Original subtitles

♪♪

[LAUGHING]

- THIS STATEMENT IS FALSE.

- PLEASE!

- THE ANSWER IS NO, BILLY.

OWNING A DOG IS A GREAT RESPONSIBILITY.

- BUT THEY'RE FREE!

[BARKING]

AND CUTE!

BESIDES,

YOU KNOW IT'S ALWAYS BEEN MY LIFE'S DREAM

TO HAVE 4 DOGS!

- FACE THE FACTS, BILLY,

YOU AND PETS JUST DON'T MIX.

- DUH HUH HUH HUH HUH!

- YEAH!

REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME?

- EAT ALL YOUR VEGETABLES,

THEN YOU CAN HAVE SOME WATER.

[GASPING]

- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

BUT THIS TIME, IT'S DIFFERENT.

- IN THAT CASE, UH...

THE ANSWER IS YES.

BUT YOU CAN ONLY PICK ONE DOG.

- AW!

BUT I WANTED...

[SCREAMS]

ALL 4.

- JUST PICK YOUR VICTIM, AND LET'S GO.

- HOLD UP, MANDY!

I JUST CAN'T PICK ANY MUTT.

I'VE GOTTA PICK...

MY DREAM MUTT!

- ONE BOY, 4 DOGS!

BUT ONLY ONE DOG GETS THE BOY.

THE OTHERS...

WHICH DOG WILL THE BOY CHOOSE?

WILL IT BE PETUNIA--

THAT PAMPERED POODLE WHO LIVED HIGH ON THE HOG

UNTIL ONE THANKSGIVING...

[ALL GASPING]

THAT'S WHEN WE FOUND HER IN A DUMPSTER

BEHIND THE FLAB-BURGER BEGGING FOR MORE.

OR, PERHAPS IT'LL BE DAISY,

THAT PUREBRED PUPPY THAT JUST DIDN'T SELL.

MAYBE IT'S 'CAUSE OF HER FOUL DISPOSITION.

[SNARLS]

OR DIPSY DOODLES,

WHO'S TAKEN TO THE STREETS--

A PLACE SHE JUST DOESN'T SEEM TO GET.

[HONKS HORN]

OR DOES SHE?

NOW, THAT'S WHAT I CALL DOGGY STYLE!

AND FINALLY, TRIGGER,

WHOSE BEEN-THERE, DONE-THAT ATTITUDE

HAS GOT THE BAD BOYS CLAMORING AT HER DOORSTEP.

ALL THAT ON TONIGHT'S SPECIAL EDITION OF "DREAM MUTT,"

THE REALITY SHOW THAT BITES!

- SO, WHICH DOG IS IT GONNA BE, DORK?

[STAMMERING]

- I DON'T KNOW, GUYS.

IT SEEMS MY DREAM MUTT HAS CERTAIN QUALITIES

OF EACH ONE.

- UH, THAT MEANS WE'D HAVE TO

MAGICALLY COMBINE ALL 4 DOGS INTO ONE!

BUT HOW ARE WE GONNA DO THAT?

- UGH! HUH?

- GRIM! AHEM!

- FINE!

I'LL DO IT.

- ATTABOY.

- THANKS, GRIM.

- SHUT UP AND HOLD STILL.

- SO, WHERE'S MY DREAM MUTT?

- OVER THERE.

[GASPS]

- WAS THAT TRIP REALLY NECESSARY?

[LAUGH TRACK]

- UH...

YOU HEAR THAT?

- YEAH.

WHERE'D ALL THAT CREEPY LAUGHTER COME FROM?

[LAUGHTER STOPS]

- DON'T YOU GET IT, MANDY?!

HE'S FUNNY,

AND HE'S MY DREAM MUTT.

AND, AND, AND, AND, AND, AND...

- OH, HERE WE GO.

- YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS!

OH, OH! COME TO PAPI!

- HEY, HEY, HEY!

I'M ON MY WAY!

WHICH ONE OF YOU IS UGLY?

OOP!

I MEAN, BILLY?

[LAUGH TRACK]

- HE IS.

- HA HA HA HA HA! YOU AUGGIE!

- NOW, THAT IS UGLY.

[LAUGH TRACK]

[LAUGHING STOPS]

WELL, UGLY,

MY NAME IS SIR WILLIAM WEXELL WINGDING WHIZZLEBANG THE THIRD,

BUT MY FRIENDS CALL ME WIGGY GEE JED.

[LAUGH TRACK]

YOU ARE MY FRIEND, AREN'T YOU, SON?

- OH, YES, MR. WIGGY JIGGY JED, SIR.

