Original subtitles

TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP] ED!

TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP] ED!

EDD!

EDDY!

BBBLLL...

YEAH!

YEAH!

THE LITTLE FAIRY--SO LITTLE IS SHE.

HER BOAT FITS SNUGLY INSIDE A PEA.

INSIDE A PEA?

DREAMY!

SHE SAILED TO THE FAIRY KINGDOM IN THE CLOUDS PAST A

DIAMOND STAIRWELL TO A GARDEN OF DOVES.

GARDEN OF DOVES.

OH, LOOK, SARAH.

I THINK I SEE HER BOAT!

PIPE DOWN.

IF I DON'T FINISH THIS STUPID GEOGRAPHY ESSAY, I'M OFF THE

TEAM, MAN.

AH!

SHE TURNED AND WAVED MINDY THE MERMAID GOOD-BYE, FLUTTERED

HER WINGS AND FLEW INTO THE SKY!

LITTLE AM I, BUT I STILL CAN FLY.

TRY TO KEEP UP WITH ME.

TRY! TRY! TRY!

I'M FLYING!

WEE!

GROW UP, SQUIRT.

ALL THAT FAIRY-TALE STUFF'S A LOAD OF BALONEY.

FAIRY TALES ARE NOT A LOAD OF BALONEY.

THEY'RE REAL, GOLLY GOSH!

YOU'LL SEE!

YOU'LL SEE!

SHH.

HOW IS IT THAT THE OTHERS KNOW OF ROLF'S LOADS OF BALONEY?

[BELL RINGS] [MANIACAL LAUGHING]

ED?

EDDY?

DID YOU SEE THE LOOK ON NAZZ'S FACE, DOUBLE D?

I THOUGHT SHE WAS GONNA THROW UP!

SILLY ME.

AND HERE I THOUGHT WE WERE BEYOND DEPANTSING ED

IN FRONT OF THE CHEERLEADERS.

YOU LOVED IT.

ADMIT IT.

WAIT AND SEE, MR. YUM YUM.

WHEN MY MAGIC CARPET FLIES LIKE THIS BOOK SAYS IT CAN, KEVIN

WILL KNOW ONCE AND FOR ALL FAIRY TALES DO EXIST.

OH, YOU MIGHT NEED THIS.

I'LL FLY RIGHT THROUGH HIS WINDOW AND--

HEY, ALI BABA, LOOK OUT!

IT'S FLYING ALL MAGIC-LIKE!

WATCH OUT!

HA HA!

AW...

DON'T COUNT YOUR BEANS BEFORE THEY HATCH, LITTLE FELLA.

OH, ED, NOT YOU, TOO.

FAIRY TALES DO EXIST.

PIXIES, MERMAIDS, AND UNICORNS ARE REAL!

[SOBBING] HEY, BUDDY.

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE DOWN.

WHAT'S KEV KNOW?

IT JUST SO HAPPENS I SAW A UNICORN IN THE WOODS THIS VERY

MORNING, JIMMY, MY BOY.

YOU DID, EDDY?

REALLY?

WHAT DO YOU SAY YOU AND ME GO SEE IT?

OH, YES, OF COURSE.

THAT'S A SPLENDID IDEA, EDDY.

THAT WOULD CERTAINLY MAKE JIMMY--I MEAN KEVIN--SEE THE

TRUTH IN FAIRY TALES.

THANK YOU, EDDY.

NO PROBLEMO, CURLY Q.

DON'T FORGET ME, KIDS.

WHY DON'T YOU MEET ME IN THE WOODS IN AN HOUR?

WITH BELLS ON MY TOES.

EDDY, THAT WAS A VERY, VERY SWEET THING YOU DID FOR YOUNG

JIMMY.

I'M SO PROUD OF YOU.

THAT'S JUST THE KIND OF GUY I AM, DOUBLE D.

I'M ALL HEART.

RIGHT, ED?

BERRIES, BERRIES, ARE GOOD FOR YOUR HEART.

THE MORE YOU EAT, THE MORE-- SHUT UP, ED.

