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1
00:00:36,204 --> 00:00:37,622
(LIGHTER CLICKS)
2
00:00:44,546 --> 00:00:46,589
(WINDING MUSIC BOX)
3
00:01:00,812 --> 00:01:03,148
(ALL OUT OF LOVE PLAYING)
4
00:01:24,210 --> 00:01:25,670
(SNIFFING)
5
00:01:33,678 --> 00:01:35,388
(BOTTLES CLATTERING)
6
00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:16,095
DEADPOOL: Fuck Wolverine.
7
00:02:17,222 --> 00:02:19,808
First, he rides my coattails
with the R rating.
8
00:02:19,974 --> 00:02:23,978
Then the hairy motherfucker
ups the ante by dying.
9
00:02:24,437 --> 00:02:26,147
What a dick.
10
00:02:26,648 --> 00:02:28,441
Well, guess what, Wolvie?
11
00:02:28,900 --> 00:02:30,819
I'm dying in this one, too.
12
00:02:31,903 --> 00:02:33,103
(X GOIN' GIVE IT
TO YA PLAYING)
13
00:02:34,739 --> 00:02:36,699
DEADPOOL: To understand
why I took a cat-nap
14
00:02:36,783 --> 00:02:38,868
on 1,200 gallons
of high-test fuel...
15
00:02:39,035 --> 00:02:40,245
I need to take you back
16
00:02:40,328 --> 00:02:42,622
to the dewy slopes
of six weeks ago.
17
00:02:42,789 --> 00:02:44,207
I'd gone international,
18
00:02:44,290 --> 00:02:46,084
taking out mass murderers,
gangsters,
19
00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:47,752
unspeakable monsters.
20
00:02:47,919 --> 00:02:50,630
People nobody would touch.
Except me.
21
00:02:50,839 --> 00:02:53,591
I'm gonna touch them all over.
22
00:02:53,675 --> 00:02:55,343
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
23
00:02:56,511 --> 00:02:58,388
DEADPOOL:
Hey, it's Gail calling.
24
00:02:58,471 --> 00:02:59,556
Love the shiny suit.
25
00:02:59,722 --> 00:03:00,723
Really brings out
26
00:03:00,807 --> 00:03:02,225
the sex trafficker
in your eyes.
27
00:03:02,433 --> 00:03:04,593
(IN CANTONESE)
Whatever they're paying, I'll double it.
28
00:03:04,686 --> 00:03:07,772
(IN ENGLISH) I don't
speak Cantonese, Mister...
29
00:03:08,815 --> 00:03:10,817
Well, I'm not even gonna
attempt that.
30
00:03:10,900 --> 00:03:13,528
But I did take
8th grade Spanish, so...
31
00:03:13,695 --> 00:03:15,697
(IN SPANISH)
Where is the library?
32
00:03:15,780 --> 00:03:18,116
Which literally
translates to...
33
00:03:18,783 --> 00:03:21,411
I don't bargain,
pumpkin fucker.
34
00:03:21,870 --> 00:03:22,912
(CELL PHONE CLATTERS)
35
00:03:26,124 --> 00:03:27,625
(WOMAN SCREAMING)
36
00:03:28,877 --> 00:03:30,169
(GUNS COCKING)
37
00:03:30,962 --> 00:03:32,171
Uno, dos, tres, cuatro...
38
00:03:32,255 --> 00:03:33,256
(GUNS FIRING)
39
00:03:34,716 --> 00:03:35,967
(GRUNTING)
40
00:03:39,888 --> 00:03:41,347
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
41
00:03:41,681 --> 00:03:42,974
(GASPS)
42
00:03:43,057 --> 00:03:44,267
(SHUSHING)
43
00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:47,478
(WHISPERS) I'll take
a cranberry-grapefruit vodka.
44
00:03:47,645 --> 00:03:48,897
I know
it's called a Sea Breeze.
45
00:03:48,980 --> 00:03:50,189
Don't make me say it.
46
00:03:50,565 --> 00:03:51,858
Hit it, Dolly.
47
00:03:52,066 --> 00:03:53,568
(9 TO 5 PLAYING)
48
00:03:56,779 --> 00:03:57,906
(BOTH GRUNTING)
49
00:04:00,116 --> 00:04:01,117
(WOMAN SCREAMS)
50
00:04:06,289 --> 00:04:07,332
(MEN GROANING)
51
00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:11,836
DEADPOOL: Taking the hands out
of the guns of the criminals!
52
00:04:19,218 --> 00:04:21,262
Whoo! Do not go in there!
53
00:04:31,648 --> 00:04:34,609
Oh, God! Oh, God, time out!
Time out!
54
00:04:34,776 --> 00:04:38,237
Cut. Got bad guy blood,
right in my open eye.
55
00:04:38,404 --> 00:04:40,239
Oh, that's so gross.
56
00:04:40,323 --> 00:04:41,324
(GROANING)
57
00:04:41,407 --> 00:04:42,867
Fuck.
58
00:04:43,785 --> 00:04:45,662
Scoutmaster Kevin?
59
00:04:49,207 --> 00:04:50,291
(CROWD CHEERING)
60
00:04:51,918 --> 00:04:53,544
Too exotic?
61
00:04:56,255 --> 00:04:57,882
DEADPOOL: My world tour
brought me home
62
00:04:57,966 --> 00:05:00,385
to this guy,
Sergei Valishnikov.
63
00:05:00,468 --> 00:05:01,928
But we'll get to him
in a moment.
64
00:05:02,011 --> 00:05:03,364
'Cause I know
what you're thinking.
65
00:05:03,388 --> 00:05:06,265
"I'm so glad
I left the kiddos at home."
66
00:05:06,432 --> 00:05:07,725
But that's where
you'd be wrong.
67
00:05:07,934 --> 00:05:10,812
That babysitter of yours
is high as fuck right now...
68
00:05:10,979 --> 00:05:15,149
and, believe it or not,
Deadpool 2 is a family film.
69
00:05:15,316 --> 00:05:16,359
True story.
70
00:05:16,526 --> 00:05:20,196
And every good family film
starts with a vicious murder.
71
00:05:20,363 --> 00:05:23,282
Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7.
72
00:05:23,449 --> 00:05:26,619
(CHUCKLING) Holy shit pickles!
That guy's on fire.
73
00:05:26,786 --> 00:05:29,539
That's not CGI, folks.
He's actually on fire.
74
00:05:29,706 --> 00:05:32,917
Yeah. You know I get paid
to take out bad guys, right?
75
00:05:33,084 --> 00:05:34,252
But this guy?
76
00:05:34,335 --> 00:05:36,546
He was
one of the worst of 'em.
77
00:05:39,007 --> 00:05:40,550
Hurry up and open
this fucking door,
78
00:05:40,633 --> 00:05:41,777
and let's kill
this motherfucker!
79
00:05:41,801 --> 00:05:43,136
(ALARM RINGING)
(GUNSHOT)
80
00:05:43,219 --> 00:05:44,220
(BODY THUDS)
81
00:05:49,058 --> 00:05:50,601
Ugh. So gross.
82
00:05:50,935 --> 00:05:53,271
A panic room? Really?
83
00:05:53,938 --> 00:05:56,024
Can you come out?
(WATCH BEEPING)
84
00:05:56,190 --> 00:05:59,277
I really have to go.
It's my anniversary.
85
00:06:01,821 --> 00:06:03,656
(GUNS COCKING)
86
00:06:05,033 --> 00:06:06,343
MAN: (ON RADIO) Over and over,
I hear people say,
87
00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:07,847
"I just don't have
enough confidence."
88
00:06:07,994 --> 00:06:10,079
Listen, confidence is not
something you have.
89
00:06:10,163 --> 00:06:11,523
It's something you create.
(LAUGHS)
90
00:06:11,581 --> 00:06:13,541
And you can create it
at any moment in time.
91
00:06:13,708 --> 00:06:15,376
A sense of confidence
is nothing
92
00:06:15,460 --> 00:06:16,812
but a sense of power
within yourself...
93
00:06:16,836 --> 00:06:18,921
a sense of certainty that
you can pull something off.
94
00:06:19,005 --> 00:06:20,649
DEADPOOL: Start the car!
Start the fucking car!
95
00:06:20,673 --> 00:06:21,674
Dopinder!
96
00:06:21,758 --> 00:06:23,509
Start the fucking car!
97
00:06:24,177 --> 00:06:25,178
(SCREAMS)
98
00:06:30,850 --> 00:06:32,351
Whoo!
Oh, I shit my pants.
99
00:06:32,518 --> 00:06:34,687
Actually, that may
have been me.
100
00:06:34,854 --> 00:06:36,022
Oh, mission accomplished?
101
00:06:36,189 --> 00:06:37,899
Well, in a George W.
sort of way.
102
00:06:38,066 --> 00:06:39,984
Fucker can't stay
in a panic room forever.
103
00:06:40,068 --> 00:06:41,587
DOPINDER: Oh, you're living
the dreams, DP.
104
00:06:41,611 --> 00:06:43,404
It has been
quite the run, Dopinder,
105
00:06:43,488 --> 00:06:44,655
and who'da thought?
106
00:06:44,822 --> 00:06:46,991
Now I'm talked about in the
same sentence as Jesus.
107
00:06:47,492 --> 00:06:49,327
Passion of the Christ,
then me.
108
00:06:49,410 --> 00:06:50,536
At least domestically.
109
00:06:50,703 --> 00:06:51,871
We beat them overseas,
110
00:06:51,954 --> 00:06:53,514
where there's no such thing
as religion.
111
00:06:54,082 --> 00:06:56,084
I do want to live the dreams,
Pool Boy.
112
00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:58,461
Taxiing is not as sexy
as it looks.
113
00:06:58,628 --> 00:07:00,254
I want to fill my...
Pockets?
114
00:07:00,421 --> 00:07:03,424
What's your poison?
A little, uh, cokey cokey?
115
00:07:03,591 --> 00:07:05,093
Can't maintain an erection
116
00:07:05,176 --> 00:07:06,695
without buying shoes online?
(HORN HONKS)
117
00:07:06,719 --> 00:07:08,638
I've never experienced
that last one.
118
00:07:08,721 --> 00:07:10,056
Talk to me, Goose.
119
00:07:10,139 --> 00:07:12,975
I was going to say "soul".
I want to fill my soul.
120
00:07:13,059 --> 00:07:15,978
I want to belong to something,
like you, Pool, sir.
121
00:07:16,145 --> 00:07:17,563
Dopinder...
Hmm?
122
00:07:17,897 --> 00:07:19,732
You never cease
to surprise me.
123
00:07:21,234 --> 00:07:23,986
You know, the depth of
your heart is extraordinary.
124
00:07:24,153 --> 00:07:25,780
We all need
a sense of belonging.
125
00:07:25,863 --> 00:07:27,698
We all need
a genuine sense of home.
126
00:07:27,782 --> 00:07:28,783
A place in this world.
127
00:07:28,866 --> 00:07:30,409
I want to become
a contract killer.
128
00:07:30,493 --> 00:07:31,744
I'm sorry.
What did you say?
129
00:07:31,828 --> 00:07:33,830
Remember when
I kidnapped Bandhu
130
00:07:33,913 --> 00:07:35,349
and threatened him
with great violence?
131
00:07:35,373 --> 00:07:36,791
You kind of killed him.
132
00:07:36,874 --> 00:07:38,894
And then remember the movie
Interview with the Vampire?
133
00:07:38,918 --> 00:07:39,919
Don't want to.
134
00:07:40,002 --> 00:07:41,003
When Tom Cruise fed
135
00:07:41,087 --> 00:07:42,880
10-year-old
Kirsten Dunst blood
136
00:07:42,964 --> 00:07:44,090
for the first time...
137
00:07:44,257 --> 00:07:46,592
and she looked up
at his smooth,
138
00:07:46,676 --> 00:07:49,011
handsome face and said...
139
00:07:49,637 --> 00:07:51,389
"I want some more."
140
00:07:51,472 --> 00:07:55,309
Oh, Pool, picture me,
a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst.
141
00:07:56,227 --> 00:07:58,229
I'll never not picture that.
142
00:07:58,896 --> 00:08:00,606
But I can't wait
to never speak of this,
143
00:08:00,690 --> 00:08:02,066
as soon as possible.
144
00:08:02,567 --> 00:08:05,153
We're here.
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
145
00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:08,322
You're my Tom Cruise!
146
00:08:08,406 --> 00:08:10,032
DEADPOOL: And you're
my Kristen Dunst!
147
00:08:10,116 --> 00:08:11,450
Kristen? Kirsten?
148
00:08:16,747 --> 00:08:18,040
Sorry I'm late.
149
00:08:18,374 --> 00:08:19,917
There was a bunch of
150
00:08:20,001 --> 00:08:21,961
handicapable children
stuck in a tree...
151
00:08:22,128 --> 00:08:23,379
and I had to, uh...
Uh-uh.
152
00:08:23,713 --> 00:08:26,340
You're right.
I was fighting a caped badass.
153
00:08:26,507 --> 00:08:28,801
But then we discovered
his mom is named Martha, too.
154
00:08:28,926 --> 00:08:29,927
No.
155
00:08:30,344 --> 00:08:31,345
Traffic?
156
00:08:32,013 --> 00:08:33,014
Hmm?
157
00:08:34,098 --> 00:08:35,683
Kiss me
like you miss me, Red.
158
00:08:35,766 --> 00:08:36,767
Well, come here.
159
00:08:39,103 --> 00:08:40,897
(TAKE ON ME PLAYING)
160
00:08:45,943 --> 00:08:47,486
(VANESSA MOANS)
161
00:08:48,613 --> 00:08:50,364
I'm gonna shower
and get out of this suit.
162
00:08:51,115 --> 00:08:52,235
Don't you want
your surprise?
163
00:08:52,325 --> 00:08:54,160
Do I look like
a patient burn victim?
164
00:08:54,952 --> 00:08:56,454
I got one for you, too.
165
00:08:57,371 --> 00:08:58,748
Happy anniversary, baby.
166
00:08:58,915 --> 00:09:00,499
Open, open, open.
167
00:09:02,501 --> 00:09:03,836
Skee-Ball token.
168
00:09:04,295 --> 00:09:05,546
Our first date.
169
00:09:05,713 --> 00:09:06,964
Yup.
170
00:09:07,131 --> 00:09:10,009
That's genuine,
high-grade lead.
171
00:09:12,887 --> 00:09:14,805
I'll keep it forever.
(CHUCKLES)
172
00:09:15,264 --> 00:09:16,682
Thank you, baby.
173
00:09:18,309 --> 00:09:20,019
Open yours.
All right, all right.
174
00:09:20,895 --> 00:09:22,230
Oh...
175
00:09:23,606 --> 00:09:25,500
That's just the most
beautiful thing that I've...
176
00:09:25,524 --> 00:09:26,859
I don't know what this is.
177
00:09:27,026 --> 00:09:28,444
My IUD.
178
00:09:28,819 --> 00:09:29,820
A bomb?
179
00:09:29,904 --> 00:09:32,698
No, dick for brains.
My birth control device.
180
00:09:33,199 --> 00:09:34,259
What, you mean that your...
181
00:09:34,283 --> 00:09:35,952
Baby factory's open
for business.
182
00:09:36,118 --> 00:09:37,203
Oh, my God!
(BOX CLATTERS)
183
00:09:37,453 --> 00:09:40,623
(VANESSA LAUGHS)
Oh, my God! I want a boy!
184
00:09:40,790 --> 00:09:43,584
Or a little girl!
Definitely one or the other!
185
00:09:43,876 --> 00:09:46,712
Oh! And I want our kid
to have only one name.
186
00:09:47,296 --> 00:09:49,799
Like Cher or Todd.
187
00:09:50,591 --> 00:09:52,301
You gotta pump a baby
in me first, cowboy.
188
00:09:52,385 --> 00:09:53,386
Yes, I do.
189
00:09:53,469 --> 00:09:55,322
Let's watch some porn
and show that bed who's boss.
190
00:09:55,346 --> 00:09:56,347
Let's do that.
191
00:09:57,473 --> 00:09:58,933
(SINGING) Papa...
192
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:01,727
Can you hear me?
193
00:10:03,521 --> 00:10:05,856
Papa, can you see me?
194
00:10:06,023 --> 00:10:08,276
Does this song
sound familiar to you?
195
00:10:10,569 --> 00:10:12,029
May.
196
00:10:12,780 --> 00:10:16,492
Connor, if it's a boy.
May, if it's a girl.
197
00:10:17,827 --> 00:10:19,078
(CHUCKLES)
198
00:10:19,161 --> 00:10:21,539
So weird.
(LAUGHS)
199
00:10:21,622 --> 00:10:24,041
Family was always
an F-word to me.
200
00:10:25,543 --> 00:10:28,754
My pile of shit father
took off and bailed.
201
00:10:30,047 --> 00:10:32,247
I mean, it's not like I have
a lot of strong role models
202
00:10:32,300 --> 00:10:34,427
to draw off of for Todd.
203
00:10:35,136 --> 00:10:37,763
Hey. Look at me.
204
00:10:38,931 --> 00:10:41,100
You are not your father.
205
00:10:42,810 --> 00:10:44,020
Besides...
206
00:10:44,186 --> 00:10:49,025
I will never, ever
let our child be named Todd.
207
00:10:50,026 --> 00:10:51,027
But here's the thing,
208
00:10:51,110 --> 00:10:52,361
isn't that how
it always works?
209
00:10:52,987 --> 00:10:54,488
Like in Star Wars,
210
00:10:54,572 --> 00:10:56,615
men are destined
to become their father...
211
00:10:57,325 --> 00:11:00,286
and then have consensual sex
with their sister?
212
00:11:00,453 --> 00:11:02,872
I think you missed
big, big chunks of that movie.
213
00:11:03,831 --> 00:11:05,916
No, I'm pretty sure
Luke nailed her.
214
00:11:06,083 --> 00:11:07,752
Baby, that's Empire.
215
00:11:08,252 --> 00:11:10,838
The point is, kids...
216
00:11:12,340 --> 00:11:14,967
they give us a chance
to be better than we are.
217
00:11:15,801 --> 00:11:17,928
Better than we used to be.
218
00:11:18,512 --> 00:11:21,015
You're a lot smarter
than I look.
219
00:11:21,932 --> 00:11:23,309
I'm gonna go make dessert.
220
00:11:23,768 --> 00:11:26,896
You get the strap-on.
Let's make a super baby.
221
00:11:28,230 --> 00:11:30,358
Pretty sure it doesn't work
that way, but we can try.
222
00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:35,029
VANESSA: What about Krystal?
But with a "K"?
223
00:11:35,404 --> 00:11:36,989
(TIMER TICKING)
It's too stripper-y.
224
00:11:37,239 --> 00:11:38,616
Kevin with a "K"!
225
00:11:38,783 --> 00:11:40,868
No, too stripper-y, too.
226
00:11:41,452 --> 00:11:43,037
Uh, Earl!
227
00:11:43,412 --> 00:11:45,706
(IN SLOW MOTION)
He's gonna go straight to jail
228
00:11:45,790 --> 00:11:47,583
if we name him Earl.
229
00:11:48,042 --> 00:11:49,919
What about Bruce?
230
00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:52,088
No.
231
00:11:52,338 --> 00:11:53,339
Get down.
232
00:11:53,631 --> 00:11:55,049
What?
(GUN FIRES)
233
00:11:57,551 --> 00:11:59,261
(ALL GRUNTING)
234
00:12:04,475 --> 00:12:06,727
(GUN FIRING)
235
00:12:23,619 --> 00:12:25,371
Baby? Baby?
236
00:12:25,746 --> 00:12:27,748
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
237
00:12:28,958 --> 00:12:30,042
I'm okay.
238
00:12:30,709 --> 00:12:33,212
Thank God I didn't have to use
the cream cheese spreader.
239
00:12:33,421 --> 00:12:35,005
(BOTH PANTING)
(GASPS)
240
00:12:53,941 --> 00:12:55,818
(INAUDIBLE)
241
00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:09,415
(MOUTHING) Please.
242
00:13:14,336 --> 00:13:16,046
Please. Please.
243
00:13:16,213 --> 00:13:19,258
Baby, I'm so sorry.
244
00:13:19,425 --> 00:13:23,262
No!
245
00:13:29,768 --> 00:13:30,811
(DINGS)
246
00:13:42,823 --> 00:13:44,283
(PANTING)
247
00:13:48,954 --> 00:13:51,415
(HORN BLARING)
(GRUNTS)
248
00:13:55,211 --> 00:13:56,962
(TIRES SCREECHING)
249
00:14:06,847 --> 00:14:07,848
(THUNDER RUMBLES)
250
00:14:10,017 --> 00:14:11,852
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
251
00:14:12,144 --> 00:14:13,229
(ENGINE STALLING)
252
00:14:16,106 --> 00:14:17,733
(YELLS)
253
00:14:35,334 --> 00:14:37,169
(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING)
254
00:14:43,092 --> 00:14:44,927
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
255
00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:49,723
(HORN BLARES)
256
00:14:53,477 --> 00:14:55,521
(WOMAN SINGING)
257
00:16:27,571 --> 00:16:30,282
(SINGING)
Papa, can you hear me?
258
00:16:31,575 --> 00:16:32,910
Is it just me, or does
259
00:16:33,035 --> 00:16:34,835
Do You Want to Build
a Snowman? from Frozen...
260
00:16:34,870 --> 00:16:36,246
sound suspiciously like
261
00:16:36,330 --> 00:16:38,207
Papa, Can You Hear Me?
from Yentl?
262
00:16:38,290 --> 00:16:39,333
(SNIFFLES)
263
00:16:39,458 --> 00:16:41,794
(SINGING)
Papa, can you hear me?
264
00:16:43,587 --> 00:16:45,923
And nobody
fucking realizes it.
265
00:16:46,090 --> 00:16:48,634
Go home. You've been here
for three days, okay?
266
00:16:49,134 --> 00:16:51,261
You smell like somebody shit
in a Civil War wound...
267
00:16:51,428 --> 00:16:52,888
after it had become
gangrenous.
268
00:16:53,055 --> 00:16:55,140
They should've just amputated it.
Why shit in it?
269
00:16:55,307 --> 00:16:56,475
Doesn't make any sense.
270
00:16:56,809 --> 00:16:58,227
I love Frozen.
271
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:01,814
I loved her. I loved her
like an ocean loves water.
272
00:17:02,064 --> 00:17:03,273
An ocean is water.
273
00:17:03,357 --> 00:17:08,028
More importantly, I liked her.
I really liked her, you know?
274
00:17:08,529 --> 00:17:09,655
George Michael was right.
275
00:17:09,738 --> 00:17:11,573
I'm never gonna
dance again. Fuck!
