All language subtitles for The.Adventures.of.Barry.McKenzie.1972

Enid.

Enid, darling.

Oh!

Oh, Edna! Oh, thank goodness you've come.
Never mind, dear.

I'm sorry I'm late, the plane from
Melbourne was held up. Hello, Barry.

Hello, Auntie Edna. He's gone.
He's gone! I know, dear.

You've had a big prop pulled from underneath
you, pet. What am I going to do without him?

In the midst of life... Mrs McKenzie?
Mr Hopkinson will see you now.

Thank you. Be strong and brave.
Yes, I'll try.

Ah, Mrs McKenzie, do sit down.
How do you do? I'm Mrs Everage.

Barry, thank you

And to you, Barrington
Bradman Bing McKenzie,

I bequeath the sum of $2000
on condition that you leave

for the United Kingdom
immediately to further

the cultural and intellectual
traditions of the McKenzie dynasty.

Strewth! Who'd want to go to the dump where all
them pom migrants are leaving in their millions?

Suppose all them dollars are better than a
poke in the eye with a burnt stick, eh, Auntie?

RADIO ON I know, but we'll
both tell him together.

MUSIC PLAYS

Let me do it, Barry. She's apples, Mum. You relax
and put your feet up, give your veins a rest.

Get your underwear, dear.

And don't forget to change them
every day either, Barry.

Geez, come off it, Mum.

No man knoweth the hour, dear.

Aunt Edna and I have been having
a chinwag and...

I'm going to London with you,
Barry.

Come again?
I'm going to London with you!

Barry, seriously - I've promised myself a trip to the
old country ever since my husband Norm's little op.

Our family came from Britain
many moons ago, you know.

Lucky they did. Immigration laws
are a bloody sight tougher now.

Any way Barry, I won't be interfering
with your private life. Heaven forbid!

My dear friend and bridesmaid Madge Allsop is in
England now and we just can't wait to see each other.

Hurry up, Edna, we'll but late!
Come on, Auntie!

Sorry, pet. I just bought you
a new, lovely, Qantas kitbag.

A Qantas bag of my own.
We'll miss the plane.

Don't forget to change your
underwear every day. Come off it!

'Flight 530 for London is boarding
immediately from gate two.

'This is your final call.'

Good morning, sir.
Is there anything you'd like?

Too right there is - a Ned Kelly whiskey and a swift naughty
in the dunnies as soon as the no smoking light goes out

Fellas!

See ya!

I don't think they can hear me,
Auntie.

See you, Mum!

ANGELIC CHOIR: ♪ Bar-ry...

♪ McKen-zie! ♪

Ta.

I'm that hungry I could eat a horse
and chase the jockey. That's lovely.

CHINESE STYLE MUSIC PLAYS

ANGELIC CHOIR: ♪ Bar-ry...

♪ McKenzie! ♪

SNORING

'We are now landing at
London's Heathrow airport.

'Have your disembarkation papers,
customs clearance slips,

'currency control vouchers,
passports, tickets, identity dockets,

'travel orders, immigrations
tickets, temporary visas,

'racial origin certificates, baggage
cheques, leprosy immunisation cards

'and security clearances ready
for inspection, please.'

Hey, Auntie. This trip isn't the full two bob.
You can't even see the flaming white cliffs!

Hang about, lads. Another plane load of
those bleeding convicts on their way in.

Oh, excuse I, Barry, I'm just going to
declare that jumbo-sized bottle of My Sin.

See you, See you, Baz.

Good morning, sir.
Anything to declare?

No, not really.

Well, I picked up this little
lot on the way over. Yes, sir.

We'll see, shall we?

A transistor radio, mechanical
toy, typewriter, Hong Kong watch,

that'll be £234...

£234.55... 57... 58 and one
half new penny, please, sir.

Stone the crows! That's over
a week's work where I come from!

Yes, sir.

What about this camera, sir?

Fair go, that's a present from me
Auntie Edna, you hungry pommy...

That sort of language'll get you
nowhere, sir!

There's fif...

Seventy pounds import duty
on this item, sir.

Don't come the raw prawn! I only got the bloody
thing to take slides of the Queen and Phil the Greek

and a few other pommy ruins.
That's the law, sir. £70.

What have you got in this case?

Personal effects.

Just a few tubes of ice cold Fosters. Don't tell
me you're going to make something out of that!

I'm afraid I shall have to
confiscate this lot, sir.

TILL CHINGS AND WHIRRS

Oh, Barry, where have you been?
You've been as slow as a wet week.

You wouldn't read about it, Auntie. I wouldn't
have minded if the bastard had been civil.

When it comes to fleecing you, the
poms have got the edge on the gypos.

Listen to this, Barry - "Princess
Anne was born on 15th August 1950."

"She was always a tomboy,
hating to play with dollies,”

"but expert at climbing trees while
her brother watched from below."

BAGPIPES PLAY

Strike me pink!

Hey! Aren't we at Earl's
Court yet?

This is taking longer
than the plane trip.

Nearly there, guv.
Stupid pommy bastard.

Oh, Barry, was that altogether
necessary, dear?

No wonder poor old Phil's always
shooting through.

What a dump for the royals
to live in!

It'll be beaut to see the old
Curly again, Auntie. Curly?

What's he doing in the old
country?

Well, for the past couple of years he's been
bludging down at Australia House in Strand Street.

Real cushy job, he reckons.
Piss-up every day, no probs.

Strewth! That airport must
have been in bloody Woop Woop.

What's the damage, sport?
Let's see...

Extra passenger, use of luggage
rack,

hire of ashtrays, over the five
mile limit, afternoon driving tax,

conversation surcharge,
windscreen wiper depreciation...

that'll be 68 new pounds, guv.

68 quid?! Stone the crows,
that's bloody highway robbery.

Hey, Bazza!

Curly, you old bastard!
I wasn't sure if you'd be home.

What are you doing? Taking a sickie, you bludger,
or did they give you the sack at Australia House?

Those dozy bastards wouldn't know a
tram was up them until the bell rang.

Hang on, I'll be down faster than a
whore's drawers on a Saturday night.

Don't rupture yourself, Barry.

Bazza! Curls! Bazza!

Geez, it's beaut to see you,
Curl.

What's this? What's this with the hair?
Look like a hippie poof!

Hey, and what's this? Growing a bit
of scrub around the waterhole?

Ah, you bastard, get off my back or
I'll give you a knuckle sandwich.

Excuse I, Barry!

Hang on a second, you silly dag,
while I square off this fourby two.

All right, here's your money.
Hope it chokes you.

68 quid.

70 quid now, guv. I'm not sitting
here for my bleedin' health.

Stop bickering and pay the little person. I
have to get to Madge's. All right, Auntie.

Hang on to your purse. These poms
charge like a wounded bull. Oh!

Why don't you go back to
Australia?!

Go back to Israel yourself,
you lkey Mo!

Don't forget to give me a
tingle.

Hungry Arab. Would have dropped the bastard
if he wasn't qualified for the pension.

Let's go in, mate, eh?

Er... Hang on a tick, Bazza.

Er... Listen, mate...

I picked up a sort at the party the other
night SO my joint's a bit on the crowded side.

But no worries, I lined you up a beaut little
place around the corner to drop your swag.

Be on me Pat Malone, eh mate?
Geez, if it was raining virgins,

I'd be washed down the gutter
with a poofter.

Rag and bone!

This is the place, mate. A nice
little area, this, lot of character.

Rag and bone!

"Pakistani vicar's teeth found
in nude nun's thigh.”

PHONE RINGS

"I had four Guinesses and everything
went black, says..." Page six.

Six... Six...

"The magistrate told the
jury..”

I've come for the room for
me mate McKenzie. Ah!

You know, from Australia.
Ah, well... Oh!

NMcKrenzie. NMcKrenzie, yes.
I'll...

HE COUGHS
..I'll show you to your suite.

Welcome to England.
HE COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS

HE COUGHS

Oh bugger!

Oh, it's only crap.
Just step over it.

The bathroom's in the basement,
the toilet's on the sixth floor,

luxury breakfast - luxury -
served from 6am to five past,

nobody... except on Sundays!

Nobody in the rooms...
..Hello, darling. Had enough?

Nobody in the rooms after 7
o'clock, lights out by 8 o'clock

and you adjust your dress before leaving
because we got a very hungry dog about.

We're going to give you the Winston
Churchill Memorial Suite here,

and we like three weeks rent
in advance

and a deposit on the Gideon
Bib...

It's been knocked orf.
Jamaicans!

You have to pay a deposit on it. Like it?
One coat of Dulux done this.

Er, that'll be... see now...
43 guineas for this suite, sir.

No need to call me "sweet", sir.
Barry McKenzie's the name, mate.

An ordinary working man
like yourself.

I might have close to 700 quid
on me at the moment

but that's the result of four weeks
hard slogging down the snowy.

Oh! Oh, what's on the go? Don't tell
me we've got a flaming air raid!

I do some of me best work
in the dark. It's all right.

It's the... the meter on your luxury
chandelier is short of the lob.

Have you got a pound on you? I'll...
A pound? Just a little pound.

I'll show you how to put it
in the meter.

This one...

CLUNK!

Oh, just hold that torch, will
you?

Ah, there you are! Don't forget,

just put one of those in

every 20 minutes.

And... the...

The rent of the advance.

Huh? We have to have advance of
the rent here sir

Oh the money? OK. Yes, yes Sir.

It a... It's one of the
longstanding policies.

Ever since Churchill...

Bloody Poms would take the
harness off a nightmare.

Take it easy Bazza. C'mon let's
meet some of the fellas.

