subtitlecat.com

All language subtitles for Shameless.Hall.of.Shame.S01E02.WEBRip.x264-ION10

Afrikaans

Akan

Albanian

Amharic

Arabic

Armenian

Azerbaijani

Basque

Belarusian

Bemba

Bengali

Bihari

Bosnian

Breton

Bulgarian

Cambodian

Catalan

Cebuano

Cherokee

Chichewa

Chinese (Simplified)

Chinese (Traditional)

Corsican

Croatian

Czech

Danish

Dutch Download

English Download

Esperanto

Estonian

Ewe

Faroese

Filipino

Finnish

French Download

Frisian

Galician

Georgian

German

Greek

Guarani

Gujarati

Haitian Creole

Hausa

Hawaiian

Hebrew

Hindi

Hmong

Hungarian

Icelandic

Igbo

Indonesian

Interlingua

Irish

Italian

Japanese

Javanese

Kannada

Kazakh

Kinyarwanda

Kirundi

Kongo

Korean

Krio (Sierra Leone)

Kurdish

Kurdish (Soranî)

Kyrgyz

Laothian

Latin

Latvian

Lingala

Lithuanian

Lozi

Luganda

Luo

Luxembourgish

Macedonian

Malagasy

Malay

Malayalam

Maltese

Maori

Marathi

Mauritian Creole

Moldavian

Mongolian

Myanmar (Burmese)

Montenegrin

Nepali

Nigerian Pidgin

Northern Sotho

Norwegian

Norwegian (Nynorsk)

Occitan

Oriya

Oromo

Pashto

Persian

Polish

Portuguese (Brazil)

Portuguese (Portugal) Download

Punjabi

Quechua

Romanian

Romansh

Runyakitara

Russian

Samoan

Scots Gaelic

Serbian

Serbo-Croatian

Sesotho

Setswana

Seychellois Creole

Shona

Sindhi

Sinhalese

Slovak

Slovenian

Somali

Spanish Download

Spanish (Latin American)

