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1
00:00:01,547 --> 00:00:02,891
Good morning.
2
00:00:02,926 --> 00:00:04,202
Aiyah.
3
00:00:04,236 --> 00:00:05,857
You woke up so late today.
4
00:00:05,891 --> 00:00:07,478
The jook is cold.
5
00:00:09,547 --> 00:00:11,374
Hey, Dad.
6
00:00:11,409 --> 00:00:14,202
Why you gotta smoke weed
at 10 freakin' a.m.?
7
00:00:14,236 --> 00:00:16,116
What are you talking about?
I didn't smoke weed.
8
00:00:17,443 --> 00:00:20,029
Ladies and gentlemen,
my daughter Tommy Chong.
9
00:00:20,064 --> 00:00:21,374
Say hi to Cheech.
10
00:00:21,409 --> 00:00:23,547
Hey, you drink a beer
after work.
11
00:00:23,581 --> 00:00:25,374
That's my puff.
I just take a puff.
12
00:00:25,409 --> 00:00:27,029
That's like your beer.
Wait a minute.
13
00:00:27,064 --> 00:00:30,685
Is somebody paying you
to sleep and get high?
14
00:00:30,719 --> 00:00:33,478
Wally, why are you
so grumpy today?
15
00:00:33,512 --> 00:00:34,581
I don't know, Ma.
16
00:00:34,616 --> 00:00:36,788
Maybe it's because
I'm a grown-ass
17
00:00:36,822 --> 00:00:39,098
adult man living with my mother
18
00:00:39,133 --> 00:00:41,512
and my almost
30-year-old daughter
19
00:00:41,547 --> 00:00:43,029
who doesn't have a clue.
20
00:00:43,064 --> 00:00:45,340
And I'm working my ass off
every day,
21
00:00:45,374 --> 00:00:47,305
and I have been alone
22
00:00:47,340 --> 00:00:50,202
since somebody was
four freakin' years old.
23
00:00:50,236 --> 00:00:52,202
Oh, okay.
24
00:00:52,236 --> 00:00:53,960
So you're doing this all alone?
25
00:00:53,995 --> 00:00:56,616
Ma? You had it easy... bro.
26
00:00:56,650 --> 00:00:57,788
You had it easy.
27
00:00:57,822 --> 00:01:00,202
I never had a rebellious phase.
28
00:01:00,236 --> 00:01:02,202
I never had a eyebrow ring.
29
00:01:02,236 --> 00:01:03,650
Okay?
30
00:01:03,685 --> 00:01:06,478
I never brought the boys home...
31
00:01:06,512 --> 00:01:08,236
to do some heavy grinding.
32
00:01:08,271 --> 00:01:10,926
Yeah. Pff...
33
00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:12,547
I had it easy.
34
00:01:15,822 --> 00:01:17,926
What is his issue, dude?
35
00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:19,305
It's obvious.
36
00:01:19,340 --> 00:01:21,891
He needs to bury
the snake in the bush.
37
00:01:21,926 --> 00:01:23,064
Yeah, exactly.
38
00:01:23,098 --> 00:01:24,891
He needs to take his baggage
39
00:01:24,926 --> 00:01:27,409
and he needs to just
bury it in his past.
40
00:01:27,443 --> 00:01:31,616
Oh, no, no. I meant
throw a log in the fire.
41
00:01:31,650 --> 00:01:34,133
Park the bus in tuna town.
42
00:01:34,167 --> 00:01:36,029
Play mattress Macarena.
43
00:01:36,064 --> 00:01:38,857
Okay. Get it?
44
00:01:38,891 --> 00:01:41,547
I have to go, Grandma.
I'm gonna go.
45
00:01:45,098 --> 00:01:46,960
♪ Ay, Macarena
46
00:02:01,064 --> 00:02:02,857
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
47
00:02:02,891 --> 00:02:04,488
Does this look like
an airplane bathroom?
48
00:02:04,512 --> 00:02:07,374
Sorry, sorry.
I didn't see you there.
49
00:02:07,409 --> 00:02:10,788
I don't usually smoke.
It's just...
50
00:02:10,822 --> 00:02:12,788
got into a pretty
big fight with my dad.
51
00:02:12,822 --> 00:02:16,305
Ah, I'm sorry to hear that,
but can I say, not surprised
52
00:02:16,340 --> 00:02:18,133
'cause dads are
douchebags, right?
53
00:02:19,650 --> 00:02:20,960
He's a drunk, a hobo?
54
00:02:20,995 --> 00:02:22,788
No, he's... No, he's not.
55
00:02:22,822 --> 00:02:25,443
He's in IT.
Oh, I get it.
56
00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:27,409
That's why, to my dad,
I had to say...
57
00:02:32,857 --> 00:02:34,788
You killed your dad?
Nah, we just don't talk.
58
00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:37,719
Okay. So what are you gonna do,
uh, to your hair?
59
00:02:37,754 --> 00:02:40,236
Um, I'm just gonna
get like a light trim.
60
00:02:40,271 --> 00:02:43,305
Maybe a walnut gloss,
do the walnut.
61
00:02:43,340 --> 00:02:47,202
Mm... walnut gloss.