Good little pub this, mate,
where all the Aussies drink.

All right, fellas? Bazza!

THEY GREET EACH OTHER

RAUCOUS GREETINGS

You old bastard! Are you kidding me?
Of course!

Hey, listen, we want you to try
a local drop now you're here.

I've heard it's dish water. No!

No, it's great, mate.

Go on. Youse wouldn't put
me wrong, would ya? No!

All right.

Hm... Terrific. Beautiful.
I don't know.

Get it down!

Bah! I've been poisoned!

It's as warm as piss! Come on, stop mucking
around and give us a decent chilled Fosters.

That's more like it.

I really needed that. I was as
dry as a dead dingo's donger.

Listen, mate, that pom stuff's
piss.

Geez, it's great to have you around, Bazza. There's
a whole lot of the old Parra-bloody-matta mob here.

Jonno, Matesy, Stanno, Spaz, Scissors, Malloy and
some of the sheilas are real humdingers. Yeah?

Got any lead in your pencil?
I'm gonna choke one. See ya.

Well, how's the trip, mate?
Any stop-overs?

Couple of days in Honkers. A lot of tinted bastards
there, Curly. Boy, have they got a colour problem!

What a fantastic bunch of bastards on the plane,
though. We demolished the old tubes, that's for sure.

Got a bit rough over the Hima-bloody-layas.
One of the blokes started chundering.

One fella near me yodling
his jelly and ice cream.

Eh, did you get your end in?

Come again? Aw, don't come the Uncle Crustacean with
me, Baz, did you get the dirty water off your chest?

I hear some of them air hostesses are
pretty keen for the old fella. You reckon?

Yeah, pretty often it's the captain
that dips his wick. How's that?

I remember the boat I came over on was full of nurses,
they used to bang like an outhouse door in a gale.

One of the officers gave me the good oil on
that. He was English but a real nice bastard.

He reckoned you could always pick the
sheilas that come across easy. How's that?

They're the ones cried when they
said goodbye to their boyfriends.

All the officers lined up at every
port spotting the sheilas that howled.

Fantastic! That night they were in there
like a rat up a drainpipe. Beautiful.

Hey, Bazza. Aw, cripes! You'd
have to be pulling my leg, mate.

Don't tell me with all those flaming
stop-overs you never cracked it.

Think I'd tell you,
you randy bastard?

Of course I did. Some of the sheilas on the flight
gave me their addresses to look 'em up over here.

They reckoned they'd never had such
a good time in all their lives.

They were dreading the pommy blokes, cos they
don't like it plain and simple over here.

Yeah. It's the truth.

Geez, it's great having you around, mate.
Excuse me...

My name's Groove Courtenay.

Don't tell me your problems, mate.
No, really.

I'm from Transmedia Enterprises.
I have a proposition to make.

A bloody poofter. Hey fellas,
a pom poof!

THEY JEER

Let's go somewhere we can talk,
eh?

BLOKES JEER

Eh, keep your back to the bar,
mate.

OK, sport, give us the drum, but make it snappy.
I've got a lot of drinking to catch up on.

Well, my agency has the account
for the new High Camp cigalettes.

It's great having him back.
Beautiful, eh?

Mr McKenzie, I have been watching you for some
time and you've got just the image we need -

rugged, unconventional, he-man, touch of the
outback, just what our English viewers want.

Aw, thanks very much, sport.

Any of that golden green stuff
in this deal?

Oh I'm sure we can make it worth your
while, if you could um just come along...

to that studio, 10 o'clock
tomorrow morning.

We'll get you a costume. It'll
be kind of strong sort of...

Hey uh, what's on the go mate?

Well till tomorrow morning Mr
McKenzie.

What did that poofter bloke
want?

Well he wants me to be in some
film commercial or something.

Good luck, mate. Thanks, Curl.

Super cossy, love, really nice. Yeah,
well, I feel a bit of a drongo.

Hope none of my mates see me in this
outfit. They'll reckon I've turned poofter.

What have I got to do?
It's easy, Bazza.

All you do is ride in... Ride
in?!

Yes, you Australians are such
fabulous horsemen. Oh, yeah.

Then, you kneel down on this beautiful mountain
and you offer our High Camp cigalette to Caroline.

Who's that?

Caroline, love, this is Barry McKenzie, the
sun-bronzed Anzac I told you about. Super!

Please to meet you.

Eh, what a colossal bit of
skirt!

Look, this is what you do,
Bazza.

Look at Caroline and say,

"Have a High Camp filter - firm in your fingers and
cool between your lips.” It's pretty easy, isn't it?

Is that all? No probs.

I'll give it a burl.

High Camp one, take one. Action.

♪ High Camp! ♪

ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS

Have a High Camp.

Like, they're, er... firm in your
lips and cool between your fingers.

Cut! We'll try another.

High Camp one, take two. Action!

Have a High Camp - cool in your
fingers and tight in your mouth.

Cut!

199. Action, Barry.

Try a High Camp filter.

They're cool in your mouth
and firm between your hips.

Dig that crazy ad-lib.

It knocks the oral-sadistic approach
bit, right between the eyes

Well, didn't I tell you this boy
had class?

This ad will sell a million.

Congratulations.

Look, can I get out of these tight strides now?
They're ruining me future. Sure, great suggestion.

I'm glad that's over, Carol. Could
really go a couple of nice cold ales.

Er, look, what say you and
me get together some time?

Mm, super.

Where do you hang out?

3702660, and I'd love to see
you some time... Bazza.

Bye, Barry. Give me a tingle.

Hey, Curl.

Got a Biro?

Er, yeah, mate.

Seems a bit of all right, eh?

Yeah, I'm doing all right
with that pommy sheila, mate.

I've heard they don't like it
simple like good Australian lasses.

Yeah, that's for sure, mate.
Hey...

You ought to go along to one of
them bookshops and get one of them

Indian hygiene magazines,
do a bit of swotting up.

Might just do that, Curl.

'Geez, I've blown me dough
on some long-winded yarn

'about a couple of slant-eyed
ratbags called Yoni and Lingam.

'What kind of hygienic
publication is this?'

Oh, geez, I'm shagged out.

'There must be an easier way of
tickling a girl's fancy.

'Hang on, what's this?

"If a man after anointing his lingam
with the sprouts of the vaginisi,"

"dips it in ghee, then rubs on the
juice of crushed voteprahanta leaves"

"and then engages in the congress of the
bee, he makes her subject to his will."

Ah, look, sport,
I wonder if you can help.

Could you give us half a pound
of vagishnanti plant sprouts,

a tin of ghee, a packet of vot... voteprahanta
leaves, a half a dozen shadvanstra...

HE SPEAKS HINDI

No, I'm sorry, sir. There has been
quite a run on exotic spices.

Oh. Strewth, now I'm really
in the poo.

Oh, well, look, in that case, you'd
better give us some chutney,

some rice, er... throw in some
mustard, some mixed herbs

and chuck in a couple of cans of
extra strong prawn and beef curry.

Once she cops an eyefull of me sexy groceries,
she won't tumble it's me first time.

DOORBELL

Barry! Here, Carol. Super!

Come in, darling. Yeah, well...

Come on! Right.

Jeez! You've got a beaut
little place here, Carol.

I feel a full, wild
bit tonight, Barry.

Strewth!

You're a flamin' fast worker,
Carol!

Something tells me
I'm not the first.

You'll be the first to give me a
taste of what it's like down under.

Come on, darling,
let's slip into the sheets.

Ah... Look, Carol, to save time,

while I'm anointing the ole lingam
with this beef and prawn curry,

you get stuck into this
cinnamon and mixed herbs.

All right? We can have a crack
at the congress of the ant.

Get that kinky
Aussie gear off, Barry.

Come on, darling.

I'm all ready for you.

Wait a sec, Carol.

I'll be finished with the exotic
aphrodisies in a few jiffs.

No wonder they've got a famine
problem in India

if this is what they do
with their tucker.

Hey, Carol,
I hope you're not a vegetarian.

I'm kinky for beef, sweetie,
but not the tinned variety.

Mmm!

Let's put out the light.
I think you're shy.

Shy? Not me.

Just can't sleep with the bulb
glaring, that's all.

Barry, what are you
thinking about, darling?

I've gotta be down at the bank in New South Wales
a sparrow fart in the morning to collect my mail.

What's the hassle, darling?

We've still got all night.

Just hold your horses for a sec,
Carol.

I want to pop into the bathroom
and point percy at the porcelain.

OK, McKenzie you foul mouthed
Australian swine, the game's up.

Groove!

I saw ya tryin' that he-man act on
Caroline while we were shooting.

Strike me pink, a pom perve!

I've heard about your type, flashin' their
torches on blokes in the middle of congress.

I'll flatten ya —
You pommy bastard!

CLATTERING

GRUNTING

GRUNTING

G'day Curl. G'day mate.

What's up Bazza? Big knockback?

Who me? Not me mate, I've had more
nooky than you've had hot dinners.

Still writing them poems Curl? No having a
go at a novel now Baz in my spare time.

She's gonna be a beauty
bottler too, no worries.

Old Morris West outta watch out.

Go on Curl, what's it all about
mate?

I'm working out a few of the,
traditional Australian hangups.

Sort of um... Exploring the
infastructure of the Laurentian myth.

It's about the conflict generated, when these
two surfboard champs become ballet dancers.

I'm calling it "The Bloodstained
Surfboard”

It's gonna be the great Australian novel,
and it ought to make me a million.

There's a culture renaissance going on in
Australia at the present period of time Bazza.

And I'm not ashamed to
be a part of it. Lovely.

