Original subtitles

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull M_I_SForEver

You are my number one guy.

Mastur Bait We'll see.

Dahmer.

Manson.

The Bone Killer.

No.

The Boner.

Me likey.

Me likey big time.

Yeah, I know, I know.

My God, it's cold out here.

Boo, I miss you so much.

I don't know if I'll survive without you for a week.

Now looks like I'm the first one here.

Okay honey, you know I will.

Bitch, you're so funny.

Look, you know it's because of your milkshake

that I even came to the yard in the first place.

Okay, love you, bye.

Hello, girls.

Okay back it over here

Wanna check my bandwidth?

Hello, Carl.

I've given you a drug, you're unable to speak or move.

But, if I turn this, you can speak.

What's going on?

But I don't really wanna hear you talk right now.

However, it's very important to me

that you're awake for this.

Okay, still with me?

Watch this.

Now I know this looks bad, but the good news

is you are going to die very soon, I promise.

So don't worry about that.

Just a minute.

Carl?

This is your bone.

And I am the Boner.

Welcome to your death.

Hello?

Anybody home?

Housekeeping!

No one's here,

We're the first ones here?

Yeah, Carl's car's outside, where is he?

Why did you bring that fake penis with you, anyway?

Technically it's a dildo.

Besides, you know how much fun

we're gonna have with this thing?

Yeah, I do, and leave me out of it.

Get out of here, fuck!

- I get you in the eye? - Are you serious right now?

Get you in the eye?

You totally whacked my wiener.

You are so immature.

- He's so aggressive. - You didn't.

Is that Katie?

Dude, quick, suck my dick.

Come on, dude, it's a joke!

I don't care, I'm not gonna suck your dick

for some stupid joke.

Dude, just do it, it'll be funny, I promise.

They're almost here!

Fuck my ass, all right.

Just suck my dick, just suck my dick.

Yeah!

My god.

My god, I'm not supposed to see this!

Your technique isn't bad.

Yeah, Kev, have you done this before?

Shut up.

Hey Kev,

you might wanna go check up on your girlfriend.

I think she actually thinks you're gay.

What, why?

- Mike, I'm impressed. - Yeah?

Yeah, quite an improvement over the real thing.

Why don't we go upstairs and I'll test that theory?

Remember, this is an office retreat,

we're supposed to be working.

Remember, we're supposed to be working.

Yeah, I know, I just didn't believe him.

He's always been great in bed, amazing.

Well remember how before Kevin I had never had an orgasm?

Well last night I had seven, and two of them are vaginal.

He just, he makes me so wet,

my entire vagina just swells up.

Yes, Mom, that's exactly what I'm talking about.

Well, but then when I think about it,

it makes sense that he would be gay.

Well, remember when he had me put my finger in,

well, it was really like my entire fist.

I'm not gay!

I'm not gay, Mrs. Reed.

Mom, I gotta go.

Then what was that about?

Money?

Yeah, I'm just pulling in now.

I'll see you in a minute.

This is it?

Yeah, It's close to all the ski resorts, yet secluded.

But there's no snow.

Well it snows off and on.

You know, we can't work this all weekend,

we might kill each other.

It has doors.

That's fuckin' cool.

Yeah, yeah, it has all sorts of things.

Anyways, I'll introduce you to everybody when we go inside.

You know, I didn't even tell most of them

that I brought on a new IT guy, but I own the company,

so they can fuck me for a week, you know?

No, I don't understand.

It's gonna be a great weekend.

I would never cheat on you.

Yeah, but that's because you don't think

a blowjob is cheating.

I do, yes, I do think a blowjob is cheating,

but I wasn't giving him a blowjob.

Okay, well then what term would you use?

Blumpkin, fellatio, what?

You are so misunderstanding the situation.

Two, yeah, this is it.

Your breast is hanging out.

I'm quitting after this weekend.

No, Brenda, you can't.

The best part about this job is the fact

that I get to work with my best friend.

Jessica, the only reason we're even here

is because you begged me to stay through the weekend.

And then I'm done, I was gonna quit two weeks ago.

There's Doug.

Who's that?

Hey Doug.

Brenda, Jessica, welcome to our retreat.

Sorry, hold on, I think it's my phone.

Is this the new IT genius?

Hello?

Jess, Brenda, this is Red, and yes, he's the new IT guy.

Hi, Red.

There's nobody there.

Welcome to the team.

What are your breasts' names?

It's nice to meet you.

Are you gonna let me just touch your boob?

Well I guess we'll never know.

What do you feel like on the inside?

That's inappropriate.

Brenda is our sales manager.

No, I just mean, like, if you, could you

stick inside...

Is Red a nickname?

No, my nickname is Bill.

What does Red mean?

Communist, I'm pretty sure.

Doug, Carl's car is here, but he's nowhere to be found.

Well, I'm sure he's not dead!

- Come on. - That's Jen,

Vice President of the company.

Always side with her unless she's arguing with me.

And grab the groceries from the trunk.

Doug.

Hey, if Jen tries to control things

and act like she's the boss,

I'm gonna have a real problem with that.

Well she is the vice president of the company.

Yeah, but she tries to take credit

for everything that I do,

and I worked really, really hard to plan this retreat.

- I just don't think she... - Come on, you guys.

I didn't plan this weekend so that we could start late.

We got a schedule to keep.

My God.

Just relax.

I own the company, I know what you do.

I don't cheat.

I would never cheat.

I love you.

But what about that picture

of Warren Beatty in your bedroom?

That?

He's my favorite actor.

Well, he's in my favorite movie.

Bonnie and Clyde?

No, Ishtar.

