Original subtitles

Good morning, Echo.

Hi, Adam.

Aah!

Are you OK?

Don't be scared.

- Oh, that wasn't - my scared "Aah."

That was my impressed "Aah,"

as in, "Aah!

You've got a lot of pictures

of that really scary dude

in your locker."

Oh, that's Dark Demon.

He's a huge rock star.

He sings that love song,

Death Maggot.

Wait, I know this guy.

You know Dark Demon?

Yeah.

- We were - at the university together.

His real name's not Dark Demon.

It's Mark.

Mark Demon.

So you know him?

You really know him?

Can I meet him?

W-well, I don't know if...

- If I could meet him, - I would love you forever!

Forever? As in...

as long as we both shall live?

Till death do us part?

I do!

Think I can introduce you.

[squealing]

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

But, seriously,

all those pictures

in your locker?

Isn't that a little...

obsessive?

? Goodbye, summer

hello, fall ?

- ? We've been trying - to get here ?

? Since we both

were barely two feet tall ?

? Who you calling "kid"? ?

? Who you calling "kid"? ?

? Who you calling "kid"? ?

- ? You can call me - what you want ?

? But I won't hear a word

where I am hid ?

? Who you calling "kid"? ?

[hard rock music blares]

So...

people really like Dark Demon?

Like? He cleaned up at

this year's Anger Awards.

He got six Angrys.

You went to school with him?

He was in my biology lab.

We did a project together

on fly larvae.

Hey, maybe that's what

inspired Death Maggot.

I doubt it.

No one's ever been

inspired by science class.

I wonder if he still has

the same number.

- [gruff voice] - What's wrong with

This gingerbread man?

- I'll tell you - what's wrong with it.

It's a man!

I don't eat gingerbread dudes!

[hard rock ringtone plays]

What?

Hi. Mark?

[normal voice] Um...

there's no one here named Mark.

It's Adam. Adam Young?

I don't know any

Adam Adam Young.

We were in bio class together.

I inspired Death Maggot.

I don't think so.

- Death Maggot - was inspired by

- This girl I went - to summer camp with.

Beth. Beth Maggot.

I just wanted...

- Look, I don't have time - for this.

I got real problems.

No. No!

You just added an icing skirt

to another gingerbread man!

Look how big his hands are!

Ivy, can I have a word?

"Bald."

You should get a lot

of use out of that one.

I mean, we need to talk.

If you don't find

- a way to raise your - grade point average,

You're gonna be stuck in

this high school forever.

And look what it

does to a person.

- Do I have to look at - what it does to a person?

- Because then - I'd have to look

- At the person it did - those things to.

Thank you! But it's not

much better from the back.

Relax, Ivy. All you need to do

is find an easy class.

Really?

- Yeah. That's how I have - a bee this semester...

In beekeeping class.

In which I'm getting a "C."

Ow!

- Hey, I wouldn't have to - pull out these stingers

- If you wore the whole - beekeeper outfit

And not just the mask.

Ow!

I can't believe Mark Demon

doesn't remember me.

Ow!

See?

Here's a picture

of us in biology.

Wow, what a nerd!

I know, right?

He was pretty geeky.

I was talking about you.

Ow! You'd never guess

that's what he looks like

- under all that - Dark Demon makeup.

That's it!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

What are you doing?

Finishing up.

I have to go change!

[as Dark Demon] Excuse me.

I'm looking for Echo.

You're... you're...

Looking for Echo.

You're Dark Demon!

The actual Dark Demon.

Not someone in makeup

pretending to be Dark Demon.

I can't believe you're here!

She doesn't believe it! Run!

My good friend,

the boyishly handsome

Adam Young,

said you wanted to meet me.

Yes! I'm a huge fan!

I love all your songs...

Death Maggot, Festering Wound,

Blood Vomit!

The Glee cast did not

do that one justice.

So tell me about yourself.

Well, my name's Derby.

I like horseback riding

and candle making...

I was talking to Echo.

All I know about you

- is that you're friends - with that smart, sweet,

Emotionally available

Adam Young.

Well, right now,

I'm really into ferrets.

Wow! I'm really

into ferrets, too.

My middle name is ferret.

Dark Ferret Demon.

- Well, I'm holding - a benefit to help

Raise money to save

the black-footed ferret

tomorrow night.

- It would be awesome - if you could perform!

- [normal voice] Yes.

- You'll do it?

[as Dark Demon] I meant yes.

It would be awesome

if I could perform,

but sadly,

I'm busy tomorrow night.

- I'm having dinner - with the man

Who inspired Blood Vomit.

Bud. Bud Finkleberg.

Well, if you can't make it,

- you could just write a check - for a million dollars.

Money is so impersonal.

I'll be here.