Well come on Curl, don't
hold out on the amber fluid.

Ont

DRUNK GIBBERISH

She's beautiful mate...

SCREAMING

Quit perving at the merchandise
mate. Give her a break.

SCREAMING

Give in.

Where's me beer!

It's like a bloody avalanche.

Oi!

Do ya give in?

DRUNK GIBBERISH

Oh, jeez I'm as full as a boot Curl.
Don't give me anymore for christ sake

Or I'll park the flamin' tiger in
the loungeroom. Park the tiger?

Don't worry Bazza, the Pope's a
jew if a stack of bastards

haven't yodelled their hearts out
to this wall to wall already.

Give it! Alright alright.

Sometimes I reckon I wouldn't
win a kick in a riot.

DOG BARKS

Christ!

Ronald.

What an appalling bore!

There's a letter from one of
those Australians

who inundated us with mouldy
raisins

and home-made coconut ice
during the war.

They want to come here on
Saturday.

Do you realise that is today?

Good lord! Well,
I'm holing up in the den.

Oh, don't be a fool, Ronald.

She's bringing her nephew with
her.

He may be one of those fabulously
rich Australian shareholders.

We've got Sarah's future
to think about.

You be on your best behaviour
today Barry.

Mr and Mrs Gort are probably
very comfortably off.

You reckon they might roll out
the red fatted calf?

Perhaps, but we musn't cross our
bridges before they've hatched.

You give the little prezzie to Mrs Gort
will you Barry? There's a good boy.

Sarah. Sarah!

Now Sarah, they'll be here soon and
the boy is probably worth millions.

If he starts talking art or music. Tell
him you were nearly in the production

Royal Under the Sun at the
church hall.

Don't say "You know" all the
time, and don't suck your thumb!

Aren't these gorgeous
Shakespearean homes? No worries.

Broad Eaves. This is the Gorts. You
be on your best behaviour dear.

DOOR SHUTS

Oh, God! There's a couple of gypsies
frigging about on the front lawn.

I think it's up here, Auntie Edna.
I'd better just check in the A-Z.

Hey! I'm sure... Hey, you!

Just a minute! Can't you read?

No hawkers, no tramps.

I'm sorry, er... I was...

Mrs Gort, Mrs Ronald Gort? Yes.

Barry McKenzie's the name.
This is me Auntie Edna.

Oh! Nice little patch of
vegetation you've got here.

I am so sorry!
How utterly bonkers of me.

Do both come in and have some
tea.

You must be exhausted
after such a long drive.

Well actually, my lady,
we came by train.

Oh. First class, of course.

Oh, I brought you a little gift.

It's a lovely sheaf of...
fresh, pink Gladdies.

It's Australia's national
flower.

How very kind of you.
Just a token. Thank you.

This way.

Along here.

Er, I wouldn't say no
to a couple of nice cold ales.

You come indoors and meet my husband
Ronald and my daughter Sarah.

What a lovely home you
have here, Mrs Gort.

So redolent with history.

DOOR CREAKS

Well, Sarah, darling, this is Mrs
Everage and this is Mr McKenzie.

Hello.

How very sweet to meet you.
G'day. Glad to know you.

Barry McKenzie's the name,

but most of me mates call me
Bazza.

I'm, er, Mr Gort.

Ronald, Ronnie, Ron.

Hello!

Bazza? How charmingly informal.

Sarah adores that sort of thing.

She went to the last Young
Conservatives dance in her jodhpurs!

But sometimes her father and I
wonder where she comes from.

Oh, by the by, we brought you
a little prezzo.

Oh, how sweet... Oh!

Very sweet of you! I do hope you
haven't been too extravagant.

Goodness me, Mrs Gort,
it's only a thought.

It's a nice tin of old dripping.

During the period of
hostilities,

our home in Melbourne
was a Fat For Britain depot.

All our neighbours used to deposit
their old fat on our doorstep

and we'd whisk it off to
the Old Country post haste.

Er, yes, Auntie thought
you might still be a bit short.

SHE CHUCKLES How quaint!

Cook will bless you.

Cook? Mary, we haven't got a...

Ronald! Go and get the tea
trolley.

Do sit down, Mrs Everage.
Make yourself comfortable.

Thank you so much. Come along,
dear, sit down. Over here.

Come along, darling, over here.

Any chance of obtaining
a nice cold ale?

I sneaked into a pub on the way,

but it was 3.05 and the bastards
gave me the bum's rush.

We haven't got a drop in the
house.

But, um, come into the den.

Will you please bring the
trolley over!

Not the den.

I remember what happened last time you
took one of Sarah's boyfriends in there.

I hope you're enjoying your
visit to England.

Adoring it, thank you, Lady
Gort.

I love the homes of yesteryear. Barry,
do you realise that Shakespeare himself

might have lived here when
he wrote his wonderful shows?

Shows like To Be Or Not To Be,
or Lend Me Your Ears.

How do like your tea, milk and sugar? Three
lumps, thank you, Lady Gort. I'm sweet enough.

Ronald, come and help me get another piece of
chocolate cake for Barry. I can see how he adores it.

It's all right, I'm full as a
goog.

Had a gutful on the train.
Thanks all the same.

Oh no, no trouble at all.
Come on, Ronald. Mr Gort?

I've had my eye on your
rhododendrons for some time now.

May I take a snippet?

Oh, yes. Thank you so much.
I promise not to be too greedy.

Come on, Ronald. I'm sure Barry and Sarah
have got masses to say to each other.

Uh... well, yeah. Well,
er... beaut.

Why don't you to piss off... er,
adjourn to the kitchen,

we'll talk about the price of
fish.

You great boneheaded fool!

Don't you realise this is our chance
to marry our daughter into money?

If we can talk him into
spending the weekend,

he can partner Sarah to the Rickmansworth
Young Conservative Social.

Capital idea. I'll take the boy
into my den and put it up to him.

Oh no you won't, you filthy old perv.
I'll ask him.

Send him his beastly cake! Mr Gort!
Mr Gort! Coo-eee!

Mr McKenzie, it must be
wonderful living in Australia,

amongst all those wide open
spaces.

I suppose you have hoards of
Aboriginal servants.

Abos? Oh, cripes, no.
Never seen an Abo in me life.

Mum does the solid jack
around our place.

Now, Barry, Ronald and I insist that
you and your aunt stay the weekend.

And I know Sarah will love to take
you to her social. It's informal,

just a few young folk in for dancing
and drinks. Coo-ee! Drinks?

Jeez, I'd buy that, m'lady.

It'll be beaut to get a break
from Earls Court.

Am I jack of shoving pound notes
in that meter!

He mustn't waste his fortune,
must he, Mrs Everage?

You never know, Little Miss Right
might be closer than he thinks!

A fool and his money are soon
parted, your Excellency.

Look, I've been a wicked,
wicked woman,

snip-snipping away
all these lovely cuttings.

As my husband, Norm, always
says,

it's the little bit on the end
that counts.

We've just been talking to Barry
about your staying for the weekend.

I'd be delightful, but I hope
we wouldn't be imposing.

No, no, I assure you.

And I know Barry will love
the dance tonight.

Barry'll have a wonderful time if
he enjoys dancing as much as I do!

I first met my husband, Norm,
at a dance in Melbourne.

It's a wonderful thing, isn't
it?

Quite a few young people today are
as fond of holding balls as we were.

DISTANT CHILDREN'S CHOIR SINGS

CHOIR GETS LOUDER

♪ Swing, swing together

♪ With our bodies between our
knees

♪ Some may be more clever

♪ Others may make more row... ♪

Ooh! Oh, strewth, oh, um,
'scuse I, sir,

er... sorry to come busting in
on you like this,

tell you the truth, I was looking
for the snake's house, sir.

Think nothing of it.
And call me Gort.

I'll call YOU sir. Fair crack of
the whip, sport. I mean, Gort.

Then again, if that's the way
you want it...

Hey, is this do tonight
fancy dress or something?

It is,
I'm up shit creek costume-wise.

Oh no you're not, sir.
I have got something for you.

Try them on, sir.

Hey...

Reckon I look a bit of all
right in this.

We'll make a gruesome
twosome, eh, Gorty boy?

All I need now is a cane.

Here it is, sir. Here it is.

You better thrash me, sir.
Go on, don't spare me.

I-I deserve it, sir! Flay me,
do as you like with me!

Oooh, ah, I've been naughty.

I've poured ink
all over your study floor.

Yes... give me a touch
of your iron discipline then!

Er...'scuse I, sir. Like,
thanks for the fancy outfit,

but I... just remembered I gotta whip down to the
local rubbedy for a few ice cold ales. No! No!

Don't go, sir! Look, I've
got my cap on indoors.

I've been smoking behind the
lav!

I've got a bottle of Scotch
in my drawer, so I'm underage

in possession of alcohol!

Please forgive my husband's
quaint little whim, Mr McKenzie.

He's a war veteran, you know.
One of the few.

Glad to hear there aren't too many around.
Go and chat with Sarah,

while I have a few words
with her father.

You bloody fool!

Sorry, precious.

I... don't know what nearly
came over me.

Never get to the bottom
of the flaming poms.

Oh, don't mind Father, Barry.
He's not as other men.

Last time anything like that
happened was when I was a nipper.

Scoutmaster flashed his nasty.

Spruce yourself up, Barry boy,

you mustn't look like the
wild man from Borneo.

Oh, you're going to break
a few hearts tonight!

Just let your auntie whisk
off your cradle cap,

and pick out those
little custard corners.

