All language subtitles for Mr.Mayor.S01E03.WEBRip.x264-ION10

.

- I am committed to expanding
and improving public transit

because it's hardworking
Angelenos like these

that are the lifeblood
of our city.

So as--oh! Hey there, pal.

May I ask why you got
on the bus today with no pants?

- How else am I supposed to get
to the pants store, idiot?

- Well, there you go.

Whether it's a pants store
or City Hall,

LA Metro will get you there.

Now, as mayor--

- You're not the mayor.

I'm the mayor.

- Well, let's just agree
to disagree, shall we?

- Mayor fight!

all: [chanting]
Mayor fight!

- Oh, come on.
Come on, stop.

- [screams]
- [shrieks]

[upbeat music]

♪

- Good morning, Mr. Mayor.

- I'm not sure
who needs to know this,

but FYI, on the 733 bus,

I'm no longer the mayor
of this city.

- That bus mayor was
stronger than you, sir.

- [scoffs]
- Hey, Jayden,

I found the mayor's little
bus speech real original.

- It actually wasn't.

To save time,
I just took his last speech

and changed "algae bloom"
to "bus passengers."

- I was being sarcastic.
- Well, you're great at it.

- Yeah, Jayden,

Twitter has started to notice
that we're recycling speeches.

- Small businesses are
the lifeblood of this city.

Reasonably-priced produce
is the lifeblood of this city.

The passing
of Archbishop Sheehan

is the lifeblood--
you're killing me.

Yeah, the comms department
may be stretched a little thin.

- Why, thank you.
- I'm on it, sir.

I put up listings
for a speechwriter

on LinkedIn,
Monster, Craigslist.

I've already gotten
some responses

that weren't
genital photographs.

- Great.
So, Jayden,

start going through résumés
and pick someone.

- I don't know.

I once hired someone
to assemble a bookshelf,

and yada, yada, yada.
Stole my TV, dated my mom.

- Come on, this is a chance
for you to step up

and be a man.

Or a strong, capable woman.

- But I'm more
of a creative genius

than a manager.

- I have faith in you, Jayden.

Just find someone
who makes your life easier

and hire that person.

- Or woman.

- Moving on, Ms. Meskimen

this morning
will be in Brentwood.

- I love a town hall.

Democracy at work,

people getting heated
over ideas,

and in LA, there's always
some dingbat celebrity there,

running their mouth,

and I get to tell them
they're not special.

- I don't even understand
why we need to build

low-income housing here.

I already have a home.
I have ten homes.

Life is easy for me.

- You're not special!

Yeah, this is gonna be
a fun one.

All those rich
Brentwood turkeys think

they're too good for trash.

- Wait a second.
Is this

about the recycling center?

Because I should be there.

It's Brentwood.
Those are my people.

Arpi, I'm sorry,

but I need to take
the lead on this.

- Great. You have my complete
confidence and support, sir.

Not.

- Not what?

- I said you had
my confidence and support.

- That was an hour
and a half ago.

- I can't trust you
around these people.

You're one of them.
You're gonna get up there

in front
of those one percenters

and fold like a card table.

- How you do you fold
a card table, Arpi?

They're made of solid wood
with cup holders

so you don't pucker the felt.

- You're proving my point.
Card tables are plastic!

You put them in the yard
to serve Crystal Light on

after someone gets shot

and you're all just
milling around in shock.

- Ah, come if you want,

but you have nothing
to worry about.

- I'm coming, and we're playing

my pre-town hall
psych-up music.

Officer, plug this
into the RCA jack, please.

Get ready to get pumped.

- ♪ California
would not hold me ♪

♪ Though I loved
her timber mountains ♪

- Hey.
Mikaela, right?

- Orly.
Hi, and hello.

- Is my dad around?

A pipe burst at school,
so they let us go early.

- Oh, no. Shoot.
His schedule changed.

But you can hang out here,
little homey.

Homeys gotta homework.
Homework. Boo.

- I can't believe her.
Whatever.

- What's wrong?
Leaked nudes? Frenemy?

- Just a stupid
orchestra concert today.

