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Why all the cops?

Some kind of European prince is arriving from Washington.

Oh, I see.

Get around and back down.

Where's the mayor? He promised to be here on time.

And who's got the gold key?

I've seen his pictures, and is he cute.

Princes aren't cute, they're glamorous.

Oh..

How do you like guarding royalty?

My wife thinks it's romantic.

I don't mind it.

Prince seems to be a nice guy for a prince.

Can he help it if he's a member of a vanishing race?

Pardon me, gentlemen.

Come in, please.

We'll be in the Pennsylvania Station in ten minutes, sir.

Thank you, here, here's the baggage.

Yes, sir.

The prince, does he want me to brush him off?

I think, maybe it's better if you, if you don't.

Is there anything the matter with His Highness?

Little tired he is, too many people and not enough friends.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Well, our American trip is almost over.

Wonderful people, the United States.

The ones we've met, yes.

Your Highness, at the White House

you have been entertained.

In Congress, you have been greeted.

What more could you ask, I ask you?

For a change, I'd like to meet the people

who elect the congressmen.

I'll never learn anything about America cooped up

in train compartments and hotel drawing rooms.

Plenty can be learned in drawing rooms.

Where do you think your father got his education?

I know, that's why they forced him to abdicate.

And in three more days when our people decide whether

they want a monarchy or a republic

I maybe out on my royal ear too.

Don't worry, the plebiscite, it's in the bag.

And we are holding it.

That's all the more reason why I should learn

about the man on the street.

We should wait till we get back to ourownstreet.

Ozzy, I've seen a lot of American movies.

And I'm convinced what the American people have..

...our people would like to have.

I'm convinced that..

'That reminds me.'

Didn't you promise me I'd meet Lauren Bacall?

Sure, I promised.

But do I look like a man who keeps his promises?

Unfortunately, yes.

- Here, you better sit on this. - Yes, sir.

Come on.

Wow. Thanks, boys.

But you really didn't have to do this for me.

- 'Hey you!' - Huh?

- Get off that. - Huh?

What do you think you're doing?

I don't know. What do you think I'm doing?

Step on it, boy. This carpet's reserved for a prince.

- A prince? - Yeah, come on, keep moving.

Wait a minute. W-w-what is this, anyway?

Ain't you ever heard of Prince Henry?

Ah, has he ever heard of me?

That I can't say.

- Young man, my bags. - Yeah, okay, okay, lady.

I think I'll stick around and give His Highness

a royal welcome, deep and low down.

- Blocked here. - Come here. Come here.

W-why didn't you tell me?

I don't know what you're trying to do.

Ah, we are here.

How does it look?

Well, more high hats than Philadelphia

but not as many blondes as Baltimore.

Ozzy, I'm not going through with this.

- W-why? - I'm sick of formal receptions.

Speeches, dinner, shaking hand.

The reception committee is waiting on the platform.

Tell them, we will be out in a minute.

- Yes, sir. - Well, h-h-hello.

M-make it two-two minutes.

- So long, Ozzy. - So long. Wait a minute.

What are you saying? Where are you going?

I'm going out to have some fun before I leave this country.

But, but think what you are doing.

Tomorrow, at eight different places

you are supposed to be at the same time.

And the day after tomorrow is the eve from the election.

The broadcast you must make.

Ozzy, I'll be at the broadcast.

But for the next 24 hours, Prince Henry

is going to be plain Henry Smith, USA.

- I'll call you later. - But--

- Express my regrets. - But, Your High..

But, but the mayor..

What should I tell him to do with the key

from the city?

How do you like that, getting shoved all over

Pennsylvania station to make room

- for some Balkan playboy? - Well, he--

I mean, what's so special about this jerk, anyway?

Who did he ever lick?

Well, as I understand it, from what I read in the papers

one of these days, he may be King Henry XI.

Yeah, so who cares?

Probably Henry X. That's about all.

Yeah. Why do they give them names instead of numbers?

I mean, take me. My name's Williams, Buzz Williams.

Not Buzz Williams, the 44th.

Buzz Williams, the first and the last.

I'm me, a human being, an individual.

Not part of a series.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Yeah.

You said it.

What's holding things up?

Listen, my old man was a night watchman

my old lady took in washing.

They didn't ride no special trains

they didn't have no special carpets laid.

But they were the tops.

You could give His Royal Highness my love.

I'm not gonna stick around all night waiting

for him to sober up.

Say, just a minute.

- What? - I wonder if..

Uh, is there a good place in town to eat?

What? You just blow in?

Yes, y-yes, I did.

Well, there's about 6,000 restaurants in New York.

I guess, you could get a decent meal in one or two of 'em.

If you want, I'll run you over to a spot in my cab.

Your cab?

Yeah, this ain't no cowboy hat.

- Oh! - Come on.

Sorry, bud.

You always stop like that?

Only when I got a passenger.

Here we are.

