Original subtitles

Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb www.addic7ed.com

Four, three, two, one, Happy New Year!

♪ Should old acquaintance be forgot ♪

♪ And never brought to mind? ♪

Happy New Year!

♪ Should old acquaintance be forgot ♪

♪ And auld lang syne? ♪

♪ For auld lang syne, my dear ♪

Please, say something.

All right, fine.

I don't like how you're using this song to manipulate my feelings.

I didn't ask them to play it. Honest, it's tradition.

It's shady.

I've been begging you for ten minutes.

And I haven't asked you to take off those ridiculous glasses.

These glasses are timeless.

Come on. I miss you.

What do you miss?

- Everything. - I need to hear it.

Be specific.

I... I miss our talks.

I have no idea

what Britney is up to. And you got me invested in her hair

and now I don't know what's going on.

It's not good.

I miss your stupid laugh.

My stupid laugh? What about your stupid laugh?

You have the stupidest laugh of all. You're like:

Yeah, well yours is:

Oh...

I am sorry I was so selfish.

Annie, I love you.

In case I die.

And if that happens right now, before you say it back to me,

then I assure you, I will haunt you forever.

Or until you and Dax get married and it gets uncomfortable.

I need you.

Nasty Gal needs you.

♪ We'll take a cup of... ♪

Get over here, you dirty slut.

I love you, in case I die.

Should we kiss?

Kind of feels like we should kiss.

Never. Never. Never. Mwah!

♪ For auld lang syne ♪

Okay. Here it goes.

I hereby call to order the first official business meeting

of the worldwide business known as Nasty Gal.

- Business. - Whew.

Can I be honest? Rocky start.

Please, hold your comments till the end.

The only item on our agenda today

is to discuss the launch of NastyGal.com.

- Pyrotechnics. - Yeah.

Now you're cooking.

And to do that, three things have to happen. First, we need to create

a kick-ass website.

Fuck PowerPoint, that was crazy dramatic. Do the others.

You have to wait for the build.

Our website should be easy to use, but also cool to look at.

I don't want people to think they're buying a lame textbook.

That's great, but who's gonna make it

so that it actually works and stuff?

Is one of us a secret computer genius?

Is it me?

Tell me what a browser tab is.

- It's not me. - It's not me either.

But I've got this bad boy on my side

and three months to learn.

This brings me to my second point.

Are you gonna reveal window number two? So exciting.

Gah! Ha! I mean, did you practice this?

Where was I?

We need to tell everyone on the planet that on April 4th, 2008,

Nasty Gal is back.

Why April 4th?

Because it's Jamie Lynn Spears' birthday?

- What? - What?

At the rate we're blowing through cash,

that's the date my bank account achieves negative numbers.

And third, we need to get enough inventory

to last us a few weeks after the launch.

Oh, wait. Okay.

This one is gonna say "Get inventory."

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Uh...

So satisfying.

I knew you'd love that.

Okay, well, as far as inventory goes,

I think a hundred pieces ought to do it.

But they can't just be any pieces.

These need to be one-of-a-kind items that you can't find anywhere else.

- How many you got? - Forty-seven.

Okay...

- What's that? - It's a telethon thermometer.

It strongly resembles a penis.

Heh, heh. Well, we are at half chub now.

As soon as we're fully erect, we're in business.

Yeah. Meeting adjourned.

Yeah.

Hey.

Hey.

Long day at rehearsal?

Yup.

- We recorded our demo. - Mm?

We might actually do a whole album.

Well, make sure you go heavy on the "oohs" in your songs.

- 'Cause people love that shit. - I think we're pretty good.

Yeah.

I think, maybe. I don't know, I'm too close to it.

I have so much to do.

Get ready to hear the words "launch" and "site" a gazillion times.

Try not to put too much pressure on yourself.

Are you kidding?

There's not enough pressure in the world to put on myself.

This means everything.

If I fail at this, then I basically fail as a human.

You're right. It's late.

I'm insane.

Whoa. What's happening?

Is that a muscle spasm?

That's sex for tonight.

Oh...

- This was a great day. - Yeah.

The best.

- Everybody set? - No.

I'm just standing in a tiny room

with my arm straight out for no reason.

Cool. One, two, three, four.

- Should we dive in? - Like Greg fucking Louganis.

Who's that?

This silver fox who gave a motivational speech at my high school.

♪ Nothing in my nature Tells me not to do bad things ♪

♪ I know that I really Should be good tonight ♪

♪ There's a kind of satisfaction That destruction brings ♪

♪ Consequences never could convince me That I should do right ♪

♪ I'll come crashing ♪

♪ I'll come crashing ♪

♪ I'll come crashing down In the ash of a fire rack ♪

♪ It feels ♪

♪ I'll come crashing ♪

♪ I'll come crashing ♪

♪ Down in the ash of a fire rack ♪

♪ It feels ♪

♪ Nothing matches the passionate thrill ♪

♪ Of desire, oh ♪

♪ Fuck, yeah ♪

Come on. Two more pieces.

