All language subtitles for WandaVision - 01x02 - Episode 2.2160p.CM+Telly.English

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,048 --> 00:00:06,048 Previously on WandaVision... 2 00:00:06,050 --> 00:00:08,010 We are an unusual couple, ya know? 3 00:00:10,429 --> 00:00:12,429 My wife and her flying saucers. 4 00:00:12,431 --> 00:00:15,140 My husband and his indestructible head. 5 00:00:15,142 --> 00:00:17,976 Hello, dear. I'm Agnes, your neighbor to the right. 6 00:00:17,978 --> 00:00:19,811 You're like a walking computer. 7 00:00:19,813 --> 00:00:21,438 What? I most certainly am not. 8 00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:24,358 Dinner with Mr. Hart and his dear lady wife, Mrs. Hart. 9 00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:25,442 What brought you here? 10 00:00:25,444 --> 00:00:28,219 - How long have you been married? - Why did you come here? 11 00:00:28,221 --> 00:00:29,738 Damn it, why? 12 00:00:29,740 --> 00:00:31,740 Stop it. Stop it. 13 00:00:33,008 --> 00:00:34,468 Vision, help him. 14 00:00:38,180 --> 00:00:43,680 - Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com - 15 00:01:18,831 --> 00:01:20,701 What was that? 16 00:01:29,378 --> 00:01:30,460 Wanda? 17 00:01:30,462 --> 00:01:31,545 Yes, dear? 18 00:01:31,547 --> 00:01:34,214 Are you using your powers to turn on the light? 19 00:01:34,216 --> 00:01:35,674 Yes, dear. 20 00:01:35,676 --> 00:01:37,426 Allow me, sweetheart. 21 00:01:43,058 --> 00:01:44,058 What do you see? 22 00:01:45,227 --> 00:01:47,561 Only your lovely rose bushes. 23 00:01:47,563 --> 00:01:48,895 That's all? 24 00:01:48,897 --> 00:01:51,273 Are you using your night vision, Vision? 25 00:01:51,275 --> 00:01:53,525 I assure you, my love, I see nothing amiss. 26 00:01:53,527 --> 00:01:55,777 You have absolutely no reason to be frightened... 27 00:02:00,534 --> 00:02:01,694 You were saying? 28 00:02:02,494 --> 00:02:04,828 Actually, I did overhear a couple of lads at work 29 00:02:04,830 --> 00:02:06,880 remarking on a few unsavory characters 30 00:02:06,882 --> 00:02:07,959 settling in the neighborhood. 31 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:11,004 Now, who knows what those ne'er-do-wells might be up to? 32 00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:13,136 Robbing houses, vandalizing property. 33 00:02:13,138 --> 00:02:15,941 Walking through walls, moving objects without touching them. 34 00:02:15,943 --> 00:02:17,516 Wanda, darling, you can't be suggesting 35 00:02:17,518 --> 00:02:19,676 my colleagues were referring to us. 36 00:02:23,432 --> 00:02:26,683 One of us should really determine the source of that sound. 37 00:02:26,685 --> 00:02:29,519 Yes, one of us should. 38 00:02:30,689 --> 00:02:32,439 Oh, this is getting ridiculous. 39 00:02:33,609 --> 00:02:35,025 I'm going to take a look. 40 00:02:35,027 --> 00:02:36,860 Oh, God! Darling! 41 00:02:42,618 --> 00:02:44,242 Well, I think we handled that well. 42 00:02:44,244 --> 00:02:46,453 Yes, I must say I'm rather proud of myself. 43 00:02:46,455 --> 00:02:50,582 And look how you seized on the opportunity to redecorate. 44 00:02:50,584 --> 00:02:53,164 - This is better, isn't it? - Mmm. 45 00:02:55,923 --> 00:02:57,339 Wanda, darling? 46 00:02:57,341 --> 00:02:58,590 Yes, dear? 47 00:02:58,592 --> 00:03:00,222 Get the light. 48 00:03:18,612 --> 00:03:20,032 WandaVision! 49 00:03:29,998 --> 00:03:31,128 WandaVision! 50 00:03:42,928 --> 00:03:46,138 ♪ WandaVision, Wa-WandaVision ♪ 51 00:03:46,140 --> 00:03:48,948 ♪ WandaVision, Wa-WandaVision ♪ 52 00:03:48,950 --> 00:03:51,910 ♪ WandaVision, Wa-WandaVision ♪ 53 00:03:52,688 --> 00:03:54,358 WandaVision! 54 00:03:57,317 --> 00:04:00,944 Ladies and gentlemen, for my final trick, 55 00:04:00,946 --> 00:04:05,236 I bring you the Cabinet of Mysteries. 