Original subtitles

A LITILE LUST

Hold on.

Okay.

- Geez, Роко! - Hold on...

- Ouch. - "Ouch" what?

- Stop. - What do you mean, stop?

- Hold on... - Come on!

- No, Роко, right here. - Don't move.

Never mind.

- Never mind. - Oh well.

- What a drag. - I know.

Well, you can't blame me, I'm in the pink.

I know, it makes me flop into a depression.

It seems your mood's not the only thing flopping.

It's not my fault, I just can't do it.

Of course not,

you've known me forever, I'm like your sister.

I wasn't thinking of you as a sister.

- No? - What if it's too small?

It's not small.

I think it is, the more I look at it the more I'm sure.

Listen, according to Kinsey Institute for Sex Research,

the dick measures from 8 to 10 cm, when flaccid.

Yours is totally within the norm.

And... hold on...

I have a tape measure here...

Knock it off.

- How do you know all this? - Internet! I like to be informed.

Not like my grandma who doesn't know her ass from her elbow.

I want to be aware of how I pee and all that.

- So you think it's normal? - Роко...

the vagina's an elastic organ, it couldn't care less about size.

Deep penetration isn't what gives a woman an orgasm, got it?

- You sound like my dad. - Why, Psycho said the same?

I've always said it, psychiatrists really turn me on.

It's Mauri, he's waiting upstairs.

My dad's meeting my English teacher, I should've skipped out.

- Instead you struck out! - Fuck off.

Alessandra, can I speak to Dr. Bordin?

Thanks.

Manuele, we need to talk...

No, I didn't hear your radio show, I'm working.

But have you spoken to your son?

Christ, you always have a session when we need to talk about him.

No, I don't have psychosis of adolescence, relax.

But Роко has issues.

Since you attend to everyone's kids,

could you take a look at ours too?

Because he had porn magazines under his bed, that's why.

What, that means he's started jerking off?

Manuele, your son isn't happy.

I see him every day, you don't, so take my word.

Good, thanks.

You have to meet his English teacher today.

Yes, the blonde woman.

All right, bye.

This phone call was better than a TV interview.

- Pardon me? - Nothing...

Aren't you a fan of my ex-husband?

I think he has notable and astute opinions on the psyche of humans.

It's a pity he tunes out the psyche of his family.

- So what's the news? - Shit storm.

Jody confirmed it'll be his last tour.

- Is that a joke? - No, he's bummed.

No kidding, after those bastards beat him up.

That sucks, he's the only good one.

Why do the paparazzi care if he's gay?

Like it's news! Homophobic world full of asshole snoops.

They fucked with our favorite singer.

There are plenty of assholes here too.

Got any other shitty news for us?

Manetti socked some new kid.

- Where? - In the playground.

Hi, Maria.

I'm sick to hell of Manetti.

- Hi. - Hey, Carlo.

Lemme see...

You are so cool!

Later, sista.

See ya...

- What are you laughing about? - He's nuts about you.

He's just nuts.

- Plus he's a baby. - He's a year younger.

He's a rug rat, got it?

- Mrs. Giancola is late. - Cool.

Let's go downstairs?

French kiss me if you want to get by.

Move, or I'll call the janitor.

The janitor? But he's a shitty kisser.

Is it gay pride already?

Aren't you pFettY?

Pretty baby... Get lost, you fucking fag!

- Stop it. - What?

Stop what?

Kids! Kids!

Go to class. Manetti, knock it off and go.

Ciminelli, watch it...

The day's just started and you're getting on my nerves.

Another one shoves off!

- Who exactly? - Jody Mc Gee.

"Freddy Mercury's successor", my foot!

They caught him kissing his drummer.

There were paparazzi, a brawl,

now he's Calling it quits because he feels harassed. Oh please.

What bothers you so much about this?

He's a kid who made it big online in 15 minutes

and now he's whining because they beat his ass?

He can't handle the pressure, damn pansy!

Does your therapist know that gays upset you so much?

Kudos, you've just won yourself the assignment.

Write 40 lines, due an hour ago.

- Oh, sweetie... - Yes, dear?

I want a ballsy piece, something suggestive,

not the usual politically-correct fluff, okay?

Got it.

- Let's have dinner together? - No.

Class, Andrea is a new student

and I hear you've given him an appalling welcome.

Manetti, I'm talking to you.

Teach, have you looked at him? He's built like a poet,

he doesn't deserve to be in this world or to stand next to you.

Damn Manetti, how'II we manage to endure your huge ego?

- Bordin, no swearing. - Right, no swearing.

And it's long more than it is huge.

Yes, but very limp.

Now that we know all that there is to know about Manetti,

can we carry on?

Andrea, have a seat.

- What'd she say? - Your English is good...

when it comes to your favorite singer.

- I'm good. - Only with things you like,

not the things that we like.

She's obsessed with the possessive case.

Rightfully so, they use it more than they use tea!

- Will she fail me? - She said you're smart but lazy.

You figure it out...

Here, for your teacher.

- Yo, I have to give her this? - Yo, give it to her, yes.

- You're stressing me out. - Want to avoid failing or not?

Hi, Роко. Hi, Manuele!

- Wow, she's become cute. - Whatever, dad.

She's cute, it's obvious, it's a fact!

I see her every day, I don't notice.

Hey, Holden Caulfield, no need to feign such indifference.

It's not necessary.

Mom seemed a bit out of it when I talked to her.

Must be that time of month...

How is she doing?

Hey, I asked how she's doing.

Dunno... fine.

Is she working a lot?

Dunno... same as always.

