Original subtitles

[opening theme music playing]

-You're awful quiet tonight. -Just thinking.

Hmm. [chuckles]

Yeah, you're right.

About what?

About what you were thinking.

Jonathan, I wasn't thinking about anything to be right about.

I was just thinking, you know? I mean, you don't know everything.

Then what were you thinking about?

All right, you're so smart, you tell me.

Old radio shows.

All right, so I was thinking about old radio shows.

What's the big deal in that?

If you're gonna get mad about it, let's forget it.

I'm not mad. And I do not wanna forget about it.

I was thinking about old radio shows.

How I used to listen to them when I was a kid.

You know, The Shadow, Fibber McGee and Molly,

-The Masked Rider, and how they-- -Yeah, it was.

It really was.

There you go again. It was what?

It was fun to use your imagination on the radio, it was fun.

All right, all right, so you got that.

Jonathan, will you do me one favor?

If you are gonna read my mind,

will you wait at least until I finish a thought before jumping ahead of me like that?

Fine, I'm sorry. You better slow down.

Why? I'm not going too fast.

But we're gonna have to stop pretty soon,

and I know how you hate it when I do that for you.

Jonathan, I was a cop.

I was a cop, I have perfect night vision, instant reflexes.

[tires screeching]

I was going to stop.

I really hate it when you do that.

Rotten.

-Hey, you need-- -You watch the way you're driving, bub.

The way you were barreling down this road,

I'm lucky you saw me.

Yeah. Give you a hand there, mister?

Doctor.

You want us to get a doctor?

No, you blamed fool, I'm a doctor. I'm not a mister.

I have an emergency at a farmhouse down the road here.

I'd appreciate a lift.

Yeah, sure. Hop in.

Probably I'm taking my life in my hands, but it beats walking.

[car door slams]

-What happened back there? -Car crashed, or didn't you see it?

Yeah, I saw it.

Couldn't tell by the way you were driving.

-How'd it happen? -How'd it happen?

I'll tell you how it happened.

I'm too old to be driving around at night, that's how it happened.

Couldn't see.

Age is my excuse, what's yours?

Probably yapping away or listening to punk-rock music.

My name is Doc Hudsbeth. What's yours?

Mark Gordon.

Keep your eye on the road, son.

One crash a night's about my limit.

Used to know an old lady named Fiona Gordon, you any relation?

-No, I'm from-- -She's the only one with that name

that lived around here.

Nice old lady.

How about you?

Smith. Jonathan Smith. I'm not from around here either.

Just passing through, eh?

Well, you don't look like criminals.

If you're looking for work, it's worth 15 bucks and food to me

if you'd drive me around the rest of the night.

Got some calls to make. What do you say?

-Well-- -Sounds good to me.

The first farmhouse on the right.

And slow down, for Pete's sake. There's a dip.

[doorbell dings]

[exclaims]

Oh, thanks for coming out here, doc.

Don't thank me till you see my bill.

These fellas are my two new drivers, Maggie.

Pay them no mind.

Come on, boys, follow me, you may learn something.

How bad has he been wheezing?

Awful bad, doc. It just came on all of a sudden.

Poor guy, I don't know what to do for him.

Well, the first thing you can do is look less scared.

Little boy sees his mama looking like that,

figures he must be real sick.

[Dr. Hudsbeth] He doesn't have any infection and it's not pneumonia

I'm gonna give him some epinephrine.

And, Maggie, I want you to get a sheet

and these two fellas here are gonna help you rig up a tent

right here on Robbie's bed.

Now, Robbie, roll over on your other side.

All right, now, Robbie, I'm gonna give you a shot.

This is a little shot, it's gonna hurt a little,

but the instant you feel the hurt, the worst is over. Okay?

That's it, the worst is over.

Everything is downhill from here.

Robbie, it's gonna make your heart go a little fast, but that's nothing to worry about.

And if you feel like crying, you go right ahead and cry

because most folks do when they get this shot.

-I've got the sheet. -[Dr. Hudsbeth] All right.

[baby cries]

Oh, that's the little one. She's feeling poorly, too.

Well, let's look in on her too.

Now would you fellas build a tent right here on Robbie's bed?

Put the vaporizer inside the tent, all the steam should be inside the tent.

I want a London fog.

Now, Maggie, you have that other vaporizer I gave you?

