Original subtitles

And now "so random!" presents bad holiday jobs.

17: Santa's beard cleaners.

This beard's not going to clean itself.

- Where's Lou, sprinkles? - Yeah, tinkles.

How come every time we have to clean Santa's beard

Lou is is never around?

Ooh, candy cane.

Ooh, cookie.

Cookie.

Candy cane.

Turkey leg.

Lou's leg.

- Lou's leg? - Get me out!

This was another edition of "so random!"'s

Bad holiday jobs.

Live from Santa's beard,

It's the "so random!" holiday special.

Are you ready to get "so random!"?

It's the "so random!" holiday special.

Starring...

Guest host...

And special guest...

And now give it up for Chad Dylan Cooper.

Hey, it's great to be hosting the "so random! " holiday special.

Whoo.

You know, every week you see me on the "falls" as mackenzie,

But tonight I'm gonna take some questions.

So you can get to know the real Chad Dylan Cooper.

Ha ha. Yeah, you.

Okay, in season two, episode 12,

Mackenzie reveals his favorite dessert was bananas foster.

However, in season five it was baked Alaska.

Please explain this confusing mackenzian paradox.

I didn't exactly hear the word Chad.

In that question.

Since we're focusing on Chad.

- I'm gonna say my favorite dessert is... - Boring.

Okay.

Yeah, next question. Yes, you in the purple.

It's blue, but that's okay.

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh.

I'm your biggest fan. I just love you so much.

I've never felt this way about another man.

What?

Your boyfriend is standing right here.

Shh, I'm talking to mackenzie.

Actually, you're talking to Chad Dylan Cooper.

Mackenzie's not here. Not even a real person.

Hello, everyone. I'm not interrupting, am I?

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh! It's mackenzie!

- You're my soul mate! - What?

You said I was your soul mate.

Yeah, but I was picturing mackenzie when I said that.

- So who's got questions? - Hey, I'm the host.

I take the questions. Yes, you.

The, uh... yeah, the, uh... yeah, you.

All right, brother.

I've got a question, oh man, I've just been dying to ask you, Chad.

Oh, finally, a question for chaddy.

Yeah. So, uh...

What's it like working.

With mackenzie?

I love you, mackenzie!

It's an honor to lose her to you, mackenzie.

Enough mackenzie, okay?

There'd be no mackenzie without Chad Dylan Cooper.

- Boring! - Stop it.

I know there's one person in the audience that cares what I have to say.

Gammy Dylan Cooper, everyone.

Hey, gammy.

Excuse me, Chad sweetie,

Could you move a little to the left?

You're blocking my view of mackenzie.

Mackenzie, mackenzie, mackenzie, mackenzie!

Enjoy the show.

Oh, hello. I'm sicky Vicky.

And welcome to "how to have fun when you're sick."

Today is Christmas.

And I've been sitting in this bed for 12 days.

Merry sickmas, everybody.

I've got a lot of things wrong with me.

But instead of telling you I'm just gonna sing it for you.

♪ on the first day of sickmas ♪

♪ Alex mazarski gave to me ♪

♪ a stuffed nose which is not cool... ♪

♪ on the second day of sickmas ♪

♪ my brother gave to me ♪

♪ two ear infections ♪

♪ and a stuffed nose which is not cool... ♪

♪ on the third day of sickmas ♪

♪ I fell and scraped my knee ♪

♪ three gross scabs, two ear infections ♪

♪ and a stuffed nose which is not cool... ♪

♪ on the fourth day of sickmas ♪

♪ my mother gave to me ♪

♪ four chicken soups, three gross scabs ♪

♪ two ear infections ♪

♪ and a stuffed nose which is not cool... ♪

♪ on the fifth day of sickmas ♪

♪ my sister gave to me ♪

♪ five swollen glands, four chicken soups ♪

♪ three gross scabs, two ear infections ♪

♪ and a stuffed nose which is not cool. ♪.

Oh boy. I'm gonna need more tissues.