Think. Think. Think.

Hey, it worked.

This is where unclaimed luggage goes to die.

Mm-hmm. Think of baggage claim as purgatory

and this place as a dank, tacky hell.

Are you kidding? This place is a gold mine.

You may need to reevaluate your standards.

Oh.

I think there's some secret agent out there whose cover is way blown.

- You want one? - I don't accept pre-owned wigs,

- thank you. - Aw.

Poor kid.

Probably visiting her grandma,

having no fun and without any Underoos.

Oh.

Oh, my goodness. How'd the dogs miss that?

Finder's fee. Have fun.

Yeah.

Open those pores.

- Real or ghost? - Real. I'm Kaavi, the web designer.

Kaavi. Hi.

- How long have you been standing there? - Nine minutes.

Okay. Um...

Hi, I'm Annie. Sophia should be back any minute.

In the meantime, welcome to Nasty Gal.

Okay.

Oh. Hey. Uh...

This is one of the pieces we're selling on her website.

- What do you think? - I think it's blue

and it has a butterfly on it whose size is zoologically incorrect.

- I'm not a fashion person. - That's cool.

I'm not a computer person. We'll get along great.

I'm my best self from ten to two,

so, maybe you could point me toward my workstation?

Actually, never mind. I'll just set up here.

Oh, you can't just...

Okay, yeah.

Ninety-nine and 100. Put it on the dick board!

We are officially at full-blown...

- wood. - Yeah.

Oh, my God. Okay, I would take a bullet

for that jumpsuit, Secret Service-style, man.

Right? Halston vintage.

- It's perfect. - Yes.

Hey. Even you need to give it up for the jumpsuit.

It'd look good in a museum exhibit about lady astronauts from the '70s.

Why are the stairs being shitty to me?

Sophia, I saw you struggling with the website.

So, I asked Kaavi here...

to come on board and help us out.

Hmm.

I'm sorry. Can I have a private talk with Annie?

Probably. You should ask her.

Annie.

We can't afford to bring on new help now.

We can't afford not to. April is coming up fast,

and the site still isn't done.

Just give her a chance.

She was cheap. Like, there-might-be- something-wrong-with-her cheap.

This conversation is not private.

We won't say anything bad. Don't worry.

I don't like her. Nope. She's got a weird, weird energy.

Yeah, but she's an Ivy League grad and knows what she's doing.

If she sucks, we'll get rid of her.

Is your Wi-Fi network BC Marine Services or Two Dope Bitches?

It's the latter.

I know. I wanted to illustrate how clearly we can hear each other

from our respective positions.

Kaavi.

I need you to make the site look like this.

Let me guess, you tried to do it and failed.

- I didn't try that hard. - Two months, she tried. Two months.

Welcome aboard.

A hundred items, check.

That oddball Kaavi building a website I designed, check.

And the entire Western vintage buying world awaiting our launch, check.

This might actually work.

Of course it's going to work.

We have the confidence of much older women.

What impression...

do you leave...

on the world?

I need to touch it.

Sophia!

- Gosh! Hi. - Hi.

Oh, my... I'm so happy you are here to witness this.

I mean, at first when I saw you, I thought I must be hallucinating.

Because how much truth and beauty can one room fit?

That and the pot cookie I had earlier. It's the only way to watch art.

- Nathan, Sophia's here! - Sophia.

- Hi. - Oh, it's so good to see you.

Yeah, you, too.

Man, that was...

so...

art.

The highest form of praise. Bless you.

- Tell her more about it. - How much time do you have?

- Uh... - Right, so, the short version.

So, I was at a clearance sale for the Sharper Image

and there were all these signs that said "Everything must go."

And I thought, no.

Not everything. But then as I thought more, it hit me.

Yes.

Everything.

Yes.

- Totally get it. - Oh, good.

I'm so happy.

Oh, honey. Is this about how deep that shit was?

No, I'm fine. It's just, um,

you know, I killed myself for six months building that apparatus.

I put everything I had into it, and for what?

Nobody cares.

This show was a total flop.

Your art will find its own audience. My mouth is so dry.

My tongue is like a mitten.

She's right. You can't put yourself down after one show.

I've had 24 in the past year.

I've been real busy.

I think I'm done with art.

Or rather,

art is done with me.

It has spoken.

And it said,

"Get out."

Oh! Oh, there we go. It's okay. You know what? Okay.

So, you're not going to be an artist. Who cares?

You are a jack-of-all-trades.

There is nothing...

- you can't do. - Except art.

You know, it's just time to shift gears.

Right?

I'm gonna just move on to something else.

Something bigger.

