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1
00:00:01,833 --> 00:00:04,000
[serene tone]
2
00:00:06,375 --> 00:00:10,250
- So, Chantal,
I did something for you.
3
00:00:10,333 --> 00:00:14,416
I filed something called
an ineptitude appeal.
4
00:00:14,500 --> 00:00:17,750
Now, this is a leftover
New York state loophole
5
00:00:17,833 --> 00:00:19,041
from the Prohibition era
6
00:00:19,125 --> 00:00:20,833
when people used to be paid
7
00:00:20,916 --> 00:00:23,416
to carry boxes of alcohol
8
00:00:23,500 --> 00:00:24,916
to illegal establishments
9
00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:28,000
without actually knowing
what was in the boxes.
10
00:00:28,083 --> 00:00:29,375
Now, technically speaking,
11
00:00:29,458 --> 00:00:33,166
under this vague
and arcane criminal statute,
12
00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:37,708
you could be considered
a "boxhead."
13
00:00:39,958 --> 00:00:44,625
- For the record,
I never carried anything.
14
00:00:44,708 --> 00:00:47,958
- Uh-huh.
Yeah, I-I-I understand that.
15
00:00:48,041 --> 00:00:50,500
I--what I'm telling you is,
16
00:00:50,583 --> 00:00:53,250
I can get you out of prison.
17
00:00:54,041 --> 00:00:56,291
- Oh.
Whoa.
18
00:00:56,375 --> 00:00:58,333
Okay, just--hold on, Leonard.
19
00:00:58,416 --> 00:01:00,916
Things are moving really fast.
20
00:01:01,708 --> 00:01:03,541
- Do you not want
to leave prison?
21
00:01:03,625 --> 00:01:06,708
- Well, I mean,
I just got used to it, and,
22
00:01:06,791 --> 00:01:09,625
like, the food is, like,
legit yummy,
23
00:01:09,708 --> 00:01:12,291
and, like, the girls here
all think it's really cool
24
00:01:12,375 --> 00:01:14,208
that I did those crimes.
25
00:01:14,916 --> 00:01:16,750
- Okay, you're really
breaking me here.
26
00:01:16,833 --> 00:01:18,625
I j--you know what?
Just--
27
00:01:18,708 --> 00:01:21,458
all you have to do is--here.
28
00:01:21,541 --> 00:01:23,625
Sign this.
29
00:01:23,708 --> 00:01:26,083
- Okay, well, could you,
like, at least give me
30
00:01:26,166 --> 00:01:28,250
five minutes to ask where they
got their mattresses from?
31
00:01:28,333 --> 00:01:30,416
- Just sign the paper,
Chantal, okay?
32
00:01:30,500 --> 00:01:32,375
- [sighs]
33
00:01:35,208 --> 00:01:36,458
I mean...
34
00:01:36,541 --> 00:01:38,166
[sighs]
I don't know, Leonard.
35
00:01:38,250 --> 00:01:40,500
Like, I signed my way
into this mess.
36
00:01:40,583 --> 00:01:43,083
I just--I really think that
I'm gonna need to get a lawyer
37
00:01:43,166 --> 00:01:45,916
to look over this
before I sign it.
38
00:01:47,333 --> 00:01:50,000
- I am your lawyer, you idiot!
39
00:01:50,083 --> 00:01:52,333
You know what?
Just sign the paper.
40
00:01:52,416 --> 00:01:53,750
Sign the fucking paper!
41
00:01:53,833 --> 00:01:55,708
God damn it,
for the love of God,
42
00:01:55,791 --> 00:01:57,625
sign the paper!
43
00:01:57,708 --> 00:01:58,875
- Okay.
44
00:02:01,750 --> 00:02:04,166
I better not go to jail
for this.
45
00:02:04,250 --> 00:02:06,000
- [exhales]
46
00:02:06,083 --> 00:02:09,125
["Obedear"by Purity Ring playing]
47
00:02:09,208 --> 00:02:14,541
- ♪ Oh, but dear,the sky is low, watch ♪
48
00:02:14,625 --> 00:02:17,000
♪ Fluent sea men rig... ♪
49
00:02:17,083 --> 00:02:19,416
- It's just so small.
50
00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:22,375
Like, I don't even understand
how we all fit in here.
51
00:02:22,458 --> 00:02:24,916
Like, is this, like,
an optical illusion?
52
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,958
Is there even
enough oxygen to breathe?
53
00:02:28,041 --> 00:02:30,791
- Yeah, I know,
it's a big change, honey.
54
00:02:30,875 --> 00:02:33,791
- Yeah, more like
a small change, Mom.
55
00:02:33,875 --> 00:02:36,291
- Well, we just have
to make do, right?
56
00:02:36,375 --> 00:02:38,000
Robert!
- Huh?
57
00:02:38,083 --> 00:02:39,208
What?
58
00:02:39,291 --> 00:02:41,875
- Okay,
what is wrong with Dad?
59
00:02:41,958 --> 00:02:43,208
- The doctors don't know.
60
00:02:43,291 --> 00:02:44,791
They just speculate
61
00:02:44,875 --> 00:02:47,833
that it's some kind
of situational dementia
62
00:02:47,916 --> 00:02:50,666
brought about
by disturbing circumstances.
63
00:02:50,750 --> 00:02:52,083
- What?
Why?
64
00:02:52,166 --> 00:02:54,208
- Chantal, get a clue!
65
00:02:54,291 --> 00:02:56,083
This is all because of you!
66
00:02:56,166 --> 00:02:58,083
- What...
- Let's not shout,
67
00:02:58,166 --> 00:03:01,583
because we actually do not know
what these walls can handle.
68
00:03:01,666 --> 00:03:02,625
- No, no, Mom.
69
00:03:02,708 --> 00:03:04,791
She needs to understand.
70
00:03:04,875 --> 00:03:06,416
Your legal fees
71
00:03:06,500 --> 00:03:08,583
tapped us out completely,
72
00:03:08,666 --> 00:03:10,875
and now we are poor,
73
00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:14,166
and we all mysteriously
lost our jobs for downsizing,
74
00:03:14,250 --> 00:03:16,458
but it is obvious
that the real reason
75
00:03:16,541 --> 00:03:18,625
is because we have
a family member
76
00:03:18,708 --> 00:03:21,250
that was stupid enough
to associate
77
00:03:21,333 --> 00:03:24,833
with that bad, old man!