Mm-hmm.
62
00:02:47,236 --> 00:02:50,305
Here you are
in this little hellhole.
63
00:02:50,340 --> 00:02:52,547
You're vaping it up
like Tallulah Bankhead.
64
00:02:52,581 --> 00:02:55,581
And you wanna make
a big move, right?
65
00:02:55,616 --> 00:02:57,374
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
But you're scared
66
00:02:57,409 --> 00:02:59,581
'cause you don't
trust the beast.
67
00:02:59,616 --> 00:03:02,512
Trust the beast, all right?
68
00:03:02,547 --> 00:03:03,857
Why don't you bleach your hair?
69
00:03:06,822 --> 00:03:10,305
Yeah.
Bleach your hair.
70
00:03:10,340 --> 00:03:11,857
Bleach your asshole.
71
00:03:14,271 --> 00:03:15,409
Nora Lin?
Yes.
72
00:03:15,443 --> 00:03:16,512
Get in there, kid.
73
00:03:16,547 --> 00:03:17,719
Follow me, ma'am.
74
00:03:17,754 --> 00:03:19,064
Today you'll be paired
with Asha.
75
00:03:19,098 --> 00:03:20,685
Great. Awesome.
76
00:03:20,719 --> 00:03:24,202
I'm a good person.
77
00:03:24,236 --> 00:03:26,271
Hey, girl,
what are we thinking today?
78
00:03:26,305 --> 00:03:27,616
I wanna bleach it.
79
00:03:27,650 --> 00:03:29,822
I wanna go full blonde.
80
00:03:29,857 --> 00:03:31,064
I'm ready.
81
00:03:31,098 --> 00:03:33,167
You wanna bleach your hair?
82
00:03:33,202 --> 00:03:36,271
Yeah, yeah. I want...
I wanna bleach it.
83
00:03:36,305 --> 00:03:38,167
Like in its entirety?
84
00:03:38,202 --> 00:03:40,719
Yes, yes, in its entirety.
Yeah.
85
00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:44,822
Listen, your hair
is the color of space.
86
00:03:44,857 --> 00:03:45,995
Okay.
87
00:03:46,029 --> 00:03:48,822
Bleaching virgin Asian hair
this dark
88
00:03:48,857 --> 00:03:53,616
is always unpredictable
and often unfortunate.
89
00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:55,650
It's... it's not virgin.
90
00:03:55,685 --> 00:03:57,409
I sprinkle a little
Just For Men in there.
91
00:03:57,443 --> 00:03:59,650
Oh.
But besides, irrelevant.
92
00:03:59,685 --> 00:04:01,822
I-I need this.
I need to go blonde
93
00:04:01,857 --> 00:04:04,305
because I-I... I'm sick
of playing it safe
94
00:04:04,340 --> 00:04:06,478
and I've never gotten to rebel.
95
00:04:06,512 --> 00:04:09,271
And I'm done being
a walnut pussy.
96
00:04:09,305 --> 00:04:11,926
Um, I feel like you're
carrying some baggage...
97
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,960
I don't have baggage! Sorry.
I don't have baggage.
98
00:04:13,995 --> 00:04:17,271
Um, just... just girl to girl,
99
00:04:17,305 --> 00:04:21,616
bleaching while angsty is
just a very bad situation.
100
00:04:21,650 --> 00:04:23,512
The only thing
that's making me angsty
101
00:04:23,547 --> 00:04:25,995
is this... is this whisper
conversation
102
00:04:26,029 --> 00:04:27,074
that we're having right now.
103
00:04:27,098 --> 00:04:28,418
Just get the goddamn
bleach, Asha!
104
00:04:28,443 --> 00:04:29,926
Okay.
105
00:04:33,822 --> 00:04:35,547
Hi, Ted.
106
00:04:35,581 --> 00:04:38,029
Once we update
your antivirus software,
107
00:04:38,064 --> 00:04:39,305
you should be good.
108
00:04:39,340 --> 00:04:41,167
I just... I don't know
what happened.
109
00:04:41,202 --> 00:04:43,547
Like I said, there's a lot
110
00:04:43,581 --> 00:04:45,788
of sketchy stuff
on the Internet.
111
00:04:45,822 --> 00:04:47,202
There was a woman, Wally.
112
00:04:47,236 --> 00:04:49,167
She popped up
in... in the corner there.
113
00:04:49,202 --> 00:04:51,409
She said she was in my area.
114
00:04:51,443 --> 00:04:52,616
Like right here.
115
00:04:52,650 --> 00:04:54,271
In my area.
116
00:04:54,305 --> 00:04:56,685
And then I said,
"He got what in them goodies?"
117
00:04:56,719 --> 00:04:58,857
So Pam comes running over,
118
00:04:58,891 --> 00:05:01,409
no shoes, just hootin'
and a hollerin',
119
00:05:01,443 --> 00:05:03,029
"Y'all gonna set
my house on fire.
120
00:05:03,064 --> 00:05:04,926
Y'all gonna set my house
on fire."
121
00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:06,409
So I had to calm her down,
122
00:05:06,443 --> 00:05:08,891
saying, "Girl, ain't nothin'
gonna happen to your house."
