Original subtitles

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

AND U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

BRRRRRR, YEAH!

DOES YOUR LIFE STINK LIKE THIS GUY'S?

[GROANING]

Eddy: NOT WITH THIS THING-A-MA-JIG.

STUPEFYING, ISN'T IT?

BUT THAT AIN'T ALL THE THING-A-MA-JIG CAN DO!

THERE'S MORE?

A LOT MORE.

AVERAGE JOE?

I HAVE NOWHERE TO SIT!

NO PROBLEMO, JOE.

THE THING-A-MA-JIG HERE IS THE ONLY THING YOU'LL EVER NEED!

NO PROBLEMO!

LIFE.

ME SO FAST, MISTER!

WHAT'S THIS GONNA COST US HARD-WORKING STIFFS?

YEAH. I BET IT COSTS A LOT!

A TECHNO-MARVEL LIKE THIS COULD COST YOU UP TO A MILLION BUCKS,

BUT FOR THE NEXT 5 MINUTES,

YOU CAN HAVE IT FOR ONE EASY PAYMENT OF 25 CENTS!

ROLF'S YAMS INFLATE WITH GLEE AT THIS THING-A-MA-JIG!

Sarah: LET'S GO TRY IT, JIMMY.

GEE WHILLIKERS, SARAH, THIS THING-A-MA-JIG ROCKS MY SOCKS!

HMM.

GENTLEMEN, I DISTINCTLY REMEMBER ASSEMBLING ONLY ONE THING-A-MA-JIG.

HOW COULD WE SELL MORE THAN ONE THING-A-MA-JIG WHEN ONLY ONE EXISTS?

EDDY, HOW COULD YOU?

YOU FALSELY SWINDLED THOSE UNSUSPECTING CHILDREN

OUT OF THEIR ALLOWANCES!

OH, I KNOW THAT'S WHAT WE DO IN EVERY SHOW,

BUT NOT LIKE THIS.

DOUBLE-DIPPING WITHIN ONE DECEPTION IS WRONG!

LET'S GO BUY SOME JAWBREAKERS.

ARE YOU GOING TO FINISH THAT?

[EDDY AND ED LAUGHING]

Ed: RUNNING!

[EDDY LAUGHING]

OH, LOOK UP IN THE SKY!

IS THAT A BIRD?

Ed: COULD BE A PLANE!

WHAT BIRD? DOES IT HAVE A QUARTER IN ITS MOUTH?

'CAUSE IF I GET MY HANDS ON IT, I'LL--

OH, MY ACHING--

HOLY COW!

HEY, GET BACK HERE WITH MY MONEY!

ACORNS?

Ed: DID YOU SEE THAT?

HE JUST SWOOPED IN AND POW! RIGHT IN YOUR KISSER, EDDY!

I BET HE'S GOT, LIKE, MUTANT POWER FEET OR SOMETHING!

HE STOLE MY CASH!

I WONDER WHO THIS MYSTERIOUS MARAUDER COULD BE?

IT SEEMS ODD THAT HE'D APPEAR OUT OF NOWHERE

JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME.

OH, I KNOW WHO IT IS!

[OWL HOOTING]

OK, SO I DON'T KNOW.

Sarah: AWW!

SARAH! SARAH!

MY BOX HAS NO THING-A-MA-JIG!

MINE WAS FULL OF BRICKS, JIMMY.

I'VE BEEN FOIST UPON, SARAH.

WAAH!

ROLF WILL TEACH THOSE RIFFRAFF ED BOYS WITH HIS FOOT UP THEIR--

Voice: YOUR MONEY IS SAFE AND SOUND,

GOOD CITIZENS OF THE CUL-DE-SAC.

RIPOFFS ARE A THING OF THE PAST,

FOR I, CAPTAIN MELONHEAD,

AND SPLINTER THE WONDERWOOD WILL PROTECT YOU!

IS THE CIRCUS IN TOWN?

THAT GUY SAVED OUR MONEY!

WHO WAS THAT MASKED MARVEL?

Edd: WHOMEVER IT WAS

SEEMS TO HAVE A COMPLEX PERSONALITY.

