Original subtitles

Bagels? Who brought these?

The shop teacher.

[knocking]

Is this made of wood?

I'm sure these taste better

with the cream cheese

the art teacher brought in.

Good morning, faculty.

Welcome to

the weekly staff meeting,

which we hold

once every five years.

Why do you look like that?

Like a bald George Clooney?

I guess I'm just lucky.

If you must know,

this is Mr. Young's fault.

Huh...

"What To Pay For A Toupee."

- There's so much more - to the world around us

Than the naked eye can see.

That's why we employ the

power of magnification.

Ah, observe nature's

stunning beauty.

Ooh!

Ew!

Oh, nice.

The sun's coming out.

[sizzling]

Waah!

Why would you do

something like that?

Tater's face is disgusting

without magnifying it.

[Tater] Mr. Young,

you are the worst teacher

this school has ever had.

Seriously?

Have you seen the

teachers around here...

Mrs. Strawperson,

Monsieur Marionette...

and, worst of all,

Mr. M.T. Chair?

Mr. Chair is late

for everything.

Don't listen to him, M.T.

You're doing a great job.

? Goodbye, summer

hello, fall ?

? We've been trying

to get here ?

? Since we both

were barely two feet tall ?

? Who you callin' kid?

Who you callin' kid? ?

? Who you callin' kid? ?

- ? You can call me - what you want ?

? But I won't hear a word

where I am here ?

? Who you callin' kid? ?

OK, class. Today I'll be...

Teaching science?

OK, go ahead.

Start your lesson.

I'm not teaching today.

The school board has mandated

that everyone in the school

take this career aptitude test.

A test? I didn't

study for a test.

You don't study for this test.

I don't study for any test...

except blood tests.

Seems to be paying off

because I keep getting a B+.

B-positive.

I'm trying to be positive.

A career aptitude test tells you

what your future job will be.

If this test knows my future,

what else does it know about me?

My address?

My phone number?

The security code

to my offshore bank accounts?

I thought I saw a test rummaging

through my trash.

I don't want to take it, either.

Since when do tests

have all the answers?

We should follow our dreams.

- Well, we're not going - to have any dreams

If we don't get some sleep.

Could you please

just teach some science?

These tests are actually

pretty scientific.

Close enough.

[snoring]

To prove it,

I'll take the test, too.

- I'm sure it'll show - I was meant to be a teacher,

Inspiring today's youth.

[snoring]

[Slab] OK, test,

now I'm asking the questions!

Who are you working for?

Ms. Young, I noticed you didn't

turn in an aptitude test.

Now it can't suggest

your future career.

I don't want a career.

I plan on becoming

a trophy wife.

How romantic.

["Wedding March" plays]

[sobbing]

I'm not marrying a trophy.

I'm going to marry some rich guy

who will buy me lots of jewelry.

I knew that.

- But you still have - to take a test.

Fine, but I hope I do better

than I did on that blood test.

I got an O-.

Here are my class's

aptitude tests.

Hmm. Why is there

one extra test in here?

I filled one out. How did you

know it was in there?

- When I was younger, - I worked at a carnival.

Oh, guessing people's weight?

No, making funnel cakes.

What does that have

to do with knowing

how many tests are in this pile?

- Nothing. - I didn't have a good answer,

So I thought I'd entertain you

with tales of my crazy youth.

People love that carnival story.

Heh heh heh! Funnel cakes.

Anyway, let me know

when the results are in.

- I'm trying to prove - to my students

- That these tests work and - I'm meant to be a teacher.

Meant to be a teacher?

We'll see about that.

Don't judge me, woman.

OK, class.

Your career aptitude test

results are in.

"Garbage man"? Yes!

I'm going to be a superhero

named "Garbage Man"!

Derby...

- How do you know my - secret identity?

I must now wipe your memory.

Let's see.

- According to this test, - when I grow up,

I'm going to be

a high-school student.

Whoa!

This thing's good!

Though these tests

are obviously a good indicator,

you don't have to do

what it tells you.

It's just a suggestion.

- I got nurse.

- Nurse?

Are you ready

for your check-up?

[giggles]

A mandatory suggestion

that you have to do.

But I don't want to be a nurse.

I want to be an

environmental activist

and help save the earth.

Don't be so selfish.

You got nurse,

you have to be a nurse.

