Original subtitles

Ah-hyuck!

♪ H-h-h-hit it ♪

♪ Like father, like son ♪

♪ You're always number one ♪

[both] Yes!

♪ There's buddies There's pals ♪

Yeah!

♪ You always seem to work things out ♪

♪ Can't you see you're two of a kind ♪

♪ Lookin' for a real good time ♪

Whoa!

♪ A real good time ♪

Aah!

♪ Report to the Goof Troop ♪

♪ And we'll always stick together ♪

♪ Always stick together ♪

♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪

♪ The best of friends forever ♪

♪ Side by side wherever we go ♪

♪ We're always ready to roll ♪

♪ Now gimme a beat ♪

♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪

♪ And we always stick together ♪

Gawrsh!

♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪

♪ The best of friends forever ♪

♪ Now we're calling everyone ♪

♪ Come along and join the fun ♪

♪ Report to the Goof Troop ♪

♪ Baa ba doo da bop baa ba doo bop ♪

Yeah!

Three stinkin' weeks

and I haven't unloaded one stinkin' lemon!

[arf]

How can you think of food when my business is-- what?

That can't be right.

Oh...

It's all on account of that lousy low down loathsome

Earl's Auto!

They sell cars at rock-bottom prices.

They're even honest with their customers!

How's a guy supposed to compete with slimeball tactics like that!

[whimpers]

[man] Um, excuse me.

Feast your eyes on this brand-new used compact.

With fully automatic manual transmission and original Florida air in the tires!

Or how about this red-hot baby?

Genuine Argentine polyester seats.

Gets 32 gallons to the mile, city.

Sign here and we'll fill in the price later.

Uh, actually, all I wanted was directions to Earl's Auto.

Earl's Auto?

Oh, no, never mind. I see it right there.

Oh, don't go!

I'll throw in a free car air freshener!

If I don't do something soon, I'm gonna be looking for a new job.

What the--

"employment opportunities"?

Boy...

"City inspector wanted."

Hmm...

If I could get just the right sap named inspector,

he could shut down Earl's car lot for me.

Course, it'd have to be somebody easy to manipulate

somebody on the shady side of stupid, a class-a, brainless--

Hiya, Pete!

Ya got a nickel for the parking meter?

Topeka!

Wouldn't want to get a ticket or, uh--

Hyuck! Never mind.

Hyuck! Gawrsh, I forgot. I walked.

Goofy, you're perfect.

Aw, shucks, Pete. Hyuck! You're not too bad yourself.

Goofer, has anyone ever told you how observatory you are?

Hmm... not that I've noticed.

Well, it's true!

Like how quick you picked up on not bringing your car with ya.

Aw, that was one of my finer moments.

You oughta find a job where you can use those amazing skills of yours.

Uh, what skills?

[Goofy] I don't know anything about inspectoratin'.

Well, what's to know?

You inspect a business, write 'em tickets.

Sounds awful complicated.

You could use the extra cash, couldn't you?

Don't ya want to make enough money to send your poor dumb son to college

and make him something better than you could ever be?

Gawrsh. When you put it like that...

Goof, you're a shoo-in for the job.

Oh, if you say so, Pete.

[Pete] Howdy. I found you the perfect inspector.

Goofy was made for the job.

He's honest, hard working,

knows most of the alphabet, smart as a whip.

How d'ya work this doohickey?

Hmm... Must be defective.

Sure, he seems a little slow on the outside,

but that's 'cause the gears are always turnin' on the inside!

Did I mention that he has an open mind, too?

Keeps my head nice and cool in the summer.

I-I don't know if your friend has the necessary qualifications

for a government position.

Maybe you should look a little closer at his resume.

Green...

Fresh...

Yours.

You think you can bribe a high ranking public official

who has senatorial ambitions?

Can he spell his own name?

Multiple choice?

He's hired.

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Now, the most important quality of an inspector is his lack of mercy,

especially to putrid, lowlife, pond-suckin' used car salesmen.

But, uh, aren't you a putrid, lowlife,

pond-suckin' used car salesman?

Exception to the rule.

Remember, no matter how much they beg and plead for you to let 'em off,

you never listen to 'em.

An inspector never plays favorites.

But, uh, what if they're innocent?

A used car salesman's never innocent!

Except for me, of course.

Now, if you find a smudge on a car windshield, what do you do?

Write him up?

If you find dust on the hood?

[coughing] Throw the book at him?

If you can't see your face in the exhaust pipe?

Whaddaya do, whaddaya do, whaddaya do?

I don't know!

You don't know or you don't want to know?

I-- I confess!

I did it!

I ate the strawberries!

[sobbing]

Ten-hut!

Chest out! Gut in! Tuck in those chins, soldier!

It's a war out there, Goof, and you're the front line troop, see?

So go out there, and do us law-abiding citizens proud!

Let's say you start with, um,

oh... Earl's Auto.

Here's a few extra citation pads, pal, in case you need 'em. Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Gawrsh. Don't know how to thank you.

[coughing] That's OK, pal.

Always glad to help.

That's really not necessary.

Don't you worry, pal. I promise I'll make you proud!

Why, you stupid lame brain!

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

You're the best pal a pal ever had, pal!

Thanks, pal.

Ooh! Ooh-hoo-hoo!

[making airplane noises]

Ha-ha-ha!

Now, how about some more mashed potatoes, pal?

OK, pal! Hyuck!

I think my hangar still has some room in it!

Ah-hyuck!

I can't believe what I'm seeing, bunny eyes!

You're kind, you're considerate, you're polite. [chuckles]

What are you up to?

What makes you think I'm up to anything, Puppy Toes?

Oh! Oopsy!

My buddy got some gravy on him's chinny-chin-chin!

Maybe it's not Daddy!

Maybe it's one of the cucumber pods planted on Earth for an invasion!

Oh, what's the big deal here?

I made Goof a little celebration dinner, that's all.

Why, it's not every day my very best pal in the whole world gets made inspector

and shuts down Earl's Auto.

Heh-heh-heh.

I shoulda known you were acting good because you're up to no good!

But Pete, I didn't shut down Earl's Auto.

That's my Goof. I knew I could count--

What do you mean? How many citations did you write him?

Oh, uh, let's see.

-One, two... -Yeah. Yeah.

-Three, four... -Yeah. Yeah.

-None! -What?

Nope, didn't write a single one. Earl passed with flying colors.

What?

Mm. That salad dressing doesn't have much kick to it, does it?

Oh. I'll give you a kick...

Right out the window!

You're not throwing Goof through that window!

I'm not, Possum Lips?

No!

Wha-ha-hooeey!

Not one customer in a month.

How could things get any worse?

[siren blaring]

Well, yeah, that's one way.

Oh, gonna have to get those brakes inspected.

What are you doin' here?

Oh, I just dropped by to inspect your business.

Oh, not a moment too soon.

Whoa ho ho! Now, come on, Goof old pal.

You're not gonna inspect your very best friend in the whole world, are you?

Pal.

Well, it's like you said, "an inspector never plays favorites."

Wouldn't wanna let ya down by not doin' my job.

Oh, have a little mercy, why don't ya.

Uh-uh. Like you said, "An inspector never shows mercy."

Please, please, please.

Don't make me beg.

You also said not to listen.

Will you stop doin' what I said and do what I say!

Oh, I see what you're doin'. Oh, you're testin' me.

I am not testin' you, you stupid lame-brain moron!

Oh, don't worry. I won't let ya down.

No engine.

But think of the gas you'll save.

No rearview mirror.

Like I always say, "Never look back."

No windshield.

But pickin' bugs off your teeth can be a real challenge.

Hate when that happens.

[sizzles]

Look, I'm not payin' these stupid tickets, see!

So whaddaya have to say about that?

Just one thing.

What?

Gonna have to shut you down.

If I never see that stupid grin again, it'll be too soon.

Hiya, Pete. Got great news.

You got a lotta glands steppin' foot in my house after what you did.

Well, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do it.

I'll never again. What'd I do?

You shut down my car lot, you lame brain!

Yup, and thanks to you, Pete my pal,

I've been named employee of the month.

Guess, in a way, this award belongs to the both of us.

Whoa-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

It serves you right for involving Goofy in one of your schemes.

I don't care what that poster boy for stupidity says.

I'm gonna open my car lot and sell cars!

You're doin' no such thing, buster.

You're not gonna break any law.

Oh, ho, ho, no. No, I'm not spending my weekends

draggin' our kids to the slammer

so that they can visit their daddy, the jailbird!

Do I make myself clear?

Yes, Dolphin Lips.

First, you pay the citations, then you open the lot.

Well, sure. I'll just get another job

so's I can pay for the repairs.

I'm a successful, resourceful businessman.

Why, there are plenty of things I can do.

Used parts!

Get your used car parts right here, señores.

Windshield wipers.

Keeps your windshield clear of rain and...

Mud.

Hubcaps! Get your hubcaps while they last.

Get 'em while they're round.

-[siren blaring] -[horn honks]

Hiya, Pete!

Oh, just dropped by to see how you're doin'.

You seem happier than a pig in a mud hole.

Why, you back-stabbin', bargain countin' bureaucratic--

Really hate to do this, pal, but I got some bad news for ya.

Sellin' without a permit,

standin' on a freeway on-ramp, and wearin' mud on a plaid suit.

My suit's not plaid.

Windows! Wash your windows!

Runnin' a special on windows.

Three for a nickel, two for a dime.

[ding]

Washin' windshields without a license.

Feel so bad I can hardly look.

Mm-mm-mm. Havin' a 5:00 shadow at 3:00.

No offense.

And wearin' a double chin in a one-chin zone.

Nothin' personal.

[whimpering]

Well, how'd your day go, Peach Fuzz?

Oh, the usual, Chihuahua Cheeks.

[siren blaring]

Don't answer. Say that I'm in Nowega.

Tell him I'm in the hospital havin' kidney stones put in.

-Just don't let him-- -Hiya, Peg. Great news.

Thanks to all the tickets I gave ya, I got promoted.

I'm now the residential inspector, too.

[crying]

Gawrsh! Knew you'd be happy for me.

Well, no time like the present to start inspectoratin'.

No. Aah!

The law is the law, isn't it, Sugar Lumps?

Yes, Guppy Eyes.

Say, how's about you start with Peg's stuff?

Now she'll see what it's like.

Hmm, looks like this part of the house is perfect.

Perfect.

Perfect.

Oh, big, big trouble here.

Not enough stripes on your pinstripe suit.

I've always said it made him look chubby.

This here part of the bed doesn't have enough spring in the box spring.

You're inspectin' my lunch box?

Not enough holes in your Swiss cheese.

Too many holes in your belt.

Aah!

Well, Petey, looks like you're violatin'

every code in the code book and then some.

I'm real sorry, but I'm afraid you're gonna have to move out.

Move out?

I'll tell ya what I'm gonna do!

What are you gonna do?

Move out, puddin'.

[whistle blows]

Oh, just in time. My shift's over.

What say we call out for pizza.

I'm gonna get some breakfast

if it's the last thing I do.

There, I got it.

Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, you can have the rest of my breakfast.

We're having bacon and eggs and pancakes and hash browns, and turkey casserole.

Ooh, you know what I like.

I'm sorry, honey, but you know Daddy's not allowed to eat anything from the house.

It's against the law.

Here, Poopsie, you're gonna be late for work.

You don't wanna miss rush-hour traffic.

That does it! I quit!

I'm sick of washin' windshields.

But if you don't work, how will you get your car lot back?

Well, we could sell Pistol to the circus.

I heard that, buster.

Nobody's sellin' anybody-- What kind of money we talkin'?

Pete!

We could have another-- oh, never mind.

I'll find a way out of this.

If I made inspector lamebrain, I can break him, too.

Goof, I wanna give you some advice, man-to-man, pal-to-pal.

Coast-to-coast?

Your problem is you've been too nice.

You gotta get tough.

Tough.

You gotta get ruthless.

How many O's in "ruthless"?

But first, you gotta get brutal.

Remember, there's nuthin' a boss respects more

than for one of his uppity underlings to cite him.

You mean I should give citations to the chief inspector?

Oh...what a terrific idea.

Sorry, sir,

but your serial numbers are out of order.

Sorry. Fork's on the wrong side.

Ah-hyuck!

[brakes screeching]

Color of your car clashes with the traffic lights.

[crash]

Of course you're exemptified from all violations

and can do anythin' you darn well please.

It's part of the fringe benefits.

You can run red lights...

Rip "do not remove" tags from pillows...

End sentences with prepositions.

What would I do that for?

Goof, I think you're beginning to get the hang of this.

And remember, the most important duty of any inspector is takin' a bribe.

[gulp] But I don't want to get married.

Bribe, ya-- not bride. Graft, payola.

What makes the world go round.

Oh, but isn't that almost illegal?

Would I do anything illegal?

Gawrsh, Pete, I'm sure lucky you're here.

Or I mighta done somethin' real stupid.

Yeah, glad to help.

Now, you go on and get out there, boy,

and show 'em what you're made of.

He'll be canned by the end of the day.

Oh, I'm sorry you can't join us for dinner, Dove Cheeks.

We're having your favorite meal, meat.

It's OK, Lava Legs.

My dinner's just about ready anyway.

[gulp]

[siren blaring]

Pete, oh, Petey!

Guess what.

I got a call that the mayor wants to see me.

The mayor, huh?

Yeah. Looks like all the stuff you taught me is finally payin' off.

Yeah, it sure does.

Ha-ha-ha-ha.

[honking]

Yeow!

I've gathered you all here for an important announcement

concerning one of my new inspectors.

Oh, he's finished for sure.

I can hardly watch. Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Goofy, I'd like to present you this plaque for a job well-done.

But he broke every law in the book.

Initiative, I like that.

Congratulations, Chief Inspector Goofy.

But wait. I'm the chief inspector.

Were chief inspector. You did a lousy job.

But you can't fire me for doing a lousy job.

I work for the government.

Well, Mr. Chief Inspector,

would you like to favor us with a few pearls of wisdom?

-Huh? -Wanna say somethin'?

Ah-hyuck. Ladies and gentlefolks and all you others.

Unaccustomed as I am to public speakin'--

say, this floor's kinda creaky here.

Could be termites, y'know.

[clearing throat]

As I was sayin', hmm...

Operatin' a camera in a month with an "r" in it, huh?

Not enough towels in the washroom.

Chewin' gum under a chair,

too much waitin' in the waitin' room.

No seal on the state seal.

Too many digits in 9-1-1.

Yep. Looks like I'm gonna have to shut down city hall.

Now what do you want?

My bribe.

All us public officials get 'em.

You expect me to share my-- I mean, give you money?

Well, I also take checks, money orders,

and most major credit cards with two forms of ID.

Why, this is an outrage!

Where'd you ever learn to be an inspector?

From my pal Pete.

You're fired.

And all the citations you wrote,

I now declare null and void...

Except for yours.

[slurping]

Dad sure must be hungry.

Well, he hasn't had anything to eat in almost a day.

Hey!

Whoa!

[horn honks]

Pete, guess what.

I already got myself a new job.

Now I'm a termite exterminator.

Yup. Since we're pals,

guess whose house I'm gonna start exterminatin' first.

[blubbering]

♪ Gimme a beat ♪

[theme music playing]

Yeah!