Original subtitles

[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]

[LAUGHING]

[SPEAKING BACKWARDS]

[TELEPHONE RINGING] WHAT DO YOU WANT, BILLY?

AHEM.

THIS IS P.U. POOPENHAUSER, AND I AM CONDUCTING

A NATIONAL SURVEY.

TELL ME, DO YOU SMELL LIKE DOG DOO DOO

OR JUST LOOK LIKE IT?!

[LAUGHTER] THAT'S A GOOD ONE, YO!

[SIGHS] BILLY, I KNOW IT'S YOU.

I HAVE CALLER I.D.

IN FACT, MOST PEOPLE HAVE CALLER I.D.

THEY CAN TELL IT'S YOU CALLING THEM.

TELL MANDY...

I THINK SHE'S GOT...

SILKY HAIR!

SHH!

I THINK SHE'S ON TO US, IRWIN.

UH, ER...

I AM SORRY, MADAM.

I DO NOT KNOW THIS BILLY OF WHICH YOU SPEAK OF.

MM-HMM.

PERHAPS I CAN MEET HIM SOMETIME.

HELLO?

MANDY?

YOU THERE?

[DOORBELL RINGS] GO GET THE DOOR, IRWIN.

ALL RIGHT.

BUT I STILL WANT TO BREATH HEAVY INTO MANDY'S PHONE.

[SCREAMS] THAT'S ODD.

OOPS.

LOOKS LIKE YOU GUYS WET YOURSELVES AGAIN.

OH, MAN!

I DIDN'T THINK ANYBODY NOTICED THAT.

LOOK OUT, IRWIN!

IT'S MANDY!

RUN FOR IT!

SHE'S GONE CRAZY!

DON'T LEAVE ME!

[GURGLING] AAGH!

WHERE ARE THE BOYS AT, HONEY?

UPSTAIRS, PLAYING IN BILLY'S ROOM.

REALLY?!

[YAWNS] YOU KNOW, IT'S BEEN AWHILE

SINCE WE'VE HAD SOME...

ALONE TIME TOGETHER.

[GROWLS] OH, HAROLD.

LAY A NICE WET ONE ON ME, BABY.

NOW, THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!

[SCREAMING] AAGH! SHE'S CRAZY!

CRAZY!

CRAZY!

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING SO CLOSE TOGETHER?

I'M NOT THROUGH WITH YOU, BILLY.

MANDY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT HOSE IN MY HOUSE?!

TURN THAT WATER OFF THIS INSTANT, YOUNG LADY.

THANK-- THANK YOU.

DAD...

WHAT'S CALLER I.D.?

OH, THAT'S EASY, SON.

IT'S WHAT BUTT-UGLY DOGS WEAR AROUND THEIR HAIRY NECKS

SO THAT WE KNOW WHEN THEY'RE CALLING ON THE PHONE.

LIKE YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW.

RIGHT, HONEY?!

RIGHT?

WHY DIDN'T ANYONE EVER TELL ME MY BUTT WAS SO BIG?

[TELEPHONE RINGS] HELLO?

HELLO, MR. DAD.

THIS IS YOUR DOCTOR.

I'M CALLING TO TELL YOU YOUR BRAIN IS BROKEN

AND IT HAS TO BE REMOVED.

BILLY, I KNOW IT'S YOU.

BILLY?

WHO'S BILLY?

IT SAYS HERE ON THE CALLER I.D.

CURSE YOU, CALLER I.D.

CURSE YOU TO HECK!

HEY, THERE, LITTLE LADY, HOW YOU DOING?!

NO! GO AWAY!

YOU'RE SCARY!

YES, MY RIPPLING BICEPS CAN BE INTIMIDATING.

I HATE YOU, GRIM.

YET...

YOU'RE SO POWERFUL.

KISS ME!

[TELEPHONE RINGS] ALWAYS WHEN I'M BATHING.

THIS BETTER BE GOOD, BOY.

WELL, HOWDY THERE, MR. GRIM!

I AM A MEMBER OF THE NATIONAL STUPID HEAD UGLY BUTT COMMITTEE,

AND WE HAVE JUST NOMINATED YOU FOR PRESIDENT.

I HAVE CALLER I.D. YOU KNOW.

YOU STILL KNEW IT WAS ME?!

I EVEN DRESSED UP AS A STUPID COWBOY

SO I WOULDN'T BE RECOGNIZED!

I HATE CALLER I.D. SO MUCH!

IT'S RUINING MY LIFE, GRIM!

MY LIFE!

MY LIFE!

GRIM, I NEED TO KNOW IF THERE'S A WAY TO

BEAT CALLER I.D.

I'M SORRY, BILLY, BUT ALMOST EVERY PHONE NOWADAYS

COMES EQUIPPED WITH IT.

NOW, GO AWAY.

I HAVE SERIOUS MATTERS TO ATTEND TO.

WHOA!

OOH!

[SOBS] I NEED TO FIND SOME WAY

OR SOMETHING TO BEAT CALLER I.D.

DUDE, YOU SHOULD TOTALLY CHECK IN THERE.

HA.

LET'S SEE...

A JAR OF PICKLED PIXIES, A SHRUNKEN HEAD,

INVISIBLE UNDERWEAR, A DRAGON SNOUT,

AND A SCROLL OF MAGIC MISSILE.

AAGH!

THERE'S NOTHING HERE THAT WILL HELP ME

TO BEAT CALLER I.D.

I SAID NOTHING.

I SAID NOTHING WILL-- BILLY!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

STAY AWAY FROM THAT PHONE.

BUT, GRIM, I JUST WANTED TO SEE

IF THAT PHONE HAD CALLER I.D. ON IT.

BILLY!

THAT IS THE MOST DANGEROUS PHONE IN THE UNIVERSE!

BUT, GRIM, PHONES ARE OUR FRIENDS.

THEY TAKE US TO MAGICAL PLACES.

HONG KONG, HAWAII, JAPAN, GREENLAND, ICELAND...

ALASKA, GUATEMALA, JAMAICA, KOREA!

HEY, WHO'S BEEN CALLING ALL THESE PLACES?!

THIS IS THE PHONE OF CTHULU-- AN ANCIENT AND TERRIBLE BEING

THAT CAN DRIVE MEN MAD JUST BY SPEAKING TO THEM.

IF ANYONE EVER MADE A CALL ON THAT PHONE,

IT WOULD AWAKEN THE ANCIENT SLUMBERING CREATURE

KNOWN AS CTHULU.

AND IF HE IS AWAKENED, HE WILL RISE FROM

THE MURKY DEPTHS AND DESTROY THIS WORLD.

UH, GRIM, YOU'RE EYES ARE STILL ON FIRE.

[SCREAMS] HELP ME, BILLY!

HELP ME!

QUICK!

GIVE ME SOMETHING TO PUT MY EYES OUT WITH!

[SCREAMS] GIVE ME SOMETHING ELSE, QUICK!

[SCREAMS] HERE, GRIM.

TRY THIS.

IT BURNS!

IT BURNS!

HERE, GRIM.

DOUSE IT WITH THIS.

[SCREAMS] [SPLASH]

AAH!

MUCH BETTER.

HEY, I WASN'T DONE IN THERE!

COME ON, IRWIN.

IT'S DOWN HERE.

UH, I DON'T KNOW, BILLY.

THIS KAHLUA GUY MIGHT NOT FIND PRANK

CALLS VERY FUNNY, YO.

FIRST OF ALL, IRWIN, IT'S NOT KAHLUA,

IT'S KAKA-DOO-DOO.

SECOND OF ALL, IT DOESN'T MATTER

IF HE FINDS IF FUNNY OR NOT.

IT ONLY MATTERS IF IT'S FUNNY TO US.

COME ON!

THERE IT IS, IRWIN.

THE PHONE WITH NO CALLER I.D.

NOW, GO!

HELLO, IS JOE THERE?

[MAN MUMBLING] JOE MAMA!

BILLY, HELP!

[SCREAMING] [BURP]

IRWIN!

IRWIN, WHERE'D YOU GO?!

[SCREAMING] WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

NO!

NO!

[ROOSTER CROWS] [WHISTLING]

DUDE, SOME CRAZY STUFF WENT ON DOWN THERE!

HA!

THE TIME ALLOWED FOR YOU TO CALL HAS EXPIRED.

PLEASE HANG UP AND DIAL AGAIN.

OH, NO!

THEY DIDN'T!

THEY DID!

NO!

[SOBBING] ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S ALL

THE SCREAMING ABOUT?

MANDY, OH, YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED!

BILLY AND...AND...

HIS UGLY FRIEND, THEY MADE A PHONE CALL

DURING THE WEEK.

AND I ONLY HAVE A LIMITED AMOUNT OF WEEKDAY MINUTES.

THAT'S SO EVIL, MAN!

AND I KNOW EVIL.

I'M THE GRIM REAPER!

GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF.

THEY WERE PROBABLY JUST PLAYING AROUND WITH YOUR PHONE

MAKING PHONY PHONE CALLS.

WHERE ARE THEY ANYWAY?

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

THEY PROBABLY GOT SUCKED THROUGH THE PHONE

INTO ANOTHER DIMENSION BEYOND SPACE AND TIME

AND YATTA, YATTA, YATTA.

AND WE'RE ALL DOOMED IF THEY AWAKEN THE GREAT CTHULU

'CAUSE HE'LL PROBABLY DESTROY THE UNIVERSE.

LET'S GO WATCH TELEVISION.

WHY DIDN'T THEIR SHOES GO, TOO?

SHOES CAN'T FIT THROUGH THE PHONE, SILLY.

THEY'RE WAY TOO BIG.

OOH!

WE BETTER GO IN AFTER THEM.

DO WE HAVE TO?

I MEAN, THE WORLD IS ALREADY DOOMED.

WHY CAN'T WE WATCH TV INSTEAD?

BECAUSE "THE GRIM ADVENTURES OF MANDY"

DOESN'T SOUND AS GOOD AS "BILLY AND MANDY"

OH, I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.

[RING, RING] [BEATBOX SOUNDS]

HI, IS THIS CTHULU?

UH, HOW 'BOUT TWO KIDS WHO MIGHT HAVE COME THROUGH

THE PHONE RECENTLY?

SAY, DON'T SPRAY IT, ALL RIGHT, BUDDY?

IT'S NO USE, GRIM.

I CAN'T UNDERSTAND A WORD THIS GUY ON THE PHONE IS SAYING.

HE SAID, IF WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THE NEW INTERNS,

WE CAN FIND THEM IN THE CAFETERIA.

YOU UNDERSTOOD WHAT HE WAS SAYING?

NOT REALLY, BUT I'M PRETTY GOOD AT

READING SUBTITLES BACKWARDS.

IT'S NO USE, MANDY.

WE'VE SEARCHED FOR HOURS AND STILL CAN'T FIND ANY

SIGN OF BILLY AND IRWIN.

I SAY WE JUST GIVE UP AND HEAD ON HOME.

COME ON.

I'LL DRIVE.

FIRST OF ALL, WE GOT SUCKED HERE THROUGH THE PHONE.

SECONDLY, WE'VE ONLY BEEN HERE FOR 5 MINUTES.

BUT LET'S FACE REALITY, MANDY,

WE'LL NEVER FIND THEM.

WE COULD LOOK AND LOOK AND LOOK AND LOOK AND LOOK!

BUT IT'S POINTLESS, ALL RIGHT?!

BILLY IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND, SO WE MIGHT AS WELL GIVE UP

AND CALL IT A DAY.

OH, HEY, BILLY.

'CAUSE YOU'RE MAKING ME MISS MY FAVORITE SHOW!

AAGH!

YEAH, I LOVE THAT SHOW!

TO BE CONTINUED.

WHAT HAPPENED TO MY NOSE?!

COME ON, GRIM.

I SAW BILLY RUN IN HERE AFTER YOU FREAKED OUT.

YEAH, I GUESS I SHOULD BE USED TO WEIRD STUFF

COMING OUT OF BILLY'S NOSE.

WHAT'LL YOU HAVE, KID?

WHAT DO YOU GOT?

WELL, WE GOT GOOP!

WE GOT GLOP.

WE GOT GOO.

WE GOT SCHLOP.

SOME SLIME WITH SLATHER.

ROAST FACE WITH LATHER.

WHOA!

I'LL TAKE SOMETHING GELATINOUS.

YOU GOT IT, KID.

THANK YOU.

I'LL TAKE ONE OF EVERYTHING.

CTHULU'S CAFETERIA.

I'M GOING FOR THE CALAMARI.

LET'S JUST FIND BILLY AND GET OUT OF HERE.

OH, ALL RIGHT.

NOW, WHERE COULD THAT LITTLE LOAF BE?

OVER THERE!

THERE'S BILLY...

I THINK.

HEY, MANDY!

HEY, GRIM!

WHAT'S HAPPENED TO YOU?

YOU LOOK DISGUSTING.

WELL, I HAVE TO ADMIT, IT IS A BIT OF AN IMPROVEMENT.

AIN'T IT SWEET?!

CTHULU LIKED OUR PRANK CALL SO MUCH

THAT HE GAVE US A JOB MAKING PRANK CALLS FOR HIM!

I'M LIVING THE AMERICAN DREAM, MANDY.

I'M DOING WHAT I LOVE FOR A LIVING.

BUT YOU'RE NOSE LOOKS LIKE A CUTTLEFISH.

CHICKS DIG CUTTLEFISH.

AND YOUR MOUTH LOOKS LIKE A BIG, DISGUSTING SUCKER.

CHICKS DIG-- DON'T GO THERE.

YEAH! HEE HEE HEE!

AND I'VE GOT A TENTACLE GROWING RIGHT OUT OF MY CHEST!

HEE HEE HEE!

ACTUALLY, I'M STILL IN THE LARVAL STAGE.

BUT IF I KEEP EATING THIS CRUD...

[SCREAMS] I'LL GROW AS BIG

AND STRONG AS IRWIN!

IRWIN?!

SURE!

YO, IRWIN!

[SCREECHING] [GASPING]

AAGH!

HEE HEE HEE HEE!

HE'S VERY AFFECTIONATE.

AAGH!

DOWN, BOY!

TAKE YOUR TENTACLES OFF ME, YOU FREAK!

[SNARLING] OH, YUCK!

PTUI!

OH, OUCH!

DOWN, BOY!

KNOCK IT OFF!

YO, IRWIN!

STOP FOOLING AROUND WITH GRIM.

LUNCH BREAK IS OVER, YO.

WE'RE ON THE CLOCK.

BACK TO WORK.

CHOP, CHOP.

AAGH!

[CRASH] LET'S GO, GRIM.

LUNCH IS OVER.

THE CALAMARI WAS A LITTLE TOUGH.

[SNARLING, GURGLING] [PHONE DIALS]

HELLO?

HIYA, PAPA!

NO, WAIT! I MEAN...

HELLO.

IS THAT YOU, BILLY?

WHO'S BILLY?

THIS IS KELLY CLARKSON.

NO WAY!

OH, WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU, KELLY?!

DO YOU HAVE YOUR TELEVISION ON?

WHY, YES! YES, I DO HAVE MY TELEVISION ON!

SO, HOW DOES IT FIT?

AH HA HA HA!

[SNICKERING] ACTUALLY, IT'S A LITTLE SNUG.

I'M STARTING TO CHAFF.

WHO IS IT, DEAR?

IT'S KELLY CLARKSON!

ISN'T THAT GREAT?!

OH, MY, YES!

WHO'S KELLY CLARKSON?

HECK, I DON'T KNOW.

OH, MY!

NOW, THIS IS WEIRD.

IS IT?

HELLO?

[GRUNTING, PANTING] OH, THAT'S DISGUSTING.

[GIGGLING] YOU'RE IN BIG TROUBLE,

YOUNG MAN.

I'LL GIVE YOU 5 MINUTES TO STOP MAKING THAT NOISE.

OH! AAGH!

[CHEERING] [GASPING]

[SCREAMING] HELLO?

[SNIFFLE] HEY, PUD'N,

YOUR NOSE IS RUNNING.

YOU'D BETTER CATCH IT!

AH HA HA HA HA!

YO MAMA!

NO, YO MAMA!

NO, YO MAMA!

NO, YO MAMA!

PLEASE, BABY, PLEASE.

[SNARLING] I'LL KILL YOU!

LOSER!

♪ IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S ENDSVILLE FOR ENDSVILLE

THE ENDSVILLE WE ALL LOVE WAS JUST A FLUKE

WE HAVE TENTACLES, SHARP TEETH, AND GREAT BIG GILLS

BUT THE SUSHI IN THIS TOWN ALL TASTES LIKE PUKE

IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S ENDSVILLE FOR ENDSVILLE

THE ENDSVILLE FOLK HAVE REALLY LOST THE FIGHT

WE HAVE SUNK INTO SOME WEIRD AMEBIC OOZE

SO, FLUSH IT DOWN AND DON'T FORGET TO WIPE ♪

[TOILET FLUSHES] [DIALING]

THIS IS GETTING OUT OF HAND.

WE BETTER PUT A STOP TO IT.

HELLO?

I'M WITH THE UNITED METHODOLOGIST SALIVATION

DONATION.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SMALL BOXES?

THAT'S IT.

GRAB HIM, GRIM.

NOT YET.

I LOVE THIS ONE.

IS THAT YOU, BARNEY?

WE'RE THE PEPTIC OBSOLARIANS.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SMALL BOXES?

OH, MY!

[SNARLING] [LAUGHING]

NOW, GRIM.

OH, VERY WELL.

BILLY, LET'S GO.

THE FUN IS OVER.

[LAUGHING INANELY] ON SECOND THOUGHT,

GO ON WITH YOUR FUN.

HA HA.

I MEAN, WHO AM I, THE FUN POLICE?

HA HA HA.

[LAUGHING] [SHRIEKING]

TICKLES.

[SHRIEKING] AAGH!

OH!

GET 'EM OFF ME!

GET 'EM OFF ME!

AAGH!

SOMEBODY ANSWER THE PHONE.

ANSWER THE PHONE.

THAT'S IT!

NOW, LISTEN UP, BONEHEAD.

HERE'S THE PLAN...

[RINGING] BILLY'S BASEMENT,

MONSTER SPEAKING.

MONSTER?

WHAT MONSTER?

HECK, EVERY BASEMENT HAS A MONSTER, FOOL.

HA HA!

HUH?

AAGH!

GRIM?

ARE YOU THERE, GRIM?

OH!

I'M HERE.

NOW, REMEMBER THE PLAN.

IT'S TIME I HAVE A LITTLE TALK WITH THIS CTHULU CHARACTER...

AND STRAIGHTEN A FEW THINGS OUT BEFORE HE WIPES OUT

THE ENTIRE HUMAN RACE.

JUST REMEMBER, NEVER LOOK DIRECTLY INTO THE FACE OF CTHULU

OR HE WILL DRIVE YOU MAD.

I'M PLENTY MAD ALREADY.

BREAK TIME, MANDY!

LET'S HAVE A CUP OF MUD AND GET REALLY WIRED!

THEY LET YOU DRINK COFFEE?

NOPE, JUST MUD.

[GULPING] AH!

ENOUGH!

YOU'RE GONNA TAKE ME TO MEET CTHULU, SEE.

SURE, MANDY, I'LL TAKE YOU TO MEET CTHULU!

BUT NO MORE MUD FOR YOU, YOUNG LADY.

SHEESH!

SAVE THE HUMAN RACE?

BAH!

WHAT DO I CARE ABOUT THE HUMAN RACE?

I JUST WANT TO WATCH SOAP OPERAS.

I LOVE YOU, JUANITA!

[SNARLING] I NEVER SAW THAT COMING.

SLICED IT!

RIGHT INTO THE BOG TRAP.

WHAT DO YOU CALL THAT?

A BOGGY.

HA HA HA!

WHAT DO YOU CALL IT?

A BOGGY!

HA HA HA!

[SNORTING] THAT'S HIM, MANDY.

THAT'S CTHULU.

HE SURE IS BIG AND UGLY.

DON'T LOOK DIRECTLY AT HIM, BILLY.

THEY SAY IT'LL DRIVE YOU MAD.

I LIKED IT.

TEE HEE HEE!

YOU DWEEBS STAY CLOSE.

I'M GOING IN.

EMBRACE THE MADNESS, MANDY!

HEY, SQUID BOY!

WHOA!

DOUBLE BOGGY!

[LAUGHS] CTHULU, YOU'VE GOTTA

STOP CHANGING EVERYONE INTO TENTACLED FREAKS.

IT'S DISGUSTING.

[GASPS] UH-OH.

[SNARLING] FOOLISH GIRL.

DON'T YOU KNOW?

ONCE THE POWER OF CTHULU HAS BEEN UNLEASHED INTO THE WORLD,

HE CANNOT BE STOPPED!

YOU'RE ALL DOOMED!

[LAUGHING] SO, EAT HER ALREADY, CTHULU!

YEAH!

SO WE CAN MOVE ON!

TO HOLE 3!

YOUR SHOE'S UNTIED.

HUH?

I SAID, "YOUR SHOES ARE UNTIED."

[SCREECHES] TIE THEM GOOD AND TIGHT.

WE WOULDN'T WANT THEM TO COME OFF.

[DIAL TONES] [SCREAMING]

WE'RE ALL DOOMED.

[TELEPHONE RINGING] I'M COMING.

DOOMED!

COME ON, GRIM.

ANSWER THE PHONE.

[RING, RING] HELLO.

HEY, SQUID BOY?

IT'S FOR YOU.

[GRUNTING] HELLO?

WHO IS THIS?

AAGH!

[SHRIEKS] AAGH!

[SHRIEKS] AAGH!

[SHRIEKS] AAGH!

GOSH, MANDY!

HOW DID YOU DO IT?

YEAH!

WE'RE BACK TO OUR NORMAL SELVES AGAIN.

I PUSHED THE DISCONNECT BUTTON.

CTHULU IS TRAPPED IN THE PHONE LINES FOREVER.

HE'LL NEVER BOTHER ANYONE AGAIN.

NOW, ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS CALL GRIM, AND HAVE HIM SUCK

US BACK THROUGH THE TELEPHONE.

DOOMED.

ALL DOOMED.

HE'S NOT ANSWERING.

I MISS CTHBBB-ULU!

[SNARLING] AAGH!

NOW THAT I'M THE LAST GUY IN THIS CRAZY PLACE...

AND YOU'RE THE LAST GIRL, YOU'LL HAVE NO CHOICE

BUT TO GO OUT WITH ME!

AAGH!

AAGH!

[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]

[CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE

--www.ncicap.org--] HIGHLAND PIZZA.

HELLO. I'D LIKE TO ORDER A LARGE PIZZA WITH

EVERYTHING ON IT.

UH-HUH.

AND WITH THAT CRUST THAT GOT CHEESE IN IT.

YEAH.

AND CAN I GET PINEAPPLES ON IT?

UH-HUH.

IS THERE AN EXTRA CHARGE?

[LAUGHTER] UH-HUH.

OK, THEN, FORGET IT.

ALSO, CAN YOU INCLUDE A DIET SODA?

THAT'S EXTRA.

[SNARLS] HELLO?

HELLO?

HUH?

AAGH!