Just like I have to be...

an alligator wrestler.

Alligator wrestler?

But I'm a teacher.

Uh-oh. His memory's coming back.

What happened?

Did a leaf monkey

steal your fancy hat

and scurry up the tree?

You can borrow my fancy hat...

unless you're a leaf

monkey in disguise.

I'm not a leaf monkey

in disguise.

Oh, OK...

unless...

- I'm not a leaf monkey - in disguise

Claiming not to be

a leaf monkey in disguise.

That stupid aptitude test

told me I should be a plumber,

so I'm trying to pick plums.

Plumbers don't pick plums.

I appreciate the advice, Dang,

- but I think you should - leave the plumbing

To the professionals.

Plumbers fix sinks and toilets.

Ew! Toilets?

There is no way I'm

going to be a plumber.

Well, I should get going.

It's almost time for

Real Housewives of Da Nang.

Wow! Where did you get

all that jewelry?

I found it plumbing.

People drop all kinds of

treasures down the drain.

All kinds is my favorite

kind of treasure.

And this bling

goes so well with my...

[monkey chitters]

Leaf monkey!

Well, I'm going to become

an alligator wrestler

- if that's what it takes - to make Echo a nurse.

Imagine what she'd look like

in that cute, little outfit.

Are you ready for

your tetanus shot?

Hello, nurse.

So you're going to become

an alligator wrestler

just to prove to Echo that

she should become a nurse.

- When you put it that way, - it does sound a little...

- Logical?

- Exactly.

Did I just hear you say

- you're becoming - an alligator wrestler?

- That was the result - of my aptitude test.

You don't say.

What a shame you'll have

to leave Finnegan High

and possibly be mauled

by a man-eating lizard.

Well, just like me,

these tests don't lie.

I can feel your look,

Mrs. Strawperson.

All right.

The school has been

experiencing

low water pressure.

There is probably

a clog in the pipes.

A clog?

I was hoping for jewelry,

but shoes are good, too.

[plunging]

Uh!

Wow!

Your turn.

OK, let's do this.

Mama needs a new pair

of diamond earrings.

Then I'll borrow them from her.

[plunging]

Oh...

Yuck! This is just

a disgusting clump

of worthless hair!

Oh, no.

This hair is very valuable.

I am making a wig.

Tater will pay big money

for this thing.

Hey, there, little crawfish!

- I'm thinking of doing - some gator wrasslin'

In the bayou.

Before that, could

I "bayou" lunch?

You're not seriously considering

- being an alligator wrestler, - are you?

It's my destiny.

You can't wrassle your destiny,

just like it's your destiny

to be a nurse.

Put on the outfit.

You're being ridiculous,

and those clothes look silly.

Your clothes look silly.

Put on the outfit.

Adam, alligator wresting

is dangerous.

You'll get hurt.

Then I'll need a nurse.

Put on the outfit.

[pipes rattling]

What is that infernal clang?

[Dang] You called?

Whoa! How are you

not dizzy all day?

Who says I'm not?

You called?

You're dang right I did, Clang.

The pipes are making

a horrible racket.

We are working on

fixing the plumbing.

Maybe the source

of the problem is here.

[pipes rattling]

Let's see what's

clogging up this pipe.

OK, my turn.

[splat]

This is awful!

I was wrong. This is awful.

I wouldn't stand there

if I were you.

Why didn't you

say that before?

I did.

Adam? What happened to you?

I just got back from wrasslin'

a 12-foot gator.

I had no idea

alligators had 12 feet.

No wonder their shoes

are so expensive.

Well, everything's going

according to plan.

Who's eating crow now,

Mrs. Strawperson?

Well, you would be

eating crow right now

- if you didn't keep - scaring them off.

You just wrestled an alligator?

Yes, ma'am, and that

critter done bit me.

I'm going to need you

to kiss it better.

Where?

There's a quiet spot

under the bleachers.

I mean, where did you

wrestle an alligator?

- Uh, at the swamp.

- Swamp?

There's no swamp around here.

Can we discuss where there is

or isn't a swamp

during the tendin' to?

Great, now I'm covered in mud!

- [Dang] - We can hose you off.

You have got to be kidding me!

OK, Echo didn't believe I

really wrestled an alligator.

- Probably because - you didn't really

Wrestle an alligator.