HEY, ROLF, WHAT'S IN THE BAG?

LOT OF HOMEWORK TONIGHT, HUH?

THIS HOMEWORK?

ROLF HAS MUCH HOMEWORK.

CERTAINLY NOT A LOAD OF BALONEY.

NO, NO.

WE HAVE FINISHED TALKING.

GOOD NIGHT.

LOOK OUT FOR THOSE GOLD-DUSTED UNICORN HOOF PRINTS.

BE STILL, MY BEATING HEART.

AM I SCHFITSING?

I AM!

I AM, EDDY!

QUIET.

YOU'LL SCARE IT.

[NEIGHS] FAIRY TALES ARE TRUE!

HOLD UP.

I COULD HAVE SWORN I HAD SOME RARE UNICORN FOOD AROUND HERE

SOMEWHERE.

OH, LOOKY.

A MAGICAL UNICORN CRACKER.

ONLY A QUARTER.

FEED THE UNICORN, JIMMY.

WEE!

HEY, HEY, HEY, RELAX THERE, SLUGGER.

BUT I HAVEN'T MET HIM YET.

HUGGING COSTS EXTRA.

AAH!

GRACIOUS, ED.

YOU COULD HAVE AT LEAST LEFT YOUR SHOES ON.

AAH!

KEVIN WAS RIGHT!

FAIRY TALES AREN'T TRUE!

IT'S ALL A LIE!

A LIE!

ALL OF IT!

IT AIN'T MY FAULT THAT FAIRY TALE STUFF'S A LOAD OF BALONEY!

[ECHOING] LOAD OF BALONEY!

LOAD OF BALONEY!

EVERYONE IS AFTER ROLF'S LOAD OF BALONEY.

YOU SHALL NOT HAVE IT.

IT IS ROLF'S LOAD.

LA LA LA LA...

[DOORBELL RINGS] JIMMY, IS THAT YOU?

COME ON, DOUBLE D!

CANDY STORE'S A-WAITING.

AND IT'S WAITING A LOT.

BIG BUTT.

HUH?

WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

I ATE A BIG BREAKFAST.

SO WHAT?

AH, SUCH SHAME.

GORGED IN GUILT.

OH, I WILL NOT SLEEP THIS NOR ANY OTHER NIGHT KNOWING I HAD A

HAND IN RUINING JIMMY'S INNOCENT ENCHANTMENT OF FAIRY TALES.

AW, HE'LL GET OVER IT.

KIND OF REMINDS ME OF THE DAY MY BROTHER TOLD ME CARTOONS WEREN'T

REAL.

SAY IT ISN'T SO, EDDY.

YEP.

GROWING UP SURE STINKS.

OOH...

SARAH, GUYS.

JIMMY'S A ZOMBIE BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPID UNICORN TRICK!

A ZOMBIE?

ED MUST TOUCH ZOMBIE!

YOU'D BETTER FIX HIM BEFORE SUNDOWN, OR YOU'RE GONNA BE DOG

MEAT.

GOT IT?

SARAH, I ASSURE YOU THAT MY ONLY WISH IS TO MAKE THINGS

RIGHT.

NO, IT ISN'T.

I MEANT YES, YES, WE WILL MAKE IT.

WHERE IS THE LITTLE GUY?

I MISS HIM SO.

[THUNDER] [SCREAMS]

[THUNDER] [SCREAMS]

HI, LITTLE FELLOW!

CONCENTRATE, EDDY.

FAIRIES ARE SUPPOSED TO FLOAT DAINTILY, NOT FLOUNDER

HAPHAZARDLY.

WHY, YOU DIRTY-- I'M THE LITTLEST FAIRY.

TING!

WITH A SPELL TO CHEER YOU UP ALL BRIGHT AND MERRY.

YOU DON'T EXIST.

AND?

IT'S NOT WORKING, DOUBLE D.

JIMMY'S CLOUD WON'T GO AWAY.

DOUBLE D?

A TIDE OF JOY COMES YOUR WAY.

I'M ALANIS, MERMAID OF THE SEA.

