Original subtitles

The dionaea muscipula.

- Does anyone know - its common name?

Marty?

It's the Venus-flytrap.

Very good, Echo.

Because the Venus-flytrap

evolved in a phosphorus-poor

environment,

it gains its nutrients

by catching and eating flies.

[fly buzzes]

[chomp]

Ew!

Gross!

Isn't that gross, Slab?

[fly buzzes]

What was that?

[Tater] Mr. Young.

Do you want to explain this?

Well, it's called a folder,

and it's used to store

loose papers.

Thank you.

But the real reason

I'm here is this...

the cost report for your class.

Look at the frivolous things

you're spending money on:

protective goggles,

safety gloves...

chalk.

Without chalk, how am I

supposed to write on the board?

You can reclaim the dust

from these brushes

to form new chalk

using this chalk regenerator.

[regenerator hums]

[regenerator dings]

Best $40,000 we ever spent.

Hey, what's this?

Looks expensive.

[chomp]

Aah! It's got my nose!

Stay away from it! That may be

a plant, but it eats...

[Venus-flytrap chomps,

[Tater screams]

meat.

? Goodbye, summer

hello, fall ?

- ? We've been trying - to get here ?

? Since we both

were barely two feet tall ?

? Who you calling "kid"? ?

? Who you calling "kid"? ?

? Who you calling "kid"? ?

- ? You can call me - what you want ?

? But I won't hear a word

where I am hid ?

? Who you calling "kid"? ??

Thanks to that stupid plant

depleting all my phosphorus,

I have to eat these nuts.

That's right,

I'm talking about you, Marty.

- Anything I can do - to make you feel better?

- Yes: go down the stairs, - out the front door,

Start walking, and never stop.

- But then he would just - circle the globe

- And end up back at - Finnegan High.

Yes, but at the back door,

which by then

I will have locked.

Man, I wish Tater would quit

picking on me and get a hobby.

There are tons of fun hobbies,

like collecting bacteria.

Studying bacteria.

Meeting up with your friends

and trading bacteria.

What he needs is a woman.

And you know what, bacteria boy?

So do you.

"Bacteria boy"?

Wait'll I tell

my bacteria buddies.

Read the sign!

I'm on a break!

Give yourself a wedgie.

[grunts]

Hey, you call that a wedgie?

Put some muscle into it!

[ripping]

There you go!

[high-pitched voice]

I'm happy if you're happy.

All right,

let's see what we have.

[shrieking]

What happened?

Is my lunch haunted?

My mom did get this bag cheap

- because there had been - a murder in it.

[whimpering]

Then what was it?

Is it the sandwich?

The nectarine?

Well, it can't be the milk...

[shrieking]

You're afraid of milk?

Aah!

Stop it, stop it, stop it!

How are we supposed

to find Tater a woman?

He's not exactly a catch.

We'll set him up.

Someone's gonna like Tater.

Stop undressing me

with your eyes!

Well, at least Miss Daley,

the gym teacher,

didn't slap him!

She hit him with

a field hockey stick.

2%? So now you're walking around

displaying your science grade?

I'm up to 2%?!

- I'm dressed like this - because I found out

That Slab is afraid of milk.

- I'm gonna pay him back - for all those times

He's made my life miserable.

Or... you could help him

overcome his fear

and turn an enemy into an ally.

OK, I'll do it your way...

but only because it's impossible

to go to the bathroom in

this thing.

[Tater] Well, I've cut

field hockey from the budget.

Is that the smallest thing you

could find to ice your cheek?

The cafeteria buys in bulk

to save money.

And after all, this school

is all about saving money.

[woman] Hello.

Mom?

I brought your lunch,

- although I had to fight off this - huge kid

Who tried to take it from me.

Ms. Young, you're always

a breath of fresh air

in this place...

- which we could use, - because we've tested the air

In this place,

and it's borderline toxic.

Oh, hi, Principal Tater.

Ah, please.

Call me Principal.

OK.

Adam, I'll see you later.

[Tater laughs]

"Later"!

That's a good one.

