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1
00:00:14,458 --> 00:00:15,583
Why didn't you call me?
2
00:00:15,834 --> 00:00:18,083
Ali, what am I supposed to do
about Jules?
3
00:00:20,417 --> 00:00:21,709
It's funny.When I think about it,
4
00:00:21,792 --> 00:00:23,500
I still blame Julesfor all this shit.
5
00:00:23,583 --> 00:00:25,041
Why?I was clean,
6
00:00:25,125 --> 00:00:27,125
and I was, like,gonna stay clean.
7
00:00:27,208 --> 00:00:29,250
And for the most part,I was pretty happy.
8
00:00:30,667 --> 00:00:32,083
And fucking Jules.
9
00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:34,417
It's like she lied to me,
10
00:00:36,417 --> 00:00:37,709
and, uh, manipulated me.
11
00:00:37,792 --> 00:00:40,125
Talking about how we're gonna betogether forever.
12
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:42,458
And then, she ditched me.
13
00:00:42,667 --> 00:00:43,792
I didn't know that.
14
00:00:45,625 --> 00:00:47,333
Like the whole thingat the train station.
15
00:00:47,417 --> 00:00:49,500
Her trying to get me
to run away with her.
16
00:00:50,166 --> 00:00:52,500
Please. I love you.
17
00:00:55,083 --> 00:00:56,959
I didn't thinkshe was actually gonna go.
18
00:00:57,250 --> 00:00:59,500
-You know, like leave me.
19
00:01:16,458 --> 00:01:18,458
So, where do you want to start?
20
00:01:24,750 --> 00:01:26,041
I don't know.
21
00:01:26,125 --> 00:01:28,166
Okay. Why'd you run away?
22
00:01:42,959 --> 00:01:44,542
♪ Baby really hurt me ♪
23
00:01:44,625 --> 00:01:47,041
♪ Cryin' in the taxi,he don't wanna know me ♪
24
00:01:47,125 --> 00:01:51,667
♪ Says he made the big mistakeof dancing in my storm ♪
25
00:01:52,500 --> 00:01:55,250
♪ Says it was poison ♪
26
00:01:55,333 --> 00:01:57,208
♪ So I guess I'll go home ♪
27
00:01:57,291 --> 00:02:00,166
♪ Into the arms of the girlthat I love ♪
28
00:02:00,250 --> 00:02:03,250
♪ The only loveI haven't screwed up ♪
29
00:02:03,333 --> 00:02:05,291
♪ She's so hard to please ♪
30
00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:08,125
♪ But she's a forest fire ♪
31
00:02:08,208 --> 00:02:10,625
♪ I do my best to meether demands ♪
32
00:02:10,709 --> 00:02:13,709
♪ Play at romance,we slow dancein the living room ♪
33
00:02:13,792 --> 00:02:16,208
♪ But all thata stranger would see ♪
34
00:02:16,291 --> 00:02:18,959
♪ Is one girl swaying alone ♪
35
00:02:19,041 --> 00:02:21,125
♪ Stroking her cheek ♪
36
00:02:21,208 --> 00:02:25,875
♪ They say,"You're a little much for me ♪
37
00:02:25,959 --> 00:02:28,917
♪ "You're a liability ♪
38
00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:33,291
♪ You're a little muchfor me" ♪
39
00:02:33,375 --> 00:02:36,834
♪ So they pull back,make other plans ♪
40
00:02:36,917 --> 00:02:41,625
♪ I understand,I'm a liability ♪
41
00:02:41,709 --> 00:02:44,792
♪ Get you wild,make you leave ♪
42
00:02:44,875 --> 00:02:51,458
♪ I'm a little much fore-a-na-na-na, everyone ♪
43
00:02:52,792 --> 00:02:57,208
♪ The truth is,I am a toy that people enjoy ♪
44
00:02:57,291 --> 00:03:02,000
♪ Till all of the tricksdon't work anymore ♪
45
00:03:02,083 --> 00:03:05,000
♪ And then they arebored of me ♪
46
00:03:05,083 --> 00:03:08,125
♪ I know that it's excitingrunning through the night ♪
47
00:03:08,208 --> 00:03:11,291
♪ But every perfect summer'seating me alive ♪
48
00:03:11,375 --> 00:03:13,542
♪ Until you're gone ♪
49
00:03:14,750 --> 00:03:18,208
♪ Better on my own ♪
50
00:03:18,291 --> 00:03:23,166
♪ They say,"You're a little much for me ♪
51
00:03:23,250 --> 00:03:26,500
♪ "You're a liability ♪
52
00:03:26,583 --> 00:03:30,709
♪ You're a littlemuch for me" ♪
53
00:03:30,792 --> 00:03:34,375
♪ So they pull back,make other plans ♪
54
00:03:34,458 --> 00:03:39,000
♪ I understand,I'm a liability ♪
55
00:03:39,083 --> 00:03:42,125
♪ Get you wild,make you leave ♪
56
00:03:42,208 --> 00:03:48,834
♪ I'm a little much fore-a-na-na-na, everyone ♪
57
00:03:50,291 --> 00:03:57,542
♪ But they're gonna watch medisappear into the sun ♪
58
00:03:57,625 --> 00:04:01,625
♪ You're all gonnawatch me disappear ♪
59
00:04:01,709 --> 00:04:05,750
♪ Into the sun ♪
60
00:04:06,917 --> 00:04:09,625
Can we not talk about that?
61
00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:11,959
Why?
62
00:04:14,667 --> 00:04:16,625
I don't know.
'Cause it was just like a,
63
00:04:16,709 --> 00:04:19,792
like a dumb,
not-well-thought-out plan,
64
00:04:19,875 --> 00:04:23,709
and I was, like, drunk
and reacting to shit.
65
00:04:25,583 --> 00:04:26,959
Reacting to what?
66
00:04:31,208 --> 00:04:33,083
Come on, I, I really...
67
00:04:33,166 --> 00:04:35,333
don't wanna talk about it.
68
00:04:36,542 --> 00:04:37,917
Okay.
69
00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:40,208
What do you want to talk about?
70
00:04:47,500 --> 00:04:50,125
I think I want to
go off my hormones.
71
00:04:51,917 --> 00:04:54,709
Mm. Okay.