- Today?
What about the pipe?

Wait, are you in the orchestra?

I was orchestra manager,
so more on the biz side.

- I play flute, but it's not
like anyone's gonna miss me.

- So you lied about the pipe

because you're nervous
about the concert.

- Oh, my God, no.
"Nervous"?

I murder the flute like Lizzo.

I practiced all summer
to make first chair,

and I did make first chair,

but then Mr. Kenny gave
the solo in "Peer Gynt"

to Abby Shapiro
because he's a fascist,

and it's like, what's even
the point of the chair system?

It's so unfair,
and I hate high school!

[door slams]

- Hey, FYI,
the mayor's daughter's here,

so this is how
I'm going to play it.

I'll do everything wrong

so that she runs
out of here furious.

Wait, you beat me to it?

Guess Mikaela wins again.

- [sighs]

Yeah.

.

- Listen.
Listen.

I know interviews can be
nerve-racking.

If you want, you can picture me
in my underwear.

I brought a pair if it helps.

So this would be
a bit of a change for you.

You spent your whole career
in Puerto Rico.

- Um, that's PR.
- For short.

I went there once.
I got bit by a beach puppy.

- Yeah, I meant
public relations.

Be careful.
- Oh, the chair?

Don't worry.
Not my first chair rodeo.

[laughs]
Catch me!

- America so cool.

USA number one party.
Diet starts Monday.

- Great, well, we'll be
in touch, Sforg.

- Supers dupers, Jaydens.
I love you.

I cannot wait for you
to meet my house.

- [sighs]
It is lonely at the top, Tommy.

- Hmm...
interest level exceeded.

- Well, the mayor told me
to hire someone

that would make my life easier,

but so far,
the best of the bunch is Sforg,

and he's only here
because he's on paid vacation

from a Swedish prison.

- For knife murders!

- Europe is different.
- Yeah.

- Excuse me, Mr. Kwapis?
I'm Derek Joshua.

I applied
for the speechwriter job.

- Your tie is so funny.
- I know, right?

It's like, "Uh, we're gonna
need a bigger shirt."

[both laugh]
- I love movie quotes.

"Yes, you called
for the Ghostbusters."

- Oh, man!
Okay.

On three, say
your favorite "Ghostbusters."

One, two, three.

both: First boy "Ghostbusters."

- Why am I still standing here?

- Okay, I'd like to begin
by pointing out

that none of you deserve
what you have.

In fact, material wealth is,
if anything,

inversely correlated

with a person's worth
as a human being.

Now, here's someone
you probably know

from your Botox parties,
Mayor Neil Bremer.

[crowd booing]

- [laughs]

All right,
as a longtime Bel Air resident,

I wanna make one thing clear:

Westside, best side.

[cheers and applause]

That said,
I fully support this project.

Our city has a trash problem,

and we can no longer rely
on my predecessor's plan

to dump it all in the woods

and wait till the fires
take care of it.

I know you have concerns,

and I'm here to listen, so...

- Do you have any idea
how much rose quartz it'll take

to counter the negative energy

created
by this sorting facility?

- Um, 12.
- Touché.

I see you've used
my being an idiot against me.

Well played.

- Hi.
David.

Listen, we cannot have
a trash facility in Brentwood.

I mean, come on, I moved here
to give my bees a better life.

- And I'm sure
they appreciate that.

- Listen, if this affects
the flavor profile of my honey,

you're gonna have to explain it
to Chrissy Teigen,

because she has been...

she's been my champion
through all this.

- Who the hell is this guy?
- David Spade, "SNL."

- Never heard of him.
- "Joe Dirt"? No?

- It says under
"special skills" that--

[speaking Dothraki]

- [speaking Dothraki]

[both laugh]

- I would never.
- Good, 'cause...

[both laugh]

Look, obviously, I don't have
any experience in politics.

- You've done a lot of writing.

Have any of your screenplays
ever been produced?

- Not yet.

Hollywood's all about
who you know,

and my uncle won't introduce me

to anyone
at the studio he runs.

- Right?
- Yeah.

- There you are.
Are you okay?