123
00:05:08,926 --> 00:05:10,719
But she wouldn't quit
with all this emotion.
124
00:05:10,754 --> 00:05:12,616
I turn my back and I'm...
125
00:05:18,098 --> 00:05:19,891
"#Cabo."
126
00:05:23,857 --> 00:05:26,995
set that house on fire.
Can you believe that?
127
00:05:27,029 --> 00:05:29,064
What is your computer issue?
128
00:05:29,098 --> 00:05:31,064
Okay, are you ready?
129
00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:32,478
It's time.
Okay.
130
00:05:32,512 --> 00:05:35,029
Three, two...
131
00:05:35,064 --> 00:05:36,512
one!
132
00:05:38,202 --> 00:05:39,340
Uh...
133
00:05:39,374 --> 00:05:41,305
Holy shit.
134
00:05:41,340 --> 00:05:42,857
What... What the fuck?
135
00:05:42,891 --> 00:05:45,064
What the fuck is going on?
What the fuck is up?
136
00:05:45,098 --> 00:05:47,064
I only feel like 20% bad
because I warned you
137
00:05:47,098 --> 00:05:48,822
about this multiple times.
138
00:05:48,857 --> 00:05:51,133
What, what even color is this?!
139
00:05:51,167 --> 00:05:53,512
And the texture?
Is that a natural wave?
140
00:05:53,547 --> 00:05:55,926
Because I look like a hot
fuckin' Cheeto right now.
141
00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:58,547
It's sort of becoming on you.
142
00:05:58,581 --> 00:06:00,478
Oh, yeah?
Would you be coming on this?!
143
00:06:00,512 --> 00:06:03,029
Yep.
See that?!
144
00:06:03,064 --> 00:06:04,754
Oh, dear.
145
00:06:04,788 --> 00:06:07,581
It's funny, huh?
You having a little laugh, yeah?
146
00:06:07,616 --> 00:06:10,202
I'm sorry, I just...
147
00:06:10,236 --> 00:06:13,029
You look like Merida...
Mm.
148
00:06:13,064 --> 00:06:14,719
From "Brave."
149
00:06:14,754 --> 00:06:16,064
Asha? Mm-hmm.
150
00:06:16,098 --> 00:06:17,409
I need you to listen to me.
151
00:06:17,443 --> 00:06:18,960
I need you to listen
to me hard, okay?
152
00:06:18,995 --> 00:06:22,926
I need you to get me a hat,
put it on my head,
153
00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:24,960
and then get the hell
away from me, all right?
154
00:06:24,995 --> 00:06:27,167
Can you do that?
155
00:06:27,202 --> 00:06:28,960
I don't think we sell hats here.
156
00:06:28,995 --> 00:06:30,581
Get me a fucking hat!
157
00:06:30,616 --> 00:06:32,133
I'll find one.
158
00:06:32,167 --> 00:06:33,305
I'll be right back.
159
00:06:35,340 --> 00:06:36,926
It should've been my asshole.
160
00:06:43,616 --> 00:06:45,788
Oh, Jeff.
161
00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:47,616
You better not be starting some
162
00:06:47,650 --> 00:06:50,374
intramural basketball
without me.
163
00:07:15,581 --> 00:07:17,167
Okay, Tokyo Drift.
164
00:07:19,443 --> 00:07:20,926
Edmund?!
165
00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:24,822
Ugh, of all the Rideshare
drivers in New York.
166
00:07:24,857 --> 00:07:26,960
You want a water? Yeah.
167
00:07:26,995 --> 00:07:29,305
Do you have a charger, actually?
168
00:07:29,340 --> 00:07:32,167
Oh, my God, are you joking
with this hair right now?
169
00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:33,754
No.
170
00:07:33,788 --> 00:07:35,478
Are you taking a picture?
171
00:07:35,512 --> 00:07:37,340
It's the exact color
and consistency
172
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:39,512
of Johnny Depp's
reprisal of the Mad Hatter.
173
00:07:39,547 --> 00:07:40,995
I am weak!
174
00:07:41,029 --> 00:07:42,616
What are you doing in New York?
175
00:07:42,650 --> 00:07:44,305
I live here now.
What?
176
00:07:44,340 --> 00:07:45,581
I left Palo Alto.
177
00:07:45,616 --> 00:07:48,374
I'm going solo
like Kelly Rowland.
178
00:07:48,409 --> 00:07:49,960
Going solo, doing what?
179
00:07:49,995 --> 00:07:52,202
I can't tell you that.
180
00:07:52,236 --> 00:07:54,891
Why not?
Because...
181
00:07:54,926 --> 00:07:57,409
Well, are your parents happy
at least that you're back?
182
00:07:57,443 --> 00:07:59,040
They don't know I'm here,
and don't tell them, okay?
183
00:07:59,064 --> 00:08:02,547
Why not?
Just stop asking questions, okay? Ugh.
184
00:08:05,891 --> 00:08:07,581
You have arrived
at your destination.
185
00:08:07,616 --> 00:08:10,133
You took a Commutez
to go 500 feet?
186
00:08:10,167 --> 00:08:11,478
I'm wearing Ferragamos
187
00:08:11,512 --> 00:08:13,374
and there is urine
all over this city.