That's why I need to

do it in front of her,

- and in the course of the battle, - I'll get injured, and Echo

- Will have to nurse me - back to health.

Isn't that risky?

Nope. Because

I'll be wrestling you.

You'll be dressed

as the alligator.

Got it.

[roaring]

Derby, what are you doing?

- You told me to dress up - as The Alligator.

The Alligator

is my wrestling persona.

Now prepare to feel the bite

of the gator grapple!

No, Derby, don't...

Ohh!

[cracking]

Aagh!

I meant you should dress

like a real alligator.

Oh.

- Oof.

- My bad.

Sorry about that, man.

I'll go change.

Aagh!

The Alligator

is cold-blooded!

Aagh!

Oh...

Get...

the...

nurse!

Huh!

The Nurse is my

wrestling persona.

Tag me in!

My everything hurts.

Take two of these

and call me in the morning.

Oh!

Huh... oh!

Hrrgh!

Aah! Ohh...

I don't know what Slab did,

but he's a good nurse.

Ah. I actually feel better.

OK, we still have a chance

to get this right.

Echo will be here after school

for the Sci-Fi Club.

At least that's

what her diary says.

- And you'll be here - to spy on her.

At least that's

what your diary says.

Give me that!

Diaries are private.

Now, if we're going to

convince Echo to be a nurse,

I need you to dress up

as a realistic alligator,

not a wrestler, an animal.

You should look like

an actual alligator.

I get it. You're looking for

a scaly, leathery,

prehistoric beast.

[Byrne] You called?

[both scream]

OK, I think we've

traced the source

of the pressure problems.

Here we have what

is technically called

in the plumbing business

"the mother of all clogs."

Oh, no, you don't.

- You're always finding - the good stuff.

This time, I'm going first.

No problem.

Any more jewelry,

and I will start to look gaudy.

Uh... uh...

Uh...

I can feel something.

[gasps] This is going to be

the biggest diamond ever.

It's stuck.

Oh.

Uhh!

Where's my diamond?

[growling]

While you were in there,

did you see any diamonds?

[Dang] What? You called?

Hey, Adam, what

are you reading?

Oh, just the story about a girl

who pretends not

to love her teacher

to such a degree

that she won't even

mention him in her diary.

I think they'll get

together in the end.

That ending sounds

so unbelievable.

[students screaming]

Oh, no. I hope they have not

seen an alligator.

[hissing]

Aah!

Don't worry. I'm meant

to be a gator wrestler,

just like you're

meant to be a nurse.

Put on the outfit.

No? Not the time? All right.

Yaagh!

Great costume, Derby.

- Agh! Easy, boy. - Easy, boy.

Wow! That's incredible.

You are meant to be

an alligator wrestler.

I guess that means

I'm meant to be a nurse.

Yes! Thanks, Derby.

[Derby] You're welcome.

[hissing]

Uh, ah...

alligator!

No, it's just me...

Derby.

Pretty realistic, huh?

You're not Derby!

- You thought you were - wrestling Derby?

- Well, I didn't think I was - wrestling an alligator.

That's crazy.

Yeah. That's crazy.

I mean, "Snap, snap,

growl, growl."

I think she's buying it.

You lied to me. This is the kind

of betrayal I'd write about

in my diary if I could find it.

Echo. Adam.

Alligator.

Aah! Alligator!

Mr. Tater, that's just Derby.

Oh, thank goodness.

I thought he was

a real alligator.

That's the real alligator.

[growling]

Yow! Real alligator!

Oh, no, you don't.

I paid a lot of money

for that hair.

[roar]

But it looks good on you, too.

The Tater is cold-blooded!

Wow, Mr. Tater,

you're good at this.

Let me know if you're

interested in wrestling

The Alligator.

- I can't believe - Principal Tater left us

- To become - an alligator wrestler.

- I never thought - I'd miss him,

But our new principal

is a tyrant.

Whew...

Ooh...

Whenever I look in her eyes,

I just feel so cold.

[Tater] You can all

stop behaving because I'm back.

For some reason,

being a gator wrassler

just didn't feel right.

Anyway, don't tell

Dang I'm back.

I want to keep the going away

present he gave me...

This solid-gold hook

he found in a toilet.

Oh. I thought the alligator

- had really bitten off - one of your hands.

- Nah. Those little critters - are harmless.

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