Okay, something that will change the world.

- Something like dance. - Something like dance?

- Sophia. - Sophia, come here.

Oh, my goodness.

We have a problem.

This is NastyGal.com, your website.

- You're so big, harder... - And it's filled with porn.

No, okay. I've seen worse. So, does that help?

- ... I feel so nasty. - No. No, it doesn't.

How did you get this far without checking if the domain was available?

- Hey. She's had a lot going on. - Fuck.

I am hella bush league.

So is that.

I prefer erotic fiction. It's like pornography for the imagination.

Shit. I'm such an idiot.

If you want, I could take two minutes out of my day

to register a new web address.

Or we could use that time to continue watching

this skillful lovemaking.

I've given that address to thousands of people.

And on April 4th, everyone's gonna go to NastyGal.com

and get an eyeful of shaved sniz.

Sophia, we can fix this.

Just go back to NastyGalVintage.com.

It was the name of your eBay store.

We'll say there was some confusion. It's no big deal.

- It's fine. - No. No. Fine is not perfect.

Well, if you're looking for perfect...

That is not what I asked you to do.

I know. I did more than what you asked me to do.

I didn't ask you to do that.

I want it the way I want it.

This is my baby we are talking about here.

Well, your customers are gonna find your baby

boring, confusing and ugly.

My sister has that baby. She named him Cormac.

Your services and your sweatshirts are no longer welcome.

Fine.

I'll just grab my stuff and go.

This is mine.

Ah, that's too tight.

I also have to breathe whenever I sleep.

I'm like normal people that way.

Sorry.

I'm so stressed out.

- Kaavi is just... - Who's Kaavi?

The girl building our site.

I told you about her last night.

Don't snap at me. I forget.

She's just so annoying.

Doing her own thing.

As if what I want means nothing.

No respect for authority.

Oh, my God. Who have I become?

I have one of those headaches where I might throw up.

You wanna have sex?

It's been known to cure a headache.

The only doctors who say that are dudes.

So, no?

I'm just messing up left and right.

Nothing's perfect.

Everything's a little off.

Well, you're perfect.

And a little off.

So, it's gonna be great.

Whatever.

That jumpsuit.

Where did you get it?

Miss, we have rules here.

What's happening?

Well, I will tell you what's happening.

Giant corporations steal from artists

to sell watered-down versions of authenticity.

And then we all just walk around like... like sheep.

In a jail of capitalism.

What the hell are you talking about? Do we not have your size?

I'm gonna put an end to mass commodification of specialized goods.

No longer will we buy cheaply made clothes for extraordinary prices.

Well, this particular item is quite affordable.

Lower price point than I would have guessed.

I know what I'll do.

How many stores do you have?

Like 400.

In America.

Okay, flawed plan.

Cute jumpsuit.

Yeah, if you're a lady astronaut.

That doesn't make any sense.

I know!

Jumpsuits are out. All jumpsuits are...

out.

And I fucking saw something that looked like this

at that horrible place, too.

Whoa. Hey, Soph. Sophia. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Calm down. You're coming unglued.

Want me to restrain you? I took Krav Maga.

Once, to meet a guy I saw through the window.

What is that?

I brought her back to work on the site. Hey, we need her.

Now, tell me what's wrong.

Everything. All of it.

The website, inventory, outreach, it's all screwed up.

We are never gonna make this launch date. We have to push it back.

We'll run out of money.

- We're not fucking ready. - We cannot push it back.

Oh, man.

Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man.

What if we just did all of this work and no one cares? Everything.

Just for nothing.

I mean, you saw what happened with Nathan.

Maybe I should just quit while I'm ahead.

Before I'm rejected.

I'll just find something else to do.

Okay.

I can say this because I'm your friend,

but you can't do anything else.

This store,

this place, this whole idea is you.

It's your dream.

Dreams die.

Yours won't.

I'm serious.

The second that site goes live, you're a success.

Regardless of whether you sell a single item.

- How do you figure? - Sophia.

You're a woman who started a business from nothing.

You pushed through the pins

and made an impression on the world that wasn't there before.

If you quit now,

you're just a girl with a bunch of old clothes.

That jumpsuit is good.

It'll sell.

NastyGalVintage.com is good. Kaavi's website is good.

Kaavi's website is perfect.

You believe me when I say it's gonna be okay. Right?

Yeah.

I do.

Now...

I know you're new to this boss shit,

but you can't just walk in here acting like a crazy person.

You need to clear your head. Take the day off.

- Go get fucked. - Annie, come on.

Serious. When was the last time you two did it?

If you have to think, it's been too long.

Raise your hand if you had sex this morning.

What?

Go to that man of yours and have him do you.

Fuck your mind straight.

Yeah, we do get it.

- Yeah. - We get it, Kaavi.

Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb www.addic7ed.com