276
00:17:12,199 --> 00:17:13,200
He's dead, too.
277
00:17:14,576 --> 00:17:16,203
At least we still have Bowie.
278
00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:20,416
Yeah. We still have Bowie.
279
00:17:20,999 --> 00:17:22,000
I'm sorry.
280
00:17:22,418 --> 00:17:23,460
Shot after shot,
281
00:17:23,544 --> 00:17:25,624
it's not gonna change the fact
that I think you're...
282
00:17:25,754 --> 00:17:27,232
Are you pissing?
Are you urinating right now?
283
00:17:27,256 --> 00:17:29,883
You're making the face that
you make when you urinate.
284
00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:31,635
Is he pissing?
I'm on it!
285
00:17:31,927 --> 00:17:33,178
There you go, Dopinder.
286
00:17:33,345 --> 00:17:35,139
If you want to be
a contract killer...
287
00:17:35,305 --> 00:17:37,725
you gotta handle a mop
before you handle a gun.
288
00:17:37,891 --> 00:17:38,952
Although I don't
quite understand
289
00:17:38,976 --> 00:17:40,185
how they are at all similar.
290
00:17:40,394 --> 00:17:42,688
Well, they both have handles.
Now, leave me.
291
00:17:43,731 --> 00:17:45,274
Go home, Wade.
292
00:17:45,441 --> 00:17:47,818
I don't have a home,
Weas, you know. I got a...
293
00:17:48,318 --> 00:17:50,529
Fuck! Okay, I'm fine.
294
00:17:50,696 --> 00:17:51,697
I'm fine.
295
00:17:51,780 --> 00:17:53,490
You know what "fine"
stands for, Wade?
296
00:17:53,657 --> 00:17:56,994
Fucked up, insecure,
needy, and emotional.
297
00:17:57,411 --> 00:17:58,662
According to the...
298
00:17:59,997 --> 00:18:01,165
Kubler-Ross.
Yeah.
299
00:18:01,498 --> 00:18:03,292
According to
the Kubler-Ross model...
300
00:18:03,459 --> 00:18:06,086
denial is just one of
the five stages of grief.
301
00:18:06,253 --> 00:18:08,213
Jesus Christ, Buck!
302
00:18:08,630 --> 00:18:10,549
No more speaking lines
for you.
303
00:18:13,135 --> 00:18:14,887
(LAUGHING)
304
00:18:15,179 --> 00:18:18,265
(JACK BENNY SCATTING ON RADIO)
305
00:18:19,224 --> 00:18:21,518
(COMEDY SERIES PLAYING
ON RADIO)
306
00:18:34,490 --> 00:18:36,992
(SNIFFS)
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING ON RADIO)
307
00:18:46,668 --> 00:18:47,669
"I'm thinking it over!"
308
00:18:47,836 --> 00:18:49,379
Motherfuck!
309
00:18:49,546 --> 00:18:50,547
Fuck!
310
00:18:51,673 --> 00:18:52,841
(SIGHS IN RELIEF)
311
00:18:53,509 --> 00:18:54,968
The hell you doin' here?
312
00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:56,553
Don't you know
how to knock?
313
00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:58,847
I thought you saw me...
314
00:18:59,014 --> 00:19:00,349
with your ears.
315
00:19:00,516 --> 00:19:01,743
You're lucky I didn't
shoot you in the...
316
00:19:01,767 --> 00:19:02,768
The wall?
317
00:19:02,893 --> 00:19:06,271
The refrigerator?
I'm in so much pain.
318
00:19:09,066 --> 00:19:10,651
BLIND AL: I heard the news,
sweetie.
319
00:19:10,818 --> 00:19:12,569
I'm very sorry. I am.
320
00:19:12,945 --> 00:19:14,404
What am I gonna do, Al?
321
00:19:14,905 --> 00:19:16,615
Probably something terrible.
322
00:19:17,783 --> 00:19:19,034
Knowing you.
323
00:19:19,201 --> 00:19:20,744
It was my fault.
324
00:19:21,954 --> 00:19:23,831
I fucking did this.
325
00:19:24,706 --> 00:19:26,708
And all I wanna do
is grab her and see her
326
00:19:26,792 --> 00:19:28,585
and tell her that I'm sorry,
and I can't.
327
00:19:30,462 --> 00:19:32,089
She's gone.
328
00:19:32,214 --> 00:19:35,133
BLIND AL: Sweetheart,
can you speak up?
329
00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:37,302
It's a little hard to hear you
330
00:19:37,386 --> 00:19:38,887
with that pity dick
in your mouth.
331
00:19:39,012 --> 00:19:41,932
Now, look, sugar.
You need to just keep living.
332
00:19:42,140 --> 00:19:43,141
Thank you...
333
00:19:43,308 --> 00:19:46,436
Matthew McConaughey,
your words are a treasure.
334
00:19:46,603 --> 00:19:48,647
Listen to the pain.
335
00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:51,358
It's both history teacher
and fortune teller.
336
00:19:51,525 --> 00:19:54,403
Pain teaches us
who we are, Wade.
337
00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:58,448
Sometimes, it's so bad,
we feel like we're dying.
338
00:19:59,116 --> 00:20:01,827
But we can't really live till
we've died a little, can we?
339
00:20:04,329 --> 00:20:05,539
Wade?
340
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:09,710
Wade?
I'm right here, Althea.
341
00:20:10,085 --> 00:20:12,796
And that is
the most beautiful thing
342
00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:14,089
I've ever heard.
343
00:20:14,756 --> 00:20:16,300
You're absolutely right.
344
00:20:19,136 --> 00:20:20,137
(COUGHS)
345
00:20:20,220 --> 00:20:22,598
I'm about to do
something terrible.
346
00:20:24,725 --> 00:20:26,393
(ALL OUT OF LOVE
PLAYING ON MUSIC BOX)
347
00:20:26,518 --> 00:20:28,729
There. All caught up.
348
00:20:28,896 --> 00:20:31,607
You can't really live
until you've died a little.
349
00:20:31,815 --> 00:20:33,525
Let's test that theory,
shall we?
350
00:20:43,285 --> 00:20:45,829
(OVERLAPPING VOICES)
351
00:20:46,121 --> 00:20:48,040
VANESSA: Baby factory's open
for business.
352
00:20:48,582 --> 00:20:50,876
(OVERLAPPING VOICES CONTINUE)
353
00:20:52,127 --> 00:20:53,879
WADE: Your crazy
matches my crazy.
354
00:20:54,338 --> 00:20:56,399
VANESSA: I will never, ever
let our child be named Todd.
355
00:20:56,423 --> 00:20:58,050
WADE: Skee-Ball token.
356
00:20:58,133 --> 00:20:59,801
(VOICES ECHOING)
357
00:20:59,885 --> 00:21:02,429
VANESSA: Happy International
Women's Day.
358
00:21:03,055 --> 00:21:04,198
WADE: Listen,
I've been thinking a lot.
359
00:21:04,222 --> 00:21:05,223
VANESSA: Really?
360
00:21:05,307 --> 00:21:06,409
WADE: About why
we're so good together.
361
00:21:06,433 --> 00:21:07,726
VANESSA: I love you,
Wade Wilson.
362
00:21:07,809 --> 00:21:09,269
(GASPS)
363
00:21:10,270 --> 00:21:11,688
WADE: Ness?
364
00:21:13,190 --> 00:21:14,274
Ness?
365
00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:16,109
Ness.
366
00:21:16,818 --> 00:21:19,404
Ness, there's something here.
I can't get to you.
367
00:21:21,198 --> 00:21:23,283
Your heart's not
in the right place.
368
00:21:23,784 --> 00:21:25,619
(STAMMERS)
Wait, hold on. What?
369
00:21:26,453 --> 00:21:28,372
Your heart's not
in the right place.
370
00:21:28,538 --> 00:21:29,665
Wait. What do you mean
371
00:21:29,748 --> 00:21:31,059
my heart's not in the right place?
What does it...
372
00:21:31,083 --> 00:21:32,542
(TIMER TICKING)
373
00:21:34,503 --> 00:21:35,504
(TIMER DINGS)
374
00:21:51,103 --> 00:21:53,563
I'm terribly sorry
for your loss, Wade.
375
00:21:53,730 --> 00:21:55,190
You're broken.
376
00:21:55,357 --> 00:21:58,694
DEADPOOL: Oh, God.
I know that voice.
377
00:22:02,406 --> 00:22:03,949
DEADPOOL:
"Heart's in the right place."
378
00:22:04,116 --> 00:22:05,635
"Heart's in the right..."
What does that mean?
379
00:22:05,659 --> 00:22:07,327
You've been sleep
for three days.
380
00:22:07,494 --> 00:22:09,246
I took the liberty
of dressing you.
381
00:22:09,329 --> 00:22:10,580
DEADPOOL: No shit.
382
00:22:10,747 --> 00:22:12,541
Why can't I fucking die?
383
00:22:12,708 --> 00:22:14,126
COLOSSUS:
Take your mask off, Wade.
384
00:22:14,292 --> 00:22:15,836
We must talk.
385
00:22:16,003 --> 00:22:18,213
You need fresh start.
(GROANS)
386
00:22:18,296 --> 00:22:20,757
With training,
you can be X-Man.
387
00:22:20,924 --> 00:22:23,010
You're wasting your time,
Shiny Jesus.
388
00:22:23,093 --> 00:22:24,219
I'm not X-Man material.
389
00:22:24,428 --> 00:22:26,013
Understatement of the year.
390
00:22:26,471 --> 00:22:27,472
Wade, Yukio.
391
00:22:27,931 --> 00:22:29,099
Yukio, Wade.
392
00:22:29,891 --> 00:22:32,019
What in the fuck knuckles
is this?
393
00:22:32,185 --> 00:22:33,937
She's my girlfriend,
you intolerant shit.
394
00:22:34,730 --> 00:22:36,523
Whoa! Pump the hate brakes,
Fox & Friends.
395
00:22:36,690 --> 00:22:38,290
I'm just surprised
anyone would date you.
396
00:22:38,358 --> 00:22:40,444
Especially Pinkie Pie
from My Little Pony.
397
00:22:41,194 --> 00:22:42,529
I like this guy.
398
00:22:43,071 --> 00:22:44,364
Give him a chance.
399
00:22:45,198 --> 00:22:46,300
It's great seeing you
like this.
400
00:22:46,324 --> 00:22:48,493
(LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY) Yeah.
401
00:22:48,952 --> 00:22:49,953
Bye, Wade!
402
00:22:50,328 --> 00:22:52,664
Now, some ground rules
while under our roof.
403
00:22:52,831 --> 00:22:55,500
"Rule number one.
No killing...
404
00:22:55,667 --> 00:22:59,004
"anyone ever,
no matter how bad.
405
00:22:59,171 --> 00:23:01,631
"Rule two. Label everything
in refrigerator."
406
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:02,841
Wade?
407
00:23:03,717 --> 00:23:04,760
Wade?
408
00:23:05,010 --> 00:23:06,053
Wade!
409
00:23:06,136 --> 00:23:07,721
Don't try to chase me.
410
00:23:07,888 --> 00:23:10,098
(WHISPERS) I'm not ready
to be touched again.
411
00:23:10,390 --> 00:23:12,392
All these elderly white men
on the walls...
412
00:23:12,559 --> 00:23:14,186
Should have brought
my rape whistle.
413
00:23:14,352 --> 00:23:15,562
Hi.
(OBJECTS SHATTERING)
414
00:23:15,645 --> 00:23:17,814
Those were already damaged
after they fell there!
415
00:23:18,523 --> 00:23:20,283
What am I supposed
to do around here, anyway?
416
00:23:20,442 --> 00:23:22,527
Sit in a share circle,
talk about my feelings?
417
00:23:22,694 --> 00:23:25,030
And how would I
do that exactly?
418
00:23:25,655 --> 00:23:28,158
'Cause where the fuck
is everyone?
419
00:23:28,325 --> 00:23:29,326
It's always just you
420
00:23:29,409 --> 00:23:30,678
and Negasonic Teenage
Longest Name Ever...
421
00:23:30,702 --> 00:23:31,703
Enough!
422
00:23:32,037 --> 00:23:33,830
(GASPS) I said no touching!
423
00:23:35,582 --> 00:23:38,168
What the fuck?
424
00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:40,962
You'd think the studio
would throw us a bone.
425
00:23:41,421 --> 00:23:43,632
They can't just dust off
one of the famous X-Men?
426
00:23:43,799 --> 00:23:45,801
How 'bout that putz
with the giant pigeon wings?
427
00:23:45,967 --> 00:23:47,127
What do those do anyway, huh?
428
00:23:47,177 --> 00:23:48,537
Carry him
three feet off the ground
429
00:23:48,595 --> 00:23:50,514
to snatch up
the nearest muffin crumb?
430
00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:52,724
(DOORS CLOSE)
No, no, no!
431
00:23:52,891 --> 00:23:55,685
I am not X-Man material
at all.
432
00:23:55,852 --> 00:23:58,063
First off... (BREATHES DEEPLY)
433
00:23:58,355 --> 00:24:00,440
I'm not even a virgin.
Second and more... (GROANS)
434
00:24:01,191 --> 00:24:02,526
(GRUNTS)
435
00:24:02,609 --> 00:24:03,652
I should have left you
436
00:24:03,735 --> 00:24:05,403
in the self-pitying mess
I found you in.
437
00:24:05,570 --> 00:24:08,448
But this is what friends do.
They show up!
438
00:24:08,615 --> 00:24:10,283
Not when convenient or easy.
439
00:24:10,659 --> 00:24:14,037
When hard,
and you always make it hard.
440
00:24:15,038 --> 00:24:17,457
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
You are unwell.
441
00:24:17,624 --> 00:24:19,626
I'm sticking my neck out
bringing you here.
442
00:24:19,751 --> 00:24:21,503
(STRAINING) Wait.
One of the assholes
443
00:24:21,586 --> 00:24:23,088
who killed Vanessa got away.
444
00:24:23,922 --> 00:24:25,006
(GRUNTS)
445
00:24:25,674 --> 00:24:27,676
Oh, Jesus Christ!
446
00:24:28,176 --> 00:24:30,220
Wade, whoever they are...
447
00:24:30,387 --> 00:24:33,181
we track them down
and bring them to justice.
448
00:24:33,598 --> 00:24:34,933
It was me.
449
00:24:38,019 --> 00:24:39,604
I'm the asshole who got away.
450
00:24:40,730 --> 00:24:43,358
I killed every last one
of them, except me.
451
00:24:43,733 --> 00:24:45,443
Couldn't kill me.
452
00:24:48,738 --> 00:24:50,740
We were gonna start a family.
453
00:24:52,534 --> 00:24:54,452
We were, uh... (SNIFFLES)
454
00:24:54,536 --> 00:24:55,662
(CLEARS THROAT)
455
00:24:55,745 --> 00:24:57,747
We were gonna be a family.
456
00:24:58,248 --> 00:24:59,249
COLOSSUS: Wade...
457
00:24:59,416 --> 00:25:02,210
Vanessa is gone.
She's not coming back.
458
00:25:03,795 --> 00:25:06,006
This may not be
family you want...
459
00:25:06,173 --> 00:25:08,175
but it's family you need.
460
00:25:08,633 --> 00:25:09,885
You have a good heart.
461
00:25:09,968 --> 00:25:11,511
It belongs here
where it can grow.
462
00:25:13,305 --> 00:25:14,347
What did you say?
463
00:25:16,349 --> 00:25:17,684
About my heart?
464
00:25:21,605 --> 00:25:22,856
(EXHALES)
465
00:25:23,190 --> 00:25:25,192
I think
I'm in the right place.
466
00:25:35,202 --> 00:25:36,786
(GRUNTS)
467
00:26:22,832 --> 00:26:24,125
(INAUDIBLE)
468
00:26:29,005 --> 00:26:30,882
(SCREAMING)
469
00:26:39,224 --> 00:26:40,225
Wade.
470
00:26:41,017 --> 00:26:42,018
Wade!
471
00:26:42,686 --> 00:26:45,438
Hey, I was just taking Cerebro
for a spin here...
472
00:26:45,605 --> 00:26:47,190
looking deep into the future.
473
00:26:47,357 --> 00:26:48,525
Phew. This thing...
474
00:26:48,692 --> 00:26:50,586
That's not how Cerebro works.
That's not how Cerebro works.
475
00:26:50,610 --> 00:26:52,153
Yes. Yes, it is.
476
00:26:52,612 --> 00:26:54,155
We have mission.
We have mission.
477
00:26:54,322 --> 00:26:56,116
We do. You do.
478
00:26:56,283 --> 00:26:57,450
You guys be safe out there.
479
00:26:57,617 --> 00:27:00,370
No, I want you to join.
No, you want me to join.
480
00:27:01,955 --> 00:27:03,081
I'm sorry, what?
481
00:27:03,290 --> 00:27:04,708
You are ready.
482
00:27:04,874 --> 00:27:06,560
That's a terrible idea,
and it's gonna end badly.
483
00:27:06,584 --> 00:27:08,503
You wanna know how I know?
I'll give you a hint.
484
00:27:08,670 --> 00:27:09,754
(WHISPERS) It's on my head
485
00:27:09,838 --> 00:27:11,673
and smells
like Patrick Stewart.
486
00:27:11,965 --> 00:27:13,591
Be at the X-Jet in five.
487
00:27:14,134 --> 00:27:15,635
(CRACKLING)
488
00:27:16,803 --> 00:27:19,306
REPORTER: Irene Merryweather,
WHIT News.
489
00:27:19,472 --> 00:27:21,349
Live here
at a breaking news situation
490
00:27:21,433 --> 00:27:24,019
at the Essex House
for Mutant Rehabilitation.
491
00:27:24,185 --> 00:27:26,062
A mutant boy
is appearing to have
492
00:27:26,146 --> 00:27:27,355
some sort of an incident...
493
00:27:27,439 --> 00:27:29,292
with police here behind me.
RUSSELL: Get away from me!
494
00:27:29,316 --> 00:27:31,568
There are two police vehicles
that are overturned.
495
00:27:31,735 --> 00:27:33,170
There are open fires.
Fuck off! Stay back!
496
00:27:33,194 --> 00:27:34,255
REPORTER: A scene of
absolute chaos here.
497
00:27:34,279 --> 00:27:35,280
OFFICER: Calm down.
498
00:27:35,363 --> 00:27:38,116
RUSSELL: I'll burn you!
You stay back!
499
00:27:38,825 --> 00:27:40,493
Get away from me!
500
00:27:40,660 --> 00:27:43,121
You wanna fucking die?
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
501
00:27:58,094 --> 00:28:01,181
And it appears as if the X-Men
are arriving...
502
00:28:01,348 --> 00:28:02,349
DEADPOOL: Scatter!
503
00:28:02,932 --> 00:28:04,772
REPORTER:...with what appears
to be a trainee.
504
00:28:04,976 --> 00:28:07,854
DEADPOOL: Everyone, calm down!
The pros are here. I...
505
00:28:08,021 --> 00:28:09,105
We're the X-Men!
506
00:28:09,189 --> 00:28:11,358
A dated metaphor for racism
in the '60s.
507
00:28:11,816 --> 00:28:13,693
So, respect.
508
00:28:14,361 --> 00:28:15,612
At ease, Officer.
509
00:28:17,072 --> 00:28:18,615
What are you doing?
510
00:28:19,074 --> 00:28:20,241
My job!
511
00:28:20,533 --> 00:28:21,844
You're the one who said
I was ready,
512
00:28:21,868 --> 00:28:23,328
and I frankly disagreed
with you.
513
00:28:23,411 --> 00:28:25,705
But here we are, trying to
overcome our differences.
514
00:28:25,872 --> 00:28:28,291
Like Beyonce says, "Please...
515
00:28:29,125 --> 00:28:30,668
"Please, stop cheating on me."
516
00:28:30,752 --> 00:28:31,753
OFFICER: Hey!
517
00:28:31,836 --> 00:28:32,962
This is the fifth incident.
518
00:28:33,129 --> 00:28:35,215
This kid needs to be
in the Ice Box, not here.
519
00:28:35,382 --> 00:28:37,008
Russell belongs
in our care.
520
00:28:37,175 --> 00:28:38,843
Not in prison.
I assure you...
521
00:28:38,927 --> 00:28:40,071
we have everything
under control.
522
00:28:40,095 --> 00:28:41,322
RUSSELL: Stay back!
I'll burn you!
523
00:28:41,346 --> 00:28:42,430
Not getting a real
524
00:28:42,514 --> 00:28:44,265
"under control"
vibe here, Marty.
525
00:28:44,599 --> 00:28:46,434
It is Glen, isn't it?
Daniel.
526
00:28:46,518 --> 00:28:48,937
I'll ask the questions.
Let me talk to the kid.
527
00:28:49,104 --> 00:28:53,274
You stay here with your weird,
secret sex lips.
528
00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:56,361
RUSSELL: You wanna die?
529
00:28:56,444 --> 00:28:57,588
DEADPOOL: This kid's adorable.
530
00:28:57,612 --> 00:28:58,756
I don't know why I packed
the hollow points.
531
00:28:58,780 --> 00:29:00,115
I'll burn your balls off!
532
00:29:00,281 --> 00:29:02,784
First day. (CHUCKLING)
I'm so nervous!
533
00:29:03,660 --> 00:29:05,161
Did you just say
"hollow points"?
534
00:29:05,412 --> 00:29:06,579
Yeah, probably should've
535
00:29:06,663 --> 00:29:08,706
brought a Super Soaker.
(LAUGHS)
536
00:29:09,332 --> 00:29:10,333
Hi, there!
537
00:29:11,626 --> 00:29:14,087
Stay back
or Justin Bieber dies!
538
00:29:14,170 --> 00:29:17,632
(LAUGHS) Justin Bieber.
He called you Justin Bieber.
539
00:29:18,758 --> 00:29:20,677
(RUSSELL GRUNTS)
Hold on! Wait, wait, wait!
540
00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:23,721
Okay, let's not do
whatever that is.
541
00:29:23,888 --> 00:29:25,265
Okay? Let's just talk!
542
00:29:25,432 --> 00:29:26,683
It's Russell, right?
543
00:29:27,100 --> 00:29:28,935
Firefist.
Firefist.
544
00:29:29,394 --> 00:29:31,521
Ooh, that's a great name.
Where does it burn?
545
00:29:31,604 --> 00:29:33,364
Just the fist,
or all the way up to the elbow?
546
00:29:34,065 --> 00:29:35,316
(GRUNTS)
547
00:29:36,985 --> 00:29:38,236
(CROWD EXCLAIMS)
548
00:29:38,319 --> 00:29:40,447
(CHUCKLES) Definitely
all the way up to the elbow.