72
00:04:57,041 --> 00:05:00,208
Have you been thinking a lot
about de-transitioning?
73
00:05:01,125 --> 00:05:02,500
No.
74
00:05:02,583 --> 00:05:04,709
Okay. Then what is it?
75
00:05:05,792 --> 00:05:07,667
I don't know.
I've just been, like,
76
00:05:07,750 --> 00:05:10,875
thinking about what's next.
77
00:05:11,917 --> 00:05:13,542
In what sense?
78
00:05:14,375 --> 00:05:17,834
I mean...
79
00:05:17,917 --> 00:05:21,291
I don't know. I guess it's--
I guess it's interesting,
80
00:05:21,375 --> 00:05:24,041
'cause, like, before I ran away,
81
00:05:24,125 --> 00:05:29,208
uh, I had gone to the city
to visit some old friends,
and...
82
00:05:29,291 --> 00:05:32,834
we were having
this exact conversation.
83
00:05:32,917 --> 00:05:34,417
And...
84
00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:37,583
Basically, um...
85
00:05:39,750 --> 00:05:42,625
I feel like I've framed
86
00:05:42,709 --> 00:05:47,667
my entire womanhood
around men.
87
00:05:47,750 --> 00:05:49,792
When, like, in reality,
88
00:05:49,875 --> 00:05:51,959
I'm no longer interested
in men.
89
00:05:53,583 --> 00:05:55,083
Like, philosophically.
90
00:05:55,166 --> 00:05:58,166
Like, like, what men want.
91
00:05:58,250 --> 00:06:02,250
Like, what men want
is so boring.
92
00:06:02,333 --> 00:06:07,166
And simple, and not creative,
and, like, uh...
93
00:06:07,250 --> 00:06:09,583
I just, like,
I look at myself,
and I'm like,
94
00:06:09,667 --> 00:06:13,041
how the fuck did I spend
my entire life
95
00:06:13,125 --> 00:06:16,291
building this. Like...
96
00:06:16,375 --> 00:06:19,834
Like, my body,
and my personality,
97
00:06:19,917 --> 00:06:23,500
and, like, my soul around
98
00:06:23,583 --> 00:06:26,166
what I think men desire?
99
00:06:28,834 --> 00:06:30,500
It's just, like...
100
00:06:30,583 --> 00:06:32,291
it's embarrassing.
101
00:06:33,792 --> 00:06:37,125
I feel like a... a fraud.
102
00:06:40,041 --> 00:06:41,542
I feel like there's
a lot to unpack
103
00:06:41,625 --> 00:06:43,166
within what
you just said, okay,
104
00:06:43,250 --> 00:06:45,250
but the main thing I heard,
105
00:06:45,333 --> 00:06:47,667
is how hard you are
on yourself.
106
00:06:47,750 --> 00:06:50,625
The amount of self-criticism
you're experiencing,
107
00:06:50,709 --> 00:06:52,083
it's a lot.
108
00:06:53,208 --> 00:06:54,625
Yeah.
109
00:06:55,542 --> 00:06:58,250
But I, I think it's necessary.
110
00:06:58,333 --> 00:06:59,959
Are you sure?
111
00:07:01,291 --> 00:07:03,792
I mean, I hope so.
112
00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:06,417
Or else,
113
00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:09,375
then I'm really fucking crazy.
114
00:07:11,500 --> 00:07:13,625
You're not crazy, Jules.
115
00:07:13,709 --> 00:07:17,333
You're just a lot harder
on yourself than you
probably should be.
116
00:07:19,875 --> 00:07:22,041
Yeah.
117
00:07:22,125 --> 00:07:24,208
Acknowledging that's important.
118
00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:29,625
Yeah, but, but also, like,
what I'm saying is true.
119
00:07:29,709 --> 00:07:34,834
Like, without
the self-criticism,
I'd be lost.
120
00:07:35,792 --> 00:07:37,375
Or free.
121
00:07:39,166 --> 00:07:41,375
Both can be scary feelings.
122
00:07:45,250 --> 00:07:48,250
You really feel like
your entire existence,
123
00:07:48,333 --> 00:07:51,875
physically and emotionally,
is, is that reactive?
124
00:07:52,792 --> 00:07:54,083
What do you mean?
125
00:07:54,166 --> 00:07:56,875
That I'm not looking
or talking to Jules?
126
00:07:56,959 --> 00:08:01,208
I'm looking at an avatar
she created in reaction
to the world?
127
00:08:01,291 --> 00:08:04,917
Yeah. Yeah. I'm here.
You know.
128
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:09,208
But you're looking at, like,
a million layers of other people
129
00:08:09,291 --> 00:08:10,917
that I've grabbed and clung to
130
00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:13,458
throughout my entire life.
131
00:08:13,542 --> 00:08:16,208
That's, like, that's terrifying.
132
00:08:16,291 --> 00:08:17,834
It-- I mean,
that's why I think
133
00:08:17,917 --> 00:08:21,291
when I was talking to
my friend about this, or...
134
00:08:22,125 --> 00:08:23,250
Or...
135
00:08:23,333 --> 00:08:26,250
Well, I don't, I don't know.
I guess this is, like,
136
00:08:26,333 --> 00:08:27,917
this is our first session.
137
00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:31,291
I don't want to get into all,
like, the childhood bullshit,
138
00:08:31,375 --> 00:08:33,667
'cause it's a lot.
139
00:08:33,750 --> 00:08:35,750
It's exhausting.
140
00:08:35,834 --> 00:08:39,458
But when I was having this
conversation with my friend,
141
00:08:39,542 --> 00:08:41,834
we were talking about how,
142
00:08:41,917 --> 00:08:43,750
I feel like
143
00:08:43,834 --> 00:08:49,959
my entire life,
I've been trying to
conquer femininity,
144
00:08:50,041 --> 00:08:54,375
and somewhere
along the way,
145
00:08:54,458 --> 00:08:57,000
I feel like femininity
146
00:08:57,083 --> 00:08:58,917
conquered me.
147
00:09:09,375 --> 00:09:10,792
What?
148
00:09:11,959 --> 00:09:13,625
What was that thought?
149
00:09:14,709 --> 00:09:16,041
Well...
150
00:09:18,709 --> 00:09:20,083
Like...