Yes.

Give it to Mark here and we'll get that one going, too.

I want a London fog in this tent.

-Thanks for all your help, mister. -He kept asking for his dad.

Something about he promised to make him a spaceship.

I know.

His father was drowned

in a fishing accident about three months ago.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, they never found his body

and Robbie just won't accept the fact he's gone.

How far apart are they, Gloria?

All right.

Now, where's Cleavon?

Okay, Gloria, be calm.

I'll be right there and we'll take you to the hospital.

No, no, no, don't you worry.

That baby won't dare poke his head out till I get there.

Okay? Bye.

Okay, let's go.

[Maggie] Doc,

I, uh...

I don't have any money to pay you.

You don't, eh?

Well, I guess you'll have to make me one of those pies.

I don't work for nothing, you know.

Thanks, doc.

Call me first thing in the morning, Maggie.

Let me know how he's doing.

[exclaims]

Doc, you all right?

Doc?

Of course I'm all right.

I'm not having the baby, she is.

-[panting] -[Dr. Hudsbeth] There, now you're doing it.

That's it, Gloria, now you're doing it.

Now ease up, ease up.

Ease up. There.

I told you this fella wouldn't come down the pike till I got here.

-Are we going to the hospital, doc? -Not tonight.

We're gonna do this the same way your great-grandmother did it.

-Wouldn't it be safer in the hospital? -Gloria.

You can have your baby here or in this fella's car.

Take your pick.

I thought by now, Cleavon would be back.

[Gloria] I tried to reach him. He's on duty.

They got a big fire over in Harley County

and they got paramedics from three counties down there.

Well, we'll have to have a surprise for him when he gets home.

Mark, prop her up.

-[Dr. Hudsbeth] That's it. -Easy does it. Easy does it.

-Come on, a little more. -[screaming]

-Okay? All right. -[panting]

Lean back.

That's a good one, missy.

Now, Gloria,

you get one more like that,

I want you to bear down and help this little fella.

Doc,

you're the one that needs to get to a hospital.

Have either one of you fellas delivered a baby before?

I was a cop. I've done it twice.

Well, tonight's gonna make three times.[exclaims]

I gotta get him to a hospital.

I'm gonna use the stuff to get him there.

-You go ahead. -Go ahead? I don't even know you.

Lady, before the night's out, we're gonna be on a first-name basis.

Heaven help me.

Yeah, you got that right.

[screams]

All right, Gloria, push down, push down.

Come on. The baby needs your help.

Here it comes again.

Gloria, push down. Come on.

I can't push. It hurts.

Come on, Gloria, push.

Boy, I'm gonna need some help with this one.

You? What about me?

Come on, Gloria, push down. Come on.

-Come on, you can do it. -[screaming]

Where am I?

Harley County General.

-I gotta get back to my patient. -Be quiet, doc.

Don't you tell me to be quiet.

I brought you into this world, and I'll take you out of it. Sassing me.

Dr. Hudsbeth, you are my patient

and you will kindly shut up.

Now, you haven't had a heart attack.

Of course not.

If I passed out, it was from arrhythmia.

[Dr. Gleason] Well, that's exactly what happened.

But you need rest and you need to be quiet.

I was practicing medicine for 20 years when you were still playing jacks.

Now don't aggravate me. I'm a sick man.

Just hand me a phone so I can call my patient.

All right.

You are the stubbornest old man that ever lived.

Here.

Turn over, I wanna see your best side.

Push down, Gloria. Come on, push down.

Good. Good effort. Outstanding.

[telephone rings]

I better get that, they may have reached your husband.

Don't mind me, just make yourself at home, you know?

[ring]

Hello.

Yeah. Just a minute.

It's for you.

Hello.

What?

Oh, yeah, they're real close together now, doc.

[panting and moaning]

Here comes another one.

-Push. Push. -What?

[yells] I said, push!

Push!

[Mark] Come on, Gloria, bear down. Bear down.

That's it! That's it! I can see him.

Come on, darling. Push.

Help that child.

Help him, Gloria.

Come on. Come on.

[baby cries]

That's the first one I've ever done long distance.

Here we go.

-Oh! -[baby cooing]

-Well, we did it. -We sure did.

I'm gonna name you, little baby,

after the man who made your birth possible.

You're gonna call him Mark?