Yeah, that's Katie and Kev.

They've been dating since before they started with us,

and that's why it's allowed.

So if anything should happen between you and me,

we'll just have to keep it a secret.

Okay.

If you're joking with me, I will kill you.

Yeah.

You always get yourself in trouble

when you do things like that.

What, he's the one that's in trouble.

You don't even know him.

I know.

But he is kinda creepy cute.

I can hear you.

Don't I know it.

Red, let's explore.

I'm gonna start with her panties.

I'm not wearing any.

My god.

The cabin, Red.

Let's explore the property around the cabin.

She asked me to do something with her panties.

That's not what she said!

I'll meet you out front!

Gosh damn it.

He's gonna think you're into him.

What, it's just harmless fun.

You don't know that.

For all you know, he could be planning

your future together right now.

And then we'll have another kid but he will be floating.

We have to combine our hearts.

I feel your breasts.

- Let's go. - Yeah!

Yep, yep.

Let's go.

That's a nice drawing you made there.

Yeah, I like your jacket.

Thanks, Red, I like the best.

Thank you, sir.

This must be where the family who lives here

keeps their personal family stuff.

I smell blood.

That's normal for the woods.

We're out in nature now.

Yeah.

Hey, Doug!

I've called Carl like seven times and he's not answering.

Well, why don't you call him an eighth time?

Why, what's the point?

I can't get him on the phone.

Exactly, so why'd you call him seven times?

That's how you gotta deal with these people.

I think that one girl really wanted me

to get her new panties.

It was really unprofessional of Mike

to bring a dildo to the company retreat.

It's just not a good way to start a weekend

that I personally spent hours designing.

Jessica helped.

Don't fucking talk about Jessica.

I'm sorry.

All Jessica did was...

Plan most of this event?

No, no.

- No, she... - Planned this entire event.

Stop doing that.

It's okay.

Jen, I want a more serious approach from everyone,

especially Mike.

I have been at this company longer than anyone else.

It was you and I that started it.

Well, I started it, but you were there.

It's just that Mike.

I swear, if he gives me any shit, I am gonna snap.

Look, Jen, I will make sure

we keep a professional attitude

throughout the entire weekend.

Okay?

Thanks, Doug.

Was there something else?

God, I love your fucking tits.

Here you go.

Yeah.

God, that looks delicious.

Mike, again, I'm impressed.

What?

You didn't know I could cook?

No, they just look so good.

I've never seen ribs like this.

What type are they?

Regular kind, I think.

Should we wait for Jen and Doug?

No.

- My gosh, it's so... - Good.

I do good or I do good?

- So good. - This is the best.

This juice is just so juicy God.

Did you guys hear that?

Must have been nothing.

This is so good, I hope there's more.

What is that?

That's that stupid tiger earring Carl got

when he went to the zoo.

Why is it in the food?

Wait, hold on, hold on.

Yeah, I got you pretty good there.

I thought we said never in the face.

Yeah, but it's the most fun.

Come on, we need to get out there.

You guys definitely need those plates over there.

Hey guys, what's going on?

What's going on with you guys?

We were just going over the presentation for the morning.

Yeah, that makes total sense.

Did you cum inside her?

What?

I just mean, did you deposit or download anything?

Like make a transaction.

Did you put your banana in her butthole?

Mike, you're so weird.

Don't you mean rude?

No.

I mean, if he meant rude, he would've said rude.

But weird is definitely different than rude.

Thanks, Jessica, but I didn't remember speaking to you.

Well, Mike didn't speak to you.

Hey Jen, have you been stuffed recently?

Have you ever seen the movie "The Inside Man"?

Because I hear Doug here is a fabulous interior designer.

Good one, Mike.

Do you like your job here?

Here?

I don't work here at the cabin.

I work at the office with you, remember?

You can be replaced.

You know, between you and me, you're a bitch.

I can practically see both your tits

from where I'm standing.

Well, I could probably see both of your tits

from anywhere in the world,

regardless of where I'm standing.

Okay, stop.

Enough with the silly tit talk, all right?

Let's just all get some rest, we do have some work to do,

but I promised you,

most of this weekend's gonna be a lot of fun.

Any ribs left?

No, sorry, ate them all.

Red, ate the whole bone.

Yeah I did.

You like bones, don't you, Doug?

Damn.

Like she knows anything.

Little fucking bitch.

Jessica sucks my ass.

Dirty fucking ass.

Why don't people just leave me alone?

I like that.

If you want, you can go upstairs to bed,

and I can take it from here.

You know what?

I'm really tired, I think I'm gonna go to bed, okay?

Okay.

Okay.

So what are you working on?

Work.

I think I'd like to see that fake penis thing.

I'm not sold that it wasn't real.

Why would I be giving Mike a blowjob

in front of all of you?

Why would you have your mouth

wrapped around a huge fake cock?

Because it's funny.

Well then why couldn't it be a huge fake vagina?

A fake vagina?

Do they even make those?

No, because that, why would that be funny?

I get it, huge fake cock funny,

fake vagina disgusting and sad.

Babe.

Whatcha doing?

Cleaning.

Kev, Kev, come on.

Hey, what's up?

I'm gonna go to the party

with those chicks across the street. You wanna come?

Well, I'm not gay, so yeah, let's go do some chicks.

Wait, aren't you worried about Liana finding out?

Are you kidding?

I got her so wrapped around my finger it hurts.

Plus, she's kinda clueless, so.

Yeah we are.

Your mom does, for sure.

That's a good one.

What's up, Red?

What?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

We're about to go say hi to some girls across the way.

Yeah, okay, I'm good.

I'm gonna go with you guys.

