All language subtitles for Call.Your.Mother.S01E01.WEBRip.x264-ION10

Freddie, it's your mom.
Call me.

Freddie, Mom, call me.

Freddie, call me back.

Freddie.
Freddie.

Freddie. Freddie?

Oh, Freddie! Finally.

Nope. Not Freddie.

It's Jackie,
your good child.

Oh, shoot.

Thanks, Mom.

I'm sorry. I'm just worried
about your brother.

He's fine.

I'm sure he'll get back to you
when he stops being stupid.

Freddie's not stupid,
Jackie.

Come on. The kid failed
"Spanish I" three times.

They were finally just like,
"No más, por favor."

Be nice.
He's not like you.

By the time you were in L.A.
for a year,

you had a job,
boyfriend.

What does Freddie have?

Nada. He just doesn't know
how to say it.

Relax. I'm sure you'll hear
from him soon.

Okay.

I'm sure you're right.

Thanks, Sweetie.

I love you, Mom.

I love you, too.

[ Sighs ]

So you're not going
to tell her

you're flying out there
to check on him?

No, she'd just try
to talk me out of it.

It's been four days since
I've heard from him, Sharon.

I get it.

When Ted Jr.
first got married,

I didn't hear from him
for a month,

and I freaked out.

Turns out that nasty old wife
of his

saved my name in his phone
as "Spam Risk."

But flying out to Los Angeles
is insane,

even for you, Jean.

Sweetie,
ever since you lost Mike,

if you don't hear back
from someone right away,

you immediately assume
the worst.

You have issues, Jean.

This isn't
a dead husband thing.

Trust me.
I just know my own kid.

The reason Freddie
failed "Spanish I" three times

is because he couldn't ask
the teacher for help.

His silence
is a scream.

So, how long are you staying
out there?

As long as he needs me.

So, what are you
thinking?

Pornos?
Oh!

It's California.
He's good-looking.

Spells pornos to me.

Oh, for cripes sake, Sharon.
It's Freddie.

When was the last time you saw
a good-looking guy in a porno?

Not since everybody
went hairless.

Really?
I don't mind that.

Mm.

I don't know
who I'm supposed to be anymore.

If I'm not mothering,
am I still a mother?

If I'm not teaching anymore,
am I still a teacher?

I think
you're overreacting.

Do we even exist,
Sharon?

Well, maybe this is when we get
to slow down

and contemplate
our quiet wisdom.

Maybe.

[ Horn honks ]

We're contemplating,
ya dick!

Go around!

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

Ooh, well, hello!

Oh, who are you?

Oh, that's quite a face
you have there.

You might want
to get off the ground.

Ripper has a tendency
to hump.

So do I.

Oh!

Hi.
Uh, I'm Jean.

I'm your renter.

Hi. Ripper, inside.

I'm Danny.
Uh, I'm your host.

Actually, I just became
an Incredi-host,

which is, uh --
It's a pretty big deal

in the hosting world.

Um, they sent me
a little sticker

for my water bottle.

Anyway, come on in.
Come on in.

[ Camera shutter clicks ]Everything okay?

I watch a lot
of "Forensic Files" --

nondescript white male
luring women to his guest house.

I just texted your photo
and address to my friend Sharon.

She's a security guard
at Ross Dress For Less.

She took a hanger to the neck
during Black Friday

and still finished
her shift.

So, if you murder me,
you won't get away with it.

Okay.
Lots to take in there.

Yet all I can
really think about

is being described
as "nondescript."

Ooh, wow!

This is nice.

Thank you.

I, uh -- I built it
for my wife's parents.

Unfortunately,
my wife left.

But fortunately,
she took her parents with her.

So, you're divorced?

Uh, I'm en route.

My wife and I dropped
our daughter at college,

and I turned to her and said,
"Finally, it's our time."

And she said "God, no.
It's me time."

And then her lawyers started
billing me for theirtime.

So, Airbnb time.

Anyway, clearly, I'm feeling
a bit sorry for myself.

My husband died
when my kids were 11 and 8.

Oh, God.
I'm sorry.

I really wish
you'd gone first.

Told your story first,
not died.

So, what brings you
to California?

Uh, somehow both my kids
ended up here.

You know,
I think my son is in trouble.

He hasn't called me back
in four days.