[squeals]

Thank you!

What am I going to do?

- I promised Echo - Dark Demon would sing,

And he doesn't even remember me.

You don't need Dark Demon.

- You passed for him once, - you can pass for him again.

Not if I have to sing

and play guitar.

I don't know how to play guitar.

I'll teach you. You just need to

know the basics.

How to hold it, strum a little,

do some windmills,

play behind your head,

shred an ear-bleeding solo,

and drop to your knees

as a thousand screaming girls

worship at the feet

of their new rock god!

[girls chanting]

Derby! Derby! Derby! Derby!

Mom, I'll call you back.

- Can we go back to "hold it"?

- Sure.

A guitar has a head,

a neck and a body...

Like a woman...

So treat it like you would

a beautiful woman.

I can do that.

Hi. Would you like

to accompany me

to a lecture on the use

of microbial bacteria

in sewage treatment?

We can grab

a bite to eat after.

This is more what I had in mind.

Hey, baby.

What do you say you and I

make sweet,

sweet music together?

Ow! My wip is stuck!

Wip! That's it!

I can wip sync!

I mean lip sync!

Thanks, Derby.

Gwad to help.

Now, wheh wew we?

[notes playing]

OK, this class

should be easy.

Typing.

Not my type.

Not my type...

not anyone's type.

- What are you doing?

- I'm typing people.

That's not what you do here.

You sit at a keyboard

and pretend to type

when you're really

downloading saucy videos.

Are those jalapenos?

Oh... hot.

OK, class, today, we're

going to be talking about...

Ivy, what are you doing

in my class?

I signed up

for advanced physiques.

This is one class

I'm going to ace.

Why on earth

are you teaching it?

This is advanced physics.

- People are here - to learn science,

Not to watch you pose.

Well, what am I going to do?

I need to find an easy class.

These all sound hard.

- I don't even know - what some of them mean.

Like "Essel."

That's E.S.L.

Right. E.S.L. Essel.

I know how to read.

It stands for "English

as a second language."

- They teach you - how to speak English.

Rupinder takes it.

The cat is in the tree.

Well, I'd love to help

rescue your cat,

but I can't.

I have to go sign up

for Essel class!

All right, looks like I'm up.

- Thank you for coming - to tonight's benefit.

[cheering and applause]

Rock 'n' roll!

Who can tell me what this is?

The cat is in the tree.

Nope. It may look like a cat,

but it's actually

my pet ferret Bueller.

Ferret Bueller.

Hard to recognize,

- because there are - so few of them left.

[Tater] Who cares?

Bring on the Demon!

[cheering and applause]

OK, OK.

Without further ado, say hello

to the master of mayhem,

the angel of death,

the Grim Reaper himself...

Finally!

[Tater] Not that Grim Reaper,

Mrs. Byrne.

Dark Demon!

[cheering and applause]

Hello, Finnegan!

It's him!

Aah! Oh.

The cat is in the tree?

Thank you. This song is

dedicated to the ferrets

and my good friend,

the rugged, charming,

easy-on-the-eyes Adam Young.

[heavy metal playing]

[cheering]

? You're the love of my life ?

? You're always in my head ?

? Want to be

with you forever ?

? Even after you are dead ?

? I'll never leave

your side ?

? Even when you're

in the ground ?

? When everyone else is gone,

I'll always be around ?

? 'Cause I'm gonna be your

death maggot, death maggot ?

- ? When they go to the lake - and drag it ?

? Death maggot, death maggot ?

? They take your toe

and tag it ?

- ? Death maggot, - death maggot ?

? The cat is in the tree ?

- ? Even once you're - not living ?

? My love'll soar

like a rocket ?

? That's why

I'll always be inching ?

? In and out

of your eye socket ?

- ? When you're dead - and buried ?

? In a box six feet south... ?

- [Echo] Uh-oh! - Ferret Bueller!

Bueller!

Bueller! Bueller!

No! Don't chew those wires!

[electricity crackles]

[music stops]

Dark Demon lip syncs!

[booing and jeering]

He's a fraud!

Get him!

The cat is in the tree!

Hey, Echo. Want to

have lunch together?

I can't. I have plans.

Err! Ohh!

Ohh!

- What did I ever see - in Dark Demon?

What a loser!

I bet you still thought he was

a lot cuter in person.

Hardly.

If anything, he seemed

kind of shrimpy.

Check out this video

on my new tablet.

Dark Demon is on the Internet,

talking about Finnegan High!

Finnegan High?

Never heard of it.

How could he lie like that?

I know, especially

since there's proof

that he was here.

? Death maggot, death maggot ?

[electricity cuts out]

Dark Demon lip syncs!

- He's a fraud!

- Get him!

- [Rupinder] - The cat is in the tree!