No, no

What are we gonna do?

They're not gonna let us in if he's with us.

Actually, I think we're gonna have a bigger problem

with all that neon you're wearing.

Shut up.

My shoe's untied.

Hey Mike?

Yeah, Kev?

Do you know if they make fake vaginas?

You mean like the way they make breast implants for women?

No, like for a man to use the way

that a woman would use a penis dildo,

like the one you brought.

No, but that is an interesting idea.

I don't think they do.

I have two fake vaginas at home.

Now let me do the talking, okay?

I have a way with women.

If I smile at the right time and say the right thing,

I can pretty much get anything that I want.

So the goal here is to keep the focus on me

and less of the focus on well, the two of you.

Got it?

Whatever.

Right on.

That's why a team works better than one person.

Why do you have two fake vaginas?

I just keep one in the refrigerator just in case.

Definitely keep the focus on me,

don't say anything while you're here.

Yeah.

Hi.

Hi.

What's your name?

I'm Mike.

Not you.

Him.

People call me Red.

My parents, they made love one night,

so I popped out the next day.

Can we come in?

Wow.

Here's a little something for you.

A little baby batter on your lip there.

And then some hair, because that's what's there.

W-H-God Damn it.

You get the idea.

I just wanna gut you right here like a buck.

Just gut you.

Top, woo!

Yeah, go get it!

Call the slippery chicken.

Do the slippery chicken, Kev.

Yeah.

Where is it?

Oh, right.

There it is.

Yeah, let's build a pyramid.

Guys, let's build a pyramid!

Build a pyramid!

Time to get fucked up.

It sounds like a plan to me.

Lets get more alcohol, yeah, baby.

So, like a sugar daddy.

Whose daddy is that?

I don't know.

You laugh now, I'll kill you later,

then I laugh now.

Or, I mean

Later?

Do the shot, do the shot.

You laugh now, I'll kill you later

then I'll laugh later?

I don't know.

Whose your daddy now?

Sarah, Sarah.

What's on your face?

That's shaving cream.

Somebody totally got you.

Yeah, not as good as they got you.

What do you mean?

It says whore on your face, and there's a big dick.

Fuckin Mike, he's so immature.

You don't think he saw us last night do you?

I don't think so.

That would be bad.

He'd be heartbroken.

I remember you being a lot hotter.

What the fuck.

My God?

Fuck, man.

Cut it out, I'm sleeping.

I'm awake, yeah, I'm awake,

I didn't know she was my mother

My God, what the,

my hand is glued to her tit.

Glued to her tit.

You guys

I need you to help, my hand, I cannot get my hand off here

it is glued, it is stuck, my hand is stuck.

Come on, come on.

Wake up, you are gonna wanna see this.

Help me get my hand off her tit.

Holy shit.

My God.

Why do my balls hurt?

Seriously, did one of you guys do this?

Shit, shit, shit, shit.

What happened in there?

My balls hurt really bad.

Would you stop talking about your balls,

nobody cares about your balls, ok.

There are a bunch of dead hookers, in there

and all you care about is your balls.

They weren't hookers, they were part of a bridal party.

I just meant girls in general okay.

Stop talking about your balls.

They fuckin hurt though.

We should call the authorities.

Yeah, that's a great idea, bunch of us go to a party

with hookers that we don't know.

Yeah.

Stop calling them that.

Fuck you okay, I'm just trying to personify them.

But they are actual persons so you don't need to.

No one is going to the authorities, all right.

There is no way they wouldn't believe

we didn't kill those girls.

Did one of you two kill them?

What?

Excuse me?

Yeah, the question has to be asked, you said it yourself

no one would believe that we didn't kill those girls.

How do we know it wasn't you?

I have an alibi.

Yeah, you were with us all night

what is your alibi?

I woke up this morning with my hand

super glued to a hookers tit.

Great now you are saying it.

I could have never done those things with this kind

of a handy cap.

How do we know, you didn't do all those things

and then superglue your own hand to a hookers tit?

Why would I do that?

Why would any of us do any of this things,

why would anyone do any of this things?

I don't know Mike, why do you suppose?

Guys, seriously my balls really hurt.

And I don't know what is going on, lets just

get back to the cabin.

And lets not tell anybody, about any of this, no one.

And, I really should put some ice on my balls.

I don't think I brought mine.

No, no that's mine.

Mike, I didn't mean to accuse you,

I'm sorry, that wasn't fair.

Thank you.

I know.

And I just wanna say that, I did mean to accuse you.

Because, you are new and, I'm always gonna be skeptical

of you, until we figure out what is going on.

Holy shit.

What, what happened?

Someone put a cellphone

in my ball sack.

He put it in mt ball sack man.

Take your pants down.

Yeah, take off your pants.

Take your pants down.

Take off those pants.

I'm gonna kill you next crazy hair.

Oh my God.

Does it look bad?

I can see the stitching right there.

Some of the best I've ever seen.

I think I can turn it

off.

There, I muted it.

Its on vibrate.

You sick fuck.

Did you cut open my friend's ball sack

and put a cellphone in it?

No, Mike I wouldn't do anything like that.

We trusted you.

We brought you along and this is how you repay us?

Fuck you freak.

No.

Did you hear that?

I mean, four.

Damn golfers.

Do you realize, what you've done?

What about what he did?

His hand was super glued to that hookers tit remember?

Shit.

I forgot about that, My God, Red I am so sorry.

I don't know what came over me.

Here let me help you.

God.

What do we do?

He's gonna die, we gotta call for help.

We don't know that, he might be able.

He'll die?

You don't know that, you are not a professional doctor.

