Original subtitles

>> Jon: [ Distorted ] WHAT

HAPPENS WHEN YOU TAKE A FAMILY

FROM THE WITNESS PROTECTION

PROGRAM...

>> Susan: MOVE THEM TO

NEW YORK CITY...

>> David: AND GIVE THEM THEIR

OWN REALITY SHOW?

>> * DA-DA-DA-DA, DO-DO

>> Jon: PREVIOUSLY ON

"DELOCATED"...

>> SPECIAL DELIVERY FLYING IN.

>> Jon: JUST GIVE ME THE [BLEEP]

ENVELOPE, JAY.

GET OUT!

JAY, WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE?

SHOULDN'T YOU BE BACK AT THE

DESK?

>> I CAME TO SEE SUPPORT YOU.

>> WHY ARE YOU HERE, TODD BARRY?

WHY DO YOU BOTHER COMING HERE

ALL THE TIME?

>> I GUESS THAT ACE YOU WERE

HOPING FOR IS TODD BURIED IN THE

DECK SOMEWHERE, HUH?

[ LAUGHS ]

>> VERY FUNNY JOKE. YES, SIR.

UM...JUST PUT THIS ON MY TAB,

ALL RIGHT?

I'M GONNA GO DO A SET.

CATCH YOU GUYS LATER.

>> I HOPE YOU, UH, BURY THE

CROWD TONIGHT.

[ LAUGHS ]

>> YOU KNOW, I HAVEN'T HEARD

THAT, SERIOUSLY, SINCE SECOND

GRADE.

SERIOUSLY, THAT'S, UM, THAT'S

GREAT STUFF.

DO YOU KNOW ABOUT SECOND GRADE?

SCHOOL -- IT'S WHERE YOU GO TO

GET SMARTS.

THEN WHEN YOU GET SMART, YOU GET

A GOOD CAREER, MAYBE END UP IN A

FILM THAT'S IN THE VENICE FILM

FESTIVAL AND WINS THE WHOLE

FESTIVAL.

AND THEN YOU HOOK UP WITH CLASSY

WOMEN.

BUT I'M SURE YOU GUYS MUST MEET

CLASSY WOMEN, BEING CRIMINALS

AND ALL THAT, NOT SKANKY AT ALL,

I BET.

HEY, WHAT'S UP?

I GOT TO GO DO A SET.

>> YOU NO LONGER HAVE TAB.

DEBT TOO HIGH.

YOU PAY IMMEDIATELY.

>> I DON'T THINK THERE ARE ANY

BANKS OPEN AT THIS HOUR, AND I

DON'T THINK I CAN GET $30,000

FROM AN A.T.M., EITHER.

>> SO GO HOME AND GET IT.

>> NO, I DON'T HAVE $30,000

CASH.

I'M A CIVILIZED PERSON.

WE DON'T HAVE $30,000 --

WHAT THE [BLEEP]

>> THIS BULLET...

GOING IN YOUR HEAD!

OR JON'S HEAD.

YOUR CHOICE, TODD BARRY.

>> JON'S HEAD, JON'S HEAD.

>> Jon: I AM PSYCHED TO TRY

THESE NEW RUNNING SHOES.

CUSTOM-FITTED TO EACH FOOT.

500 BONE-A-ROOS A POP.

TOTALLY WORTH IT.

CHECK IT OUT.

LOOKING GOOD, RIGHT?

>> GREAT. WANT TO GO?

>> Jon: PART OF THE ENSEMBLE

WORKING, HEAD-TO-TOE TOTAL

PACKAGE.

>> FANTASTIC. COME ON.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S HIT IT.

>> Jon: LET'S BUST A SNEAKER

CHERRY IN THESE BAD BOYS.

WHOO! LET'S DO IT!

[BLEEP] [BLEEP] [BLEEP]

WHAT THE [BLEEP] IS THIS?

"JON, CONGRATS ON YOUR TWO-YEAR

ANNIVERSARY IN THE BUILDING.

HERE'S TO A DELICIOUS START TO

TWO MORE YEARS.

FROM JAY, THE DOORMAN."

>> OH, THAT'S NICE.

>> Jon: [BLEEP] JAY.

JAY!

>> HEY, JON.

I SEE YOU GOT THE SCONES.

MAYBE YOU COULD TAKE ME TO THE

SCONE ZONE LATER, YOU KNOW, LIKE

THE BONE ZONE THAT YOU'RE ALWAYS

TALKING ABOUT.