549
00:29:40,864 --> 00:29:42,824
Come quietly,
or there will be trouble.
550
00:29:43,700 --> 00:29:46,035
You stole that from Robocop!
That's from Robocop!
551
00:29:46,536 --> 00:29:48,121
Just stand down!
552
00:29:48,204 --> 00:29:50,206
You're embarrassing me.
Look, Fire...
553
00:29:50,331 --> 00:29:51,541
(LAUGHS)
554
00:29:51,666 --> 00:29:53,918
Oh, my God! I can't say it!
I'm so sorry!
555
00:29:54,544 --> 00:29:55,545
(GRUNTS)
556
00:29:56,171 --> 00:29:57,839
(ALL SCREAMING)
557
00:29:58,715 --> 00:30:02,302
Oh, shit!
That fucking does it!
558
00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:04,095
Put your hands
behind your knees
559
00:30:04,179 --> 00:30:05,638
and get down
on your head! Now!
560
00:30:05,722 --> 00:30:07,974
Wade! What was first rule?
561
00:30:08,057 --> 00:30:09,893
Label everything
in the refrigerator!
562
00:30:10,059 --> 00:30:12,604
Do not escalate!
Rules are meant to be broken!
563
00:30:12,770 --> 00:30:14,147
COLOSSUS:
That's the exact opposite
564
00:30:14,230 --> 00:30:15,607
of what they're meant for!
565
00:30:16,524 --> 00:30:17,984
Fuck! Fine!
566
00:30:18,526 --> 00:30:19,686
I'll start
from the beginning.
567
00:30:20,195 --> 00:30:22,572
My name is Deadpool,
and I'm an X-Man.
568
00:30:22,655 --> 00:30:24,574
Trainee!
Shut it!
569
00:30:25,492 --> 00:30:27,785
Look, I get it.
570
00:30:28,953 --> 00:30:30,580
All right, you're scared.
571
00:30:31,122 --> 00:30:32,165
Alone.
572
00:30:32,248 --> 00:30:33,291
You got no family.
573
00:30:33,374 --> 00:30:34,435
I didn't have
a family, either.
574
00:30:34,459 --> 00:30:36,127
You live in this dump.
Guess what?
575
00:30:36,211 --> 00:30:37,921
I used to live
in a shithole just like it.
576
00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:41,341
But you know something?
To make matters worse...
577
00:30:41,424 --> 00:30:43,218
it's a confusing time
in your life right now.
578
00:30:43,384 --> 00:30:46,888
Your body is going through
some fiery changes.
579
00:30:47,055 --> 00:30:48,848
Too far?
I went too far, didn't I?
580
00:30:48,973 --> 00:30:50,141
(GRUNTS)
(ALL EXCLAIM)
581
00:30:56,231 --> 00:30:57,732
That was effervescent.
582
00:30:58,274 --> 00:31:00,109
(SIGHS) Stay in school, kid.
583
00:31:00,568 --> 00:31:02,070
Or don't. I didn't.
584
00:31:02,570 --> 00:31:04,030
And I'm an X-Man.
(THUDS)
585
00:31:04,197 --> 00:31:05,198
Trainee.
586
00:31:05,365 --> 00:31:06,491
Fuck it!
587
00:31:06,658 --> 00:31:08,409
Superhero landing coming up!
588
00:31:10,411 --> 00:31:11,788
(GRUNTS)
589
00:31:12,205 --> 00:31:13,581
Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck!
590
00:31:13,790 --> 00:31:15,542
(GROANS)
That is so not practical.
591
00:31:16,251 --> 00:31:17,377
(GRUNTS)
(GASPS)
592
00:31:19,128 --> 00:31:20,338
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
593
00:31:26,177 --> 00:31:27,387
(GROANS)
594
00:31:31,641 --> 00:31:33,977
(CROWD CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING)
595
00:31:36,604 --> 00:31:38,356
I could get used
to this X-Man shit.
596
00:31:38,439 --> 00:31:39,542
NEGASONIC TEENAGE WARHEAD:
Trainee!
597
00:31:39,566 --> 00:31:40,567
DEADPOOL: Trainee!
598
00:31:40,984 --> 00:31:42,735
OFFICER: Get a power restraint
on him. Now!
599
00:31:42,819 --> 00:31:45,905
DEADPOOL: Calm down, squirt.
It's over. We got ya.
600
00:31:46,698 --> 00:31:47,782
(DEVICE WHIRRS)
601
00:31:47,865 --> 00:31:49,284
What's that do?
602
00:31:49,450 --> 00:31:50,910
Power-dampening collar.
603
00:31:50,994 --> 00:31:52,234
Shuts down
all mutant abilities.
604
00:31:52,370 --> 00:31:55,081
You can't get it off.
Unless you've got a grenade.
605
00:31:55,164 --> 00:31:58,126
Huh. Could've used
one of those in the first act.
606
00:31:58,209 --> 00:31:59,419
HEADMASTER: Thank you!
607
00:32:01,296 --> 00:32:03,506
That was
absolutely thrilling.
608
00:32:03,673 --> 00:32:05,675
True heroism in action.
609
00:32:05,842 --> 00:32:07,510
We are in your debt.
610
00:32:08,303 --> 00:32:09,887
We can take it from here.
611
00:32:10,054 --> 00:32:12,140
Take me
to the Ice Box, please!
612
00:32:12,307 --> 00:32:13,474
Anywhere's better than here.
613
00:32:13,558 --> 00:32:14,767
DEADPOOL: Believe me, son,
614
00:32:14,851 --> 00:32:16,227
you do not wanna go
to the Ice Box.
615
00:32:16,436 --> 00:32:18,313
Let's get you inside,
young man.
616
00:32:18,396 --> 00:32:20,231
No, wait, wait. Wait.
617
00:32:20,398 --> 00:32:21,899
You guys stay there.
618
00:32:31,993 --> 00:32:33,620
Those guys hurt you?
619
00:32:35,038 --> 00:32:36,080
Who?
620
00:32:38,124 --> 00:32:40,793
Baldilocks? Jared Kushner?
621
00:32:42,295 --> 00:32:43,796
Both of 'em?
622
00:32:47,675 --> 00:32:49,177
Oh, fuck it.
623
00:32:49,260 --> 00:32:50,720
Four or five moments!
624
00:32:50,887 --> 00:32:51,888
I'm sorry?
625
00:32:51,971 --> 00:32:55,141
Four or five moments!
626
00:32:56,392 --> 00:32:59,145
That's all it takes
to be a hero.
627
00:33:00,063 --> 00:33:02,190
People think
you wake up a hero...
628
00:33:02,315 --> 00:33:04,067
brush your teeth a hero...
629
00:33:04,651 --> 00:33:07,153
ejaculate into
a soap dispenser a hero.
630
00:33:07,695 --> 00:33:08,946
(SPEAKS RUSSIAN)
631
00:33:09,030 --> 00:33:12,784
But, no, being a hero
takes only a few moments!
632
00:33:14,118 --> 00:33:15,745
A few moments...
633
00:33:15,828 --> 00:33:18,373
doing the ugly stuff
no one else will do.
634
00:33:18,623 --> 00:33:19,624
(GROANS)
635
00:33:22,001 --> 00:33:23,127
No!
636
00:33:25,797 --> 00:33:27,149
OFFICER: Stand down!
Hold your fire!
637
00:33:27,173 --> 00:33:29,300
Wade, what did you do?
Colossus, no!
638
00:33:29,467 --> 00:33:30,927
That kid was abused!
You can tell.
639
00:33:31,010 --> 00:33:32,738
You can always tell!
COLOSSUS: We have rules!
640
00:33:32,762 --> 00:33:35,306
You are not judge,
jury or executioner!
641
00:33:35,473 --> 00:33:38,309
Fuck your rules!
I fight for what's right!
642
00:33:38,393 --> 00:33:39,977
And sometimes
you gotta fight dirty!
643
00:33:40,103 --> 00:33:43,272
You let me down
for the last time, Wade.
644
00:33:46,526 --> 00:33:48,695
OFFICER: Okay,
get these guys in the pod.
645
00:33:48,861 --> 00:33:51,072
Take them to the Ice Box.
(SIRENS WAILING)
646
00:33:51,364 --> 00:33:53,199
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
647
00:34:04,335 --> 00:34:06,879
(PRISONERS SHOUTING)
(WHISTLING)
648
00:34:06,963 --> 00:34:08,840
(GATE BUZZING)
649
00:34:10,508 --> 00:34:11,628
(SHOUTING CONTINUES)
(GRUNTS)
650
00:34:11,676 --> 00:34:12,677
Hey, baby!
651
00:34:13,761 --> 00:34:15,888
I wonder what gang
I'll be in.
652
00:34:16,055 --> 00:34:17,390
Yeah!
653
00:34:17,557 --> 00:34:19,809
Is there, like, a Sorting Hat?
(MOUTHS) Hi.
654
00:34:21,686 --> 00:34:22,687
Go!
655
00:34:25,898 --> 00:34:27,150
GUARD: Hard left, douchebag.
656
00:34:31,612 --> 00:34:32,780
Please, after you.
657
00:34:33,906 --> 00:34:36,075
Another disgusting mutant
off the streets.
658
00:34:36,159 --> 00:34:37,160
God bless America.
659
00:34:37,326 --> 00:34:38,578
Let's get a taco.
660
00:34:38,661 --> 00:34:41,080
(TASER CRACKLING)
(GROANING)
661
00:34:42,165 --> 00:34:44,751
Nighty-night,
you annoying prick!
662
00:34:46,043 --> 00:34:48,129
(CONTINUES GROANING)
663
00:35:17,158 --> 00:35:20,161
MAN: I'mma tell you
what the big lie is.
664
00:35:20,328 --> 00:35:21,848
(ESCAPE PLAYING ON RADIO)
Toilet paper.
665
00:35:21,996 --> 00:35:25,082
Toilet paper
is a plenty fine appetizer.
666
00:35:25,249 --> 00:35:27,335
But, then...
667
00:35:27,502 --> 00:35:29,796
Huggies Natural Care
wet wipes.
668
00:35:29,962 --> 00:35:31,297
That's your main course.
669
00:35:31,464 --> 00:35:34,592
They're soft, they're moist.
They're for babies.
670
00:35:35,259 --> 00:35:38,179
Finally, one more pass
with the toilet paper,
671
00:35:38,262 --> 00:35:39,972
maybe clear out
that excess moisture.
672
00:35:40,139 --> 00:35:41,682
Maybe treat yourself
to a blow and go,
673
00:35:41,766 --> 00:35:43,017
if you can get you
a hair dryer.
674
00:35:43,100 --> 00:35:45,436
Just about 30 seconds
will do you good.
675
00:35:49,148 --> 00:35:50,149
The fuck?
676
00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:52,443
Year?
677
00:35:53,444 --> 00:35:54,445
What?
678
00:35:55,655 --> 00:35:57,281
What year is it?
679
00:35:57,448 --> 00:35:59,450
What kind of dumbass
question is that to ask?
680
00:35:59,617 --> 00:36:01,369
(BOTH GROAN)
681
00:36:13,089 --> 00:36:14,966
(VOMITING)
682
00:36:18,803 --> 00:36:21,013
RUSSELL: You're a long way
from your superpowers.
683
00:36:21,180 --> 00:36:22,181
WADE: Yeah.
684
00:36:22,390 --> 00:36:24,183
(GROANING)
685
00:36:25,977 --> 00:36:26,978
Fuck!
686
00:36:27,144 --> 00:36:28,646
I wanted to be a superhero.
687
00:36:29,105 --> 00:36:31,107
Always wanted
a real super suit.
688
00:36:31,190 --> 00:36:32,859
(SIGHS) What happened?
689
00:36:33,025 --> 00:36:35,145
When was the last time you saw
a plus-sized superhero?
690
00:36:35,570 --> 00:36:36,696
Never.
691
00:36:37,154 --> 00:36:38,948
The industry discriminates.
692
00:36:39,657 --> 00:36:41,325
Fuck superheroes. (COUGHS)
693
00:36:41,909 --> 00:36:42,910
Fuck everyone.
694
00:36:43,411 --> 00:36:46,122
The first thing I wanna do
when I get out of here...
695
00:36:46,289 --> 00:36:48,457
burn the headmaster alive...
696
00:36:48,624 --> 00:36:51,252
and then take a selfie
with his smoldering corpse.
697
00:36:51,752 --> 00:36:53,713
Who says
prison isn't reformative?
698
00:36:54,088 --> 00:36:55,715
Fucker hates mutants.
699
00:36:56,841 --> 00:36:58,217
(WHISPERS)
Blessed are the wicked
700
00:36:58,301 --> 00:37:00,386
who are healed by my hand.
701
00:37:00,803 --> 00:37:02,221
Your abilities.
702
00:37:03,723 --> 00:37:05,641
I know
how seductive they are.
703
00:37:05,725 --> 00:37:07,476
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
704
00:37:08,102 --> 00:37:09,353
Now, please don't cry.
705
00:37:09,520 --> 00:37:10,813
(DEVICE BUZZING)
706
00:37:12,356 --> 00:37:13,608
(GROANING)
(ZAPPING)
707
00:37:16,527 --> 00:37:20,197
Tomorrow, we'll find
the biggest guy in here...
708
00:37:20,948 --> 00:37:21,991
and we'll make him our...
709
00:37:22,116 --> 00:37:23,993
(RUMBLING)
710
00:37:24,619 --> 00:37:25,828
(WADE COUGHS)
711
00:37:25,912 --> 00:37:27,121
What was that?
(CLEARS THROAT)
712
00:37:27,288 --> 00:37:29,206
That is the biggest guy
in here.
713
00:37:29,916 --> 00:37:31,876
Fun fact about the Ice Box...
714
00:37:32,043 --> 00:37:33,836
though no one's ever seen it,
715
00:37:33,920 --> 00:37:35,588
they keep a monster
in the basement.
716
00:37:36,172 --> 00:37:37,882
Right next to a huge,
717
00:37:37,965 --> 00:37:39,508
steaming bowl
of foreshadowing.
718
00:37:40,134 --> 00:37:41,135
Look.
719
00:37:42,136 --> 00:37:44,055
I can't protect you. (COUGHS)
720
00:37:44,430 --> 00:37:45,556
With this collar on,
721
00:37:45,640 --> 00:37:48,643
my superpower
is just unbridled cancer.
722
00:37:48,809 --> 00:37:51,687
Give me a bow and arrow,
I'm basically Hawkeye.
723
00:37:52,313 --> 00:37:54,273
Now, if you'll excuse me...
(COUGHS)
724
00:37:54,440 --> 00:37:57,610
I've got tumors to grow.
Vanessa awaits.
725
00:37:57,777 --> 00:38:00,029
I'll start by making us
a shank.
726
00:38:00,196 --> 00:38:02,073
Good listening.
I stole that guard's pen...
727
00:38:02,156 --> 00:38:04,158
and stashed it
in the old prison wallet,
728
00:38:04,241 --> 00:38:05,660
if you know what I'm saying.
729
00:38:06,077 --> 00:38:08,537
Prison wallet? (COUGHS)
730
00:38:08,788 --> 00:38:11,248
I really hope I don't know
what you're saying.
731
00:38:11,874 --> 00:38:13,459
(RUSSELL EXHALES)
732
00:38:13,542 --> 00:38:16,128
I can hear you
rummaging around in there.
733
00:38:16,420 --> 00:38:17,922
(SIREN WAILING)
734
00:38:20,883 --> 00:38:22,301
REPORTER: (ON TV)
And to update you
735
00:38:22,385 --> 00:38:23,636
on the story reported earlier,
736
00:38:23,803 --> 00:38:25,262
after a lengthy standoff
737
00:38:25,346 --> 00:38:27,932
outside the Essex House
for Mutant Rehabilitation...
738
00:38:28,099 --> 00:38:29,392
two mutants were arrested
739
00:38:29,475 --> 00:38:31,102
and transported
to the Ice Box...
740
00:38:31,268 --> 00:38:32,748
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Entering repair mode.
741
00:38:37,108 --> 00:38:38,502
REPORTER: ...several
police cars were destroyed
742
00:38:38,526 --> 00:38:40,528
and the X-Men were called in
to restore order.
743
00:39:00,548 --> 00:39:01,549
(COUGHS)
744
00:39:01,716 --> 00:39:03,676
GUARD: (ON PA)
Cells seven and nine
745
00:39:03,759 --> 00:39:07,013
now off-limits
for medical personnel.
746
00:39:07,179 --> 00:39:08,639
Cells seven and nine
747
00:39:08,723 --> 00:39:11,267
now off-limits
for medical personnel.
748
00:39:13,144 --> 00:39:14,520
Psst!
749
00:39:16,772 --> 00:39:18,607
Don't do that.
750
00:39:19,275 --> 00:39:21,986
What? Why are you
winking at me?
751
00:39:22,236 --> 00:39:23,279
(COUGHS)
752
00:39:25,990 --> 00:39:27,283
I got your back.
753
00:39:27,450 --> 00:39:28,534
Oh, my God.
754
00:39:28,701 --> 00:39:30,077
You're sick,
I gotta protect you.
755
00:39:30,244 --> 00:39:32,121
Just leave me alone, kid.
(MAN WHISTLING)
756
00:39:33,289 --> 00:39:34,373
Oh, great.
757
00:39:34,957 --> 00:39:36,125
(WADE COUGHS)
758
00:39:36,208 --> 00:39:38,586
Well, hello there,
new fish.
759
00:39:38,669 --> 00:39:41,714
It's nice to see some
fresh faces around here.
760
00:39:41,797 --> 00:39:44,091
(COUGHS) I've done some
light catalog work...
761
00:39:44,175 --> 00:39:46,427
but, really, modeling is just
a stepping stone to acting.
762
00:39:46,594 --> 00:39:48,512
I was talking to him.
Oh.
763
00:39:49,555 --> 00:39:52,558
Have we met?
I can't place your mustache.
764
00:39:52,975 --> 00:39:55,519
Black Tom Cassidy.
White Wade Wilson.
765
00:39:55,686 --> 00:39:58,814
What's your superpower?
Cultural appropriation?
766
00:39:59,106 --> 00:40:01,442
You're supposed to be
the toughest cunt in here.
767
00:40:01,650 --> 00:40:03,486
You don't look like much
to me.
768
00:40:04,278 --> 00:40:06,489
First rule of the yard,
fuckface...
769
00:40:06,697 --> 00:40:08,365
find the biggest guy
and make him your...
770
00:40:08,908 --> 00:40:10,910
(GROANS)
(INMATES EXCLAIM)
771
00:40:12,828 --> 00:40:14,997
Second biggest guy.
772
00:40:15,122 --> 00:40:17,249
The last thing I need
is more hepatitis.
773
00:40:17,500 --> 00:40:20,795
Oh, it's slippery, too.
This table needs a wipe down!
774
00:40:20,961 --> 00:40:22,361
Can we get a wipe down
on the table?
775
00:40:22,963 --> 00:40:24,048
(GROANS)
(INMATES EXCLAIM)
776
00:40:24,131 --> 00:40:25,758
Kid, I think you picked
the wrong side.
777
00:40:26,425 --> 00:40:28,719
No, I didn't!
He's my friend!
778
00:40:28,928 --> 00:40:31,055
Zip it. We're not friends.
(INMATES CHEERING)
779
00:40:32,765 --> 00:40:34,045
You're about to get
dick-slapped.
780
00:40:35,267 --> 00:40:37,478
(INMATES SHOUTING)
(COUGHS)
781
00:40:38,979 --> 00:40:40,564
(SHOUTING CONTINUES)
782
00:40:46,403 --> 00:40:48,280
I had so much fun!
You were like... (GRUNTS)
783
00:40:48,364 --> 00:40:50,157
And I was like,
"Take a seat, shit dick."
784
00:40:50,241 --> 00:40:51,367
Just let me die in peace.
785
00:40:52,118 --> 00:40:53,869
(GRUNTS) We make a great team!
786
00:40:54,411 --> 00:40:56,831
Oh, God! We're not a team.
(COUGHING)
787
00:40:56,914 --> 00:41:01,001
Why'd you say that back there?
We're friends, partners.
788
00:41:01,168 --> 00:41:03,712
We're not partners
or friends.
789
00:41:05,131 --> 00:41:07,216
This doesn't end with us
riding into the sunset.
790
00:41:07,383 --> 00:41:09,426
It ends with me
dying of cancer...
791
00:41:09,593 --> 00:41:13,055
and you winning the Ice Box
award for softest mouth.
792
00:41:13,389 --> 00:41:14,723
(WADE COUGHS)
793
00:41:14,807 --> 00:41:16,433
There's only one person
in this world
794
00:41:16,517 --> 00:41:18,227
that I care about,
and she's gone.
795
00:41:20,020 --> 00:41:22,022
You wanna survive?
796
00:41:23,232 --> 00:41:26,277
Stop trying to shank
the biggest guys in here...
797
00:41:26,443 --> 00:41:28,445
and make friends with them.
798
00:41:29,780 --> 00:41:31,365
Make friends with someone.
799
00:41:32,324 --> 00:41:34,535
Anyone but me.
800
00:41:35,369 --> 00:41:37,705
Maybe even Black Tim.
801
00:41:38,622 --> 00:41:40,166
Black Evan, I don't know.
802
00:41:40,249 --> 00:41:42,751
All I remember is
he was African-American.
803
00:41:53,679 --> 00:41:55,347
(GUARDS GROANING)
804
00:42:01,937 --> 00:42:03,297
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(ALARM BLARING)
805
00:42:10,404 --> 00:42:12,198
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
806
00:42:17,620 --> 00:42:19,330
(BEEPING RAPIDLY)
807
00:42:20,706 --> 00:42:22,291
(GUARDS GROANING)
808
00:42:28,214 --> 00:42:30,257
AUTOMATED VOICE: (ON PA)
System malfunctioning.
809
00:42:30,341 --> 00:42:33,469
Cells 7, 12, 14, 27.
810
00:42:33,636 --> 00:42:35,971
Back in your cells, you filthy mutants!
Get in there!
811
00:42:36,055 --> 00:42:39,266
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Cells 1, 3, 7, 8.
812
00:42:40,559 --> 00:42:41,999
(BEEPING)
AUTOMATED VOICE: Searching.
813
00:42:43,395 --> 00:42:45,898
Cell 04 located.
814
00:42:47,233 --> 00:42:48,859
Door won't open!
815
00:42:49,360 --> 00:42:50,986
GUARD: On your fucking knees!
816
00:42:53,572 --> 00:42:55,115
(ALL GRUNTING)
817
00:43:27,940 --> 00:43:29,650
That was our cell.
818
00:43:31,777 --> 00:43:33,988
What did I do to piss off
a grumpy old fucker
819
00:43:34,071 --> 00:43:35,239
with a Winter Soldier arm?