Alexander Graham Bell Johnson.

-I'll go get the car. -Okay.

Doc, I wanna thank you for everything.

There's no need to thank me for a thing.

He's the reason I went to med school.

[Dr. Hudsbeth] Cornbread and fruit.

A mighty fine diet, high in fiber content.

Probably a darn sight healthier than what you're eating now.

I wanna see you back here in two days for some more tests.

All right, all right.

Because I feel sorry for you,

I'll let you have the body of an old man to experiment on.

I'll drop that medicine off to Robbie's mom.

-Thank you, Jonathan. -You bet.

What are we doing here?

What do you think we're doing here? It's my office, you blame fool.

Well, it says "market."

You can read, but you can't drive.

-Morning, Minnie. -Oh, morning, doc.

-Hear you've been feeling poorly. -You heard wrong.

Oh, good.

Well, when you have some time, my bunions have been acting up again.

Let me deal with the little emergencies first, Minnie,

and then we'll get to the life-threatening ones like yours.

This fella's with me. He's a brain surgeon.

Well, how we doing, Gloria?

And how's little Alexander?

-That is what you call him? -He's doing fine.

He's no trouble at all.

Mark Gordon. My husband, Cleavon.

-How you doing? -Oh, good.

Look at this young man, all puffed up

because he got him a son first shot out of the gate.

You know, I wanna thank you both for what you did.

Here. I made two of these, one for each of you.

-Oh, sweet-potato pie. -Ho-ho-ho-ho...

And we don't have to report this to the infernal Revenue Service.

How's the job going?

It's not going, it's gone.

What are you talking about?

You're the best paramedic they've got.

Hell, you should be. I taught you everything you know.

The county instituted some cutbacks and I was new on the job.

That's a shame.

What are you gonna do?

-Well... -[baby cooing]

I'm gonna stop dreaming about med school, that's for sure.

You know you can't do that. That's what you love, you know it.

No way to save any money on an orderly salary.

Orderly?

Hey, doc, you gotta take what you can get.

Yeah, well,

let's go on inside and have a look at the little fella.

It was nice to meet you. Thanks again.

Hey, I'm glad I could help.

Oh, boy.

I shouldn't, but I will. [chuckles]

Thanks for bringing the medicine out here.

Oh, it's my pleasure.

Shouldn't have gone to all this trouble.

No trouble at all. You take care.

-Hey, how you doing, Robbie? -Hi.

-How you feeling today? Little better? -I guess.

Kind of hard, giving up on a sickness, isn't it?

What do you mean?

Well, I know when I was little it used to be kind of fun to be sick.

I mean, after you're over being real sick and you're just a little bit sick,

everybody pays attention to you and real nice to you.

My dad always reads me stories whenever I'm sick.

Oh, yeah, that's fun.

You know, I remember one time when I was a kid,

I wanted attention so bad I actually made myself sick.

And I'm not kidding you, I ran a fever and everything.

If my dad knew I was sick, I figured he'd get here.

But he just didn't know, I guess,

or else he would have come. He would have.

Somebody should have called him.

Yeah, only if they knew his number.

You know, Robbie, the only time people can know what's going on

with the ones they love when they're far, far away

and there's no phones or letters or anything is when they're in heaven.

My daddy ain't in heaven, because my daddy ain't dead.

Maybe he's living with pirates or something.

My daddy wouldn't have gone off and died

without keeping his promise to me about that spaceship.

My daddy never broke a promise to me ever. Ever.

So he ain't dead.

-Hi, Mark. -Mm.

Doc in there?

Yeah, you want some of this sweet-potato pie? It's really good.

No, no, I'll just say hello to doc for a second.

[Dr. Hudsbeth] Unless you're dying, come back tomorrow.

-It's me, doc, can I come in? -[Dr. Hudsbeth] Sure, why not.

Minnie, what are you doing?

I'm eavesdropping. What does it look like?

You know, for a brain surgeon, you're pretty slow on the uptake.

You shouldn't be doing that.

Now you listen to me.

Charlie Sims wouldn't come all the way here to see doc

if he didn't have some very important news.

The problem isn't just one thing, doc.

It's all the things together.

The problem is, you got a very old heart.

It's a weak muscle, it's not going to get any stronger.

You need a rest and now's the time to take it.

Rest?