A MYTHOLOGICAL GODDESS TO HELP GUIDE YOU THROUGH.

YOU'RE NOT REAL.

HERE I GO.

[YODELING] YONKA, YONKA, YONKA.

I'M NUGGET THE GNOME, AND I--AND I TICKLE THE FEET OF SAD

LITTLE-- GO AWAY, CHARLATAN.

WHOA!

WHAT IRONY IS THIS?

A HORSESHOE MADE OF PURE GOLD?

GOLD, YOU SAY?

AS GOLD AS THE TOES OF MY ONCE-BELOVED UNICORN CREATURE.

BUT FAIRIES AND UNICORNS NO LONGER EXIST TO ME.

NOTHING BUT TORRID LIES.

THIS 24-KARAT SHOE IS NOTHING BUT A REMINDER OF MY GULLIBLE

YOUTH.

TELL YOU WHAT.

IF IT'S WEARING YOU OUT SO MUCH, I'LL GIVE YOU A QUARTER FOR IT.

I'M RICH!

I'M ROLLING IN DOUGH!

I CAN RETIRE NOW!

LOOK!

IT'S MINE!

PERHAPS YOU MAY WANT TO HAVE A CLOSER LOOK, EDDY.

WHAT?

I'M AFRAID THIS IS NOTHING MORE THAN A PLASTIC DENTAL

RETAINER PAINTED WITH GOLD NAIL POLISH.

HORSES DON'T HAVE TEETH ON THEIR FEET, DOUBLE D.

HEE HEE!

JIMMY'S HAPPY AGAIN.

INDEED.

WHAT?

YOU BACKSTABBING LITTLE WEASEL!

GIVE ME BACK MY QUARTER!

WHAT'S THE X FOR?

GOT THE FAIRY CREATURE'S PROOF, JIMMY.

WHOA.

SAY, FLUFFY, YOU SURE MADE A BELIEVER OUT OF ME, DUDE.

I'D BETTER GO SPREAD THIS WITH THE OTHERS AT SCHOOL.

THEY'LL SURE WANT TO SEE THIS.

NO, WAIT!

KEV, COME BACK!

[LAUGHTER] THEY WERE ALL PART OF AN

INGENIOUS, ELABORATE HOAX.

ALL THAT FOR A STUPID QUARTER.

HOW DESPERATE CAN YOU GET?

WELL, BEST PREPARE OUR FAIRY TALE FOR SCHOOL TOMORROW.

IT'S GONNA TAKE A LOT OF EXPLAINING TO GET OUT OF THIS

PLOT HOLE.

WHAT A LOAD OF BALONEY!

ROLF, ARE YOU OK?

YOU DON'T LOOK SO GOOD.

TOO LATE, VULTURES.

ROLF HAS TAKEN CARE OF HIS LOAD OF BALONEY FOR GOOD.

[BURPS] ROLF'S A HOOT, HUH, PLANK?

MOTHER, OPERATION FOR ROLF, I BEG YOU.

HA HA HA!

[BUZZING] OH, TOO COOL!

[BUZZING] OH, TOO COOL!

[BUZZING] OH, TOO COOL!

[BUGLE BLARING] RANGERS, HALT!

THE URBAN RANGERS WILL NOW ENTICE YOU WITH THEIR DISCIPLINE

AND DARING DO.

[WHISTLE BLOWS] [WHISTLE BLOWS]

[WHISTLE BLOWS] [WHISTLE BLOWS]

[WHISTLE BLOWS] [WHISTLE BLOWS]

[OOHS AND AHS] YEAH, MORE, MORE!

ARE THEY FANCY OR WHAT?

URBAN LOSERS.

POTENTIAL VACATIONERS OF THE CUL-DE-SAC, AS YOU HAVE SEEN,

YOU, TOO, CAN EASE THE BURDEN OF DAILY CHORES.

WHOA!

AHH!

COME JOIN THE URBAN RANGERS AND BECOME THE MASTER OF THE

MUNDANE, THE DUKE OF DUTIES.

EARN BADGES, IMPRESS YOUR RELATIVES.

