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Femme Fatales 01x02
Speed Date
Original Air Date on June 3, 2011
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00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:10,006
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
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[Man] I like a womanwho knows herself.
4
00:00:15,797 --> 00:00:18,231
Confidence is beauty.There's nothing sexier
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00:00:18,266 --> 00:00:20,800
than a woman who'scomfortable in her own skin.
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00:00:20,834 --> 00:00:22,534
An independent woman
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with a spry personalityand an old soul.
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That's the one for me.I'm Troy.
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When I'm in the outdoors,it's about freedom.
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I read.
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00:00:33,549 --> 00:00:35,483
Losing myself in the pagesof a good book
12
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is pure Nirvana,
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00:00:37,018 --> 00:00:38,752
like an hour-long bubble bath
14
00:00:38,786 --> 00:00:40,988
with bath bombs from Bliss.
15
00:00:41,022 --> 00:00:43,659
My best friend are Charlie Parkerand John Coltrane.
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00:00:43,693 --> 00:00:46,162
Without them, I am lost.
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00:00:46,196 --> 00:00:49,330
Simply put, their music isthe soundtrack of my life.
18
00:00:50,666 --> 00:00:52,566
Yeah, I knowI'm good-looking,
19
00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:54,033
but that's not wortha hill of beans
20
00:00:54,068 --> 00:00:55,401
unless you findthe right girl
21
00:00:55,436 --> 00:00:57,138
to share life'sspecial moments with.
22
00:00:57,172 --> 00:00:59,974
And let me tell you,in this town,
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it's been tough to findthat special someone.
24
00:01:02,679 --> 00:01:05,180
If you're confident,if you're independent,
25
00:01:05,214 --> 00:01:07,116
if you're open-minded,passionate,
26
00:01:07,151 --> 00:01:10,153
genuine, creative, funny,
27
00:01:10,187 --> 00:01:12,722
if you think you're her,
28
00:01:12,757 --> 00:01:15,359
and you think we'll click,please--
29
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Contact me, DocTroy77.
30
00:01:23,868 --> 00:01:25,568
Thank you, Dr. Troy.
31
00:01:25,603 --> 00:01:28,471
Ladies,
all of our lines are open.
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♪ I've got my eye on you ♪
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♪ I've got my eye on you ♪
34
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♪ And I'm hooked,dear, too ♪
35
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♪ Your fooling around's ♪
36
00:01:55,164 --> 00:01:57,899
♪ Getting bloodon my shoes, oh ♪
37
00:01:58,901 --> 00:02:02,036
♪ Whoa-oa, oh, oh ♪
38
00:02:03,205 --> 00:02:04,872
♪ Whoa-oa ♪
39
00:02:06,575 --> 00:02:09,810
♪ I've set my sights on you ♪
40
00:02:11,245 --> 00:02:13,913
♪ I've set my sights on you ♪
41
00:02:15,215 --> 00:02:18,618
♪ I've got an alibi, too ♪
42
00:02:19,620 --> 00:02:21,387
♪ So don't look around ♪
43
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♪ I've got nothing to lose ♪
44
00:02:24,292 --> 00:02:28,162
♪ Whoa-oa, oh, oh ♪
45
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♪ Whoa-oa, oh, oh ♪
46
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♪ Whoa-oa ♪
47
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♪ Whoa-oa, oh, oh ♪
48
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♪ Whoa-oa ♪
49
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[gunshot]
50
00:02:59,129 --> 00:03:02,465
We all tell little white lies.
51
00:03:02,499 --> 00:03:05,936
We lie about our height,
our weight,
52
00:03:05,970 --> 00:03:08,905
where we've been
and where we're going.
53
00:03:08,940 --> 00:03:10,574
And tonight,
54
00:03:10,608 --> 00:03:12,509
video game developer
Kevin Freeman
55
00:03:12,544 --> 00:03:13,677
is about to discover
56
00:03:13,711 --> 00:03:17,614
that when his fantasy
turns into reality,
57
00:03:17,649 --> 00:03:21,251
honesty, in fact,
may be the best policy
58
00:03:21,285 --> 00:03:23,653
as his little white lies
59
00:03:23,688 --> 00:03:26,523
get him into
a world of trouble.
60
00:03:38,067 --> 00:03:40,736
[typing]
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00:03:40,770 --> 00:03:45,140
[computer voice]You have 174 new messages.
62
00:03:45,174 --> 00:03:47,609
Holy-- Yes!
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00:03:48,611 --> 00:03:50,379
Uh, excuse me, Mr. Freeman?
64
00:03:50,413 --> 00:03:52,949
Lily, hi.
Come on in, darling.
65
00:03:52,983 --> 00:03:56,619
The sales reports from
Planet of the Undead 2 you asked for.
66
00:03:56,654 --> 00:03:58,488
Oh, thank you.
67
00:04:00,357 --> 00:04:03,092
Hey, our numbers rocked it.
68
00:04:03,126 --> 00:04:06,629
Yes! See?
It's just like I told you.
69
00:04:06,664 --> 00:04:09,999
Give a child a chainsaw
and 10,000 zombies to hack up,
70
00:04:10,034 --> 00:04:11,868
and they're in first-person
shooter heaven.
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00:04:11,902 --> 00:04:13,570
Boo-yah!
72
00:04:13,604 --> 00:04:16,606
Hey, you know what?