78
00:03:24,916 --> 00:03:27,375
We can't get hired anywhere.
79
00:03:27,458 --> 00:03:30,666
They practically chased us
out of Chappaqua.
80
00:03:30,750 --> 00:03:33,125
And you did that to us,
Chantal.
81
00:03:33,208 --> 00:03:34,583
You did that!
82
00:03:34,666 --> 00:03:37,166
- Okay, Catherine,
when you raise your voice,
83
00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:38,958
it is traumatizing.
84
00:03:39,041 --> 00:03:40,166
- Oh.
85
00:03:40,250 --> 00:03:42,958
- You know,
and on top of everything else,
86
00:03:43,041 --> 00:03:45,791
Ted is selling drugs.
87
00:03:45,875 --> 00:03:48,083
- I'm not selling them, Linda.
88
00:03:48,166 --> 00:03:51,458
I'm microdosing,
and it's a legitimate practice.
89
00:03:51,541 --> 00:03:55,125
One tab is 1/12
of a hit of LSD
90
00:03:55,208 --> 00:03:56,416
and can provide me
with a wealth
91
00:03:56,500 --> 00:03:58,416
of incredible innovations.
92
00:03:58,500 --> 00:03:59,625
Believe me when I tell you
93
00:03:59,708 --> 00:04:00,916
I will invent something
94
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,333
that will save our family.
95
00:04:03,416 --> 00:04:05,541
- Ted, my family
96
00:04:05,625 --> 00:04:07,166
is not your family,
97
00:04:07,250 --> 00:04:10,125
and I don't feel comfortable
when you say "our family."
98
00:04:11,416 --> 00:04:14,416
- Chantal, is that you?
99
00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:16,625
- Ugh.
Yes, Daddy.
100
00:04:16,708 --> 00:04:19,500
I've been behind you
for 15 minutes.
101
00:04:19,583 --> 00:04:22,708
Oh, God.
Okay, this has got to stop.
102
00:04:22,791 --> 00:04:26,083
I don't like it.
You guys are freaking me out.
103
00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:29,083
I am not a poor person, okay?
104
00:04:29,166 --> 00:04:32,041
I don't want to be
a Witherbottom anymore.
105
00:04:32,125 --> 00:04:34,000
- Oh, but honey,
you are a Witherbottom.
106
00:04:34,083 --> 00:04:37,000
- This isn't Witherbottom.
107
00:04:37,083 --> 00:04:39,333
It's rock bottom.
108
00:04:45,750 --> 00:04:48,958
[faint TV chatter]
109
00:04:52,291 --> 00:04:55,250
I'm sorry.
What are you doing?
110
00:04:55,333 --> 00:04:59,041
- Eating, Chantal,
like a family.
111
00:04:59,125 --> 00:05:00,333
- Hmm.
112
00:05:00,416 --> 00:05:02,583
Uh, I don't think
that you are eating
113
00:05:02,666 --> 00:05:04,791
because I don't see food.
114
00:05:04,875 --> 00:05:09,750
Sticks and rings are not food.
[scoffs]
115
00:05:09,833 --> 00:05:12,291
- I was resistant at first,
116
00:05:12,375 --> 00:05:15,166
but the nuggets
have really proved themselves.
117
00:05:15,250 --> 00:05:17,916
They can be a little salty,
which is why it's good
118
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:21,375
to take a little dip
into the sweet and the sour.
119
00:05:21,458 --> 00:05:22,916
It's a pleasing balance.
120
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:26,083
- Catherine, your husband
is very high right now.
121
00:05:26,166 --> 00:05:27,875
- Can you just...
- [snorts]
122
00:05:29,541 --> 00:05:32,333
- [sighs]
Okay, I am not eating this.
123
00:05:32,416 --> 00:05:36,125
- Just think of dinner time
like we're at a carnival.
124
00:05:36,958 --> 00:05:38,583
- I want goose!
125
00:05:38,666 --> 00:05:40,625
- You've never had goose.
126
00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:42,833
- Yeah, okay, and you have?
127
00:05:42,916 --> 00:05:44,000
- Okay...
128
00:05:44,083 --> 00:05:45,666
- [scoffs]
129
00:05:50,958 --> 00:05:52,791
[quavers]
130
00:05:52,875 --> 00:05:56,166
It's crazy that I ate better
in prison than this.
131
00:05:56,250 --> 00:05:57,875
- So, Chantal,
132
00:05:57,958 --> 00:06:00,708
everyone is trying
to do their parts
133
00:06:00,791 --> 00:06:03,416
to help the family out
in their own way.
134
00:06:03,500 --> 00:06:06,625
Catherine is selling
bus vacations over the phone.
135
00:06:06,708 --> 00:06:09,916
Linda found a way to make money
off of emails.
136
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:12,583
- Mm-hmm.
Every CC is 20¢.
137
00:06:12,666 --> 00:06:15,583
- Robert is...
138
00:06:15,666 --> 00:06:17,500
unable to work,
139
00:06:17,583 --> 00:06:19,791
and I am busy
140
00:06:19,875 --> 00:06:22,000
challenging the frontiers
of perception
141
00:06:22,083 --> 00:06:24,541
in an attempt to save us all,
142
00:06:24,625 --> 00:06:27,500
and so I think it may
be up to you, Chantal,
143
00:06:27,583 --> 00:06:29,458
to begin applying for jobs.
144
00:06:29,541 --> 00:06:32,166
- Oh, my friend Binda
could get you a job
145
00:06:32,250 --> 00:06:34,458
at a money order service
in Queens.
146
00:06:34,541 --> 00:06:36,791
- And I did overhear
the neighbors yelling
147
00:06:36,875 --> 00:06:39,500
about needing someone
to take care of their baby.
148
00:06:39,583 --> 00:06:41,541
You could ask about that.
