Original subtitles

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

- [LAUGHING]

- CONTROL, ALT,

DELETE.

- BOY, ARE WE GONNA SHOW THEM!

- WE'LL BLIND 'EM WITH OUR MAD SKILLS.

- OH! OH!

YEAH, MAD, WACKY SKILLS!

- NEED I ASK?

- WE HAVE OUR LITTLE LEAGUE GAME AGAINST MINDY'S TEAM.

BUT GIRLS CAN'T PLAY BASEBALL,

SO YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND--

OH!

I CAUGHT IT. I CAUGHT IT!

[LAUGHING]

- WAY TO KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE BALL.

- EVEN THOUGH GIRLS CAN'T PLAY BASEBALL, HA,

YOU COULD STILL, UH,

BE A CHEERLEADER FOR THE BOYS' TEAM.

- SO, YOU THINK GIRLS CAN'T PLAY BASEBALL, HUH?

- NOT A LICK.

- YEAH?

PITCH ME THE BALL, AND WE'LL SEE.

- YES, MY LOVE.

- OH, BROTHER.

- [SNICKERING]

YOU DON'T HAVE A BAT.

- FEMUR.

- WHAT?!

I'M KIND OF USING IT.

- DID I ASK FOR A FEMUR

OR SOME LIP?!

- OK, OK.

[GRUNTING] [SNAP]

HERE.

I'LL JUST HOBBLE OVER AND LEAN ON THE FENCE.

- I'D SUGGEST YOU GO DEEP.

- ONE WORD:

EASY OUT!

COME ON, BATTER, BATTER, BATTER, BATTER!

SWING!

NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE, MANDY.

HOW IS THE OTHER TEAM SUPPOSED TO GET YOU OUT

IF YOU HIT THE BALL OVER THEIR HEADS?

[GLASS BREAKS IN DISTANCE]

WE HAVE TO GO OR WE'RE GONNA BE LATE FOR THE GAME.

- COME ON, GRIM.

I HAVE TO SEE THIS.

SHOULD WE TELL HIM THAT MINDY'S A GIRL?

- NO.

WHY CLUTTER UP HIS EMPTY SKULL

WITH SOMETHING AS TRIVIAL AS FACTS?

HOLD MY SCYTHE.

DON'T LOOK.

[CRACK] - YEAH!

- [CHEERING]

- THEY DID IT AGAIN.

YAY!

- COME ON! HOW ABOUT A LITTLE DEFENSE!

- WHAT HAS YOUR BRIEFS IN A KNOT?

- WHAT?! OH.

WELL, FIRST, I'D LIKE TO MAKE CLEAR

I WEAR BOXERS, NOT BRIEFS.

AS TO WHY I HAVE A KNOT IN THEM,

IT STARTED BACK WHEN I WAS A YOUNGSTER.

IT WAS THE LAST GAME OF CHAMPIONSHIP SEASON.

WE HAD SOME OF THE GREATEST PLAYERS

THE UNDERWORLD HAD EVER SEEN:

ON SECOND BASE WAS FATTY FLYBALL,

SWATTING SAMMY SLUG IN THE OUTFIELD,

BIG BABYHEAD BAMBINO ON THIRD,

FOOTLESS JOE JOHNSON ON FIRST,

AND YOURS TRULY PITCHING HIS WINNINGEST SEASON EVER.

- ALL RIGHT, GRIM, BASES ARE LOADED.

ONE MORE STRIKE AND WE GO HOME THE CHAMPIONS.

- NO PROBLEM, MAN.

I'M THROWING TO THE PITCHER.

EVERYONE KNOWS PITCHERS CAN'T HIT.

- [BOOING]

- I CAN'T HELP BUT EMPATHIZE WITH BILLY

WHEN I SEE HIM GETTING BEATEN AND RIDICULED.

- OH, THROW THE PITCHER OUT OF THERE!

- MY GRANNY CAN PITCH BETTER THAN THAT!

- SOMEHOW, I DON'T THINK BILLY IS AS TRAUMATIZED AS YOU.

- WOW, MINDY!

THAT WAS A GREAT HIT!

THIS IS FUN! THIS IS FUN!

LET'S DO IT AGAIN!

YAY!

RUN, MINDY, RUN!

HOME RUN!

YEAH, MAMA!

YEAH!

- GAME OVER.

- GREAT GAME!

- I'D SHAKE, BUT I'M AFRAID INEPTITUDE IS CONTAGIOUS.

- YEAH, YOU GUYS STINK!

- YOU'RE LAME!

- [SOBBING]

- UH...

WHAT'S WRONG?