73
00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:18,642
Let's go out tonight
and celebrate.
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00:04:18,676 --> 00:04:19,977
Oh--
Please?
75
00:04:20,011 --> 00:04:21,111
Please, please?
76
00:04:21,146 --> 00:04:22,946
I don't know.
Oh, come on.
77
00:04:22,981 --> 00:04:24,481
That's what
you always say.
78
00:04:24,516 --> 00:04:25,816
When are you
going to say yes?
79
00:04:25,850 --> 00:04:27,417
I'm sorry, Mr. Freeman.
80
00:04:27,452 --> 00:04:29,119
I just don't think
you're my type.
81
00:04:29,154 --> 00:04:31,188
I'm not your type?
That doesn't even make sense.
82
00:04:31,222 --> 00:04:33,457
I'm everybody's type.
Look at me.
83
00:04:33,491 --> 00:04:35,359
Huh?
84
00:04:35,393 --> 00:04:37,861
I'm like that blood type
that everybody can use.
85
00:04:37,896 --> 00:04:40,164
I'm a universal donor.
86
00:04:40,198 --> 00:04:42,032
Is it my calves?
87
00:04:42,066 --> 00:04:44,301
You know,
I'm getting calf implants.
88
00:04:44,335 --> 00:04:46,937
Picture me
with Lance Armstrong's calves.
89
00:04:48,473 --> 00:04:50,274
Picture it.
90
00:04:52,010 --> 00:04:54,011
Now what do you think?
91
00:05:09,928 --> 00:05:11,895
[Woman]Hi, Troy. I'm Alexis.
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00:05:11,929 --> 00:05:13,363
I'm new on the Web site.
93
00:05:13,397 --> 00:05:15,632
This is the first timeI've responded to anyone.
94
00:05:15,666 --> 00:05:18,735
You seem to be a very nice guywho's really sure of himself.
95
00:05:18,769 --> 00:05:20,871
I like that in a man.
96
00:05:22,339 --> 00:05:25,175
Take me,
my Mandingo love machine.
97
00:05:25,209 --> 00:05:27,744
The pleasure's
gonna be all yours.
98
00:05:32,316 --> 00:05:34,050
Oh, Dr. Troy!
99
00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:36,252
Dr. Troy!
100
00:05:40,691 --> 00:05:44,460
[Troy's voice]Hey, Alexis, you sound great.
101
00:05:44,494 --> 00:05:46,463
Let's not waste time.
102
00:05:46,497 --> 00:05:48,531
I believe in spontaneity.
103
00:05:48,565 --> 00:05:49,966
8:00 tonight,
104
00:05:50,001 --> 00:05:52,202
Sunset Grillon Wilder & Diamond.
105
00:06:16,561 --> 00:06:18,962
Uh, Troy?
Yeah. Hi.
106
00:06:18,996 --> 00:06:20,564
Hi. Alexis.
Right. Hey.
107
00:06:20,598 --> 00:06:22,199
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
108
00:06:22,233 --> 00:06:25,569
Uh, you don't really look
much like your profile photos.
109
00:06:25,603 --> 00:06:27,771
Yeah. That photo's
a little dated.
110
00:06:27,805 --> 00:06:30,440
I was gonna update it
with a newer photo,
111
00:06:30,475 --> 00:06:31,942
but I haven't.
112
00:06:31,976 --> 00:06:34,912
And to be fair,
I love me some Krispy Kreme.
113
00:06:34,946 --> 00:06:36,780
Is it obvious?
114
00:06:36,815 --> 00:06:39,950
Um, but I kind of blew up
my washboard abs there.
115
00:06:39,985 --> 00:06:41,852
I'm getting back in the gym.
116
00:06:41,887 --> 00:06:44,221
You know, doing sit-ups.
117
00:06:44,255 --> 00:06:47,257
Like, 2,000 a day.
118
00:06:47,292 --> 00:06:50,261
This is the first bottle
in my six-pack.
119
00:06:50,295 --> 00:06:53,730
So you're a cardiologist?
120
00:06:53,765 --> 00:06:55,966
Well, not professionally, no.
121
00:06:56,001 --> 00:06:57,968
It's more of a hobby.
122
00:06:58,002 --> 00:06:59,936
But you could say
123
00:06:59,970 --> 00:07:02,171
I'm an expert in all things
124
00:07:02,206 --> 00:07:04,974
regarding the heart.
125
00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:06,975
Listen, Troy,
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00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:08,844
or whatever the hell
your name really is,
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00:07:08,878 --> 00:07:10,979
I don't like liars.
128
00:07:11,013 --> 00:07:12,480
Oh, I'm not a liar
129
00:07:12,514 --> 00:07:16,050
so much as
a creative embellier.
130
00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:19,520
Alexis,
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00:07:22,558 --> 00:07:24,126
we need to talk.
132
00:07:27,964 --> 00:07:30,132
Is that your contact?
133
00:07:30,167 --> 00:07:32,335
'Cause Raven's gonna
want to see him, too.
134
00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:35,438
I'm not talking to you
or to Raven.
135
00:07:35,473 --> 00:07:37,774
[groaning]
Check, please!
136
00:07:37,808 --> 00:07:38,842
Get down!
137
00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:44,481
[grunts]
Let's go!
