Original subtitles

>> Jon: [ Distorted ] MY NAME'S

JON.

I'M IN THE WITNESS PROTECTION

PROGRAM.

THE RUSSIAN MOB WANTS ME DEAD,

THE LOVE OF MY LIFE WAS

MURDERED, BUT, HEY, THIS COOL,

SINGLE DAD'S STILL GOT TO LIVE

LIFE.

OWW!

PREVIOUSLY ON "DELOCATED!"...

[ ELEVATOR BELL DINGS ]

>> I'LL WORK WITH YOU FOR A

ONE-YEAR MINIMUM.

$50,000 A MONTH.

>> IF I WERE YOU, I WOULD

CONSIDER PAYING ANOTHER MILLION

FOR PROTECTION.

>> HERE'S THE MILLION DOLLARS.

[ TWO GUNSHOTS ]

>> YOUR TIME COMING VERY SOON...

JON'S WANG.

>> Jon: [ SNORING ]

[ ALARM CLOCK BUZZING ]

[ BEEP ]

[ SIGHS ]

[ SCOFFS ]

UNBELIEVABLE.

T.B.!

[ DOOR OPENS ]

>> YEAH? WHAT'S UP?

>> Jon: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS,

MAN?

>> [ CHUCKLES ] LOOKS LIKE

SOMEONE HAD A CASE OF THE

MIDNIGHT MUNCHINGTONS.

>> Jon: THE WHAT?

>> MIDNIGHT MUNCHINGTONS.

IT'S WHAT WE CALLED LATE-NIGHT

SNACKS AT GUANTáNAMO.

LET'S JUST DROP IT.

>> Jon: "MIDNIGHT MUNCHINGTONS"?

>> I SAID DROP IT!

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT. SORRY.

>> SO, WHAT HAPPENED HERE?

>> Jon: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING

ABOUT?

YOU LEFT A MESS.

I'M PISSED OFF.

THERE WAS BREAD ON MY DUVET.

WHAT THE [BLEEP] MAN?

[ GUN COCKS ]

>> SOMEONE WAS IN HERE LAST

NIGHT.

>> JON, YOU'RE EXPERIENCING A

CONDITION I LIKE TO CALL

NOCTURNAL EATING SYNDROME --

OR "NES" FOR SHORT.

>> Jon: WHAT -- WHAT -- IS IT

SERIOUS?

>> IT'S A PHYSIOLOGICAL REACTION

TO STRESS, WHICH IS MANIFESTING

ITSELF IN YOUR DREAM STATE.

>> [ BANGS TABLE ] JON.

THE MIRMINSKY FAMILY WANTS TO

MURDER YOU.

OBVIOUSLY, THEY PARACHUTED INTO

YOUR APARTMENT LAST NIGHT AND

ATE A NICE, LONG MEAL JUST TO

[BLEEP] WITH US.

SIR, YOU HAVE TO AT LEAST

CONSIDER THE POSSIBILITY THAT

THIS HAPPENED.

>> Jon: I MEAN, IF THEY DID

THAT, THEY COULD HAVE POISONED

MY FOOD!

>> NO ONE PUT POISON IN YOUR

FOOD!

>> COULD BE TIME-DELAYED POISON.

>> Jon: TIME-DELAYED POISON!

I'M DYING RIGHT NOW!

I'M DYING!

I DON'T FEEL GOOD.

I-IT'S THE POISON.

[ GAGGING ]

I WANT TO MAKE MYSELF THROW UP.

>> SO, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO

DO?

YOU WANT ME TO RIG YOUR LOFT

WITH NIGHT-VISION CAMERAS SO WE

CAN CATCH THE MIRMINSKYS

PARACHUTING INTO YOUR APARTMENT

AND EATING A NICE MEAL IN FRONT

OF YOU JUST TO [BLEEP] WITH

YOU?!

>> Jon: YES!

>> SO, YOU FIND FOOD IN YOUR

HOUSE, AND YOU'RE SCARED TO

DEATH?

>> Jon: LOOK, I NEED MORE

PROTECTION FROM YOU GUYS.

>> IS ONLY NATURAL YOU WOULD

FEEL THIS WAY, BEING ONLY AT

GOLDFISH LEVEL.

>> Jon: WHAT'S GOLDFISH LEVEL?

>> GOLDFISH LEVEL OUR MOST BASIC

PROTECTION PACKAGE.

SOUND LIKE WHAT YOU NEED IS

DRAGON LEVEL.

>> Jon: HOLD ON A SECOND.

YOU HAVE PACKAGES?

>> OF COURSE.

DRAGON LEVEL WE RESERVE FOR OUR

MOST ELITE CLIENTELE.

YOU GET MORE ATTENTION, MORE

COVERAGE, MORE...

PERKSY-WERKSIES.

>> Jon: PERKSY-WERKSIES?

OKAY.

WELL, HOW MUCH IS DRAGON LEVEL?

>> DRAGON LEVEL IS EXTRA

$100,000.

>> Jon: YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR

[BLEEP] MIND --

>> ARE YOU QUESTIONING US?

>> Jon: NO.

WHAT ELSE WOULD I GET FOR ALL

THAT MONEY?

TICKETS TO BALLGAMES?

YOU GUYS GOT A DAY SPA OR

SOMETHING?

WHAT DO I GET?

>> UH, YES.

ACCESS TO EXCLUSIVE WANG CHO

DAY SPA.

>> Jon: OKAY, YOU GUYS GOT A DAY

SPA.

[ CHUCKLES ]

WHERE IS IT?

>> YOU HAVE TO CALL TO MAKE AN

APPOINTMENT.

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT. NO PROBS.

I LIKE THAT.

[ CLAPS ]

OKAY, DRAGON LEVEL.

YEAH, LET'S DO THIS.

BE IN TOUCH, OKAY?

[ CLAPS ]

GUYS, GOOD NEWS!

I'M GOING DRAGON!

>> DON'T WORRY, JON.

>> JON, TAKE THIS.

>> Jon: WHY ARE YOU GIVING ME A

TOOTH?

>> IT'S NOT A TOOTH.

IT'S A CYANIDE PILL -- IN CASE

THE MIRMINSKYS RAPPEL IN HERE

AND I CAN'T GET TO YOU IN TIME.

BEFORE THEY HAVE A CHANCE TO

KILL YOU, YOU BITE DOWN ON THAT.

BOOM. YOU'LL BE DEAD.

YOU WIN.

>> Jon: YEAH, I'M NOT REALLY

WORRIED ABOUT THAT.

I'M AT DRAGON LEVEL.

[ SNORING ]

[ SNORING CONTINUES ]

[ SNORING CONTINUES ]

[ MUMBLING ]

>> HE'S STIRRING.

>> MNH? WHAT? WHA--WHAT?

>> Jon: [ MOANS ]

[ SNORING ]

>> AHH.

>> Jon: [ SNORING CONTINUES ]

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

TEXTBOOK N.E.S.

>> YEAH. WE'LL SEE.

>> PUT THAT GUN AWAY.

>> [ SIGHS ]

>> Jon: [ GRUNTS ]

>> IS THAT A STEAK?

>> JON'S INNERMOST SELF MUST

HAVE A LATENT NEED FOR PROTEIN.

>> Jon: [ MUMBLING ]

>> DID HE JUST GRAB THE

CINNAMON?

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

INTRIGUING CHOICE.

>> IS THAT A SIDE-SALAD CAESAR

SALAD?

>> Jon: [ MOANS ]

>> NO.

THEY'RE MICROGREENS --

WITH CANDIED BALSAMIC BLOOD

ORANGES AND A BLUE-CHEESE FOAM.

>> WELL, WE'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO

DO A COOKING SHOW, SO LET'S SEE

WHAT YOU GOT.

>> I'VE SEEN PLENTY OF CASES OF

N.E.S., BUT I'VE NEVER SEEN

SOMEONE DEMONSTRATE

SLEEP-COOKING BEFORE.

>> I THINK THIS COULD HIT WITH

OUR FEMALE DEMOGRAPHIC.

>> Jon: [ Slurring ] LET'S GET

THIS PARTY STARTED.

>> WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW?

>> Jon: SUSAN. OHH.

OH, YEAH! SUSAN!

I, UH, I MUST BE DREAMING ABOUT

MY EX-WIFE, SUSAN.

>> SURE. OF COURSE.

>> Jon: SUSAN, OH.

SUSAN FROM NETWORK.

SUSAN FROM NETWORK.

LET'S GET THESE CLOTHES OFF.

BOTH SUSANS.

BOTH SUSANS KISS.

YEAH, SUSANS.

HUMPING BOTH SUSANS.

SUSANS IS SO GOOD!

>> OKAY.

[ CLICK ]

WOW.

ASIDE FROM THE PILLOW THREE-WAY,

I THINK WE'VE GOT SOME PRETTY

AMAZING FOOTAGE.

>> NOT AS AMAZING AS THIS

TASTES.

[ LID POPS ]

>> [ Muffled ] OH, MY GOD.

>> SUCCULENT, RIGHT?

>> IS THAT -- IS THAT CUMIN?

>> CORIANDER AND AGAVE.

>> AND YOU'VE NEVER COOKED

PROFESSIONALLY BEFORE?

>> NO.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT AGAVE IS.

[ LAUGHS ]

>> THROUGH OUR WORK TOGETHER,

JON HAS MANAGED TO BREAK INTO

HIS SUBCONSCIOUS, AND THERE,

HE'S TAPPED INTO SOME REPRESSED

CREATIVE IMPULSE.

>> I JUST THINK WE HAVE

SOMETHING HERE -- AGAIN, WITHOUT

THE PILLOW RAPE.

WE JUST NEED A NAME.

>> Jon: [ CLAPS ]

I GOT IT.

>> DON'T SAY IT, JON.

>> Jon: YES, T.B.

IT IS THE PERFECT NAME.

>> JON [BLEEP] DAMN IT.

DON'T YOU DARE.

>> Jon: YOU KNOW WHAT T.B. USED

TO CALL LATE-NIGHT SNACKS AT

GUANTáNAMO?

>> HOW DARE YOU, JON.

>> Jon: MIDNIGHT MUNCHINGTONS.

>> MIDNIGHT MUNCHINGTONS?!

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

>> Jon: GUYS, I COME WITH GOOD

NEWS.

TURNS OUT, I JUST HAD NOCTURNAL

COOKING SYNDROME.

IT'S COOKING IN MY SLEEP --

SLEEP-COOKING.

ANYWAY, UH, MY POINT IS, I'D

LIKE TO GET MY MONEY BACK AND

GO BACK TO GOLDFISH LEVEL.

>> YES, ABOUT THAT -- WE JUST

RECEIVE THREAT FROM MIRMINSKY

FAMILY.

I ACTUALLY RECOMMEND YOU UPGRADE

FROM DRAGON LEVEL TO

SUPER DRAGON LEVEL.

EXTRA $200,000.

> Jon: NO WAY, MAN! COME ON!

>> VERY WELL.

REMAIN AT DRAGON LEVEL.

BUT...YOU KNOW WHAT THE

MIRMINSKYS JUST SENT US?

THIS AWL.

IT'S LIKE A SCREWDRIVER, BUT

WITH A SHARP POINT.

MAYBE SERGEI USE SCREWDRIVER

RIGHT INTO YOUR BRAIN -- IN AND

OUT, IN AND OUT.

GETS ME HARD JUST THINKING

ABOUT IT.

>> Jon: YEAH, MAYBE, UH...

WHY DON'T WE TRY THIS

SUPER DRAGON LEVEL?

THAT'S A GOOD CALL.

UH, HEY, UM...

[ CLAPS ]

SPA OPEN?

I COULD GO FOR A NICE "SCHLONG"

MASSAGE.

>> LET'S SAY HELLO AND THEN

GOOD NIGHT TO THE SLEEP CHEF

HIMSELF, JON!

[ UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT, LET'S HAVE

SOME FUN TONIGHT!

[ MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

[ CLOCK TICKING ]

[ SNORING ]

[ GRUNTS ]

[ MOANING ]

[ SNORING ]

[ MUMBLING ]

>> Good luck, Jon.

>> UH?

[ Slurring ] HEY...GET OUT!

GET OUT OF HERE, JAY.

[ CLOCK TICKING ]

[ MUMBLING ]

>> LOOKS LIKE HE'S STARTING

THINGS OFF WITH A POACHED EGG.

>> Jon: [ SNORING ]

>> SMOKED SALMON.

I BELIEVE HE'S GONNA MAKE A

NORWEGIAN BENEDICT.

>> Jon: [ MUMBLING ]

>> THE REAL STAR OF ANY BENEDICT

IS OBVIOUSLY THE SAUCE.

[ CLOCK TICKING ]

>> THAT IS A PERFECT POACH.

>> BUT IT'S NOTHING WITHOUT THE

SAUCE.

[ TIMER DINGS, CLOCK TICKING ]

>> HERE IT IS.

HERE COMES YOUR SAUCE.

THERE IT IS.

>> [ GROANS ]

WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT?

>> AND BOOM.

LOOK AT THAT DRIZZLE.

>> Jon: [ MOANING ]

>> OKAY, HE'S ALMOST DONE

PLATING.

>> Jon: [ MOANS ]

[ MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ APPLAUSE ]

[ SNORING ]

[ GRUNTS ]

>> [ Softly ] HEY.

GREAT JOB, SLEEPYHEAD.

THE SHOW WAS A HUGE SUCCESS.

>> Jon: YEAH?

WHA-- WHAT'D I MAKE?

>> A NORWEGIAN BENEDICT.

MM-HMM.

>> Jon: YEAH?

DID YOU SAVE ME SOME?

>> NO.

>> Jon: OH, WELL.

HEY, SUSAN.

UH, W-WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE

SHOW?

>> IT WAS GREAT.

I'LL GET YOU A COPY OF THE TAPE

VERY SOON.

SPEAK TO YOU LATER.

>> Jon: WHAT JUST HAPPENED?

WHAT -- WHAT'S WRONG?

>> YOU ENDED UP TRYING TO HAVE

SEX WITH HER PILLOW AGAIN.

>> Fifth base.

>> Jon: OH!

>> Jon: YEAH, I THINK I WANT TO

CELEBRATE.

GO TO BLOOMIE'S, GET A NEW PAIR

OF CARGO SHORTS.

I HEAR THEY MAKE A PAIR THAT HAS

12 POCKETS.

>> WOW.

>> Jon: HOW SWEET DOES THAT

SOUND?

>> EXCUSE ME! JON?

>> WHOA, WHOA.

SLOW DOWN, LITTLE LADY.

>> Jon: WHOA, T.B.

CHILL.

>> THIS IS EMBARRASSING.

I'VE BEEN WAITING OUTSIDE YOUR

BUILDING TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.

MY NAME IS MARLO.

I-I'VE BEEN TO THREE

"MIDNIGHT MUNCHINGTONS" TAPINGS

ALREADY.

YOUR COOKING -- IT MOVES ME.

YOU'RE SO CALM AND DELICATE, YET

FIRM AND PRECISE.

YOU PUT SO MUCH LOVE INTO EVERY

DISH.

IT'S LIKE -- IT'S LIKE YOU'RE

BRINGING A NEW BABY INTO THE

WORLD EACH TIME, AND...I JUST

HAD TO MEET THE MAN BEHIND THE

APRON.

>> Jon: YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST

ABOUT TO GO SHOPPING FOR CARGO

SHORTS.

MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO JOIN ME?

>> [ GASPS ]

YEAH, I WOULD LOVE TO! YES!

>> Jon: PRETTY SWEET, HUH?

BUY 12 POCKETS, GET TWO POCKETS

FREE.

[ CHUCKLES ]

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

>> Jon: NOT BAD.

>> YEAH.

>> Jon: YOU KNOW, IT'S TOO BAD

YOUR NAME ISN'T LORRAINE,

'CAUSE, UH, I WOULDN'T MIND

TAKING A BITE OUT OF THIS

QUICHE.

[ CHUCKLES ]

>> YOU KNOW, I-I THINK I'VE MADE

A MISTAKE.

I'M SORRY, JON.

IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU.

>> Jon: WHAT JUST HAPPENED?

THINGS WERE GOING SO GREAT.

>> MARLO!

HOLD ON A SECOND!

MARLO, WHEN YOU WATCH JON

SLEEP-COOKING, YOU FIND HIM

APPEALING, CORRECT?

>> YES, VERY MUCH.

>> JON.

IF YOU TWO WILL INDULGE ME, I

HAVE A PLAN.

IT MIGHT SEEM A LITTLE

UNORTHODOX, BUT I SUSPECT IT'LL

WORK WONDERS.

IT'S CALLED SLEEP-DATING.

>> Jon: [ SNORING ]

>> * DATING SOMEONE IN THEIR

SLEEP *

* IT'S NOT EASY TO DO

* IT'S A ONE-SIDED LOVE AFFAIR

>> OH! OH!

>> * BUT IT'S A SACRIFICE THAT

LOVERS SOMETIMES HAVE TO MAKE *

>> Jon: [ SNORING ]

>> * EVEN IF ONE PERSON'S NOT

ALL THERE *

* YEAH

>> Jon: [ SNORING ]

>> * OOH

>> OH, SLEEP JON! OH, SLEEP JON!

[ MOANS, PANTS ]

>> Jon: [ SNORING ]

>> * OOH, OH

>> Jon: [ YAWNS ]

I'M TOTALLY ASLEEP RIGHT NOW.

JUMP MY BONES, HONEY.

[ FOOTSTEPS DEPART ]

>> ALL RIGHT, JON.

[ WATER SWISHING ]

LET'S BEGIN OUR BATHTUB-THERAPY

SESSION.

WHEN YOU'RE READY.

>> Jon: [ GASPS ]

>> THAT'S RIGHT, JON.

>> Jon: [ COUGHS ]

>> NOW I WANT YOU TO SHIFT GEARS

A LITTLE BIT.

WE'VE DONE THE VERBAL THING.

I WOULD LIKE YOU TO VISUALIZE

ALL YOUR FEELINGS.

>> Jon: [ COUGHS ]

>> AH.

I'M REALLY SORRY, JON, BUT I'M

GONNA HAVE TO CUT THIS SESSION

SHORT.

I'VE GOT A PITCH MEETING WITH

SUSAN FROM THE NETWORK.

YEP. WISH ME LUCK.

[ CHUCKLES ]

>> Jon: WAIT A MINUTE!

WHO -- WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO TALK

TO NOW?

[ SPLASH ]

THERE'S AWAKE JON, AND THEN

THERE'S SLEEP JON.

I NEED TO FIGURE OUT A WAY TO

GET AWAKE JON TO A PLACE WHERE

HE IS AS HAPPY, IF NOT HAPPIER,

THAN SLEEP JON.

GOT TO TALK TO MARLO. BUT HOW?

GUESS WHAT. SAME DICK.

SHE DOESN'T WANT THE DAY DICK.

SHE WANTS THE NIGHT DICK.

I'M SORRY. AM I BORING YOU?

IT'S CALLED SUPER DRAGON LEVEL.

YOU HA TO LISTEN!

SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO HAVE SEX

WITH AWAKE JON, BUT SHE VERY

WELL BETTER HAVE RESPECT FOR

HIM.

[ Crying ] AND I DON'T LIKE THE

FACT THAT EVERYONE LIKES

SLEEP JON MORE THAN AWAKE JON!

>> THAT'S IT!

SUPER DRAGON LEVEL EXPIRED!

GET OUT!

>> Jon: WHAT DO YOU MEAN,

"EXPIRED"?

>> SUPER DRAGON LEVEL LASTS ONLY

TWO WEEKS!

>> Jon: FINE.

SIGN ME UP FOR TWO MORE WEEKS.

>> NO!

SUPER DRAGON LEVEL SIGN-UP IS

TOMORROW!

YOU SHUT THE [BLEEP] UP AND GET

OUT!

>> Jon: FINE.

I'LL BE BACK TOMORROW, THEN.

>> GO SEE A THERAPIST!

>> YES, AMY.

YOU'RE MAKING PROGRESS.

JAKE! MAGGIE!

[ Crying ] THAT'S NO WAY TO

COMMUNICATE.

VERY GOOD, BRAD.

BUT NOW YOU'VE GOT TO TELL

ANGELINA.

[ SOBS ]

VERY GOOD, TIM.

TERRIFIC!

THAT'S A SIGNIFICANT

BREAKTHROUGH.

[ CLICK ]

[ BLOWS ]

THE SHOW WILL FOCUS EXTENSIVELY

ON THE PSYCHOLOGICAL AND

EMOTIONAL WORK I'VE BEEN DOING

WITH ALL MY CELEBRITY CLIENTS.

IT'S CALLED "HEALIN' YOUR

FEELIN'S WITH THE GLAZE."

>> BRAD AND ANGELINA.

MAGGIE AND JAKE.

YOU'VE REALLY WORKED WITH ALL

THESE PEOPLE?

>> NOPE.

[ THEME MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> HE'S SIMMERING SOME MARZIPAN

OVER LOW HEAT.

>> THIS COULD BE BECAUSE OF THE

TROUBLE HE'S BEEN HAVING WITH

HIS GIRLFRIEND, MARLO.

"MAR" -- "MARZIPAN."

"LO" -- "LOW HEAT."

>> Jon: [ MOANING ANGRILY ]

>> MARZIPAN LO MEIN BORSCHT.

>> I THINK HE MIGHT BE TRYING TO

COALESCE HIS FEELINGS ABOUT HIS

GIRLFRIEND AND THE RUSSIAN AND

CHINESE GANGS INTO A SINGLE

DISH.

EVERYTHING'S BUBBLING UP TO THE

SURFACE.

>> Jon: [ SNORES ]

>> AH.

NOW HE'S APPLYING A GLAZE TO

THE --

NO.

NO, THAT -- THAT'S, UH...

THAT'S NOT A GLAZE.

JON'S APPLYING A SECONDARY

APPLICATION OF HEAT.

>> RIGHT -- A GLAZE.

>> Jon: [ MUMBLING ]

[ GRUNTS ]

>> [ GIGGLES ]

OKAY. THANK YOU.

MMM. MMM.

THIS IS AMAZING.

>> Jon: [ GRUNTING ANGRILY ]

[ Slurred ] NO. NO. NO.

NO. NO. NO.

NO, NO. NO.

YOU GO TO BATHROOM.

>> WHAT'S WRONG, JON?

>> Jon: [ MUMBLING ]

>> WHAT?

>> Jon: [ GRUNTS ]

>> WHA-- [ GASPS ]

SLEEP JON -- HAPPY.

AWAKE JON -- SAD.

SLEEP JON'S HAPPINESS IS

DESTROYING AWAKE JON.

>> Jon: [ MUMBLES ]

[ SNORES ]

>> AND IF THERE'S NO AWAKE JON,

THERE'S NO SLEEP JON.

>> Jon: [ SNORES ]

>> I'M SORRY, JON.

I-I ONLY WISH AWAKE JON WAS

HALF THE MAN YOU ARE.

>> Jon: [ GRUNTS ]

[ SNORES ]

>> I'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU,

SLEEP JON.

[ SMOOCHES ]

[ CRYING ]

>> Jon: [ SNORING ]

[ SIGHS ]

[ GROANS ] MAN.

[ COUGHS ]

[ GROANS ]

WHAT'S GOING ON?

HOW WAS THE SHOW LAST NIGHT?

>> "MIDNIGHT MUNCHINGTONS" GOT

CANCELED TWO DAYS AGO.

>> Jon: OH.

>> SUSAN CANCELED IT.

WE'VE BEEN WANTING TO TELL YOU,

BUT YOU'VE BEEN ASLEEP FOR

72 HOURS, JON.

>> Jon: [ SCOFFS ]

WHERE'S MARLO?

>> YOU TWO BROKE UP.

>> Jon: SLEEP JON LET A SHMOKIN'

PIECE OF TUSH LIKE THAT GET

AWAY?

[ Chuckling ] OH, MAN.

WHAT A HOMO.

>> HEY.

I THINK IT'S A BREAKTHROUGH, TO

BE QUITE HONEST.

YOU HAVEN'T SHOWN ANY SIGNS OF

NOCTURNAL COOKING SYNDROME SINCE

THE BREAKUP.

>> YEAH, TELL ME ABOUT IT.

>> Jon: WELL, THAT IS A HUGE

BUMMER ALL ACROSS THE BOARD --

ON ALL FRONTS.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

I THINK I GOT THE CURE FOR THE

BREAKUP BLUES.

[ ASIAN MUSIC PLAYS ]

WHERE ARE THOSE MASSAGE GIRLS,

HUH?

COME ON.

MY WIENER'S AT GOLDFISH LEVEL.

[ LAUGHS ]

GET IT?

[ LAUGHS ]

GET THOSE MASSAGE GIRLS IN HERE,

I'LL GET IT UP TO SEA BASS

LEVEL.

A LITTLE EXTRA WORK, GET IT UP

TO BARRACUDA.

THEN SHARK.

THEN WHALE.

BLUE WHALE.

[ LAUGHS ]

PROBABLY THOUGHT I WAS GONNA SAY

"SPERM WHALE," RIGHT?

[ LAUGHS ]

THREW YOU A CURVEBALL.

DON'T DIG IN TOO TIGHT IN THE

BATTER'S BOX WHEN THIS GUY'S ON

THE MOUND.

'CAUSE I'LL BRING THE HEAT!