He already had on his little red nose 973 00:41:06,035 --> 00:41:10,073 And he reached over and he just honked me breasts. 974 00:41:10,106 --> 00:41:12,041 I mean, you know, I think-I think he was just trying 975 00:41:12,075 --> 00:41:15,411 To break the ice but I was so surprised that I just... 976 00:41:15,444 --> 00:41:19,648 Reached over and I grabbed him by his penis really hard 977 00:41:19,682 --> 00:41:22,085 And I could let go. 978 00:41:22,118 --> 00:41:23,585 You know, and there we both were 979 00:41:23,618 --> 00:41:25,487 Starring at each other. Him... 980 00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:29,892 Cuppin' me jubblies and me really givin' it to his banana. 981 00:41:32,627 --> 00:41:34,496 So things are better with Mark? 982 00:41:35,964 --> 00:41:36,932 Oh. 983 00:41:36,965 --> 00:41:38,733 Mark? No. 984 00:41:38,767 --> 00:41:40,734 He wouldn't put me out if I were on fire. 985 00:41:40,768 --> 00:41:43,771 Oh no, so you gonna get a divorce? 986 00:41:43,805 --> 00:41:47,041 No. No, divorces are horrible for children. 987 00:41:47,074 --> 00:41:48,575 No, we would never put them through that. 988 00:41:48,609 --> 00:41:52,780 I may be a terrible wife, but I'm a great goddamn mother. 989 00:41:52,814 --> 00:41:54,148 Wait. So are you, are you seeing someone... 990 00:41:54,181 --> 00:41:55,349 - on the side? - No. 991 00:41:57,417 --> 00:41:59,319 There are web sites. 992 00:41:59,352 --> 00:42:01,721 You know, for people who just wanna... 993 00:42:01,754 --> 00:42:03,456 Hook-up every now and again. 994 00:42:03,489 --> 00:42:06,292 You know, it's very casual. 995 00:42:06,326 --> 00:42:08,128 It's easy. 996 00:42:08,161 --> 00:42:10,296 I mean, we're all in the same boat, right? 997 00:42:10,330 --> 00:42:12,632 Nobody wants to get into a messy situation. 998 00:42:12,665 --> 00:42:14,334 Do you think you could send me the link? 999 00:42:14,367 --> 00:42:15,500 Absolutely. 1000 00:42:15,534 --> 00:42:17,136 Oh, great. Thanks, yeah. 1001 00:42:18,437 --> 00:42:21,106 But aren't you just, aren't you kind of, living a lie? 1002 00:42:21,140 --> 00:42:23,208 Oh don't be so dramatic. 1003 00:42:23,242 --> 00:42:24,977 I mean, we're doing it for the kids. 1004 00:42:25,010 --> 00:42:27,446 Mark and I may hate each other, but we... 1005 00:42:27,479 --> 00:42:28,513 We love the kids. 1006 00:42:28,547 --> 00:42:29,548 We love the kids. 1007 00:42:29,581 --> 00:42:31,650 And, I mean, we want them to keep their lives. 1008 00:42:31,683 --> 00:42:34,485 We don't want them shuffling back and forth 1009 00:42:34,518 --> 00:42:36,387 From house to house every other weekend. 1010 00:42:36,420 --> 00:42:38,923 I mean... no. 1011 00:42:38,957 --> 00:42:39,958 That's not a way to live. 1012 00:42:39,991 --> 00:42:43,161 If the, the kids are happy then we're happy. 1013 00:42:44,228 --> 00:42:45,496 Aw, yes. 1014 00:42:46,865 --> 00:42:48,967 But how can you possible by happy? 1015 00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:50,333 Listen. 1016 00:42:50,367 --> 00:42:53,170 You have to satisfy yourself as a parent first, 1017 00:42:53,203 --> 00:42:56,673 Otherwise it's the kids who really get hurt. 1018 00:42:56,706 --> 00:42:58,175 I'm right, right? 1019 00:43:02,745 --> 00:43:04,181 So then I just stuck me thumb in, 1020 00:43:04,214 --> 00:43:06,216 But you know, even that's only so big, isn't it? 1021 00:43:06,249 --> 00:43:09,485 Hmm. Well, how far? Like, nail? Or... 1022 00:43:09,518 --> 00:43:12,221 No, I mean, all the way in because that's, you know... 1023 00:43:13,489 --> 00:43:16,325 I, I heard it's like past the, past the knuckle 1024 00:43:16,358 --> 00:43:17,693 And it's uncomfortable, you know. 1025 00:43:17,726 --> 00:43:20,196 Do you always serve your, uh, yogurt in a tube? 1026 00:43:20,229 --> 00:43:21,763 Oh yeah, it's brilliant. 1027 00:43:21,797 --> 00:43:24,233 Cause, it's yogurt, right? But then... 1028 00:43:24,266 --> 00:43:25,566 You know, it's in a tube. 1029 00:43:25,600 --> 00:43:27,368 Yeah, but it's not really yogurt. 1030 00:43:27,402 --> 00:43:28,769 I mean, have you read the ingredients? 1031 00:43:28,803 --> 00:43:30,571 It's got five different sweeteners in here. 1032 00:43:30,605 --> 00:43:32,173 Oh, yes. 1033 00:43:32,207 --> 00:43:34,709 That's right, I forgot. You're Larissa's brother. 1034 00:43:34,742 --> 00:43:38,346 Oh, does Larissa not let you eat things from a tube? 1035 00:43:38,379 --> 00:43:39,881 No, it's... 1036 00:43:39,915 --> 00:43:42,416 It's the high fructose corn syrup... that's, uh... 1037 00:43:42,449 --> 00:43:43,783 It's like crack for kids, right? 1038 00:43:44,718 --> 00:43:47,154 Right well we won't have anything in a tube 1039 00:43:47,187 --> 00:43:48,288 For next week. 1040 00:43:48,322 --> 00:43:50,424 Is that all right? All forgiven, Daddy? 1041 00:43:50,457 --> 00:43:52,492 That's... um... 1042 00:43:52,526 --> 00:43:56,096 You know... you know, just don't call me Daddy it's... 1043 00:43:56,130 --> 00:43:57,197 Sorry. 1044 00:43:58,598 --> 00:44:00,066 That's okay. 1045 00:44:01,067 --> 00:44:02,335 You know, he's single. 1046 00:44:02,368 --> 00:44:03,669 Yeah. No, no. Yeah. 1047 00:44:03,702 --> 00:44:05,071 Yeah, he's nice. 1048 00:44:05,104 --> 00:44:06,305 Yeah. Yeah. 1049 00:44:06,339 --> 00:44:08,507 I'm not, not really looking for anything nice at the minute, 1050 00:44:08,541 --> 00:44:11,177 You know, just strictly looking for sexual deviants. 1051 00:44:11,210 --> 00:44:12,511 Right now... 1052 00:44:12,545 --> 00:44:13,712 Oh. 1053 00:44:13,746 --> 00:44:15,548 Well. Good luck then. 1054 00:44:15,581 --> 00:44:17,250 Oh, thanks. Yeah, thanks. 1055 00:44:20,152 --> 00:44:20,986 Okay. 1056 00:44:21,019 --> 00:44:22,054 Can I have my cup back? 1057 00:44:22,087 --> 00:44:23,855 - Right, sorry. - Yeah. 1058 00:44:23,888 --> 00:44:26,024 So now I want it to be honest, right? 1059 00:44:26,058 --> 00:44:29,727 But not necessarily completely truthful. 1060 00:44:29,761 --> 00:44:31,496 All right, well... how's this then? 1061 00:44:31,529 --> 00:44:34,132 "Bitter, unsuccessful middle aged loser" 1062 00:44:34,166 --> 00:44:36,700 Wallowing in an unending sea of inert, 1063 00:44:36,733 --> 00:44:37,801 Drooping loneliness 1064 00:44:37,834 --> 00:44:40,337 Looking for needy leech-like, hanger-oners 1065 00:44:40,371 --> 00:44:43,507 To abuse with dull stories, kinky sex 1066 00:44:43,540 --> 00:44:46,510 And uh, old A-Ha albums. " 1067 00:44:46,543 --> 00:44:47,878 Do you think I should mention 1068 00:44:47,911 --> 00:44:49,947 That I've got a child? 1069 00:44:49,981 --> 00:44:51,215 "With a bastard. " 1070 00:44:51,248 --> 00:44:53,416 God, why don't you just say I masturbate every night 1071 00:44:53,449 --> 00:44:54,417 And cry myself to sleep? 1072 00:44:54,450 --> 00:44:55,418 - Give me that. - Hey! 1073 00:44:55,451 --> 00:44:56,987 One more go. 1074 00:44:57,020 --> 00:44:58,788 Um... oh! 1075 00:44:58,821 --> 00:45:01,057 "I'm A Little Red Hen 1076 00:45:01,091 --> 00:45:03,526 And the barnyard feels empty without you. " 1077 00:45:03,559 --> 00:45:05,295 Oh yeah, I like that. 1078 00:45:05,328 --> 00:45:06,762 Add... okay. 1079 00:45:06,796 --> 00:45:10,032 Add "I would like to have my feathers tickled by you... " 1080 00:45:10,065 --> 00:45:11,900 Those into henpecking need not apply. 1081 00:45:11,933 --> 00:45:13,235 "Cock-a-doodle-doo!" 1082 00:45:13,935 --> 00:45:15,270 I'm not writing that last part. 1083 00:45:15,304 --> 00:45:16,338 Oh no, it's great, right? 1084 00:45:16,371 --> 00:45:18,540 Cause it's a bit risqué, you know, I say... 1085 00:45:18,573 --> 00:45:20,075 I say the word "cock. " 1086 00:45:20,109 --> 00:45:25,114 Where you going? 1087 00:45:25,147 --> 00:45:27,082 No, I say cock. 1088 00:45:27,116 --> 00:45:29,450 It's nice, isn't it? If I... 1089 00:45:37,325 --> 00:45:38,759 - Hi, sweetie! - Hi, sweetie! 1090 00:45:38,792 --> 00:45:40,728 I was just upstairs on the internet 1091 00:45:40,761 --> 00:45:43,864 Watching some porn... uh, some stuff, you know, 1092 00:45:43,897 --> 00:45:46,333 On the internet uh, um. 1093 00:45:46,366 --> 00:45:48,835 The stamina of some of these performers 1094 00:45:48,868 --> 00:45:51,671 Is just phenomenal. 1095 00:45:51,704 --> 00:45:54,341 They must be on quite the training schedule. 1096 00:45:54,374 --> 00:45:56,643 You know, so I made a bunch of notes. 1097 00:45:56,676 --> 00:45:57,977 You know, things that I thought could help us 1098 00:45:58,011 --> 00:46:00,113 To improve our, you know... 1099 00:46:00,147 --> 00:46:03,482 How thoughtful of you, Horton. 1100 00:46:03,515 --> 00:46:05,351 For example, um... 1101 00:46:05,384 --> 00:46:07,486 Where, where, where is it. Oh yeah, here. Uh... 1102 00:46:07,519 --> 00:46:10,656 Did you know that every single video starts 1103 00:46:10,689 --> 00:46:12,058 With oral sex. 1104 00:46:12,091 --> 00:46:13,425 Really... 1105 00:46:13,459 --> 00:46:14,993 Why do you think that is? 1106 00:46:15,027 --> 00:46:16,628 Well, because for a woman... 1107 00:46:16,662 --> 00:46:20,465 Well, it's because "blow jobs are like flowers for guys. " 1108 00:46:20,498 --> 00:46:22,367 I haven't had flowers since our wedding. 1109 00:46:22,400 --> 00:46:24,369 Yeah, well, at least you got flowers. 1110 00:46:24,402 --> 00:46:25,503 I know. 1111 00:46:26,737 --> 00:46:30,308 We could, um, bring a toy into the bedroom. 1112 00:46:30,341 --> 00:46:33,144 Where would we get them? 1113 00:46:33,178 --> 00:46:36,214 - I, I have a few. - A few?! 1114 00:46:36,247 --> 00:46:37,714 Oh Horton, you'll love it. 1115 00:46:37,747 --> 00:46:40,484 The first time I had an orgasm with a vibrator 1116 00:46:40,517 --> 00:46:43,153 It was like, it was like seeing color 1117 00:46:43,187 --> 00:46:45,355 After years of blindness. 1118 00:46:45,389 --> 00:46:49,025 I'm also... um, I'm curious about this 1119 00:46:49,059 --> 00:46:51,128 Whole anal sex thing, what do you think? 1120 00:46:55,798 --> 00:46:56,932 Up the? 1121 00:46:58,734 --> 00:47:00,236 You're kidding me, right? 1122 00:47:00,269 --> 00:47:02,371 No. No. 1123 00:47:02,405 --> 00:47:04,240 It's not just for homosexuals anymore. 1124 00:47:04,273 --> 00:47:06,375 I mean, we could try it. 1125 00:47:06,409 --> 00:47:09,412 Pumpkin, aren't you, like, worried it'll... 1126 00:47:09,445 --> 00:47:10,579 We're not spring chickens anymore, 1127 00:47:10,613 --> 00:47:13,181 Things don't snap back like they used to. 1128 00:47:13,215 --> 00:47:14,382 Uh... 1129 00:47:14,416 --> 00:47:16,050 I mean, considering what we've got to work with. 1130 00:47:16,084 --> 00:47:17,585 I mean... 1131 00:47:17,619 --> 00:47:19,254 You know. 1132 00:47:19,287 --> 00:47:21,022 I think... 1133 00:47:21,055 --> 00:47:23,391 It's a risk worth taking. 1134 00:47:24,292 --> 00:47:25,793 Good job, honey. 1135 00:47:37,204 --> 00:47:39,039 Where are you going, captain? 1136 00:47:39,072 --> 00:47:41,475 Shh, go back to sleep. 1137 00:47:41,508 --> 00:47:43,710 I have to hoist the jib. 1138 00:47:43,744 --> 00:47:45,279 It's the weekend, Sean. 1139 00:47:45,312 --> 00:47:47,114 Yeah, I know I just have to take care of 1140 00:47:47,148 --> 00:47:48,648 A few things at the office. 