REALLY! ACORNS?

WE GOTTA FIND THIS GUY AND GET MY MONEY!

Sarah: SUCKERS!

[KIDS LAUGHING]

Rolf: NO MORE THE MR. SMART GUY, HUH, ED BOYS?

I BELIEVE THIS BELONGS TO YOU.

HEH HEH HEH!

FREE! WE'RE FREE AT LAST!

THAT GUY GAVE THEM BACK THEIR MONEY!

Ed: OH, BOY!

HE MUST BE SOME COMIC BOOK HERO GUY!

[GIGGLING]

COMIC BOOKS? REALLY, ED.

WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS A CAREFREE, UPSTANDING YOUNG MAN

WHO'S SIMPLY TRYING TO DO THE RIGHT THING.

WHY, I APPLAUD HIS--

Eddy: OH, YEAH?

THIS PLACE AIN'T BIG ENOUGH FOR THE TWO OF US.

I WILL HAVE MY DAY, SCAM WRECKER-UPPER!

[CACKLING]

[BIRDS CAWING]

Edd: HOW EMBARRASSING.

OK, NOW, SAY IT. DO IT! COME ON!

AHEM. UM, I WOULD LIKE TO PURCHASE

ONE OF YOUR BUTTS, IF I MAY.

PLEASE TAKE MY HARD-EARNED MONEY.

YOU GOT IT, SUCKER-- I MEAN, CUSTOMER.

HERE'S YOUR BRAND-NEW BUTT!

OH, HAPPY DAY!

THANK YOU, DISHONEST STORE CLERK.

I WILL GO AND USE MY BUTT NOW.

HEY, HOLD YOUR HORSES!

THIS BUTT'S BEEN USED!

HA HA! YOU'VE BEEN FOOLED.

I HAVE RIPPED OFF THE INNOCENT YET AGAIN!

[WHISPERING] Keep an eye out, Ed.

OH, BOY, OH, BOY, OH, BOY,

OH, BOY, OH, BOY--HUH?

I SEE HIM, EDDY!

RIGHT ON TIME.

SHED A TEAR, 'CAUSE CAPTAIN MELONHEAD IS HERE!

WAH HA HA HA!

HA HA HA!

YOU'VE MET YOUR MATCH, MELONHEAD.

PREPARE YOURSELF FOR PROFESSOR SCAM!

HA HA HA!

THE EVILDOER HAS ARRIVED!

HE'S LOST IT, HONESTLY.

UNHAND THAT MONEY, PROFESSOR SCAM!

NEVER. HI-YA!

I WILL NOW MAKE MY ESCAPE IN MY BAD-TO-THE-BONE,

MEANER-THAN-A-JUNKYARD-DOG PROFESSOR SCAM FLIER!

HA HA HA!

OOPS.

OOH! OOH!

[WHISTLING]

IT'S MELON TIME!

LOOK OUT FOR THOSE FEET, EDDY!

HA HA HA!

YAAAAHHHH!

OOF!

OH, NO. DOUBLE D!

PROFESSOR SCAM HAS UNMASKED CAPTAIN MELONHEAD!

YOU'RE THROUGH, MELONHEAD.

REVEAL YOURSELF!

THERE'S TWO HALVES TO EVERY MELON, PROFESSOR SCAM.

THAT WAS CLEVER.

OH, YEAH?

WELL, MY RAY OF RICHES WILL CURL YOUR TOES!

THINK FAST, MELONHEAD.

THE RAY OF RICHES WILL NEVER PENETRATE

THE FORCE PEEL OF MELON.

HAD ENOUGH, MELONHE--

UNH!

[LOUD RUMBLING]

AAH!

OH! HUH?

HI-YA!

FREEZE, MELONHEAD,

OR THE SIDEKICK SWELLS UP LIKE A BALLOON.

Melonhead: SPLINTER!

THIS IS BETWEEN ME AND YOU, PROFESSOR SCAM.

GIVE ME AN EXCUSE.

NO!

WAIT! TAKE ME! I'M THE ONE YOU WANT.

I SURRENDER, PROFESSOR SCAM.

BUT, EDDY, NOT MY GRAVY!