Be right back.

Oh my gosh, Dave, look.

Roadkill mcgill's roadside diner.

Oh, it's decorated for the holiday's and stuff.

It's so cute.

Boy, howdy!

Happy holidays, folks.

Help yourselves.

- Right on. - Thank you.

Do I smell chestnuts roasting on an open fire?

Nope, you're smelling squirrel bits roasting on a carburetor.

Good one, pa.

I'll tell you what!

♪ when your family is over for the holidays ♪

♪ and your dinner table is bare ♪

♪ just head out to the freeway ♪

♪ and see what's lying over there ♪

♪ 'cause the backwoods are a-running ♪

♪ with wild turkey in big boots ♪

♪ if your sleigh ride hits a little bump ♪

♪ it just might be a Christmas goose ♪

♪ snowmobiled venison and hayride-blended quail ♪

♪ some snow tire ground-up badger ♪

♪ and day-old reindeer tail. ♪.

Yee-haw!

You fed us squirrel? What?

That's right.

If it was hit by a Fender, I'll serve it up tender.

Good one, pa.

I'll tell you what!

Now roads are awful icy during the holidays,

Which means we are chock-full of snow rabbit roast.

And possum pudding.

And my favorite, the trio del meato.

Is that from South of the border, pa?

No, it's South of the bumper,

As in when your bumper hits a chipmunk so hard.

It gets wedged inside a raccoon that was getting eaten by a coyote.

Bam!

This is totally gross.

Let's get out of here, babe.

Right behind you, babe. Ugh.

Wait wait. Don't you guys want Christmas dinner?

But we're fresh out of eats, pa.

Ho ho ho, on dancer,

On prancer, on donner...

Rudolph, look out!

It's raining reindeer.

Whoo! Ha ha!

Hope you like your steak.

A little Rudolph red in the middle.

Good one, pa.

I'll tell you what. Tell you what!

♪ holidays are for eating ♪

♪ so fill your bellies up good ♪

♪ with whatever chow might have been plowed ♪

♪ by a bumper or a hood. ♪.

Yee-haw!

Merry Christmas, little darlin'.

Aw, you too, pa.

I'll tell you what.

Merry Christmas, Shelly.

Yay, Santa came!

All right, now these are from Santa.

But this one is from mommy and daddy.

Is it a puppy?

Better.

- Is it a baby brother? - Somebody's.

No way!

Let me out of here! Let me out!

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!

You got me Joe Jonas for Christmas!

What am I doing in here?

Mommy, he's so lifelike.

I wonder if he wets himself.

Not since I was six.

What's going on here?

One minute I'm walking onstage,

The next minute there's a burlap sack over my head.

And now I'm a Christmas present?

The best Christmas present ever!

Oh yes, he is, sweetie.

And you know what? We got you all the accessories.

Uh-huh. The Joe Jonas car.

You stole my car?

The Joe Jonas beach house.

Oh, come on. I just got my brothers to move out of there.

Mom, does he have any other outfits?

- Yes, he does. - He does.

The only thing you need.

For yodeling Jonas.

I want to change him.

Whoa whoa!

Hold it right there. I'm not your toy.

I'm a human being.

You got me a broken Jonas!

I don't want a broken Jonas!

It's not fair! It's not fair!

- It's not fair! - Calm down.

Oh, yodeling Jonas.

Mom, this is the best Christmas ever.

Of course, sweetie. Anything for you.

Now where do these batteries go?

We'll be right back with "so random!"

So don't go away.