151
00:09:20,166 --> 00:09:22,709
Most girls, when you first
talk to them,
152
00:09:22,792 --> 00:09:27,875
they, like, automatically
analyze and compare
themselves to you.
153
00:09:27,959 --> 00:09:30,208
And then, you know, they,
they search for where you fit
154
00:09:30,291 --> 00:09:31,792
in their hierarchy,
155
00:09:31,875 --> 00:09:36,041
and then they treat you
accordingly.
156
00:09:36,125 --> 00:09:37,709
What hierarchy?
157
00:09:37,792 --> 00:09:43,166
Like, how close you are
to what they all collectively
want to be.
158
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:45,125
Like, in their heads.
159
00:09:45,792 --> 00:09:47,542
Right.
160
00:09:47,625 --> 00:09:50,083
And, you know, even if
they've, like, mastered
161
00:09:50,166 --> 00:09:54,083
the art of hiding it with,
like, smiles and nods,
162
00:09:54,166 --> 00:09:56,083
and small talk, it's, like,
163
00:09:56,166 --> 00:09:58,417
you'd still catch them doing it.
164
00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:01,792
Like, like their eyes
wandering over your face, or...
165
00:10:01,875 --> 00:10:05,834
or, you know, the quick takes
up and down your body.
166
00:10:05,917 --> 00:10:09,625
Or like, they watch
how your clothes
hang off your torso,
167
00:10:09,709 --> 00:10:13,583
or, like, they look for
what tags are on your clothes
168
00:10:13,667 --> 00:10:17,917
to see where you shop,
or they'll watch your hands
to find, like,
169
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:22,166
fucked-up cuticles
or chipped nail polish.
170
00:10:24,166 --> 00:10:25,792
Honestly, it would,
171
00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:27,792
it would be a kind of
sensual experience
172
00:10:27,875 --> 00:10:31,041
if it wasn't so fucking
terrifying.
173
00:10:33,417 --> 00:10:35,709
So they want to find flaws.
174
00:10:37,208 --> 00:10:39,875
Yeah. Uh, most girls.
175
00:10:40,542 --> 00:10:42,375
But not Rue.
176
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:47,750
Mm-mm.
177
00:10:50,208 --> 00:10:53,083
What's the first thing
that comes to mind?
178
00:11:06,125 --> 00:11:09,750
No girl had ever looked at methe way Rue did.
179
00:11:17,959 --> 00:11:19,458
Hi.
180
00:11:22,583 --> 00:11:26,291
I just, I feel like Rue
was the first girl
181
00:11:26,375 --> 00:11:29,625
that didn't just look at me.
182
00:11:30,959 --> 00:11:34,291
Like, she actually saw me.
183
00:11:34,375 --> 00:11:37,166
Uh, I mean, not to say that
in, like, a cheesy way,
184
00:11:37,250 --> 00:11:39,583
'cause it sounds cheesy, right?
Like...
185
00:11:39,667 --> 00:11:42,417
Honestly,
it sounds like a relief.
186
00:11:44,125 --> 00:11:46,417
Yeah. It...
187
00:11:47,542 --> 00:11:50,125
But, I mean, like,
when I say me,
188
00:11:50,208 --> 00:11:53,458
I mean, I mean the me that
I was talking about earlier.
Like...
189
00:11:53,542 --> 00:11:58,333
The me that's underneath
a million layers of not me.
190
00:12:00,041 --> 00:12:02,792
I can't imagine how
that must have felt.
191
00:12:04,083 --> 00:12:05,417
Yeah.
192
00:12:06,959 --> 00:12:08,792
Yeah, it felt good.
193
00:12:17,125 --> 00:12:19,917
Kind of reminds me of how
a mom would see you.
194
00:12:21,583 --> 00:12:23,959
Keep going with that thought.
195
00:12:24,041 --> 00:12:25,709
Well, just like,
196
00:12:25,792 --> 00:12:29,417
how a mom sees you
before you're anything.
197
00:12:29,500 --> 00:12:33,583
And, like,
loves you just for that.
198
00:12:33,667 --> 00:12:37,000
And all you have to do
is just, like, sit there
and exist.
199
00:12:38,083 --> 00:12:40,291
Is that how your mom saw you?
200
00:12:43,917 --> 00:12:48,166
I, I don't know.
I mean, like, the time
we're talking about is
201
00:12:48,250 --> 00:12:51,083
before you can remember
anything. So...
202
00:12:51,166 --> 00:12:52,542
I don't know.
203
00:12:52,625 --> 00:12:55,291
Is that how you imagine
your mom saw you?
204
00:13:01,458 --> 00:13:03,208
I hope so.
205
00:13:20,625 --> 00:13:22,667
Um, I take that back.
206
00:13:22,750 --> 00:13:25,166
Uh, I don't wanna talkabout my mom.
207
00:13:25,250 --> 00:13:27,834
I promise you,
I have no agenda.
208
00:13:27,917 --> 00:13:30,709
We can talk about whatever
it is you wanna talk about.
209
00:13:30,792 --> 00:13:32,583
I mean, uh...
210
00:13:32,667 --> 00:13:36,709
Yeah. Uh, I think I really
wanna go off my hormones.
211
00:13:38,417 --> 00:13:40,000
Okay.
212
00:13:40,083 --> 00:13:43,500
Or... Well, not like
everything.
213
00:13:43,583 --> 00:13:45,750
Probably just my blockers.
214
00:13:45,834 --> 00:13:51,417
I have, like, this weird
sci-fi chip implant in my arm.
215
00:13:51,500 --> 00:13:53,792
-Supprelin?
-Yeah, and it, like,
216
00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:56,667
stops my voice from dropping.
217
00:13:56,750 --> 00:14:00,000
Um, my balls from
getting bigger, you know?
218
00:14:00,083 --> 00:14:03,417
The kind of shit that men
wouldn't find desirable.
219
00:14:08,667 --> 00:14:10,834
I don't know. Uh...
220
00:14:10,917 --> 00:14:14,208
I've always thought of puberty
221
00:14:14,291 --> 00:14:16,792
as, like, a broadening,
222
00:14:16,875 --> 00:14:20,709
or a deepening, or like,
a, a thickening.
223
00:14:20,792 --> 00:14:24,333
Which I, I think is, like,
why I was always so
scared of it, you know?