Sundanese

Swahili

Swedish

Tajik

Tamil

Tatar

Telugu

Thai

Tigrinya

Tonga

Tshiluba

Tumbuka

Turkish

Turkmen

Twi

Uighur

Ukrainian

Urdu

Uzbek

Vietnamese Download

Welsh

Wolof

Xhosa

Yiddish

Yoruba

Zulu

Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,798 --> 00:00:09,926 rock/pop music 2 00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:26,985 rock music 3 00:00:28,485 --> 00:00:30,070 Na, na, na, na 4 00:00:30,113 --> 00:00:31,948 Na, na, na, na 5 00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:34,283 Na, na, na, na, na, hey, hey, hey... 6 00:00:34,325 --> 00:00:35,909 [Kev] Morning, Billy. 7 00:00:35,951 --> 00:00:37,370 Three bucks a shot. 8 00:00:37,412 --> 00:00:38,747 Steady just watch 9 00:00:38,787 --> 00:00:40,539 Hands up high as confetti gets dropped 10 00:00:40,581 --> 00:00:42,250 Go, go, can't be stopped 11 00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:44,585 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah 12 00:00:44,626 --> 00:00:45,754 Ready or not... 13 00:00:45,795 --> 00:00:48,673 I got Oxy, Vicodin, Percocet, 14 00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:51,968 Xanax, Adderall, morphine, and Valium. 15 00:00:52,009 --> 00:00:55,055 Five bucks a pill, less if you buy in bulk. 16 00:00:55,096 --> 00:00:56,305 [Kev] No, no, no, no. 17 00:00:56,346 --> 00:00:57,599 If I can't buy my girlfriend's mom drinks, 18 00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:58,891 what good am I? 19 00:00:58,932 --> 00:01:00,643 No damn good. 20 00:01:00,685 --> 00:01:01,602 What do you call that? 21 00:01:01,644 --> 00:01:03,396 Death. Bottoms up. 22 00:01:03,438 --> 00:01:05,732 - [Tommy] Cheers. - Cheers. 23 00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:07,067 Motherfucker. 24 00:01:07,108 --> 00:01:09,110 Ready or not 25 00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:11,070 Here I come 26 00:01:11,111 --> 00:01:12,739 - Oh, shit. 27 00:01:13,990 --> 00:01:14,991 [Kev] Hey. 28 00:01:15,033 --> 00:01:16,408 [spluttering] 29 00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:22,039 -[thunk] -Aah! 30 00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:26,293 [Svetlana cries out] 31 00:01:26,335 --> 00:01:27,420 Gah! 32 00:01:27,461 --> 00:01:28,754 [Svetlana cries out] 33 00:01:28,796 --> 00:01:30,256 Should we try to stop them? 34 00:01:30,298 --> 00:01:31,465 Not until some clothes come off. 35 00:01:31,507 --> 00:01:32,801 Lenny, what the fuck, man? 36 00:01:32,841 --> 00:01:34,426 This isn't a litter box. 37 00:01:34,468 --> 00:01:35,637 Where did you dump the asbestos? 38 00:01:35,677 --> 00:01:36,929 You know what? You know what? 39 00:01:36,971 --> 00:01:38,264 Don't tell me. It's better that I don't know. 40 00:01:38,306 --> 00:01:39,848 [Veronica] How many mamas we know in the hood 41 00:01:39,890 --> 00:01:41,433 still feeding their babies titty milk? 42 00:01:41,476 --> 00:01:44,020 Whoa, no IV drugs. Pump it pure. 43 00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:45,354 [man] Where's the keg? 44 00:01:45,395 --> 00:01:48,525 A little early to be drinking, isn't it? 45 00:01:50,734 --> 00:01:52,402 A tough night for the new liver. 46 00:01:52,444 --> 00:01:54,280 How much you give me... for this? 47 00:01:54,322 --> 00:01:55,198 [dog whines] 48 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:57,032 Take him back right now, man. 49 00:01:57,074 --> 00:01:59,244 We left Billy here last night? 50 00:01:59,284 --> 00:02:01,204 I'm sorry about that, buddy. 51 00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:04,623 Oh, my God, he's dead. I touched a dead guy. 52 00:02:07,168 --> 00:02:10,129 all chanting in Russian 53 00:02:13,174 --> 00:02:16,510 Whoo-ee! 54 00:02:16,552 --> 00:02:18,221 Shift change. 55 00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:20,140 Russian hour is over. 56 00:02:20,181 --> 00:02:21,431 It's Kentucky time. 57 00:02:21,473 --> 00:02:23,476 Ladies and gentlemen, 58 00:02:23,518 --> 00:02:26,479 announcing the latest addition to the Ball family, 59 00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:27,896 Amy and Gemma! 60 00:02:27,938 --> 00:02:30,191 -Oh, nice! -[bargoers cheer] 61 00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:32,151 Why do you drink 62 00:02:32,193 --> 00:02:33,652 [all] To get drunk! 63 00:02:33,694 --> 00:02:35,989 And why do you all smoke 64 00:02:36,030 --> 00:02:37,365 [all] To get high! 65 00:02:40,075 --> 00:02:42,412 Now everybody 66 00:02:42,453 --> 00:02:43,705 Have you heard 67 00:02:43,746 --> 00:02:46,498 All right, place your bets. Thank you. 68 00:02:46,540 --> 00:02:47,792 Nine... 69 00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,710 -Thirty, thirty-one... -[Frank] Uh-oh. 70 00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:51,336 [Lip] Thirty-two... 71 00:02:51,378 --> 00:02:53,715 Oh! 72 00:02:53,756 --> 00:02:55,592 driving electronic music 73 00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:57,801 Do it! 74 00:02:57,843 --> 00:02:59,512 [groaning] 75 00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:00,805 [officiant] You may kiss the bride. 76 00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:01,972 Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! 77 00:03:05,143 --> 00:03:06,019 Yeah! 78 00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:08,020 [laughter] 79 00:03:16,236 --> 00:03:17,864 Do you wanna open a whorehouse? 80 00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:19,698 No, of course not. 81 00:03:19,741 --> 00:03:21,283 Just a rub and tug. 82 00:03:21,325 --> 00:03:23,328 Just wanna know if you, uh... 83 00:03:23,369 --> 00:03:25,205 want a hand job. 84 00:03:25,246 --> 00:03:28,457 Hey, hand me my phone, would you? 85 00:03:28,498 --> 00:03:31,419 Might wanna toss that minnow back into the lake, Lorenzo. 86 00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:34,254 Holy shit, look at the hog on Stan. 87 00:03:34,296 --> 00:03:35,715 I've heard rumors about that thing. 88 00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:37,217 [Kev] What's he doing with the belt around his neck 89 00:03:37,258 --> 00:03:38,383 while he's taking a piss? 90 00:03:38,425 --> 00:03:39,593 He was jacking off, Kev. 91 00:03:39,635 --> 00:03:41,221 And strangling himself at the same time. 92 00:03:41,262 --> 00:03:42,472 Why? 93 00:03:42,513 --> 00:03:43,472 'Cause it feels good. 94 00:03:43,514 --> 00:03:46,475 upbeat music 95 00:03:58,029 --> 00:03:59,030 [Velcro ripping sound] 96 00:03:59,071 --> 00:04:01,741 -Oh -[murmuring, snickering] 97 00:04:01,782 --> 00:04:04,244 You said we were all doing the full Monty. 98 00:04:08,121 --> 00:04:09,373 [Svetlana] Out. 99 00:04:17,047 --> 00:04:19,342 -[knock at door] -[Kev] City of Chicago says 100 00:04:19,383 --> 00:04:21,510 all bars are closed until further notice. 101 00:04:21,551 --> 00:04:22,720 -[pounding continues] -[Veronica] Go, go, go! 102 00:04:22,762 --> 00:04:23,845 Hide in the back. This is what we practiced. 103 00:04:23,888 --> 00:04:25,931 We are absolutely complying 104 00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:28,225 with the mayor's very smart decision 105 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:30,936 to close all bars and taverns. 106 00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:35,441 -[Frank] What the fuck, Kev? -Oh, my--come on. 107 00:04:35,482 --> 00:04:37,652 Hail, 'rona survivors! What? 108 00:04:37,693 --> 00:04:38,695 Where is everyone? 109 00:04:41,489 --> 00:04:43,782 rock music 110 00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:45,450 [telephone rings] 111 00:04:45,493 --> 00:04:46,869 It's our parent-teacher call, Kev. 112 00:04:46,910 --> 00:04:49,162 Okay, be right there. 113 00:04:49,205 --> 00:04:51,873 Okay, girls. Breakfast of champions. 114 00:04:51,916 --> 00:04:54,544 Have a good day at school. 115 00:04:54,585 --> 00:04:56,128 -[Veronica] Kev! -Coming. 116 00:04:57,755 --> 00:04:59,924 Hi, Mrs. Cardenas. How's it going? 117 00:04:59,965 --> 00:05:02,260 Good morning, Kev. I was just telling Veronica-- 118 00:05:02,301 --> 00:05:03,845 Amy is smart and Gemma's a dumbass. 119 00:05:03,885 --> 00:05:05,138 -What? -I didn't say it 120 00:05:05,179 --> 00:05:08,140 exactly like that, but...yes. 121 00:05:08,181 --> 00:05:10,310 Gemma's been falling behind in her schoolwork. 122 00:05:10,350 --> 00:05:12,477 There's schoolwork in kindergarten? 123 00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:16,732 Gemma's been logging off the Zoom call 124 00:05:16,773 --> 00:05:18,234 right after I take attendance. 125 00:05:18,275 --> 00:05:19,318 That's genius. 126 00:05:19,359 --> 00:05:21,070 -Kev. -That's wrong. 127 00:05:21,111 --> 00:05:23,071 Wrong, wrong, wrong. 128 00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:24,866 Is she watching a YouTube video? 129 00:05:24,907 --> 00:05:26,034 Looks that way from here. 130 00:05:26,075 --> 00:05:27,451 Children this age, most parents 131 00:05:27,493 --> 00:05:29,162 stay on the Zoom call with their kids. 132 00:05:29,203 --> 00:05:30,455 The whole time? 133 00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:32,164 That's, like, six hours of our day. 134 00:05:32,205 --> 00:05:34,792 If you want Gemma to keep up with the other children, 135 00:05:34,833 --> 00:05:37,587 I suggest you participate in her education. 136 00:05:39,589 --> 00:05:40,881 What work could they possibly have? 137 00:05:40,922 --> 00:05:42,008 It's kindergarten. 138 00:05:42,049 --> 00:05:43,885 -This is all my fault. -What is? 139 00:05:43,926 --> 00:05:46,262 Why Gemma's dumb. 140 00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:48,013 It's my eggs. I wasn't supposed to have kids 141 00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:50,015 in the first place. 142 00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:51,224 soft music 143 00:05:51,267 --> 00:05:52,727 I think we should have our own kid. 144 00:05:52,768 --> 00:05:53,936 Could we start right now? 145 00:05:53,977 --> 00:05:55,188 [laughs] 146 00:05:55,229 --> 00:05:56,104 [squeals] 147 00:05:56,147 --> 00:05:57,815 [Kev] Veronica... 148 00:05:57,857 --> 00:05:59,775 I got 20 minutes left on my break. 149 00:05:59,816 --> 00:06:01,068 That should give us enough time 150 00:06:01,109 --> 00:06:03,195 to go three times, easy. 151 00:06:03,236 --> 00:06:04,321 Just--hey. 152 00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:05,989 It's okay. I'll do all the work. 153 00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:07,450 -Maybe later. -Oh, come on. 154 00:06:07,491 --> 00:06:08,743 The best part about making a baby 155 00:06:08,784 --> 00:06:11,203 is you get to have sex while we're doing it. 156 00:06:11,244 --> 00:06:14,039 I need to know the truth. Can I have a damn baby or not? 157 00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:17,794 You have a 99.999 chance of not getting pregnant. 158 00:06:17,835 --> 00:06:22,047 jazzy music 159 00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:24,092 [Carol] So I'll just be carrying it, 160 00:06:24,133 --> 00:06:25,967 and you two take it from me when it comes out? 161 00:06:26,010 --> 00:06:27,387 -Yes, Mom. -'Cause Lord knows 162 00:06:27,427 --> 00:06:29,679 I am too old to be raising an infant. 163 00:06:31,890 --> 00:06:32,933 Not much in there. 164 00:06:32,974 --> 00:06:34,434 We could've used an eyedropper. 165 00:06:34,477 --> 00:06:35,811 Jeez, Kevin. 166 00:06:35,852 --> 00:06:38,688 rock music 167 00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:39,857 [Kev] Bottoms up. 168 00:06:46,196 --> 00:06:47,948 [both] Are you out of your fucking mind? 169 00:06:47,989 --> 00:06:49,575 Kev is just gonna lie down with you 170 00:06:49,616 --> 00:06:51,076 for procreation, not sex. 171 00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:52,244 What is the difference? 172 00:06:52,285 --> 00:06:53,955 It's clinical, so no one enjoys it. 173 00:06:53,996 --> 00:06:56,582 Millions of sperm died in that turkey baster. 174 00:06:56,623 --> 00:06:58,792 Uh-uh, no. Honey, this is an express bus 175 00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:00,294 to The Maury Povich Show. 176 00:07:00,335 --> 00:07:02,587 What kind of hard liquor you got, and how much? 177 00:07:02,629 --> 00:07:03,714 [Kev] Okay, let's get this going. 178 00:07:03,756 --> 00:07:07,051 -[Carol laughing] -Knock it off, Mama. 179 00:07:07,092 --> 00:07:08,344 Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 180 00:07:08,385 --> 00:07:10,179 W-what's with the KKK costume? 