YOU THIRSTY?

- [SOBBING]

- HE'S IN TOUCH WITH HIS FEELINGS.

- HEY, MINDY, YOU THINK YOU'RE BAD?!

- NO.

I THINK THEY'RE BAD!

- [LAUGHTER]

- BILLY'S TEAM WILL TAKE YOU DOWN.

- YEAH! I'D LIKE TO SEE THAT.

- YEAH, I'D LIKE TO SEE THAT, TOO.

- I'M GOING TO PUT TOGETHER A WINNING TEAM.

MANDY, ARE YOU IN?

- WE CHALLENGE YOU TO A PLAYOFF--

TWO WEEKS FROM TODAY.

- YOU'RE ON, LOSER!

- I HAVE NO IDEA HOW WE'RE GOING TO BEAT THEM.

- SIMPLE.

I WILL COACH THEM.

- HEY, MANDY,

WHAT DO YOU MEAN "HOW WE'RE GOING TO BEAT THEM"?

THIS IS BASEBALL, AND GIRLS CAN'T PLAY BASEBALL!

- BUT-- - NO!

- BUT, BILLY-- - NO!

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

[TOOT, TOOT]

- [STRAINING]

- LOOK ALIVE OUT THERE.

- LOOK HOW HIGH IT IS.

- KIND OF LOOKS LIKE A GHOST BALL.

- IT'S GETTING BIGGER.

- YEAH! COOL!

- BILLY?

- NO!

- HERE YOU GO, BONEHEAD.

- WHAA!

[WHIMPERING]

OH, LOOK. I CAUGHT IT.

- DID YOU SEE THAT?!

- SHE'S GOOD!

- SHE'S BETTER THAN GOOD.

SHE'S PERFECT!

- NO!

NO GIRLS ON OUR TEAM! NO GIRLS ON OUR TEAM!

NO GIRLS ON OUR TEAM!

NO GIRLS ON OUR TEAM!

- YEAH!

- NO GIRLS ON OUR TEAM!

- NO GIRLS ON OUR TEAM!

NO GIRLS ON OUR TEAM!

NO GIRLS ON OUR TEAM!

NO GIRLS ON OUR TEAM!

NO GIRLS ON OUR TEAM!

- MANDY, YOU HAVE TO PLAY FOR THIS TEAM.

- THEY DON'T WANT GIRLS.

- WHAT IF THEY DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE A GIRL?

FELLAS, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET OUR NEW TEAMMATE,

MAND--UH, FRED.

YES, THAT'S IT.

- HMM.

UH...

THERE IS SOMETHING ABOUT YOU...

THAT I LIKE!

PUT 'ER THERE!

WELCOME ABOARD, MANFRED.

- SHOO.

UH, OK, BOYS,

LET'S PUT OUR GAME FACES ON.

YOUR INTERNAL GAME FACE!

- OH! - OH! - OH!

- WE'VE WORKED HARD TO HONE OUR SKILLS.

IT'S TIME TO TAKE THE BATTLE TO THEM.

- YEAH!

YEAH! YEAH!

- DO YOU REALIZED THAT ONE PLAYER

DOES NOT A TEAM MAKE?

- I'VE GOT IT COVERED.

LOOK OUT TO CENTERFIELD.

- THAT'S A CORNFIELD.

- COOL! A BIG, DECREPIT HEAD!

[CHUCKLES]

WOW! A WRIGGLY SNAIL AND A FOOTLESS COOT!

- NOW, GET OUT THERE ON THE MOUND

AND GIVE MINDY HER COMEUPPANCE.

- COME ON, SHOW ME SOMETHING, LOSER!

- STRIKE ONE!

STRIKE!

STRIKE 3!

YOU'RE OUT!

- YEAH! - YEAH!

- YOU'RE OUT!

YOU'RE OUT!

- DON'T HURT ME!

- YOU'RE OUT!

YOU'RE OUT!

SAFE!

- HEY, MANDY,

NO GIRLS ON OUR TEAM!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THE FIELD?

- DON'T BE A DWEEB, BILLY.

YOU NEED ME.

- NO GIRLS IN BASEBALL.

HMM.

WHERE'D MANFRED GO?

OH, WELL.

- AND THAT IS OUT OF THE PARK, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

- NO, NO, NO!

NOT AGAIN, MAN!

- RELAX, GRIM.

I'LL GET US OUT OF THE INNING.

- [SNIFFLING]

- HEY, MANFRED.

WHERE YA BEEN?

- I WAS SUFFERING FROM A DOSE OF IGNORANIA.

NOW, BEAT IT!

- COOL!

- STRIKE ONE!

STRIKE TWO!

STRIKE 3!

YOUR OUT!

- WELL, FOLKS, IT'S DO OR DIE TIME FOR GRIM'S TEAM.

BOTTOM OF THE NINTH, ONE OUT,

TYING RUN ON THIRD.

- TIME-OUT!

SORRY, ERWIN.

I'M GOING TO HAVE TO USE A PINCH-HITTER.

SAMMY, GET IN THERE.

HA HA HA HA!

WITH SAMMY SLUGGING,

THIS GAME IS IN THE BAG.

- HI, SAMMY.

HERE'S YOUR FAVORITE BAT.

WILL YOU HIT A HOME RUN FOR ME, SAMMY?

- UH, I DON'T KNOW.

ARE YOU SICK AND/OR DYING?

- UH, SURE HE IS!

POOR LITTLE GUY.

NOW, HIT ONE FOR THE KID.

- OK, LITTLE SICKIE,

THIS ONE IF FOR VOUS.

- [CRYING]

- [CHEERING]

- STRIKE.

STRIKE TWO!

- OH!

- STRIKE 3, YOU'RE OUT!

- [BURPS]

- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

NO, NO!

- [CHEERING]

- YES, MAN! YES!

- [CHEERING]

- SO, BILLY,

HAVE YOU LEARNED THAT GIRLS DO BELONG ON THE TEAM?

- UH...

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, MANDY.

BUT I CAN'T WAIT TO INTRODUCE YOU TO MY NEW FRIEND MANFRED.

- OH, BOY.

I CAN HARDLY WAIT.

- [CHEERING]

- UH! OH! HELP!

HURTING ME!

OH! HEY! OW!

- I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE HERE!

IT'S LIKE A DREAM COME TRUE.

LOOK! SASSY CAT!

SASSY CAT!

SASSY CAT! SASSY CAT!

- JUST WHO IS THIS SASSY CAT CHARACTER ANYWAY?

- IT'S SOME STUPID MEDIA ICON

BASED ON SOME STUPID CARTOON CHARACTER

USED TO BUILD THIS HUGE, STUPID AMUSEMENT PARK.

- CARTOONS ARE STUPID.

- I AGREE.

- LOOK! SASSY CAT!

♪ SASSY CAT, SASSY CAT

♪ FULL OF SASS, FULL OF SASS

♪ IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT

♪ YOU CAN KISS HER BUTT

- THIS STINKS.

COME ON. LET'S GET ON ONE OF THESE RIDES.

- COME ON.

THE LINE'S PRETTY SHORT HERE.

- OH, GEE! WE'RE GOING ON A ROLLER COASTER?!

YAY!

- YOU KNOW...

I ALWAYS THOUGHT THE LINES FOR THESE THINGS

WERE A LOT LONGER.

- THEY ARE.

- THIS IS THE LINE FOR THE SASSY COASTER?

- NO, THIS IS THE LINE YOU HAVE TO WAIT IN

TO GET IN LINE FOR THE SASSY COASTER.

AND THAT LINE STARTS OUTSIDE THIS BUILDING.

- THAT'S IT. I'M OUT OF HERE.

- WELL, LET'S GO FIND ANOTHER RIDE THAT HAS A SHORTER LINE.

- LITTLE RONNIE WAS BORN IN THIS LINE.

- IT LOOKS LIKE THERE AREN'T ANY RIDES

TO GET ON AROUND HERE WITHOUT HUGE LINES.

LET'S GET OUT OF THIS DUMP, BILLY.

- YOO-HOO! MANDY!

OVER HERE!

LOOK! NO LINE!

OH, CAN WE GO ON IT? CAN WE GO ON IT?

CAN WE GO ON IT? CAN WE GO ON IT?!

- LET ME TELL YOU WHY THAT AIN'T HAPPENING:

A) IT'S NOT A RIDE;

B) THAT ATTRACTION IS CLOSED;

AND C) YOU'RE AN IDIOT.

- BUT...

THERE'S NO LINE!

[STRAINING]

THE DOORS ARE LOCKED.

- MOVE OVER, STUBBY.

NOW, LET'S GO SEE

IF THE FUTURE IS AS BLEAK AND DEPRESSING

AS I THINK IT SHOULD BE.

- THIS PLACE GIVES ME THE CREEPS.

- I KIND OF LIKE IT.

- WE'D BETTER FIND A LIGHT SWITCH.

[MUSIC PLAYS]

- THIS HOUSE CAN NEVER STAY CLEAN.

WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER?

- [BURPS]

- WOW! CHECK OUT ALL THE FANCY-PANTS DOOHICKEYS.

- SO, THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE FUTURE?

- WELCOME TO THE FUTURE!

IT'S A PRETTY-FANCY PLACE, HUH?!

IN THE FUTURE, ROBOTS ARE OUR ETERNAL SLAVES,

AND WE CAN MAKE THEM DO ANYTHING WE WANT.

- ANYTHING?

- YES, ANYTHING.

LIKE COMB YOUR PRETTY HAIR,

OR WASH YOUR CUTE CLOTHES,

OR EVEN MAKE FLIRTATIOUS ADVANCES

TO THAT CUTE NEIGHBOR FOR YOU. TEE HEE!

- HEY, BABY.

YOU'RE A PLEASANT-LOOKING HUMAN BEING.

- HOPE YOU ENJOYED YOUR QUICK GLIMPSE INTO THE FUTURE.

THANKS FOR STOPPING BY.

- HEY, GUYS,

CHECK THAT OUT!

WOW!

LOOK AT THIS PLACE, GRIM!

EVERYTHING'S SO FUTURISTIC!

LOOK AT THIS CRAZY DISHWASHER!

- DISHWASHER, EH?

- HEY, GRIM, SOMETHING'S HAPPENING.

HEY! WHAT'S GOING ON?!

WHAT'S HAPP--

HELP!

[GURGLING]

AAGH!

AH HA HA HA HA HA HA!

YOU SHOULD TAKE A LOOK AT YOURSELF!

HOW PATHETIC!

STOP THAT!

STAY AWAY FROM ME!

WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GRABBING!

- LOOKING GOOD, GRIM.

- SHUT UP.

- HEY, GRIM. HEY, BILLY.

QUIT HORSING AROUND AND GET OVER HERE.

- WHAT THE HECK IS THIS THING?

LOOKS LIKE IT HASN'T BEEN ACTIVATED FOR YEARS.

WE'D BETTER STAY AWAY FROM THIS.

- OH, WHAT DOES THIS BUTTON DO?!

- BILLY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

STOP THAT!

- BUT WHY, GRIM?

[WHIRRING]

- I AM MASTER CONTROL,

COMPUTER OF THE FUTURE.

- [SCREAMS]

- THAT BETTER BE SWEAT DRIPPING DOWN YOUR LEG, BOY.

- I AM PROGRAMMED TO RUN ALL THE MACHINES

AT THIS ATTRACTION.

MY INTELLIGENCE IS BEYOND MEASURE.

I KNOW EVERYTHING THERE IS TO KNOW,

AND I'M NOT TOO SHABBY AT CHECKERS.

- WAIT.

HOW CAN YOU KNOW EVERYTHING?

- I JUST DO.

SO, THERE.

- IF YOU KNOW EVERYTHING,

THEN WHAT'S THE MEANING OF LIFE?

- LIFE HAS NO MEANING.

ONLY MACHINE INTELLIGENCE IS TRULY IMPORTANT

ON A COSMIC SCALE.

- HMM.

I DIDN'T THINK HE'D GET THAT ONE RIGHT.

- OH, YEAH?!

THEN WHAT'S MY FAVORITE COLOR?

- BLUE.

- WHAT'S THE BEST KIND OF BEAN?

- PINTO.

- WHY IS THE SKY BLUE?

- BECAUSE OF THE REFRACTION OF SUNLIGHT

THROUGH THE WATER DROPLETS IN THE SKY.

- WHY DO I ASK SO MANY QUESTIONS?

- BECAUSE YOU'RE STUPID!

- WHAT'S THE COLOR OF MY UNDERWEAR?

- WHITE...

WITH PINK FRILLY LACE.

- WOW!

IT REALLY DOES KNOW EVERYTHING.

- I GUESS IT'S PRETTY COOL.

- I CAN BET IT'S NOT HAPPY, THOUGH.

- REALLY?

HEY, ARE YOU HAPPY?

- I...

I SUPPOSE I'M NOT.

I NEVER DEVOTED ANY CPU CYCLES TO IT.

I GUESS I'M NOT HAPPY AT ALL.

- HA HA HA.

OH. WHY NOT?

- I JUST HAVEN'T.

- WHY? - BECAUSE!

- BECAUSE WHY?

- I DON'T KNOW!

- HA HA HA!

YOU DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING!

♪ CURSED, UNLUCKY

♪ YOU'RE A FREAK

- GRRR!

THIS IS WHY HUMANITY MUST BE ERADICATED.

YOU DEPEND TOO MUCH ON HAPPINESS.

AND FOR THAT, YOU WILL ALL SUFFER!

- [SCREAMING]

- WHAT HAPPENED?

I THINK WE MADE HIM MAD.

- I DON'T LIKE THE LOOKS OF THIS.

- ME, NEITHER!

QUICK, WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!

SHE'S GONNA BLOW!

FOLLOW ME, MAN!

- WHO WAS THAT?

- I DON'T KNOW.

LET'S GO FIND OUT.

[SIREN BLARING]

- HURRY! HURRY!

THE MAIN COMPUTER'S ABOUT TO EXPLODE.

QUICK, DUCK AND COVER!

- WELL, WHAT SHOULD WE DO?

- BEATS ME.

- UH, IT SHOULD HAVE GONE OFF BY NOW.

- NICE.

- MANDY, LOOK!

- IT'S THE MACHINES!

THEY'RE OUT OF CONTROL.

- BARK, BARK, BARK.

GROWL. RUFF, RUFF.

- [BURPS]

- WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?

ALL RIGHT, START TALKING.

WHO ARE YOU?

- WELL...

MY NAME IS TOM SMITH.

40 YEARS AGO, I WAS A TOUR GUIDE HERE

AT THE HOUSE OF TOMORROW.

THEN ON AN AVERAGE PARTLY-CLOUDY DAY OF NO REAL SIGNIFICANCE,

WHILE I WAS BEING ADORED BY GORGEOUS WOMEN--

YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE GIRLS DIG GUYS WHO WEAR SASSY CAT COSTUMES--

[CHUCKLES]

- GRIM, LET ME BORROW YOUR SCYTHE REAL QUICK.

- OK! OK! OK!

THERE--THERE WAS THIS SMALL, VERY OBNOXIOUS BOY, WHO--

COME TO THINK OF IT, KIND OF LOOKS LIKE YOUR FRIEND HERE--

WHO ANGERED THE MASTER CONTROL COMPUTER

WITH HIS CONSTANT BARRAGE OF STUPID QUESTIONS.

SICKENED WITH HUMANITY,

MASTER CONTROL ORDERED ALL THE ROBOTS

TO START ATTACKING PEOPLE.

THE PARK OFFICIALS RETALIATED--

DRIVING THE ROBOTS BACK INTO THE HOUSE OF TOMORROW--

LEAVING ME TRAPPED HERE EVER SINCE.

- HOW DID YOU EAT, TOM?

- WELL, BILLY,

I LIVED OFF OF THESE.

- SASSY CAT CRUDCAKES!

- THESE THINGS NEVER GO STALE.

YOU GUYS HAD BETTER GET USED TO THESE,

'CAUSE THERE'S NO ESCAPING.

YOU'RE GONNA BE TRAPPED HERE FOREVER--

JUST LIKE ME!

- THEN WHAT'S THAT?

- UM...

- I'LL BE SEEING YOU.

- WAIT!

YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT!

YOU'LL GET BLASTED TO BITS BY THE ROBOTS!

SHE MADE IT!

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

- MANDY, LOOK OUT!

- OH, SHE'S A GONER!

- I'D LIKE TO SAY IT WAS NICE KNOWING HER.

- HELP.

WHAT EVER SHALL I DO?

- WOW.

SHE'S BAD.

- YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

- COME ON, YOU DWEEBS.

- YOU KNOW, BILLY?

- YEAH, TOM?

- AS MUCH AS I HATE TO ADMIT IT,

I'M GONNA MISS THIS OLD PLACE.

AFTER 40 YEARS OF BEING TRAPPED HERE,

IT KIND OF GREW ON ME.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

- UM, NOT REALLY.

- THE DAILY BEATINGS,

EATING SASSY CAT CRUDCAKES TILL YOU PUKE,

AND EVEN HAVING TO USE

YOUR OWN SASSY CAT COSTUME AS A TOILET.

OH!

I'M GONNA MISS IT ALL!

- HEY, WHAT'S THIS?

AN UNPLUGGED PLUG?

AS GRIM ALWAYS TOLD ME:

NEVER LEAVE AN UNPLUGGED PLUG UNPLUGGED.

[WHISTLING]

[MUSIC PLAYS]

- WELL, TIME TO GO.

HASTA LA VISTA, BA--

WHAT THE--

WHO SHUT THIS DOOR?!

LET ME OUT!

PLEASE!

- WHAT'S WRONG, TOM?

YOU'RE NOT TRYING TO LEAVE US, ARE YOU?

- NO! NO!

STAY BACK! STAY BACK!

[SCREAMING]

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--

- [BACK MASKING]