56 00:04:07,786 --> 00:04:09,125 Darling, that's your cue. 57 00:04:09,127 --> 00:04:10,805 Did you say, "Cabinet of Mysteries?" 58 00:04:10,807 --> 00:04:14,833 I said, "The Cabinet of Mysteries". 59 00:04:14,835 --> 00:04:17,127 Oh, that's my cue. Ooh! 60 00:04:17,129 --> 00:04:19,546 Holy Toledo! 61 00:04:19,548 --> 00:04:23,091 Darling, do all the other acts in the talent show 62 00:04:23,093 --> 00:04:25,303 have such elaborate props? 63 00:04:26,263 --> 00:04:27,596 Are you kidding? 64 00:04:27,598 --> 00:04:29,264 Fred and Linda are building a moat 65 00:04:29,266 --> 00:04:32,184 and a fully-functioning portcullis and no one even knows why. 66 00:04:32,186 --> 00:04:33,351 Let's keep going. 67 00:04:33,353 --> 00:04:35,395 Yes, yes. Where was I? Um... 68 00:04:35,397 --> 00:04:39,107 Watch closely as I, Illusion, Master of Enigma, 69 00:04:39,109 --> 00:04:43,195 make my captivating assistant, Glamour, disappear. 70 00:04:46,700 --> 00:04:48,492 You really are very dashing. 71 00:04:48,494 --> 00:04:50,160 Mmm, thank you, darling. 72 00:04:50,162 --> 00:04:52,245 Fear not, Glamour. 73 00:04:52,247 --> 00:04:56,875 For I, Illusion, vow to bring you back exactly as you are. 74 00:04:58,170 --> 00:05:00,550 Abracadabra! 75 00:05:02,966 --> 00:05:05,346 Ta-ta... 76 00:05:08,649 --> 00:05:12,835 Yes, um, Wanda, you're not at all worried 77 00:05:12,837 --> 00:05:16,770 that the audience might just see through this little charade? 78 00:05:16,772 --> 00:05:18,480 Well, that's the whole point. 79 00:05:18,482 --> 00:05:20,822 In a real magic act, everything is fake. 80 00:05:22,277 --> 00:05:24,617 Darling, the talent show fundraiser 81 00:05:24,619 --> 00:05:26,617 is the most important event of the season 82 00:05:26,619 --> 00:05:29,449 and it's our neighborly duty to participate. 83 00:05:29,451 --> 00:05:31,165 Plus, it's our chance to appear 84 00:05:31,167 --> 00:05:33,036 as normal as possible while doing so. 85 00:05:33,038 --> 00:05:35,418 Well, I don't think that should be a problem. 86 00:05:36,739 --> 00:05:37,819 This is our home now. 87 00:05:39,044 --> 00:05:41,878 I want us to fit in. 88 00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:44,900 Oh, darling, we do. We shall. 89 00:05:45,759 --> 00:05:48,218 And we're gonna knock their socks off, 90 00:05:48,220 --> 00:05:52,514 especially with you wearing this. 91 00:05:52,516 --> 00:05:54,724 Oh, that's actually the rest of your costume. 92 00:05:54,726 --> 00:05:55,726 Oh! 93 00:05:57,938 --> 00:05:59,304 Well, I better get going 94 00:05:59,306 --> 00:06:01,215 if I'm gonna make the planning committee meeting. 95 00:06:01,217 --> 00:06:03,143 That's me off as well, actually. 96 00:06:03,145 --> 00:06:05,157 There's a gathering of the neighborhood watch 97 00:06:05,159 --> 00:06:06,695 at the public library. 98 00:06:06,697 --> 00:06:08,989 And after last night's excitement, 99 00:06:08,991 --> 00:06:12,409 I want to make sure this town's security is up to snuff. 100 00:06:12,411 --> 00:06:14,141 That's a swell idea. 101 00:06:14,997 --> 00:06:18,207 You tell those tree branches who's boss. 102 00:06:19,585 --> 00:06:21,001 Would you look at us? 103 00:06:21,003 --> 00:06:24,092 Wanda and Vision, Westview fitter-inners. 104 00:06:26,383 --> 00:06:27,843 I'll see you at curtain call. 105 00:07:37,955 --> 00:07:41,873 Look, it's the star o' the show. 106 00:07:41,875 --> 00:07:42,955 Agnes. 107 00:07:44,336 --> 00:07:46,002 I'm sorry. What did you say? 108 00:07:46,004 --> 00:07:49,172 Oh, I brought my pet rabbit. For your magic act. 109 00:07:49,174 --> 00:07:53,468 Yes, of course! Thank you, Agnes. 110 00:07:53,470 --> 00:07:56,346 We will take good care of him. 111 00:07:56,348 --> 00:07:59,099 Señor Scratchy just loves the stage. 