181 00:07:10,220 --> 00:07:11,638 I saw them use something like this 182 00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:12,765 at that super-Jewy wedding 183 00:07:12,806 --> 00:07:13,933 I went to last year. 184 00:07:13,974 --> 00:07:15,475 It keeps the skin from touching, 185 00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:16,977 acts as a barrier. 186 00:07:17,018 --> 00:07:19,479 [Carol] I feel like a ghost prostitute. 187 00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:21,816 ...why she didn't cut me a mouth hole. 188 00:07:21,857 --> 00:07:25,277 How am I supposed to--whoa! Hello. 189 00:07:25,318 --> 00:07:28,030 Looks like I got a visitor down there. 190 00:07:28,071 --> 00:07:29,157 Can I take this off my face? 191 00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:30,991 No! No! 192 00:07:31,032 --> 00:07:32,869 How many more times are we gonna have to do this? 193 00:07:32,909 --> 00:07:34,369 Until we complete the mission. 194 00:07:34,412 --> 00:07:36,998 You're Luke Skywalker, and it's up to you 195 00:07:37,039 --> 00:07:39,958 to shoot one in and destroy the Death Star. 196 00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:42,169 rock music 197 00:07:42,210 --> 00:07:44,296 N-n-no, not there. No. 198 00:07:44,337 --> 00:07:45,465 Sorry, sorry, sorry. 199 00:07:45,506 --> 00:07:47,174 You-you got a-a shoehorn or something? 200 00:07:47,215 --> 00:07:49,385 Can you not talk, please? Just don't say a word. 201 00:07:51,679 --> 00:07:53,013 Come on, you piece of shit! 202 00:07:53,054 --> 00:07:54,056 Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! 203 00:07:55,849 --> 00:07:57,225 Mama, get on it. 204 00:07:57,268 --> 00:07:58,143 Mm. 205 00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:01,397 [Kevin] Oh! Ah! 206 00:08:01,438 --> 00:08:02,315 [sighs] 207 00:08:02,355 --> 00:08:03,608 [Kev] Oh, man. 208 00:08:03,648 --> 00:08:05,066 Hold that thought. Mom! 209 00:08:05,109 --> 00:08:06,485 Jump in between us. Hurry up. 210 00:08:07,695 --> 00:08:08,778 Oh, yeah, that's it. 211 00:08:08,820 --> 00:08:10,489 Ooh, yeah, that's it. 212 00:08:10,531 --> 00:08:11,574 Ooh, bring it home. 213 00:08:11,615 --> 00:08:13,493 Bring it home, baby. Ooh! 214 00:08:13,533 --> 00:08:15,036 [gasps] 215 00:08:15,076 --> 00:08:16,495 Stop, stop. 216 00:08:16,537 --> 00:08:18,748 -Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. -[clicking] 217 00:08:18,788 --> 00:08:20,208 -[music stops] -Stop! 218 00:08:20,248 --> 00:08:22,375 You people wanna have a baby? Beautiful. 219 00:08:22,417 --> 00:08:23,835 Find another way to do it. 220 00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:26,339 I can't be working under these conditions. 221 00:08:26,379 --> 00:08:28,173 All right, we'll call you. 222 00:08:28,215 --> 00:08:29,508 Jump, jump 223 00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:31,301 Jump, jump for joy 224 00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:32,802 Jump, jump 225 00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:34,680 -[gasping] -Oh, flex. 226 00:08:34,721 --> 00:08:35,848 Flex. 227 00:08:35,889 --> 00:08:36,932 [gasps] 228 00:08:38,809 --> 00:08:41,019 [both panting] 229 00:08:44,856 --> 00:08:46,359 [urine splashing] 230 00:08:47,317 --> 00:08:48,777 You gotta be shitting me. 231 00:08:48,819 --> 00:08:50,153 Attention, people! 232 00:08:50,195 --> 00:08:51,821 Kevin is gonna be a daddy! 233 00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:55,158 [bar cheers] 234 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:56,410 Really? 235 00:08:56,451 --> 00:08:58,162 Look at the stick, people! 236 00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:00,038 Beware. For the rest of the night, 237 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:03,209 I am stirring cocktails with this stick. 238 00:09:03,250 --> 00:09:05,210 [laughs] 239 00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:07,588 You are doing amazing, honey. 240 00:09:07,629 --> 00:09:08,881 How would you know? 241 00:09:08,922 --> 00:09:09,757 Because you're making all the right sounds. 242 00:09:09,798 --> 00:09:11,050 Remember that birthing video 243 00:09:11,091 --> 00:09:13,134 with the chick making all the buffalo noises? 244 00:09:13,176 --> 00:09:14,887 You're totally making those noises. 245 00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:17,098 Would you like to stand around here with us? 246 00:09:17,138 --> 00:09:18,306 No, I'm good. 247 00:09:18,349 --> 00:09:19,432 You don't wanna watch? 248 00:09:19,474 --> 00:09:21,060 Oh, honey, I was over there earlier, 249 00:09:21,101 --> 00:09:22,894 and I saw some...hardcore shit, 250 00:09:22,936 --> 00:09:24,312 like, horror movie shit. 251 00:09:24,354 --> 00:09:25,480 No, I'm gonna stay with you. 252 00:09:25,522 --> 00:09:27,399 [muffled groan] 253 00:09:27,441 --> 00:09:29,402 Nnh! I am so sorry I can't help. 254 00:09:29,442 --> 00:09:30,610 I'm useless at this. 255 00:09:30,652 --> 00:09:32,779 You know, Tommy says that in some cultures, 256 00:09:32,821 --> 00:09:34,824 men aren't even allowed near the birth, 257 00:09:34,864 --> 00:09:36,825 just a bunch of women in tents, which makes sense, 258 00:09:36,867 --> 00:09:38,160 because I would be so much more useful 259 00:09:38,201 --> 00:09:39,494 if I was out hunting moose or something. 260 00:09:39,537 --> 00:09:40,912 Ooh, shut up. Shut the fuck up, Kevin. 261 00:09:40,955 --> 00:09:42,123 Please shut the fuck up. 262 00:09:42,163 --> 00:09:43,206 Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 263 00:09:43,248 --> 00:09:44,458 The nurses just left them here 264 00:09:44,499 --> 00:09:46,335 like we know what the fuck we're doing. 265 00:09:46,377 --> 00:09:48,713 This is Amy, and that's Gemma. 266 00:09:48,753 --> 00:09:50,171 Right, now, uh, tell me again. 267 00:09:50,214 --> 00:09:52,465 Um, this one's Amy. 268 00:09:52,508 --> 00:09:54,384 Uh...I think so. 269 00:09:54,426 --> 00:09:55,802 I mean, I know their names. 270 00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:57,095 I'm just not 100 percent yet 271 00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:58,263 on which one is which. 272 00:10:01,349 --> 00:10:03,311 dramatic chords 273 00:10:03,351 --> 00:10:04,269 [bell dinging] 274 00:10:08,481 --> 00:10:09,524 [buzzer] 275 00:10:09,566 --> 00:10:11,277 This is not your fault, V. 276 00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:12,527 Gemma is not dumb. 277 00:10:12,570 --> 00:10:15,196 Mrs. Cardenas has no idea what she's talking about. 278 00:10:15,239 --> 00:10:17,617 operatic classical overture 279 00:10:20,911 --> 00:10:22,037 [Kev] Is she drawing on her face? 280 00:10:22,079 --> 00:10:23,830 La, la, la, la, la 281 00:10:23,873 --> 00:10:26,042 La, la, la, la, la 282 00:10:26,083 --> 00:10:27,460 If Gemma were in real school, 283 00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:29,295 this wouldn't even be an issue. 284 00:10:29,336 --> 00:10:31,129 How the hell is anybody 285 00:10:31,171 --> 00:10:32,632 supposed to learn anything on a damn iPad? 286 00:10:32,672 --> 00:10:34,508 She doesn't even have to go to kindergarten. 287 00:10:34,550 --> 00:10:36,134 It's not like it's a law or something. 288 00:10:36,176 --> 00:10:38,303 Yeah, but I don't want her to fall behind. 289 00:10:38,345 --> 00:10:39,805 Okay, fine. 290 00:10:39,846 --> 00:10:41,014 You homeschool Gemma. 291 00:10:41,056 --> 00:10:42,642 You're a smarty-pants. 292 00:10:43,934 --> 00:10:45,728 jaunty music 293 00:10:45,769 --> 00:10:47,187 Wait, so you're a nurse, Veronica? 294 00:10:47,229 --> 00:10:48,397 -[Veronica] Used to be. -Lying bitch. 295 00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:50,191 Fine... but I was offered a place 296 00:10:50,231 --> 00:10:51,691 in the nursing school. 297 00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:53,360 Fine, but it never happened. 298 00:10:53,402 --> 00:10:55,863 They fired her for selling medical supplies on eBay. 299 00:10:55,904 --> 00:10:57,782 Holy crap. 300 00:10:57,822 --> 00:10:59,032 I'm a ghetto nurse. 301 00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:00,950 Better for folks around here to come to me 302 00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:03,244 than wait 18 hours in the emergency room. 303 00:11:03,287 --> 00:11:05,498 No, no! Always elevate extremities. 304 00:11:05,538 --> 00:11:07,333 Move before you give him a fucking embolism. 305 00:11:07,374 --> 00:11:09,752 The nose is the most commonly broken bone 306 00:11:09,793 --> 00:11:12,588 in boys between the ages of 13 and 25. 307 00:11:12,629 --> 00:11:14,840 Uh, that's-that's fascinating, but who's the old dude? 308 00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:17,718 Eww, that's nasty. 309 00:11:17,759 --> 00:11:19,845 Almost looks like shingles. 310 00:11:19,887 --> 00:11:21,180 Scabies, maybe? 311 00:11:21,221 --> 00:11:22,431 Been hiking in the woods lately? 312 00:11:22,473 --> 00:11:23,849 Changing your diet? Does your throat hurt? 313 00:11:23,891 --> 00:11:25,350 -No. -Stress rash. 314 00:11:31,648 --> 00:11:33,234 -[Fiona] V? -[Veronica] Making a video 315 00:11:33,274 --> 00:11:35,402 for one of those do-it-yourself websites online. 316 00:11:35,444 --> 00:11:37,696 Pays 150 bucks. This one's on a high colonic. 317 00:11:37,738 --> 00:11:39,322 Next week, I bleach my exit ramp. 318 00:11:39,364 --> 00:11:41,867 What do you want? Vicodin, morphine, peyote? 319 00:11:41,908 --> 00:11:43,786 -Tetrodotoxin. -These red ones. 320 00:11:43,827 --> 00:11:44,994 Give me, uh, the horse tranquilizer, 321 00:11:45,037 --> 00:11:46,413 enough to knock out a Clydesdale. 322 00:11:46,455 --> 00:11:47,498 This baby is coming. 323 00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,083 -Now? -She's crowning. 324 00:11:49,124 --> 00:11:50,209 [Debbie screams] 325 00:11:50,250 --> 00:11:51,292 All right, ambulance is on its way. 326 00:11:51,335 --> 00:11:52,420 When I was having my girls, 327 00:11:52,460 --> 00:11:54,046 the doc told me to do three quick pants 328 00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:55,547 and then one long blow. Okay? 329 00:11:55,589 --> 00:11:57,841 -I'm gonna do it with you. -Start pushing now, okay? 330 00:11:57,883 --> 00:11:59,468 Push, push. Push, baby. 331 00:11:59,509 --> 00:12:00,427 Push, push, push. 332 00:12:00,469 --> 00:12:01,387 Ooh. 333 00:12:01,428 --> 00:12:02,513 [yelling] 334 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,431 Is the baby okay? 335 00:12:04,473 --> 00:12:05,974 She's great. 336 00:12:06,016 --> 00:12:08,561 She? 337 00:12:08,601 --> 00:12:09,729 Frederick Douglass. 338 00:12:09,769 --> 00:12:10,896 -Who? -[Veronica] Author, orator, 339 00:12:10,937 --> 00:12:11,939 escaped slave. 340 00:12:11,980 --> 00:12:13,315 The life expectancy 341 00:12:13,356 --> 00:12:14,899 for an average white man is 76. 342 00:12:14,941 --> 00:12:16,152 Exactly. 343 00:12:16,192 --> 00:12:17,737 For a poor white man from the South Side, 344 00:12:17,777 --> 00:12:19,154 it's 70 if you're lucky. 345 00:12:19,195 --> 00:12:21,322 -Jesus was a blond? -[Veronica] No, Jesus was Black 346 00:12:21,364 --> 00:12:22,575 and had nappy hair, 347 00:12:22,615 --> 00:12:23,743 but no one ever wants to talk about that. 348 00:12:23,783 --> 00:12:25,161 What does this have to do with pickles? 349 00:12:25,201 --> 00:12:26,662 Pickles provide essential vitamins, 350 00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:28,247 minerals, and antioxidants, 351 00:12:28,288 --> 00:12:30,583 improve digestion and liver protection. 352 00:12:30,623 --> 00:12:33,418 Your drug is like a jar of pickles, but better. 353 00:12:33,460 --> 00:12:34,628 How do you know so much about pickles? 354 00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:36,921 -How'd it go? -You are a genius. 355 00:12:36,964 --> 00:12:38,423 If this one pill had been around 356 00:12:38,465 --> 00:12:40,551 when my daddy was juggling two pills and three jobs, 357 00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:41,801 he would still be here... 358 00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:43,888 to be a grandfather. 359 00:12:43,928 --> 00:12:45,513 Don't cry. Please don't cry. 360 00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:46,724 I'm-I'm sorry. 361 00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,267 So it's one pill instead of two, huh? 362 00:12:48,308 --> 00:12:49,976 [Veronica] What if you were to, say, 363 00:12:50,018 --> 00:12:51,896 misplace your scrip pad? 364 00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:55,983 All right, ladies. Saddle up. 365 00:12:56,024 --> 00:12:57,526 We're going on a field trip. 366 00:12:57,567 --> 00:13:00,112 [pharmacist] Mifepristone. You need an abortion. 367 00:13:00,153 --> 00:13:01,446 Here's my copay. 