224
00:14:24,417 --> 00:14:27,041
'Cause in my head,
women were always, like,
225
00:14:27,125 --> 00:14:31,667
small and thin
and delicate, and...
226
00:14:31,750 --> 00:14:36,208
You know, so, like,
the thought of puberty,
like this...
227
00:14:36,291 --> 00:14:38,125
irreversible, forever
228
00:14:38,208 --> 00:14:42,583
fucking metamorphosis
was just, like, fucking
terrifying.
229
00:14:42,667 --> 00:14:45,083
And, you know, that,
like, when it happened,
230
00:14:45,166 --> 00:14:47,208
I'd just, like,
end up on the other side.
231
00:14:47,291 --> 00:14:49,208
Like, stuck.
232
00:14:49,291 --> 00:14:53,083
Or even worse,
just, like, a man.
233
00:14:53,166 --> 00:14:55,000
Like, like,
through and through.
234
00:14:55,083 --> 00:14:58,417
And then femininity would
always be this just, like,
235
00:14:58,500 --> 00:15:02,583
this, like, elusive,
distant thing, you know?
236
00:15:03,333 --> 00:15:05,500
Like, unreachable.
237
00:15:05,583 --> 00:15:07,458
But, uh, but then,
238
00:15:07,542 --> 00:15:10,208
I think about beautiful things
239
00:15:10,291 --> 00:15:14,083
that are also broad and deep,
240
00:15:14,166 --> 00:15:18,792
and thick, and I think of...
241
00:15:18,875 --> 00:15:21,750
something like the ocean.
242
00:15:26,667 --> 00:15:28,542
I think, like...
243
00:15:29,959 --> 00:15:34,458
that I want to be
as beautiful as the ocean.
244
00:15:34,542 --> 00:15:37,000
'Cause the ocean'sstrong as fuck.
245
00:15:37,083 --> 00:15:38,583
And feminine as fuck.
246
00:15:38,667 --> 00:15:41,667
And, like, both are whatmakes the ocean the ocean.
247
00:15:43,041 --> 00:15:46,041
My grandmother used to
live by the ocean.
248
00:15:47,834 --> 00:15:50,458
And, uh, when we'd go visit,
249
00:15:50,542 --> 00:15:52,917
we'd go down to the beach.
250
00:15:55,333 --> 00:15:58,000
And, uh, I'd close my eyes...
251
00:15:59,417 --> 00:16:03,291
And I'd just swim, and swim.
252
00:16:03,375 --> 00:16:07,166
And it didn't matter,like, where I was going,
253
00:16:07,250 --> 00:16:09,375
or what could happen.
254
00:16:10,667 --> 00:16:13,375
Sometimes I'd prayto the ocean.
255
00:16:23,709 --> 00:16:28,250
At least for me,being trans is spiritual.
256
00:16:28,333 --> 00:16:29,750
You know, it's not religious.
257
00:16:29,834 --> 00:16:32,625
It's not, like,
for some congregation.
258
00:16:32,709 --> 00:16:35,709
It's for me. It's mine.
It belongs to me.
259
00:16:37,041 --> 00:16:39,917
And I don't ever
want to stand still.
260
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:44,959
Like, I want to be alive.
261
00:16:45,041 --> 00:16:48,417
I mean, that's what
this has always been
about, is, like...
262
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:52,083
staying alive.
263
00:17:02,250 --> 00:17:04,792
The only problem is, um...
264
00:17:05,917 --> 00:17:08,917
I might have lost Rue
along the way.
265
00:17:10,417 --> 00:17:11,875
What do you mean?
266
00:17:11,959 --> 00:17:14,500
Just that, like,
I've, I've called her
a bunch of times,
267
00:17:14,583 --> 00:17:19,333
and, um, she hasn't
picked up, and...
268
00:17:19,417 --> 00:17:23,000
Like, I think I--
I think I really fucked up.
269
00:17:24,667 --> 00:17:26,458
But, like, I was panicking.
270
00:17:26,542 --> 00:17:28,834
Like, I was really panicking.
271
00:17:34,083 --> 00:17:37,625
Without, like,
getting melodramatic...
272
00:17:48,166 --> 00:17:50,750
I've had a really hard
six months.
273
00:17:54,291 --> 00:17:57,792
Like, moving here
has been really hard.
274
00:17:59,417 --> 00:18:02,542
And, like, I don't know.
Just kind of...
275
00:18:02,625 --> 00:18:07,375
A bunch of shit
all happened at once. And...
276
00:18:07,458 --> 00:18:09,458
like, I just freaked out.
277
00:18:09,542 --> 00:18:11,625
Like, I panicked,
and I felt like if I,
278
00:18:11,709 --> 00:18:14,834
if I didn't get out,
I was gonna fucking die.
279
00:18:17,333 --> 00:18:18,709
How?
280
00:18:24,041 --> 00:18:29,166
Mm, it's maybe, like,
a little hard for me to talk
about right now.
281
00:18:30,667 --> 00:18:33,166
Were you thinking about
hurting yourself?
282
00:18:42,333 --> 00:18:43,875
I mean, um,
283
00:18:43,959 --> 00:18:46,417
there's a difference between
284
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:48,291
thinking about hurting yourself,
285
00:18:48,375 --> 00:18:50,000
and, uh, wa...
286
00:18:50,083 --> 00:18:52,166
wanting to hurt yourself.
But...
287
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:57,250
I think that gap was closing.
288
00:19:13,834 --> 00:19:15,542
So, I ran.
289
00:19:21,875 --> 00:19:25,125
And I left someone,
like, I really love, behind.
290
00:19:37,750 --> 00:19:42,875
Sorry. Um, I don't know
why I'm crying.
291
00:19:42,959 --> 00:19:44,208
Uh...
292
00:19:44,291 --> 00:19:46,458
'Cause it hurts.
293
00:19:50,250 --> 00:19:52,583
Yeah. Um...
294
00:20:16,625 --> 00:20:18,875
Damn.
295
00:20:18,959 --> 00:20:21,208
Like, at the same time,
though,
296
00:20:21,291 --> 00:20:23,166
I'm, like,
really angry at Rue.
297
00:20:26,333 --> 00:20:28,083
I feel like...
298
00:20:28,166 --> 00:20:30,291
her sobriety is, like,
299
00:20:30,375 --> 00:20:34,291
completely dependent
on how available I am to her.