1141 00:47:48,681 --> 00:47:49,915 Hey. 1142 00:47:49,949 --> 00:47:51,451 Let's have a quickie. 1143 00:47:51,484 --> 00:47:52,918 I'm good. 1144 00:47:52,952 --> 00:47:54,687 What the hell does that mean? 1145 00:47:57,823 --> 00:48:00,526 Honey. With all due respect and love, 1146 00:48:00,560 --> 00:48:02,162 The other night was the worst sexual experience 1147 00:48:02,195 --> 00:48:03,596 Of my life. 1148 00:48:03,629 --> 00:48:05,131 Well... 1149 00:48:05,165 --> 00:48:06,631 Let me make it up to you. 1150 00:48:06,665 --> 00:48:08,867 No, I'm not in the mood. 1151 00:48:08,900 --> 00:48:10,802 You're a guy, Sean. Just... 1152 00:48:10,835 --> 00:48:12,103 Get in the mood. 1153 00:48:13,205 --> 00:48:14,306 What-What do you expect me to do? 1154 00:48:14,339 --> 00:48:15,807 You want me to get magically aroused 1155 00:48:15,840 --> 00:48:17,642 Every time you want me to? 1156 00:48:17,676 --> 00:48:18,810 Oh no. 1157 00:48:18,843 --> 00:48:22,681 Should we get, should we get you some Viagra? 1158 00:48:22,714 --> 00:48:24,848 No. That's not the problem. 1159 00:48:24,882 --> 00:48:26,350 There's a problem? 1160 00:48:29,553 --> 00:48:32,290 Honey, listen... 1161 00:48:34,057 --> 00:48:35,326 When we first got together 1162 00:48:35,359 --> 00:48:38,629 You were this gorgeous model and now you... 1163 00:48:39,897 --> 00:48:42,332 You're not. You're the... 1164 00:48:42,365 --> 00:48:45,502 Mother-house-wife thing. 1165 00:48:45,535 --> 00:48:48,004 Which is great, it's fantastic. It's just... 1166 00:48:51,674 --> 00:48:52,975 It's an adjustment. 1167 00:48:55,645 --> 00:48:57,247 Don't worry. 1168 00:49:03,885 --> 00:49:06,188 House-wife-mother-thing, my ass. 1169 00:49:16,364 --> 00:49:17,832 Ahh! 1170 00:49:17,865 --> 00:49:19,334 Ow! Fuck! 1171 00:49:23,738 --> 00:49:25,406 - Do you mind? - Hey Vanessa... Oh! 1172 00:49:27,775 --> 00:49:29,176 Mama! 1173 00:49:29,210 --> 00:49:30,878 Yes, he is a Canadian actor, David, 1174 00:49:30,911 --> 00:49:32,046 But he lives in L.A. now 1175 00:49:32,079 --> 00:49:34,047 So he doesn't do scale anymore. 1176 00:49:39,586 --> 00:49:40,687 David, hang on, hang on. 1177 00:49:40,720 --> 00:49:42,121 Could I call you back, David? 1178 00:49:42,155 --> 00:49:43,823 Call you in a bit. 1179 00:49:43,857 --> 00:49:45,459 - You look amazing. - I know. 1180 00:49:45,492 --> 00:49:47,861 - You smell amazing. - Shut up. 1181 00:49:51,096 --> 00:49:52,598 What're you waiting for? 1182 00:49:53,599 --> 00:49:56,835 Oh! Oh God. Oh God, yes! 1183 00:49:56,869 --> 00:49:58,203 - Yes, come on! - Don't! 1184 00:49:58,237 --> 00:49:59,872 Oh, no. Not right now. Not right now. 1185 00:49:59,905 --> 00:50:01,574 Very soon, very soon. 1186 00:50:01,607 --> 00:50:03,576 Yes! Dammit! Fuck! 1187 00:50:05,944 --> 00:50:08,346 - I got a cramp! - Work it the fuck out! 1188 00:50:08,380 --> 00:50:11,616 Can you tell this guy that we need 5% on the backend? 1189 00:50:15,052 --> 00:50:16,854 Can I go now? I'm gonna go now. 1190 00:50:23,728 --> 00:50:25,096 Okay. 1191 00:50:25,129 --> 00:50:26,229 That'll be $500. 1192 00:50:26,263 --> 00:50:27,931 Haha, That's cute. 1193 00:50:27,964 --> 00:50:29,633 That's cute. 1194 00:50:30,434 --> 00:50:32,603 Do I look like I'm being cute? 1195 00:50:37,641 --> 00:50:40,277 Something wrong with your Centurion card? 1196 00:50:40,311 --> 00:50:41,978 Pay me my fucking money. 1197 00:50:45,014 --> 00:50:46,181 Oh... 1198 00:50:51,421 --> 00:50:53,122 I'm not sure I have 500... 1199 00:50:53,155 --> 00:50:54,490 20, 40, 60... 1200 00:50:56,426 --> 00:50:58,193 80, 1, 20, 40... 1201 00:51:00,929 --> 00:51:04,333 Don't you ever call me a house-wife again. 1202 00:51:04,366 --> 00:51:05,600 Got it? 1203 00:51:06,468 --> 00:51:07,902 Okay. 1204 00:51:07,936 --> 00:51:09,037 Good. 1205 00:51:10,171 --> 00:51:14,943 And I will be expecting champagne and flowers. 1206 00:51:14,976 --> 00:51:15,877 Really. 1207 00:51:23,517 --> 00:51:25,118 And... 1208 00:51:25,152 --> 00:51:26,186 He's asleep. 1209 00:51:26,219 --> 00:51:28,489 It's about fucking time. 1210 00:51:28,522 --> 00:51:29,923 Whoa. 1211 00:51:29,957 --> 00:51:32,159 You having a contest with yourself to see many dishes 1212 00:51:32,192 --> 00:51:33,494 You can dirty to make a single meal. 1213 00:51:33,527 --> 00:51:35,962 Yes, I am. And I'm winning. 1214 00:51:35,995 --> 00:51:39,999 Hey, I'm washing the dishes anyway, so just chill. 1215 00:51:40,032 --> 00:51:41,501 It's fine. This is what she does now, 1216 00:51:41,534 --> 00:51:43,836 She criticizes every little thing that I do. 1217 00:51:43,870 --> 00:51:45,304 Bleh! 1218 00:51:45,338 --> 00:51:47,073 It is delightful. 1219 00:51:47,106 --> 00:51:48,441 How is criticism a bad thing 1220 00:51:48,475 --> 00:51:50,142 If I'm trying to help you be a better person? 1221 00:51:50,176 --> 00:51:51,210 Oh, wow. 1222 00:51:51,243 --> 00:51:52,612 That's not at all condescending, is it? 1223 00:51:52,645 --> 00:51:53,612 You live with this, huh? 1224 00:51:53,645 --> 00:51:55,113 I do indeed, let's change the subject. 1225 00:51:55,146 --> 00:51:56,782 I'd like to hear more about Gage's love life. 1226 00:51:56,815 --> 00:51:58,350 - Oh, yes. - No. No. 1227 00:51:58,384 --> 00:51:59,385 How many women have you slept with 1228 00:51:59,418 --> 00:52:00,486 Since you've decided to find this 1229 00:52:00,519 --> 00:52:02,087 Fine, upstanding woman? 1230 00:52:02,120 --> 00:52:03,455 Wow. Judge much? 1231 00:52:03,489 --> 00:52:04,490 None. 1232 00:52:04,523 --> 00:52:05,491 Really? 1233 00:52:05,524 --> 00:52:07,292 You realize that we are substituting sleeping 1234 00:52:07,325 --> 00:52:09,327 For fucking, right? 1235 00:52:09,361 --> 00:52:10,861 He's trying to make a life change, 1236 00:52:10,895 --> 00:52:12,763 Let's not rake him over the coals. 1237 00:52:12,797 --> 00:52:17,034 - Thank you. - Okay what you have to understand if we're a little... 1238 00:52:17,067 --> 00:52:20,070 Just hesitant to believe that you're no longer a man slut. 1239 00:52:20,104 --> 00:52:21,171 Just because Gage 1240 00:52:21,205 --> 00:52:22,339 Has massive commitment issues, 1241 00:52:22,373 --> 00:52:23,574 And never gives anyone a second chance... 1242 00:52:23,608 --> 00:52:24,742 I thought you were on my side. 1243 00:52:24,775 --> 00:52:26,677 It's coming. Doesn't mean he can't get his giant head 1244 00:52:26,711 --> 00:52:28,812 Out of his ass and become a better person 1245 00:52:28,845 --> 00:52:30,213 For the sake of his child of all people! 1246 00:52:30,246 --> 00:52:31,080 That was it coming? 1247 00:52:31,114 --> 00:52:32,248 I think it's awesome. 1248 00:52:32,281 --> 00:52:33,650 Thank you! 1249 00:52:33,683 --> 00:52:35,018 I just don't really think that you can do it. 1250 00:52:35,051 --> 00:52:37,654 Fuck you, look... 1251 00:52:37,687 --> 00:52:39,423 Why the hell do I come over here, my God... 1252 00:52:39,456 --> 00:52:40,790 Look... 1253 00:52:40,824 --> 00:52:43,192 I just happen to have met somebody. 1254 00:52:43,226 --> 00:52:44,594 And it was actually in your Moms Group. 1255 00:52:44,628 --> 00:52:45,495 - Mom group! - Mom group! 1256 00:52:45,529 --> 00:52:47,295 - Yeah. - Wow. 1257 00:52:47,329 --> 00:52:52,200 And she's a regular cacophony of issues. 1258 00:52:52,234 --> 00:52:54,603 But she's got something, I don't know. 1259 00:52:54,637 --> 00:52:56,405 Anyway, I'm gonna ask her out on a date, I think. 1260 00:52:56,439 --> 00:52:58,073 That's great! 1261 00:52:58,106 --> 00:53:00,843 I'll get excited when you ask her out on a second date. 1262 00:53:00,876 --> 00:53:01,844 You know what, Larissa? 1263 00:53:01,877 --> 00:53:03,578 People can change, okay. 1264 00:53:03,611 --> 00:53:06,881 Yeah, but just because they can doesn't mean they do. 1265 00:53:06,914 --> 00:53:09,417 You know, especially when you reach a certain age. 1266 00:53:09,451 --> 00:53:11,419 Yeah, I'm 22 and I'm already locked into 1267 00:53:11,453 --> 00:53:12,487 Being a bit of a bitch. 1268 00:53:12,520 --> 00:53:13,821 Well, but it suits you. 1269 00:53:13,855 --> 00:53:14,789 Do you think so? 1270 00:53:14,822 --> 00:53:17,158 - Mhmm. - Aw. 1271 00:53:18,860 --> 00:53:20,061 This is just delightful. 1272 00:53:20,094 --> 00:53:21,462 I just want to back up for a second... 1273 00:53:21,495 --> 00:53:23,464 I'm sorry are you saying that you think that... 1274 00:53:23,497 --> 00:53:25,131 Some people can't change? 1275 00:53:26,567 --> 00:53:27,801 Cause I... 1276 00:53:27,834 --> 00:53:29,603 Or is it just that maybe the people around them 1277 00:53:29,636 --> 00:53:31,705 Can't handle that they just might have to change 1278 00:53:31,738 --> 00:53:33,073 A little bit too? 1279 00:53:33,106 --> 00:53:34,274 Okay, you know what, you're right. 1280 00:53:34,307 --> 00:53:37,110 We shouldn't have started talking about this. I'm sorry. 1281 00:53:37,143 --> 00:53:38,444 Why? It was just getting started. 1282 00:53:38,478 --> 00:53:40,980 Yeah, Larissa, we're just getting started. Come on... 1283 00:53:43,315 --> 00:53:45,618 Okay, bye. Thanks you for this delicious 1284 00:53:45,651 --> 00:53:47,920 And slightly awkward brunch. 1285 00:53:47,953 --> 00:53:49,589 - Yes, it was. - Okay, see ya. 1286 00:53:49,622 --> 00:53:50,990 - Bye. - Bye, sweetie! 1287 00:53:52,458 --> 00:53:54,794 They're gone. Kid's still napping. You wanna... 1288 00:53:54,827 --> 00:53:55,994 Screw around? 1289 00:53:56,995 --> 00:53:58,062 Are you kidding? 1290 00:53:58,096 --> 00:54:00,565 I, I never kid about screwing around. 1291 00:54:00,599 --> 00:54:02,433 How can you have sex with someone you're pissed off with? 1292 00:54:02,467 --> 00:54:04,068 If I let something silly like that get in the way 1293 00:54:04,102 --> 00:54:05,336 I would never get laid. 1294 00:54:06,304 --> 00:54:07,472 I'm kidding. 1295 00:54:07,506 --> 00:54:09,641 It's a joke. Ha-ha. Funny. 1296 00:54:09,674 --> 00:54:11,610 Why do you think I'm pissed off with you? 1297 00:54:13,844 --> 00:54:15,879 Nothing. I need to wash diapers. 1298 00:54:16,980 --> 00:54:18,582 Perfect, I'm just gonna go... 1299 00:54:18,616 --> 00:54:19,950 Fuck myself then. 1300 00:54:19,983 --> 00:54:22,052 Yeah. Have fun. 1301 00:54:22,085 --> 00:54:26,490 "Heart Throb"] 1302 00:54:32,094 --> 00:54:33,095 Yeah. 1303 00:54:33,129 --> 00:54:35,097 I'm heading home. 1304 00:54:35,131 --> 00:54:36,833 Mhmm. 1305 00:54:36,866 --> 00:54:38,735 I don't care. I'll call him tomorrow. 1306 00:54:38,768 --> 00:54:39,869 Bye. 1307 00:54:52,948 --> 00:54:54,716 Hey, hey, sexy. I'm home. 1308 00:54:58,153 --> 00:54:59,655 Hey. 1309 00:55:07,194 --> 00:55:08,563 I'll put this in the fridge. 1310 00:55:10,464 --> 00:55:14,134 # Twinkle, twinkle, little star 1311 00:55:14,168 --> 00:55:19,473 # How I wonder what you are 1312 00:55:19,506 --> 00:55:22,977 # When the blazing sun is gone, 1313 00:55:23,010 --> 00:55:26,780 # When he nothing shines upon, 1314 00:55:28,014 --> 00:55:31,017 # Then you show your little light, 1315 00:55:32,385 --> 00:55:35,054 # Twinkle, twinkle, 1316 00:55:35,088 --> 00:55:38,758 # through the night... 