We can't just leave him here, he's gonna...

Look, what's done is done.

We can't change that.

Or any of that.

Lets just get back to the cabin and I will,

I will open up your ball sack,

and I will take the cellphone out.

We just gonna get back before this presentation's over.

Fuck.

Where are you?

Why aren't you picking up your phone?

Damn it.

Its nice to know I have you.

My baby.

Soon.

It's not working.

I can't get the image to come up on the screen.

I don't know why you didn't check it beforehand.

I had Jessica, check it.

No you didn't.

My God, are you so excited,

Jen's giving the presentation this morning.

Maybe if would have checked out from this job

I do hope things go well.

You hope Jen, does well?

No, I mean for Doug.

The business has done so well for him

and now that he's having this whole new trip

planing element to his side.

I just don't know how things are gonna work.

Yeah, well I'm sure Jen's stupid attention hoe

will explain it to us.

Here, turn on that horse.

Okay.

We have to get back inside,

they are gonna start the presentations.

What about my cellphone in my balls?

Don't worry about that, we don't have time for that

right now, just you know, be careful, move slowly

don't go horse back riding we'll figure it out.

Morning guys.

Hey Mike.

What?

You wanna talk about last night?

What, no, why, wait, what do you mean?

Did you see anything interesting since the last time

you saw me in the kitchen?

A few things I would like to forget, yeah.

The shaving cream was a really nice touch.

Wasn't it?

I know what you did last night.

Do you know?

And I think I know why you did it.

Really?

Kev, how come you didn't come to bed last night?

Where were you?

I've been calling you all morning.

That was you?

So you've been ignoring my calls?

No, I couldn't fine my

balls.

Where were you guys?

We went for a hike and then slept under the stars.

You guys its like 20 degrees outside,

how could you stay warm?

I don't wanna know.

What?

It was a beautiful night.

How nice

did you bring the fake big cock with you too?

Katie, you can't keep us apart.

Dude stop playing into it,

she's really starting to think I'm gay.

Well where were you guys last night?

I told you slept under the stars.

Certainly does sound gay.

Stop fuckin around, I love her and I don't

want her to think I'm gay.

You do have a Wanbre poster in your room.

That's not fair, you know why.

Why don't you just tell everyone

and they'll stop bothering you?

Because its private.

They wouldn't understand.

Look I just don't want her to think I'm gay.

My God, its brilliant.

What's brilliant?

How could we have killed those hookers

if we were busy making love?

No, no, no, no we can not say that.

Yeah, I'm just saying, its an ally by.

So you wanna tell them that we were fuckin

in the woods all night?

That is a good idea Kev, we should go with that.

No one is gonna believe us Mike.

They will believe you.

Why because I'm more honest than you, and people trust me?

Yeah, Kev.

That's why.

What?

Where is red?

I don't know I checked upstairs and he wasn't there.

Has anyone seen him?

Holy shit.

What?

Holy shit.

What's going on?

I was just saying what he was saying.

What are you saying?

I have to go the the bathroom.

That's fine, You know most of this anyway.

I'm just gonna, reduce the screen glare.

Thanks, you go, we're gonna get started.

Do you have to go to the bathroom?

No my balls hurt.

Wonder why that is?

All right, stop talking about your balls.

I don't know exactly what's going on, but we got

a lot of work to do.

Thank you.

I don't know where Red is,

but we'll worry about that later.

What about Carl?

Is his car still in the drive way upfront?

Yes, just like it was yesterday.

We'll worry about him later too.

Okay, we are here for a new year, new fate.

Thank God.

I can't believe this.

Fuck.

What was that?

I think it was a golfer.

Golfer in the woods?

I mean, four.

See. Just focus.

Jen, I would like you to begin on my command.

Jen, wait until my command.

Now,

Thank you Lord.

Okay, so close all right.

Here we go, okay.

Come here, here, roll over, roll over hop in there.

Can you roll me up there.

There you go buddy.

Can you get me up there?

Okay hold on now, I got you.

Can you get me up there?

I got you.

Shit.

Okay, okay.

Here we go.

I need to get back to the house.

I need a doctor, I've lost so much blood.

And I promise to help you find it when this is all over.

Look, we all have our problems.

I mean, how do you think in feel in a way,

it's kinda my fault that you are dying.

You stabbed me in the gut.

I know, I know, I'm not gonna argue that but,

You hit me in the head, and then

Look, I'm not gonna argue apples and oranges

with you okay.

You just need to rest, all right.

No I need, I need some water.

Rest, let me tuck you in.

Okay,

I need some water.

♪ Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep ♪

The idea, of the trip planning section

of our site.

Is to draw traffic, ice, to our business.

Not only can they order bait,

but we will plan a trip for them.

And make all the necessary arrangements.

Jen,

don't you think this will take away from

Doug's business, that's all ready really successful?

I mean, aren't we just taking a really big risk here?

Jessica, that is a great question, thank you so much

for getting involved.

The idea has been discussed between Doug and I,

since we started, the business.

It's not a new idea.

Yeah, but why fix something that isn't broken?

I mean, the business is doing really, really well.

Look, Jessica, this is something we've always discussed

since I started the business.

When Jen, was there, when I started it by myself.

And Jen's plan is a good one.

Jen, play the slide show.

Okay so.

Red is supposed to update the under development of the site

there are all kinds of new technologies and things,

You know from what I understand,

from what I understand Red, is the man to get it done.

Hey guys, I miss anything?

Not really, just the entire presentation.

Shucks, if there's any consolation

I feel much better.

What happened to your face?

I feel in the shower.

You took a shower?

No, I just fell in it.

I think there is a hole in your head.