149
00:06:43,666 --> 00:06:47,333
- [sobbing]
150
00:06:47,416 --> 00:06:49,291
No!
151
00:06:49,375 --> 00:06:50,625
- [sighs]
152
00:06:50,708 --> 00:06:54,083
- I want a different life!
153
00:06:54,166 --> 00:06:57,458
And I want all of you
to be different.
154
00:06:57,541 --> 00:06:59,416
I don't want to change--
I like how I am--
155
00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:02,208
but I want everything else
to change!
156
00:07:03,041 --> 00:07:06,041
Excuse me from the "table."
157
00:07:06,125 --> 00:07:07,791
[sobs]
158
00:07:10,791 --> 00:07:12,416
[sighs]
159
00:07:15,125 --> 00:07:16,791
[whimpers]
160
00:07:18,958 --> 00:07:21,916
[spacey music]
161
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:29,166
♪ ♪
162
00:07:44,208 --> 00:07:46,166
Why don't I feel anything?
163
00:07:46,250 --> 00:07:47,833
[sighs]
164
00:07:49,666 --> 00:07:52,291
Dare I check
the expiration dates?
165
00:07:52,375 --> 00:07:55,333
[mellow dance music]
166
00:07:55,416 --> 00:08:02,583
♪ ♪
167
00:08:15,625 --> 00:08:18,333
- We've been waiting for you,
Chantal.
168
00:08:18,416 --> 00:08:20,291
- Take a seat.
169
00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:22,958
[classical music]
170
00:08:23,041 --> 00:08:30,166
♪ ♪
171
00:08:31,125 --> 00:08:32,666
- Who are you?
172
00:08:32,750 --> 00:08:35,416
- [chuckles]
You tell us.
173
00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:38,208
♪ ♪
174
00:08:38,291 --> 00:08:40,666
- Oh, my God.
175
00:08:40,750 --> 00:08:44,291
Are you the most famous
dead authors in the world?
176
00:08:44,375 --> 00:08:46,250
- [laughs]
all: We are.
177
00:08:46,333 --> 00:08:48,416
- We are.
178
00:08:48,500 --> 00:08:49,750
Should we go
around the table
179
00:08:49,833 --> 00:08:51,000
and introduce ourselves?
180
00:08:51,083 --> 00:08:53,625
- Let's let Chantal do it.
181
00:08:53,708 --> 00:08:56,291
- Oh, that's a good idea.
182
00:08:56,375 --> 00:08:59,291
- F. Scott Fitzgerald.
[laughs]
183
00:08:59,375 --> 00:09:02,791
William Shakespeare.
184
00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,833
Mr. James Baldwin.
185
00:09:04,916 --> 00:09:06,333
Mark Twain!
Hi.
186
00:09:06,416 --> 00:09:08,750
Oh, Virginia Woolf.
187
00:09:08,833 --> 00:09:12,083
Mm, Sylvia Plath.
188
00:09:12,166 --> 00:09:13,958
Maya Angelou.
189
00:09:14,041 --> 00:09:17,250
You're, like,
my biggest inspiration.
190
00:09:17,333 --> 00:09:19,416
- Same.
191
00:09:19,500 --> 00:09:23,166
- [laughs]
192
00:09:23,250 --> 00:09:25,458
And wait.
193
00:09:25,541 --> 00:09:27,125
Are you R. L. Stine?
194
00:09:27,208 --> 00:09:29,541
- That's right.
195
00:09:29,625 --> 00:09:31,458
I thought you were alive.
196
00:09:31,541 --> 00:09:34,666
- Now there's something
we need you to do for us,
197
00:09:34,750 --> 00:09:36,083
Chantal.
198
00:09:36,166 --> 00:09:37,458
- What is it?
199
00:09:37,541 --> 00:09:39,291
- You need to write a book.
200
00:09:39,375 --> 00:09:43,833
- You need to tell the world
about your mean family,
201
00:09:43,916 --> 00:09:46,333
about your jerk sister.
202
00:09:46,416 --> 00:09:48,500
She can't act like that
and expect you
203
00:09:48,583 --> 00:09:50,458
not to write a book about her.
204
00:09:50,541 --> 00:09:54,041
- But I don't know how
to write a book like that.
205
00:09:54,125 --> 00:09:57,500
I only know how to write poems
really well.
206
00:09:57,583 --> 00:09:59,916
- Oh, well, we know that.
We love your poetry.
207
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:02,291
It's all we read now.
208
00:10:02,375 --> 00:10:06,041
- I've burned everything
that isn't your poetry,
209
00:10:06,125 --> 00:10:08,125
even the things I need.
210
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:09,333
[laughs]
211
00:10:09,416 --> 00:10:11,833
- That's why we're here.
We can help you.
212
00:10:11,916 --> 00:10:15,125
- Let us speak through you,
Chantal.
213
00:10:15,208 --> 00:10:17,500
You're the vessel.
214
00:10:17,583 --> 00:10:18,666
- I am?
215
00:10:18,750 --> 00:10:22,416
- Do the world
a beautiful favor
216
00:10:22,500 --> 00:10:26,041
and express
what is inside of you.
217
00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:29,375
- Drink from this
goblet of wine,
218
00:10:29,458 --> 00:10:31,833
and may the passage of wisdom
219
00:10:31,916 --> 00:10:33,500
be complete.
220
00:10:33,583 --> 00:10:37,208
♪ ♪
221
00:10:37,291 --> 00:10:40,708
[laughter]
222
00:10:40,791 --> 00:10:46,500
♪ ♪
223
00:10:54,416 --> 00:10:58,166
- [sputters]
224
00:10:58,250 --> 00:11:01,208
[driving classical music]
225
00:11:01,291 --> 00:11:04,541
♪ ♪
226
00:11:04,625 --> 00:11:06,916
- Hey, uh, Chantal?
227
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,708
Can I talk to you for a second?
228
00:11:08,791 --> 00:11:09,833
- [sighs]
Can it wait?
229
00:11:09,916 --> 00:11:11,083
I'm kind of on a roll.
230
00:11:11,166 --> 00:11:13,083
- No, it can't wait, okay?
