All language subtitles for Mr.Mayor.S01E02.720p.HDTV.x264-SYNCOPY - HI

Grass. Reefer.

Jazz cigarettes.
Jamaican caviar.

Whatever you call it, legalized
marijuana is here to stay.

Did you not review
his remarks beforehand?

I wrote them.

I looked up all the slang
on my church's website.

Today, the legal
marijuana business

is a financial boon
to our city.

So I am proud to be here
at the grand opening

of L.A.'s 10,000th dispensary.

- [scattered applause]
- You ready, L.A.?

Go... buy drugs now!

He improv'd that.

[uplifting music] *MR. MAYOR*
Season 01 Episode 02

Episode Title: "Mayor's Day Out"
Aired on: January 07, 2021

♪

At 10:00, we go to
Alf Junior High School,

which he named after
Alf from the show "Alf."

So much history in this city.

It's a photo op

for the Meatless Monday
school lunch initiative.

Yeah, should be
a total lay-up.

We just don't want
to get meme-ed.

You know,
the funny internet photos?

Oh, like the one
with the happy baby,

and underneath it says,
"When you hit the fairway."

It's funny because how would
the baby know, right?

That's hilarious, sir,
but as a public figure,

you don't want
to become a funny picture.

- Okay.
- That's why we avoid

bathing suits,
dancing at a cultural day,

and, above all,
eating on camera.

- Got it, no eating.
- After Meatless Mondays,

we go to El Segundoto
open up a community center.

And I figure we can
eat in the car.

It's my turn to pick,
and I pick tacos.

- In the car, Jayden?
- Tacos is a terrible car food.

I pick tacos!

- Okay.
- After that, we go to

Tujunga to judge
a Cutest Grandpa competition.

- That sounds fun.
- A what?

No, I'm the mayor.

I shouldn't be spending my day
going to a ceremony

celebrating zero deaths
at Six Flags this summer.

Oh, no, they actually
canceled that this morning.

- They checked the bushes.
- Now, what I'm saying is

we have real problems here...
Homelessness, infrastructure.

The Oscar host situation.

God, that group thing
does not work.

These photo ops
and canned speeches...

It's just pointless.
I want to do something.

Let's fix the traffic problem.
Build a subway.

L.A. has a subway, sir.

Well, it stinks.

- Hey.
- What?

I hate my job too.

But you know
how I get through the day?

We all knowhow
you get through your day.

This is what change
looks like.

I am the first woman of color
without a master's degree

to serve as chief of staff.

Hashtag progress,
hashtag one filter.

My first act as "the boss"...

Changing the code
on the executive bathroom

to the birthday
of a feminist icon.

Katniss Everdeen.

Hey, I'm not perfect.
My nails are chipped.

I get UTIs.

My car is filthy.

[rapid beeping]
Oh!

Hey guys.
I mean, good morning, sir.

Good morning.
Apparently, I'm not

gonna be in the office
at all today

because being mayor is 90%
photo ops and animal funerals.

Not just any animal.
Dog with a Blog.

So I'm putting you
in charge today, Mikaela,

and you have one job...

Babysit Arpi Meskimen.

Keep your friends close
but keep your enemies closer.

That's why I'm
so nice to my sister's baby.

I don't trust
the deputy mayor,

so keep her distracted, okay?

I'll be cigarette lighter.
She'll be my sister's baby.

Thank you Mikaela.

[phone beeps]

I'm not saying this
about a dog.

I'll show you a picture, sir.

For a dog he was pretty hot,

and for a blogger,
he was very hot.

This is my office.

Still got
a lot of work to do.

I heard
you wanted to see me.

- [gasps]
- I'd been hoping

to get a minute
with you as well.

I'd love to show you
"Pee-pee porn."

Ew, no.
Wait, is that sex negative?

It's an acronym
for Private Plane Paths

Over Residential Neighborhoods.

I been working on this
ever since the Richie-Riches

in Santa Monica got the FAA
to ban private jets

at their airport
because of noise pollution.

The problem is,

now Van Nuys airport
is getting twice the traffic,

which means twice the noise
over poorer neighborhoods.

And it's really affecting
the kids there.

I mean, did you see this year's
L.A. County Spelling Bee?

Your word is syzygy.

- What?
- Syzygy.

What?

- Syzygy!
- What?

- Mm.
- I'd love... to take PPPORN

to the Council
with Mayor Bremer's support.

And since he's out,
his [ahem]

chief of staff
is the boss.

So, boss...

Arpi, obviously,
PPPORN is worth looking at,

but it's not going to be
our priority today.

Fair enough.
So what is?

Um... today, I was thinking

that we could all settle in,
set up our offices.