188
00:08:13,409 --> 00:08:14,719
And you're living here?
189
00:08:14,754 --> 00:08:17,512
Edmund, a studio
in this apartment costs
190
00:08:17,547 --> 00:08:19,167
like $10,000 a month.
191
00:08:19,202 --> 00:08:20,833
Imagine what I'm paying
for the penthouse.
192
00:08:20,857 --> 00:08:22,960
That what house?! Good-bye, Nora.
193
00:08:25,098 --> 00:08:27,167
What are you up to?!
194
00:08:27,202 --> 00:08:29,754
I-I know you're up to somethin'.
195
00:08:31,236 --> 00:08:32,685
What is it?!
196
00:08:49,379 --> 00:08:50,769
Are you looking
for the entrance?
197
00:08:50,879 --> 00:08:53,465
Oh, yeah, I...
Yeah, it's around the corner.
198
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:55,431
I was wondering about that.
199
00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:02,431
So he's got his little
Mets cap on.
200
00:09:02,465 --> 00:09:03,741
And he just pulls away from me.
201
00:09:03,775 --> 00:09:05,879
Darts across the street,
runs right at me.
202
00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:07,293
Jumps in my arms.
203
00:09:07,327 --> 00:09:09,465
So that was the first time
204
00:09:09,500 --> 00:09:11,155
that Timmy hugged me
after the divorce.
205
00:09:11,189 --> 00:09:12,465
Aww...
206
00:09:12,500 --> 00:09:14,120
Hey, man.
Oh.
207
00:09:14,155 --> 00:09:16,431
You wanna share next?
Oh, I don't know.
208
00:09:16,465 --> 00:09:17,534
No?
No.
209
00:09:17,569 --> 00:09:18,741
No pressure.
210
00:09:18,775 --> 00:09:21,155
It's okay if you
just wanna listen.
211
00:09:21,189 --> 00:09:23,327
I love my kids.
212
00:09:23,362 --> 00:09:26,672
But sometimes I also hate 'em.
213
00:09:26,707 --> 00:09:28,465
They're so selfish.
214
00:09:28,500 --> 00:09:29,948
Sometimes I just wanna scream,
215
00:09:29,982 --> 00:09:33,362
"Stop judging me!
I'm doing this alone."
216
00:09:33,396 --> 00:09:35,810
I yelled at my daughter
this morning.
217
00:09:35,844 --> 00:09:37,672
Something just set me off.
218
00:09:37,707 --> 00:09:38,810
I totally get it.
219
00:09:38,844 --> 00:09:41,948
It's like I'm constantly
arguing with Chuck.
220
00:09:41,982 --> 00:09:44,810
My Jasmine said to me today,
221
00:09:44,844 --> 00:09:47,741
"Daddy, I love you this much."
222
00:09:47,775 --> 00:09:48,879
Oh...
223
00:09:48,913 --> 00:09:51,741
You know how much
she loves her nanny?
224
00:09:51,775 --> 00:09:53,534
Oh, yikes.
225
00:09:53,569 --> 00:09:55,362
I damn near killed myself.
226
00:09:55,396 --> 00:09:59,051
I went to Hallie's school
last week to hand out lunches.
227
00:09:59,086 --> 00:10:02,741
And every single one
of her friends...
228
00:10:02,775 --> 00:10:04,982
gave me hugs.
229
00:10:05,017 --> 00:10:06,707
What's your issue, Ellen?
230
00:10:06,741 --> 00:10:08,569
I don't have one.
I just...
231
00:10:08,603 --> 00:10:10,810
I really wanted to share.
232
00:10:10,844 --> 00:10:12,707
Kids are...
They're so cute at this age.
233
00:10:12,741 --> 00:10:14,603
So how old are your kids?
234
00:10:14,638 --> 00:10:16,879
Three. Five and three quarters.
235
00:10:16,913 --> 00:10:17,948
My little guy's eight.
236
00:10:17,982 --> 00:10:19,431
Hm...
237
00:10:19,465 --> 00:10:21,120
How old's your daughter?
238
00:10:21,155 --> 00:10:23,155
She's twen...
239
00:10:23,189 --> 00:10:25,810
Seven, she's seven.
240
00:10:25,844 --> 00:10:27,707
That's a rough age.
241
00:10:27,741 --> 00:10:30,913
Yes, it is.
242
00:10:36,051 --> 00:10:38,638
Ma'am?
Uh, ma'am.
243
00:10:38,672 --> 00:10:39,707
Hey, lady!
244
00:10:39,741 --> 00:10:42,396
Hey.
Hey, what's going on?
245
00:10:42,431 --> 00:10:43,982
Oh, so sorry.
I'm just waiting
246
00:10:44,017 --> 00:10:46,534
for my husband, Mark Fingers.
247
00:10:46,569 --> 00:10:48,775
Wait, Nora?
248
00:10:48,810 --> 00:10:50,603
Sorry, what? Nora.
249
00:10:50,638 --> 00:10:52,465
Oh, my God, Daniel?
Yeah. Yes!