Four days?

And you flew all the way
to Los Angeles?

My kids and I
are very connected.

Honestly,
I'd still be breastfeeding

if we lived in France.

[ Laughs ]

Okay.
Uh, we got a full kitchen.

There is
a separate bedroom,

much like my wife and I had
towards the end.

Oh.
She blamed it
on my snoring.

I think it was more to do
with the 30-year-old lifeguard

she was sleeping with.

I don't know
why I told you that.

Oh, people tell me stuff.
It's kind of a thing with me.

Ah.Which is why it bothers me
so much

that I don't know
what's going on with my son.

Ah, well, you know,
sometimes you have to wait

for people
to come to you.

Yeah.

I'm more of
a hunt them down

and force my love on them
kind of person.

So when you watch
"Forensic Files,"

whose side are you on there,
Jean?

Always on the side
of the mom.

♪♪♪

Just remember, whatever's going
on with Freddie, stay calm.

Even if it's hookers.

It's not hookers,
Sharon!

You know I browbeat a healthy
respect for women into that boy.

I'll call you later.

Oh, thank God.

Freddie!

Mom!
Oh, Mom!

Um, Celia,
my mom's here!

Oh, my God,
that's your mom?

Freddie, you didn't tell me
your mom was coming.

I didn't know
my mom was coming.

Mom, what are you --
what are you doing here?

I brought you socks
and the toilet paper you like.

You know, your door
was unlocked, Freddie.

And almost all
my murder shows

start with an unlocked door
in a bad neighborhood.

This isn't
a bad neighborhood.

There's a pot store
on the corner.

It's Los Angeles, Mom.

There's a pot store
on every corner.

Why haven't I heard
from you?

I've been really busy.

Of course.
I understand that.

Do you need help,
Freddie?

I'm here now.
Just ask.

What?

What? Oh, my God.

Mom,
is this about Spanish?

Ms. Fuentes
was there for you.

She offered to meet with you
after school,

but you kept saying,
"I've got this."

But you didn't have it, Freddie.
You needed help.

Yeah, Mom,
that was in seventh grade!

I'm 23 years old,
and I'm a grown-ass man.

Grown-ass men can fall
through the cracks.

A lot of them are
outside that pot shop right now.

[ Camera shutter clicks ]

Do you want me to tag you
in this?

Who is this?

Mom, this is Celia.

Uh, Celia's my --

Don't be dumb, Fred.
Say it.

My Bae.

I am so happy
to meet you.

Freddie talks about you
all the time.

Really? Because I've never heard
about you.

But I'd like to.

Where are you from?
What do you do for a living?

Do twins run
in your family?

No, no, no, no.
We're not doing this.

Born in Cuba,
raised in Laurel Canyon.

I'm a social media
influencer.

Mom's a twin
and so is my aunt.

Mm.
Hey, Mom.

Yeah?I'm serious.

You can't just show up
to my apartment unannounced.

I'm not some visitor.

I birthed you.

You're part of my body.

A person doesn't have to call
to say

they're visiting
their left breast.

That's true.

It's not like I make a habit
of showing up unannounced.

I haven't seen you
in months.

I've never even been
to this new apartment,

which is shockingly nice,
by the way.

Why
"shockingly nice"?

Hey, Mom, I've been
at a gaming convention

for the last five days.

I sold that game
I've been working on.

[ Gasps ]It's -- It's a big deal.

Oh, honey,
you sold your game?

Oh,
that's a huge deal!

Do the women
look like real women?

Yeah, Mom,
I took all your notes.

Oh, congratulations!

I'm so proud of you!

We have to celebrate.

Yeah, well, we kinda were.
[ Chuckles ]

Oh. Oh!

Sorry.
I guess I interrupted.

I-I'll, um --
I'll leave you guys to it.

Uh, Mom, I'm --
I'm sorry.

Wait.
Uh, how long are you in town?

Maybe we can celebrate
tomorrow?

Oh. Sure.

Um, I could cook dinner
at my place.

I'll make
my famous meatloaf.

And, you, Bae,
are, of course, welcome.

Nope. [ Chuckles ]
Her name is Celia.

Uh, I'll call your sister
and Andy.

You have a sister,
Fred?

She doesn't know
Jackie?

Uh...