I'm sure you have a lot
of unpacking to do.

No, I asked them
to not give me an office.

This is all of the desk I need.

Inbox, outbox, pepper spray,

trail mix,
and a David Baldacci novel

for red lights
while I'm on my bicycle.

Well, as you can see,

my office still needs
a lot of work.

I get it.
Optics are important.

You're the chief of
frickin' staff.

You got
the cherry parking spot

and the code to
the good bathroom.

You need an office space
that reflects that.

So how can I help?

Okay, great.
Well, I got some magazines.

Looking for ideas.

- I... was going to make a vision board.
- Smart.

See it all together.
Find a theme.

But I couldn't
find any tape.

Well, then let's
get you some tape.

To the supply closet, boss.

[small laugh]

Why am I
sitting in traffic?

Where's my police escort?

Okay, so I did order
a police escort

off of the internet,
but when she showed up,

- she was a stripper.
- [phone buzzes]

So I told her to go home,
and she said,

"I don't have a home,"
so I said, "Come live with me."

- Hey, sweetheart.
- We watched your press

conference this morning
in civics... we're doing a unit

on the boomer generation's
failure and hypocrisy.

Like how a certain
powerful boomer

wouldn't let me buy
a CBD mud mask,

but this morning
he told the whole city

to go and buy drugs.

Okay, all right, look,
that was the mayor talking.

Cannabis is legal for adults.
You're 15, Orly.

You do know
that legalization

is racist and classist,
right?

A lot of marginalized
communities

depend on the illicit drug
trade to live.

The poor, surfers, DJs
with crushing DJ school debt.

You are so smart.
I'm so proud of you.

[beep]

Ooh, sir,
we are back on for Six Flags.

That body they found
turned out to be

a very realistic sex doll.

And we're celebrating that?

Really?

Yes. Jared, yes!

That was the best Spider-Man.
Yeah!

Someone's mood has improved.

Yeah, I had
a couple pudding cups.

That's a very cool blouse.

[laughs]
Wait, that was just a heart.

And now it's a soccer ball?

Are you kidding me, Chloe R.?

Did you...
Oh, yeah.

Okay, let's just
get this over with.

Okay, everybody.

Sir, sir, remember.
Don't eat.

Whisper,
whisper, whisper.

So "meatless Mondays"
on three!

One, two...

Oh my God,
what is he doing?

Is he rolling it up,
tip to crust?

- No, no, please don't eat it.
- Don't eat it, don't eat it,

- Don't eat it! Oh!
- Oh!

Sir.

[muffled] Meatless Monday.
[laughing]

I have so much food
in my mouth.

I couldn't say it.

Shoot.
Looks like we're out of tape.

This tends to happen towards
the end of the fiscal year.

We run out of tape?

City government, boss.

It ain't Google
with their free breakfasts

and meditation rooms,
and all the tape in the world.

Well, I guess
we could go buy some.

Or we make like
government workers

and get resourceful.

This is an opportunity
for you to learn

how things get done
around here, ma'am.

Let me show you the ropes.

Well, I don't want
to waste your whole day.

Waste?
Hey, I'm here to help you.

And I know a guy
who might just have some tape.

Double sided.
The good stuff.

I'm not sure why you think
I'd have double-sided tape.

I'm just a normal guy.

Well, sorry
to waste your time, Herb.

Let's go, Ms. Shaw.

However,
perhaps I could find some.

I don't know where,
just off the top of my head.

I mean, not there.
[laughing] What?

But you need
to do me a favor first.

I'm not letting you
draw me again.

My council parking
placard was revoked recently.

Yes, I parked at a fire hydrant

so I could run into
the drugstore,

but that's only because
if my mistress gets pregnant,

that would affect
my work for the city.

Preaching to the choir,
Councilman.

So if you could arrange
for the return of my placard,

I might just be able
to secure

some very sticky tape for you.

[Bremer laughing]

We've been meme'd.
Hard.

You just got a targeted ad
for a pillow with a heartbeat?

Okay, that's private, Tommy.

Well, do you think
I wanted to see it?

You guys,
I'm loving the banter.

Sir, why did you
do that with the pizza?

Why are you guys so serious?

I'm in a good mood now.

- Oh my God.
- Wink.

Wait, Mr. Mayor,
back at the weed dispensary...

I got a bear.
Then I ate a bear.

[imitates explosion]
Puhhh!

Hey, I just want to say,
it was really cool

meeting someone as tall as you,
so feel free to partake.

I haven't smoked in years.

You don't have
to smoke, man.

They're edibles,
you just eat them.

An hour later, you'll forget
all about the backstabbing

in the unicycle community.