Look, I get it.

I was your age
just, like, ten years ago.

- That's such a long time.

- It's actually--it is.

High school was
really rough for me, too.

I had a widow's peak
that connected to my unibrow.

I gave the nurse the other half
of my "Best Friends" necklace.

Then I found it
in the trash later.

- Please stop.
- Yeah.

- I get it.
- Mm-hmm.

But look at me now.

Two eyebrows, a whole forehead,
kickass job,

and Nurse Kelly has
a pretty big opioid problem.

- High school's so stupid.

Being first chair
doesn't mean anything.

Being class president
doesn't even mean anything.

My only power is choosing
the themes for school dances,

and the faculty adviser
overruled

"Consent Under the Sea."

- Just wait.

Grown-up life isn't
high school.

I promise.

- Thanks, Mikaela.

Your eyebrows look
really separate.

- Oh, my God.
Thank you.

Now, let's go get on Instagram,

and I'll show you
what all that sun damage

and drinking does
to the cool kids.

They look so bad.
[both laugh]

- [laughs]
Easy.

Marry Ms. Butterworth.
- Yep.

- Eff the Land O' Lakes chick,
- Damn right.

- Kill the Utz girl.
- Correct.

Hey, speaking of food,

I don't have
any more interviews

until this afternoon.

Do you wanna maybe grab
some lunch?

I know it's only 11:00,
but I really like it when--

- You're the first order
on the griddle after breakfast?

[scoffs]
Yeah, 'cause then your...

both: Lunch tastes
like pancakes.

- My child is not vaccinated,

and for some reason,
she is very sick all the time,

and now you wanna
surround her with trash?

What she needs is more horses.

- Okay, get outta here.
Next person.

- Hi, I'm Andie,

president of the Brentwood
Homeowners Association,

and my hair
just dries like this.

[rock music]

♪

- You're Andie MacDowell

from "Multiplicity"
and "Groundhog Day"

and that Calvin Klein
commercial back in the '80s.

You were wearing jeans.

♪

Sproing.

.

[cheery music]

- Why do you look like
Pikachu week on "Drag Race"?

- Because my speechwriter
search is over.

Derek and I just had
the funnest time

at Universal Studios.

We both have
the same favorite Minion--

Stu, duh--

we both love pizza and music,
and he's an awesome writer.

His new screenplay is about,

what if Marty McFly
had married his mom?

[pops lips]

- So this Derek would be

someone you'd talk to
instead of me?

- Yeah.

- Go to him.
- Sorry.

- Excuse me.

Are you Jayden Kwapis?
- Yeah.

- I've been waiting
for two hours

to meet with you about
the speechwriter position.

- I'm so sorry.
Right this way.

This won't take long.

Master's in public policy?

Deputy speechwriter
for Governor Brown?

Chief speechwriter
for Maxine Waters?

And also a felon?

Banana!

- I know Los Angeles needs
a new recycling facility.

I mean, this town certainly has
its share of plastic.

Surgery, that is.

- [laughs]

Oh, that's wonderful.

I mean, I knew
you could be funny

on film, Ms. MacDowell, but--

- Oh, call me Andie.

- And you can call me Hoops.

I played basketball, you know.

- Obviously, I...
[laughs]

Oppose your plan.

[both laugh]

Oh, what was I saying?

[sighs]
Doesn't matter.

- No, no, no, no, no.
Take your time.

I love watching you think.

- I was saying, call me crazy,
but I don't like garbage.

- Who does?

Oscar the Grouch, sure,
but he's a puppet being silly.

- What is he doing out there?
Get in the game, Hoops!

- Listen, Andie,
we're having this dialogue

because nothing's set in stone.

- Son of a bitch
is folding.

- If you would like
to discuss this further,

you know, like, over dinner...

Do you like food?

- Excuse us.
Five-minute recess.

Talk amongst yourselves

about your empty,
materialistic lives.

I knew it.

I knew you wouldn't be able

to stand up
to your fellow plutocrats.

- No.
- You disgust me.

- It's not that.
No, it's her.

- Who?
Tall-y McBeautiful?