138
00:07:44,515 --> 00:07:47,516
[patrons clamoring]
139
00:07:49,953 --> 00:07:52,020
[grunting]
140
00:07:53,122 --> 00:07:54,189
[panting]
141
00:07:54,223 --> 00:07:56,491
Wow. That was
incredible, man,
142
00:07:56,526 --> 00:07:58,860
when you grabbed that knife,
and you stabbed that guy in the--
143
00:07:58,894 --> 00:08:00,595
Shut up.
144
00:08:00,630 --> 00:08:01,864
You're right.
145
00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:03,232
Who needs words
146
00:08:03,266 --> 00:08:04,800
after everything
we've been through?
147
00:08:04,834 --> 00:08:06,468
Not what you meant.
All right.
148
00:08:06,502 --> 00:08:07,970
My bad.
149
00:08:08,004 --> 00:08:10,706
I'm a little slow
in picking up the social cues.
150
00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:13,642
I'm--
An idiot and a liar.
151
00:08:13,676 --> 00:08:15,477
That's one opinion.
152
00:08:15,511 --> 00:08:18,079
Would you mind telling me
who those guys were?
153
00:08:18,114 --> 00:08:19,580
I can't tell you.
154
00:08:19,615 --> 00:08:21,583
Why, because
you'd have to kill me?
155
00:08:21,617 --> 00:08:23,417
Ooh, that's such a cliché!
156
00:08:23,452 --> 00:08:25,953
You know what? If you don't mind,
I'm gonna be heading home now.
157
00:08:25,988 --> 00:08:28,255
Yeah. That'll be the first
place they look for you.
158
00:08:28,290 --> 00:08:31,225
Who are they, and why would
they be looking for me?
159
00:08:31,259 --> 00:08:33,227
If you want to keep breathing,
you need to stay with me
160
00:08:33,261 --> 00:08:35,362
until I can figure out
why Raven wants me dead.
161
00:08:35,396 --> 00:08:37,698
Who the hell is Raven?
[scoffs] I wish I knew.
162
00:08:37,732 --> 00:08:39,299
So this Raven guy
wants you dead,
163
00:08:39,334 --> 00:08:41,468
but you don't know
who he is?
164
00:08:41,503 --> 00:08:43,237
You wouldn't understand.
165
00:08:43,271 --> 00:08:44,371
Try me!
166
00:08:44,405 --> 00:08:45,939
[sighs]
167
00:08:45,974 --> 00:08:48,409
I work for Raven,
but I have never met him.
168
00:08:48,443 --> 00:08:50,712
So what, you're
some sort of assassin,
169
00:08:50,746 --> 00:08:53,548
and then Raven is some sort
of mysterious boss
170
00:08:53,582 --> 00:08:55,184
that you have, and that--
171
00:08:55,218 --> 00:08:56,952
Oh, no shit. Really?
172
00:08:56,986 --> 00:08:58,687
Look, these are
dangerous people.
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00:08:58,721 --> 00:09:01,490
I'm a dangerous person, and
people like you are collateral damage.
174
00:09:01,524 --> 00:09:03,425
So you-- when I say jump,
you jump.
175
00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:05,828
Got me,
Dr. Troy Jackson?
176
00:09:05,862 --> 00:09:08,597
My name is Kevin,
Kevin Freeman,
177
00:09:08,632 --> 00:09:10,733
and I design video games!
178
00:09:10,767 --> 00:09:13,836
Was there anything in your
online profile that was real?
179
00:09:13,870 --> 00:09:15,104
Sure! Lots of stuff!
180
00:09:15,138 --> 00:09:18,073
Like?
I'm black.
181
00:09:18,108 --> 00:09:19,275
[siren wailing]
182
00:09:19,309 --> 00:09:20,743
[scoffs]
183
00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:25,981
[Kevin] Oh, my God.
This is insane.
184
00:09:26,016 --> 00:09:27,783
The knife and the thing
and the running...
185
00:09:27,818 --> 00:09:30,753
How'd you even get started
in this business?
186
00:09:30,787 --> 00:09:32,621
I was recruited
187
00:09:32,656 --> 00:09:35,091
from a Third World orphanage
at the age of ten
188
00:09:35,125 --> 00:09:36,992
and spirited away
to a monastery
189
00:09:37,027 --> 00:09:39,295
in the Himalayas, where I was--
Whoa. Back up.
190
00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:42,865
Did you just say you were
spirited away to a monastery?
191
00:09:44,468 --> 00:09:48,204
Because...I was thinking
how cool that would be.
192
00:09:48,239 --> 00:09:49,973
Please continue.
193
00:09:50,007 --> 00:09:51,474
Where I was trained
194
00:09:51,509 --> 00:09:52,909
by the world's
most lethal monks
195
00:09:52,944 --> 00:09:54,577
in the art of killing.
196
00:09:54,611 --> 00:09:56,146
I've assassinated
heads of state,
197
00:09:56,180 --> 00:09:57,814
captains of industry,
arms dealers,
198
00:09:57,848 --> 00:10:00,016
drug cartel kingpins,
corrupt politicians,
199
00:10:00,051 --> 00:10:02,586
and dozens of Eurotrash
super-criminals.
200
00:10:02,620 --> 00:10:06,123
Man, those monks don't quit.
201
00:10:06,158 --> 00:10:08,626
So what do they want with me?
I mean, I'm a nobody.