1317 00:55:46,431 --> 00:55:47,532 Uh, hey. 1318 00:55:47,566 --> 00:55:49,935 It's Gage. I was thinking about you. 1319 00:55:49,968 --> 00:55:52,037 You know, the, the other day at the Mom's Group 1320 00:55:52,070 --> 00:55:53,071 I thought you were really funny. 1321 00:55:53,105 --> 00:55:54,539 I just can't stop thinking about you. 1322 00:55:54,573 --> 00:55:57,142 Yeah, I found this number in my pocket. 1323 00:55:57,175 --> 00:55:59,611 And I thought maybe we could, um, 1324 00:55:59,644 --> 00:56:01,112 Take our kids to the park... 1325 00:56:01,145 --> 00:56:02,546 To the library. 1326 00:56:04,548 --> 00:56:06,618 There's a new bar in Riverdale. 1327 00:56:06,651 --> 00:56:08,052 Shnitzel, no. 1328 00:56:08,085 --> 00:56:09,954 Tea. It's organic lamb. 1329 00:56:09,987 --> 00:56:11,055 Chimichangas? 1330 00:56:11,088 --> 00:56:12,757 I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. 1331 00:56:12,790 --> 00:56:15,927 Maybe you don't either, and that would be great. 1332 00:56:22,032 --> 00:56:23,066 Peppercorn. 1333 00:56:23,099 --> 00:56:23,934 No. 1334 00:56:25,068 --> 00:56:26,102 Mushroom? 1335 00:56:26,136 --> 00:56:27,771 Oh, come on. Be serious. 1336 00:56:29,172 --> 00:56:30,674 Linoleum. 1337 00:56:30,707 --> 00:56:32,909 Are you seriously saying that you're gonna shout out 1338 00:56:32,943 --> 00:56:35,444 "Linoleum!" when you're being molested? 1339 00:56:35,477 --> 00:56:37,579 These safe-words'll get you killed. 1340 00:56:37,613 --> 00:56:40,883 Well I don't know, Pey, I've never done this before. 1341 00:56:40,916 --> 00:56:43,152 What word do you use? 1342 00:56:43,185 --> 00:56:44,119 Harder. 1343 00:56:44,153 --> 00:56:45,154 Harder? 1344 00:56:45,187 --> 00:56:46,255 Mhm. 1345 00:56:46,288 --> 00:56:47,957 Well, that's a terrible safe-word. 1346 00:56:47,990 --> 00:56:49,058 Why? 1347 00:56:49,091 --> 00:56:54,863 Well, what do I say, you know, if I want it harder? 1348 00:56:54,896 --> 00:56:56,530 I don't know... peppercorn? 1349 00:56:56,564 --> 00:56:58,199 Oh God. 1350 00:56:58,232 --> 00:56:59,033 She asleep? 1351 00:56:59,067 --> 00:57:00,301 Yep. 1352 00:57:00,334 --> 00:57:01,870 How do you do that? 1353 00:57:01,903 --> 00:57:04,939 Something I found on YouTube. 1354 00:57:06,340 --> 00:57:09,242 I'm right proud of you, Pey. 1355 00:57:09,276 --> 00:57:11,945 Yeah, well... you don't want to know what I was searching for 1356 00:57:11,979 --> 00:57:13,346 Before I found it. 1357 00:57:15,115 --> 00:57:16,449 No. 1358 00:57:16,483 --> 00:57:18,418 Hi, it's Lou. I bought this machine used, 1359 00:57:18,451 --> 00:57:21,421 So I don't know if it doesn't work or if no one ever rings me. 1360 00:57:21,454 --> 00:57:24,391 Wow. Okay. Hopefully it's just broken. 1361 00:57:24,424 --> 00:57:25,959 Leave a message. 1362 00:57:25,993 --> 00:57:29,896 Hey, Lou. It's Gage, from Mom's Group. 1363 00:57:29,929 --> 00:57:33,299 I just, uh, just... just give me a call when you can. 1364 00:57:33,332 --> 00:57:38,806 Or text or e-mail or... I don't do twitter. Um... bye. 1365 00:57:56,988 --> 00:57:58,056 - What do you like? - Everything. 1366 00:57:58,089 --> 00:57:59,424 - Have you been tested? - Last month. 1367 00:57:59,457 --> 00:58:00,558 Have you ever committed a sex crime? 1368 00:58:00,591 --> 00:58:01,692 - Hard to say. - Why? 1369 00:58:01,726 --> 00:58:02,592 Lines are blurry. 1370 00:58:02,626 --> 00:58:03,694 - Do you think you have? - No. 1371 00:58:03,728 --> 00:58:05,763 - Do you find me attractive? - Love the tank-dress. 1372 00:58:05,796 --> 00:58:07,965 - Did you bring handcuffs? - That a deal breaker? 1373 00:58:07,998 --> 00:58:09,299 No, got my brother's. 1374 00:58:09,333 --> 00:58:10,701 Okay. Mmm. 1375 00:58:10,735 --> 00:58:12,469 - Okay. Okay. - Okay. 1376 00:58:12,502 --> 00:58:13,771 Talk dirty to me. 1377 00:58:13,804 --> 00:58:15,105 All right. Um. 1378 00:58:15,139 --> 00:58:17,441 I'm gonna bang you batty. 1379 00:58:17,474 --> 00:58:21,344 I'm going to wrap myself around your mildewy meat stick! 1380 00:58:21,377 --> 00:58:22,545 Mildewy? 1381 00:58:22,578 --> 00:58:23,913 Oh, Sorry. I've not, I've not really done this. 1382 00:58:23,947 --> 00:58:24,881 What should I say? 1383 00:58:24,914 --> 00:58:26,850 Just tell me you want my gigantic cock. 1384 00:58:26,883 --> 00:58:27,984 Oh, I do. That's what I want! 1385 00:58:28,017 --> 00:58:32,355 I want, I do want that. I want, I want your gigantic... 1386 00:58:32,388 --> 00:58:34,390 It's not really gigantic, though. Is it? 1387 00:58:34,423 --> 00:58:35,558 What do you think we should call that? 1388 00:58:35,591 --> 00:58:36,925 Is this what you're going to be like this whole time? 1389 00:58:36,959 --> 00:58:40,028 No. No, no, no. Okay. Okay. Here we go. Right. 1390 00:58:40,062 --> 00:58:44,867 I want your gigantic cock inside of my really gaping vagina. 1391 00:58:44,900 --> 00:58:47,102 Gaping? 1392 00:58:47,135 --> 00:58:49,471 It's not gaping. It's normal. It's a really normal vagina. 1393 00:58:49,504 --> 00:58:51,206 - I just, I thought we were... - Maybe you should not talk. 1394 00:58:51,239 --> 00:58:52,440 - Okay. I can not talk. - Okay. 1395 00:58:52,474 --> 00:58:54,241 Okay. 1396 00:58:54,275 --> 00:58:56,177 Are, are you gonna urinate on me, do you think? 1397 00:58:56,210 --> 00:58:57,178 What? 1398 00:58:57,211 --> 00:58:58,345 Well, it's okay if you are. 1399 00:58:58,379 --> 00:58:59,881 It's just that I have a little drop sheet. 1400 00:58:59,914 --> 00:59:01,415 And you can just scoot it under me 1401 00:59:01,448 --> 00:59:03,284 And then we don't have to get urine all over the bed. 1402 00:59:03,317 --> 00:59:04,786 It's just... my bed. 1403 00:59:04,819 --> 00:59:07,188 Is just... that something you are into? 1404 00:59:07,221 --> 00:59:07,955 I don't know. 1405 00:59:07,989 --> 00:59:10,191 Do you have to go? 1406 00:59:10,224 --> 00:59:11,457 No. 1407 00:59:11,491 --> 00:59:13,760 Okay, so it doesn't matter. It's a completely moot point, innit? 1408 00:59:13,794 --> 00:59:15,261 Just, just have your way with me. 1409 00:59:15,295 --> 00:59:17,597 I feel like we kind of lost momentum here. 1410 00:59:17,630 --> 00:59:18,932 Oh, no no. We didn't. We didn't. 1411 00:59:18,965 --> 00:59:21,267 I remember where we left off. Watch! 1412 00:59:21,301 --> 00:59:24,604 I want your gigantic cock inside of my very normal, 1413 00:59:24,637 --> 00:59:26,472 Average, run-of-the-mill vagina. 1414 00:59:28,074 --> 00:59:29,274 I'm gonna go. 1415 00:59:29,308 --> 00:59:31,210 Oh, no, no, no. Don't. No. Wait, wait, wait. 1416 00:59:31,243 --> 00:59:32,411 I can do better! 1417 00:59:32,444 --> 00:59:34,346 I can! I can do accents! 1418 00:59:34,379 --> 00:59:39,018 Put your crazy big penis inside my vagina. 1419 00:59:39,051 --> 00:59:40,085 Wow... 1420 00:59:40,119 --> 00:59:43,188 Okay, wait. No no no. Hang on. Hang on. 1421 00:59:43,222 --> 00:59:45,925 I, I... we can role play. Do you have any fantasies or anything? 1422 00:59:45,958 --> 00:59:48,259 I do a very convincing Margaret Atwood. 1423 00:59:51,062 --> 00:59:54,565 I'm Margaret Atwood. I write for Canada. 1424 00:59:54,598 --> 00:59:58,502 Novels. I'm a novel writer. 1425 01:00:00,438 --> 01:00:02,273 It's not even close. 1426 01:00:08,611 --> 01:00:10,447 Pey? 1427 01:00:11,114 --> 01:00:13,183 Peyton? 1428 01:00:13,216 --> 01:00:15,485 Are you out there? 1429 01:00:19,556 --> 01:00:22,224 Harder... 1430 01:00:22,258 --> 01:00:25,294 Harder... 1431 01:00:25,327 --> 01:00:28,898 Harder! 1432 01:00:32,301 --> 01:00:33,535 Well, I think it's safe to say 1433 01:00:33,569 --> 01:00:35,471 You're not very good at the whole deviant thing. 1434 01:00:36,906 --> 01:00:39,407 I tried really hard, Pey. 1435 01:00:39,440 --> 01:00:40,876 Oh, I know you did, love. But... 1436 01:00:40,909 --> 01:00:43,278 Surely you know some kind of normal chap 1437 01:00:47,715 --> 01:00:48,816 That doesn't mind having a laugh and not taking it too seriously. 1438 01:00:48,850 --> 01:00:50,251 Well, there is this bloke in me Mom and Tots group, 1439 01:00:50,285 --> 01:00:52,553 Left me a voicemail. I mean, I could give him a go. 1440 01:00:52,587 --> 01:00:53,554 Well, there you have it. 1441 01:00:53,588 --> 01:00:54,722 I mean, he sounds like a bit of a wanker. 1442 01:00:54,755 --> 01:00:56,124 But yeah, sure. Start with him. 1443 01:00:57,824 --> 01:00:59,960 I really did try hard. 1444 01:00:59,994 --> 01:01:01,095 I know you did. 1445 01:01:02,096 --> 01:01:03,763 Oh, shh. You're all right, sweetie. 1446 01:01:03,797 --> 01:01:05,265 She's got a dirty diaper. 1447 01:01:05,299 --> 01:01:06,800 No, no. She's hungry. 1448 01:01:06,833 --> 01:01:09,103 No, no, no. She's making the "heh" sound. 1449 01:01:09,136 --> 01:01:10,437 Means she's uncomfortable. 1450 01:01:10,470 --> 01:01:13,073 If she was making the "neh" sound - hunger. 1451 01:01:13,107 --> 01:01:15,008 It's a sucking reflex. Hits the roof of your mouth. 1452 01:01:15,041 --> 01:01:17,376 Oh, how do you know that? 1453 01:01:17,410 --> 01:01:18,878 Oh, I saw it on an Oprah rerun. 1454 01:01:18,912 --> 01:01:20,179 You watch Oprah? 1455 01:01:20,213 --> 01:01:22,248 Hey, what I do during her nap time's my business. 1456 01:01:22,281 --> 01:01:23,549 Don't judge me. 1457 01:01:24,783 --> 01:01:26,452 Shitty diaper. Told ya. 1458 01:01:27,553 --> 01:01:29,222 I really like Oprah. 1459 01:01:34,927 --> 01:01:37,129 Oh, my goodness. 1460 01:01:37,162 --> 01:01:39,264 This is one seriously bouncy baby. 1461 01:01:39,297 --> 01:01:40,732 Hello. How are you? 1462 01:01:40,765 --> 01:01:41,934 Do I get... can I get a little... 1463 01:01:41,967 --> 01:01:45,570 Coming in for... Okay. Hmm? Huh? Hmm? Huh? 1464 01:01:45,603 --> 01:01:47,005 Okay, never mind. 1465 01:01:47,039 --> 01:01:48,873 Oh! 1466 01:01:48,907 --> 01:01:49,873 Ooh. 1467 01:01:49,907 --> 01:01:51,775 I like a little kitchen action here, gorgeous. 1468 01:01:51,808 --> 01:01:53,544 Hi. Hi. 1469 01:01:54,545 --> 01:01:55,412 Mmm carroty. 1470 01:01:55,446 --> 01:01:56,413 I have a plan. 1471 01:01:56,447 --> 01:01:57,514 Okay. 1472 01:01:57,548 --> 01:01:58,582 We're going to have sex. 1473 01:01:58,615 --> 01:01:59,750 Hmm? 1474 01:01:59,783 --> 01:02:00,952 - With that? - Sound good? 1475 01:02:00,985 --> 01:02:02,753 Oh my God. I like this plan. 1476 01:02:02,786 --> 01:02:05,389 Oh, easy. I need some me time first. 1477 01:02:06,656 --> 01:02:08,258 - Okay. - Okay? 1478 01:02:08,291 --> 01:02:09,692 Okay, so you watch Annie. 1479 01:02:09,725 --> 01:02:12,395 If you could finish the dishes and do the laundry 1480 01:02:12,428 --> 01:02:14,597 And then we'll have a go. 1481 01:02:14,630 --> 01:02:17,333 Oh, if you could switch the sheets on the upstairs bed, 1482 01:02:17,367 --> 01:02:19,335 That would be fantastic, actually. 1483 01:02:19,369 --> 01:02:20,603 How about forget it? 1484 01:02:20,636 --> 01:02:21,837 What? 1485 01:02:21,871 --> 01:02:23,173 This is ridiculous. 1486 01:02:23,206 --> 01:02:25,574 What? Well, all those things need to get done. 1487 01:02:25,607 --> 01:02:28,543 Yeah, and I'll do them because I am a member of this family 1488 01:02:28,577 --> 01:02:29,911 And it's my responsibility. 