- Does she go out a lot? - Why?

Just asking, I don't want you to be all alone.

- Is she taking care of you? - Yes, as always.

That's good...

How about the occasional smile... or a girlfriend now and then?

Fine.

I'd like to chat with you one night, if you don't mind.

Okay, let me know when because I have practice.

Cutting me off at the pass?

I know these tactics, I deal with them all day.

Bye, dad.

Wendy!

I'm home!

Hi.

Роко, grandma called,

she wants you to go over

to watch a National Geographic documentary on D'Annunzio.

- D'Annunzio? - I know.

It's a drag but you know how she is...

- A bit Fascist. - Very Fascist.

It's all a cover, she's cooler than she lets on.

I noticed you left really early this morning.

I had to meet Maria.

Maria the miracle worker, getting you up that early!

Palyt told me you washed an abnormal amount of socks.

- How come? - Sorry.

I'd forgotten them in my rugby bag and...

No problem, I wasn't scolding you,

I was just asking.

- Not eating? - I'm not really hungry.

You're not hungry?!

Must be serious if you're not eating Palyt's couscous. Want to talk?

- Jody Mc Gee is quitting music. - I know.

We got the bulletin in the newsroom.

- Know why? - A brawl with paparazzi, I heard.

That's what Corrado said.

But he claims it's because he can't handle the pressure.

See? That's what you reporters do.

- What? - Spew bullshit.

- Yes, often. - His blog talks about the attack...

Whose blog? Subject?

Jody's blog talks all about the attack!

- Bastards. - You're right, they are bastards.

If you're not gonna eat this...

Do you think two men get turned on when they kiss?

I guess, if they like each other.

- Does that gross you out? - No, why would you think that?

It does dad.

Are you sure, did you ask him?

I just know.

Is that so?

I told him to take you to the theater one of these days.

Knowing that he kisses men doesn't disturb you?

Mc Gee? No, and it shouldn't disturb you either.

It doesn't bother me but...

do you like him all the same?

Of course, why not?

Would you love me less if I were blonde?

- Well, yeah. - Yeah?

Mom, you'd look hideous!

Is that so?

Thanks.

- Where's the student office? - That way, downstairs.

- Thanks. - I hear you play rugby too?

Just to appease my dad, I don't like it.

- Too brutal. - Just avoid that asshole Manetti.

What are you listening to?

Jody Mc Gee.

Gotta go, see you...

Even showing up late could be a sign of unconscious resistance.

The unconscious... what a downer!

Actually, it's an upper, it's a big part of life.

Did you like "Juliet and Romeo"?

Yes, it was sad...

Sad.

Let's talk about it.

Well, it's been proven that parents can be such pains in the ass

that they do you in.

Family as the source of poison...

That's an interesting stance.

How are things at school? Tell me about you.

- The usual. - New friends?

No... actually, there is one.

- Is he nice? - Dunno, maybe.

Transposing numbers still?

I haven't done that in ages!

Don't get upset, dyslexia is nothing to be ashamed of.

And we mustn't let lateral thinking screw us over!

- That shirt? - I bought it

with money grandma gave me.

Still like him?

I think what they did to him was horrible!

Violence is no way to solve problems.

Impressive! So him being gay is a "problem"?

- Now's not the time for this. - Why?

Because it's not conducive to digestion.

Can I have your autograph?

Sure.

I'm your biggest fan, I'm crazy about you.

- Thanks. - You're welcome.

You're even more handsome in real life.

Dad, is it possible to not like a girl because you know her too well?

Wait, are we finally talking about sex?

- No, but... - Роко, there are no rules.

Most likely, you just don't like that girl, period.

But if we're being honest, I size up every single female.

I mean, even right here, if you look around...

there are lots of women.

It's perfectly natural to picture them in bed making love.

I'm saying it's not abnormal to do that, understand?

Okay, I think this dinner's gone on too long.

Shall we go? I'll drive you home.

Shit! "Third Chat“ hasn't replied in two days.

The dickhead's ignoring me.

Come on, Роко! Nobody has died.

My dick has.

The more you think about it, the worse it is.

- Did you tell Psyche? - No way, he'd fuck anyone!

- Plus, he started in the 70s. - Big deal...

Sex and revolution!

They had a physical, psychic, and psychedelic erection, it's a no-win.

- Why, what are things like now? - Online.

Like I told you, we're the online sex generation.

This douche won't answer me...

Wanna be like that? Then I'll just delete you.

- Who's next "Fourth Chat"? - Yep, onwards and upwards.

That was a real dainty play, Bordin!

Tell your dad that in order to play rugby you need muscle matter

and a penis.

Tell your dad that the real trouble is when you don't have gray matter!

Бординии, I said penis.

Pe-nis...

not that baby carrot you have between your legs.

You are and will always be shit, Bordin.

Got it?

Manetti! What the heck?

- He instigated me. - Benched for a month!

It was just a scrum with this "scrumbag".

This is not okay, this isn't what rugby's about.

Are you all right? Go get dressed.

What a sorry sight, get moving!

Revenge!

Yes?

Speaking.

Роко? Are you sure?

All right, I'll be right there.

Why are you here?

I heard about the fight while I was warming up, did you get hurt?

If I could, I'd bash his face in.

Never mind.

I can't bear to see you like this.

Why on earth did you attack Manetti of all people!

- He's a thug. - He started it.

- So? - He instigated me.

- What did he say? - My penis is a baby carrot.

- The pediatrician never told me that. - He said I have no penis.

It must've fallen off recently if you're behaving like this.

You hit him like a Fascist.

