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>> Jon: [ Distorted ] WHAT
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HAPPENS WHEN YOU TAKE A FAMILY
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FROM THE WITNESS PROTECTION
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PROGRAM...
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MOVE THEM TO NEW YORK CITY...
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AND GIVE THEM THEIR OWN REALITY
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SHOW?
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>> * DA-DA-DA-DA, DO-DO
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>> Jon: PREVIOUSLY ON
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"DELOCATED!"...
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HEY, MIKE.
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THIS IS MY MOM AND DAD.
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>> YOU ARE A GREAT
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DISAPPOINTMENT, YVGENY.
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YOU ARE NOT FUNNY.
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>> SHUT UP. I AM F--
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>> YOU'RE NOT, YVGENY!
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AND YOU ARE AN EMBARRASSMENT TO
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THE FAMILY.
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>> "ORANGE" [aren't] YOU GLAD I
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DIDN'T SAY "VODKA"?
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>> IDIOT!
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>> MNH-MNH. I MISS YOU MORE.
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YEAH.
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[ CHUCKLES ]
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OH, BABY, YOU GOT ME ALL KINDS
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OF HOTSY-TOTSY.
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Just can't wait to get out of
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here and go home and take a
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shower with you.
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JUST A COUPLE MORE HOURS.
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ALL RIGHT.
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I love you.
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>> Jon: HEY, MAN, UH, YOU MIND
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NOT TALKING TO SUSAN LIKE THAT
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IN FRONT OF ME?
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>> HEY, MAN, I NEED TO BE ABLE
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TO TAKE PERSONAL CALLS.
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>> Jon: HEY, MAN, JUST SHOW A
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LITTLE DISCRETION.
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>> HEY, MAN, I HAVE A LIFE
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OUTSIDE THIS JOB, YOU KNOW?
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>> Jon: HEY, MAN, YOU'RE
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PRACTICALLY HAVING AN ORGASM IN
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FRONT OF ME, OKAY?
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>> HEY.
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YOU GOT SOMETHING FROM THE
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GOVERNMENT.
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>> Jon: [ GASPS ]
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IT'S HERE.
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>> IT'S HERE!
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>> Both: IT'S HERE! IT'S HERE!
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IT'S HERE! IT'S HERE! IT'S HERE!
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IT'S HERE! IT'S HERE! IT'S HERE!
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>> GUYS, WHAT IS GOING ON?
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GUYS!
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>> Jon: IT IS THE
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WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM
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MIXER.
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THEY GOT A TALENT SHOW, AND I'VE
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DONE THIS, LIKE, DANCE.
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I CHOREOGRAPH IT EVERY YEAR.
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I GOT TO CALL MY MOM.
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IT'S IN NEW YORK THIS YEAR.
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SHE IS GONNA BE SO EXCITED.
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>> Hello?
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>> Jon: MOM. HI. HOW'S IT GOING?
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>> Good, honey. How are you?
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>> Jon: LISTEN, UH, I JUST
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WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW I GOT MY,
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UH, WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM
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INVITATION, UH, FOR THE MIXER.
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>> I know my little pooper
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bear is gonna win the talent
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show this year.
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>> Jon: UH, YES.
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I WILL WIN THE TALENT SHOW THIS
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YEAR -- FIRST PLACE.
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>> Who loves her pooper bear?
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>> Jon: OKAY, MOM.
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>> [ Cooing ] Who loves her
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pooper bear?
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>> Jon: [ Cooing ] MY MAMA.
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>> Okay, pooper bear. Good luck.
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I love you.
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>> Jon: OKAY, MOM.
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LOVE YOU, TOO. BYE.
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>> HEY, HONEY, THIS SOUNDS
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GREAT.
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I CAN'T WAIT TO CHECK IT OUT.
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>> Jon: UH, ACTUALLY, YOU CAN'T
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GO.
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>> WHY NOT?
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>> IT'S MEMBERS ONLY.
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THEY'RE VERY STRICT ABOUT THAT.
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>> BUT...
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>> OF COURSE THEY TOLD YOU THAT.
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LISTEN, I'VE GONE TO A LOT OF
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CONVENTIONS WITH MY SIDING
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COMPANY.
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THESE THINGS ARE JUST BIG
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[BLEEP] FESTS.
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IF YOU REALLY DON'T TRUST HIM,
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WHY NOT BOOK A ROOM, PRETEND
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YOU'RE GOING TO THE CONVENTION,
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AND SPY ON HIM ALL WEEKEND?
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>> KIM, I ASSURE YOU IT'S NOT A
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SEX WEEKEND.
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IT'S A GOVERNMENT-SANCTIONED
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EVENT.
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>> Jon: YEAH, I MEAN, LOOK, IF
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IT'S GONNA MAKE YOU FEEL ANY
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BETTER, I'LL CHECK IN WITH YOU A
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FEW TIMES A DAY, OKAY?
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I MEAN, EVEN WHEN I'M, UH,
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A-GETTIN' MY FREAK ON!
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* BUM-BUM-BAH, BAH-BAH-BAHNA,
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BAHNA-BAHNA *
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[ LAUGHS ]
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HEY.
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DON'T LET RYAN MESS WITH YOUR
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HEAD, OKAY?
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>> OKAY.
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>> Jon: OKAY? IT'S NOTHING.
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>> [ LAUGHS ]
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>> Jon: IT'S NOTHING.
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>> Both: IT'S NOTHING.
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IT'S NOTHING.
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>> IT'S NOTHING.
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>> GUYS, GUYS.
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ACTUALLY, I HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF
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A REQUEST.
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UM, IT'S A LITTLE BIT AWKWARD.
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I KNOW I'M NEW HERE.
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UH, I IMAGINE YOU GUYS ARE GONNA
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BE MAKING LOVE TONIGHT.