Look, what happened in there was mine, okay.

And its gonna stay right here.

Why is everybody acting so strange?

I think you just see things that way.

Or maybe your brain doesn't really work.

Okay dude, I think we are gonna have to go with

the whole gay thing just to prove our innocence.

Come on man, there's has got to be another way.

But the gay thing might work.

Look, I just dint want it to fuck up things with Katie.

I really love her man, I was actually gonna propose to her

this Christmas.

My balls, my balls are vibrating.

Okay man, I got it, I got it, I got it there.

There it is, okay I muted it.

Yeah it's really weird.

Its freezing out here, but your balls are really sweaty.

Its probably just, blood from my balls.

You are right.

See.

Who should I kill?

Which one?

Maybe both

Both.

I want you to fire that bitch.

I can't do that.

Yeah you can.

You can, you can say, hey you fuckin little bitch

you are fired.

I can't do that, I can't fire someone nice.

I really can't call someone a fuckin little bitch.

Don't I mean anything to you?

Aren't we more that just partners?

Well, first of all, my only true partrner is me.

I thought we were equal?

We are equal,

but I'm, more equal than you.

I don't even know what that means.

And what about all the other staff that we do?

Jen, I told you to never mention it,

unless we are doing it.

Otherwise don't talk about it.

Okay, just hold still, I'm gonna remove the stitches.

fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, that burns.

Who did this?

I mean can we have that conversation?

I mean, to cut open a man's balls sack

and put a cell phone in, is one thing.

But to stich it back up,

who does that?

What was that?

Son of a bitch.

Liar.

You know,

this is one of those thing I never thought

I would really do.

Really?

It's a boy.

Mike, can you please take my cell phone,

which has been in my balls sack,

off of my chest?

Yeah,

Something happens to me,

you find my father,

tell him I love him.

I'll try.

No you do this.

You do this for me.

I guess I could call his agent.

Holy shit.

What?

I can actually see like your whole testicle from here,

like the whole thing clears day.

Stitch it back together. I don't want to fall out.

Kev, testicles can't just fall out.

They're connected by the cord of the epididymis,

which runs inductance difference or as you might call it,

the spermatic cord, silly.

It feels really funny.

What are you gonna do with those?

Kev, I don't even know what I'm doing.

I'm making up as I go along.

That's comforting.

You might not wanna look for this part.

Mike, no.

There you go, you rest.

Poop.

Who's your daddy now, Who is your daddy?

So do you guys not care if Doug finds out anymore or?

couldn't give a shit?

Why, are you jealous?

Do you want me to be?

Okay, I like where this is going?

I don't, do you?

Well, I'm not an idiot, so yeah.

Okay.

Okay, weird

Brenda, you wanna go do something that's not this?

No, I think I'm just gonna stay.

Okay, even weirder.

Okay, maybe I don't love it as much as I thought.

Babe.

It's like college all over again.

Did you guys see that?

What?

I thought I saw someone outside.

At the window?

Was it Red?

What like an Indian?

I don't know, it was a person.

No, no, the new guy.

Shit wasn't red?

Our IT guy Red.

I don't think it was Red.

Okay, well what happened to Red he just disappeared.

Red's a weird guy, wanders off a lot.

Well Didn't you just meet him yesterday?

I know but I read his resume.

And he puts wanders off on his resume.

Right under special skills.

Like I said, weird guy that Red.

Mike you are so ridiculous.

Is that like your third drink?

What are you counting?

Yeah, maybe I am.

Do you have any nine?

Yes, I have two.

Give them, give them.

Sorry, I didn't realize, its you.

Are you wearing a diaper?

No, it's a symbol of washy

I have an idea.

What are you doing?

I'm getting in the tab With you, what do you think?

What's wrong with your balls?

Long story.

I can't.

What the hell?

I just can't.

What the hell is your problem?

I know your secret.

What?

I know your secret.

Look at you, You look so obviously guilty

Who is it?

Someone's having a good time.

Go Fish.

Fudge,

Bitch,

Look, Katie, I don't know what you think is going on,

but I promise you it's not what it seems.

I should have been honest with you from the beginning.

I know this sounds cliche, but it just happened.

I don't even know how it happened.

I just, I was shocked.

I found a picture of Warren Bary in your wallet.

What, you went through my stuff?

I should have known that it looked like a fake penis.

It was a dildo, Katie, what do you want for me?

I love you.

Do you love Warren Barry?

Yes.

I love Very much, he's my-

- Your what, your bitch?

What the fuck is going on, is that Kev's?

Yeah.

Stop it you fuckin asshole.

What the fuck Mike stop.

Holy shit, holy fuckin shit.

I killed him, holy fucking shit

Why did I just do that?

Kev?

Jen?

Katie.

Kevin and I We're just taking a bath.

Yeah, Doug and I were talking business.

Everything's good though?

Yeah, everything's great in here.

Why is she acting so strange?

She's just saying everything's fine,

or did she really believes that.

If she heard she'll say something to Doug.

Fuck it.

Stay with me tonight.

I can't Doug's gonna flip out

if he knows that we're dating.

Fuck Doug.

Stay with me anyway.

We can sleep in the bed next to him.

We can fuck on his face.

Mike, you wanna go grab those games out of your car?

Yeah, yeah, I'm coming, I'm coming, bye.

I'll be right back.

I'm gonna go slip into something more comfortable.

I like the sound of that.

Just make sure you end up with me tonight.

I don't want Mike anywhere near you.

Where'd everyone go?

Mike and Jess just went out to the car,

Sarah went somewhere, and I'm not sure

where everyone else is.

So everyone's gone?