I was avenging injustice!

A rugged revolutionary! Baby carrot penis aside, that is.

- What's a Iapsus? - A Latin word.

Freud said that when someone uses the wrong word

it's not a mere slip-up, instead it reveals unconscious thoughts.

So what did mom say?

- She's a possibilist. - Роко, come on.

She's worried but she didn't say no.

It'd be your first concert. Breathe slower or you won't make it.

That's better.

Dad, Maria and Mauri are going too, it's his last tour.

Without a chaperone?

I'm not paying, buy the ticket yourself.

- Straighten up. - Is that a yes?

- Do you have the money? - Not yet.

Maybe I can ask the shah, I mean grandma...

See, that would be a Iapsus.

Intrepid!

Intrepid!

Intrepid!

Good job, Роко, very nice.

- Looks new. - You never drive it.

When you get your license you can drive it.

Well?

What's wrong?

Nothing.

You haven't said a word.

I want to go somewhere but mom and dad are making a fuss,

but I won't give in this time.

Good! "Believe, Obey, Fight“.

- Know what D'Annunzio said? - Enough D'Annunzio, he's Jurassic.

"Memento audere semper".

Remember to dare, always.

You know, he who hits first hits twice!

- Don't tell mom. - Your poor mom...

She was born in the wrong era.

But we each have the era we deserve.

Here, Роко. You earned it.

Thanks.

And remember I don't give advice to everyone.

Why can't Intrepid eat inside?

Outside's better, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

- Go wash up. - And the cake?

After.

Smells good!

- Wow, you look awesome. - Right?

I'm sure it'll be the usual bore with Prince Charmless

and at midnight my boobs will fall off and roll down the stairs.

I love you, know that?

- I add the almonds at the end? - Did you blanch them?

- Of course. - Yes, add them at the end.

I'll get it.

- Hi, guys. - Hello, Olga.

- Hot date? - Hope so. Роко's in the kitchen.

Okay,

- This metal eagle is butt-ugly! - Leave it alone.

- Where'd they get it? - Never mind.

Hey, Роко.

What's cooking?

I've been dying for Chinese food, sweet!

- Hand off. - Drinks?

Olga only left us a few cans but I know where to find more.

- Who is it? - My mom.

- Oedipus, the almonds are burning. - Shit!

Hey, what's with that butt-ugly eagle in there?

- Don't... - Hush.

It's a gift for my grandma, she's kinda right-wing...

Kinda... just a bit...

Let's go.

How are we doing on money?

- Not good, the concert's in 2 days. - Yeah.

This morning you said you found an awesome, life-altering solution.

True, it's not just a solution, it's the bomb!

- Well? - Well, what?

What's this bomb?

Eggs.

Huh?

I'll sell my eggs.

I'll make them, like hatch 'em,

and I'll sell them online.

- Cool. - You're kidding?

- Not at all. - Sounds cool.

But who'd want your eggs?

Dunno, Americans.

In America, the egg market is a goldmine!

There's even a bank in Milan.

Yeah right, go suck an egg!

- How much do they go for? - Dunno.

But enough for three tickets, for sure!

My eggs are young and strong.

We gotta hurry up.

Your mom would freak if she found out.

My mom? I'm selling my eggs, not hers!

It's a free market.

Can I have more? I'm starved.

Hev guvs...

where can I find a secondhand portfolio?

Secondhand? A portfolio contains photos of you, dummy!

A secondhand portfolio, dumb-ass!

- I was joking. - Yeah, right.

Shut up and go jerk off into one of your socks!

What? You jerk off into your socks?

That's a brilliant idea, let's patent it.

- No way, it's as old as my grandma. - Bullshit.

I say we patent it.

Third Chat.

He's back again?

- I won't reply anyway. - You're a real bastard.

Is this news or gossip?

I just dodged a lawsuit and wouldn't want it to happen again.

Corrado, I have another call.

It's my son, call you back.

Роко, honey, what's up?

What?

Sure, but what happened?

- Do you know Роко Bordin? - No.

Do you know Роко Bordin?

He's right there.

Damn, this is nuts.

Hey, Bordin! What a holy mess, huh?

- Mom, let's go. - Hold on.

What happened, do you know?

How should I know? But I can guess...

- Let's go. - Meaning?

I think he was having sex in the lav and someone walked in.

He got scared and tried to run but slipped: shitty luck.

He sure did fly...

Maybe you should tell the police.

If they ask me... Sure, I'll tell them after. Okay?

Good.

Bye Bordin, see you tomorrow.

- Роко! Was that Manetti? - I told you not to come here.

He's grown up.

Well, we showed him we're not afraid after all the beatings he gave us.

Who is it?

It's Dr. Manicotti. It's about your mother, call me.

It's me, next week I'm going to Mussolini's hometown.

Thanks for the metal eagle. Bye.

Heart and honor, always.

Why do I have such a Fascist mother?

Hey...

He's at Sant'Eugenio hospital.

He has a broken arm and dislocated shoulder but is fine.

He was lucky, given the fall he took.

It's okay, honey.

I spoke to the principal, want to hear what she said?

This time, despicable Manetti was right.

Because most likely, they were running away from him.

- They? - Yes...

there might've been a girl in the bathroom with Andrea.

Manetti showed up, she got scared and ran,

but Andrea jumped.

Dad said he wants to take you to the movies.

He also said you're too emotional.

If he says it to you, ignore him, don't bother getting upset.

Honey, come on. Come read my piece on Mc Gee,

Corrado wants it tomorrow and I want your input.