Boring.
- You don't understand.

I've been in love before.

I've been married twice, but...

Andie MacDowell...

Have you seen "Greystoke:
The Legend of Tarzan"?

She's in this nightgown,
combing her hair,

and then Tarzan comes in,

and then he starts combing
her hair.

Oh, come on.

Don't you have
anyone in your life

who just pushes
all your buttons?

- Harvey Milk.

I know, I know.
He's dead.

- I rented "St. Elmo's Fire"
so many times,

when Blockbuster
went out of business,

they just gave me the tape.

Arpi, I wanna do
the right thing here.

I wanna be a good mayor,

but I'm going to go out
to dinner with her,

and I will fold.

Probably gonna buy her
a Mercedes.

- What the hell
do you want me to do?

If she's really
your Harvey Milk,

this train's off the tracks.

- I don't know.

Just do something.

- Hi, there, stranger.

- Hey.
Where were we?

- This is Sophia Ladaro.

She used to call me
"Teen Wolf."

Now look how sad
and ugly she is.

- Oh, it says
she's at her mom's funeral.

- Yeah, so that's her
dressed up.

- Well, I have a zit,
and it's picture day.

For our photo IDs?
My life is over.

- How is this any different
than high school?

- What?

- You've spent hours
making fun of people,

this guy's freaking out
over a pimple,

and I'm pretty sure
you're only talking to me

because of who my dad is.

- What? No.
Orly, we're buddies.

I requested to follow you
on Instagram.

Did you see it, or--

- And those ladies.

They've spent all day
reading people to filth.

- [speaking Spanish]

[laughter]

- Yeah, don't mess with them.

We call them "Las Plasticas."

- You were wrong, Mikaela.

Real life is high school.
It never ends!

- No, Orly, that's not true.
- Guys, I'm freaking out.

I know Valerie is perfect
or whatever, but I'm worried

that Derek won't
wanna be my friend anymore

if I don't pick him,
and he's so cool,

and he drives stick, and also
my mom packed me raisins

if anyone wants to trade.

- Oh, my God.
It never ends.

High school never ends.

- What?
No!

I don't wanna have to run
the mile again.

- Everybody get out of my room!

[both sobbing]

- Mercedes has
this paint finish

they call "Denim Blue."

I think it would look
great on you.

- Excuse me, Mr. Mayor?

I'd like to ask some questions.

- No, shut up.
You're not from Brentwood.

[whispering]
No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Please help me.

- You're right.
I'm not from Brentwood.

Eastside, beast side.
[crowd mutters]

As a resident
of Greater Los Angeles,

I'd just like to know where

the president of the Brentwood
Homeowners Association

thinks this trash should go.

- Oh.
Well, anywhere else, really.

- Because Brentwood is
so special.

- Thank you.
Yes.

And the people that live here
like clean, open spaces.

- And other
neighborhoods don't.

- Apparently not.

I mean, just look
at those places.

Everywhere you turn,
there is a graffito.

I mean, come on.

The taxes that we pay.

We don't deserve this.

- Oh, God.

- But someone like me
deserves your trash?

- That is an amazing solution.

I think that you would
love my trash.

- What?
No. No, no, no.

- You know, my trash has
perfectly good food in it.

Clothes with the tags
still on it.

And I throw out
all the skincare products

that companies send me
because I don't need 'em.

- This is wonderful.
What else do you throw out?

- Honestly, anything
that doesn't spark joy.

Oh, you know, normally,
I give my old bags to my maid,

but if you like it...

It does have a monogram,
though.

- I love it!
And, hey, what do you know?

AM.
Those are my initials.

- Oh, I can't wait
to tell my psychic!

Well, it's settled.

Our trash goes there.

[applause]
- No!

No!
You people are awful!

We're building the facility,
Andie, in Brentwood,

and I'm not buying you
a Mercedes.

You're nothing like your
character from "Groundhog Day."

I can't believe
that I fantasized

about settling down
in Punxsutawney with you.

- Well, I can't believe I was
gonna let you comb my hair.

[laughing]
Oh, dear, I'm so sorry.

