Original subtitles

[LAUGHING]

♪

Hey! Where am I?! Who are you people?

Narrator: YOU EVER HAVE ONE OF THOSE DAYS

WHERE LIFE JUST GIVES YOU A GOOD KICK IN THE BUTT?

SURE, YOU WAKE UP, AND EVERYTHING'S FINE,

AND THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW,

A GIANT SPIDER IS GONNA LAY 6,000 EGGS IN YOUR ESOPHAGUS

AND--OOPS! I'M GETTING AHEAD OF MYSELF.

I'LL START AT THE BEGINNING.

Man on TV: THE PARASITIC WORM BURROWS INTO THE NOSE

AND BEGINS ITS MATING DANCE.

YO! YO! WHASSUP, HOMIES?

[GASPS]

THE FEMALE PRAYING MANTIS

THEN DEVOURS THE HEAD OF HER MATE.

UGH! NO! NO! NO!

I DON'T WANT TO WATCH CREEPY BUG SHOWS!

BUGS ARE THE GROSSEST! I HATE BUGS!

HATE! HATE! HATE!

I'M BORED.

GO GET ME A SODA, STUPID.

THAT IS AN AWESOME IDEA!

I'LL GO GET SOME SODIES OUT OF GRIM'S TRUNK.

[WHISTLING]

HEY! YOU KNOW VERY WELL

THAT THERE'S NO SODA IN MY TRUNK!

WELL, YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF JUNK IN YOUR TRUNK.

I MEAN, WHO'S TO SAY?

KEEP OUT OF MY TRUNK!

AHH! LET'S SEE.

SODA? SODA?

A SINISTER DOLL,

BAG OF GRAVE DUST, RITUAL DAGGER,

MONKEY'S PAW, OUIJA BOARD,

EYE OF ETNA, DEVIL'S TRIANGLE, DARK CRYSTAL,

SHAMPOO, GIANT EGG.

WOW! WHAT COULD BE IN AN EGG THIS BIG?!

OOH! I'M GONNA HATCH YOU RIGHT NOW!

NOW I JUST WAIT UNTIL--

AAH! MAN!

WHERE THE HECK'S MY DUCK?!

BOY! WHAT A RIPOFF!

HMM... COME OUT,

I WOULD'VE NAMED HIM JEFF.

DADDY!

[GASPS]

[SCREAMING HYSTERICALLY]

[SCREAMING]

[PANTING]

WHAT WERE YOU DOING DOWN THERE?

WELL, I WAS JUST--WHOA!

YOU WERE JUST DIGGING IN MY TRUNK!

WAS NOT!

I-I WAS, UH--

I WAS PICKING MY NOSE!

AND--AND--AND THIS IS A BIG, WHITE, WEBBY BOOGER!

AND THE SCREAMING I HEARD?

I POKED MY BRAIN.

YOU KNOW, ALL THIS NOSE-PICKING HAS WORN ME OUT.

WELL, I'M OFF TO BED.

[THUNDER]

HEY, DAD. IT'S ME JEFF.

I'M ALL GROWN-UP NOW.

SO I BAKED YOU SOME BANANA BREAD,

AND I WAS THINKING THAT TOMORROW WE COULD GO HIKING.

[GASPS]

OH, MY! YOU'RE SHAKING LIKE A LEAF.

DID YOU CATCH A COLD?

OH, YOU POOR THING.

DO YOU HAVE A FEVER?

MAYBE I SHOULD MAKE SOME ECHINACEA TEA.

AAH! UHH!

AAH!

MANDY, GET OVER HERE RIGHT AWAY.

THERE'S A BUG IN MY ROOM, AND I NEED YOU TO SQUISH IT!

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

OH, GOOD! YOU CAME TO SQUISH THE BUG!

NO. WE'RE HERE TO KICK THE CRUD OUT OF YOU

FOR WAKING US UP AT 3 A.M. TO SQUASH A BUG.

YOU DON'T GET IT, MAN!

BUG!

OH, THERE YOU ARE.

I FIGURED IT OUT, AND I'M SO SORRY.

YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY ALLERGIC TO BANANA BREAD.

ANYWAY, I DIDN'T MEAN TO INTERRUPT.

I'LL JUST GO FINISH ALPHABETIZING YOUR TOYS.

[WHISTLES]

BILLY, DID THAT COME OUT OF MY TRUNK?

MAYBE. JUST SQUISH IT.

NO. I WARNED YOU NOT TO TOUCH MY TRUNK.

[FLOWER POT SHATTERS]

MANDY, YOU GOT TO HELP ME.

MY SERVICES DON'T COME CHEAP.

PLEASE?!

I'LL DO ANYTHING!