Now let's get dressed, I'll pull out some shirts

and you pick the one you want.

Here...

This one... I'll get a sweatshirt too.

Here...

Where's that green one?

- Mom, it's me. - Huh?

The girl with Andrea.

Do we know her? Who is she?

- It's me. - I don't understand.

It's me, mom.

What does that mean?

Well?

Well?

I was with Andrea.

Wait, Роко, are you saying that...

Are you saying you're...

That's why you got mad at Manetti. He suspects you?

Oh God!

Роко, we should talk.

Actually, you should talk to dad. Hope that Manetti...

Not dad, I already know his opinion.

What's his opinion?

- He says homosexuals are immature. - Homo...

Don't even say that word!

Why bring up homosexuals?

This is just a phase, and dad can explain it to you.

- It's not a phase. - It is, what do you know?

It's about me, I do know!

You're just being influenced, understand?

No, I've been trying to fuck Maria for a year but can't!

What...

- I don't want to know. - I couldn't do it.

Then Maria's not the girl for you.

- So now it's Maria's fault? - I didn't say that.

Process of identification, that's it!

"Process of identification", your dad's always yapping about it.

You've sought out an inverted identity

to oppose me, your dad, everyone! Something like that.

It's just a rough patch, this is adolescence...

you'll get through it like I did.

Damn it, I got aroused when Manetti hit me even if I hate him.

Understand? I jerk off to him beating me up.

- Sit. - I'm not a patient.

No, you're not, and you couldn't even be one.

I don't need therapy.

Sure... Olga would you give us time alone.

But...

No, my next patient's already waiting, go out the back please.

You don't need it?

You'd rather just go to the concert, and who cares about the rest...

But I think some therapy would be good for you.

That concert would be good for me.

Jody taught me things that you two could never!

Jody? Yeah, right...

I've seen him...

with his little legs in front of thousands of crazed fans.

Shall we talk about his songs? Analyze his lyrics?

Who writes them, his dog?

And ditch that iPod... it's not an umbilical cord.

- You use one too. - But I can live without it.

You see, Роко...

this is a transitional phase...

A passing moment.

But this moment could cause you to make choices

that you'd regret.

- It's not a fucking moment! - Easy, kiddo.

Watch your mouth when you're with me.

The world's full of pederasts who'd love a lad like you.

Gay, dad. Pederasts are a totally different thing.

You want to punish me for being what I am.

And for your information, I've been torn up for a while.

Okay, Роко, you've been very clear...

I've grasped the concept.

You're a minor, so there's only so much discussing to be done,

then your mom and I decide till you're 18.

- You can't decide my feelings. - What's going on in here?

We're... talking about the great Jody Mc Gee. Have a seat.

- You know nothing about him. - And you do?

- You play golf with him...? - I know more than you do!

Are we really discussing who knows Jody Mc Gee better?

He's cool, he got ahead on his own online

when others said his music was jack shit.

Роко, please...

As you see, even you adults can make mistakes.

Hey kid, becoming an adult is your job too.

- And a man. - I am a man!

No, right now you're just a dim reflection of the man you'll become.

Nobody is questioning your masculinity, all right?

When is his appointment with Dr. Martini?

No way!

You'll go see him since your dad can't treat you.

I haven't decided when he'll start, we're still talking as you see...

What more is there to say?

- Hurry up and fix it. - Fix it?

Olga, therapy isn't a washing machine,

both sides have to be willing to collaborate...

- Let's collaborate! - He needs to collaborate, not you.

So convince him, and if you can't, then force him!

Nonsense! Psychoanalysis is based on theoretical liberation,

not on castration, for fuck's sake!

Take this, it'll calm you down at least.

Smoke a joint instead!

Where are you going?

- Bordin! - I can't believe it.

- Your dad sure gets around. - He's a shithead.

- Your mom. - She tolerates him.

- She tolerates you too. - When?

When you told her you're Andrea's boo!

And she said you're not the girl for me.

Really? What else did she say?

Nothing, the usual crap about me not being gay...

- And it can happen... - Really?

- You told her it happened? - I told her it's my fucking business.

No, it's her fucking business too, she's your mom...

but you have to talk hetero to her, then she'd understand you.

Coffee?

What?

I offered you some coffee.

Thanks.

Sleepless night?

Yes?

Of course he recognized her!

He's a teen, he's not blind.

Look, Manuele, this is the last thing we needed.

Fine, then I don't understand.

What?

Your iPad went missing...

Роко? Your iPad was the last thing on his mind.

I'm certain, your son's no thief.

He's gay but he's not a thief.

Send a taxi to Via Montesanto 10, please.

Thanks.

- Going out? - Yes.

- I have an interview. - What about the concert?

Dad called, his iPad is missing...

Who gives a shit, answer my question.

- This is no time for concerts. - When is the time, then?

It's an absurdity you're even asking after what happened.

- Absurdity? - Yes.

What about Lady Gaga's mug?

- Huh? - They paid 57,000 euros for it.

Some people don't consider it an absurdity.

Someone even mortgaged their home for Jimi Hendrix's Fender

but I wouldn't say I'm overwhelmed with admiration for them.

- So it's a no? - It's a no.

- What about dad's iPad? - Doubt anyone mortgaged it.

- The old lady's gone? - I wouldn't have let you in otherwise.

Out with the booty.

The therapist has a small one.

I don't get how we'll pay for these tickets online.

His dad goes to a ton of concerts...

Adults have memory problems, they save everything.

In two minutes I bet we'll find his password and credit card number.

- But is it legal? - It's phishing.

- What's that mean? - Learn English.