- WELL, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR,

SANTY CLAUS?!

COME ON, UGLY.

- THANKS FOR THE DOG, DAD!

- NO PROBLEMO, SON.

- HEY! WHAT ABOUT ME?!

- WHAT ABOUT YOU, GRIM?

[SNIFFLES]

- AW.

I JUST KNOW THEY'LL BE BEST FRIENDS FOREVER.

- I GIVE IT ONE DAY.

- ONE BOY!

HAS HE FOUND HIS DREAM MUTT?

OR WILL IT ONLY LAST ONE DAY?

FIND OUT ON TONIGHT'S EDITION OF "DREAM MUTT, PART TWO,"

AFTER THE FINALS ELECTION.

AND TO START OUR SHOW,

WE HAVE MANDY WITH HER FORECAST OF DOOM.

- YEAH, IT'S ALWAYS THE SAME STORY WITH BILLY.

HIM AND HIS NEW PET ARE INSEPARABLE.

[BOTH LAUGHING INANELY]

HAVING THE TIME OF THEIR PATHETIC LIVES.

- YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND! - YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND!

- YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND! - YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND!

- LIKE TWO PIGS IN MUD.

- YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND! - YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND!

- A TRULY NAUSEATING SIGHT.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

[RETCHES]

- THAT'S DISGUSTING! - THAT'S DISGUSTING!

- THEN THINGS ALWAYS GO WRONG.

HORRIBLY, HORRIBLY, HORRIBLY WRONG.

- THIS IS YOUR NEW HOME, WIGGY JIGGY JED!

COME ON! I'LL GIVE YOU A TOUR.

KITCHEN...

BATHROOM...

LIVING ROOM...

DEN.

[SQUAWK]

OH, YEAH. HEE HEE HEE!

WE DON'T HAVE A DEN.

OH, YEAH! AND THE BASEMENT...

WHERE GRIM KEEPS HIS CRAZY CHEST OF ULTIMATE POWER!

YEP. ANYTHING YOUR HEART DESIRES.

- ANYTHING?

- ANYTHING.

- ANYTHING!

- AND THIS IS MY BEDROOM.

PRETTY NICE BED, EH, JED?

- WELL...

IT'S BEEN A LONG DAY.

AND IT'S TIME TO HIT THE HAY.

SO, BOMB'S AWAY!

- NO!

BAD DOG!

THIS IS MY BED!

YOU'RE A FILTHY ANIMAL,

AND MOM SAYS FILTHY ANIMALS

SLEEP OUTSIDE IN THE FILTHY DOGHOUSE.

- SORRY, KING TUT,

BUT THIS MUTT DON'T SLEEP IN NO HUT.

SO, YOU CAN JUST KISS MY CANDY-STRIPPED--

- EW!

AND ANOTHER THING,

STOP THAT RHYMING JUNK, TOO.

IT'S GIVING ME A HEADACHE.

YEAH.

AND KNOCK OFF THAT CORNY WALK CYCLE MUSIC.

PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP.

- THAT, SIR,

IS WHERE I DRAW THE LINE!

- YEAH, YEAH.

YOU CAN DRAW LINES ON YOUR OWN TIME.

[GRUNTING]

YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND!

[LAUGHING]

- IF JED DON'T GET A BED,

HE GETS RED IN THE HEAD.

- YEAH, WELL, I DISAGREE WITH MANDY'S FORECAST OF DOOM.

I STILL SAY THEY'LL BE BEST FRIENDS FOREVER

'CAUSE WHEN IT COMES TO MATTERS OF THE HEART,

BILLY IS-- - DOOMED.

- YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.

- NOW, GET DOWN.

[SIGHS]

- WELL, I GOTTA GO DROP A DEUCE.

AW, CRUD!

[SNORING]

- YEAH, WIGGY JIGGY JED IS MY DREAM DOG.

HE'S MY BEST FRIEND EVER. I'LL NEVER LET HIM GO.

[SNORES]

BUT IF THAT FILTHY MUTT EVER TRIES TO SLEEP IN MY BED AGAIN,

I'LL SPANK HIM WITH TURKEY LEG.

[SNORES]

YEAH, I GOT A LIMOUSINE.

[SNORING]

- I SAID,

IF JED DON'T GET NO BED,

HE GETS RED IN THE HEAD.

AND ONE HECK OF AN APPETITE.

[LAUGH TRACK]

I'LL THINK I'LL JUST FIND MY WAY

TO THE GROCERY TYPE KITCHEN.

ON SECOND THOUGHT...

ANYTHING I DESIRE DON'T SOUND TOO SHABBY NEITHER.

[SNORING]

[DRILL WHIRRING]

[MOTOR RUNNING]

- SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE'S MESSING WITH GRIM'S TRUNK.

I BETTER GO CHECK IT OUT.

NO, JIGGY!

WIGGY JIGGY JED!

- HELLO, UGLY.

- WHATCHA DOING?

- I'M BUILDING A HANDY, DANDY

DOOMSDAY TYPE DEVICE...

ENGINEERED FOR COMPLETE AND TOTAL GLOBAL DOMINATION...

OF BEDS.

WITH IT, I'LL STEAL EVERY BED

IN EVERY BEDROOM IN EVERY CITY--

INCLUDING FUTON, TRUNDLE, AND BUNK--

SO I CAN SLEEP LIKE A KING

IN A DIFFERENT BED EVERY NIGHT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!

THAT'S RIGHT--

MY MATTRESSES FREE!

OH, YOU'RE KILLING ME, UGLY.

- WOW.

ALL THIS 'CAUSE I WOULDN'T LET YOU SLEEP IN MY BED?

- YEP.

[LAUGH TRACK]

- OH.

MANDY!

MANDY!

HELP!

JIGGY JED'S GONE BERSERKO, FREAKO, AND--

- YEAH, WE'RE WAY AHEAD OF YOU, DORKWHIZ.

GRIM?

- RIGHT.

- GIVE HIM THIS.

[SNIFFS]

- GELATIN?

- NO, BILLY!

THAT'S NOT GELATIN!

[MUMBLING]

- IT AIN'T?

- IT'S PRIMORDIAL OOZE.

IT'LL FIX EVERYTHING.

- THANKS, DAD!

- NO PROBLEMO, SON!

- HEY! WHAT ABOUT ME?!

- WHAT ABOUT YOU?

[SCREAMING]

- THIS SURE BEATS A MIDNIGHT SNACK,

EH, JACK?

[LAUGH TRACK]

- HEY, WIGGY JIGGY JED?

- YEAH?

- PRESENT FOR YA.

[LAUGH TRACK]

TEE HEE HEE HEE!

- AND YOU SAW IT ALL HERE ON "DREAM MUTT TWO."

- YEAH, JIGGY WAS A GREAT DOG,

AND I'M SORRY IT DIDN'T WORK OUT AND ALL,

BUT HE'S, YOU KNOW, NOT DREAM MUTT MATERIAL,

WHAT, WITH HIS EVIL PLANS TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD AND ALL.

WE JUST DON'T HAVE ENOUGH COMMON GOALS,

NOT ON THE SAME PAGE.

MMM!

I DID GET THIS REALLY COOL HAT, THOUGH.

- HEY, BOYS AND GIRLS,

FEELING BORED?

- YEAH!

- NOTHING TO DO?

- UH-HUH.

- FEEL LIKE BASHING YOUR HEAD IN

WITH A MARSUPIAL JUST TO RELIEVE THE BOREDOM?

- GET TO THE POINT, ANNOUNCER GUY!

- THEN CHECK THIS OUT!

INTRODUCING THE AMAZING SEA CRITTERS,

THE BEST PETS YOU'LL EVER OWN!

DROP THEM IN WATER,

AND INSTANTLY, THEY MULTIPLY!

NOW, PAY ATTENTION, KIDS,

'CAUSE HERE'S HOW YOU ORDER THE AMAZING SEA CRITTERS!

- HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW?!

I WANT! I WANT! I WANT!

- JUST SEND 49.95...

TO ME!

AT MY HOUSE.

SO, ACT FAST!

- I'LL BE YOUR BESTEST FRIEND!

- I MUST HAVE THOSE SEA CRITTERS!

BUT I DON'T GOTS NO MONEY.

- YOU COULD HAVE A YARD SALE!

- HEY.

I COULD HAVE A YARD SALE!

- HA HA HA HA!

WHAT AN IDIOT.

- WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON--

THERE BETTER BE A GOOD REASON

I JUST GOT HIT WITH A WATERMELON.

- I'M MAKING SAMMICHES FOR MY YARD SALE!

- I DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW WHAT THIS IS ABOUT.

- WANT TO TRY ONE, GRIM?

- I GUESS IF IT KILLS ME,

I WON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOU ANY MORE.

BILLY...

WHASH YOU MAKE DISH WIFF?

THISH ISH HARD AS A ROCK.

- FROM THE EXPIRED MOLDY STUFF IN THE BACK OF THE FRIDGE!

- ETHCUSE ME WHILE I GO THAND DOWN ME TEETH.

- ALL RIGHT, BILLY, WHAT'S GOING ON?

- I'M TRYING TO SELL SOME USELESS JUNK

I FOUND AROUND THE HOUSE SO I CAN I BUY ME SEA CRITTERS!

- HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO MAKE ANY MONEY

IF YOU HAVE NO CUSTOMERS?

- DUH.

OH, PLEASE, MANDY,

BUY SOMETHING FROM ME!

I KNOW!

HOW 'BOUT A PAIR OF MY UNDERWEAR?

[SNIFFING]

SLIGHTLY USED.

- THOSE AREN'T YOURS.

[SNIFFING]

- OH, YEAH!

THOSE WERE MY GRANDPA'S.

- HI, MANDY.

WANT TO RIDE IN MY WAGON?

- ERWIN, CAN'T YOU SEE I'M EXTREMELY BUSY RIGHT NOW?

- OH. OK.

- LATER, DWEEBS.

- WANT TO BUY SOMETHING AT MY YARD SALE, ERWIN?

- NOT REALLY.

- COME ON!

- I SAID NO.

- COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON,

COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON,

COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON,

COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON!

- ALL RIGHT, I'LL BUY SOMETHING!

HOW MUCH ARE THOSE GOLF CLUBS?

- UH, I DON'T KNOW.

MAKES ME AN OFFER.

- A DOLLAR.

- NOPE. - 50 CENTS.

- CAN'T DO IT.

- A QUARTER. - YOU WISH!

- NICKEL! - YO MOMMA!

- TWO CENTS! - GETTING WARMER!

- A SMASHED AMUSEMENT PARK PENNY I FOUND!

- SOLD!

PLEASURE DOING BUSINESS WITH YOU...

SUCKER.

- HEY, BILLY,

HAVE YOU SEEN ME SCYTHE?

- I JUST SOLD IT TO ERWIN

FOR A CRUMMY SMASHED AMUSEMENT PARK PENNY.

- YOU WHAT?!

- I JUST SOLD IT TO IRWIN!

- DO YOU REALIZE WHAT CAN HAPPEN

IF ME SCYTHE GETS INTO THE WRONG HANDS?

- I SURE DO!

I MEAN, NO.

- IT COULD CAUSE MASS DESTRUCTION AND CHAOS,

CREATING AN IMBALANCE IN THE UNIVERSE,

AND BRINGING ABOUT THE END OF TIME AS WE KNOW IT.

- YOU MAKE FUNNY FACES WHEN YOU'RE ANGRY.

- WHY DOESN'T MANDY LIKE ME?

[GLASS BREAKS]

WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO MAKE THE WOMAN NOTICE ME?

OH.

[MAN SCREAMS]

IF ONLY THERE WAS A WAY TO BE INSTANTLY COOLER

WITHOUT REALLY TRYING.

- THAT WASN'T A BAD DRIVE...

FOR A GUY.

- WELL, FOR A CHICK--

[SCREAMING]

- AAGH!

[SNARLING]

- BILLY MUST HAVE SOLD ME GRIM'S SCYTHE!

[LAUGHING]

WITH ITS POWER,

I CAN MAKE MANDY LIKE ME.

[LAUGHING]

- UH, YEAH, BUT YOU'RE STILL A DORK!

- OH.

- SO, NOW WHAT?

HOW THE HECK ARE WE GOING TO FIND IRWIN?

- I DON'T KNOW.

BUT A 4-EYED GEEK WIELDING A WEAPON

WITH UNNATURAL DESTRUCTIVE NERD POWER

SHOULDN'T BE THAT HARD TO FIND.

- HERE, SCYTHY, SCYTHY, SCYTHY!

HERE, SCYTHY!

YOU'RE NOT LITTLE SCYTHY!

- GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!

- WHAT THE HECK?!

- LOOK, MANDY!

[SCREAMING]

- THERE'S SOMETHING YOU DON'T SEE EVERY DAY.

- IT'S GOT TO BE MY SCYTHE AT WORK.

WE'VE GOT TO STOP THAT KID.

- YOU SEE, KIDS,

PLAYING WITH SCYTHES ISN'T COOL

OR FUN.

- IT'S DANGEROUS!

- SO, IF YOU SHOULD EVER FIND A SCYTHE,

DON'T PICK IT UP.

- TELL AN ADULT IMMEDIATELY!

- HE'S AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE.

I CAN FEEL IT.

- UH, GRIM?

- NOT RIGHT NOW, BILLY.

GRIM'S TRYING TO THINK.

- BUT, GRIM-- - LOOK!

DON'T MAKE ME HAVE TO LOCK YOU IN THE CELLAR AGAIN, BOY.

- HI, GIRLS.

LOOKING FOR ME?

- YOU, STUPID BOY,

GIVE ME BACK ME SCYTHE!

- AND GIVE UP THE ONLY OPPORTUNITY

I'LL EVER HAVE TO BE COOL?

UH...

NO!

- YAY!

MMM!

SLIMY!

- BILLY, GET OFF OF ME!

- WANT TO GO FOR A RIDE NOW, MANDY?

- I'LL NEVER GO WITH YOU, GEEK-FACE.

- OH! I WANT TO GO! I WANT TO GO!

- SORRY, BILLY, BUT THIS SEAT IS RESERVED

FOR ONLY ONE PERSON!

[GROANING]

NOW, MANDY, COME TO ME!

- NO, MANDY, DON'T DO IT!

- HE'S JUST SO DREAMY!

- HOLD ON, MANDY!

I'M COMING TO SAVE YOU!

[GRUNTING]

- YAY! YAY! YAY!

- GET OFF OF ME, BILLY!

- FINALLY WE CAN BE TOGETHER.

I'VE DREAMT ABOUT THIS MOMENT FOR OH SO LONG.

IT COULDN'T BE ANY MORE PERFECT!

- YOU'RE STILL A DORK, BUDDY!

- OH.

LET'S JUST GO.

THIS ISN'T OVER, BOY.

YOU BETTER BELIEVE I'M COMING FOR ME SCYTHE.

- YEE-HAW!

YOW!

- FOR THE LAST TIME,

GET OFF OF ME!

- ISN'T THIS ROMANTIC, MANDY?

THERE'S SOMETHING I'VE BEEN WANTING TO TELL YOU

FOR QUITE SOME TIME NOW.

I'M SO EXCITED, I FEEL LIKE MY HEART'S ABOUT TO BURST.

MANDY, I THINK I...

I L-L-L--

[GURGLING]

- DORK!

- OH, MANDY,

OUR TIME TOGETHER HAS MEANT SO MUCH TO ME.

I PICKED THIS FLOWER FOR YOU AS A--

- EXCUSE ME, SIR,

WOULD YOU HAPPEN TO HAVE THE TIME?

- LOOK, I'M KIND OF GETTING MY GROOVE ON,

IF YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING.

- MY! WHAT A NICE-LOOKING SCYTHE YOU HAVE TODAY.

WHERE DID YOU GET IT?

- I STOLE IT FROM THE GRIM REAPER, ALL RIGHT?

NOW, IF YOU DON'T MIND, I--

WAIT A SECOND.

YOU LOOK FAMILIAR.

DO I KNOW YOU FROM SOMEWHERE?

- YOU SURE DON'T, IRWIN.

- OH, OK.

BILLY!

- MANDY!

SNAP OUT OF IT!

IRWIN'S USING MY SCYTHE TO CONTROL YOU.

YOU GOTTA FIGHT IT.

[GROANING]

- GRIM, IS THAT YOU?

- YES, MANDY, IT'S ME!

- OH, NO YOU DON'T!

- WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?

IRWIN IS MY BOYFRIEND.

- NO!

- YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THAT, GRIM!

- HEY, BARF-FACE,

BET YOU CAN'T ZAP ME WITH YOUR STUPID SCYTHE!

- YOU ASKED FOR IT!

- NOPE. MISSED ME.

TRY AGAIN! UH-UH!

YOU GOT NOTHING!

- RRARRR!

YOU'RE GONNA GET IT, BILLY

WHAT THE-- WHO DID THAT?

- INCOMING!

- HA!

IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?

- DARN.

WE NEED SOMETHING HARDER THAN ROCKS.

- I GOT IT!

- OW!

OOF!

- MINE!

- GET A ROOM.

- MANDY, YOU'RE BACK TO NORMAL.

- MANDY?

- YOU KNOW, IRWIN,

THE THING ABOUT CRUSHES IS

THEY ALWAYS HURT IN THE END.

THAT'S WHY THEY'RE CALLED CRUSHES.

- SO, BILLY,

HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR NEW SEA CRITTER?

- NOT VERY MUCH.

HE DOESN'T LOOK VERY HAPPY.

- BILLY, GET ME OUT OF HERE.

I'M SORRY.

- OH, I KNOW!

I'LL ADD A FRIEND!

THAT SHOULD DO IT.

LOOK! HE'S MADE A FRIEND ALREADY!

- UH, HI.

[SNARLS]

- WHAT A DORK.

HA HA HA HA HA HA!

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--