All I own in the world is a little piece of land with a fat mortgage.

Why do you think I work so hard?

You've had that place for 30 years. It has to be paid for by now.

And how do you think I've kept body and soul together for 30 years?

By refinancing that place.

I now owe more on it than when I bought it.

That place is all I have in the world

and I owe a hundred thousand bucks on it.

If I quit working, where am I gonna live?

Doc, if you don't give up your practice,

you won't have to worry about where you'll live.

The only piece of land you'll need will be six feet deep.

And we both know that's true, don't we?

Don't we?

Oh, Jonathan, thank goodness you're back.

Look, I gotta talk fast before the doc comes out.

-I know. -Jonathan, it's about the doc. He--

-Mark, I just told you, I know. -Mark,

can you help me with some of these boxes out here?

Oh, yeah, sure. I guess.

It's all right, I'll take the doc home and I'll meet you later.

It just doesn't seem fair.

He's given the people his whole life and he can't even afford to retire.

Mark!

The master's voice.

You feel like a cup of coffee?

-Sure, if you'd like me to come in. -Fine.

[Dr. Hudsbeth] I hope you like your coffee with chicory.

That's how I drink it.

That's the way my mother made it.

-Hot and strong, keeps you regular. -[chuckles]

-You can raise the dead with this stuff. -Mm.

That's good.

I see you were looking at the collection.

And quite a collection it is.

And what about you, doc? You have a family?

Nope.

Never had a family of my own.

Never seemed to have time.

You know, I must have brought over a thousand babies into the world.

I wouldn't mind having a little grandchild of my own

to bounce on my knee,

make funny faces at.

Well, I guess it's too late to do anything about that now.

It's too late for everything, except dying.

Not if you slow down.

That's what young Charlie said. He knows his medicine.

But he has a little bit more to learn about people.

You know, doc, I'm just passing through.

So if you wanna talk, I can listen. It won't go any further.

It better not.

You better keep a tight lip on what I'm saying, you hear?

I've heard about your hickory stick. I wouldn't dream of crossing you.

What's gonna happen to them without me, Jonathan?

Town without a doctor,

it falls apart, dies.

Young people don't wanna stay here, and why should they?

The nearest one is in the Emergency Ward

at Harley County General.

And that's 40 miles away for most folks,

50 for some,

and they don't take them sweet-potato pies for payment.

I was praying I could keep going

till Cleavon finished his internship, but that's all over now.

Where are they gonna go, Jonathan?

What are they gonna do?

-Question is, what are you gonna do? -About what?

About what Dr. Sims told you. About slowing down.

Oh, I've gotta keep working to keep a roof over my head.

Oh...

Now, that's the only reason, huh?

Well...

They're not just my patients, Jonathan,

they're my family.

And they don't have anybody but me.

The way things look, I won't be here very long.

You ever think about finding a replacement?

[chuckles] Where?

Well, Harley County General is a teaching hospital.

Maybe there's a country doctor in that graduating class.

Not a chance.

All the young'uns today wanna be specialists.

Well, maybe.

But you can't be sure unless you try.

[groans]

There you go.

-That's all of them, I hope. -Yeah.

I'm sorry, I had no idea there was so much back there.

[chuckles] Of course you didn't.

That's a sad thing about old doc.

The poor guy's just working himself to death trying to pay off his mortgage.

Well, why don't you do something to try to help?

-Like what? -From all the pictures in doc's office,

I'd say he's delivered hundreds of babies in his life.

Well, I know that.

Well, the way I figure it,

the man has been giving to people around here for almost 50 years.

About time he got something back.

Let them know he's in trouble, that he needs help.

Thought that's what country folks are all about.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're right.

I'm the mail carrier in this county.

And I could slip letters in everybody's mailbox asking them to pitch in.

Now you're talking, Minnie.

Would you help me with the letter?

You got it.

-Morning, Minnie. -[car door closes]

You didn't have to bring the mail all the way up to the door.

Yeah, I know that, Harold.

I hear your business is doing real well.

-It couldn't be better. -Well, I'm glad to hear it.

-I need to talk to you. -Well, I'm kind of busy, actually.

This won't take long. It's about Dr. Hudsbeth.

Yes, I would be more comfortable talking inside.

Yeah, come on, nice of you to ask me.