I like that.

"La-ter."

[awkward chuckle]

Uh, it doesn't sound as funny

when I say it.

"I'll see you later!"

[door opens and closes]

Nope, I just don't have

the rhythm.

Tater is obviously interested

in your mother.

We should set them up!

- I'm pretty sure my mom - would never agree

To a date with Tater.

She doesn't have

to know it's a date.

- So you're saying two people - can be on a date together

Without one of them knowing

it's actually a date?

Sure.

Maybe we should

go to dinner tonight

and talk about how

this plan might work?

OK!

Hey, Principal Tater,

guess what!

Adam's mother, Rachel,

wants to go on a date...

with you!

She does? With me?

Well, that's...

hardly surprising.

There isn't a woman around

who could resist this.

Quit undressing me

with your eyes!

Now dress me up again.

And give me a flowy scarf.

That's more like it.

Anyway, I was thinking

- you should plan - a romantic evening

For you and Rachel.

Hmm.

- I actually do have - passes for two

To Seahorse World.

Nothing says romance

- like watching a - majestic seahorse

Perform a triple somersault.

But stay out of the splash zone,

because you will get wet!

Not very wet, mind you,

because seahorses are tiny.

[awkward chuckle]

- How about you make - a nice dinner for Rachel?

I'm not sure that's

such a good idea.

- We'll get the cafeteria staff - to do everything,

And you can say you cooked it.

Phew... because I never

learned how to cook.

Mommy won't let me touch

the owie-maker.

You mean the stove?

Oh, what a cute nickname

for the owie-maker.

The school board is

making cuts to everything.

They fired half

the math department!

Math?

People need math!

Why don't they cut science?

If only there were someone

to represent the parents

and/or teachers,

some kind of association.

There is! I'm head of the Parent

Teacher Association!

What are the odds?

- Maybe you can meet - with Principal Tater

To try and make

the budget numbers work?

Say, tomorrow night

in the cafeteria?

Wear something slinky.

The math teachers would've

wanted it that way.

The branches are too high

on this fruit-ball tree.

- Don't you usually have - nerd-lunch for lunch?

[shrieking]

You don't have milk, do you?

No.

Ohh. Good.

Since the nerds learned

of my lactophobia,

every single one

of them brought milk.

[sipping]

- Well, I'm gonna help you - with your problem.

You're gonna beat up

nerds for me?

Where does that leave me?

- Once the nerds learn - they can beat up each other,

I'm out of a job!

And there I am, stuck at school

with nothing to do but learn!

Well... that's not gonna happen!

Jordan Slabinski

is not in school to learn!

- I mean I'm gonna - help you overcome

Your fear of milk.

It's the world's

most comforting food.

- The first thing - that calms us down

When we're born.

How are you gonna do that?

[high-pitched voice]

Now, come to mama!

No.

Come, Slabby, it's time

for num-num.

Uh-uh.

After your num-num,

you can have a nappy-nap.

Can I have a nappy-nap

without the num-num?

[normal voice] No.

[sighs]

Good boy. You want to grow up

to be big and strong.

[burps]

Doesn't that feel better?

[burps]

Yes, it does.

Looks like you've got

one more little burpy.

[burps]

[cries]

Motherhood: the toughest

job you'll ever love.

[Tater] Well, Echo, I'm ready

for my date with Rachel Young.

What?

Not enough chest oil?

I had to use most of it

to squeeze into these pants.

Uh, no.

It's the perfect amount

of chest oil.

It's just women prefer

a conservative sweater vest.

You're kidding!

That's what I wear every day!

Do you think it'll go

with these leather pants?

[mouths]

- I'll see you - after the meeting, honey.

You're going like that?

- Mom, you can't - represent the PTA

Looking like a... hobo.

I don't look like a hobo!

Now, where did I leave

my fingerless gloves?

At least put on some makeup.

Where's your lipstick?

In my purse!

[train whistle]

The train's getting away!

Ohh, I'm so hungry!

- [Derby] Not for long, - city slicker.

[cow moos]

Ooh!