820
00:43:44,665 --> 00:43:46,166
Get away from me, kid!
821
00:43:48,627 --> 00:43:49,837
(PRISONER GROANS)
822
00:43:50,129 --> 00:43:51,213
(ALL GRUNTING)
823
00:43:53,924 --> 00:43:55,259
Listen to me! Go!
824
00:44:00,556 --> 00:44:02,057
Hello, Russell.
825
00:44:05,352 --> 00:44:06,353
(COCKS GUN)
826
00:44:10,941 --> 00:44:12,401
(GROANS)
827
00:44:13,235 --> 00:44:14,945
(WADE GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
828
00:44:16,447 --> 00:44:18,240
(GROANING)
829
00:44:31,295 --> 00:44:32,629
(GRUNTS)
830
00:44:42,931 --> 00:44:45,184
(GUARDS GROANING)
831
00:45:04,328 --> 00:45:07,039
(GROANING)
832
00:45:11,001 --> 00:45:12,378
(ALL GRUNTING)
833
00:45:21,178 --> 00:45:22,262
(GROANS)
834
00:45:22,346 --> 00:45:23,597
(GASPS)
835
00:45:25,599 --> 00:45:26,934
Hello, superpowers.
836
00:45:31,563 --> 00:45:33,357
(GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
837
00:45:36,402 --> 00:45:37,945
(BOTH GRUNTING)
838
00:45:45,077 --> 00:45:46,078
Who are you?
839
00:45:46,912 --> 00:45:48,122
I'm Batman.
840
00:45:57,423 --> 00:45:58,465
(GASPS)
841
00:45:59,633 --> 00:46:00,634
Ooh!
842
00:46:01,427 --> 00:46:02,594
(GRUNTS)
843
00:46:05,431 --> 00:46:08,308
Oh. That's got some zip.
844
00:46:16,483 --> 00:46:19,653
Don't feel bad.
Even I can't kill me.
845
00:46:19,945 --> 00:46:20,988
Talk!
846
00:46:21,530 --> 00:46:23,282
What kind of
spineless shit stick
847
00:46:23,365 --> 00:46:24,908
tries to kill
a 14-year-old boy?
848
00:46:26,034 --> 00:46:27,202
You might
wanna start talking!
849
00:46:27,286 --> 00:46:29,872
'Cause I got a long history of
firing at times like this!
850
00:46:31,331 --> 00:46:32,833
The name's Cable.
851
00:46:33,375 --> 00:46:36,628
I'm from the future.
Just walk away.
852
00:46:36,712 --> 00:46:38,005
Oh!
853
00:46:38,088 --> 00:46:39,548
So, you're from the future.
854
00:46:40,090 --> 00:46:41,925
I have
three questions then.
855
00:46:42,092 --> 00:46:45,262
One, is dubstep still a thing?
856
00:46:45,721 --> 00:46:48,474
Two, which Sharknado
are we on?
857
00:46:48,765 --> 00:46:51,435
And three, at what point
do audiences say...
858
00:46:51,643 --> 00:46:52,936
"Enough with
the robotic arms"?
859
00:46:59,151 --> 00:47:01,278
(BOTH GRUNTING)
860
00:47:14,500 --> 00:47:16,335
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
861
00:47:20,130 --> 00:47:21,798
(SHOUTING)
(CHOKING)
862
00:47:26,386 --> 00:47:28,180
(SCREAMING)
863
00:47:30,849 --> 00:47:32,559
(GROANING)
864
00:47:36,313 --> 00:47:38,232
Dubstep's for pussies.
865
00:47:38,315 --> 00:47:39,650
You're so dark!
866
00:47:39,733 --> 00:47:41,693
Are you sure you're not
from the DC universe?
867
00:47:42,569 --> 00:47:44,029
I love dubstep!
868
00:47:44,112 --> 00:47:46,114
(DUBSTEP MUSIC PLAYING)
869
00:47:54,373 --> 00:47:56,291
(GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
870
00:48:09,012 --> 00:48:10,222
(GROANS)
871
00:48:10,305 --> 00:48:11,640
WADE: Is that a fanny pack?
872
00:48:11,723 --> 00:48:14,601
I used to have one of those
in 1990-never.
873
00:48:15,352 --> 00:48:17,354
Something to remember you by.
874
00:48:17,521 --> 00:48:21,149
Give me that back!
That goes with me everywhere.
875
00:48:21,316 --> 00:48:23,777
Like the memory
of your fucking fanny pack!
876
00:48:29,283 --> 00:48:30,284
(GROANING)
877
00:48:33,620 --> 00:48:35,455
Why are you protecting
the kid?
878
00:48:35,539 --> 00:48:36,707
(LAUGHS)
879
00:48:36,790 --> 00:48:38,709
I don't give a fuck
about him...
880
00:48:39,209 --> 00:48:41,628
and his Are You My Mother?
complex!
881
00:48:44,047 --> 00:48:45,299
What's this one do?
882
00:48:46,592 --> 00:48:47,843
(BEEPING RAPIDLY)
883
00:48:57,644 --> 00:48:59,229
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
884
00:48:59,313 --> 00:49:00,897
WADE: In every film,
there's a moment
885
00:49:00,981 --> 00:49:03,233
when the hero
hits rock bottom.
886
00:49:03,400 --> 00:49:05,319
In Cool Runnings,
it was when John Candy's
887
00:49:05,402 --> 00:49:06,903
prized bobsled broke.
888
00:49:07,487 --> 00:49:10,198
In Human Centipede,
it was when those people...
889
00:49:10,282 --> 00:49:11,867
signed on to be in that movie.
890
00:49:11,950 --> 00:49:13,452
But in this film, well...
891
00:49:14,161 --> 00:49:15,370
you're looking at it.
892
00:49:15,495 --> 00:49:17,247
GUARD:
On your fucking knees, mutant.
893
00:49:18,081 --> 00:49:19,333
(GROANING)
894
00:49:20,083 --> 00:49:21,084
WADE: Rock...
895
00:49:25,088 --> 00:49:26,590
meet bottom.
896
00:49:31,803 --> 00:49:33,555
(INDISTINCT VOICES ECHOING)
897
00:49:37,309 --> 00:49:38,536
VANESSA:
I love you, Wade Wilson.
898
00:49:38,560 --> 00:49:39,811
Ness?
899
00:49:40,812 --> 00:49:42,272
Hey, Ness!
900
00:49:43,148 --> 00:49:44,775
Ness, can you let me in?
901
00:49:44,941 --> 00:49:47,110
Please! Please.
902
00:49:49,112 --> 00:49:50,113
Jesus.
903
00:49:50,197 --> 00:49:51,281
(SIGHS)
904
00:49:53,200 --> 00:49:54,960
You're not giving me
a lot of direction here.
905
00:49:54,993 --> 00:49:56,787
I'm at the end of my rope.
906
00:49:56,870 --> 00:49:58,288
(TIMER TICKING)
907
00:49:59,289 --> 00:50:01,458
Then I joined the X-Men.
908
00:50:01,750 --> 00:50:03,669
I went to prison. I, uh...
909
00:50:07,464 --> 00:50:08,965
Is it the kid?
910
00:50:11,176 --> 00:50:14,096
Kids give us a chance to be
better than we used to be.
911
00:50:15,472 --> 00:50:16,515
The kid!
(TIMER DINGS)
912
00:50:20,018 --> 00:50:21,520
(GASPING)
913
00:50:24,106 --> 00:50:25,691
(WHEEZING)
914
00:50:30,237 --> 00:50:31,780
That's exactly
what she meant.
915
00:50:31,863 --> 00:50:33,257
Your heart needs to be
in the right place.
916
00:50:33,281 --> 00:50:34,950
I'm not gonna
abandon this kid.
917
00:50:35,033 --> 00:50:37,619
He's never had anyone, ever.
918
00:50:37,786 --> 00:50:38,995
I need to be selfless.
919
00:50:39,162 --> 00:50:40,997
Yeah, but what does
that mean?
920
00:50:41,164 --> 00:50:44,459
It means
I'm gonna save Russell.
921
00:50:44,543 --> 00:50:45,961
Maybe I couldn't
save Vanessa...
922
00:50:46,128 --> 00:50:49,089
but maybe I can save a robust
teenager from New Zealand.
923
00:50:49,172 --> 00:50:51,150
Yeah, but what I mean is,
like, the world "selfless."
924
00:50:51,174 --> 00:50:52,694
I literally don't know
what that means.
925
00:50:52,718 --> 00:50:53,760
Jesus Christ.
926
00:50:53,844 --> 00:50:56,596
Okay, look.
According to my guy, okay...
927
00:50:56,847 --> 00:50:58,640
those muties
are being transferred
928
00:50:58,724 --> 00:51:00,475
to a supermax,
80 miles away.
929
00:51:00,559 --> 00:51:02,269
Great, I'll pick 'em off
along the way.
930
00:51:02,436 --> 00:51:04,563
Hold your testicles there,
buddy, okay?
931
00:51:04,646 --> 00:51:06,523
We're talking about
an armored convoy...
932
00:51:06,690 --> 00:51:08,692
and a vicious super soldier
from the future...
933
00:51:08,775 --> 00:51:11,611
that is looking to turn your
skull into a fuckable ashtray.
934
00:51:11,778 --> 00:51:13,155
You know what we need to do?
935
00:51:13,238 --> 00:51:14,990
We need to build
a fucking team.
936
00:51:15,157 --> 00:51:17,200
We need 'em tough,
morally flexible...
937
00:51:17,367 --> 00:51:18,687
and young enough
so they can carry
938
00:51:18,744 --> 00:51:19,995
this franchise
10 to 12 years.
939
00:51:20,078 --> 00:51:21,747
My body is an
instrument of death.
940
00:51:22,956 --> 00:51:24,416
Not now, Dopinder.
941
00:51:24,541 --> 00:51:26,501
I could be of great use.
942
00:51:26,668 --> 00:51:28,253
What's your superpower?
943
00:51:29,838 --> 00:51:31,381
Courage.
That's adorable.
944
00:51:31,548 --> 00:51:33,258
Do you have the courage
to check and see...
945
00:51:33,341 --> 00:51:35,552
if there are enough sanitary
napkins in the dispenser?
946
00:51:35,635 --> 00:51:36,636
Yes, sir.
947
00:51:36,720 --> 00:51:38,096
I'm sorry
you had to see that,
948
00:51:38,180 --> 00:51:40,182
although I'm glad
you heard it.
949
00:51:40,557 --> 00:51:42,350
All right, I'll put out
a call for resumes.
950
00:51:42,517 --> 00:51:44,644
But we're not paying
medical or dental.
951
00:51:44,728 --> 00:51:46,772
It's time to get back
on LinkedIn.
952
00:51:56,531 --> 00:51:57,991
(EXHALES)
953
00:52:07,417 --> 00:52:09,419
(CHILD SINGING)
954
00:52:24,893 --> 00:52:28,188
GUARD: (ON PA) Transport
will begin at 0800 hours...
955
00:52:28,313 --> 00:52:29,356
BLACK TOM: Oi.
956
00:52:29,439 --> 00:52:30,857
MUTANT: What the fuck
do you want?
957
00:52:30,941 --> 00:52:32,734
That's my fucking pudding.
958
00:52:32,901 --> 00:52:34,253
Fuck your pudding!
You like pudding?
959
00:52:34,277 --> 00:52:35,987
(GRUNTS)
(PRISONERS CLAMORING)
960
00:52:37,280 --> 00:52:38,990
(ALARM BLARING)
961
00:52:56,091 --> 00:52:57,092
Hello?
962
00:52:59,302 --> 00:53:01,638
I know you're in there.
963
00:53:17,487 --> 00:53:19,614
Must be hard being the
biggest guy in here.
964
00:53:20,866 --> 00:53:23,034
Lonely at the top, eh?
965
00:53:23,201 --> 00:53:25,161
They're moving us tomorrow.
966
00:53:27,622 --> 00:53:29,583
Maybe I can get you
out of here.
967
00:53:30,625 --> 00:53:33,795
And we can make
the whole world our bitch.
968
00:53:35,839 --> 00:53:37,591
We need a secret code.
969
00:53:39,384 --> 00:53:40,385
(IMITATES BIRD CALL)
970
00:53:40,468 --> 00:53:43,096
(SOFTLY) No, that's stupid,
Russell. Idiot.
971
00:53:45,223 --> 00:53:47,142
(RHYTHMIC BANGING)
972
00:53:47,225 --> 00:53:49,144
(RHYTHMIC BANGING IN RESPONSE)
973
00:53:50,312 --> 00:53:51,813
We're a team.
974
00:53:51,897 --> 00:53:53,732
We're like thugs,
we're like gangsters.
975
00:53:53,899 --> 00:53:55,859
I'm like Tupac,
and you're like Ice Cube.
976
00:53:57,861 --> 00:53:59,988
WEASEL: Supposedly,
she can rap, too.
977
00:54:00,155 --> 00:54:01,156
DEADPOOL: I like that.
978
00:54:01,239 --> 00:54:02,532
Terrific,
these are all terrific.
979
00:54:02,616 --> 00:54:04,367
Meet Bedlam.
980
00:54:04,451 --> 00:54:06,620
Cool name! Superpowers?
981
00:54:06,703 --> 00:54:07,704
I can distort
982
00:54:07,787 --> 00:54:09,456
electrical fields.
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
983
00:54:09,539 --> 00:54:11,625
Including the one
inside your brain...
984
00:54:11,708 --> 00:54:14,169
causing anxiety,
confusion...
985
00:54:14,544 --> 00:54:15,670
pain.
986
00:54:16,713 --> 00:54:18,673
So, basically,
you're Dave Matthews.
987
00:54:18,757 --> 00:54:19,883
We can use him.
988
00:54:21,760 --> 00:54:23,136
I'm Zeitgeist.
989
00:54:23,219 --> 00:54:24,638
Cool. I like it.
990
00:54:24,721 --> 00:54:25,972
So you have the power
991
00:54:26,056 --> 00:54:28,350
to put your finger
on the pulse of society?
992
00:54:29,476 --> 00:54:30,518
(STAMMERS) No.
993
00:54:30,685 --> 00:54:32,228
No, I spit acidic vomit.
(SNIFFS)
994
00:54:32,312 --> 00:54:33,688
Oh.
Do you want me
995
00:54:33,772 --> 00:54:34,874
to demonstrate?
DEADPOOL: No!
996
00:54:34,898 --> 00:54:36,125
WEASEL: We'll take
your word for it.
997
00:54:36,149 --> 00:54:38,349
Thank you. Yeah.
Listen, we've all eaten at Arby's, okay?
998
00:54:39,069 --> 00:54:41,112
And this is the Vanisher.
999
00:54:44,491 --> 00:54:45,492
But...
1000
00:54:46,743 --> 00:54:48,161
Vanisher!
1001
00:54:48,244 --> 00:54:49,788
(LAUGHS)
1002
00:54:50,538 --> 00:54:52,207
Nice!
Right?
1003
00:54:53,500 --> 00:54:54,709
He's not here, is he?
1004
00:54:54,793 --> 00:54:56,336
He may be running late.
1005
00:54:57,796 --> 00:55:00,256
My name's Rusty,
but I go by Shatterstar.
1006
00:55:00,674 --> 00:55:01,883
BOTH: That's good, yeah.
1007
00:55:02,050 --> 00:55:03,969
"Rusty" is terrible.
Toughie.
1008
00:55:04,135 --> 00:55:06,846
So, uh, where are you from?
The planet Mojo World.
1009
00:55:07,013 --> 00:55:08,974
So you're an alien, I guess.
Bad name.
1010
00:55:09,057 --> 00:55:10,600
How does that, uh, help us?
1011
00:55:10,684 --> 00:55:13,478
I'm basically better
than you at everything.
1012
00:55:13,770 --> 00:55:15,456
Just once, I'm gonna find
a planet of people
1013
00:55:15,480 --> 00:55:17,023
that are worse than me
at everything.
1014
00:55:17,107 --> 00:55:19,192
A whole bunch
of functional idiots.
1015
00:55:19,359 --> 00:55:21,359
I'm gonna go there,
and I'm gonna be their Superman.
1016
00:55:21,403 --> 00:55:22,404
Isn't that Canada?
1017
00:55:22,487 --> 00:55:24,906
You shut your
goddamn trash mouth!
1018
00:55:26,324 --> 00:55:27,701
WEASEL: Meet...
Domino.
1019
00:55:27,867 --> 00:55:29,995
DEADPOOL: What's your shtick?
I'm lucky.
1020
00:55:30,203 --> 00:55:32,056
If you're so lucky,
then what are you doing here with us?
1021
00:55:32,080 --> 00:55:33,164
DOMINO: I don't know yet.
1022
00:55:33,331 --> 00:55:34,475
What's that supposed to mean?
1023
00:55:34,499 --> 00:55:35,917
It means
that I don't know yet.
1024
00:55:36,084 --> 00:55:37,502
But there's a reason
why I'm here,
1025
00:55:37,585 --> 00:55:38,670
and I'll know when I know.
1026
00:55:38,753 --> 00:55:40,153
Everything usually
works out for me.
1027
00:55:40,338 --> 00:55:42,007
Luck isn't a superpower.
1028
00:55:42,173 --> 00:55:43,425
Yes, it is.
No, it isn't.
1029
00:55:43,508 --> 00:55:44,676
Yes, it is.
No, ma'am.
1030
00:55:44,759 --> 00:55:46,136
DOMINO: Mmm-hmm.
Mario No-pez.
1031
00:55:46,261 --> 00:55:47,303
Yeah.
Nacho cheese.
1032
00:55:47,387 --> 00:55:48,489
No, it definitely is.
I really...
1033
00:55:48,513 --> 00:55:49,514
There's no way that it...
1034
00:55:49,597 --> 00:55:50,765
Sorry, I was
interrupting you.
1035
00:55:50,849 --> 00:55:52,618
Sorry. No, I interrupted you.
No, no, no. You can go first.
1036
00:55:52,642 --> 00:55:54,269
Oh, I was just gonna say,
"No, it isn't."
1037
00:55:54,352 --> 00:55:56,813
I was gonna just bring it back
to that yes, it is.
1038
00:55:57,063 --> 00:55:58,624
Let's meet in the middle
and say, "No, it isn't."
1039
00:55:58,648 --> 00:56:01,693
(CHUCKLES) But it is.
Okay.
1040
00:56:01,943 --> 00:56:03,361
You're hired!
You're hired.
1041
00:56:03,528 --> 00:56:04,779
Oh, lucky me.
1042
00:56:04,863 --> 00:56:05,864
DEADPOOL: She's great.
1043
00:56:07,365 --> 00:56:08,575
And last, but not least...
1044
00:56:08,742 --> 00:56:09,868
Peter.
1045
00:56:11,161 --> 00:56:13,121
Am I getting
catfished here or...?
1046
00:56:13,747 --> 00:56:15,540
Any powers you wanna
tell us about?
1047
00:56:15,623 --> 00:56:16,875
PETER: No.
1048
00:56:17,333 --> 00:56:18,918
I don't have one.
1049
00:56:19,085 --> 00:56:22,172
Um, I just saw the ad
and thought it looked fun.
1050
00:56:23,298 --> 00:56:24,340
You're in.
1051
00:56:24,424 --> 00:56:25,967
Yeah.
Fuck!
1052
00:56:28,553 --> 00:56:30,221
It's fulfilling work.
1053
00:56:34,768 --> 00:56:36,061
GUARD: Let's go!
1054
00:56:49,574 --> 00:56:52,285
GUARD: This is Convoy 17
departing the Ice Box.
1055
00:56:52,368 --> 00:56:53,745
We are en route.
1056
00:57:01,294 --> 00:57:03,671
CABLE:
Peacetime makes people soft.
1057
00:57:05,256 --> 00:57:07,050
I was born into war.
1058
00:57:08,593 --> 00:57:09,761
Bred into it.
1059
00:57:10,678 --> 00:57:11,679
Okay.
1060
00:57:11,763 --> 00:57:13,431
CABLE: People think
they understand pain.
1061
00:57:14,682 --> 00:57:16,893
What's the most pain
you've ever felt?
1062
00:57:19,104 --> 00:57:20,164
These restraints
are pretty...
1063
00:57:20,188 --> 00:57:21,314
CABLE: I've got a list.
1064
00:57:22,607 --> 00:57:24,567
We're gonna work down it.
1065
00:57:25,360 --> 00:57:26,361
Together.
1066
00:57:27,445 --> 00:57:29,572
Number one,
I'm gonna bend something.
1067
00:57:30,532 --> 00:57:32,742
Something that was not
meant to bend.
1068
00:57:32,909 --> 00:57:34,011
I'm gonna stop you
right there
1069
00:57:34,035 --> 00:57:35,262
because I'm not gonna
make it to two.
1070
00:57:35,286 --> 00:57:36,538
I won't even make it
to one.
1071
00:57:36,663 --> 00:57:38,206
I don't do well with pain,
you know.
1072
00:57:38,289 --> 00:57:40,708
If I stub my toe,
I'm done for the day.
1073
00:57:40,959 --> 00:57:42,877
I cried when
they canceled Felicity.
1074
00:57:43,878 --> 00:57:45,648
When I get really scared,
I get nervous erections.
1075
00:57:45,672 --> 00:57:46,714
I have one right now.
1076
00:57:46,798 --> 00:57:48,258
Don't look.
It'll only make it worse.
1077
00:57:48,341 --> 00:57:49,401
I don't want you to hurt me,
1078
00:57:49,425 --> 00:57:51,678
and I'll tell you
anything you wanna know.
1079
00:57:52,637 --> 00:57:54,305
Except for where they are.
1080
00:57:54,848 --> 00:57:56,408
Russell's in a convoy
heading southbound
1081
00:57:56,432 --> 00:57:57,433
on Gerry Duggan Parkway.
1082
00:57:57,517 --> 00:57:59,328
The monster's with them.
I wouldn't fuck with him.
1083
00:57:59,352 --> 00:58:00,454
DEADPOOL:
You all know the plan.
1084
00:58:00,478 --> 00:58:02,188
Intercept the convoy,
1085
00:58:02,272 --> 00:58:04,315
grab the boy.
But not inappropriately!
1086
00:58:04,399 --> 00:58:05,400
WEASEL: You know what,
1087
00:58:05,483 --> 00:58:06,627
I wouldn't fuck with
Deadpool either.
1088
00:58:06,651 --> 00:58:09,362
Because he's built a team.
He's unstoppable.
1089
00:58:09,529 --> 00:58:11,948
He has an ass pen.
He'll stab you with it.
1090
00:58:12,031 --> 00:58:14,534
Watch out for this guy, Cable!