112 00:07:59,101 --> 00:08:03,061 He played baby Jesus in last year's Christmas pageant. 113 00:08:03,063 --> 00:08:04,063 Oh. 114 00:08:06,650 --> 00:08:08,150 Oh, morning, Dennis. 115 00:08:08,152 --> 00:08:09,651 Morning, Agnes. 116 00:08:09,653 --> 00:08:10,833 Stick 'em up. 117 00:08:12,114 --> 00:08:14,030 Don't shoot. I'm just a messenger. 118 00:08:14,032 --> 00:08:15,702 Pew-pew! 119 00:08:17,119 --> 00:08:18,159 Mmm. 120 00:08:20,455 --> 00:08:22,515 - Shall we? - Oh, we shall. 121 00:08:27,421 --> 00:08:29,051 So, are you ready to meet 122 00:08:29,053 --> 00:08:31,506 Queen Cul de Sac and her Merry Homemakers? 123 00:08:31,508 --> 00:08:33,800 Agnes, Dottie can't be as bad as you say. 124 00:08:33,802 --> 00:08:35,907 Hmm, well, you'll notice her roses 125 00:08:35,909 --> 00:08:38,013 bloom under penalty of death. 126 00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:44,436 Wanda, can I give you a bit of friendly advice? 127 00:08:44,438 --> 00:08:46,291 Is it about the way how I'm dressed? 128 00:08:46,293 --> 00:08:48,253 Yes, but it's too late for that. 129 00:08:49,651 --> 00:08:52,486 Dottie is the key to everything in this town. 130 00:08:52,488 --> 00:08:55,989 Country club memberships, parties, school admissions... 131 00:08:55,991 --> 00:08:58,166 Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves. 132 00:08:58,168 --> 00:08:59,302 You get in with Dottie 133 00:08:59,304 --> 00:09:01,953 and it'll be smooth sailing from here on out. 134 00:09:01,955 --> 00:09:05,624 Just mind your P's and Q's and you're gonna do just fine. 135 00:09:05,626 --> 00:09:08,706 Or maybe I could just be myself? More or less? 136 00:09:13,842 --> 00:09:16,635 Oh, Wanda, that's good. 137 00:09:18,889 --> 00:09:21,439 Everybody, hurry up please. 138 00:09:22,434 --> 00:09:25,224 Hiya, Dottie! Your roses are divine. 139 00:09:26,146 --> 00:09:27,646 Well, thank you. 140 00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:39,699 The Rotary Club is finishing the stage set-up as we speak. 141 00:09:39,701 --> 00:09:42,077 They've given the gazebo a fresh coat of paint 142 00:09:42,079 --> 00:09:44,062 and will be installing the final decorations 143 00:09:44,064 --> 00:09:45,997 all through the town square. 144 00:09:45,999 --> 00:09:47,958 And if you recognize the antique footlights, 145 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:49,926 it's because they're from my store. 146 00:09:49,928 --> 00:09:51,428 And the chairs? 147 00:09:54,049 --> 00:09:56,967 I'm sorry, Dottie. I didn't ask about the chairs. 148 00:09:56,969 --> 00:09:58,546 So you better not ask me 149 00:09:58,548 --> 00:10:01,058 if you can chair any committees in the future. 150 00:10:04,518 --> 00:10:06,518 The devil's in the details, Bev. 151 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:08,979 That's not the only place he is. 152 00:10:08,981 --> 00:10:11,189 As you all know, the talent show 153 00:10:11,191 --> 00:10:14,338 is the sole fundraiser for Westview Elementary. 154 00:10:14,340 --> 00:10:15,365 This might help. 155 00:10:15,367 --> 00:10:17,946 In the eight years since I founded our little club, 156 00:10:17,948 --> 00:10:21,283 this event has gotten bigger and better every season. 157 00:10:21,285 --> 00:10:24,161 Say, those pants are peachy keen. 158 00:10:24,163 --> 00:10:25,787 Do you really think so? 159 00:10:25,789 --> 00:10:28,024 The other ladies are in skirts. I was worried. 160 00:10:28,026 --> 00:10:30,208 We only have a few hours until show time, 161 00:10:30,210 --> 00:10:33,380 so a little less cross chatter and a little more focus. 162 00:10:34,131 --> 00:10:35,464 Okay. 163 00:10:35,466 --> 00:10:38,508 Those little boys and girls are counting on us. 164 00:10:38,510 --> 00:10:41,386 All of this is for the children. 