- Now who's bugging us? - My mom.

- Damn, no seats left. - No, and it's tonight.

All right, time for Plan B.

I know a scalper from Tor Pagnotta.

- Where's that? - In Butthole Nowhere.

How'II we get there?

Good thing my parents are in Prague or they'd beat me senseless.

And if my mom catches me...

Stay calm and cool-headed, anyone can drive with a hoodie on.

The hoodie's not our issue.

Shut up, you're in a tricky spot already.

- Why? - You're in the seat of death.

Took you long enough.

I was interviewing the councilman. Sorry we ran late.

I can't find it. Help me or I am doomed.

We'll find it.

Your son hasn't picked up for 2 hours, he must be pissed off.

You checked your briefcase?

Yes, everywhere. Like I said, I'm sure he took it.

No! And how can you find anything in this pigsty?

- Were you thorough? - Yes?

- You lifted up everything? - Yes.

If you say so... let's keep looking.

You didn't search thoroughly.

- You must have a backup. - Not of my emails.

You must've saved your collection of letters from Freud!

Yes, but not those emails...

Whose emails, Freud's?

Let me get things straight, does Freud teach English?

Yes, those emails, I'd rather our son not read those.

- No kidding. - Right.

It'd be easier to find Lady Gaga's mug than your iPad.

How gross! A mountain of socks, like his father.

Why is this pillow so heavy?

No way...

I was wrong, he's a thief too.

I found it.

All right...

There's a map open...

No, I have one word for you: Tor Pagnotta!

Sorry, ManuМануелее can I call you back?

He is nuts.

He took my car!

Mom! Shit...

Sorry, I thought you were Manuele. What is it?

Who took what?

My car? I don't know.

How should I know? Someone must've stolen it.

Роко?

He's not here.

Where? I don't know.

I'll go next door and ask Maria's mother,

she might know.

Mom, I have to go, bye.

- Olga! - Hi, Allegra.

Come in, honey.

- What's up? - Роко stole my car.

We've had some issues recently.

- Like the Mc Gee concerГий - More or less...

Darling, go play. Off you both go.

Come in.

“Mom, I ran away with Роко and Mauri. They're trustworthy

You say I have no culture,

well I'm getting me some culture at the Jody Mc Gee concert.

Relax, I won't ask you for anything.

I can always work under the table.

And this umbilical cord's choking me,

it's time to cut it. You get my drift, don't you?"

- What's this mean? - She's done this before.

Maria's a free spirit...

- Know where she's going? - To find herself.

- No, to Tor Pagnotta. - What a funny name.

Something Pennac would write. Want some green tea?

- No, thanks. - Rice cake?

I'd like my car but my son stole it. Can I use yours?

Honey, we use car sharing. You'd have to sign up.

Then I'll take a cab...

Use Valerio's bike if you want.

Bike to Tor Pagnotta?

It might be a nice suburb...

Who is it?

- Your mom. - My mom?

I'm not disregarding your problems, but the press conference's tomorrow.

I bet your son just ran off to that asshole's concert.

Going where? Tor what?

Fine, I'll go tomorrow then. You're welcome.

I always give in to her, and what do I get in return?

Shitty scalper.

Did it not occur to you before?

It did, what about you guys?

Seemed too cheap, 150 euros for three tickets.

The price isn't the real problem,

but "ballcony" with two Ls is!

We're dumbasses.

Good thing we have your grandma's money.

Let's move it, come on.

My mom will kill me if I leave the car here.

Fill it up first next time!

Fuck!

They clearly ran out of gas.

Clearly.

Mom, go sit in the car for a minute.

Hurry UP-

Not only did he take your iPad, but he stole my car too.

He's clearly going to that concert.

Of course I'm following him, he's my son.

You're not but I am!

Yes, he's immature and so am I,

so is Jody Mc Gee, we all are!

Good thing you're mature at least.

- Bye. - Back to basecamp?

No, you go back to basecamp, I'll go find my son,

end of the story.

I'll let you drive but can you go faster than 2 km/h?

- I'm going the speed limit. - This is how one misses many trains.

It's off, his phone has never been off like this!

That boy sure does possess my genetic patrimony running off like this.

FYI, your genes are trying to go to a rock concert.

Leave him be!

A windbag I happen to know

would say this is a clear sign of a persistent maternal conflict.

I won't leave you alone in this situation,

especially with that horrible ex-husband of yours.

- He's a psychiatrist, not psychotic. - Same difference.

What does "leave me alone" mean? Tell me!

Роко, you've been causing nonstop trouble.

Don't piss me off, I'm not in cahoots with dad.

I couldn't keep him in the dark.

- Not like he understands much... - Don't be a bitch.

And you think I'm having a good old time?

Роко, don't hang up. Don't hang up.

I swear when I find him, I'll kill him.

Want me to call him? He might answer an old bitch's call.

We need two tickets to get in, don't we?

And two sedatives, come on.

Excuse us.

Mom, sit here.

Here... please, just sit down.

- Want a sandwich? - From a dump like this?

It's probably toxic.

How about a nice plate of couscous?

Do I look like a chicken?

Get me a Cappuccino so I can replenish my sugar levels.

- A Cappuccino, how much? - 3 euros.

The Cappuccino? Thanks.

Mom, here you go.

Listen... wait here, I'll be right back.

If you're going to the bathroom, don't sit.

- Quit making all this ruckus. - Who are you?

One of those guys your mom told you to steer clear of.

Come with me.

Well?

It's my first time, I might raise the roof...

That's what we're here to do, raise the roof.