1091
00:58:14,701 --> 00:58:17,829
He's very short, 5'11".
Not like in the comics.
1092
00:58:17,912 --> 00:58:20,874
And if we succeed,
we all go home early.
1093
00:58:21,124 --> 00:58:23,204
WEASEL: So if you go after
them, Cable, I warn you...
1094
00:58:23,835 --> 00:58:25,503
there's a wind advisory
in effect.
1095
00:58:30,758 --> 00:58:32,468
(WIND HOWLING)
1096
00:58:36,848 --> 00:58:38,488
PILOT: (ON PA)
A little turbulent up here.
1097
00:58:45,899 --> 00:58:47,650
I don't know much
about this Cable fella...
1098
00:58:47,734 --> 00:58:48,985
but I guarantee
he hasn't killed
1099
00:58:49,068 --> 00:58:50,820
as many people
as melanoma has.
1100
00:58:52,280 --> 00:58:53,364
We're getting close!
1101
00:58:53,740 --> 00:58:55,283
As a former X-Man...
1102
00:58:55,450 --> 00:58:57,327
Trainee.
Thank you, Bedlam.
1103
00:58:57,493 --> 00:59:00,288
I was always appalled
by the blatant sexism
1104
00:59:00,371 --> 00:59:01,372
in the group's name.
1105
00:59:01,456 --> 00:59:02,999
X-Men! Men!
1106
00:59:03,541 --> 00:59:06,419
The point is, our group
will be forward thinking.
1107
00:59:06,586 --> 00:59:07,962
Gender neutral.
1108
00:59:08,046 --> 00:59:10,215
From now on,
we'll be known as...
1109
00:59:12,508 --> 00:59:13,843
X-Force.
1110
00:59:14,052 --> 00:59:15,553
Isn't that
a little derivative?
1111
00:59:15,720 --> 00:59:18,139
I don't recall asking
your opinion, Peter!
1112
00:59:19,349 --> 00:59:20,808
That wasn't me.
1113
00:59:27,857 --> 00:59:30,151
Hang the laundry out
at 1,300 feet...
1114
00:59:30,235 --> 00:59:32,028
intercept the convoy,
and grab the boy.
1115
00:59:32,111 --> 00:59:33,214
Let's bring on
the carnage, baby!
1116
00:59:33,238 --> 00:59:35,073
Get me on the ground,
watch me go!
1117
00:59:35,156 --> 00:59:36,157
ALL: Yeah!
1118
00:59:36,241 --> 00:59:37,951
(ALL WHOOPING)
I can't wait to kill!
1119
00:59:38,076 --> 00:59:39,744
Hey! Hey! Hey!
1120
00:59:40,870 --> 00:59:42,664
I just wanna say
how proud I am of this team.
1121
00:59:43,581 --> 00:59:46,334
You know,
you guys look amazing!
1122
00:59:46,501 --> 00:59:49,254
Vanisher, I have no doubt
you look amazing too.
1123
00:59:49,420 --> 00:59:50,463
This is the family
1124
00:59:50,546 --> 00:59:52,226
that I've always dreamed
of having and I...
1125
00:59:52,924 --> 00:59:53,967
Ah, shit.
1126
00:59:54,050 --> 00:59:55,134
(SNIFFLES)
1127
00:59:55,718 --> 00:59:57,345
I just get a little
choked up sometimes.
1128
00:59:57,428 --> 00:59:59,597
I hate to interrupt,
but is anybody nervous
1129
00:59:59,681 --> 01:00:00,682
about the high winds?
1130
01:00:00,765 --> 01:00:02,016
Gary.
My name's Peter.
1131
01:00:02,100 --> 01:00:03,977
I realize that you're new
to this, but relax.
1132
01:00:04,060 --> 01:00:05,500
You've been chosen
by a higher power.
1133
01:00:05,770 --> 01:00:08,064
Did he just call himself God?
I think he did.
1134
01:00:08,147 --> 01:00:09,649
I'd like to go home.
And I'd like...
1135
01:00:09,816 --> 01:00:12,193
the McRib to be available
year round,
1136
01:00:12,277 --> 01:00:14,070
but sometimes
dreams don't come true.
1137
01:00:14,237 --> 01:00:16,322
I spent 10 years
in Special Forces.
1138
01:00:16,406 --> 01:00:17,841
You think we didn't
jump out of the plane
1139
01:00:17,865 --> 01:00:18,950
because of a light breeze?
1140
01:00:19,617 --> 01:00:21,786
You're in this shit now,
Mustache!
1141
01:00:21,869 --> 01:00:23,597
(WHISPERS) I'm only yelling
to impress the other guys.
1142
01:00:23,621 --> 01:00:25,832
I'd never let anything
happen to you, Sugarbear.
1143
01:00:26,207 --> 01:00:28,167
Leonard, hit it!
1144
01:00:28,251 --> 01:00:30,378
(ALARM BLARING)
(THUNDERSTRUCK PLAYING)
1145
01:00:37,135 --> 01:00:39,178
Go! Go! Go!
1146
01:00:42,181 --> 01:00:43,683
(MAN SINGING)
1147
01:01:14,922 --> 01:01:16,215
Let's get some!
1148
01:01:16,341 --> 01:01:17,508
Whoo!
1149
01:01:17,592 --> 01:01:18,718
Oh, yeah!
1150
01:01:18,801 --> 01:01:21,637
Convoy, 12 o'clock!
On my command!
1151
01:01:22,680 --> 01:01:24,140
Deploy! Oh, hey now!
1152
01:01:24,223 --> 01:01:25,558
Whoa!
1153
01:01:30,730 --> 01:01:32,607
Little off course here.
1154
01:01:33,816 --> 01:01:34,817
(GROANS)
1155
01:01:34,901 --> 01:01:37,278
Holy mommy fucking shit!
1156
01:01:38,404 --> 01:01:39,822
Ah, there they are.
1157
01:01:39,906 --> 01:01:42,992
Look at these gorgeous
sons of bitches. (BLOWS KISS)
1158
01:01:43,534 --> 01:01:45,453
Oh, yeah!
That's right, Bedlam!
1159
01:01:47,372 --> 01:01:48,623
(BEDLAM GRUNTS)
(ALL GASP)
1160
01:01:48,706 --> 01:01:49,832
(GASPING DRAMATICALLY)
1161
01:01:50,625 --> 01:01:54,337
No! Tripping
motherfucking billies!
1162
01:01:54,879 --> 01:01:58,007
Shatterstar.
Okay, you got this.
1163
01:01:58,800 --> 01:01:59,801
Left!
1164
01:01:59,884 --> 01:02:01,094
Left!
1165
01:02:01,177 --> 01:02:03,388
No, stage left, you idiot!
1166
01:02:04,138 --> 01:02:05,640
(GASPS)
1167
01:02:07,266 --> 01:02:08,935
Well, I guess
we found something
1168
01:02:09,018 --> 01:02:10,103
you're not better at.
1169
01:02:12,188 --> 01:02:13,272
Vanisher.
1170
01:02:13,564 --> 01:02:15,316
Maybe the wind can't blow
what it can't see.
1171
01:02:16,734 --> 01:02:18,319
(GRUNTING)
1172
01:02:18,403 --> 01:02:19,404
Oh! Really?
1173
01:02:19,946 --> 01:02:21,739
All right,
we could do this with four.
1174
01:02:22,323 --> 01:02:25,159
Sugarbear.
You got this, buddy!
1175
01:02:25,326 --> 01:02:27,453
That's the stuff!
That's the X-Force spirit!
1176
01:02:28,746 --> 01:02:30,790
Never underestimate
a man with a mustache!
1177
01:02:30,873 --> 01:02:32,333
Just ask anyone in Brooklyn.
1178
01:02:32,417 --> 01:02:33,501
(WHOOPS) We did it!
1179
01:02:33,584 --> 01:02:35,169
You're a goddamn
superhero, you!
1180
01:02:35,253 --> 01:02:36,379
X-Force!
1181
01:02:37,046 --> 01:02:38,172
X-Force.
1182
01:02:40,258 --> 01:02:41,259
(SCREAMING)
1183
01:02:41,426 --> 01:02:42,427
(WOOD CHIPPER WHIRRING)
1184
01:02:42,510 --> 01:02:44,345
(GASPS)
Oh!
1185
01:02:45,304 --> 01:02:46,431
(EXHALES)
1186
01:02:47,974 --> 01:02:48,975
Peter.
1187
01:02:49,058 --> 01:02:50,059
PETER: I got you, buddy!
1188
01:02:50,143 --> 01:02:51,328
You're gonna be fine!
This is not good, man!
1189
01:02:51,352 --> 01:02:53,938
You got this, big guy!
Here we go, Peter!
1190
01:02:54,021 --> 01:02:55,440
Look at me.
We're X-Force, right?
1191
01:02:55,523 --> 01:02:57,733
Yeah, we're X-Force.
We're X-Force.
1192
01:03:01,696 --> 01:03:03,656
Oh, my God! What the fuck?
1193
01:03:03,781 --> 01:03:05,741
Fucking acidic vomit!
(SCREAMS)
1194
01:03:05,825 --> 01:03:07,201
(WHIRRING)
1195
01:03:07,326 --> 01:03:09,996
Oh, God! I'm gonna throw up
in my mask.
1196
01:03:10,288 --> 01:03:11,414
(EXHALES)
1197
01:03:13,249 --> 01:03:15,543
DOMINO:
Okay, I'm over the convoy.
1198
01:03:15,626 --> 01:03:17,462
Where did the rest
of the team land?
1199
01:03:18,212 --> 01:03:19,755
Good news and bad news.
1200
01:03:19,881 --> 01:03:22,967
Bad news is
the whole team is dead.
1201
01:03:23,176 --> 01:03:24,177
The good news is,
1202
01:03:24,260 --> 01:03:26,220
I don't think anyone's
gonna miss Shatterstar.
1203
01:03:26,304 --> 01:03:29,390
He was a bit of a prick.
Oh, but Paul!
1204
01:03:29,474 --> 01:03:30,475
DOMINO: Peter!
1205
01:03:30,558 --> 01:03:32,143
Peter, I'm gonna
miss him most.
1206
01:03:32,226 --> 01:03:33,346
But there is a slight chance
1207
01:03:33,394 --> 01:03:34,729
Vanisher could make it.
1208
01:03:35,104 --> 01:03:37,482
(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) Nope, no chance.
He's dead.
1209
01:03:37,565 --> 01:03:38,733
DOMINO: The whole team?
1210
01:03:38,858 --> 01:03:40,735
Only the main ones.
We're still good.
1211
01:03:40,818 --> 01:03:41,944
Fuck, you are dumb.
1212
01:03:42,028 --> 01:03:44,530
Even after all this time,
I still can't talk about it.
1213
01:03:44,697 --> 01:03:46,657
Who knew these winds
would be so strong?
1214
01:03:46,741 --> 01:03:49,243
Everyone!
Everyone on the helicopter!
1215
01:03:49,327 --> 01:03:50,828
And everyone
not on the helicopter!
1216
01:04:00,213 --> 01:04:02,089
They're headed
into the tunnel.
1217
01:04:03,132 --> 01:04:04,550
I'm that kid's only hope,
1218
01:04:04,634 --> 01:04:06,427
so sit tight
and wait for my word.
1219
01:04:07,220 --> 01:04:08,221
DOMINO: Whatever.
1220
01:04:08,304 --> 01:04:09,531
We're gonna lose 'em.
I'm dropping in.
1221
01:04:09,555 --> 01:04:12,183
DEADPOOL: Uh, that's
a negative, sole survivor.
1222
01:04:12,558 --> 01:04:15,144
Luck is not a superpower!
We are so fucked!
1223
01:04:15,228 --> 01:04:18,189
No, we most certainly
are not fucked.
1224
01:04:18,272 --> 01:04:20,274
(CARS HORNS HONKING)
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
1225
01:04:21,317 --> 01:04:23,861
DEADPOOL: Seriously,
I don't get it!
1226
01:04:23,945 --> 01:04:26,405
What, you shoot luck lasers
out of your eyes?
1227
01:04:28,658 --> 01:04:30,368
It's just
it's hard to picture.
1228
01:04:30,451 --> 01:04:32,578
And certainly
not very cinematic.
1229
01:04:35,331 --> 01:04:36,832
I mean, luck?
1230
01:04:36,999 --> 01:04:39,502
What coked out,
glass pipe-sucking
1231
01:04:39,585 --> 01:04:40,920
freakshow comic book artist...
1232
01:04:41,003 --> 01:04:42,588
came up with
that little chestnut?
1233
01:04:42,672 --> 01:04:44,924
Probably a guy
who can't draw feet!
1234
01:04:56,143 --> 01:04:59,188
Once again, it all falls
on my shoulders.
1235
01:04:59,397 --> 01:05:00,832
It's why I'm cursed to be
a solo act.
1236
01:05:00,856 --> 01:05:01,896
Wander the Earth...
I'm in.
1237
01:05:01,941 --> 01:05:03,150
I'm sorry, what did you say?
1238
01:05:03,317 --> 01:05:04,318
I'm in.
1239
01:05:04,402 --> 01:05:06,279
How in the fuck
are you in already?
1240
01:05:06,737 --> 01:05:07,989
Oh, shit.
1241
01:05:08,573 --> 01:05:09,740
It's Cable. 12 o'clock.
1242
01:05:09,907 --> 01:05:10,908
DEADPOOL: Okay.
1243
01:05:11,033 --> 01:05:13,786
New plan. Use all of your
imaginary powers
1244
01:05:13,869 --> 01:05:16,247
to stop Cable
from killing that kid.
1245
01:05:16,330 --> 01:05:17,915
I'm coming up on your six.
1246
01:05:26,173 --> 01:05:28,175
That gun is amazing!
1247
01:05:28,259 --> 01:05:30,344
(GRUNTS)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1248
01:05:37,018 --> 01:05:39,228
MAN: Hey! Asshole!
1249
01:05:39,478 --> 01:05:41,022
DOMINO: Where is he?
I can't see him.
1250
01:05:41,147 --> 01:05:42,565
DEADPOOL: He's on top of you.
1251
01:05:44,859 --> 01:05:46,235
He's going in
through the back!
1252
01:05:46,736 --> 01:05:47,903
Oh, God, he's inside!
1253
01:05:47,987 --> 01:05:49,155
You hear yourself, right?
1254
01:05:49,238 --> 01:05:50,740
DEADPOOL:
Accidental double entendres!
1255
01:05:50,865 --> 01:05:53,117
Russell! Russell Collins!
1256
01:05:53,284 --> 01:05:55,202
DEADPOOL: Hands off that kid,
John Connor!
1257
01:06:00,291 --> 01:06:01,292
No, no, no!
1258
01:06:05,630 --> 01:06:06,756
Shit!
1259
01:06:07,465 --> 01:06:08,466
(PRISONER SCREAMING)
1260
01:06:10,301 --> 01:06:11,302
(GRUNTS)
1261
01:06:18,517 --> 01:06:20,144
(BEEPING RAPIDLY)
1262
01:06:28,569 --> 01:06:30,488
DEADPOOL:
Two can play that game!
1263
01:06:32,615 --> 01:06:34,450
Got it! No, I don't.
1264
01:06:35,576 --> 01:06:36,577
Showtime, mama!
1265
01:06:36,661 --> 01:06:38,245
Lady Luck, take the wheel.
1266
01:06:46,587 --> 01:06:47,588
(GUN CLICKS)
1267
01:06:54,178 --> 01:06:55,554
(GROANS)
1268
01:07:11,612 --> 01:07:12,613
(HORNS HONKING)
1269
01:07:13,614 --> 01:07:15,282
(DOMINO GRUNTING)
1270
01:07:15,866 --> 01:07:17,906
I'd ask who you are, but
you'll be dead in a second.
1271
01:07:17,952 --> 01:07:19,954
I'm Domino, and doubtful.
1272
01:07:20,037 --> 01:07:21,372
(BOTH GRUNTING)
1273
01:07:36,595 --> 01:07:37,596
Hang in there, Doms!
1274
01:07:38,764 --> 01:07:40,474
Oh, this is really hard.
1275
01:07:40,558 --> 01:07:41,642
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1276
01:07:51,777 --> 01:07:52,778
(GUNSHOT)
1277
01:07:52,862 --> 01:07:54,262
And give me back
my Skee-Ball token.
1278
01:07:57,825 --> 01:07:59,368
You're doing great.
X-Force.
1279
01:08:01,328 --> 01:08:03,247
I guess dubstep never dies.
1280
01:08:03,330 --> 01:08:04,999
(BANGARANG PLAYING)
1281
01:08:07,668 --> 01:08:08,669
Whoo!
1282
01:08:09,879 --> 01:08:11,046
(LAUGHING)
1283
01:08:13,132 --> 01:08:14,133
(BLACK TOM GROANS)
1284
01:08:14,216 --> 01:08:15,468
(DEADPOOL GASPS)
1285
01:08:15,551 --> 01:08:18,304
You killed Black Tom,
you racist son of a bitch!
1286
01:08:19,263 --> 01:08:20,389
(GROWLS)
1287
01:08:21,098 --> 01:08:22,224
That's unfortunate.
1288
01:08:25,394 --> 01:08:26,645
We got no brakes!
1289
01:08:26,812 --> 01:08:28,022
(STRAINING)
Figure it out!
1290
01:08:28,939 --> 01:08:30,232
(BOTH GRUNTING)
1291
01:08:32,443 --> 01:08:33,986
There's nothing I can't kill.
1292
01:08:36,238 --> 01:08:37,531
Ooh.
1293
01:08:37,615 --> 01:08:40,910
Somebody knows karate.
1294
01:08:43,412 --> 01:08:44,997
Give me your best shot,
One-Eyed Willy.
1295
01:08:57,468 --> 01:08:59,053
(PANTING)
1296
01:09:00,304 --> 01:09:01,305
Ow.
1297
01:09:02,306 --> 01:09:03,307
Here we go.
1298
01:09:04,391 --> 01:09:06,477
Domino, mind slowing us down?
1299
01:09:06,560 --> 01:09:08,604
(SIGHS) Here goes nothing.
1300
01:09:08,854 --> 01:09:10,147
(HORN HONKING)
1301
01:09:12,024 --> 01:09:13,943
(BOTH GRUNTING)
1302
01:09:16,821 --> 01:09:18,322
(HONKING)
1303
01:09:39,760 --> 01:09:41,720
MAN: Knock, knock.
1304
01:09:48,227 --> 01:09:49,270
That's my boy.
1305
01:09:49,353 --> 01:09:50,604
(BOTH GRUNTING)
1306
01:09:55,651 --> 01:09:56,819
Holy...
1307
01:09:56,902 --> 01:09:57,903
(GRUNTS)
1308
01:10:01,740 --> 01:10:03,492
(ONLY TIME PLAYING)
1309
01:10:05,536 --> 01:10:06,745
(YELLING)
1310
01:10:07,329 --> 01:10:08,831
DEADPOOL:
I'll be first to admit...
1311
01:10:08,998 --> 01:10:11,250
this did not go
according to plan.
1312
01:10:12,710 --> 01:10:14,104
I'll also be the first
to admit that
1313
01:10:14,128 --> 01:10:16,088
that plan was
written in crayon.
1314
01:10:16,171 --> 01:10:19,174
Looks like Russell found
a new friend. Jelly.
1315
01:10:19,425 --> 01:10:21,093
Turns out Domino's
a bit of a badass,
1316
01:10:21,176 --> 01:10:24,179
and maybe,
possibly mildly lucky.
1317
01:10:24,305 --> 01:10:27,433
But Cable? Ugh.
That guy's in a mood.
1318
01:10:27,600 --> 01:10:28,601
(CHUCKLES) A mood that is
1319
01:10:28,684 --> 01:10:30,477
about to get
significantly worse.
1320
01:10:32,104 --> 01:10:33,147
(SQUEAKS)
1321
01:10:36,817 --> 01:10:37,943
(SIGHS)
1322
01:10:50,456 --> 01:10:52,166
(GROANS)
1323
01:10:54,251 --> 01:10:56,420
Something is so terribly,
terribly wrong.
1324
01:10:59,632 --> 01:11:01,091
Oh.
(NECK SNAPS)
1325
01:11:01,550 --> 01:11:02,801
(GROANS)
1326
01:11:02,885 --> 01:11:04,386
Oh, God, that hurt.
1327
01:11:06,764 --> 01:11:08,098
(GROANING)
1328
01:11:09,725 --> 01:11:10,809
Russell.
1329
01:11:13,520 --> 01:11:14,605
Russell!
1330
01:11:15,230 --> 01:11:17,316
Russ, where are ya?
1331
01:11:20,945 --> 01:11:23,030
Russell. Russell, you're okay!
1332
01:11:23,197 --> 01:11:26,367
Oh, thank God.
Oh, my God!
1333
01:11:26,659 --> 01:11:27,868
Juggernaut!
1334
01:11:27,952 --> 01:11:29,036
(GASPS)
1335
01:11:29,119 --> 01:11:31,038
I thought that was you!
1336
01:11:31,121 --> 01:11:33,332
I should've worn
my white pants.
1337
01:11:34,041 --> 01:11:37,044
You probably get this a lot,
but I am a huge fan.
1338
01:11:37,920 --> 01:11:41,131
Uncanny X-Men 183. Thor 411.
1339
01:11:41,215 --> 01:11:42,591
X-Men Unlimited 12.
1340
01:11:42,675 --> 01:11:44,677
You know, it has always been
a dream of mine...
1341
01:11:44,843 --> 01:11:46,595
to see my face
reflected in your helmet...
1342
01:11:46,762 --> 01:11:48,722
as you charge at me
with murderous intent.
1343
01:11:48,931 --> 01:11:50,391
I don't mean right now.
1344
01:11:50,724 --> 01:11:52,685
I'm gonna rip you
in half now.
1345
01:11:52,810 --> 01:11:55,479
(LAUGHS) That is such
a Juggernaut thing to say.
1346
01:11:55,562 --> 01:11:57,606
(DEADPOOL SCREAMING)
1347
01:11:59,108 --> 01:12:03,028
Oh, my God!
I can't feel my legs.
1348
01:12:03,195 --> 01:12:04,363
I can't feel...
1349
01:12:05,489 --> 01:12:06,991
Oh, no, they're right here.
1350
01:12:07,574 --> 01:12:09,326
Got 'em.
God, Russell.
1351
01:12:09,410 --> 01:12:11,245
I have a mission.
1352
01:12:11,870 --> 01:12:12,997
To get my revenge.
1353
01:12:13,539 --> 01:12:15,708
I'm going to burn
that headmaster alive.
1354
01:12:15,874 --> 01:12:17,960
You're not
the revenge type.
1355
01:12:18,043 --> 01:12:19,169
Take it from a friend.
