Original subtitles

- HA HA HA HA HA HA!

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

- IT'S YOU AND ME AGAINST THE WORLD.

WE ATTACK AT DAWN.

[CHILDREN CHATTERING]

[SLURPING]

- HEY, MANDY.

[SLURP]

FANCY MEETING YOU HERE.

- THIS IS MY LOCKER.

- SO IT IS.

SO IT IS.

ISN'T IT SUBLIME?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

- OW!

- [GRUNTING AND SCREAMING]

- EWW! IT LOOKS LIKE I HIT SOME KIND OF BIG, UGLY BUG.

OH, NEVER MIND.

THAT'S JUST MANDY.

- I DIDN'T REALIZE THE ZOO ANIMALS WERE ON PARADE.

- HA HA!

VERY FUNNY, MANDY, AND IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW,

THAT WAS SARCASM.

ACTUALLY, I'M PRACTICING FOR WHEN I GET CROWNED IN

THIS YEAR'S LITTLE MISS SCURVY PAGEANT.

I'VE GOT THE 3 THINGS YOU NEED TO WIN--

LOOKS, CHARM, TALENT, AND BRAINS.

SEE HOW THE OTHER KIDS BOW BEFORE ME?

- [GRUNTING AND SCREAMING]

- MINDY, BEAUTY PAGEANTS ARE RIDICULOUS CONTESTS FOR

RIDICULOUS GIRLS.

- OH, MANDY, MANDY, MANDY.

MANDY, MANDY, MANDY, MANDY, MANDY, MANDY, MANDY, MANDY.

MANDY, MANDY, MANDY, MANDY, MANDY, MANDY.

MANDY.

YOU UGLY PEOPLE ARE SO PREDICTABLE, BUT SINCE YOU

WERE BORN HIDEOUS AND BEAST-LIKE,

IT'S NOT MY PLACE TO JUDGE,

AND STOP UGLYING UP MY FLOAT.

I HAVE TO GET TO CLASS.

- HEY. - AAH!

- I'VE GOT A LEMON FOR A HEAD.

I GUESS THAT MAKES ME CRAZY.

- HELLO, PRINCIPAL GOODVIBES.

- MANDY, I OVERHEARD THE HURTFUL THINGS MINDY SAID TO YOU,

AND I THINK SHE'S GOT A POINT.

YOU HAVE TO LOOK DEEP INSIDE AND REALIZE THAT THE ONLY ONE

WHO CAN DECIDE IF YOU'RE TRULY PRETTY...

IS A PANEL OF 3 JUDGES.

HERE'S THE PAGEANT ENTRY FORM.

- FASTER.

FASTER! FASTER!

- I CAN'T GO NO FASTER.

- FASTER!

- YOU CAN CARRY YOUR OWN BOOKS HOME!

WHY DO THEY GOT TO LOAD YOU UP WITH SO MANY BOOKS ANYWAYS?

- ACTUALLY, IT'S JUST ONE BIG BOOK.

- WELL, I THINK I'D BETTER DIVIDE IT INTO CHAPTERS.

WAIT. I SENSE A DISTURBANCE IN THE FORCE.

HOLY MOLY!

- IS IT A CANDY NECKLACE?

GIVE IT TO ME! IT'S MINE, MINE, MINE, ALL MINE!

- IT AIN'T NO CANDY NECKLACE, BOY, BUT I'D PREFER THAT

IT HAD BEEN.

WHY YOU HIDING IN THE BUSHES?

- I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU TWO.

DO YOU THINK I'M...PRETTY?

- WELL, I THINK YOU'RE PRETTY SOMETHING.

- YEAH. PRETTY MEAN.

- WHY THIS SUDDEN INTEREST IN YOUR APPEARANCE?

- I WAS THINKING OF ENTERING A...BEAUTY...PAGEANT.

- BEAUTY PAGEANT.

- BEAUTY PAGEANT!

- PAGEANT.

- HOO HOO HOO!

- I THINK SHE'S SERIOUS.

- [GRR]

- IS IT TRUE, MANDY?

ARE YOU...SERIOUS?

WHAT IS IT? - A PAGEANT ENTRY FORM.

OH, SHE'S SERIOUS, MAN.

WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THAT?

- WELL, WELL, WELL, IF IT ISN'T THE MUGLY GANG, AND BY

MUGLY, I MEAN MONSTROUSLY UGLY.

- CINDY!

- MINDY. - MINDY!

- YOU'RE NOT REALLY GOING TO ENTER THE LITTLE MISS SCURVY

PAGEANT, ARE YOU, MANDY?

