Original subtitles

[LAUGHING]

WHEN YOU CHANGE THE CHANNEL,

WE START TALKING ABOUT YOU BEHIND YOUR BACK.

[WESTERN MOVIE PLAYING ON TV]

HEY, BILLY.

FETCH ME A GLASS OF WATER.

- YOU GOT IT, MANDY!

- WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?

THERE'S A SPECK ON MY GLASS.

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO, KILL ME?

NOW SHINE MY SHOES.

- I'LL GIVE THEM THE OLD SPIT SHINE.

[HACKING UP PHLEGM]

[SPITS]

- OH! NOT AGAIN! THIS IS MY GOOD ROBE, TOO.

- HERE'S A LIST OF BOOKS I WANT YOU TO GET FOR ME

FROM THAT FANCY-PANTS BOOKSTORE DOWNTOWN.

NOW, GET GOING.

YOU'RE LATE. I DON'T WANT THEM ANYMORE.

BUT THANK YOU.

- WAIT A SEC. WHAT'D YOU SAY?

WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?

- UH, I SAID, "THANK YOU"?

- I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.

I DO ALL KINDS OF THINGS FOR YOU

AND YOU NEVER SHOW ME ANY APPRECIATION.

- DIDN'T I JUST SAY, "THANK YOU?"

- DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT "THANK YOU" EVEN MEANS?

- TO EXPRESS GRATITUDE, TO GIVE THANKS TO,

AN ACKNOWLEDGMENT EXPRESSIVE OF A SENSE OF FAVOR FOR A KINDNESS RECEIVED.

- HA HA HA HO! SO THAT'S THE WAY IT'S GONNA BE, HUH?

WELL, THANK YOU, TOO.

I AM NEVER SPEAKING TO YOU AGAIN!

- OH-KAY.

[WHISTLING]

- HI, MANDY. HI, IRWIN.

I SAID, "HI, MANDY."

- MANDY DOESN'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU ANYMORE, SO BEAT IT.

SHE'S WITH ME NOW.

- AWW, ARE YOU STILL MAD

BECAUSE YOU WERE SUCH A JERK YESTERDAY?

[GROWLING]

- WELL, I FORGIVE YOU!

YOU KNOW, MANDY, I WAS SCARED YOU NEVER, EVER

WANTED TO TALK TO ME AGAIN.

PRETTY SILLY, HUH? OOH!

HEEEY, WHAT'S GOING ON? "YOU'RE BEING REPLACED"?

- NEXT.

- PLEASE, MANDY.

MAY I PLEASE BE YOUR REPLACEMENT BILLY

AND TAKE THE SACRED, COVETED, SPOT BY YOUR SIDE!

- AAH!

- HELLO, SPERG.

DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TOUGH ENOUGH

TO BE MY NEW REPLACEMENT BILLY?

- JUST TRY ME, SQUIRT.

- FINE. WE'LL START WITH SOMETHING EASY.

GET ME...A GLASS OF WATER.

A--A GLASS OF W-WATER?

[CLEARS THROAT] SURE. NO PROBLEM.

I CAN'T TAKE THE PRESSURE! [SOBBING]

- NEXT.

- HI, MANDY. GUESS WHO I AM? DUH-HA-HA-HA!

- BILLY'S DAD?

- DUH-HA-HA-HA! NO, NO. JUST BILLY.

- WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BE MY BILLY REPLACEMENT?

- DUH-HA-HA-HA! ARE YOU KIDDING?

THIS MAKES ME FEEL 20 YEARS YOUNGER!

WHERE ARE YOU PEOPLE GETTING ALL THESE BILLY OUTFITS?

- OH, BILLY WAS WEARING THIS ONE. SEE?

[WHISTLING]

- HI, MANDY!

- BILLY, MEET THE NEW BILLY, BOBBY.

- AAH!

- INTRODUCE YOURSELF, BOBBY.

- HI! I'M B-B-B-B-B-B-B--MANDY!

- PERFECT.

SMELL YOU LATER, NO-LONGER-BILLY BILLY.

- IT'S TOO BAD I'M GONNA HAVE TO HATE YOU FOREVER

FOR STEALING MY FRIEND,

OR WE COULD HANG OUT.

- HEY, BILLY THAT ISN'T BILLY ANYMORE.

STAY AWAY FROM BOBBY. HE'S MY FRIEND, NOT YOURS.

[PIANO PLAYING ON TV]

- GRIM, CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?

- YOU'RE GOING TO ANYWAY.

- DO YOU STILL LIKE ME?