165 00:10:41,388 --> 00:10:42,928 "For the children". 166 00:10:43,849 --> 00:10:45,349 "For the children". 167 00:10:48,729 --> 00:10:52,979 So, I want you all to give yourselves a big hand... 168 00:10:55,486 --> 00:10:58,487 ... at the appropriate time, of course. 169 00:10:58,489 --> 00:11:02,032 But first let's review event etiquette. 170 00:11:02,034 --> 00:11:04,993 Dress code is upscale garden party... 171 00:11:04,995 --> 00:11:08,163 The only reason I didn't clap is because I'm afraid to move. 172 00:11:08,165 --> 00:11:09,831 Yeah. 173 00:11:09,833 --> 00:11:11,666 I actually don't know what I'm doing here. 174 00:11:11,668 --> 00:11:14,961 I'm starting to feel that way myself. I'm Wanda. 175 00:11:14,963 --> 00:11:19,299 - I'm, uh... Geraldine. - Hi. 176 00:11:19,301 --> 00:11:21,261 And I'm irritated. 177 00:11:23,972 --> 00:11:27,140 Tickets for tonight are completely sold out. 178 00:11:27,142 --> 00:11:28,982 Now, you can clap. 179 00:11:30,729 --> 00:11:32,229 And stop. 180 00:11:33,398 --> 00:11:36,318 Really, how is anybody doing this sober? 181 00:11:46,870 --> 00:11:48,286 - Let's say green. - Yeah. 182 00:11:48,288 --> 00:11:50,121 I mean, the other side could be dirt. 183 00:11:50,123 --> 00:11:52,833 Pardon me. Is this the neighborhood watch meeting? 184 00:11:53,919 --> 00:11:56,461 Oh, hiya, Vision. 185 00:11:56,463 --> 00:11:58,503 Didn't expect to see you here. 186 00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:03,802 This is sort of a "members only" type deal. 187 00:12:03,804 --> 00:12:06,594 Ah! Certainly. Right. Well... 188 00:12:07,349 --> 00:12:09,891 I'll just stay here and be as quiet as a church mouse 189 00:12:09,893 --> 00:12:12,686 till you open up the floor for new business. 190 00:12:12,688 --> 00:12:15,188 Well, in truth, we were just getting to new business. 191 00:12:15,190 --> 00:12:16,195 Oh, splendid! 192 00:12:16,197 --> 00:12:18,533 Could you tell me how often you rotate security patrols? 193 00:12:18,535 --> 00:12:20,735 Do you interface directly with local law enforcement? 194 00:12:20,737 --> 00:12:23,071 What are your protocols for threats such as burglary, 195 00:12:23,073 --> 00:12:24,489 graffiti, and reckless driving? 196 00:12:24,491 --> 00:12:27,576 - No, Vision. - I know these are indeed grave matters. 197 00:12:27,578 --> 00:12:31,705 "New business" actually means another round of Danish. 198 00:12:31,707 --> 00:12:34,583 Raspberry or cheese-filled? 199 00:12:34,585 --> 00:12:37,115 Oh, neither for me, thank you. I don't eat food. 200 00:12:42,909 --> 00:12:44,640 What I mean to say is that I don't eat food 201 00:12:44,642 --> 00:12:47,804 in between meals but at mealtimes. 202 00:12:47,806 --> 00:12:49,546 I'm a regular eating machine. 203 00:12:52,853 --> 00:12:55,353 Hey, fellas. Vision here has got a point. 204 00:12:55,355 --> 00:12:59,316 Now, listen up. I got some top secret intelligence for you. 205 00:12:59,318 --> 00:13:00,358 Oh, excellent. 206 00:13:01,111 --> 00:13:03,144 Now, you know how Johnson's been braggin' 207 00:13:03,146 --> 00:13:04,922 about that treehouse he built for his kids? 208 00:13:04,924 --> 00:13:06,698 Yeah. 209 00:13:06,700 --> 00:13:08,116 It's a prefab job. 210 00:13:09,328 --> 00:13:11,618 That blockhead can't even swing a hammer. 211 00:13:12,498 --> 00:13:13,663 I can do you one better. 212 00:13:13,665 --> 00:13:16,285 You know those bowling trophies Arthur's always polishing? 213 00:13:17,461 --> 00:13:20,378 He bought 'em all at a yard sale in Hackensack. 214 00:13:20,380 --> 00:13:23,300 I knew it. I've never once seen him down at the lanes. 215 00:13:25,093 --> 00:13:28,423 I too have some top secret gossip to share. 216 00:13:31,677 --> 00:13:33,007 Norm here's a Communist. 