250
00:10:52,500 --> 00:10:54,603
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
251
00:10:54,638 --> 00:10:56,741
Last time I saw you,
you were like
252
00:10:56,775 --> 00:10:59,982
chain-smoking menthols
and wearing that little
253
00:11:00,017 --> 00:11:01,603
North Face butt pack thing.
254
00:11:01,638 --> 00:11:03,327
Yeah, junior high was unfortunate.
Yeah.
255
00:11:05,638 --> 00:11:07,431
Um, I'm here to see my cousin,
256
00:11:07,465 --> 00:11:08,569
Edmund Lin.
257
00:11:08,603 --> 00:11:10,051
Hold on, Moneybag Mundie?
258
00:11:10,086 --> 00:11:11,362
You call him Moneybags?
259
00:11:11,396 --> 00:11:14,810
He is up in that penthouse
living it up!
260
00:11:14,844 --> 00:11:15,924
He's been living it up in there?
261
00:11:15,948 --> 00:11:17,155
Yes, bad bitches in and out,
262
00:11:17,189 --> 00:11:18,707
in and out,
in and out, all the time.
263
00:11:18,741 --> 00:11:20,741
No, he wouldn't...
That's not Edmund.
264
00:11:20,775 --> 00:11:23,362
He's doesn't have...
Women, women going up there?
265
00:11:23,396 --> 00:11:25,638
Women, bad bitches,
male bad bitches.
266
00:11:25,672 --> 00:11:27,879
Oh.
Like gender non-specific bad bitches.
267
00:11:27,913 --> 00:11:29,086
I can't even tell sometimes.
268
00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:31,500
Man, I wonder what he's up to.
269
00:11:31,534 --> 00:11:34,155
Do you remember when we used
to play GarageBand 2?
270
00:11:34,189 --> 00:11:36,982
"Rock Band 2.""Rock Band 2," yes!
271
00:11:37,017 --> 00:11:38,396
I was doing "expert,"
272
00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:40,293
and you couldn't
even do "medium bass."
273
00:11:40,327 --> 00:11:41,982
Yeah, that was fun.
274
00:11:42,017 --> 00:11:44,051
You were cute.
You're cute now.
275
00:11:44,086 --> 00:11:46,017
Right now?
Yeah.
276
00:11:46,051 --> 00:11:47,638
Stop. I'm not even
cute right now.
277
00:11:47,672 --> 00:11:48,707
Yeah, no. I'm not.
278
00:11:48,741 --> 00:11:50,913
I am so fucking ugly right now.
279
00:11:50,948 --> 00:11:52,155
No, I like this.
280
00:11:52,189 --> 00:11:54,224
This is like kinda Spooky Spice.
Yeah?
281
00:11:54,258 --> 00:11:56,431
Yo, I should check out
what this dude is doing.
282
00:11:56,465 --> 00:11:57,741
But it was good seeing you.
283
00:11:57,775 --> 00:11:58,889
Yeah, it was so good seeing you.
284
00:11:58,913 --> 00:12:00,810
Yeah, yeah, um, hit me up.
285
00:12:00,844 --> 00:12:02,293
I would love to hit you up.
286
00:12:02,327 --> 00:12:03,751
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
on Facebook Messenger.
287
00:12:03,775 --> 00:12:05,569
Just Facebook Messenger?
288
00:12:05,603 --> 00:12:07,338
Uh, yeah, I don't have
data on my phone right now.
289
00:12:07,362 --> 00:12:09,017
I'm actually on an iPod Touch.
290
00:12:09,051 --> 00:12:10,120
Oh.
Yeah.
291
00:12:10,155 --> 00:12:11,293
I'll see you.
Catch you.
292
00:12:11,327 --> 00:12:13,155
Sir!
293
00:12:13,189 --> 00:12:14,775
Sir, could you get back here?
294
00:12:19,810 --> 00:12:22,155
I just don't get Nora sometimes.
295
00:12:22,189 --> 00:12:23,465
She lives in my house,
296
00:12:23,500 --> 00:12:25,051
but it's like she's a stranger.
297
00:12:25,086 --> 00:12:27,431
I give her a hard time.
Sure.
298
00:12:27,465 --> 00:12:30,051
But she can be so frustrating.
299
00:12:30,086 --> 00:12:31,741
And I know she likes
to get high,
300
00:12:31,775 --> 00:12:33,258
but I just can't bring...
301
00:12:33,293 --> 00:12:34,948
She's getting high?
302
00:12:34,982 --> 00:12:37,293
Climbing, you know.
303
00:12:37,327 --> 00:12:38,948
Of course.
Oh.
304
00:12:38,982 --> 00:12:40,258
Climb.
305
00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:43,500
You know, instead
of getting angry with Nora,
306
00:12:43,534 --> 00:12:45,638
maybe you should try
positive reinforcement.
307
00:12:45,672 --> 00:12:46,982
It's way more effective
308
00:12:47,017 --> 00:12:49,120
than trying to control behavior.
309
00:12:49,155 --> 00:12:51,465
Yo! Single dorks!
310
00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:54,155
Wrap it up. Sexaholics Anonymous
starts at 4:00.