368 00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:03,114 I'm afraid you're gonna have to pay full price. 369 00:13:03,157 --> 00:13:05,700 Medicare only covers abortion in cases of rape, incest, 370 00:13:05,743 --> 00:13:07,202 or when the mother's life is in danger. 371 00:13:07,244 --> 00:13:08,412 I'm 80 years old. 372 00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:10,205 Having a baby'll probably kill me. 373 00:13:10,247 --> 00:13:11,998 I was raped. 374 00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:14,000 -Incest for me. -Me too! 375 00:13:14,042 --> 00:13:15,377 [woman] Rape again. 376 00:13:15,418 --> 00:13:18,171 -[woman] I was raped too. -[woman] Incest too. 377 00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:19,965 Bullshit. I'm not homeschooling her. 378 00:13:20,007 --> 00:13:21,633 -You homeschool her. -Fuck that. 379 00:13:21,675 --> 00:13:22,843 I got a bar to run. 380 00:13:22,884 --> 00:13:25,304 [Veronica] You run the bar? I run the bar. 381 00:13:27,013 --> 00:13:28,516 Alibi. Alibi. 382 00:13:28,556 --> 00:13:29,474 Alibi. 383 00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:30,684 I gotta go to The Alibi. 384 00:13:30,725 --> 00:13:32,186 Vamoose. I gotta go to the bar. 385 00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:34,396 Who wants a drink? 386 00:13:34,437 --> 00:13:36,565 Come on, V. Free pour it like Kev does. 387 00:13:36,606 --> 00:13:38,399 That's why the bar's losing money. 388 00:13:38,441 --> 00:13:39,652 Gonna take real money, Frank. 389 00:13:39,692 --> 00:13:41,362 Kev's not here for you to confuse. 390 00:13:41,402 --> 00:13:42,363 [drunk] Uhh-- 391 00:13:42,403 --> 00:13:43,781 Drag him to the sober chair. 392 00:13:43,822 --> 00:13:44,907 Where is everybody? 393 00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:46,200 It's 10 a.m. 394 00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:47,951 Shut up, Billy. Nobody asked you. 395 00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:49,452 [Kev] All right, you know what? Fuck it. 396 00:13:49,494 --> 00:13:50,704 I'll homeschool Gemma. 397 00:13:50,745 --> 00:13:51,955 How hard can it be? 398 00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:54,499 "Learning is knowing a few tricks." 399 00:13:54,542 --> 00:13:56,167 "For example, 400 00:13:56,210 --> 00:13:58,503 to learn the color spectrum, 401 00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:00,840 just remember ROY G. BIV." 402 00:14:00,881 --> 00:14:02,966 "Which stands for red, orange, yellow, green, 403 00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:04,426 blue, indigo, violet." 404 00:14:04,468 --> 00:14:06,052 What the hell is indigo? 405 00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:07,470 Purple. 406 00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:09,181 I thought violet was purple. 407 00:14:09,223 --> 00:14:10,932 I-I don't know. 408 00:14:10,974 --> 00:14:12,976 PEMDAS, 409 00:14:13,018 --> 00:14:14,519 which stands for "parentheses, 410 00:14:14,561 --> 00:14:15,937 exponents, multiplication, division, 411 00:14:15,979 --> 00:14:18,356 addition, subtraction." 412 00:14:18,398 --> 00:14:20,191 Yeah, this is way too hard. 413 00:14:20,984 --> 00:14:22,862 jaunty music 414 00:14:22,902 --> 00:14:23,778 Are you calling me dumb? 415 00:14:23,820 --> 00:14:24,864 No. 416 00:14:24,904 --> 00:14:26,031 Well, it sounds like you are. 417 00:14:26,072 --> 00:14:27,449 Maybe I'm just too dumb to understand. 418 00:14:27,490 --> 00:14:28,617 I'm not calling you dumb. 419 00:14:28,658 --> 00:14:29,450 You applied it. 420 00:14:29,493 --> 00:14:30,744 "Implied." 421 00:14:30,786 --> 00:14:31,787 I know. 422 00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:32,912 It's not like I'm "unliterate." 423 00:14:32,955 --> 00:14:33,955 Como se huh? 424 00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:35,541 The Alibi Room. I'm gonna buy it. 425 00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:37,125 With what, your silver chains? 426 00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:38,710 No, I'm gonna go to the loan store today 427 00:14:38,752 --> 00:14:39,795 and pick up some forms. 428 00:14:39,836 --> 00:14:41,129 You mean the bank? 429 00:14:41,171 --> 00:14:42,089 Yeah. 430 00:14:42,130 --> 00:14:43,215 Well, does it start with an S? 431 00:14:43,257 --> 00:14:44,966 What the fuck? 432 00:14:45,008 --> 00:14:46,384 Cat. I know that shit, bitch. 433 00:14:46,426 --> 00:14:47,552 That's a cat! 434 00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:49,138 You learning shit off the TV again? 435 00:14:49,178 --> 00:14:50,471 Just a little bit of this, honey. 436 00:14:50,513 --> 00:14:51,891 Just a little bit of this. 437 00:14:52,974 --> 00:14:54,183 [yells] 438 00:14:54,225 --> 00:14:55,853 Son of a bitch, that's hot. 439 00:14:55,894 --> 00:14:57,646 My super "spermazoa" too much for her? 440 00:14:57,687 --> 00:14:58,855 Spermatozoa. 441 00:14:58,897 --> 00:15:00,273 And what, now you're-you're the arbiter 442 00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:01,609 on where everybody's supposed to be? 443 00:15:01,649 --> 00:15:03,192 Yeah, maybe, 444 00:15:03,234 --> 00:15:04,945 if I knew what "arbiter" meant. 445 00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:05,945 GFY. 446 00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:07,239 Eh, TGIF. 447 00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:11,911 You realize that's not how you spell "come," right? 448 00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:14,913 Diplomas are overrated. 449 00:15:14,955 --> 00:15:16,956 I didn't get a diploma, and look at me. 450 00:15:16,998 --> 00:15:18,917 [falsetto] And don't be giving me no shit, Kev! 451 00:15:18,959 --> 00:15:20,835 I do not sound like that. 452 00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:21,921 -[pops balloons] -Oh! 453 00:15:21,961 --> 00:15:23,421 Takes two to tangle, you know. 454 00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:26,008 It's "tango," and I've tried to fuck you plenty of times. 455 00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:28,301 They're not identical twins. They're... 456 00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:30,262 whatever it is when- when you're not identical. 457 00:15:30,303 --> 00:15:32,306 -Whee! Whee! -[giggling] 458 00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:33,932 Separate individuals. 459 00:15:33,974 --> 00:15:35,517 Too many damn countries in Asia. 460 00:15:35,559 --> 00:15:37,101 They should just make it one country. 461 00:15:37,143 --> 00:15:38,269 No, no, no. Heatstroke. 462 00:15:38,311 --> 00:15:40,189 Isn't that when the heat... 463 00:15:40,229 --> 00:15:41,815 strokes you gently? 464 00:15:41,856 --> 00:15:44,777 Kev, you misspelled "résumé" on your résumé. 465 00:15:44,817 --> 00:15:47,904 [man screaming] 466 00:15:49,322 --> 00:15:50,490 [blows] 467 00:15:50,532 --> 00:15:52,700 It was benign, but the scare was very... 468 00:15:52,743 --> 00:15:54,494 v--shit. What is the word again? 469 00:15:54,536 --> 00:15:55,995 -Malignant. -[Kev] Malignant. 470 00:15:56,037 --> 00:15:57,288 Do you remember what the doctor said? 471 00:15:57,330 --> 00:15:59,874 They're inbred. What if they try to eat us? 472 00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:01,627 -I think that's cannibals. -[Kev] Well, whatever. 473 00:16:01,668 --> 00:16:03,336 Why is it so much worse for her 474 00:16:03,378 --> 00:16:05,714 to take a tiny little pill that makes her "crazy" 475 00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:07,715 than it is for me to get my testicle lobbed off? 476 00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:09,969 [nurse] Your testicle will not be "lobbed off," sir. 477 00:16:10,009 --> 00:16:11,595 Only your vas deferens tubes are blocked. 478 00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:12,805 All right. 479 00:16:12,845 --> 00:16:14,806 I think I went overboard with my background. 480 00:16:14,848 --> 00:16:17,393 It's less cowboy and more hick. 481 00:16:17,433 --> 00:16:20,479 Your wife is...a knockout. 482 00:16:20,521 --> 00:16:22,522 Hell, she could be cousins with my wife. 483 00:16:22,564 --> 00:16:24,148 Oh, that runs in the family, too. 484 00:16:24,191 --> 00:16:25,316 Or hillbilly. 485 00:16:25,359 --> 00:16:26,902 Bumpkin? I have so much to learn. 486 00:16:26,944 --> 00:16:28,528 We need a Jesus for the Festival 487 00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:30,489 of St. Felicity pageant next weekend, 488 00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:32,825 and Mr. Ball looks like he works out. 489 00:16:32,865 --> 00:16:35,536 You want Kev to be Jesus? 490 00:16:35,576 --> 00:16:38,998 dramatic high note 491 00:16:39,038 --> 00:16:40,665 Maybe I will go suck a dick. 492 00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:42,000 I could be all gender liquid like you. 493 00:16:42,041 --> 00:16:43,001 You don't know. 494 00:16:43,043 --> 00:16:44,420 You mean genderfluid? 495 00:16:44,460 --> 00:16:46,337 Fluids, liquids, whatever. 496 00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:47,588 V, what the hell are we supposed to do again? 497 00:16:47,631 --> 00:16:49,508 Make a face story on graham cracker? 498 00:16:49,549 --> 00:16:51,050 What have we done, Kev? 499 00:16:51,093 --> 00:16:53,429 We have increased our demand... 500 00:16:53,470 --> 00:16:54,805 or our supply. 501 00:16:54,846 --> 00:16:56,890 One of those two things, we've increased... 502 00:16:56,931 --> 00:16:58,017 or decreased. 503 00:16:58,057 --> 00:16:59,518 We can't keep going around in circles 504 00:16:59,559 --> 00:17:00,893 like the "our-oh-beris." 505 00:17:00,935 --> 00:17:02,979 -[Veronica] The what? -The "our-oh-beris." 506 00:17:03,021 --> 00:17:05,024 We keep going around in the same circle 507 00:17:05,065 --> 00:17:07,108 like the snake eating its own tail. 508 00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:08,317 The ouroboros. 509 00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:09,987 Yes. I was saying it wrong. 510 00:17:10,028 --> 00:17:11,989 Oh, that's such a badass word. 511 00:17:12,030 --> 00:17:13,406 Maybe we get a tutor. 512 00:17:13,449 --> 00:17:14,866 No money, V. 513 00:17:14,908 --> 00:17:17,286 We need somebody that'll work for free. 514 00:17:17,326 --> 00:17:19,203 [both] Svetlana. 515 00:17:19,246 --> 00:17:20,748 Too bad she isn't here right now. 516 00:17:20,788 --> 00:17:22,874 Where's our throuple when we need it most? 517 00:17:23,750 --> 00:17:24,751 V... 518 00:17:24,793 --> 00:17:26,045 Eh, what the hell? 519 00:17:26,085 --> 00:17:28,963 Uh--what the? 520 00:17:29,006 --> 00:17:30,632 I cook. I clean. 521 00:17:30,673 --> 00:17:32,050 Wifely duty. 522 00:17:32,092 --> 00:17:33,594 Are you kidding? I'm not gay. 523 00:17:33,634 --> 00:17:36,387 Tongue is tongue, no? 524 00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:38,056 What the hell? 525 00:17:38,097 --> 00:17:39,975 I'm halfway home already. 526 00:17:40,017 --> 00:17:41,393 Oh! Holy fuck. 527 00:17:41,434 --> 00:17:42,728 Mother of God. 528 00:17:42,769 --> 00:17:45,814 [moaning] 529 00:17:45,855 --> 00:17:47,441 [Svetlana] Consider it like rent check. 530 00:17:47,482 --> 00:17:49,777 I go mop now. 531 00:17:49,817 --> 00:17:52,196 [Kev] First shower. Anybody wanna wash my back? 532 00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:54,198 upbeat music 533 00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:56,408 Don't use all the hot water! 534 00:17:56,450 --> 00:17:58,576 -[Kev] Girls... -I'll do it. 535 00:18:02,914 --> 00:18:04,458 [mutters] 536 00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:10,421 [trainer] Four, and lift... 537 00:18:10,463 --> 00:18:11,882 Cover bar with baby? 538 00:18:11,923 --> 00:18:13,174 It's okay. I babysit. 539 00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:14,509 [Kev] Ah, Svet, thank-- 540 00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:18,931 [Kev] I thought we were good in the sack, 541 00:18:18,971 --> 00:18:21,517 but she's like the Michael Jordan of erotic stimuli. 542 00:18:21,557 --> 00:18:24,268 -It's done. -What? How? 543 00:18:24,310 --> 00:18:25,104 I'm good with numbers. 544 00:18:25,144 --> 00:18:26,104 Since when do we have 545 00:18:26,145 --> 00:18:26,939 a karaoke machine? 546 00:18:26,979 --> 00:18:28,272 Since half-hour ago. 547 00:18:28,315 --> 00:18:30,608 We strip now. Pimp, watch babies. 548 00:18:30,651 --> 00:18:32,527 Your husband fucked your mother to make babies. 549 00:18:32,568 --> 00:18:34,696 You want to ride on high horse? 550 00:18:34,738 --> 00:18:36,698 Family meeting tonight. 