Floyd, this is Jonathan Smith,

a young friend of mine. Jonathan, this is Doc Gleason.

-Pleasure to meet you. -Pleased to meet you.

How you doing, Will?

Well, I'm ambulating. How's yourself?

Just wrapping things up here so I can retire.

I've put in my time with administrative headaches.

Well, I've got them all assembled and waiting for you.

Shall we give it a go?

Might as well.

-Good luck. -Thank you.

Hey, excuse me.

Aren't you Cleavon Johnson, Gloria's husband?

-Yeah. Do I know you? -I'm Jonathan Smith.

-Oh, Mark's friend. -Right.

-How are you? -I'm fine.

Mark told me about you being laid off your paramedic job.

Yeah. Well,

you know, I used to dream of going to med school here.

Guess I'll have to be satisfied with just emptying bedpans.

-I'm really sorry. -Yeah, me too. Me too.

But I'll survive, God willing.

Guess I better get back to work.

-Tell Mark I said hi, okay? -Will do it.

-Take care. -You too.

[Dr. Hudsbeth] That's the way of looking at things because that's what they are.

-Is the doc having any luck in there? -No.

I think he's switched to his preacher mode now, trying to find a convert.

But is he getting anybody to answer the call?

Afraid not.

But I can't blame them.

You know, it's hard for a young person

to weigh financial security in the balance

with the chance to practice medicine the way my father did.

The way Will did all these years.

Yeah, you mean dealing with people instead of budgets and paperwork?

Yeah.

My father was a country doctor.

That's why I went into medicine.

I used to tag along with him when he made house calls.

The way people looked at my dad with such love.

And he loved them, loved his work, loved-loved healing.

I take it they don't look at hospital administrators that way?

They look at me like I'm from the IRS.

Let me ask you, doc, what are you gonna do now that you're retiring?

I'm not sure, really.

Thing is, I don't feel old. But county policy, mandatory retirement.

-Ain't that a crock? -Yeah.

Dr. Gleason, when's the last time you had some really good cornbread?

Cornbread?

Mm-hmm, I'm not talking about store-bought.

I'm talking about the real McCoy like your aunt Clara used to make.

Now how did you know I had an Aunt Clara?

Come on, doesn't everybody? Now, how long has it been?

It's been a long time.

Well, doc, I think it's time we did something about that.

Well, I hope there aren't too many sick farmers this morning.

I gotta head out to the hospital, see if there are any takers

among Floyd's new crop of doctors.

-But I doubt it. -You never know.

Oh, Mark, I've gotta stop at the bank.

They called last night and made an appointment.

-Trouble? -No.

Just a few days late with your payment and they get their bowels in an uproar.

That's why they all live on antacid pills.

Ed, gotta make this quick because I have a busy schedule today.

I know I'm late, but you'll get your payment by next Wednesday.

Well, I'm sorry, doc, but next Wednesday is too late.

What?

Some papers here for you to sign.

I can't believe you're gonna do this to me.

Just because I'm a few days late.

-Well, business is business, doc. -Oh, really?

Well, let me tell you something about being late.

When your mama was carrying you,

she was two weeks late and I never gave up on her.

I was at her place every day during those two weeks.

Just sign at the bottom.

You know, Ed,

in all my years of delivering babies,

you're the only one I regret.

What is this?

What is this?

This says--

Paid in full?

Surprise!

♪ For he's A jolly good fellow ♪

♪ For he's A jolly good fellow ♪

♪ For he's A jolly good fellow ♪

♪ That nobody can deny ♪

Doc.

Doc, there isn't a person for 50 miles around in any direction

that doesn't owe you,

and some of them even owe you their lives.

And, well, everybody knows

that you could have done much better for yourself in a big city

or something and, well,

we figured that it was time

that you got more out of this than just baked goods.

So we, uh--

Doc, what this poor, unfortunate, tongue-tied soul is trying to say

is that we love you

and this is just a tangible way of saying those three words.

We love you, doc.

What is this thing?

It's a check, doc, for enough money to pay off your mortgage.

So you can take it easy, doc.

You can stop working and take it easy.

Stop working?

Well, who's gonna take care of you if I do?

Who's gonna tend your bunions or set your bones

or deliver your babies if I quit?

I won't take this check. I won't have it.

-Doc, we only meant-- -I know what you meant.

