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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,241 --> 00:00:08,581 >> Jon: [ Distorted ] MY NAME'S 2 00:00:08,576 --> 00:00:08,906 JON. 3 00:00:08,909 --> 00:00:10,209 I'M IN THE WITNESS PROTECTION 4 00:00:10,211 --> 00:00:10,811 PROGRAM. 5 00:00:10,811 --> 00:00:12,551 THE RUSSIAN MOB WANTS ME DEAD, 6 00:00:12,546 --> 00:00:13,876 THE LOVE OF MY LIFE WAS 7 00:00:13,881 --> 00:00:15,581 MURDERED, BUT, HEY, THIS COOL, 8 00:00:15,583 --> 00:00:17,293 SINGLE DAD'S STILL GOT TO LIVE 9 00:00:17,285 --> 00:00:18,245 LIFE. 10 00:00:18,252 --> 00:00:21,392 OWW! 11 00:00:21,389 --> 00:00:23,659 PREVIOUSLY ON "DELOCATED!"... 12 00:00:23,657 --> 00:00:25,057 >> Mike: YEAH, HE -- HE'S HERE 13 00:00:25,059 --> 00:00:25,829 RIGHT NOW. 14 00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:26,926 IT'S SETH. 15 00:00:26,927 --> 00:00:28,657 HE'S BEEN MURDERED. 16 00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:30,932 RAY'S JUST BEEN MURDERED. 17 00:00:30,931 --> 00:00:32,331 >> LON'S DEAD. 18 00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:33,103 OH, MY GOD. 19 00:00:33,101 --> 00:00:34,641 JON, COME ON. WE GOT TO TALK. 20 00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:35,095 >> YEAH. 21 00:00:35,103 --> 00:00:36,243 IT TURNS OUT SHE'S NOT YOUR 22 00:00:36,237 --> 00:00:36,837 GRANDDAUGHTER. 23 00:00:36,837 --> 00:00:37,607 >> David: UH-OH. 24 00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:38,665 IT'S A NEW VIDEO ALERT FROM 25 00:00:38,672 --> 00:00:39,272 FAKE JON. 26 00:00:39,273 --> 00:00:40,573 >> Jon: WHAT IS THIS ONE? 27 00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:41,584 "SANDWICH HUMPER." 28 00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:43,435 >> SHOOT HIM IN THE HEAD. 29 00:00:43,444 --> 00:00:44,584 >> I AM JON. 30 00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:47,778 >> GO AHEAD. 31 00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:49,821 [ GUNSHOT ] 32 00:00:55,456 --> 00:00:56,916 >> Jon: IF THEY LOST MY JEANS, 33 00:00:56,924 --> 00:00:58,664 I'M GONNA BE SO MAD -- SO MAD. 34 00:00:58,659 --> 00:01:00,329 >> WAIT TILL YOU FIND OUT FOR 35 00:01:00,328 --> 00:01:00,828 SURE. 36 00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:02,658 >> Jon: WELL, IT'S TAKING A VERY 37 00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:03,433 LONG TIME. 38 00:01:03,431 --> 00:01:06,471 IT'S MY FAVORITE PAIR OF JEANS. 39 00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:07,267 [ SIGHS DEEPLY ] 40 00:01:07,268 --> 00:01:08,338 >> [ Asian accent ] OH! 41 00:01:08,336 --> 00:01:09,296 >> Jon: HERE WE GO. 42 00:01:09,303 --> 00:01:10,643 >> ME SORRY IT TAKE RONG TIME. 43 00:01:10,638 --> 00:01:12,938 I TRY FIND TICKEH. 44 00:01:12,940 --> 00:01:14,140 >> Jon: WHAT? TICKEH? 45 00:01:14,142 --> 00:01:14,842 >> TICKEH. 46 00:01:14,842 --> 00:01:16,482 >> Jon: OH -- NO, NO, NO, NO. 47 00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:17,347 TICKET. 48 00:01:17,345 --> 00:01:18,475 >> TICKEH. 49 00:01:18,479 --> 00:01:20,309 >> Jon: NO -- TICK-ET. 50 00:01:20,314 --> 00:01:22,354 PUT A "T" ON THE END. 51 00:01:22,350 --> 00:01:23,050 >> TICK-EN. 52 00:01:23,050 --> 00:01:23,880 >> Jon: TICKET. 53 00:01:23,884 --> 00:01:24,624 >> TICK-ED? 54 00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:26,018 >> Jon: YOU HEAR AT THE TOP? 55 00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:26,519 "TUH." 56 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:27,720 TUH, TUH, TUH, TUH -- 57 00:01:27,721 --> 00:01:28,291 "TI"... 58 00:01:28,289 --> 00:01:28,889 >> TI... 59 00:01:28,889 --> 00:01:29,959 >> Jon: ..."CKET." 60 00:01:29,957 --> 00:01:30,887 >> TUH-CKET-TUH. 61 00:01:30,891 --> 00:01:32,231 >> Jon: NO, NEVER MIND. 62 00:01:32,226 --> 00:01:33,686 JUST HOW MUCH DO I OWE YOU, 63 00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:36,034 PLEASE? 64 00:01:36,029 --> 00:01:36,999 WHOA. HOLD ON A SECOND. 65 00:01:36,997 --> 00:01:37,397 >> WHAT? 66 00:01:37,398 --> 00:01:38,398 >> Jon: HOLD ON A SECOND, 67 00:01:38,399 --> 00:01:38,829 PLEASE. 68 00:01:38,832 --> 00:01:41,142 OH, MY GOD. 69 00:01:41,135 --> 00:01:42,165 OH, MY GOD! 70 00:01:42,170 --> 00:01:44,140 WHY ARE MY JEANS CREASED?! 71 00:01:44,138 --> 00:01:46,008 >> OH, JEAN NEED CREASE. 72 00:01:46,006 --> 00:01:47,006 LOOK SHARP. 73 00:01:47,007 --> 00:01:48,807 >> Jon: NO, YOU [SIGHS] 74 00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:50,539 YOU DON'T CREASE JEANS. 75 00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:52,154 YOU CREASE SLACKS. 76 00:01:52,146 --> 00:01:53,846 >> JEAN NEED CREASE. 77 00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:54,417 20 DOLLAR. 78 00:01:54,415 --> 00:01:55,715 >> Jon: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR 79 00:01:55,716 --> 00:01:56,076 MIND?! 80 00:01:56,083 --> 00:01:57,493 20 BUCKS?! 81 00:01:57,485 --> 00:01:58,915 THESE TOOK A LONG TIME TO BREAK 82 00:01:58,919 --> 00:01:59,249 IN. 83 00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:00,893 NOW THEY'RE RUINED. 84 00:02:00,888 --> 00:02:02,318 YOU JUST LOST A CUSTOMER. 85 00:02:02,323 --> 00:02:03,223 >> OH, NO, NO. 86 00:02:03,224 --> 00:02:04,264 HOLD ON. HOLD ON. 87 00:02:04,258 --> 00:02:06,828 UH... 88 00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:09,757 I-I NO SUPPOSED TO DO THIS, 89 00:02:09,763 --> 00:02:11,403 BUT... 90 00:02:11,399 --> 00:02:12,569 OH. 91 00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:15,666 PREASE, TAKE THIS. 92 00:02:15,669 --> 00:02:17,209 I GIVE YOU COUPON, MAKE YOU 93 00:02:17,205 --> 00:02:18,165 HAPPY CUSTOMER. 94 00:02:18,172 --> 00:02:19,842 >> Jon: I CAN TAKE THIS TO ANY 95 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:21,540 CHINESE RESTAURANT IN THE CITY, 96 00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:22,842 AND THEY'LL ACCEPT IT? 97 00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:24,183 >> OH, ANYPLACE. 98 00:02:24,178 --> 00:02:26,078 CHINESE PEOPLE MAKE SPECIAL 99 00:02:26,079 --> 00:02:26,679 CODE. 100 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,550 THAT HOW CHINESE PEOPLE DO 101 00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:29,249 THINGS. 102 00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:30,850 >> Jon: SPECIAL CODE? 103 00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:32,591 YOU CHINESE PEOPLE STICK 104 00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:33,416 TOGETHER. 105 00:02:33,421 --> 00:02:35,061 I LIKE THAT. 106 00:02:35,055 --> 00:02:36,585 I ALSO LIKE GOOD BUSINESS. 107 00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:38,060 YOU GOT A CUSTOMER BACK. 108 00:02:38,058 --> 00:02:38,688 I'M JON. 109 00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:40,132 >> MY NAME EUN MI. 110 00:02:40,127 --> 00:02:42,097 >> Jon: IT'S VERY PRETTY. 