300
00:20:35,333 --> 00:20:37,333
You know? Like,
301
00:20:37,417 --> 00:20:38,875
she'd ask me to sleep over,
302
00:20:38,959 --> 00:20:41,875
and I'd say no for,
like, whatever reason,
303
00:20:41,959 --> 00:20:45,083
because it was
a fucking weekday,
or something.
304
00:20:45,166 --> 00:20:47,583
And...
305
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:51,792
I'd just, I'd feel,
like, this weight.
306
00:20:53,500 --> 00:20:55,875
Like, this massive weight
on my shoulders,
307
00:20:55,959 --> 00:20:57,625
and I'd think, like...
308
00:20:58,959 --> 00:21:02,041
Like, what if she relapses,
you know?
309
00:21:04,333 --> 00:21:07,959
Like, what if she relapses
'cause I'm not there?
310
00:21:09,834 --> 00:21:16,583
♪ Dime si me echasde menos aún ♪
311
00:21:16,667 --> 00:21:19,291
But I guess it goesboth ways, because...
312
00:21:19,375 --> 00:21:20,542
you know...
313
00:21:20,625 --> 00:21:26,250
♪ Dime si no meperdonas aún ♪
314
00:21:26,333 --> 00:21:28,959
I fell completelyin love with her.
315
00:21:30,667 --> 00:21:35,291
♪ Que harás con todoeste veneno ♪
316
00:21:35,375 --> 00:21:38,000
♪ Nada bueno ♪
317
00:21:41,208 --> 00:21:47,083
♪ Dime si me echasde menos aún ♪
318
00:21:51,375 --> 00:21:53,000
♪ Lo vas a olvidar ♪
319
00:21:53,083 --> 00:21:55,166
♪ Can you let it go?♪
320
00:21:55,250 --> 00:21:56,792
♪ Can youlet it go? ♪
321
00:21:56,875 --> 00:21:58,500
♪ Lo vas a olvidar ♪
322
00:21:58,583 --> 00:22:00,333
♪ Can you let it go?♪
323
00:22:00,417 --> 00:22:03,333
♪ Lo vas a olvidar,lo vas a olvidar ♪
324
00:22:03,417 --> 00:22:06,709
♪ Can you let it go?Can you let it go? ♪
325
00:22:06,792 --> 00:22:08,750
♪ Lo vas a olvidar ♪
326
00:22:08,834 --> 00:22:10,959
♪ Can you let it go? ♪
327
00:22:11,041 --> 00:22:13,083
♪ Lo vas a olvidar ♪
328
00:22:13,166 --> 00:22:14,542
That was it!
329
00:22:14,625 --> 00:22:16,083
Oh, God.
330
00:22:16,166 --> 00:22:18,583
Yay! You did it!
331
00:22:18,667 --> 00:22:20,625
-Thank you.
-Mmm...
332
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:29,250
♪ Dime que note arrepientes aún ♪
333
00:22:29,333 --> 00:22:31,667
I talked to your mom today.
334
00:22:31,750 --> 00:22:33,792
She moved out ofthe halfway house.
335
00:22:33,875 --> 00:22:36,208
She's been clean
for nine months.
336
00:22:37,417 --> 00:22:38,792
Don't do that.
337
00:22:38,875 --> 00:22:41,125
Please. Don't roll your eyes.
338
00:22:41,208 --> 00:22:43,208
-Come on. It's Mom.
-Yeah.
339
00:22:43,291 --> 00:22:45,000
You can be angry with her,
340
00:22:45,083 --> 00:22:46,458
and I understand that,
341
00:22:46,542 --> 00:22:49,291
but you can't just
dismiss the good.
342
00:22:49,375 --> 00:22:51,417
Well, I'm allowed
to be skeptical.
343
00:22:54,208 --> 00:23:00,291
♪ Dame un besoy bajame de la cruz ♪
344
00:23:02,041 --> 00:23:04,625
She did say
she wanted to see you.
345
00:23:06,417 --> 00:23:08,208
♪ Can you let it go? ♪
346
00:23:08,291 --> 00:23:09,875
I knew it.
347
00:23:09,959 --> 00:23:11,458
I knew this was not
just gonna be, like,
348
00:23:11,542 --> 00:23:15,667
some conversation about
how well Mom is doing.
349
00:23:15,750 --> 00:23:19,083
Um, you can tell her,
"No, thank you."
350
00:23:19,166 --> 00:23:20,250
♪ Can you let it go? ♪
351
00:23:20,333 --> 00:23:21,583
♪ Lo vas a olvidar ♪
352
00:23:21,667 --> 00:23:23,959
-Okay.
353
00:23:24,041 --> 00:23:25,625
♪ Lo vas a olvidar ♪
354
00:23:27,208 --> 00:23:29,208
I was afraid to talk to Rue
355
00:23:29,291 --> 00:23:30,959
about, like, shit that wasgoing on with my mom,
356
00:23:31,041 --> 00:23:34,709
because she'd think
that I felt the same way
about her
357
00:23:34,792 --> 00:23:36,917
that, like, I do my mom.
358
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:38,834
Well, don't you?
359
00:23:39,667 --> 00:23:42,667
What?
360
00:23:42,750 --> 00:23:45,834
Don't you feel the same way
about Rue as you do your mom?
361
00:23:47,041 --> 00:23:49,417
-No.
-You just said you were
angry at Rue
362
00:23:49,500 --> 00:23:52,583
for the imbalance she created
in your relationship.
363
00:23:52,667 --> 00:23:56,709
So, would it be fair
to say that you resented
that imbalance?
364
00:23:56,792 --> 00:23:59,625
That the same person who
saw you, who truly saw you,
365
00:23:59,709 --> 00:24:02,000
in the same way
that your mom did
when you were a baby,
366
00:24:02,083 --> 00:24:05,625
was also incapable of seeing
how her additions affected you.
367
00:24:07,500 --> 00:24:09,834
I mean, uh,
I guess I've, like,
368
00:24:09,917 --> 00:24:13,083
never thought about it
that way before. Um...
369
00:24:13,166 --> 00:24:14,875
♪ If I wasn't important♪
370
00:24:14,959 --> 00:24:16,875
♪ Then why would youwaste all your poison♪
371
00:24:16,959 --> 00:24:19,667
Mom. Mom!