[chuckles softly]

It would've been rude
if I'd said no.

But you didn't need
to actually eat one of them.

Yes, I did.

'Cause you guys keep dragging
me all over town for nothing.

So yeah.

Oh, come on.
It was just a couple of bears.

Whoever got hurt by bears?

Well, when my aunt
was having her

last-ever period,
she went to the woods...

Sir, what do you mean,
a couple of bears?

Shh-shh, Tommy will get mad.

[laughs] Oh wait, I just...
I did that...

[laughs]

It's funny you ask
about placards, Arpi.

Because my brother-in-law
is the DOT liaison

with the L.A.P.D.
traffic coordination section.

Huh.
What do you know?

And hey, if there's anything
the chief of staff

and I can do in return...

Look, the mayor's office

issues an official proclamation

for pretty much
every day of the year.

Yes, sir, today I believe

is Ugly Nanny Day
here in Los Angeles.

Well, my twin daughters...

Cameron and Sophie.
Lovely girls.

Well, thank you.
They turn 16 in May.

My ex-wife's new husband
works for Disney.

So every birthday,
I get my ass handed to me.

Last year,
they got to melt Olaf.

Divorce is
toughest on the dads.

But this year,
I'm going to bury Kevin.

I want the twins' birthdays,

May 5th, to be declared
Sophie and Cameron Higbee day.

Well, that's something

the mayor's office
would have to approve.

Absolutely.

Arpi, why don't we spend
the afternoon

getting the proc language
just right.

Frank, tell us
about your daughters.

Wonderful.

For starters,
the divorce was their fault.

That's one hell
of a proclamation.

Now, let's get the mayor's
Jane Hancock on this.

Feminism.

Look, I don't
want this to take

any longer than it needs to,
but before we use the AutoPen,

I should probably
call the mayor.

Sure thing.
Due diligence.

I'll just be over here
doing my stretches.

[phone rings]

Guys, guys, guys.
It's Mikaela from work.

Act like we're not high.

- Hello, Officer.
- Sir, it's Mikaela.

I just wanted to let you
know that Arpi and I-

- Hello, sir.
- Have been together all day...

Haven't even bathroomed.

And right now,
we were wondering

if we can maybe use
the AutoPen to make

next May 5th Sophie
and Cameron Higbee Day?

That sounds amazing.
Hey. We should meet up.

Wherever we are in our lives,
we should be together

for Sophie
and Cameron Higbee Day.

Okay? Love you.

Sir, maybe we should go ahead
and cancel our next stop.

No, no, no, come on.
Look at me. I can maintain.

I've been maintaining
on real pot since...

Since before your parents

even thought about
having a child.

Thought about?
I was an accident, sir.

Mr. Mayor,
I'm not a drug expert.

But according to a "Fresh Air"
interview with Calvin Broadus,

aka Snoop Dogg, quote,
"That bleep be strong now.

Your body be like, what?
That bleep go hard."

It's not like
it was in the '70s, sir.

Tommy, I'm good.

I'm actually enjoying
this boring pointless day now.

In fact,
what's next on my schedule?

Opening a community center.
That's going to be fun.

Really. Pot almost never
makes me paranoid.

And helping Mayor Bremer
cut the ribbon today,

the L.A. King's mascot,
Bailey the Lion.

[theme music]

What the hell is that thing?

♪

It can fly?

Get the... get...
He's got two swords.

[grunting]

- Oh, no, no.
- No, no, no...

Fly back to hell!

[crowd oohs]

What?
What are you looking at?

No!

May 5, 2021
is now officially

Sophie and Cameron Higbee Day.

Now, the one little hiccup

is that May 5th
is also Cinco de Mayo.

And the Mexican community
understandably expects

the proclamation for that day
to be honoring them.

I see.

So if the girls are going
to get their proclamation...

We have to move
Cinco de Mayo.

Sounds time consuming
and probably impossible.

Let's do it.

That's the City Hall spirit.

Andale!

You want me to
move Cinco de Mayo.

Ocho de Mayo
is wide open, Maria.

Look, I would be willing

to make some calls
on your behalf, if...

Ah! I love that word.
Go on.

Are you aware of
the bathroom situation up here?

Besides me, this floor houses
the Mayor's Commission

on Gender Equity and Brunch,

the Health Department's Office
for Yogurt Safety,

and someone rented space
to an Ann Taylor Loft.

It's all women.
With one bathroom.

I can't take it.

Sometimes people just leave
their tights in there.

Why? What happened to them?

I think we can help you,
Councilwoman.

[energetic music]

♪

Let's see. Tape, right?
Do I have any tape?

Tape. Tape, tape.