551 00:18:36,739 --> 00:18:38,325 He will not be interested in baby girls 552 00:18:38,366 --> 00:18:39,826 until they reach at least ten years old. 553 00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:42,871 Ready for a family meeting. 554 00:18:42,912 --> 00:18:44,789 [Svetlana] This is about family finances. 555 00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:46,583 Sit. 556 00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:49,460 -[heavy pounding] -Oh, shit. 557 00:18:49,502 --> 00:18:51,337 Fuck. Immigration. Fuck! 558 00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:52,672 Don't forget your lines. 559 00:18:52,713 --> 00:18:54,466 [insistent pounding continues] 560 00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:56,384 rock music 561 00:18:56,425 --> 00:18:57,510 Coming! 562 00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:03,225 Morning. Lester from USCIS. 563 00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:04,893 -Oh. -[Lester] Immigration? 564 00:19:04,934 --> 00:19:06,562 This is the home you and your ex share 565 00:19:06,603 --> 00:19:08,104 with your two children? 566 00:19:08,146 --> 00:19:09,397 Yes. Yes, it is, 567 00:19:09,439 --> 00:19:11,691 until she fell for that no-good commie slut. 568 00:19:11,732 --> 00:19:14,318 You discovered your employee's being deported. 569 00:19:14,361 --> 00:19:15,903 Moments later, your live-in partner 570 00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:18,156 of many years dumps you. 571 00:19:18,198 --> 00:19:19,908 Can you fucking believe that shit? 572 00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:20,784 No. 573 00:19:20,825 --> 00:19:21,951 He didn't buy any of it? 574 00:19:21,993 --> 00:19:22,827 Not one word. 575 00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:23,745 And when is he coming back? 576 00:19:23,787 --> 00:19:25,831 Could be tomorrow, next week. 577 00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:26,873 I'm gonna break my neck 578 00:19:26,914 --> 00:19:28,208 flying down those stairs like that again. 579 00:19:28,249 --> 00:19:30,419 Maybe you should just stay down there. 580 00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:32,421 So are we gonna have a fuck schedule, 581 00:19:32,461 --> 00:19:34,088 or a fuck calendar? 582 00:19:34,131 --> 00:19:37,508 You see, like, Sunday will be V and Kev. 583 00:19:37,550 --> 00:19:40,261 -You never hang up wet towels. -[moaning] 584 00:19:40,304 --> 00:19:42,681 You never refill the ice tray. 585 00:19:42,722 --> 00:19:46,852 Monday will be V and Kev and Svetlana. 586 00:19:46,893 --> 00:19:48,269 [Kev] Ohh... 587 00:19:48,312 --> 00:19:49,563 [Svetlana] No, you cannot come yet. 588 00:19:49,604 --> 00:19:51,606 [Veronica gasping] 589 00:19:51,648 --> 00:19:53,357 -[Svetlana] Now you may come. -[groans] 590 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:56,027 [Kev] Tuesday will just be V and Svetlana. 591 00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:00,908 Am I gonna get my own night with Svetlana? 592 00:20:00,949 --> 00:20:02,409 Oh, shit. That's awesome. 593 00:20:02,450 --> 00:20:04,202 Part of me wants to brag, but the other part's like, 594 00:20:04,243 --> 00:20:06,496 "Whoa, this is kind of freaky-deaky." 595 00:20:06,537 --> 00:20:09,290 No other dudes. No other dudes. 596 00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:12,001 [gasps] 597 00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:13,711 We know about Ivan. 598 00:20:13,754 --> 00:20:15,922 -Ivan is husband. -So you didn't fuck your dad? 599 00:20:15,963 --> 00:20:17,382 Not since I left Russia. 600 00:20:17,423 --> 00:20:19,508 So what brings you here? 601 00:20:19,550 --> 00:20:22,220 So, um... 602 00:20:22,261 --> 00:20:23,931 me and my two wives are having trouble 603 00:20:23,971 --> 00:20:25,223 seeing eye to eye... 604 00:20:25,265 --> 00:20:26,682 eyes to eyes. 605 00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:28,768 I cook. I give oral. 606 00:20:28,809 --> 00:20:30,729 I protect from dangerous Russian. 607 00:20:30,770 --> 00:20:32,230 Everything for these two. 608 00:20:32,271 --> 00:20:34,816 [therapist] Kev and V, are you hearing Lana? 609 00:20:34,857 --> 00:20:36,777 -[Kev and V] Yes. [therapist] What is she saying? 610 00:20:36,817 --> 00:20:38,152 She gives oral. 611 00:20:38,194 --> 00:20:41,073 I always thought you were just some hand job whore. 612 00:20:41,114 --> 00:20:42,490 [Svetlana] Oh, that's okay. 613 00:20:42,531 --> 00:20:44,242 I thought you were illiterate bartender pimp. 614 00:20:44,284 --> 00:20:46,995 Paperwork says Svetlana Fisher owns the joint. 615 00:20:47,037 --> 00:20:49,456 I am new owner of Alibi. 616 00:20:49,498 --> 00:20:50,998 To being a family again. 617 00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:52,250 Hoorah! 618 00:20:52,291 --> 00:20:53,919 upbeat music 619 00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:55,962 Immigration! Nobody move! 620 00:20:56,004 --> 00:20:58,006 [overlapping shouting] 621 00:21:02,009 --> 00:21:03,720 What the hell is going on? 622 00:21:03,761 --> 00:21:06,014 That's her. She's the leader. 623 00:21:06,056 --> 00:21:08,976 dramatic folk music 624 00:21:14,021 --> 00:21:16,275 Yeah, no. I'm never doing that again. 625 00:21:16,316 --> 00:21:18,777 rock music 626 00:21:20,696 --> 00:21:22,405 Here's your breakfast, girls. 627 00:21:22,447 --> 00:21:24,908 And Amy, you have a new job. 628 00:21:24,950 --> 00:21:27,411 You are gonna teach Gemma everything you know. 629 00:21:27,451 --> 00:21:29,371 Isn't that exciting? It's like a game. 630 00:21:29,412 --> 00:21:32,708 You make Gemma as smart as you, you get a big prize at the end. 631 00:21:32,748 --> 00:21:34,459 [Veronica] And make sure that Gemma doesn't leave Zoom 632 00:21:34,500 --> 00:21:36,460 until school is over. 633 00:21:36,502 --> 00:21:37,546 Okay? Mommy and Daddy 634 00:21:37,586 --> 00:21:38,462 are gonna go to work.. 635 00:21:38,505 --> 00:21:40,464 jaunty music 636 00:21:40,507 --> 00:21:42,217 -You think it'll work? -[Veronica] Well, it's better 637 00:21:42,258 --> 00:21:44,177 her teaching homeschool than us. 638 00:21:44,219 --> 00:21:45,636 It's actually my fault, V. 639 00:21:45,679 --> 00:21:47,722 -What is? -[Kev] Gemma. 640 00:21:47,764 --> 00:21:49,807 I was a bad student, too. Gemma got it from me. 641 00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:52,728 I passed on my bad student gene to Gemma. 642 00:21:52,768 --> 00:21:54,354 Shit. I hope I don't pass on 643 00:21:54,395 --> 00:21:56,440 my breast cancer gene, too. 644 00:21:56,940 --> 00:22:00,192 - dance music -[whooping, whistling] 645 00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:18,377 [man] When's the last time you did a self-exam? 646 00:22:18,420 --> 00:22:20,046 -[record scratch effect] -A what? 647 00:22:22,214 --> 00:22:23,133 You have a lump. 648 00:22:23,174 --> 00:22:25,552 piano and drum music 649 00:22:25,594 --> 00:22:27,636 [oncologist] There is a four-centimeter mass 650 00:22:27,679 --> 00:22:28,805 in your right breast. 651 00:22:28,846 --> 00:22:30,556 We need to do a biopsy immediately. 652 00:22:30,598 --> 00:22:33,852 [Randi] Kevin, do you wanna share? 653 00:22:33,893 --> 00:22:35,687 Uh, yeah. 654 00:22:35,729 --> 00:22:36,729 Hello. 655 00:22:36,771 --> 00:22:37,730 -Hello. -Hi 656 00:22:37,773 --> 00:22:39,024 Glad to be here. 657 00:22:39,066 --> 00:22:41,567 Tomorrow, I get this guy cut into. 658 00:22:41,610 --> 00:22:44,028 And I got all these thoughts swimming around my head, 659 00:22:44,071 --> 00:22:46,280 like "Will I survive surgery?" 660 00:22:46,323 --> 00:22:48,200 "Has the cancer spread?" 661 00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:50,035 "Will I get to watch my kids grow up?" 662 00:22:50,076 --> 00:22:52,537 "Will I ever be able to take my shirt off again in the gym 663 00:22:52,578 --> 00:22:54,456 or let men feel me up for tips?" 664 00:22:54,498 --> 00:22:55,915 [group members] Mm? 665 00:22:55,957 --> 00:22:57,541 [Randi] Would you be comfortable 666 00:22:57,584 --> 00:22:59,210 if we gave you a group hug? 667 00:23:01,837 --> 00:23:04,048 Oh, yes, yes, yes. 668 00:23:05,467 --> 00:23:08,720 [group] Together we stand. Together we fight. 669 00:23:08,761 --> 00:23:11,681 We do it with power. We do it with might. 670 00:23:11,722 --> 00:23:14,101 Cancer, you asshole, get out of our sight. 671 00:23:14,142 --> 00:23:15,684 Cancer, you asshole, get out of our sight. 672 00:23:15,727 --> 00:23:17,437 [quickening] Cancer, you asshole, get out of our sight. 673 00:23:17,479 --> 00:23:18,896 Cancer, you asshole, get out of our sight. 674 00:23:18,939 --> 00:23:20,356 Go on, make a wish. 675 00:23:23,943 --> 00:23:25,653 Shit. 676 00:23:25,694 --> 00:23:27,029 It's still there. 677 00:23:27,072 --> 00:23:28,406 Kev, let's pray. 678 00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:33,370 Mm. God, please protect Kev 679 00:23:33,412 --> 00:23:35,788 during his surgery. 680 00:23:35,831 --> 00:23:38,583 Let him wake up cancer-free, God. 681 00:23:38,624 --> 00:23:41,169 And God, when I'm under, 682 00:23:41,210 --> 00:23:43,337 please, please don't let anyone probe me 683 00:23:43,380 --> 00:23:44,756 where they're not supposed to. 684 00:23:44,797 --> 00:23:46,091 Kev... 685 00:23:46,133 --> 00:23:49,594 No, I read about it in my cancer chat rooms. 686 00:23:49,635 --> 00:23:51,095 [heart monitor beeping] 687 00:23:51,137 --> 00:23:52,931 [starts] V! 688 00:23:52,972 --> 00:23:55,267 What happened? Am I alive? 689 00:23:55,307 --> 00:23:56,434 Baby, what happened? 690 00:23:56,476 --> 00:23:57,810 [Veronica] Okay, I'ma go get the nurse, okay? 691 00:23:57,853 --> 00:23:59,604 What happened with my titty? 692 00:23:59,645 --> 00:24:02,356 Did they take my nipple? 693 00:24:02,399 --> 00:24:04,942 Oh, hey there, fella. How are you doing? 694 00:24:04,985 --> 00:24:06,361 How do you feel, Mr. Ball? 695 00:24:06,402 --> 00:24:07,863 Does he have cancer? 696 00:24:07,903 --> 00:24:09,948 I'll get the doctor. I'm not qualified to discuss 697 00:24:09,989 --> 00:24:11,740 what needs to be discussed. 698 00:24:13,451 --> 00:24:15,703 The fuck is that supposed to mean? 699 00:24:15,745 --> 00:24:18,248 I don't know. It sounded bad. 700 00:24:18,289 --> 00:24:20,749 It did sound bad, didn't it? 701 00:24:20,792 --> 00:24:22,085 Baby... 702 00:24:23,252 --> 00:24:26,172 I want you to set up a memorial for me at The Alibi. 703 00:24:26,213 --> 00:24:29,049 Everyone drinks 704 00:24:29,092 --> 00:24:32,554 at the exact time I die every year. 705 00:24:32,595 --> 00:24:35,222 And I want you to play Boyz II Men "End of the Road" 706 00:24:35,265 --> 00:24:37,433 really loud. 707 00:24:38,393 --> 00:24:40,144 Sorry for the delay, folks. 708 00:24:40,187 --> 00:24:41,896 I biopsied your lump, Mr. Ball. 709 00:24:41,938 --> 00:24:44,524 It's benign. 710 00:24:44,566 --> 00:24:48,361 Why? Why? 711 00:24:48,402 --> 00:24:50,197 What? 712 00:24:50,238 --> 00:24:51,989 What--is that good or bad? I can never remember. 713 00:24:52,031 --> 00:24:54,409 Oh, it's good, baby. You don't have cancer. 714 00:24:54,450 --> 00:24:55,993 I don't have cancer? 715 00:24:56,036 --> 00:24:58,037 -Oh, thank you, Lord! -Oh, thank God. 716 00:24:58,078 --> 00:24:59,163 Not the brightest bulb. 717 00:24:59,206 --> 00:25:01,165 Well, God doesn't give with both hands. 718 00:25:01,208 --> 00:25:02,750 You have other great qualities. 719 00:25:02,792 --> 00:25:05,711 Yeah, I do, don't I? 720 00:25:05,754 --> 00:25:07,046 Like what? 721 00:25:07,087 --> 00:25:08,464 You're a great dad. 722 00:25:09,007 --> 00:25:11,425 Now, the players in the black and white-- 723 00:25:11,468 --> 00:25:13,385 they're the White Sox. That's our team. 724 00:25:13,428 --> 00:25:15,846 And the pussies in the gray and blue-- 725 00:25:15,889 --> 00:25:17,223 they're the Twins. We hate the Twins. 726 00:25:17,265 --> 00:25:19,308 -[baby fussing] -No, no, no, no. 727 00:25:19,351 --> 00:25:20,977 Not the baby girl twins. 728 00:25:22,895 --> 00:25:24,730 [Kev on tape] You're the best tennis players 729 00:25:24,772 --> 00:25:26,232 on the planet. 730 00:25:26,274 --> 00:25:29,110 Gemma, you have the number one backhand smash 731 00:25:29,152 --> 00:25:31,196 -in the world. -[Veronica] Kev... 732 00:25:31,238 --> 00:25:32,864 I'm thinking the subliminal message thing 733 00:25:32,905 --> 00:25:34,156 is really working. 734 00:25:34,199 --> 00:25:35,616 There is no Gemma. 735 00:25:35,659 --> 00:25:37,576 Gemma doesn't exist anymore. 736 00:25:37,618 --> 00:25:38,620 Only Amy. 737 00:25:38,662 --> 00:25:40,079 And you're devout Catholics, 738 00:25:40,121 --> 00:25:42,123 so cross yourselves a lot like this. 739 00:25:42,164 --> 00:25:43,708 rock music 740 00:25:43,749 --> 00:25:44,875 In my house, the way to get closer to God 741 00:25:44,918 --> 00:25:46,377 on Saturday is to play. 742 00:25:46,419 --> 00:25:49,088 -Is that in Ezekiel? -Yeah, the updated version. 