1489 01:02:29,945 --> 01:02:31,580 Not because you're dangling sex in front of me 1490 01:02:31,613 --> 01:02:32,781 Like I'm a frat boy. 1491 01:02:32,814 --> 01:02:34,116 I thought you'd like this idea. 1492 01:02:34,149 --> 01:02:37,452 No! I don't, I don't want thanks-for-changing- the-sheets sex. 1493 01:02:37,486 --> 01:02:39,288 I want to be Goddamn romanced. 1494 01:02:39,321 --> 01:02:40,956 I don't want to feel like I had to earn it. 1495 01:02:40,990 --> 01:02:43,457 Okay, well, well. I need to feel relaxed 1496 01:02:43,491 --> 01:02:45,926 And knowing that those things are getting done 1497 01:02:45,960 --> 01:02:47,461 Makes me feel relaxed 1498 01:02:47,495 --> 01:02:49,530 Well, you know what relaxes me? 1499 01:02:49,563 --> 01:02:51,599 Being intimate with my wife. 1500 01:02:51,632 --> 01:02:56,270 That bond, okay. And it's been a year and I miss it. 1501 01:02:56,304 --> 01:02:57,371 Is that why you paid a professional 1502 01:02:57,405 --> 01:02:58,606 To tell me to have sex with you 1503 01:02:58,639 --> 01:03:00,273 For a hundred days in a row? 1504 01:03:03,210 --> 01:03:05,545 I have been reading online... okay? 1505 01:03:05,578 --> 01:03:09,282 When you breastfeed Annie, it releases a hormone called oxytocin, 1506 01:03:09,316 --> 01:03:12,119 It's basically a love hormone, so you get to feel connected 1507 01:03:12,152 --> 01:03:13,886 To something during that time, okay? 1508 01:03:13,920 --> 01:03:14,921 It's basically, it's like, 1509 01:03:14,954 --> 01:03:17,256 As if you were jerking off all the time. 1510 01:03:17,289 --> 01:03:18,724 Okay? So I get it. 1511 01:03:18,757 --> 01:03:20,926 I get it why you don't need this as much as I need it. 1512 01:03:20,959 --> 01:03:22,261 But I need it. 1513 01:03:22,294 --> 01:03:23,395 Babes... 1514 01:03:23,429 --> 01:03:24,930 You know, you know what? It's me time. Go have me time. 1515 01:03:24,963 --> 01:03:28,200 And I will attend to the never ending cascade of laundry in this house. 1516 01:03:28,234 --> 01:03:29,735 Three people live here. 1517 01:03:29,768 --> 01:03:31,703 Can you explain how we have so much laundry? 1518 01:03:31,737 --> 01:03:33,072 Is Annie running a speak-easy? 1519 01:03:33,105 --> 01:03:34,372 And just other babies come to town 1520 01:03:34,405 --> 01:03:36,107 And they just lose their shirts playing poker? 1521 01:03:36,141 --> 01:03:39,744 Is... are we living on top of an ancient laundromat burial ground? 1522 01:03:39,777 --> 01:03:40,745 Could that be it? 1523 01:03:48,786 --> 01:03:50,355 Ooh. Shit. 1524 01:03:50,388 --> 01:03:51,422 Ahh. 1525 01:03:58,862 --> 01:04:00,130 Hello lover. 1526 01:04:01,698 --> 01:04:04,268 You look fantastic. 1527 01:04:04,301 --> 01:04:06,002 Thank you! 1528 01:04:06,036 --> 01:04:09,173 So... how do we start? 1529 01:04:09,206 --> 01:04:10,873 Well, I thought we could take some cues 1530 01:04:10,906 --> 01:04:12,608 From some of those videos that you watched? 1531 01:04:12,641 --> 01:04:14,043 Does that mean I get a blow job? 1532 01:04:14,077 --> 01:04:16,045 Sex etiquette. Ladies always come first. Move. 1533 01:04:23,386 --> 01:04:24,487 Okay. 1534 01:04:24,520 --> 01:04:27,955 It's time for a little yoddle oddle oddle oddle ooh. 1535 01:04:27,989 --> 01:04:31,726 And, surprise... 1536 01:04:35,463 --> 01:04:38,533 Uh... hon? 1537 01:04:38,566 --> 01:04:39,901 What, what's going on down there? 1538 01:04:39,934 --> 01:04:42,003 It's called a landing strip. Do you like it? 1539 01:04:42,036 --> 01:04:43,405 It, yeah, it's lovely. 1540 01:04:43,438 --> 01:04:45,506 I had it done in town. 1541 01:04:45,539 --> 01:04:47,741 Wh... what if we run into that person at the market? 1542 01:04:47,774 --> 01:04:49,176 Horton... 1543 01:04:49,210 --> 01:04:50,844 I don't want everybody in town talking about my wife's landing strip. 1544 01:04:50,877 --> 01:04:52,045 Horton, you're over-thinking this. Come on. 1545 01:04:52,079 --> 01:04:53,314 Let's get started. 1546 01:04:54,115 --> 01:04:55,549 - Okay. - Okay. 1547 01:04:55,582 --> 01:04:56,883 What if the kids find out about... 1548 01:04:56,917 --> 01:04:59,553 Oh, for heaven's sakes. What is the matter with you? 1549 01:04:59,586 --> 01:05:02,188 You have an eager, willing, and if I may say so, 1550 01:05:02,222 --> 01:05:04,957 Very sexy older woman lusting after you 1551 01:05:04,990 --> 01:05:08,561 And hoping that you shower her with all your wildest desires, honey. 1552 01:05:10,062 --> 01:05:11,331 - I'm in. - Ah, good! 1553 01:05:11,364 --> 01:05:12,298 - Okay. - Okay. 1554 01:05:16,536 --> 01:05:17,603 That tickles! 1555 01:05:17,637 --> 01:05:19,571 Ooh! Oh wow wow wow wow wow! 1556 01:05:20,905 --> 01:05:22,341 Uh oh! Uh oh. 1557 01:05:22,374 --> 01:05:23,775 What? What what what? 1558 01:05:23,808 --> 01:05:26,545 My contact lens. Oh, it it. Don't, don't move 1559 01:05:26,578 --> 01:05:28,113 - Where is it? - Just hold on for a minute. 1560 01:05:28,147 --> 01:05:30,048 I can find it. Okay, there, ah! 1561 01:05:30,081 --> 01:05:31,450 - Ahh! - What? 1562 01:05:31,483 --> 01:05:32,784 Ohh. Ohh. 1563 01:05:32,817 --> 01:05:34,386 Where... I can't see a damn thing. 1564 01:05:34,419 --> 01:05:36,721 - A flashlight here - Stay there. Stay there. 1565 01:05:36,755 --> 01:05:37,955 - Oh, it's over here. - More to the left. 1566 01:05:37,988 --> 01:05:40,424 - Ooh. Oh honey. - Wait, it keeps moving around. 1567 01:05:40,458 --> 01:05:41,825 I got, I got, I think I got it. 1568 01:05:41,859 --> 01:05:43,227 Oh yeah. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. 1569 01:05:43,261 --> 01:05:44,495 - Yes! Yes! - Yeah yeah yeah. You're there. 1570 01:05:44,528 --> 01:05:45,563 - I got... yes! - You're almost there. 1571 01:05:45,596 --> 01:05:47,331 - I got, I think I... - Whoa! 1572 01:05:47,365 --> 01:05:50,934 Oh, I like where you're going with that, Horton! 1573 01:05:50,968 --> 01:05:53,437 Oh! Oh! Oh! 1574 01:05:53,471 --> 01:05:56,105 Don't stop! Oh, don't stop! I'm almost there! 1575 01:05:56,139 --> 01:05:57,740 Oh, for crying out loud! 1576 01:05:57,774 --> 01:06:00,443 Do you realize how stupid we look? 1577 01:06:00,477 --> 01:06:03,746 I mean, grandfathers don't go poking around for contact lenses 1578 01:06:03,780 --> 01:06:05,548 In grandmother's openings. 1579 01:06:05,582 --> 01:06:08,718 That's how you see me? As a grandmother? 1580 01:06:08,751 --> 01:06:10,687 I am a sexual being, Horton. 1581 01:06:10,720 --> 01:06:12,754 You're a sexual being with varicose veins. 1582 01:06:12,788 --> 01:06:15,757 And you have 50 extra pounds that you're never gonna lose, 1583 01:06:15,791 --> 01:06:17,159 But I still desire you. 1584 01:06:17,193 --> 01:06:19,027 You're the one who came to me complaining about 1585 01:06:19,060 --> 01:06:20,762 Our lack of sex. 1586 01:06:20,796 --> 01:06:22,764 I know. And I should have left just well enough alone. 1587 01:06:22,798 --> 01:06:24,200 But you didn't. 1588 01:06:24,233 --> 01:06:28,504 You opened Dolores' Box and I'm glad. 1589 01:06:28,537 --> 01:06:31,572 I love you, Horton, and I still have my needs. 1590 01:06:31,606 --> 01:06:34,909 The kids are gone and if I do one more fucking puzzle... 1591 01:06:34,942 --> 01:06:36,311 I'm gonna kill somebody. 1592 01:06:38,379 --> 01:06:41,549 Horton, I will not go back to the way it was before. 1593 01:06:44,552 --> 01:06:46,120 It's your call. 1594 01:06:53,860 --> 01:06:55,362 Oh, God... 1595 01:06:59,199 --> 01:07:00,400 Hey, ready? 1596 01:07:00,434 --> 01:07:02,035 For what? 1597 01:07:02,068 --> 01:07:04,903 It's date night. The sitter's downstairs. 1598 01:07:04,937 --> 01:07:07,906 Oh uh, pfft. I'm sorry. I totally forgot. 1599 01:07:07,940 --> 01:07:11,043 Oh... 1600 01:07:11,076 --> 01:07:14,613 Ten minutes? Or eleven? Eleven and a half? 1601 01:07:14,647 --> 01:07:15,814 Sure. 1602 01:07:17,216 --> 01:07:18,884 Awesome. 1603 01:07:35,099 --> 01:07:37,068 Um... oh! 1604 01:07:37,101 --> 01:07:39,237 Fettuccine Alfredo, that sounds good. I'll do that. 1605 01:07:39,271 --> 01:07:40,837 Really? 1606 01:07:40,871 --> 01:07:43,240 You're going to do dairy and starch? 1607 01:07:43,274 --> 01:07:45,242 Um, yeah. So? 1608 01:07:45,276 --> 01:07:48,912 It's just not the most winning of combinations for you. 1609 01:08:01,056 --> 01:08:02,558 You were quiet during dinner. 1610 01:08:02,592 --> 01:08:03,893 Yeah, I guess I was just trying to enjoy 1611 01:08:03,926 --> 01:08:06,396 Every scrumptious morsel of the meal you hand picked for me. 1612 01:08:06,429 --> 01:08:07,730 Okay, next time I'll let you feel bloated... 1613 01:08:07,763 --> 01:08:10,366 - for the whole night. - Thank you. 1614 01:08:10,400 --> 01:08:13,436 - When we go back you can have... - Oh God. It's not about the fucking pasta. 1615 01:08:13,469 --> 01:08:14,604 It's that you don't think I can make 1616 01:08:14,637 --> 01:08:17,439 Even the tiniest of decisions. 1617 01:08:17,472 --> 01:08:18,740 I don't think that. 1618 01:08:18,773 --> 01:08:21,276 Okay, great. Then I get to decide what time 1619 01:08:21,310 --> 01:08:23,278 Our kid takes a nap, or what snack he eats, 1620 01:08:23,312 --> 01:08:24,379 Or what show he watches. 1621 01:08:24,413 --> 01:08:25,747 - Now, that's different. - It isn't! 1622 01:08:25,780 --> 01:08:27,449 Yes, it is. I'm with him more than you are. 1623 01:08:27,482 --> 01:08:29,551 You never have to deal with the fall-out from those kinds of decisions. 1624 01:08:29,584 --> 01:08:32,086 I work from home. I'm there all the time. 1625 01:08:32,120 --> 01:08:34,522 And yet you never are. 1626 01:08:34,555 --> 01:08:37,591 Oh. Okay. You want me to step up and assign roles here? 1627 01:08:37,625 --> 01:08:39,727 - From now on, I'm the "mom". - Why? 1628 01:08:39,760 --> 01:08:41,028 Because I'm the one who had him. 1629 01:08:54,741 --> 01:08:55,908 Wow, you look gorgeous. 1630 01:08:55,942 --> 01:08:57,043 Oh, thanks. 1631 01:08:57,076 --> 01:08:59,346 Um... I, I brought red. 1632 01:08:59,379 --> 01:09:00,413 I hope that's okay. 1633 01:09:00,447 --> 01:09:01,681 Oh, yeah! Yeah. I mean... 1634 01:09:01,714 --> 01:09:03,416 I think I might be an alcoholic, but you know. 1635 01:09:04,651 --> 01:09:07,319 Anyway, what's one drink, right? Come in! Come in. Come in. 1636 01:09:07,353 --> 01:09:10,088 Um, I just need a moment, so just make yourself at home. 1637 01:09:10,121 --> 01:09:11,757 - I'll be right back. - Yeah, sure. 1638 01:09:22,868 --> 01:09:24,503 I think I'm going to bunk it up. 1639 01:09:24,536 --> 01:09:26,571 Oh, bollocks. You look great. Just be yourself. 1640 01:09:26,604 --> 01:09:28,072 Oh, no. I can't be myself! 1641 01:09:28,105 --> 01:09:29,907 Every time I'm myself, I mess it up! 1642 01:09:31,075 --> 01:09:32,843 Do you have a little something? 1643 01:09:32,877 --> 01:09:34,311 You know, to take the edge off, like? 1644 01:09:41,786 --> 01:09:44,020 All right, just the smallest amount. 1645 01:09:44,053 --> 01:09:45,221 - Okay. - All right. 1646 01:09:45,254 --> 01:09:46,823 - What is it? - Valium. 1647 01:09:46,856 --> 01:09:49,192 Okay... where did you get it? 1648 01:09:49,225 --> 01:09:51,395 Oh, from a mom in the park. It's for my back. 1649 01:09:51,428 --> 01:09:52,729 Huh? What's wrong with your back? 1650 01:09:52,762 --> 01:09:55,699 Spasms. I was fucking this wild chick and I... 1651 01:09:55,732 --> 01:09:58,167 It helps me get to sleep, all right? 