Original subtitles

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

- GUESS WHAT TIME IT IS, KIDS!

IT'S--OW!

- HEY, KIDS!

IT'S ME, PANDA EDDY.

ARE YOU READY TO HAVE A PANDA FUN TIME?

FOLLOW ME, KIDS.

I'D LIKE YOU KIDS TO MEET MY BEST PAL.

- ARF! ARF!

- HIDEY, HIDEY, BALLOON POOCHIE!

SAY HI TO THE KIDS.

- ARF! ARF!

- HA HA HA!

BOY, BALLOON POOCHIE,

YOU'RE SO KEENO NIFTY.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

NOW, WHO COULD THAT BE?

- GREETINGS, EVERYONE!

- IT'S MR. CALCULATOR PANTS!

- SALUTATIONS, PANDA EDDY.

BALLOON POOCHIE, ARE WE READY FOR TODAY'S SCHOOLING

ON ALGEBRAIC MATHEMATICS AND THE--

- TOOT! TOOT!

- HEY, IT'S THE ELEPHANT CHOO-CHOO!

"RUFF! RUFF!"

YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN, BALLOON POOCHIE.

- OUCH!

- LOOK, KIDS, IT'S MR. RAILROAD RUMP!

- THAT I AM, KIDS.

JUST CALL ME "RUMPY."

- HEY, KIDS, YOU KNOW WHAT?

WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO ADOPT YOUR VERY OWN BALLOON POOCHIE?

WELL, YOU CAN FOR JUST 25 CENTS.

"RUFF! RUFF!"

YEP. JUST 25 CENTS.

- "KINDERGARTEN!" IS RIGHT, PLANK.

LET'S BLOW THIS POP STAND.

- WHAT DO WE LOOK LIKE, A COUPLE OF BABIES?

BOY, WAS THAT STUPID.

- PAY THEM NO HEED, BALLOON POOCHIE,

'CAUSE YOU'RE CUTE.

- I'VE HAD IT!

WE'RE WASTING OUR TIME WITH THESE TWERPS.

ALL WE DO IS BUST OUR BUTTS FOR THESE GUYS,

AND WHAT'S IT GET US?

SQUAT!

- OH, COME, NOW, EDDY.

YOU HAVE TO ADMIT THAT SCAM WAS A TAD INFANTILE,

DON'T YOU THINK?

- WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

YOU'RE MR. CALCULATOR PANTS, FOR PETE'S SAKE!

- IF YOU'D JUST TAKE THE TIME TO NOTICE, EDDY,

YOU'LL FIND THAT THE NEIGHBORHOOD CHILDREN ARE CHANGING--

GROWING UP, ONE MIGHT SAY.

- SUCKLE?

AAH!

- WHAT LAME-BRAINED SCHMUCK

THROWS AWAY A PERFECTLY GOOD TRICYCLE?

[JIMMY WHIMPERING]

- SEE, EDDY?

JIMMY'S MATURING.

ISN'T IT INSPIRING?

HE'S ADAPTING FROM A JUVENILE 3-WHEELED BIKE

TO A 2-WHEELED SYMBOL OF BURGEONING ADULTHOOD.

- DO NOT TAUNT THE TRIKE, DOUBLE D.

- YEAH, WHAT DID THE TRIKE EVER DO TO YOU?

- I'M CONVERSING WITH PUERILE IMPS.

PERHAPS OTHER EXAMPLES ARE IN ORDER.

LOOK CLOSELY, EDDY,

FOR UNDERNEATH THAT CALM, COOL,

BRING HOME TO MEET MOTHER EXTERIOR,

NAZZ IS DEVELOPING ON A MULTITUDE OF LEVELS

BOTH CELLULAR AND GENETIC.

A MATURING ORGANISM, GENTLEMEN!

- WHERE'S THE GAG, DOUBLE D?

- GROWING UP ISN'T ALWAYS FUNNY, ED.

- BORING!

- YO, ROLF! CHECK OUT THE BEARD.

- BEARD?

- PRETTY MANLY, HUH?

- HA HA HO!

BRACE YOURSELF, LITTLE BOY,

FOR THIS IS WHAT IT IS TO BE A MAN!

- I'M GONNA HEAVE!

- ROLF MUTATED!

- PHYSICALLY DEVELOPED, ED.

ALBEIT A TAD EXTREME,

JUST ANOTHER INDICATION OF IMPENDING ADULTHOOD.