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YOU'RE NOT GONNA SEE EACH OTHER
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FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS.
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I JUST ASK THAT YOU KEEP IT
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DOWN.
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YOU KNOW, I STAND RIGHT OUTSIDE
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THE DOOR, AND YOU GUYS...GET
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PRETTY LOUD WHEN YOU GET GOING.
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SO...
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>> Jon: THAT SEEMS LIKE A FAIR
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REQUEST.
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>> ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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>> Jon: KIM, COME ON.
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>> NO.
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>> IT'S HARD ENOUGH HAVING SEX
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KNOWING YOU'RE STANDING RIGHT
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OUTSIDE THE DOOR.
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NOW YOU WANT ME TO THINK ABOUT
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BEING QUIET?
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WHAT A JERK!
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GET SOME EARPLUGS!
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>> Jon: OKAY, GUYS.
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>> WHY DON'T YOU GET SOME MOUTH
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PLUGS?
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LOUDY.
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>> Jon: GUYS.
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>> I'M SORRY.
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WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?
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>> Jon: GUYS.
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>> I CALLED YOU "LOUDY."
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YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE YOU'RE LOUD.
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>> Jon: ROB, SIT DOWN.
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SOME OF THE LOUD YOU'RE HEARING
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IS ME.
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WHEN YOU HEAR "AAH AAH AAH!" --
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THAT'S ME.
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WHEN YOU HEAR
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[ High-pitched ] "AAH AAH
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AAH AAH!" -- THAT'S KIM.
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>> OKAY. WELL, THAT'S ENOUGH.
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>> KIM, I APOLOGIZE.
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I WAS HEARING HIM.
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>> OKAY.
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>> I'M SORRY.
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>> MIGHTY JOE JON TELLS ME JON
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IS GOING TO CONVENTION THIS
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WEEKEND.
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>> I HEAR THOSE ARE BIG [BLEEP]
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FESTS.
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>> I WAS THINKING -- MAYBE YOU
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AND I COULD TAKE OUR OWN WEEKEND
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OFF, HAVE A GOOD TIME.
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CALL IT "BROTHERS WEEKEND."
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WHAT DO YOU SAY, HUH?
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>> WHY ARE YOU BEING SO NICE TO
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ME?
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>> WHAT?
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I CAN'T WANT TO DO NICE THINGS
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WITH MY BROTHER?
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>> OKAY.
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WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND?
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>> OH, I DON'T KNOW.
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I WAS THINKING MAYBE WE CAN GO
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TO...
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IDAHO!
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>> [ GASPS ] THE POTATO VALLEY?!
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FOR THE VODKA TASTINGS?!
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[ GASPS ]
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OH, MY GOD!
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IT WOULD BE LIKE OUR VERY OWN
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"SIDEWAYS."
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>> WHY SHOULD JON BE THE ONLY
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ONE TO HAVE A FUN WEEKEND?
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>> OH, MY GOD!
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THIS IS GONNA BE SO MUCH FUN!
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[ LAUGHS ]
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THIS IS THE BEST!
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* THIS IS THE BEST
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DA! DA! DA!
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>> [ LAUGHS ]
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>> YOU ARE IN ROOM 354.
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OH, AND, SIR...
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DON'T FORGET YOUR VOCAL
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HARMONIZER.
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>> [ Distorted ] GREAT.
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THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
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>> OH, YOU'RE SO WELCOME.
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ENJOY YOUR STAY.
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>> Jon: HOW'S IT GOING?
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HEY, GUYS.
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HOW YOU DOING?
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YOU PROBABLY KNOW THIS GUY, HUH?
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>> HEY.
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>> Jon: [ CHUCKLES ]
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HOW WE DOING?
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>> DO YOU REALLY NEED TO WEAR
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THE MUSTACHE?
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>> YEAH. WE'RE SPIES.
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>> * BROTHERS WEEKEND
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>> THIS REALLY BRINGS OUT THE
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POTATO.
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>> * BROTHERS WEEKEND
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* AHHHHHHHH
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* AHHHHH
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* BROTHERS WEEKEND
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* ON A BROTHERS WEEKEND WITH
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YOU *
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>> OH, GOD. THIS IS GREAT.
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>> I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M DOING
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THIS.
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>> LOOK, JUST THINK OF IT AS
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RELATIONSHIP RESEARCH.
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>> RIGHT.
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I'M JUST DOING THIS TO KEEP HIM
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HONEST.
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>> RIGHT. OKAY.
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I'LL BE UP HERE WATCHING
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"MISS CONGENIALITY 2."
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GOOD LUCK.
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>> [ SIGHS ]
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[ Distorted ] HERE WE GO.
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>> Jon: I JUST WANT TO TRY
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SOMETHING NEW THIS YEAR.
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I JUST WANT TO UP THE ANTE A
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LITTLE BIT ON MY DANCE MOVES,
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YOU KNOW.
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I'VE BEEN DOING A LOT OF THE
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SAME ROUTINES YEAR IN, YEAR OUT.
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YOU KNOW, AND THEY'RE ALL SEXY,
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AND I LOVE DOING THAT.
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I LOVE SEXY ROUTINES.
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THIS YEAR, I'M GONNA DO MORE OF
268
00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:11,133
A PERFORMANCE-ART PIECE, BUT
269
00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:12,231
IT'LL STILL BE SEXY.
270
00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:12,702
>> YEAH.
271
00:07:12,700 --> 00:07:14,230
>> Jon: HI. CAN I HELP YOU?
272
00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:15,574
>> OH, UH, YEAH, I WAS JUST
273
00:07:15,569 --> 00:07:17,199
LOOKING FOR -- FOR -- FOR YOUR
274
00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:17,644
BOOTH.