- SCARED OF THE COMPETITION?

- I'M SCARED THAT THE JUDGES WILL MISTAKE YOU FOR A BIG

DOO-DOO MONSTER AND CHASE YOU OUT OF TOWN WITH TORCHES.

- OH, YEAH?

WE'LL SEE WHO CHASES WHOM WITH TORCHES.

- YEAH! MANDY WILL TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF!

- BEAT YOUR PANTS OFF. - BEAT YOUR PANTS OFF!

- OH, I'M SO SURE SHE'LL WIN, AND IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW,

THAT WAS SARCASM.

NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO GO GET A RIB REMOVED.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

- OH, AND JUST SO YOU KNOW, WE DON'T REALLY BELIEVE

YOU CAN WIN.

- YEAH! WE JUST GOT CAUGHT UP IN THE MOMENT.

WAIT A SECOND!

GRIM, WHY DON'T YOU USE YOUR POWERS TO MAKE MANDY BOOTIFUL?

- DARN IT, BOY!

I'M NOT A MIRACLE WORKER, BUT I KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS.

[BEEPING MORSE CODE]

[THUNDER]

- NOW WHAT?

- I SUGGEST WE MOVE.

- MOVE?

- MOVE QUICKLY!

- CHICKEN WING!

[CLUCKING]

[GAGGING]

[FANFARE]

- CRABINA!

YOU LOOK AS FABULOUS AS EVER.

MM. KISS!

- GRIM, DARLING, IF I COULD MOVE ANY PART OF MY FACE,

YOU'D KNOW HOW HAPPY I WAS TO SEE YOU.

- CHILDREN, MEET CRABINA, THE UNDERWORLD'S PREMIER

MAKEOVER ARTIST.

- HMM. WELL, IT'S NOT AS BAD AS YOU MADE IT SOUND.

OF COURSE, WE'LL HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT NOSE.

- NO. UH, THE OTHER ONE.

- OTHER ONE? WHAT OTHER--OH, MY GOODNESS!

UGH! I MISTOOK HER FOR AN ANGRY TREE STUMP.

- WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY NOSE?

- FORGET IT, GRIM.

I DON'T NEED HER HELP.

- TRUST ME.

CRABINA MADE ME WHO I AM TODAY.

YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN ME BEFORE.

I LOOKED LIKE A TOTAL NERD.

- MY DEAR, DEAR CHILD, YOUR PROBLEM IS NOT A PHYSICAL ONE.

WHY, WITH ENOUGH SURGERY, ANYONE CAN LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

TRUE BEAUTY--OH, JUST A MOMENT.

[SQUEAKING]

WHERE WAS I?

OH, YES.

TRUE BEAUTY LIES WITHIN.

- IN HER LUNGS?

- IN HER ATTITUDE.

WHAT DOES THIS GIRL'S ATTITUDE SAY TO YOU?

- OOH. IT SAYS BAD THINGS,

THINGS I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO REPEAT.

MAKE THE BAD THINGS GO AWAY!

I'LL BE GOOD, MOMMY.

I PROMISE!

- EXACTLY.

SHE'S WHAT WE REFER TO AS A SOUR GRAPE.

- YEAH, BUT SHE'S ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THIS.

- THEN OUR GOAL IS CLEAR.

IF SHE CANNOT LEARN TO SMILE BY WEEK'S END, SHE HAS NO HOPE

OF WINNING THE PAGEANT.

- WILL MANDY WIN THE PAGEANT?

WILL SHE EVER SMILE?

I DON'T CARE!

INSTEAD, HERE'S AN IMPORTANT COMMERCIAL MESSAGE.

IMPORTANT COMMERCIAL MESSAGE!

- AND SO THROUGHOUT THE WEEK,

THEY TRIED A SERIES OF DUMB GAGS TO MAKE MANDY SMILE.

LET'S WATCH A CLIP.

WATCH A CLIP!

[SQUEAKING]

- ANY REACTION?

- THERE WAS EVEN A WRETCHED MUSICAL NUMBER!

- ♪ HEY, MAN, I JUST WANT TO SAY, MAN ♪

♪ IF YOU'D ONLY SMILE ONCE IN A WHILE ♪

♪ THEN MAYBE YOUR FACE WOULDN'T LOOK SO VILE ♪

- ♪ JUST GIVE IT A TRIAL

- ♪ IT'S ALWAYS IN STYLE

- ♪ THIS SONG'S A BIG, STINKY PILE ♪

- AND THEN THE DAY OF THE PAGEANT FINALLY ARRIVED.