231
00:11:14,916 --> 00:11:16,375
Look, uh,
232
00:11:16,458 --> 00:11:18,750
I have a lot
of unexpressed anger
233
00:11:18,833 --> 00:11:21,708
toward you
about how you handled
234
00:11:21,791 --> 00:11:23,208
my miscarriage.
235
00:11:24,666 --> 00:11:26,125
You didn't even
acknowledge it
236
00:11:26,208 --> 00:11:27,500
or ask how I was,
237
00:11:27,583 --> 00:11:28,916
and it's just--
it's hard for me to--
238
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:30,708
- Shh!
239
00:11:30,791 --> 00:11:33,375
♪ ♪
240
00:11:33,458 --> 00:11:35,416
- Wow.
Okay.
241
00:11:35,500 --> 00:11:37,583
[sniffling]
242
00:11:37,666 --> 00:11:42,416
♪ ♪
243
00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:44,708
- Yes, yes, yes!
244
00:11:44,791 --> 00:11:47,541
Yes!
Yes!
245
00:11:47,625 --> 00:11:49,500
Yes!
246
00:11:49,583 --> 00:11:51,416
- Chantal, you didn't hear
what I was doing
247
00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:53,791
in the other room, did you?
248
00:11:53,875 --> 00:11:56,666
- No, Ted, I'm trying to focus.
249
00:11:56,750 --> 00:11:58,166
- Now I'm embarrassed.
250
00:11:59,625 --> 00:12:02,041
Part of me wants to tell you
what I was doing.
251
00:12:02,125 --> 00:12:08,708
♪ ♪
252
00:12:12,625 --> 00:12:14,333
- I'm done.
253
00:12:14,416 --> 00:12:16,458
I did it!
Ha!
254
00:12:16,541 --> 00:12:18,666
No, no.
255
00:12:18,750 --> 00:12:20,625
We did it.
256
00:12:20,708 --> 00:12:22,250
Thank you, friends.
257
00:12:22,333 --> 00:12:23,458
- What?
258
00:12:25,083 --> 00:12:26,875
- [quietly] Fuck you.
259
00:12:28,291 --> 00:12:31,166
[breathes deeply]
260
00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:33,666
♪ ♪
261
00:12:33,750 --> 00:12:35,250
- Well, what can I say?
I read it.
262
00:12:35,333 --> 00:12:36,500
We all read it.
263
00:12:36,583 --> 00:12:38,083
I think everyone
in the building read it.
264
00:12:38,166 --> 00:12:40,833
- Oh, that's great.
[laughs]
265
00:12:40,916 --> 00:12:43,666
- Yeah, it's fascinating,
to say the least.
266
00:12:43,750 --> 00:12:45,791
Parts of it
are extremely problematic.
267
00:12:45,875 --> 00:12:48,583
- Mm.
- It's a very difficult read.
268
00:12:48,666 --> 00:12:49,833
- Yes.
269
00:12:49,916 --> 00:12:52,500
I--I wanted to challenge
the reader.
270
00:12:52,583 --> 00:12:54,208
Good books do that.
271
00:12:54,291 --> 00:12:55,875
- No, I mean
literally difficult.
272
00:12:55,958 --> 00:12:57,333
It took me eight minutes
273
00:12:57,416 --> 00:12:59,166
just to figure out
how to open the lock.
274
00:12:59,250 --> 00:13:00,250
- Right.
275
00:13:00,333 --> 00:13:03,083
It's supposed to look
and feel
276
00:13:03,166 --> 00:13:04,333
like a diary.
277
00:13:04,416 --> 00:13:05,666
- [chuckles]
278
00:13:05,750 --> 00:13:07,916
- But I feel like
if you didn't get that,
279
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,291
then you didn't even
really understand
280
00:13:10,375 --> 00:13:12,208
the book that you were reading.
281
00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:14,291
- Yeah, well, you know,
it's unappealing.
282
00:13:14,375 --> 00:13:16,458
Right?
I mean, look how ugly this is.
283
00:13:16,541 --> 00:13:17,500
[laughs]
284
00:13:17,583 --> 00:13:19,125
And very costly,
I would imagine.
285
00:13:19,208 --> 00:13:21,541
I think you'd have to charge
the consumer at least $65
286
00:13:21,625 --> 00:13:23,583
just to make a profit
because of these materials.
287
00:13:23,666 --> 00:13:25,166
This is real leather.
288
00:13:25,250 --> 00:13:27,500
It's ugly leather,
but it is real, and it's heavy.
289
00:13:27,583 --> 00:13:29,000
I mean, whoo!
290
00:13:29,083 --> 00:13:30,375
You know, you can't
just carry this in your bag
291
00:13:30,458 --> 00:13:32,375
or throw it
in your coat pocket.
292
00:13:32,458 --> 00:13:34,791
And also, the title, right?
"Imperfect Ten."
293
00:13:34,875 --> 00:13:37,875
I don't understand.
What does that mean to you?
294
00:13:37,958 --> 00:13:41,708
- Well, it means
that my whole life
295
00:13:41,791 --> 00:13:43,666
has been a series
of realizations
296
00:13:43,750 --> 00:13:45,916
that even though
the common person
297
00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:48,708
might think
that I am a perfect ten,
298
00:13:48,791 --> 00:13:51,041
I am indeed flawed.
299
00:13:51,125 --> 00:13:52,625
I may still be a ten,
300
00:13:52,708 --> 00:13:54,500
but I am not perfect.
301
00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:56,791
- And you're just going
by Chantal?
302
00:13:56,875 --> 00:13:58,416
You're a one-name person?
303
00:13:58,500 --> 00:14:00,833
- Well, if that also
wasn't clear in the book,
304
00:14:00,916 --> 00:14:02,583
I hate my family,
so there's, like,
305
00:14:02,666 --> 00:14:05,208
no reason for me to keep
my last name anymore.
306
00:14:05,291 --> 00:14:06,958
- Okay, um,
307
00:14:07,041 --> 00:14:09,750
I don't think that you
should be a writer.
308
00:14:09,833 --> 00:14:12,250
In fact, I ask you
to never write again.