1356
01:12:19,712 --> 01:12:23,424
Friend? You were sick,
and I protected you.
1357
01:12:23,590 --> 01:12:25,634
You said it yourself.
1358
01:12:25,801 --> 01:12:28,387
"I'm not your friend.
Find someone stronger."
1359
01:12:28,470 --> 01:12:29,680
So I did.
1360
01:12:30,014 --> 01:12:31,015
(GRUNTS)
1361
01:12:31,432 --> 01:12:33,475
Russell, I couldn't
protect you back then.
1362
01:12:33,642 --> 01:12:37,104
But I can now. What do you
want me to say, huh?
1363
01:12:37,688 --> 01:12:39,523
"I care about you"?
'Cause goddamn it,
1364
01:12:39,606 --> 01:12:41,442
I care about you, Russell.
1365
01:12:42,067 --> 01:12:44,069
What's Juggernaut got
that I don't have?
1366
01:12:44,236 --> 01:12:47,406
Don't you say legs!
I know you're gonna say legs!
1367
01:12:47,948 --> 01:12:50,743
Legs!
Still hurts to hear out loud!
1368
01:12:52,911 --> 01:12:55,748
What is that?
That's not a real rope!
1369
01:12:55,914 --> 01:12:58,167
You get back here, young man!
(SIRENS WAILING)
1370
01:12:59,209 --> 01:13:00,335
Doms!
1371
01:13:00,711 --> 01:13:02,796
Doms, get me
out of here, please.
1372
01:13:02,880 --> 01:13:05,799
Use my arms
as backpack straps.
1373
01:13:08,093 --> 01:13:09,178
I think we may have found
1374
01:13:09,261 --> 01:13:11,055
your cosmic reason
for being here.
1375
01:13:11,472 --> 01:13:13,182
I'm pretty sure
this isn't it.
1376
01:13:13,265 --> 01:13:14,516
DEADPOOL: X-Force.
1377
01:13:28,030 --> 01:13:29,782
BLIND AL:
No child is hopeless.
1378
01:13:29,948 --> 01:13:31,033
Don't give up on the boy.
1379
01:13:31,116 --> 01:13:32,701
How could he just walk away?
1380
01:13:33,452 --> 01:13:35,704
It was the coldness
in his eyes.
1381
01:13:36,205 --> 01:13:37,790
You should've heard it.
1382
01:13:38,582 --> 01:13:39,625
(WADE SIGHS)
1383
01:13:39,708 --> 01:13:41,960
I guess family
really is an F-word.
1384
01:13:42,878 --> 01:13:45,214
(GROANS) Rub my legs, Mama.
1385
01:13:45,339 --> 01:13:46,632
Why would I rub
your legs?
1386
01:13:46,715 --> 01:13:49,301
Please, they hurt.
I have growing pains.
1387
01:13:49,760 --> 01:13:51,095
(BLIND AL SIGHS)
1388
01:13:52,846 --> 01:13:54,056
What in the...
1389
01:13:54,556 --> 01:13:56,809
Why is your hand
so tiny again?
1390
01:13:57,309 --> 01:13:58,685
That's not my hand.
1391
01:13:59,103 --> 01:14:00,938
Oh! Mary,
mother of Joseph!
1392
01:14:01,605 --> 01:14:03,398
That was nice for me.
(DOOR OPENS)
1393
01:14:03,565 --> 01:14:06,318
Wade! I heard what happened
with the convoy and...
1394
01:14:06,401 --> 01:14:07,444
(GASPS)
1395
01:14:09,071 --> 01:14:10,155
(WEASEL RETCHES)
1396
01:14:10,823 --> 01:14:12,533
Why wouldn't you
cover that up?
1397
01:14:13,158 --> 01:14:15,244
A warrior has nothing
to be ashamed of.
1398
01:14:15,410 --> 01:14:17,329
WEASEL: Yeah, but you do.
Look at you.
1399
01:14:17,412 --> 01:14:19,414
You're just
straight shirt-cocking it,
1400
01:14:19,498 --> 01:14:20,833
toddler-style.
1401
01:14:20,999 --> 01:14:22,793
Oh, yeah.
Full Winnie the Pooh.
1402
01:14:22,960 --> 01:14:24,837
The hell's happening?
Describe it.
1403
01:14:25,003 --> 01:14:26,356
I wouldn't ask him to do that,
if I were you.
1404
01:14:26,380 --> 01:14:27,780
WEASEL: It's like, um...
Here we go.
1405
01:14:27,840 --> 01:14:29,109
It's like he was
giving birth anally,
1406
01:14:29,133 --> 01:14:30,759
but they quit
halfway through.
1407
01:14:30,843 --> 01:14:32,070
They got the legs out,
and they said,
1408
01:14:32,094 --> 01:14:33,220
"You know what, I'm done."
1409
01:14:33,303 --> 01:14:34,304
Happy?
1410
01:14:34,388 --> 01:14:35,490
It's like he's a Muppet
from the waist down.
1411
01:14:35,514 --> 01:14:36,890
But this time, you can see
1412
01:14:36,974 --> 01:14:38,392
the Muppet's dick.
(DOOR OPENS)
1413
01:14:38,475 --> 01:14:39,577
Grover's got a cock
the size of a twig.
1414
01:14:39,601 --> 01:14:41,037
DOPINDER: Mr. Weasel, I can
no longer be double-parked.
1415
01:14:41,061 --> 01:14:42,688
I've had three tickets
already. (SCREAMS)
1416
01:14:44,356 --> 01:14:46,817
No, no, no, DP,
not again!
1417
01:14:46,900 --> 01:14:48,819
This has happened before?
(DOPINDER RETCHING)
1418
01:14:49,820 --> 01:14:51,297
(DOOR OPENS) Jesus!
Either vomit or don't.
1419
01:14:51,321 --> 01:14:52,531
The indecision
is killing me.
1420
01:14:52,698 --> 01:14:54,575
Why couldn't God
take my hearing?
1421
01:14:56,160 --> 01:14:58,245
Oh. Wow!
1422
01:14:58,328 --> 01:14:59,872
Cool your pits.
They're growing back.
1423
01:15:00,122 --> 01:15:01,665
I'm talking about your face.
1424
01:15:02,124 --> 01:15:03,917
I've never seen you
without your mask before.
1425
01:15:04,042 --> 01:15:06,128
Jesus Christ!
Looks like an avocado.
1426
01:15:06,211 --> 01:15:07,921
DOMINO: Your legs, though,
they're cute.
1427
01:15:08,255 --> 01:15:10,048
You wanna borrow
a pair of pants?
1428
01:15:11,633 --> 01:15:13,093
I'm glad
everybody dropped by.
1429
01:15:13,260 --> 01:15:15,554
You must be wondering
why I didn't call you here.
1430
01:15:16,013 --> 01:15:17,639
I'll tell you
why I'm here.
1431
01:15:17,806 --> 01:15:19,933
"The Time Traveler's Wife's"
husband...
1432
01:15:20,017 --> 01:15:21,327
beat me within
an inch of my life.
1433
01:15:21,351 --> 01:15:22,561
He was torturing me!
1434
01:15:22,644 --> 01:15:25,480
But all I told him was
everything he wanted to know.
1435
01:15:25,772 --> 01:15:27,816
So, I'm here
to help us gear up.
1436
01:15:28,275 --> 01:15:29,502
So we can go after him
without me.
1437
01:15:29,526 --> 01:15:30,527
WADE: No!
1438
01:15:31,069 --> 01:15:32,279
I'm doing this alone.
1439
01:15:32,362 --> 01:15:33,363
The Juggernaut
1440
01:15:33,447 --> 01:15:34,823
will kill you all.
Fair enough.
1441
01:15:34,907 --> 01:15:36,426
WADE: I just need a couple of
hours to get some legs
1442
01:15:36,450 --> 01:15:37,951
under me.
What will you do?
1443
01:15:38,035 --> 01:15:39,429
WADE: I don't care
what the kid did to me.
1444
01:15:39,453 --> 01:15:40,746
I ain't letting Cable
get to him,
1445
01:15:40,829 --> 01:15:42,182
even if I have to
teabag him to death.
1446
01:15:42,206 --> 01:15:44,208
It's really just a sip
of tea at this point.
1447
01:15:44,291 --> 01:15:46,043
Zip it, black Black Widow!
I'm flowing.
1448
01:15:46,126 --> 01:15:47,187
The first order
of business is
1449
01:15:47,211 --> 01:15:48,271
to get me
in front of Cable...
1450
01:15:48,295 --> 01:15:50,148
so I can pull all the fucking
blood out of his body...
1451
01:15:50,172 --> 01:15:52,341
and fashion his bones
into holiday jewelry.
1452
01:15:52,591 --> 01:15:54,259
Then,
I'm gonna take his skin...
1453
01:15:54,343 --> 01:15:57,429
and stretch it out
over a homemade mating drum.
1454
01:15:59,097 --> 01:16:00,697
He's standing
right behind you, isn't he?
1455
01:16:04,186 --> 01:16:05,187
(COCKS GUN)
1456
01:16:09,358 --> 01:16:11,026
What in the ass?
1457
01:16:11,235 --> 01:16:14,321
Is this apartment listed
on Tinder? Grindr?
1458
01:16:14,696 --> 01:16:16,949
You picked the wrong shithole
to fuck, future boy.
1459
01:16:17,449 --> 01:16:20,285
Ugh. Is that really necessary?
1460
01:16:22,579 --> 01:16:25,332
No. It's his "Basic Instinct."
1461
01:16:25,415 --> 01:16:26,458
What can we help you with?
1462
01:16:27,251 --> 01:16:28,877
I'm here to proposition you.
1463
01:16:29,753 --> 01:16:31,380
(LAUGHS) Oh, boy!
1464
01:16:31,463 --> 01:16:32,565
He's really teeing it up,
isn't he?
1465
01:16:32,589 --> 01:16:34,675
Who gets to make
the first joke?
1466
01:16:34,800 --> 01:16:36,069
I think we should all
do it at the same time.
1467
01:16:36,093 --> 01:16:37,094
Good call.
1468
01:16:37,177 --> 01:16:38,762
For $45,
you get sucky-suck.
1469
01:16:38,845 --> 01:16:40,198
BOTH: I only do over
the pants, mouth stuff.
1470
01:16:40,222 --> 01:16:41,223
Fuck!
1471
01:16:41,306 --> 01:16:42,408
The Proposition
has a wonderful
1472
01:16:42,432 --> 01:16:43,433
Guy Pearce performance.
1473
01:16:43,517 --> 01:16:45,277
WADE: Wait, wait, wait!
I wanna do mine over.
1474
01:16:45,602 --> 01:16:47,646
Give us the line again.
I need your help!
1475
01:16:48,230 --> 01:16:50,440
Trust me, I'm even less happy
about this than you are...
1476
01:16:50,524 --> 01:16:53,151
but you unleashed the Juggernaut,
you dumb cunt!
1477
01:16:53,777 --> 01:16:55,988
I can't
bring him down alone.
1478
01:16:56,071 --> 01:16:57,656
So here we are.
1479
01:16:59,074 --> 01:17:00,826
We're no longer
accepting applications
1480
01:17:00,909 --> 01:17:02,202
for X-Force, unfortunately.
1481
01:17:02,369 --> 01:17:03,704
Even if we were...
1482
01:17:03,870 --> 01:17:05,556
there's a wind advisory
in effect until at least...
1483
01:17:05,580 --> 01:17:06,748
We don't have
a lot of time.
1484
01:17:06,832 --> 01:17:08,542
Your friend's about
to make his first kill.
1485
01:17:08,625 --> 01:17:10,168
No offense,
but if you know so much...
1486
01:17:10,252 --> 01:17:12,587
why not travel back to when
he was a baby, kill him then?
1487
01:17:13,171 --> 01:17:14,232
Or better yet, head back
a little further,
1488
01:17:14,256 --> 01:17:15,257
kill baby Hitler.
1489
01:17:15,340 --> 01:17:17,217
I use a device
to slide through time.
1490
01:17:17,384 --> 01:17:19,928
The longer I travel,
the harder it is to control.
1491
01:17:20,095 --> 01:17:22,556
I got two charges:
one to get me here,
1492
01:17:22,639 --> 01:17:23,765
one to get me home.
1493
01:17:23,849 --> 01:17:25,100
Well.
1494
01:17:25,183 --> 01:17:26,977
That's just lazy writing.
1495
01:17:27,060 --> 01:17:28,413
Your boy's
gonna kill the headmaster
1496
01:17:28,437 --> 01:17:29,896
of the orphanage tonight.
1497
01:17:29,980 --> 01:17:32,024
After that,
he gets a real taste for it.
1498
01:17:32,232 --> 01:17:34,860
Like 10-year-old
Kirsten Dunst, motherfucker!
1499
01:17:35,027 --> 01:17:36,820
So he keeps killing...
1500
01:17:36,987 --> 01:17:38,322
and killing, and killing,
1501
01:17:38,405 --> 01:17:39,740
and killing.
(GUNS COCKING)
1502
01:17:40,073 --> 01:17:43,285
Until one day, he kills
the wrong fucking people.
1503
01:17:45,871 --> 01:17:47,247
My people.
1504
01:17:51,168 --> 01:17:52,252
Relax.
1505
01:17:52,336 --> 01:17:54,713
I'm retrieving something
from my utility bag.
1506
01:17:54,921 --> 01:17:57,424
It's a goddamn fanny pack...
1507
01:17:57,507 --> 01:17:59,968
and you know it,
you sick son of a bitch!
1508
01:18:00,177 --> 01:18:01,845
The difference
is night and day.
1509
01:18:03,638 --> 01:18:05,766
You remind me of my wife.
1510
01:18:06,099 --> 01:18:07,100
I'm sorry.
1511
01:18:07,476 --> 01:18:08,977
I said, "You remind me
of my wife."
1512
01:18:09,061 --> 01:18:10,121
No, I'm sorry
that you said that...
1513
01:18:10,145 --> 01:18:12,773
while making heavy eye contact
and applying lip balm.
1514
01:18:12,856 --> 01:18:14,024
CABLE: She always struggled.
1515
01:18:15,233 --> 01:18:16,568
But she was funny...
1516
01:18:16,818 --> 01:18:19,154
and filtered her pain
through the prism of humor.
1517
01:18:20,113 --> 01:18:22,240
Something I could
never master.
1518
01:18:23,075 --> 01:18:25,285
It was my fault she died.
1519
01:18:27,079 --> 01:18:29,748
It was my job
to stop people like him.
1520
01:18:30,791 --> 01:18:32,709
I came close a few times.
(TOMORROW PLAYING)
1521
01:18:36,922 --> 01:18:38,590
He wasn't too happy
about that.
1522
01:18:40,300 --> 01:18:41,385
He was trying to hurt me...
1523
01:18:41,510 --> 01:18:43,845
and he knew exactly
how to do it.
1524
01:18:47,599 --> 01:18:49,267
OLDER RUSSELL:
Blessed are the wicked
1525
01:18:49,351 --> 01:18:50,811
who are healed by my hand.
1526
01:18:54,022 --> 01:18:55,357
CABLE: He came into my home...
1527
01:18:56,400 --> 01:18:59,277
and took the only thing
that made it a home.
1528
01:19:03,365 --> 01:19:04,741
Sound familiar?
1529
01:19:05,909 --> 01:19:07,494
I'm sorry.
Uh-huh.
1530
01:19:07,577 --> 01:19:09,246
No, I'm really sorry.
1531
01:19:11,456 --> 01:19:13,500
But that isn't Russell.
1532
01:19:13,583 --> 01:19:15,603
It doesn't have to be him.
If you knew what I knew...
1533
01:19:15,627 --> 01:19:17,462
Yeah, he's got anger issues...
1534
01:19:17,546 --> 01:19:19,131
maybe a small
learning disability...
1535
01:19:19,214 --> 01:19:20,507
splash of diabetes...
1536
01:19:20,674 --> 01:19:21,967
but nothing
that can't be fixed.
1537
01:19:22,050 --> 01:19:23,593
If you could go back...
1538
01:19:23,760 --> 01:19:26,430
and stop the people that took
your girl, would you?
1539
01:19:26,596 --> 01:19:28,348
Of course I fucking would!
1540
01:19:29,099 --> 01:19:30,767
But I wouldn't kill a kid.
1541
01:19:30,892 --> 01:19:32,269
I'm not asking you
to kill a kid!
1542
01:19:32,352 --> 01:19:33,645
I'll kill the kid.
1543
01:19:33,812 --> 01:19:37,190
I'm asking you to save
hundreds of other kids.
1544
01:19:37,357 --> 01:19:39,568
Russell's gonna burn down
that orphanage.
1545
01:19:39,734 --> 01:19:41,653
And I can imagine
your dead girlfriend...
1546
01:19:41,820 --> 01:19:44,239
would want you to do the right thing,
wouldn't she?
1547
01:19:45,073 --> 01:19:47,659
So, what's it gonna be,
handsome?
1548
01:19:48,326 --> 01:19:49,911
Give me a chance
to save him.
1549
01:19:50,078 --> 01:19:51,413
What?
You said...
1550
01:19:51,580 --> 01:19:53,307
once he kills someone,
he gets a taste for it.
1551
01:19:53,331 --> 01:19:55,584
If we can get to him
before that happens...
1552
01:19:55,667 --> 01:19:57,252
promise you'll give me
a chance
1553
01:19:57,335 --> 01:19:59,045
to put him
on a different path.
1554
01:19:59,212 --> 01:20:00,380
Define "chance."
1555
01:20:00,547 --> 01:20:01,691
I don't know.
How long does it take
1556
01:20:01,715 --> 01:20:03,067
to save someone's soul?
That's not...
1557
01:20:03,091 --> 01:20:04,342
I'll give you 30 seconds.
1558
01:20:04,509 --> 01:20:06,428
What? No!
Best I can do.
1559
01:20:06,511 --> 01:20:07,804
Take it or leave it.
1560
01:20:18,273 --> 01:20:19,713
(CABLE GROANS)
WEASEL: He's doing it!
1561
01:20:19,858 --> 01:20:21,418
Look at the little fella.
He's doing it.
1562
01:20:21,443 --> 01:20:23,278
(RETCHES)
There he goes.
1563
01:20:23,445 --> 01:20:24,863
CABLE: Jesus Christ!
1564
01:20:25,030 --> 01:20:26,406
WEASEL: Just shirt-cocking it.
1565
01:20:26,490 --> 01:20:27,491
Ugh.
1566
01:20:28,450 --> 01:20:29,910
WEASEL: There you go,
little fella.
1567
01:20:30,535 --> 01:20:31,870
Go on, you're doing it!
1568
01:20:32,287 --> 01:20:35,123
My beautiful, hairless,
Twizzler-legged baby boy.
1569
01:20:37,334 --> 01:20:38,376
DOMINO: Christ!
1570
01:20:38,543 --> 01:20:40,086
That's disturbing.
1571
01:20:40,253 --> 01:20:41,588
30 seconds.
1572
01:20:47,010 --> 01:20:48,470
Deal.
Deal.
1573
01:20:51,056 --> 01:20:53,517
BLIND AL: I have no idea
what's happening.
1574
01:20:53,600 --> 01:20:55,810
(SOFTLY)
Probably for the best.
1575
01:20:57,020 --> 01:21:00,315
DEADPOOL: And that is why
you never eat a raw starfish.
1576
01:21:00,524 --> 01:21:02,150
It's just common sense.
1577
01:21:02,859 --> 01:21:04,194
Where the hell
are we going?
1578
01:21:04,277 --> 01:21:05,477
DEADPOOL:
You said it yourself.
1579
01:21:05,654 --> 01:21:08,448
Nothing can stop the Juggernaut.
We need backup.
1580
01:21:08,657 --> 01:21:11,368
I will bathe in the blood
of your enemies.
1581
01:21:11,618 --> 01:21:13,745
(BOLLYWOOD MUSIC PLAYING
ON RADIO)
1582
01:21:15,580 --> 01:21:16,831
Can you turn off
the music?
1583
01:21:18,458 --> 01:21:20,418
You'll do no such thing.
1584
01:21:20,585 --> 01:21:22,420
Why don't you just say it
in an Indian accent?
1585
01:21:22,796 --> 01:21:23,838
What the hell are you...?
1586
01:21:23,964 --> 01:21:25,882
Once again, intolerance rears
its ugly head.
1587
01:21:25,966 --> 01:21:27,592
I am so sorry.
It gets better.
1588
01:21:27,759 --> 01:21:29,469
I'm not a fucking racist,
moron!
1589
01:21:29,553 --> 01:21:31,763
Tell that to Black Tom.
He was like a brother to me.
1590
01:21:32,681 --> 01:21:34,599
I'm with the old white guy
on this one.
1591
01:21:34,683 --> 01:21:35,767
And that's a twist.
1592
01:21:36,017 --> 01:21:37,203
DEADPOOL:
So what exactly do you
1593
01:21:37,227 --> 01:21:38,287
do in the future,
anyway, huh?
1594
01:21:38,311 --> 01:21:39,563
Some kind of soldier?
1595
01:21:39,980 --> 01:21:41,690
Yeah, something like that.
1596
01:21:41,856 --> 01:21:43,942
DEADPOOL: I was a soldier.
Special Forces.
1597
01:21:44,150 --> 01:21:46,570
I bet 50 years from now,
we're bestest buddies.
1598
01:21:46,736 --> 01:21:48,697
50 years from now,
you're very dead.
1599
01:21:48,863 --> 01:21:51,533
Your entire generation fucked
this planet into a coma.
1600
01:21:51,616 --> 01:21:52,867
Boom! (IMITATES EXPLOSION)
1601
01:21:52,951 --> 01:21:54,035
Spoiler alert.
1602
01:21:54,119 --> 01:21:55,161
(SNICKERS)
1603
01:21:55,245 --> 01:21:56,580
(SIGHS) Planets.
1604
01:21:56,830 --> 01:21:58,290
Next time, Uber.
1605
01:21:58,373 --> 01:21:59,749
Here's a spoiler alert.
1606
01:22:00,917 --> 01:22:02,669
You're not a fucking hero.
1607
01:22:03,044 --> 01:22:06,590
You're just an annoying clown
dressed up as a sex toy.
1608
01:22:06,965 --> 01:22:08,192
DEADPOOL:
Well, I got news for you.
1609
01:22:08,216 --> 01:22:09,509
My heart
is in the right place.
1610
01:22:09,593 --> 01:22:11,011
Russell's not
gonna kill anyone.
1611
01:22:11,177 --> 01:22:13,417
Because of me, he's gonna know
what real love looks like.
1612
01:22:13,555 --> 01:22:15,015
Because of you,
I'll always know
1613
01:22:15,098 --> 01:22:17,100
what a grown man
with baby balls looks like.