Yeah, I don't --

I don't really talk to Jackie
these days.

I have a cousin named Jackie
whom I also don't talk to.

That's weird, right?

What do you mean
you don't talk to her?

She lives in Florida.
Deep Florida.

I mean,
she doesn't call me.

So, if that's the way
that she wants it,

it's fine with me,
I guess.

Why would
she want it that way?

Because that's
where her parents live.

♪♪♪

Sharon! Freddie is alive
and he has a girlfriend.

And get this. Freddie and Jackie
haven't spoken in months.

What? Those two
used to be inseparable.

They used to take baths
together.

I know.
I got kicked off of Facebook

for posting the video.

How could anybody be offended
by that little dangle?

I'm at Jackie's.
I'll call you later.

[ Sighs ]

Hello.
I-Is Jackie here?

Whatever it is,
she's not gonna sign it.

She doesn't believe
in anything.

What?
I don't like that.

I'm her mother.

You're Jackie's mother?

Yes.
Jackie's mother.

At Jackie's apartment.

Who are you?

Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm Lane.

I live with Jackie.

Nice to meet you,
Mrs. Raines.

Ah.

Where's Andy?

Okay, um, Andy is
Jackie's ex-boyfriend, right?

Ex-boyfriend?
Since when?

Well, before my time,
but I think the ghosting

happened
four months ago.

Not ghost like "boo."
Ghost like "bye, boo."

A-Andy just left?
And now you two are dating?

Oh, no. I'm gay.

Yeah,
you couldn't tell.

I'm not really
"L.A. gay" yet.

I did okay in Wooster.
That's where I'm from.

I mean, it's very
low-key homo there.

Like, the grooming shop at Petco
was kind of a scene,

but nothing like here.

Jackie's right.
You're very easy to talk to.

[ Chuckles ]

Why is Jackie keeping secrets
from me?

She broke up with Andy and she's
not speaking to her brother?

Jackie has a brother?

What the hell?

Jackie's very private.

Like, I only found out
about her dating Hank

because the walls
are so thin.

Wh-Who's Hank?

Her boss.

I shouldn't say more.
He's old.

That's all
you're getting out of me.

He drives a PT Cruiser.

Okay.
That's enough.

Lane, you and Jackie are coming
over for dinner tomorrow night.

We're gonna get this
whole thing out in the open.

And I apologize in advance.
It could get ugly.

I came out to my parents
on the drive to Bible Camp.

You don't know ugly.

How did this happen?

I was always the mom who had
the special bond with her kids.

They used
to tell me everything.

I was the first person
that Freddie called

when he thought
he lost his virginity.

Hmm.
So to answer your question,

uh, the Wi-Fi password is
on the back of the router.

It's "kookaburra."

Sorry.
I guess that's a lot.

I just never wanted to be
the mom

whose kids
ended up in therapy,

talking
to some overpriced quack

who wasn't smart enough
to be a real doctor.

I'm a therapist.

Kookaburra, you say?

Look, I know you want to be
close to your kids, of course.

But sometimes when we lose
someone prematurely,

like you have
with your husband,

it can cause us to hold on
to those we love tighter

than we would otherwise
when what's really needed

is to let them go.

Wow, you're good.

[ Knock on door ]

They're here.
Get out.

Yes, okay.
I will -- I will leave,

but hey, don't -- please don't
let your time with family

affect your review,
okay?

Just remember that your stay
here can still be five stars

even though your kids
are like two.

Okay, I'll go.

Hi.
Mom, I can't believe
you're here.

I-I can't believe you went over
to my apartment.

I can't believe you pumped
my friend for information

about my personal life.

Not pumped.

Charmed.

Jackie, why didn't you tell me
that you and Andy broke up?

Mom!
Why did you invite Jackie?

Oh, you're Jackie?

You look nothing like
my cousin Jackie.

Well, my cousin Jackie doesn't
even look like my cousin Jackie.

She got a new chin.

Oh, I love your house.

So many
great backgrounds.

Jackie,
say hi to your brother.

He really missed you.

I didn't say that.Mm.

Well, she misses you.

I said he was stupid.

Come on, you guys.

You have
to patch things up.

Oh, is this
why you flew out here?

To butt into my life?

No. I flew out here
to butt into Freddie's life.