YOU WILL GIVE ME YOUR ALLOWANCE FOR THE NEXT 6 MONTHS.

AND THE NEXT TIME I TELL YOU TO GET ME A SODA,

I EXPECT TO SEE RESULTS!

YES. JUST SQUISH IT.

IS IT DONE?! DID YOU SQUISH IT GOOD?!

JEFF AND I HAD A LONG TALK.

AND THEN YOU SQUISHED HIM?!

WELL, HE KNITTED THIS REALLY NICE SWEATER FOR ME.

I'M GOING HOME.

[MENACINGLY] VERY WELL.

I'LL JUST HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS PROBLEM MYSELF.

[MEOW]

[GRUNTING]

[HUMMING, THEN GASPS]

NO! THIS POOR KITTEN IS TRAPPED

UNDER AN OVERTURNED LAUNDRY BASKET!

I'LL SAVE YOU, KITTY!

YOU'RE FREE, LITTLE GUY.

GO ON, SHOO.

[HUMMING]

[GRUNTING]

[PANTING]

PH-EW!

DAD!

ARE YOU OK, DAD?

YOU... YOU SAVED MY LIFE.

OH, IT WAS NOTHING, REALLY.

I HATE YOU!

YOU HATE ME?

GO GET SQUISHED, YOU GROSS-O FREAK-O!

SQUISHED?

OH, DEAR...

YOU WERE TRYING TO SQUISH ME WITH THAT BABY GRAND PIANO.

ME SMASH YOU!

OH, DAD, ALL I EVER WANTED TO DO WAS MAKE YOU HAPPY.

WILL SQUISHING ME REALLY MAKE YOU HAPPY?

STOP TOUCHING ME!

THEN WE'LL DO IT.

HELLO, EXTERMINATOR?

YES, PLEASE SEND SOMEONE OVER RIGHT AWAY.

WELL, THEY'RE ON THEIR WAY.

I WAS GOING TO SURPRISE YOU WITH A MERCEDES TOMORROW,

BUT SEEING AS I'M GOING TO BE SQUISHED,

I JUST LEFT THE MONEY FOR IT UNDER YOUR PILLOW.

YOU'D BETTER GO OUTSIDE.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO HAVE TO SEE MY GUTS WHEN THEY SQUIRT OUT.

THERE'S A BIG, GROSS BUG IN THERE.

GO SQUISH IT!

THAT'S WHY I'M HERE, SON.

Man: DANG!

GONNA NEED THE BIG BOOT.

SO, THERE YOU GO.

THAT'S MY STORY, AND I'M STICKING TO IT.

AND THE MORAL:

WELL, MAYBE IT'S JUST THAT SOME BUGS ARE TOO GOOD TO SQUISH.

AIN'T THAT RIGHT, JEFFY?

SURE IS.

LOOK, I MADE YOU A BIG BATCH OF HOT CAKES.

[SNIFF]

MAN, I LOVE THAT KID.

SO, WANT TO DO MY CHORES?

CAN'T. I GOTTA STUDY.

WE'VE GOT THAT BIG MATH TEST TOMORROW.

AND I STINK AT MATH!

YOU STINK AT EVERYTHING, NOT JUST MATH.

DON'T TRY TO CHEER ME UP.

WHATEVER.

HA HA HA HA. HA HA HA HA!

WHAT'S THE MATTER, SUNSHINE?

WHY THE LONG, EGG-SHAPED FACE?

I'LL NEVER PASS THAT MATH TEST TOMORROW, GRIM.

I'M JUST A--A IMBECILE.

YEAH. BUT MAYBE I CAN HELP.

REALLY?

REALLY.

UH, BLOW YOUR NOSE, AND I'LL SHOW YOU HOW.

[MEOW]

THIS WILL HELP YOU AT MATH.

WOW! A JAR!

NO, YOU NINNY.

IT'S THE WORM THAT'S GOING TO HELP YOU.

IT'S A BOOK WORM.

DO I ST-U-U-PID?

HOW'S A DUMB OLD WORM GOING TO HELP ME PASS NO MATH TEST?

YOU EAT THE BOOKWORM.

THEN HE'LL TAKE OVER YOUR BODY AND PASS THE TEST FOR YOU.

OBSERVE.

Grim: THE BOOKWORM IS FIRST INGESTED.

ONCE INSIDE, THE BOOKWORM WILL TAKE CONTROL OVER ALL BODY FUNCTIONS.

DA-HEY!

I CAN'T WORK HERE-- IT'S TOO CRAMPED.

THIS IS MORE LIKE IT.

Grim: BOOKWORM WILL WALK YOUR BODY TO SCHOOL AND...