That'll be, uh, 85 cents, bud.

Tell Happy, Buzz Williams sent you. Maybe he'll buy you a beer.

- Eighty, eighty five cents? - Yeah.

I'll even break a buck for you, if you insist.

Uh, say, uh.. Why don't you have dinner with me?

Huh?

I don't know anybody in town

and if you consent to be my guest..

Sounds great, but I still gotta make a living, you know.

Eight five cents, please.

- Oh, I'll take care of the cab. - What?

Just let the meter run.

Okay, it's your money.

Yes. So, it is.

You know what happened the last time a customer paid for me?

- No. - Well, no good, my tellin' you.

You wouldn't believe it anyway.

'The young prince was last seen by his aide, Count Oswald.'

Hiya, Buzz.

'We repeat, the FBI has just announced that Prince Henry'

'on tour of the United States, mysteriously disappeared'

'from the drawing room of his train'

'while it was pulling into Pennsylvania station'

'less than an hour ago.'

'The missing prince is 27 years old.'

'Six feet, two inches tall, and weighs 190 pounds.'

'He has dark hair, a dark mustache'

'and a medium complexion.'

'When last seen, he was wearing a gray suit'

'a gray Chesterfield coat'

'and a black homburg hat.'

Do you, uh, think they'll find him?

How? That description fits half the people in New York.

- It could even be you. - Yes, or you.

Eh? No, no, I'm wearing a leather jacket.

- Ha-ha, that's right. - Come on, let's sit down.

- Hi, Happy. - Hiya, Buzz.

Shake hands with the missing prince here.

Hiya, glad to see you.

Don't forget the drinks are still 15 cents

with or without the royalty.

How about a hamburger?

- Hamburger? - Yeah.

- Yes, I would like one. - Everything on it?

- Yes, that would be nice. - Make it two.

What kind of prince is this, Eating onions?

Vern, Toad! Give 'em the works!

What are you drinking?

While we're waiting what about a boilermaker?

- Boilermaker? - Sure, one boilermaker.

You can throw away those cheaters.

- Cheaters? - Yeah.

Oh, I almost forgot about these.

Two boilermakers, you'll be putting them back on again.

Great guy, Happy.

Parlayed this beanery into a gold mine

by trying to keep people out of it.

Say, what's your line anyway?

Oh, I had my own little business.

But it's closed temporarily.

Yeah? That's tough. Reconversion problem?

Yes, I guess you could call it that.

I was pretty lucky myself.

Got out of the army, went right back to driving my cab.

What are your plans from here on in?

I have to get a room first.

You mean, you came to this town without a reservation?

But this island was built to accommodate a handful

of Indians and seven million people moved in on 'em.

You've got a job on your hands.

I never had any trouble getting a hotel room before.

'Here you are.'

This looks like what the doctor ordered.

Here's a gulp.

What part of the country are you from?

- Me? - Mm-hmm.

- Where am I from? - 'Yeah.'

Uh..

'Yes, there's no place like my hometown'

Milwaukee.

Yes, Milwaukee.

Milwaukee? How do you like that? I'm from Milwaukee myself.

- You are? - Yeah. Of course..

My family moved to Brooklyn when I was still only ten years old.

- Oh. - But I still got an aunt there.

As a matter of fact, I used to visit her all the time

just before the war.

Did you ever know, uh..

Russ Winney, Larry Lawrence, Buck Herzog?

- Uh, nice fellas. - Yeah, I knew you'd know them.

Everybody knows them.

I suppose you know this town pretty well too?

Oh, I get around. Give us a couple more, will you, Happy?

You ever pick up any celebrities in your cab?

Yeah, I get 'em all the time.

Did you ever happen to meet Lauren Becall?

I've run across her a couple of times..

...in a few of my better dreams.

Hey, I thought you might know her personally.

Nah, except my girl went to school with her

if that'll help.

- She did? - Yeah.

Here you are, prince. Drink it and weep.

Yeah. Here we go.

- Down the drain. - Prost.

You guys wanna pay me now?

What's the hurry? Fill 'em up again.

That's the way I like to hear you talk.

- Smooth. - Yeah, it gets better all the time.

Wait a minute, don't take the boiler.

The b-- The boiler?

That's no boiler, it's a bottler.

We made it.

Thanks very much for the hospitality of your home.

That's alright. Thank you very much for buying my dinner.

- Oh, thank you. - Huh?

You cleared the check. Don't you remember?

- I cleared it? - Sure.

Never mind, put it on my fare.

Alright.

Well..

- Let's get out of here. - Alright.

Can't. The door's stuck.

- Hmm. - It's stuck.

I'll get it from the outside.

♪ By the light ♪

♪ Of the silvery moon ♪

Come on.

♪ By the light ♪

♪ Of the silvery moon ♪

♪ The silvery moon ♪

♪ I want a croon ♪

♪ The silvery moon ♪♪

You know this is the first time I've ever been in Brooklyn.