Yep.

More importantly,

how much time do we have before Mike and Sarah get back?

Enough.

Okay, that's enough for now, they'll be back.

Well, if not now when?

I don't know, Later.

When?

I don't know.

Tonight, let's meet in the car 3 a.m.

look we've an early presentation early in the morning.

Look I have to see you with Mike and occasionally Sarah.

It's hard for me to see.

Alright, fine, 3:am in the car.

Okay.

I've got games y'all.

I've got milk.

What do we need milk for?

Milk stuff.

Milk reminds me of my mother.

Who's your daddy now?

Hi, Katie.

Jen.

It's cold out.

Yep.

All right, good to see you.

Have a good night, yeah, okay.

Kev, I'm So sorry.

I just couldn't handle all those lies.

Doug?

Did I accidentally?

Kill Kevin instead?

I'm I going crazy?

Am I going absolutely insane?

I am so confused.

Unbelievable, they're like cock blockers

for serial killers this isn't even fun anymore.

All wasted time, I was gonna have so much fun with them.

Damn it,

There you go.

Come on.

Come to papa.

That's a good girl.

Said the spider to the fly.

Liana?

Liana, Liana?

No, Serah, what are you doing?

I'm just protecting what's mine.

Fuck.

I mean

Four.

Kev was not kidding about those golfers.

No no no.

Damn it.

One, two, three, four, five.

Come on baby breathe.

There you go, there you go sweetie.

Yeah, breathe in the night air.

Where's Serah?

Your friend tried to kill you.

You saved my life.

Yes.

You are my hero?

No.

Who are you?

My name is Emmanuel Salazar.

Where am I?

You are at a taffy factory?

You don't remember.

Your friends tried to kill you and I saved your life.

Thank you.

Well, the news isn't all good.

I had to remove both of your legs.

Well, technically, they're my legs now.

now I am not gonna.

Are you done?

I can wait.

You're done, let me just

not so much talkie talkie

No, I'm not gonna touch your breasts or anything like that.

So don't freak out on me, okay.

I just have to hammer this into your heart, okay?

That's about right.

Ready?

Jessica?

Jessica,

My God.

I live for you, Jessica.

Did you notice the blow drier doesn't work anymore?

Blow drier?

Yeah, you know the thing that you use when your

hair is wet to get it dry?

Yeah, no, no I didn't notice.

I haven't seen Kev since last night.

You haven't seen Kev, since last night?

No, no I haven't, how did you know that?

You just said it.

Yeah, must be on my mind.

That's weird.

You know, come to think of it.

I haven't seen Doug since then either.

I think Kev went to go look for Red.

Yeah, Doug probably took off to look for Kev.

I'm sure.

I thought we were late?

You are.

Where is everybody?

Thought we're doing more awesome presentations.

I just assumed they were all upstairs getting ready.

No one's up there I checked.

Doug's not even here?

Nope, just us.

Brenda was upstairs with me when we went to bed but then

she wasn't there when I woke up this morning.

Maybe she went to look for Doug.

I haven't seen Kev since last night either.

He probably went out looking for Doug.

No, I think he probably went to go look for Red.

What did he say that?

No, I'm just assuming.

Well, I'm sure Doug's looking for Brenda.

No, no, Doug is looking for Kev.

Who's looking for Brenda?

I don't know Maybe no one.

You know what happened to Carl

Reds out looking for Carl.

But red doesn't even know Carl,

He wouldn't know what to look for.

Yeah, red's just the type of guy that would be concerned

about anyone whether he knew them or not.

That's great, so nobody's looking for Brenda.

Is Carl looking for anyone?

Okay, Carl never showed up.

So why would Carl be looking for anyone?

Okay wait, so Red's looking for Carl,

Kev's looking for Red.

Doug's looking for Kevin, Brenda's looking for?

- Doug? - Well we don't know for sure.

Okay, we're just trying to piece things together here,

it's a bit complicated okay.

Son of a bitch.

I don't believe it.

What?

Nothing, I just have to go take care of something.

Why don't we meet back here in like an hour

and hopefully by then we will have found

who it is we're looking for.

My God, I hate the cold, I hate the snow,

I love the sun.

So close to Jessica.

This is not good.

Wait.

I'm Just gonna walk around outside and see if I see anyone.

Are you gonna look for anyone in particular?

Why?

Well we're just trying to keep track.

I don't know anyone.

Okay but, just pick someone.

Kev.

No pick someone else Doug's looking for Kev.

We don't have that.

Okay, we'll pick someone that doesn't

already have an alleged looker for.

I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna go.

Okay.

There you go, there you go.

Why are you doing this to me?

I promise I won't tell anyone.

I won't say a thing.

I need more time to think, okay.

It's so cold if you could just give me some water.

Some little bit of just some

There you go.

Okay, okay.

Doug?

Kev?

That's a good girl.

Conditioner.

I know you're not gonna believe this,

but I am putting you in here for your own protection.

For now, because your friends,

your friends are quite dangerous.

Now, if there's anything that you wanna say to your head

I would say it now, okay?

No, you don't get that.

Well you think about that, Okay?

Okay, well I gotta go.

Don't you go anywhere?

Bye bye, night, night.

You still don't get it, do you?

Where is everybody?

I mean, this is fucked up.

We have to go and find them.

Where?

Anywhere, we have to go and look everywhere

and see if we can find them.

Jessica, you stay here, if anybody comes back

do not let them go anywhere, got it.

Yeah.

Let's go find them.

Liana?

Kev, Red,

Liana,

Kev, Liana,

Red,

Liana,

Liana,

Liana

Carl.