I THOUGHT ABOUT WRITING THAT ON

THE CARD.

I, UH, GOT THE BASKET DOWN IN

CHINATOWN.

THERE'S A LOT OF CUTE SHOPS DOWN

THERE.

>> Jon: ARE YOU DONE? YES?

>> YEAH.

>> Jon: THIS IS EXACTLY HOW

PEOPLE RUIN THEIR BRAND-NEW

RUNNING SHOES BEFORE GETTING TO

TAKE THEM ON THEIR VIRGIN RUN,

OKAY?

AND HOW MANY TIMES CAN I TELL

YOU THAT I [BLEEP] HATE SCONES?

>> I JUST THOUGHT IT'D BE A NICE

WAY TO START YOUR MORNING.

>> Jon: HERE'S HOW I LIKE TO

START MY DAY, JAY -- WITH A

BAGEL, OKAY?

AN EVERYTHING BAGEL, TOASTED,

WITH BUTTER.

>> YOU EVER FIRE ONE OF THESE

BEFORE?

>> NO, I HAVEN'T.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

CAN'T WE JUST GO TO A BANK OR

SOMETHING AND GET A LOAN?

>> JUST THINK OF ME AS BANK, AND

THIS IS INTEREST.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS RELAX,

AIM, AND SHOOT.

>> A RIPE HEIRLOOM TOMATO,

SLICED NICELY WITH A TOMATO

KNIFE.

>> HANG ON. I GOT TO TAKE THIS.

IT'S MY THERAPIST.

YOU KNOW, I HAD THIS CRAZY DREAM

LAST NIGHT, WHERE I WAS RIDING

THIS TANDEM BICYCLE WITH SUSAN,

AND THEN WE THROUGH THIS, LIKE,

STICKY RAIN CLOUD.

AND THEN SHE WAS RIDING ME.

I WAS THE BIKE.

HANG ON. HELLO?

YEAH.

>> Jon: I USE A TOMATO KNIFE,

'CAUSE THEY'RE DESIGNED TO CUT

TOMATOES.

>> IT'S LIKE THE FOURTH TIME

I'VE HAD THE DREAM NOW, AND...

>> DON'T WORRY, TODD BARRY.

I HAVE FULL CONFIDENCE IN YOU.

>> Jon: [ Slowly ] ALSO, IF I

EVER USE CREAM CHEESE, WHICH IS

NOT OFTEN, I LIKE CAPERS.

YOU PUT THE CAPERS IN BEFORE YOU

SPREAD.

YOU DON'T TRY TO SMEAR THE

CAPERS...

JON!

[ GUNSHOT ]

[ TIRES SQUEAL ]

>> SHOTS FIRED.

LOCATION -- TANGO, ALPHA.

MAN DOWN! MAN DOWN!

>> Jon: JAY?!

JAY!

>> THE BULLET LODGED IN A NERVE

NEAR THE SPINE, WHICH IS CAUSING

THE PARALYSIS.

>> JESUS.

>> I'M SORRY.

[ MONITOR BEEPING ]

>> WHAT YOU DID, JAY, WAS BRAVE.

VERY BRAVE.

WE'VE DECIDED TO MAKE YOU...

AN HONORARY MEMBER OF THE FBI.

AND WE'VE DECIDED TO MAKE YOU AN

HONORARY MEMBER OF THE [BLEEP]

UP COMMITTEE.

THAT'S TWO STRIKES, ROB.

YOU DEAL WITH YOUR PERSONAL

PROBLEMS ON YOUR OWN TIME.

>> WELL...THAT GUY NEEDS TO

LEARN SOME PEOPLE SKILLS, AM I

RIGHT?

>> Jon: TWO STRIKES?

>> TRUST ME -- IT WAS NOTHING

>> Jon: I DON'T WANT PEOPLE WITH

STRIKES GUARDING ME AND MY

FAMILY, ROB.

UNLESS WE'RE TALKING ABOUT

BOWLING, AND THEN I WANT ALL

STRIKES, BUT I'M PRETTY SURE HE

WAS TALKING ABOUT BASEBALL.

HOW YOU DOING, JAY?

YOU NEED SOME MORE WATER OR

ANYTHING?

>> UH, SURE, JON. THANKS.

>> Jon: [ SIGHS ]

>> That should have been my

bullet.

Okay?

I'm the one that should be

getting the glory right now, not

you.

The whole thing makes me look

real bad, my friend.

One more strike and I'm out.

>> SO IT WAS BASEBALL.

LOOK, YOU WERE ON THE PHONE.