WHY, IT'LL ONLY BE A MATTER OF TIME

BEFORE THE KIDS DECIDE ON CAREERS

AND BECOME PRODUCTIVE MEMBERS OF SOCIETY.

- I'M OK.

- CAREERS, HUH?

- A SURE SIGN OF MATURITY, EDDY.

- CAREERS EQUALS EMPLOYMENT.

EMPLOYMENT EQUALS CASH!

- OH! OH! MY TURN!

- NOT NOW, ED!

COME ON, DOUBLE D!

WE AIN'T GETTING ANY YOUNGER.

- BUT, EDDY...

- EDDY'S CAREER COUNSELING?

HMM.

- ONLY AT EDDY'S CAREER COUNSELING

CAN OUR HIGHLY TRAINED EXPERTS USE YOUR INDIVIDUAL...

[PRO-FEEL] PROFILE...

AND A COMPUTER TO PICK A CAREER JUST FOR YOU,

ALL FOR A MEASLY QUARTER.

- GO ON, SARAH. IT'LL BE FUN!

- OH, I BET IT WILL.

- HEH HEH HEH.

- SHALL WE BEGIN? YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?

- MAGENTA.

- MAGELLAN!

- THANK YOU. PANTS SIZE?

- 12, I GUESS.

- BUTTERED TOAST!

- AND FAVORITE VEGETABLE?

- RELISH! - NO, ED. SPROUTS!

[TAPE MEASURE SNAPS] OW!

- GRAVY!

- YES, WELL, IF YOU'LL FOLLOW ME, JONNY,

TO OUR VAULT OF VOCATIONS,

AND SELECT AN ITEM OF YOUR CHOICE.

- A BALL OF TWINE!

ARE WE LUCKY OR WHAT?

- I'LL TAKE THAT, THANK YOU.

[WHISPERING]

OUR COMPUTER WILL NOW PROCESS, EVALUATE,

AND DETERMINE JONNY'S EXACT CAREER.

- VROOM! BUZZ! CLICK! HUM!

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

HUM! HOMINA, HOMINA!

BANG!

JONNY IS A GOPHER!

- A GOPHER?

- CONGRATULATIONS, AND HERE'S YOUR DIPLOMA.

GO OUT THERE AND BE THE BEST GOPHER YOU CAN BE.

NEXT!

[JIMMY SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

- HA HA HA!

HA HA HA!

THIS GROWNUP STUFF'S GOLD!

- A POTATO MONGER?

- WELL, ACCORDING TO OUR COMPUTER--

DEAR ROLF, YOUR PROFILE DID LEAN TOWARDS MORE, UH--

- ROLF WISHES TO BE A BARBER.

- A BARBER?

- IN THE OLD COUNTRY,

HE WHO CUTS HAIR IS VIEWED A MAN AMONG MEN.

- BUT, ROLF...

- ROLF IS A BARBER!

- PARTY AT ROLF'S HOUSE!

- A BARBER IT IS.

NOW GO BUZZ SOME HEADS THERE, FIGARO.

- I'M READY FOR MY CAREER, DOUBLE D.

[NAZZ GIGGLES]

- WHY DOES NAZZ WANT A CAREER?

- 'CAUSE SHE'S GROWING UP, NIMROD.

YOU WANT ONE, COUGH UP.

- NIMROD?

I TELL YOU WHAT, DORKY.

MEET ME WHEN YOU'RE DONE

AND I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT MY BOOT WANTS TO DO WHEN IT GROWS UP.

HA HA HA!

- A DENTIST?

ME, A DENTIST?

AW, DOUBLE D, THAT'S SO COOL.

- MY TURN! MY TURN!

- YEAH! I WANT A CAREER! I WANT A CAREER!

- THEY CAN GROW UP ALL THEY WANT,

'CAUSE I'M STAYING A KID.

JAWBREAKERS!

[HORSE NEIGHS]

[LAUGHTER]

LAST ONE TO MY HOUSE IS A ROTTEN...

WHAT SCATTERBRAINED SCHNOOK

WOULD LEAVE A CHAIR LYING AROUND?

- GOOD MORNING, PATIENTS.

I'M DR. NAZZ, "DENTIRESS."

[NAZZ GIGGLES]

FIRST THING'S FIRST, DUDES.

JAWBREAKERS ARE SO BAD FOR YOUR TEETH.

CAVITIES AND STUFF?

TOTALLY!

- AAH!

- THERE. NOW LET'S DO THIS.