Now remember, when he takes
you onto the terrace,

folds you in his arms and wants
to play hospitals with you,

don't suck your bloody thumb.
You understand? Yes, Mother.

Alright then say it back to me.
When he takes me in his thumbs

And goes to the hospital I
musn't suck his arms.

Isn't Sarah a striking girl,
Barry?

They're a delightful family too,

very comfortably off, I'd have
thought.

No thanks, Auntie. You'll do me.

SHE CHUCKLES

BAND PLAYS JAZZY TUNE

Raymond! This is Barry McKenzie.

He's from Australia! Australia?

I say, cobber,

show us how you convicts toddle
about on your heads down under.

Go and stick your head up
a dead bear's bum.

THEY LAUGH

What a delightfully refreshing traditional old
English meal that was, Mrs Gort. Thank you.

And how unusual to serve spaghetti
bolognese without the toast.

Sarah, look, I just gotta go to
the snake's house,

busting to strain the potatoes.

Where's your boomerang, eh,
cobber?

Go and dip your left eye
in hot cockie cack.

May I ask, do you cook spaghetti
in the saucepan, or boil the tin?

Oh, I'm afraid I'll have to ask Cook!
Cook? We haven't got a bloody cook.

Hey, you old convict
bluey-digger.

Know what I hope?
What do you hope, old chap?

I hope all your chooks turn to
emus and kick your dunny down.

Oh, I wonder what Barry
and Sarah are doing now.

Probably waltzing round the
dancefloor,

gazing into each other's eyes, whispering
sweet nothings to one another.

Why aren't you with the other Aussies,
drinking all that Fosters stuff?

Listen, drongo, any more lip
and I'll floor ya.

No, really, there's a whole
party of them in the back room,

from the local agricultural
college.

Ah, you little beauty!
Human beings at last!

THEY ALL CHEER AND SHOUT
GREETINGS

Oh, am I glad to be shot
of those pommie drongos!

Have a Fosters, you sly old bastard!
Beauty!

THEY CHEER

I've heard such sad stories about
young Australians in London,

drinking and brawling
in these vile Earls Court dives.

Well, I can't deny that my nephew
does enjoy the occasional,

odd chilled glass of
amber fluid, Mrs Gort.

But he and his friends
are real little gentlemen.

I don't think they rely on alcoholic
beverages to have a good time.

♪ I wish I was in London ♪

♪ l do, l do ♪

♪ I go down to Trafalgar
Square... ♪

Jeez, I feel like all me
birthdays have come at once.

What a fantastic bunch of bastards!
♪ You are a pommy bastard... ♪

♪ All pommies are bastards
Bastards or worse ♪

♪ And England is the arsehole
of the universe... ♪

There you are, Barry. I've spent
a long time searching for you.

I thought you might have got lost.
Me, lost? You gotta be joking!

Hey fellas, meet me sheila,
Sarah. G'day. Glad to know ya.

Glad to know ya, Sarah.

HE SNORES

Barry we have to go otherwise
mummy will be worried.

Alright Sarah.

Gotta go, fellas.
See ya, Baz. Bye, Baz.

Don't do anything you wouldn't
do on the back of a bicycle Baz.

Spending the night at the nest,
are ya, Baz?

Bazza. You might be on to
something there, mate. Yeah?

Some of those sheilas who don't look
s0 hot are great little performers.

Go on! Yeah.

See ya, fellas! See ya, Baz!

Oh, Baz, you sport, I'm so
happy.

A lovely Rickmansworth evening, the
pressure of your arm against mine,

and the hint of wine on your
breath.

Jeez, Sarah, I reckon you look
real bonzer tonight.

I reckon we could go a celebration
naughty before we adjourn inside.

Look, Ronald, he's kissing her!

Just imagine, the McKenzie
millions are almost mine!

Yes, yes, he's kissing her.
Fondling her young limbs.

Cupping her firm... Shhhh!

Yes... bruising her
young petals...

stroking her hot...
Oh, God, I can't bear it!

Ah, there you are,
my chickibitties.

Come in and tell us about
your wonderful evening.

It must have been so romantic.

Ah, yeah, well, m'lady, we had a
reasonable type of time, and...

Come along, Mr McKenzie.
Or may I call you Bazza?

Don't be shy. Give us your
real news.

Uh, like, we met this real nice
crowd of bastards at the social...

No, no, McKenzie. What Mary wants
to know is did you exchange vows

with our little petal?
What came to pass?

Oh, you mean when Bazzie suggested
we had a naughty little celebration?

Fair crack of the whip, Sarah!
Give a bloke a break!

Now then, no whispering.
Can I hear wedding bells?

Did you fix a date? Shall we discuss
the enormous financial settlement?

What happened? What's the strength?
Strewth, m'lady, are you inferring

that me and Sarah committed
intimacy or something? Intimacy?

Oh, my fragile little petal!
Oh, don't come the raw prawn!

I gave her a smack on the chops, didn't
get around to the fair dinkum article.

Sarah, you's a woman now.

We must settle his funds at once,
before he rushes you to the altar!

Mummy, you don't understand.
Nothing happened.

We didn't even play hospitals.

What?!

You mean you weren't rude
with one another?

No marriage?

But... but the money...

I told you, he's cash,
and you promised!

Strewth! She's a flamin' ratbag!

Money, cars and garages, you
fool!

Intimacy!

Doctors and nurses! Loins!
Loins!

SHE CONTINUES TO RANT

It's all my fault.
I can't be punished enough!

McKenzie millions, gone!

Beat me, please!

Lash me!

We've lost everything!
Please, lash me! Oh, shut up!

And you can take your beastly
Spam with you!

What happened? What's happening?
What's happening?!

Barry?! Where's my nephew?
Where is he?

Barry! It's all my fault!

Barry, darling! Barry! Whip me!

Barry! (Lash met)

SHE WAILS INCOMPREHENSIBLY

Barry! Barry! Flog me!

Barry!

HE WHISTLES

Wouldn't be going to London,
would you, sport?

Where else is there, man?
Hop in, friend.

Hi! G'day!

I'm Hoot, this is Blanche,
and Sean, here.

Glad to know ya.
Barry McKenzie's the name.

I ascertain that you're
affiliated with the

entertainment industry, by the look of
all these instruments. - Right Friend.

You must be Australian, or you'd read papers
that count like Time Out. Cut the aggro, Sean.

Tony Palmer gave us a big review
last week.

We just roam around the country,
making a simple,

unaffected music that working people like.
Fair enough.

HE PLAYS BLUESY RIFF

♪ Travelling down red route ♪

♪ Going to do it our way... ♪

♪ For the sun gonna shine ♪

♪ Ba-da-doh-ba-day. ♪

Your song's bloody delightful. We've got
some grouse songs back in Australia too.

You mean, friend, you could sing
us

an authentic viable Aboriginal
protest song?

Oh, come off it, sport. No, some
of those ditties we used to sing

down at Bondi Beach.
Give us the guitar.

Here's one me mate Curly wrote.

♪ Oh, I got a little creature ♪

♪ I suppose you'd call him a pet
♪

♪ And if there's something
wrong with him ♪

♪ I don't have to call the vet ♪

♪ He goes everywhere that I go ♪

♪ Whether sleeping or awake ♪

♪ God help me if I'd ever lose Me
little one-eyed trouser snake ♪

♪ Oh, me one-eyed trouser snake
Oh, me one-eyed trouser snake ♪

♪ God help me if I'd ever lose
Me one-eyed trouser snake ♪

♪ One day I got to reading ♪

♪ In an old sky pilot's book ♪

♪ About two starkers bastards ♪

♪ Who made the Lord go crook ♪

♪ They reckoned it was a serpent
♪

♪ That made Eve the apple take ♪

♪ Cripes, that was no flaming
serpent ♪

♪ It was Adam's one-eyed trouser
snake ♪

♪ Oh, me one-eyed trouser snake
Oh, me one-eyed trouser snake ♪

♪ God help me if I'd ever lose
Me one-eyed trouser snake ♪

♪ I met this arty sheila ♪

♪ Who I'd never met before ♪

♪ And something kind of told me
♪

♪ She banged like a dunny door ♪

♪ I said come up and see me
etching ♪

♪ She said I hope it's not a
fake ♪

♪ I said the only thing that's etching
IS me one-eyed trouser snake ♪

BOTH: & Oh, me one-eyed trouser
snake Me one-eyed trouser snake ♪

♪ God help me if I'd ever lose
Me one-eyed trouser snake ♪

4 Come, all you little sheilas ♪

♪ And listen to me song

2 The moral of the trouser snake
3

Jisshortasitislong ♪

4 Beware of imitations

4 Don't lock your bedroom door ♪

4 When me pyjama python bites you
You'll be screaming out for more ♪

BOTH: ♪ Oh, me one-eyed trouser
snake Me one-eyed trouser snake ♪

♪ God help me if I'd ever lose
Me one-eyed trouser snake ♪

♪ Oh, me one-eyed trouser snake
Me one-eyed trouser snake ♪

♪ God help me if I'd ever lose
Me one-eyed trouser snake ♪

♪ Oh-he-ho-he-ho-he-ho! I

Fantastic, Barry!
Wasn't that fantastic?

Er, listen here, man. We're
doing a little gig tonight,

at the Freedom Arts Factory.
Very heavy little place.

What's say you come along and
sing one of your most meaningful

Australian folk songs, yeah?

There's plenty of bread in this
deal,

and a bit of booze, eh? OK, mate. You
can forget the sandwiches though,

I wouldn't mind a couple of ice
cold tubes of Fosters.

Great, Barry, you'll dig the
vibes down at the factory.