♪ on the sixth day of sickmas ♪

♪ I took a hike and got ♪

♪ six poison ivies ♪

♪ five swollen glands, four chicken soups ♪

♪ three gross scabs, two ear infections ♪

♪ and a stuffed nose which is not cool... ♪

♪ on the seventh day of sickmas ♪

♪ I got a scratchy throat ♪

♪ seven nights of coughing ♪

♪ six poison ivies, five swollen glands ♪

♪ four chicken soups, three gross scabs ♪

♪ two ear infections and a stuffed nose ♪

♪ which is not cool... ♪

♪ on the eighth day of sickmas ♪

♪ I felt upon my chin ♪

♪ eight zits a-popping, seven nights of coughing ♪

♪ six poison ivies, five swollen glands ♪

♪ four chicken soups, three gross scabs ♪

♪ two ear infections and a stuffed nose ♪

♪ which is not cool... ♪

♪ on the ninth day of sickmas ♪

♪ I hawked up tons of phlegm... ♪

♪ nine mucus paintings ♪

♪ eight zits a-popping, seven nights of coughing ♪

♪ six poison ivies, five swollen glands ♪

♪ four chicken soups, three gross scabs ♪

♪ two ear infections and a stuffed nose ♪

♪ which is not cool. ♪

my men may be short, but I'm living large.

If the slipper fits, you too can be a princess.

With all the beauty rests I get.

Is it any wonder I'm so hot?

We're "the real princesses of new Jersey."

Happy holidays.

Hi, girls.

Oh.

Snowy, the house looks beautiful.

Thanks.

All right, listen. We all got Christmas balls we got to get to,

- So let's make with the gifts. - Oh, what's the hurry?

Well, you know how they say "someday my prince will come"?

- Mm-hmm. - Well, mine's coming in 10 minutes,

So let's pick it up. Chop chop, come on.

I got places to be, people to see.

- Fine. - Chillax, snow.

Oh, I love it!

Oh, it's so retro.

Cindy is so cheap.

She gets me this dress, right? I'm all excited.

I check the tag... "made by birds and mice."

It's ridiculous.

Merry Christmas, Cindy.

Oh, thank you, honey.

Ooh, rapunzel gold is my favorite color.

This must have cost you a fortune.

Mirror mirror in the can,

Did she spend at least a grand?

A grand?

Try a grand total of fuggedaboutit.

Oh!

Hey! Hey yo, princess.

Get your snowy white behind out here.

The carriage is running.

Don't you yell at me like that!

What am I, an animal? No, I'm a princess.

Come to the door.

I am listening to "thunder road."

You come here.

Who are you dating, me or Springsteen?

Do not make me choose.

Get in here!

Oh, is this the guy you've been talking about?

- And his carriage has a radio. - Classy.

Hey yo, I walked the five feet to get to the door.

How about a little something something for your prince carmine?

You know what I'm saying?

Oh.

Oh, what's this? You two know each other?

Yeah, he woke me from my cursed sleep with a kiss,

Then he never called.

When she's asleep... beautiful, right?

She wakes up, it's yakkety ever after.

Right? Right? Ha ha ha.

Oh, hello there. How are you?

- You too? - Hey!

A guy shows up with a pair of fancy glass shoes,

I'm gonna try 'em on. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, I was into her for a while.

Till I saw her fat feet!

No joke. You try fitting one of those babies into a glass shoe.

You know what I'm saying?

I mean, I'm pushing, I'm pulling.

I broke three shoehorns and a rib.

Trying to get those meat blocks into that slipper.

Have you dated every princess in new Jersey?

Whoa, hey. Why you busting my hump?

It is a small kingdom. Know what I mean?

It's a very small kingdom comparatively, okay?

Girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls.

There ain't no reason we can't be civilized about this. Am I right?

- True dat. - True dat.

- I know. - Oh, hey!

Hey!

Oh my gosh, that was wicked witch clever.

Give it to me right here. High five, come on.

Come on, ladies. Let's take prince carmine's carriage.

And do it up at mistletony's.

All right.

This Christmas is gonna be ridiculous.

Right.

Hey!

Are you kidding me with this?!

We're "the real princesses of new Jersey."

And now "so random!" presents bad holiday jobs.

#37: Dreidel for hire.

Happy hanukkah.

Yay!

I'm Danny the dreidel.

And which one of you wonderful, delightful children.