111 00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:43,295 IT'S DELICATE. 112 00:02:43,297 --> 00:02:45,367 IT'S LIKE A TENDER PIECE OF 113 00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:47,026 PINEAPPLE FRIED RICE. 114 00:02:47,034 --> 00:02:48,444 WITHOUT THE PINEAPPLE, THOUGH. 115 00:02:48,436 --> 00:02:49,866 I DON'T -- I NEVER UNDERSTOOD 116 00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:50,470 THAT DISH. 117 00:02:50,471 --> 00:02:51,911 LIKE, WHY RUIN FRIED RICE WITH 118 00:02:51,905 --> 00:02:53,035 WARM FRUIT? 119 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:54,070 UGH. GROSS. 120 00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:55,214 [ CHUCKLES ] 121 00:02:55,209 --> 00:02:56,379 THANKS FOR THE COUPON. 122 00:02:56,377 --> 00:02:57,547 I'M EXCITED TO USE IT. 123 00:02:57,545 --> 00:02:59,105 AND, UH, YOUR SECRET'S SAFE WITH 124 00:02:59,112 --> 00:02:59,452 ME. 125 00:02:59,447 --> 00:03:00,477 >> THANK YOU. 126 00:03:00,481 --> 00:03:01,421 >> Jon: BYE! 127 00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:03,015 >> THANK YOU. 128 00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:08,924 >> DON'T CONTROL IT, JON! NO! 129 00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:10,822 ENERGIZE IT. 130 00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:11,394 YEAH. 131 00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:13,292 >> Jon: THIS HOOP THERAPY'S BEEN 132 00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:14,664 REALLY WORKING. 133 00:03:14,662 --> 00:03:16,102 GOT TO TELL YOU, OLD JON WOULD 134 00:03:16,096 --> 00:03:17,426 HAVE LOST HIS [BLEEP] ABOUT 135 00:03:17,431 --> 00:03:19,131 THOSE CREASED JEANS, BUT NEW JON 136 00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:21,102 STAYED COOL AS A CUKE. 137 00:03:21,101 --> 00:03:21,601 >> MM-HMM. 138 00:03:21,602 --> 00:03:22,902 >> Jon: THAT LADY'S PRETTY CUTE, 139 00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:23,343 TOO. 140 00:03:23,337 --> 00:03:25,167 >> ASIAN PEOPLE REPRESENT SAFETY 141 00:03:25,172 --> 00:03:26,572 TO YOU RIGHT NOW, JON. 142 00:03:26,574 --> 00:03:27,984 THE WANG CHOS OFFER YOU 143 00:03:27,975 --> 00:03:29,735 PROTECTION, AND SUDDENLY, YOUR 144 00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:32,313 DRY-CLEANER IS DESIRABLE. 145 00:03:32,313 --> 00:03:33,613 MAYBE YOU SHOULD ASK HER OUT. 146 00:03:33,614 --> 00:03:33,954 HMM? 147 00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:34,847 SEE WHERE IT LEADS. 148 00:03:34,848 --> 00:03:35,848 >> Jon: I DON'T KNOW. 149 00:03:35,849 --> 00:03:37,019 SHE BARELY SPEAKS ENGLISH. 150 00:03:37,017 --> 00:03:38,287 >> THAT MAY BE JUST WHAT YOU 151 00:03:38,286 --> 00:03:39,846 NEED -- SOMEONE WHO CAN'T 152 00:03:39,853 --> 00:03:41,693 ARTICULATE ANY DEMANDS ON YOU. 153 00:03:41,689 --> 00:03:43,619 BUT YOU WON'T KNOW, JON, UNLESS 154 00:03:43,624 --> 00:03:44,294 YOU TRY. 155 00:03:44,292 --> 00:03:45,862 >> Jon: IT'LL BE MY FIRST 156 00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:46,829 CHINESE DATE. 157 00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:48,797 >> REMEMBER -- IT'S ABOUT 158 00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:51,696 ENERGY, NOT CONTROL. 159 00:03:51,699 --> 00:03:53,199 >> OH, GEEZ. 160 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,140 >> A CRITIC JUDGES WHAT HE 161 00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:57,135 HIMSELF CANNOT ACHIEVE, T.B. 162 00:03:57,137 --> 00:03:59,037 WHAT ARE YOU SO SCARED OF? 163 00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:00,509 HMM? 164 00:04:00,508 --> 00:04:02,008 WHY DON'T YOU TRY IT? 165 00:04:02,009 --> 00:04:04,179 >> BECAUSE I HAVE THE GOOD SENSE 166 00:04:04,177 --> 00:04:06,277 NOT TO FALL FOR SOME CON-ARTIST 167 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:07,180 BULL[BLEEP] 168 00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:09,350 I'M NOT A SUCKER. 169 00:04:09,350 --> 00:04:10,320 NO OFFENSE, JON. 170 00:04:10,318 --> 00:04:11,688 >> Jon: HEY, NONE TAKEN. 171 00:04:11,685 --> 00:04:12,615 I'M HAVING FUN. 172 00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:13,890 >> WHAT'S NEXT FOR JON -- 173 00:04:13,887 --> 00:04:14,957 PLAYING IN A SANDBOX? 174 00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:15,885 [ CELLPHONE RINGS ] 175 00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:17,289 >> Jon: HEY, THAT SOUNDS COOL. 176 00:04:17,291 --> 00:04:18,231 WHEN WE DOING THAT? 177 00:04:18,225 --> 00:04:20,525 >> HELLO? 178 00:04:20,528 --> 00:04:21,728 OH, MY GOD. 179 00:04:21,729 --> 00:04:23,059 >> Jon: OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? 180 00:04:23,063 --> 00:04:24,503 T.B., YOU GOT TO STOP TAKING 181 00:04:24,498 --> 00:04:25,698 THESE PHONE CALLS, MAN. 182 00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:26,799 IT'S ALWAYS, "HELLO? 183 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:27,500 OH, MY GOD." 184 00:04:27,501 --> 00:04:28,541 THEN IT'S BAD NEWS. 185 00:04:28,536 --> 00:04:31,166 SEE? LOOK AT HIS FACE. BAD NEWS. 186 00:04:31,171 --> 00:04:32,511 LET ME GUESS -- SERGEI SHOT 187 00:04:32,506 --> 00:04:33,906 DAVID, CUT OFF HIS DICK, I'M 188 00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:34,337 NEXT. 189 00:04:34,342 --> 00:04:35,682 RIGHT? SOMETHING LIKE THAT? 190 00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:37,006 >> IT'S MY MOM. 191 00:04:37,010 --> 00:04:38,910 SHE'S GETTING A DIVORCE. 192 00:04:38,912 --> 00:04:40,712 SHE'S LEAVING MY DAD. 193 00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:42,684 [ SAD MUSIC PLAYS ] 194 00:04:45,886 --> 00:04:47,586 >> Jon: SO, MY DICK'S NOT NEXT? 195 00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:49,918 >> JON! 196 00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:53,363 GET IN. 197 00:04:53,361 --> 00:04:55,331 >> Jon: [ SIGHS ] 198 00:04:57,731 --> 00:05:00,371 [ SIGHS DEEPLY ] 199 00:05:00,368 --> 00:05:01,698 * CHA CHA 200 00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:03,842 * CHA CHA CHA CHA CHA CHA 201 00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:04,737 * CHA CHA CHA 202 00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:05,438 * CHA CHA 203 00:05:05,439 --> 00:05:06,839 * CHA CHA CHOS 204 00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:08,380 * CHA CHA CHOS 205 00:05:08,376 --> 00:05:11,776 * CHA CHA -- 206 00:05:11,779 --> 00:05:14,249 >> KINDLY EXAMINE THESE. 207 00:05:19,887 --> 00:05:21,217 >> Jon: THIS IS THE ASSHOLE 208 00:05:21,221 --> 00:05:23,361 THAT'S PRETENDING TO BE ME. 209 00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:24,557 THIS GUY'S BEEN MAKING ME LOOK 210 00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:25,358 LIKE A REAL DICK. 211 00:05:25,359 --> 00:05:26,589 HAVE YOU SEEN WHAT HE DOES WITH 212 00:05:26,594 --> 00:05:27,134 A SANDWICH? 213 00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:28,427 >> I AM MORE CONCERNED WITH WHAT 214 00:05:28,429 --> 00:05:30,699 HE DID TO BOHAI. 215 00:05:33,601 --> 00:05:34,901 >> I AM JON. 216 00:05:34,902 --> 00:05:37,712 [ GUNSHOT ECHOES ] 217 00:05:37,705 --> 00:05:40,035 >> Jon: THIS ISN'T ME! 218 00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:41,070 YOU GOT TO BELIEVE ME. 219 00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:42,414 WHY WOULD I KILL ONE OF MY CHO 220 00:05:42,410 --> 00:05:43,710 BROS? 221 00:05:43,711 --> 00:05:45,081 >> I, TOO, THINK THIS. 222 00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:46,808 OR YOU WOULD BE NUMBER 4 LUNCH 223 00:05:46,814 --> 00:05:51,154 SPECIAL -- MOO GOO GAI DEAD JON. 224 00:05:51,151 --> 00:05:52,821 BUT THERE IS PROBLEM. 225 00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:55,160 REST OF WANG CHOS THINK YOU DID 226 00:05:55,155 --> 00:05:57,115 THIS -- WANT YOU DEAD. 227 00:05:57,124 --> 00:05:59,834 >> Jon: WELL, IF YOU BELIEVE ME, 228 00:05:59,827 --> 00:06:01,897 JUST TELL THEM ABOUT FAKE JON. 229 00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:02,925 >> I'M SORRY. 230 00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:04,900 BUT UNLESS YOU CAN PROVE IT'S 231 00:06:04,898 --> 00:06:07,398 NOT YOU... 232 00:06:07,401 --> 00:06:09,371 YOU DIE. 233 00:06:13,474 --> 00:06:14,914 >> * LOVE TO SWEEP 234 00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:16,978 * I LOVE TO SWEEP UP 235 00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:18,607 * SWEEPING IS FUN 236 00:06:18,612 --> 00:06:19,912 >> Jon: I TOLD YOU GUYS -- SAME 237 00:06:19,913 --> 00:06:20,513 GUY! 238 00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:22,484 LOOK AT THE COAT, RIGHT? 239 00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:24,353 >> IT'S A VERY SPECIFIC 240 00:06:24,351 --> 00:06:26,651 JACKET/JEAN/SHOE COMBINATION. 241 00:06:26,654 --> 00:06:28,364 >> Jon: YEAH, RIGHT? 242 00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:29,355 >> I'LL GET THAT. 243 00:06:29,356 --> 00:06:30,856 >> YOU'VE CONVINCED ME, JON. 244 00:06:30,858 --> 00:06:32,458 >> Jon: BELIEVE THAT ASSHOLE? 245 00:06:32,460 --> 00:06:33,460 >> SEE YOU LATER. 246 00:06:33,461 --> 00:06:36,631 >> Jon: HATE THAT GUY! 247 00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:37,700 I LIKE HIS SHOES, THOUGH. 248 00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:38,698 THOSE ARE PRETTY COOL. 249 00:06:38,699 --> 00:06:40,029 >> LET ME GET CUP INTO GARBAGE. 250 00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:41,373 >> Jon: THOSE ARE THE SHOES THAT 251 00:06:41,368 --> 00:06:43,468 TONE YOUR BUTT, RIGHT? 252 00:06:43,471 --> 00:06:44,671 HEY, THEY SHOULD MAKE A PAIR 253 00:06:44,672 --> 00:06:45,672 THAT TONE YOUR WIENER. 254 00:06:45,673 --> 00:06:47,273 [ LAUGHS ] 255 00:06:50,544 --> 00:06:53,384 HERE WE GO, BUDDY. 256 00:06:53,380 --> 00:06:54,480 >> WELCOME TO NEW YORK, MOTHER. 257 00:06:54,482 --> 00:06:55,622 NOW LET'S GO UPSTAIRS TO DISCUSS 258 00:06:55,616 --> 00:06:57,276 THIS LATEST DEVELOPMENT. 259 00:06:57,284 --> 00:06:59,394 >> Jon: SOMEONE CALL PAUL SIMON, 260 00:06:59,386 --> 00:06:59,816 HUH? 261 00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:01,220 GOT A LITTLE MOTHER/CHILD 262 00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:03,261 REUNION HAPPENING HERE. 263 00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:07,996 >> SWEETIE, I'M SORRY THIS IS 264 00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:08,725 HARD. 265 00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:11,159 BUT I CAN ASSURE YOU I HAVE 266 00:07:11,164 --> 00:07:13,404 GIVEN THIS A LOT OF THOUGHT. 267 00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:15,040 >> WELL, HOW DOES DAD FEEL ABOUT 268 00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:15,635 ALL THIS? 269 00:07:15,636 --> 00:07:17,136 >> WELL, YOU HAVE TO ASK HIM, 270 00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:18,507 BUT I CAN TELL YOU IT WAS A 271 00:07:18,506 --> 00:07:19,406 MUTUAL DECISION. 272 00:07:19,406 --> 00:07:20,836 >> WELL, I DID CALL HIM, AND 273 00:07:20,841 --> 00:07:21,581 HE'S A MESS. 274 00:07:21,575 --> 00:07:23,005 >> WELL, WHAT DID YOU ASK ME 275 00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:23,410 FOR?! 276 00:07:23,410 --> 00:07:24,880 DID YOU INVITE ME HERE FOR AN 277 00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:25,708 INTERROGATION? 278 00:07:25,713 --> 00:07:27,583 THIS IS NOT ABU GHRAIB, TONY. 279 00:07:27,581 --> 00:07:29,481 I DON'T HAVE BALLS FOR YOU TO 280 00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:30,883 ELECTROCUTE. 281 00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:32,394 >> Jon: [ CHUCKLES ] 282 00:07:32,385 --> 00:07:33,545 NICE ONE, RENEE. 283 00:07:33,554 --> 00:07:35,064 DON'T TAKE THAT. 284 00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:37,415 >> RENEE, CONGRATULATIONS ON 285 00:07:37,424 --> 00:07:40,064 CONFRONTING YOUR UNHAPPINESS SO 286 00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:40,990 BRAVELY. 287 00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:43,664 I HOPE YOUR HEALING HAS BEGUN. 288 00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:44,574 >> THANK YOU. 289 00:07:44,565 --> 00:07:46,165 >> NOT ALL DIVORCES CARRY 290 00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:48,696 NEGATIVE IMPLICATIONS. 291 00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:50,602 I CAN SENSE YOU HAVE A POSITIVE 292 00:07:50,604 --> 00:07:52,374 AURA, AND I THINK YOU MADE A 293 00:07:52,372 --> 00:07:53,672 HEALTHY DECISION. 294 00:07:53,674 --> 00:07:55,714 YOU'RE SENDING OFF SOME REALLY 295 00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:57,009 PEACEFUL VIBRATIONS. 296 00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:58,710 >> I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS GIVING 297 00:07:58,712 --> 00:07:59,752 OFF VIBRATIONS. 298 00:07:59,747 --> 00:08:01,377 I'M GLAD SOMEBODY'S GETTING 299 00:08:01,381 --> 00:08:02,721 THEM. 300 00:08:02,716 --> 00:08:04,446 I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO GRAB A 301 00:08:04,451 --> 00:08:05,691 NAP. 302 00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:06,886 TONY, TRY NOT TO WORRY. 303 00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:08,457 >> Jon: YEAH, WE SHOULD, UH, GET 304 00:08:08,455 --> 00:08:09,285 GOING, ANYWAY. 305 00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:10,589 I WANT TO HEAD BACK HOME, 306 00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:12,061 PREPARE FOR MY DATE WITH THAT 307 00:08:12,059 --> 00:08:14,959 SILKY CHINESE MAIDEN. 308 00:08:14,962 --> 00:08:16,602 I'M THINKING ABOUT WEARING THREE 309 00:08:16,597 --> 00:08:18,067 COLOGNES TONIGHT -- COVER MY 310 00:08:18,065 --> 00:08:18,565 BASES. 311 00:08:18,566 --> 00:08:20,026 SHE GOT TO LIKE ONE OF THEM. 312 00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:21,303 [ CHUCKLES ] 313 00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:23,671 [ ASIAN MUSIC PLAYS ] 314 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:28,540 MMM. 315 00:08:28,542 --> 00:08:30,642 WHAM, BAM, THANK YOU, CHINA. 316 00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:32,614 [ CHUCKLES ] 317 00:08:32,613 --> 00:08:33,983 HEY, THANKS FOR COMING OUT 318 00:08:33,981 --> 00:08:34,581 TONIGHT. 319 00:08:34,582 --> 00:08:36,052 KIND OF THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE 320 00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:37,279 INTO SOME CHINESE FOOD. 321 00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:39,894 >> OH, YOU'RE WELCOME. 322 00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:42,717 MMM. I LIKE YOUR COLOGNE. 323 00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:43,893 >> Jon: WHICH ONE? 324 00:08:43,891 --> 00:08:45,891 [ LAUGHS ] 325 00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:47,393 HEY, YOU GOT ROOM FOR DESSERT? 326 00:08:47,394 --> 00:08:49,264 >> OH, NO, THANK YOU. 327 00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:50,662 MY TUMMY FULL. 328 00:08:50,664 --> 00:08:52,274 >> Jon: YOU SURE? 329 00:08:52,265 --> 00:08:53,995 'CAUSE, UH... 330 00:08:54,001 --> 00:08:57,071 MONEY IS NO OBJECT. 331 00:08:57,070 --> 00:08:57,840 BOOM. 332 00:08:57,838 --> 00:09:00,138 >> OH, YOU BRING COUPON. 333 00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:03,010 THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 334 00:09:03,010 --> 00:09:05,510 >> Jon: THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 335 00:09:05,512 --> 00:09:06,852 OH. HERE YOU GO, MY MAN. 336 00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:08,417 I BELIEVE THIS ONE IS ON THE 337 00:09:08,415 --> 00:09:10,075 HOUSE TONIGHT. 338 00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:11,953 >> WHAT THIS? 339 00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:13,092 >> Jon: COME ON, DUDE. 340 00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:14,186 DON'T MAKE ME LOOK BAD. 341 00:09:14,187 --> 00:09:15,487 IT'S ONE OF YOUR AUTHENTIC 342 00:09:15,488 --> 00:09:17,788 CHINESE DINNER COUPONS -- GIVEN 343 00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:20,461 TO ME BY THIS VERY LOVELY AND 344 00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:23,330 VERY AUTHENTIC CHINESE LADY. 345 00:09:23,330 --> 00:09:24,970 >> UH, THIS...JOKE? 346 00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:26,125 [ CHUCKLES ] 347 00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:26,603 YOU PAY. 348 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:27,970 >> Jon: EUN MI, YOU WANT TO TELL 349 00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:29,038 THIS GUY WHAT'S GOING ON? 350 00:09:29,036 --> 00:09:30,996 HE OBVIOUSLY DOES NOT READ 351 00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:32,474 ENGLISH. 352 00:09:32,472 --> 00:09:34,442 >> [ SPEAKING KOREAN ] 353 00:09:37,845 --> 00:09:39,145 >> [ SPEAKING CHINESE ] 354 00:09:39,146 --> 00:09:41,846 >> [ SPEAKING KOREAN ] 355 00:09:41,849 --> 00:09:43,719 >> Jon: SO, WE ALL SET? 356 00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:45,687 >> WHY SHE SPEAK KOREAN? 357 00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:47,016 YOU PAY, OR I CALL THE POLICE. 358 00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:48,190 >> Jon: SHE'S NOT SPEAKING 359 00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:48,658 KOREAN. 360 00:09:48,656 --> 00:09:49,786 IT'S CHINESE. 361 00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:51,390 HOW ABOUT AN APOLOGY? 362 00:09:51,391 --> 00:09:53,361 >> [ LAUGHING ] 363 00:09:55,562 --> 00:09:56,732 >> Jon: WHAT IS SO FUNNY? 364 00:09:56,730 --> 00:09:58,800 [ LAUGHS ] 365 00:09:58,799 --> 00:09:59,999 [ American accent ] DUDE. 366 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,870 YOU'RE A [BLEEP] IDIOT. 367 00:10:09,843 --> 00:10:11,043 >> Jon: HONESTLY, I CAN'T 368 00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:12,314 BELIEVE YOU'RE NOT CHINESE. 369 00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:13,482 >> OH, BELIEVE IT, DUDE. 370 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:14,250 I'M KOREAN. 371 00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:16,047 >> Jon: I'VE BEEN COMING TO THE 372 00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:18,319 DRY-CLEANER FOR WEEKS. 373 00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:19,418 WHY WOULD YOU PRETEND THAT YOU 374 00:10:19,419 --> 00:10:20,389 CAN BARELY SPEAK ENGLISH? 375 00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:21,047 >> I DON'T KNOW. 376 00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:22,224 IT WAS JUST FUN [BLEEP] WITH 377 00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:22,862 YOU. 378 00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:24,386 "TICKEH. TICKEH." 379 00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:27,361 [ Laughing ] OH, MY GOD. UNREAL. 380 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,060 >> Jon: "UNREAL" LIKE -- LIKE, 381 00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:30,002 GOOD "UNREAL"? 382 00:10:29,997 --> 00:10:31,557 >> OH, THIS IS THE BEST TIME 383 00:10:31,564 --> 00:10:33,004 I'VE EVER HAD ON A DATE. 384 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,370 >> Jon: REALLY? 385 00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:36,097 SO... 386 00:10:36,103 --> 00:10:37,443 MAYBE YOU'D GO OUT WITH ME 387 00:10:37,437 --> 00:10:37,937 AGAIN. 388 00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:39,438 >> YOU KNOW, NORMALLY, NO WAY, 389 00:10:39,439 --> 00:10:40,909 BUT IF YOU THINK YOU CAN TOP 390 00:10:40,908 --> 00:10:43,508 TONIGHT, THEN YEAH. 391 00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:46,580 OTHERWISE, DON'T BOTHER. 392 00:10:46,579 --> 00:10:47,919 BY THE WAY, AREN'T THOSE THE 393 00:10:47,915 --> 00:10:49,245 JEANS YOU LOST YOUR [BLEEP] 394 00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:50,349 ABOUT? 395 00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:50,920 >> Jon: OH. 396 00:10:50,918 --> 00:10:52,288 YEAH, YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT ABOUT 397 00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:53,685 IT A LITTLE MORE, AND I KIND OF 398 00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:55,057 STARTED TO LIKE THEM AND THOUGHT 399 00:10:55,055 --> 00:10:56,285 I'D WEAR THEM TONIGHT ON THE 400 00:10:56,289 --> 00:10:58,059 DATE JUST TO GIVE CREDIT WHERE 401 00:10:58,058 --> 00:10:59,858 CREDIT'S DUE ABOUT A -- ABOUT A 402 00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:01,230 GREAT CREASE. 403 00:11:01,228 --> 00:11:01,858 YOU KNOW -- 404 00:11:01,862 --> 00:11:03,132 [ Asian accent ] LOOK SHARP. 405 00:11:03,130 --> 00:11:04,400 >> NO, YOU HAD IT RIGHT THE 406 00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:05,027 FIRST TIME. 407 00:11:05,032 --> 00:11:07,432 CREASED JEANS LOOK STUPID. 408 00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:16,775 >> OH! GOOD NIGHT, TODD. 409 00:11:16,777 --> 00:11:18,747 GOOD NIGHT, WHORE. 410 00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:25,091 >> [ SPEAKING CHINESE ] 411 00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:26,888 [ BREATHES DEEPLY ] 412 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:28,890 >> HAVE FUN TONIGHT. 413 00:11:32,325 --> 00:11:34,585 >> TONY, I'M SORRY WE GOT OFF TO 414 00:11:34,594 --> 00:11:36,734 SUCH A ROUGH START, BUT I HAVE 415 00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:37,660 HAD A WONDERFUL TIME. 416 00:11:37,664 --> 00:11:38,934 >> WELL, I'M GLAD YOU HAD FUN, 417 00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:39,272 MOM. 418 00:11:39,266 --> 00:11:40,566 BUT WE BETTER HURRY, OR YOU'RE 419 00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:41,567 GONNA MISS YOUR FLIGHT. 420 00:11:41,568 --> 00:11:42,898 >> OH, I'M GONNA STAY A FEW MORE 421 00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:43,273 DAYS. 422 00:11:43,270 --> 00:11:44,970 I WANT TO SEE SOME MUSEUMS 423 00:11:44,972 --> 00:11:46,772 AND -- AND GO TO A BROADWAY 424 00:11:46,774 --> 00:11:47,844 SHOW. 425 00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:48,341 >> OKAY. 426 00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:49,781 I GUESS I COULD TAKE A COUPLE OF 427 00:11:49,777 --> 00:11:50,307 DAYS OFF. 428 00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:51,480 >> OH, THAT'S OKAY, HONEY. 429 00:11:51,478 --> 00:11:52,778 I ALREADY HAVE SOMEBODY WHO'S 430 00:11:52,780 --> 00:11:53,750 GONNA SHOW ME AROUND. 431 00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:54,607 [ TOILET FLUSHES ] 432 00:11:54,614 --> 00:11:57,154 >> DARLING. 433 00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:59,920 OH. HI, JON. TONY. 434 00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:01,450 DARLING, I HAVE JUST HAD A VERY 435 00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:02,294 STEAMY SHOWER. 436 00:12:02,289 --> 00:12:03,619 I'M GONNA GO AND TOWEL OFF 437 00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:05,463 BEFORE WE GET GOING. 438 00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:06,528 MMM. 439 00:12:06,526 --> 00:12:07,456 [ SMOOCHING ] 440 00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:11,930 MMMMMMMMMMMMMM. 441 00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:13,272 SEE YOU LATER, GUYS. 442 00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:14,836 >> Jon: PROBABLY NOT WHAT 443 00:12:14,835 --> 00:12:16,995 PAUL SIMON HAD IN MIND WITH 444 00:12:17,004 --> 00:12:18,774 "MOTHER/CHILD REUNION." 445 00:12:18,772 --> 00:12:21,642 [ Chuckling ] OH, MY GOD. 446 00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:25,477 >> HE NEEDS TO BE FIRED. 447 00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:26,808 >> Jon: YOU KNOW WHAT, T.B.? 448 00:12:26,814 --> 00:12:28,184 IN THE GLAZE'S DEFENSE, YOUR 449 00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:29,521 MOTHER IS AN ADULT. 450 00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:31,376 SHE CAN PULL A BANG 'N' BONE 451 00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:33,354 WITH WHOEVER SHE WANTS. 452 00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:34,093 RIGHT, SUSAN? 453 00:12:34,121 --> 00:12:35,491 >> I HAD A FEELING THIS MIGHT 454 00:12:35,522 --> 00:12:37,222 HAPPEN. 455 00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:38,464 >> WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU HAD A 456 00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:40,858 FEELING? 457 00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:43,831 >> LET'S JUST SAY THE GLAZE IS 458 00:12:43,831 --> 00:12:46,971 WELL-SCHOOLED IN THE ART OF SEX. 459 00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:47,967 >> Jon: OH, BOY. 460 00:12:47,968 --> 00:12:49,538 >> WE DID A PRESENTATION WITH 461 00:12:49,536 --> 00:12:51,166 THE GLAZE A FEW YEARS AGO, AND 462 00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:53,071 ONE ASPECT OF THE SHOW WAS HIS 463 00:12:53,073 --> 00:12:57,343 WORK AS A COUPLES SEX THERAPIST. 464 00:12:57,344 --> 00:12:58,884 I FELT I NEEDED TO KNOW WHAT HIS 465 00:12:58,879 --> 00:13:01,709 QUALIFICATIONS WERE, SO I, UM... 466 00:13:01,714 --> 00:13:02,724 >> OH, MY GOD. 467 00:13:02,715 --> 00:13:03,675 >> Jon: HO-HO! 468 00:13:03,683 --> 00:13:05,353 THE PLOT THICKENS. 469 00:13:05,352 --> 00:13:06,692 >> IT'S NOT SO MUCH WHAT HE 470 00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:08,086 BROUGHT TO THE TABLE, 'CAUSE, 471 00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:09,388 YOU KNOW, IT WASN'T MUCH. 472 00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:10,689 IT'S WHAT HE DID WITH IT. 473 00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:12,490 IT WAS HIS STROKE. 474 00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:15,062 HE PACKED MORE INTO ONE PUMP 475 00:13:15,062 --> 00:13:16,402 THAN A LIFETIME OF LOVERS EVER 476 00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:16,826 COULD. 477 00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:18,100 >> I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS. 478 00:13:18,098 --> 00:13:18,828 >> Jon: I DO. 479 00:13:18,832 --> 00:13:20,332 >> I KNOW THIS IS DIFFICULT, BUT 480 00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:21,603 YOU NEED TO KNOW WHO YOU'RE 481 00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:22,371 DEALING WITH. 482 00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:23,499 >> WELL, I THINK HE'S A 483 00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:24,773 MANIPULATIVE OPPORTUNIST -- 484 00:13:24,771 --> 00:13:25,941 WHO DROPPED SOME NEW-AGE 485 00:13:25,939 --> 00:13:27,239 BULL[BLEEP] ON A VULNERABLE 486 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:29,610 WOMAN AND THEN WENT BALLS DEEP. 487 00:13:29,609 --> 00:13:31,409 >> BALLS FIRST. 488 00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:33,411 HE GOES BALLS FIRST. 489 00:13:33,413 --> 00:13:36,183 [ NEW AGE MUSIC PLAYS ] 490 00:13:36,183 --> 00:13:37,353 >> CAN YOU FEEL ME? 491 00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:37,950 >> YES. 492 00:13:37,951 --> 00:13:39,391 >> OHH, THAT FEELS GOOD. 493 00:13:39,386 --> 00:13:40,916 [ GROANS ] 494 00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:41,551 FEEL IT! 495 00:13:41,554 --> 00:13:42,124 >> YES! 496 00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:43,522 >> [ MOANS ] FEEL IT FLOW. 497 00:13:43,523 --> 00:13:44,263 >> YES. YES. 498 00:13:44,257 --> 00:13:44,857 >> [ MOANS ] 499 00:13:44,858 --> 00:13:46,088 >> Jon: T.B., JUST GO EASY, MAN. 500 00:13:46,093 --> 00:13:46,763 >> TONY! 501 00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:48,359 >> THE JIG IS UP, FRIEND. 502 00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:50,231 THIS THING WITH YOU AND MY MOM 503 00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:50,930 ENDS NOW. 504 00:13:50,931 --> 00:13:51,931 >> TONY, STOP! 505 00:13:51,932 --> 00:13:53,702 >> MA, HE'S JUST GONNA LEAVE 506 00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:54,970 YOU. 507 00:13:54,968 --> 00:13:56,238 >> TONY, YOU'RE WRONG. 508 00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:57,736 WE HAVE A STRONG CONNECTION. 509 00:13:57,737 --> 00:13:59,267 >> MA, THAT'S JUST THE STROKE 510 00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:02,312 TALKING! 511 00:14:02,309 --> 00:14:04,039 >> SO WHAT IF IT IS? 512 00:14:04,044 --> 00:14:06,314 IF YOU CAN'T BE HAPPY FOR ME, 513 00:14:06,313 --> 00:14:08,723 JUST, PLEASE, LEAVE ME ALONE SO 514 00:14:08,715 --> 00:14:10,415 I CAN ENJOY THE REST OF MY TRIP. 515 00:14:10,417 --> 00:14:11,987 AND IF YOU CAN'T BE HAPPY FOR 516 00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:13,485 ME AFTER THAT, THEN I GUESS 517 00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:15,056 YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO LEAVE ME 518 00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:18,325 ALONE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. 519 00:14:18,325 --> 00:14:19,925 >> T.B., I RESPECT THE FACT THAT 520 00:14:19,927 --> 00:14:21,287 YOU'RE LOOKING OUT FOR YOUR 521 00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:22,064 MOTHER. 522 00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:24,262 BUT I GENUINELY CARE FOR HER, 523 00:14:24,264 --> 00:14:26,334 AND I HOPE YOU BELIEVE THAT. 524 00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:28,743 I PROMISE THAT I WILL NEVER HARM 525 00:14:28,735 --> 00:14:30,095 THIS LADY. 526 00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:32,973 AND I PROMISE TO BE A GREAT 527 00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:34,573 STEPDAD TO YOU. 528 00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:35,014 HMM? 529 00:14:35,008 --> 00:14:36,778 HEY -- I COULD TEACH YOU HOW TO 530 00:14:36,776 --> 00:14:37,636 DRIVE A STICK SHIFT! 531 00:14:37,644 --> 00:14:38,284 [ CHUCKLES ] 532 00:14:38,278 --> 00:14:39,308 >> HOW ABOUT YOU DRIVE THIS 533 00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:41,412 STICK? 534 00:14:41,414 --> 00:14:43,324 >> Jon: OH, THE MOTHER/CHILD 535 00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:44,846 REUNION HAS TAKEN A -- 536 00:14:44,851 --> 00:14:46,891 >> SHUT UP, JON! 537 00:14:48,155 --> 00:14:49,455 >> Jon: MAN, TEACHING YOU TO 538 00:14:49,456 --> 00:14:51,016 DRIVE STICK. 539 00:14:51,024 --> 00:14:53,094 THE GLAZE IS A GREAT STEPDAD. 540 00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:54,793 >> HE'S NOT MY STEPDAD. 541 00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:56,034 >> Jon: NOT YET. 542 00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:58,169 FIRST COMES STROKE, THEN COMES 543 00:14:58,165 --> 00:14:59,425 MARRIAGE. 544 00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:01,302 [ LAUGHS ] 545 00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:02,701 OH, HEY, BY THE WAY, DAVID'S 546 00:15:02,702 --> 00:15:04,202 SLEEPING AT A FRIEND'S TONIGHT, 547 00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:05,814 SO IT'S JUST YOU, ME, AND EUN MI 548 00:15:05,805 --> 00:15:06,705 AT THE APARTMENT. 549 00:15:06,706 --> 00:15:08,136 I GOT A REAL NICE CANDLELIT 550 00:15:08,141 --> 00:15:08,981 DINNER PLANNED. 551 00:15:08,976 --> 00:15:10,976 IT'S GONNA BE PRETTY SWEET. 552 00:15:10,978 --> 00:15:11,948 PRETTY S-- 553 00:15:11,945 --> 00:15:13,505 OH, HERE SHE COMES. 554 00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:14,353 [ DOOR OPENS ] 555 00:15:14,347 --> 00:15:15,777 HELLO, THERE. HOW ARE YOU? 556 00:15:15,782 --> 00:15:16,622 >> OH, MY GOD. 557 00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:18,016 WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOUR 558 00:15:18,018 --> 00:15:18,688 PANTS? 559 00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:20,345 >> Jon: DOUBLE CREASE. 560 00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:22,563 I DREW THE CREASE-PIRATION FROM 561 00:15:22,555 --> 00:15:23,815 YOU, MY LOVELY KIMONO. 562 00:15:23,823 --> 00:15:25,463 >> IF THIS IS HOW THE NIGHT IS 563 00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:26,958 STARTING, IT IS A REALLY BAD 564 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:27,360 SIGN. 565 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:28,800 WHERE ARE WE GOING -- BACK TO 566 00:15:28,795 --> 00:15:30,225 YOUR APARTMENT FOR A CANDLELIT 567 00:15:30,230 --> 00:15:32,400 DINNER OR SOMETHING LAME? 568 00:15:32,399 --> 00:15:33,129 >> Jon: UH... 569 00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:33,673 [ SCOFFS ] 570 00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:34,566 NO, OF COURSE NOT. 571 00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:35,867 WHY WOULD I DO SOMETHING THAT 572 00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:36,338 STUPID? 573 00:15:36,336 --> 00:15:36,996 [ CHUCKLES ] 574 00:15:37,004 --> 00:15:38,374 >> OKAY, THEN. WHAT'S THE PLAN? 575 00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:39,541 >> Jon: UH...YOU'LL SEE. 576 00:15:39,539 --> 00:15:40,909 I GOT A COUPLE SURPRISES UP MY 577 00:15:40,907 --> 00:15:41,407 CREASE. 578 00:15:41,408 --> 00:15:42,338 >> OH, NO, NO, NO. 579 00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:43,712 I NEED TO KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT 580 00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:44,040 IS. 581 00:15:44,044 --> 00:15:45,414 IF IT'S SOMETHING LAME, TELL ME 582 00:15:45,412 --> 00:15:47,152 SO I DON'T WASTE MY NIGHT. 583 00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:49,017 [ HORN HONKS ] 584 00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:51,246 >> JON! 585 00:15:51,251 --> 00:15:53,491 GET IN. 586 00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:54,846 >> GOOD START. 587 00:15:54,854 --> 00:15:57,424 >> Jon: YEAH, RIGHT? I-I KNOW. 588 00:15:57,424 --> 00:15:58,594 HERE -- HERE WE GO. 589 00:15:58,591 --> 00:15:59,091 >> OH. 590 00:15:59,092 --> 00:15:59,892 >> Jon: OKAY. 591 00:15:59,892 --> 00:16:01,492 >> [ GIGGLES ] 592 00:16:03,196 --> 00:16:04,896 >> THIS IS AMAZING. 593 00:16:04,897 --> 00:16:06,567 >> Jon: OH. Y-YEAH. THANKS. 594 00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:08,766 I, UH, I KNEW YOU'D BE PSYCHED 595 00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:10,438 ABOUT THIS. 596 00:16:10,437 --> 00:16:11,697 >> ARE WE EATING HERE? 597 00:16:11,704 --> 00:16:13,244 >> Jon: UH, YEAH, I THINK WE 598 00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:14,340 ARE. 599 00:16:14,341 --> 00:16:15,241 OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? 600 00:16:15,242 --> 00:16:16,542 NO, WE'RE NOT EATING HERE. 601 00:16:16,543 --> 00:16:17,543 >> OUR GUEST TONIGHT 602 00:16:17,544 --> 00:16:19,884 IMPERSONATED YOU AND TRIED TO 603 00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:22,419 GET YOU KILLED. 604 00:16:22,415 --> 00:16:25,185 NOW IS YOUR CHANCE FOR PAYBACK. 605 00:16:25,185 --> 00:16:27,815 [ CHAIN JINGLES ] 606 00:16:34,027 --> 00:16:34,787 >> OH! 607 00:16:34,794 --> 00:16:35,864 WHAT THE [BLEEP] 608 00:16:35,862 --> 00:16:37,832 >> HOLY [BLEEP] TODD BARRY! 609 00:16:39,566 --> 00:16:41,596 >> [ SPEAKING CHINESE ] 610 00:16:41,601 --> 00:16:42,641 >> THIS IS A MISTAKE, MAN. 611 00:16:42,635 --> 00:16:43,865 >> Jon: NO, IT'S NOT A MISTAKE. 612 00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:44,870 THIS IS -- THIS IS WHAT I 613 00:16:44,871 --> 00:16:45,271 PLANNED. 614 00:16:45,272 --> 00:16:47,242 >> SHUT UP! 615 00:16:51,578 --> 00:16:53,108 THIS WILL STILL SEND A MESSAGE 616 00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:55,253 TO THE MIRMINSKYS. 617 00:16:55,248 --> 00:16:56,818 THE MURDER OF BOHAI WAS THE 618 00:16:56,816 --> 00:16:58,586 FINAL STRAW. 619 00:16:58,585 --> 00:17:01,915 BUT TONIGHT BEGINS THE STORM... 620 00:17:01,921 --> 00:17:03,891 OF REVENGE. 621 00:17:05,825 --> 00:17:07,955 >> Jon: OH, YEAH. BACK UP, BABY. 622 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:09,730 >> NO. NO. NO. NO. PLEASE. 623 00:17:09,729 --> 00:17:10,629 NO, THIS IS A MISTAKE! 624 00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:11,760 I'M NOT EVEN THE RIGHT GUY! 625 00:17:11,764 --> 00:17:13,004 >> Jon: NO, IT'S NOT A MISTAKE. 626 00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:14,169 THIS IS WHAT I PLANNED FOR MY 627 00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:14,727 GIRLFRIEND. 628 00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:15,974 REMEMBER HOW WE TALKED ABOUT IT? 629 00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:16,938 >> I D-- THAT'S NOT -- 630 00:17:16,936 --> 00:17:18,066 >> Jon: AND THIS IS THE PART 631 00:17:18,071 --> 00:17:19,911 WHERE I SAY THAT I'M SORRY I GOT 632 00:17:19,906 --> 00:17:20,566 TO DO THIS! 633 00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:21,643 >> PLEASE. PLEASE, NO. 634 00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:23,011 >> Jon: I CAN DO THIS, RIGHT? 635 00:17:23,009 --> 00:17:23,909 >> BIG, HARD JON. 636 00:17:23,910 --> 00:17:25,250 >> Jon: YEAH, BIG, HARD JON. 637 00:17:25,245 --> 00:17:26,105 >> BIG, HARD JON! 638 00:17:26,113 --> 00:17:27,113 >> NO, COME ON, MAN! 639 00:17:27,114 --> 00:17:28,454 >> Jon: YEAH, I CAN DO THIS. 640 00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:29,818 >> NO! NO! THIS IS A MISTAKE! 641 00:17:29,816 --> 00:17:30,776 >> Jon: AARGH! 642 00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:31,853 >> OOF! 643 00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:34,021 >> WHOO! OH, YEAH! 644 00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:36,160 WHOOOOOOO! 645 00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:37,016 THAT FELT GOOD! 646 00:17:37,023 --> 00:17:38,433 YOU GOT TO GET IN ON THIS! 647 00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:39,355 >> HOLD MY PURSE. 648 00:17:39,359 --> 00:17:40,829 >> NO, YOU'RE A FAN OF MINE. 649 00:17:40,827 --> 00:17:41,857 I CAN'T DO COMED-- 650 00:17:41,861 --> 00:17:42,361 OH! 651 00:17:42,362 --> 00:17:43,502 >> [ LAUGHS ] 652 00:17:43,496 --> 00:17:44,196 >> Jon: YEAH! 653 00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:44,697 >> WHOO! 654 00:17:44,697 --> 00:17:45,927 >> Jon: LET'S GET DINNER! 655 00:17:45,932 --> 00:17:47,002 >> YEAH! 656 00:17:46,999 --> 00:17:49,969 >> I CANNOT BELIEVE I GOT TO 657 00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:51,669 WALE ON TODD BARRY. 658 00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:52,471 >> Jon: OH, YEAH. 659 00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:53,512 I KNEW YOU'D LIKE THAT. 660 00:17:53,506 --> 00:17:54,506 I KNEW YOU'D LIKE THAT. 661 00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:55,637 >> THAT IS TWO FUN-AS-HELL 662 00:17:55,642 --> 00:17:56,012 DATES. 663 00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:57,278 >> Jon: NOW THE ONLY QUESTION 664 00:17:57,277 --> 00:17:59,947 IS, THINK YOU CAN TOP IT? 665 00:17:59,946 --> 00:18:01,046 >> CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. 666 00:18:01,047 --> 00:18:02,317 >> Jon: WELL, ALL RIGHT. 667 00:18:02,315 --> 00:18:02,875 MWAH. 668 00:18:02,882 --> 00:18:04,722 >> HAVE A GOOD NIGHT, JON. 669 00:18:04,717 --> 00:18:06,347 >> Jon: I ALREADY DID. 670 00:18:06,353 --> 00:18:08,323 NOW IT'S TIME TO FIND OUT IF 671 00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:10,961 YOU'RE A SHAB IN HABS CLOTHING. 672 00:18:10,957 --> 00:18:13,557 SHAB -- "SMART, HOT, ASIAN 673 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:14,790 BABE." 674 00:18:14,794 --> 00:18:17,134 >> UGH. 675 00:18:17,130 --> 00:18:18,730 >> Jon: T-MINUS FIVE DATES TILL 676 00:18:18,731 --> 00:18:21,301 JONNY GETS LAID. 677 00:18:21,301 --> 00:18:23,341 >> "DRAGON HAS AWOKEN FROM 678 00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:24,166 SLUMBER. 679 00:18:24,171 --> 00:18:27,371 FIRE BURNS HOT IN BELLY, SOON TO 680 00:18:27,374 --> 00:18:30,684 ROAR LIKE ANGRY SUN." 681 00:18:30,677 --> 00:18:33,347 IS THAT ALL? 682 00:18:33,346 --> 00:18:36,176 >> [ Slurred ] THEY SAID TO ALSO 683 00:18:36,183 --> 00:18:38,493 HIT MISHKA WITH THESE. 684 00:18:38,485 --> 00:18:39,915 >> THEY WANT MISHKA TO HIT YOU 685 00:18:39,919 --> 00:18:40,589 WITH THESE? 686 00:18:40,587 --> 00:18:42,047 >> NO. NO. NO. NO. HE SAID -- 687 00:18:42,054 --> 00:18:43,164 >> VERY WELL. MISHKA! 688 00:18:43,156 --> 00:18:44,816 >> OH, NO, NO. 689 00:18:44,824 --> 00:18:45,494 >> COME. 690 00:18:45,492 --> 00:18:46,532 >> YOU HIT HIM. 691 00:18:46,526 --> 00:18:47,686 NO! YOU -- OH, NO. 692 00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:48,904 >> HIT TODD BARRY. 693 00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:49,825 >> NO. NO. NO. 694 00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:50,359 >> REALLY?! 695 00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:51,563 >> YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HIT HIM. 696 00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:52,604 YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HIT -- 697 00:18:52,599 --> 00:18:53,199 NO, DON'T! 698 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:53,570 UGH! 699 00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:54,326 [ WHIMPERS ] 700 00:18:54,334 --> 00:18:55,774 >> I FEEL LIKE TOUGH GUY. 701 00:18:55,768 --> 00:18:59,408 >> THE TIME FOR WHINING IS OVER. 702 00:18:59,406 --> 00:19:01,706 WAR IS COMING. 703 00:19:01,708 --> 00:19:03,378 [ ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON 704 00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:05,846 HEADPHONES ] 705 00:19:05,845 --> 00:19:07,175 >> DOES HE NEED TO BE HERE? 706 00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:08,580 >> YOU KNOW I CAN'T LEAVE HIS 707 00:19:08,581 --> 00:19:09,051 SIDE. 708 00:19:09,048 --> 00:19:10,518 BUT HE'S LISTENING TO MUSIC SO 709 00:19:10,517 --> 00:19:11,577 WE CAN HAVE A PRIVATE 710 00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:13,594 CONVERSATION. 711 00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:16,456 JON! 712 00:19:16,456 --> 00:19:19,286 MOM, YOU'RE MY MOTHER. 713 00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:22,562 BUT YOU'RE ALSO RENEE -- 714 00:19:22,562 --> 00:19:24,632 A SEXUAL BEING WITH CARNAL URGES 715 00:19:24,631 --> 00:19:25,701 AND DESIRES. 716 00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:27,228 YOUR HAPPINESS MEANS MORE TO ME 717 00:19:27,234 --> 00:19:28,874 THAN THE FACT THAT YOU'RE DATING 718 00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:31,798 SOME DESPICABLE DOUCHEBAG. 719 00:19:31,804 --> 00:19:33,974 LOOK. 720 00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:36,313 I'M OKAY IF YOU WANT TO HAVE 721 00:19:36,309 --> 00:19:39,209 SOME POST-DIVORCE [BLEEP]FEST. 722 00:19:39,212 --> 00:19:41,312 >> Jon: [ CHUCKLES ] 723 00:19:41,314 --> 00:19:43,784 "POST-DIVORCE [BLEEP]FEST." 724 00:19:46,419 --> 00:19:49,259 * POST-DIVORCE [BLEEP]FEST 725 00:19:49,256 --> 00:19:51,416 * ROCK 'N' ROLL TONIGHT 726 00:19:51,424 --> 00:19:54,264 [ SINGING INDISTINCTLY ] 727 00:19:54,261 --> 00:19:55,861 PEARL JAM. 728 00:19:57,930 --> 00:19:58,930 >> Jon: * DATE NIGHT 729 00:19:58,931 --> 00:20:02,341 * DOIN' IT RIGHT TONIGHT 730 00:20:02,335 --> 00:20:03,635 OH. UM, HI. 731 00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:05,906 I'M HERE TO SEE EUN MI. 732 00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:06,935 >> [ Asian accent ] YOU MAN DATE 733 00:20:06,939 --> 00:20:08,009 DAUGHTER? 734 00:20:08,007 --> 00:20:10,577 >> Jon: OH. UH, YES, MA'AM. 735 00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:11,777 MY NAME IS JON. 736 00:20:11,778 --> 00:20:14,008 >> EUN MI NO HERE. 737 00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:17,123 >> Jon: OH. UM...OKAY. 738 00:20:17,116 --> 00:20:18,146 WE HAD A DATE TONIGHT. 739 00:20:18,150 --> 00:20:19,590 DO YOU KNOW WHERE SHE MIGHT BE? 740 00:20:19,586 --> 00:20:22,756 >> YEAH, SHE DIE. 741 00:20:22,755 --> 00:20:24,155 >> Jon: EXCUSE ME? 742 00:20:24,156 --> 00:20:26,656 >> SHE DIE. 743 00:20:26,659 --> 00:20:27,659 >> Jon: ALL RIGHT, HOLD ON A 744 00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:28,030 SEC. 745 00:20:28,027 --> 00:20:28,797 [ CHUCKLES ] 746 00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:30,155 AM I NOT UNDERSTANDING YOUR 747 00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:30,662 ACCENT? 748 00:20:30,663 --> 00:20:32,303 I MEAN, ARE YOU SAYING SOMETHING 749 00:20:32,299 --> 00:20:32,699 ELSE? 750 00:20:32,699 --> 00:20:34,329 SHE -- IS SHE TIRED? 751 00:20:34,334 --> 00:20:38,644 >> NO. SHE DIE. 752 00:20:38,638 --> 00:20:40,608 >> Jon: SHE DIED? 753 00:20:44,444 --> 00:20:46,484 OH, MY -- 754 00:20:46,479 --> 00:20:48,449 REALLY? 755 00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:51,946 HOLD ON A SECOND. 756 00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:54,651 HOLD ON A SECOND. I GOT IT. 757 00:20:54,654 --> 00:20:56,824 OKAY. OKAY, GOOD ONE. 758 00:20:56,823 --> 00:20:57,393 GOOD ONE. 759 00:20:57,390 --> 00:20:58,690 LIKE MOTHER, LIKE DAUGHTER, 760 00:20:58,691 --> 00:20:59,161 RIGHT? 761 00:20:59,158 --> 00:21:00,388 YOU SPEAK PERFECT ENGLISH. 762 00:21:00,393 --> 00:21:01,733 YOU'RE JUST [BLEEP] WITH ME. 763 00:21:01,728 --> 00:21:02,858 I'D GO TO THE FUNERAL. 764 00:21:02,862 --> 00:21:04,232 YOU BOTH SHOW UP, HAVE A GOOD 765 00:21:04,230 --> 00:21:04,900 LAUGH. 766 00:21:04,897 --> 00:21:06,967 VERY FUNNY. VERY GOOD ACCENT. 767 00:21:06,966 --> 00:21:08,366 EUN MI? WE SHOULD GO, PLEASE. 768 00:21:08,368 --> 00:21:11,068 >> NO! SHE NOT HERE. SHE DIE. 769 00:21:11,070 --> 00:21:14,010 YOU SEE CANDLE. I'M MOURNING. 770 00:21:14,006 --> 00:21:16,476 [ Voice breaking ] VERY SAD. 771 00:21:20,212 --> 00:21:21,152 >> Jon: ALL RIGHT. 772 00:21:21,147 --> 00:21:23,847 HERE'S...FLOWERS... 773 00:21:23,850 --> 00:21:26,690 IN CASE SHE REALLY IS DEAD. 774 00:21:26,686 --> 00:21:28,556 UM, I'M VERY SKEPTICAL OF THIS. 775 00:21:28,555 --> 00:21:29,985 I REALLY THINK THIS IS 776 00:21:29,989 --> 00:21:30,819 BULL[BLEEP] 777 00:21:30,823 --> 00:21:32,593 BUT LOOK -- IF IT'S NOT, THEN 778 00:21:32,592 --> 00:21:33,562 I'M SO SORRY. 779 00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:35,430 BUT IF IT IS, THEN IT'S [BLEEP] 780 00:21:35,428 --> 00:21:37,058 NOT COOL. 781 00:21:37,063 --> 00:21:38,673 >> HOPEFULLY, I'LL BE ABLE TO 782 00:21:38,665 --> 00:21:40,365 VISIT AGAIN SOON, AND NEXT TIME, 783 00:21:40,367 --> 00:21:42,027 MAYBE JUST ME AND YOU. 784 00:21:42,034 --> 00:21:44,004 OKAY? 785 00:21:45,772 --> 00:21:47,042 OH! 786 00:21:47,039 --> 00:21:50,609 I GOT YOU SOMETHING. 787 00:21:50,610 --> 00:21:53,710 TRY TO KEEP AN OPEN MIND. 788 00:21:53,713 --> 00:21:56,223 >> Jon: BYE, RENEE! 789 00:21:56,215 --> 00:21:57,775 >> BYE, MOM. 790 00:21:57,784 --> 00:21:59,754 >> Jon: WHAT'D YOU GET? 791 00:22:01,621 --> 00:22:04,021 OH, YEAH. [ LAUGHS ] 792 00:22:05,358 --> 00:22:07,828 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 793 00:22:11,230 --> 00:22:13,200 >> [ Slurred ] NICE TO BE HERE. 794 00:22:13,199 --> 00:22:15,669 [ TALKING INDISTINCTLY ] 795 00:22:20,807 --> 00:22:21,737 [ LAUGHTER ] 796 00:22:21,741 --> 00:22:22,611 >> [ LAUGHS ] 797 00:22:22,609 --> 00:22:24,579 [ TALKING INDISTINCTLY ] 48083

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