All the kids are getting it
together with human rights causes,

and they're looking for a
spiritual gaiety with nature.

We'll really get it together.

I'll buy that, Blanchey. Better
together than by yourself.

Here we are, Barry McKenzie.
Make yourself at home, man.

Jeez, this place looks like the inside of
St Paul's Abbey I seen with me Auntie Edna.

The alternative society has
its own iconography, Barry.

PSYCHEDELIC ROCK PLAYS

Listen, mate,
I need to splash the boots.

You know, strain the potatoes.
Water the horses.

You know, go where the big knobs hang out.
Shake hands with the wife's best friend?

Drain the dragon! Siphon the
python!

Wring the rattlesnake!

You know, unbutton the mutton! Like,
point Percy at the porcelain!

I think he wants to go to the
loo.

Through the door, first left,
past my plaster cast collection.

Look. We'll keep this
Aussie jerk here today,

and then we'll tape his gig
at the Arts Factory tonight.

Properly exploit him. He's worth
a bit of bread to us, man.

I don't think he's so special.
Cool out, man. It doesn't matter.

If we can't make bread out of an
authentic Australian folk singer,

I'll quit this racket.
This idiom.

The main thing is to keep
him happy, or he'll split.

You play up to him. I'll make sure
he gets plenty of this booze stuff,

This Fosters he keeps shooting
up. Oh, I'll play up to him.

I've heard some fantastic stories
about Australians from a friend.

Yeah? She's a dentist
receptionist in Earls Court!

There'll be trouble if this berk
starts to fill cavities round here!

Relax, will you, or you'll screw this deal!
Go and get an artist contract.

I'll tie this Aussie jerk up so
tight

even that cat Houdini won't
be able to get him out.

Look, here he is.

Hey man, did you lay one down?

Jeez, you've got some interesting
reading matter in your bathroom.

Beats the women's weeklies Mum
kept in the lavvy back home.

Barry McKenzie, would you just
sign this please, friend?

It's a mere formality that the establishment
insists on for performers at the Arts Factory.

What's this then?

"I hereby assign all world rights
in perpetuity.” Women's rights.

Negro rights. Civil rights.
World rights.

It's all the same thing. We believe
in the abolition of money,

and we'd like you to be a test
case.

I better give me mate Curl a call and tell
him to meet us at this factory place.

Where's the instrument?
The phone, yeah.

It's just over there, next to
our macrobiotic kitchenette.

G'day, Curl? Wait till I tell you
about the terrific time I'm having!

'Cripes, we've been worried
about you since you vanished.

'Where are you now?'
I'm with some singer types.

'Singer types? Jeez, they usually
have fantastic sheilas. Any there?

Yeah, there's one. Not bad either. Reckon
I'll be in like Flynn in a few hours.

Listen, I gotta sing a beach ditty at some
nightclub called the Freedom Arts Factory this arvo.

Can you meet us there? 'Righto.'

Yeah it's in Bishops Bridge
road, about ♪ o'clock.

FUNKY ROCK PLAYS

Good on ya, Blanchey!

♪ When his light shines on me ♪

♪ A brighter world I see ♪

♪ Yeah, when his
light shines on me ♪

♪ A brighter world I see

♪ And when he takes my hand and
leads me down ♪

♪ Life's long and troubled road
♪

♪ My heart is full, my soul is
free ♪

♪ And he helps me share my load
♪

♪ Yeah, he helps me share my
load... ♪

I'll feature with that jam tart
or I'll bust me flaming boiler.

Seem to be doing all right, Bazza.
Yeah.

♪ My life was oh so wrong ♪

♪ The empty void inside me ♪

♪ Was searching for a song ♪

♪ And then a mad ray of sunshine
♪

♪ Came shining through my door ♪

♪ And he walked in
My fears walked out ♪

♪ It was love forever more... ♪

Listen, you call me Auntie Edna?
Yeah, she's apples, mate.

Hey, you sure got yourself mixed up with a
load of ratbags when you went up the bush.

Your auntie reckons she had
to call the local funny farm.

Reckon the old girl went
as mad as a meat axe.

What'd you do, Bazza?
Slip the daughter a length?

Ah, just screaming for it, Curl!

Her oldies wanted to get me
to the church

before I speared the bearded
clam!

♪ And he helps me share my load
♪

♪ Let his light shine ♪

♪ Oh, you gotta help me
sing his song ♪

♪ It's so easy to do
Let it shine through ♪

♪ When his light shines on me ♪

♪ A brighter world I see ♪

♪ Oh, when his light shines on
me ♪

♪ A brighter world I see ♪

♪ And when he takes my hand
and leads me down ♪

♪ Life's long and troubled road
♪

♪ My heart is full, my soul is
free... ♪

I'll be on me self in
a few jiffs, Curl.

Think I better whip out the utensil and
shake hands with the unemployed. OK, mate.

♪ Yeah, he helps me... ♪

♪ He helps me share my load ♪

CHEERING

Leaving us so soon, Barry
McKenzie?

Strike me pink, can't a bloke
sneak off to the dyke

without a half-nelson? What
gives?

This Aussie twit was breaking his contract.
You're breaking me flaming neck!

Let him go, Sean.

Forget it, Barry. Sean's just uptight
about the ecological threat.

I'll threaten you with a knuckle sandwich!
Don't get funny with me!

I'm a man of peace, so don't bug
mel

Don't come the raw prawn
with me, or I'll drop ya,

you pommy drongo! Barry, you're
on!

Come on. Come on.

Now Kids, in aid of the Isle
of Wight Leprosy Benefit...

APPLAUSE

We've got a great new chartbuster,
just loved in from Australia,

who'll sing you one of his most
meaningful and urgent compositions.

SCANT APPLAUSE

G'day, ladies and gentlemen.

Barry McKenzie's the name.
I don't know why

me mates got me up here, cos I'm
no Perry Como, or Nelson Eddy.

Or for that matter,
I'm no George Formby

or Andres Segovia on the guitar
either.

But I got this beaut little
beach ditty that me and me mates

used to serenade the sharks with
down at Bondi Beach.

It's a beauty too.
I realise a lot of the lingo

might go over youse pom's heads,
s0 I better explain some words.

Words like chunder, for
instance.

See, in them olden days when they
migrated people to Australia,

for little things like eating a loaf
of bread or a handkerchief, uh,

a lot of the tucker on the
convict ships wasn't too good.

There was a lot of tossing,
and everyone was buggered.

So the thing to do was, if you were gonna
throw up, move to the rails and say,

"Watch under!"”

See, that's in case, you know, some
poor dill copped a steaming eyeful.

Anyway, watch under was
shortened to chunder,

and I dedicate this ditty to all the
chundering pioneers of Australia.

The greatest country in the
world, no risk.

Thanks, sport.

♪ I was down by Bondi Pier ♪

♪ Drinking tubes of ice cold
beer ♪

♪ With a bucketful of
prawns upon me knee ♪

♪ When I swallowed the
last prawn ♪

♪ I had a technicolour yawn ♪

♪ And I chundered
in the old Pacific sea ♪

♪ Drink it up, drink it up ♪

♪ Crack another dozen tubes
and prawns with me ♪

♪ If you wanna throw your voice
Mate, you won't have any choice ♪

♪ But to chunder in
the old Pacific sea ♪

♪ I was sitting in the surf ♪

♪ When a mate of mine called
Murph ♪

♪ Asked if he could crack a
tube or two with me ♪

♪ The bastard barely swallowed it
When he went for the big spit ♪

♪ And he chundered in
the old Pacific sea ♪

♪ Drink it up, drink it up ♪

♪ Crack another dozen tubes
and prawns with me ♪

♪ Now if you wanna throw your voice
Mate, you won't have any choice ♪

♪ But to chunder in
the old Pacific sea ♪

♪ Now I've had liquid laughs in bars
And I've hurled from moving cars ♪

♪ And I've chucked when
and where it suited me ♪

♪ But if I could choose a spot ♪

♪ To regurgitate me lot ♪

♪ Then I'd chunder in
the old Pacific sea ♪

♪ Drink it up Drink it up!
Drink it up Drink it up! ♪

ALL: ♪ Crack another dozen
tubes and prawns with me ♪

♪ If you wanna throw your voice
Mate, you won't have any choice ♪

♪ But to chunder in
the old Pacific sea... ♪

All together!
♪ Drink it up Drink it up! ♪

♪ Drink it up Drink it up! ♪

♪ Crack another dozen tubes
and prawns with me ♪

♪ If you wanna throw your voice
Mate, you won't have any choice ♪

♪ But to chunder in the old
Pacific sea ♪

♪ But to chunder in the old
Pacific seat ♪

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

MC: Barry McKenzie!

Barry McKenzie!

Barry McKenzie!

Oh, Barry, you were sensational!

Your voice, your leg movement,
everything.

Yeah, the song went over pretty
bonzer, eh?

He's done it, man! We've got
ourselves a goldmine here!

You mean we've gotta hang on
to the Aussie berk?

What about you and me nipping
outside for a swift knee-trembler?

Mr McKenzie, I presume?
I'm Maurie Miller.

I caught your act tonight. I wonder
if you and I could do a little deal?

Stone the crows! I'm on the verge of doing a little
deal with this Sheila myself! Can I see you later?

No, Barry, it's THE Maurie Miller.
We've got time.

Starve the lizards! No doubt about you sheilas.
First you're coming across, then you're not!

Mr Miller launched groups like
Raspberry Ripple and the Y-Fronts.

He could help you too! Talk to
him!

Glad to know ya.
What can I do youse for?

You have the authentic
Aussie sound, Mr McKenzie.