SILENCE, HENCHMEN!

OH, COME ON, EDDY. HAVEN'T YOU MILKED THIS ENOUGH?

LOOK AT ME!

WILL YOU GUYS JUST LAUGH LIKE EVIL HENCHMEN,

FOR PETE'S SAKE?

TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT YOUR TOMB OF DOOM, MELONHEAD.

HA HA HA HA!

LOOK! OUR HERO DANGLES LIKE VICTOR'S MILK SPOUTS!

VICTOR'S GOT MILK SPOUTS?

YOUR GRAVY GRAVE AWAITS!

HE'S DEAD!

MY GRAVY, DOUBLE D!

WHOA! OH!

HA HA HA HA!

Ed: RELEASE THE GRAVY!

'CAUSE I, AVERAGE JOE, SAYS SO!

ED!

LEAVE A MARK, MELON DUDE!

Eddy: I GIVE! I GIVE!

OUCH! OWW! OUCH!

MY GRAVY IS SAFE TO FERMENT ANOTHER DAY, DOUBLE D.

THANK YOU FOR SHARING THAT INFORMATION, ED.

[EDDY SCREAMING]

Eddy: OH, YEAH?

WELL, DON'T COUNT YOUR SEEDS BEFORE THEY HATCH, MELONHEAD,

FOR LIKE A BEAN BURRITO, I SHALL RETURN!

HENCHMEN, TO THE SCAM FORTRESS!

IT'S ALL FUN AND GAMES TILL SOMEONE GETS A SPLINTER.

[EDDY LAUGHING]

CITIZENS OF THE CUL-DE-SAC,

PROFESSOR SCAM WILL NO LONGER THREATEN YOUR WEEKLY ALLOWANCES,

AS I, CAPTAIN MELONHEAD, AND SPLINTER THE WONDERWOOD

WILL ALWAYS FIGHT FOR JUSTICE AND THE--

GIVE IT A REST, JONNY.

Sarah: YEAH, WE ALREADY HEARD IT.

TOODLE-OO, CAPTAIN MELONHEAD!

Rolf: WHAT A FINE HEAD OF PRODUCE HE HAS, YES?

BACK TO THE MELONCAVE, WONDERWOOD.

ANOTHER DAY--OW!--

AND ANOTHER DOUGHNUT, HUH, BUDDY?

[LAUGHTER]

KEVIN LOOKS LIKE HE'S READY TO BUST AN ARTERY.

HA HA HA!

HAVE A SODA, CURLY-LOCKS.

WE'RE CELEBRATING!

I DON'T WANT ANY PART OF THIS.

YOU'RE IN BIG TROUBLE, EDDY!

OLD SHOVELTON CAN'T DO NOTHIN'.

HE GOT GROUNDED TODAY. HA HA HA!

A TOAST TO SHOVELTON!

WITH LOTS OF BUTTER!

AHH!

A DAYTIME NAP CAN INVIGORATE,

BUT NOTHING IS MORE GRATIFYING

THAN A GOOD BOOK, JIMMY.

[MOANING]

Eddy: QUICK! DOUBLE D!

YOU'RE NEVER GONNA BELIEVE THIS. KEVIN GOT--

RECYCLED BOOKS, EDDY!

LOOK AT THIS PROFUSION OF KNOWLEDGE!

THE LIBRARY WAS HAVING A SALE. HOW COULD I RESIST?

LOOK AT THESE GEMS:

NOCTURNAL BURROWING INSECTS...

COOL!

THE ENCHANTED SPLEEN...

COMPELLING.

SCORES OF SPORES...

I CAN RELATE.

101 LATIN PARTY JOKES.

Ed: DO TELL!

ARGH!

THE ENCYCLOPEDIA OF OBSCURE DISEASES?

THIS LOOKS EDIFYING.

"THE LACKADAISY-CATHRO DISEASE."

LISTEN TO THIS, ED.

"SYMPTOMS INCLUDE THE RATIONALIZING OF MUNDANE CIRCUMSTANCES,

HABITUAL CLEANLINESS, AND AN ABNORMAL FIXATION TO HEADWEAR."