202
00:10:08,661 --> 00:10:10,394
I'm a civilian.
Not anymore.
203
00:10:10,429 --> 00:10:12,764
How they gonna find me?
They don't even know who I am.
204
00:10:12,798 --> 00:10:16,201
They already sent a team to the
restaurant pretending to be FBI.
205
00:10:16,235 --> 00:10:17,769
They have
your dinner reservations,
206
00:10:17,804 --> 00:10:19,605
descriptions from the staff,
207
00:10:19,639 --> 00:10:21,807
lifted fingerprints from that cheap
bottle of wine you ordered.
208
00:10:21,841 --> 00:10:23,408
That was not cheap wine!
209
00:10:23,442 --> 00:10:25,176
They've hacked into
the security camera footage
210
00:10:25,210 --> 00:10:26,677
from the street and the lobby.
211
00:10:26,712 --> 00:10:29,880
There's only one problem
with your theory, Sherlock--
212
00:10:29,915 --> 00:10:33,183
they have Dr. Troy Jackson's
name, not mine.
213
00:10:33,218 --> 00:10:35,819
They ran the DNS from
Troy Jackson's email account
214
00:10:35,853 --> 00:10:37,754
and data-mined you.
215
00:10:37,788 --> 00:10:39,488
Your life is theirs now.
216
00:10:39,523 --> 00:10:41,824
And until we find Raven
and straighten things out,
217
00:10:41,859 --> 00:10:43,860
we're both in mortal danger.
218
00:10:45,796 --> 00:10:47,496
I'm sorry, sir.
219
00:10:47,531 --> 00:10:49,531
Your credit card's
been declined.
220
00:10:53,869 --> 00:10:55,136
Hey!
221
00:10:55,170 --> 00:10:57,005
Hey, what are you doing?
222
00:10:57,039 --> 00:10:58,440
They traced
your credit cards.
223
00:10:58,474 --> 00:10:59,909
Agents will be here
in seven minutes.
224
00:10:59,943 --> 00:11:01,877
Why didn't you say something?
225
00:11:04,448 --> 00:11:06,917
That's way too big of a tip
considering we didn't get
226
00:11:06,951 --> 00:11:08,285
any of those
world-famous bread sticks.
227
00:11:08,319 --> 00:11:10,454
I want Raven's men
to come for us.
228
00:11:10,488 --> 00:11:12,723
That will buy us some time,
because you will tell them
229
00:11:12,757 --> 00:11:15,225
that you overheard us talking about
taking a Greyhound to Santa Mira.
230
00:11:15,260 --> 00:11:17,193
Got it?
For this kind of tip,
231
00:11:17,228 --> 00:11:19,229
I'll tell them
you went to the moon.
232
00:11:19,263 --> 00:11:22,065
I'm reporting you
to the Web site.
233
00:11:22,099 --> 00:11:24,868
This is a direct violation
of their terms of service.
234
00:11:24,902 --> 00:11:26,368
And I'm not going anywhere.
235
00:11:26,403 --> 00:11:29,305
They will find you
wherever you go.
236
00:11:29,339 --> 00:11:32,607
Leave now and live
or stay and die.
237
00:11:32,642 --> 00:11:35,543
I will leave now and live.
238
00:11:35,578 --> 00:11:37,379
Good answer.
239
00:11:43,619 --> 00:11:45,821
What are we doing here?
240
00:11:45,855 --> 00:11:49,558
My knees hurt,
and my ass is cold.
241
00:11:49,593 --> 00:11:51,561
This is where
Archie Becker lives.
242
00:11:51,595 --> 00:11:53,062
Who's Archie Becker?
243
00:11:53,097 --> 00:11:55,832
The accountant.
Accountant?
244
00:11:55,867 --> 00:11:57,201
The organization I work for
245
00:11:57,235 --> 00:11:59,136
is a global operation
that needs funding.
246
00:11:59,171 --> 00:12:01,605
Like Woodward and Bernstein
once said, "Follow the money."
247
00:12:01,639 --> 00:12:03,274
Now I'm totally confused.
248
00:12:03,308 --> 00:12:05,642
I would think that you'd
be used to that by now,
249
00:12:05,677 --> 00:12:07,645
confusion being
your natural state.
250
00:12:07,679 --> 00:12:11,082
Not about the whole secret agent
La Femme Nikita thing.
251
00:12:11,116 --> 00:12:13,284
Look, I've seen
all the Bond films,
252
00:12:13,318 --> 00:12:15,220
except for A View To a Kill,
253
00:12:15,254 --> 00:12:17,689
which I hear
was double-oh-crap.
254
00:12:17,724 --> 00:12:18,924
What I'm confused about is
255
00:12:18,958 --> 00:12:21,059
what were you doing
on an Internet dating site?
256
00:12:22,128 --> 00:12:24,864
It's difficult
to explain.
257
00:12:24,898 --> 00:12:26,999
Try me.
258
00:12:27,034 --> 00:12:30,604
I never got a chance to grow up
and live a normal life.
259
00:12:30,638 --> 00:12:34,040
I wanted out of the organization,
so I left.
260
00:12:34,075 --> 00:12:36,543
Let me guess. It's not the kind
of organization you just leave.
261
00:12:36,578 --> 00:12:39,446
I've been trained to do what
I do since I was 10 years old.
262
00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:41,915
I missed out on a lot of things
that you take for granted.