311
00:13:00,189 --> 00:13:04,017
"Edmund Lin recently raised
$15 million
312
00:13:04,051 --> 00:13:06,017
"for various investors
including Bill Ackman
313
00:13:06,051 --> 00:13:08,155
and BlackRock."
314
00:13:08,189 --> 00:13:11,293
That bitch has $15 million!
315
00:13:11,327 --> 00:13:13,327
Here's my little fireball.
316
00:13:13,362 --> 00:13:14,948
That's at her cousin's
birthday party.
317
00:13:14,982 --> 00:13:16,224
Oh, look at that.
318
00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:18,844
Adorable.
319
00:13:18,879 --> 00:13:21,155
Here's a dance recital.
320
00:13:21,189 --> 00:13:23,062
You wanna watch this video?
It's only eight minutes long.
321
00:13:23,086 --> 00:13:24,672
I'm good.
322
00:13:24,707 --> 00:13:26,855
Little Feet Dance Academy has
a great afterschool program.
323
00:13:26,879 --> 00:13:29,189
Oh... Where's Nora go to school?
324
00:13:29,224 --> 00:13:31,741
Oh, she goes to SUNY.
325
00:13:31,775 --> 00:13:34,948
SUNY? The State University
of New York?
326
00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:38,465
Pff...
SUNY, kindergarten.
327
00:13:38,500 --> 00:13:40,741
Ah, kindergarten.
328
00:13:40,775 --> 00:13:42,741
I thought you said
she was seven.
329
00:13:42,775 --> 00:13:45,948
Well, she's kinda re... Wally, I-I...
330
00:13:45,982 --> 00:13:48,672
I have the umbrella... Huh?
331
00:13:48,707 --> 00:13:50,224
That you asked for.
332
00:13:50,258 --> 00:13:53,707
Because it's gonna rain, yeah.
333
00:13:53,741 --> 00:13:55,224
Oh, no, we're good.
Dark Sky's saying
334
00:13:55,258 --> 00:13:56,465
clear as a whistle today.
335
00:13:56,500 --> 00:13:57,879
I mean, some clouds
around 4:15...
336
00:13:57,913 --> 00:13:59,707
Yeah, Toby, nice to meet you.
337
00:13:59,741 --> 00:14:02,431
Okay, bye-bye.
Yeah, you too.
338
00:14:02,465 --> 00:14:04,569
Hey, we gotta get
that playdate going.
339
00:14:04,603 --> 00:14:06,913
I'm gonna hit you up
on Facebook Messenger.
340
00:14:06,948 --> 00:14:09,465
I'm gonna do that right now
before I forget, actually.
341
00:14:12,431 --> 00:14:14,293
Oh, look at these shit bags.
342
00:14:14,327 --> 00:14:16,293
Planning the next
financial crisis, I see.
343
00:14:16,327 --> 00:14:18,741
Yeah, yeah?
Whoa. Oh.
344
00:14:20,086 --> 00:14:22,465
I lost 'em.
Goddamn it, I lost 'em!
345
00:14:25,293 --> 00:14:26,741
Are you spying on me?
346
00:14:26,775 --> 00:14:28,844
No!
Oh, my God, you psycho.
347
00:14:28,879 --> 00:14:30,258
What the hell is going on?
348
00:14:30,293 --> 00:14:31,648
You tell me what
the hell's going on
349
00:14:31,672 --> 00:14:33,707
palling around town,
$15 million in funds.
350
00:14:33,741 --> 00:14:35,189
Hello! Hello!
351
00:14:35,224 --> 00:14:37,810
Oh, yeah, good job
googling my name, Nora.
352
00:14:37,844 --> 00:14:40,293
You are and look insane.
353
00:14:40,327 --> 00:14:42,258
Can I come to your place?
Oh, my God.
354
00:14:43,913 --> 00:14:45,696
That a yes!
355
00:14:48,171 --> 00:14:50,294
So your daughter's
not really seven, huh?
356
00:14:50,319 --> 00:14:51,545
She's 27.
357
00:14:51,545 --> 00:14:53,096
Chuck's 25.
358
00:14:53,303 --> 00:14:56,165
Yeah, he's a...
He's a mediocre DJ
359
00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:59,579
and a tropical house producer.
360
00:14:59,614 --> 00:15:01,648
He's trying, though.
361
00:15:01,682 --> 00:15:03,476
I'm glad I'm not the only one.
362
00:15:03,510 --> 00:15:05,441
How do you keep
from making playdates?
363
00:15:05,476 --> 00:15:07,717
I'm tell them I don't
believe in vaccinations.
364
00:15:08,958 --> 00:15:11,165
I'm... I'm glad I went.
365
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:12,441
Maybe I'll go to the next one.
366
00:15:12,476 --> 00:15:14,269
Yeah, they're like family now.
367
00:15:14,303 --> 00:15:16,165
You know, it's
better than therapy.
368
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,096
It's cheaper.
Definitely.
369
00:15:18,131 --> 00:15:21,131
It's just...
It's nice.
370
00:15:21,165 --> 00:15:22,407
Are you okay?
371
00:15:23,889 --> 00:15:26,027
Today was my anniversary.
372
00:15:26,062 --> 00:15:27,441
What?
373
00:15:27,476 --> 00:15:29,096
Today was my anniversary.
374
00:15:29,131 --> 00:15:31,441
And I wish I was in Cabo.
375
00:15:31,476 --> 00:15:34,131
I'm sorry.
Uh, listen.
376
00:15:34,165 --> 00:15:35,993
If you ever wanna talk
377
00:15:36,027 --> 00:15:38,338
without the pressure
of a playdate,
378
00:15:38,372 --> 00:15:39,958
here, you call me.
379
00:15:42,269 --> 00:15:43,682
Bye.
380
00:15:44,786 --> 00:15:46,234
Bye.
381
00:15:51,027 --> 00:15:53,372
Uh, oh...
382
00:15:53,407 --> 00:15:56,200
Oh... my God, Edmund.
383
00:15:56,234 --> 00:15:58,407
Is this real?
This real?
384
00:15:58,441 --> 00:16:01,372
What is that?
385
00:16:01,407 --> 00:16:03,096
It's so beautiful.
386
00:16:03,131 --> 00:16:05,545
It's a Nicole Eisenman.
She's a friend.
387
00:16:05,579 --> 00:16:08,820
It's my life.
It's my life.
388
00:16:08,855 --> 00:16:10,027
It's bronzed poop.
389
00:16:10,062 --> 00:16:12,165
Can I please...?
No, stop.
390
00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:13,407
Can I lick...?
No.
391
00:16:13,441 --> 00:16:14,682
Can I lick it?
Nora!
392
00:16:14,717 --> 00:16:16,614
No, no!
393
00:16:16,648 --> 00:16:20,200
Nora, why are you stalking me?
394
00:16:20,234 --> 00:16:21,590
Why are you not telling
your parents
395
00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:23,521
that you're living here?
I can't tell them anything
396
00:16:23,545 --> 00:16:25,338
until my company
is up and running,
397
00:16:25,372 --> 00:16:27,820
and a huge success, okay?
398
00:16:27,855 --> 00:16:30,372
Why not?
Because, ugh...
399
00:16:32,993 --> 00:16:35,165
my dad had his own
law firm at age 30,
400
00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:37,717
so I'm behind.
401
00:16:37,751 --> 00:16:39,993
You're like the most
successful person I know.
402
00:16:40,027 --> 00:16:43,303
No, I'm the poorest person from
my freshman floor at Stanford,
403
00:16:43,338 --> 00:16:46,407
which my dad likes
to remind me every day.
404
00:16:46,441 --> 00:16:48,614
You have $15 million.
405
00:16:48,648 --> 00:16:50,924
That's my company's money,
not mine.
406
00:16:50,958 --> 00:16:54,751
Look, my dad puts
a lot of pressure on me.
407
00:16:54,786 --> 00:16:56,958
My dad didn't put
pressure on me.
408
00:16:56,993 --> 00:16:58,510
Exactly, which is why you are...
409
00:16:58,545 --> 00:16:59,889
the way you are.
410
00:16:59,924 --> 00:17:02,510
You're wearing a bucket hat
from a fashion school.
411
00:17:02,545 --> 00:17:04,648
So you're starting a new company
412
00:17:04,682 --> 00:17:07,269
and doing all this just to
prove something to your dad?
413
00:17:07,303 --> 00:17:09,751
Duh, that's why anyone
starts anything.
414
00:17:09,786 --> 00:17:11,165
Like why did you dye your hair
415
00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:13,614
the color
of Tori Amos's butthole?
416
00:17:13,648 --> 00:17:16,234
Aren't you lonely here?
No.
417
00:17:16,269 --> 00:17:18,441
'Cause I could bunk with you for a couple days.
No.
418
00:17:18,476 --> 00:17:20,993
Can I take a shit here?
If you can find the toilet.
419
00:17:22,234 --> 00:17:23,441
Just give me a hint.
420
00:17:25,027 --> 00:17:27,303
Hotter or colder?
421
00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:29,786
Hot. Hotter. Hotter.
Colder.
422
00:17:29,820 --> 00:17:32,717
Edmund, I will take a shit
right here, you know me.
423
00:17:32,751 --> 00:17:34,234
I'd like to see you try.
424
00:17:34,269 --> 00:17:36,820
You know what we used to call
bathrooms in my house?
425
00:17:36,855 --> 00:17:38,269
Edmund's bed.
426
00:17:38,303 --> 00:17:40,648
Nora, Nora, Nora!
No, no.
427
00:17:56,027 --> 00:17:57,165
Hey.
428
00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:58,545
Hey.
429
00:18:00,234 --> 00:18:03,165
Look, um, I'm sorry
about this morning.
430
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:04,407
Oh, my God.
Did...
431
00:18:04,441 --> 00:18:07,889
Did Tommy Chong's dad
just apologize?
432
00:18:07,924 --> 00:18:09,727
You should've seen yourself.
You looked like Tommy Chong.
433
00:18:09,751 --> 00:18:12,269
You looked like shit.
434
00:18:16,372 --> 00:18:18,924
What's that for?
435
00:18:18,958 --> 00:18:21,234
That's...
436
00:18:21,269 --> 00:18:23,165
for not being
an insane tiger dad
437
00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:25,648
and being constantly
content with mediocrity.
438
00:18:25,682 --> 00:18:28,545
Princess, you are
so not mediocre.
439
00:18:28,579 --> 00:18:30,027
I just...
440
00:18:30,062 --> 00:18:32,682
I just missed her today.
441
00:18:32,717 --> 00:18:35,682
I miss her too, Dad.
Yeah?
442
00:18:35,717 --> 00:18:38,958
Hey, you two.
Dinner!
443
00:18:48,889 --> 00:18:50,510
Edmund?
444
00:18:50,545 --> 00:18:52,476
What are you doing here?
445
00:18:52,510 --> 00:18:54,131
I got lonely, okay?
446
00:18:54,165 --> 00:18:55,545
And... just shut up.
447
00:18:55,579 --> 00:18:56,865
Don't say anything
and just let me in.
448
00:18:56,889 --> 00:18:58,279
Also, thank God
your hair is back to black
449
00:18:58,303 --> 00:19:00,889
because you looked like
Irish Kathy,
450
00:19:00,924 --> 00:19:02,131
and it was bad.
451
00:19:02,165 --> 00:19:04,096
Sorry, I didn't mean that.
I didn't mean that.
452
00:19:04,131 --> 00:19:05,579
Okay.
453
00:19:06,902 --> 00:19:10,143
Edmund, what are you
doing in town again?
454
00:19:10,178 --> 00:19:12,488
Oh, uh...
455
00:19:12,522 --> 00:19:14,247
I am...
456
00:19:14,655 --> 00:19:16,365
just here to...
457
00:19:16,390 --> 00:19:17,735
He's getting his taint
bleached...
458
00:19:17,769 --> 00:19:19,631
and styled.
459
00:19:19,666 --> 00:19:21,597
The rim of his asshole,
it's a different color.
460
00:19:21,631 --> 00:19:22,942
And he didn't wanna
tell anybody,
461
00:19:22,976 --> 00:19:25,623
especially his parents
because it's embarrassing.
462
00:19:25,678 --> 00:19:26,895
So... Wow.
463
00:19:26,929 --> 00:19:28,491
Don't tell them, okay,
because, you know,
464
00:19:28,515 --> 00:19:30,481
this is between
us and his taint.
465
00:19:30,515 --> 00:19:31,757
Of course.
466
00:19:31,791 --> 00:19:34,067
Well, we support that, Edmund.
Thank you very much.
467
00:19:34,102 --> 00:19:35,595
I'm just getting
really into self-care.
468
00:19:35,619 --> 00:19:38,412
So I'm doing the hole and the rim.
Mm...
469
00:19:38,446 --> 00:19:40,033
Self-care, I heard about that.
470
00:19:40,067 --> 00:19:41,205
Is it one of those things
471
00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:43,205
where you can like
go to work right after?
472
00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:44,791
You can sit down.
You just can't like
473
00:19:44,826 --> 00:19:46,343
change your center of gravity
474
00:19:46,378 --> 00:19:47,964
to be lower
than your belly button.
475
00:19:47,998 --> 00:19:49,240
So you can't squat?
476
00:19:49,274 --> 00:19:51,378
No.
Because it's like
477
00:19:51,412 --> 00:19:54,205
part of your...
situation there, right,
478
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:56,791
with the... your tail.
479
00:19:56,826 --> 00:19:59,895
Yeah, the... the appendage,
Uncle Wally.
480
00:19:59,929 --> 00:20:01,860
Appendage, sorry, I forgot.
481
00:20:01,895 --> 00:20:03,550
Call it what it is, you know?
482
00:20:03,584 --> 00:20:04,860
It's an appendage.
It's like...
483
00:20:04,895 --> 00:20:06,653
Yeah, well, you know,
we love the tail.
484
00:20:06,688 --> 00:20:08,653
We love the tail
'cause it's part of you, Edmund.
485
00:20:08,688 --> 00:20:10,860
Okay, fine,
we'll call it a tail.
486
00:20:10,895 --> 00:20:12,550
I remember when,
sometimes, you know,
487
00:20:12,584 --> 00:20:14,446
when you get happy, you...
488
00:20:14,481 --> 00:20:16,378
Wag it?
No, it... It wouldn't wag.
489
00:20:16,412 --> 00:20:18,412
It was not a wag.
490
00:20:18,446 --> 00:20:20,550
Do you remember when
your tail got stuck
491
00:20:20,584 --> 00:20:22,446
in the San Francisco trolley?
492
00:20:22,481 --> 00:20:23,550
Do you remember that?
493
00:20:23,584 --> 00:20:24,722
Okay... Cable car!
494
00:20:24,757 --> 00:20:26,102
The cable car!
495
00:20:26,136 --> 00:20:28,205
The cable car got me
right in the tenderloin,
496
00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:30,160
and I was like, this was
the worst spot for me...
497
00:20:32,102 --> 00:20:33,998
It's not funny,
but actually funny.
498
00:20:34,033 --> 00:20:35,309
But not funny!
499
00:21:03,964 --> 00:21:05,826
Who the is Awkwafina?
34347
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