1614
01:22:17,267 --> 01:22:19,644
I'm a grower, not a shower.
1615
01:22:19,811 --> 01:22:20,979
I should've finished college.
1616
01:22:21,146 --> 01:22:22,355
DEADPOOL: Right here!
1617
01:22:22,439 --> 01:22:23,732
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
1618
01:22:25,066 --> 01:22:27,319
(IN YOUR EYES PLAYING
ON BOOM BOX)
1619
01:22:38,204 --> 01:22:39,456
(GROANS)
1620
01:22:40,498 --> 01:22:42,167
DEADPOOL: I made mistakes!
1621
01:22:42,542 --> 01:22:44,252
I wanna take them back!
1622
01:22:44,419 --> 01:22:47,255
You trusted me.
I took that trust...
1623
01:22:47,422 --> 01:22:48,757
and turned it
into a glory hole
1624
01:22:48,840 --> 01:22:50,175
in an airport bathroom.
1625
01:22:50,342 --> 01:22:53,053
The one in Minneapolis.
You know the one.
1626
01:22:54,137 --> 01:22:55,138
Colossus!
1627
01:22:55,305 --> 01:22:57,545
I wouldn't ask for your help
unless it was life or death!
1628
01:22:57,682 --> 01:22:59,601
That kid needs our help!
1629
01:22:59,768 --> 01:23:01,686
I know you're listening!
1630
01:23:01,770 --> 01:23:03,080
He's teamed up
with the Juggernaut!
1631
01:23:03,104 --> 01:23:04,314
The Juggernaut!
1632
01:23:04,397 --> 01:23:06,042
That's like my favorite
Marvel character ever,
1633
01:23:06,066 --> 01:23:07,651
but you should never
meet your heroes...
1634
01:23:07,734 --> 01:23:10,445
because, honestly,
he's a bit of a dick!
1635
01:23:10,612 --> 01:23:12,989
And like a lot of dicks,
he's as hard as a rock...
1636
01:23:13,073 --> 01:23:14,616
and causes nothing
but problems!
1637
01:23:14,699 --> 01:23:16,034
Hi, Wade!
Hi, Yukio!
1638
01:23:16,117 --> 01:23:17,118
Please don't.
1639
01:23:17,202 --> 01:23:18,471
You guys make
a super cute couple.
1640
01:23:18,495 --> 01:23:20,747
Yeah. Where was I?
Oh, yeah!
1641
01:23:20,997 --> 01:23:22,791
Colossus!
Look, I don't deserve
1642
01:23:22,874 --> 01:23:24,959
your friendship or your help.
1643
01:23:25,085 --> 01:23:26,795
But this kid does.
1644
01:23:26,878 --> 01:23:29,589
And I'm not gonna bail on him
like everyone else.
1645
01:23:31,466 --> 01:23:33,426
Oh, come on!
1646
01:23:35,679 --> 01:23:36,971
(GROANS)
1647
01:23:37,639 --> 01:23:40,392
Any chance Pigeon Wings
is available?
1648
01:23:40,767 --> 01:23:43,061
That's just fine!
That's fine!
1649
01:23:43,228 --> 01:23:44,646
No! You know what?
1650
01:23:44,729 --> 01:23:47,440
Doing the right thing
is sometimes messy...
1651
01:23:47,649 --> 01:23:50,610
and fucked up, and not
particularly convenient!
1652
01:23:51,027 --> 01:23:54,239
So stay here
in Chateau de Virgin...
1653
01:23:54,322 --> 01:23:56,449
while we go get our fuck on!
1654
01:23:59,494 --> 01:24:01,079
DOMINO: You're doing great.
1655
01:24:03,498 --> 01:24:04,999
(CAR DOOR CLOSES)
(ENGINE STARTS)
1656
01:24:06,459 --> 01:24:07,978
RUSSELL: So you wear
that helmet because
1657
01:24:08,002 --> 01:24:09,629
your brother
tries to read your mind?
1658
01:24:09,796 --> 01:24:12,924
JUGGERNAUT: Yeah, but he's in
a wheelchair, so even-steven.
1659
01:24:13,091 --> 01:24:15,427
MAN: Someone's coming.
It's Russell, sir.
1660
01:24:15,510 --> 01:24:16,970
He's not alone.
1661
01:24:17,595 --> 01:24:19,305
HEADMASTER:
Secure the children.
1662
01:24:23,852 --> 01:24:26,146
What do you say
we go fuck some shit up?
1663
01:24:26,688 --> 01:24:30,525
"Let's fuck some shit up"
is my legal middle name.
1664
01:24:33,862 --> 01:24:36,322
Watch my back.
I've got the old man.
1665
01:24:36,531 --> 01:24:38,825
Amen, brother.
1666
01:24:39,659 --> 01:24:40,952
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
1667
01:24:44,622 --> 01:24:46,207
Time to make the chimichangas.
1668
01:24:46,291 --> 01:24:47,876
30 seconds.
1669
01:24:48,501 --> 01:24:50,628
I finally know
why I'm here.
1670
01:24:51,045 --> 01:24:52,881
I was raised
in this place.
1671
01:24:53,047 --> 01:24:55,300
Well, not raised.
I was tortured.
1672
01:24:55,383 --> 01:24:58,094
Wow! It's your cosmic reason
for being here.
1673
01:24:58,303 --> 01:24:59,637
Shall we?
This is gonna be fun.
1674
01:24:59,721 --> 01:25:00,722
DEADPOOL: Yeah!
1675
01:25:00,805 --> 01:25:02,307
Hey! Been meaning
to ask you...
1676
01:25:02,390 --> 01:25:05,393
what's with the creepy,
dirty hobo bear?
1677
01:25:06,102 --> 01:25:09,439
It's not dirt. It's the blood
of my dead daughter.
1678
01:25:11,775 --> 01:25:13,526
I have
a gluten sensitivity.
1679
01:25:13,693 --> 01:25:15,195
So one glass of wine,
I just...
1680
01:25:15,278 --> 01:25:16,488
(IMITATES EXPLOSION)
1681
01:25:16,571 --> 01:25:17,572
Yeah.
1682
01:25:19,365 --> 01:25:20,742
(DEADPOOL SIGHS)
1683
01:25:21,242 --> 01:25:22,428
Wish we could
head back in time,
1684
01:25:22,452 --> 01:25:24,078
and I could take
all that back.
1685
01:25:24,287 --> 01:25:25,580
We should just cue
the music.
1686
01:25:26,122 --> 01:25:28,458
(RAP MUSIC PLAYING)
1687
01:25:50,897 --> 01:25:53,525
Welcome home, Russell.
We missed you.
1688
01:25:54,734 --> 01:25:55,735
Russell!
1689
01:25:55,819 --> 01:25:58,154
You don't need to do this!
Let's talk!
1690
01:25:59,280 --> 01:26:00,591
Why are you dressed
like the Unabomber?
1691
01:26:00,615 --> 01:26:02,200
(YELLING)
1692
01:26:04,911 --> 01:26:05,912
That's why!
1693
01:26:05,995 --> 01:26:07,181
Told you this little fucker's
too far gone.
1694
01:26:07,205 --> 01:26:09,249
Zip it, Thanos!
We have a deal and you fuck...
1695
01:26:09,332 --> 01:26:11,376
(GROANS)
JUGGERNAUT: Hey!
1696
01:26:11,876 --> 01:26:15,004
I'm gonna shove that
cab driver right up your ass.
1697
01:26:16,130 --> 01:26:18,216
My body and my hands
are so soft.
1698
01:26:18,299 --> 01:26:19,485
You should probably
head back to the car.
1699
01:26:19,509 --> 01:26:21,177
I think I'll head
back to the car.
1700
01:26:22,512 --> 01:26:25,181
It works best
when you pull the trigger.
1701
01:26:26,891 --> 01:26:28,017
(GROANS)
1702
01:26:28,101 --> 01:26:29,352
That gun is amazing!
1703
01:26:30,728 --> 01:26:31,938
RUSSELL: Say it!
1704
01:26:34,107 --> 01:26:37,026
You are an abomination!
1705
01:26:37,110 --> 01:26:38,361
(GRUNTS)
1706
01:26:44,450 --> 01:26:47,620
Now, I'm gonna shove
the red guy up the old guy.
1707
01:26:47,745 --> 01:26:50,206
I believe him!
Every man for themselves!
1708
01:26:54,544 --> 01:26:55,628
Gotcha!
1709
01:26:56,421 --> 01:26:57,589
JUGGERNAUT: Beat it, midget!
1710
01:27:00,592 --> 01:27:03,303
Hey, big guy,
the sun's getting real low!
1711
01:27:03,720 --> 01:27:04,804
Oh, shit fuck!
1712
01:27:05,763 --> 01:27:06,931
(SCREAMING)
1713
01:27:17,275 --> 01:27:18,610
(JUGGERNAUT LAUGHS)
1714
01:27:18,693 --> 01:27:20,278
Come here, beautiful.
1715
01:27:22,405 --> 01:27:23,489
RUSSELL: Say it!
1716
01:27:38,004 --> 01:27:40,214
(IN YOUR EYES PLAYING)
1717
01:28:17,835 --> 01:28:18,836
(DEADPOOL GROANS)
1718
01:28:21,631 --> 01:28:22,840
(MUMBLES)
1719
01:28:22,924 --> 01:28:23,925
You came for me.
1720
01:28:24,258 --> 01:28:25,677
I'm not giving up on you,
1721
01:28:25,760 --> 01:28:27,762
and you are not
giving up on that boy.
1722
01:28:27,845 --> 01:28:29,681
Who says that rules
aren't meant to be broken?
1723
01:28:29,889 --> 01:28:32,266
It's time to fight dirty.
1724
01:28:32,350 --> 01:28:33,685
Time to sweep the leg, Johnny.
1725
01:28:33,768 --> 01:28:36,354
Hey! Pick on someone
your own size!
1726
01:28:36,688 --> 01:28:38,731
That's such
a you thing to say!
1727
01:28:38,815 --> 01:28:40,400
Go get him, tiger!
1728
01:28:40,650 --> 01:28:42,610
Big CGI fight coming up!
1729
01:28:43,778 --> 01:28:45,238
(BOTH GRUNTING)
1730
01:28:45,697 --> 01:28:47,740
(MUSIC PLAYING)
1731
01:28:51,619 --> 01:28:52,996
(GRUNTS)
1732
01:28:53,871 --> 01:28:55,623
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(BONE CRACKS)
1733
01:28:55,707 --> 01:28:56,916
(SCREAMS)
1734
01:29:05,717 --> 01:29:06,801
He's doing great.
1735
01:29:06,884 --> 01:29:08,261
RUSSELL: Say it!
1736
01:29:12,515 --> 01:29:13,933
Russell.
DEADPOOL: Bingo!
1737
01:29:16,227 --> 01:29:17,478
(GROANING)
1738
01:29:21,357 --> 01:29:22,400
(JUGGERNAUT LAUGHS)
1739
01:29:23,192 --> 01:29:24,777
(METAL CLANGS)
1740
01:29:24,861 --> 01:29:25,862
(GROANS)
1741
01:29:25,945 --> 01:29:27,905
That's right!
I'm fighting dirty!
1742
01:29:29,073 --> 01:29:30,074
Oh, great!
1743
01:29:30,158 --> 01:29:31,218
ORDERLY: There they are!
Those freaks!
1744
01:29:31,242 --> 01:29:33,402
DEADPOOL: A bunch of armed
pedophiles in nursing shoes.
1745
01:29:33,536 --> 01:29:34,996
Can I have
one of those guns?
1746
01:29:35,663 --> 01:29:37,331
No.
That's fine.
1747
01:29:37,498 --> 01:29:39,333
Get off this property,
mutant scum!
1748
01:29:39,417 --> 01:29:40,577
I'm just gonna
use this brick.
1749
01:29:41,210 --> 01:29:42,211
Maximum effort.
1750
01:29:42,795 --> 01:29:44,088
(BOTH GRUNTING)
1751
01:29:48,342 --> 01:29:50,094
Who says you can't
go home again?
1752
01:29:52,221 --> 01:29:53,306
(ALL GRUNTING)
1753
01:29:58,811 --> 01:30:00,730
(SCREAMS)
CHILDREN: Oh!
1754
01:30:07,236 --> 01:30:08,237
CHILDREN: Yeah!
1755
01:30:10,448 --> 01:30:11,783
Say it.
1756
01:30:12,158 --> 01:30:15,203
Say what you said
every time you tortured me!
1757
01:30:15,745 --> 01:30:16,746
Say it!
1758
01:30:16,829 --> 01:30:19,749
Blessed are the wicked
who are healed by my hand!
1759
01:30:21,042 --> 01:30:22,627
Blessed are the wicked...
1760
01:30:23,169 --> 01:30:24,378
who are healed...
1761
01:30:24,879 --> 01:30:26,380
by my hand.
1762
01:30:27,548 --> 01:30:28,633
(YELLS)
1763
01:30:38,643 --> 01:30:40,019
(BOTH GRUNTING)
1764
01:30:44,482 --> 01:30:46,192
You commie motherfucker!
1765
01:30:50,363 --> 01:30:51,531
(CHILDREN CHEERING)
1766
01:30:52,782 --> 01:30:53,783
(SPITS)
1767
01:30:53,866 --> 01:30:55,409
(YELLS)
1768
01:31:00,957 --> 01:31:01,958
(GROANS)
1769
01:31:13,177 --> 01:31:14,937
DEADPOOL: Oh, my God.
Did you feel that, too?
1770
01:31:15,763 --> 01:31:17,974
Only best buddies
execute pedophiles together.
1771
01:31:21,018 --> 01:31:23,354
You got 30 seconds,
you jabbering butt plug!
1772
01:31:23,437 --> 01:31:24,564
Now we're getting it.
1773
01:31:27,191 --> 01:31:28,317
(SPEAKS RUSSIAN)
1774
01:31:29,277 --> 01:31:31,529
I need a bus
to get you all out of here.
1775
01:31:31,612 --> 01:31:32,613
(GASPS)
1776
01:31:33,447 --> 01:31:35,032
(CAR ALARM WAILING)
1777
01:31:36,868 --> 01:31:37,910
Orphans.
1778
01:31:39,078 --> 01:31:40,288
Oh, geez.
1779
01:31:41,706 --> 01:31:44,292
It's time to burn
for what you've done!
1780
01:31:44,375 --> 01:31:46,878
A child should not be burdened
with such power!
1781
01:31:54,427 --> 01:31:55,595
(RUSSELL GRUNTS)
1782
01:31:55,678 --> 01:31:56,762
Russell! Wait!
1783
01:32:02,852 --> 01:32:04,020
DEADPOOL: Oh!
1784
01:32:11,360 --> 01:32:13,321
Wait! He hasn't killed
anyone yet!
1785
01:32:13,487 --> 01:32:15,507
What more do you need to see?
Don't you fucking dare!
1786
01:32:15,531 --> 01:32:16,616
He's just a kid!
1787
01:32:16,782 --> 01:32:18,659
Tick, tock. Meter's running!
1788
01:32:28,002 --> 01:32:29,295
(COLOSSUS GROANS)
1789
01:32:31,339 --> 01:32:34,383
I'm gonna melt you down
and make a cock ring.
1790
01:32:39,805 --> 01:32:40,973
(GRUNTS)
1791
01:32:42,141 --> 01:32:43,476
(GROWLS)
1792
01:32:46,187 --> 01:32:47,605
(GRUNTS)
1793
01:32:47,980 --> 01:32:49,857
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
(GROANING)
1794
01:32:54,779 --> 01:32:57,323
I told you! Leave me alone!
Come on!
1795
01:32:57,406 --> 01:32:58,407
Listen to me!
1796
01:33:01,577 --> 01:33:02,954
(RUSSELL SCREAMING)
1797
01:33:04,247 --> 01:33:06,624
(BOTH GRUNTING)
1798
01:33:09,043 --> 01:33:10,211
(GRUNTS)
1799
01:33:22,056 --> 01:33:23,891
COLOSSUS: (SCOFFS)
That's how we do it
1800
01:33:23,975 --> 01:33:25,434
in Mother Russia.
1801
01:33:26,560 --> 01:33:27,561
(GROANS)
1802
01:33:27,645 --> 01:33:30,189
They say millennials are
the hardest to reach.
1803
01:33:31,565 --> 01:33:34,777
CABLE: Oh, no.
You're doing amazing.
1804
01:33:34,860 --> 01:33:35,987
(GROWLS)
1805
01:33:36,070 --> 01:33:38,572
Damn, it feels good
to be a gangsta!
1806
01:33:38,990 --> 01:33:40,700
Go home, Wade!
1807
01:33:40,950 --> 01:33:42,785
You're ruining everything!
1808
01:33:48,040 --> 01:33:49,375
I'm getting good
at this shit.
1809
01:33:49,500 --> 01:33:50,543
DEADPOOL: Go, go, go!
1810
01:33:50,793 --> 01:33:51,961
(GRUNTS)
1811
01:33:54,046 --> 01:33:55,840
He dies tonight, Wade.
1812
01:33:56,048 --> 01:33:57,550
You can't stop me!
1813
01:33:58,634 --> 01:34:00,314
CABLE: He even runs
like a fucking pervert.
1814
01:34:00,553 --> 01:34:03,306
Like an online predator
who lost his laptop.
1815
01:34:04,724 --> 01:34:06,124
There's one bullet left
in that gun.
1816
01:34:06,267 --> 01:34:08,144
Wait, wait, wait!
Please, just give me a second!
1817
01:34:08,311 --> 01:34:09,645
I got this.
1818
01:34:09,812 --> 01:34:11,856
Russell!
Stay back! Go home, Wade!
1819
01:34:12,106 --> 01:34:14,150
Let's talk. It doesn't
have to go this way!
1820
01:34:14,734 --> 01:34:16,027
That piece of shit...
1821
01:34:16,527 --> 01:34:18,167
he deserves to die
for what he did to you.
1822
01:34:18,279 --> 01:34:21,657
He hurt you badly.
Makes you wanna hurt others.
1823
01:34:22,533 --> 01:34:24,201
But if you kill him,
he wins.
1824
01:34:24,285 --> 01:34:27,788
You become everything
he says you are, but worse.
1825
01:34:28,289 --> 01:34:29,749
You're just a kid.
1826
01:34:30,333 --> 01:34:31,959
You don't wanna hurt anyone.
1827
01:34:32,126 --> 01:34:33,252
How do you know
what I want?
1828
01:34:33,419 --> 01:34:34,962
Because I've been inside you.
1829
01:34:35,671 --> 01:34:36,964
That came out wrong.
1830
01:34:37,631 --> 01:34:39,216
I've been inside your shoes.
1831
01:34:39,383 --> 01:34:41,135
Which is also off-putting.
1832
01:34:41,302 --> 01:34:42,636
It's not a great analogy.
1833
01:34:42,803 --> 01:34:44,221
The point is...
1834
01:34:44,680 --> 01:34:46,265
there are people...
1835
01:34:46,432 --> 01:34:49,310
There are people
in this fucking world...
1836
01:34:49,518 --> 01:34:52,104
besides him,
who will treat you right.
1837
01:34:52,271 --> 01:34:54,899
It isn't too late.
Don't do it.
1838
01:35:00,404 --> 01:35:02,782
I never should've left
you there.
1839
01:35:04,533 --> 01:35:06,410
I never should've left you
in that prison.
1840
01:35:13,501 --> 01:35:14,794
I can't trust you.
1841
01:35:16,504 --> 01:35:18,881
I can't trust anybody!
1842
01:35:19,924 --> 01:35:21,300
(GROANING)
1843
01:35:28,057 --> 01:35:29,100
Wonderful kid.
1844
01:35:29,475 --> 01:35:31,143
RUSSELL:
You can't stop me, Wade!
1845
01:35:31,227 --> 01:35:32,436
(DEADPOOL GROANS)
1846
01:35:33,396 --> 01:35:35,523
I got one more idea.
1847
01:35:35,689 --> 01:35:38,484
It's just a really bad one,
even for me.
1848
01:35:38,651 --> 01:35:39,735
Wade, what are you doing?
1849
01:35:39,902 --> 01:35:41,622
All right. This is for
all the marbles, kid!
1850
01:35:42,279 --> 01:35:43,989
You're gonna kill
someone today...
1851
01:35:44,407 --> 01:35:45,699
Blessed are the wicked...
1852
01:35:45,866 --> 01:35:47,785
...then it's gotta be me.
1853
01:35:48,869 --> 01:35:50,788
...who are healed by my hand!
1854
01:35:53,958 --> 01:35:56,335
(MOUTHS) Fuck this!
1855
01:35:57,711 --> 01:35:59,713
(TOMORROW PLAYING)
1856
01:36:00,631 --> 01:36:03,551
GIRL: (SINGING)
The sun will come out tomorrow
1857
01:36:04,218 --> 01:36:08,347
Bet your bottom dollar
that tomorrow
1858
01:36:08,722 --> 01:36:11,183
There'll be sun
1859
01:36:11,976 --> 01:36:17,773
When I'm stuck with a day
that's gray and lonely
1860
01:36:18,190 --> 01:36:24,989
I just stick out my chin
and grin and say
1861
01:36:31,495 --> 01:36:34,665
The sun will come out tomorrow
1862
01:36:34,999 --> 01:36:39,044
So you gotta hang on
till tomorrow
1863
01:36:39,712 --> 01:36:42,715
Come what may
1864
01:36:43,048 --> 01:36:48,053
Tomorrow, tomorrow
I love ya, tomorrow
1865
01:36:48,429 --> 01:36:53,434
You're always a day away
1866
01:36:54,768 --> 01:36:56,645
(GROANS)
1867
01:36:57,021 --> 01:36:59,982
Tell me they got that
in slow motion.
1868
01:37:01,859 --> 01:37:03,360
(DEADPOOL COUGHING)
1869
01:37:05,070 --> 01:37:06,447
Oh, that's not good.
1870
01:37:08,032 --> 01:37:09,700
No, sir.
1871
01:37:17,082 --> 01:37:20,002
You sacrificed yourself
for me.
1872
01:37:20,419 --> 01:37:21,462
Yeah.
1873
01:37:21,629 --> 01:37:23,839
And it was the best thing
I ever did.
1874
01:37:24,006 --> 01:37:25,341
(COUGHING)
1875
01:37:25,925 --> 01:37:27,885
I told you
I care about you.
1876
01:37:27,968 --> 01:37:29,720
You're a good kid, Russell.
1877
01:37:31,597 --> 01:37:32,681
Hey.
1878
01:37:34,016 --> 01:37:35,142
The bear.
1879
01:37:35,226 --> 01:37:36,519
It worked.
1880
01:37:43,651 --> 01:37:45,069
Because of you.