I WAS JUST REACTING.

>> "I WAS JUST REACTING."

YEAH, HOGGING THE SPOTLIGHT'S A

LITTLE MORE LIKE IT, ISN'T IT?

>> Jon: HOG A WHAT?

>> WHAT? NO, IT'S JUST, UH...

JUST A COUPLE OF FELLOW

BULLET-TAKERS TALKING SHOP, YOU

KNOW?

>> Jon: OH, YEAH?

ALL RIGHT. LITTLE SHOP TALK.

>> LITTLE SHOP TALK.

>> Jon: HEY, THAT'S GREAT, JAY.

HERE YOU GO.

DRINK UP, LITTLE GUY.

OKAY.

ALMOST FORGOT -- GOT SOME

LIFE SAVERS FOR THE LIFESAVER.

>> HEY.

>> Jon: LIVE SAVER MUSTACHE.

[ CHUCKLES ]

I'LL LEAVE THEM RIGHT HERE ON

THE BED, OKAY?

I'LL SEE YOU AROUND.

I'LL BE BACK TOMORROW.

OKAY? YOU TAKE IT EASY.

LET'S GO.

>> [ GROANS ]

[ GROANS ]

>> MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO TO

DOCTOR.

>> I NEVER BEEN SHOT BEFORE!

>> WELL, YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER

SHOT ANYONE BEFORE.

I GOT SAY IT WAS A RUSH, THOUGH.

I MEAN, WHEN WE WERE IN THAT CAR

AFTERWARDS, I TOTALLY HAD A

BONER.

>> BEE-YOOP!

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> I REMEMBER BY FIRST DEATH

ERECTION.

>> OH, DEATH ERECTION.

I LIKE THAT.

>> [ GROANS ]

>> ALL THESE YEARS I'VE BEEN

TAKING VIAGRA, I COULD HAVE JUST

BEEN KILLING PEOPLE.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> YOU'RE A FUNNY GUY,

TODD BARRY.

I'M GLAD YOU HAD BONER.

>> Jon: OKAY, JAY, HOME SWEET

HOME.

>> DO YOU HAVE A NURSE STARTING

FOR ME TOMORROW?

>> Jon: I DID YOU ONE BETTER,

ACTUALLY.

I GOT YOU A FULL-TIME DOCTOR.

"PAGING DR. JON. PAGING DR. JON.

CODE BLUE.

PARALYZED GUY NEEDS TENDING TO

STAT."

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

LOOK...

I'M GONNA TAKE CARE OF YOU.

I'M GONNA HELP YOU WALK AGAIN,

EVEN IF IT TAKES UNTIL THE DAY I

DIE.

UNLESS YOU DIE FIRST.

LET'S GET SOME SLEEP.

* OOH DA DE DA DE DA-DUM

* OOH DO DA DE DA DO

* GO TO SLEEP, MY LITTLE JAY

* DO NOT MAKE A PEEP

>> TODD, I WOULD LOVE TO OPEN

FOR YOU ON THE ROAD SOMETIME.

>> OH, MAN. UH, MAYBE.

I DON'T KNOW.

I JUST DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE

READY YET.

WHAT'S THIS?

>> JUST OPEN.

>> IT'S OBVIOUS YOU LIKE.

>> YEAH.

BUT, UH, I JUST -- WHY ARE YOU

BUYING ME PRESENTS WHEN I STILL

OWE YOU MONEY?

>> IT'S NOT PRESENT.

IT'S TO HELP PAY OFF DEBT.

>> Jon: PAGING DR. SCONE.

PAGING DR. SCONE.

NEED YOU TO GET IN JAY'S BELLY

STAT.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

HERE WE GO.

LOOK AT THAT.

OOH! YUMMY.

HOW'S THAT LOOK, HUH?

>> GOOD.

>> Jon: READY?

[ IMITATES AIRPLANE ENGINE

WHIRRING ]

[ IMITATES CRASHING ]

OH, YEAH.

HEY! BATH TIME.

WHO'S READY TO GET CLEAN?

>> YEAH, I AM.

>> Jon: OKAY.

WELL, LET'S GET THESE UNDIES

OFF YOU, HUH?

UH...

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

UM...

JUST GONNA GRAB SOMETHING REAL

QUICK, OKAY?

UH, HEY, ROB?

UH, CAN YOU WATCH JAY FOR A SEC?

>> YEAH, SURE.

>> Jon: THANKS.

>> MY GOD.