263
00:12:41,949 --> 00:12:45,751
What, taxes, Bar Mitzvah parties,
Jersey Shore
264
00:12:45,785 --> 00:12:47,452
You didn't miss much.
265
00:12:47,487 --> 00:12:49,387
When you were playing
in the Little League,
266
00:12:49,421 --> 00:12:50,888
I learned to use a Glock.
267
00:12:50,923 --> 00:12:53,824
When you went to prom,
I made my first mark.
268
00:12:53,859 --> 00:12:55,893
I didn't go to prom.
269
00:12:55,927 --> 00:12:59,063
Patti Ledo blew me off
and went with Kenny Glazier.
270
00:12:59,097 --> 00:13:01,633
If Patti could see me now,
she would totally go with me.
271
00:13:03,168 --> 00:13:05,203
When you said
make your first mark,
272
00:13:05,237 --> 00:13:07,238
did you mean kill people?
273
00:13:36,702 --> 00:13:38,970
[Man groaning]
274
00:13:39,004 --> 00:13:40,905
[coughing]
275
00:13:48,446 --> 00:13:50,848
So now
you're a retired assassin
276
00:13:50,882 --> 00:13:52,550
that's Internet dating?
277
00:13:52,584 --> 00:13:54,485
I thought it was something
normal girls do.
278
00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:56,153
Normal girls
that look like you
279
00:13:56,188 --> 00:13:58,322
don't have to online date,
trust me.
280
00:13:58,356 --> 00:13:59,824
But then
I would've never met
281
00:13:59,858 --> 00:14:01,892
the wonderful and talented
Dr. Troy Jackson.
282
00:14:01,927 --> 00:14:03,894
Keep it up.
283
00:14:03,929 --> 00:14:06,898
Your profile
was phonier than mine.
284
00:14:06,932 --> 00:14:11,203
"Likes warm, quiet evenings
in front of a fire," my ass.
285
00:14:11,237 --> 00:14:13,471
Come on. We gotta move.
286
00:14:16,341 --> 00:14:18,409
[gunshot]
[glass shatters]
287
00:14:18,443 --> 00:14:21,079
Now, that's a dramatic way
to open a door lock.
288
00:14:21,113 --> 00:14:23,181
Shut up.
Find something and put it on.
289
00:14:23,216 --> 00:14:24,850
I still don't know
what we're doing here.
290
00:14:24,884 --> 00:14:26,385
We are going
to a costume party.
291
00:14:26,419 --> 00:14:28,320
We have to fit in.
292
00:14:28,355 --> 00:14:30,589
Did you RSVP "plus one"
on the e-vite?
293
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:36,629
Try to find something
that makes you look good.
294
00:14:36,664 --> 00:14:37,664
I'll try.
295
00:14:58,584 --> 00:15:00,051
Best date ever.
296
00:15:00,086 --> 00:15:01,153
What?
297
00:15:01,187 --> 00:15:03,088
Nothing.
298
00:15:15,802 --> 00:15:18,471
Does this car
have an ejector seat?
299
00:15:20,841 --> 00:15:24,210
There's one little thing
I forgot to tell you.
300
00:15:24,244 --> 00:15:26,813
We have to make Archie think
that Raven wants him dead.
301
00:15:26,847 --> 00:15:29,883
That's not a little thing,
that's a big thing!
302
00:15:29,917 --> 00:15:31,551
If he thinks Raven's
got a hit on him,
303
00:15:31,585 --> 00:15:33,186
he's going to need
somebody to protect him,
304
00:15:33,220 --> 00:15:34,521
and that somebody's
gonna be me.
305
00:15:34,555 --> 00:15:36,055
Okay, how are we
going to convince him
306
00:15:36,090 --> 00:15:37,657
that Raven wants him dead?
307
00:15:37,691 --> 00:15:39,659
Because Raven
sent you to do it.
308
00:15:39,693 --> 00:15:41,461
Raven sent me?
309
00:15:41,495 --> 00:15:43,463
Why would Raven send me?
310
00:15:43,497 --> 00:15:44,964
I'm not a killer.
311
00:15:44,999 --> 00:15:47,300
I can't even squish
those big cockroach bugs.
312
00:15:47,335 --> 00:15:49,402
What kind of assassin
do you make
313
00:15:49,437 --> 00:15:52,272
if you have to hire an exterminator
to come and kill a bug?
314
00:15:52,306 --> 00:15:54,007
Let's go.
315
00:15:57,811 --> 00:16:00,980
Do you remember
everything I told you?
316
00:16:01,014 --> 00:16:02,615
Who are you?
317
00:16:02,649 --> 00:16:05,951
I am the international
assassin known as The Owl,
318
00:16:05,985 --> 00:16:09,821
the baddest badass
contract killer west of Berlin.
319
00:16:11,123 --> 00:16:13,491
Won't they know
I'm not him?
320
00:16:13,525 --> 00:16:15,726
The Owl mysteriously
vanished two years ago.
321
00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:17,794
Even when he was around,
anybody who knew
322
00:16:17,828 --> 00:16:21,197
what he really looked like
never lived to tell about it.
323
00:16:21,232 --> 00:16:24,267
That's cold.
I like it.
324
00:16:26,937 --> 00:16:29,238
I'm The Owl.
325
00:16:29,273 --> 00:16:31,241
Hoo!