1881
01:37:45,236 --> 01:37:47,488
No, Wade, because of you.
1882
01:37:48,447 --> 01:37:50,407
Stop, stop, stop!
1883
01:37:50,491 --> 01:37:51,659
Stop!
1884
01:37:52,910 --> 01:37:55,371
Just let it happen, okay?
1885
01:37:55,913 --> 01:37:58,832
I guess my heart was finally
in the right place.
1886
01:37:59,124 --> 01:38:01,544
(GROANS) That riddle
is so fucked up.
1887
01:38:04,338 --> 01:38:06,340
(GROANS, COUGHS)
1888
01:38:06,715 --> 01:38:09,218
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
1889
01:38:09,301 --> 01:38:10,594
Don't be. Don't be.
1890
01:38:10,678 --> 01:38:12,598
I've been trying to make
this happen for a while.
1891
01:38:13,013 --> 01:38:14,557
Please, just don't leave me.
1892
01:38:14,640 --> 01:38:16,141
I don't wanna die
without an audience.
1893
01:38:16,308 --> 01:38:17,893
We are not going anywhere.
1894
01:38:18,060 --> 01:38:20,145
WADE: Oh, God, I hope
the Academy is watching.
1895
01:38:20,229 --> 01:38:21,272
Just rest, okay?
1896
01:38:23,190 --> 01:38:24,275
Papa.
1897
01:38:26,485 --> 01:38:28,362
(SINGING)
Papa, can you hear me?
1898
01:38:30,656 --> 01:38:36,662
Papa, can you find me
in the night?
1899
01:38:57,933 --> 01:38:59,184
Before I go... (COUGHS)
1900
01:38:59,727 --> 01:39:01,437
Sorry, I got a bit more in me.
1901
01:39:02,021 --> 01:39:03,147
Domino.
1902
01:39:03,314 --> 01:39:07,818
I want you to have
my Adventure Time watch.
1903
01:39:07,901 --> 01:39:09,361
(WADE COUGHING)
1904
01:39:10,362 --> 01:39:13,240
Turns out
that I'm the lucky one.
1905
01:39:13,991 --> 01:39:15,117
Thank you.
1906
01:39:16,452 --> 01:39:19,371
Hey, Sabrina,
the Teenage Witch.
1907
01:39:19,997 --> 01:39:22,082
It has been a pleasure.
1908
01:39:23,709 --> 01:39:26,420
Hi, Yukio.
Hi, Wade!
1909
01:39:26,503 --> 01:39:27,963
(CHUCKLES)
1910
01:39:28,339 --> 01:39:29,548
And you...
1911
01:39:30,090 --> 01:39:31,216
Chrome Bone.
1912
01:39:32,134 --> 01:39:34,511
I haven't always been
the best friend to you.
1913
01:39:35,095 --> 01:39:37,348
But you've always been
that to me.
1914
01:39:37,514 --> 01:39:38,807
So thank you.
1915
01:39:40,976 --> 01:39:42,561
Say "fuck" for me.
1916
01:39:43,395 --> 01:39:44,647
Just once. Come on,
1917
01:39:44,730 --> 01:39:46,250
we'll do it together.
It's no big deal.
1918
01:39:46,398 --> 01:39:49,401
Here we go. One, two, three.
F... F... F...
1919
01:39:49,485 --> 01:39:50,486
Fuck.
1920
01:39:50,653 --> 01:39:53,947
Wow! Enjoy hell, swamp mouth.
(CHUCKLES)
1921
01:39:55,407 --> 01:39:57,618
And you, Cable. (COUGHS)
1922
01:39:58,535 --> 01:40:02,206
You get back to your family.
You tell 'em Wade says hi.
1923
01:40:03,082 --> 01:40:06,210
And promise me.
Promise me one thing.
1924
01:40:06,752 --> 01:40:08,128
That you'll start
judging people...
1925
01:40:08,212 --> 01:40:09,546
not by the color
of their skin,
1926
01:40:09,630 --> 01:40:11,423
but by the content
of their character.
1927
01:40:12,257 --> 01:40:13,759
Jesus.
WADE: R-Dog?
1928
01:40:15,052 --> 01:40:16,929
There you are. Hey!
1929
01:40:17,554 --> 01:40:19,223
You're a superhero now, bubba.
1930
01:40:20,724 --> 01:40:21,809
Look.
1931
01:40:22,101 --> 01:40:24,728
Family is not an F-word.
1932
01:40:25,521 --> 01:40:26,730
All right?
1933
01:40:26,855 --> 01:40:28,732
There's one out there for you.
(COUGHS)
1934
01:40:29,316 --> 01:40:31,026
Just keep looking, okay?
1935
01:40:34,488 --> 01:40:37,241
Guys, for a second there...
1936
01:40:38,075 --> 01:40:40,744
we made a pretty good team.
1937
01:40:46,250 --> 01:40:47,835
(SIGHS)
1938
01:40:55,259 --> 01:40:57,261
Oh, it's so hard to go.
1939
01:40:57,678 --> 01:40:58,679
(WHINES)
1940
01:40:58,762 --> 01:41:01,140
I just love being around
you guys so much.
1941
01:41:02,224 --> 01:41:03,475
So, so much.
1942
01:41:04,184 --> 01:41:05,269
Mmm.
1943
01:41:05,602 --> 01:41:07,771
No, I can feel it now.
Here it comes, yeah.
1944
01:41:08,480 --> 01:41:12,234
I feel the soul
exiting the husk.
1945
01:41:12,401 --> 01:41:13,402
Yeah.
1946
01:41:15,070 --> 01:41:16,905
Can you see it?
1947
01:41:17,698 --> 01:41:19,867
Do you see
that beautiful bright light?
1948
01:41:21,326 --> 01:41:22,494
There it is.
1949
01:41:28,751 --> 01:41:29,960
Oh, that's the sun.
1950
01:41:30,043 --> 01:41:31,879
Don't stare
directly into that.
1951
01:41:32,129 --> 01:41:33,464
I just have
a few final words.
1952
01:41:33,547 --> 01:41:34,673
(EXHALES)
1953
01:41:35,716 --> 01:41:37,092
Woodpecker.
1954
01:41:37,885 --> 01:41:39,219
Gingivitis.
1955
01:41:41,263 --> 01:41:42,639
Codswallop.
1956
01:41:46,977 --> 01:41:49,229
Do You Want to
Build a Snowman?
1957
01:42:16,590 --> 01:42:18,801
(TAKE ON ME PLAYING)
1958
01:42:28,018 --> 01:42:30,521
We're talking away
1959
01:42:31,897 --> 01:42:34,566
I don't know
what I'm to say
1960
01:42:34,733 --> 01:42:37,653
I'll say it anyway
1961
01:42:38,529 --> 01:42:42,491
Today's another day
to find you
1962
01:42:43,116 --> 01:42:44,910
Shying away
1963
01:42:46,328 --> 01:42:49,414
I'll be coming
for your love, okay?
1964
01:42:49,790 --> 01:42:54,336
Take on me
1965
01:42:57,339 --> 01:43:02,344
Take me on
1966
01:43:03,804 --> 01:43:04,972
Sorry I'm late.
1967
01:43:05,222 --> 01:43:06,723
There was a bunch
1968
01:43:06,807 --> 01:43:08,284
of handicapable children
who were stuck in a tree.
1969
01:43:08,308 --> 01:43:09,518
No.
No.
1970
01:43:10,602 --> 01:43:13,272
But I did have to help a kid.
Yeah.
1971
01:43:13,730 --> 01:43:15,607
He's got a terrible name.
It's just awful.
1972
01:43:15,691 --> 01:43:16,692
Ugh.
I tried to tell him.
1973
01:43:19,027 --> 01:43:20,404
Is this heaven?
1974
01:43:21,280 --> 01:43:22,489
It is now.
1975
01:43:25,993 --> 01:43:27,870
I am so sorry.
1976
01:43:28,662 --> 01:43:29,997
VANESSA: It's okay.
1977
01:43:30,706 --> 01:43:33,959
Slowly learning
that life is okay
1978
01:43:34,793 --> 01:43:36,920
Say after me
1979
01:43:38,130 --> 01:43:41,633
It's no better to be safe
than sorry
1980
01:43:42,259 --> 01:43:46,722
Take on me
1981
01:43:49,850 --> 01:43:51,727
I missed you so much.
1982
01:43:57,316 --> 01:43:58,984
What is it? What's wrong?
1983
01:44:00,903 --> 01:44:02,362
It's not time.
1984
01:44:02,988 --> 01:44:04,865
What do you mean
it's not time?
1985
01:44:05,032 --> 01:44:06,533
I'm here, I made it.
1986
01:44:06,783 --> 01:44:08,368
You can't stay.
No, no, no.
1987
01:44:08,535 --> 01:44:11,079
I'm staying. I'm not going
anywhere without you.
1988
01:44:11,163 --> 01:44:12,164
It's okay.
1989
01:44:12,664 --> 01:44:15,500
There's a time for us.
It's just not now.
1990
01:44:16,501 --> 01:44:18,962
They need you.
Who?
1991
01:44:21,089 --> 01:44:22,382
VANESSA: Your F-word.
1992
01:44:23,592 --> 01:44:24,593
WADE: Why?
1993
01:44:24,927 --> 01:44:26,720
VANESSA: You'll find out.
1994
01:44:27,679 --> 01:44:29,598
It's all right. I'll be here.
1995
01:44:30,974 --> 01:44:32,225
I love you.
1996
01:44:34,645 --> 01:44:37,064
I know. I love you, too.
1997
01:44:37,898 --> 01:44:38,899
Now, go.
1998
01:44:40,108 --> 01:44:42,110
Go on. Go, get out of here.
1999
01:44:43,153 --> 01:44:44,154
Go.
2000
01:44:47,032 --> 01:44:48,033
Hey!
2001
01:44:51,036 --> 01:44:53,205
Kiss me
like you miss me, Red.
2002
01:44:53,830 --> 01:44:54,957
Well, come here.
2003
01:44:57,292 --> 01:45:02,464
Take me on
2004
01:45:04,675 --> 01:45:09,513
I'll be gone
2005
01:45:10,847 --> 01:45:14,226
In a day or two
2006
01:45:14,351 --> 01:45:15,769
Don't fuck Elvis.
2007
01:45:15,978 --> 01:45:17,813
Don't fuck Colossus.
What?
2008
01:45:22,651 --> 01:45:24,152
(SCREAMING)
2009
01:45:27,698 --> 01:45:28,898
Time to make the chimichangas.
2010
01:45:28,991 --> 01:45:29,992
30 seconds.
2011
01:45:30,158 --> 01:45:31,368
Hey. Been meaning
to ask you...
2012
01:45:31,451 --> 01:45:33,829
what's with the creepy,
dirty hobo bear?
2013
01:45:33,912 --> 01:45:35,664
It's my daughter's
teddy bear.
2014
01:45:35,747 --> 01:45:36,957
Her name's Hope.
2015
01:45:37,040 --> 01:45:38,166
DEADPOOL: Well...
2016
01:45:39,209 --> 01:45:41,003
What are you doing?
2017
01:45:41,128 --> 01:45:42,713
Somebody swiped right.
2018
01:45:42,963 --> 01:45:44,715
(FAST-FORWARDING)
2019
01:45:53,473 --> 01:45:54,850
(GROANS)
2020
01:45:55,350 --> 01:45:57,686
Tell me they got that
in slow motion.
2021
01:45:58,103 --> 01:45:59,688
(DEADPOOL GROANS)
2022
01:46:01,273 --> 01:46:02,858
RUSSELL: You sacrificed
yourself for me.
2023
01:46:02,941 --> 01:46:04,443
DEADPOOL: It would seem I...
2024
01:46:06,945 --> 01:46:08,071
Huh?
2025
01:46:08,905 --> 01:46:11,241
Genuine, high-grade lead.
2026
01:46:13,452 --> 01:46:16,371
You time-sliding
son of a bitch!
2027
01:46:16,538 --> 01:46:18,123
You did this for me?
2028
01:46:20,000 --> 01:46:22,502
Wait. You can't go back.
2029
01:46:23,128 --> 01:46:24,379
You used
the last of your fuel.
2030
01:46:24,463 --> 01:46:26,089
What about your girl,
your wife?
2031
01:46:26,256 --> 01:46:29,509
Now, my family's safe.
And I didn't do it for you.
2032
01:46:30,969 --> 01:46:33,305
No, I'm gonna stick around
for a while...
2033
01:46:33,388 --> 01:46:34,598
and make sure the world
2034
01:46:34,681 --> 01:46:36,391
doesn't shit itself
into oblivion.
2035
01:46:37,184 --> 01:46:40,062
No. You did it for me.
2036
01:46:40,812 --> 01:46:42,147
No, I didn't.
2037
01:46:42,314 --> 01:46:43,607
You did.
I really didn't.
2038
01:46:43,774 --> 01:46:45,614
Pretty sure you did.
No, I'm positive I didn't.
2039
01:46:45,650 --> 01:46:47,319
Fine. All right,
let's flip a coin. Okay?
2040
01:46:47,486 --> 01:46:50,030
Heads, you did it for me.
Tails, you did it for me.
2041
01:46:50,197 --> 01:46:52,657
I'm not even gonna look,
because you did it for me.
2042
01:46:53,158 --> 01:46:54,159
Say it again.
2043
01:46:54,242 --> 01:46:55,702
He did it for me.
CABLE: Jesus.
2044
01:46:55,952 --> 01:46:57,805
We must get the collar off.
Forget it. It's no use.
2045
01:46:57,829 --> 01:46:59,581
These collars
don't just come off.
2046
01:46:59,706 --> 01:47:00,707
Wade.
2047
01:47:01,291 --> 01:47:02,918
I have an idea.
2048
01:47:03,251 --> 01:47:05,253
No, no, no!
Let's not do that. Please!
2049
01:47:05,420 --> 01:47:07,714
I'd rather die of cancer.
Let's just...
2050
01:47:07,881 --> 01:47:10,926
Oh, God! They do say the pen
is grosser than the sword.
2051
01:47:11,009 --> 01:47:13,261
(COLLAR BUZZING)
RUSSELL: We need the code.
2052
01:47:13,428 --> 01:47:15,222
Try, uh, seven?
2053
01:47:15,388 --> 01:47:16,848
DEADPOOL: Settle down,
Captain Lucky.
2054
01:47:17,015 --> 01:47:18,350
It's not gonna be one number.
2055
01:47:18,517 --> 01:47:19,637
Oh, God,
that's lazy writing.
2056
01:47:20,602 --> 01:47:21,937
I still got it.
2057
01:47:23,188 --> 01:47:24,397
(DEADPOOL GROANS)
2058
01:47:24,940 --> 01:47:26,900
Put that back
in your prison wallet.
2059
01:47:28,652 --> 01:47:30,403
I don't know
how to thank you.
2060
01:47:30,570 --> 01:47:32,072
But I do know
how to hug you.
2061
01:47:32,531 --> 01:47:33,698
No.
Yes.
2062
01:47:33,865 --> 01:47:35,325
Here we go. Bring it in.
2063
01:47:35,408 --> 01:47:36,409
Come on.
2064
01:47:36,535 --> 01:47:37,828
Pelvis to pelvis.
2065
01:47:37,994 --> 01:47:39,246
Let's go tip to tip.
2066
01:47:39,412 --> 01:47:41,915
There we go.
The kids call this docking.
2067
01:47:41,998 --> 01:47:43,416
(KNIFE UNSHEATHES)
2068
01:47:43,667 --> 01:47:44,747
Is there a knife
in my dick?
2069
01:47:44,876 --> 01:47:47,116
There's a knife in your dick.
I'm just gonna back up now.
2070
01:47:47,212 --> 01:47:48,880
Yeah, yeah.
No need to go full Yentl.
2071
01:47:49,047 --> 01:47:51,716
Gonna pretend
like that never happened.
2072
01:47:51,883 --> 01:47:53,802
Let's go home, Russell.
2073
01:47:57,472 --> 01:47:59,683
All you dirty mutants
2074
01:47:59,766 --> 01:48:01,726
are gonna rot in hell
with the boy!
2075
01:48:01,893 --> 01:48:04,855
Your souls
are beyond redemption!
2076
01:48:05,021 --> 01:48:06,189
Let's see your soul, perv!
2077
01:48:06,356 --> 01:48:09,067
No, no! No! No more!
We're better than that!
2078
01:48:09,234 --> 01:48:10,318
We're better than him!
2079
01:48:10,485 --> 01:48:13,029
No more senseless violence!
No more bloodshed!
2080
01:48:13,196 --> 01:48:14,656
We'll let karma
take care of him.
2081
01:48:14,865 --> 01:48:17,826
The day of reckoning
is here!
2082
01:48:18,785 --> 01:48:20,036
(TIRES SCREECHING)
2083
01:48:20,162 --> 01:48:21,329
(CRASHING)
2084
01:48:27,169 --> 01:48:29,171
I'm gonna miss him.
He seemed great.
2085
01:48:29,296 --> 01:48:30,463
Whoo!
2086
01:48:30,547 --> 01:48:32,048
Courage, motherfuckers!
2087
01:48:32,257 --> 01:48:33,383
And karma, motherfucker.
2088
01:48:33,592 --> 01:48:35,236
DEADPOOL: I could hear you
coming the last 30 seconds.
2089
01:48:35,260 --> 01:48:37,137
I could barely keep
a straight face. (LAUGHS)
2090
01:48:37,304 --> 01:48:39,014
I want some more.
2091
01:48:39,222 --> 01:48:40,765
I bet you do, Brown Panther.
2092
01:48:40,932 --> 01:48:43,935
We should leave
before Fuckernaut wakes up.
2093
01:48:44,519 --> 01:48:46,646
Good call.
You guys coming with us?
2094
01:48:46,855 --> 01:48:48,648
No, we'll get the kids
back to the mansion.
2095
01:48:48,815 --> 01:48:50,108
Besides, we're X-Men.
2096
01:48:50,400 --> 01:48:52,944
No, you're X-People.
2097
01:48:53,111 --> 01:48:54,279
You're exhausting.
2098
01:48:54,571 --> 01:48:56,406
I see what you did there.
Puns.
2099
01:48:56,948 --> 01:48:59,159
Bye, Wade!
Bye, Yukio!
2100
01:48:59,326 --> 01:49:00,327
(WE BELONG PLAYING)
2101
01:49:01,703 --> 01:49:02,746
DEADPOOL: What do you get
2102
01:49:02,829 --> 01:49:03,973
when you take
eight feet of chrome...
2103
01:49:03,997 --> 01:49:05,040
one pinch of courage...
2104
01:49:05,207 --> 01:49:06,333
a cup of good luck...
2105
01:49:06,499 --> 01:49:07,918
a dab of racism...
2106
01:49:08,084 --> 01:49:09,169
a splash of diabetes...
2107
01:49:09,336 --> 01:49:11,671
and a wheelbarrow
full of stage four cancer?
2108
01:49:12,088 --> 01:49:14,257
Answer: a family.
2109
01:49:14,841 --> 01:49:17,844
See? I didn't lie
what kind of film this was.
2110
01:49:18,011 --> 01:49:19,363
If there's anything
you take away today...
2111
01:49:19,387 --> 01:49:22,432
other than the need to Google,
"What the fuck is dubstep?"...
2112
01:49:22,515 --> 01:49:25,310
it's that we all need
to belong to someone.
2113
01:51:22,510 --> 01:51:24,262
How something
so small generates
2114
01:51:24,346 --> 01:51:26,181
enough energy
to reverse time is...
2115
01:51:26,264 --> 01:51:28,224
Oh, just fix it, Eleven,
2116
01:51:28,308 --> 01:51:30,352
or I'll take it
to the Genius Bar.
2117
01:51:30,602 --> 01:51:31,829
Cable's gonna kill you
when he finds out.
2118
01:51:31,853 --> 01:51:32,854
Never heard of him.
2119
01:51:32,937 --> 01:51:34,397
Why do you think
I'm helping him?
2120
01:51:35,690 --> 01:51:37,901
The Lord works
in mysterious ways,
2121
01:51:37,984 --> 01:51:39,986
don't I? A good day.
2122
01:51:40,945 --> 01:51:41,946
Bye, Wade!
2123
01:51:42,447 --> 01:51:43,448
Bye, Yukio!
2124
01:51:44,783 --> 01:51:46,993
That was probably a bad idea.
2125
01:51:47,327 --> 01:51:48,453
What have we done?
2126
01:51:49,245 --> 01:51:51,247
(IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME
PLAYING)
2127
01:52:06,846 --> 01:52:08,723
I hope we sharpened
the cream cheese spreader.
2128
01:52:08,973 --> 01:52:10,350
(BOTH PANTING)
(GASPS)
2129
01:52:19,067 --> 01:52:20,527
I'll be right back!
2130
01:52:22,487 --> 01:52:25,031
We're definitely naming
our kid Cher!
2131
01:52:25,407 --> 01:52:26,408
Whoo!
2132
01:52:28,243 --> 01:52:29,494
DEADPOOL: Peter!
2133
01:52:29,661 --> 01:52:31,037
Whoo! X-Force!
2134
01:52:31,246 --> 01:52:33,456
Walk away! Just walk away!
2135
01:52:34,290 --> 01:52:35,500
But we're X-Force!
2136
01:52:35,583 --> 01:52:37,043
Nope! We're not,
there's no X-Force!
2137
01:52:37,293 --> 01:52:40,130
All right, well,
this has been pretty scary!
2138
01:52:40,713 --> 01:52:42,966
Go home, Sugarbear.
Go home.
2139
01:52:43,591 --> 01:52:46,177
Okay. Will you give
Domino my email?
2140
01:52:55,395 --> 01:52:57,188
Wade, is that you?
2141
01:52:59,524 --> 01:53:00,859
I guess Stryker finally
2142
01:53:00,942 --> 01:53:02,235
figured out
how to shut you up.
2143
01:53:05,155 --> 01:53:06,531
(GUNSHOT)
2144
01:53:08,908 --> 01:53:11,995
Hey! It's me!
Don't scratch!
2145
01:53:12,162 --> 01:53:14,080
Just cleaning up
the timelines!
2146
01:53:14,372 --> 01:53:15,707
(GUNSHOTS)
2147
01:53:19,002 --> 01:53:20,295
(WHISPERS) Love you!
2148
01:53:22,755 --> 01:53:24,048
Welcome to
the big leagues, kid.
2149
01:53:25,633 --> 01:53:26,634
(GUNSHOT)
2150
01:53:31,556 --> 01:53:33,391
You're welcome, Canada.
2151
01:54:54,138 --> 01:54:56,099
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
2152
01:58:40,573 --> 01:58:42,158
(CHOIR SINGING)
149653
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