My organisation will be more
than interested in plugging you.

Come again? I don't like the sound of that.
Don't tell me I've struck another pom poof!

I can sing, I can play the guitar, I'm
great. Couldn't you get me into the charts?

Hey, look at this, man. It's Maurie
Miller moving in on our property.

Cool it will you man, remember we
are McKenzie's exclusive agents.

We'll fix up a deal with old smoothie chops,
that will put us on easy street for keeps.

Fair suck of the sauce bottle, Sport. It's me
and Blanchey that are doing the featuring here

Don't be such a drag.

Most girls would give anything
to be groomed by Maurie Miller.

Is that so? We'll soon flaming see
about that! Listen here, man.

We got an option on this cat.
We got him this gig.

We got a tape, and a worldwide
contract to prove it.

Now look, boys, what's
say we do a little deal?

Most of these guys have got
a limited exposure anyway.

I'd like to buy your tape.

Would this take care of your
trouble?

That just about squares us off,
man.

It's not the bread with us,
you understand,

we just want to get our kind of
music to the kids,

and cut the corrupt establishment
down to size. Right.

Let's pack in these galahs,
Blanche.

Why come the raw prawn when we're
lining up a spot of the old featuring

Quit mauling me, schmuck. I wouldn't
score with you in a million years.

Lay another hand on me, and I'll
call Maurie. You see what I see?

That Aussie berk is feeling up
our Blanche!

I'll scratch him.

Bloody colonial man!

Pommy Bastard!

Don't hassle me man, or you'll get
this jumbuck up your tuckerbag

Skippy screwer!

No, no, man! I'm a man of peace!

I'll get the bastard!

You take the little punk.

I'll get McKenzie.

Hey now, hey now, don't hurt me
man.

Take the money, man.

I got this one Bazza!

CROWD YELLING

Maurie Miller reports a large scale
brawl at the Freedom Arts Factory

Now, make a note of this. The chief victim is
the new Australian, sensational singing star

Barry McKenzie

Er... spear...

Mum...

Didgeridoo...

Get away.

Er...

get...

Oh, I had this dream where I was
an olden-days Australian convict,

being chased by all these Abos.

But strewth, this is
flamin' ridiculous!

Calm down. You were picked up in an appalling condition
in Belsize Park, and brought to this hospital.

Cripes! Were me underpants clean?
Why do you ask?

Me old mum would have a stroke if she knew I'd
passed out with skid marks on me Y-fronts. Look,

where's the snake's house?
I'm dying to point Percy.

I'm afraid the case is out of my prowess.
Obviously a psychiatric job.

I'll call DeLamphrey.

What are you doing?

There's nothing wrong with me, mate,
that a few ice colds won't fix up.

I'm not hanging round here having a bunch of
Florence Nightingales cop an eyeful of my equipment.

Where have the bastards
hidden me strides?

I warn you, gentlemen, the patient could be a
bit violent, so lace him in tightly, please.

If he gets a naughty boy,
give him a jab with this.

Yes, Doctor. Thank you.

What do you think you're flamin'
doin'?! Pommy bastards!

I'll tell me Auntie Edna.

Now, Mr McKenzie, you're back with us. How
are you? I'm sorry about that little incident.

I'm Dr DeLamphrey,
and I'm here to help...

Pull your head in. I want you to think
of me as someone you can turn towards.

What I've heard of your mob, you won't
catch me turning any other way!

Come, come, Mr McKenzie! Let's
start at the beginning, shall we?

When did you start
having delusions?

It all started when I paid through the nose for a
ticket and landed up a shit creek called England.

So you hate the mother country, do you? What
exactly is your relationship with your own mother?

I'm her son.

What about your sex life?
Is it healthy?

Healthy?! Flaming well should be! Haven't
had a chance to catch anything yet!

Look, Doc, if you don't stop shooting off
your mouth, I'll chunder on your wall-to-wall.

What?! I'll chunder, so help me!

You know, throw the voice!

Play the whale, laugh at the
ground. Make love to the lav.

You find my carpet funny?
It makes you laugh? Tell me...

which particular part of my
carpet amuses you the most?

You're getting warmer.

Would it be this particularly
phallic pattern here?

Am I any warmer?
You're really hot now, Doc.

Cop that, you rotten pommy
bastard.

You must feel free to express your aggressions
in whatever way is most natural for you.

Bella! Hugo!

Mr McKenzie,
I've got some good news for you.

You mean you're dying of cancer? Yes. But
apart from that, I've decided to discharge you.

Boys, unlace him and give
him back his clothes.

Sorry you've had a rather
uncomfortable day, sir.

SHE SOBS
I've got the kettle on, Curly.

Don't worry, Mrs Everage.
Bazza'll be apples.

Auntie Edna?

Curl? Barry!

Where have you been?!

I even rang the Australian Lord High
Commissioner! I was worried sick!

Careful, Auntie,
most of me ribs are broken.

You all right, mate?
Yeah, it's just a broken arm.

Jeez, we were worried about you,
Bazza. When the fuzz stopped

the fight, I couldn't find you, so I rang
your Auntie Edna and gave her the drum

I don't know what I would have told your
mother, Barry I promised her I'd look after you.

Well, I wound up
in this pom hospital, Auntie.

He's a ring-a-ding blue, eh,
Curl?

I kicked that bastard Hoot's
teeth so far down his throat,

he'll have to put his toothbrush
up his freckle to clean 'em.

Barrington, if your father was here
now and heard you talking like that

he'd turn over in his grave.

Sorry, Auntie Edna,
I got carried away.

Hope you had a bonza time
with your mate, Madge. Oh Madge.

Barry, do you remember
Madge's little girl Gaileen?

When you were toddlers,
she used to play with you.

Gaileen? I'll say I do, no
WOITI€ES.

She's a real little bottler.

I remember her from the Yabby
Creek Sunday school days.

Well, Barry, Gaileen has been
in the old country now

for approximately
in the vicinity of two years.

Madge is just about worried
out of her mind.

All the time she's been here she's
only seen Gaileen about once

and she's changed, Barry.

Madge wants Gaileen to come back
to Australia with her

but it's like talking to a brick
wall. Gaileen actually seems

to like it here.
You mean she wants to stay?

It's mad, isn't it, Curly?

Here's a snap of Gaileen before she
went on her trip. I'll get the tea.

What an exceptionally
nice type of lass.

Er, yes. I'd be up that like a
rat up a drain pipe

She's even changed her name to
Lesley because it's more English

and sophisticated.

Some of the Aussie sheilas get a
bit ratty when they hit London.

They put on the dog and start
acting like they was Lady Muck.

Boys! Boys!

I've got such a nice surprise.

Your mother sent us some scrumptious things
all the way from sundrenched Australia.

Close your eyes, close your
eyes!

A tin of lamingtons and
three jars of vegemite!

You beaut! Fantastic.

Leave some for Mr Manners, boys. The best
cook this side of the black stump, no risk!

I'm going to see Gaileen -
I mean Lesley - tomorrow, Barry.

You must come and meet her. OK, Auntie
Edna, I'll be in it no worries.

Not far now, Barry.

Goodness dear,

all those poor little English people
living in these identical slums.

Though they're probably
marvellous by their standards.

Poms can live in the smell
of an oily rag.

Can't help feeling sorry
for the poor bludgers though.

After all, they are a member
of the Commonwealth.

Excuse me, mate, can you tell us
where Miss Allsop hangs out? Edna?

Gaileen! My little Gaileen!

Lesley. Lesley, I'm sorry. What
have they done to you, dear?

This bloke's a sheila!
You're Barry McKenzie.

My oath I am. Come on in.

This is a pal of mine, Claude.

This is Edna Everage and Barry
McKenzie, they're from Australia.

Charming. What a damn good-looking
woman you are, Mrs Everage.

That's sweet of you to say so,
Mr Claude.

I must say it's a great weight off
my mind to know our little one

has a nice mature gentleman
like yourself to turn to.

Jolly decent of you to say so. Now
then, how about wetting the whistle?

I'll get you a drink. I was going
to ask for a glass of Adam's ale.

I've never tasted any of your
English drinks before.

Husband around on this
little cruise, Mrs Everage,

Or are you your own
skipper, so to speak?

I'm on my ownsome this time. My hubby
Norm has just had a little op.

The doctor says it will have
no effect on our married life.

He hit the nail on the head there.
What will you have, Barry? Hah...

HE LAUGHS

Now my shipmate over there, Lesley,
she's got her head screwed on OK.

London's absolutely teeming
with sex maniacs.

She wouldn't take a second look
at any of them.

You've got no beer. Sorry.

Pour yourself a gin, McKenzie. No
thanks, sport, thanks all the same.

Hey look Les, how about you and me leave
Auntie Edna talking to the old fella

and whip down to the local
rubberty for a few swift coldies?

I can't leave those two
together, wouldn't be decent.

You've only just arrived.

Don't come the raw prawn!
What's the matter with you!

Remember that arvo at the
Yabby Creek Sunday school?

You know when Rev Hemmings
gave that sermon about those

randy biblical bastards,
Sodom and Gommorah?

On the way home we had a dip
in the nuddie? Remember?

Jeez, did you cop it from your mum!
They were snidger days.

You know, you and my husband
Norm are as different

as chalk and cheese underneath.

Hm-mm. I'm sure we are.

The boozer's around the corner.

Nothing much can happen while
we have a few swift drains.

It's lovely to see Gaileen,
I mean Lesley.

You know, her mother was
a bridesmaid of mine.

Won't be a sec, just popping
to the pub for a few ciggies.

See you soon, Auntie Edna.