That I'm some kind of charity case,

too feeble to be of any use to anyone,

so you're going to ease me into golden retirement

when there's gotta be somebody to take care of you.

There is, Will.

Will, for 50 years,

every once in a while, I'd envy you.

I retire in a month.

I've been everything but a country doctor in my career,

I'd like to give it a try.

You've envied me?

Take a look around, Will.

Take a look at the faces of the people in this room.

What man wouldn't envy the kind of love

so many people have for you?

You wanna lance boils on somebody's backside

in the back room of a market, Floyd?

I must say, your friend Jonathan

made a mighty persuasive argument the other day.

How about it?

Yeah, sure.

But...

But what?

Well, you're an old duffer yourself, Floyd.

I was kind of hoping we'd get some young fella or some young gal

who could stick around a while.

Before you know it,

you would be feeble-minded or dead yourself.

Tact was never your strong suit, Will.

What are you getting at?

What I'm getting at is this:

Half of this money

would be enough to make my payments for the rest of my life.

So if

you would give me just a few minutes,

I'd like to talk over something with you.

-You all right, doc? -Of course I'm all right.

Just keep your eyes on the road.

Hi, what brings you all out here?

Oh, we just wanted to talk with Cleavon.

He's out back.

-Is something wrong? -Not a thing.

-Afternoon, Cleavon. -Oh, hi.

What are you doing out here?

Well, Cleavon, I got some bad news for you.

They just told me down at the hospital they can't keep you on in that job.

[sighs] That's just great.

Did they say why?

Well, it has to do with some silly rule

about it interfering with your work in med school or something.

What are you talking about?

[Dr. Hudsbeth] Cleavon,

it gives me great pleasure to inform you

that you have been awarded

the first William F. Hudsbeth Pre-memorial Scholarship

that will cover the full tuition at med school.

Doc, is this a joke?

Does it sound like my sense of humor?

-Full tuition? -[Dr. Hudsbeth] You heard right.

Cleavon.

[sighs] But I mean, it just won't work.

I still have to have a job.

What are you talking about? I'll get a job.

What about the baby?

I'll take care of the little fella.

I know a thing or two about babies.

I got nothing else to do.

And if we're lucky, old Floyd will ward off feeble-mindedness

till you get out of school.

That is, if you still wanna be a country doctor.

Doc,

I don't know what to say.

If you don't wanna feel the business end of a hickory switch,

say yes.

Yes.

Yes.

[knock on door]

I'll get it, you just finish that arithmetic.

-Hi. -Hi, come on in.

Oh, thanks.

We were just on our way out of town

and we thought we'd stop and say goodbye.

Well, that's mighty nice of you.

Can I get you a cup of coffee?

[Mark] Oh, no, thanks. We gotta be going.

We got another job waiting for us.

Minnie asked if we could drop off this package and letter.

She said she was sorry. She should have delivered it a long time ago.

Yes. It probably got misplaced or something.

Minnie would misplace her head if it wasn't stuck on.

Maggie, the letter's from your husband.

He must've mailed it before the accident.

A letter from my daddy?

-See, Mama, see? I told you. -Robbie, it's not--

My hand is just

shaking like a leaf.

Would you read it?

"Dear, Maggie, Robbie and baby Rachel,

it's nighttime now.

There was the most beautiful sunset I've ever seen

and I just wanted to get this letter off before we go fishing tomorrow.

I've never seen a day end

with so much peace and beauty all around.

It made me think what a lucky guy I am to have all of you.

If I never knew another day on God's good earth,

I could say I've had it all because of loving you, Maggie,

and because of you, sweet boy,

and your baby sister.

I guess you have to get away from things sometimes

in order to see them more clearly.

I feel so at peace tonight, holding all of you here in my heart

and though I'm a long way away, I've never felt closer to you.

I hope you can feel me with you there now.

You be a good boy, Robbie, and take care of Mom

and your baby sister while daddy's gone.

I love you all.

P.S., Robbie, I'm sending you something just to keep my record clear

about never breaking a promise to you.

Love, Daddy."

Here you go.

My daddy didn't send this before any accident.

You know what I think?

I think my daddy found a way to send something from heaven.

What do you think, Mr. Smith?

Maybe you're right, son.

Maybe you're right.

I've gotta go take care of my mom now, like my dad said.

[theme music playing]