YOU DO HAVE TO ADMIRE THEIR EFFORTS IN EDUCATING THE

COMMUNITY, EDDY.

AHH.

ROLF SEES THE URBAN RANGERS ARE FAR TOO DEMANDING FOR ONE WHOSE

HEAD RESEMBLES THE SIDE TABLE TO A COUCH.

[LAUGHTER] OK, TOUGH GUY.

HOW ABOUT I TAKE YOU ON FOR THE HARDEST BADGE YOU GOT RIGHT

HERE, RIGHT NOW?

HOLY MACKEREL.

IS HE TALKING ABOUT THE--THE-- HAIRY CHEST OF RESILIENCE

BADGE?

NOBODY'S EARNED THAT BADGE IN OVER 50 YEARS.

THIS BADGE HAS TRAMPLED THE EGGPLANTS OF MANY A BRAVE

HOPEFUL WHO HAVE TRIED TO OBTAIN IT.

IMITATES CHICKEN] I SMELL A CHICKEN.

A CHICKEN, EDDY?

YEP.

A BIG URBAN, FREE-RANGER CHICKEN.

I GOT A BADGE FOR YOU, MR. CHICKEN.

HOW ABOUT THE GO HOME AND LAY AN EGG BADGE?

AH HA HA!

ENOUGH!

YOUR MOCKERY OF THE DOMESTIC FOWL INSULTS ROLF.

YOU KNOW NOT WHERE YOU TREAD, ED, BOY.

URBAN RANGERS!

FOLLOW THE CHICKEN.

FOLLOW THE CHICKEN.

FOLLOW THE CHICKEN.

EDDY, ACCORDING TO MY CALCULATIONS, TAKING INTO

CONSIDERATION MASS VERSUS HEIGHT VERSUS THE SCOPE OF COVERAGE

AND SHEER BODY HAIR, ROLF SURPASSES YOU IN EVERY CATEGORY,

EDDY.

OH, YEAH?

WELL, WHO CARES?

I'LL SHOW THESE URBAN DWEEBS ONCE AND FOR ALL.

HEAR YE, HEAR YE.

YOU BRAVE MEN ARE ABOUT TO EMBARK ON A SERIES OF TESTS

ORDAINED BY THE GRAND POOBAH OF THE INTERNATIONAL

URBAN RANGERHOOD.

MAKE YOUR WAY TO THE CIRCLE OF SUPREMACY.

STINKS TO BE YOU, HUH, FLATHEAD?

THE CONTENDERS MUST ENDURE WITHOUT A MURMUR, A MUMBLE, OR A

MUTTER OF GRIEF IN ORDER TO EARN THE COVETED HAIRY CHEST OF

RESILIENCE BADGE.

THE FIRST TEST--THE WAX OF WAILING.

ASSISTANTS ED AND DOUBLE D LIBERALLY APPLY THE WAX TO

EDDY'S LEG, ADHERE THE LEATHER STRAP TO THE WAX, AND AWAIT MY

SIGNAL.

LUCKY.

YOU STILL HAVE TIME TO RENEGE, EDDY.

IT'S IN THE BAG.

ARE WE READY?

[TOOT] AND THIS LITTLE PIGGY WENT TO

[TOOT] AND THIS LITTLE PIGGY WENT TO

MARKET.

HO OH!

HE WHOSE MOUTH IS LOUDER THAN PAPA'S SUMMER SHORTS, ARE YOU

READY TO CRY?

[TOOT] EDDY, I SYMPATHIZE THAT YOUR

PAST DEALINGS WITH THE URBAN RANGERS HAVE BEEN LESS THAN

CORDIAL, BUT IS THIS REALLY NECESSARY?

I'M GONNA BEAT THEM AT THEIR OWN GAME, SOCK HEAD, AND

EVERYONE WILL SEE WHAT PHONIES THEY ARE WHEN I'M WEARING THAT

DUMB BADGE.

GENTLEMEN, THE SECOND TEST IS THE BUMPING OF THE FUNNY BONE.

OH, DEAR.

GATHER YOUR FORTITUDE, RANGER TONY.