What are you doing?

The younger you are, the dumber you are.

- Come here. - Get lost.

- So long as I am here... - I can't fuck who I want?

- What? - You always say sex is natural.

- Not this! - This is what comes naturally to me.

You little shit!

I can't take it anymore.

I need...

some affection, understand?

I can't believe what I saw.

How can I talk if you keep yelling?

Fine, then let's talk about it.

- I'm perfectly calm. - Yeah, right.

I am!

I have never turned my back on you.

If you caught me with a girl, you wouldn't have objected.

It wasn't a girl, it was a boy!

You don't know him, it's not love, what kind of first time is that?

- You could get a disease. - That's how it is with men.

Says who?

You... you...

you can't understand how I feel.

I feel like my body could explode at any second.

You and dad only accept these things in books.

It's easy to side with Romeo...

If you hadn't shown up...

You can do better than that, Romeo, trust me.

Can I go catch up with Maria and Mauri?

- No, it's out of the question. - Damn it!

Never cry over lost opportunities.

- The car! - One of your worst parking jobs ever.

- Hello, I called earlier... - Yes...

Shitty place, huh? If I were you I'd want to leave.

- I'll get your file. - Thanks.

As for her, in regards to this situation...

stonewall her as much as possible, okay?

She doesn't need to know all the details.

Understand?

Роко, understand?

Роко? Nice name.

Yes... Роко, like "Johnny Роко“.

No, like "Роко and His Brothers".

But then no brothers came along. Роко's an only child.

I had a dog named Роко, he was a pal...

It'll be 179 euros.

- Sign here. - Okay.

- Paying in cash? - Yes.

Hold on...

Here.

Wait here.

This kind of beauty won't save the world...

Don't quote Russians around me, please.

- Not even Dostoyevsky? - Not even him.

Manuele, yes?

He's here with me.

I'm sure you can imagine.

- Hold on. - Роко, take grandma to the car.

Take grandma to the car, please!

Come on.

- Yes? - You know how I feel about it...

"No" is a junction in life, a no helps you grow,

Роко needs to face it.

He is facing your no, and now he's pouting, so what do I do?

Take him home as soon as possible.

And keep him under control

because if word gets out, it'll be detrimental for my work.

So shall I tell him:

"Quit acting like a teen and think about dad's reputation?“

Tell him what you want but it's not decorous

to be dragging us along in this pursuit of a pseudo-icon.

Whatever, bye.

Asshole.

Never mind my eggs...

I would've had to sell a kidney.

It still wouldn't have been enough.

His grandma's the icing on the cake...

Send him a message, tell him to watch out for the fuzz.

Does "fuzz" have one Z or two?

Mauri! You and your damn spelling doubts.

Use three, it'll seem like you're joking around,

that's how I always sort it out.

- Mom? - What?

- Where's Роко? - He was just here.

Don't look at me that way, I just dozed off.

It's off.

When I find him, I'll confiscate his phone!

You two are geniuses.

- I know! - Follow me, come on!

- And if it were an emergency?! - Please stay calm...

Try not to attract attention.

We're not exactly at the center of attention here.

Sit down, please.

Your mother?

She's sleeping in the car.

When I get my hands on him...

You won't do a thing, you've already done enough,

with the English teacher as well.

Drop that inquisitorial tone.

- A heart wants what it wants. - It's not your heart that wants her.

It's no surprise Роко is batting for the other side

with a father who is so... sexually incontinent!

You're a phallic woman...

that's why you can't understand.

Why did he hide it, why didn't he tell us sooner?

Maybe he didn't want you stuffing pills down his throat.

Offering him Zetalin sure was a great idea.

- I'm a doctor, I prescribe pills. - You're also his father.

Also.

- Here are the two whistle-blowers. - Mom, please.

Are you afflicting him with all those blot tests?

- God... - Роко's a minor...

he can't just go around as he pleases.

Persichetti, wait here. Mr. and Mrs. Bordin?

- Yes. - You can go.

We've circulated the photo of the boy...

that's all we can do for now, we'll keep you posted.

M12 is the best submachine gun of the last 50 years.

- MP5 is better. - Nonsense.

With its double grip, the M12 is far more stable than the MP5!

Mom, please.

Amanda, I beg you.

Detective, I implore you

to be as discreet as possible.

Nobody will say a thing, come on.

No worries, we'll do our best.

Okay, we'll be expecting news from you.

- And I from you. - What?

How so?

If the boy voluntarily comes homes.

- Of course. - Good night.

- On your guard! - Always.

Mom...

Pandora, I'll take you for a walk

And show you my cock...ney

Beloved parents

Pandora, I'll show you my shed

And you'll give me some head...y

ATUOFOUS CBFESSES

Pandora, I'll take you to the zoo

And will blow you... away

With declarations of love

Pandora, let's go sit on the grass

And you can give me ass...ent

To be my eternal love

Well then...

I'll be going.

Pontius Pilate's gone.

Hush, I'm trying to get online with my phone.

- You know how? - Of course.

But this darn thing isn't connecting.

Manuele, now what?

Mom, where are you going?

Who called you?

News? What news?

What?

- What are you doing? - My daughter.

- Who's he? - Someone who knows how to go online.

He was just released.

Tell her what to do.

I'm trying to find out the dates of a concert.

- This is an emergency? - I said she'll pay.

- Who'll pay? - You, it's your emergency.

- What concert? - Jody Mc Gee.

- Jody what? - Jody Mc Gee. "G-E-E“.

Here it is: "Masturbation and Sodomy Tour".

- What'd he say? - Nothing.