Wants to take me for a little spin?

Let's spin him till he throws up.

Yeah!

Oy! Oy! Oy! Oy! Oy!

Here comes the latkes.

This was another edition of "so random!"'s

Bad holiday jobs.

♪ on the tenth day of sickmas ♪

♪ I clipped my nails and got ♪

♪ 10 ingrown toenails, nine mucus paintings... ♪

♪ eight zits a-popping ♪

♪ seven nights of coughing ♪

♪ six poison ivies, five swollen glands ♪

♪ four chicken soups, three gross scabs ♪

♪ two ear infections and a stuffed nose ♪

♪ which is not cool... ♪

♪ on the eleventh day of sickmas ♪

♪ my poodle gave to me ♪

♪ 11 fleas a biting ♪

♪ 10 ingrown toenails ♪

♪ nine mucus paintings... ♪

♪ eight zits a-popping, seven nights of coughing ♪

♪ six poison ivies, five swollen glands ♪

♪ four chicken soups, three gross scabs ♪

♪ two ear infections and a stuffed nose ♪

♪ which is not cool... ♪

♪ on the twelfth day of sickmas ♪

♪ I was sick of being sick ♪

♪ 12 balls of tissues ♪

♪ 11 itchy flea bites ♪

♪ 10 ingrown toenails ♪

♪ nine mucus paintings... ♪

♪ eight zits a-popping ♪

♪ seven nights of coughing ♪

♪ six poison ivies, five swollen glands ♪

♪ four chicken soups, three gross scabs ♪

♪ two ear infections and a stuffed nose ♪

♪ which is not cool. ♪.

Oh man, I hope I'm not this sick next year.

This song is exhausting.

Bye!

Are you tired of the same old boring exercise routines?

Yawning at yoga?

Aggravated with aerobics?

Sleeping at spinning class?

Well, get ready to rock it out.

With joe-nastics.

The hard-rocking workout that has America rocking out.

Rock your biceps with moves like the windmill Joe.

Rock out your quads with the how-low-can- you-joe power slide.

Rock out your abs with the microphonas Jonas dip.

Check one. Check two.

Check three. Yeah!

Rock it out.

But don't take my word for it.

These used to fit,

But since I rocked the joe-nastics.

Run-from-screaming- girls move,

Now I have to run from my own screaming girls.

Thanks, Joe Jonas. You rock!

Thanks, Joe Jonas. You rock!

Thanks, Joe Jonas. You rock!

Enjoy.

So rock it out and buy your joe-nastics DVD today.

It makes a perfect rocking stocking stuffer.

Ladies and gentlemen, sonny Munroe and Joe Jonas.

♪ didn't know what to get you ♪

♪ ordinary just wouldn't do ♪

♪ but I just found that perfect gift ♪

♪ for you ♪

♪ I hear church bells ringing ♪

♪ carolers are singing harmony with me now ♪

♪ you are looking so lovely ♪

♪ mm-hmm ♪

♪ even if the lights go out ♪

♪ we've got mistletoe ♪

♪ and firelight ♪

♪ on this cold December night ♪

♪ there's snow outside ♪

♪ we'll stare at the moon ♪

♪ as I sing my song ♪

♪ we've got mistletoe ♪

♪ and firelight ♪

♪ on this cold December night ♪

♪ there's snow outside ♪

♪ we'll stare at the moon ♪

♪ as I sing my song for you ♪

♪ sing my song ♪

♪ sing my song ♪

♪ for you... ♪.

Okay, so we hope you enjoyed our holiday special.

Give it up for our guest host Chad Dylan Cooper.

Thanks, guys. I had a great time.

And how about a big round of applause.

For our special guest? Joe Jonas, everybody.

Yeah, Joe!

Thank you, guys, for having me on the show.

We had lots of fun making you laugh this year.

- Thanks for watching. - And for being such great fans.

So from our "so random!" family to yours...

Happy holidays!

- Yeah! - Yeah!

You guys are awesome.

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