Carl, Doug,

Doug, Liana.

Fuck.

Hopeless, let's just go back inside.

Come on.

Well,

anything?

No nothing.

Guys, what's going on?

What do you mean?

You said you were gonna go out there and look for them.

Yeah, What did you think we were doing?

You all just walked out on the porch

and yelled their names for like 30 seconds.

Katie, is here something you know that your not telling us?

I don't know how it happened.

What happened?

I murdered Kev.

What?

My God.

But Why would you kill Kev?

Well, I found a picture of Warren Beatty in his wallet

and, and I knew he was gay.

Warren Beatty his Kev's dad.

What?

Yeah.

You killed Kev because you thought he was gay?

Yeah, and I saw you jerking him off

in the driveway last night.

No, I wasn't jerking him off.

No, there was a cell phone stuck in his ball sack.

It's very complicated story.

I threw the blow dryer in the tub while he was in it.

How did you get Kevin a blow dryer?

That's not what I meant.

Right, God Stupid Asperges.

Holy shit, Katie you killed your boyfriend.

Just leave her alone, Okay.

Wait, Mike you have Asperger's?

Sarah, she killed her boyfriend.

Yeah, well, I mean, I sort of killed Brenda.

You killed my best friend.

Look, I didn't plan it, It just happened.

I got a hose and some duct tape that took like,

two hours to find, I turned the car on I waited

for an hour, and then I trapped her inside.

Once the exhaust circulated and after spending like

30 minutes playing with the electronic locks,

she just kind of died.

Okay, that sounds pretty plan to me.

I mean, you just described over four hours of planning

and preparation.

Yeah, if you were just you know, walking in the woods

and found a big club and slammed someone

in the head with it, that's unplanned.

That's what I did.

What?

My god.

Yeah, I Kind of killed Red yesterday,

or at least I think he's dead.

He must be by now, I gotta keep taking him

back to the woods, strong heart that guy.

Anyway, we're walking back from the neighbor's house

with the hookers and then

Wait, wait, are you listening to yourself?

I mean, you're talking about killing people,

colleagues and friends.

I stabbed Doug in the neck with a razor blade.

What?

My God.

But then, I think I buried Kev.

Really I.

Kev was Warren Beatty's son?

Yeah, but mine really did just happen.

Although I did wanna kill him.

But I didn't realize that until I licked

the blood off the knife.

Gross.

That was gross?

Disgusting.

You stabbed our boss in the neck and suck the blood off

the blade and you find the site of vomit disgusting?

Yeah, you know, I think I was pretty clear about that.

Okay, well, we need to call the cops so okay.

Wait so no one killed Liana right?

You expect us to believe you didn't kill anybody?

Why would I kill anyone?

Why would any of us kill anybody?

The facts are we did.

Now are you sure you didn't kill any of our friends?

I might forget my cell phone at a coffee shop

or forget to take my birth control pill

but I wouldn't forget killing a person.

Okay.

So who did you kill?

It wasn't Liana right?

No.

Carl, the hookers across the way?

The hooker, no, no, I didn't kill anybody.

You know what I'm calling the cops.

No, no, we could all go to jail for this.

So no, you can't call the cops.

Look, look, we are all involved in some way.

I think we should just look out for each other.

Okay, but wait, I didn't kill anybody.

So I'm not involved in your little fucked up.

Circle of death.

Look, I know we've had our issues.

And We have said things to each other that we probably wish

we could take back, but none of that matters now, Okay.

The bottom line is if you call the cops,

I will kill you before your finger touches that phone.

Jess,

I love you, you know that, but I'm kinda

with Jen on this one.

Me too.

Jess, I will absolutely murder you if I must.

Katie, are you listening to yourself?

Please don't make me out to be this horrible person.

It's not like I'm sitting here saying, I'm gonna murder you.

I'm Just saying.

I will do it, if I must.

But in my mind, it's totally up to you.

So how do I know that you guys wouldn't kill me

for some other reason?

How do I know I'd be safe?

Okay, why don't we all promise

that If you don't call the cops,

we will not kill you, we promise.

I think we should take some time and get some rest.

Yes, that is exactly what we need, we need rest.

So can we all agree not to kill each other.

We only have this place for one more night.

And personally, I wanna enjoy my last night here.

So I know this might be hard but,

just go out and do something, for you.

Do something fun, because it's times like these

our lowest times, our worst times that we have to prove

to ourselves that we recognize how important now is

compared to yesterday or tomorrow.

So let's live in the now not the past

Carl, Red, Doug, Brenda sweet little kev.

Or the future cops, prisons, gang rapes.

Let's live in the now go out there and enjoy yourself.

Do this for you.

Brenda,

says hi bitch.

I can't hear you, it must be your blood filling your lungs.

Come here, come here, I have a way to tab our loose end.

Jessica?

Yeah, trust me I have a plan, just go to the other side

of the house and when you hear a rock hit the ground

scream like crazy, Okay?

Why do you have blood on your arm?

Why do you have

eyeliner on your eyes?

Just do it.

Okay.

Hey, Jess.

Why so jumpy?

Hey,

I got an idea.

Let's go outside for some fresh air.

I wanna play a little game.

What kind of game?

A rock throwing game dummy.

What do I do?

Take this rock and see if you can throw it

all the way to the other side of the cabin,

clearing it completely.

Well, what are you gonna do with your rock

once I've thrown mine?

I don't know, I'm making it up as I go along.

Just do it, it'll be really fun.

Wow, that was far.

Holy shit, What was that?

I don't know.

We better go check it out.

Holy Mother of God.

Look at what you did.

I didn't do this.