Have you ever dipped into
The Well Of Loneliness?

I can't say I've perused a
publication in donkeys' years.

Hey, Les, I like the look
of old Claudie,

built like a brick shithouse.

Sometimes I think you're
a shingle short, Bazza.

Righto, sport. Line us up a few of
those soapy suds you call beer.

Aussie trade.

Come on! Put on a spurt,
or I'll drop you, you bastard!

Ta.

This must be the place where all
those top mannequins hang out.

Ahhhh! Lovely!

Never felt it touch the sides.

Look, er, Les,

what say you and me negotiate a few
frosties at feeding the feature?

Look darling, you've got the
wrong lady.

I've had the old hetero scene
and it's a drag.

Edna probably didn't tell you,
but I've got a baby.

Tell me again?

I was just a young, innocent Australian
physiotherapist lost in London,

fell for this creep from
Granada.

You mean you got hitched to a
wog?

You must be joking!

Granada's a TV company.

Dominic did arty features
for the telly.

But we split up.
He got custody of Samantha.

Features on the telly?
Strike me pink, he was game!

Was his face covered?

Ahhh! Look, Les...

those frosties have gone
straight to the old fella.

Hang on, I'll whip off to the
snakes house and water the horses.

Don't be too long splashing
the lovely boots.

We don't want Edna and Claude
to hurry their relationship.

Excuse me, sir.

Have you the time?

Sorry, but if you hang on for a few
jiffs, I'll give you the good oil.

In point of established fact,
at the present period of time,

my watch wrist is shaking hands
with me wife's best friend.

I'm sorry, but anything
you say in future

will be taken down and used in
evidence against you.

Come off it! What's on the go?

Can't a bloke point Percy
at the pommy porcelain

without some bastard
coming the raw prawn?

I'm an officer of the law, sir.

I've had my eye on you and your
friend for some time.

What's in the bag?

Stone the flaming crows!
Now I've heard the lot!

If you wanna know it's
just a few personal effects.

Well, if you don't believe me,
have a look.

Female attire, I see, sir.

You're in rather a serious
situation, I'm afraid, sir.

Jeez, I must have picked up my
Auntie Edna's Qantas bag by mistake.

Look, these female garments
belong to a sheila.

What do you take me for,
a poofter or something?

I'm not making any accusations, but
you'll have to come along with me.

Look, you pom perv, these
garments wouldn't even fit me.

Give us 'em here and I'll duck
behind this dunny door and prove it.

There, you see! Wouldn't be seen
dead in this lot.

I look like a ravin' ratbag.

It fits like a glove.

I'm afraid you're under arrest,
Sir.

Catch me first, you pommy
bastard!

Hey, mate!
Ha! It's Waltzing Matilda!

Bazza, you could have fooled me.
Why didn't you say you were ACDC?

I've gotta shoot through.
That bastard's a flamin' blue.

Which way did that
Aussie bastard go?

That way, darling.

Great idea!

Hey down here!

Why stop here? Take off your
drag and I'll slip into it.

It's against my principles, but it
might throw the fuzz off the scent.

Here!

Oh! Excuse me.

Excuse I, Les, but I reckon you look
a bit of all right in that outfit!

Funny, I haven't worn a frock
since Dominic left me

and I met my sympathetic
friend, Claude.

I feel rather queer inside.

I mean, I don't feel
rather queer inside.

You wanna know what I thought when I got a
deco of that photo of yous. No, darling, what?

I thought, "Kiss my bum”,

"if that sheila wouldn't bang
like a dunny door."

Excuse I, Les. I realise that
was a bit on the crudey side.

I only got into this kinky gear
to save your skin,

so don't come the raw prawn with me,
or so help me, I'll flatten you.

Sorry, sport,
you're a real white man!

I don't blame you
for going a bit crook,

but I just wanted to ascertain
if you're one of those sheilas

that went off like an alarm
clock.

Tell you, that blue
fairly put the wind up me.

OK, forget it.

Let's split, we better
get back to Edna and Claude.

Hang on, Les! There's that
flamin' dick over there.

Strewth! He's worse
than an abo black tracker.

Hey! Let's whip into this motion
picture palace here

and we'll hang low for a while,
OK?

I wonder what's on.

Barons Court! Beauty! I can always
go to one of those olden day shows.

Hang on! It's an underground
movie.

I've heard they're a bit
on the crudey side,

but let's give it a burl, eh?

Barry!

The bastard flogged me
the wrong tickets!

It's not the flicks, it's a
flamin' underground railway.

Oh! There's that
advertisement again!

Hope none of me mates see it.

God! Don't look now, Barry,
I've just seen my husband.

Who? That arty looking bastard
over there?

It isn't?

Good God, it is!

Lesley!

How terribly camp to see you!

What a super little giggle!

Oh, Dominic, I've missed you
somewhere deep down.

You still on the telly caper?

Same old rat race!
Trying to keep up the mortgage.

Excuse I, you two, but I feel like a
spare tonk in a knock-shop wedding.

Sorry, I haven't introduced
you two incurables.

This is Barry McKenzie.
This is Dominic.

We once had something
very big together.

Yeah, Lesley told me
you had a kiddie.

Glad to know you.

You're in the entertainment
business?

Must be really pulling in
the notes!

Lesley, where did you find this
extraordinary, exotic creature?

Is he for real? Listen, don't
come the raw prawn with me

or I'll show you what you can do
with the rough end of a pineapple.

I don't like long-haired
pommy bastards

who get nice sheilas up the
duff, then shoot through.

If I had a tart with a bun in the
oven, I'd flamin' take care of her!

Er, let's not get too terribly
intense, shall we?

Thank you.

Lesley, how's that dykey friend
of yours, you know, um...

Claude! I forgot. She's alone
in the flat with Edna.

We can't just leave them.

Well, fair suck on the sauce
pipe.

Claude seems like an exceptionally
nice type of bloke to me.

If he'd come the grope with
Auntie Edna, the Pope's a jew!

I've just had
the most fabulous idea!

I'm on the way
to the television studio,

we're doing a live programme
on Australians in London.

Why don't you come along -
you're very colourful!

You'd pick up a few quid, and I'd
really love to use you, old fella!

Come again?

I'd need a stack of greenies before
I flashed the old fella on TV.

What'd me mates say? Seeing me
point Percy at the public?

What about Edna and Claude? That's
all right, I can send a taxi,

pick them up, bring them
along to the studio. Right?

Right.

Make sure it's a nice
Aussie suntan, girlie.

Don't want one of those pommy
gooseberries and cream complexions.

I have to see the exec about
your appearance, Barry.

When you're finished here, just come along
the corridor to the viewing theatre,

we've got some drinks laid on.
Right?

Lovely, Dommie. See you, Bazza.
Bye, Les.

I'll just take these bags away
from under your eyes.

Leave them there as long as you
like as far as I'm concerned.

Ah, fair suck of the pineapple!
I'm as red as an oyster!

You'll look normal on the
screen, Mr McKenzie.

I might touch you up
later in the studio.

I'll be in that like a shot,
miss.

Don't you think it'd be more
romantic

in the privacy of the toilet?

WOMAN SCREAMS

Strewth! I thought I'd lost you!

Not your own clothes, eh?

Now, I suppose you can explain
this.

You're under arrest...

WOMAN SCREAMS

Don't do that, I can assure you
it's all a mistake.

I'm a detective.

Oh, you must be Mr McKenzie.

Mr Fry warned... told me about
you.

Come and have a few
drinks before the show.

Sure! I'll be a flamin' codcase if
I don't get an amber transfusion.

These are our other
Australian guests.

Hi. How are you? Where are you from?
Maroubra, mate. Yeah.

Are these your paintings? Yeah.

What's that one called -
The Lonely Nappy?

You haven't got any beer again?

GROUP TALKING

Do you know Stockhausen? Well,
I've never been there, but...

Hello, Curl! It's Baz here.

I'm on the telly tonight.
Yeah! The BBC!

Some programme about Australians
in London or something.

Are the fellers there?

Get 'em together and jump in a
taxi, get yourself over here.

I'm going to see what's happened
to Edna and Claude.

Oh, my God! Edna! Hello, Lesley!
Claude! Come inside!

Courtesy will cost you nothing,
Lesley.

The other Australian guests
are all artists...

Claude, what have you done to
Edna?

What do you think you're doing tracking
square like that, in that ridiculous outfit?

I must say, Lesley, it's a
relief

to see you looking a little bit
more feminine.

You invited us, Lesley. You
mustn't be rude to Mr Claude.

You rang and invited us
to this fancy dress party.

He lent me some of his clothes.

He's a bit of a wag.

I've got a bloody good idea
what she suggested.

Oh, relax, Lesley!

Lesley, are you inferring
we played hospitals?

GROUP SHOUTING

G'day fellers!

Barry, Barry!

Who in the hell
are all these people?

Some of me mates have come
to see me on the TV, Dom.

Hey fellas this is me mate
Dominic.

OK, look, just keep them in here
with the drink. All right?

Yeah, lovely. Keep them here!

I hope to God none of this lot
get loose round the building.

What is it?

Yes?

What's wrong darling? Bloody
police looking for somebody.

I said everybody here was
working on the program.

Australian wildlife.

All right, fellers, get stuck
into the chilled article.

Problem sits down the hall,
right.

How do they do it?
I remember Bazza from way back.

We used to get up to a bit of rod-whalloping
together behind the school board at Trumper Park.

Get us another one, will you,
Curl?

I'm as dry as a medieval monk's
manuscript.

You wanna watch yourself
if you're gonna talk on TV.

Yeah? Yeah.

Jeez drobber you're as full as a
state school.