THE CIRCUMFERENCE IS EQUAL TO THE SUM OF PI.

YAY!

YEAH...YEAH.

I'M AWESOME.

AAH!

COME TO MAMA, YOU BOOKWORM, YOU.

[GASP]

NO, MILKSHAKES. NO!

Bookworm: DA-HEY, WHAT GIVES?

FUDGE, I'LL NEVER PASS THAT MATH TEST NOW.

FEAR NOT, WILLIAM.

I'M VERY WELL ACQUAINTED

WITH ALL MATTERS MATHEMATICAL.

I UNDERSTAND EQUATIONS--

BOTH THE SIMPLE

AND THE QUADRATICAL.

YOUNG WILLIAM, I WILL HELP YOU STUDY FOR THE TEST.

HOO-AAH!

MY CAT ROCKS!

CONCENTRATE.

IF A TRAIN LEAVES CHICAGO AT 3:00 TRAVELING 70 M.P.H.

AND ANOTHER--

OOH! OOH!

YES?

WHAT KIND OF TRAIN?

IT DOESN'T MATTER.

COULD IT BE BLUE?

I LIKE BLUE.

FINE. A BLUE TRAIN LEAVES CHICAGO AT--

OOH!

WHO'S RIDING ON THE CHOO-CHOO TRAIN?

CAN IT BE CLOWNS?

THAT'S TOTALLY IRRELEVANT.

CAN ALL THE CLOWNS BE NAMED CARL AND LARRY?

OK.

A BLUE TRAIN LEAVES CHICAGO

AT 3:00, FULL OF CLOWNS

NAMED CARL AND LARRY, AND--

OHH! PICK ME! PICK ME!

WHAT?

AND CAN ONE CLOWN BE A FIRE JUGGLER NAMED TIM,

WHO IS A VEGETARIAN BUT ACTUALLY SNEAKS

BACON WHEN NO ONE IS LOOKING? HEE HEE!

SURE!

WHY NOT?

YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT!

NEVER MIND.

LESSON'S OVER.

YOU PASS.

AN APPLE FOR TEACHER.

THANK YOU, WILLIAM.

MOM!

OOH...UM, IDAHO!

UH... PRESIDENT LINCOLN.

OOH-OOH! A BUTTERFLY.

THAT'S IT.

I'VE HAD IT!

YOU, SIR, ARE AN IMBECILE.

A MOCKERY TO SENTIENT BEINGS.

A COMPLETELY HOPELESS CAUSE.

I QUIT!

WHAT'D HE SAY?

HERE KITTY, KITTY.

MOMMY'S GOT A RUBBER MOUSE

FOR ITS FAVORITE CAT.

OOH, I GOT A BIG BOWL OF WARM MILK

AND A MESS OF YUMMY CAT TREATS.

IT'S NO USE, BILLY.

I WILL NOT GIVE IN TO YOUR PATHETIC ATTEMPTS

TO PROCURE MY SERVICES VIA YOUR INFANTILE ENDEAVORS AT BRIBERY

WITH THESE INSIGNIFICANT TRINKETS.

OK, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU JUST SAID,

BUT IT SURE DIDN'T SOUND LIKE

YOU'RE GOING TO HELP ME PASS MY TEST.

HMM... YOU'RE NOT QUITE

AS STUPID AS I THOUGHT YOU WERE.

DOES THAT MEAN YOU'LL HELP ME?

NO.

OH, PLEASE, MILKSHAKES.

IF I DON'T PASS THAT TEST TOMORROW,

EVERYONE WILL THINK I'M AN IDIOT.

NO!

ABANDONED BY MY OWN CAT.

BUT HIS TAIL WHACKED MY NOSE,

AND I'M GONNA FAIL THE TEST.

WHAT?

ARE YOU GOING TO RUB IT IN SOME MORE?

[PURRING]

HEY!

MILKSHAKES AIN'T SMART NO MORE.

WHAT HAPPENED?

NOW I'M GOING TO LOSE THE TEST FOR SURE.

IT'S SIMPLE, BILLY.

BOOKWORM MUST HAVE WORKED HIS WAY

OUT OF MILKSHAKES'S SYSTEM.

YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO LEARN TO LIVE WITH BEING STUPID.

NO.

NO!

THIS IS TERRIBLE!

Bookworm: YOU'RE TELLING ME.

I WAS IN THE CAT BOX FOR 15 MINUTES

BEFORE THIS FELLOW RESCUED ME.

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

GLORY BE!

ATROCIA'S LATE-NIGHT CINEMONSTROSITIES.

GOOD EVENING, FELLOW GHOULS EVERYWHERE.

I'M AFRAID I HAVE SOME HORRIBLE NEWS.

