Original subtitles

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP AND U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

Edd: I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU, ED.

FEE, FYE, FO, FUFF, I SMELL CHUNKY PUFF!

VERY GOOD, ED.

AND IF YOU CAN SOLVE YOUR WAY THROUGH MY MAZE OF INEVITABLE DESPAIR--

UH! CATCHY, ISN'T IT?

YOU'LL WIN A GRAND PRIZE-- HUH!

A FULL BOX OF CHUNKY PUFFS,

PART OF A COMPLETE BREAKFAST.

I CAN DO THAT, DOUBLE-D!

THAT'S THE SPIRIT, ED!

NOW, REMEMBER,

SOLVE THE MAZE IN THE SHORTEST AMOUNT OF TIME

AND CLAIM CHUNKY PUFFS.

GO!

HA HA HA! WAIT FOR ME! HA HA HA!

[LAUGHING]

I WIN! I WIN!

CHUNKY PUFFS!

EXCUSE ME, ED...

NOT THAT YOU'D UNDERSTAND THE GEOMETRY INVOLVED

IN SUCH AN ENDEAVOR,

BUT THAT ISN'T HOW YOU GO THROUGH A MAZE!

HANG ON, DOUBLE-D, I'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.

[ANIMAL HOWLS]

[SIGHS]

HEY, LADIES, QUIT FOOLING AROUND,

'CAUSE I CAME UP WITH THE HIPPEST,

NOWEST, MOST PRIMO PLAN YET!

ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?

'CAUSE TODAY WE'RE GOING NOWHERE BUT UP!

AND?

AND NOTHING. UP!

I SEEM TO BE FLOATING IN A SEA OF DOUBT HERE, EDDY.

THE DICTIONARY LISTS SEVERAL DEFINITIONS FOR THE WORD--

OH, I KNOW! UP!

NOT YET, ED.

COME ON! HA HA HA!

JUST FOLLOW MY LEAD...UP!

ED, PUT ME DOWN.

UH-UH-UH!

THAT'S UP, DOUBLE-D.

OF COURSE. WHAT WAS I THINKING?

[CRASH, ED LAUGHS]

[RING]

[RING]

TALK TO ME.

[WHISTLES]

TRADE IT! BUY IT! SELL IT!

UP! UP! UP! UP!

UP! UP!

PUT SOME MUSCLE INTO IT, ED.

YOU GOT IT, CHIEF!

AND UP! UP!

KEEP THAT UP, ED.

EDDY, I'M COMING!

I'M OK!

HMM... HEY, SOCKHEAD!

LUMPY HERE CAN'T STAY UP.

WELL, WHAT A COINCIDENCE.

IN THE SPIRIT OF UPNESS,

I'VE CONSTRUCTED THIS ELEVATOR

THAT I'M SURE WOULD BE OF SOME HELP.

SWEET!

I'LL PROBABLY HATE MYSELF IN THE MORNING SAYING THIS,

BUT...GOING UP?

NOWHERE BUT!

PARDON ME, MISS.

[DING, BUZZER]

I LIKE WHAT YOU WITH, DOUBLE-D.

ONE COULD SAY THINGS EDDY.

HA HA HA!

[DING]

LOOK AT ME, GUYS!

AM I UP?

[CRASH]

UH!

Ed: I'M OK.

I'VE TAKEN THE LIBERTY OF COMPILING A FEW STATISTICS

A GRAPH ONTO THIS PROGRESS CHART.

AS YOU CAN PLAINLY SEE,

THE INDEX IS CURRENTLY ADVANCING IN AN UPWARD DIRECTION.

SAY WHAT?

WE GO UP, EDDY.

YOU'RE A CUT-UP, DOUBLE-D.

HI-YA, GUYS.

WHATCHA DOIN'?

DING-DONG! DING-DONG!

HEY, HEY, HEY!

DOUBLE-D, DOES THE NEVER-ENDING FOREHEAD HAVE AN APPOINTMENT?

HERE I AM!

JOHNNY 2 BY 4 TO SEE EDDY?

I'LL HAVE A LOOK, SHALL I?

I'M SORRY, JOHNNY,

YOU DON'T SEEM TO BE PENCILED IN.

PERHAPS LATER, YES?

IF YOU SAY SO.

FAT CHANCE!

[GROANS]

[DING]

HA HA HA!

[HORSE NEIGHS]

THIS WAY.

[BURP]

OK!

[DING]

PATIENCE, JOHNNY.

HERE AT EDCO, OPPORTUNITIES COME UP IN A BLINK OF AN EYE.

STAY IN TOUCH.

GEE, PLANK, DOUBLE-D'S GOT A CARD!

WHAT'S GOING ON, JOHNNY?

BEATS ME, BUT IT'S WAY COOL!

[TELEPHONES RINGING]

NO PROBLEMO. GOTTA GO. EDCO!

WHAT PART OF "UP" DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?

YOU'RE FIRED.

[WOMAN BABBLING ON PHONE]

I'LL CALL YOU RIGHT BACK, MOM.

WHAT'S UP, DOUBLE-D?

HI, EDDY. [GIGGLES]

CAN I JOIN, UH, THIS...

WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING?

IS THIS LIKE A QUIZ OR SOMETHING?

YOU GOT SPUNK.

WELCOME TO EDCO!

EDCO? COOL!

DOOR UPDATED.

OFFICE WALLS UPGRADED.

AND RECEPTION UPLIFTING.

QUITE AN UPTURN, IF I DO SAY SO. [ED LAUGHS]

NICE UPSHOT!

HEY, NAZZ, GET ME MR. D.

OW. MR. D, I THINK MR. EDDY IS LOOKING FOR YOU.

THANK YOU.

LOOKING FOR ME, SIR?

PARK IT.

HA HA HA!

FORGOT ABOUT THE WALL.

Eddy: LISTEN UP.

WE NEED AN UP-AND-COMER, MR. D,

A GO-GETTER TO PUSH THIS PLOT ALONG.

LOOK NO FURTHER, MR. EDDY.

I'M UP AND READY TO--

GET ME JIMMY.

JIMMY?

UPPERCUT.

MISS NAZZ, PAGE JIMMY FOR ME, WOULD YOU?

SORRY, MR. D,

BUT I'M UP TO MY NECK WITH FILING.

[SIGHS]

OF COURSE YOU ARE.

JIMMY! YOU'RE UP, JIMMY!

THAT'S ME, JOHNNY! ME!

I'M COMING! I'M COMING! WEEE!

IT'S ALL UP FROM HERE, JIMMY.

WE'RE NEXT.

WELL, YOU CERTAINLY HAVE THE EDCO ATTITUDE, JOHNNY.

I THINK THE MAIL ROOM IS RIGHT UP YOUR ALLEY.

WOW!

HA HA HA! I'M LIKING THIS, MR. D!

UP.

FOR IT?

I'M YOUR BOY!

MAKE ME PROUD.

ESPRESSO, MR. EDDY?

I UNDERSTAND THIS IS THE BEVERAGE OF CHOICE FOR THE UPWARDLY MOBILE.

TO UPNESS.

WELL, THAT WAS AN UPTURN FOR THE WORSE.

UP-CHUCKED.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. GET BACK TO WORK.

[GROANS]

UPSY-DAISY!

[ED LAUGHING]

MM.

MM-MM.

UH-HUH!

UPLIFTING.

COOL, JIMMY.

YOU REALLY SPRUCED UP THIS PLACE.

MOTIF IS THE KEY TO AN ORGANIC WORK ENVIRONMENT, MISS NAZZ.

MAIL CALL!

THANKS, JOHNNY.

WHAT IS THIS?

Johnny: PLANK PHOTOCOPIED HIS BUTT!

HA HA HA!

LIFE IS GOOD, YES, VICTOR?

AS ROLF, THE SON OF A SHEPHERD,

NOW PROTECTS HIS OWN FLOCK OF PUTRID, SIMPLE-MINDED CREATURES.

Kevin: WHAT'S WITH THE CAR 54 GET-UP, ROLF?

AFRAID SOMEBODY MIGHT STEAL YOUR BOX?

ROLF IS KEEPER OF SECURITY!

STATE YOUR BUSINESS!

I WAS JUST--

Nazz: LATER, GUYS.

WHOA! THERE'S NAZZ.

YO, NAZZ!

HEY, WHAT GIVES?

HAVE YOU PERMISSION TO ENTER?

PERMISSION?

I JUST WANT TO SAY HI TO NAZZ.

SPINDLE SHANKS NAZZ GIRL?

MMM. OK.

BUT HOLD YOUR TONGUE AND SAY NOTHING OF THIS, YES?

WHATEVER.

OH, CAULIFLOWER!

PROGRESS REPORT, MR. D.

WELL, MR. EDDY, MORALE IS UP, EFFICIENCY IS UP,

EMPLOYEE PRODUCTIVITY IS...

NOT GOOD, NOT GOOD, NOT GOOD, NOT GOOD...

KEVIN IS WALKING DOWN THE DRIVEWAY.

TALK TO ME, NAZZ.

HOW ABOUT YOU AND ME GO DOWN TO THE LANE AND, UH--

WHAT'S UP, KEVIN?

UP? WHAT'S IT TO YA?

I WAS JUST GETTING DOWN WITH NAZZ.

NO DOWN HERE, KEVIN.

WHY, IT'S ONLY UP, UP, UP AT EDCO.

EDCO?

SOUNDS LIKE A DOWNER TO ME.

WEEE! UP AND AWAY WITH YOU, AS ROLF MUST UPHOLD THE LAW!

YOU'RE GOING DOWN, DUDE.

MAY YOU BREAK OUT IN LATHER

AND WASH THE TURNIP FROM YOUR NOSE!

WHY YOU...

[GRUNTING, CRASHING]

WHAT'S THIS UPROAR ABOUT?

GET UP, ROLF!

WHAT DO I PAY YOU FOR, ANYWAY?

PAY?

NO, EDDY!

HEY, WHAT ABOUT OUR PAY?

OOPS. THAT'S MR. D's DEPARTMENT.

CHAT 'EM UP, SOCKHEAD.

WELL, LET'S SEE...

EDCO IS A NON-PROFIT ORGANIZATION?

SEE, I--NO PROFIT!

DOWN FOR THE COUNT, DORKS.

MY ARTISTIC VISION--SULLIED!

I'M SO DOWN-HEARTED!

DOWNRIGHT LAME, IF YOU ASK ME.

DOWN-TRODDEN RABBIT RADISHES! COME, VICTOR!

HEY, GUYS! DID EVERYBODY GET TO SEE PLANK'S BUTT?

HA HA HA! HEE!-HEE!

I'M AFRAID IT'S DOWNHILL FROM HERE, EDDY.

NOWHERE BUT UP, DOUBLE-D!

[WHISTLING]

ED! WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?

UH, IS THAT A QUIZ OR SOMETHING?

QUICK! THE ELEVATOR!

UP! NOWHERE BUT, REMEMBER?

OH, GOODIE!

[DINGING]

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

ED, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO?

IS THIS UP OR WHAT?

HELP!

DON'T JUST STAND THERE! DO SOMETHING!

ED! WHY, WE'RE...UP!

SUPER UP!

YOU DID IT, LUMPY!

IS THIS WHAT YOU DID ALL DAY, ED?

I WAS MAKING UP, DOUBLE-D.

THIS IS AS UP AS YOU CAN GET, ED!

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Edd: OH, DEAR.

Eddy: CHANGE OF PLAN, BOYS. I WANT TO GO DOWN!

[ALL SCREAMING]

Johnny: HA HA! ♪ D-D-DOO-LOO-DOO-DOO

[MAKES AIRPLANE NOISES]

♪ UP-BUH-DA-DA-DA

[BABBLING]

♪ UP-UP-BAH-DAH

HEE-HEE! HA HA!

Jimmy: LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU BULLIES!

NO! YOU'RE STRETCHING MY TOP!

HEY, MAY! GOT THAT BUG?

YOU BET! LET'S MAKE HIM EAT IT!

[ALL CHANTING, "EAT IT"]

Johnny: ♪ DUH-DA-DA-DUM!

WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?

AAH!

GET IT OUT, MARIE! GET IT OUT!

Marie: ALL RIGHT! HOLD STILL.

LET ME SEE!

[YELPS]

HURRY IT UP!

QUIT BEING SUCH A CRY BABY!

MAY, GET OVER HERE!

IT'S STUCK!

May: LET ME TRY!

IS IT OUT? IS IT OUT?

Jimmy: OH, NO!

SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING!

IT'S GONNA TOUCH ME!

WOO-HOO!

SUPERPLANK SAVES THE DAY!

HA HA HA!

MY HERO!

HE PULVERIZED THEM!

WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?

LET'S GO TELL EVERYBODY!

[JIMMY AND JOHNNY CHEERING]

SO ALL WE'VE GOT TO DO IS EMPTY ALL THESE BOTTLES

AND CASH THEM IN FOR A REFUND.

CHECK ED OUT!

HE KNOWS THE DRILL.

[BURP]

GOOD ONE, ED!

[BURPING]

YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING.

AW, COME ON, DOUBLE-D!

HE CAN'T. HE'S TOO CHICKEN!

DO A BIG ONE! CHICKEN!

COME ON! YOU CAN DO IT! [CLUCKING]

JUST LIKE A CHICKEN.

SMALL THINGS AMUSE SMALL MINDS, I SUPPOSE.

[SOFTLY] Urp.

Urp.

Urp.

THERE, THERE, LITTLE MAN.

THERE'S PLENTY TO BE ASHAMED OF.

Johnny and Jimmy: PLANK IS OUR HERO!

PLANK IS THE KING OF THE CUL-DE-SAC.

YOU GOT THAT RIGHT!

PLANK'S OUR HERO! PLANK'S THE KING!

FARE THEE WELL, KING PLANK!

KING? PLANK!

IF ANYONE IS KING AROUND HERE, IT'S ME.

PLANK MAKES FOR A GOOD RULER.

GET BACK HERE!

I'M THE KING, AND YOU KNOW IT.

I DEMAND A VOTE!

KINGS HAVE TO BE ELECTED, YOU KNOW.

I'M SORRY, EDDY, BUT THAT'S INCORRECT.

KINGS ARE BORN INTO NOBILITY

THROUGH AN ECLECTIC LINEAGE SPANNING GENERATIONS.

I WANT AN ELECTION!

YOU DO?

WHY, JUST THE THOUGHT OF IMPLEMENTING

A DEMOCRATIC SYSTEM WITHIN THE CONFINES OF SUBURBAN LIVING IS--

[BURP]

AN ANGEL JUST GOT ITS WINGS, DOUBLE-D.

CHECK PLANK OUT!

HE'S THE KING OF THE CUL-DE-SAC!

OH, SARAH, IT WAS SO DIVINE.

IN JUST ONE DAY, PLANK SAVED ME

FROM 3 EVIL WITCHES AND A CREEPY CRAWLY.

THAT'S AWESOME, JIMMY.

HOORAY FOR THE KING!

A WOODEN BOARD SAVED YOU FROM 3 EVIL WITCHES AND A CREEPY CRAWLY?

MAMA! THE FAIRY TALE THAT HANS WROTE HAS COME TRUE!

Edd: HEAR YE! HEAR YE!

YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE.

AN ELECTION HAS BEEN DECLARED.

A GREAT OPPORTUNITY IS AT HAND, PEOPLE.

A CANDIDATE HAS COME FORTH

TO SEEK THE OFFICE OF KING OF THE CUL-DE-SAC.

I ENTER THIS TO YOU FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION:

CANDIDATE EDDY!

KEEP IT DOWN, FOLKS.

THERE'S PLENTY OF ME TO GO AROUND.

PUH-THETIC.

YES, INDEEDY.

[CRASH]

Ed: FREE BUTTONS!

VOTE FOR EDDY! WEAR 'EM WHILE THEY'RE HOT!

QUIT IT, YOU IDIOT!

LET ME HELP YOU WITH THAT, SARAH.

I'D BE VERY THANKFUL IF YOU SHOWED YOUR SUPPORT.

VOTE FOR ME, YOU BIG BALD-HEADED BADGER.

CANDIDATE EDDY,

VOTERS NEED TO SEE COMPASSION,

LEADERSHIP, AND SINCERITY.

DUDE, DO YOU HAVE A PLATFORM OR WHAT?

UH, PLATFORM?

WHAT'S WITH THAT?

I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF WRITING A SPEECH, SIR.

Eddy: AIDE!

UPSY-DAISY, YOUR SINUS!

"IF ELECTED AS KING OF THE CUL-DE-SAC,

INFRACTION WILL BE A THING OF THE GAS."

INFLATION WILL BE A THING OF THE PAST, EDDY.

Eddy: HUH? INFLATION, EDDY.

Kevin: SNORESVILLE!

THIS IS SO LAME.

YOU'RE RIGHT. LET'S CUT TO THE CHASE.

IF YOU VOTE FOR ME INSTEAD OF THAT STICK,

YOU'LL GET JAWBREAKERS FOR FREE--FOR LIFE! HEH!

WELL, THAT WAS A HOOT.

FAT HEAD!

Kevin: MAN, HE'S SO DESPERATE, I SWEAR.

I'M THE KING. YOU'LL SEE.

THERE'S GOT TO BE A WAY OF TAKING PLANK OUT.

I GOT IT! LET'S DIG UP SOME DIRT ON THAT CLAPBOARD.

A POLITICAL SCANDAL?

YOUR RASH ATTEMPT AT DISGRACING

THE MORAL SENSIBILITIES OF AN INNOCENT,

GOOD-NATURED CUT OF TIMBER HAVE FALLEN ON DEAF EARS, MISTER.

COUNT ME OUT.

WHAT? I WAS JUST KIDDING.

THAT WOULD BE SO WRONG.

Ed: WHOA!

[GROANS]

[DING, KNOCKING]

WHO'S THERE?

COME ON, LET'S SEE. WHAT DID YOU GET?

BOY, DID I GET SOME DIRT, EDDY.

HA HA HA!

THIS IS DIRT!

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS?

IT'S DIRT!

WHAT'S THIS?

CAN I SEE, EDDY?

PHOTOGRAPHIC PROOF. PLANK'S A GONER.

[WHISTLE]

I WOULD HIDE THIS, TOO, IF I HAD DONE THAT.

HA HA HA!

[HUMMING]

[KIDS TALKING AT ONCE]

WHAT IS THAT?

I SMELL CHOCOLATE CHIPS.

I LOVE COOKIES.

Johnny: COOKIES, COOKIES, COOKIES!

IN CELEBRATION OF ELECTION DAY,

I'VE BAKED HOMEMADE COOKIES

FOR THOSE OF YOU ABOUT TO VOTE.

WHY DOES ROLF SMELL THE ODOR OF NANO'S DECAYING TOENAILS?

[GROANS]

STOP THE PRESSES!

LOOKS LIKE YOUR KING HAS GOT SOMETHING TO HIDE FROM YOU GUYS.

CHECK OUT THIS PHOTO.

CHOICE!

I'LL NEVER LOOK AT A HUNK OF WOOD THE SAME WAY.

MY HERO IS A FLAKE!

YOUR HERO IS A ZERO!

HA HA HA!

IS IT NOT JUST A PIECE OF WOOD?

HOW THE HECK DID YOU GET THAT PICTURE?

I'LL NEVER TELL.

AIDE...

GIVE IT BACK! THAT'S PLANK'S PROPERTY!

PLEASE, ED!

OKIE-DOKIE!

SO PLANK MADE A MISTAKE.

WE ALL GOT SKELETONS IN OUR CLOSET.

WHAT'S HE GOT TO DO TO PROVE HE'S A GOOD JOE?

ASK NOT WHAT HE COULD DO FOR THE CUL-DE-SAC, BALDY.

ASK WHAT I'M GONNA DO TO HIM ONCE I WIN THIS ELECTION.

CANDIDATE EDDY!

THE PUBLIC HAS A RIGHT TO KNOW THE TRUTH, DOUBLE-D,

'CAUSE THE TRUTH MAKES THEM VOTE FOR THE RIGHT GUY.

GOT THAT RIGHT, ABE. WHERE DO I VOTE?

HUH?

WHAT THE--

RIGHT THIS WAY, MISTER!

DON'T FORGET YOUR COOKIE.

YOU'LL FIND A NAPKIN BY THE BALLOT, KEVIN.

Ed: GOT ANOTHER ONE, DOUBLE-D!

ED, PLEASE.

THE VOTING BOOTH IS A PRIVATE REFUGE

WHERE CHOICE CAN BE MADE FREE FROM PERSUASION.

ONE VOTER PER--AHEM-- SHOVELFUL, THANK YOU.

I GUESS I'M NEXT.

AND DON'T FORGET-- VOTE FOR KING EDDY!

EDDY, YOU'RE PRESSURING THE VOTERS.

DON'T YOU HAVE A PAL TO VOTE FOR?

WHOA!

MY TURN!

ED, YOU BE CAREFUL IN THERE.

DON'T FORGET TO VOTE FOR YOUR PAL THERE, LUMPY,

'CAUSE HE'S THE MAN,

RIGHT THERE, JOHNNY BOY?

[GIGGLES]

[APPLAUSE]

[CHATTERING]

NOW, THEN, HAS EVERYONE VOTED?

[LAUGHING]

LUCKILY, I ANTICIPATED YOUR SHENANIGANS

AND SWAPPED THE OFFICIAL BALLOT BOX FOR A MOCK-UP.

ONLY ONE VOTE PER PERSON, THANK YOU.

PEOPLE OF THE CUL-DE-SAC,

I CALL THIS ELECTION TO A CLOSE

AND WILL TALLY YOUR VOTES

FOR WHOM YOU HAVE FREELY CHOSEN

AS OUR KING OF THE CUL-DE-SAC.

OUR FIRST VOTE GOES TO...EDDY.

BINGO!

NEXT, WE HAVE ONE FOR PLANK.

RIGHT ON!

Edd: OOH, AND ANOTHER FOR PLANK.

HUH?

AND ONE FOR...ROLF?

THANK YOU.

YES, WELL...

AND HERE'S ANOTHER ONE FOR...PLANK.

YES, AND PLANK AGAIN.

ANOTHER VOTE FOR PLANK.

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, UM...

WE SEEM TO HAVE A SPOILED BALLOT.

COOKIES DON'T COUNT, I'M AFRAID.

IT'S UNANIMOUS! MAJORITY RULES!

I HEREBY NAME PLANK KING OF THE CUL-DE-SAC!

[CHEERING]

YEAH, WAY TO LOSE, EDDY!

All: YAY, WAY TO GO! PLANK'S KING OF THE CUL-DE-SAC!

I WANT A RECOUNT!

BUT, EDDY, YOU ONLY GOT ONE VOTE.

ED, WHO DID YOU VOTE FOR?

THE COOKIE, EDDY!

ONE, HUH?

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!

UH, FRIENDS AS WE ARE,

I HAD TO VOTE FOR PLANK, EDDY.

NOTHING PERSONAL.

YOU UNDERSTAND, DON'T YOU?

DOUBLE-CROSSER!

NO, PLEASE, EDDY!

IT'S PART OF THE DEMOCRATIC PROCESS!

DOG PILE!

WELL, ED SEEMS TO BE CELEBRATING HIS INDEPENDENCE.

I HOPE HE GETS A CONCUSSION.

TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

AND U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL

CAPTIONING INSTITUTE

--www.ncicap.org--

ED, EDD, N EDDY!

BBBBLLLL, YEAH!