[crowd booing]

You call that a tablet?

Mine's first generation.

Hello.

My name is Principal Tater.

[students] Hello.

My name is Principal Tater.

The cat...

is in... the tree.

Sorry I'm late.

Someone in typing class

turned out to be my type.

Ivy, what are you doing here?

[students]

Ivy, what are you doing here?

The cat...

is in...

the tree.

I'm trying to raise my grades.

So teach me English!

You can't take E.S.L.

- You have to be - from another country.

- [students] - You can't take E.S.L.

You have to be

from another country.

The cat...

is in...

the tree.

Aah!

Mark? What are you doing here?

I've come to see

my old college buddy.

So you do remember me.

Of course I remember you.

You were a nine-year-old kid.

You still got more

phone numbers than me.

- But you said...

- I lied.

So what brings you here?

You!

You ruined my reputation.

People hate me now!

I'm sure that's not true.

[crowd shouting]

[cloth ripping]

They don't hate you.

They hate dolls!

Watch.

[crowd shouting]

It's covered in kisses!

And someone crocheted it

a little scarf!

Bald men are handsome.

Say it!

The cat...

is in...

the tree.

[students]

The cat is in the tree.

I'll take it.

- [Scottish accent] - Good mornin'!

How's all wit' ya?

[playing off key]

Ivy, what are you doing?

- [students] - Ivy, what are you doing?

The cat is in the tree.

We're not doing that now!

- [students] - We're not doing that now!

The cat is in...

Ivy, let's go talk in the hall.

Why are you dressed like that?

This be my true heritage, ay!

I be from Scotland!

Yer obliged to let

me take E.S.L. now,

you hairless numpty!

Ivy!

You're not from Scotland.

- If you were, you'd know you're - wearing men's clothing.

Have ye gone maddy, laddy?

'Tis a skirt!

Don't ask me to explain it.

They also play music

by squeezing a sheep's stomach

- with their armpit. - Ew!

Not always a ewe,

sometimes a male sheep.

Besides, it's not enough to be

from a foreign country

to take this class.

English can't be

your first language!

Well, why didn't you say so?

It's not.

It's not? What is?

Baby talk.

I don't use it much now,

but I spoke it

until I was seven.

Now wet me into da cwass,

you bald doody-head!

Hmm. Well, you are fluent.

Something must be wrong

with these glasses.

I can barely read the numbers

on that walking locker.

Look, I feel awful

about what I did,

and it's time to make it right.

[as Dark Demon]

Hey, everyone!

[students muttering]

- There's something - I want to say.

- There's something - I want to say, too.

Get him!

Get him!

Yes, I lip-synced last night,

but only because

I had laryngitis.

I didn't want to

let down the ferrets

or disappoint my friend,

the wonderful,

good boyfriend material

Adam Young.

Why should we believe you?

How do we know you

don't always lip sync?

- Yeah! How do we - know you're not

- lip synching right now?

- Right now?

While I'm answering

your specific question?

You could have anticipated it.

That makes no...

I'll prove it.

OK... get out there and sing.

Just you and a guitar.

- No one will be able to say - you can't sing.

I can't sing.

What?

I always lip sync.

I just... I do it well.

Unlike some people.

I'll just...

be another minute.

- What do you mean, - you can't sing?

I can't sing in front of people.

I'm very shy.

- Why do you think - I wear all this makeup?

Well, you were kind of ugly.

You're not helping

my confidence.

OK, maybe this will.

[Adam whispering]

Come on, you can do this!

? Even once you're not living ?

? My love'll soar

like a rocket ?

? That's why

I'll always be inching ?

? In and out

of your eye socket ?

? When you're dead and buried ?

? In a box six feet south ?

? I'll be the little

fly larva ?

? Crawling

in and out of your mouth ?

? 'Cause I'm gonna be your

death maggot, death maggot ?

? When they go to the lake

and drag it ?

? Death maggot, death maggot ?

? After they take

your toe and tag it ?

That was beautiful!

I did it! I wasn't afraid.

- Thanks, Adam.

- You're welcome,

and I'm sorry

I pretended to be you.

- That's OK. You can - make it up to me.

How? Just name it.

- Now that I know - you can pass for me,

- You can make all those - personal appearances

I don't feel like making.

In order to draw attention

- to the plight - of the black-footed ferret,

I pledge to live

among them for a month!

Uh-oh.

[screaming]

In case you were wondering,

that was definitely

my scared "Aah!"

OK, there's one in my pants!

The clouds are in the sky.

[students]

The clouds are in the sky.

Has anybody seen Rupinder?

[students]

Has anybody seen Rupinder?

I do not know

why no one will listen to me!

How many times

do I have to tell them?

The cat is in the tree!

[meow]

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