743 00:25:49,130 --> 00:25:50,422 Holy fuck. 744 00:25:50,464 --> 00:25:52,258 I'm ready for you, sir. 745 00:25:52,299 --> 00:25:53,425 Clyde usually had me on Tuesdays, 746 00:25:53,468 --> 00:25:54,760 but if you want me on Saturday-- 747 00:25:54,803 --> 00:25:56,220 No, I don't want you on Saturdays. 748 00:25:56,262 --> 00:25:58,139 -I don't want you ever-- -Hey, Deb, we're all ready to-- 749 00:25:58,181 --> 00:25:59,473 [laughing] Whoa. 750 00:25:59,516 --> 00:26:01,768 -[Liam] Hey. -Hey, what's up, man? 751 00:26:01,809 --> 00:26:03,269 What are you doing? 752 00:26:03,310 --> 00:26:05,104 Giving Santiago more of an American look 753 00:26:05,145 --> 00:26:06,565 before we go to The Alibi. 754 00:26:06,605 --> 00:26:09,108 Final touch. 755 00:26:09,150 --> 00:26:10,235 How's he look? 756 00:26:10,277 --> 00:26:11,361 Like a cheesy American. 757 00:26:11,402 --> 00:26:14,114 [crowd cheers] 758 00:26:14,154 --> 00:26:15,824 Kid brought the heat. 759 00:26:15,864 --> 00:26:17,366 My God, he's got a cannon! 760 00:26:17,409 --> 00:26:19,118 This is gonna be the best summer ever. 761 00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:21,412 [Amy and Gemma yipping] 762 00:26:21,453 --> 00:26:22,872 Come on. Come on, let's go. 763 00:26:22,913 --> 00:26:24,332 -What are you doing? -[Kev] We're gonna go 764 00:26:24,373 --> 00:26:25,374 play fetch. 765 00:26:25,417 --> 00:26:26,750 It worked for that dog walker lady. 766 00:26:26,793 --> 00:26:28,127 Maybe it'll work for our kids. 767 00:26:28,169 --> 00:26:30,212 Okay, girls, you ready? You ready? 768 00:26:30,255 --> 00:26:32,382 Go get it! Go get it! 769 00:26:32,423 --> 00:26:34,300 Bring it back. Run fast. 770 00:26:36,635 --> 00:26:37,886 Okay, drop it. 771 00:26:37,929 --> 00:26:39,055 Drop it. Drop it. 772 00:26:40,890 --> 00:26:42,851 You have rocking bod, 773 00:26:42,892 --> 00:26:45,437 and you know how to stick the stones to me real good. 774 00:26:45,478 --> 00:26:46,979 Well, I am a genius in that department. 775 00:26:47,021 --> 00:26:48,355 [Veronica laughs] 776 00:26:48,398 --> 00:26:50,107 Get naked...now. 777 00:26:50,150 --> 00:26:50,983 peppy music 778 00:26:51,026 --> 00:26:52,443 [Veronica] Yes! Yes! 779 00:26:52,485 --> 00:26:53,944 Oh, sorry. I came in the back way. 780 00:26:53,987 --> 00:26:55,529 [Veronica] You're not the only one. 781 00:26:55,572 --> 00:26:59,534 [laughing] 782 00:26:59,575 --> 00:27:00,618 Debbie? 783 00:27:00,660 --> 00:27:01,786 No, stay focused, baby. 784 00:27:01,827 --> 00:27:03,287 Are the Gallaghers in our bathroom? 785 00:27:07,083 --> 00:27:08,168 Don't know where you been 786 00:27:08,209 --> 00:27:09,501 [Kev moaning] 787 00:27:09,544 --> 00:27:10,629 Take off your clothes 788 00:27:10,670 --> 00:27:11,880 and get on the bed on all fours. 789 00:27:11,921 --> 00:27:13,964 Now I will spank you with this paddle... 790 00:27:14,007 --> 00:27:16,050 you bad wife. 791 00:27:19,554 --> 00:27:20,846 French fry. French fry. 792 00:27:20,889 --> 00:27:21,972 Just a really quick French fry. 793 00:27:22,015 --> 00:27:23,266 V, I don't really wanna hurt you, 794 00:27:23,307 --> 00:27:25,643 -but this could scar you. -It's not gonna scar. 795 00:27:25,684 --> 00:27:26,978 Okay. 796 00:27:27,019 --> 00:27:28,354 Okay, I can do this. 797 00:27:28,395 --> 00:27:31,357 Now, brace yourself for my wrath, 798 00:27:31,399 --> 00:27:33,902 because it's paddle time. 799 00:27:33,942 --> 00:27:36,863 funky music 800 00:27:36,904 --> 00:27:37,989 French fry. 801 00:27:39,114 --> 00:27:41,200 Oh! 802 00:27:41,241 --> 00:27:42,410 Oh, sorry. 803 00:27:42,451 --> 00:27:44,245 -Ow. -Yeah, take it, you old gimp. 804 00:27:44,287 --> 00:27:45,997 Turn over. Mama's gonna give you an exam. 805 00:27:46,038 --> 00:27:47,164 Ah. 806 00:27:47,207 --> 00:27:49,668 -[slap] -That didn't hurt half as much 807 00:27:49,709 --> 00:27:51,502 as I thought it would. 808 00:27:52,379 --> 00:27:55,006 You're a sharp businessman. 809 00:27:55,798 --> 00:27:57,174 -Uh-oh. -What uh-oh? 810 00:27:57,217 --> 00:27:59,594 Sometimes your plans can be a little crazy-pants, Kev. 811 00:27:59,635 --> 00:28:01,095 [Lip] Oh, ho, ho, ho! 812 00:28:01,136 --> 00:28:02,096 What? 813 00:28:02,137 --> 00:28:03,515 We may need to sell some pot. 814 00:28:03,556 --> 00:28:04,723 Isn't that what we always do? 815 00:28:04,766 --> 00:28:05,933 A lot of pot. 816 00:28:07,059 --> 00:28:07,935 [groans] 817 00:28:07,977 --> 00:28:09,437 I know. Baby, I know. 818 00:28:09,479 --> 00:28:10,521 I got carried away. 819 00:28:10,563 --> 00:28:11,855 Isn't it wonderful? 820 00:28:11,897 --> 00:28:14,275 Mr. Kevin is gonna help all the old people 821 00:28:14,316 --> 00:28:16,068 who are going blind. 822 00:28:16,111 --> 00:28:17,277 What can I get you, champ? 823 00:28:17,319 --> 00:28:18,738 Lemon-lime shot, chocolate chip cookie bar, 824 00:28:18,779 --> 00:28:20,656 -and a Molson's. -Molson's? 825 00:28:20,699 --> 00:28:23,034 We sell American beer here to children of age. 826 00:28:23,075 --> 00:28:24,993 Come back for a Bud Light when you're 16. 827 00:28:25,036 --> 00:28:26,954 Two Buds and a spliff, please. 828 00:28:26,996 --> 00:28:28,498 -How old are you? -[child] 15. 829 00:28:28,539 --> 00:28:29,915 Here's four fives. Keep the change. 830 00:28:29,958 --> 00:28:31,418 Raise your arms. 831 00:28:31,459 --> 00:28:33,670 Come back when you grow some hair in your pits. 832 00:28:33,711 --> 00:28:35,171 Well, it's dorms, right? 833 00:28:35,212 --> 00:28:36,839 I mean, they're our permanent ice cream truck. 834 00:28:36,881 --> 00:28:39,258 I always wanted to go to college. 835 00:28:39,299 --> 00:28:41,260 [partygoers cheering] 836 00:28:41,302 --> 00:28:44,264 upbeat rock music 837 00:28:46,807 --> 00:28:47,726 [all cheer] 838 00:28:52,479 --> 00:28:54,606 I'm a gentleman, Lip. I'm just escorting them home. 839 00:28:54,649 --> 00:28:56,985 Our rape blocker to the rescue. 840 00:28:57,026 --> 00:28:58,611 I'm here about the bartending job. 841 00:28:58,652 --> 00:29:01,614 upbeat dance music 842 00:29:08,121 --> 00:29:11,583 [overlapping shouting, whooping] 843 00:29:14,335 --> 00:29:15,920 [onlooker] Oh! 844 00:29:15,961 --> 00:29:18,547 Come on, Milo. Push that 60. 845 00:29:18,589 --> 00:29:20,341 There you go. You gotta work off 846 00:29:20,383 --> 00:29:22,218 that Avocado Kombucha smoothie, 847 00:29:22,259 --> 00:29:23,595 or whatever the fuck you drink. 848 00:29:23,635 --> 00:29:25,095 Full rotations, man. 849 00:29:25,137 --> 00:29:27,931 Do you want your name under "Pussy of the Day"? 850 00:29:27,973 --> 00:29:30,393 Is that what you want, Jasper? 851 00:29:30,434 --> 00:29:31,935 Way to go, Oscar. 852 00:29:31,978 --> 00:29:33,229 Puke is pride. 853 00:29:33,270 --> 00:29:35,899 I wanna join. Uh, you take Amex? 854 00:29:35,940 --> 00:29:38,567 Cash only. ATM is right there. 855 00:29:38,610 --> 00:29:39,818 We could open up a dry cleaner. 856 00:29:39,861 --> 00:29:40,944 -No. -[Kev] Mattress store. 857 00:29:40,987 --> 00:29:41,821 [Veronica] Uh-uh. 858 00:29:41,863 --> 00:29:42,905 Think tank. 859 00:29:42,947 --> 00:29:44,073 [Veronica] What the hell is a think tank? 860 00:29:44,114 --> 00:29:46,159 It's where people sit around and think. 861 00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:48,076 [Veronica] That's The Alibi. 862 00:29:48,118 --> 00:29:49,953 Got some TVs fell off the back of a truck. 863 00:29:49,996 --> 00:29:51,288 This where you sell stuff? 864 00:29:51,331 --> 00:29:53,624 No, this is not the place that... 865 00:29:53,665 --> 00:29:55,794 sells stolen goods as a side hustle. 866 00:29:56,376 --> 00:29:57,796 That's a relic. 867 00:29:57,836 --> 00:29:59,005 I'll give you five for it. 868 00:29:59,046 --> 00:30:00,798 Pleasure doing business with you. 869 00:30:00,839 --> 00:30:02,800 rock music 870 00:30:02,842 --> 00:30:05,886 Check it out! Sister wives. 871 00:30:05,929 --> 00:30:07,305 Whoo. 872 00:30:07,346 --> 00:30:08,806 All right, stop. You're gonna give me 873 00:30:08,847 --> 00:30:11,351 -a big head. -[laughs] 874 00:30:11,392 --> 00:30:12,977 What are we gonna do about Gemma? 875 00:30:13,018 --> 00:30:14,229 Well, at least we got one good one. 876 00:30:14,269 --> 00:30:16,314 -Kev. -I'm joking. 877 00:30:16,355 --> 00:30:18,816 I love those girls the same, but I do feel better that Amy's 878 00:30:18,857 --> 00:30:20,485 probably gonna take care of us when we're older. 879 00:30:20,527 --> 00:30:22,444 -Mm. -[Amy and Gemma laugh] 880 00:30:22,487 --> 00:30:24,572 Mama, how do I look? 881 00:30:24,614 --> 00:30:25,656 Amy? 882 00:30:25,698 --> 00:30:27,534 Gemma did my makeup. 883 00:30:27,575 --> 00:30:29,076 What? How? 884 00:30:29,117 --> 00:30:32,412 Binge watching Huda Kattan YouTube videos. 885 00:30:32,454 --> 00:30:34,998 What's a Huddacatan? 886 00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:35,999 Is that what you've been doing 887 00:30:36,041 --> 00:30:37,125 instead of going to Zoom school? 888 00:30:37,168 --> 00:30:38,377 Uh-huh. 889 00:30:38,419 --> 00:30:39,962 jaunty music 890 00:30:40,004 --> 00:30:42,172 God doesn't give with both hands. 891 00:30:42,214 --> 00:30:44,467 No, she doesn't. 892 00:30:44,508 --> 00:30:45,927 There you go. 893 00:30:48,095 --> 00:30:51,891 Wow. I look great. 894 00:30:51,932 --> 00:30:53,601 Thank you. 895 00:30:53,643 --> 00:30:55,269 My baby does a good job, huh? 896 00:30:55,310 --> 00:30:57,188 I'd say so. [laughs] 897 00:30:57,229 --> 00:30:58,355 That'll be $25, 898 00:30:58,398 --> 00:30:59,691 plus whatever tip you'd like to leave. 899 00:30:59,731 --> 00:31:01,942 Mm, here is $30. 900 00:31:01,985 --> 00:31:03,361 Thank you. 901 00:31:03,402 --> 00:31:04,696 -See you again? -[Kev] Definitely. 902 00:31:04,737 --> 00:31:06,698 Pimping out your daughter? 903 00:31:06,739 --> 00:31:08,365 Hell no. 904 00:31:08,408 --> 00:31:10,450 I don't objectify women. You know me. 905 00:31:12,161 --> 00:31:13,287 What the hell? 906 00:31:13,328 --> 00:31:14,454 They made a list 907 00:31:14,497 --> 00:31:16,457 of the rapiest bars in the South Side, 908 00:31:16,498 --> 00:31:18,209 and The Alibi's number one? 909 00:31:18,250 --> 00:31:19,376 I haven't raped anybody in here. 910 00:31:19,419 --> 00:31:21,421 No one's ever raped anyone in here, 911 00:31:21,461 --> 00:31:22,588 at least not on the inside. 912 00:31:22,630 --> 00:31:23,797 Out in the alleyway, maybe. 913 00:31:23,839 --> 00:31:25,383 Who says we're rapey? 914 00:31:25,424 --> 00:31:26,550 Some stupid article. 915 00:31:26,593 --> 00:31:28,052 I mean, look around. W-w-what- 916 00:31:28,094 --> 00:31:30,012 what's so rapey about this place, anyway? 917 00:31:30,054 --> 00:31:31,890 Do your thing, girl 918 00:31:31,931 --> 00:31:33,348 What's your preference? 919 00:31:33,391 --> 00:31:35,727 Man of your dreams or a death wish 920 00:31:35,768 --> 00:31:38,270 Somebody to live on the edge with 921 00:31:38,313 --> 00:31:40,523 Girl, I teach you oh so special 922 00:31:40,565 --> 00:31:43,442 I get nasty, boys get raspy 923 00:31:43,483 --> 00:31:44,943 I don't know, V. Maybe this place is 924 00:31:44,986 --> 00:31:46,069 -a little rapey. -[Veronica] You think? 925 00:31:46,112 --> 00:31:47,614 Craig has his dick out right now. 926 00:31:47,654 --> 00:31:48,698 Craig! 927 00:31:48,739 --> 00:31:50,783 I have two daughters. 928 00:31:50,825 --> 00:31:52,785 What kind of father am I if I'm also the owner 929 00:31:52,826 --> 00:31:53,912 of the local rapery? 930 00:31:53,952 --> 00:31:55,579 The bottom line is that 931 00:31:55,622 --> 00:31:57,248 the bar can't be rapey anymore. 932 00:31:57,289 --> 00:31:59,625 If women stay away, 933 00:31:59,666 --> 00:32:01,085 bad for business. 934 00:32:01,126 --> 00:32:03,671 Plus rapey is wrong. 935 00:32:03,712 --> 00:32:05,589 And-and more importantly, rapey is wrong. 936 00:32:05,632 --> 00:32:08,593 cheerful music 937 00:32:11,470 --> 00:32:12,764 [Veronica] You don't think someone 938 00:32:12,805 --> 00:32:14,097 could misinterpret that sign? 939 00:32:14,140 --> 00:32:15,098 [Kev] What? 940 00:32:15,141 --> 00:32:16,683 How? If you have a vagina, 941 00:32:16,726 --> 00:32:18,478 you're safe. Vagina safe zone. 942 00:32:18,518 --> 00:32:22,272 There's no way we are still on that rapiest bar list. 943 00:32:22,315 --> 00:32:24,150 We have all the signed sex consent forms. 944 00:32:24,191 --> 00:32:26,027 We took down all the rapey posters 945 00:32:26,068 --> 00:32:27,694 and the bondage stuff. 