>> Jon: OKAY, YOU, UH -- YOU CAN

DO THIS.

HE SAVED YOUR LIFE, AND YOU ARE

GONNA WASH THAT HUGE DONG.

I CAN'T. I WILL NOT.

YOU WILL.

I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS.

CLEAN THIS DONG...ON THE COUNT

OF 45.

HEY, JAY, I FOUND IT.

OKAY, WHO'S READY TO GET CLEAN?

>> Well, I can, um...

Well, can I have an emergency

session?

Well, no, but I really need to

speak to you.

No, I'm telling you -- his dong

is nuts.

>> TELL THEM I SENT YOU.

>> WHO IS IT?

>> IT DOES NOT MATTER.

YOU WILL BE FINE.

THEY CANNOT SEE ME LIKE THIS.

I CANNOT SHOW WEAKNESS.

>> WHAT DO YOU WANT?

>> I'M HERE TO COLLECT FOR

SERGEI.

>> SERGEI SENT YOU?

DON'T I KNOW YOU?

>> I DON'T KNOW, PROBABLY.

>> YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW YOU.

YOU COMEDIAN.

YOU FUNNY GUY.

>> THANK YOU, MONKEY.

>> MONKEY.

[ Laughing ] MONKEY SEE.

>> THANKS, MONKEY.

>> HOW DID THAT GO?

>> TWO BONERS IN ONE DAY.

IT'S A NEW RECORD.

SERIOUSLY, ALL BONERS ASIDE,

I'M...I'M ENJOYING MYSELF.

>> "THE WRESTLER," GROCERY-STORE

MANAGER.

>> YEAH, THAT WAS ME.

>> I KNEW IT.

>> OH. THANKS, BUDDY.

>> I KNOW YOU.

DAVID LETTERMAN.

"FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS."

>> YEAH.

>> THANK YOU, MAN.

"ROAD TRIP."

>> YEAH, I WAS IN THAT, AS WELL.

GUY WAS A HUGE FAN OF MINE.

>> WHAT DO YOU WANT?

>> I'M HERE TO COLLECT FOR

SERGEI.

>> SERGEI SENT YOU, HUH?

WAIT.

>> THANKS.

[ SIREN CHIRPS ]

>> STOP RIGHT THERE!

HANDS ON THE HOOD!

PUT THEM ON THE HOOD!

>> GET OVER THERE.

>> GO TO THE CAR AND PUT THEM ON

THE HOOD!

>> GET [BLEEP] OUT OF HERE.

[ TIRES SQUEAL ]

HIT IT!

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

>> I'M HERE AT THE SCENE OF AN

ORGANIZED-CRIME RAID IN

BRIGHTON BEACH, WHERE

SOMEWHAT-KNOWN COMEDIAN

TODD BARRY WAS ARRESTED FOR

RACKETEERING AND CARRYING A

CONCEALED WEAPON.

>> SEE HIM ONSTAGE, AND YOU

DON'T THINK VIOLENT CRIMINAL.

>> LOVE TODD BARRY.

THAT'S TOO BAD.

>> NO NEWS IS BAD NEWS WHEN IT

PASSES THROUGH THOSE BEAUTIFUL

LIPS.

>> ...THE MOVIE "THE WRESTLER"

AND HIS BIT PARTS ON TV.

THE COMEDIAN HAS NO PREVIOUSLY

KNOWN TIES TO ORGANIZED CRIME.

>> UH-OH.

CRUSH ALERT!

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

>> YOU DID NOT RAT US OUT,

TODD BARRY.

YOUR DEBT -- ERASED.

THANK YOU. SPACIBO.

>> YEAH, BUT I DON'T REALLY CARE

ABOUT ALL THAT.

I JUST REALLY WANT TO GET OUT OF

HERE.

>> DON'T WORRY.

WE HAVE CONNECTIONS TO GET

SENTENCE REDUCED.

YOU'RE OUT IN ONE OR 10 DAYS.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT?

CAN WE MAKE IT MORE LIKE ONE?

'CAUSE, I MEAN, I HAVE A TOUR

STARTING TOMORROW, AND IT'S LIKE

35 PRESOLD TICKETS.

>> FIRST, YOU HAD DEATH BONER.

THEN YOU HAD SCARED BONER.

DID YOU GET PRISON BONER YET?

>> I SAW A PRISON BONER.

>> BEE-YOOP!

[ LAUGHS ]

>> WHY AM I DRESSED LIKE THIS?

I LOOK RIDICULOUS.

