Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,635 --> 00:00:05,568
Wow, Moz,
you are something pretty special.
2
00:00:05,715 --> 00:00:07,648
Oh, my God, so are you, Kara.
3
00:00:10,755 --> 00:00:12,888
I'm so glad Brian introduced us.
4
00:00:13,115 --> 00:00:16,248
Yeah, I know.
I don't normally go in that bar.
5
00:00:16,355 --> 00:00:17,622
It must be destiny.
6
00:00:30,995 --> 00:00:33,395
Shagging you is like shagging a god.
7
00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:35,335
Buddha?
8
00:00:36,155 --> 00:00:37,755
No. One of the fit gods.
9
00:00:42,155 --> 00:00:43,252
You all right, mate?
10
00:00:43,276 --> 00:00:44,276
All good, mate.
11
00:00:47,675 --> 00:00:50,542
Here you are, get on that.
It's just neat.
12
00:00:52,795 --> 00:00:53,795
Nicely, nicely.
13
00:00:53,996 --> 00:00:55,929
Anyone fancy cheese on toast?
14
00:00:57,955 --> 00:01:02,371
You read me like a book.
Could you cut the crusts off mine,
please, Paul?
15
00:01:02,395 --> 00:01:03,528
No problem, love.
16
00:01:04,195 --> 00:01:04,995
Ooh, and me.
17
00:01:05,395 --> 00:01:08,995
Tell you what. I'll cut
the crust off the whole loaf.
18
00:01:10,035 --> 00:01:11,902
Cheers, Paul. You're a mate.
19
00:01:14,355 --> 00:01:16,088
He's a good lad, isn't he?
20
00:01:18,675 --> 00:01:22,851
Then Paul Weller brings back the
cheese on toast and we all tuck in.
21
00:01:22,875 --> 00:01:26,608
Right. Cos my perfect night in
would be very different.
22
00:01:27,875 --> 00:01:28,575
Yeah?
23
00:01:29,035 --> 00:01:31,435
Oh, yeah. I'd be in bed with Carmel.
24
00:01:32,155 --> 00:01:35,851
But I'd have Liam Gallagher round
to make us some fish fingers.
25
00:01:35,875 --> 00:01:37,342
That's the same night!
26
00:01:37,915 --> 00:01:39,915
No. It's completely different.
27
00:01:40,555 --> 00:01:42,851
You're not there,
Paul Weller's not there,
28
00:01:42,875 --> 00:01:46,342
Kara Tointon's not there -
it's just me and Carmel.
29
00:01:46,395 --> 00:01:47,095
And Liam.
30
00:01:47,915 --> 00:01:50,048
And Liam's brought fish fingers.
31
00:01:50,875 --> 00:01:51,575
HE SLURPS
32
00:02:06,515 --> 00:02:08,515
Actually... thinking about it,
33
00:02:10,635 --> 00:02:15,302
the whole Moz-Weller-Tointon
triangle ain't really
me perfect night.
34
00:02:18,755 --> 00:02:23,022
It'd just be me and Jenny, having
a bong, a laugh and a cuddle.
35
00:02:24,035 --> 00:02:27,091
That's not going to happen,
though, is it? She dumped you.
36
00:02:27,115 --> 00:02:30,182
Yeah, I know.
But we could get back together.
37
00:02:31,195 --> 00:02:35,995
Let's face it, it's more likely than
the Modfather making us cheese on.
38
00:02:39,435 --> 00:02:43,702
I love that woman. I still
can't believe Carmel's gone, either.
39
00:02:44,355 --> 00:02:46,488
Me and her were a perfect match.
40
00:02:46,715 --> 00:02:47,915
Everybody said so.
41
00:02:49,555 --> 00:02:50,822
Did they? I didn't.
44
00:02:55,395 --> 00:02:56,095
You did.
45
00:02:57,275 --> 00:02:58,875
We were a perfect match.
46
00:03:00,955 --> 00:03:02,888
How were you a perfect match?
47
00:03:03,555 --> 00:03:06,131
Carmel's one of the most beautiful
women I've ever met.
48
00:03:06,155 --> 00:03:09,251
Whereas you're just the
Chuckle Brother that time forgot.
49
00:03:09,275 --> 00:03:12,742
Looking back, maybe
I didn't appreciate what I had.
50
00:03:14,195 --> 00:03:17,131
I'm going home to try on
my all new lingerie.
51
00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:19,171
Do you want to come
and watch? Er...
52
00:03:19,195 --> 00:03:21,995
No, ta.
I'm off to t'caff for a meat pie.
53
00:03:23,515 --> 00:03:26,182
And do you know,
when I got down there,
54
00:03:27,395 --> 00:03:29,462
all the meat pies had sold out.
55
00:03:30,355 --> 00:03:32,355
You're breaking me heart here.
56
00:03:33,475 --> 00:03:36,875
But you see, that's where
we're totally different.
57
00:03:38,475 --> 00:03:39,175
I knew.
58
00:03:39,755 --> 00:03:42,688
I knew exactly what I had
when I had Jenny.
59
00:03:43,355 --> 00:03:47,755
I mean, course, everyone kept
telling me she were a big imbecile.
60
00:03:47,875 --> 00:03:50,542
Turns out
she were totally on my level.
61
00:03:51,715 --> 00:03:56,331
Maybe that's because
you're an imbecile as well.
Had you considered that?
62
00:03:56,355 --> 00:03:58,422
I've never considered anything.
63
00:04:05,755 --> 00:04:06,622
GLASS SMASHES
64
00:04:10,595 --> 00:04:11,795
All right, kitten?
65
00:04:11,915 --> 00:04:15,448
Oh, hello, love.
The packing's pretty much finished.
66
00:04:15,635 --> 00:04:16,335
Smashing.
67
00:04:16,755 --> 00:04:22,022
Our own warden-assisted flat, eh?
It's going be like
living in a tiny palace.
68
00:04:22,795 --> 00:04:25,971
What's that I can smell?
Kentucky Fried Chicken?
69
00:04:25,995 --> 00:04:26,995
No, it's mouse.
70
00:04:27,875 --> 00:04:30,275
Oh, Keith, we haven't got any traps.
71
00:04:30,835 --> 00:04:31,535
No need.
72
00:04:32,195 --> 00:04:36,662
I've got him his own cage, with
all the amenities - wheel, mirror,
73
00:04:36,795 --> 00:04:38,395
mild and mature Cheddar.
74
00:04:38,435 --> 00:04:39,968
Oh! All right for some.
75
00:04:40,515 --> 00:04:42,382
This isn't any mouse, Carol.
76
00:04:42,715 --> 00:04:45,571
Dodgy Darren got him
from the university testing lab.
77
00:04:45,595 --> 00:04:47,531
Well, I hope he isn't a smoker.
78
00:04:47,555 --> 00:04:49,555
No, he's growing me a new ear.
79
00:04:51,795 --> 00:04:56,262
Won't you look a bit stupid with
one normal ear and one mouse ear?
80
00:04:56,355 --> 00:05:00,288
No, Carol. He's growing me
a human ear. He's not an idiot.
81
00:05:01,515 --> 00:05:03,915
I'm going to call him... Bug-a-lugs.
82
00:05:04,875 --> 00:05:07,808
Do you think he'd grow me
a couple of eyes?
83
00:05:10,515 --> 00:05:13,048
In me soul,
I know Jenny was the one.
84
00:05:17,275 --> 00:05:18,142
The one what?
85
00:05:20,875 --> 00:05:21,675
The one one,
86
00:05:23,075 --> 00:05:24,875
like Carmel's your one one.
87
00:05:25,875 --> 00:05:27,732
Your only chance at true happiness.
88
00:05:27,756 --> 00:05:31,051
Oi! I could still find
true happiness. I'm on probation.
89
00:05:31,075 --> 00:05:34,275
Nah, mate. Your life's just peaked.
Now it's...
90
00:05:35,955 --> 00:05:37,688
peeeow...
BLOWS RASPBERRY
91
00:05:38,515 --> 00:05:41,771
I'm only telling you
what you don't want to hear.
92
00:05:41,795 --> 00:05:43,062
I know, so shut up!
93
00:05:51,795 --> 00:05:52,528
DOOR BUZZER
94
00:05:54,475 --> 00:05:55,175
Hello?
95
00:05:56,115 --> 00:05:57,248
'Hi, it's Brian.'
96
00:05:57,675 --> 00:06:00,408
Ah, Brian.
I wasn't expecting you again.
97
00:06:01,195 --> 00:06:02,731
'Shall I just head on up?'
98
00:06:02,755 --> 00:06:03,455
OK, sure.
99
00:06:12,115 --> 00:06:13,448
Hi, what a surprise.
100
00:06:14,955 --> 00:06:16,088
Aren't I scrummy?
101
00:06:16,515 --> 00:06:19,371
You bought another outfit.
Listen, I'm very busy.
102
00:06:19,395 --> 00:06:21,891
I could easily spend all me money
down your shop.
103
00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:24,331
It'd be like when Pokemon
first came out.
104
00:06:24,355 --> 00:06:25,222
What's this?!
105
00:06:25,635 --> 00:06:26,335
Oh! Wow!
106
00:06:27,675 --> 00:06:28,942
I love faggy stuff.
107
00:06:30,155 --> 00:06:33,691
It's designed as day wear for the
Anti-Arcadia. I'm pleased with it.
108
00:06:33,715 --> 00:06:34,648
You should be.
109
00:06:35,275 --> 00:06:38,851
It's for a new line I'm doing
called Total Stub-mission.
110
00:06:38,875 --> 00:06:41,451
Anyhoo, I'm trying
to get it finished, so...
111
00:06:41,475 --> 00:06:43,171
I'd love to watch you work.
112
00:06:43,195 --> 00:06:45,691
Oh, no, no, no.
I can't let people watch me work.
113
00:06:45,715 --> 00:06:47,411
I get distracted by their auras.
114
00:06:47,435 --> 00:06:50,635
Time for a break, then.
I'll stick t'kettle on.
115
00:06:52,675 --> 00:06:55,331
Hey, you know what's coming up,
don't you? What?
116
00:06:55,355 --> 00:06:56,422
Valentine's Day.
117
00:06:56,875 --> 00:07:00,971
It's the perfect excuse to launch
an all-out assault on women.
118
00:07:00,995 --> 00:07:01,695
Oh, yeah.
119
00:07:02,595 --> 00:07:05,731
Don't you worry, I'll get her back.
What's the alternative, eh?
120
00:07:05,755 --> 00:07:07,172
Sitting round on me arse?
121
00:07:07,196 --> 00:07:08,129
Fancy a pizza?
122
00:07:08,955 --> 00:07:12,088
Ooh, yeah.
I HAVE got a bit of a food horn on.
123
00:07:12,675 --> 00:07:14,612
How about that place over the road?
124
00:07:14,636 --> 00:07:17,636
Mussolini's?
I think they might be fascists.
125
00:07:18,395 --> 00:07:22,262
What? No... "Mussolini"
is a common enough name in Italy.
126
00:07:23,315 --> 00:07:26,648
That's you showing your prejudice,
you name Nazi.
127
00:07:26,875 --> 00:07:29,611
Do you really think
I could get Carmel back?
128
00:07:29,635 --> 00:07:30,368
Definitely.
129
00:07:32,115 --> 00:07:34,782
She's not shagging anyone else,
is she?
130
00:07:35,275 --> 00:07:37,571
Well, only in
a professional capacity.
131
00:07:37,595 --> 00:07:40,062
You know,
four or five blokes a day.
132
00:07:40,595 --> 00:07:41,295
Well...
133
00:07:42,275 --> 00:07:45,651
I'm sure they haven't got anything
that you haven't...
134
00:07:45,675 --> 00:07:46,475
already got.
135
00:08:27,555 --> 00:08:28,422
KNOCK ON DOOR
136
00:08:40,195 --> 00:08:41,062
Howdo, fella.
137
00:08:41,395 --> 00:08:43,328
Ah, it's the thick blue line.
138
00:08:45,835 --> 00:08:47,768
You all right? I'm all right?
139
00:08:48,595 --> 00:08:51,328
Jenny, what have you done?
You're not...
140
00:08:52,475 --> 00:08:53,342
I am the law.
141
00:08:55,275 --> 00:08:58,051
Jenny's working as
a community police officer.
142
00:08:58,075 --> 00:09:02,275
I've been cautioning folk,
I've been doing off-the-spot fines.
143
00:09:03,555 --> 00:09:07,422
And, erm, what's that one
that you do with the handcuffs?
144
00:09:07,595 --> 00:09:08,295
Arresting.
145
00:09:08,635 --> 00:09:11,235
Yeah, I'm all about
the arresting, me.
146
00:09:12,555 --> 00:09:13,255
Good news.
147
00:09:13,915 --> 00:09:15,582
I'll just use your lavvy.
148
00:09:16,715 --> 00:09:18,782
Careful with your water cannon.
149
00:09:20,155 --> 00:09:22,451
Are you wearing
glittery eye shadow?
150
00:09:22,475 --> 00:09:23,175
No.
151
00:09:32,355 --> 00:09:34,688
I think your stuff is so fantastic.
152
00:09:34,915 --> 00:09:37,315
Thank you, but I really oughta be...
153
00:09:38,315 --> 00:09:40,982
Much better known.
Well, yeah. I guess.
154
00:09:41,115 --> 00:09:44,771
But I AM known, and the people
who know me, know me a lot, so...
155
00:09:44,795 --> 00:09:47,891
But I think people should be forced
to have heard of you.
156
00:09:47,915 --> 00:09:50,611
I mean, I don't want to
come across as sycophantic,
157
00:09:50,635 --> 00:09:53,571
cos I know you're totally amazing
and you'd really hate that.
158
00:09:53,595 --> 00:09:55,128
Yes, I am. And I would.
159
00:09:55,675 --> 00:09:59,051
This is difficult for me to say and
I want you to take this as a friend.
160
00:09:59,075 --> 00:09:59,875
Really? Wow!
161
00:10:01,795 --> 00:10:02,495
Oh!
162
00:10:03,195 --> 00:10:04,328
Massive thankers.
163
00:10:07,155 --> 00:10:10,755
Massive thankers.
Right back at you. Now I need to...
164
00:10:10,795 --> 00:10:13,928
Least I can do
is make you another pot of tea.
165
00:10:23,395 --> 00:10:24,662
I miss you so much.
166
00:10:25,795 --> 00:10:29,195
I don't want to talk about this
while I'm on duty.
167
00:10:30,995 --> 00:10:33,931
God, I can't believe
you've become a bloody hobby bobby!
168
00:10:33,955 --> 00:10:37,755
You were the one who stopped me
from being a lap dancer.
169
00:10:38,035 --> 00:10:39,571
Well, there are other careers!
170
00:10:39,595 --> 00:10:43,195
It ain't a binary thing -
police woman OR lap dancer!
171
00:10:43,995 --> 00:10:46,795
You've gone straight from filth
to filth!
172
00:10:46,835 --> 00:10:49,371
If you really love me,
how come you're shouting at me?
173
00:10:49,395 --> 00:10:51,862
Is it cos
you're a miss-sausage-ist?
174
00:10:53,475 --> 00:10:55,275
I'm not a miss-sausage-ist!
175
00:11:00,275 --> 00:11:01,475
Jenny, I love you.
176
00:11:02,315 --> 00:11:03,182
And sausages.
177
00:11:05,195 --> 00:11:06,262
I want you back.
178
00:11:06,635 --> 00:11:08,571
Stop it, or I will arrest you.
179
00:11:08,595 --> 00:11:11,462
Look, Jenny,
I want to give you something.
180
00:11:13,715 --> 00:11:16,315
I'd give it 50 minutes,
if I were you.
181
00:11:18,355 --> 00:11:22,222
I thought you said use it,
not abuse it. I'm only joking.
182
00:11:22,675 --> 00:11:25,408
35, tops.
Hey, you'd best be going, you.
183
00:11:26,595 --> 00:11:28,528
Jen's going out solo tonight.
184
00:11:29,675 --> 00:11:31,675
Last time, I mislaid me Tizer.
185
00:11:32,755 --> 00:11:33,622
Taser. Taser.
186
00:11:36,235 --> 00:11:40,502
At last, a real rain has come
to wash the scum off the streets!
187
00:11:43,755 --> 00:11:44,455
Come on.
188
00:11:45,435 --> 00:11:46,135
But...
189
00:12:08,275 --> 00:12:11,142
Sticky black.
You'll easily sell it. Yeah.
190
00:12:12,475 --> 00:12:14,808
And when we sell it, it stays sold.
191
00:12:16,275 --> 00:12:17,875
Great. Off you go, then.
192
00:12:27,875 --> 00:12:29,942
'Scuse, you got a light on you?
193
00:12:54,515 --> 00:12:55,915
See you around, yeah?
194
00:13:03,955 --> 00:13:04,822
KNOCK AT DOOR
195
00:13:07,395 --> 00:13:08,795
Jess! All right, sis?
196
00:13:14,115 --> 00:13:14,815
Come in.
197
00:13:21,995 --> 00:13:24,595
Did you win Jenny back, then?
I tried.
198
00:13:24,755 --> 00:13:26,651
But she threatened to arrest me.
199
00:13:26,675 --> 00:13:27,942
I've been thinking,
200
00:13:28,115 --> 00:13:32,411
I need to recreate the circumstances
of when we first got together.
201
00:13:32,435 --> 00:13:33,835
What were they, then?
202
00:13:33,875 --> 00:13:37,091
She'd drunk a bottle of vodka
and I'd had ten bongs.
203
00:13:37,115 --> 00:13:40,248
Still, who's to say
it can't happen again, eh?
204
00:13:40,955 --> 00:13:42,771
I knew it! They ARE fascists!
205
00:13:42,795 --> 00:13:45,928
Look what they've done
to our extra anchovies.
206
00:13:46,595 --> 00:13:49,595
Bastards! I've good mind
to throw this away.
207
00:13:50,595 --> 00:13:51,295
Really?
208
00:13:53,795 --> 00:13:54,495
No.
209
00:13:55,075 --> 00:13:55,775
Good.
210
00:13:56,515 --> 00:13:58,851
But it doesn't mean
I've not got principles.
211
00:13:58,875 --> 00:14:02,742
Just cos I'm prepared to eat
an extremely salty swastika.
212
00:14:04,635 --> 00:14:05,502
KNOCK AT DOOR
213
00:14:07,635 --> 00:14:09,502
Tania! You all right? Moz...
214
00:14:10,635 --> 00:14:11,835
What's the matter?
215
00:14:14,035 --> 00:14:16,611
BREATHLESSLY: I've been rob...
You've been robbed?
216
00:14:16,635 --> 00:14:17,435
I've been...
217
00:14:19,875 --> 00:14:20,575
robbing.
218
00:14:21,595 --> 00:14:23,012
That makes far more sense.
219
00:14:23,036 --> 00:14:26,636
There's this amazing shop
opened called Bag Lady. Ah!
220
00:14:27,675 --> 00:14:31,408
I tell you, their security guard's
a right good runner.
221
00:14:31,755 --> 00:14:33,355
So glad I wore me flats.
222
00:14:33,915 --> 00:14:38,891
I thought shops kept
these kind of bags chained up
together like huskies.
223
00:14:38,915 --> 00:14:41,648
Oxyacetylene.
Lateral thinking. Like it.
224
00:14:45,475 --> 00:14:48,008
Oh well, you're safe now.
Panic over.
225
00:14:51,475 --> 00:14:52,275
Psycho Paul!
226
00:14:54,835 --> 00:14:55,535
Tania.
227
00:14:56,515 --> 00:14:57,915
I been sta-a-a-abbed!
228
00:15:07,635 --> 00:15:11,035
So, what brings you to Manchester?
Lust for glory?
229
00:15:12,155 --> 00:15:13,572
Mum was doing my head in.
230
00:15:13,596 --> 00:15:16,331
Aw, Mum's lovely. It's not
her fault she's in a wheelchair.
231
00:15:16,355 --> 00:15:21,171
Now Mum's lovely.
When you were living at home,
she was "The Cardiff Davros".
232
00:15:21,195 --> 00:15:26,891
So, you moving in with your fella?
Marek's gone back to Cyprus.
His forged visa ran out.
233
00:15:26,915 --> 00:15:31,848
Aw, that's a shame. He seemed nice.
Apart from y'know, his two... things.
234
00:15:33,395 --> 00:15:34,812
I'll get a new bloke, easy.
235
00:15:34,836 --> 00:15:38,903
But until then, I thought
I could stay here...? Oh. Did you?
236
00:15:41,195 --> 00:15:44,291
Two weeks, max. I'll find someone
with somewhere by then.
237
00:15:44,315 --> 00:15:49,491
Saw a good-looking bloke
on your landing. Dead lean.
Nice eyes. Quite big ears.
238
00:15:49,515 --> 00:15:52,715
Cartoon Head?
Didn't catch his name. Grey face?
239
00:15:53,435 --> 00:15:58,502
You stay away from Cartoon Head.
He's pure evil.
Ooh. Sounds like a laugh.
240
00:15:59,355 --> 00:16:03,022
All right, all right.
OMFG, it's like living with Mum.
241
00:16:07,875 --> 00:16:11,542
I'll phone an ambulance.
No. Ambulances are for poofs.
242
00:16:13,115 --> 00:16:15,448
No, you're thinking of Fiat Puntos.
243
00:16:19,835 --> 00:16:23,435
Phone Rainbow. Rainbow?
Good idea. She's a paramedic.
244
00:16:25,435 --> 00:16:29,635
She'll know what to do. Phone
Rainbow and... I'll phone Jenny.
245
00:16:36,835 --> 00:16:37,702
DIALLING TONE
246
00:16:38,595 --> 00:16:40,262
'Hiya, Paul.' It's Tania.
247
00:16:41,155 --> 00:16:41,855
'What?'
248
00:16:43,955 --> 00:16:48,288
Listen, Rainbow, you have to come
to Moz's straight away, cos...
249
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:50,275
cos Paul's been stabbed.
250
00:16:51,075 --> 00:16:52,542
'What? Did you do it?'
251
00:16:53,275 --> 00:16:54,542
No, I didn't do it.
252
00:16:55,715 --> 00:16:57,571
JENNY: 'What d'you want, Moz?'
253
00:16:57,595 --> 00:16:59,451
Jenny, I want you to come over.
254
00:16:59,475 --> 00:17:04,475
'I can't. I'm providing
a visible and reassuring presence
on the street.'
255
00:17:05,075 --> 00:17:07,142
What? 'I'm havin' a walkabout.'
256
00:17:07,915 --> 00:17:11,651
Listen, there's been a crime
you'll want to investigate.
257
00:17:11,675 --> 00:17:13,475
'Oooh! What kind of crime?'
258
00:17:13,955 --> 00:17:15,822
A stabbing. 'Ooh. Brilliant.
259
00:17:16,635 --> 00:17:18,371
'Should I bring me handcuffs?'
260
00:17:18,395 --> 00:17:21,891
Well, I'd like to think
we could find a use for 'em.
261
00:17:21,915 --> 00:17:22,615
Really?
262
00:17:23,595 --> 00:17:25,262
What an incredible story.
263
00:17:26,475 --> 00:17:29,291
Cartoon Head just told me
what kind of attack it was.
264
00:17:29,315 --> 00:17:31,782
Do you want to tell him,
or shall I?
265
00:17:33,355 --> 00:17:34,822
He were ginger knifed.
266
00:17:37,475 --> 00:17:41,571
That's today's weapon of choice?
A knife for cutting up ginger?
267
00:17:41,595 --> 00:17:46,131
N0! P4vl 4nd CH
w3r3 c0m1ng 0vt 0f Cod Amongst Men
and they got jumped by two gingers.
268
00:17:46,155 --> 00:17:50,488
Tandem random. CH don't reckon
it was random. He reckons it's...
269
00:17:52,955 --> 00:17:53,822
the Red Mist.
270
00:17:57,715 --> 00:17:58,582
The Red Mist?
271
00:17:59,315 --> 00:18:00,248
That's a myth!
272
00:18:00,875 --> 00:18:05,008
Come on! A mutant gang of
killer gingers living in the sewer?
273
00:18:05,515 --> 00:18:09,531
Course it's a myth!
They don't live in the sewers,
they live near Burnley.
274
00:18:09,555 --> 00:18:12,211
Oh, they've come up
in the world - just.
275
00:18:12,235 --> 00:18:15,771
Look, I'm not sayin' that everything
you hear about them is true,
276
00:18:15,795 --> 00:18:18,995
but the Red Mist do exist,
and they are ginger.
277
00:18:21,475 --> 00:18:22,875
You can't be serious!
278
00:18:25,715 --> 00:18:30,115
Ten year back, me and Tania watched
them kill our Uncle Margaret.
279
00:18:35,035 --> 00:18:36,035
UNCLE Margaret?
280
00:18:37,475 --> 00:18:41,275
He were just one day away
from finishing his sex change.
281
00:18:47,035 --> 00:18:50,035
You're not going to die.
I never said I was.
282
00:18:58,515 --> 00:19:01,248
I've heard
you're seeing some new bloke.
283
00:19:02,635 --> 00:19:04,502
Yeah. It's not that serious.
284
00:19:06,435 --> 00:19:07,635
He's not like you.
285
00:19:09,675 --> 00:19:11,408
Nobody's like Psycho Paul.
286
00:19:13,595 --> 00:19:14,295
I know.
287
00:19:15,115 --> 00:19:16,782
So, who you seeing, then?
288
00:19:19,915 --> 00:19:21,052
He's called Jason.
289
00:19:21,076 --> 00:19:25,143
He used to play mini-Moog
in this band, The Silicone Valets.
290
00:19:26,275 --> 00:19:28,075
Only, it's valets with a T.
291
00:19:30,675 --> 00:19:31,675
I've heard 'em.
292
00:19:33,795 --> 00:19:34,662
They're shit.
293
00:19:36,475 --> 00:19:38,808
Are you and Rainbow still...? Yeah.
294
00:19:41,915 --> 00:19:43,371
She brings me mad love.
295
00:19:43,395 --> 00:19:44,528
Ooh. Sounds nice.
296
00:19:46,195 --> 00:19:46,895
It is.
297
00:19:47,595 --> 00:19:48,595
INHALES SHARPLY
298
00:19:50,755 --> 00:19:51,555
Psycho Paul?
299
00:19:54,875 --> 00:19:55,608
Are you OK?
300
00:20:01,355 --> 00:20:02,155
Psycho Paul?
301
00:20:07,875 --> 00:20:08,808
Psycho Paul...
302
00:20:30,755 --> 00:20:33,755
What have you done to him?
Nothing, I swear.
303
00:20:33,875 --> 00:20:35,742
If he dies because of you...
304
00:20:36,915 --> 00:20:40,371
Tania had nowt to do with it.
She's been looking after Paul.
305
00:20:40,395 --> 00:20:42,171
It were Red Mist who knifed him.
306
00:20:42,195 --> 00:20:43,128
DRAMATIC MUSIC
307
00:20:43,915 --> 00:20:44,915
Uncle Margaret!
308
00:20:45,795 --> 00:20:48,528
Red Mist? That's a myth.
Apparently not.
309
00:20:48,995 --> 00:20:52,262
A gang of ginger ghosts
who live inside mirrors?