COZY?

- JEEZ. WHAT'S WITH THE LIGHT?

- BUT I ALREADY HAVE A DENTIST!

- LIGHT.

- HEY, THIS LOOKS COOL!

- I'M SORRY, MR. TREE,

BUT I'VE GOT A JOB TO DO.

MY CUMMERBUND!

AAH! AIEE!

OW! NO! HURT!

AAH!

JOB-RELATED OWIE.

- HUH?

BUSY DAY, HUH, GUYS?

DENTAL EMERGENCY!

- HOW UNFORTUNATE FOR JIMMY

AND EXTREMELY FORTUNATE FOR US.

- THE JAWBREAKERS!

- GENTLEMEN, HASN'T ANY OF THIS TALK OF MATURITY,

ADULTHOOD, OR RESPONSIBILITY SUNK IN?

- JAWBREAKERS, DOUBLE D!

- BELIEVE YOU ME, ED,

I, TOO, SUCCUMB TO THE SIGHT

OF THOSE SUCCULENT, TOOTHSOME ORBS.

BUT OUR ACTIONS NEED TO REFLECT

THE EMERGING MATURE ADULTS WE ARE. UH...

WAIT! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

- MY HOUSE!

MY DAD'S GOT POWER TOOLS!

- BUT, EDDY, YOU'RE JUST A KID!

- A TRAFFIC LIGHT!

WHAT KIND OF A STUPID CAREER IS THAT?

IDIOTS!

- OH!

OOH!

AAH!

[LAUGHTER]

[DOUBLE D PANTING]

- STOP!

- WHAT DID YOU STOP FOR?

GO GET THE JAWBREAKERS!

- MY MOM AND DAD SAID TO ALWAYS OBEY...

[SIG-E-NALS] TRAFFIC SIGNALS...

EDDY.

SEE? STOP.

- BRAVO, ED!

THAT WAS A VERY RESPONSIBLE AND GROWN-UP DECISION.

- SARAH, CHANGE THE LIGHT!

NOW!

- I'M JUST DOING WHAT YOU KNOW-IT-ALLS TOLD ME.

[SARAH GROWLS]

GO! STUPID.

- I GOT IT!

I GOT IT! I GOT IT!

HA HA HA...

- OF ALL THE-- ED, YOU GET BACK HERE!

- UH-OH.

NO!

HURT.

- ED!

- HOLY COW, PLANK!

AM I THE BEST GOPHER OR WHAT?

- WAS THAT JONNY?

WHERE'D THE DESK GO?

AHA!

- YOU MAY NOW THANK ROLF

FOR EMBELLISHING THAT CHICKEN POSTERIOR YOU CALLED A HEAD.

- AND A FINE HOWDY-DO TO YOU, TOO.

- COME ON! PUSH, WILL YA?

- UNHAND ROLF'S TOOLS OF PROFESSION!

WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ROLF'S SHAMPOO TABLE?

- SHAMPOO TABLE?

- OH, YEAH! HEY, AIN'T I NEXT?

[WHISPERING]

[ED CHUCKLES]

NOTHING TOO OUT THERE.

STILL LIVING AT HOME, YOU KNOW.

- YEP. IT'S ME, ALL RIGHT.

- JUST A LITTLE OFF THE TOP THERE, PICASSO.

- WHY, THAT HAIRCUT LOOKS VERY...

RESEMBLING, ED.

- SILENCE!

AS THE BARBER HAS HAIR TO PRUNE.

[ROLF HUMMING]

YOU ARE COMPLETE!

BEHOLD THE MIRACLE BESTOWED UPON YOU!

YOU MAY BOW TO ROLF.

- UH...

- THAT WILL BE TWO CHICKENS AND A PILLOW, THANK YOU.

- YEAH, SURE. JUST PUT IT ON MY TAB.

- VERY WELL, PATRON.

TAB?

WHAT IS THIS TAB?

[EDDY GRUNTING]

- BINGO!

GET SOME NAPKINS, BOYS...

'CAUSE WE'RE SLOBBERING ON JAWBREAKERS.

- HA HA HA!

- THIS DAY HAS BEEN SIMPLY THE MOST GRATIFYING DAY I CAN REMEMBER, EDDY.

YET I CAN'T HELP BUT PONDER OUR OWN PATHS INTO MATURITY--

- WHO'S MATURING? YOU MATURING? I AIN'T MATURING.

- OH, COME, NOW.