217 00:13:43,503 --> 00:13:45,195 Vision, you're a real cut-up. 218 00:13:45,197 --> 00:13:47,572 You know, I always thought you were kind of a square. 219 00:13:47,574 --> 00:13:51,117 Me? No, I'm as round as they come. 220 00:13:51,119 --> 00:13:54,333 Hey, care for a stick o' Big Red? 221 00:13:54,335 --> 00:13:56,086 Well, hold on there a second. 222 00:13:56,088 --> 00:13:58,051 Didn't you hear the man? He doesn't eat food. 223 00:13:58,053 --> 00:13:59,678 Is gum food? 224 00:13:59,680 --> 00:14:02,610 Well, my understanding is that it's purely for mastication. 225 00:14:03,757 --> 00:14:04,927 No, I don't do that. 226 00:14:05,717 --> 00:14:08,847 Well, when in Westview... Cheers. 227 00:14:10,222 --> 00:14:12,146 Who knew you were such a funny guy? 228 00:14:12,148 --> 00:14:14,271 And to think you came here all hot and bothered 229 00:14:14,273 --> 00:14:16,935 about protocols and nonsense. 230 00:14:16,937 --> 00:14:18,997 We actually thought you were serious. 231 00:14:26,405 --> 00:14:30,995 He's funny. All right, so, back to this barbeque. 232 00:14:37,416 --> 00:14:41,251 That is why you never do a seating chart on an empty stomach. 233 00:14:41,253 --> 00:14:44,379 Golly, you're a whiz at all this committee stuff, Dottie. 234 00:14:44,381 --> 00:14:46,953 Thank you for choosing me to help you clean up today. 235 00:14:46,955 --> 00:14:48,633 I feel so lucky. 236 00:14:48,635 --> 00:14:50,175 You are. 237 00:14:54,782 --> 00:14:56,699 I can't help but wonder if you and I 238 00:14:56,701 --> 00:14:59,227 haven't gotten off on the wrong foot, Dottie. 239 00:14:59,229 --> 00:15:02,731 And I would like to correct that if I can. 240 00:15:02,733 --> 00:15:04,443 And how would you do that? 241 00:15:08,030 --> 00:15:10,030 I've heard things about you. 242 00:15:12,451 --> 00:15:14,161 You and your husband. 243 00:15:15,245 --> 00:15:18,205 Well, I don't know what you've been told, 244 00:15:20,292 --> 00:15:24,632 but I assure you I don't mean anyone any harm. 245 00:15:26,465 --> 00:15:28,215 I don't believe you. 246 00:15:33,388 --> 00:15:37,268 Wanda. Wanda, can you read me, over? 247 00:15:38,435 --> 00:15:40,677 - Wanda? - Who is that? 248 00:15:40,679 --> 00:15:41,889 Wanda? 249 00:15:46,276 --> 00:15:47,651 Who are you? 250 00:15:47,653 --> 00:15:50,195 Wanda? 251 00:15:50,197 --> 00:15:52,239 Wanda. 252 00:15:52,241 --> 00:15:54,908 Who is doing this to you, Wanda? 253 00:15:54,910 --> 00:15:58,500 Wanda? Wanda? Wan... 254 00:16:02,835 --> 00:16:04,626 Dottie! 255 00:16:07,714 --> 00:16:10,004 You... Oh! 256 00:16:16,723 --> 00:16:18,183 Pop quiz, Wanda. 257 00:16:19,810 --> 00:16:22,850 How does a housewife get a bloodstain out of white linen? 258 00:16:24,982 --> 00:16:26,492 By doing it herself. 259 00:16:35,075 --> 00:16:37,665 They say a man is never fully-dressed 260 00:16:37,667 --> 00:16:40,328 without two important accessories. 261 00:16:40,330 --> 00:16:42,000 His special lady... 262 00:16:44,501 --> 00:16:46,671 and his Strücker. 263 00:16:52,217 --> 00:16:55,717 Strücker. He'll make time for you. 264 00:17:12,736 --> 00:17:15,854 Glad I don't have to follow this guy. 265 00:17:15,856 --> 00:17:17,866 Huh? What? 266 00:17:17,868 --> 00:17:19,993 Oh, but you're gonna be great. 267 00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:23,330 What time is it now? 268 00:17:23,332 --> 00:17:25,624 Mmm, two minutes after the last time you asked. 269 00:17:26,794 --> 00:17:28,414 I don't know where he could be. 270 00:17:32,716 --> 00:17:35,258 Oh, is that him? 271 00:17:35,260 --> 00:17:38,595 Well, it looks like he's got a little hitch in his giddy-up. 272 00:17:38,597 --> 00:17:39,887 Whoa! 273 00:17:44,042 --> 00:17:47,687 Wanda, my little cabbage, you look smashing! 