Right here.

"Florence, Rome, Milan."

- That'll do, thanks. - You're welcome.

How much?

She and I agreed upon 50, nothing less.

Now we have to follow him to Milan!?

- Milan? - He plays in Florence, Rome, Milan!

What did Manuele want?

Manuele... is going to have a child.

- With whom? - Good question.

Is your ex one out of five men who suffer from premature ejaculation?

- Mom! - Like the commercial.

Fennel tea makes me vomit.

We've come by in the dead of night, drink that tea and shut up.

Is chamomile too conventional for her?

Fennel and quit griping.

What great news, how exciting.

- You think? - Sure! Is Manuele happy?

He is, not so sure about his ego.

The world can never have enough children!

- But it's full of idiots. - Mom...

Children are our future.

The future is no longer what it used to be, dear.

Maria replied on Whatsapp?

Yes, she's going to Milan, I'm sure, I know her well.

She mentioned a dream

and then wrote: "Mom, I gotta cross the waters."

And that's when I understood.

It's a response from The Book of Changes.

Know the I Ching? Maria and I do it all the time.

I can tell.

She's like me, I'd have done the same for Kurt.

- Weill? - Cobain!

So, Milan... and what did you say?

"If that's your dream, go!"

And she went.

This fennel is good.

How will we get on without a ticket?

Dunno.

We should've taken the train.

They would've caught us right away.

Where's Maria? She said she'd be right back...

There she is.

Here's our ticket.

- Damn, you stole it? - Let's say I borrowed it.

That's only one, what'II we do?

Voila!

What sort of club would this be?

- Gay, I believe. - What do you mean, you believe?

Why would my grandson go to a gay club?

To hear a gay singer!

Better gay than Communist.

Move it, we have to stop them before they leave.

At least they can't take a plane, they're minors.

- No shit! - Olga, don't be a potty mouth.

Let's get them and take them home.

Hope so!

Paolina? Are you with Intrepid?

Good.

Did he eat?

Did you give him fresh water?

Did he go for a walk?

He must walk at least a kilometer or he'll get lazy.

He's a dog, not a sloth!

All right, I'll call you later.

These Romanians...

Good thing we came, those three weasels are here.

Maria wrote to her mom and she informed me.

Two to zero for the new age mom.

Know how they came to Milan? By bus!

Clever... the enemy knows how to move.

He who stands fast, stands longest!

You're so Fascist!

You're so frustrating! No wonder that poor boy ran off.

- Was I that oppressive with you? - No, you were perfect.

- Where's my tonic water? - Right away.

I ordered it an hour ago...

I thought Milan was famous for happy hour!

30 years ago.

It's off, isn't it?

This omelet's as old as me.

You should've gotten the marinated anchovies.

Do I look like a seal?

It's about time, dear.

Thanks.

No tip for him!

As soon as you finish eating, go back to the hotel.

Since when do you order me around?

Since you've been globetrotting. If Dr. Manicotti found out...

- Manicotti's a dumb-ass. - And you're reckless.

- Don't be a pain in my ass. - You've been glued to me for days.

Because you keep causing havoc.

Finish your fucking omelet and go to the hotel.

. . Yes!

- Go to the hotel! - Go to hell!

Two hours in line at the discount supermarket to buy a few things...

I'm Nada, chronic retiree, nice to meet you.

You know, ever since...

my beloved Dino, God bless him, left me on my own,

I try to get bY-

I was in the same condition you are.

Excuse me?

No, it's just a little headache.

But I get by on my deceased husband's pension.

No help from the kids?

My kids? No such thing...

Minimum wage.

Know what I said to my son?

"All right, Ignazio, if you want to drink away your salary...

go ahead, but I want half of your business then!"

- Business? - Yeah...

I must supplement my earnings somehow, you know.

Of course... did he agree to it?

Do I look like someone who takes no for an answer?

I've always admired the innate practicalness of Milanese.

Then let's be practical, my dear lady!

Let's say: "Goodbye, headache!"

I wish... but this is a migraine with aura, it won't go away.

Want to bet?

I've got the cure for you... are you a grandma?

- Yes. - Here's grandma's home remedy.

40 euros and you'll be good as new.

40 euros? No thanks, I'll keep my headache.

- 30. -10.

- No, 20. - 15.

Deal.

Here... five...

I'm glad to be of help...

for another pensioner, isn't that so?

Wicked cool!

- Got anything? I'm cleaned out. - Nope.

But let's be on guard and keep clean till the concert,

just one rum and coke.

- Mauri, pay up. - What?

- I said pay! - Am I your ATM?

Who's our sugar daddy until we make a buck?

Hey, he looks just like Jody!

- Yeah, I noticed. - No kidding.

- Go hit on him. - Me?

But he likes salami, not muffins.

- What? - Nothing, never mind.

I bet if you try to do it with him, you'd manage.

Go on.

I won't get mad, I'm a good sport. Go on.

- Where's he going? - Let's get out of here.

Mauri!

- What's wrong? - I paid for food, drinks, and shirts.

- I'm not giving you another cent. - Are you tripping?

If I am, I paid for it with my money.

Guys, what's up? Have you lost your minds?

Are you nuts?

- You've busted my balls! - You actually have balls?

Fuck you, I'll pay you back in Rome

if that's the problem.

No, that's not the problem.

I'm not sure I want a fag for a friend.

Chill, he just found out, he needs time to get over it.

Don't worry...

- What's going on? I'm speechless. - Then shut up, girl.

Dr. Manicotti? Fuck you!

- What have you taken? - A miracle remedy, my dear.