EDDY, TELL ME, WHAT ARE YOUR ASPIRATIONS OF ADULTHOOD?

- WHEN I GET OLD, I AM GOING TO BE RICE--

'FRISCO STYLE.

- WHY DON'T YOU JUST BE USEFUL AND GET TO WORK?

YOU, TOO, GABBY.

- I YEARN THE ROMANTIC LIFE OF AN EXPLORER

WHEN I BECOME OLDER,

TRAVELING AND DISCOVERING EXOTIC PEOPLE, PLACES,

AND MY TRUE INNER SELF.

WELL, EDDY? AND YOU?

- SCAMMING KIDS FOR A ZILLION YEARS, DOUBLE D,

'CAUSE I AIN'T NEVER GETTING OLD!

I'M BUILDING ME A FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH.

I'LL BE YOUNG AND HANDSOME FOREVER...

AND RICH.

[RUMBLING]

- LUNCHTIME!

- WELL-DESERVED, I MUST SAY.

- HE'S A PEST!

AAH!

WHOA!

OH, MY ACHING...

'CAUSE I AIN'T NEVER GETTING OLD!

[ECHOING] 'CAUSE I AIN'T NEVER...

NEVER GETTING OLD.

OH, MY ACHING BACK.

HEY, HOW'D I GET BACK IN MY ROOM?

OH, HIYA, GRANDPA!

AAH! AAH!

YOU'RE NOT GRANDDAD.

YOU'RE ME.

I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE.

HUH?

- WHY, HELLO, EDDY.

WE'VE COME IN HOPES OF A THIRD FOR CRIBBAGE.

- CRIBBAGE GIVES ME GAS!

- AAH!

THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING.

- LOSS OF CONTROL IS THE FIRST THING TO GO, EDDY.

- WHAT HAPPENED TO US, DOUBLE D?

WE LOOK LIKE TURKEYS.

AAH!

- CALM DOWN, EDDY.

I'LL LET YOU SHUFFLE.

- I HATE CRIBBAGE!

I'M JUST A KID!

[DOUBLE D LAUGHS]

- KID! HA HA!

OH, EDDY!

WHY, WE HAVEN'T BEEN KIDS IN OVER 90 YEARS.

- 90 YEARS?

[THUD]

- HA HA HA!

BABY GO WEE-WEE!

HA HA HA!

- IT CAN'T BE.

THE JAWBREAKERS--

STILL LOCKED UP LIKE NAZZ LEFT THEM.

- EDDY, IS THAT YOU?

AH, CONFOUNDED DARKNESS.

CRIBBAGE, EDDY!

- COMING THROUGH!

- CHECKMATE, PLANK! YOU OLD CODGER, YOU!

- JONNY, IS THAT YOU?

- OH, HEY, EDDY.

NICE DAY, ISN'T IT?

WHAT YOU STARING AT?

NAZZ FORGET HER PANTS AGAIN?

[NAZZ GIGGLES]

- HERE YOU GO, LITTLE DUDES.

- SHE'S STILL GOT IT, HUH, EDDY?

- GOT WHAT? LIVER SPOTS?

I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE OF THIS.

WHOA!

MY HIP!

- WHAT'S THAT, PLANK?

EDDY? WHERE?

OH, HEY, EDDY.

NICE DAY, ISN'T IT?

WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT?

- WHAT ARE YOU, BLIND?

- KIND OF.

- CAN'T YOU SEE ME AND JIMMY ARE PLAYING HERE?

- YOU HEARD HER, POOPY PANTS.

WHAT SAY YOU JUST LEAVE US TO IT?

- LEAVE YOU TO WHAT?

SKIP ROPE?

AIN'T YOU TOO OLD TO SKIP ROPE?

- SKIP ROPE?

WHAT DO WE LOOK LIKE, A COUPLE OF BABIES?

WE'RE KNITTING, YOU IDIOT!

- AND NO, YOU CAN'T HAVE ONE.

I MADE THIS BEDPAN COZY FOR SARAH.

- SO GET LOST, POPS!

- YOW!

GOOD ON YA.

I'M SO CONFUSED.

- HELLO, KEVIN.

- HUH? I'M NOT KEVIN.

- WHO IS THIS KEVIN YOU SPEAK OF?

ROLF'S TRACTOR IS NOT FOR SALE!

YOU FOOL!

ROLF DOES NOT LOVE YOU, NAZZ GIRL.

- OK.