274 00:17:47,689 --> 00:17:49,109 Whoa! 275 00:17:52,653 --> 00:17:53,819 - Vis. - Hmm. 276 00:17:53,821 --> 00:17:55,237 - Where have you been? - Oh. 277 00:17:55,239 --> 00:17:57,781 Uh, well, me and the boys were playing 278 00:17:57,783 --> 00:18:00,659 a rather thrilling game of horses with shoes. 279 00:18:00,661 --> 00:18:01,910 No, that's not it. 280 00:18:01,912 --> 00:18:03,870 Shoe horses! No. 281 00:18:03,872 --> 00:18:05,831 Ah! Horse's shoes. 282 00:18:05,833 --> 00:18:10,043 Listen, something strange happened with Dottie. 283 00:18:10,045 --> 00:18:12,474 Well, something strange happened 284 00:18:12,476 --> 00:18:15,006 before that, too. It's hard to explain. 285 00:18:15,008 --> 00:18:17,592 I was just playing with his shoes. 286 00:18:17,594 --> 00:18:19,302 What is going on? 287 00:18:19,304 --> 00:18:20,470 You are! 288 00:18:20,472 --> 00:18:21,682 Huh? 289 00:18:22,933 --> 00:18:25,267 I want to thank you all for coming out 290 00:18:25,269 --> 00:18:29,646 to support Westview Elementary, "For the children". 291 00:18:29,648 --> 00:18:31,441 "For the children". 292 00:18:31,443 --> 00:18:33,233 And for our final act... 293 00:18:33,235 --> 00:18:37,237 I give you, Wanda and Vision. 294 00:18:54,715 --> 00:18:57,132 Hey! Hey! You're up, Cowboy! 295 00:18:57,134 --> 00:18:58,464 What? 296 00:18:59,470 --> 00:19:01,430 Oh! Yeah! I've to go! 297 00:19:02,389 --> 00:19:05,724 Hello, Westview! Good afternoon. 298 00:19:05,726 --> 00:19:07,066 It's so lovely to be... 299 00:19:07,068 --> 00:19:09,686 I'm so sorry. Excuse me. 300 00:19:09,688 --> 00:19:13,381 I am Glamour and this is my delightful assistant, Illusion. 301 00:19:13,383 --> 00:19:17,273 I am Glamour and he's Illusion. 302 00:19:18,864 --> 00:19:20,447 Yeah, what she said. 303 00:19:20,449 --> 00:19:23,205 Today, we will lie to you 304 00:19:23,207 --> 00:19:26,661 and yet you will believe our little deceptions 305 00:19:26,663 --> 00:19:28,580 because human beings are easily fooled 306 00:19:28,582 --> 00:19:30,169 due to their limited understanding 307 00:19:30,171 --> 00:19:32,709 of the inner workings of the universe. 308 00:19:32,711 --> 00:19:34,169 Flourish! 309 00:19:34,171 --> 00:19:36,296 You just do it, you don't say it out loud, honey. 310 00:19:37,508 --> 00:19:41,426 And now my wife and I will delight 311 00:19:41,428 --> 00:19:44,058 in your dumbstruck little faces. 312 00:19:45,474 --> 00:19:46,724 Flourish! 313 00:20:01,365 --> 00:20:04,032 Ha! See there? He's using a rope. 314 00:20:04,034 --> 00:20:08,370 Wanda, what's... Oh, no! Oh! No! Wanda, please! 315 00:20:08,372 --> 00:20:11,206 - Darling, let me down! - Oh! 316 00:20:11,208 --> 00:20:15,043 I'm feeling pukey! 317 00:20:15,045 --> 00:20:16,375 Ooh! 318 00:20:20,175 --> 00:20:21,633 Uh, what's next? 319 00:20:21,635 --> 00:20:24,985 Oh! Yeah, this is... This is gonna be great! 320 00:20:25,848 --> 00:20:28,058 A staggering feat of strength. 321 00:20:34,277 --> 00:20:37,097 - Ah? - Illusion... Uh... Uh... 322 00:20:38,152 --> 00:20:42,904 - Illusion, Master of Enigma, allow me. - Yeah? 323 00:20:42,906 --> 00:20:45,323 What? 324 00:20:45,325 --> 00:20:47,705 Oh! 325 00:20:49,079 --> 00:20:52,330 Whoops! You weren't supposed to see how we did that trick. 326 00:20:54,042 --> 00:20:56,877 That was my grandmother's piano. 327 00:20:56,879 --> 00:21:01,381 Oh, Sherbert! Yeah, this is my old mate, Sherbert. 328 00:21:01,383 --> 00:21:03,674 Stand up, Sherbert. Say hello to the crowd. 329 00:21:03,676 --> 00:21:05,344 It's Herbert, Herb. 330 00:21:05,346 --> 00:21:09,556 Pipe down, Sherbie, and pick a card. Any card. 331 00:21:09,558 --> 00:21:12,100 Yeah, put it back in the deck. 332 00:21:12,102 --> 00:21:15,192 I'm not looking. All right. Watch this. 333 00:21:17,816 --> 00:21:18,936 Is this your card? 334 00:21:19,696 --> 00:21:21,446 Uh, no. 335 00:21:22,321 --> 00:21:23,778 I beg to differ. 