309
00:14:12,333 --> 00:14:14,000
This book is deranged,
310
00:14:14,083 --> 00:14:16,833
and not in a way
that I can work with it.
311
00:14:16,916 --> 00:14:18,708
If I were to publish this,
312
00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:20,625
people would freak out.
313
00:14:20,708 --> 00:14:23,208
It would make the world
a worse place.
314
00:14:23,291 --> 00:14:26,208
[pensive music]
315
00:14:26,291 --> 00:14:28,583
♪ ♪
316
00:14:28,666 --> 00:14:32,166
- But I'm the one.
317
00:14:32,250 --> 00:14:34,000
♪ ♪
318
00:14:34,083 --> 00:14:37,250
[panting]
319
00:14:49,041 --> 00:14:52,333
You're so stupid, Chantal!
320
00:14:55,875 --> 00:14:59,958
None of your dreams
are ever gonna come true.
321
00:15:00,041 --> 00:15:05,500
You're just
a stupid loser idiot!
322
00:15:05,583 --> 00:15:07,833
[spacey music]
323
00:15:07,916 --> 00:15:09,916
[cries]
324
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:14,583
♪ ♪
325
00:15:14,666 --> 00:15:17,041
- Get back here!
[yelps]
326
00:15:17,125 --> 00:15:18,666
[woman shouts]
- My God!
327
00:15:18,750 --> 00:15:20,166
- Is that a book?
328
00:15:20,250 --> 00:15:22,375
Charlie?
Help!
329
00:15:22,458 --> 00:15:24,750
My friend was hit by a book!
330
00:15:24,833 --> 00:15:26,750
Where did that come from?
331
00:15:26,833 --> 00:15:29,041
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
332
00:15:29,125 --> 00:15:31,166
Charlie.
Oh, fuck.
333
00:15:31,250 --> 00:15:33,666
Call Lorraine.
334
00:15:33,750 --> 00:15:35,541
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
335
00:15:35,625 --> 00:15:37,833
She was hit by a book!
336
00:15:37,916 --> 00:15:40,666
♪ ♪
337
00:15:40,750 --> 00:15:45,750
- "Imperfect Ten" by Chantal.
338
00:15:45,833 --> 00:15:49,000
I wonder what that means.
339
00:15:49,083 --> 00:15:50,166
Hmm.
340
00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:54,000
[driven classical music]
341
00:15:54,083 --> 00:15:56,708
[laughs]
342
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:01,541
Oh.
343
00:16:01,625 --> 00:16:06,916
♪ ♪
344
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,708
Listen up, everybody.
345
00:16:09,791 --> 00:16:14,291
I found a book on the street,
346
00:16:14,375 --> 00:16:17,708
and it's brilliant.
347
00:16:17,791 --> 00:16:20,208
It makes me wonder
if I should've been
348
00:16:20,291 --> 00:16:23,041
scouring the streets
all these years,
349
00:16:23,125 --> 00:16:25,541
looking down
instead of looking up.
350
00:16:25,625 --> 00:16:27,625
Let everyone else look up!
351
00:16:27,708 --> 00:16:31,041
Now, here's the kicker
about this book.
352
00:16:31,125 --> 00:16:35,541
It's written
by a ten-year-old little girl.
353
00:16:35,625 --> 00:16:38,750
- Wow.
- It's a work of art--
354
00:16:38,833 --> 00:16:42,250
somewhere between self-help
and a manifesto
355
00:16:42,333 --> 00:16:47,583
on how to live without shame
and without awareness.
356
00:16:47,666 --> 00:16:51,791
There's a passage
in the chapter "Picky Eater"
357
00:16:51,875 --> 00:16:53,458
that will break your heart.
358
00:16:53,541 --> 00:16:57,083
Whoever this little Chantal is,
359
00:16:57,166 --> 00:16:59,750
she's a genius.
360
00:16:59,833 --> 00:17:01,083
Yeah.
361
00:17:01,166 --> 00:17:04,125
[spacey percussive music]
362
00:17:04,208 --> 00:17:11,375
♪ ♪
363
00:17:39,166 --> 00:17:40,958
- [laughs softly]
364
00:17:41,041 --> 00:17:43,250
Are you k...
365
00:17:43,333 --> 00:17:44,875
A child?
366
00:17:47,375 --> 00:17:49,125
Wait.
367
00:17:49,208 --> 00:17:51,375
Why does it say I'm a child?
368
00:17:53,375 --> 00:17:55,958
- I'm Wilma.
It's nice to meet you both.
369
00:17:56,041 --> 00:17:59,875
- I'm Helen, and this
is my daughter, Chantal.
370
00:17:59,958 --> 00:18:01,625
- I'm Chantal.
371
00:18:01,708 --> 00:18:03,625
- Well, I really hope
that's true,
372
00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:07,500
but there's a long line
of little girls out there,
373
00:18:07,583 --> 00:18:11,125
all claiming
that they wrote this book.
374
00:18:11,208 --> 00:18:13,166
So, Chantal,
375
00:18:13,250 --> 00:18:16,791
if that is in fact your name,
if you wrote this book,
376
00:18:16,875 --> 00:18:20,208
you would recognize
your own words, correct?
377
00:18:20,291 --> 00:18:21,541
Good.
378
00:18:21,625 --> 00:18:24,208
So I'm gonna go ahead
and quote from the book,
379
00:18:24,291 --> 00:18:27,625
and I want you
to finish the quote for me,
380
00:18:27,708 --> 00:18:30,541
and this way, I will know
if you are indeed the author.
381
00:18:30,625 --> 00:18:32,416
Kay?
382
00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:35,000
"Life is a roller coaster.
383
00:18:35,083 --> 00:18:36,833
"Time is the tracks,
384
00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:41,083
and wisdom is the..." what?
385
00:18:44,416 --> 00:18:45,875
- Don't look at me.
386
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:48,208
You wrote it, Chantal.
387
00:18:48,291 --> 00:18:51,541
Wisdom is the...
388
00:18:51,625 --> 00:18:54,291
- Is the screams?
389
00:18:54,375 --> 00:18:56,625
- [sighs]
Shame on you both.
390
00:18:56,708 --> 00:18:58,291
- You are such
a disappointment.
391
00:18:58,375 --> 00:19:00,083
It's no wonder
that your father left.
392
00:19:00,166 --> 00:19:01,833
Excuse you!
393
00:19:04,083 --> 00:19:05,875
- What?
- We found her.
394
00:19:05,958 --> 00:19:07,875
- Are you sure?
How can you be sure?
395
00:19:07,958 --> 00:19:09,250
- Chantal, can you repeat
396
00:19:09,333 --> 00:19:11,625
what you just said to me
for Wilma?
397
00:19:11,708 --> 00:19:15,000
- The wisdom is the park map.
398
00:19:15,083 --> 00:19:16,375
- That's right.
399
00:19:16,458 --> 00:19:18,458
That's right.
The wisdom is the park map.
400
00:19:18,541 --> 00:19:19,875
Give me that phone.
401
00:19:19,958 --> 00:19:23,375
Chantal,
I am so, so happy
402
00:19:23,458 --> 00:19:24,958
to have found you.
403
00:19:25,041 --> 00:19:29,500
- Oh, my God, and I am so,
so happy to have been found!
404
00:19:29,583 --> 00:19:31,375
[laughs]
- Oh, Chantal.
405
00:19:31,458 --> 00:19:33,958
I don't know
if you understand
406
00:19:34,041 --> 00:19:35,958
what you did,
407
00:19:36,041 --> 00:19:39,583
but you have basically
written the Bible!
408
00:19:39,666 --> 00:19:40,625
- [laughs]
409
00:19:40,708 --> 00:19:42,375
- This thing is a manifesto
410
00:19:42,458 --> 00:19:46,750
on how to bea fully realized human being
411
00:19:46,833 --> 00:19:49,083
at the age of ten.
412
00:19:49,166 --> 00:19:53,250
I mean, no one has everdone that before.
413
00:19:53,333 --> 00:19:55,875
- Thank you so much.
414
00:19:55,958 --> 00:19:57,625
Um...
415
00:19:57,708 --> 00:19:59,083
The only thing is that I--
416
00:19:59,166 --> 00:20:02,208
- I mean,I sobbed hysterically.
417
00:20:02,291 --> 00:20:05,791
I cried for the little girl
I was.
418
00:20:05,875 --> 00:20:10,958
I cried for the girl
I never got to be.
419
00:20:11,041 --> 00:20:14,083
This is a masterpiece.I mean it.
420
00:20:14,166 --> 00:20:16,791
I suppose it would mean nothing
if an adult wrote it,
421
00:20:16,875 --> 00:20:19,458
but you wrote it,
422
00:20:19,541 --> 00:20:21,333
and I need youto be on my show.
423
00:20:21,416 --> 00:20:22,750
How does that sound?
424
00:20:22,833 --> 00:20:26,291
I want the world to love you
as much as I do.
425
00:20:26,958 --> 00:20:28,500
- Oh, my God.
426
00:20:32,041 --> 00:20:33,666
Okay.
427
00:20:33,750 --> 00:20:35,125
Okay, okay!
428
00:20:35,208 --> 00:20:37,125
Yes!
Yes, I will!
429
00:20:37,208 --> 00:20:39,666
- Yes, yes!
She said yes.
430
00:20:39,750 --> 00:20:41,583
Chantal!
431
00:20:41,666 --> 00:20:44,750
- [giggling]
Yes!
432
00:20:44,833 --> 00:20:46,833
[mischievous orchestral music]
433
00:20:46,916 --> 00:20:49,291
- This is Chantal.Leave a beep. [laughs]
434
00:20:49,375 --> 00:20:51,750
[answering machine tone]
- Shit.
435
00:20:51,833 --> 00:20:54,666
[sighs]
436
00:20:54,750 --> 00:20:56,000
- Where's Chantal?
437
00:20:56,083 --> 00:20:57,833
I want to meet her
before we go on the air.
438
00:20:57,916 --> 00:20:59,666
- I have been trying her
all day,
439
00:20:59,750 --> 00:21:01,375
and I'm--I'm gonna get her.
440
00:21:01,458 --> 00:21:02,958
- This is Chantal.
441
00:21:03,041 --> 00:21:04,708
Leave a beep. [laughs][answering machine tone]
442
00:21:04,791 --> 00:21:06,500
- Chantal, honey.
I'm hoping you're close.
443
00:21:06,583 --> 00:21:09,375
Please have your parents call
me back when they get this.
444
00:21:09,458 --> 00:21:11,166
Wilma, I know you don't
want to hear this,
445
00:21:11,250 --> 00:21:13,250
but I would consider
doing an audience share circle
446
00:21:13,333 --> 00:21:14,500
as a backup just in case
she doesn't--
447
00:21:14,583 --> 00:21:15,666
- No.
448
00:21:15,750 --> 00:21:17,208
I promised my audience Chantal,
449
00:21:17,291 --> 00:21:19,083
and I'm going
to give them Chantal.
450
00:21:19,166 --> 00:21:20,375
That's my job.
451
00:21:20,458 --> 00:21:22,458
Your job is to make sure
she gets here.
452
00:21:22,541 --> 00:21:23,916
- Show starts in five.
453
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:25,250
- I'm gonna go out there,
454
00:21:25,333 --> 00:21:27,083
and I'm going
to introduce Chantal,
455
00:21:27,166 --> 00:21:29,500
and I expect for her
to come on stage
456
00:21:29,583 --> 00:21:31,333
the moment I call her,
got it?
457
00:21:31,416 --> 00:21:33,208
- [muttering indistinctly]
458
00:21:33,291 --> 00:21:35,541
[mischievous music]
459
00:21:35,625 --> 00:21:39,500
[phone buzzing]
460
00:21:39,583 --> 00:21:40,875
- Hello?
461
00:21:40,958 --> 00:21:42,541
- Chantal!
Are you close?
462
00:21:42,625 --> 00:21:46,166
- Yeah, I'm in a cab.
I'm, like, three blocks away.
463
00:21:46,250 --> 00:21:47,833
- Sweetie, could you please
464
00:21:47,916 --> 00:21:49,458
put one of your parents
on the phone?
465
00:21:49,541 --> 00:21:52,541
I just want to check
that you're actually close.
466
00:21:52,625 --> 00:21:56,000
- Oh, wait.
Look, yeah, here we are.
467
00:21:56,083 --> 00:21:57,541
We're here.
468
00:21:57,625 --> 00:22:00,041
We're--we're--we're pulling upto the curb.
469
00:22:00,125 --> 00:22:02,833
We're--we're getting out.
Thank you.
470
00:22:02,916 --> 00:22:04,666
We're just paying the driver,
so...
471
00:22:04,750 --> 00:22:05,708
- Oh, thank God.
472
00:22:05,791 --> 00:22:07,041
Okay, there's unfortunately
473
00:22:07,125 --> 00:22:08,375
not enough time
for you to meet Wilma
474
00:22:08,458 --> 00:22:10,041
before the show,
but don't worry.
475
00:22:10,125 --> 00:22:11,500
We're gonna prep you
about everything you need to do
476
00:22:11,583 --> 00:22:13,375
once you get here,
so hurry, Chantal.
477
00:22:13,458 --> 00:22:14,791
Run.
478
00:22:14,875 --> 00:22:22,083
♪ ♪
479
00:22:24,375 --> 00:22:27,166
- [sighs]
Okay.
480
00:22:27,250 --> 00:22:30,750
♪ ♪
481
00:22:30,833 --> 00:22:32,000
- All right, y'all.
482
00:22:32,083 --> 00:22:34,083
When that applause light
comes on,
483
00:22:34,166 --> 00:22:36,166
I want y'all to lose
your damn minds.
484
00:22:36,250 --> 00:22:37,583
You hear me?
Right.
485
00:22:37,666 --> 00:22:39,083
As long as that light is on,
don't stop.
486
00:22:39,166 --> 00:22:41,250
Keep going, keep clapping.
That's right.
487
00:22:41,333 --> 00:22:43,708
And you are not allowed
to stop applauding
488
00:22:43,791 --> 00:22:45,583
as long as that light is on.
489
00:22:45,666 --> 00:22:47,000
Okay?
Okay?
490
00:22:47,083 --> 00:22:48,833
Okay? Okay?
Yeah.
491
00:22:48,916 --> 00:22:50,083
All right.
492
00:22:50,166 --> 00:22:51,458
[laughter]
All right, here we go.
493
00:22:51,541 --> 00:22:53,583
Let's practice.
Show 'em that light.
494
00:22:53,666 --> 00:22:55,416
♪ ♪
495
00:22:55,500 --> 00:22:58,541
[cheers and applause]
496
00:22:58,625 --> 00:23:02,750
♪ ♪
497
00:23:02,833 --> 00:23:04,458
That's what I'm talking--yes!
Yes!
498
00:23:04,541 --> 00:23:05,791
Even more.
Even more.
499
00:23:05,875 --> 00:23:06,958
I can feel it.
You got some more in you.
500
00:23:07,041 --> 00:23:08,291
I want to make it sound like
501
00:23:08,375 --> 00:23:09,458
the animals just broke out
of the zoo!
502
00:23:09,541 --> 00:23:10,416
Give it to me!
503
00:23:10,500 --> 00:23:11,875
Ooh, Lord have mercy.
504
00:23:11,958 --> 00:23:15,416
[wild cheers and applause]
505
00:23:15,500 --> 00:23:20,250
♪ ♪
506
00:23:20,333 --> 00:23:21,833
- Okay.
507
00:23:21,916 --> 00:23:23,416
Hello.
508
00:23:23,500 --> 00:23:25,791
Um, I'm Chantal.
509
00:23:25,875 --> 00:23:28,291
- But--are you her mom?
510
00:23:28,375 --> 00:23:32,958
- No.
I'm...her.
511
00:23:33,041 --> 00:23:34,791
- But you're old.
512
00:23:34,875 --> 00:23:37,291
- I'm 29.
That's hardly old.
513
00:23:37,375 --> 00:23:38,791
- Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
514
00:23:38,875 --> 00:23:40,500
I can't believe this.
- We're about to go live.
515
00:23:40,583 --> 00:23:42,541
- [whispers] She's not a child.
She's an adult.
516
00:23:42,625 --> 00:23:44,458
♪ ♪
517
00:23:44,541 --> 00:23:46,625
- Oh, Jesus.
Oh, no.
518
00:23:46,708 --> 00:23:49,166
Oh, no.
We have to tell her.
519
00:23:49,250 --> 00:23:51,000
We can't let this woman
520
00:23:51,083 --> 00:23:52,791
go out there
on live television.
521
00:23:52,875 --> 00:23:54,500
- Well, I can't tell her.
Wilma will kill me.
522
00:23:54,583 --> 00:23:57,250
She will actually kill me.
You tell her.
523
00:23:57,333 --> 00:23:59,500
- I absolutely
am not gonna tell her.
524
00:23:59,583 --> 00:24:02,000
I can't lose my job, Frankie.
You do it.
525
00:24:02,083 --> 00:24:03,333
♪ ♪
526
00:24:03,416 --> 00:24:05,000
- I quit.
527
00:24:05,083 --> 00:24:06,791
I quit.
528
00:24:06,875 --> 00:24:13,541
♪ ♪
529
00:24:13,625 --> 00:24:16,583
[upbeat music playing]
530
00:24:16,666 --> 00:24:19,500
♪ ♪
531
00:24:19,583 --> 00:24:23,000
- And now I have the honor
of introducing
532
00:24:23,083 --> 00:24:25,750
a very special guest--
533
00:24:25,833 --> 00:24:28,583
a hero, a friend,
534
00:24:28,666 --> 00:24:30,541
a child.
535
00:24:30,625 --> 00:24:31,791
Chantal!
536
00:24:31,875 --> 00:24:35,083
[cheers and applause]
537
00:24:44,083 --> 00:24:46,125
Do we have her?
538
00:24:48,125 --> 00:24:50,000
Oh, maybe she's shy.
539
00:24:50,083 --> 00:24:51,875
You know how kids are.
540
00:24:51,958 --> 00:24:54,166
Even prodigies get shy.
541
00:24:54,250 --> 00:24:56,750
Let's make her feel welcome.
542
00:24:56,833 --> 00:24:58,375
Chantal!
Chantal!
543
00:24:58,458 --> 00:25:01,750
[all chanting]
Chantal! Chantal! Chantal!
544
00:25:16,250 --> 00:25:18,125
[chanting fades]
545
00:25:18,208 --> 00:25:21,708
[audience murmuring]
546
00:25:21,791 --> 00:25:23,500
- I'm sorry.
What's happening?
547
00:25:25,125 --> 00:25:26,916
- I'm Chantal.
548
00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:30,041
- I don't think so.
No.
549
00:25:30,125 --> 00:25:31,250
Frankie?
550
00:25:31,333 --> 00:25:33,625
Frankie,
who is this adult woman?
551
00:25:33,708 --> 00:25:35,250
- I--I can explain.
552
00:25:35,333 --> 00:25:37,916
- I hope you can explain
where Chantal is.
553
00:25:38,708 --> 00:25:41,041
- She's right here.
554
00:25:43,916 --> 00:25:46,958
Ten years old or not,
my book spoke to you.
555
00:25:47,041 --> 00:25:48,291
Right?
556
00:25:48,375 --> 00:25:50,041
You had an emotional
experience,
557
00:25:50,125 --> 00:25:53,083
and that's--that's really all
that we can ask for in life,
558
00:25:53,166 --> 00:25:56,625
is an emotional experience
that--that changes us.
559
00:25:57,458 --> 00:25:58,500
- Fuck you.
560
00:25:58,583 --> 00:26:00,041
[all gasp]
561
00:26:01,750 --> 00:26:03,375
- I'm sorry.
562
00:26:03,458 --> 00:26:07,791
I have not used that word
in 35 years,
563
00:26:07,875 --> 00:26:10,375
but I'm so full of rage
right now!
564
00:26:10,458 --> 00:26:13,041
You tricked me
to receive acclaim.
565
00:26:13,125 --> 00:26:14,500
- I didn't mean to.
566
00:26:14,583 --> 00:26:16,458
I truly was just trying
to find my purpose,
567
00:26:16,541 --> 00:26:19,625
like, you know, a sense
of belonging in the world,
568
00:26:19,708 --> 00:26:22,541
and isn't that
what we all want?
569
00:26:22,625 --> 00:26:24,291
Wilma, even you?
570
00:26:24,375 --> 00:26:28,625
Some sign that we're, like,
even here on this Earth
571
00:26:28,708 --> 00:26:30,583
for a reason?
572
00:26:30,666 --> 00:26:32,500
So maybe I'm not ten.
573
00:26:32,583 --> 00:26:34,833
Maybe I haven't been ten
for 19 years,
574
00:26:34,916 --> 00:26:38,708
but I know what it is
to have your heart stomped on,
575
00:26:38,791 --> 00:26:40,416
and I know what it is
to feel like
576
00:26:40,500 --> 00:26:42,166
the whole world is against you,
577
00:26:42,250 --> 00:26:45,083
because you know what, Wilma?
578
00:26:45,166 --> 00:26:47,875
I am Chantal.
579
00:26:50,541 --> 00:26:53,666
[applause]
580
00:27:04,416 --> 00:27:07,458
[cheers and applause]
581
00:27:07,541 --> 00:27:10,250
- Stop it.
Stop clapping.
582
00:27:10,333 --> 00:27:11,458
Don't clap!
583
00:27:11,541 --> 00:27:13,500
Everybody,
stop clapping for her.
584
00:27:13,583 --> 00:27:15,416
- No, let them.
585
00:27:15,500 --> 00:27:19,208
They want to.
They know what's good.
586
00:27:19,291 --> 00:27:23,416
[applause continues]
587
00:27:23,500 --> 00:27:25,000
- She's a fraud.
588
00:27:25,083 --> 00:27:27,000
Stop clapping, everybody!
589
00:27:27,083 --> 00:27:30,250
I will not standfor this kind of entitlement
590
00:27:30,333 --> 00:27:31,958
on my stage.
591
00:27:32,041 --> 00:27:33,250
This is preposterous.
592
00:27:33,333 --> 00:27:35,708
Who do you think you are?
593
00:27:35,791 --> 00:27:38,708
- Honestly...
594
00:27:38,791 --> 00:27:40,208
myself.
595
00:27:40,291 --> 00:27:41,666
[dark music]
596
00:27:41,750 --> 00:27:46,166
Honestly, myself.
597
00:27:46,250 --> 00:27:47,750
- [gasps]
598
00:27:47,833 --> 00:27:50,541
- Honestly, myself.
599
00:27:50,625 --> 00:27:51,875
- Not guilty.
600
00:27:51,958 --> 00:27:54,583
- Honestly...
601
00:27:54,666 --> 00:27:56,208
myself.
602
00:27:56,291 --> 00:27:59,083
Honestly,
603
00:27:59,166 --> 00:28:00,125
myself.
604
00:28:00,208 --> 00:28:01,333
[woman shouts]
605
00:28:01,416 --> 00:28:03,916
Honestly, myself.
606
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:07,166
Honestly, myself.
607
00:28:07,250 --> 00:28:08,541
[Taser zapping]
608
00:28:08,625 --> 00:28:10,125
Honestly, myself.
609
00:28:10,208 --> 00:28:12,958
- Chantal,
who are you hiding from?
610
00:28:13,041 --> 00:28:14,958
- Honestly,
611
00:28:15,041 --> 00:28:17,458
myself.
612
00:28:17,541 --> 00:28:19,541
- [screams]
613
00:28:19,625 --> 00:28:22,541
[eerie music]
614
00:28:22,625 --> 00:28:29,791
♪ ♪
615
00:29:02,416 --> 00:29:03,875
- [coughs]
616
00:29:03,925 --> 00:29:08,475
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