310
00:20:52,715 --> 00:20:56,531
Course it's a myth. Not everything
you've heard about 'em's true.
311
00:20:56,555 --> 00:20:58,955
Are you wearing glittery eye shadow?
312
00:20:59,315 --> 00:21:00,982
No! It's just a headache.
313
00:21:03,875 --> 00:21:06,875
Do you want a Bovril, Keith?
No, ta, kitten.
314
00:21:07,715 --> 00:21:10,848
How about a sweet Bovril?
Aye, go on. Why not?
315
00:21:13,235 --> 00:21:15,635
I suppose I'd better feed our guest.
316
00:21:22,235 --> 00:21:22,935
Oi!
317
00:21:23,275 --> 00:21:24,542
Oi, you cheeky git!
318
00:21:26,275 --> 00:21:30,008
Bug-a-lugs, come back!
There's no need to shout, Keith.
319
00:21:30,235 --> 00:21:31,568
He's got three ears.
320
00:21:37,155 --> 00:21:39,222
See you, Cartoon Head. Bye, CH.
321
00:21:46,155 --> 00:21:47,022
If Paul dies,
322
00:21:48,155 --> 00:21:49,288
I'll kill myself.
323
00:21:50,275 --> 00:21:53,411
He's not going to die.
He's not worth killing yourself for.
324
00:21:53,435 --> 00:21:56,902
Yeah, he is. He's well worth it.
He's a... bargain.
325
00:21:58,875 --> 00:22:03,875
Look, sis... you're with Jason. Paul's
with Rainbow. It's time to move on.
326
00:22:05,115 --> 00:22:05,982
You're right.
327
00:22:08,755 --> 00:22:11,355
I should kill Rainbow.
You tried that.
328
00:22:11,515 --> 00:22:15,382
You couldn't go through with it.
You're too kind-hearted.
329
00:22:21,675 --> 00:22:23,608
The world doesn't deserve me.
330
00:22:32,475 --> 00:22:33,175
Ooh.
331
00:22:35,235 --> 00:22:39,302
Rainbow's through there,
puttin' Humpty back together again.
332
00:22:39,555 --> 00:22:41,888
Now, would you say the victim is...
333
00:22:43,155 --> 00:22:44,088
going to live,
334
00:22:45,235 --> 00:22:45,935
not live,
335
00:22:46,675 --> 00:22:47,408
don't know?
336
00:22:49,795 --> 00:22:50,595
Live. But...
337
00:22:52,475 --> 00:22:53,342
I don't know.
338
00:22:55,035 --> 00:22:56,702
Mm. I'll put, "Not live".
339
00:23:01,875 --> 00:23:04,475
Now, who do you think
was responsible?
340
00:23:06,875 --> 00:23:08,142
Person's unknown...
341
00:23:08,995 --> 00:23:09,728
or persons?
342
00:23:10,875 --> 00:23:13,542
Cartoon Head said
it were the Red Mist.
343
00:23:14,115 --> 00:23:15,048
DRAMATIC MUSIC
344
00:23:16,915 --> 00:23:18,782
Red Mist? That's a myth. No.
345
00:23:22,355 --> 00:23:25,171
A hairspray that turns you ginger?
Course it's a myth.
346
00:23:25,195 --> 00:23:29,928
Not everything you hear is true.
You want to get a bit of perspective.
347
00:23:30,755 --> 00:23:31,688
Another vodka?
348
00:23:31,995 --> 00:23:32,695
Oh, yeah.
349
00:23:40,235 --> 00:23:41,435
Rainbow. Double P.
350
00:23:44,515 --> 00:23:47,515
You're not going to die.
I never said I was.
351
00:23:50,235 --> 00:23:53,968
Psycho Paul doesn't die.
He's too Psycho Paul for that.
352
00:23:55,755 --> 00:23:59,288
I gave you 12 stitches...
and an extra one for luck.
353
00:24:01,675 --> 00:24:02,608
Appreciate it.
354
00:24:07,715 --> 00:24:08,848
Am I hurting you?
355
00:24:10,235 --> 00:24:10,935
Yeah.
356
00:24:20,435 --> 00:24:22,451
Lucky this stabbing came up,
really.
357
00:24:22,475 --> 00:24:25,008
The more crimes
that get committed...
358
00:24:28,035 --> 00:24:30,635
the more I feel like
I'm doing my job.
359
00:24:31,475 --> 00:24:34,051
Well, Manchester's
a very crime-rich city, innit?
360
00:24:34,075 --> 00:24:36,942
I wonder if Glasgow's
going to be as good?
361
00:24:37,835 --> 00:24:38,535
Glasgow?