Lesley, I don't know
where we went wrong.

I'm sure it was 50% your
fault...

I'm going down to the studio.
Right.

I'd better go and chat up Barry's
aunt, all right? Yeah do.

G'day, Les.

Barry, I've learned to
appreciate men again today.

You've done something for me.
Yeah?

Let's get together after the
show

and I'll drop me dacks and yell
the magic word!

No, you don't grab my gist.

Dominic and I are giving
ourselves a second chance.

Alright everybody. Let's go down to the
studio, we're due on in two minutes, right?

ALL CHATTER AT ONCE

See you, fellers!

See you, mate!

OK Baz, we'll sit by the telly, mate.
Plenty of piss here — we're right.

Hey, turn the light off, Rocky!

'Once again, are the main points
from the news.

'The undertakers' strike
is now in its third day.

'The Queen has a slight chill
and all...'

Right, let's go.

'The leprosy epidemic, which has
been spreading south from Liverpool

'is believed to have reached
London.

'However, a spokesman
from the London leprosarium

'said tonight there was still no need
to declare a state of emergency.'

Can I take that Mr McKenzie?

'..As the number of leprosy cases reported
can be counted on the finger of two hands.'

McKenzie, let me see.

'And now Midnight Oil,

'a weekly survey of the arts
in Britain today.'

Over here, fellers, he's on!

'..A study of Australians in
Britain.'

INTRO MUSIC STARTS

Ten to go.

Off the set, off the set!
Barry! Barry, dear!

G'day, Auntie Edna!

And you're on, Joan.

Good evening and welcome again
to Midnight Oil,

Britain's leading
current affairs programme.

Most of us Europeans think of Australia
as a tough uncompromising land,

stricken by drought and flood,

and inhabited by kangaroos and tough,
insensitive foul-mouthed, beer-swilling boors.

ALL SHOUT AT ONCE

A seemingly insensitive land has produced
more than its fair share of artistic talents

in every branch of creative
activity known to man.

Who can forget the immortal
talents of a Dame Nellie Melba?

A Don Bradman? A Ned Kelly?
Ah, beauty!

Let's go and watch him in the
studio.

And continues unabated with
thousands of young Australians

coming to London every year,

revitalising and rejuvenating
the flagging...

European culture.

Well, we have some of those
young Australians here tonight

and they're going to
give us a taste, hopefully

of the new lifestyle down under. Mr
McKenzie, perhaps I can begin with you?

Oh, my God!

Can you tell me which artists have made the
greatest impression on you in Britain?

Bull artists. G'day mate!

Cut to one! G'day, fellers.

Do you agree with the cynics who say
English culture is going to the dogs?

I'll buy that! Flaming dogs have left
that many William llls on the footpath

it's a wonder more people don't slip
and break their necks. Brilliant!

Mr McKenzie, what do you feel
about English girls?

Pommy sheilas?
Oh, they're apples, I suppose,

but to tell you the truth, the way
I feel at the moment I'm that full

that if a nice potato peeler walked past
flashing a lovely pair of fun bags,

I ascertain there'd be
a sad case of brewer's droop.

I'm afraid, I don't
quite see your point.

Me point? Well, cop this then!

Fade up the music!

Go to one again.

That's right! Keep the zoom on
it.

You fiend!

Go right in on it.
I want the whole thing.

Lose the boom shadow.

The Director's on the line.
Damn the Director General!

This is a television
breakthrough.

A rare moment -
a flash of spontaneity.

If I ever get out of here.
I'll kill him!

Go 10 one! Get him out of it
Go 10 one!

You must be either mad or drunk,
that man can get us off the air.

Get him out of it! I don't know
what you're talking about.

Mr McKenzie's a distinguished
Australian intellectual. Go to one!

ALL SHOUT AT ONCE

It is McKenzie! He's mad!

Er, following those unorthodox
views of Barry McKenzie

we turn to another member
of the panel...

Hello, sir?

Hello, yes, I'm terribly sorry,
Sir,

but somebody must have let that
Australian yobbo onto the set.

I-I really couldn't do
anything about it, and I...

You did, sir?

Thank you very much indeed, sir.

It's very good of you to say so,

I thought I saw a certain
potential there.

This dichotomy is explored
in my latest work

through the multiplanar...

God bless you, sir.

Thank you very much indeed, sir.

Bye.

He loved it!

He said it was a pointed
condemnation

of an effete western society.

The Bishop of Wapping
wants an action replay.

Is highlighted in my work

through the organic
reinterpretation...

Jeez, it's warm in here!

Warm, we're on bloody fire!

You're under arrest!
You're under arrest!

PHONE RINGS

What were the rest doing,
standing doing sweet FA?

Hey, if you bastards form
yourselves into a chain gang

and keep us well supplied
with the chilled article,

I reckon our old one-eyed
trouser snake can do the rest.

Great idea, Curl!

♪ When the bushfires hit
Australia ♪

♪ In the middle of a drought ♪

♪ The fella's used their trouser
snakes to put the buggers out ♪

♪ Why call the flaming fire
brigade to save the BBC? ♪

♪ If you fill us up with Fosters,
we'll put it out for free ♪

♪ Oh me one-eyed trouser snake ♪

♪ Oh me one-eyed trouser snake ♪

♪ God help is if we ever lost
our one-eyed trouser snake ♪

♪ Oh me one-eyed trouser snake ♪

♪ Oh me one-eyed trouser snake ♪

♪ God help is if we ever lost
our one-eyed trouser snake ♪

♪ Oh me one-eyed trouser snake ♪

♪ Oh me one-eyed trouser snake ♪

♪ God help is if we ever lost
our one-eyed trouser snake... ♪

All right, McKenzie, no getting
away this time.

You're under arrest for assaulting a
police officer, resisting arrest,

drunk and disorderly, female
impersonation, offensive behaviour,

offensive language
and gross public indecency.

I warned... Oh, bloody fire
brigade!

Push off, Bazza,
we're blind at the bastard!

If that's the fire brigade, they're
testing a new type of hose.

You crude colonial swine.

Oh, Barry, get out of here
for goodness' sake.

Now you just come into the powder
room with me, there's a good girl.

Barry, that was the last straw!

Come on! You'll be the death
of me, Barry. Sorry...

Don't "sorry” me!
You turn your back.

I'll change into something
more feminine.

Turn on the automatic sprinklers you idiot.
Where's McKenzie?

Barry!

What's up, my lovely?

Cripes! Leave us alone
will you, mate?

I've just done something more than
a bit on the embarrassing side.

Fancy a bastard flashing the old
mutton dagger in mixed company!

You don't understand. I've got
the most fantastic news for you.

You've been offered your own series.
Series?

"Series" fiddlesticks!

I'll tell you what you're doing,
young feller my lad,

you're coming to Heathrow with
me

and I'm taking you back
to Sydney where you belong.

Come on, Barry. Hurry!

Ooohh!

See you, Les.

Barry!

Come on, Barry. Barry!

You wicked thing!
England isn't ready for you yet.

Hello, darling.

That's what you're doing,
you're spoiling our image,

you come along with me.

AL 33,000 feet as far as Turkey

'and then depending on the winds,
I may be able to go higher.

'After we cross over Istanbul,

"we proceed to Ankara,
the capital of Turkey,

"and then cross Iran to Tehran.

'The forecast for Tehran is cold

"and there is a forecast
of some shallow fog.'

You know, Auntie,
in a funny kind of way,

I was just starting
to like the poms.

ANGELIC CHOIR: ♪ Bar-ry... ♪

♪ McKen-zie! ♪

♪ The adventures of Barry
McKenzie ♪

♪ Dinky-di tales of a true blue
boy ♪

♪ Fresh from the shores of the
antipodes ♪

♪ Wafting the scent of the
eucalypt trees ♪

♪ If you wanna get your sister
in a frenzy ♪

♪ Introduce her to Barry
McKenzie ♪

♪ He's got a great big grin and
a great big chin ♪

♪ Give him half a chance,
he'll be in like Flynn ♪

♪ His great big fist
will flatten any pom. ♪

♪ He's got a great big thirst
You can do your worst ♪

♪ When they tap the keg
He'll be in there first ♪

♪ It's no use, mate
You'll never win ♪

♪ He's a better man than
you are, Gunga Din ♪

♪ Barry ♪

♪ Barry ♪

♪ Barry ♪

♪ The adventures of Barry
McKenzie ♪

♪ Dinky-di tales of a bonza boy
♪

♪ Lonely and lost in the land of
the pom ♪

♪ Wishing to hell
he was where he was from ♪

♪ From the team that brought
you Sir Robert Menzies ♪

♪ The Adventures of Barry
McKenzie ♪

♪ He's got a big brown hat
and an Earl's Court flat ♪

♪ And a knack to show the poms
where Bondi's at ♪

♪ And he rushes in
where angels fear to go ♪

♪ He can sink a beer...
He can pick a queer... ♪

♪ In his latest Aussie double
breasted gear ♪

♪ He's a handsome wild colonial
man ♪

♪ He can beat the bloody world
of Genghis Khan ♪

♪ Barry... ♪

♪ Barry... ♪

♪ Barry McKenzie! ♪

♪ The adventures of Barry
McKenzie ♪

♪ Dinky-di tales of a true blue
boy ♪

♪ Fresh from the shores of the
antipodes ♪

♪ Wafting the scent of the
eucalypt trees ♪

♪ From the land that's got the
whole world green with envy ♪

♪ The Adventures of Barry
McKenzie ♪

♪ Barry... ♪

♪ Barry... ♪

♪ Barry McKenzie! ♪