[buzzing]
That's not tape.

[chuckles]

Tape, tape... here we go.

Regular old tape.

[dialogue not audible]

Why is the sun
following us?

This is bad.

We cannot cancel
our next meeting.

It's a work safety forum
with local 300,

and you do not stand up
the construction unions.

But the good news, sir,

is at least your current
state of mind

is appropriate for this.

All you really need to do
is listen and act concerned.

I am concerned.
About everything.

I mean, this dumb day
should have been easy as pie.

But everything's all goofed.
Goofed.

Okay, let's use that.

Let's say
I'm a construction worker.

And I'm telling you
how worried I am

about unsafe scaffolding
around business sites.

Oh, that's awful.
Those poor sites.

Oh, good, good, good.

It's my turn.
It's Bob's birthday.

While he helps Farmer Pickles,

let's plan a surprise party.

Was that Bob the Builder?

I'm just doing
what you're doing.

Oh, God I forgot
Bob's birthday.

[light music]

This is all very concerning.

I do not like this.

Oh, you poor, poor man.
Are you Bob?

- My name is Manny Petty, sir.
- Oh.

I was working
with unlabeled chemicals...

- Your name is what?
- Manny Petty.

My hands and feet got
burned when I was working...

[laughs]

Of course,
your hands and feet...

You're Manny Petty!

Hey, his name is Manny Petty.

And look what got hurt!

Oh, my God,
you're so funny.

[laughing]
[commotion]

Looking good.
We did it, boss.

Yeah, but I feel bad.

I wasted
your whole day on this.

How much do you charge
for babysitting anyway?

I'm sorry, what?

You babysat me all day.
That was your job, right?

[laughs] I-I...

I don't even know
what you're talking about.

Oh, save it.

If the mayor didn't
ask you to keep an eye on me,

he's even dumber
than I thought.

Fine.
Well, it worked, didn't it?

I kept you busy all day.

Is that what you think
happened?

- Mm-hmm.
- That's real cute.

'Cause all anyone else saw was
me helping the chief of staff,

the woman who speaks
for the mayor.

Mm-hmm.

And since Arpi Meskimen
does not waste her time,

they know I'm getting
something in return.

What have I been trying
to make happen for months?

[dramatic classical music]

♪

PPPORN.

Wait, so you're telling me

that everyone
we talked to today,

they all think that
the mayor supports PPPORN?

Herb, Frank, Maria.
They were the three hold-outs

keeping PPPORN
from passing the council,

but all three have pledged
their support

now that the mayor
is so obviously onboard.

Now who's the baby, Ms. Shaw?

Yeah. You going to want
to say goo-goo-gah-gah.

I'll tell the mayor.

Let's think about that
for a second.

You're gonna tell your boss
that the first time

he left you alone here,
you got played like a garawon?

That's a traditional Honduran
drum I play at night to relax.

Look, It's not so bad.

PPPORN is the right
thing to do.

- Oh.
- Take the win.

Go home.
Open a bag of wine.

And wake up,
ready for another big day.

I told you this morning
I was going to show you

how things worked
around here.

So you're welcome, boss.

[light music]

[sighs]

[indistinct chatter]

- Oh, damn it.
- How was your day, Mr. Mayor?

What are you doing here?

You're on my way home.

I head down Highland
before I bike onto the freeway.

Arpi, I've had a rough day.

So I heard.
But all that dumb stuff today?

People showed up 'cause
you were going to be there.

And I made
Manny Petty's wife cry.

Manny Petty?

- Mm.
- That's hilarious.

[both laughing]

I get it, I get it.

I just want to do
all the shiny stuff,

be a hero.

But I'm the mayor.

And all that dumb stuff
matters to someone.

Now, those people

are going to be expecting
a statement.

And I'm not looking
to help you,

but if you don't want
to talk about

how you fell into
an open dog grave today...

Mikaela signed off on it.

What?

I'm changing the name.

Which is why I'm proud
to announce a new initiative...

Rerouting air traffic
for at-risk towns.

Or... RATFART.

- Damn it.
- [laughing]

Sorry. Sorry.

Stupid, stupid day.
[Arpi laughing]

Sir, did you say
"rat fart"?

Oh, there you are.

Oh no, please, please don't.
I've had a long day.

You made grilled cheese.

Is this a trap?

No. I feel bad.

They don't get to yell
at my dad.

Only I get to yell
at my dad.

Works for me.
[chuckles]

...after returning home
from Afghanistan,

all Sergeant Cusack
wanted to do

was surprise his daughter

dressed as her favorite
mascot.

It's okay.

Could I maybe have
a glass of wine?

Synchronized by srjanapala