- LISTEN, BILLY, WHEN YOU KIDS WON THE BET OVER ME,

I PROMISED TO BE BOTH OF YOUR BEST FRIENDS FOREVER.

BUT NO, I DON'T LIKE YOU.

- DO YOU KNOW WHERE MANDY FOUND

THAT CREEPY NEW LITTLE BRAT, JERK,

BIG-NOSED, GOOFY, LAUGHING,

STUPID-DRESSED, EMPTY-HEADED, NOT BILLY BILLY?

- ME AND MANDY FOUND BOBBY ON INTERNET

WHILE LOOKING UP FARTS.

- WELL, I'M GOING TO PUT A STOP TO BOBBY

AND WIN MANDY BACK,

OR DIE TRYING.

- LET ME KNOW IF YOU NEED HELP WITH THAT LAST PART.

- TUESDAY THE SIXTH. BOBBY AND MANDY GO TO THE MOVIES.

I SHALL CONTINUE MONITORING THEIR PROGRESS

AND FORMULATE A PLAN TO WIN MANDY BACK,

SO IT'S CRUCIAL THAT I STAY COMPLETELY...UH...FOCUSED!

- THAT'S THE LAST TIME I LET YOU SUGGEST A MOVIE.

THERE WASN'T EVEN A SINGLE PIRATE IN IT.

WHAT THE--EWW.

THAT'S IT. TIME FOR A POUNDING.

- I'M THE ONE WHO GETS POUNDED BY MANDY.

[CRASH]

[BLOWS] NOBODY GETS HIT BY MANDY BUT ME!

- WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

- I WAS JUST--

- STALKING US?

- NO!

I WAS JUST FOLLOWING YOU WHEREVER YOU WENT.

- SO YOU WERE SPYING.

- I WASN'T SPYING, I SWEAR!

I WAS JUST LURKING IN THE BUSHES

WATCHING YOUR EVERY MOVE!

- LISTEN, BILLY,

BOBBY'S THE NEW BILLY AROUND HERE.

GET THE MESSAGE?

YOU ARE NOTHING.

- AAAAAAHHHHHHH!

[CRASH]

- COME ON, BOBBY. LET'S GO.

- HELLO? MANDY? ANYONE OUT THERE?

HEY. HEY! THERE'S NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE.

- THIS BETTER BE GOOD, BOBBY.

- WHERE'S HE TAKING US, MANDY?

- I DON'T KNOW. BOBBY SAID IT WAS A SURPRISE.

- WHAT THE-- - THEY'RE GIFTS FOR THE BOTH OF YOU,

MY TWO BESTEST FRIENDS.

- UH, YOU'RE GIVING ME A CAR? BUT I CAN'T DRIVE YET.

- IT'S JUST SOMETHING NICE FOR BEING SUCH GOOD FRIENDS!

- I--I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY,

BUT YOU'RE A MUCH BETTER FRIEND THAN BILLY EVER WAS.

- I'LL SAY. [HONKS HORN]

- YEAH. I'M NOT JUST SOME BILLY CLONE, GUYS.

I'M MY OWN PERSON. I AM YOUR FRIEND.

[LAUGHING]

WHO EVEN REMEMBERS OLD BILLY WHATSISNAME, ANYWAY?

- AAH!

HO HUM.

- HI, BILLY.

- HI, MOM.

- WE'RE GOING TO LOOK AFTER A LOCAL BOY FOR A FEW MONTHS

WHO CAME TO TOWN FOR A JOB HE FOUND ON THE INTERNET.

- HELLO, BILLY.

- AAH!

- I'M SORRY, BOBBY.

BILLY DOESN'T USUALLY ACT LIKE THAT.

- I'M USED TO IT.

- SO HAVE YOU BEEN HAVING FUN AROUND TOWN?

- I SURE HAVE! PRETTY SOON I WILL COMPLETELY TAKE OVER BILLY'S LIFE!

FRIENDS, FAMILY, POSSESSIONS, ALL WILL BE MINE!

[LAUGHING]

- WHAT? - UH, I MEAN,

DUH, BOBBY LIKE FUN.

- THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT YOU SAID.

SO, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT PICNICS?

[STRUMMING GUITAR]

- SO, UH, BILLY.

- BOBBY, DEAR. BILLY'S OUR SON.

- YEAH, WHATEVER.

DO YOU KNOW ANY SONGS OF L'AMOUR?

- JUST ONE.