372
00:24:19,750 --> 00:24:21,083
For-- Stop.
373
00:24:21,166 --> 00:24:24,959
I told you. I'm--
I have a meeting
and then I'll be home.
374
00:24:25,041 --> 00:24:27,250
Yes. I'm fine.
375
00:24:28,333 --> 00:24:30,333
I'm literally fine.
376
00:24:31,417 --> 00:24:32,625
Okay.
377
00:24:32,709 --> 00:24:35,333
Okay, I'll text you
when I'm on my way.
378
00:24:35,417 --> 00:24:36,750
Love you.
379
00:24:36,834 --> 00:24:39,291
I feel like real lifeis always such a letdown.
380
00:24:39,375 --> 00:24:42,959
What do you mean?
-I don't know. It's just, like--
381
00:24:43,041 --> 00:24:46,542
easier to talk to people online.
382
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:51,458
You can be more open,
and honest,
383
00:24:51,542 --> 00:24:54,500
and, like, vulnerable.
384
00:25:22,208 --> 00:25:24,834
Some of the most profoundrelationships I've ever had
385
00:25:24,917 --> 00:25:26,583
have been with peopleI've never met.
386
00:25:32,166 --> 00:25:34,750
I should have knownI was setting myself up.
387
00:25:37,375 --> 00:25:39,583
Or maybe I did know.
388
00:25:42,291 --> 00:25:45,792
Maybe that's, like, what
I'm actually attracted to.
389
00:25:48,083 --> 00:25:50,375
Maybe that's, like,the appeal.
390
00:25:56,417 --> 00:25:57,834
The letdown.
391
00:26:01,792 --> 00:26:04,750
The fact that, like,none of it's real.
392
00:26:11,166 --> 00:26:13,041
And it's all a fantasy.
393
00:26:55,542 --> 00:26:57,959
You've never evenseen his face.
394
00:26:59,500 --> 00:27:01,417
I don't have to.
395
00:27:01,500 --> 00:27:03,709
I've gotten to know him,
like, really well.
396
00:27:04,834 --> 00:27:06,041
Sure.
397
00:27:06,750 --> 00:27:08,583
I have.
398
00:27:08,667 --> 00:27:11,709
Like, better than anyone else.
399
00:27:11,792 --> 00:27:13,667
Other than you.
400
00:27:16,250 --> 00:27:18,250
Except he could be lying.
401
00:27:19,208 --> 00:27:21,250
Rue, anyone could be lying.
402
00:27:24,959 --> 00:27:28,458
Trust me, Rue.
It's not in my head.
403
00:27:28,542 --> 00:27:31,583
I think you two would
actually really get along.
404
00:27:31,667 --> 00:27:32,875
Hmmph.
405
00:27:32,959 --> 00:27:36,166
I fall in love so easily.
406
00:27:36,250 --> 00:27:39,041
I really do. It's, like,
almost embarrassing.
407
00:27:40,625 --> 00:27:42,542
Why do you think that is?
408
00:27:45,375 --> 00:27:50,709
Because half of every
relationship is in my head.
409
00:28:13,583 --> 00:28:15,250
Rue
What?
410
00:28:16,083 --> 00:28:17,917
Just happy I met you.
411
00:28:23,875 --> 00:28:25,375
Me, too.
412
00:28:32,834 --> 00:28:34,250
Wait, Rue.
413
00:28:34,333 --> 00:28:36,458
You've been cleanfor, like, two weeks.
414
00:28:37,709 --> 00:28:40,333
Rue! No fucking way!
415
00:28:40,417 --> 00:28:43,083
Mm! Mm! Mm!
416
00:28:44,333 --> 00:28:46,500
I'm so proud of you!
417
00:28:55,041 --> 00:28:58,125
There were so many timesI wanted to kiss her.
418
00:29:31,667 --> 00:29:33,333
But I, I didn't.
419
00:29:33,417 --> 00:29:37,542
-Um, I'm gonna go get
a glass of water.
-Oh. Okay.
420
00:29:42,875 --> 00:29:45,458
I hate everyone else
in the world but you.
421
00:29:46,583 --> 00:29:48,667
And when she finally did...
422
00:29:52,417 --> 00:29:55,458
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I should go.
423
00:29:59,542 --> 00:30:01,959
I froze.
424
00:30:02,041 --> 00:30:04,041
Why do you think that is?
425
00:30:05,208 --> 00:30:08,041
'Cause I had never
kissed a girl before.
426
00:30:11,125 --> 00:30:14,875
I'd never even, like, been
that close to a girl before.
427
00:30:16,750 --> 00:30:18,291
So when it happened,
428
00:30:18,375 --> 00:30:20,709
the only thought I hadwas, like,
429
00:30:20,792 --> 00:30:23,000
don't lose her.
430
00:30:23,083 --> 00:30:25,291
Um, hey, uh,
431
00:30:25,375 --> 00:30:28,208
I was just hoping
we could talk about
what happened earlier,
432
00:30:28,291 --> 00:30:30,959
'cause, like, I know
I was really weird,
and, um,
433
00:30:31,041 --> 00:30:33,959
I didn't, like, mean it
that way or anything.
434
00:30:34,041 --> 00:30:37,667
Um, so, yeah, uh, just--
435
00:30:37,750 --> 00:30:41,166
I just wanna talk to you.
Please call me back.
436
00:30:41,250 --> 00:30:42,542
Bye.
437
00:30:47,917 --> 00:30:50,250
Why did you thinkyou would lose her?
438
00:30:51,166 --> 00:30:52,625
Because, like...
439
00:30:53,917 --> 00:30:56,625
How could it be possible
that Rue loved me
440
00:30:56,709 --> 00:30:58,750
as much as I loved her?
441
00:31:06,250 --> 00:31:08,166
I think the better question is
442
00:31:08,250 --> 00:31:11,417
why would you think
that would be impossible?
443
00:31:36,458 --> 00:31:38,959
I can't tell youhow many times
444
00:31:39,041 --> 00:31:42,375
we'd just be, like,texting and texting.
445
00:31:42,458 --> 00:31:46,709
And the next thing I know,
it would be, like,
four in the morning,
446
00:31:46,792 --> 00:31:50,458
and I hadn't slept,
and I didn't want to.