Is that so?

You don't know what you've been missing.

There's somethin' about the place.

The rattle of milk cans in the early morning.

Kids playing baseball in the vacant lots.

The smell of the factories and the river.

I don't know, it kinda gets you.

Look, you can have your Michigan Boulevards and Park Avenues.

Just give me good old Flatbush.

Flatbush? Is that in Brooklyn?

In Brooklyn? Flatbush is Brooklyn.

Alright. You have it.

Thank you.

Uh, shall I go first or do you wanna follow me?

Yes.

Yeah.

You ought to meet my brother-in-law.

He's a native of Brooklyn, fourth generation.

- I'd like to. - You'd like to what?

- Meet your brother-in-law. - Yeah, well, you can't do that.

He's in the army. Occupation forces.

- Boy, that's too bad. - Yeah.

Yeah, I'm living here with my sister and her kid.

- Oh, that's nice. - Mm-hmm.

Oh, oh, come here.

They ought to put a step there.

Thanks, pal. You're a prince.

How did you know?

Oh, I can tell.

I say "You're a prince among men."

A-and women too.

Well, naturally.

You got any brothers or sisters?

Five of them.

- Five what? - Five sisters.

Well, that's nice.

- No brothers, huh? - No, no.

They have one but I haven't.

- You're the oldest? - No. No, my father is.

That's the way it is in our family too.

Oh!

Are your sisters older than you are?

I'm not sure.

You having trouble with the lock?

- No, it's just hard to open. - Oh!

Why aren't you sure?

Oh, I-I haven't seen 'em in six months.

Oh, hello, Nan. Did I wake you up?

Why? Were you trying to?

Get your boyfriend off the doorbell there.

- He'll wear it out. - Oh, oh, hey.

- Huh? I'm terribly sorry. - Who is this?

I want you to meet the greatest little woman in the world.

My compliments. My very finest compliments.

Well, it's just what I needed.

Come on in before the neighbors get a whiff of you.

Yeah, come on in.

It's the first time I've ever been in Brooklyn.

You're gonna like this as much as your hometown.

And, Nan, Whoisthis is from Milwaukee.

Oh, advertising the beer industry?

- Oh, no. - No, no.

He didn't have any place to sleep

but a bark pench.. Park bench.

So, I asked him to come home with me.

- Oh, you did? - Uh, no offense intended.

Well, if you don't mind sleeping with Buzz

I guess it's alright with me.

I should be getting used to this.

Oh, am I gonna have to sleep with him?

This is Brooklyn, Whosits. Double beds.

'Keep it down. You'll wake Peggy.'

- Shh. - Shh.

Thanks for your hospitality.

Thank your friend here.

Goodnight, honey.

Goodnight, honey.

Goodnight, honey.

'Goodnight.'

- Good morning, mother. - Hello, Peg.

- Buzz. - Oh, don't get sore, honey.

Buzz, Buzz, wake up.

Look, I wasn't trying anything, baby.

- I was just-- - Buzz.

Oh, hello.

Do you know that Whosits is this Prince Henry?

Who's Whosits?

Oh, yeah, him.

He-he's what?

Hmm, just look at this.

"Missing prince still missing."

I don't believe it. It-it can't be.

Now, watch your eyes. I'm gonna pull up the shades.

Oh, man.

He's got the same nose, alright.

Well, he should have. It's the same guy.

Well, I'm not sure yet.

After all in the picture, he was smiling.

Hey, maybe you're right.

Of course, I'm right. "From Milwaukee.

He didn't have any place to sleep except a bark pench."

Next week, the Punjab of Kumquat.

- Holy smoke. - What?

Last night, I took him to Happy's

I bought him ten boilermakers and a hamburger.

I spent the whole evening telling him

what I thought about visiting royalty.

Then I brought him home with me and went to bed with him.

Me, sleeping with a prince.

Is it true, Uncle Buzz?

- Is he really a prince? - Yeah.

Looks like I drew a royal flush..

...without cards even.

Well, what will we do?

- Phone the FBI. - Oh, sure, sure.

See Alcatraz and die.

- Well, he can't stay here. - Oh, Nan.

Besides, how do you wake up a prince?

I know. You're supposed to kiss him.

Yeah?

Oh, no, no. There must be an easier way than that.

If you kiss him, he'll wake up

even if he's been asleep for 100 years.

Yeah, I don't imagine it's that tricky.

- Hey, chum. - Nan.

Wait a minute. Take it easy.

After all, he's a royal highness.

Okay, he's all yours. Come on, darling.

Aww, gee, mom.

- Can't I stay and watch? - No.

Henry.

Hey, prince.

Oh, Hank.

- Hmm? - Your, uh, Your Highness.

We gotta blow.

- Hmm? - We gotta get out of here.

Out of where?

Where am I?

- How did I get dressed? - Well, you didn't get dressed.

You just didn't get undressed.

Oh!