275
00:07:17,638 --> 00:07:18,408
[ CHUCKLES ]
276
00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:19,665
GUESS I FOUND IT. [ CHUCKLES ]
277
00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:21,143
>> Jon: OH, YEAH. [ CHUCKLES ]
278
00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:22,041
>> YOU MUST BE JON.
279
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:24,012
>> Jon: YEAH. THAT, I AM.
280
00:07:24,011 --> 00:07:25,151
AND YOU ARE?
281
00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:27,305
>> I'M...
282
00:07:27,314 --> 00:07:27,684
DAPHNE.
283
00:07:27,681 --> 00:07:29,181
>> Jon: WELL, DAPHNE, IF, UH,
284
00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:30,322
YOU WANT TO BE IN MY BIG
285
00:07:30,317 --> 00:07:31,647
PRODUCTION NUMBER, ALL YOU GOT
286
00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:32,992
TO DO IS ASK, ALL RIGHT?
287
00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:34,346
YOU DON'T GOT TO LINGER AGAINST
288
00:07:34,354 --> 00:07:35,664
THE WALL PRETENDING TO LISTEN,
289
00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:36,986
LIKE SOME WEIRD PSYCHO.
290
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:37,530
[ LAUGHTER ]
291
00:07:37,525 --> 00:07:39,425
I MEAN, DAPHNE, COME ON.
292
00:07:39,426 --> 00:07:41,526
YOU'RE LIKE, "OH, HERE I AM.
293
00:07:41,529 --> 00:07:44,029
I HOPE THEY'LL NOTICE ME AND ASK
294
00:07:44,031 --> 00:07:45,671
ME TO BE IN THE DANCE."
295
00:07:45,666 --> 00:07:46,526
[ LAUGHTER ]
296
00:07:46,534 --> 00:07:47,434
I DON'T KNOW.
297
00:07:47,434 --> 00:07:49,344
YOU DON'T REALLY HAVE A DANCER'S
298
00:07:49,336 --> 00:07:50,996
BODY, SO I'M GUESSING YOU'RE
299
00:07:51,004 --> 00:07:52,344
JUST HERE FOR THE 'GRAPH.
300
00:07:52,339 --> 00:07:54,009
>> ARE YOU MIGHTY JOE JON?
301
00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:55,107
>> THE BLACK BLOND.
302
00:07:55,108 --> 00:07:56,708
>> I WAS HOPING I COULD TALK TO
303
00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:58,550
YOU ABOUT "DELOCATED! CHICAGO."
304
00:07:58,546 --> 00:08:00,106
>> OH, RIGHT. YEAH, YEAH.
305
00:08:00,113 --> 00:08:01,053
COME WITH ME.
306
00:08:01,048 --> 00:08:02,218
>> Jon: UH, HOLD UP.
307
00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:04,345
WHAT IS "DELOCATED! CHICAGO"?
308
00:08:04,351 --> 00:08:06,021
>> WE'RE FRANCHISING THE SHOW.
309
00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:07,119
BUDDY, YOU KNOW, LIKE
310
00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:08,090
"THE REAL WORLD."
311
00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:09,518
IF YOU GET KILLED, WHERE DOES
312
00:08:09,523 --> 00:08:10,393
THAT LEAVE ME?
313
00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:11,590
DO A SPIN-OFF WITH KIM?
314
00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:13,292
SORRY, BUT NOBODY WANTS TO SEE A
315
00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:14,733
SHOW ABOUT THE AVERAGE-LOOKING
316
00:08:14,728 --> 00:08:16,398
GIRLFRIEND OF THE DEAD GUY FROM
317
00:08:16,396 --> 00:08:17,226
"DELOCATED!"
318
00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:18,030
[ CHUCKLES ]
319
00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:18,771
LADIES, COME ON.
320
00:08:18,766 --> 00:08:21,196
WE'RE GOING UP TO MY ROOM.
321
00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:22,771
>> Jon: NICE MEETING Y'ALL.
322
00:08:22,770 --> 00:08:24,710
>> SO, UH, HOW ABOUT A-A DRINK
323
00:08:24,705 --> 00:08:25,365
LATER?
324
00:08:25,372 --> 00:08:26,372
>> Jon: UH...
325
00:08:26,373 --> 00:08:27,313
[ CHUCKLES ]
326
00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:29,277
LOOK, DAPHNE, THIS IS NOT GOING
327
00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:30,406
TO THE BONE ZONE.
328
00:08:30,410 --> 00:08:31,710
DON'T GET ME WRONG.
329
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:33,552
I SEE THIS THROUGH YOUR EYES.
330
00:08:33,547 --> 00:08:34,407
I'M ON TV.
331
00:08:34,414 --> 00:08:36,284
YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SEE, RIGHT?
332
00:08:36,283 --> 00:08:38,123
BUT SEE THINGS THROUGH MY EYES.
333
00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:39,218
HANDS OFF, PLEASE.
334
00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:40,719
I'M LOOKING AT ANOTHER SAD,
335
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:42,561
DESPERATE GROUPIE IN A LONG LINE
336
00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:44,386
OF DESPERATE GROUPIES THAT WANT
337
00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:45,391
TO ROCK MY ROD.
338
00:08:45,392 --> 00:08:47,162
LOOK, EVEN IF I DIDN'T HAVE A
339
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:48,660
GIRLFRIEND, HONESTLY, YOU'RE
340
00:08:48,662 --> 00:08:50,132
JUST NOT MY BODY TYPE.
341
00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:51,730
>> UH, WE GOT TO HEAD UPSTAIRS.
342
00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:53,172
>> Jon: THAT IS FOR YOU.
343
00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:54,496
SEE YOU AROUND THE HOTEL.
344
00:08:54,501 --> 00:08:56,071
NICE MEETING YOU.