[TOOT] WHACK THE FUNNY BONE.

[TOOT] WHACK THE FUNNY BONE.

DON'T MAKE ROLF COME UP THERE, WOOD BOY.

FASTER.

FASTER, I SAY.

FOR GOODNESS SAKE, EDDY.

CONCEDE.

NEVER.

I GOT YOU.

A MASSAGE FOR EDDY, DOUBLE D.

FOR THE THIRD TEST, WEARING ONLY YOUR BIRTHDAY SUITS, YOU

MUST CRAWL THROUGH THE BRAMBLE BUSH OF BELLYACHE.

BIRTHDAY SUITS.

NUDGE, NUDGE, WINK, WINK.

ENOUGH!

THE PRICKLY MAIDEN OF THE BRAMBLE AWAITS.

[TOOT] BIRTHDAY BOMB!

[TOOT] BIRTHDAY BOMB!

DID I WIN YET?

FOOL!

THE GREATEST TEST MUST YET BE REALIZED.

EDDY, THIS CHARADE OF SELF-VALIDATION HAS GONE ON LONG

ENOUGH.

LOOK AT YOURSELF.

YOU CAN BARELY STAND.

PLEASE, EDDY.

THROW IN THE TOWEL.

END IT.

NEITHER ED NOR I WILL THINK ANY LESS OF YOU.

I'LL THROW IN THE TOWEL WHEN IT'S LAUNDRY DAY, DOUBLE D.

[GRUMBLING] THE NEXT TEST IS CALLED THE

PENDULUM OF PROTEST.

AS IT IS SAID IN YOUR COUNTRY, LET HER ROCK.

[TOOT] YOU BOTH HAVE DONE WELL.

BUT THIS LAST TEST WILL DETERMINE WHO WILL RECEIVE THE

COVETED HAIRY CHEST OF RESILIENCE BADGE.

GENTLEMEN, I GIVE YOU THE TOUR OF TEARS.

GENTLEMEN, I GIVE YOU THE TOUR OF TEARS.

GENTLEMEN, I GIVE YOU THE TOUR OF TEARS.

GENTLEMEN, I GIVE YOU THE TOUR OF TEARS.

GENTLEMEN, I GIVE YOU THE TOUR OF TEARS.

WHAT?

HA!

DID I WIN YET?

NO.

CATCH YOU LATER, EDDY.

HA HA!

OH, MY.

OH!

[CHEERING] AW...

CAN I PLAY WITH HIM, DOUBLE D?

ED, DON'T TOUCH.

NOW DID I WIN?

WELL, YOU PASSED OUT ONE SECOND BEFORE ROLF, EDDY, SO

ROLF WON BY DEFAULT.

ONE LOUSY SECOND!

WOW.

COOL BADGE, ROLF.

LET ME SEE!

DUDE, YOU AREN'T WEARING THAT TO SCHOOL, ARE YOU?

DO NOT TOUCH THE BADGE, URCHINS OF PROCESSED CHEESE

SPREAD.

URBAN BONEHEAD.

BE SAD NOT, EDDY.

YOU WON A BADGE, TOO.

NO WAY!

YES, EDDY.

THE RANGERS DID AWARD YOU SOMETHING FOR YOUR EFFORT.

SUCKERS!

WHERE IS IT SO I CAN RUB IT IN THEIR FACES?

HERE YOU GO.

THE CRYBABY BOO-HOO BADGE.

SEE?

THERE'S A LITTLE RATTLE ON IT.

OF ALL THE--LET ME AT HIM!

I'LL--NO!

OH, GOODNESS.

ED, I THINK EDDY DESERVES SOME REST.

YES?

I DON'T NEED NO STINKING REST.

I NEED A BIG STICK TO HIT ROLF OVER THE HEAD WITH.

YOU HEARD HIM, EDDIE.

REST IS BEST.

SO BE NO PEST, AND I'LL WEAR A VEST.

ONE LOUSY SECOND!

[WHISTLING] [CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY

TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP] [CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL

CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--]

ED, EDD, AND EDDY!