336 00:21:23,780 --> 00:21:25,059 Mmm-mmm. 337 00:21:25,061 --> 00:21:28,246 Really? Is this your card? 338 00:21:28,248 --> 00:21:29,910 - Vision... - Mmm-mmm. 339 00:21:30,996 --> 00:21:32,918 Is this your card? Is this your card? 340 00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:34,489 Is this your card? Is this your card? 341 00:21:34,491 --> 00:21:37,501 - Is this your card? - Mmm-mmm. 342 00:21:37,503 --> 00:21:39,544 Argh! Is this your card? Is this your card? 343 00:21:39,546 --> 00:21:40,638 - No. No. No. No. - Is this your card? 344 00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:42,177 Is this your card? Is this your card? 345 00:21:42,179 --> 00:21:43,847 Is this your card? Is this your card? 346 00:21:43,849 --> 00:21:45,258 Is this your card? 347 00:21:45,260 --> 00:21:46,551 Oh, it is! 348 00:21:46,553 --> 00:21:47,719 It is what? 349 00:21:47,721 --> 00:21:49,513 It's my card. 350 00:21:49,515 --> 00:21:52,305 Well, pardon me, Herb. Have it back. 351 00:21:53,458 --> 00:21:54,875 Oh, no, you did the trick right. 352 00:21:54,877 --> 00:21:57,504 Well, of course I did the trick right! I'm Illusion! 353 00:21:57,506 --> 00:21:59,606 Flourish! 354 00:22:02,986 --> 00:22:04,945 And now, for my next trick... 355 00:22:04,947 --> 00:22:07,278 Oh, goodness me. 356 00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:08,905 Who stole my hat? 357 00:22:08,907 --> 00:22:11,069 Oh! Oh, stop that rabbit! 358 00:22:11,071 --> 00:22:13,361 I gotta need to pull a hat out of it. 359 00:22:14,581 --> 00:22:17,999 Señor Scratchy's got real star quality, don't you think? 360 00:22:18,001 --> 00:22:21,545 Maybe we leave the poor bunny out this one, shall we? 361 00:22:21,547 --> 00:22:24,257 Well then, I will just have to pull this hat... 362 00:22:25,551 --> 00:22:27,843 ... out of myself. 363 00:22:29,847 --> 00:22:31,054 Vision, no. 364 00:22:31,056 --> 00:22:32,426 I'm doin' it. 365 00:22:34,768 --> 00:22:37,269 Ah-ha! 366 00:22:39,690 --> 00:22:43,320 If only you all knew our secret. 367 00:22:44,278 --> 00:22:46,903 Oh! 368 00:22:46,905 --> 00:22:48,864 Is that how mirrors work? 369 00:22:48,866 --> 00:22:50,116 Shut up, Bev. 370 00:22:51,618 --> 00:22:56,413 And now, ladies and gentlemen, for our grand finale. 371 00:22:56,415 --> 00:23:00,992 I bring you, The Magnet of Crysteries! 372 00:23:00,994 --> 00:23:02,452 The Cabinet of Mysteries! 373 00:23:02,454 --> 00:23:04,794 Yeah, yeah. What she said. 374 00:23:06,258 --> 00:23:08,388 I will now make my wife... 375 00:23:10,220 --> 00:23:11,430 ... disappear. 376 00:23:13,557 --> 00:23:16,271 Are you sure you don't want an audience volunteer named 377 00:23:16,273 --> 00:23:18,518 "My husband Ralph?" 378 00:23:23,984 --> 00:23:25,944 No. Abracadabra! 379 00:23:28,697 --> 00:23:31,287 - Uh, sweetheart? - Yeah? 380 00:23:32,367 --> 00:23:34,117 - Hi. - Oh. 381 00:23:36,663 --> 00:23:38,121 What's in the box? 382 00:23:38,123 --> 00:23:41,792 What's in the box? What's in the box? What's in the box? 383 00:23:41,794 --> 00:23:43,511 Yeah, what's in the box? 384 00:23:43,513 --> 00:23:45,962 What's in the box? What's in the box? 385 00:23:45,964 --> 00:23:49,084 What's in the box? What's in the box? 386 00:23:55,891 --> 00:23:56,941 Oh! 387 00:23:57,935 --> 00:23:59,226 Oh, yes! 388 00:23:59,228 --> 00:24:00,308 Flourish. 389 00:24:07,653 --> 00:24:09,153 Let's get outta here. 390 00:24:09,988 --> 00:24:11,780 Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 391 00:24:11,782 --> 00:24:13,316 - I'm so stupid. - Vis? Vis, it's all right. 392 00:24:13,318 --> 00:24:15,408 It's all right. It's all right. It's all right. 