345
00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:57,809
LOBSTER ROLLS FOR LUNCH?
346
00:08:57,805 --> 00:08:59,505
LET'S DO IT.
347
00:08:59,506 --> 00:09:00,666
>> "KEEP STRIVING"?
348
00:09:00,674 --> 00:09:02,484
EVEN IN HIS HEAD SHOT, YOU CAN
349
00:09:02,475 --> 00:09:03,805
TELL WHAT A DICK HE IS.
350
00:09:03,811 --> 00:09:05,411
>> I'M NOT HIS BODY TYPE?
351
00:09:05,412 --> 00:09:06,612
THAT'S SO DEGRADING.
352
00:09:06,614 --> 00:09:08,424
>> LOOK, HE MIGHT NOT BE THAT
353
00:09:08,415 --> 00:09:10,075
ATTRACTED TO YOU, BUT TRUST
354
00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:11,483
ME -- HE'S THINKING ABOUT
355
00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:12,794
BANGING SOMEBODY ELSE.
356
00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:14,816
>> MAYBE.
357
00:09:14,822 --> 00:09:16,422
BUT I'M NOT LEAVING UNTIL JON
358
00:09:16,423 --> 00:09:18,393
[BLEEP] DAPHNE.
359
00:09:23,096 --> 00:09:24,526
>> THERE IS A TASTING AT 5:00 I
360
00:09:24,531 --> 00:09:25,831
WANT TO TRY TO MAKE LATER.
361
00:09:25,833 --> 00:09:27,333
AND TOMORROW, THERE'S ONE IN
362
00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:27,774
BOISE.
363
00:09:27,768 --> 00:09:32,108
>> UH, SURE. NO PROBLEM.
364
00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:33,165
>> I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO
365
00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:35,143
POTATO FARM.
366
00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:41,252
IS THAT JON'S PARENTS?
367
00:09:48,455 --> 00:09:50,555
>> YOU LIAR!
368
00:09:50,557 --> 00:09:52,187
THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE BROTHERS
369
00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:52,662
WEEKEND!
370
00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:54,330
>> YVGENY, KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN.
371
00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:55,557
>> YOU WANT TO KILL JON'S
372
00:09:55,562 --> 00:09:56,202
PARENTS?
373
00:09:56,196 --> 00:09:57,666
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SHOOT YOUR
374
00:09:57,665 --> 00:09:59,295
WAY THROUGH MY HEART, THE HEART
375
00:09:59,299 --> 00:10:00,669
YOU BROKE WHEN YOU LIED TO ME.
376
00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:01,998
>> YVGENY, IT IS STILL
377
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:03,672
BROTHERS WEEKEND, OKAY?
378
00:10:03,671 --> 00:10:05,411
YOU HAD A GOOD TIME.
379
00:10:05,405 --> 00:10:07,365
NOW IT IS MY TURN.
380
00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:29,231
[ LAUGHTER ]
381
00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:30,699
>> Jon: BASICALLY, AT THIS
382
00:10:30,698 --> 00:10:32,498
POINT, I JUST SORT OF THINK OF
383
00:10:32,499 --> 00:10:34,029
THE SKI MASK AS MY FACE.
384
00:10:34,034 --> 00:10:35,674
I MEAN, PUT IT THIS WAY -- IF,
385
00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:37,499
UH -- IF KARL MALDEN CAN GET SO
386
00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:39,244
MUCH TUSH WITH THAT SCHNOZ, I
387
00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:40,709
CAN GET LAID IN A SKI MASK.
388
00:10:40,708 --> 00:10:43,508
[ LAUGHTER ]
389
00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:44,280
>> EXCUSE ME.
390
00:10:44,277 --> 00:10:45,047
>> OH, HEY!
391
00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:46,345
"DELOCATED! CHICAGO," RIGHT?
392
00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:47,716
YEAH, WE WERE ALL JUST ABOUT TO
393
00:10:47,715 --> 00:10:49,215
GO DOWNSTAIRS AND TALK ABOUT
394
00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:49,616
CASTING.
395
00:10:49,616 --> 00:10:51,546
WOULD YOU CARE TO JOIN ME IN MY
396
00:10:51,551 --> 00:10:52,191
SUITE?
397
00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:52,685
LADIES?
398
00:10:52,686 --> 00:10:54,416
>> Jon: GOOD LUCK WITH THAT,
399
00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:55,121
LADIES.
400
00:10:55,122 --> 00:10:56,392
IT'S THE WINDY CITY.
401
00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:57,359
PRETTY WINDY.
402
00:10:57,357 --> 00:10:58,727
UH, YEAH, I'M NOT REALLY
403
00:10:58,726 --> 00:11:00,556
SIGNING AUTOGRAPHS RIGHT NOW.
404
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:04,360
>> IT'S ME -- DAPHNE.
405
00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:05,434
>> Jon: UH, YEAH.
406
00:11:05,432 --> 00:11:08,142
DAPHNE, UM...
407
00:11:08,135 --> 00:11:10,095
I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.
408
00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:12,543
SHE MAY NOT BE A 10, BUT SHE'S A
409
00:11:12,539 --> 00:11:13,569
PERFECT 6.
410
00:11:13,573 --> 00:11:16,113
>> HEY, THIS VOICE MODULATOR'S
411
00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:17,639
TICKLING MY THROAT.
412
00:11:17,644 --> 00:11:19,754
I CAN THINK OF ONE WAY TO
413
00:11:19,747 --> 00:11:21,647
SCRATCH IT.
414
00:11:21,648 --> 00:11:22,718
>> Jon: UH, YEAH.
415
00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:24,246
I GOT TO CHECK IN WITH MY
416
00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:26,291
GIRLFRIEND.
417
00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:29,156
>> HEY. EXCUSE ME, DAPHNE.
418
00:11:29,156 --> 00:11:30,416
I CAN HELP YOU SCRATCH THAT
419
00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:32,393
ITCH.
420
00:11:38,265 --> 00:11:39,395
[ CELLPHONE RINGING ]
421
00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:40,599
>> HEY, YOUR PHONE'S BEEN
422
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:41,740
RINGING OFF THE HOOK.
423
00:11:41,735 --> 00:11:42,665
>> YEAH. SHUT UP.
424
00:11:42,669 --> 00:11:43,669
[ Panting ] HELLO?
425
00:11:43,670 --> 00:11:44,670
>> Jon: HEY, THERE.
426
00:11:44,671 --> 00:11:45,671
>> OH. HEY, HONEY.
427
00:11:45,672 --> 00:11:46,772
HOW'S THE CONVENTION?
428
00:11:46,774 --> 00:11:47,614
>> Jon: GOOD.
429
00:11:47,607 --> 00:11:49,137
HOW COME YOU SOUND SO OUT OF
430
00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:49,682
BREATH?
431
00:11:49,676 --> 00:11:51,636
>> OH, YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST AT
432
00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:53,484
THE, UH, THE FITNESS CENTER.
433
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:54,850
SO, Y-YOU HAVING FUN?
434
00:11:54,848 --> 00:11:56,478
>> JON: Oh, yeah, yeah.
435
00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:57,623
Actually, I'm, uh...
436
00:11:57,617 --> 00:11:59,617
OH, I'M GETTING -- I'M GETTING
437
00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:01,119
BLOWN AS WE SPEAK.
438
00:12:01,121 --> 00:12:02,291
OH HO HO!
439
00:12:02,289 --> 00:12:02,819
[ Laughs ]
440
00:12:02,823 --> 00:12:04,123
>> HA HA. VERY FUNNY.
441
00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:05,434
SO, ARE YOU MAKING ANY FUN
442
00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:05,855
FRIENDS?
443
00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:07,429
>> Jon: NO, I'M MOSTLY JUST
444
00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:08,597
HANGING OUT IN MY ROOM.
445
00:12:08,595 --> 00:12:10,195
>> OKAY, WELL, DON'T FORGET TO
446
00:12:10,197 --> 00:12:10,657
HAVE FUN.
447
00:12:10,663 --> 00:12:12,133
>> Jon: [ CHUCKLES ] I WON'T.
448
00:12:12,132 --> 00:12:13,432
UM...ALL RIGHT, LOOK, I WAS JUST
449
00:12:13,433 --> 00:12:14,803
CALLING TO CHECK IN, OKAY?
450
00:12:14,802 --> 00:12:16,472
>> OKAY. TALK TO YOU LATER.
451
00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:17,169
BYE-BYE.
452
00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:17,810
OH, MY GOD!
453
00:12:17,805 --> 00:12:18,765
>> HE CHEATED.
454
00:12:18,772 --> 00:12:20,212
>> NO. BUT ROB OFFERED TO.
455
00:12:20,207 --> 00:12:21,507
>> I TOLD YOU -- [BLEEP] FEST!
456
00:12:21,508 --> 00:12:23,178
>> THIS WHOLE THING IS MAKING ME
457
00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:23,836
FEEL SO SLEAZY.
458
00:12:23,844 --> 00:12:24,714
YOU KNOW WHAT?
459
00:12:24,711 --> 00:12:25,881
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE
460
00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:27,449
REJECTED BY MY BOYFRIEND ALL
461
00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:29,477
WEEKEND.
462
00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:31,222
JON GAVE ME SOME SEX TOYS FOR
463
00:12:31,218 --> 00:12:32,288
VALENTINE'S DAY.
464
00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:33,885
>> LA LA LA! I'M NOT LISTENING!
465
00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:35,187
>> I TOOK A PASS.
466
00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:36,818
>> WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME THIS?
467
00:12:36,824 --> 00:12:38,664
>> 'CAUSE MAYBE DAPHNE LIKES TO
468
00:12:38,658 --> 00:12:41,458
DO THINGS THAT KIM WOULDN'T TRY.
469
00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:44,701
[ LAUGHTER ]
470
00:12:44,697 --> 00:12:45,727
>> Jon: SO, I DON'T KNOW.
471
00:12:45,732 --> 00:12:47,172
I MEAN, FOR ME, IT JUST BOILS
472
00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:49,167
DOWN TO THIS -- IF KARL MALDEN
473
00:12:49,169 --> 00:12:50,669
CAN GET A LOT OF TUSH WITH THAT
474
00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:52,340
SCHNOZ, I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT A
475
00:12:52,339 --> 00:12:52,839
SKI MASK.
476
00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:57,410
[ LAUGHTER ]
477
00:12:57,410 --> 00:12:59,350
>> YOU EVER BEEN TO CHICAGO?
478
00:12:59,346 --> 00:13:00,646
>> Jon: WINDY CITY.
479
00:13:00,647 --> 00:13:03,177
[ LAUGHS ]
480
00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:04,423
OH, BOY.
481
00:13:04,417 --> 00:13:05,817
>> YOU WANT TO DANCE?
482
00:13:05,819 --> 00:13:07,719
>> Jon: NO, I DON'T, ACTUALLY.
483
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:08,720
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
484
00:13:08,721 --> 00:13:09,421
GET OFF ME.
485
00:13:09,422 --> 00:13:10,192
[ CHUCKLES ]
486
00:13:10,190 --> 00:13:11,190
I'M TRYING TO EAT.
487
00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:12,531
>> WAIT -- JUST ONE DANCE, AND
488
00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:13,555
I'LL LEAVE YOU ALONE.
489
00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:14,260
I PROMISE.
490
00:13:14,261 --> 00:13:15,261
>> Jon: FINE. OKAY!
491
00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:16,562
ANYTHING TO JUST BE DONE WITH
492
00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:16,863
YOU.
493
00:13:16,864 --> 00:13:18,934
I'M COMING.
494
00:13:18,932 --> 00:13:22,542
YEAH.
495
00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:24,335
DAPHNE, I WILL -- I WILL GIVE
496
00:13:24,337 --> 00:13:25,937
YOU THIS -- YOU ARE PERSISTENT.
497
00:13:25,939 --> 00:13:26,869
[ CHUCKLES ]
498
00:13:26,874 --> 00:13:29,384
>> JON, THIS IS OBVIOUSLY A BIG
499
00:13:29,376 --> 00:13:30,506
SEX WEEKEND.
500
00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:31,950
WHY NOT JUST GET IN ON THE FUN?
501
00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:33,545
JUST TELL YOUR CAMERA CREW TO
502
00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:35,216
TAKE THE TAPE OUT OF THE CAMERA
503
00:13:35,215 --> 00:13:36,615
AND FLUSH IT DOWN THE TOILET.
504
00:13:36,616 --> 00:13:37,886
There's a great toilet in my
505
00:13:37,885 --> 00:13:38,385
room.
506
00:13:38,385 --> 00:13:39,715
>> Jon: DAPHNE, LOOK, WHEN IT
507
00:13:39,719 --> 00:13:41,249
COMES TO RELATIONSHIPS, I GOT TO
508
00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:42,394
TELL YOU, I'M A BIT OF A
509
00:13:42,389 --> 00:13:43,619
VEGETARIAN.
510
00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:45,793
I DON'T EAT CHEAP MEAT.
511
00:13:45,792 --> 00:13:46,762
>> HUH.
512
00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:49,399
THAT'S TOO BAD, 'CAUSE I ALSO
513
00:13:49,396 --> 00:13:51,796
HAVE A REALLY NICE FEED BAG AND
514
00:13:51,798 --> 00:13:54,728
SOME OATS AND A SADDLE UP IN MY
515
00:13:54,734 --> 00:13:55,444
ROOM.
516
00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:56,735
>> Jon: REALLY?!
517
00:13:56,736 --> 00:13:58,736
[ DRAMATIC NOTE PLAYS ]
518
00:13:58,738 --> 00:13:59,568
>> HELL YEAH.
519
00:13:59,572 --> 00:14:01,542
[ FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS ]
520
00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:09,550
>> JON, COME ON. WE GOT TO TALK.
521
00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:15,522
>> * YEAH, YEAH, YEAH
522
00:14:19,927 --> 00:14:21,897
* OH
523
00:14:29,836 --> 00:14:33,806
* YEAH, YEAH, YEAH
524
00:14:42,782 --> 00:14:45,292
>> Jon: [ SOBBING ]
525
00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:46,845
>> JON, I'M GONNA TAKE CARE OF
526
00:14:46,853 --> 00:14:47,923
EVERYTHING, OKAY?
527
00:14:47,921 --> 00:14:49,661
WE'VE GOT YOU A PLANE AT 9:30.
528
00:14:49,656 --> 00:14:52,656
>> Jon: I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
529
00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:55,029
MY PARENTS ARE DEAD.
530
00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:56,598
THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT
531
00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:57,456
THAT RIGHT NOW.
532
00:14:57,464 --> 00:15:00,604
BUT WHAT I CAN DO IS I CAN STAY
533
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,870
HERE AND I CAN WIN THE TALENT
534
00:15:02,869 --> 00:15:03,639
SHOW!
535
00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:04,636
>> JON...
536
00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:08,477
>> Jon: WHEN I WAS 5, MY MOM
537
00:15:08,475 --> 00:15:10,975
PAID FOR DANCE CLASSES FOR ME,
538
00:15:10,978 --> 00:15:13,808
AND I QUIT.
539
00:15:13,813 --> 00:15:15,823
THIS IS MY CHANCE TO PAY HER
540
00:15:15,815 --> 00:15:17,985
BACK FOR ALL THE MONEY SHE NEVER
541
00:15:17,985 --> 00:15:21,415
GOT TO SPEND ON ME FOR DANCING!
542
00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:30,300
THIS IS FOR MY MOM!
543
00:15:41,674 --> 00:15:43,514
>> I know my little pooper bear
544
00:15:43,510 --> 00:15:45,010
is gonna win the talent show
545
00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:46,982
this year.
546
00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:51,822
Who loves her pooper bear?
547
00:15:51,818 --> 00:15:53,788
Who loves her pooper bear?
548
00:15:56,856 --> 00:15:59,026
Okay, pooper bear. Good luck.
549
00:15:59,026 --> 00:16:00,986
I love you.
550
00:16:04,864 --> 00:16:06,374
>> LAST CHANCE FOR DAPHNE TO
551
00:16:06,366 --> 00:16:06,726
SCORE.
552
00:16:06,733 --> 00:16:08,043
>> YEAH, I DON'T THINK JON'S
553
00:16:08,035 --> 00:16:08,765
INTERESTED.
554
00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:10,098
I WAS, LIKE, DIRTY-DANCING SO
555
00:16:10,103 --> 00:16:11,003
HARD UP ON HIM.
556
00:16:11,004 --> 00:16:12,444
THEN HE JUST LEFT THE DANCE
557
00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:14,709
FLOOR, LIKE A STUCK-UP JERK.
558
00:16:14,707 --> 00:16:16,377
RYAN, YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T HAVE
559
00:16:16,376 --> 00:16:17,836
TO WEAR THAT WHILE WE'RE IN THE
560
00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:18,384
ROOM.
561
00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:19,548
>> IT MAKES SPYING MORE
562
00:16:19,546 --> 00:16:20,446
EXCITING, OKAY?
563
00:16:20,447 --> 00:16:21,847
DON'T TAKE IT OUT ON ME JUST
564
00:16:21,848 --> 00:16:23,378
BECAUSE YOUR BOYFRIEND HATES
565
00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:24,123
YOUR BODY.
566
00:16:24,117 --> 00:16:26,447
>> WELL, MAYBE IT'LL CHANGE HIS
567
00:16:26,453 --> 00:16:28,563
MIND WHEN MY ROBE ACCIDENTALLY
568
00:16:28,555 --> 00:16:29,515
FALLS OFF.
569
00:16:29,522 --> 00:16:31,022
[ BURLESQUE MUSIC PLAYS ]
570
00:16:31,024 --> 00:16:32,994
>> WHOO!
571
00:16:37,897 --> 00:16:39,867
[ CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS ]
572
00:16:42,869 --> 00:16:44,869
>> WELL, THAT'S 'CAUSE YOU'RE A
573
00:16:44,871 --> 00:16:45,871
DUMMY.
574
00:16:45,872 --> 00:16:49,582
[ LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE ]
575
00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:50,936
>> ALL RIGHT!
576
00:16:50,943 --> 00:16:52,653
GIVE ONE MORE HAND FOR MATT AND
577
00:16:52,645 --> 00:16:53,045
LYLE.
578
00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:53,906
MATT AND LYLE.
579
00:16:53,913 --> 00:16:55,583
>> YEAH!
580
00:16:55,582 --> 00:16:56,722
YEAH!
581
00:16:56,716 --> 00:16:58,446
HILARIOUS!
582
00:16:58,451 --> 00:16:59,951
>> FOLKS, OUR FINAL ACT HAS A
583
00:16:59,952 --> 00:17:01,752
VERY SPECIAL PERFORMANCE PLANNED
584
00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:02,424
FOR YOU.
585
00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:03,962
IT'S DEDICATED TO HIS PARENTS,
586
00:17:03,956 --> 00:17:05,426
WHO WERE JUST MURDERED.
587
00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:06,485
[ AUDIENCE GASPS ]
588
00:17:06,493 --> 00:17:08,663
PLEASE WELCOME JON.
589
00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:10,861
[ APPLAUSE ]
590
00:17:12,499 --> 00:17:15,099
>> DO YOU TAKE THIS WOMAN TO BE
591
00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:18,972
YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED WIFE?
592
00:17:18,971 --> 00:17:23,911
>> Jon: [ As man ] I DO.
593
00:17:23,910 --> 00:17:26,180
>> DO YOU TAKE THIS MAN TO BE
594
00:17:26,179 --> 00:17:30,579
YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED HUSBAND?
595
00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:33,723
>> Jon: [ As woman ] I DO.
596
00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:36,958
[ Normal voice ] LET'S
597
00:17:36,956 --> 00:17:40,086
CONSUMMATE THIS MARRIAGE!
598
00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:41,593
[ As man ] MM. YEAH.
599
00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:42,464
ALL RIGHT.
600
00:17:42,462 --> 00:17:42,932
OKAY.
601
00:17:42,929 --> 00:17:43,529
YEAH.
602
00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:45,200
THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
603
00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:47,628
YEAH. YEAH. YEAH.
604
00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:50,474
UH-HUH. OKAY. AWESOME.
605
00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:51,470
OH, YEAH.
606
00:17:51,471 --> 00:17:52,471
[ GRUNTS ]
607
00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:53,472
OH, YEAH.
608
00:17:53,473 --> 00:17:53,873
OW!
609
00:17:53,873 --> 00:17:54,613
OOH!
610
00:17:54,607 --> 00:17:56,477
SEX. SEX.
611
00:17:56,476 --> 00:17:58,546
UH-HUH. [ Panting ]
612
00:17:58,545 --> 00:17:59,805
[ As woman ] OH! I'M CLOSE!
613
00:17:59,812 --> 00:18:01,952
[ As man ] I'M CLOSE! I'M CLOSE!
614
00:18:04,050 --> 00:18:06,020
ORGASM!
615
00:18:09,222 --> 00:18:11,162
Go, go, go, go, go, go.
616
00:18:11,158 --> 00:18:13,558
[ MONITOR BEEPING ]
617
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:14,730
COME ON, HONEY.
618
00:18:14,727 --> 00:18:16,127
YOU'RE DOING GREAT.
619
00:18:16,129 --> 00:18:17,159
KEEP PUSHING.
620
00:18:17,164 --> 00:18:19,134
[ As woman ] I CAN'T DO IT!
621
00:18:19,132 --> 00:18:21,202
[ As man ] I CAN SEE THE HEAD!
622
00:18:21,201 --> 00:18:23,501
IT'S CROWNING!
623
00:18:23,503 --> 00:18:26,813
[ As baby ] WAAH!
624
00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:29,176
WAAH!
625
00:18:29,176 --> 00:18:31,576
WAAH!
626
00:18:31,578 --> 00:18:34,148
WAAH!
627
00:18:34,147 --> 00:18:38,517
WAAAAAAH!
628
00:18:38,518 --> 00:18:40,488
MAMA.
629
00:18:43,523 --> 00:18:44,863
[ Normal voice ] THANK YOU SO
630
00:18:44,857 --> 00:18:45,157
MUCH.
631
00:18:45,158 --> 00:18:46,728
[ Voice breaking ] THAT WAS FOR
632
00:18:46,726 --> 00:18:48,526
MY MOM AND DAD.
633
00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:53,568
I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH.
634
00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:55,766
THANK YOU.
635
00:18:55,768 --> 00:18:58,908
[ SCATTERED APPLAUSE ]
636
00:18:58,905 --> 00:19:00,865
[ SOBBING ]
637
00:19:09,216 --> 00:19:11,876
[ DOOR OPENS ]
638
00:19:11,884 --> 00:19:13,054
>> HEY.
639
00:19:13,052 --> 00:19:14,192
HONEY.
640
00:19:14,187 --> 00:19:15,917
YOU'RE BACK.
641
00:19:15,922 --> 00:19:17,722
HOW'D THE TALENT SHOW GO?
642
00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:19,564
>> Jon: I GOT 18th PLACE.
643
00:19:19,559 --> 00:19:20,559
[ CHUCKLES ]
644
00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:22,300
>> WELL, I'M SURE YOUR MOM'S
645
00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:24,055
STILL GONNA BE SO PROUD.
646
00:19:24,063 --> 00:19:25,973
>> Jon: KIM, I FOUND OUT MY
647
00:19:25,965 --> 00:19:27,725
PARENTS WERE KILLED THIS
648
00:19:27,734 --> 00:19:28,574
WEEKEND.
649
00:19:28,568 --> 00:19:29,198
I, UH --
650
00:19:29,202 --> 00:19:32,872
>> I KNOW.
651
00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:34,312
>> Jon: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU
652
00:19:34,307 --> 00:19:35,737
KNOW?
653
00:19:35,742 --> 00:19:37,712
KIM?
654
00:19:41,248 --> 00:19:43,748
OH...MY...GOD.
655
00:19:43,750 --> 00:19:44,580
WOW.
656
00:19:44,584 --> 00:19:46,894
>> JON, I'M SORRY. I FEEL AWFUL.
657
00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:51,820
>> Jon: I FORGIVE --
658
00:19:51,824 --> 00:19:55,664
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
659
00:19:55,662 --> 00:19:56,632
>> GUYS, SORRY.
660
00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:58,269
DON'T WORRY. CAN'T SEE ANYTHING.
661
00:19:58,265 --> 00:19:59,925
I KNOW YOU'RE GETTING DOWN TO
662
00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:01,002
SOME GRIEVANCE SEX.
663
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,740
I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW
664
00:20:02,735 --> 00:20:04,265
THAT I GOT EARPLUGS, SO I CAN'T
665
00:20:04,271 --> 00:20:05,171
HEAR ANYTHING.
666
00:20:05,171 --> 00:20:06,641
BE AS LOUD AS YOU LIKE.
667
00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:08,009
IF YOU NEED ME, I'LL BE RIGHT
668
00:20:08,007 --> 00:20:08,637
OUTSIDE.
669
00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:10,081
BUT OTHERWISE, DON'T EVEN WORRY
670
00:20:10,076 --> 00:20:11,606
ABOUT THE FACT THAT I'M RIGHT
671
00:20:11,611 --> 00:20:14,781
OUTSIDE THE DOOR.
672
00:20:14,781 --> 00:20:15,951
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
673
00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:18,018
>> Jon: YOU KNOW, NOW THAT WE
674
00:20:18,017 --> 00:20:20,117
KNOW IT'S YOU UNDER THE MASK,
675
00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:21,789
MAYBE, UH...
676
00:20:21,788 --> 00:20:23,088
TAKE THIS PARTY OVER HERE.
677
00:20:23,089 --> 00:20:24,289
>> YOU WANT TO CHEAT WITH
678
00:20:24,291 --> 00:20:24,921
DAPHNE.
679
00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:26,294
>> Jon: YOU KNOW, I GOT TO TELL
680
00:20:26,293 --> 00:20:27,963
YOU -- I COULD USE SOME SYMPATHY
681
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:30,300
SEX RIGHT ABOUT NOW.
682
00:20:30,297 --> 00:20:33,167
I MEAN, UH, BAD.
683
00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:34,965
>> OH, JON.
684
00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:36,937
>> Jon: COME ON.
685
00:20:37,804 --> 00:20:39,144
N-NO. NO, NO. NO, NO.
686
00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:40,338
GO GET THE, UH, FEED BAG AND THE
687
00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:41,140
OATS AND RIDE ME.
688
00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:41,840
>> NO, HONEY.
689
00:20:41,841 --> 00:20:43,111
I'M NOT RIDING YOU WITH THE FEED
690
00:20:43,109 --> 00:20:43,879
BAG AND THE OATS.
691
00:20:43,876 --> 00:20:45,036
>> Jon: BUT THAT'S WHAT WE'RE
692
00:20:45,044 --> 00:20:45,354
DOING.
693
00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:46,645
>> NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT WE'RE
694
00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:47,146
DOING, JON.
695
00:20:47,146 --> 00:20:47,976
>> Jon: YES, IT IS.
696
00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:49,180
YOU'RE DAPHNE, AND YOU'RE GONNA
697
00:20:49,181 --> 00:20:49,781
RIDE ME.
698
00:20:49,782 --> 00:20:50,952
>> DAPHNE CAN RIDE YOU WITHOUT
699
00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:51,980
THE FEED BAG AND THE OATS.
700
00:20:51,984 --> 00:20:53,194
>> Jon: WHAT IS THE WHOLE POINT
701
00:20:53,185 --> 00:20:54,315
OF AGREEING TO SOMETHING IF,
702
00:20:54,321 --> 00:20:55,691
THEN, TWO SECONDS LATER, YOU'RE
703
00:20:55,688 --> 00:20:56,288
GONNA DISAGREE?
704
00:20:56,289 --> 00:20:57,059
>> YOU KNOW WHAT?
705
00:20:57,056 --> 00:20:57,986
LET'S JUST FORGET IT.
706
00:20:57,990 --> 00:20:59,960
[ SIGHS ]
707
00:21:04,964 --> 00:21:06,934
>> Jon: ALL RIGHT.
708
00:21:18,077 --> 00:21:20,007
>> [ SIGHS ]
42854
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