447
00:31:52,709 --> 00:31:55,333
Like, I'd never tell her this,
but...
448
00:31:55,417 --> 00:31:58,792
I feel like I got to know him
better than I knew Rue.
449
00:32:03,208 --> 00:32:05,667
We used to sext forever.
450
00:32:07,125 --> 00:32:10,333
Like, about anything
and everything.
451
00:32:12,333 --> 00:32:16,875
I know it might, like,
sound a little weird, but...
452
00:32:16,959 --> 00:32:21,166
It was, like, genuinely
the best sex I've ever had.
453
00:32:23,250 --> 00:32:25,500
What made it so fulfilling?
454
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:34,667
It was just pure
fucking imagination.
455
00:32:53,417 --> 00:32:55,875
All day I've beenthinking about you.
456
00:33:01,500 --> 00:33:03,709
Dreaming about you.
457
00:33:06,917 --> 00:33:09,834
And all the thingsI want to do to you.
458
00:33:28,375 --> 00:33:31,208
I wish I could seeyour face...
459
00:33:34,250 --> 00:33:36,959
and all the colorsin your eyes.
460
00:33:42,166 --> 00:33:44,917
Would you blush ifI told you I loved you?
461
00:33:54,417 --> 00:33:57,250
Tyler
I'm gonna fuck youuntil you're soaking wet.
462
00:34:26,458 --> 00:34:27,667
Tyler?
463
00:34:29,959 --> 00:34:31,959
Why are there no photos of us?
464
00:34:42,917 --> 00:34:46,500
Because whoever I was
talking to didn't exist.
465
00:34:58,917 --> 00:35:00,208
Tyler?
466
00:35:02,041 --> 00:35:05,000
Jules, it's okay.
467
00:35:05,083 --> 00:35:06,625
Come here.
468
00:35:09,417 --> 00:35:12,166
How could none of ithave been real?
469
00:35:17,375 --> 00:35:19,500
It felt so real.
470
00:35:24,834 --> 00:35:27,000
I wish I never met him.
471
00:35:31,375 --> 00:35:33,875
I'm still in love with Tyler.
472
00:35:36,291 --> 00:35:39,291
And I don't knowwhen that's gonna change.
473
00:36:32,583 --> 00:36:35,083
Rue...
474
00:37:13,959 --> 00:37:15,375
-Don't look at my face.
475
00:37:23,208 --> 00:37:33,709
Rue.
476
00:37:33,792 --> 00:37:35,667
Guess what?
477
00:37:35,750 --> 00:37:37,166
Rue!
478
00:37:40,667 --> 00:37:42,000
Rue?
479
00:37:49,333 --> 00:37:50,500
Rue!
480
00:37:50,583 --> 00:37:53,834
Maybe it's 'cause of, like,everything with my mom.
481
00:37:53,917 --> 00:37:56,250
But I just had this, like,
482
00:37:56,333 --> 00:37:59,333
really bad nightmare about...
483
00:37:59,417 --> 00:38:02,041
living in New York City
with Rue.
484
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:06,959
When I got home, uh...
485
00:38:07,041 --> 00:38:09,625
she was in the bathroom.
486
00:38:09,709 --> 00:38:12,458
-Rue?
487
00:38:12,542 --> 00:38:15,000
Can you please answer me?
488
00:38:15,083 --> 00:38:18,000
But, like, she had locked itfrom the inside.
489
00:38:19,917 --> 00:38:21,834
Rue, please!
490
00:38:26,542 --> 00:38:28,750
Rue, open the door!
491
00:38:31,208 --> 00:38:32,458
Then, like,
492
00:38:32,542 --> 00:38:34,667
by the time I opened the door...
493
00:38:42,041 --> 00:38:44,875
I can't, like, say it out loud.
494
00:38:44,959 --> 00:38:47,959
Rue! Rue!
495
00:38:48,041 --> 00:38:50,000
-Rue!
496
00:38:50,083 --> 00:38:52,500
Come on--
497
00:38:56,083 --> 00:38:57,417
Rue!
498
00:39:00,583 --> 00:39:02,458
Rue! Open the--
499
00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:08,917
Don't fucking do this to me!
500
00:39:18,875 --> 00:39:20,417
Hi, Jules.
501
00:39:21,041 --> 00:39:22,500
Hey.
502
00:39:22,583 --> 00:39:24,250
You look really pretty.
503
00:39:25,542 --> 00:39:27,291
I wanted to say hi, and--
504
00:39:33,917 --> 00:39:35,750
It's okay. Hang tight.
505
00:39:51,959 --> 00:39:55,166
How could you just, like,
fucking ambush me like that?
506
00:39:56,291 --> 00:39:58,500
How could you fucking
do this to me?
507
00:39:58,583 --> 00:40:01,375
Like, why didn't we
talk about this?
508
00:40:01,458 --> 00:40:04,000
Because I knew that
you wouldn't give her a chance.
509
00:40:04,625 --> 00:40:05,875
Yeah.
510
00:40:05,959 --> 00:40:08,041
Yeah, there's a reason.
511
00:40:08,125 --> 00:40:10,500
Like, I can't handle this
right now.
512
00:40:10,583 --> 00:40:15,000
I wouldn't have done this
if I didn't think you could
handle it.
513
00:40:15,083 --> 00:40:19,542
What? So, like,
it's for my own good?
514
00:40:19,625 --> 00:40:22,500
Jules, she's been clean.
She's doing really well.
515
00:40:22,583 --> 00:40:24,875
All she wants
as part of her recovery
516
00:40:24,959 --> 00:40:26,709
is to make amends.
517
00:40:27,959 --> 00:40:29,291
Wait, what?
518
00:40:30,667 --> 00:40:32,792
She wants to apologize.
519
00:40:34,959 --> 00:40:37,041
You have to be
fucking kidding me.
520
00:40:38,542 --> 00:40:41,000
She wants my forgiveness?
521
00:40:42,041 --> 00:40:43,709
My forgiveness?
522
00:40:43,792 --> 00:40:46,166
So that, what,
she doesn't, like, fucking
523
00:40:46,250 --> 00:40:48,500
drink herself to death
because she's so guilty?
524
00:40:48,583 --> 00:40:51,041
Don't be fucking cruel!