Yeah, I'm sure she just hit herself in the head

with a fucking rock, okay.

The Rock I threw was smaller than the palm of my hand.

Yeah, I know.

It must have been a direct hit.

Look at all that blood.

I mean, plus there's multiple marks on her face

and her head, one rock couldn't have done that.

Yeah, I know, It must have ricocheted off other things.

Mike,

Look Jessica, I know this is hard, Okay,

but now we're in the same boat.

You totally killed her.

What?

And then you tried to blame it on me, so that I wouldn't

call the cops and I'd have just as much to lose as you guys.

You're making up stories.

Okay, well, how's this for a made up story?

I just drove a knife through Sara's chest in the kitchen.

Yeah, you want to go grab bite eat in the pantry?

Are you kidding me?

I've gotta be cursed.

I gotta climb back down.

Damn it.

My God, you drove a knife

through Sara's chest in the pantry.

Well, actually it was in the kitchen and then I dragged

her into the pantry, but yeah, told you.

You weren't kidding.

Yeah, I know, that's right.

So you kill Jen for no reason at all.

Hey, I had my reason okay.

Just turned out to be irrelevant.

Man this weekend is fucked up.

I know.

Well,

I guess we should call a meeting.

Tell everyone what's going on.

Well by everyone are we talking about Katie?

Well yeah, she's the only one left right?

As far as I know.

She's outside come on.

All right.

All right, ladies, Since we've last spoke

there have been some developments.

I thought you were gonna kill her?

Who?

Jessica.

That's really, really

What no, I never said that, forget I said that, okay.

Just let me finish, Sarah and Jen are both dead.

How did that happen?

Well, I killed Jen Sarah because she killed Brenda.

Mike, killed trying to make me think that I did it,

so that I wouldn't call the cops.

So are you gonna kill Jessica?

What No.

Try it bitch.

You want to go let's go.

Okay, let's start with who started this blood blath.

You are the one that killed your boyfriend.

Just killed someone because you could.

You thought Kev, was gay.

You thought Kev was gay,

You thought he was gay,

You should have told me.

It's because you thought he was gay, you are homophobic.

I am not homophobic..

130 cc's

Holy shit.

130.

I'm not gonna sit here just waiting to.

200 cc.

What was that?

Gemini Christmas.

250 cc's.

Keep your eyes on the price.

What is that?

Hey kitty, kitty, kitty.

This is not how this is supposed to go.

Why can't anything be easy?

Mike, it's time for school.

You know, Mike, I think I have your girlfriend.

Where is she?

She's right here Mike.

Where's the rest of her?

Does it matter?

You're dead.

Mike I love you so much.

You are so big, do me, do me like a porn star.

Shut up, that's not what she sounds like.

Is She dead?

You see that large bone sticking into her heart?

Barely.

Yeah, she's dead.

You killed her with her own bone?

No, I cut off Karl's arm and then I sharpened his own

and then I drove it right into her heart.

My God, help help somebody call 911.

Help, help, help,

Call 911.

That's hilarious.

Mom, mom, mom, mom

I actually blame you completely for ruining all my plans.

What the fuck did I do?

I was gonna be the greatest serial killer of all time.

Look, I'm not gonna give you a list so

don't ask me to do that.

Why can't I move?

I've given you a drug that allows you to move your head,

but nothing below the neck.

And

There it is.

What's that?

This is your middle finger, You know,

the one you stick up your ass when you masturbate.

- I never - Don't lie to me.

Why didn't I feel it?

When you're masturbating?

No one you cut off my finger.

Well, that's the beauty of this drug.

Because I can do all sorts of things to you

and you won't feel a thing, which means you won't pass out

due to the pain.

For example.

What are you doing?

No, don't do it, don't do it.

No, no, I have to. I really have to do this.

My God, you cut off my dick, you cut off my dick.

You must think that your penis is much bigger

than it really is.

What are you talking about?

Don't you recognize this?

Look at it.

Its the fakie.

My gosh, shut the fuck up.

Its, Pretty funny, right?

God you're an ass hole.

Its awesome.

Look, I know what you're trying to do.

No, no, no, no, let me show you what I'm going to do.

This bone is from Katie's arm.

And in the count of three I'm gonna stab it into your heart.

No, don't do it. No, no, no, no

Okay, I need you to be quiet right now.

No, no, no.

Okay.

This,

is your hand, Okay?

Now I need you to keep that in there, all right.

And then you keep yourself quiet.

All right now, are you ready for this.

okay, I'm gonna take that as a yes.

I'm taking that as a yes.

One, two,

Yeah, fuck you bitch, Oh God.

Red, thank God you're here, thank God you're here.

Yeah, make sure he's dead Red, make sure he's dead.

Red, you got to get us out of here.

You got to get us out of here man.

God man, you got to save us

It was horrible, It was horrible Red.

Look, I'm so sorry about the woods, Okay.

I mean, I just didn't know what else to do.

I was gonna come back for you, I was I swear, I swear I was.

You gotta get us out of here.

You should rest.

No.

My back itches.

You want me to scratch it?

No, it's okay.

Remember that night that we first met

and we were in the kitchen and you were flirting with me?

Yeah.

I was out in the woods freezing cold.

Left for Dead.

All I could think about was you.

Can't believe you survived.

Jessica,

What?

Can we just go away together?

You and I

make love on a boat just live forever?

We could but, I don't feel that way about you.

I actually was kidding.

Hope you don't mind.

No.

Okay.

No and I hope you don't mind?

What?

This.

Oh my God.

Fuck.

I really.

I really figured out I loved you, I really did.

Soon I think, I think really soon.

See you later crocodile.

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull