Original subtitles

HA HA HA HA HA!

WHAT, YOU AGAIN?

HEY, IT'S YOUR LIFE.

[RATS SQUEALING] [SCREECHING]

[EEK] [SCREECHING]

[EEK EEK EEK] UH! UH! UH!

HA HA HA HEE!

BILLY.

HEY, GRIM, WAIT TILL YOU GET A TASTE OF MY SUPER-SECRET

WAFFLE MIX.

SMOOTH.

HEE HEE HEE!

HEY, GRIM, WOULD YOU LIKE ONE CHOCOLATE-DIPPED PICKLE OR TWO

WITH YOUR WAFFLES?

NEITHER, YOU BUBBLE-NOSED BABOON.

♪ LA LA LA LA LA LA MORNING, BILLY.

MORNING, GRIM.

ISN'T THIS A GLORIOUS DAY?

OH, MY GOSH!

HELP ME!

ARE YOU MAD, WOMAN?

IT'S RAINING CATS AND DOGS AND HAROLDS OUT THERE.

OH, GRIM.

NO NEED TO GET MOODY AND START FILLING THE AIR WITH...

[IMITATING GRIM] "I'M THE GRIM REAPER AND I HATE

GLORIOUS DAYS.

OOH AH."

CAN'T YOU HAVE A PLEASANT MORNING FOR ONCE?

♪ NA NA NA NA NA LADY, MY NAME

IS THE GRIM REAPER, NOT THE HAPPY MORNING SUNSHINE

REAPER.

OH!

MAYBE SOME CARTOONS WILL CHEER YOU UP.

[MUSIC PLAYING] [BABBLING]

WE INTERRUPT REGULARLY SCHEDULED MEANINGLESS

PROGRAMMING FOR A SPECIAL BULLETIN.

13 VERY RARE AND ENDANGERED WHITE-WINGED OWLS WERE FOUND

TETHERED TO A FLAGPOLE OVER THE RODENTS EMPORIUM SMALL ANIMAL

BOUTIQUE AT THE ENDSVILLE OUTLET CENTER.

THE OWLS HAVE BEEN COVERED IN WHAT APPEARS TO BE MU--HEY, CAN

I SAY "MUCUS" ON THE AIR?

NO?

UH, WELL, THEY WERE FOUND COVERED IN SLIPPERY NOSE GOO

AND CAVE SHAVINGS.

RENOWNED ANIMAL ACTIVIST AND TV DINNER ENTHUSIAST CORY NEBRASKA

WAS CALLED IN TO NURSE THEM BACK TO HEALTH.

WHO WANTS TO GO TO THE OUTLET MALL?

I DO! I DO! I DO!

RAT MUCACA IS AWESOME!

IT'S MUCUS.

RAT MUCUS.

THE STUFF YOUR HEAD IS FILLED WITH.

REALLY?

MUCACA ROCKA!

MAYBE YOU SHOULD COME, TOO, GRIM.

THE OUTLET CENTER ALWAYS CHEERS PEOPLE UP.

WE CAN EVEN GET YOU SOME LOTION TO MOISTURIZE YOUR OLD, DRIED

BONES.

OH, THAT'S WONDERFUL!

WELL, ACTUALLY, I HAVE BEEN RUNNING LOW ON LAVENDER FIG

RESTORATIVE BODY CREAM.

OH, YES, MY FEATHERED FRIEND, EAT.

I PROMISE EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT FROM NOW ON.

WHAT THE-- [SCREECHING]

OW!

WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO YOU?

SAY, YOU'RE THE BLOKE FROM THE SURVEILLANCE CAMERA.

SECURITY!

OH, GET OFF ME.

I'M ON GRIM!

HA HA HA!

WHY ARE YOU BEATING UP MY BONE SACK OF A FRIEND?

THIS BONE BOY IN THE SHEET WAS CAUGHT ON TAPE LAST NIGHT

TETHERING THOSE OWLS TO THE FLAGPOLE.

WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT?

OOH HOO HOO!

I DON'T THINK THAT'S POSSIBLE.

GRIM WENT TO BED EARLY LAST NIGHT AFTER MILK AND COOKIES.

THAT'S RIGHT.

MILK AND COOKIES.

YOU DON'T SAY?

I GUESS THE COMBINATION OF MY YEARS OF TRACKING ANIMALS IN

THE WILD AND THE MODERN TECHNOLOGY OF THE SURVEILLANCE

CAMERA ARE WRONG.

DEAD WRONG.

WELL, SORRY ABOUT THE MIXUP.

I GUESS YOU CAN GO.

THANK YOU.

I DO HOPE THOSE OWLS WILL BE ALL RIGHT.

DON'T YOU WORRY, BABY.

THEY'LL BE JUST FINE.

HAVE YOU BEEN SLEEPWALKING, GRIM?

I HAVEN'T DONE THAT SINCE I MADE BILLY'S DAD DIG HIS OWN

GRAVE.

GOOD THING SALIVA STARTED TO CHEW ME BONES, OR WHO KNOWS

WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED?

[SNORING] SEE?

[SNORING] SEE?

I TOLD YOU THAT BAG OF BONES WAS UP TO NO GOOD.

LET'S NOT GET AHEAD OF OURSELVES, SHERLOCK.

I INVITED YOU HERE TO PROVE THAT GRIM HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH

THIS.

YEAH?

I BET HE HEADS STRAIGHT FOR THE CAGED OWL I PLACED NEXT TO THAT

CREEPY TREE IN THE FRONT YARD.

BINGO!

TOLD YOU.

NOW LET'S TAKE HIM BEFORE HE DOES SOMETHING HE REGRETS.

WAIT.

HA HA HA!

GRIM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY CHOCOLATE-DIPPED PICKLES?

HUH?

UH, WHATEVER YOU SAW, IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.

DIDN'T I TELL YOU GRIM WASN'T THE CULPRIT, MY STANKY,

DIMWITTED FELLOW?

NOW PONY UP, JUNGLE BOY.

DRATS!

THAT WAS MY LAST 20.

[ALARM RINGING] HALT! FREEZE! DON'T!

YOU?

BILLY'S MOM?

CRIKEY!

CAUGHT YOU RED-HANDED.

SHAME ON YOU.

HOLD ON.

I CAN EXPLAIN.

THIS OUGHT TO BE GOOD.

FOR YEARS I'VE BEEN COMPELLED TO AVENGE THE LOSS OF MY DEAR

PET RAT SNIFFLES.

I NAMED HIM SNIFFLES BECAUSE--CAN YOU GUESS--HE

SNIFFLED A LOT.

HA HA HA!

HE'D BE COVERED IN SO MUCH MUCUS, HE WOULD LOOK LIKE A

TARRED AND FEATHERED RAT.

[RAT SNORTS] OH, HE LOOKED SO CUTE.

ONE DAY I HAD TO CLEAN HIS CAGE, SO I LET HIM OUT INTO THE

BACKYARD.

AFTER I WAS DONE, I CALLED OUT TO HIM.

SNIFFLES!

BUT HE WAS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND.

ON A NEARBY TREE, I SPIED A WHITE-WINGED OWL LOOKING

TRIUMPHANT AND FULL.

[COUGHING] FROM THEN ON, I VOWED TO AVENGE

MY DEAR SNIFFLES AND RID THE WORLD OF THOSE WHITE-WINGED

DEMONS OF THE SKY.

FRAMING GRIM WAS JUST A BONUS TO GET THE FREELOADING SACK OF

BONES OUT OF MY HOUSE.

YOU EAT AS THOUGH FOOD AND MONEY GROW ON TREES!

I DON'T EAT ANY MORE THAN THAT BOTTOMLESS PIT OF A SON OF

YOURS.

TEE HEE HEE!

I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT, TOO, IF IT WEREN'T FOR

THOSE MEDDLING KIDS.

NO, NO, NO.

DOWN HERE.

THANK YOU.

BUT, MOM, WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?

AND BESIDES, WHITE OWLS DON'T EAT RATS.

THEY'RE KNOWN TO BE VEGETARIANS.

THAT STILL DOESN'T EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED TO SNIFFLES.

I THINK I CAN EXPLAIN.

ALLOW ME TO SHED SOME LIGHT ON THIS MYSTERY.

HAROLD, YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO MY SNIFFLES?

YEAH.

ABOUT THAT, BABE.

IT'S A FUNNY STORY.

YOU SEE, I HAD JUST FINISHED DEVOURING SECOND BREAKFAST, AND

I WAS STILL HUNGRY.

I DIDN'T THINK I WAS GONNA MAKE IT TO LUNCH.

I WAS WANDERING AROUND THE HOUSE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING TO EAT,

WHEN OUT IN THE BACKYARD I SAW A BADGER.

AS I WAS PICKING IT UP, SOME STUPID OWL TRIED TO STEAL IT

FROM ME.

INSTEAD, IT MISSED AND GRABBED A CHUNK OF HAIR OFF THE TOP OF MY

HEAD.

I WAS SO HUNGRY THAT I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE.

AND IT WAS THE MOST DELICIOUS BADGER EVER.

AND THAT'S HOW I SURVIVED THAT FATEFUL MORNING.

IT'S SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST, BABY.

THE CIRCLE OF LIFE MUST CONTINUE.

YOU ATE MY SNIFFLES AND NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT IT FOR ALL THESE

YEARS?!

THAT'S RIGHT, BABY.

I DIDN'T TELL YOU, BECAUSE I WAS TRYING TO PROTECT YOU.

WHY?

BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.

OH, HAROLD, YOU'RE TOO GOOD TO ME.

OH, YEAH, BABY.

PAPA'S GONNA MAKE EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT NOW.

SO, HAROLD, YOU ATE MY PET RAT SNIFFLES.

NOW, WHATEVER HAPPENED TO MY PET GOLDFISH, MR. FLOPPY?

OH, YEAH, HIM.

THAT'S ANOTHER FUNNY STORY.

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU GUYS, BUT I'M GONNA BE SICK.

ME, TOO.

I KNOW WHAT WILL MAKE US ALL FEEL BETTER.

IF YOU SAY CHOCOLATE-DIPPED-- CHOCOLATE-DIPPED PICKLES!

THAT'S IT.

I'M OUT OF HERE.

BUT, MANDY, I FOUND MORE CHOCOLATE BY SALIVA'S DOGHOUSE.

GRIM!

CORY!

OH, WELL, ALL FOR ME!

[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING] [SQUEALING]

[BELL RINGING] QUITTING TIME ALREADY?

HMM.

OK, BOYS, SEE YOU TOMORROW.

WHO'S THE NEW GUY?

DON'T KNOW.

SMELLS KIND OF FUNNY.

[WHISTLING] [VACUUM CLEANER RUNNING]

BILLY, IS THAT YOU?

NO, IT'S MY EVIL TWIN SHERLOCK BILLY.

I'M A DETECTIVE.

WELL, I JUST FINISHED VACUUMING, SO BE EXTRA CAREFUL

WITH THE FLOORS.

OK.

WHO THE HECK IS THAT?

OH, UH, GEE.

I DON'T KNOW.

I'M YOUR MOTHER, BILLY.

HEY, ALL RIGHT.

THAT'S GREAT.

LET'S PLAY ALONG.

DON'T WANT TO MAKE HER UPSET.

HI, MOM.

HI, DAD.

HI, UNCLE NERGAL.

HELLO, NEPHEW BILLY.

LONG TIME, NO SMELL.

[PASSES GAS] I'M SORRY, WHAT WAS THAT?

I SAID LONG TIME, NO SMELL.

[PFFT] DID YOU SAY SOMETHING?

I SAID LONG TIME, NO-- [PFFT]

I SAID-- [PFFT] TIME NO-- [PFFT]

HEY, BILLY, WE-- I-- [PFFT]

LONG-- [PFFT] SAID-- [PFFT]

WHAT-- [PFFT] I--JUST-- [PFFT]

IT SEEMS WE'VE INTERRUPTED AN INTIMATE FAMILY MOMENT.

HOO HOO!

I'LL SAY.

NOW THAT I'M INTIMATELY FAMILIAR WITH BILLY'S LOWER INTESTINE,

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

HEY, WAIT, GUYS.

DON'T YOU WANT TO SAY HI TO MY UNCLE NERGAL?

HE JUST DROPPED IN TO VISIT FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON AT ALL.

AND HE BROUGHT HIS PURSE.

OVERNIGHT BAG.

AW, COME ON, JUST BE NICE, GRIM.

GO ON.

SHAKE HIS HAND.

WELL, ALL RIGHT, BILLY.

BUT DON'T SAY I NEVER-- WELL, IT'S LIKE THEY SAY.

NEVER TRUST A GUY WITH ELECTRIC SNAKES GROWING OUT OF HIS BACK.

YEAH.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP HERE ANYWAY, NERGAL?

COME TO TRY TO KILL US AGAIN WITH ANOTHER CONVOLUTED SCHEME

DISGUISED AS A CRY FOR FRIENDSHIP?

NO.

THIS TIME I THOUGHT I'D JUST USE THIS OLD LAWNMOWER.

COOL.

NERGAL, YOU'RE THE LOWEST OF THE LOW, AND I'M NOT JUST

SAYING THAT BECAUSE YOU LIVE IN THE CENTER OF THE PLANET.

OH, COME ON.

I'M JUST KILLING AROUND.

CAN'T A MAN JUST POP BY TO SEE HIS BELOVED RELATIVES NOW AND

THEN?

BESIDES, I BROUGHT PRESENTS.

PRESENTS?

REALLY?

NO, NOT REALLY.

WELL, YOU KIDS PLAY NICE WITH YOUR UNCLE NERGAL.

DADDY AND I ARE OFF TO OUR SWING-DANCING CLASSES.

IT'S TUESDAY NIGHT ALREADY?

SWING DANCING?

OH, THAT SOUNDS DELIGHTFUL.

IT WOULD BE, BUT HAROLD HERE IS JUST A MESS ON THE DANCE

FLOOR.

OH, HE'S GOT TWO LEFT FEET, HAS HE?

ACTUALLY, IT'S MORE LIKE 2 1/2.

UH!

AH, YEAH!

3-POINTER!

HEY, BILLY, YOU DOING YOUR HOMEWORK?

JUST A LITTLE TARGET PRACTICE.

HELP ME.

LAWN GNOMES ALWAYS FLY SO MUCH BETTER WHEN THEY'RE FROZEN.

THEY'RE AERODYNAMIC.

GRIM, PLEASE.

WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE.

THERE ARE CHILDREN PRESENT.

BILLY, I THINK THIS WINTER WEATHER IS STARTING TO AFFECT

YOUR BRAIN.

I KNOW IT'S STARTED WORKING ON MY HANDS.

SWEET MERCIFUL HOO-HA!

BILLY, YOU OUGHT TO BE WEARING MITTENS.

I WOULD HAVE, BUT UNCLE NERGAL NEEDED THEM.

YUCK.

NERGAL.

IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE IT'S BEEN OVER A YEAR SINCE HE CAME TO

STAY FOR THE WEEKEND.

YEAH.

WHEN IS HE GONNA LEAVE?

♪ DA DA DA UNCLE NERGAL?

[COUGHING] YES?

WHAT IS IT?

OH, BILLY, IT'S YOU.

COME ON, SIT.

I'LL THROW ANOTHER MITTEN ON THE FIREPLACE.

THAT'S NOT A FIREPLACE.

REALLY?

THEN WHAT IS IT?

IT'S MY NEW VIDEO GAME CONSOLE.

WHO NEEDS VIDEO GAMES WHEN WE HAVE FAMILY?

IT'S SO NICE TO HAVE FAMILY WHO LOVE YOU.

RIGHT, BILLY?

UNCLE NERGAL, WHEN ARE YOU GONNA LEAVE?

BILLY, CAN WE PLEASE NOT HAVE THIS CONVERSATION AGAIN?

OK. NEVER MIND.

I CAN'T EVER GO HOME AGAIN.

SURE, YOU CAN.

LET ME CALL YOU A TAXI.

BILLY, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE WHEN YOUR CLOSEST

LOVED ONES THINK YOU'RE A WORTHLESS FAILURE.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

MY FAMILY VALUES ME A LOT.

THAT'S WHY THEY KEEP ME LOCKED AWAY IN THE ATTIC FOR DAYS AND

DAYS AT A TIME.

IT ALL STARTED AFTER DINNER ONE NIGHT.

I THINK IT WAS A TUESDAY.

OH, JUST GO TO A FLASHBACK ALREADY.

WE HAD JUST POLISHED OFF A LOVELY CASSEROLE PREPARED BY MY

WIFE SIS.

HOW WAS IT, DEAR?

I THOUGHT THE CRUST WAS MAGNIFICENT.

THE INTERIOR WAS A LITTLE SOFT AND SQUISHY AND SMELLED

SLIGHTLY OF PECANS.

NO, HONEY.

I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT WHAT THE DOG DID.

I MEANT THE FOOD.

FOLLOWED UP WITH A TRADITIONAL GAME OF CRYPT OF

FAILURE.

7.

I FIND A TREE OF RELIEF, GAIN 3 MANNA.

YOUR TURN, DAD.

11.

BUT THAT PUTS ME RIGHT ON-- THE CRYPT OF FAILURE.

HA HA HA HA!

SORRY, DAD.

YOU LOST AGAIN.

THAT MAKES 598 TIMES IN A ROW.

598?

[SOBBING] ACTUALLY, THAT'S 599.

OH, RIGHT.

THANKS, MOM.

NO!

NO!

NOOOO!

OK, WHOSE TURN WAS IT?

SO YOU SEE, BILLY, I'M A SAD, SAD FAILURE.

I CAN'T EVER SHOW MY FACE IN THAT HOUSEHOLD AGAIN.

MAYBE YOU CAN SHOW SOME OTHER PARTS OF YOUR BODY.

[SOBBING] SO YOU'RE A LITTLE CHALLENGED

WHEN IT COMES TO BOARD GAMES.

THAT DOESN'T MAKE YOU A COMPLETE FAILURE.

IT'S NOT JUST THE GAME.

IT'S EVERYTHING!

[WHISTLING] [MACHINE WHIRS]

NO!

NOOO!

[CLANG] NOOO!

WOW.

YOU REALLY ARE A FAILURE.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST ACCEPT IT, LIKE I HAVE.

JUST ACCEPT IT, HUH?

GEE, I DON'T KNOW.

TRUST ME.

IT'S THE ONLY WAY.

REALLY?

HOW DO YOU THINK I MAKE IT THROUGH LIFE WITH THESE TWO

EVERY DAY?

GEE, I...

NERGAL, THE SOONER YOU ACCEPT THE FACT THAT YOU'RE A FAILURE,

THE SOONER YOU CAN FACE YOUR FAMILY AGAIN.

MY FAMILY!

I WILL TRAVEL THE ROAD TO ACCEPTANCE, ALTHOUGH I DO NOT

KNOW THE WAY.

DON'T WORRY, MAN.

WE'LL TAKE YOU THERE.

THAT'S RIGHT, UNCLE NERGAL.

WE'LL TEACH YOU TO BE THE BEST FAILURE YOU CAN BE.

FAILURE IN TRAINING!

FAILURE IN TRAINING!

FAILURE IN--THERE.

GO, NERGAL.

WE'LL BE HERE.

HELLO THERE, LITTLE DOGGIE.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

OH, NO!

[WHISPERING] WHY, HELLO, LITTLE DOGGIE.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

AAH!

YES!

YOU DID IT!

[CHEERING] DEGENERATES.

I THINK HE'S READY.

MOM?

YES, JUNIOR?

WHEN'S DAD COMING HOME?

WELL, JUNIOR, IF THIS IS ANYTHING LIKE LAST TIME, IT

MIGHT BE QUITE A WHILE.

QUITE A WHILE, HUH?

[KNOCK ON DOOR] DADDY?

DADDY, I KNEW YOU WOULD-- PERSONAL FOR A MR. NERGAL.

DROP DEAD!

I HAVE NO FATHER.

[KNOCK ON DOOR] I SAID FOR YOU TO--DAD!

SON!

HUSBAND?

WIFE!

DAD?

SON?

ARE YOU ALL BETTER IN THE HEAD NOW?

THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO TELL, JUNIOR--BY VISITING THE CRYPT

OF FAILURE.

NO, DAD.

I'LL GO AND SET UP THE GAME BOARD.

BUT YOU JUST GOT HOME.

ROUND OF VIRTUE.

I GAIN A FACTION POINT.

IT'S YOUR TURN, MOM.

NO, IT ISN'T, JUNIOR.

IT'S YOUR FATHER'S TURN.

EASY, DEAR.

ONE OF THE NICE THINGS ABOUT UNCLE NERGAL BEING GONE IS

THERE'S ALWAYS TOASTER PASTRIES IN THERE NOW.

[CHOMPING] 6.

BUT THAT PUTS ME OUT.

THE SUPPLY ROOM OF VICTORY.

DAD, YOU WON!

I--I--YES!

HUH?

WELL, DAD, IT'S GOOD TO HAVE YOU BACK, FAILURE AND ALL.

IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK, JUNIOR.

AND SO REMEMBER, KIDS...

DON'T BE AFRAID OF FAILURE.

IT'S WHAT KEEPS FAMILIES TOGETHER.

[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]

[CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE

--www.ncicap.org--] OH!

[CRASH]