326
00:16:31,275 --> 00:16:33,310
Hoo!
327
00:16:40,585 --> 00:16:43,387
[chattering]
328
00:17:18,023 --> 00:17:20,525
[Kevin]
Good call on the costumes.
329
00:17:20,559 --> 00:17:23,795
We're gonna fit right in.
330
00:17:23,830 --> 00:17:25,831
You know what to do.
331
00:17:42,583 --> 00:17:42,615
What's new, pussycat?
332
00:17:44,351 --> 00:17:45,751
Sorry. Wrong room.
333
00:17:45,786 --> 00:17:47,720
Oh, hey.
334
00:17:47,754 --> 00:17:50,555
Where do you think you're
going, my little kitty?
335
00:17:50,590 --> 00:17:53,458
I was looking
to get some milk.
336
00:17:53,492 --> 00:17:56,394
Are you a waiter?
337
00:17:56,428 --> 00:17:58,830
No, no.
This is my party.
338
00:17:58,864 --> 00:18:00,198
Archie Becker.
339
00:18:05,738 --> 00:18:07,806
[guests moaning]
340
00:18:29,096 --> 00:18:31,531
You know, I'm sure
I can find you some milk,
341
00:18:31,566 --> 00:18:33,600
and we can
lap it up together--
342
00:18:33,635 --> 00:18:35,602
privately, of course.
343
00:18:35,637 --> 00:18:37,604
Mmm, tempting.
344
00:18:37,639 --> 00:18:40,908
But I'm sure you can do better
than just milk.
345
00:18:40,942 --> 00:18:43,144
Well, the night is young.
346
00:18:43,178 --> 00:18:45,179
Enjoy the show.
347
00:19:09,404 --> 00:19:11,805
[moaning continues]
348
00:19:11,839 --> 00:19:14,641
Ooh, I love Michael Jackson.
349
00:19:16,811 --> 00:19:19,980
Show me how you beat it.
350
00:19:20,014 --> 00:19:22,616
[whip cracking]
351
00:19:27,656 --> 00:19:30,792
♪ ["Thriller" instrumental]
352
00:19:39,235 --> 00:19:41,470
[chuckles]
353
00:19:43,239 --> 00:19:45,206
[guests chuckling]
354
00:19:49,611 --> 00:19:52,613
♪ [continues]
355
00:19:53,815 --> 00:19:57,217
You are so naughty.
356
00:20:14,904 --> 00:20:16,538
[moaning]
357
00:20:21,778 --> 00:20:23,211
[crack]
358
00:20:40,395 --> 00:20:41,862
Emily?
359
00:20:44,965 --> 00:20:46,633
Mr. Freeman?
360
00:20:46,668 --> 00:20:47,835
What are you doing here?
361
00:20:47,869 --> 00:20:49,970
What are you doing here,
Mr. F?
362
00:20:50,005 --> 00:20:52,306
I like to party.
I like to disco.
363
00:20:52,341 --> 00:20:54,475
There's a lot of stuff
you don't know about me.
364
00:20:54,510 --> 00:20:56,144
This is a new look for you.
365
00:20:56,178 --> 00:20:58,080
It's actually not new.
366
00:20:58,114 --> 00:21:00,282
I've been an elite-level
domino mistress
367
00:21:00,317 --> 00:21:01,717
for seven years.
368
00:21:01,751 --> 00:21:04,119
These are my submissives.
369
00:21:05,822 --> 00:21:07,789
Wow.
370
00:21:07,824 --> 00:21:09,992
Um, is there a class
you took
371
00:21:10,027 --> 00:21:11,994
to be the domino?
372
00:21:12,029 --> 00:21:15,466
So are you in a union
of some sort?
373
00:21:15,500 --> 00:21:16,800
Go like that.
374
00:21:16,835 --> 00:21:19,603
You won't tell anyone
at the office?
375
00:21:19,637 --> 00:21:21,538
No, absolutely not.
376
00:21:21,573 --> 00:21:24,074
Good, because if you did,
377
00:21:24,109 --> 00:21:26,443
I'd cut off your scrotum
and feed it to you
378
00:21:26,478 --> 00:21:28,779
with some ranch dressing
and chipotle salsa.
379
00:21:28,813 --> 00:21:29,813
Mmm.
380
00:21:31,116 --> 00:21:34,018
So want to make out
with me?
381
00:21:36,221 --> 00:21:38,890
[moaning]
382
00:21:42,928 --> 00:21:44,829
You're a dirty girl.
383
00:21:44,863 --> 00:21:47,465
Don't you want to play
with these little kitties?
384
00:21:47,499 --> 00:21:50,668
Sorry. Not my thing.
385
00:21:50,703 --> 00:21:54,105
Well, that's too bad.
386
00:21:54,139 --> 00:21:56,474
Maybe it's time
to say good night, then.
387
00:21:56,508 --> 00:21:59,776
You give up easily,
don't you?
388
00:21:59,811 --> 00:22:01,378
You want me to say please?
389
00:22:01,412 --> 00:22:04,981
No. I want you
to turn on some music.
390
00:22:05,016 --> 00:22:07,817
Hmm.
391
00:22:09,954 --> 00:22:12,021
♪ [rock, slow tempo]
392
00:22:12,056 --> 00:22:14,324
Much better.