- Hello, Buzz. - Ha-ha.

It was one my father's favorite trick going to bed with his clothes on.

You see, I spring from a long line of monarchs who, uh..

I mean, uh, well, you know how it is in Milwaukee.

Yeah.

Anything like it is in the Balkans?

Huh? The Balkans?

Yeah, you, uh..

You made the headlines, pal.

Well, I guess this was to be expected.

I certainly didn't expect it.

I'm sorry, Buzz, I-I just wanted

to see some of your country.

I guess I saw most of Brooklyn last night.

I wouldn't know.

Hmm. Who is this?

That's my girl, Connie.

The one that went to school with Lauren Bacall?

Yeah, boy, you certainly talked about her last night.

- I did? - Oh, yeah.

Ain't love wonderful?

Hey, come on. We gotta get going.

If the mayor finds out we got a prince staying here

boy, will we get the bird, come on.

Well, you see, Buzz, until last night

I'd never had a hamburger

I never drank a boilermaker

I'd never ever been near Brooklyn.

You lead a pretty sheltered life, don't you?

That's just it, I've 24 hours in which to be

just a plain guy from Milwaukee.

Then the pumpkin turns back into a prince.

Well, I hope we get away with it.

I mean, after that spread in the newspapers

everybody's seen your picture.

- What do you think? - You mean, shave it off?

- Yes. - Let's see.

- Yeah, that might do it. - I hate to part with it.

Oh, if you got to, you gotta. No wigging off. Here.

I-I've never used a straight razor before.

Yeah?

Fact is, I very seldom shave myself.

Well, I never went to barber college but I'm willing

to take a crack at anything once.

Sit down.

Here.

Uh-huh.

I think you might get by in a crowd.

I'll lend you one.. Excuse me.

I'll lend you one of my suits.

Fine, but I'll need some money to get by, if you can spare it.

What's the matter? You broke?

No, but I generally don't carry money with me.

You see, I never had to pay for anything before.

You what?

If you're worried about that $39.60.

Oh, no, no. I'm sure you're good for that.

Oh! Oh, gee, I'm sorry.

Just a minute.

Yeah.

That will stop it.

Now, look, fella, I can't help you out much myself, I'm flat.

Doesn't anybody owe you any?

You do, but that doesn't get us anyplace.

Couldn't you get some from your bank?

Well, I could try.

They got a funny rule there though.

You wanna take something out you gotta put something in first.

Tell you what we could do though, uh.

You got anything we could hock?

What about that ring? We'd get a couple of bucks on that, huh.

No, I couldn't do that. That-that's the royal seal.

Oh, I've got a c-cigarette case.

- Yeah? - Gold one.

Yeah, we'll be able to get couple bucks on that.

- Mm-hmm. - Ah, we'll try, anyway.

Look, here we go.

Make like so. Ah, ah.

There we go.

- Oh! - Oh, I'm sorry, Hank.

This is the first time I've ever shaved a mustache.

Again.

- Ah! - Oh! I'm sorry, Hank.

I trust you, Buzz, but..

I'd look awfully funny walking around without an upper lip.

I think this requires a technician.

Tell you what I'll do, I'll take you over

to the barbershop where my girl works.

I'll go over and hock this in the meantime.

That way you can get clipped two places at once.

This is the funniest barber chair I ever sat on.

Yeah.

Let me get that lather off your face, eh?

Yes.

I didn't know princes had to shave.

Hey, look, Peggy, be a good kid and go help your mommy, huh?

That'salright. Let her stay, Buzz.

See? He has much better manners than you have.

Well?

Aren't you going to introduce me?

Well, uh, yes, of course.

This is my niece, Peggy.

His Highness, uh, Prince Henry.

- How do you do, Peggy? - How do you do?

Are you going to get all dressed up in your furs?

Well, uh, no.

You see, I'm traveling incognito.

Did you come riding up here in a white charger?

Well, no. It was more of a yellowish color.

Who ever heard of a yellow charger?

Are you sure he's not pulling a fast one on you, Uncle Buzz?

Uh, don't ask me, honey.

This morning, I'm not sure about anything.

Why, Peggy? What if I were pulling a fast one?

Because if you are a real prince

then you're the only man I've ever loved.

But if you're a phony, then you needn't come around

to use our bathroom again.

'Did you hear about the prince' 'who disappeared last night?'

No, I didn't.

'I was up all night listening to the radio.'

'I love those things.'

Oh, Connie.

Where'd your boyfriend disappear to?

Buzz? He dashed in for a minute and dashed right out again.

Uh, who's the guy he brought with him?

You know Buzz, he's always picking up stray characters around town.

Well, uh, this one isn't bad-looking.

Hi, Polly. Be with you in a minute, honey.

I can wait.

Ahem! Shall we concentrate on me now?

- Oh, sorry. - Sorry.

Say, I finally had to cry on that guy's shoulder

but I got you 22 and a half bucks on that case.