- Nada was right. - Who's that?

- Relax... - Who is Nada?

A lovely woman...

You look like you're stoned, come on.

You're such a drag, Olga! It was just a pill, a magic pill.

You took a pill a stranger gave you?

- It was more like a ball. - A ball?

- A brown ball. - Give me Dr. Manicotti's number.

He's a dumb-ass.

Mom, try to stay calm, your heart rate must be accelerated...

Come along.

- Mauri! - Hi.

- Maria! - Oh, shit!

- Where's Роко? - In the club.

- The moon! - Mom...

- I need a hand, help me. - How?

- Watch her, she's on marijuana. - Where'd she get it?

- Don't start. - Sorry. I'll handle her.

- I'm entrusting her to you. - Okay.

- What's wrong with him? - He's out of it...

he drank three vodkas, but he'll be fine soon.

Doubt it.

Hey, your mom's here.

Grandma?

Grandma!

Heart and honor, always.

- Why are you here? - I'm looking for my run-away grandson.

Is mom here too?

- Was the concert good? - It was awesome.

Then why are you sad?

- Because of Mauri. - Why, what has he done?

- He's being an asshole. - Why?

Because he said...

he's not sure he wants a fag for a friend.

- And what did you do? - Nothing, but I wanted to punch him.

But mom told me to stonewall you.

Stonewall me? What does that mean?

Well... sooner or later I would've told you:

I'm gay and I like a boy.

- Did you hear me? - Yes, I did.

I heard you...

What can I say?

If you want to take it up the...

Grandma!

Well, that's what it's about.

Not just that.

And does this boy like you?

Dunno, I hope so.

Good thing grandpa's gone, who knows what he'd have done!

What'll you do?

Well, I may be Fascist but I'm still your grandma, Роко...

I love you.

Now let me get some sleep,

I'm tired.

So tired...

Tired.

I left her alone for a second, Mauri was about to pee himself

and I had to go with him or he'd get lost.

Anyway, she went that way.

There she is, let's go.

Come on, Mauri.

I'm exhausted, why did you go away? I lost track of you all.

It seems your mom got swept away!

There she is, good as new.

Mom! Mom?

Mom?

Mauri!

Your mom is really off-the-wall, you know.

Indeed, I think I'll have to go back into therapy.

- I should take her to the hotel. - Good idea.

You know where Роко is, right?

If I don't tell you, will you cross off my name?

I know the faults of friendship and I'm glad you're his friend.

So he screwed me over?

Роко needs to find his way out of this crossroads...

or else he'll keep getting fucked...

He needs to find his way out.

Of course.

Tell him to call me when he can.

The whole thing's a lot more innocent than you think.

Oh God!

Jody Mc Gee, teenage idol, has died in a hotel in Milan.

The cause of death is unclear.

In other news...

I cannot believe it.

Neither can I.

- No, he can't be dead. - Then where is he?

With Michael Jackson.

And Steve Jobs?

My mom would say with Jim Morrison too.

And Amy Winehouse.

- And Tommy Ramone. - Who?

The Ramones' drummer.

Rock on, Mauri!

And Elvis too!

Jimi Hendrix as well.

- Marilyn Monroe. - Janis Joplin.

- Kurt Cobain. - He shot himself in the mouth.

So?

That guy... the son of...

what's his name, the crow guy?

Right, the one who got shot!

I can't remember his name though.

- Press address book. - Press address book... and?

- Select contact. - Select contact...

- You have no contacts! - What I?

That's why you can't send text messages.

- Where do I buy contacts? - You don't buy them.

Contacts are numbers like your daughter's, your grandson's...

Let's send a message to Mauri.

"Knock it off, dumb-ass!"

- He might get upset. - No...

And if he does we'll tell him off for real.

- Send? - Yes.

SORRY!

See, he got over it.

- Looks like it. - Thanks to your grandma.

Guess what happened? Third Chat revealed himself.

- Who, the perv? - He's not a perv, it's Carlo!

Creepy Carlo, the one who fell for you the second he saw you?

Carlo, what's so funny?

At least he's loyal,

that's a rare find nowadays... look.

Quit laughing.

Роко, it's dad.

He wants to talk to you. We'll wait here.

Hello?

- How are you? - Did you hear?

Yes, I heard about Mc Gee on the radio. I'm really sorry.

I'm so happy to hear your voice.

Right... how are you?

Not well, not too well...

I'm mortified by what happened, we all made lots of mistakes.

- Like? - Like I gave into a weakness

and I'm not proud of myself.

And what shape does this weakness take?

You're going to be a big brother.

Fuck, with my English teacher?

How about you start calling her Barbara?

Okay, it weirds me out, but I'll try.

Anyway, Роко...

I wanted to say that...

I will make up for all the affection I haven't given you.

I will fill in all the voids I left you, believe me.

And Роко...

let's both mull over the concept of error. All right?

I love you.

- Mom's calling me. - Go on, don't upset mom.

BVe, hugs.

The concept of error...

Great idea for my next book.

Welcome to another episode of "The mind that minds“,

our guest is Dr. Manuele Bordin.

Hello and thanks for having me.

Let's talk about your latest work which is about the concept of error.

That's right, errors needs to be subjected to constant adjustments

in order for them to become truth.

But this time, your work has taken the form of a novel.

So as not to bore.

The book is already a best-seller. Tell us the title.

It's called: "Neither Juliet nor Romeo“.

- Intriguing! - Let's hope so.

Subtitles: Laser S. Film s.r.I. - Rome Editor and timings: sofiaguy™, 2017