THE NETWORK SAYS THAT SINCE I TURNED 30,

AND NOBODY WANTS TO WATCH AN OLD BAG LIKE ME...

THE SHOW HAS BEEN CANCELLED.

WHAT?!

I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY'VE GONE AND DONE THIS.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THE BUFFOONS JUST CANCELLED

THE GREATEST SHOW ON TELEVISION?

SAY CHEESE, MANDY!

NOT IF YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR EYE.

ENOUGH OF THIS, BILLY!

CAN'T YOU SEE I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF A CRISIS RIGHT NOW?

JEEZ, DON'T HAVE A CONNIPTION, GRIM.

LISTEN--GO WHINE TO THE STUDIO, NOT TO ME.

THEY TAPE THE SHOW RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET.

ACROSS THE STREET?

I HAD NO IDEA.

I THINK I WILL PAY THEM A LITTLE VISIT.

NOBODY MESSES WITH MY FAVORITE SHOW!

SHOW, WILL YOU?

AHHH! A STAR IS BORN!

CHOP, CHOP, FELLAS! LET'S GET THIS STUFF OUTTA HERE!

I TEE OFF IN HALF AN HOUR, AND YOU GUYS NEED TO FIND NEW JOBS!

Grim: HOLD ON THERE, SUIT-AND-TIE SLIME!

WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FAVORITE SHOW,

ATROCIA'S LATE-NIGHT CINEMONSTROSITIES?

WHOA THERE, TALL, UGLY, AND GRUESOME!

THE RATINGS FOR THAT SHOW WERE PITIFUL!

THE NETWORK NEEDED SOMETHING WITH MORE, UH...

PIZAZZ.

PIZAZZ? I'LL GIVE YOU PIZAZZ!

MANDY, LOOK! GRIM'S IN THE BOX! GRIM'S IN THE BOX!

THE CAMERA REALLY DOES ADD 10 POUNDS.

I KNOW! ISN'T HE GREAT?

HOW DID YOU GET IN THERE, GRIM? GRIM!

GOOD EVENING, FELLOW CREATURES OF THE NIGHT.

I AM THE GRIM REAPER,

AND THINGS WILL NOW BE DONE A LITTLE DIFFERENTLY AROUND HERE.

WAY!

HELP ME!

HA HA HA HA HA HA!

YOU ARE CORRECT, SIR!

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]

HA HA HA HA HA HA!

HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA!

HA HA HA HA HA!

HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA!

[LAUGHTER]

HA HA HA HA HA!

YES, WHAT IS IT?

HELLO, GRIM.

OH. IT'S YOU.

TO WHAT DO I OWE THIS HORRIBLE VISIT?

WELL, THE DISHES NEED WASHING

AND MY LAWN NEEDS MOWING.

CHORES?

IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T HEARD, MANDY,

I'M A STAR!

AND THE LAST TIME I CHECKED,

STARS DON'T DO CHORES!

NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I'VE GOT A SHOW TO DO.

I WANT TO BE GRIM!

NO, WANT TO BE GRIM!

I'M MORE EVIL THAN YOU!

NO, MORE EVIL!

OK, LET'S HEAR YOUR LINE.

MEOW!

CUT! OK, LET'S TAKE IT FROM THE TOP.

I HAVE HAD ENOUGH.

GRIM'S SHIRKING OFF HIS DUTIES.

MY CHORES ARE PILING UP!

GRIM'S STILL STUCK IN THE BOX

AND MILKSHAKES KEEPS FORGETTING HIS LINES!

IT'S TIME TO PAY GRIM A VISIT.

GEE! WE'RE GOING INSIDE THE BOX, MANDY?

YES, BILLY.

WE'RE GOING INSIDE THE BOX.

WELL, THANKS FOR STOPPING BY, BLOB.

NOT SO FAST, GRIM--

WE JUST THOUGHT THAT YOUR AUDIENCE WOULD ENJOY

GETTING A... MORE INTIMATE LOOK

AT THEIR SINISTER HOST.

Grim: NO, MANDY! PLEASE!

[SNORING]

[SNIFFING]

AHHH!

HEE HEE HEE HEE!

HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA!

HA HA HA HA!

SISSY! HA HA!

IT'S ALL A PACK OF LIES!

I DON'T EVEN KNOW THESE DELINQUENTS!

HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA!

I'LL SHOW YOU HOW VILE I AM!

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

YOU NEVER LET ME HAVE ANY FUN!

[SOBBING]

GET READY FOR YOUR CLOSEUP, GRIM!

[SOBBING]

MY BELLY IS SO FULL OF HATE RIGHT NOW!

♪

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--