946 00:32:27,737 --> 00:32:29,529 You're the, uh, Vagina Safe guy? 947 00:32:29,572 --> 00:32:31,156 Yes. 948 00:32:31,199 --> 00:32:33,575 I'm Bill Doyle. I own the Spread Eagle 949 00:32:33,617 --> 00:32:34,451 on 52nd. 950 00:32:34,493 --> 00:32:35,370 Oh, yeah, I know the place. 951 00:32:35,411 --> 00:32:36,746 Uh, deep-fried pickles, right? 952 00:32:36,787 --> 00:32:38,456 I was number two on the rapey bar list. 953 00:32:38,498 --> 00:32:39,623 Then you got off it, 954 00:32:39,665 --> 00:32:40,999 so now I'm number one. 955 00:32:41,041 --> 00:32:43,044 You already got women coming in. 956 00:32:43,085 --> 00:32:45,837 Wow. How'd you turn it around? 957 00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:47,798 I had to take an honest inventory 958 00:32:47,839 --> 00:32:49,508 about how The Alibi was contributing 959 00:32:49,549 --> 00:32:51,219 to the oppression of women 960 00:32:51,259 --> 00:32:53,136 and helped furthering the patriarchy. 961 00:32:58,101 --> 00:33:01,062 bluesy music 962 00:33:05,857 --> 00:33:06,985 [Bill] Hey, how you doing? 963 00:33:07,026 --> 00:33:08,152 Hi. 964 00:33:08,193 --> 00:33:09,653 What can I get you? 965 00:33:09,696 --> 00:33:11,572 May I have a vodka cranberry, please? 966 00:33:11,614 --> 00:33:14,741 [Bill] Vodka cranberry coming right up. 967 00:33:25,795 --> 00:33:27,046 [Kev] Hey. 968 00:33:30,508 --> 00:33:32,509 How you doing? 969 00:33:32,552 --> 00:33:34,804 Would you like a little lime with that, or... 970 00:33:34,845 --> 00:33:36,681 -Please. -[Bill] All right. 971 00:33:40,727 --> 00:33:43,855 [quietly] Four topless mermaids with nipples exposed. 972 00:33:46,899 --> 00:33:50,694 Approximately 41 pairs of panties 973 00:33:50,736 --> 00:33:53,698 hanging from the ceiling. 974 00:33:53,739 --> 00:33:56,743 Centerfold pinup behind the bar 975 00:33:56,783 --> 00:34:00,455 with dart sticking out of her posterior area. 976 00:34:04,082 --> 00:34:06,209 Man at end of bar visually undressing 977 00:34:06,252 --> 00:34:07,754 subject Veronica. 978 00:34:10,964 --> 00:34:13,259 Subject Veronica going to bathroom 979 00:34:13,301 --> 00:34:16,928 as planned. 980 00:34:16,971 --> 00:34:20,433 No one following her into the bathroom as of yet. 981 00:34:20,475 --> 00:34:22,602 Hold on. 982 00:34:22,642 --> 00:34:25,730 Man approaching subject's cocktail. 983 00:34:30,609 --> 00:34:32,779 Man has slipped unknown pharmaceutical 984 00:34:32,819 --> 00:34:35,823 into subject's cocktail. Assume a roofie. 985 00:34:37,950 --> 00:34:41,120 Second man approaching subject cocktail, 986 00:34:41,162 --> 00:34:43,997 also dropping unknown pharmaceutical 987 00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:47,627 into drink. 988 00:34:47,667 --> 00:34:50,587 Third man approaching with unknown pharmaceutical, 989 00:34:50,629 --> 00:34:53,299 and he has dropped unknown pharmaceutical 990 00:34:53,341 --> 00:34:55,551 into her drink. 991 00:34:58,471 --> 00:34:59,888 [clears throat] 992 00:35:02,683 --> 00:35:05,770 [mouths silently] 993 00:35:06,645 --> 00:35:09,357 To satisfy my soul 994 00:35:09,397 --> 00:35:12,359 [mouthing words] 995 00:35:18,366 --> 00:35:22,328 I wanna hug all women, 996 00:35:22,370 --> 00:35:25,163 all of them, 997 00:35:25,205 --> 00:35:26,373 everywhere I see them, 998 00:35:26,415 --> 00:35:28,625 to apologize. 999 00:35:28,667 --> 00:35:31,671 A random hug from a giant white stranger 1000 00:35:31,712 --> 00:35:34,422 ain't gonna make us feel any more comfortable about men. 1001 00:35:36,801 --> 00:35:39,303 But we will capitalize on their strengths. 1002 00:35:39,345 --> 00:35:41,180 We got two good ones, babe. 1003 00:35:41,221 --> 00:35:43,181 [Kev] Yeah, we do. 1004 00:35:43,223 --> 00:35:44,850 It's all my fault. 1005 00:35:44,892 --> 00:35:46,560 -What is? -How great they are. 1006 00:35:46,602 --> 00:35:48,855 No, it's not your fault. That's my fault. 1007 00:35:48,895 --> 00:35:51,941 funky music 1008 00:35:55,402 --> 00:35:57,696 My baby daddy can take care of me! 1009 00:35:57,738 --> 00:35:59,239 And your baby, and your mama's baby. 1010 00:35:59,281 --> 00:36:01,951 Ooh-hoo, we a regular modern family, baby. 1011 00:36:01,993 --> 00:36:04,245 [both laughing] 1012 00:36:04,287 --> 00:36:05,997 [Kev] Hey! 1013 00:36:08,540 --> 00:36:10,084 And I'm sorry, 1014 00:36:10,125 --> 00:36:12,669 but I would never leave you, 1015 00:36:12,712 --> 00:36:14,087 ever. 1016 00:36:14,129 --> 00:36:15,506 You gotta know that. 1017 00:36:15,547 --> 00:36:16,841 I'm putting a force field around us now. 1018 00:36:16,883 --> 00:36:18,091 Babe. 1019 00:36:18,134 --> 00:36:20,218 Taking care of what's mine. Come here. 1020 00:36:20,261 --> 00:36:22,221 Get in my force field. 1021 00:36:22,263 --> 00:36:25,223 I'm really sorry I didn't fuck you before, but... 1022 00:36:25,265 --> 00:36:27,185 I really, really wanna fuck you now. 1023 00:36:27,225 --> 00:36:30,020 I borrowed Lip's school computer to get online, 1024 00:36:30,062 --> 00:36:32,189 and I found that porn that we made, 1025 00:36:32,230 --> 00:36:33,774 and then I jerked off to it. 1026 00:36:33,816 --> 00:36:34,984 That's so sweet. 1027 00:36:35,026 --> 00:36:37,986 heavy metal music 1028 00:36:40,323 --> 00:36:42,325 That's what I'm talking about. 1029 00:36:42,366 --> 00:36:44,368 -Yeah! -[Kev] Aww. 1030 00:36:44,410 --> 00:36:46,412 [laughing] 1031 00:36:46,453 --> 00:36:47,830 You! 1032 00:36:48,747 --> 00:36:49,998 Oh, my gosh. 1033 00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:51,250 Ask me. 1034 00:36:51,292 --> 00:36:52,877 Veronica Fisher, 1035 00:36:52,919 --> 00:36:54,127 will you marry me? 1036 00:36:54,169 --> 00:36:55,546 Yes. 1037 00:36:55,587 --> 00:36:58,256 Yes, yes, yes, yes. 1038 00:37:00,259 --> 00:37:01,801 [Kev squeals] 1039 00:37:01,843 --> 00:37:03,428 Oh, shit! 1040 00:37:03,471 --> 00:37:04,513 That's cold! 1041 00:37:04,555 --> 00:37:06,223 What the hell? Veronica! 1042 00:37:06,265 --> 00:37:07,850 There's no hot water. 1043 00:37:10,810 --> 00:37:12,897 Fucking Gallaghers. 1044 00:37:12,939 --> 00:37:14,732 No wonder those foster kids are messed up. 1045 00:37:14,774 --> 00:37:17,651 That's why they need a positive influence. 1046 00:37:17,692 --> 00:37:19,904 Where's my damn toaster? Huh? 1047 00:37:19,946 --> 00:37:21,988 -You live here now? -Toaster. 1048 00:37:22,031 --> 00:37:23,241 My cell's gone. Help me look for my cell. 1049 00:37:23,281 --> 00:37:24,575 -It's gone. -I gave Lip your cell 1050 00:37:24,616 --> 00:37:25,660 so he could call around, see if anybody knew 1051 00:37:25,701 --> 00:37:26,576 where Frank was. 1052 00:37:26,618 --> 00:37:27,662 So now both my bills 1053 00:37:27,703 --> 00:37:28,913 are being run up over there. 1054 00:37:28,955 --> 00:37:30,497 We need more time. Can you stall him? 1055 00:37:30,538 --> 00:37:31,790 [car alarm blaring] 1056 00:37:31,832 --> 00:37:33,584 Chopped up some leftover chuck 1057 00:37:33,625 --> 00:37:35,169 for a bolognaise ragout. 1058 00:37:35,210 --> 00:37:36,921 I hope everybody is good and hungry. 1059 00:37:36,962 --> 00:37:38,547 Hey, Kev, you got a Bears jersey I can borrow? 1060 00:37:38,589 --> 00:37:40,591 Borrow as in I get it right back, 1061 00:37:40,633 --> 00:37:43,176 or borrow as in you plan to keep it forever 1062 00:37:43,218 --> 00:37:44,428 and forget it isn't yours? 1063 00:37:44,470 --> 00:37:45,888 He wants me to come over to his place tonight. 1064 00:37:45,930 --> 00:37:47,430 Oh. You should go. 1065 00:37:47,473 --> 00:37:49,600 I'll keep an eye on the kids. I need the kid practice now. 1066 00:37:49,642 --> 00:37:51,685 -Yeah, times two. -Oh. 1067 00:37:51,727 --> 00:37:52,812 [whispering] What about her? 1068 00:37:52,852 --> 00:37:54,062 [Fiona] You're not gonna get fired 1069 00:37:54,105 --> 00:37:55,814 for letting us borrow an old lady, right? 1070 00:37:55,855 --> 00:37:56,941 Or what? 1071 00:37:56,982 --> 00:37:58,401 [Veronica] Ah, shit. 1072 00:38:01,361 --> 00:38:02,696 Can you watch him for 15 minutes? 1073 00:38:02,738 --> 00:38:03,948 Damn, Fi, you see I'm in the middle of doing my-- 1074 00:38:03,989 --> 00:38:05,283 [Fiona] Thanks. 1075 00:38:05,323 --> 00:38:06,491 Okay, sure. 1076 00:38:06,533 --> 00:38:07,701 Hey. 1077 00:38:08,410 --> 00:38:09,495 Who the fuck are you? 1078 00:38:09,537 --> 00:38:10,788 Is this that missing kid? 1079 00:38:10,830 --> 00:38:11,705 [Fiona] Debbie stole him, 1080 00:38:11,747 --> 00:38:12,622 and now we have to figure out 1081 00:38:12,665 --> 00:38:13,790 how to give him back 1082 00:38:13,832 --> 00:38:14,875 without giving her 36 months of juvie. 1083 00:38:14,917 --> 00:38:16,294 I'm not sure what's going on with her. 1084 00:38:16,334 --> 00:38:18,004 Oh, maybe it's 'cause your mom bailed 1085 00:38:18,044 --> 00:38:20,297 and Frank's a big drunk. 1086 00:38:20,339 --> 00:38:21,464 Oh, what, I'm the asshole now? 1087 00:38:21,506 --> 00:38:22,633 She's the one who stole a baby. 1088 00:38:22,674 --> 00:38:23,801 [Lip] Kev, what time you going to work today? 1089 00:38:23,843 --> 00:38:25,468 Uh, I go in at 6:00. 1090 00:38:25,511 --> 00:38:26,721 All right, you're going in early. 1091 00:38:26,761 --> 00:38:27,971 You should go in, tell them you saw 1092 00:38:28,013 --> 00:38:29,180 a little boy in a Superman costume 1093 00:38:29,223 --> 00:38:30,890 walking down Grand Avenue. 1094 00:38:30,933 --> 00:38:31,892 I was walking to work, 1095 00:38:31,933 --> 00:38:33,477 and I saw this cute little kid 1096 00:38:33,518 --> 00:38:35,145 wearing a Superman costume. 1097 00:38:35,187 --> 00:38:36,980 Cute little kid. 1098 00:38:37,022 --> 00:38:38,316 A little kid in a Superman costume? 1099 00:38:38,357 --> 00:38:40,067 Superman costume. Sandy hair. 1100 00:38:40,109 --> 00:38:41,401 That's the little boy that's missing. 1101 00:38:41,444 --> 00:38:42,319 Where did you see him? 1102 00:38:42,361 --> 00:38:43,654 On Grand. I just passed him, 1103 00:38:43,696 --> 00:38:44,821 like, five minutes ago. 1104 00:38:44,863 --> 00:38:45,948 [sighs] Well, we have to call that in, 1105 00:38:45,989 --> 00:38:46,866 Kev. 1106 00:38:46,906 --> 00:38:48,326 Yes, we do. 1107 00:38:48,366 --> 00:38:49,826 Two virgin piña coladas. 1108 00:38:49,868 --> 00:38:50,953 Thank you, Kate. 1109 00:38:50,995 --> 00:38:53,330 I had no idea people I knew could die. 1110 00:38:53,372 --> 00:38:55,082 Honey, he was old. 1111 00:38:55,123 --> 00:38:57,917 Yeah, but that means my family is gonna die, too, 1112 00:38:57,959 --> 00:38:59,502 and then I'll be all alone. 1113 00:38:59,544 --> 00:39:01,464 Debs, there are way too many things in life 1114 00:39:01,504 --> 00:39:02,964 you gonna have to worry about. 1115 00:39:03,006 --> 00:39:04,924 Don't stress about this right now. 1116 00:39:04,966 --> 00:39:05,968 What's wrong with me? 1117 00:39:06,009 --> 00:39:07,218 What? 1118 00:39:07,261 --> 00:39:08,678 Ethel's got a boy into her, 1119 00:39:08,721 --> 00:39:10,180 and she's already has a husband. 1120 00:39:10,221 --> 00:39:12,767 You're a guy. Don't spare my feelings. 1121 00:39:12,808 --> 00:39:14,517 Are you sure you're sending strong enough signals? 1122 00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:15,770 I've tried. 1123 00:39:15,810 --> 00:39:17,270 Guys are pretty dumb. 1124 00:39:17,312 --> 00:39:19,230 Sometimes you have to put something shiny in a window 1125 00:39:19,272 --> 00:39:20,441 to get them to the store. 1126 00:39:20,482 --> 00:39:21,567 Thanks, Kevin. 1127 00:39:21,609 --> 00:39:22,776 So you gonna tell me what happened? 1128 00:39:22,817 --> 00:39:24,527 Why do you wanna know anyway? 1129 00:39:24,569 --> 00:39:26,279 'Cause you been running your ass around here 1130 00:39:26,321 --> 00:39:28,281 like a Black Scarface, and I care about you, okay? 1131 00:39:28,323 --> 00:39:30,408 That stupid dumbass. 1132 00:39:30,451 --> 00:39:32,370 He seemed scared, Kev, made me swear 1133 00:39:32,410 --> 00:39:33,370 that I wouldn't tell Fiona. 1134 00:39:33,412 --> 00:39:35,705 Oh, no, no, no, no. 1135 00:39:35,747 --> 00:39:36,873 That's why you're here. 1136 00:39:36,915 --> 00:39:38,417 Well, we have to do something. 1137 00:39:38,459 --> 00:39:39,709 No, you want me to do something. 1138 00:39:39,752 --> 00:39:41,127 I promised I wouldn't say anything. 1139 00:39:41,169 --> 00:39:42,546 You know I can't keep secrets. 1140 00:39:42,587 --> 00:39:45,508 Exactly, so you'll tell Fiona. 1141 00:39:45,549 --> 00:39:46,966 God damn it, V. 1142 00:39:47,009 --> 00:39:48,803 -May I see some ID, please? -What, are you kidding me? 1143 00:39:48,843 --> 00:39:51,596 Show me something. I gotta cover my ass. 1144 00:39:54,140 --> 00:39:55,892 Thank you, Dwayne Foster. 1145 00:39:55,935 --> 00:39:58,520 What if we adopt Lip as our own? 1146 00:39:58,562 --> 00:40:00,189 Wouldn't that change everything? 1147 00:40:01,439 --> 00:40:03,274 I'll go chase the rats out of the cooler. 