Buzz, I don't know how to thank you.

It'll cover you.

Well, here I am, honey.

How do you do? What are we doing tonight?

I don't know what you're doing, but I'm gonna be busy

working on a new dress design.

You're wh.. Uh..

Could I see you for a minute, Connie, please?

- Pardon me, will you? - Excuse me, please.

You mean to say, you're gonna stay at home with clothes dummy

when you could go out with me?

Well, there's no future in manicuring, Buzz.

Why, when I'm 60 or 70

people are gonna start asking for other girls.

So I thought, if I could set myself up

a little dress shop my own..

Look, honey, why do you wanna fool around with a career

when you can go out with me?

- It's not the same thing, Buzz. - Yes, yes, dear. I know.

- Ain't love wonderful? - Oh, Buzz. Excuse me.

Buzz, I'm fond of you, you know I am, but, love..

This whole speech I know by heart, honey.

Besides, what would my children say

if they found out their father was a cab driver?

They better like it, or they won't eat.

Do remember me? The nails?

Oh, Mr. Carrothers, I'm sorry.

- I know you understand. - Oh, yes, of course.

Besides, I won't be a cab driver all the rest of my life.

One of these days, I'll finish my law course and then who knows--

Look, Buzz, it takes a person eight years

at Harvard to get a degree in law

and he goes everyday from morning till night.

You go on Tuesday from 8:00 to 9:00.

At that rate, I can't wait.

There you are, Mr. Carrothers, watch that hangnail.

I won't take my eyes off it.

You think he was upset? Look, honey.

Let's pretend that you're the jury and I'm pleading my case.

Now, are you gonna go out with me tonight

or do you want me to become a burden on society?

- What's the verdict? - Alright.

You can pick me up at 7:00.

But I'm definitely busy tomorrow night.

Well, we'll worry about tomorrow night, tomorrow night.

That's what I say. We'll worry about it.

Hi, gorgeous. What do you got on for tonight?

Well, it's a toss-up between Errol Flynn and washing my hair.

Yeah? How'd you like a date?

- Why, Buzz. You and me? - No, no, no.

My friend over there. The one in the second chair.

Ooh, you're so good to me.

- Hello. - Hello.

- Oh, hello. - How is it outside?

- How is what outside? - The weather.

Oh, it's still out there.

Haven't I seen you someplace before? You look very familiar.

I've observed one thing about people.

They resemble each other.

"Semper Regnant."

- Is that your fraternity ring? - No, that's the royal seal.

- It means, "Always ruling." - Royal seal.

Now I know where I've seen you before.

Right in the middle of the front page underneath the headline--

Shh.

Oh, my goodness.

I've never manicured a prince's nails before.

Where do you want them? I mean, how?

Listen, uh, listen, miss..

Oh, Miss Constance Reed, Your Highness.

But you can call me Miss Reed. I mean, Connie.

Connie, will you keep a secret?

Nobody knows who I am.

And I don't want anyone to know.

Oh, I won't tell a soul. Honest.

I'm even sorry I told you.

Well, how's the beauty treatment coming?

- Fine. - Say, Hank.

I got you all fixed up for tonight with Polly.

Buzz, don't you think--

I gotta check into the cab stand.

- You wanna meet me for lunch? - No, I don't wanna tie you up.

I'll just wander around town by myself this afternoon.

Okay, whatever you say. Meet you at Happy's at 6:00?

- That'll be nice. - Eh, say, Connie.

You got a couple hours off this afternoon.

Why don't you take my pal here and show him the sights?

- M-me and him? - Why not?

He's not such a bad egg, for a guy from Milwaukee.

You know that Buzz is one of the biggest-hearted fellas

I ever met.

Here we go! Aah!

Aah!

Say, didn't you pay me once before?

- No, twice. - Oh.

Look, you don't have to give him money

every time he comes around.

I know, but this trip is worth a lot more than a dime.

Connie, this is the nicest day I ever spent.

Sightseeing with a manicurist?

There's something about American girls.

The way they look at you.

The way they smile at you.

The way they wear their clothes.

This old thing? Made it myself.

Yes, there's something about American girls.

Do you realize that this bus goes all the way up to 190th street?

- And back again? - Mm-Hmm.

Do you realize that you've got a date for dinner?

- Polly? - That's right, so I have.

For a moment, I'd forgotten.

And I've got a date with Buzz.

- Of course.. - What?

Well, Buzz could take Polly.

Then you and I could have dinner together

just the two of us. And then...

Would that be fair to Buzz?

It would serve him right.

Buzz is getting a little too sure of himself lately

anyway, and, well, I'm not sure enough of myself.

- Let's find a telephone booth. - Yes, let's.

- Hello? - 'Can you see the reporters?'

No, no. The reporters I don't want to see no more, please.

Goodbye.

Come in.

I believe we found a clue, Count Oswald.

Yes, that's good. Or is it?