But then I find out that
somehow Freddie's doing great

and you're a mess.

Oh, "somehow" Freddie
is doing great.

Thanks, Mom.

"Somehow" doing great in his
"shockingly" nice apartment.

Hi. Celia.
Cute top. Cute bottoms.

Lane. Thanks.

Cute everything
on you, too.

How long have you been
dating Fred's sister?

Oh, we're not dating.
I'm gay.

Don't worry
that you couldn't tell.

Hmm, I could tell. I just didn't
know if you could tell.

We talk every day.

But I have to come here
to find out

that you're dating an old man
and Freddie's dating...

a brunette.

You guys,
let me tell you a story.

When your dad died,
I felt completely alone.

But you know who showed up
for me every day?

My family.

Yep. With board games
and terrible, terrible food.

So much tuna hot dish.

And they --
they got me through it.

But you don't get to pick
your family.

You think I picked mine?

Aunt Daphne
the Flat-Earther?

My brother Jim

with the white stuff
in the corners of his mouth

or his wife
with the rat in her pocket

or your cousin Liam
with the vibrating eye.

When it comes to family,
you get what you get.

And you two
got each other.

And you got me.

And we are a village.

I'm going home.

No, you stay.
I'll go home.

You guys,
I am your home.

I am also
still your mother

and neither one of you
are leaving until you make up.

Yeah, that doesn't work anymore,
Mom.

Why?!

♪♪♪

[ Exhales deeply ]

I thought
you were leaving.

I'm calling a Lyft.

Where's your car?

I don't want
to talk about it.

I thought
youwere leaving.

I have to wait
for Celia.

Sorry, your mom
just stopped hugging me.

Nothing?

Okay, well, we'll see you
at Christmas then.

Come on, Celia,
let's get out of here.

Fred, stop.

You are kind of
being the worst.

We've been semi-serious
for a month,

and super serious
for two months,

and I didn't even know
you had a sister.

I'm not going anywhere
with you

until you deal
with this family stuff.

Like a grown-ass man.

You know how lucky you are
to have a mother

who cares thatmuch?

My mother wouldn't fly out here
to throw holy water on me.

Am I the only one who was moved
by that village speech?

Yes.
Yeah.

I'm gonna go to work.

I have to livestream myself
buying oat milk.

You want to come?
You can be myfake date now.

Good enough for prom,
good enough for tonight.

[ Laughs ]

He wasn't
my fake date!

Do you want a ride?

I want a beer.

♪♪♪

[ Knock on door ]

[ Door opens ]

Oh, I'm sorry,
I was looking for...

You okay?

No.

I was --
I was talking to Ripper.

Hey, um, I, uh -- I heard
a lot of what went on

'cause your family's
very, very loud.

I can't believe
they walked out.

Yeah.

You were right.

They're done with me.

That's not
quite what I said.

I've lived my whole life
for those two.

Mm.

I have made
serious personal sacrifices.

My only vacation was
dropping them at Astro Camp.

I got my bras
from my gym's lost and found.

And I think this one was lost
on purpose.

I cover up the grey in my hair
with a Sharpie.

Even now, I haven't had sex
in four years.

And it was four years
before that.

It should be
an Olympic sport.

You are a plain-talking woman,
aren't you, Jean?

This sucks.

You get 18 years
of keeping them alive

around an inch of water,

and when they can finally do
something interesting,

you don't even get to enjoy
the fruits of your labor.

What's the point?

The satisfaction in knowing
that you raised

healthy, interesting,
relatively independent adults.

Big whoop.

I'm all alone.

Well,
alone's not so bad.

You know, since Cheryl left,
I can cook fish in the house.

I can eat it
in my undies.

Also allowed
to use the word "undies" now.

Cheryl
had a lot of rules.

[ Cries ]

Oh.

Hey.

Thanks for being here.

You really are
an Incredi-host.

I try to think
of all the amenities:

you know,
sulfate-free shampoo,

a welcome basket
of fruit,

emotional support.

You have good lips.

Well, I was gonna say
you have good lips, too.

♪♪♪

I can't believe
she came here.

You know the reason
that she came here

is 'cause
she doesn't respect me.

[ Scoffs ]
She just waltzed
right into my apartment.

She didn't knock, nothing.
I'm a grown-ass man.