1652 01:09:58,201 --> 01:09:59,102 So you just... 1653 01:09:59,135 --> 01:10:01,437 Do I drug myself to sleep every night? Yes. 1654 01:10:01,470 --> 01:10:03,872 We don't have to tell each other every fucking thing, all right? 1655 01:10:03,906 --> 01:10:05,207 Go down there and have some fun. 1656 01:10:05,240 --> 01:10:06,909 - Just on the table? - Yeah, that'd be great. 1657 01:10:06,942 --> 01:10:07,910 - Yeah, thanks. - Looks delicious. 1658 01:10:07,943 --> 01:10:08,877 Oh, thanks. 1659 01:10:10,379 --> 01:10:11,380 So you like to cook? 1660 01:10:11,414 --> 01:10:13,081 Yeah, well you know, you learn a thing or two 1661 01:10:13,115 --> 01:10:14,483 When all your dates end early. 1662 01:10:14,517 --> 01:10:16,051 Heh, you're funny. 1663 01:10:19,954 --> 01:10:21,856 Where's your cutlery? 1664 01:10:21,889 --> 01:10:24,258 Um! It's in the glass. 1665 01:10:24,291 --> 01:10:26,428 I-I mean it's here! It's right here. 1666 01:10:26,461 --> 01:10:27,862 Oh, great. 1667 01:10:27,895 --> 01:10:28,696 Oh, no no no. I can do that. It's, it's... 1668 01:10:28,730 --> 01:10:30,465 I already got it. 1669 01:10:33,968 --> 01:10:34,968 Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. 1670 01:10:37,103 --> 01:10:38,439 Okay! Okay. 1671 01:10:44,377 --> 01:10:47,347 I am having a lovely time. 1672 01:10:47,380 --> 01:10:49,382 I just want to thank you, you know? 1673 01:10:49,416 --> 01:10:51,885 I-I feel really good around you. 1674 01:10:58,023 --> 01:10:59,559 Sorry, I just snotted a little. 1675 01:10:59,592 --> 01:11:00,893 Oh, great. Yeah. 1676 01:11:00,926 --> 01:11:02,094 But you know, I'm serious. 1677 01:11:02,127 --> 01:11:06,666 I-I don't know what it is. I trust you, you know? 1678 01:11:06,699 --> 01:11:08,701 Okay. Fuck it. I'm gonna go for full disclosure here. 1679 01:11:08,734 --> 01:11:11,670 I have... I have dated a lot of women. 1680 01:11:11,703 --> 01:11:12,837 That's nice, yeah. 1681 01:11:12,871 --> 01:11:14,172 No, it doesn't. It sucks. 1682 01:11:14,205 --> 01:11:16,441 Too many is too many. 1683 01:11:16,475 --> 01:11:19,310 I, I always find something wrong with them, 1684 01:11:19,343 --> 01:11:20,845 That's the thing, you know, and for a long time, 1685 01:11:20,879 --> 01:11:22,881 I thought it was them, but it's not. It's me. 1686 01:11:22,914 --> 01:11:24,483 I'm always finding something wrong with them because 1687 01:11:24,516 --> 01:11:25,884 There's something wrong with me. 1688 01:11:25,917 --> 01:11:27,985 I'm a self saboteur, you know? 1689 01:11:28,018 --> 01:11:29,820 I, I choose women who are impossible. 1690 01:11:29,853 --> 01:11:31,722 They're too young, they're too crazy, they're too busy, 1691 01:11:31,755 --> 01:11:32,823 They don't like kids, they don't like me, 1692 01:11:32,856 --> 01:11:33,791 Like, what the fuck? 1693 01:11:35,258 --> 01:11:36,694 Anyway... 1694 01:11:36,727 --> 01:11:38,195 What was I talking about? Right... 1695 01:11:39,463 --> 01:11:41,499 Everybody makes mistakes. 1696 01:11:41,532 --> 01:11:43,000 I make mistakes all the time. 1697 01:11:43,033 --> 01:11:45,167 I've fucked up a marriage. 1698 01:11:45,201 --> 01:11:47,336 I'm probably fucking up my kid right now. 1699 01:11:47,369 --> 01:11:48,404 No, I am not. 1700 01:11:49,572 --> 01:11:51,440 I'm not fucking up my kid. I will not fuck up my kid. 1701 01:11:51,474 --> 01:11:52,742 Okay. 1702 01:11:52,775 --> 01:11:55,478 No, sorry. I usually don't babble like this 1703 01:11:55,512 --> 01:11:56,746 Until, like, my fourth drink. 1704 01:11:57,514 --> 01:11:59,015 Uh... 1705 01:11:59,048 --> 01:12:00,249 What I wanted to say was, 1706 01:12:00,282 --> 01:12:02,351 When I'm with you I just... I feel like I'm in a safe place. 1707 01:12:02,384 --> 01:12:03,619 I think I might have drugged you. 1708 01:12:06,421 --> 01:12:07,656 I mean, nothing really serious. 1709 01:12:07,689 --> 01:12:10,526 But just sort of an inappropriate amount of Valium. 1710 01:12:10,559 --> 01:12:12,494 No, no, no. Pl-please don't do that. 1711 01:12:12,528 --> 01:12:15,063 Please, I, I really, I really think you should lie down. 1712 01:12:15,096 --> 01:12:16,565 I think you're going to pass out. 1713 01:12:17,799 --> 01:12:19,234 Why would you drug me? 1714 01:12:19,267 --> 01:12:20,234 Well, it just wasn't meant for you. 1715 01:12:20,267 --> 01:12:21,936 It was sort of meant for me. 1716 01:12:23,470 --> 01:12:24,539 Why would you drug you? 1717 01:12:24,572 --> 01:12:26,340 Well, I just thought it would be easier, you know? 1718 01:12:26,373 --> 01:12:28,175 To what? 1719 01:12:28,208 --> 01:12:30,410 Tonight. You know, the whole night would be easier. 1720 01:12:30,444 --> 01:12:33,080 I mean, I realize in retrospect that was poorly thought through, but I just... 1721 01:12:33,113 --> 01:12:35,382 Holy shit. You're fucking serious. 1722 01:12:35,415 --> 01:12:36,350 Yeah... 1723 01:12:37,617 --> 01:12:39,352 What did you give me? 1724 01:12:39,385 --> 01:12:41,254 Oh, no no no no no. 1725 01:12:41,287 --> 01:12:42,388 Oh, please don't leave! 1726 01:12:42,421 --> 01:12:44,558 Stay! I'm having a really lovely time. Please stay. 1727 01:12:44,591 --> 01:12:47,393 Stay for what? What, do you got Rohypnol pudding for dessert? 1728 01:12:47,426 --> 01:12:49,529 Oh, God. You know, it was just a stupid mistake. 1729 01:12:49,563 --> 01:12:52,566 And, and you just said mistakes were all right! 1730 01:12:52,599 --> 01:12:53,432 I don't feel so good. 1731 01:12:53,466 --> 01:12:55,068 Okay. All right. Why don't you sit down? 1732 01:12:55,101 --> 01:12:57,536 Hmm? Let's sit down, shall we? Yeah? 1733 01:12:57,570 --> 01:12:58,937 Could I get you a drink, maybe? 1734 01:12:58,971 --> 01:13:01,206 I mean, not the same drink. A completely different drink. 1735 01:13:03,676 --> 01:13:05,477 Why did you do this to me? 1736 01:13:05,510 --> 01:13:07,145 Oh, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. 1737 01:13:07,179 --> 01:13:09,181 I'm just really lonely and horny, you know? 1738 01:13:09,214 --> 01:13:11,483 I can't really believe I just said that out loud, 1739 01:13:11,516 --> 01:13:12,551 But I am, you know? 1740 01:13:12,585 --> 01:13:13,751 I don't really know what I'm doing. 1741 01:13:13,785 --> 01:13:14,986 I'm not a very good mother. 1742 01:13:15,019 --> 01:13:17,689 My kid cries herself to sleep most nights, you know, 1743 01:13:17,722 --> 01:13:19,591 But I love her. You know, I do love her. 1744 01:13:19,624 --> 01:13:22,359 I try really hard, but it's all shit, isn't it? 1745 01:13:22,393 --> 01:13:25,096 You know, cause you do your best and nobody cares. 1746 01:13:25,129 --> 01:13:27,899 And I don't want some man to just come and sweep me off my feet, you know. 1747 01:13:27,932 --> 01:13:28,900 That's not what I'm looking for. 1748 01:13:28,933 --> 01:13:30,167 And I'm not looking for someone 1749 01:13:30,200 --> 01:13:32,936 To just come and hop in and out of bed with me either, you know? 1750 01:13:32,969 --> 01:13:35,739 I just want to know someone can stand to be around me, you know, 1751 01:13:35,772 --> 01:13:40,076 The me that I am when I'm not trying to be the me that I think everyone wants me to be... 1752 01:13:40,110 --> 01:13:42,779 Do you know what I mean? 1753 01:13:44,447 --> 01:13:47,183 Fuck! Oh, come on! Wake up! 1754 01:13:48,517 --> 01:13:49,752 Okay... come on... 1755 01:13:49,785 --> 01:13:54,356 Oh, yeah. Hi, hi. Is, is Marcy there, please? 1756 01:13:54,389 --> 01:13:57,026 Oh, I really do need to speak to Marcy. 1757 01:13:58,093 --> 01:14:00,863 Okay. Um, right. 1758 01:14:00,896 --> 01:14:03,532 Well, my friend and I having a little debate and, um, 1759 01:14:03,565 --> 01:14:05,499 I thought maybe I could ask you that if, um, 1760 01:14:05,533 --> 01:14:08,202 If I tell you something sort of, say, dodgy... 1761 01:14:08,236 --> 01:14:10,071 Do you have to call the police 1762 01:14:10,104 --> 01:14:13,808 Or do we have some sort of doctor/patient thing on the go? 1763 01:14:13,842 --> 01:14:16,077 Oh you do. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I thought. 1764 01:14:16,110 --> 01:14:19,147 So that's what I'll tell her. Okay. That's great. Thanks. 1765 01:14:19,180 --> 01:14:21,149 Oh, you've been great. Okay. Bye! 1766 01:14:21,182 --> 01:14:22,383 Fuck! 1767 01:14:22,416 --> 01:14:25,552 Oh, God. Why do you have to be so big? 1768 01:14:27,254 --> 01:14:29,056 Harder! 1769 01:14:30,390 --> 01:14:31,892 Harder? 1770 01:14:33,627 --> 01:14:35,763 I just need you to help me with him. 1771 01:14:35,796 --> 01:14:39,199 I'm not sure I can be a part of this, I'm an illegal. 1772 01:14:39,232 --> 01:14:40,499 It's partially your fault. 1773 01:14:40,532 --> 01:14:42,702 You're the one who had the Valium. 1774 01:14:42,735 --> 01:14:44,637 Are you being serious right now? 1775 01:14:44,671 --> 01:14:45,705 Oh... 1776 01:14:45,738 --> 01:14:47,740 Pey, we can't just leave him here. 1777 01:14:47,774 --> 01:14:49,709 So, deal with it. 1778 01:14:49,742 --> 01:14:51,377 But, I can't. 1779 01:14:51,410 --> 01:14:52,712 Yes, you can. 1780 01:14:52,745 --> 01:14:53,746 Look. 1781 01:14:53,780 --> 01:14:55,982 You're a smart capable woman. 1782 01:14:56,015 --> 01:14:57,684 You just do stupid things 1783 01:14:57,717 --> 01:14:59,150 Because you don't think you're good enough. 1784 01:14:59,184 --> 01:15:00,919 It's embarrassing. 1785 01:15:00,952 --> 01:15:02,220 Oh, I'm embarrassing? 1786 01:15:02,253 --> 01:15:03,855 You're the one who's illegally in the country 1787 01:15:03,889 --> 01:15:06,858 Cause you've pissed away every friend and penny you ever had. 1788 01:15:06,892 --> 01:15:08,927 You're a loser too, Peyton. We both are. 1789 01:15:08,960 --> 01:15:11,396 Hey, don't talk to me like mom and dad did, all right? 1790 01:15:11,429 --> 01:15:12,497 We're better than that. 1791 01:15:12,530 --> 01:15:13,564 Oh, yeah. This from a guy who googles 1792 01:15:15,233 --> 01:15:16,133 How to take care of a baby on the internet. 1793 01:15:16,166 --> 01:15:17,735 Yeah, well at least I'm doing something. 1794 01:15:17,768 --> 01:15:19,737 I mean, you can barely touch her half the time. 1795 01:15:21,371 --> 01:15:22,572 That's not true! 1796 01:15:24,574 --> 01:15:26,576 I'm just so afraid I'll mess her up, Pey. 1797 01:15:26,610 --> 01:15:29,046 Look. We had shitty parents. 1798 01:15:29,079 --> 01:15:30,514 They didn't give a fuck about us. 1799 01:15:30,547 --> 01:15:31,581 So what? 1800 01:15:32,850 --> 01:15:34,183 You turned out great. 1801 01:15:34,217 --> 01:15:36,352 Don't you know that? 1802 01:15:36,385 --> 01:15:39,856 No. Nobody's ever told me that. 1803 01:15:40,924 --> 01:15:42,425 You see, that's just it. 1804 01:15:42,458 --> 01:15:44,560 You don't have to be told how good you are, 1805 01:15:44,593 --> 01:15:46,195 You just need to know it. 1806 01:15:46,229 --> 01:15:47,496 You see that girl upstairs? 1807 01:15:47,530 --> 01:15:51,066 She doesn't know that we don't know what the fuck we're doing. 