- YOU TAUNT ROLF'S TURNIP, JONNY THE WOOD BOY?

GET OFF ROLF'S PROPERTY

BEFORE ROLF GETS HIS BEATING STICK!

- HUH?

STOP IT!

- MOVE IT, DORK.

YEAH, THAT'LL LEARN YOU.

DORK!

HA HA HA!

[BEEPING]

- OH, THERE YOU ARE, EDDY.

ED AND I HAVE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU.

WHAT'S SAY WE GET YOU HOME NOW, EDDY?

THIS HUMIDITY IS KILLING ME.

- HOME?

JAWBREAKERS?

THAT'S IT, GUYS!

- WHAT'S THAT, EDDY?

- THAT'S THE KEY TO OUR YOUTH.

HURRY!

[EDDY BREATHING HEAVILY]

JUST FOLLOW ME.

- TOO LATE! I ALREADY WENT, EDDY.

- ONE BITE OF THESE JAWBREAKERS,

AND EVERYTHING WILL BE BACK TO NORMAL.

- WHY, I HAVEN'T HAD A JAWBREAKER IN DECADES.

I CAN'T QUITE RECALL THE FLAVOR.

BOYSENBERRY, WASN'T IT?

FUNNY THING ABOUT BOYSENBERRY,

IT ACTUALLY LEFT THE TONGUE A PALE GREEN,

WHICH ALWAYS REMINDED ME OF APPLE,

OH, OR MAYBE KUMQUAT,

WHICH IS ODD AS I DON'T THINK MOTHER

EVER HAD KUMQUATS AROUND THE HOUSE.

AH, BUT I DIGRESS.

MY CAT, NIELS BOHR,

DOESN'T CARE FOR ME WEARING CORDUROYS AROUND THE HOUSE.

SEEMS THE SOUNDS OF THE LEGS RUBBING

ISN'T QUITE THE MELODIOUS SYMPHONY TO THE CAT'S EARS

AS IT IS TO--

- SHUT UP, WILL YOU? CRIMINY.

ED, BUST THE STUPID DESK.

- ED?

I'LL GO GET HIM, EDDY!

ED'S NOT HERE, EDDY.

- TIME HAS REDUCED IT TO DUST, EDDY.

- BUT I'M JUST A KID!

THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!

I'M NOT OLD!

I'M NOT OLD!

I'M NOT OLD! I'M NOT OLD!

I'M NOT OLD! I'M NOT OLD!

I'M NOT OLD!

I'M NOT OLD!

I'M NOT OLD!

I'M NOT OLD!

I'M NOT--HUH?

AAH!

- EDDY?

- DOUBLE D, IS THAT REALLY YOU?

OH, YOU'RE JUST A KID!

- PHYSICALLY, YES,

BUT I LIKE TO THINK I'VE EXCELLED ACADEMICALLY--

- YEAH, YEAH. WHATEVER.

AND I'M A KID, TOO!

♪ WE'RE NOT OLD ANYMORE

WHO NEEDS A CANE NOW, DOUBLE D?

- RELAX, EDDY,

AS I FEAR YOU MAY HAVE SUFFERED AN HALLUCINATION

BROUGHT ON BY THAT BUMP ON YOUR HEAD.

- WHO'S UP FOR JAWBREAKERS?

- THE JAWBREAKERS!

- YUMMEDY YUM YUM!

- GIVE ME THAT!

I DON'T EVER WANT TO GROW UP.

- IT SEEMS YOU DOZED OFF AGAIN THERE, EDDY.

YOU WERE RECOUNTING YET ANOTHER HUMOROUS STORY FROM OUR PAST

WHEN WE WERE CHILDREN.

- YOU REMEMBER THE FUNNIEST THINGS, EDDY,

LIKE...

I FORGET.

- IT WAS ALL JUST STORIES?

MEMORIES FROM THE PAST?

WE REALLY ARE OLD!

- WELL, SO MUCH FOR OUR ROUSING GAME OF CRIBBAGE.

- I JUST REMEMBERED SOMETHING.

PULL MY FINGER, EDDY.

HA HA HA!

- THAT MISCHIEVOUS PRANK IS OLDER THAN WE ARE, ED.

- GROW UP, YOU SHRIVELED UP, PETRIFIED LUMP!

[DOUBLE D LAUGHS]

[LAUGHTER]

I STILL WISH I WAS A KID!

♪ ED, EDD, N EDDY

♪ BBBBRRRRR, YEAH!

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--