I need the bag back.
I've got a dog in there.

Thanks.
Whew!

.

- There you are.

Holy crap.
Did you eat all that candy?

- This is what I used to do
in high school.

Do you wanna ditch
and go memorize

the dance from "Toxic"?

- I don't know what that is.

- [humming Britney Spears'
"Toxic"]

- Actually, I'm gonna take off.

My dad said to call a car
and meet him at home, so--

- Ugh, dads.
Am I right?

As if our days
could get any worse.

- You mean the orchestra thing?
- Mm-hmm.

- Turns out,
Abby totally blew the solo

in front of the whole school,

and Ceviche Twitched
the whole thing,

and everyone was like,

"Orly should have
had it anyway."

And then Josh Booker,
who's a senior at Westlake...

- No.
- Found out I went home early,

and he DM'd me and asked
if I was feeling okay.

- Cool.
[both laugh]

High school's so awesome.

I love that life is just
high school forever.

♪ Josh Booker
[door opens]

- Okay, bye!
- Yeah, I'm gonna go, too.

- Oh, Dios mío.
[door closes]

- You did good in there, boss.
- Thanks.

I'm just glad you were there
to ruin it all for me.

- Hey, anytime you need
some interruptus,

I'm your gal.

My class at Reed
was the only one

in the history of the school
where no one got pregnant.

[cell phone rings]

- What is it, Jayden?

- I can't decide
between Derek and Valerie.

- I'm gonna assume
those are two speechwriters.

- I mean, I know
Valerie is super qualified,

but isn't friendship more
important than job goodness?

Why do these people go
on reality shows

and say that they're not there
to make friends?

Are they crazy?
- Arpi.

- Listen up, Kwapis,
in this job,

your best and only friend
is the city of Los Angeles.

She will help you move.

She will pick you up
at the airport.

She will show up at 3:00 a.m.
with a pint of ice cream

and tell you you're better off
without him.

"Him" being Fresno, maybe.
I don't know.

This is getting away from me.
Do the right thing.

- Yes, sir.
- Hmm.

This sorting facility
isn't just about

cleaning up
my predecessor's mess.

It's the start
of a new, cleaner tomorrow

for all of LA.

- Now, that's a speech.

He sounds
like Winston Churchill

or Glenn Close in "The Wife."

- Thank you, Thomas.

I thought the implicit zeugma
of "clean" really--

- Ugh.
Yeah, great job, Valerie.

I'm so glad that I hired you
and now all of Neil's speeches

are "good" and "different
from each other."

[blows raspberry]

- Even if it cost me a chance
with Tarzan's bride.

- And he's off script.

- I just thought me and Derek
would be best friends forever.

Now he doesn't even return
my texts.

- Welcome to high school,
Jayden,

where everything
sucks forever and--

"Orly Bremer followed you"?
Orly Bremer followed me!

I can't hang out
with you anymore.

Hey, girl...

- Well, best friend,
at least I got you.

Ooh, why is my best friend
so filthy?

Bleh!

- Do you guys know
how hard it is

to get a bee startup going?

I mean,
I got J.J. Abrams in early,

but now this guy's calling me,

like, 50 times a day like,
"Where's my money?"

I'm like, "I don't really know
what I'm doing,

but I hope they're in there
making honey."

I need them to work and focus.
I'm taking new investors.

Afterwards, just find me.

- I am strongly opposed

to these new
energy-efficient streetlights.

[sighs]
You know what?

Actually, I don't even care
about the streetlights.

I don't even live here.

I just go to these town halls
to get out of the house.

I love my husband.

I love his cooking.

He's a wonderful father

to our birds,

but the music,
it's just constant.

I don't get it.

Everything, whoa, all the time.

I mean, what's the point?

Why not just say it?

It seems easier

and less stressful.

I mean, music is dumb, right?

Do you know his last name's
not even Legend?

It's McGruff,
like the crime dog.

Anyway, anyone wanna go play

paintball or something?

I have a car,

so I can drive us.

All right. Okay.
Go to hell, Culver City.

- Good night, everybody.
- Good night.