♪ I USED TO BE A FOOL, TRYING TO BE COOL ♪

♪ BUT SOON I REALIZED I WAS HAPPY LIVING OTHER PEOPLE'S LIVES ♪

♪ AND SOON YOU'LL LEARN THAT WHEN YOUR BACK IS TURNED ♪

♪ I'LL SMASH AND I'LL BURN ♪

♪ AND I'LL MAIM AND CRASH AND BASH AND USURP AND STEAL YOUR LIFE ♪

AND, WELL, IT PRETTY MUCH GOES ON LIKE THAT FOR A WHILE.

- OH, THAT'S SO ROMANTIC.

- YOU'RE THE BEST BILLY WE NEVER HAD, BOBBY.

[GROWLING]

- AHH, THAT BOY SURE CAN SING.

YOU KNOW, HE REALLY DOES MAKE A MUCH BETTER BILLY THAN YOU.

[GROWLING] STUPID--[SNORING]

YAA--YAA!

[GROWLING]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

OH, I WAS JUST DREAMING.

- OR WERE YOU?

LISTEN, BILLY, AND LISTEN GOOD.

I WANT YOU GONE.

- CAN I GO TO THE ARCADE, THEN?

- WH--NO. NO.

I MEAN I WANT YOU TO DISAPPEAR PERMANENTLY.

YOUR FRIENDS DON'T LIKE YOU.

YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A BURDEN TO YOUR POOR MOTHER AND FATHER.

THEY ALL CHOOSE ME OVER YOU,

SO THERE'S NO REASON FOR YOU TO EVEN BE HERE!

I'M GIVING YOU 24 HOURS TO VANISH,

OR I'LL GET RID OF YOU MYSELF.

- WHO ARE YOU? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

- IF I TOLD YOU, I'D HAVE TO DESTROY YOU.

- BUT WEREN'T YOU GOING TO DESTROY ME ANYWAY?

- YEAH, BUT--UH--

NOW YOU'VE ONLY GOT TILL MORNING!

- ALL RIGHT, BOBBY. IT'S ON. IT'S ON.

Man: THERE.

[GIGGLING]

[RINGING]

- IT IS TIME.

- BOBBY--[IN HIGHER PITCH] BOBBY, WAKE UP.

THIS IS THE REAL BILLY'S MOM.

I HAVE SPECIAL PANCAKES FOR SPOILED ROTTEN BRATS LIKE YOU.

[GIGGLING]

- FOR ME?

I'M HERE, NEW MOM! WHERE ARE ALL THOSE PAN--

HEY, THERE'S NO PANCAKES IN HERE!

DARN. WELL, THERE'S NOTHING IN HERE

BUT ME AND THAT MAGICAL UNDERWORLD VORTEX

TO ANOTHER DIMENSION.

[WHISTLING]

- HEY, BILLY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH ME SCYTHE?

- NOTHING.

- WHERE'S BOBBY AT?

- OH, I SENT HIM TO ANOTHER DIMENSION.

- EH, I NEVER REALLY LIKED HIM THAT MUCH ANYWAY.

- ME NEITHER. I ONLY HUNG OUT WITH HIM

BECAUSE I HAD NOTHING BETTER TO DO.

HEY, BILLY, FETCH ME SOME WATER, YOU DOG.

- I'M BACK IN THE SADDLE.

- YOU KNOW, EVEN THOUGH I STILL DESPISE BILLY BEYOND REASON,

HE'S A PRETTY GOOD FRIEND.

YOU'RE RIGHT. WE'LL KEEP LOOKING.

[SIREN WAILING]

- FASCINATING. TRULY AND ABSOLUTELY EXTRAORDINARY.

WHEN THE HECK DID WE GET AN X-RAY MACHINE?

WHY IS IT THAT NO ONE TELLS DR. TED ABOUT THESE THINGS, HUH?

I KNOW WHY. IT'S BECAUSE NO ONE LIKES DR. TED.

THEY'RE ALL JEALOUS OF DR. TED, THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

NOW, LET'S SEE WHAT WE HAVE HERE.

UH-UH. UH--WHEN DID WE GET CLIPBOARDS?

DO WE HAVE TO BE LICENSED TO USE THIS STUFF?

NOW, THEN, HAVE YOU BEEN IN CONTACT WITH

ANY FLESH-EATING VEGETABLES?

- UH...NO.

- I'LL PUT THAT AS A "MAYBE."

HAVE YOU PARTICIPATED IN ANY TRACTOR TOSSES LATELY?

- NO. - UH-HUH.

ABOUT HOW MUCH TOILET WATER DO YOU DRINK A DAY?

- WAIT. WHAT? HEY, LOOK, PAL.

- HEY, DON'T YELL AT DR. TED.