>> Jon: JAY, WHEN THE WOMAN OF

YOUR DREAMS COMES WALKING IN THE

FRONT DOOR, YOU WANT HER TO

FOCUS ON YOU.

>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

>> Jon: I'M TALKING ABOUT A

MEETING BETWEEN YOU AND A

CERTAIN REPORTER THAT YOU HAVE A

CERTAIN CRUSH ON, ALL COURTESY

OF DOC CUPID.

>> YOU SET ME UP ON A DATE WITH

LESLIE KING?

>> NO, WE SET IT UP AS A NEWS

INTERVIEW.

I CALLED, PITCHED IT AS A

DOORMAN WHO TOOK A BULLET FOR A

TENANT.

THEY THOUGHT IT WAS A GREAT

STORY.

AS WELL THEY SHOULD.

I'M GONNA TAKE A SQUIRT.

>> Jon: LOOK, JAY, ALL YOU NEED

IS DONG-FIDENCE, ALL RIGHT?

DONG CONFIDENCE.

NOW, YOU'VE GOT THE DONG.

YOU JUST NEED THE "FIDENCE."

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

COMING.

AND NOW THE PIèCE OF RéSISTANCE.

BOOM.

>> JON, NO, PLEASE --

>> Jon: JAY.

HELLO. PLEASE COME IN. I'M JON.

>> I'M LESLIE.

>> Jon: GREAT TO MEET YOU.

COME RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER AND

MEET OUR HERO DONGMAN.

UH, DOORMAN.

[ Laughing ] HERO DOORMAN.

>> JAY, IT'S AN ABSOLUTE

PLEASURE TO MEET YOU.

I WAS BLOWN AWAY WHEN I HEARD

YOUR STORY.

>> I DON'T NORMALLY DRESS LIKE

THIS --

>> Jon: UH, JAY IS A HUGE FAN.

HE, UH, HE ACTUALLY STARTED YOUR

FAN PAGE ON FACEBOOK.

AND HE ALSO UPDATES YOUR

WIKIPEDIA PAGE EVERY WEEK.

>> WELL, THAT'S NICE TO HEAR.

>> OH, SORRY.

DON'T MEAN TO INTERRUPT THE

INTERVIEW.

>> NO, NOT AT ALL.

JAY AND I WERE JUST GETTING TO

KNOW EACH OTHER.

>> OH, UH, WELL, ONE THING I

HAPPEN TO KNOW ABOUT LESLIE IS

THAT SHE SPENT A, UH, WHOLE

SUMMER STUDYING ABROAD IN ROME.

>> OH, REALLY?

>> UH, YES.

>> WHAT, UH, WHAT, DID YOU DO AN

IMDB ON LESLIE?

[ LAUGHS ]

>> WELL, I'VE DONE A LOT OF

THINGS ON LESLIE.

WE JUST STARTED SEEING EACH

OTHER.

>> ROB.

>> JON, WHEEL ME AWAY FROM HERE,

PLEASE.

>> Jon: NO, HOLD ON, JAY.

ROB, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

>> NOT DOING ANYTHING.

>> Jon: OH BULL[BLEEP]

YOU KNOW JAY LIKES HER AND YOU

MADE YOUR MOVE.

>> EXCUSE ME?

>> LOOK --

>> JON, PLEASE?

>> Jon: JAY, SHUT UP.

I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU RIGHT

NOW.

>> LISTEN, THE HEART WANTS WHAT

IT WANTS.

>> Jon: OH, YEAH?

WELL, YOUR HEART IS A DICK.

>> JON, PLEASE?

>> I'M SORRY.

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

>> I DON'T KNOW.

>> Jon: LESLIE, JAY HAS A CRUSH

ON YOU, OKAY?

THAT'S WHY HE'S DRESSED

SUPERSEXY.

I WAS TRYING TO SET YOU GUYS UP.

ROB KNEW ALL OF THIS, AND FOR

SOME REASON THAT HAD BETTER BE

EXPLAINED TO ME, HE DECIDES TO

ASK YOU OUT.

>> HE TAKES MY BULLET, I STEAL

HIS GIRL.

>> UH, ROB, I'M NOT YOUR GIRL.

>> OH, LESLIE, COME ON.

YOU GOT TO ADMIT THERE'S A

CERTAIN...OBVIOUS ANIMAL

ATTRACTION BETWEEN US.

>> DON'T CALL ME EVER AGAIN.

>> LES. LES.

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

>> Jon: YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW

WHO I FEEL WORSE FOR -- JAY OR

THE REPORTER FOR NOT GETTING TO

SEE THAT DONG.

>> OH, OH, PLEASE, DON'T WORRY.

SHE DID FINE IN THE DONG

DEPARTMENT, TRUST ME.

>> Jon: OH, YEAH?

>> YEAH.

>> Jon: PROVE IT.

>> WHAT?

>> Jon: WHIP IT OUT.

LET'S COMPARE DONGS RIGHT NOW.

LET'S GO, MAN.

MOVE, JAY.

>> STOP IT, JON.

>> I'M NOT GONNA DO THAT.

>> Jon: LET'S GO, MAN.

LET'S SEE IT.

>> JON, YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR MIND.

>> Jon: AM I?

>> YEAH.

>> Jon: WHY DON'T YOU PUT YOUR

DONG WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS,

ASSHOLE?

LET'S SEE IT.

>> JON, STOP IT.

>> Jon: JAY.

>> JON, STOP IT!

JON!

>> Jon: COME ON!

>> JON!

[BLEEP] YOU FOR BEING [BLEEP] TO

ME BEHIND JON'S BACK.

I DIDN'T STEAL YOUR BULLET.

AND, JON, NO ONE ASKED YOU TO

WASH MY DICK.

>> Jon: YEAH, WELL, NO ONE ASKED

ME TO STOP, EITHER.

>> I WISH I'D NEVER JUMPED IN

FRONT OF THAT BULLET.

AND I WISH IT WAS YOU IN THIS

CHAIR.

>> Jon: HOW DARE YOU.

HOW...DARE YOU!

I DEDICATED MY LIFE TO YOU.

YOU THINK I LIKE WASHING THAT

DONG?

I HAVE TO MAKE MYSELF NUMB TO

THE WORLD TO DO IT.

WHERE'S MY THANKS?

WHERE'S JON'S GRATITUDE?

WHO'S WASHING JON'S DONG?

NOBODY.

OH, MY GOD, JAY, JAY, YOU'RE

MOVING.

>> I KNOW.

I'M TRYING TO KICK YOU IN THE

BALLS TO GET YOU TO SHUT THE

[BLEEP] UP!

>> Jon: KICK THESE NUTS, JAY!

THERE YOU GO. COME ON.

OH, NO, I DON'T THINK YOU WANT

IT.

I DON'T THINK YOU WANT TO KICK

THESE NUTS, JAY.

I DON'T THINK YOU WANT TO KICK

THESE NUTS, JAY.

PROVE IT!

KICK THESE NUTS, JAY!

THEY'RE RIGHT HERE!

COME ON!

SHOW ME YOU WANT IT! KICK THEM!

KICK THEM!

DON'T YOU STOP NOW!

YOU'RE CLOSE!

KICK THEM!

YEAH!

YEAH, JAY! COME HERE!

BRING IT IN, BUDDY.

BRING IT IN. I GOT YOU.

I GOT YOU.

YOU KICKED THEM, BUDDY.

YOU KICK THOSE NUTS?

>> YEAH, I KICKED THOSE NUTS.

>> Jon: DID YOU KICK THOSE NUTS?

>> YEAH, I KICKED THOSE NUTS.

>> Jon: LET ME HEAR YOU.

>> YEAH, I KICKED THOSE NUTS.

>> Jon: "I KICKED THOSE NUTS."

>> I KICKED THOSE NUTS.

[ GUNSHOTS ]

>> YOU HAVE BECOME GOOD SHOT.

>> YEAH, BUT IT'S NOT LIKE

SHOOTING AN ACTUAL PERSON.

I DON'T EVEN HAVE A BONER.

>> JUST GIVE IT TIME.

ALL I HAVE TO DO IS THINK ABOUT

KILLING SOMEONE AND I GET AN

ERECTION.

BEE-YOOP.

>> THAT'S WEIRD, MAN.

[ GUNSHOT ]

>> BEE-YOOP?

>> NO.

[ GUNSHOT ]

>> BEE-YOOP?

>> NO.

[ GUNSHOT ]

>> BEE-YOOP?

>> NO.

[ GUNSHOT ]

>> BEE-YOOP?

>> NO.

[ GUNSHOT ]

>> BEE-YOOP?

>> NO.

[ GUNSHOT ]

>> BEE-YOOP?

>> NO.

[ GUNSHOT ]

>> BEE-YOOP?

>> NO.

[ GUNSHOT ]

>> BEE-YOOP?

>> PLEASE STOP, PLEASE STOP.