1148 00:40:03,317 --> 00:40:04,401 Hey, guys. 1149 00:40:04,442 --> 00:40:06,654 [Kev yelling, rats squeaking] 1150 00:40:06,694 --> 00:40:08,071 Dude, who the hell around here is gonna go to school 1151 00:40:08,113 --> 00:40:09,573 if the one really smart guy quits? 1152 00:40:09,614 --> 00:40:12,158 Go to school and enjoy being smarter than everyone 1153 00:40:12,201 --> 00:40:13,743 and become master of the universe. 1154 00:40:13,785 --> 00:40:14,620 I mean, fuck. 1155 00:40:14,662 --> 00:40:15,453 Well, what if I don't wanna be 1156 00:40:15,495 --> 00:40:16,413 master of the universe? 1157 00:40:16,455 --> 00:40:17,665 [Kev] Tough. You gotta be 1158 00:40:17,705 --> 00:40:19,834 one of those ridiculously rich successful dudes 1159 00:40:19,875 --> 00:40:21,960 and put my kid through college someday. 1160 00:40:22,002 --> 00:40:23,337 No pressure. 1161 00:40:23,379 --> 00:40:25,339 Joking, right, about not going back to college? 1162 00:40:25,381 --> 00:40:26,464 [Lip] Serious. I'm done. 1163 00:40:26,506 --> 00:40:27,758 College is a racket, huh? 1164 00:40:27,799 --> 00:40:29,259 Well, guess what. 1165 00:40:29,301 --> 00:40:30,928 There's no one better at beating the system than you. 1166 00:40:30,970 --> 00:40:32,596 Hell, man, you got them to give you 1167 00:40:32,638 --> 00:40:34,140 four fucking years for free. 1168 00:40:34,180 --> 00:40:36,183 Why don't you get your damn diploma, 1169 00:40:36,225 --> 00:40:38,768 spit in their faces, and have a fucking future? 1170 00:40:38,810 --> 00:40:40,104 You know, I'm getting pretty damn tired 1171 00:40:40,145 --> 00:40:41,605 -of everybody telling-- -Stop making them have to. 1172 00:40:41,647 --> 00:40:44,066 Grow the fuck up. 1173 00:40:44,107 --> 00:40:45,567 Yeah, yeah, I mean, I told her. 1174 00:40:45,609 --> 00:40:47,111 Lip, you can't tell her that shit. 1175 00:40:47,152 --> 00:40:48,904 That's like waving the flag in front of the bull. 1176 00:40:48,946 --> 00:40:50,406 Well, hide the car keys, 1177 00:40:50,448 --> 00:40:52,741 stop showering, and you tell her nothing, 1178 00:40:52,783 --> 00:40:54,410 and whatever you do, 1179 00:40:54,451 --> 00:40:56,370 do not--Lip, 1180 00:40:56,412 --> 00:40:58,413 do not let her bone you, 1181 00:40:58,455 --> 00:41:00,248 because that oxytocin stuff 1182 00:41:00,290 --> 00:41:01,625 makes them adhesive. 1183 00:41:01,667 --> 00:41:03,544 You got it? 1184 00:41:03,585 --> 00:41:07,381 upbeat rock music 1185 00:41:07,422 --> 00:41:08,466 [Carl] Shit. 1186 00:41:08,506 --> 00:41:11,093 Jesus. 1187 00:41:11,134 --> 00:41:13,053 [Veronica] She's fine. Just passed out. 1188 00:41:13,095 --> 00:41:14,638 Sweet dreams, baby girl. 1189 00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:16,390 Well, she's all yours. 1190 00:41:16,431 --> 00:41:17,808 We gotta get back to the bar. 1191 00:41:19,100 --> 00:41:21,979 [laughing maniacally] 1192 00:41:22,020 --> 00:41:23,564 [Kev] Holy Jesus. 1193 00:41:23,605 --> 00:41:25,524 Are you okay? 1194 00:41:25,566 --> 00:41:27,567 I can't tell if you're laughing or crying. 1195 00:41:27,609 --> 00:41:29,402 I'll help you out in here. 1196 00:41:29,444 --> 00:41:31,363 You'll help me out in here. 1197 00:41:31,404 --> 00:41:32,823 You're on. 1198 00:41:32,864 --> 00:41:33,823 I brought help. 1199 00:41:33,866 --> 00:41:34,825 [Tommy] Everybody shovel 1200 00:41:34,866 --> 00:41:36,201 all this broken tile out. 1201 00:41:36,243 --> 00:41:37,368 Get it the hell out of here. 1202 00:41:37,410 --> 00:41:38,913 [crowd cheering] 1203 00:41:41,873 --> 00:41:43,250 Oh, fuck off! 1204 00:41:43,292 --> 00:41:45,084 Have you examined your breasts in the shower 1205 00:41:45,127 --> 00:41:46,127 this morning, Fiona? 1206 00:41:46,169 --> 00:41:47,462 It's not just here. 1207 00:41:47,504 --> 00:41:50,049 It's here too, and under the arms here. 1208 00:41:50,089 --> 00:41:51,133 All right? 1209 00:41:54,553 --> 00:41:55,638 Last one. 1210 00:41:55,678 --> 00:41:56,971 If I had a dime for every time 1211 00:41:57,013 --> 00:41:58,765 I heard you say that... 1212 00:41:58,806 --> 00:42:00,058 I'd have exactly one dime. 1213 00:42:00,100 --> 00:42:01,352 W-Wendy! 1214 00:42:01,392 --> 00:42:02,645 -Give me the phone! -[Wendy] Hello? Hello? 1215 00:42:02,685 --> 00:42:03,729 You're not gonna slap me, are you? 1216 00:42:03,770 --> 00:42:05,105 [Debbie] No. 1217 00:42:05,147 --> 00:42:06,607 Usually, after Veronica asks me to level with her, 1218 00:42:06,649 --> 00:42:07,816 she slaps me. 1219 00:42:07,857 --> 00:42:09,109 My husband fucked my mother to get pregnant. 1220 00:42:09,151 --> 00:42:11,611 Sorry we can't all have our baby the normal way! 1221 00:42:11,654 --> 00:42:13,531 Just remember, if you're gonna sit on my face, 1222 00:42:13,571 --> 00:42:15,114 I have that sinus thing. Okay? 1223 00:42:15,156 --> 00:42:16,283 I thought that's what you ladies wanted, 1224 00:42:16,325 --> 00:42:18,243 is shared housework, wage equality, 1225 00:42:18,285 --> 00:42:19,578 and all that Hunger Games 1226 00:42:19,620 --> 00:42:21,538 Lady Gaga girl power shit. 1227 00:42:21,580 --> 00:42:22,872 Don't haggle with a woman 1228 00:42:22,915 --> 00:42:24,625 who looks this fly in a power suit. 1229 00:42:24,667 --> 00:42:26,042 Let's get those bitches tugging. 1230 00:42:26,084 --> 00:42:28,879 Here's to good old-fashioned American capitalism. 1231 00:42:28,921 --> 00:42:30,297 You can keep a man down, 1232 00:42:30,339 --> 00:42:32,966 but you can never keep him from getting it up. 1233 00:42:33,008 --> 00:42:35,051 -Yes, sir! Ow! -[Kev] Mm. 1234 00:42:35,093 --> 00:42:37,053 Boom, there it is. 1235 00:42:37,096 --> 00:42:38,973 Boom, there it is. 1236 00:42:39,013 --> 00:42:40,390 Toilets? Toilets. 1237 00:42:40,431 --> 00:42:42,058 Kids drown in toilets all the time. 1238 00:42:42,100 --> 00:42:43,477 Close the lid. 1239 00:42:43,518 --> 00:42:45,562 You gotta be on it all the time. 1240 00:42:45,604 --> 00:42:48,399 I mean, what kind of person doesn't worry about this shit? 1241 00:42:48,439 --> 00:42:50,484 Fine. I will go home 1242 00:42:50,526 --> 00:42:51,944 and fuck my husband. 1243 00:42:51,986 --> 00:42:53,988 Maybe with a little more enthusiasm? 1244 00:42:55,029 --> 00:42:56,698 I'm more like a refugee who sells weed. 1245 00:42:56,739 --> 00:42:58,408 Lots of noises in the ghetto. 1246 00:42:58,450 --> 00:43:00,660 Automatic gunfire, people begging for their lives... 1247 00:43:00,703 --> 00:43:02,162 I changed your diaper, so I know 1248 00:43:02,203 --> 00:43:04,163 your little pudding pop ain't never been chocolate. 1249 00:43:04,205 --> 00:43:06,332 Four hundred years of oppression makes you Black, 1250 00:43:06,375 --> 00:43:08,502 and if you keep up with this wigger bullshit, 1251 00:43:08,544 --> 00:43:10,629 I'm gonna reverse George Zimmerman your ass. 1252 00:43:10,671 --> 00:43:11,964 They're a day old, but no mold. 1253 00:43:12,006 --> 00:43:13,381 I checked. Praise Jesus. 1254 00:43:13,424 --> 00:43:14,799 I've been dealing with toddlers all day, 1255 00:43:14,841 --> 00:43:16,551 talking ABCs, 1256 00:43:16,593 --> 00:43:18,846 telling them what sounds a cow makes. 1257 00:43:18,886 --> 00:43:21,098 It's moo, motherfucker. It's moo. 1258 00:43:21,140 --> 00:43:22,765 Is this really her aunt, 1259 00:43:22,808 --> 00:43:23,808 or are we gonna find her fucking her in our bed 1260 00:43:23,850 --> 00:43:24,977 a week from now? 1261 00:43:25,018 --> 00:43:26,312 When I started dating Kev, I was like, 1262 00:43:26,352 --> 00:43:27,812 "You're my man, I'm your girl, 1263 00:43:27,855 --> 00:43:29,022 and if you're not happy with that, 1264 00:43:29,064 --> 00:43:30,149 I'll kill you in your sleep." 1265 00:43:30,189 --> 00:43:31,274 It's true. 1266 00:43:31,317 --> 00:43:33,026 Too tired to jump up and down with me? 1267 00:43:33,067 --> 00:43:35,696 Yeah, but if it helps, this is my happy face now. 1268 00:43:35,738 --> 00:43:37,363 You're madder than a hornet in a Coke can. 1269 00:43:37,406 --> 00:43:40,658 "Well, slap my ass and call me Sally." 1270 00:43:40,701 --> 00:43:44,163 "Well, sit on my face and call me Bernard." 1271 00:43:44,203 --> 00:43:45,538 Look at you two. 1272 00:43:45,580 --> 00:43:48,667 You're like two friends from that old show... 1273 00:43:48,709 --> 00:43:50,335 Friends. 1274 00:43:50,377 --> 00:43:52,879 Nipple piercing. It's small but meaningful. 1275 00:43:52,921 --> 00:43:54,631 I would legit not say hello to you 1276 00:43:54,672 --> 00:43:55,758 if I saw you in public. 1277 00:43:55,799 --> 00:43:58,009 V! 1278 00:43:59,803 --> 00:44:01,221 V! 1279 00:44:01,263 --> 00:44:02,513 Holy shit. 1280 00:44:02,555 --> 00:44:04,183 You had sex with her, too. 1281 00:44:04,223 --> 00:44:06,477 V, that-that is... 1282 00:44:06,517 --> 00:44:07,895 really hot. 1283 00:44:07,935 --> 00:44:09,145 My husband's a slut. 1284 00:44:09,187 --> 00:44:10,480 V, that's a little harsh. 1285 00:44:10,522 --> 00:44:12,316 Kev, what the hell are you talking about? 1286 00:44:12,357 --> 00:44:13,442 God damn it, V. 1287 00:44:13,484 --> 00:44:14,609 Love you, Kev. 1288 00:44:14,651 --> 00:44:16,277 Marriage is a sacred institution. 1289 00:44:16,319 --> 00:44:17,321 Did she go down on you? 1290 00:44:17,363 --> 00:44:18,613 Yes! 1291 00:44:18,656 --> 00:44:20,031 Did she do that thing with her tongue? 1292 00:44:20,073 --> 00:44:21,491 [Veronica] Yes. 1293 00:44:21,533 --> 00:44:22,533 Did you come a lot? 1294 00:44:22,576 --> 00:44:23,701 -Kev... -[Kev] Right. 1295 00:44:23,743 --> 00:44:24,995 You two just... 1296 00:44:25,037 --> 00:44:27,163 lick each other like cats all day while I'm gone. 1297 00:44:27,205 --> 00:44:28,873 The guy offered me $4,000 1298 00:44:28,915 --> 00:44:30,000 for an hour with you. 1299 00:44:30,042 --> 00:44:31,000 Mm. 1300 00:44:31,042 --> 00:44:32,169 He thinks I'm a whore? 1301 00:44:32,210 --> 00:44:33,169 -Of course. -No. 1302 00:44:33,212 --> 00:44:34,337 It's just a misunderstanding, V. 1303 00:44:34,379 --> 00:44:35,881 That's all. 1304 00:44:38,133 --> 00:44:41,178 [Veronica] Kev, can you come up for a sec? 1305 00:44:52,605 --> 00:44:54,857 V, look how hard I am for you. 1306 00:44:54,899 --> 00:44:56,109 [Alison] You Kevin Ball? 1307 00:44:56,151 --> 00:44:57,319 You a health inspector? 1308 00:44:57,361 --> 00:44:58,486 Uh, no. 1309 00:44:58,529 --> 00:45:00,029 Jehovah's Witness? 1310 00:45:00,071 --> 00:45:01,614 -No. -IRS? 1311 00:45:01,656 --> 00:45:02,741 No. 1312 00:45:02,783 --> 00:45:04,410 Then yes, I'm Kevin Ball. 1313 00:45:08,413 --> 00:45:09,997 Kev. 1314 00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:11,375 [snores] Uh, what? 1315 00:45:11,417 --> 00:45:12,375 V? V! 1316 00:45:12,417 --> 00:45:14,085 V, your mom's here. 1317 00:45:14,127 --> 00:45:15,837 V, don't start that shit. 1318 00:45:15,879 --> 00:45:16,964 -Kevin... -V! 1319 00:45:17,004 --> 00:45:18,549 -Kevin Ball. -V! 1320 00:45:18,589 --> 00:45:19,674 No, I'm done. No more breastfeeding. 1321 00:45:19,716 --> 00:45:21,051 Kev, wake up. 1322 00:45:21,093 --> 00:45:22,428 V, we're doing it, baby. 1323 00:45:22,468 --> 00:45:23,470 [Veronica laughs] 1324 00:45:28,517 --> 00:45:30,143 V, we gotta talk. 1325 00:45:30,185 --> 00:45:31,895 Kevin? Kevin? 1326 00:45:31,937 --> 00:45:33,312 Kevin? Kevin! 1327 00:45:33,355 --> 00:45:35,107 Kevin Ball, get your ass down here. 1328 00:45:38,109 --> 00:45:39,402 What the fuck, V? 1329 00:45:39,444 --> 00:45:40,946 Kev, please stop talking. 1330 00:45:40,988 --> 00:45:42,613 Snookums... 1331 00:45:42,656 --> 00:45:43,991 [Veronica] Kev, come on. We're gonna be late. 1332 00:45:44,031 --> 00:45:45,408 Kevin Ball, 1333 00:45:45,451 --> 00:45:47,243 get your ass out here right now 1334 00:45:47,285 --> 00:45:49,163 before I Lorena Bobbitt you myself. 1335 00:45:53,207 --> 00:45:55,334 Kev, no one needs to know about our sex life. 1336 00:45:55,377 --> 00:45:56,669 -[Kev] Uh... -Kev? 1337 00:45:56,712 --> 00:45:58,464 Kev? Kevin? 1338 00:45:58,504 --> 00:45:59,506 -Kevin. -[Kev] Mm. 1339 00:45:59,547 --> 00:46:01,008 -V? -Kev! 1340 00:46:01,049 --> 00:46:02,384 I'm coming. 1341 00:46:02,426 --> 00:46:03,384 -Kev! -Shh. 1342 00:46:03,426 --> 00:46:05,178 -Come on. -Let me have this. 1343 00:46:05,220 --> 00:46:06,388 -Kev? -Yeah? 1344 00:46:06,430 --> 00:46:08,556 [Veronica] Kev? 1345 00:46:08,598 --> 00:46:10,225 Kevin. 1346 00:46:10,267 --> 00:46:11,893 Hey, hey, hey. 1347 00:46:13,979 --> 00:46:15,355 [quietly] V. 1348 00:46:15,397 --> 00:46:18,192 La la la la la 1349 00:46:18,232 --> 00:46:20,359 Stupid in love 1350 00:46:20,401 --> 00:46:23,071 La la la la la la la la la 1351 00:46:23,113 --> 00:46:26,116 La la la la la la la la 1352 00:46:26,158 --> 00:46:29,453 La la la la la la la la la 1353 00:46:29,495 --> 00:46:32,663 La la la la la la la la la 86343