393
00:22:35,343 --> 00:22:37,778
♪ [continues]
394
00:22:41,149 --> 00:22:43,184
[sniffs]
395
00:22:44,753 --> 00:22:45,886
[sniffs]
396
00:23:12,982 --> 00:23:14,450
Alexis?
397
00:23:14,484 --> 00:23:16,752
I heard you were dead.
398
00:23:27,864 --> 00:23:30,533
Are you gonna be
a good boy?
399
00:23:31,702 --> 00:23:33,970
If you're a good boy,
400
00:23:34,004 --> 00:23:36,539
I'll let you kiss it.
401
00:23:39,309 --> 00:23:41,276
Kiss it.
402
00:23:43,180 --> 00:23:45,148
[phone beeping]
403
00:23:46,150 --> 00:23:47,150
[beeps]
404
00:23:50,220 --> 00:23:51,855
I gotta go.
405
00:23:51,889 --> 00:23:53,389
Are you kidding me?
406
00:23:53,424 --> 00:23:55,358
I gotta go.
407
00:23:58,929 --> 00:24:02,298
I can keep you safe
from Raven, kitty-cat,
408
00:24:02,333 --> 00:24:04,400
for a very small pri--
409
00:24:05,836 --> 00:24:08,104
I've been waiting a very
long time for this, Alexis.
410
00:24:08,138 --> 00:24:09,973
Raven's trying
to kill you, too.
411
00:24:10,007 --> 00:24:11,641
He put a hit
on both of us.
412
00:24:11,676 --> 00:24:13,643
What?
That's not possible.
413
00:24:13,678 --> 00:24:16,013
You need me to protect you,
Archie.
414
00:24:17,382 --> 00:24:19,117
Get the fuck outta here.
415
00:24:19,151 --> 00:24:21,952
I'm the international assassin
known as The Owl.
416
00:24:21,987 --> 00:24:23,955
Who?
Exactly.
417
00:24:23,989 --> 00:24:26,257
What the hell do you want?
You.
418
00:24:26,292 --> 00:24:28,526
Raven's hired me
to ice your ass.
419
00:24:28,561 --> 00:24:30,495
What? Come on.
Raven would never do that.
420
00:24:30,530 --> 00:24:33,999
You're stealing money from him.
Now he wants you dead.
421
00:24:35,269 --> 00:24:38,438
Look, I haven't, okay?
Come on. That's crazy.
422
00:24:38,473 --> 00:24:41,375
Look, please, man, just don't--
don't kill me, okay?
423
00:24:45,747 --> 00:24:47,214
You knocked me out?
424
00:24:47,248 --> 00:24:49,216
That wasn't
a part of the plan.
425
00:24:49,250 --> 00:24:52,152
If I had told you, would you
have gone along with it?
426
00:24:52,187 --> 00:24:55,222
No, but you would have felt
better afterwards for asking.
427
00:24:55,256 --> 00:24:57,290
That's why.
I needed to save Archie
428
00:24:57,325 --> 00:24:58,791
from The Owl
to gain his trust.
429
00:24:58,826 --> 00:24:59,792
Did it work?
430
00:24:59,827 --> 00:25:01,427
Yes.
He told me everything...
431
00:25:01,461 --> 00:25:02,628
before he died.
432
00:25:02,663 --> 00:25:05,897
He died?
How did he die?
433
00:25:05,932 --> 00:25:07,999
[gasps]
434
00:25:08,034 --> 00:25:09,500
You killed him!
435
00:25:09,535 --> 00:25:11,502
You can't go around
killing people.
436
00:25:11,537 --> 00:25:12,837
That's not right.
437
00:25:12,871 --> 00:25:14,338
He told me where Raven is.
438
00:25:14,372 --> 00:25:16,639
Well, that's good work.
439
00:25:16,674 --> 00:25:17,974
Thank you.
440
00:25:18,008 --> 00:25:20,277
[engine starts]
441
00:25:20,311 --> 00:25:21,712
[tires screeching]
442
00:25:24,782 --> 00:25:27,417
♪ [classical]
443
00:25:40,599 --> 00:25:43,268
[Alexis]
Raven.
444
00:25:43,302 --> 00:25:46,170
Alexis.
I figured you'd find me.
445
00:25:46,205 --> 00:25:47,705
You were always my best.
446
00:25:50,809 --> 00:25:53,945
Roasted duck with a truffle-scented
broth and a mushroom ragout.
447
00:25:53,979 --> 00:25:56,081
You know, that does
smell delicious.
448
00:25:56,115 --> 00:25:58,450
Shut up.
449
00:25:58,484 --> 00:26:00,752
I wasted a lot of time
and money on you tonight
450
00:26:00,787 --> 00:26:02,487
that I could have put
to much better use.
451
00:26:02,522 --> 00:26:04,490
I don't want
to waste anymore.
452
00:26:04,524 --> 00:26:06,959
I want to know why
you flipped and to whom.
453
00:26:06,993 --> 00:26:09,361
I didn't flip, I quit.
454
00:26:09,396 --> 00:26:12,364
Don't you get it?
455
00:26:12,398 --> 00:26:14,099
You took my life!
I want it back!
456
00:26:14,133 --> 00:26:15,700
[laughing]
457
00:26:15,735 --> 00:26:17,269
What is so funny?
458
00:26:17,303 --> 00:26:18,770
I believe you.