1808 01:15:51,099 --> 01:15:53,235 But she can have it better than we did. 1809 01:15:53,268 --> 01:15:54,602 We can do that for her. 1810 01:15:56,038 --> 01:15:59,041 And besides. I just told you. 1811 01:16:11,018 --> 01:16:12,253 Ohh. 1812 01:16:13,721 --> 01:16:14,922 Lou? 1813 01:16:27,567 --> 01:16:31,037 "I'm really, really sorry I drugged you. " 1814 01:16:32,338 --> 01:16:33,874 Well, that's nice. 1815 01:16:56,528 --> 01:17:00,032 # What do you do 1816 01:17:00,065 --> 01:17:04,335 # With a sky so blue? 1817 01:17:05,703 --> 01:17:08,807 # Fields all a green 1818 01:17:08,840 --> 01:17:14,346 # Where the stream runs through... 1819 01:17:15,379 --> 01:17:18,016 I met someone who's really nice at work, but... 1820 01:17:18,048 --> 01:17:23,587 # If it all flew away 1821 01:17:24,621 --> 01:17:30,260 # And the sky turned to Grey... 1822 01:17:31,995 --> 01:17:36,298 # I'd stay 1823 01:17:36,332 --> 01:17:39,568 # How do you hold 1824 01:17:39,601 --> 01:17:44,907 # all the sun's great gold 1825 01:17:44,941 --> 01:17:48,510 # Fields all a green 1826 01:17:48,544 --> 01:17:53,982 # Where the stream unfolds 1827 01:17:54,015 --> 01:17:59,521 # If it all flew away 1828 01:18:02,790 --> 01:18:08,397 # and the sky turned to Grey 1829 01:18:09,430 --> 01:18:14,835 # I'd stay 1830 01:18:14,869 --> 01:18:16,871 I completely understand why you felt 1831 01:18:16,904 --> 01:18:20,040 The daddy comments were inappropriate... thank you. 1832 01:18:20,074 --> 01:18:23,177 And I can categorically assure you that it won't happen again. 1833 01:18:23,210 --> 01:18:26,413 I think delving into it any further would be excessive, 1834 01:18:26,446 --> 01:18:28,647 Though if you need anything more from me by way of apology 1835 01:18:28,681 --> 01:18:31,350 I would be happy to proved that. 1836 01:18:31,384 --> 01:18:34,153 Pressing on, I'm delighted that you called me 1837 01:18:34,187 --> 01:18:35,121 And that we've reconnected... 1838 01:18:37,390 --> 01:18:42,997 # If all words fell away 1839 01:18:44,030 --> 01:18:49,402 # And there was no way to say 1840 01:18:52,070 --> 01:18:56,241 # I'd stay 1841 01:18:56,274 --> 01:18:59,544 # With you 1842 01:18:59,577 --> 01:19:01,579 # So you'd see 1843 01:19:01,613 --> 01:19:06,984 # Oh, how strong Oh, how true 1844 01:19:09,053 --> 01:19:14,591 # Is my love, love, love 1845 01:19:16,393 --> 01:19:18,795 # For... 1846 01:19:18,829 --> 01:19:20,664 # You... 1847 01:19:20,697 --> 01:19:21,831 Do you need some help? 1848 01:19:25,068 --> 01:19:26,369 I'm all right. 1849 01:19:26,402 --> 01:19:29,172 Besides, you're busy. 1850 01:19:29,205 --> 01:19:31,041 You're just passing through. 1851 01:19:32,943 --> 01:19:34,978 Well... 1852 01:19:35,011 --> 01:19:36,879 What if I said I wasn't? 1853 01:19:40,115 --> 01:19:42,417 I need to be able to do this. 1854 01:19:47,856 --> 01:19:49,624 Okay. 1855 01:19:51,060 --> 01:19:53,062 Let's have a song, shall we? 1856 01:20:13,114 --> 01:20:14,547 Hi there, Mr. Anti-Social. 1857 01:20:15,415 --> 01:20:16,950 Hi, kiddo. 1858 01:20:19,352 --> 01:20:20,520 You didn't have any dessert. 1859 01:20:20,553 --> 01:20:22,255 I'm, I wasn't hungry. 1860 01:20:24,924 --> 01:20:27,127 So, you, you enjoying the big city? 1861 01:20:27,160 --> 01:20:29,997 Yes. So much more my speed. 1862 01:20:30,030 --> 01:20:31,998 Yeah, it's pretty slow around here, huh? 1863 01:20:32,031 --> 01:20:34,366 Well, no. It's just an acquired taste. 1864 01:20:36,835 --> 01:20:39,071 So are you gonna tell me what you're all whiny about? 1865 01:20:39,105 --> 01:20:41,507 Everything's fine. 1866 01:20:41,540 --> 01:20:43,909 Is it, like, a mid-life crisis thing or... 1867 01:20:43,942 --> 01:20:45,644 No, it's nothing like that. 1868 01:20:45,677 --> 01:20:46,745 - Are you sure? - Yes. 1869 01:20:46,778 --> 01:20:49,214 Because mom shaved her pussy. 1870 01:20:49,247 --> 01:20:52,017 What! Is she like showing everybody? 1871 01:20:52,050 --> 01:20:55,053 Ew, gross. No. She didn't like show me it. 1872 01:20:55,086 --> 01:20:58,156 She just asked me where I got mine done and so I told her. 1873 01:20:58,189 --> 01:21:01,226 Okay. That's enough. I don't need to hear any of this. 1874 01:21:01,259 --> 01:21:02,160 I'm the father! 1875 01:21:04,229 --> 01:21:06,630 I know that you're my father... 1876 01:21:06,663 --> 01:21:08,698 But you don't need to be my daddy anymore. 1877 01:21:10,700 --> 01:21:12,536 Look, like I moved out, so... 1878 01:21:12,569 --> 01:21:16,473 Don't you think that it's time for our relationship to... 1879 01:21:16,506 --> 01:21:19,509 I don't know... mature? 1880 01:21:19,543 --> 01:21:22,079 We can talk about grown-up stuff now. 1881 01:21:22,112 --> 01:21:25,948 Is that like, so crazy for you? That we're grown-ups now? 1882 01:21:28,351 --> 01:21:29,652 No... 1883 01:21:29,685 --> 01:21:32,221 I remember when you guys were little and the three of you 1884 01:21:32,255 --> 01:21:33,822 Were out playing in the yard one day 1885 01:21:33,856 --> 01:21:35,224 And I actually asked myself, 1886 01:21:35,258 --> 01:21:38,694 "Whose kids are those? Cause they can't be mine!" 1887 01:21:39,928 --> 01:21:41,429 Dad, you were the best. 1888 01:21:43,598 --> 01:21:46,301 At the time, I just thought that I would never get used to it. 1889 01:21:46,334 --> 01:21:50,938 But now... now... 1890 01:21:53,575 --> 01:21:54,676 Now I'm stuck. 1891 01:21:54,709 --> 01:21:55,710 Aw. 1892 01:21:58,712 --> 01:22:00,647 Your mother wants to have anal sex. 1893 01:22:00,681 --> 01:22:02,049 Oh, my God! Dad! 1894 01:22:02,083 --> 01:22:03,317 Well, what do I do? 1895 01:22:03,350 --> 01:22:04,685 Anal? I don't know! 1896 01:22:04,718 --> 01:22:05,686 Well, should I do it? 1897 01:22:05,719 --> 01:22:06,987 Jesus Chri... Dad, no! I... I cannot have... 1898 01:22:07,020 --> 01:22:08,455 I can't have this conversation with you. That's... 1899 01:22:08,489 --> 01:22:12,025 Sweetie, please! I need you. 1900 01:22:12,059 --> 01:22:16,162 I mean, what can I do? This is too much for me. 1901 01:22:18,364 --> 01:22:19,865 Okay... 1902 01:22:20,900 --> 01:22:22,835 Okay, well just... 1903 01:22:22,868 --> 01:22:24,470 Keep an open mind... 1904 01:22:24,504 --> 01:22:26,005 So you're saying I should? 1905 01:22:26,038 --> 01:22:27,673 Oh, my God. I don't know! 1906 01:22:27,707 --> 01:22:29,775 I'm not like giving you my stamp of approval, I just... 1907 01:22:31,711 --> 01:22:33,878 Um, just, you should do what you have to do, 1908 01:22:33,912 --> 01:22:36,715 And then we should never talk about it ever again. 1909 01:22:36,748 --> 01:22:38,383 Okay. 1910 01:22:39,851 --> 01:22:41,686 Okay... 1911 01:22:41,720 --> 01:22:43,355 Well, should I get some lubricant? 1912 01:22:43,388 --> 01:22:45,424 God, daddy. I can't. 1913 01:22:59,203 --> 01:23:01,505 Did she leave without saying goodbye? 1914 01:23:03,040 --> 01:23:05,443 Oh, God! Horton! 1915 01:23:06,577 --> 01:23:07,711 Why are you naked? 1916 01:23:07,745 --> 01:23:09,912 Because I can be. 1917 01:23:09,946 --> 01:23:12,182 You scared the hell out of me. 1918 01:23:12,215 --> 01:23:13,550 Shut up. 1919 01:23:14,217 --> 01:23:15,785 Excuse me. 1920 01:23:15,818 --> 01:23:17,420 Let's fuck. 1921 01:23:18,188 --> 01:23:19,356 Now? 1922 01:23:19,389 --> 01:23:21,858 Yeah. Now. Right here. 1923 01:23:21,891 --> 01:23:24,161 On the floor. 1924 01:23:24,194 --> 01:23:26,128 Because we can. 1925 01:23:26,162 --> 01:23:28,029 That's our new mantra. 1926 01:23:28,063 --> 01:23:32,033 We are going to do everything we want to do. 1927 01:23:32,067 --> 01:23:35,871 Because we can. 1928 01:23:35,904 --> 01:23:40,376 Well, I love the sounds of that. 1929 01:23:42,511 --> 01:23:45,846 What are your thoughts on butt plugs? 1930 01:23:45,880 --> 01:23:49,317 Um... Can we start slow? 1931 01:23:49,350 --> 01:23:51,352 Yes, we can. 1932 01:24:11,371 --> 01:24:12,339 He's asleep? 1933 01:24:13,173 --> 01:24:14,073 Mhmm. 1934 01:24:33,359 --> 01:24:34,827 What I said the other night... 1935 01:24:34,860 --> 01:24:37,362 No, it's fine. It's true. 1936 01:24:37,395 --> 01:24:38,963 Oh, don't make me hate myself. 1937 01:24:38,996 --> 01:24:40,332 Believe it or not, I can't control 1938 01:24:40,365 --> 01:24:41,333 How you feel about yourself. 1939 01:24:48,706 --> 01:24:50,107 Hit me back. 1940 01:24:51,276 --> 01:24:52,277 No. 1941 01:25:02,018 --> 01:25:03,687 You're his mother just as much as I am. 1942 01:25:03,720 --> 01:25:04,788 I'm a glorified aunt. 1943 01:25:04,821 --> 01:25:06,823 - Oh, stop it. That's not true. - Yes, it is. 1944 01:25:06,857 --> 01:25:08,024 - No, it's not. - Yes, it is! 1945 01:25:10,327 --> 01:25:13,195 Wow. Are we even now? 1946 01:25:13,229 --> 01:25:14,797 No. No we're not. 1947 01:25:14,830 --> 01:25:15,831 Cause I can never be what you are. 1948 01:25:15,865 --> 01:25:16,699 I can never feel what you felt, 1949 01:25:16,732 --> 01:25:19,535 And I fucking resent you for it. 1950 01:25:19,569 --> 01:25:21,070 Do you feel better now? 1951 01:25:23,939 --> 01:25:25,341 You're an amazing mother. 1952 01:25:25,375 --> 01:25:27,142 Fuck you, I'm not! 1953 01:25:27,176 --> 01:25:29,043 I'm a control freak and you know what the worst part of it is? 1954 01:25:29,077 --> 01:25:31,613 I feel like I have to be because if I'm not, if I'm not a control freak, 1955 01:25:31,646 --> 01:25:32,881 Then who the hell am I to both of you? 1956 01:25:32,914 --> 01:25:34,215 And what if you realize that you've made a mistake, 1957 01:25:34,249 --> 01:25:36,318 What if you realize that you... 1958 01:25:37,252 --> 01:25:39,688 That you don't need me. 1959 01:25:39,721 --> 01:25:41,490 Oh, you don't honestly believe that? 1960 01:25:42,491 --> 01:25:44,793 Yeah... 1961 01:25:44,826 --> 01:25:47,361 I do, actually. 1962 01:25:47,395 --> 01:25:51,399 You... you nurture and, and stimulate him. 1963 01:25:53,100 --> 01:25:55,135 So you couldn't carry him? 1964 01:25:55,168 --> 01:25:56,370 So fucking what? 1965 01:25:56,404 --> 01:25:58,639 I mean, God, I don't know if you remember this 1966 01:25:58,672 --> 01:26:00,641 But I was a fucking nightmare the entire time 1967 01:26:00,674 --> 01:26:02,810 And I resented the shit out of you because you couldn't do it. 1968 01:26:05,678 --> 01:26:07,013 I'm a mom because of DNA. 1969 01:26:07,046 --> 01:26:10,650 You're a mom because that's who you are. 1970 01:26:12,685 --> 01:26:13,720 You said to me the other night 1971 01:26:13,753 --> 01:26:15,622 That, that I haven't been there for him... 1972 01:26:15,655 --> 01:26:17,390 No, I'm sorry. That's not true. 1973 01:26:17,424 --> 01:26:19,058 I know. 1974 01:26:19,091 --> 01:26:24,297 It's you that I haven't been there for. 1975 01:26:25,331 --> 01:26:26,231 How you doing? 1976 01:26:31,169 --> 01:26:33,004 I'm great. 1977 01:26:37,476 --> 01:26:39,810 Mommy, mommy, mommy. 1978 01:26:39,844 --> 01:26:41,679 I'm on it. 1979 01:26:41,712 --> 01:26:43,414 Mommy, where are you? 1980 01:26:47,585 --> 01:26:49,420 Mommy, mommy, mommy! 1981 01:27:27,890 --> 01:27:28,991 Oh, yeah. 1982 01:27:30,192 --> 01:27:32,159 Oh, yeah... 1983 01:27:52,312 --> 01:27:54,314 - Hey. - Hey. 1984 01:27:56,383 --> 01:27:58,952 I'm sorry... Oh, do we have Mom's Group? 1985 01:27:58,985 --> 01:28:03,356 No, no. I just, um, I forgot my sippy cup last time. 1986 01:28:03,390 --> 01:28:04,357 Oh, right. 1987 01:28:04,391 --> 01:28:05,459 Is now a bad time, or... 1988 01:28:05,492 --> 01:28:09,328 No, no. I was, um, just getting my laundry on. 1989 01:28:25,343 --> 01:28:26,811 Sweet enough? 1990 01:28:29,180 --> 01:28:31,883 You never told me what you thought about my pictures. 1991 01:28:31,916 --> 01:28:35,353 Oh, you know, I think the, the busboys might have taken them. 1992 01:28:35,386 --> 01:28:36,220 I couldn't find them. 1993 01:28:36,254 --> 01:28:37,556 No, they didn't. They have their own. 1994 01:28:38,590 --> 01:28:39,558 Of course they do. 1995 01:28:39,591 --> 01:28:41,225 You look like you need a hug. 1996 01:28:41,259 --> 01:28:43,927 - No, I'm okay. That's... that... - Just, just, just a little one. 1997 01:28:45,663 --> 01:28:46,597 There, is that better? 1998 01:28:49,199 --> 01:28:52,235 So how's stuff at home? Is it just, like, crazy with the kid? 1999 01:28:54,204 --> 01:28:57,541 Oh, yeah. Things at home are pretty crazy, yeah. 2000 01:28:57,575 --> 01:28:59,509 Both my siblings, they have toddlers running around 2001 01:28:59,542 --> 01:29:03,312 And I just don't know how they find time to fuck, you know what I mean? 2002 01:29:05,181 --> 01:29:07,450 Well, there's more important things in the world... 2003 01:29:07,484 --> 01:29:11,020 Huh uh. I am not gonna let my kid mess with my love life. 2004 01:29:11,053 --> 01:29:14,223 That's for fuckin' sure. 2005 01:29:14,256 --> 01:29:16,593 Yeah, well you say that now, but you don't know. 2006 01:29:18,727 --> 01:29:20,729 No, when my kid is sucking on their soother, 2007 01:29:22,063 --> 01:29:22,964 I'm going to be sucking... 2008 01:29:22,998 --> 01:29:24,199 Okay. 2009 01:29:25,300 --> 01:29:26,568 Hi. 2010 01:29:28,670 --> 01:29:29,638 This is not okay. 2011 01:29:29,671 --> 01:29:32,107 Why? Why, we're just talking? 2012 01:29:32,140 --> 01:29:33,174 This is not talking. 2013 01:29:33,208 --> 01:29:35,810 Yes it is. It's body language. 2014 01:29:39,814 --> 01:29:41,381 You smell really nice. 2015 01:29:43,150 --> 01:29:44,652 I taste nice too. 2016 01:29:47,588 --> 01:29:50,791 It's okay. It's okay, just relax. 2017 01:29:50,825 --> 01:29:52,526 Just do whatever you want. 2018 01:30:15,914 --> 01:30:17,550 What am I doing? 2019 01:30:17,583 --> 01:30:19,351 I'm not even close to my house. 2020 01:30:24,322 --> 01:30:26,158 Hey... okay. 2021 01:30:27,559 --> 01:30:29,661 So, let me get this straight. 2022 01:30:29,694 --> 01:30:30,762 She drugged you? 2023 01:30:30,795 --> 01:30:33,831 You know, it sounds worse than it was. 2024 01:30:33,865 --> 01:30:36,033 Oh, my gosh. She knows where I live. 2025 01:30:36,067 --> 01:30:37,334 I let her around my kid! 2026 01:30:37,368 --> 01:30:39,203 No, you can't tell her I told you. 2027 01:30:39,236 --> 01:30:41,472 Look, it was... I'm sure it was an accident. 2028 01:30:41,505 --> 01:30:43,675 What does it matter? You're not going to see her again. 2029 01:30:45,976 --> 01:30:49,012 Tell me you're not going to see her again. 2030 01:30:50,046 --> 01:30:51,982 Look, she's kind of awesome. 2031 01:30:52,015 --> 01:30:54,017 So she's messed up. Who isn't, right? 2032 01:30:54,050 --> 01:30:57,721 Oh, my God. You can't possibly be this hard up for sex. 2033 01:30:57,754 --> 01:31:00,023 No. Sex is easy. You can get it anywhere, it's... 2034 01:31:00,056 --> 01:31:02,124 Maybe you can get it anywhere. 2035 01:31:02,157 --> 01:31:03,492 So can you. 2036 01:31:09,331 --> 01:31:11,300 Oh, I'll be back. 2037 01:31:25,346 --> 01:31:26,848 Hey, you. 2038 01:31:36,390 --> 01:31:37,791 - Hey. - Hey. 2039 01:31:37,825 --> 01:31:39,192 She's back down. 2040 01:31:39,226 --> 01:31:40,928 All right, good. 2041 01:31:41,729 --> 01:31:43,330 What's that? 2042 01:31:43,363 --> 01:31:46,066 Oh, uh. I heard your laundry ding, so I switched it for you. 2043 01:31:48,068 --> 01:31:49,837 I hope that's not... 2044 01:32:03,149 --> 01:32:04,383 Honey? 2045 01:32:07,920 --> 01:32:09,989 What's wrong? 2046 01:32:10,022 --> 01:32:12,590 We have to talk. 2047 01:32:12,624 --> 01:32:16,327 It's much easier to fantasize about someone 2048 01:32:16,361 --> 01:32:18,263 You're not angry with for missing supper 2049 01:32:18,296 --> 01:32:20,265 Or leaving wet towels on the floor. 2050 01:32:20,298 --> 01:32:22,433 Someone who is sexually available 2051 01:32:22,467 --> 01:32:25,470 When your partner's not. 2052 01:32:25,503 --> 01:32:27,706 When the excitement goes out of your relationship, 2053 01:32:27,739 --> 01:32:32,109 You can't help but want it back in some form. 2054 01:32:32,142 --> 01:32:37,181 You can talk it out, but that's... that's hard work. 2055 01:32:37,214 --> 01:32:42,452 You have to say, out loud, things that are uncomfortable and honest. 2056 01:32:42,486 --> 01:32:45,222 It's so much easier to check out and find something new 2057 01:32:45,255 --> 01:32:47,056 And exciting along the way. 2058 01:32:48,992 --> 01:32:54,363 But, the fact that you're here is good. 2059 01:32:54,397 --> 01:32:56,132 The fact that you're talking is good. 2060 01:32:56,165 --> 01:33:02,138 This is a place where most couples don't even attempt to get to. 2061 01:33:02,171 --> 01:33:04,473 That's not something that's going to be solved over night. 2062 01:33:04,507 --> 01:33:07,109 This is the first step. 2063 01:33:07,142 --> 01:33:09,745 But if you don't, if you don't take that step... 2064 01:33:11,479 --> 01:33:13,682 You're not going anywhere. 2065 01:33:27,194 --> 01:33:28,796 Okay! 2066 01:33:28,830 --> 01:33:31,232 Where'd ya' go, sexy? 2067 01:33:33,701 --> 01:33:35,870 Right here... oh! 2068 01:33:41,541 --> 01:33:47,314 Hi, honey. 2069 01:33:48,348 --> 01:33:49,983 I didn't know you and Oops would be home. 2070 01:33:50,016 --> 01:33:50,917 Oh, fuck! I'm sorry! 2071 01:33:50,951 --> 01:33:52,986 Well, you know what? Next time write... 2072 01:33:53,019 --> 01:33:54,120 "Screwing a fucking whore" 2073 01:33:54,154 --> 01:33:55,756 On the calendar beside the fridge. 2074 01:33:55,789 --> 01:33:56,857 I am sorry. I... 2075 01:33:56,890 --> 01:33:58,357 And you know another thing? Stop calling him Oops. 2076 01:33:58,390 --> 01:34:01,193 I hate it when you call him Oops. 2077 01:34:01,226 --> 01:34:03,295 Okay. Okay. I promise I will never call him that again. 2078 01:34:03,328 --> 01:34:04,429 Oh, it doesn't even matter, Sean, 2079 01:34:04,463 --> 01:34:06,331 Because you're never gonna see him again. 2080 01:34:06,365 --> 01:34:08,100 Oh, don't be ridiculous. 2081 01:34:08,133 --> 01:34:09,134 I'm being ridiculous? 2082 01:34:09,168 --> 01:34:10,970 - I'm being ridiculous? - Yes. 2083 01:34:11,003 --> 01:34:13,638 Who is the one who was having a mid-life crisis on the same bed 2084 01:34:13,672 --> 01:34:15,539 Where his son was conceived? 2085 01:34:17,408 --> 01:34:19,410 This transition has been big. 2086 01:34:19,443 --> 01:34:21,512 Look at the big picture here, right. 2087 01:34:21,545 --> 01:34:22,814 Look at it, think about it. 2088 01:34:22,847 --> 01:34:24,849 You can't tell me that you were over the moon 2089 01:34:24,883 --> 01:34:26,717 About everything that you had to give up 2090 01:34:26,751 --> 01:34:28,519 That meant something to you because of some kid. 2091 01:34:28,552 --> 01:34:31,489 He's not some kid, you prick. 2092 01:34:31,522 --> 01:34:32,823 He's our kid. 2093 01:34:32,856 --> 01:34:35,225 He's this little bundle of amazingness 2094 01:34:35,258 --> 01:34:37,360 And you don't even realize it 2095 01:34:37,394 --> 01:34:38,862 Because you can't see the things that you have, okay? 2096 01:34:38,896 --> 01:34:40,097 You only see the things you used to have. 2097 01:34:40,130 --> 01:34:41,331 No... 2098 01:34:41,364 --> 01:34:42,165 Well if you want that life back, 2099 01:34:42,199 --> 01:34:43,033 You can go ahead and you can take it 2100 01:34:43,066 --> 01:34:44,001 Because I don't fucking, 2101 01:34:44,034 --> 01:34:46,937 I don't-I don't want it anymore. 2102 01:34:46,970 --> 01:34:48,939 Oh, come on. Ms. Superior. 2103 01:34:48,972 --> 01:34:51,540 You can't look me in the eye and tell me that you don't 2104 01:34:51,573 --> 01:34:53,175 Realize that every single minute 2105 01:34:53,209 --> 01:34:54,510 That you try to put him to sleep 2106 01:34:54,543 --> 01:34:56,512 Is a minute you're never going to get back again. 2107 01:34:56,545 --> 01:34:57,847 Huh? 2108 01:34:57,880 --> 01:34:59,381 C'mon it's like he's stealing your life away 2109 01:34:59,415 --> 01:35:00,950 One stupid children's story at a time. 2110 01:35:00,983 --> 01:35:02,284 They're not stupid, Sean. 2111 01:35:02,318 --> 01:35:03,685 What do you mean they're not stupid?! 2112 01:35:03,719 --> 01:35:05,221 Come on... 2113 01:35:05,254 --> 01:35:07,688 What kind of a brother comes over a hill, 2114 01:35:07,722 --> 01:35:09,590 Sees a troll, and says "No, no, don't eat me. " 2115 01:35:09,624 --> 01:35:12,027 Wait for my brother who's coming up right behind me. " 2116 01:35:12,060 --> 01:35:13,829 What the hell kind of lesson is that? 2117 01:35:15,163 --> 01:35:17,899 And, and who the hell says, what is it? 2118 01:35:17,933 --> 01:35:19,835 "Not by the hair of my chinny, chin-chin. " 2119 01:35:21,402 --> 01:35:23,004 What the hell is that?! 2120 01:35:25,605 --> 01:35:27,074 Come on. 2121 01:35:27,107 --> 01:35:29,476 Honey, be honest with yourself. 2122 01:35:29,509 --> 01:35:31,745 Deep down we both want the same things. 2123 01:35:31,778 --> 01:35:33,981 See, that's just it, Sean. 2124 01:35:34,014 --> 01:35:35,916 I don't think that we do. 2125 01:35:35,950 --> 01:35:38,252 You are... 2126 01:35:38,285 --> 01:35:40,054 You're just a sad... 2127 01:35:40,087 --> 01:35:42,321 Old man whose trying to hold onto his youth. 2128 01:35:44,623 --> 01:35:46,292 You're a house-wife. 2129 01:35:51,630 --> 01:35:53,732 C'mon. C'mon, I'm sorry. Please come back 2130 01:35:53,766 --> 01:35:55,168 And we'll, we'll talk. 2131 01:35:55,201 --> 01:35:56,335 Please? 2132 01:35:58,004 --> 01:36:00,638 Not by the hair of my chinny- chin chin. 2133 01:36:12,117 --> 01:36:14,686 I know this probably makes no difference to you, 2134 01:36:14,719 --> 01:36:17,155 But I didn't know he was married. 2135 01:36:23,060 --> 01:36:26,931 Do you... Do you have some place that you could go? 2136 01:36:26,964 --> 01:36:30,001 I mean, 'cause if you do, you should... 2137 01:36:31,302 --> 01:36:33,270 You should go there and don't come back. 2138 01:36:33,304 --> 01:36:35,338 I mean, that piece of shit he's never going to change. 2139 01:36:35,371 --> 01:36:37,273 He... he'll say that he will. 2140 01:36:37,307 --> 01:36:38,308 But he won't. 2141 01:36:38,341 --> 01:36:39,809 I mean, he'll beg and he'll plead 2142 01:36:39,842 --> 01:36:41,344 But you should just go and not come back. 2143 01:36:41,377 --> 01:36:44,647 I mean do it for... do it for your son. 2144 01:36:44,680 --> 01:36:47,017 Believe me... 2145 01:36:47,050 --> 01:36:48,952 Someone who steps out on their family 2146 01:36:48,985 --> 01:36:51,354 Will always step out on their family. 2147 01:36:54,323 --> 01:36:56,926 They're just... broken. 2148 01:37:02,197 --> 01:37:05,067 You know, I would... I would apologize for all of this, 2149 01:37:05,100 --> 01:37:07,802 But I, I really think that I did you a favor. 2150 01:37:07,836 --> 01:37:09,638 I mean, now you know what he is. 2151 01:37:09,671 --> 01:37:11,739 And that's a good thing, right? 2152 01:37:12,907 --> 01:37:14,842 So... 2153 01:37:14,875 --> 01:37:16,177 You're welcome. 2154 01:37:18,279 --> 01:37:19,180 Ooh! 2155 01:37:39,099 --> 01:37:41,168 You know what? I, I'm in this 2156 01:37:41,201 --> 01:37:42,835 Really awesome moms group. 2157 01:37:42,869 --> 01:37:46,505 I know, I know, but it's just that it's really nice people. 2158 01:37:46,538 --> 01:37:50,676 Great kids. Couple of single Dads... 2159 01:37:50,709 --> 01:37:53,212 Sorry, it's... too soon. I know. 2160 01:37:53,245 --> 01:37:55,714 Actually, it's, it's weird. 2161 01:37:55,747 --> 01:37:58,584 It's weird. I'm sorry. 2162 01:38:00,152 --> 01:38:01,954 Taxi! 2163 01:38:03,821 --> 01:38:05,590 You know what? You take this one. 2164 01:38:05,623 --> 01:38:08,159 You, you take it. 2165 01:38:13,831 --> 01:38:16,134 - Yeah! - Yay! 2166 01:38:16,167 --> 01:38:17,235 What's that? 2167 01:38:17,268 --> 01:38:19,770 - Who's this here? - Is this thing on? 2168 01:38:19,804 --> 01:38:21,405 Oh, hi! Hi, guys! 2169 01:38:21,438 --> 01:38:24,808 I'm sorry we missed the party, but this, this cruise 2170 01:38:24,841 --> 01:38:26,610 Was just too good to pass up. 2171 01:38:26,643 --> 01:38:28,112 Happy birthday sweetie, 2172 01:38:28,145 --> 01:38:29,479 It's grandma and grandpa, 2173 01:38:29,513 --> 01:38:30,147 We're gonna bring you some... 2174 01:38:30,180 --> 01:38:32,282 Something, very special. 2175 01:38:32,316 --> 01:38:33,650 We're going to buy you... 2176 01:38:33,683 --> 01:38:35,385 - Hi, guys! - A buffalo! 2177 01:38:35,419 --> 01:38:36,653 - What? - Don't be silly. 2178 01:38:36,686 --> 01:38:38,654 They say they love you, and they'll see you soon. 2179 01:38:38,687 --> 01:38:39,955 - Okay babe? - Mama? 2180 01:38:39,989 --> 01:38:42,625 Yeah... well, mama couldn't make it. 2181 01:38:43,993 --> 01:38:45,794 Jude! Come play! 2182 01:38:45,828 --> 01:38:47,796 - Pretty cute. - She is cute. 2183 01:38:47,830 --> 01:38:48,764 I think I'm gonna take Ephraim 2184 01:38:48,797 --> 01:38:50,866 To a movie after this. 2185 01:38:52,468 --> 01:38:54,670 What do you think? 2186 01:38:54,703 --> 01:38:57,405 I think we need to hear more about that movie. 2187 01:38:57,439 --> 01:38:58,840 Do you want to go to a movie? 2188 01:38:58,873 --> 01:39:00,075 Yeah! 2189 01:39:00,108 --> 01:39:01,609 Yeah! 2190 01:39:01,643 --> 01:39:03,045 Yeah! 2191 01:39:06,448 --> 01:39:09,251 D'you have something I could slip into your drink? 2192 01:39:09,284 --> 01:39:10,818 Oh God that's completely inappropriate. 2193 01:39:10,852 --> 01:39:12,953 I'm really sorry I-I-I... 2194 01:39:16,290 --> 01:39:18,359 I was surprised to get your invitation. 2195 01:39:18,392 --> 01:39:20,194 I didn't know if you'd come or not. 2196 01:39:20,227 --> 01:39:22,329 I'd be crazy not to come, you're so nice. 2197 01:39:22,363 --> 01:39:24,398 You? Crazy? Come on. 2198 01:39:25,532 --> 01:39:27,501 I guess I am a bit crazy, aren't I? 2199 01:39:27,534 --> 01:39:29,136 No. 2200 01:39:29,170 --> 01:39:32,072 You're just dealing, just like everybody else here. 2201 01:39:37,410 --> 01:39:40,846 Look, I, I have these tickets to this thing next week. 2202 01:39:40,880 --> 01:39:43,349 I thought maybe we could give this another shot. 2203 01:39:43,383 --> 01:39:45,017 Maybe brother could watch the kids, what do you think? 2204 01:39:45,051 --> 01:39:48,620 Yeah! God, he'd love to. Oh, he's brilliant. 2205 01:39:48,653 --> 01:39:50,322 I mean, you know, he's a recovering drug addict, 2206 01:39:50,355 --> 01:39:51,323 But I mean, he's great, 2207 01:39:51,356 --> 01:39:53,058 You know, cause he's got like, he's got puppets, 2208 01:39:53,092 --> 01:39:55,227 He does puppet shows and got little trains. 2209 01:39:55,260 --> 01:39:56,061 He does all these kinds of things, he's great with... 2210 01:40:06,704 --> 01:40:07,938 What was that for? 2211 01:40:08,739 --> 01:40:10,374 I just think you're great. 2212 01:40:12,610 --> 01:40:14,178 Even when I babble like an idiot? 2213 01:40:20,351 --> 01:40:21,652 What! 2214 01:40:21,685 --> 01:40:22,653 Oh, those are the lesbians. 2215 01:40:22,686 --> 01:40:24,587 That's Gage's sister and her partner. 2216 01:40:24,621 --> 01:40:28,491 Rumor has it, Gage donated the baby juice. 2217 01:40:28,525 --> 01:40:29,526 - What? - Yeah! 2218 01:40:29,559 --> 01:40:31,428 Keeping it in the family. 2219 01:40:31,461 --> 01:40:32,529 Anyway... 2220 01:40:32,562 --> 01:40:33,863 They left the group 2221 01:40:33,896 --> 01:40:35,598 Over some bullshit snack selection thing, 2222 01:40:35,632 --> 01:40:36,666 But they're back now. 2223 01:40:36,699 --> 01:40:37,567 Yeah, no, no... Yeah, we've met. 2224 01:40:37,600 --> 01:40:39,102 Oh, good! 2225 01:40:39,136 --> 01:40:41,036 Uh, excuse me, uh, I found this little fella 2226 01:40:41,069 --> 01:40:43,739 Pulling on everyone's pants asking for Mommy. 2227 01:40:43,772 --> 01:40:45,441 Oh, and so what, you assume 2228 01:40:45,474 --> 01:40:48,043 Because he's black that he's mine? 2229 01:40:48,076 --> 01:40:49,578 Yes. That is exactly what I assumed. 2230 01:40:49,611 --> 01:40:51,079 Reverse-racism is fun. 2231 01:40:51,113 --> 01:40:52,181 No, I'm, I'm kidding. 2232 01:40:52,214 --> 01:40:53,182 Of course he's my kid. 2233 01:40:53,215 --> 01:40:54,350 Have you seen his face? Have you seen my face? 2234 01:40:54,383 --> 01:40:55,951 Thank you. 2235 01:40:55,984 --> 01:40:57,785 Hey. Fun fact. 2236 01:40:57,818 --> 01:41:00,288 Did you know that toddlers require their Mom's attention 2237 01:41:00,321 --> 01:41:02,357 Once every four minutes? That's 210 times a day. 2238 01:41:02,390 --> 01:41:03,524 Must be maddening. 2239 01:41:03,558 --> 01:41:04,759 Really? 2240 01:41:04,792 --> 01:41:07,295 That is weird. How did you know that? 2241 01:41:07,328 --> 01:41:09,264 Uhh, I'm a nanny. 2242 01:41:10,398 --> 01:41:11,599 Get out of here. 2243 01:41:11,632 --> 01:41:12,600 That's actually really cool. 2244 01:41:13,734 --> 01:41:15,602 Yeah. I suppose it is. 2245 01:41:15,635 --> 01:41:20,974 So, um... do you have any advice for a... single mom? 2246 01:41:21,007 --> 01:41:22,976 Why don't you sit and join us? 2247 01:41:25,111 --> 01:41:26,380 Okay. 2248 01:41:26,413 --> 01:41:27,814 Is that baby alive? 2249 01:41:27,847 --> 01:41:29,616 Yeah. 2250 01:41:29,649 --> 01:41:31,218 - She's a good sleeper. - She's a good sleeper? 2251 01:41:31,251 --> 01:41:32,619 - Hey! - Hey. 2252 01:41:32,652 --> 01:41:34,420 Hey, I've been meaning to call you. 2253 01:41:34,453 --> 01:41:37,323 I wanted to say thank you, for the other day. 2254 01:41:37,356 --> 01:41:38,791 Don't mention it. 2255 01:41:38,824 --> 01:41:40,826 I wanted, I wanted to thank you for... 2256 01:41:40,859 --> 01:41:42,228 For not letting me do something 2257 01:41:42,261 --> 01:41:43,229 That I would have regret... 2258 01:41:43,262 --> 01:41:44,630 Shh! 2259 01:41:44,663 --> 01:41:45,798 I don't know what you're talking about. 2260 01:41:45,831 --> 01:41:46,999 Okay. 2261 01:41:48,834 --> 01:41:51,969 So, how long do you think before they cut the cake? 2262 01:41:52,003 --> 01:41:54,172 I don't know. Soon. 2263 01:41:54,206 --> 01:41:57,475 Between seven, 20 minutes-ish? 2264 01:41:57,509 --> 01:41:59,411 Sure. We can do that. 2265 01:41:59,444 --> 01:42:01,213 Yeah! Okay. 2266 01:42:05,217 --> 01:42:06,851 And don't get me started on tank tops. 2267 01:42:06,884 --> 01:42:08,352 I mean, seriously, what are you, on a yachting team? 2268 01:42:08,385 --> 01:42:10,454 Wear a shirt. Stupid. 2269 01:42:11,822 --> 01:42:13,524 Do you mind? 2270 01:42:13,557 --> 01:42:15,292 Hey baby. 2271 01:42:17,228 --> 01:42:18,995 What're you doing, I was drinking that. 2272 01:42:19,029 --> 01:42:21,097 Oh. Excuse me. 2273 01:42:21,131 --> 01:42:23,133 Oh, careful, there's a stick there. 2274 01:42:26,302 --> 01:42:28,037 So to answer your question, 2275 01:42:28,070 --> 01:42:31,040 I think that having kids is absolutely detrimental 2276 01:42:31,073 --> 01:42:34,277 To the sex life of a couple. 2277 01:42:34,310 --> 01:42:37,780 But the experience of going through pregnancy, 2278 01:42:37,813 --> 01:42:42,218 Childbirth, and later child- rearing with someone else 2279 01:42:42,252 --> 01:42:46,288 Allows for a whole new level of trust and familiarity 2280 01:42:46,321 --> 01:42:49,558 That I just don't think happens otherwise. 2281 01:42:49,591 --> 01:42:50,859 You sure about this, out in public, 2282 01:42:50,892 --> 01:42:52,461 People might see us... 2283 01:42:52,494 --> 01:42:53,495 I hope so. 2284 01:42:53,528 --> 01:42:55,230 I just washed this dress. 2285 01:42:55,264 --> 01:42:58,667 My goodness, to what do we owe this new frontier spirit? 2286 01:42:58,700 --> 01:43:00,468 Well, I just woke up this morning and thought 2287 01:43:00,501 --> 01:43:04,338 "I'm going to have sex with my husband in a bush. " 2288 01:43:04,372 --> 01:43:08,509 So perhaps sex after kids suffers, 2289 01:43:08,542 --> 01:43:12,880 But maybe something better comes out of it... 2290 01:43:12,913 --> 01:43:13,747 "That's You"] 2291 01:43:13,781 --> 01:43:15,916 # There is only one reason 2292 01:43:15,949 --> 01:43:20,320 # My heart knows what to do 2293 01:43:20,353 --> 01:43:22,522 # That's you 2294 01:43:23,923 --> 01:43:26,893 # Like a dream that suddenly was real 2295 01:43:26,926 --> 01:43:30,430 # And then came true 2296 01:43:30,463 --> 01:43:33,366 # That's you 2297 01:43:34,701 --> 01:43:38,537 # I was sad and lonesome 2298 01:43:40,105 --> 01:43:44,042 # Forever blue 2299 01:43:44,075 --> 01:43:48,880 # Clouds of Grey all blew away 2300 01:43:48,914 --> 01:43:52,250 # And the sun shined through 2301 01:43:52,284 --> 01:43:54,051 # That's you 2302 01:43:54,084 --> 01:43:56,421 # Because we are together 2303 01:43:56,454 --> 01:44:00,425 # Life is better and brand new 2304 01:44:00,458 --> 01:44:03,093 # That's you 2305 01:44:04,629 --> 01:44:06,697 # Someone is an angel 2306 01:44:06,731 --> 01:44:11,034 # Sent from heaven I know who 2307 01:44:11,067 --> 01:44:13,503 # That's you 2308 01:44:15,505 --> 01:44:19,576 # I was melancholy 2309 01:44:20,777 --> 01:44:25,114 # Forever blue 2310 01:44:25,148 --> 01:44:29,752 # Clouds of Grey all blew away 2311 01:44:29,785 --> 01:44:32,988 # And the sun shined through 2312 01:44:33,021 --> 01:44:35,157 # That's you 2313 01:44:35,190 --> 01:44:39,328 # And love is the great adventure 2314 01:44:39,362 --> 01:44:41,930 # Some will win 2315 01:44:41,964 --> 01:44:44,567 # Some will lose 2316 01:44:44,600 --> 01:44:50,071 # But the only one I trust with my love 2317 01:44:50,104 --> 01:44:52,940 # That's you. 2318 01:45:36,649 --> 01:45:40,785 # Love is the great adventure 2319 01:45:40,819 --> 01:45:43,154 # Some will win 2320 01:45:43,187 --> 01:45:46,057 # Some will lose 2321 01:45:46,090 --> 01:45:51,162 # But the only one I trust with my love 2322 01:45:51,195 --> 01:45:54,298 # That's you 2323 01:45:54,332 --> 01:45:59,403 # There is only one reason 2324 01:45:59,437 --> 01:46:04,475 # my heart knows what to do 2325 01:46:04,508 --> 01:46:08,078 # That's you 163873