We're having steak?!

[moos]

Ah, get over it.

We're not eating Shania;

we're gonna milk her.

That's where milk comes from?

- There's nothing to be afraid of, - big feller.

That's true.

- Cows and other ungulates - have been domesticated

Since the Neolithic period,

- where they were raised - for their...

[snoring]

[moos]

[Slab laughs]

Derby tipping... nice!

Anyway, back to milking.

Mmm, fresh milk.

Why don't you try, Slab?

- This is one of the world's - gentlest animals.

[cow moos]

I'd kick him in the face too

if he tried that with me.

Principal Tater?

Rach... el.

Uh, these are for you.

And these.

And this.

Also this.

[car alarm chirping]

- [Adam] I don't know - about this plan, Echo.

Why?

- Your mother thinks she's - at a budget meeting with Tater.

- Tater thinks he's on a date - with your mother.

We cook for both of them,

- and as long as neither of them - listens to a word

The other says,

everyone's happy.

Not everyone!

Is dinner almost ready?

- [high-pitched voice] - Just a few more minutes.

[deepened voice] We're just

getting the croutons.

Those aren't too garlicky,

are they?

Because I'm out of mints.

More salad?

No, thanks, I'm fine.

Now, let's get back

to why we're here.

My thoughts exactly.

I know you've been going it

alone for a long time,

but you don't have to

anymore.

Think of me as your partner.

What should we do... partner?

See? It's going great!

I don't want to move

too fast for you,

but I have a figure

I think you'll really like!

Well, I'd love to see it!

I don't really need

that much room.

- She's gonna show him - financial information,

- And the whole thing's - gonna fall apart!

What are we going to do?!

I've got it. Bubble!

Bubble! Bubble!

Oh, no. It sounds like

the linguine is boiling over!

How's it going in here?

- [high-pitched voice] We're just - about to make the linguine.

Why is it taking so long?

Is your owie-maker broken?

Hey, if you're not happy,

you can always go home.

Go home?

- I've never been on a date - that's gone so well!

Look at my face...

not one slap-mark.

I think I'm gonna kiss her.

[gasps]

Ho, ho!

Someone's jealous.

Please help me!

I may have given

- that beautiful woman - out there roses,

But now she's going

to get "two lips."

That's provocative wordplay.

Not everybody likes

provocative wordplay.

[Echo groans]

[normal voice]

We have a really big problem!

Yes, we do!

[nasally]

I think the cow broke my nose.

I know.

Hilarious!

Ha ha ha!

I need to find a bag of

frozen peas to put on it.

[Echo] Help!

Help!

Yes, I do need help!

Do you know where the peas are?

Never mind, I'll find them.

[Slab sniffs]

Smells delicious.

What are you making?

Linguine in cream sauce.

Cream? As in the

fattier version of milk?!

[screaming]

Help! I never learned to swim...

in milk, that is.

I can swim fine in water,

but this is somehow different.

Help!

Help!

Slab, you're cured!

Despite your lactophobia,

- you dove into the milk to - save me!

I did, didn't I?

- I guess you're - the type of person

That sees someone in trouble

and just has to help them.

I guess I am.

What about me?!

I don't know if you're

that type of person.

That's how a folder works.

So, do you like what you see?

Oh, I do. I do.

Is there anything

you'd like to remove?

As a matter of fact, there is.

Rachel?

Where'd you go?

Did you leave?

Oh, thank goodness.

Did you say something?

What, me?

No.

Great news, Echo.

I think he lost his nerve.

He's not going to kiss her.

I had to chew my way

through that bag.

Oh...

Wow!

Wow!

Wow!

Ew!

So, what now?

Well, if this lunch lady

and this ghost chef

will excuse us...

we'll continue this

somewhere more private.

[car alarm chirping]

My mom didn't get home till

2:00 in the morning last night!

She's having fun,

and Tater's off your back.

[Tater] Hey, hey, sport!

- How about after school, - you and me

Go down to the quad

and have a catch?

That would be great.

That's your mother's smile.

Do it again.

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