393 00:24:15,410 --> 00:24:16,827 But what is going on with you? 394 00:24:16,829 --> 00:24:20,956 I have no idea. I've been feeling weirdy all day. 395 00:24:20,958 --> 00:24:23,375 Okay. Okay. Okay. 396 00:24:23,377 --> 00:24:25,797 Oh! 397 00:24:34,930 --> 00:24:37,430 Would you look at that? 398 00:24:37,432 --> 00:24:39,683 That really gummed up my works, didn't it? 399 00:24:39,685 --> 00:24:41,305 Hmm. 400 00:24:42,980 --> 00:24:45,564 I'm not as funny without it, am I? 401 00:24:45,566 --> 00:24:48,316 Well, you're back to yourself and that's all I care about. 402 00:24:48,318 --> 00:24:50,384 Now, let's get out of here before Dottie 403 00:24:50,386 --> 00:24:53,846 and the planning committee string us up for ruining the show. 404 00:25:02,249 --> 00:25:04,879 You two, stop right there. 405 00:25:08,755 --> 00:25:12,132 Nothing like what you two just did up here 406 00:25:12,134 --> 00:25:15,844 has ever happened in the history of our talent show. 407 00:25:16,972 --> 00:25:20,515 Dottie, we are so... 408 00:25:20,517 --> 00:25:21,647 Hilarious. 409 00:25:24,646 --> 00:25:28,249 That was the most hilarious act we've ever seen. 410 00:25:28,251 --> 00:25:30,150 Wouldn't you all agree? 411 00:25:30,152 --> 00:25:31,322 Yeah. 412 00:25:33,489 --> 00:25:35,947 Oh, yes. 413 00:25:35,949 --> 00:25:37,749 You two, come on up. Come on. 414 00:25:40,370 --> 00:25:43,205 On behalf of the planning committee, 415 00:25:43,207 --> 00:25:44,498 I would like to award you 416 00:25:44,500 --> 00:25:48,585 with the inaugural Comedy Performance of the Year. 417 00:25:48,587 --> 00:25:50,007 Oh, thank you. 418 00:26:06,021 --> 00:26:07,646 - I have to ask. - Hmm. 419 00:26:07,648 --> 00:26:10,028 One second, I'm backstage and in the next, 420 00:26:10,030 --> 00:26:12,067 I'm in a dark cubby hole. 421 00:26:12,069 --> 00:26:13,443 How'd you do it? 422 00:26:13,445 --> 00:26:15,570 Oh, a magician never reveals his secrets. 423 00:26:15,572 --> 00:26:17,364 He leaves that to his assistant. 424 00:26:17,366 --> 00:26:18,946 And she's not talking. 425 00:26:20,202 --> 00:26:23,122 I had a feeling you'd say that. 426 00:26:27,126 --> 00:26:28,291 "For the children!" 427 00:26:28,293 --> 00:26:30,503 "For the children!" 428 00:26:36,718 --> 00:26:38,969 You were tremendous, Glamour. 429 00:26:38,971 --> 00:26:41,601 As were you, Illusion. 430 00:26:44,518 --> 00:26:46,935 I don't know what I was so worried about. 431 00:26:46,937 --> 00:26:50,438 It wasn't so hard to fit in after all. 432 00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:53,441 And all we had to do was be ourselves. 433 00:26:53,443 --> 00:26:56,444 Well, with a few modifications. 434 00:26:56,446 --> 00:26:59,656 - And it was all for the children. - For the children. 435 00:27:00,492 --> 00:27:02,962 Well, I think the children might need some popcorn. 436 00:27:04,329 --> 00:27:05,495 Wanda. 437 00:27:05,497 --> 00:27:06,667 Hmm, what? 438 00:27:11,378 --> 00:27:14,758 Vision... Is this really happening? 439 00:27:17,885 --> 00:27:19,509 Yes, my love. 440 00:27:19,511 --> 00:27:21,303 It's really happening. 441 00:27:23,557 --> 00:27:25,312 If it's that damn tree again, 442 00:27:25,314 --> 00:27:28,687 I am going to rip it out by the roots! 443 00:27:36,028 --> 00:27:37,658 I don't see anything. 444 00:27:49,875 --> 00:27:51,085 What is that? 445 00:27:58,592 --> 00:28:00,182 Wanda. 446 00:28:14,900 --> 00:28:16,150 No. 447 00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:29,970 Vision... Is this really happening? 448 00:28:31,375 --> 00:28:32,835 Yes, my love. 449 00:28:34,336 --> 00:28:35,966 It's really happening. 450 00:28:49,226 --> 00:28:50,226 Vision... 451 00:29:23,635 --> 00:29:27,554 Wanda? Who's doing this to you, Wanda? 452 00:29:27,556 --> 00:29:28,696 Wanda? 453 00:33:40,086 --> 00:33:44,086 - Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com - 30297

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