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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,270 --> 00:00:03,400 >> Jon: [ Distorted ] WHAT 2 00:00:03,404 --> 00:00:04,714 HAPPENS WHEN YOU TAKE A FAMILY 3 00:00:04,705 --> 00:00:06,035 FROM THE WITNESS PROTECTION 4 00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:06,610 PROGRAM... 5 00:00:06,607 --> 00:00:08,307 MOVE THEM TO NEW YORK CITY... 6 00:00:08,309 --> 00:00:10,079 AND GIVE THEM THEIR OWN REALITY 7 00:00:10,078 --> 00:00:10,438 SHOW? 8 00:00:10,444 --> 00:00:12,054 >> * DA-DA-DA-DA, DO-DO 9 00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:13,046 >> Jon: PREVIOUSLY ON 10 00:00:13,047 --> 00:00:13,947 "DELOCATED!"... 11 00:00:13,947 --> 00:00:14,717 HEY, MIKE. 12 00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:17,115 THIS IS MY MOM AND DAD. 13 00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:18,288 >> YOU ARE A GREAT 14 00:00:18,286 --> 00:00:19,816 DISAPPOINTMENT, YVGENY. 15 00:00:19,820 --> 00:00:20,990 YOU ARE NOT FUNNY. 16 00:00:20,988 --> 00:00:22,218 >> SHUT UP. I AM F-- 17 00:00:22,223 --> 00:00:23,723 >> YOU'RE NOT, YVGENY! 18 00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:25,634 AND YOU ARE AN EMBARRASSMENT TO 19 00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:26,286 THE FAMILY. 20 00:00:26,294 --> 00:00:28,164 >> "ORANGE" [aren't] YOU GLAD I 21 00:00:28,162 --> 00:00:29,562 DIDN'T SAY "VODKA"? 22 00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:31,533 >> IDIOT! 23 00:00:35,002 --> 00:00:38,742 >> MNH-MNH. I MISS YOU MORE. 24 00:00:38,739 --> 00:00:40,169 YEAH. 25 00:00:40,174 --> 00:00:42,644 [ CHUCKLES ] 26 00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:44,083 OH, BABY, YOU GOT ME ALL KINDS 27 00:00:44,078 --> 00:00:44,908 OF HOTSY-TOTSY. 28 00:00:44,912 --> 00:00:46,282 Just can't wait to get out of 29 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:47,750 here and go home and take a 30 00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:48,648 shower with you. 31 00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:49,919 JUST A COUPLE MORE HOURS. 32 00:00:49,917 --> 00:00:51,617 ALL RIGHT. 33 00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:52,149 I love you. 34 00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:53,753 >> Jon: HEY, MAN, UH, YOU MIND 35 00:00:53,754 --> 00:00:55,124 NOT TALKING TO SUSAN LIKE THAT 36 00:00:55,123 --> 00:00:57,193 IN FRONT OF ME? 37 00:00:57,191 --> 00:00:58,591 >> HEY, MAN, I NEED TO BE ABLE 38 00:00:58,592 --> 00:00:59,592 TO TAKE PERSONAL CALLS. 39 00:00:59,593 --> 00:01:00,763 >> Jon: HEY, MAN, JUST SHOW A 40 00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:01,631 LITTLE DISCRETION. 41 00:01:01,629 --> 00:01:02,699 >> HEY, MAN, I HAVE A LIFE 42 00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:03,826 OUTSIDE THIS JOB, YOU KNOW? 43 00:01:03,831 --> 00:01:04,871 >> Jon: HEY, MAN, YOU'RE 44 00:01:04,865 --> 00:01:06,095 PRACTICALLY HAVING AN ORGASM IN 45 00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:06,930 FRONT OF ME, OKAY? 46 00:01:06,934 --> 00:01:07,274 >> HEY. 47 00:01:07,268 --> 00:01:08,598 YOU GOT SOMETHING FROM THE 48 00:01:08,602 --> 00:01:11,872 GOVERNMENT. 49 00:01:11,872 --> 00:01:13,812 >> Jon: [ GASPS ] 50 00:01:13,807 --> 00:01:15,777 IT'S HERE. 51 00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:16,636 >> IT'S HERE! 52 00:01:16,644 --> 00:01:18,284 >> Both: IT'S HERE! IT'S HERE! 53 00:01:18,279 --> 00:01:20,109 IT'S HERE! IT'S HERE! IT'S HERE! 54 00:01:20,114 --> 00:01:21,624 IT'S HERE! IT'S HERE! IT'S HERE! 55 00:01:21,615 --> 00:01:22,775 >> GUYS, WHAT IS GOING ON? 56 00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:23,053 GUYS! 57 00:01:23,050 --> 00:01:23,880 >> Jon: IT IS THE 58 00:01:23,884 --> 00:01:25,024 WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM 59 00:01:25,018 --> 00:01:25,348 MIXER. 60 00:01:25,353 --> 00:01:26,853 THEY GOT A TALENT SHOW, AND I'VE 61 00:01:26,854 --> 00:01:27,894 DONE THIS, LIKE, DANCE. 62 00:01:27,888 --> 00:01:29,118 I CHOREOGRAPH IT EVERY YEAR. 63 00:01:29,123 --> 00:01:30,063 I GOT TO CALL MY MOM. 64 00:01:30,057 --> 00:01:32,787 IT'S IN NEW YORK THIS YEAR. 65 00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:35,803 SHE IS GONNA BE SO EXCITED. 66 00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:36,296 >> Hello? 67 00:01:36,297 --> 00:01:37,967 >> Jon: MOM. HI. HOW'S IT GOING? 68 00:01:37,965 --> 00:01:39,325 >> Good, honey. How are you? 69 00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:40,803 >> Jon: LISTEN, UH, I JUST 70 00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:42,301 WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW I GOT MY, 71 00:01:42,303 --> 00:01:43,973 UH, WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM 72 00:01:43,971 --> 00:01:45,341 INVITATION, UH, FOR THE MIXER. 73 00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:46,839 >> I know my little pooper 74 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:48,180 bear is gonna win the talent 75 00:01:48,176 --> 00:01:49,076 show this year. 76 00:01:49,076 --> 00:01:50,006 >> Jon: UH, YES. 77 00:01:50,010 --> 00:01:51,680 I WILL WIN THE TALENT SHOW THIS 78 00:01:51,679 --> 00:01:52,749 YEAR -- FIRST PLACE. 79 00:01:52,746 --> 00:01:54,146 >> Who loves her pooper bear? 80 00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:55,148 >> Jon: OKAY, MOM. 81 00:01:55,149 --> 00:01:56,649 >> [ Cooing ] Who loves her 82 00:01:56,650 --> 00:01:58,250 pooper bear? 83 00:01:58,252 --> 00:02:00,092 >> Jon: [ Cooing ] MY MAMA. 84 00:02:00,087 --> 00:02:02,157 >> Okay, pooper bear. Good luck. 85 00:02:02,156 --> 00:02:03,016 I love you. 86 00:02:03,023 --> 00:02:04,263 >> Jon: OKAY, MOM. 87 00:02:04,258 --> 00:02:05,728 LOVE YOU, TOO. BYE. 88 00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:07,326 >> HEY, HONEY, THIS SOUNDS 89 00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:07,998 GREAT. 90 00:02:07,995 --> 00:02:09,895 I CAN'T WAIT TO CHECK IT OUT. 91 00:02:09,897 --> 00:02:11,897 >> Jon: UH, ACTUALLY, YOU CAN'T 92 00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:12,229 GO. 93 00:02:12,233 --> 00:02:13,173 >> WHY NOT? 94 00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:14,697 >> IT'S MEMBERS ONLY. 95 00:02:14,702 --> 00:02:17,172 THEY'RE VERY STRICT ABOUT THAT. 96 00:02:17,171 --> 00:02:20,171 >> BUT... 97 00:02:20,174 --> 00:02:21,944 >> OF COURSE THEY TOLD YOU THAT. 98 00:02:21,942 --> 00:02:23,412 LISTEN, I'VE GONE TO A LOT OF 99 00:02:23,411 --> 00:02:24,951 CONVENTIONS WITH MY SIDING 100 00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:25,675 COMPANY. 101 00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:26,949 THESE THINGS ARE JUST BIG 102 00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:27,847 [BLEEP] FESTS. 103 00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:29,348 IF YOU REALLY DON'T TRUST HIM, 104 00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:31,020 WHY NOT BOOK A ROOM, PRETEND 105 00:02:31,018 --> 00:02:32,718 YOU'RE GOING TO THE CONVENTION, 106 00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:34,690 AND SPY ON HIM ALL WEEKEND? 107 00:02:38,226 --> 00:02:39,856 >> KIM, I ASSURE YOU IT'S NOT A 108 00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:40,390 SEX WEEKEND. 109 00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:41,904 IT'S A GOVERNMENT-SANCTIONED 110 00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:42,255 EVENT. 111 00:02:42,263 --> 00:02:43,803 >> Jon: YEAH, I MEAN, LOOK, IF 112 00:02:43,797 --> 00:02:45,097 IT'S GONNA MAKE YOU FEEL ANY 113 00:02:45,098 --> 00:02:46,728 BETTER, I'LL CHECK IN WITH YOU A 114 00:02:46,734 --> 00:02:47,874 FEW TIMES A DAY, OKAY? 115 00:02:47,868 --> 00:02:49,368 I MEAN, EVEN WHEN I'M, UH, 116 00:02:49,370 --> 00:02:50,900 A-GETTIN' MY FREAK ON! 117 00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:52,874 * BUM-BUM-BAH, BAH-BAH-BAHNA, 118 00:02:52,873 --> 00:02:54,043 BAHNA-BAHNA * 119 00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:54,941 [ LAUGHS ] 120 00:02:54,942 --> 00:02:55,382 HEY. 121 00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:57,406 DON'T LET RYAN MESS WITH YOUR 122 00:02:57,411 --> 00:02:58,381 HEAD, OKAY? 123 00:02:58,379 --> 00:02:59,049 >> OKAY. 124 00:02:59,046 --> 00:03:00,406 >> Jon: OKAY? IT'S NOTHING. 125 00:03:00,414 --> 00:03:01,284 >> [ LAUGHS ] 126 00:03:01,282 --> 00:03:02,422 >> Jon: IT'S NOTHING. 127 00:03:02,416 --> 00:03:03,746 >> Both: IT'S NOTHING. 128 00:03:03,751 --> 00:03:04,391 IT'S NOTHING. 129 00:03:04,385 --> 00:03:05,315 >> IT'S NOTHING. 130 00:03:05,319 --> 00:03:06,149 >> GUYS, GUYS. 131 00:03:06,153 --> 00:03:07,893 ACTUALLY, I HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF 132 00:03:07,888 --> 00:03:08,388 A REQUEST. 133 00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:09,989 UM, IT'S A LITTLE BIT AWKWARD. 134 00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:11,060 I KNOW I'M NEW HERE. 135 00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:12,728 UH, I IMAGINE YOU GUYS ARE GONNA 136 00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:14,056 BE MAKING LOVE TONIGHT. 137 00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:15,931 YOU'RE NOT GONNA SEE EACH OTHER 138 00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:17,229 FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS. 139 00:03:17,231 --> 00:03:18,931 I JUST ASK THAT YOU KEEP IT 140 00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:19,332 DOWN. 141 00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:21,243 YOU KNOW, I STAND RIGHT OUTSIDE 142 00:03:21,235 --> 00:03:24,095 THE DOOR, AND YOU GUYS...GET 143 00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:25,474 PRETTY LOUD WHEN YOU GET GOING. 144 00:03:25,473 --> 00:03:26,013 SO... 145 00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:27,336 >> Jon: THAT SEEMS LIKE A FAIR 146 00:03:27,341 --> 00:03:27,981 REQUEST. 147 00:03:27,975 --> 00:03:29,075 >> ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 148 00:03:29,076 --> 00:03:30,106 >> Jon: KIM, COME ON. 149 00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:30,480 >> NO. 150 00:03:30,478 --> 00:03:31,908 >> IT'S HARD ENOUGH HAVING SEX 151 00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:33,082 KNOWING YOU'RE STANDING RIGHT 152 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:33,910 OUTSIDE THE DOOR. 153 00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:35,154 NOW YOU WANT ME TO THINK ABOUT 154 00:03:35,148 --> 00:03:35,848 BEING QUIET? 155 00:03:35,849 --> 00:03:36,349 WHAT A JERK! 156 00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:37,250 GET SOME EARPLUGS! 157 00:03:37,251 --> 00:03:38,121 >> Jon: OKAY, GUYS. 158 00:03:38,118 --> 00:03:39,348 >> WHY DON'T YOU GET SOME MOUTH 159 00:03:39,353 --> 00:03:39,923 PLUGS? 160 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:40,250 LOUDY. 161 00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:40,954 >> Jon: GUYS. 162 00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:41,494 >> I'M SORRY. 163 00:03:41,489 --> 00:03:42,819 WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME? 164 00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:43,363 >> Jon: GUYS. 165 00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:44,927 >> I CALLED YOU "LOUDY." 166 00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:46,355 YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE YOU'RE LOUD. 167 00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:47,760 >> Jon: ROB, SIT DOWN. 168 00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:49,331 SOME OF THE LOUD YOU'RE HEARING 169 00:03:49,330 --> 00:03:49,930 IS ME. 170 00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:52,270 WHEN YOU HEAR "AAH AAH AAH!" -- 171 00:03:52,266 --> 00:03:52,926 THAT'S ME. 172 00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:53,503 WHEN YOU HEAR 173 00:03:53,501 --> 00:03:54,871 [ High-pitched ] "AAH AAH 174 00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:55,998 AAH AAH!" -- THAT'S KIM. 175 00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:57,273 >> OKAY. WELL, THAT'S ENOUGH. 176 00:03:57,271 --> 00:03:58,271 >> KIM, I APOLOGIZE. 177 00:03:58,272 --> 00:03:59,212 I WAS HEARING HIM. 178 00:03:59,206 --> 00:03:59,836 >> OKAY. 179 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:01,440 >> I'M SORRY. 180 00:04:01,442 --> 00:04:03,112 >> MIGHTY JOE JON TELLS ME JON 181 00:04:03,110 --> 00:04:04,480 IS GOING TO CONVENTION THIS 182 00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:05,448 WEEKEND. 183 00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:07,519 >> I HEAR THOSE ARE BIG [BLEEP] 184 00:04:07,515 --> 00:04:08,175 FESTS. 185 00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:10,121 >> I WAS THINKING -- MAYBE YOU 186 00:04:10,117 --> 00:04:12,117 AND I COULD TAKE OUR OWN WEEKEND 187 00:04:12,119 --> 00:04:13,489 OFF, HAVE A GOOD TIME. 188 00:04:13,487 --> 00:04:15,187 CALL IT "BROTHERS WEEKEND." 189 00:04:15,188 --> 00:04:16,518 WHAT DO YOU SAY, HUH? 190 00:04:16,524 --> 00:04:18,494 >> WHY ARE YOU BEING SO NICE TO 191 00:04:18,492 --> 00:04:19,032 ME? 192 00:04:19,026 --> 00:04:19,786 >> WHAT? 193 00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:21,533 I CAN'T WANT TO DO NICE THINGS 194 00:04:21,529 --> 00:04:22,829 WITH MY BROTHER? 195 00:04:22,830 --> 00:04:23,400 >> OKAY. 196 00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:25,127 WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND? 197 00:04:25,132 --> 00:04:27,032 >> OH, I DON'T KNOW. 198 00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:29,844 I WAS THINKING MAYBE WE CAN GO 199 00:04:29,837 --> 00:04:31,197 TO... 200 00:04:31,204 --> 00:04:32,014 IDAHO! 201 00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:34,475 >> [ GASPS ] THE POTATO VALLEY?! 202 00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:36,805 FOR THE VODKA TASTINGS?! 203 00:04:36,810 --> 00:04:37,380 [ GASPS ] 204 00:04:37,378 --> 00:04:38,248 OH, MY GOD! 205 00:04:38,245 --> 00:04:40,075 IT WOULD BE LIKE OUR VERY OWN 206 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:40,910 "SIDEWAYS." 207 00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:42,554 >> WHY SHOULD JON BE THE ONLY 208 00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:44,220 ONE TO HAVE A FUN WEEKEND? 209 00:04:44,217 --> 00:04:45,217 >> OH, MY GOD! 210 00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:47,018 THIS IS GONNA BE SO MUCH FUN! 211 00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:47,860 [ LAUGHS ] 212 00:04:47,855 --> 00:04:48,985 THIS IS THE BEST! 213 00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:50,159 * THIS IS THE BEST 214 00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:51,887 DA! DA! DA! 215 00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:53,862 >> [ LAUGHS ] 216 00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:14,951 >> YOU ARE IN ROOM 354. 217 00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:16,178 OH, AND, SIR... 218 00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:17,283 DON'T FORGET YOUR VOCAL 219 00:05:17,284 --> 00:05:19,254 HARMONIZER. 220 00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:23,289 >> [ Distorted ] GREAT. 221 00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:24,360 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 222 00:05:24,358 --> 00:05:25,528 >> OH, YOU'RE SO WELCOME. 223 00:05:25,526 --> 00:05:26,426 ENJOY YOUR STAY. 224 00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:27,927 >> Jon: HOW'S IT GOING? 225 00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:28,528 HEY, GUYS. 226 00:05:28,529 --> 00:05:29,459 HOW YOU DOING? 227 00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:31,373 YOU PROBABLY KNOW THIS GUY, HUH? 228 00:05:31,365 --> 00:05:32,025 >> HEY. 229 00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:33,032 >> Jon: [ CHUCKLES ] 230 00:05:33,033 --> 00:05:34,373 HOW WE DOING? 231 00:05:34,368 --> 00:05:36,098 >> DO YOU REALLY NEED TO WEAR 232 00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:37,273 THE MUSTACHE? 233 00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:39,240 >> YEAH. WE'RE SPIES. 234 00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:53,091 >> * BROTHERS WEEKEND 235 00:05:58,592 --> 00:06:00,232 >> THIS REALLY BRINGS OUT THE 236 00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:02,227 POTATO. 237 00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:04,199 >> * BROTHERS WEEKEND 238 00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:12,940 * AHHHHHHHH 239 00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:14,140 * AHHHHH 240 00:06:14,141 --> 00:06:16,111 * BROTHERS WEEKEND 241 00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:24,181 * ON A BROTHERS WEEKEND WITH 242 00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:25,324 YOU * 243 00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:28,218 >> OH, GOD. THIS IS GREAT. 244 00:06:31,158 --> 00:06:32,588 >> I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M DOING 245 00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:33,093 THIS. 246 00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:34,503 >> LOOK, JUST THINK OF IT AS 247 00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:37,465 RELATIONSHIP RESEARCH. 248 00:06:37,465 --> 00:06:39,465 >> RIGHT. 249 00:06:39,467 --> 00:06:41,497 I'M JUST DOING THIS TO KEEP HIM 250 00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:42,272 HONEST. 251 00:06:42,269 --> 00:06:43,339 >> RIGHT. OKAY. 252 00:06:43,336 --> 00:06:45,036 I'LL BE UP HERE WATCHING 253 00:06:45,038 --> 00:06:46,968 "MISS CONGENIALITY 2." 254 00:06:46,974 --> 00:06:48,944 GOOD LUCK. 255 00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:53,478 >> [ SIGHS ] 256 00:06:53,481 --> 00:06:56,451 [ Distorted ] HERE WE GO. 257 00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:57,620 >> Jon: I JUST WANT TO TRY 258 00:06:57,618 --> 00:06:58,948 SOMETHING NEW THIS YEAR. 259 00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:00,152 I JUST WANT TO UP THE ANTE A 260 00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:01,463 LITTLE BIT ON MY DANCE MOVES, 261 00:07:01,455 --> 00:07:02,055 YOU KNOW. 262 00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:03,285 I'VE BEEN DOING A LOT OF THE 263 00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:04,660 SAME ROUTINES YEAR IN, YEAR OUT. 264 00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:06,188 YOU KNOW, AND THEY'RE ALL SEXY, 265 00:07:06,193 --> 00:07:07,233 AND I LOVE DOING THAT. 266 00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:08,227 I LOVE SEXY ROUTINES. 267 00:07:08,228 --> 00:07:09,558 THIS YEAR, I'M GONNA DO MORE OF 268 00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:11,133 A PERFORMANCE-ART PIECE, BUT 269 00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:12,231 IT'LL STILL BE SEXY. 270 00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:12,702 >> YEAH. 271 00:07:12,700 --> 00:07:14,230 >> Jon: HI. CAN I HELP YOU? 272 00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:15,574 >> OH, UH, YEAH, I WAS JUST 273 00:07:15,569 --> 00:07:17,199 LOOKING FOR -- FOR -- FOR YOUR 274 00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:17,644 BOOTH. 275 00:07:17,638 --> 00:07:18,408 [ CHUCKLES ] 276 00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:19,665 GUESS I FOUND IT. [ CHUCKLES ] 277 00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:21,143 >> Jon: OH, YEAH. [ CHUCKLES ] 278 00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:22,041 >> YOU MUST BE JON. 279 00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:24,012 >> Jon: YEAH. THAT, I AM. 280 00:07:24,011 --> 00:07:25,151 AND YOU ARE? 281 00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:27,305 >> I'M... 282 00:07:27,314 --> 00:07:27,684 DAPHNE. 283 00:07:27,681 --> 00:07:29,181 >> Jon: WELL, DAPHNE, IF, UH, 284 00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:30,322 YOU WANT TO BE IN MY BIG 285 00:07:30,317 --> 00:07:31,647 PRODUCTION NUMBER, ALL YOU GOT 286 00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:32,992 TO DO IS ASK, ALL RIGHT? 287 00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:34,346 YOU DON'T GOT TO LINGER AGAINST 288 00:07:34,354 --> 00:07:35,664 THE WALL PRETENDING TO LISTEN, 289 00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:36,986 LIKE SOME WEIRD PSYCHO. 290 00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:37,530 [ LAUGHTER ] 291 00:07:37,525 --> 00:07:39,425 I MEAN, DAPHNE, COME ON. 292 00:07:39,426 --> 00:07:41,526 YOU'RE LIKE, "OH, HERE I AM. 293 00:07:41,529 --> 00:07:44,029 I HOPE THEY'LL NOTICE ME AND ASK 294 00:07:44,031 --> 00:07:45,671 ME TO BE IN THE DANCE." 295 00:07:45,666 --> 00:07:46,526 [ LAUGHTER ] 296 00:07:46,534 --> 00:07:47,434 I DON'T KNOW. 297 00:07:47,434 --> 00:07:49,344 YOU DON'T REALLY HAVE A DANCER'S 298 00:07:49,336 --> 00:07:50,996 BODY, SO I'M GUESSING YOU'RE 299 00:07:51,004 --> 00:07:52,344 JUST HERE FOR THE 'GRAPH. 300 00:07:52,339 --> 00:07:54,009 >> ARE YOU MIGHTY JOE JON? 301 00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:55,107 >> THE BLACK BLOND. 302 00:07:55,108 --> 00:07:56,708 >> I WAS HOPING I COULD TALK TO 303 00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:58,550 YOU ABOUT "DELOCATED! CHICAGO." 304 00:07:58,546 --> 00:08:00,106 >> OH, RIGHT. YEAH, YEAH. 305 00:08:00,113 --> 00:08:01,053 COME WITH ME. 306 00:08:01,048 --> 00:08:02,218 >> Jon: UH, HOLD UP. 307 00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:04,345 WHAT IS "DELOCATED! CHICAGO"? 308 00:08:04,351 --> 00:08:06,021 >> WE'RE FRANCHISING THE SHOW. 309 00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:07,119 BUDDY, YOU KNOW, LIKE 310 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:08,090 "THE REAL WORLD." 311 00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:09,518 IF YOU GET KILLED, WHERE DOES 312 00:08:09,523 --> 00:08:10,393 THAT LEAVE ME? 313 00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:11,590 DO A SPIN-OFF WITH KIM? 314 00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:13,292 SORRY, BUT NOBODY WANTS TO SEE A 315 00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:14,733 SHOW ABOUT THE AVERAGE-LOOKING 316 00:08:14,728 --> 00:08:16,398 GIRLFRIEND OF THE DEAD GUY FROM 317 00:08:16,396 --> 00:08:17,226 "DELOCATED!" 318 00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:18,030 [ CHUCKLES ] 319 00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:18,771 LADIES, COME ON. 320 00:08:18,766 --> 00:08:21,196 WE'RE GOING UP TO MY ROOM. 321 00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:22,771 >> Jon: NICE MEETING Y'ALL. 322 00:08:22,770 --> 00:08:24,710 >> SO, UH, HOW ABOUT A-A DRINK 323 00:08:24,705 --> 00:08:25,365 LATER? 324 00:08:25,372 --> 00:08:26,372 >> Jon: UH... 325 00:08:26,373 --> 00:08:27,313 [ CHUCKLES ] 326 00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:29,277 LOOK, DAPHNE, THIS IS NOT GOING 327 00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:30,406 TO THE BONE ZONE. 328 00:08:30,410 --> 00:08:31,710 DON'T GET ME WRONG. 329 00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:33,552 I SEE THIS THROUGH YOUR EYES. 330 00:08:33,547 --> 00:08:34,407 I'M ON TV. 331 00:08:34,414 --> 00:08:36,284 YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SEE, RIGHT? 332 00:08:36,283 --> 00:08:38,123 BUT SEE THINGS THROUGH MY EYES. 333 00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:39,218 HANDS OFF, PLEASE. 334 00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:40,719 I'M LOOKING AT ANOTHER SAD, 335 00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:42,561 DESPERATE GROUPIE IN A LONG LINE 336 00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:44,386 OF DESPERATE GROUPIES THAT WANT 337 00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:45,391 TO ROCK MY ROD. 338 00:08:45,392 --> 00:08:47,162 LOOK, EVEN IF I DIDN'T HAVE A 339 00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:48,660 GIRLFRIEND, HONESTLY, YOU'RE 340 00:08:48,662 --> 00:08:50,132 JUST NOT MY BODY TYPE. 341 00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:51,730 >> UH, WE GOT TO HEAD UPSTAIRS. 342 00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:53,172 >> Jon: THAT IS FOR YOU. 343 00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:54,496 SEE YOU AROUND THE HOTEL. 344 00:08:54,501 --> 00:08:56,071 NICE MEETING YOU. 345 00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:57,809 LOBSTER ROLLS FOR LUNCH? 346 00:08:57,805 --> 00:08:59,505 LET'S DO IT. 347 00:08:59,506 --> 00:09:00,666 >> "KEEP STRIVING"? 348 00:09:00,674 --> 00:09:02,484 EVEN IN HIS HEAD SHOT, YOU CAN 349 00:09:02,475 --> 00:09:03,805 TELL WHAT A DICK HE IS. 350 00:09:03,811 --> 00:09:05,411 >> I'M NOT HIS BODY TYPE? 351 00:09:05,412 --> 00:09:06,612 THAT'S SO DEGRADING. 352 00:09:06,614 --> 00:09:08,424 >> LOOK, HE MIGHT NOT BE THAT 353 00:09:08,415 --> 00:09:10,075 ATTRACTED TO YOU, BUT TRUST 354 00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:11,483 ME -- HE'S THINKING ABOUT 355 00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:12,794 BANGING SOMEBODY ELSE. 356 00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:14,816 >> MAYBE. 357 00:09:14,822 --> 00:09:16,422 BUT I'M NOT LEAVING UNTIL JON 358 00:09:16,423 --> 00:09:18,393 [BLEEP] DAPHNE. 359 00:09:23,096 --> 00:09:24,526 >> THERE IS A TASTING AT 5:00 I 360 00:09:24,531 --> 00:09:25,831 WANT TO TRY TO MAKE LATER. 361 00:09:25,833 --> 00:09:27,333 AND TOMORROW, THERE'S ONE IN 362 00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:27,774 BOISE. 363 00:09:27,768 --> 00:09:32,108 >> UH, SURE. NO PROBLEM. 364 00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:33,165 >> I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO 365 00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:35,143 POTATO FARM. 366 00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:41,252 IS THAT JON'S PARENTS? 367 00:09:48,455 --> 00:09:50,555 >> YOU LIAR! 368 00:09:50,557 --> 00:09:52,187 THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE BROTHERS 369 00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:52,662 WEEKEND! 370 00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:54,330 >> YVGENY, KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN. 371 00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:55,557 >> YOU WANT TO KILL JON'S 372 00:09:55,562 --> 00:09:56,202 PARENTS? 373 00:09:56,196 --> 00:09:57,666 YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SHOOT YOUR 374 00:09:57,665 --> 00:09:59,295 WAY THROUGH MY HEART, THE HEART 375 00:09:59,299 --> 00:10:00,669 YOU BROKE WHEN YOU LIED TO ME. 376 00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:01,998 >> YVGENY, IT IS STILL 377 00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:03,672 BROTHERS WEEKEND, OKAY? 378 00:10:03,671 --> 00:10:05,411 YOU HAD A GOOD TIME. 379 00:10:05,405 --> 00:10:07,365 NOW IT IS MY TURN. 380 00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:29,231 [ LAUGHTER ] 381 00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:30,699 >> Jon: BASICALLY, AT THIS 382 00:10:30,698 --> 00:10:32,498 POINT, I JUST SORT OF THINK OF 383 00:10:32,499 --> 00:10:34,029 THE SKI MASK AS MY FACE. 384 00:10:34,034 --> 00:10:35,674 I MEAN, PUT IT THIS WAY -- IF, 385 00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:37,499 UH -- IF KARL MALDEN CAN GET SO 386 00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:39,244 MUCH TUSH WITH THAT SCHNOZ, I 387 00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:40,709 CAN GET LAID IN A SKI MASK. 388 00:10:40,708 --> 00:10:43,508 [ LAUGHTER ] 389 00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:44,280 >> EXCUSE ME. 390 00:10:44,277 --> 00:10:45,047 >> OH, HEY! 391 00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:46,345 "DELOCATED! CHICAGO," RIGHT? 392 00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:47,716 YEAH, WE WERE ALL JUST ABOUT TO 393 00:10:47,715 --> 00:10:49,215 GO DOWNSTAIRS AND TALK ABOUT 394 00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:49,616 CASTING. 395 00:10:49,616 --> 00:10:51,546 WOULD YOU CARE TO JOIN ME IN MY 396 00:10:51,551 --> 00:10:52,191 SUITE? 397 00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:52,685 LADIES? 398 00:10:52,686 --> 00:10:54,416 >> Jon: GOOD LUCK WITH THAT, 399 00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:55,121 LADIES. 400 00:10:55,122 --> 00:10:56,392 IT'S THE WINDY CITY. 401 00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:57,359 PRETTY WINDY. 402 00:10:57,357 --> 00:10:58,727 UH, YEAH, I'M NOT REALLY 403 00:10:58,726 --> 00:11:00,556 SIGNING AUTOGRAPHS RIGHT NOW. 404 00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:04,360 >> IT'S ME -- DAPHNE. 405 00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:05,434 >> Jon: UH, YEAH. 406 00:11:05,432 --> 00:11:08,142 DAPHNE, UM... 407 00:11:08,135 --> 00:11:10,095 I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND. 408 00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:12,543 SHE MAY NOT BE A 10, BUT SHE'S A 409 00:11:12,539 --> 00:11:13,569 PERFECT 6. 410 00:11:13,573 --> 00:11:16,113 >> HEY, THIS VOICE MODULATOR'S 411 00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:17,639 TICKLING MY THROAT. 412 00:11:17,644 --> 00:11:19,754 I CAN THINK OF ONE WAY TO 413 00:11:19,747 --> 00:11:21,647 SCRATCH IT. 414 00:11:21,648 --> 00:11:22,718 >> Jon: UH, YEAH. 415 00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:24,246 I GOT TO CHECK IN WITH MY 416 00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:26,291 GIRLFRIEND. 417 00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:29,156 >> HEY. EXCUSE ME, DAPHNE. 418 00:11:29,156 --> 00:11:30,416 I CAN HELP YOU SCRATCH THAT 419 00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:32,393 ITCH. 420 00:11:38,265 --> 00:11:39,395 [ CELLPHONE RINGING ] 421 00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:40,599 >> HEY, YOUR PHONE'S BEEN 422 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:41,740 RINGING OFF THE HOOK. 423 00:11:41,735 --> 00:11:42,665 >> YEAH. SHUT UP. 424 00:11:42,669 --> 00:11:43,669 [ Panting ] HELLO? 425 00:11:43,670 --> 00:11:44,670 >> Jon: HEY, THERE. 426 00:11:44,671 --> 00:11:45,671 >> OH. HEY, HONEY. 427 00:11:45,672 --> 00:11:46,772 HOW'S THE CONVENTION? 428 00:11:46,774 --> 00:11:47,614 >> Jon: GOOD. 429 00:11:47,607 --> 00:11:49,137 HOW COME YOU SOUND SO OUT OF 430 00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:49,682 BREATH? 431 00:11:49,676 --> 00:11:51,636 >> OH, YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST AT 432 00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:53,484 THE, UH, THE FITNESS CENTER. 433 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:54,850 SO, Y-YOU HAVING FUN? 434 00:11:54,848 --> 00:11:56,478 >> JON: Oh, yeah, yeah. 435 00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:57,623 Actually, I'm, uh... 436 00:11:57,617 --> 00:11:59,617 OH, I'M GETTING -- I'M GETTING 437 00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:01,119 BLOWN AS WE SPEAK. 438 00:12:01,121 --> 00:12:02,291 OH HO HO! 439 00:12:02,289 --> 00:12:02,819 [ Laughs ] 440 00:12:02,823 --> 00:12:04,123 >> HA HA. VERY FUNNY. 441 00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:05,434 SO, ARE YOU MAKING ANY FUN 442 00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:05,855 FRIENDS? 443 00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:07,429 >> Jon: NO, I'M MOSTLY JUST 444 00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:08,597 HANGING OUT IN MY ROOM. 445 00:12:08,595 --> 00:12:10,195 >> OKAY, WELL, DON'T FORGET TO 446 00:12:10,197 --> 00:12:10,657 HAVE FUN. 447 00:12:10,663 --> 00:12:12,133 >> Jon: [ CHUCKLES ] I WON'T. 448 00:12:12,132 --> 00:12:13,432 UM...ALL RIGHT, LOOK, I WAS JUST 449 00:12:13,433 --> 00:12:14,803 CALLING TO CHECK IN, OKAY? 450 00:12:14,802 --> 00:12:16,472 >> OKAY. TALK TO YOU LATER. 451 00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:17,169 BYE-BYE. 452 00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:17,810 OH, MY GOD! 453 00:12:17,805 --> 00:12:18,765 >> HE CHEATED. 454 00:12:18,772 --> 00:12:20,212 >> NO. BUT ROB OFFERED TO. 455 00:12:20,207 --> 00:12:21,507 >> I TOLD YOU -- [BLEEP] FEST! 456 00:12:21,508 --> 00:12:23,178 >> THIS WHOLE THING IS MAKING ME 457 00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:23,836 FEEL SO SLEAZY. 458 00:12:23,844 --> 00:12:24,714 YOU KNOW WHAT? 459 00:12:24,711 --> 00:12:25,881 I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE 460 00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:27,449 REJECTED BY MY BOYFRIEND ALL 461 00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:29,477 WEEKEND. 462 00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:31,222 JON GAVE ME SOME SEX TOYS FOR 463 00:12:31,218 --> 00:12:32,288 VALENTINE'S DAY. 464 00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:33,885 >> LA LA LA! I'M NOT LISTENING! 465 00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:35,187 >> I TOOK A PASS. 466 00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:36,818 >> WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME THIS? 467 00:12:36,824 --> 00:12:38,664 >> 'CAUSE MAYBE DAPHNE LIKES TO 468 00:12:38,658 --> 00:12:41,458 DO THINGS THAT KIM WOULDN'T TRY. 469 00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:44,701 [ LAUGHTER ] 470 00:12:44,697 --> 00:12:45,727 >> Jon: SO, I DON'T KNOW. 471 00:12:45,732 --> 00:12:47,172 I MEAN, FOR ME, IT JUST BOILS 472 00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:49,167 DOWN TO THIS -- IF KARL MALDEN 473 00:12:49,169 --> 00:12:50,669 CAN GET A LOT OF TUSH WITH THAT 474 00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:52,340 SCHNOZ, I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT A 475 00:12:52,339 --> 00:12:52,839 SKI MASK. 476 00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:57,410 [ LAUGHTER ] 477 00:12:57,410 --> 00:12:59,350 >> YOU EVER BEEN TO CHICAGO? 478 00:12:59,346 --> 00:13:00,646 >> Jon: WINDY CITY. 479 00:13:00,647 --> 00:13:03,177 [ LAUGHS ] 480 00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:04,423 OH, BOY. 481 00:13:04,417 --> 00:13:05,817 >> YOU WANT TO DANCE? 482 00:13:05,819 --> 00:13:07,719 >> Jon: NO, I DON'T, ACTUALLY. 483 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:08,720 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 484 00:13:08,721 --> 00:13:09,421 GET OFF ME. 485 00:13:09,422 --> 00:13:10,192 [ CHUCKLES ] 486 00:13:10,190 --> 00:13:11,190 I'M TRYING TO EAT. 487 00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:12,531 >> WAIT -- JUST ONE DANCE, AND 488 00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:13,555 I'LL LEAVE YOU ALONE. 489 00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:14,260 I PROMISE. 490 00:13:14,261 --> 00:13:15,261 >> Jon: FINE. OKAY! 491 00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:16,562 ANYTHING TO JUST BE DONE WITH 492 00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:16,863 YOU. 493 00:13:16,864 --> 00:13:18,934 I'M COMING. 494 00:13:18,932 --> 00:13:22,542 YEAH. 495 00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:24,335 DAPHNE, I WILL -- I WILL GIVE 496 00:13:24,337 --> 00:13:25,937 YOU THIS -- YOU ARE PERSISTENT. 497 00:13:25,939 --> 00:13:26,869 [ CHUCKLES ] 498 00:13:26,874 --> 00:13:29,384 >> JON, THIS IS OBVIOUSLY A BIG 499 00:13:29,376 --> 00:13:30,506 SEX WEEKEND. 500 00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:31,950 WHY NOT JUST GET IN ON THE FUN? 501 00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:33,545 JUST TELL YOUR CAMERA CREW TO 502 00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:35,216 TAKE THE TAPE OUT OF THE CAMERA 503 00:13:35,215 --> 00:13:36,615 AND FLUSH IT DOWN THE TOILET. 504 00:13:36,616 --> 00:13:37,886 There's a great toilet in my 505 00:13:37,885 --> 00:13:38,385 room. 506 00:13:38,385 --> 00:13:39,715 >> Jon: DAPHNE, LOOK, WHEN IT 507 00:13:39,719 --> 00:13:41,249 COMES TO RELATIONSHIPS, I GOT TO 508 00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:42,394 TELL YOU, I'M A BIT OF A 509 00:13:42,389 --> 00:13:43,619 VEGETARIAN. 510 00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:45,793 I DON'T EAT CHEAP MEAT. 511 00:13:45,792 --> 00:13:46,762 >> HUH. 512 00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:49,399 THAT'S TOO BAD, 'CAUSE I ALSO 513 00:13:49,396 --> 00:13:51,796 HAVE A REALLY NICE FEED BAG AND 514 00:13:51,798 --> 00:13:54,728 SOME OATS AND A SADDLE UP IN MY 515 00:13:54,734 --> 00:13:55,444 ROOM. 516 00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:56,735 >> Jon: REALLY?! 517 00:13:56,736 --> 00:13:58,736 [ DRAMATIC NOTE PLAYS ] 518 00:13:58,738 --> 00:13:59,568 >> HELL YEAH. 519 00:13:59,572 --> 00:14:01,542 [ FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS ] 520 00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:09,550 >> JON, COME ON. WE GOT TO TALK. 521 00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:15,522 >> * YEAH, YEAH, YEAH 522 00:14:19,927 --> 00:14:21,897 * OH 523 00:14:29,836 --> 00:14:33,806 * YEAH, YEAH, YEAH 524 00:14:42,782 --> 00:14:45,292 >> Jon: [ SOBBING ] 525 00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:46,845 >> JON, I'M GONNA TAKE CARE OF 526 00:14:46,853 --> 00:14:47,923 EVERYTHING, OKAY? 527 00:14:47,921 --> 00:14:49,661 WE'VE GOT YOU A PLANE AT 9:30. 528 00:14:49,656 --> 00:14:52,656 >> Jon: I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE. 529 00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:55,029 MY PARENTS ARE DEAD. 530 00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:56,598 THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT 531 00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:57,456 THAT RIGHT NOW. 532 00:14:57,464 --> 00:15:00,604 BUT WHAT I CAN DO IS I CAN STAY 533 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,870 HERE AND I CAN WIN THE TALENT 534 00:15:02,869 --> 00:15:03,639 SHOW! 535 00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:04,636 >> JON... 536 00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:08,477 >> Jon: WHEN I WAS 5, MY MOM 537 00:15:08,475 --> 00:15:10,975 PAID FOR DANCE CLASSES FOR ME, 538 00:15:10,978 --> 00:15:13,808 AND I QUIT. 539 00:15:13,813 --> 00:15:15,823 THIS IS MY CHANCE TO PAY HER 540 00:15:15,815 --> 00:15:17,985 BACK FOR ALL THE MONEY SHE NEVER 541 00:15:17,985 --> 00:15:21,415 GOT TO SPEND ON ME FOR DANCING! 542 00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:30,300 THIS IS FOR MY MOM! 543 00:15:41,674 --> 00:15:43,514 >> I know my little pooper bear 544 00:15:43,510 --> 00:15:45,010 is gonna win the talent show 545 00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:46,982 this year. 546 00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:51,822 Who loves her pooper bear? 547 00:15:51,818 --> 00:15:53,788 Who loves her pooper bear? 548 00:15:56,856 --> 00:15:59,026 Okay, pooper bear. Good luck. 549 00:15:59,026 --> 00:16:00,986 I love you. 550 00:16:04,864 --> 00:16:06,374 >> LAST CHANCE FOR DAPHNE TO 551 00:16:06,366 --> 00:16:06,726 SCORE. 552 00:16:06,733 --> 00:16:08,043 >> YEAH, I DON'T THINK JON'S 553 00:16:08,035 --> 00:16:08,765 INTERESTED. 554 00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:10,098 I WAS, LIKE, DIRTY-DANCING SO 555 00:16:10,103 --> 00:16:11,003 HARD UP ON HIM. 556 00:16:11,004 --> 00:16:12,444 THEN HE JUST LEFT THE DANCE 557 00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:14,709 FLOOR, LIKE A STUCK-UP JERK. 558 00:16:14,707 --> 00:16:16,377 RYAN, YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T HAVE 559 00:16:16,376 --> 00:16:17,836 TO WEAR THAT WHILE WE'RE IN THE 560 00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:18,384 ROOM. 561 00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:19,548 >> IT MAKES SPYING MORE 562 00:16:19,546 --> 00:16:20,446 EXCITING, OKAY? 563 00:16:20,447 --> 00:16:21,847 DON'T TAKE IT OUT ON ME JUST 564 00:16:21,848 --> 00:16:23,378 BECAUSE YOUR BOYFRIEND HATES 565 00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:24,123 YOUR BODY. 566 00:16:24,117 --> 00:16:26,447 >> WELL, MAYBE IT'LL CHANGE HIS 567 00:16:26,453 --> 00:16:28,563 MIND WHEN MY ROBE ACCIDENTALLY 568 00:16:28,555 --> 00:16:29,515 FALLS OFF. 569 00:16:29,522 --> 00:16:31,022 [ BURLESQUE MUSIC PLAYS ] 570 00:16:31,024 --> 00:16:32,994 >> WHOO! 571 00:16:37,897 --> 00:16:39,867 [ CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS ] 572 00:16:42,869 --> 00:16:44,869 >> WELL, THAT'S 'CAUSE YOU'RE A 573 00:16:44,871 --> 00:16:45,871 DUMMY. 574 00:16:45,872 --> 00:16:49,582 [ LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE ] 575 00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:50,936 >> ALL RIGHT! 576 00:16:50,943 --> 00:16:52,653 GIVE ONE MORE HAND FOR MATT AND 577 00:16:52,645 --> 00:16:53,045 LYLE. 578 00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:53,906 MATT AND LYLE. 579 00:16:53,913 --> 00:16:55,583 >> YEAH! 580 00:16:55,582 --> 00:16:56,722 YEAH! 581 00:16:56,716 --> 00:16:58,446 HILARIOUS! 582 00:16:58,451 --> 00:16:59,951 >> FOLKS, OUR FINAL ACT HAS A 583 00:16:59,952 --> 00:17:01,752 VERY SPECIAL PERFORMANCE PLANNED 584 00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:02,424 FOR YOU. 585 00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:03,962 IT'S DEDICATED TO HIS PARENTS, 586 00:17:03,956 --> 00:17:05,426 WHO WERE JUST MURDERED. 587 00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:06,485 [ AUDIENCE GASPS ] 588 00:17:06,493 --> 00:17:08,663 PLEASE WELCOME JON. 589 00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:10,861 [ APPLAUSE ] 590 00:17:12,499 --> 00:17:15,099 >> DO YOU TAKE THIS WOMAN TO BE 591 00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:18,972 YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED WIFE? 592 00:17:18,971 --> 00:17:23,911 >> Jon: [ As man ] I DO. 593 00:17:23,910 --> 00:17:26,180 >> DO YOU TAKE THIS MAN TO BE 594 00:17:26,179 --> 00:17:30,579 YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED HUSBAND? 595 00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:33,723 >> Jon: [ As woman ] I DO. 596 00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:36,958 [ Normal voice ] LET'S 597 00:17:36,956 --> 00:17:40,086 CONSUMMATE THIS MARRIAGE! 598 00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:41,593 [ As man ] MM. YEAH. 599 00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:42,464 ALL RIGHT. 600 00:17:42,462 --> 00:17:42,932 OKAY. 601 00:17:42,929 --> 00:17:43,529 YEAH. 602 00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:45,200 THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. 603 00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:47,628 YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. 604 00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:50,474 UH-HUH. OKAY. AWESOME. 605 00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:51,470 OH, YEAH. 606 00:17:51,471 --> 00:17:52,471 [ GRUNTS ] 607 00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:53,472 OH, YEAH. 608 00:17:53,473 --> 00:17:53,873 OW! 609 00:17:53,873 --> 00:17:54,613 OOH! 610 00:17:54,607 --> 00:17:56,477 SEX. SEX. 611 00:17:56,476 --> 00:17:58,546 UH-HUH. [ Panting ] 612 00:17:58,545 --> 00:17:59,805 [ As woman ] OH! I'M CLOSE! 613 00:17:59,812 --> 00:18:01,952 [ As man ] I'M CLOSE! I'M CLOSE! 614 00:18:04,050 --> 00:18:06,020 ORGASM! 615 00:18:09,222 --> 00:18:11,162 Go, go, go, go, go, go. 616 00:18:11,158 --> 00:18:13,558 [ MONITOR BEEPING ] 617 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:14,730 COME ON, HONEY. 618 00:18:14,727 --> 00:18:16,127 YOU'RE DOING GREAT. 619 00:18:16,129 --> 00:18:17,159 KEEP PUSHING. 620 00:18:17,164 --> 00:18:19,134 [ As woman ] I CAN'T DO IT! 621 00:18:19,132 --> 00:18:21,202 [ As man ] I CAN SEE THE HEAD! 622 00:18:21,201 --> 00:18:23,501 IT'S CROWNING! 623 00:18:23,503 --> 00:18:26,813 [ As baby ] WAAH! 624 00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:29,176 WAAH! 625 00:18:29,176 --> 00:18:31,576 WAAH! 626 00:18:31,578 --> 00:18:34,148 WAAH! 627 00:18:34,147 --> 00:18:38,517 WAAAAAAH! 628 00:18:38,518 --> 00:18:40,488 MAMA. 629 00:18:43,523 --> 00:18:44,863 [ Normal voice ] THANK YOU SO 630 00:18:44,857 --> 00:18:45,157 MUCH. 631 00:18:45,158 --> 00:18:46,728 [ Voice breaking ] THAT WAS FOR 632 00:18:46,726 --> 00:18:48,526 MY MOM AND DAD. 633 00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:53,568 I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH. 634 00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:55,766 THANK YOU. 635 00:18:55,768 --> 00:18:58,908 [ SCATTERED APPLAUSE ] 636 00:18:58,905 --> 00:19:00,865 [ SOBBING ] 637 00:19:09,216 --> 00:19:11,876 [ DOOR OPENS ] 638 00:19:11,884 --> 00:19:13,054 >> HEY. 639 00:19:13,052 --> 00:19:14,192 HONEY. 640 00:19:14,187 --> 00:19:15,917 YOU'RE BACK. 641 00:19:15,922 --> 00:19:17,722 HOW'D THE TALENT SHOW GO? 642 00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:19,564 >> Jon: I GOT 18th PLACE. 643 00:19:19,559 --> 00:19:20,559 [ CHUCKLES ] 644 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:22,300 >> WELL, I'M SURE YOUR MOM'S 645 00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:24,055 STILL GONNA BE SO PROUD. 646 00:19:24,063 --> 00:19:25,973 >> Jon: KIM, I FOUND OUT MY 647 00:19:25,965 --> 00:19:27,725 PARENTS WERE KILLED THIS 648 00:19:27,734 --> 00:19:28,574 WEEKEND. 649 00:19:28,568 --> 00:19:29,198 I, UH -- 650 00:19:29,202 --> 00:19:32,872 >> I KNOW. 651 00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:34,312 >> Jon: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU 652 00:19:34,307 --> 00:19:35,737 KNOW? 653 00:19:35,742 --> 00:19:37,712 KIM? 654 00:19:41,248 --> 00:19:43,748 OH...MY...GOD. 655 00:19:43,750 --> 00:19:44,580 WOW. 656 00:19:44,584 --> 00:19:46,894 >> JON, I'M SORRY. I FEEL AWFUL. 657 00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:51,820 >> Jon: I FORGIVE -- 658 00:19:51,824 --> 00:19:55,664 [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] 659 00:19:55,662 --> 00:19:56,632 >> GUYS, SORRY. 660 00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:58,269 DON'T WORRY. CAN'T SEE ANYTHING. 661 00:19:58,265 --> 00:19:59,925 I KNOW YOU'RE GETTING DOWN TO 662 00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:01,002 SOME GRIEVANCE SEX. 663 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,740 I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW 664 00:20:02,735 --> 00:20:04,265 THAT I GOT EARPLUGS, SO I CAN'T 665 00:20:04,271 --> 00:20:05,171 HEAR ANYTHING. 666 00:20:05,171 --> 00:20:06,641 BE AS LOUD AS YOU LIKE. 667 00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:08,009 IF YOU NEED ME, I'LL BE RIGHT 668 00:20:08,007 --> 00:20:08,637 OUTSIDE. 669 00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:10,081 BUT OTHERWISE, DON'T EVEN WORRY 670 00:20:10,076 --> 00:20:11,606 ABOUT THE FACT THAT I'M RIGHT 671 00:20:11,611 --> 00:20:14,781 OUTSIDE THE DOOR. 672 00:20:14,781 --> 00:20:15,951 [ BOTH LAUGH ] 673 00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:18,018 >> Jon: YOU KNOW, NOW THAT WE 674 00:20:18,017 --> 00:20:20,117 KNOW IT'S YOU UNDER THE MASK, 675 00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:21,789 MAYBE, UH... 676 00:20:21,788 --> 00:20:23,088 TAKE THIS PARTY OVER HERE. 677 00:20:23,089 --> 00:20:24,289 >> YOU WANT TO CHEAT WITH 678 00:20:24,291 --> 00:20:24,921 DAPHNE. 679 00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:26,294 >> Jon: YOU KNOW, I GOT TO TELL 680 00:20:26,293 --> 00:20:27,963 YOU -- I COULD USE SOME SYMPATHY 681 00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:30,300 SEX RIGHT ABOUT NOW. 682 00:20:30,297 --> 00:20:33,167 I MEAN, UH, BAD. 683 00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:34,965 >> OH, JON. 684 00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:36,937 >> Jon: COME ON. 685 00:20:37,804 --> 00:20:39,144 N-NO. NO, NO. NO, NO. 686 00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:40,338 GO GET THE, UH, FEED BAG AND THE 687 00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:41,140 OATS AND RIDE ME. 688 00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:41,840 >> NO, HONEY. 689 00:20:41,841 --> 00:20:43,111 I'M NOT RIDING YOU WITH THE FEED 690 00:20:43,109 --> 00:20:43,879 BAG AND THE OATS. 691 00:20:43,876 --> 00:20:45,036 >> Jon: BUT THAT'S WHAT WE'RE 692 00:20:45,044 --> 00:20:45,354 DOING. 693 00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:46,645 >> NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT WE'RE 694 00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:47,146 DOING, JON. 695 00:20:47,146 --> 00:20:47,976 >> Jon: YES, IT IS. 696 00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:49,180 YOU'RE DAPHNE, AND YOU'RE GONNA 697 00:20:49,181 --> 00:20:49,781 RIDE ME. 698 00:20:49,782 --> 00:20:50,952 >> DAPHNE CAN RIDE YOU WITHOUT 699 00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:51,980 THE FEED BAG AND THE OATS. 700 00:20:51,984 --> 00:20:53,194 >> Jon: WHAT IS THE WHOLE POINT 701 00:20:53,185 --> 00:20:54,315 OF AGREEING TO SOMETHING IF, 702 00:20:54,321 --> 00:20:55,691 THEN, TWO SECONDS LATER, YOU'RE 703 00:20:55,688 --> 00:20:56,288 GONNA DISAGREE? 704 00:20:56,289 --> 00:20:57,059 >> YOU KNOW WHAT? 705 00:20:57,056 --> 00:20:57,986 LET'S JUST FORGET IT. 706 00:20:57,990 --> 00:20:59,960 [ SIGHS ] 707 00:21:04,964 --> 00:21:06,934 >> Jon: ALL RIGHT. 708 00:21:18,077 --> 00:21:20,007 >> [ SIGHS ] 42854

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