DR. TED DOESN'T LIKE TO BE YELLED AT.

♪ PLEASE USE INSIDE VOICES ♪

- WELL, WHAT ABOUT MY CONDITION?

- AAH!

- GOLLY, WHY DO YOU THINK I WAS HIDING YOU BEHIND THAT MACHINE?

I CAN TELL YOU IT WASN'T TO TAKE X-RAYS.

ALL I KNOW IS YOUR CONDITION IS VERY ADVANCED

AND I'M NOT SURE WHAT I CAN DO.

- YOU MEAN MY FACE MAY BE LIKE THIS FOREVER?

- THAT IS A STRONG POSSIBILITY, SON.

I'M NOT MUCH OF A DOCTOR,

BUT I CAN TELL YOU THAT PIMPLES ARE DEADLY.

WE'LL HAVE TO TAKE EXTREME MEASURES.

- AAH!

- A SHAMAN TAUGHT ME THIS.

I'M SORRY WE DON'T HAVE PLASTIC.

EVERYONE WANTS PLASTIC. HMM. HAVE A GOOD ONE.

[MUNCHING]

[PASSING GAS]

- EXCUSE ME. I JUST HAD CHILI AND ONIONS.

COME IN, MY CHILD.

ALL CRATER FACES ARE WELCOME.

OH, UH, DO YOU HAVE ONE OF THOSE NEW DOLLAR COINS?

OH, THANK YOU.

SO, WHAT CAN WANDA DO FOR YOU TODAY?

- UH, FIX MY FACE?

- SHUT UP, BOY. WANDA IS GETTING A VISION--

A VISION ABOUT YOUR HIDEOUS FACE.

- YES! I WANT TO CLEAR IT UP.

- THERE IS HOPE, MY YOUNG FOOL.

ARE YOU READY FOR MY WONDER? [PASSES GAS]

- UHH...!

- THAT WAS THE HOT DOG/EGG COMBO.

LET US BEGIN, MY HUMBLE BRUTE,

AND SEE WHAT THE BOOK OF FACTS CAN TELL US. [PASSING GAS]

UH...HMM...AH, YES!

AN OLD BURMESE RECIPE MIGHT WORK.

IT SAYS...IT SAYS...

- WHAT IS IT, YOU OLD CRONE?

- YOU NEED BONES, VERY OLD BONES.

THE BONES OF THE GRIM REAPER.

I CAN'T READ WHATEVER LANGUAGE THIS IS,

BUT, UH, YOU MUST TAKE HIS BONES

AND RUB THEM UPON YOUR FACE, OR SOMETHING.

- REALLY? - YES, PROBABLY,

BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT PART IS THAT YOU NEVER, EVER--

[DING]

SORRY. TIME'S UP.

FEAR NOT, THERE IS ONE MORE THING I CAN DO FOR YOU.

[PASSES GAS] ONE SEC.

I DON'T HAVE PLASTIC. EVERYONE WANTS PLASTIC.

- HEY, LOOK! A BAG GNOME!

- WHO WANTS A PIECE OF ME?

- OOH! I DO! I DO! I WANT A PIECE!

I LOVE PIECES!

- WHO'S THE TALKING BAG?

HE'S STARTING TO FREAK ME OUT, MAN.

I THINK HE'S AFTER ME LUCKY BALLOONS.

- OH...YEAH. IT'S ME--SPERG.

- LOOK AT WHAT BABOON FACE DID TO ME LUCKY BALLOONS.

WHAT AM I GONNA DO NOW?

- SO WHAT DO YOU WANT?

- OH, UH, I JUST WANTED TO HANG OUT WITH YOU AND GRIM.

- YOU WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US?

- OH, PLEASE, CAN I?

- CAN I BORROW THIS?

HEY, IT'S LIKE I'M INVISIBLE!

CAN YOU SEE ME? HUH? CAN YOU? CAN YOU? HA HA!

- UH, NO, I CAN'T, BILLY.

- I'M RIGHT HERE, SPERGIE.

- OK, THAT'S ENOUGH.

LISTEN HERE, YOU MUTANT. I KNOW YOU'RE UP TO SOMETHING.

YOU'RE THE ENEMY, SPERG.

THE ENEMY NEVER JUST WANTS TO HANG OUT.

SO JUST STAY AWAY FROM ME, GOT IT?

THESE LOSERS WANT TO WASTE THEIR TIME WITH YOUR LAME BUTT, FINE.

YOU'RE ACTUALLY DOING ME A FAVOR.

LOSERS? I'M NOT SURE I WANT PINCUSHION FACE

HANGING OUT WITH US.