- WELL, THE DAY OF THE PAGEANT HAS FINALLY ARRIVED.

LOOK AT THESE LITTLE GIRLS ALL TARTED UP.

WHAT KIND OF SAD, NEEDY PERSON WOULD FORCE THEM TO DO THAT?

- DON'T FORGET. THIS IS MOMMY'S BIG DAY.

- THE BIGGER YOU SMILE, THE MORE BEAUTIFUL MOMMY LOOKS.

- BABY, IT'S TIME TO EARN MOMMY'S LOVE.

- I DON'T SEE MANDY.

- CRABINA WANTED TO DO HER HAIR AND MAKEUP.

AH! HERE THEY COME.

- WOW, MANDY!

YOU LOOK LOTS BETTER!

- GENTLEMEN, PREPARE FOR SHOCK AND AWE.

THE PLAIN, DRAB MANDY YOU KNEW BEFORE IS DEAD.

- GRIM, SHE MURDERED MANDY!

- IT'S A FIGURE OF SPEECH, DUMMY.

- SAY HELLO TO ENDSVILLE'S NEWEST GLAMOUR GIRL.

- OH, MY WORD!

- I FEEL RIDICULOUS.

- YOU ARE RIDICULOUS, RIDICULOUSLY BEAUTIFUL.

- OH, I AGREE.

SHE'S A REAL LOOKER NOW, AND IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW, THAT

WAS SARCASM.

PUTTING MAKEUP ON YOU IS LIKE PUTTING DIAMONDS ON DOO-DOO.

GIVE IT UP, MANDY.

I WAS LITTLE MISS RICKETS LAST YEAR, LITTLE MISS TOE JAM

THE YEAR BEFORE, AND, GIRL, I'M GONNA BE LITTLE MISS

SCURVY THIS YEAR!

OH, AND HERE'S A LITTLE ADVICE.

PUT THE BAG BACK ON, PLEASE.

HA HA HA!

- YOU WANT ME TO TURN HER INTO A STINK BUG?

- NO, GRIM.

I WANT TO CRUSH HER ON MY OWN.

- ALL RIGHT, LADIES.

IT'S SHOW TIME!

- GOOD LUCK, MANDY.

- AND TRY TO SMILE.

- MANDY, I ONLY HAVE THESE WORDS TO OFFER.

YOU ARE A SPECIAL GIRL, AND WHAT YOU LACK IN GRACE, YOU

MAKE UP FOR IN FURY.

I BELIEVE IN YOU.

OH, AND HERE'S SOME PETROLEUM JELLY.

A LITTLE RUBBED ON YOUR TEETH WILL HELP YOU SMILE.

YEAH. THAT'S BETTER.

[MICROPHONE SQUEALS]

- ♪ ONE GIRL

♪ TODAY, WE'LL CHOOSE A GIRL ♪

♪ ONE GIRL ABOVE ALL THE REST ♪

♪ ONE GIRL

♪ THE DAY BELONGS TO ONE GIRL ♪

♪ IT'S THE ONE GIRL

♪ WHO'LL PASS THE TEST

[MICROPHONE SQUEALS]

[PANTING]

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MEET THE CONTESTANTS FOR

LITTLE MISS SCURVY.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

[CAMERAS FLASHING]

- WHOO!

YEAH, BABY!

WHOO, WHOO, WHOO, WHOO, WHOO!

- AND SAY HELLO TO OUR IMPARTIAL JUDGES--

GENERAL SCAR...

[APPLAUSE]

CAP'N GREEN GUMS, AND MINDY'S MOM!

- HI, HONEY!

- HI, MOMMY!

- IMPARTIAL MY BIG, BONY--

- BUT BEFORE WE BEGIN, LET'S STOP AND THINK ABOUT

WHY WE'RE HERE.

- MY WIFE MADE ME COME!

[MICROPHONE SQUEALS]

- SCURVY IS A TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE DISEASE.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT, CAP'N GREEN GUMS?

- ARR! I USED TO HAVE A SET OF GUMS

WHAT MADE ALL THE TAVERN WENCHES SWOON.

THEN I GOT THE SCURVY!

THEY HAD TO REPLACE ME GUMS WITH...WITH KOSHER PICKLES!

AND I HATE PICKLES!

[SOBBING]

- STATISTICS SHOW THE NUMBER-ONE CAUSE OF SCURVY IS IGNORANCE!

PLEASE DO NOT BOIL YOUR FRUIT JUICES.