459
00:26:18,804 --> 00:26:20,773
Great.
460
00:26:20,807 --> 00:26:22,074
Whoo!
461
00:26:22,108 --> 00:26:24,577
Now that that's over,
can we get outta here?
462
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:29,081
I'm still gonna
kill you, Alexis.
463
00:26:29,116 --> 00:26:31,851
I can't take any chances
that I'm wrong.
464
00:26:31,885 --> 00:26:34,086
No one has ever left
the organization alive.
465
00:26:34,121 --> 00:26:35,688
No one.
466
00:26:35,722 --> 00:26:38,624
So if it's any consolation,
I'm sorry.
467
00:26:38,659 --> 00:26:40,059
So am I.
468
00:26:43,229 --> 00:26:45,130
[Kevin]
Wait a minute. Hold on.
469
00:26:45,165 --> 00:26:47,399
Let me tell you something,
Mr. Raven,
470
00:26:47,433 --> 00:26:50,169
Mr. I'm So Cool I Got
A Black Chick's Name.
471
00:26:50,203 --> 00:26:52,104
You know where
I met your girl?
472
00:26:52,138 --> 00:26:54,440
On a date.
An Internet date.
473
00:26:56,109 --> 00:26:57,476
You've got her so crazy--
474
00:26:57,510 --> 00:26:59,845
assassinating people
and HALO jumping into stuff--
475
00:26:59,880 --> 00:27:01,848
she doesn't know
what's going on.
476
00:27:01,882 --> 00:27:05,719
She thinks she's gotta
go online to meet dudes,
477
00:27:05,753 --> 00:27:07,554
as fine as she is.
478
00:27:07,588 --> 00:27:09,456
You think she's
gonna rat on you?
479
00:27:09,490 --> 00:27:11,625
Look at her.
She's clueless.
480
00:27:11,659 --> 00:27:14,395
Why don't you give her
a chance at a normal life?
481
00:27:14,429 --> 00:27:16,863
She won't let you down.
I promise.
482
00:27:16,898 --> 00:27:19,299
Who the fuck are you?
[laughs]
483
00:27:19,333 --> 00:27:21,335
I'm Kevin Freeman,
484
00:27:21,369 --> 00:27:23,303
video game designer.
485
00:27:23,337 --> 00:27:26,172
Ever see
Planet of the Undead?
486
00:27:26,207 --> 00:27:28,841
That was me, darling.
I invented that.
487
00:27:28,875 --> 00:27:30,810
Number 3, Dead & Undeader,
488
00:27:30,844 --> 00:27:34,246
is coming out next month
on Xbox, baby.
489
00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:37,683
Gig magazine's
pick of the month, baby.
490
00:27:37,717 --> 00:27:40,686
Now get--
Please don't kill me.
491
00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:43,455
Did you say
Planet of the Undead?
492
00:27:46,993 --> 00:27:48,962
I fucking love that game.
493
00:27:48,996 --> 00:27:50,630
See? Right?
494
00:27:50,665 --> 00:27:52,666
I play that with my kids
all the time.
495
00:27:52,701 --> 00:27:56,371
Whose family doesn't enjoy
smashing up on zombies?
496
00:27:56,405 --> 00:27:58,440
Look, Mr. Raven,
497
00:27:58,474 --> 00:28:01,842
Alexis here has given you
her entire life.
498
00:28:01,877 --> 00:28:04,345
When you gonna
give it back to her?
499
00:28:04,380 --> 00:28:06,814
[exhales forcefully]
500
00:28:06,849 --> 00:28:08,516
Well,
501
00:28:16,357 --> 00:28:19,091
I do have two extra spots
at the dinner table.
502
00:28:21,662 --> 00:28:24,230
Sweet. We're staying
for dinner.
503
00:28:24,264 --> 00:28:25,732
Thank you, sir.
504
00:28:25,766 --> 00:28:27,433
I've worked up
quite an appetite,
505
00:28:27,468 --> 00:28:28,501
what with getting shot at
506
00:28:28,536 --> 00:28:30,370
and crashing in
on swingers' parties
507
00:28:30,404 --> 00:28:32,038
and running around
all night long...
508
00:28:32,073 --> 00:28:33,473
Planet of the Undead.
509
00:28:33,508 --> 00:28:34,541
Wonderful.
510
00:28:35,543 --> 00:28:38,111
I love dinner parties.
511
00:28:38,146 --> 00:28:40,647
So,
512
00:28:40,682 --> 00:28:42,582
pretty nice
first date, huh?
513
00:28:42,617 --> 00:28:43,784
[scoffs]
514
00:28:43,818 --> 00:28:45,819
Think there'll be
a second?
515
00:28:45,853 --> 00:28:47,787
We'll see.
516
00:28:47,822 --> 00:28:50,524
So how do you know
he's not gonna poison you?
517
00:28:50,558 --> 00:28:52,392
Because you're going
to eat it first.
518
00:28:56,697 --> 00:28:59,997
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
519
00:29:00,001 --> 00:29:02,369
♪ She's got long black hair ♪
520
00:29:03,372 --> 00:29:06,475
♪ And a laser eye ♪
521
00:29:06,509 --> 00:29:09,745
♪ She's got a lasergun-un-un ♪
522
00:29:09,779 --> 00:29:11,847
♪ On one of her thighs ♪37278
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