- NO! WAIT! IT COULD BE JUST US GUYS.

NO GIRLS TELLING US WHAT TO DO.

UNLIKE MANDY, I'M GAME FOR ANYTHING YOU GUYS WANT TO DO.

- OH. HE'S IN FOR SURE, THEN.

- THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST, BEST FRIENDSHIP DAY EVER!

- AAH! [BIRDS SQUAWKING]

[LAUGHING]

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

- AAH!

- OH, THANK YOU, FUNNY FACE.

- LOOK!

- COSTUMES!

- AND A ONE.

- AND A 2.

- AND A 3 FOR SPERGIE!

- I JUST LOVE THESE WESTERN OUTFITS. HYUK-HYUK-HYUK!

HEY, SPERG, LOOK, SPERG,

BET YOU CAN'T TELL WHO'S WHO.

- HUH? WHO AM I, HUH?

- I GOT 8 SECONDS! 8 SECONDS!

YEE-HAW!

- BILLY BOY, GRAB HIS EARS. HE'S STARTING TO BUCK.

- HEE HEE! SPERG HURTS WHEN HE'S HAVING FUN!

- HE SURE DOES, BILLY.

[INHALES]

- OH, YEAH!

OH, HEY, MANDY.

SORRY YOU DIDN'T GET THE INVITATION

TO THE BEST FRIEND DINNER,

BUT THAT'S BECAUSE I DIDN'T SEND IT.

- WERE YOU TALKING TO ME?

- YES. MAKE SURE YOU CLEAN UP OVER THERE.

- I'LL CLEAN.

- THANK YOU.

- YES! ALMOST READY.

- OH, YEAH. OH, YEAH.

KEEP RUBBING THOSE BONES, SPERG.

OH, YEAH.

OH, COULD YOU TURN DOWN THE HEAT A LITTLE, MAN?

A GLASS OF WATER WOULD BE GREAT, MAN.

HOW ABOUT A PILLOW?

- HEY, SPERGIE, OLD BUDDY.

- WHAT?

- NEVER MIND. I GOT IT.

- NOT AGAIN. YOU'LL HAVE TO EXCUSE MY ACQUAINTANCES.

CHEERS TO BEST FRIENDS.

- HEY, SPERG, DO YOU LIKE FEATHERS IN YOUR EGGS?

- KEEP RUBBING THOSE BONES, SPERG.

- SPERG! IS COTTAGE CHEESE SUPPOSED TO HAVE HARD BROWN THINGS IN IT?

- MORE RUBBING, SPERG!

- SPERG! DO YOU WANT TO MEET THE MAGICAL PIZZA MAN?

- PUT SOME DEODORANT ON, MAN.

- HEY, SPERG! MADE YOU LOOK!

IT STAYS CRUNCHY IN MILK!

- YEAH, MAYBE A GOOD MEAL WOULD PUT SOME MEAT ON ME BONES.

- BONES, BONES, BONES, BONES, BONES.

- AAH! THAT'S IT! GIVE ME A BONE!

- OH, I SEE. YOU WANT TO ARM-WRESTLE, EH?

WHEN I TURN MY HAT AROUND, IT'S LIKE A SWITCH.

LIKE A SWITCH, MAN.

- IT'S READY!

HEY, ARE YOU GUYS PLAYING "OVER THE TOP" WITHOUT ME?

TEAR HIS ARM OFF!

- GO LONG, BILLY!

- NOOO!

- I GOT IT.

- AAH!

- YOUR SKIN IS SO SMOOTH.

- YEAH! BABY SOFT!

- YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE ANYMORE.

- OUCH!

- BUT WHAT ABOUT OUR FRIENDSHIP?

- JUST LOOK AT THAT. THE BAG ACTUALLY WORKED!

OH, YES, I CAN SEE WHAT A GOOD JOB I DID.

DR. TED IS VERY PLEASED WITH THE RESULTS.

THERE'S JUST THE ISSUE OF THE BILL.

$16,000 SOUNDS FAIR, DON'T YOU THINK? I THOUGHT SO.

- HISSY? HISSY?

HISSY!

MRS. BUTTERBEAN, HAVE YOU SEEN HISSY?

HE'S NOT IN HIS JAR.

- HISSY PASSED AWAY.

- PASSED AWAY TO WHERE?

- YOU'LL RECALL YOU WERE WITH HIM AT THE TIME.

- HELLO, HISSY.

- I'LL GIVE YOU A NICKEL IF YOU EAT IT.

- POOR LITTLE HISSY.

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--