This was turned in to us by a pawnbroker. Can you identify it?

Mm-Hmm, I, I'm sorry, I'm not sure.

But it has the prince's name engraved on the inside.

Hmm. I'm sure.

The pawnshop owner said he got it from a cab driver.

We're leaving no stone unturned to trace the man.

Now, if you have any information that might help..

Yes, I, I..

Just a, just a, just a minute.

A telephone call I have to make.

Ah, there it is now.

- Hello, please? - Hello, Ozzy.

How's everything? Are the bloodhounds still on my trail?

Blood, bloodhounds? Blood..

Oh, hi, my little bloodhound.

Listen, Ozzy, I'm gonna need some money.

Will you get some and bring it to Happy's Hash House at 6:00?

A friend of mine will be there, a cabdriver named Buzz.

You can give it to him.

Oh, thank you, thank you very much.

The BFI is leaving no turn unstoned.

I'll call you later, Ozzy.

Now don't forget, Happy's Hash House at 6:00.

You can look it up in the phone book. Bye.

'I'll never forget the night, I fought the kid.'

'The kid was in great shape.'

'I was in pretty good shape myself in those days.'

'You should have seen it. What a fight!'

'The kid threw a left, I blocked that.'

'Then the kid came back with a right, I blocked that.'

The kid had plenty of fight left.

Well, finally, I crossed the left over to the kid's heart

and then crossed the right over to the kid's chin.

- The kid went down, out cold. - What happened?

I threw a glass of water in her face.

She got up and cooked me my supper. Oh, the kid was tough.

- So long, Happy. - So long, Shorty.

Psst!

- Are you Happy? - No.

The man said you are Happy.

Oh, yeah. What do you want?

The prince said I was to bring the money here.

- He did? - Mm-Hmm.

But I'm afraid I am being followed.

- By a pink elephant? - No, bloodhounds.

- Bloodhounds? - Mm-Hmm.

I think on the subway, I lost him.

He didn't suspect, I suspected, he suspected. You know?

Well, it simplifies the whole thing.

Now how would you like some blood of the hound that bit you?

The hound that bit me?

Oh, kid, I think you got hold of some bad ice.

I will get you hot milk with a butter float.

You wait here. Now don't talk to anybody till I come back.

"Insert a nickel?"

Well, if you got to, you got to.

"Insert a nickel."

'Hello.'

Hello.

'What can I do for you?'

- For me? - 'Yes.'

'Is there something special you'd like?'

- Oh, a lady. - 'A lady?'

'Just a minute, I'll see if we have it.'

'I'm sorry, we don't.'

'But I'll pick you something sweet and hot.'

Well, why not.

Now I know what they mean by a free country.

'Thank you.'

Oh, I thank you!

Oh! You..

Here you are, buddy, drink this and get rid

of those bloodhounds.

- Hiya, Buzz. - Yeah.

- What'll you have? - Nothing.

Nothing?

Just waiting for a friend. Do you mind?

What do you think this is, the Grand Central Station?

No, that joint's ventilated.

Uh, I'll have a beer.

Is your name Buzz?

Why?

His Highness asked me to meet you here.

His High.. Oh, Hank.

Say, where is that guy? Who are you?

I don't know. I mean, I don't know where is he.

But I am Count Oswald.

Huh. Is that guy standing me up or something?

I..

All I know is he said someone named Buzz would be here

and I was to give him the money.

Money? Oh, I guess he means what he owes me from last night.

I got it right here, $20,000.

Ugh!

- 20 G's? - Large bills.

I was going to have them changed but

bank was closed.

Don't let anybody see that.

Don't let even me see it.

'Oh, there you are, Buzzy.'

I knew I'd find you here.

Thought we were supposed to pick you girls up at your place.

Oh, no, Connie phoned and switched dates.

Am I hungry. Shall we sit in one of the booths?

Wait a minute, Polly.

What do you mean Connie phoned and switched dates?

Just what I said. She's going out with that nice Mr. Smith.

- Mr. Smith? - From Milwaukee, you know.

I don't know what it's all about, but she said

they were gonna have dinner and they were going to Coney Island.

They were gonna go dancing in the mall in Central Park and--

That's far enough.

Then they meet us back here at 11:00. Well, shall we eat?

That nice Mr. Smith. Listen, you!

I hope you've got a couple of other guys ready to succeed

Henry XI, because he's gonna go down in history tonight!

- Here you are, sir. - Thank you.

If this is the evening I've been dreaming of

I'd just as soon wake up!

What time is it now?

They're not here yet, dear.

That I know.

Here they are, waiting patiently.

- I hope so. - Come on.

Hey, get out your dueling pistols, chum.

Here they come.

Hello, Buzz. It was sweet of you to wait for us.

- Sweet? - Your mustache, where is she?

I shaved it off. You mind?

No, but so naked you look.

Was the whole evening included in the price of a manicure?

Buzz, you told me to be nice to him.

Yeah, but your idea of being nice is too nice

from my idea of being nice.

It was probably all my fault, Buzz.

No, no, no, it wasn't. I know Connie.

You don't think you're something new in her life, do you?

Well, since I just met her this morning, yes.

You're so wrong.

There was Alvin, the college boy from Columbia

Clarence, the CPA from Queens, and--

Steve, the traveling salesman from Buffalo.

- You keep out of this. - He was cute!

So what? Charlie, the bank teller from Staten Island.

Bill the librarian from New Jersey--

Oh, a girl always tries on a lot of hats before she buys one.

I don't see, why I shouldn't shop around for a man.

A ma.. What do you think I am, chopped liver?

- No. Let's not argue. - Who's arguing?

We just came back to see, if you wanted to go

to a motion picture with us.

- Oh, that'd be swell! - Oh, no, no, no.

I don't go to a motion picture with my girl

when she's with another guy!

Don't be angry with Connie, Buzz.

Who's mad? What have I gotta be mad about?

Go on, take her to a theater. See if I care. I insist!

- Well, if you insist. - Uh... I insist I insist!

Fine! We'd better hurry or we'll miss the last show.

Oh, I wouldn't let that happen for anything in the world.

I'll drive you there myself! Through every red light!

Buzz, that's not necessary.

Nothing's necessary about tonight, including me!

- Come on. - Your Highness, the money.

Thanks, Ozzy.

Looks like you're my new date.

- Are you anybody? - Only a Count.

Only a.. You mean, a Count like a Duke?

Isn't that enough for you?

Buzz, why don't you let me drive? You take Connie to the picture.

No, thanks, things like that don't happen even in America.

Get in.

Hey. Ain't that your girl in there with another guy?

Yeah, that's my girl. I'm driving 'em them to the movies.

- You're driving them to the movies? - Yeah! I'm stupid!

- Listen, you-- - One more word out of you.

And I'll bust you right in the nose!

You pay the man, Henry. I'll get the tickets.

- Are you sure you won't join us, Buzz? - No, no, believe me.

Go on, it's perfectly okay.

Go ahead.

Here. That should make us even.

Not quite.

1,000 Gru-- Grubkins?

- Just a minute. - Huh?

Sorry, bud. You've got to have a ticket.

Ah, you pay for it.

- Hey! - What's the matter?

Grubkins? What are grubkins?

Oh, sorry, it's my mistake. Here.

What about this?

- Hey, Fred. - 'Yeah?'

What do you make of that?

Excuse me.

♪ Yes her tears flow like wine ♪

Lauren Bacall.

♪ She's a real sad tomato ♪

♪ She's a busted valentine ♪♪

Isn't she wonderful?

She's got a beautiful voice.

Who said anything about her voice?

This is the first time I've ever been in a motion picture theater.

I used to see pictures all by myself in a private projection room.

That's no fun.

♪ Lying on a pillow ♪

♪ Sleeping like a willow ♪

♪ My oh my how that baby could cry ♪

Connie!

- Shh. - Shh.

'Connie!'

- Shh. - Shh.

- Connie! - Quiet!

Oh, I'm sorry.

♪ She's a real sad tomato ♪

Connie!

'Connie!'

- Connie. - Shut up.

I'm..

Oh, there you are.

♪ I'm telling you ♪♪

Oh, be careful!

I beg your pardon. I-I didn't mean it.

- Look what you're doing! - I'm sorry.

Would you mind trading seats with me?

Why?

I want to sit next to my girl.

She can't be your girl.

- Why not? - She's with the other fella.

- 'I saw them come in together.' - I know. I brought them here.

I want to keep them apart.

Well, that doesn't even make nonsense.

Shh! I know, but love is like that.

- Oh, love. - Yeah.

Oh, well, that's different.

I don't know if I can get up. I've been wedged in here all day.

- Oh! - Oh.

- What's the idea? - Oh, I'm sorry.

There, let me..

There.

We thought you didn't wanna go to the movies.

I changed my mind.

Oh, Buzz, please.

Since when don't we hold hands when we go to the movies?

- Since I met him. - What?

That's carrying democracy a little too far.

Let go of her hand.

Alright.

He doesn't have to if he doesn't want to.

Really, Buzz, in my country this doesn't mean anything.

Well, I got news for you. You're not in your own country now.

Buzz, sit down!

I don't have to if I don't want to.

Sit down!

'Shh! Shh!'

- Who are you? - I am the manager.

People want to hear the picture, not you!

Oh, those guns!

Will I be glad when they change this picture!

Take him away, men, take him away.

- Come on. - What's-what's on your..

Wait-wait a minute.

Come on, buddy, let's go.

- This is too much! - I'm sorry, mister.

It wasn't my fault.

What's the big idea? Let go of me!

I'm a cash customer! I paid 1,000 grubkins and 83 cents!

'Take it easy, buddy. We don't want trouble.'