THAT SOUNDS RESEMBLING,

'CAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE, UH...

IT SOUNDS LIKE SOCKHEAD, BONEHEAD!

ME? REALLY?

WHY, THAT'S JUST PLAIN SILLY. HA HA HA!

I'LL GIVE YOU RATIONALIZING,

BUT HABITUAL OR ABNORMAL FIXATION?

PLEASE.

DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID?

KEVIN'S STUCK IN HIS ROOM.

GROUNDED, I TELL YA!

QUICK! HE'S HIDING!

HA HA HA!

[GROANS]

[WHISTLE]

[DOORBELL RINGING]

AH, AH, AH. YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE OUTSIDE.

YOU'VE BEEN GROUNDED!

GRRRR!

[EDDY LAUGHING]

Ed's voice: HELLO, KEVIN.

WHY ARE YOU SUCH A SAD SACK?

'CAUSE HE HAS BEEN GROUNDED.

OH, PARDON ME.

[LAUGHING]

I SHOULD BE IN SHOW BUSINESS.

EDDY, DO I MUMBLE MY WORDS?

HUH? YOU SAY SOMETHING?

QUIT MUMBLING AND PUT THAT BOOK AWAY.

[GASP]

"OTHER SYMPTOMS INCLUDE WEAKNESS IN THE LOWER EXTREMITIES."

HUH?

EDDY, I THINK I HAVE LACKADAISY-CATHRO DISEASE!

Eddy: GIVE IT UP, DOUBLE D.

YOU'RE ABOUT AS SICK AS ED IS.

Ed: HELLO, I'M STINKY... AND I'M CLEMMY!

HA HA HA HA!

BUT NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT,

YOU DO LOOK KIND OF GREEN AROUND THE GILLS.

Ed: HE DOES? WHAT A PITY.

OH, I'M SO SICK.

[MOANING]

HEH HEH HEH! LET ME SEE THIS THING.

YEP, THIS IS YOU ALL OVER, DOUBLE D.

HA HA HA! HA HA HA!

Eddy: IT SAYS HERE

THERE'S SOME TESTS TO SEE HOW ADVANCED IT IS.

TESTS?

OF COURSE, TESTS!

MEDICAL SCIENCE WILL PROVIDE THE ANSWER.

PAGING DR. ED. DR. ED.

ONE MOMENT, PLEASE.

I WILL BE RIGHT WITH YOU.

I'M CONFUSED, EDDY.

HOW IS ED QUALIFIED IN--

SAY IT AIN'T SO, DOUBLE D!

CONFUSED?

THAT'S A SYMPTOM OF THAT LACKADAISY-CATHRO DISEASE!

AAH!

I'LL BE BACK.

NICE SHORTS, ROMEO.

PLEASE, REST YOUR BUTTOCKS.

HA HA HA!

Kevin: HEY!

HMM.

AN EGGBEATER, ED? IS THAT PART OF THE--

WHAT IS IT?

HMM.

WHAT IS IT, ED?

Ed: HMM.

HUH?

HMM. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN A SIZE 2?

SIZE 2?

BUT I'VE ALWAYS WORN A SIZE 5 SHOE, DOCTOR.

SOUNDS LIKE ANOTHER SYMPTOM TO ME.

DID DR. ED GIVE YOU THE RUBBER GLOVE TREATMENT YET?

OH, EDDY, THIS LACKADAISY-CATHRO DISEASE IS PROGRESSING RAPIDLY!

I'M SO UNWELL.

JEEZ LOUISE!

HAS ANYBODY TRIED TO KICK YOU YET?

NO.

GOOD, 'CAUSE THAT'S THE FINAL SYMPTOM.

YOU'RE IN THE CLEAR, BUDDY BOY.

WHY, I FEEL BETTER ALREADY.

THANK YOU, DR. ED.

OH, NO!

I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T HAVE

THAT LAST SYMPTOM, DOUBLE D.

YOU GOTTA FIGHT THIS, MAN!

DOCTOR, PLEASE, DO SOMETHING.

NEXT!

Edd: WAIT!

[GROANING]

TELL ME THE TRUTH, DOCTOR.

HOW LONG AM I FOR THIS WORLD?

HUH?

UM... TILL LUNCH?

HERE. QUICK, WRITE. HURRY, DOUBLE D!

A POEM ON THE BEAUTY OF LIFE AS I KNOW IT?

NO, YOUR WILL.

LEAVE ME SOMETHING NICE.

Ed: OH! OH!

AND I WILL TAKE YOUR HAT,

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

OH, DOUBLE D, I KNEW THEE WELL.

[SOBBING]

HA HA HA! [CRYING]

POOR DOUBLE D.

DOUBLE D AIN'T REALLY SICK, LUMMOX, REMEMBER?

THAT'S SOME GOOD TV RIGHT THERE.

NOW, BACK TO OUR CAGED RAT.

HEY, JUGHEAD! OVER HERE!

Ed: WHOA HO HO!

I AM TURNING INTO A WEREWOLF, EDDY!

[LAUGHTER AND INDISTINCT CHATTER]

MY BELOVED PEER GROUP.

EDD BOY, WHY DOES YOUR FACE SAG LOWER THAN NANA'S INNER THIGHS?

COME! JOIN US FOR BEACH MERRIMENT AND EGGPLANT ANTIPASTO.

DEAR ROLF,

ALWAYS GIVING, THOUGHTFUL...

THAT'S WHY I WANT YOU TO HAVE THIS.

A PEANUT SMASHER?

OH, ROLF, YOU'RE SO UNEDUCATED.

GLOOMY GUS IS RIGHT, BUDDY.

JONNY, IS THAT YOU?

I'D LIKE TO BEQUEATH TO YOU MY REMOTE CONTROL.

FAR OUT!

DOUBLE D, ARE YOU, LIKE, GOING SOMEWHERE?

NAZZ, NAZZ, NAZZ...

SO MANY THINGS LEFT UNSAID.

REALLY?

LIKE WHAT, DOUBLE D?

[SOBBING]

WHAT'S HIS PROBLEM?

THE SICKENING PANG OF HOPE DEFERRED, SARAH.

HEH HEH HEH!

OH! HEE HEE HEE!

CURSE THIS DREADED LACKADAISY-CATHRO DISEASE!

DUDE, LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S PLAYING A JOKE ON YOU.

DON'T SWEAT IT, OK?

Sarah: WHAT AN IDIOT!

OH, THOSE--THOSE...

RAPSCALLIONS!

[WATER DRIPPING]

Kevin: OK, NOW I'M MAD.

[LAUGHING]

ARE YOU PROUD OF YOURSELVES?!

HANG ON THERE, HAMLET.

HA HA HA!

TOO RICH, HUH, DOUBLE D?

LISTEN TO ME!

HOW CAN WE NOT?

THIS WAS FOUND ON MY BODY!

YOU HAD ME BELIEVE I WAS EXPIRING!

RAGE! AIN'T THAT A SYMPTOM, DR. ED?

I GOT OUT EARLY FOR GOOD BEHAVIOR.

KEVIN?!

HONEST, I TRIED TO STOP HIM...

BUT ED INSISTED WE BUST YOUR CHOPS.

HE DID!

SPONGE STAMPEDE!

GET BACK HERE!

Both: ♪ KEVIN CAN'T GET US, KEVIN CAN'T GET US ♪

OH, NO, ED! I'M SO SCARED!

I'M SHAKING LIKE CHEESE!

[LAUGHING]

GRRRR!

Edd: AHEM.

OH, LOOK, EDDY'S SPARE HOUSE KEY.

OOPS.

HOW CARELESS OF ME.

I SEEM TO HAVE MISPLACED IT.

Eddy: NO! NOT THE FACE, KEV!

KEVIN'S JUSTIFIED PUMMEL DISORDER:

SYMPTOMS ARE BRUISING OF THE EYE

FOLLOWED BY A SORE REAR END

AND A RAPID RELEASE OF HOT AIR

FROM AN INFLATED EGO.

HA HA HA HA!

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY

TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

AND U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL

CAPTIONING INSTITUTE

--www.ncicap.org--

♪ ED, EDD N EDDY

BRRRRRR, YEAH!