I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH, PEOPLE.

[PBBBT]

AHH. NOW THAT THAT'S OUT OF THE WAY, LET THE PAGEANT BEGIN!

- [SCREAMING]

- FIRST ROUND, EVENING GOWNS.

JULIE. - AW.

- LAURA. - OOH.

- EVA. - OHH!

- XENA. - OOH!

- ANNA. - AHH.

- RAE. - AHH!

- SUE. - OOH.

- MINDY. - AHH!

- MANDY. - OH, YEAH!

- AND NOW SWIMSUIT.

- BABY GOT BACK!

- NICE, EH?

- WESTERN WEAR.

- ARR! HER BOLDNESS BE SLOWLY WINNING ME HEART,

BUT HER COLDNESS KEEPS ME AT AN EMOTIONAL DISTANCE.

- SAMURAI ARMOR. - YAY!

- RENAISSANCE FAIR! - YAY!

- JERSEY MALL. - YAY!

- GOM JABBAR.

- IT BURNS!

- ARR! THAT WILL COST HER SOME POINTS.

- OUR LAST EVENT, MY PERSONAL FAVORITE,

THE TALENT COMPETITION.

[AUDIENCE GASPS]

- OOH.

[CHOMP]

[CHEERING]

[CHEERING]

[RECORDS SCRATCHING]

- ARR! THIS ROUTINE BE TECHNICALLY SOUND,

BUT WHERE BE THE SOUL, THE PASSION?

- IT'S SO CLOSE.

ALL MANDY'S GOT TO DO IS SMILE.

- I'M GONNA VOMIT FROM THE TENSION, YO!

- [CHEERING]

- WELL, WELL, WELL, IF IT ISN'T LITTLE MISS RUNNER-UP.

HA HA HA!

AND IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW, THAT WAS SARCASM.

NO, WAIT. IT WASN'T.

- YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO.

- ♪ SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW

♪ WAY UP HIGH

♪ THERE'S A LAND THAT I HEARD OF ♪

♪ ONCE IN A LULLABY

♪ SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW

♪ SKIES ARE BLUE

♪ AND THE DREAMS THAT YOU DARE TO DREAM ♪

♪ REALLY DO COME TRUE

♪ SOMEDAY I'LL WISH UPON A STAR ♪

♪ AND WAKE UP WHERE THE CLOUDS ARE FAR BEHIND ME ♪

♪ WHERE TROUBLES MELT LIKE LEMON DROPS ♪

♪ OH, WAY ABOVE THE CHIMNEY TOPS ♪

♪ THAT'S WHERE YOU'LL FIND ME

♪ SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW

♪ BLUEBIRDS FLY

♪ BIRDS FLY OVER THE RAINBOW ♪

♪ WHY THEN, OH, WHY...

♪ CAN'T I?

[BIRD TWEETING]

♪ IF HAPPY, LITTLE BLUEBIRDS FLY ♪

♪ BEYOND THE RAINBOW

♪ WHY, OH, WHY CAN'T I?

♪ WHY, OH, WHY CAN'T I?

[GRUNTS]

- ARR! SHE APPEARS TO BE MOVING A VESSEL OUT TO PORT.

HA HA!

- COME ON. COME ON.

- BRING IT. BRING IT.

- [GASP]

- YOU EVER GET THE FEELING SOMETHING REALLY BAD

IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN?

- [SCREAMING]

- IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.

- WHAT HAVE WE DONE?

- YOU FOOLS!

YOU'VE MESSED WITH THE NATURAL ORDER!

- AAH!

- AAH!

- REALITY IS FALLING APART!

- WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN TO US?

- I DON'T KNOW, BUT I'M GONNA HOLD YOU TIGHT

AND NEVER LET GO.

- I LOVE YOU, GRIM.

- WHAT ABOUT ME, YO?

- EH, YOU'LL BE FINE.

- AAH!

[TELEPHONE BEEPING]

- GIRLS, GIRLS, GET UP.

MOJO JOJO JUST SNUCK INTO A MOVIE THEATER WITHOUT PAYING.

- WE'RE ON IT, PROFESSOR.

- OK. WE KEEP FLYING. WE NEVER HEAD BACK.

WE NEVER TALK ABOUT THIS AGAIN.

- YEP. - UH-HUH.

- AND SO ONCE AGAIN, THE DAY IS SAVED THANKS TO BILLY,

MANDY, AND GRIM.

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--

- I CAN'T BREATHE, YO.

THIS BELT IS CINCHED TOO...TIGHT.

AHH.