I know my rights. I studied law!

- That guy's stealing my girl! - Why don't you sue him?

We'd better leave.

Excuse us, please.

Get out!

The first thing, my boy here notices

is that it's foreign money.

Then, naturally, I see it's from

the same country as the missing prince.

Then naturally, I thought that we better call the FBI.

- And naturally. - Yes.

Can you identify the cab driver that gave you this bill?

- Why, naturally he can! - That's the man we want, then.

Oh, dear, I hope there won't be any shooting.

Here, you better wait outside.

Go on, go on, go on, outside.

- Hello, Buzz. - Hi, Joe.

- Something wrong? - No.

- What you writing there? - Nothing.

Just a little ticket for parking in front of the theatre.

Who's parking? I'm waiting here to pick up a fare.

I don't see no one.

Uh... uh, there they come now!

Here I am, folks!

Right this way, folks. Right this way.

- I'm sorry I kept you waiting. - What?

There, you see?

Okay, Buzz.

- There he is! The cabdriver! - Come on, Johnson.

If there's one thing in this world, I can't stand

it's excitement!

Hey, follow that cab!

- You see too many movies, bud. - FBI.

- Oh, why didn't you say so? - You didn't give him a chance.

- You want me to bring him in? - No, just tail him.

Find out where he is going and report it to me.

- Collins at headquarters. - Right!

I wonder if you could teach me how to become a G-man.

Hmph!

Are you sure the prince, he will show up here?

Well, Connie's got to come home sometime.

And I've a feeling he'll be with her.

Oh, you have got here a very nice place.

'Oh, it's alright, I guess.'

But someday I'm gonna marry a rich millionaire

and wind up in a penthouse.

Mm-hmm.

How rich do you have to be to be a millionaire?

Oh! You've got to have at least $10,000... in cash.

- Won't you sit down? - Thank you.

Now, if you could just get the prince interested in me instead of Connie..

What's that?

Oh, we're having some trouble with the lights.

Every time the elevator goes up, the lights go down.

I, I have seen such a thing.

And it turned out that it was the husband

trying to drive his wife mad.

Well, I'm pretty mad myself.

You know, the superintendent promised to have these lights fixed by today.

Uh-huh.

There they go!

Maybe it's the fuse this time.

But what do we do now?

Well, maybe you better find the fuse box, it's in the back hall.

Wa-wa-wait, a minute. How, how do I find the back hall?

Well, you better get the flashlight.

- That's in the kitchen. - Wait a minute!

How, how do I find the kitchen?

Look, maybe you better light a match. Right over here.

Yes, a match. That I can do.

No, no, the other way.

This way, this way. Right through there.

There.

Usually we just hit the switch and they come right back on again.

It takes me a little time to get used to the dark.

Are you hurt?

I think so.

All of a sudden, I see lights.

Oh, you'll be alright.

All I can say is, this is a fine way to treat a guy you're gonna marry.

- Now, just a min-- - You keep out of this.

He doesn't have to. Who said I was to marry you?

- You did! - Yes.

Once after three glasses of red wine.

Well, you still knew what you were talking about.

I did not!

Oh, fine. After I've given you the best years of my life.

Oh!

'You know, a prince should have' a private manicurist with him

all the time.

Don't, don't stop. I like it.

Like this.

What's been going on here?

Your Highness.

What happened to you?

I-I-I bump into something here in the dark.

Well, don't look at me!

The lights have been acting up again.

Why don't you put something on it?

I am being brave.

There, you see?

Buzz, do me a favor, will you? Check the fuse box.

Who's gonna check on him?

- Never mind, I'll do it myself! - Okay, okay.

Can I get anybody anything?

Please, if it is not too much trouble

there is one American drink I like

ice with coffee in it.

I think I can fix that up.

Umm, would you like to help me?

There's nothing I'd like better.

- Still in there? - Yeah.

- What's the apartment number? - I'm not sure.

But there's something funny going on

in that corner apartment on the top floor.

The lights keep going on and off.

See what I mean?

Yeah. Come on, let's go.

I'll go around the back. Come on.

Okay.

Just six spoons.

Right.

What do you say we talk about us?

Don't you think we ought to talk about Buzz?

He's awfully fond of you, Connie.

Well, I'm fond of him, too.

I've known Buzz ever since I can remember.

We lived in the same block together. We played ball together.

We had mumps at the same time.

When you've had mumps at the same time

the thrill is gone, if you see what I mean.

I think so.

But does..

Does Buzz know about this?

Well, I keep telling him, but he won't believe me.

If you ever get it settled between you

do you think that you could ever feel about me

the way you don't feel about Buzz?

You?

Why, is there something wrong with me?

Oh, no, but..

But you're a prince.

Don't hold that against me.

As a matter of fact, I may not be for long.

Day after tomorrow, they're holding a plebiscite

and when the results come in, well..

...I may be just a guy out of a job.