Oh, please, Freddie.
You love it.

What do I love?

Being her
little baby boy.

She still buys
your socks.

No.

So?

So that means all
the responsibility is on me.

For everything.
The daily phone calls.

The birthday cards.

The endless computer
and smartphone tutorials.

I mean, how many times
do I have to show her

how to take a selfie?

And who is she sending
the selfies to?

Of course.

Also, guess who's gonna take
care of her when she's decrepit.

So don't do it
if you don't want to.

Okay, sure.
Then what'll happen to her?

We just put her on a log
and float her out to sea?

Why are we talking about this?
I'm gonna have nightmares.

'Cause I'm the one
that thinks about these things

and makes a plan
for the day people die.

While you play
stupid video games.

Which is my career.

Yeah, 'cause you get to do
whatever you want.

And I'm not fun.

What?That's what Andy said.

He said I was already
a boring old lady.

And then he took the Nissan
and he drove away.

The car lease was
in his name.

The apartment lease
was in mine.

Critical error.

Not really.

It would suck to live
in a Nissan.

Why'd you stop
calling me?

I just wanted to see,
if I wasn't the one to call you,

if I'd ever hear
from you again.

So, it was like a test?

Yeah.

Like a Spanish test.

You suck.
[ Laughs ]

I'm not in seventh grade
anymore, you know?

You're not?
How are you different?

I go all the way
with my girlfriend.

Oh, my God.

Is that all you've got?

Honestly, yeah.

[ Both laugh ]

I mean, what else is there?
It's called all the way.

That's true.
That's it.

Mm-hmm.

[ Sighs ]

You know,
maybe we can just try

to have
a grown-up relationship.

Where I-I'm not
the loser little brother

and you don't have to be perfect
all the time.

Okay.

And maybe you can get Mom
the birthday card this year.

Yes, I totally could.

When's her birthday?

♪♪♪

This is probably
a terrible idea.

It's absolutely
a terrible idea.

I don't care.
Do you?

Less by the second.

[ Door opens ]

-[ Gasps ]
-No!

-Oh!
-Oh, my God!

Ah! I haven't been kissed
in five years!

I thought you said you
haven't had sex in four years?

But I haven't been kissed
in five.

Mom!

We came back here
'cause we felt bad

about walking out
on you.

And you're here making out
with a stranger?

Not making out.
And not a stranger.

This is Danny,
my Incredi-host.

Ew. I don't even want to know
what that means.

It's really just a sticker
for my water bottle.

Who are you?

I don't know!

If I'm not your mother,
do I even exist?

[ Sighs ]

Okay.
I'm gonna head off.

Uh...it's really nice
to meet you both.

I have heard so, so, so,
so, somuch about you.

[ Chuckles ]

I always had this idea
that we should be a village.

Always here for each other
if we need something.

That's why I wanted
to be close to you.

But you're adults now,

and if you don't want that,
I can't force it.

So...just know
that I'm a phone call away

and that I love you.

And also: I'm sorry.

Sometimes I hold on
too tight

because I'm afraid
of losing you,

because, well, you know.

I got ditched by the person
I thought I was gonna marry.

I started sleeping
with my boss

who's so old that people think
I'm his nurse.

It was hard to tell you
on the phone.

Maybe it would have been easier
if you were here.

And Celia
would totally leave me

if she knew I'd never bought
my own socks

or favorite
toilet paper.

A-And maybe
if you were here,

you could show me
where to get that stuff.

Really? I feel like
she could text you that.

Stop ruining my thing
with Mom!

I could stay a while.

[ Sighs ]

I like this.

Yeah.

Maybe you could learn
to knock, though,

you know, instead of
just walking in.

Shhh.

[ Chuckles ]
Two days in Los Angeles

and you're making out
with a stranger

and you got
a therapist?

Yeah, it was kind of
a two-for-one deal.

You know
how much I love those.

[ Chuckles ]

And we didn't make out.

We almostkissed.

Jeannie, I went to high school
with you.

We both know
an "almost kiss"

is a light beer away
from antibiotics.

When are you
coming back?

I don't know yet.

They need me.

If I don't call you
for four days,

will you come check on me
in Iowa?

Aww.

[ Smooches ]

[ Sighs ]

♪♪♪

♪♪♪