525
00:40:52,875 --> 00:40:55,208
I don't care!
Yeah. You do.
526
00:40:55,291 --> 00:40:59,125
I swear to God, Dad,
I don't fucking care!
527
00:41:06,750 --> 00:41:08,291
Okay. Fine.
528
00:41:08,375 --> 00:41:10,375
If you really don't care,
529
00:41:10,458 --> 00:41:13,125
and this really means
nothing to you,
530
00:41:13,208 --> 00:41:15,959
then just go downstairs
531
00:41:16,041 --> 00:41:18,041
and let her apologize.
532
00:41:22,917 --> 00:41:24,709
Even if it's not real?
533
00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:28,834
Even if it's not real.
534
00:41:33,417 --> 00:41:34,625
Okay.
535
00:41:34,709 --> 00:41:36,291
Okay. Fine.
536
00:42:19,834 --> 00:42:21,125
Jules.
537
00:42:28,792 --> 00:42:30,583
It was a week later.
538
00:42:30,667 --> 00:42:32,333
On Halloween.
539
00:42:33,125 --> 00:42:35,125
Uh, well, yeah.
540
00:42:36,208 --> 00:42:38,333
How long was she missing for?
541
00:42:39,792 --> 00:42:44,125
Jesus Christ. And,
and you found bottles
in the room?
542
00:42:45,458 --> 00:42:47,166
Oh, God...
543
00:42:48,959 --> 00:42:51,709
How, how long does the hospital
want to keep her?
544
00:42:56,792 --> 00:42:58,625
Jules...
545
00:42:58,709 --> 00:43:01,041
-Uh, that's Rue.
546
00:43:01,125 --> 00:43:03,083
Hey. Jules.
547
00:43:04,834 --> 00:43:07,208
Jules, open up.
548
00:43:07,291 --> 00:43:08,667
You gotta come home, Jules.
549
00:43:08,750 --> 00:43:10,333
I can't come back.
550
00:43:10,417 --> 00:43:13,375
You're 17, you know.
You cannot live alone.
551
00:43:13,458 --> 00:43:16,375
This is not real life, Jules!
552
00:43:16,458 --> 00:43:19,083
I can't, I can't go back
to East Highland.
553
00:43:19,166 --> 00:43:22,208
Open the door.
554
00:43:22,291 --> 00:43:23,583
You're coming home.
555
00:43:23,667 --> 00:43:25,458
I'm not leaving here
without you!
556
00:43:26,166 --> 00:43:27,750
I don't belong there.
557
00:43:27,834 --> 00:43:30,458
-Jules, I'm begging you.
558
00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:35,500
Open the door!
559
00:44:05,709 --> 00:44:08,583
Okay, well, that's all the time
we have for this week.
560
00:44:08,667 --> 00:44:12,125
Sorry if that was a lot.
561
00:44:12,208 --> 00:44:15,041
I'm the one person you
never have to apologize to.
562
00:44:16,709 --> 00:44:18,125
Thanks.
563
00:44:18,208 --> 00:44:20,041
I know this is our
first session,
564
00:44:20,125 --> 00:44:22,458
and I know you
didn't want to come,
but I'm glad you did.
565
00:44:22,542 --> 00:44:24,208
I hope you are, too.
566
00:44:26,208 --> 00:44:30,250
Okay, so, just be patient
with yourself.
567
00:44:32,291 --> 00:44:34,083
And have a wonderful New Year.
568
00:44:35,166 --> 00:44:37,333
Merry Christmas.
569
00:44:37,417 --> 00:44:38,875
I'm Jewish.
570
00:44:38,959 --> 00:44:41,500
Oh, uh, sorry.
571
00:44:41,583 --> 00:44:43,000
Don't be.
572
00:44:43,083 --> 00:44:45,125
It's a way better holiday.
573
00:44:47,959 --> 00:44:49,417
Okay.
574
00:44:50,417 --> 00:44:54,041
♪ So take me home ♪
575
00:44:54,125 --> 00:44:56,417
♪ Love me low ♪
576
00:44:59,792 --> 00:45:02,291
Jules?
-Rue?
577
00:45:04,083 --> 00:45:08,083
♪ And I justwant to be with♪
578
00:45:08,750 --> 00:45:10,041
Hi.
579
00:45:11,125 --> 00:45:13,542
-♪ I love you ♪
580
00:45:13,625 --> 00:45:18,834
♪ You don't even knowI'm gonna miss you ♪
581
00:45:18,917 --> 00:45:20,291
I, um...
582
00:45:21,542 --> 00:45:23,709
Uh, I was just...
583
00:45:23,792 --> 00:45:25,875
riding my bike, um,
584
00:45:25,959 --> 00:45:27,041
to go meet Ali,
585
00:45:27,125 --> 00:45:29,417
and I passed your house.
586
00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:32,709
And I...
587
00:45:32,792 --> 00:45:36,125
I don't know. I--
It's Christmastime,
so...
588
00:45:37,375 --> 00:45:41,834
I just...
Your, your dad let me in.
589
00:45:41,917 --> 00:45:45,500
Uh, uh, yeah.
He's really mad at me.
590
00:45:45,583 --> 00:45:49,208
Um, I'm grounded.
591
00:45:49,291 --> 00:45:52,333
And, uh, in therapy.
So, um...
592
00:45:54,166 --> 00:45:56,083
Uh...
593
00:45:59,625 --> 00:46:01,291
I really missed you.
594
00:46:06,667 --> 00:46:08,458
Missed you, too.
595
00:46:10,583 --> 00:46:12,000
Um...
596
00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:17,417
Um, and I'm really
sorry about, like,
597
00:46:17,500 --> 00:46:20,542
everything that happened
at the train station,
598
00:46:20,625 --> 00:46:22,792
and leaving and stuff.
Um...
599
00:46:27,417 --> 00:46:29,166
It was really fucking stupid.
600
00:46:29,250 --> 00:46:31,417
Ah, fuck.
I don't know why I'm crying.
601
00:46:31,500 --> 00:46:36,208
I just get really emotional
during the holidays, that's all.
602
00:46:36,291 --> 00:46:39,625
-It's okay. Um...
Um...
603
00:46:39,709 --> 00:46:42,583
Yeah, Merry Christmas, Jules.
44124
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