362
00:24:39,115 --> 00:24:39,982
Didn't I say?
363
00:24:42,475 --> 00:24:45,342
I'm doing a three-month course
in Glasgow.
364
00:24:46,275 --> 00:24:47,742
Start next week. What?
365
00:24:48,875 --> 00:24:52,451
Yeah, we're going to be learning
about computer crime...
366
00:24:52,475 --> 00:24:53,875
identity theft, er...
367
00:24:54,795 --> 00:24:56,795
people being rude on Facebook.
368
00:24:58,035 --> 00:24:58,835
Is PC goin'?
369
00:24:59,835 --> 00:25:01,302
I'm going to dump him.
370
00:25:03,155 --> 00:25:06,288
It was mainly the uniform
I were attracted to.
371
00:25:08,755 --> 00:25:10,355
And now I've got me own.
372
00:25:11,755 --> 00:25:14,355
Jenny, I've got to
give you something.
373
00:25:17,595 --> 00:25:20,395
I'm taking Double P home
for observation.
374
00:25:21,995 --> 00:25:23,128
What's this shit?
375
00:25:23,515 --> 00:25:27,848
Oh, I ordered that from that
fascist pizza place. Did you? Yeah.
376
00:25:29,195 --> 00:25:30,195
Well, fuck you!
377
00:25:34,395 --> 00:25:35,095
Ow!
378
00:25:39,995 --> 00:25:42,462
Are you wearing glittery
eye shadow?
379
00:25:43,635 --> 00:25:44,335
Yes!
380
00:25:45,115 --> 00:25:45,815
Nice!
381
00:25:52,355 --> 00:25:55,288
♪ You never were
and you never will be mine
382
00:26:00,395 --> 00:26:01,728
♪ No, you never were
383
00:26:02,515 --> 00:26:04,382
♪ And you never will be mine
384
00:26:08,595 --> 00:26:11,795
♪ Cos you never were
and you never will be mine
385
00:26:16,875 --> 00:26:18,208
♪ No, you never were
386
00:26:19,035 --> 00:26:20,902
♪ And you never will be mine
387
00:26:25,155 --> 00:26:28,622
♪ There's a moment to seize
Every time that we meet
388
00:26:29,195 --> 00:26:31,528
♪ But you always keep passing me by
389
00:26:33,395 --> 00:26:36,595
♪ No, you never were
and you never will be mine
390
00:26:40,995 --> 00:26:42,328
♪ Cos you never were
391
00:26:43,315 --> 00:26:45,182
♪ And you never will be mine
392
00:26:49,515 --> 00:26:52,715
♪ No, you never were
and you never will be mine
393
00:26:57,395 --> 00:27:00,862
♪ There's a moment to seize
Every time that we meet
394
00:27:01,795 --> 00:27:04,128
♪ But you always keep passing me by
395
00:27:05,555 --> 00:27:08,755
♪ No, you never were
and you never will be mine
396
00:27:14,315 --> 00:27:15,982
♪ Cos you never were... ♪
397
00:27:16,555 --> 00:27:20,955
Honestly, Jenny, I were never
happier than when we were together.
398
00:27:21,875 --> 00:27:25,342
And since we've been apart,
I've been so miserable.
399
00:27:26,835 --> 00:27:29,635
I made Thom Yorke
look like Timmy Mallet.
400
00:27:31,435 --> 00:27:33,902
You once told me
we were soul mates.
401
00:27:34,875 --> 00:27:38,542
Well, you said "mole mates"
but I knew what you meant.
402
00:27:38,955 --> 00:27:40,422
And I think it's true.
403
00:27:42,435 --> 00:27:44,771
So why don't we give our love
another chance?
404
00:27:44,795 --> 00:27:47,195
Or at least, you know, failing that,
405
00:27:47,595 --> 00:27:48,995
have a farewell shag?
406
00:27:50,715 --> 00:27:53,248
Anyway, that's all
I wanted to say...
407
00:27:56,235 --> 00:27:57,902
when you were still here.
408
00:27:57,995 --> 00:27:58,695
Oh!
409
00:28:02,995 --> 00:28:05,691
This is what happens
when you lend people money.
410
00:28:05,715 --> 00:28:09,291
Derrick's sperm
is very disappointing.
What you doing in a woman's bed?
411
00:28:09,315 --> 00:28:12,851
If you've got any sense, you'll
live in fear of your best mates.
412
00:28:12,875 --> 00:28:15,371
He's stalking me!
It's more romantic than that.
413
00:28:15,395 --> 00:28:16,595
Hola!
SHE SCREAMS
414
00:28:37,195 --> 00:28:39,195
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
415
00:28:39,395 --> 00:28:41,195
E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk
30933
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof