All language subtitles for Wellington.Paranormal.S01E02.WEBRip.x264-ION10

Firstly, congratulations to
constables Savali, Stevens,
Lumsky, and Parker,

for successfully removing a cow
from a tree on Friday morning.

Big news day, that one.
Great job, guys.

Now, which brings me to today.

There's been another cow
found up another tree.

Minogue, O'Leary,
I want the two of you on this one.
(SIRENS IN DISTANCE)

(JARRING MUSIC)

('WELLINGTON PARANORMAL' THEME)

Hold on, guys.

(CLEARS THROAT)
(BEEP! BEEP!)

Voice recognition.
Detective Sergeant Maaka.

IMITATES AUTOMATED VOICE:
Voice recognised. Proceed.

You heard it?

Another cow up another tree.
This cannot be a coincidence.

Is that paranormal?
Is it normal?

Yeah, no, but is it
paranormal, though?

I'm asking, is it normal?

Is it paranormal?

Hmm. But is it normal?

Well, no, it's not very normal.
But is it paranormal?
I see what you're saying.

But... is it... normal?

Have a look at this. (CLEARS THROAT)

It'll just be a couple of kids
out in the country, nothing to do,
being a bit silly with a forklift.

That is a rather large
forklift, if you ask me.
Hmm.

It's possible that the cow was
just standing really still in
a field for a really long time,

and then the tree has just grown
up around it over a period of years.

I was just giving options.

Anyway, this is, to my mind, some
sort of extraterrestrial activity.

If you see here, the cow
got stopped mid-abduction.

Let me demonstrate. (CLEARS THROAT)

This plate here is an
unidentified flying object;

this saveloy, the cow;
this being the tree.

(CLEARS THROAT)
My theory is that the UFO used some
kind of gravitational pull device,

otherwise known as a tractor beam.

The cow was asleep at the time,
being pulled into mid-air.

(IMITATES UFO, DISTRESSED MOOING)

Right about here, it gets
a bit too heavy, so...

(IMITATES UFO MALFUNCTION)

We're a bit concerned
for you, Sarge.

For me? You should be
more concerned for these
poor cows stuck up these trees.

Get out to that farm.

And, uh, one more thing.
(CLEARS THROAT)

If you thought it was weird
on the streets of Wellington,

it is far weirder
out in the country.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC SWELLS)

You reckon we're alone
out here, O'Leary?
In the country?

Nah. Like, in the universe.
The great beyond.

Are you talking about
the existence of aliens?

I think there might be
something out there, yeah.
Yeah, well, you're a bit out there.

(CHUCKLES) Yeah. You're a bit out
there. Got you back with a clever
insult there.

It's not really a clever insult.
You just repeated what I said.

Oh, yeah. I thought
it sounded familiar.
Anyway, if there were aliens,

I'm pretty sure they'd have
better things to do
Hey, whoa, whoa

...than put cows up trees
and probe people's anuses.

Maybe.

It's not a footpath, mate.
Hey, mate. Yeah, I know.

Are you all right?

Yeah... Are you
a bit hung-over, mate?
Eh?

Bit hung-over. Look, why don't
you just get yourself home,

and you look after yourself, OK?

Yeah, OK.
A few Powerades for you,
I think, mate.

Perfect.
Yeah.
Catch you later.

Been on a stag do, obviously.
Well, looked like he had
a pretty good time.

(CHUCKLES) Time of his life.
He stunk.

(BIRDSONG)
Someone on this field
out here, O'Leary.

(COW MOOS IN DISTANCE)
Let's go check it out.

Yeah, so we're here investigating
the unusual cow activity. Obviously,
cows don't belong in trees

No. This hat feels small.
...so we're out here to stop them
from being put up there

and being put in distress.
Here.

You always give me your hat.
They look the same,
though, don't they?

(COW MOOS IN DISTANCE)
It's really important that the
community remembers that bovines,

they belong on the ground
and never in a tree.
Not in the tree.

Now, hang on. That's the tree.

No cow.
No.

Is that...?
No, that was a bird.

Are you, uh,... 'Muzza'?

Muzza. That's correct.

Do I know you from somewhere?
(COW MOOS IN DISTANCE)

Just been called out to investigate
a possible cow-treeing.

Yeah, we can't help but notice
there's, uh Well, there's no cow
in the tree now.

Oh, yeah. There was a cow in
the tree. That's why police here.

Uh, yeah. Well, look, it's really
great you managed to get the cow
down by yourself.

We didn't actually come with
resources to help you with that.
All right. Thank you. Bye.

See you, mate.
Hang on, hold on. Hold on.

Um, could we just get a bit more
information about that photo
you sent us?

Yeah.

So have you, uh have you noticed
anything unusual around the farm?
Yeah.

Here, O'Leary.
Scuse me just a minute, sir.
Right back.

SOFTLY: I don't trust this guy.
Why not?
Well, he talks with that monotone.

It's a little bit...
It's disconcerting.
That's how farmers talk, Minogue.

Just have some respect.
Yeah, but
I'm not coming.

Yeah, sorry about that.
We're just wondering how do you
think the cow did get into the tree?

Brother put bovine cow in the tree.

And why would he do
something like that?

Can you just tell us how we can get
to your brother's farm, please, sir?

Yeah. Move in this direction with
bipedal walking. Sib-zing's house
five minutes away.

OK. It's this way?
That way.

All right.
Thank you.
All right.

We'll make sure we get to
the bottom of this for you, sir.
Have a nice rest of your day.

Make sure you get
to the bottom of this.

(SINISTER MUSIC)

Well, he was unusual.
They're all like this
in the country, Minogue.

(UNSETTLING MUSIC)

So how long's that been?
45 minutes. It certainly
wasn't five.

There's no way it was five.
We could have brought the car.

Sorry, sir. I think we've, uh
we've accidentally come back
to the same place.

Who are you?

Ah.

Um, look, we're just here
asking a couple of questions about
a possible cow-treeing incident.

Your brother's actually accused
you of being responsible.

Could we have a wee, you know,
just a look around your property?

Oh, yeah.
Eh?

Move towards the
mysterious field of corn.
(COW MOOS IN DISTANCE)

I'll herd you.
OK, great.

You'll find the answers
that you need.
Oh, that's great.

(TENSE MUSIC)

Uh, we can probably take it from
here, sir. Thanks for your help.
Thanks, mate.

No, no, so Yeah.
We'll be in touch if we've
got any more questions. Thank you.

You can go.
Thanks, mate.
Thanks, mate.

Thanks.

(TENSE MUSIC INTENSIFIES)

I think that brother
is the freakier brother.

My brother's pretty freaky.
You met Adam?

You introduced me to him.
Huh. It's a small world, isn't it?

That's not a coincidence, Minogue.
You introduced me to him.

Exactly, and you grew up in
completely different places,
so how ?

Hey, Minogue. Check that out.
Whoa.

So, uh, we appear to have
come across a large circle
within some crops.

We're not quite sure
what to call it.
Mm.

Actually looks like the cover of
Led Zeppelin's Remasters album.
Great album.

It's an amazing album.
There's a lot of rockers on there,

which you can really get into.
Yeah, like in the car.
Yeah.

Some really good
tunes on that one, eh?
Oh, it's one of my favourites.

Not only did we listen to it there
and I haven't told you this before

I've got this nice flokati rug that
my mother bought me for Christmas,

so I get down into my, uh
my underwear and my singlet there,

and I just lie on my back and
just sort of do a snow angel...

Minogue
...and just sort of pretend even
...we should probably

get in there and have
a closer look at that.

Yep. No, that's a fair call.
I mean, it's a good album, but...
That's a fair call.

(COW MOOS IN DISTANCE)

Someone's gone to a lot of trouble.

Yeah, although... Either that,
or Sergeant Maaka is right
and it's, you know...

What? Aliens?

SOFTLY: Extra-terresticles.

Well, it's very disrespectful to
land in some perfectly good crops

when there's heaps of
empty fields over there.
(COW MOOS IN DISTANCE)

Mm. And I haven't liked
farm crops ever since I got lost in
the Amazing Maze 'n Maize in Marton.

What's that, Minogue?
See, it's a labyrinth
that was made out of corn.

No, what's that?

There's one there. There's
one over there, over there...

They're everywhere.

Look at this.
What is it?
Ever seen one of these before?

What is that?
I dunno. Have you seen one?

No.
I've never seen it.
Poke it.

Poke it?
Yeah.
All right.

(SQUELCH! WHOOSH!)

Argh! Oh God. Ow!
You all right?

No, not really, it
Ow, that really burns. Ow!
(COUGHS)

Bloody hell, she just...
My eyes! Ow.

...just poked it.
(SQUELCH! WHOOSH!)

Argh! (COUGHS)
Oh, what did you do, Minogue?

You all right?
Why did you do what I just did?

CHOKES: You know I look
up to you, O'Leary.
Yeah, come on.

(GROANS) I think I'm blind.
Look, follow me.

Let's get this back
to Sergeant Maaka.

(TENSE SWELLS)

What the hell is it?

We came across this, um this pod.
It didn't actually look like that
when we found it, did it?

(SQUELCH!)
I don't think it was moving before.
On further investigation

You advised that I give it
a bit of a poke, to see
Yep.

...what it was all about, and at
that point, it sort of emanated this
sort of powdery substance

into my face, at which point,
you came on board.
Pretty much blinded O'Leary,

so I removed the pod from her hand
immediately to try and make her
a little bit safer.

(SQUELCH!)
I commenced my own investigation
shortly afterwards, which involved

me also sticking my fingers
right into the middle of it.
He did the same thing that I did.

I did the same thing and was shocked
when I got exactly the same result.

We just wanted to let you know
we found this pod, and there were
others like it

within, like, a circular
pattern within some crops.
Mm-hm. Mm.

So...
You mean like perfectly
designed concentric circles

within some sort of
interlocking pattern?

Yup.

Depending on what that means.

Uh, crop circles. OK, did it
look like Led Zeppelin's Remasters?

Yes.
That's a great album.

Agreed.
(CHUCKLES)

I knew it.

You You knew what, sir?
Oh, that crop circles are plantation
zones for alien vegetation.

Have you got some more
information on these things?
Oh, no.

Just telling my mates
online that I was right.

'Was right about popsicle theory.
More to come. What's up?'

Sir, just the other thing...
The seed it seemed to attack us.
Mm.

Almost as if it was
defending itself.
Mm.

I believe this is not of this world.
I want you to go and stake out
this farm.

There's definitely something
sinister going on in the country.

OK. So, go back to that farm?
Mm.

OK. And what are we
looking for, specifically?

I want you to look for
changes in the vegetation.
I want you to look for UFOs.

Definitely let me know
if you see an alien.

Oh. Yeah, we'd definitely let you
know if we saw an alien, sir.
Mm.

I've got a question.
Yes?

If we identify a UFO,
does that just mean it's an FO?

Hmm. Why don't, uh
Why don't you F-O?

'You F-O'. Ha.
I think he wants us to go.

'You F-O.'
Yeah.

(TENSE MUSIC)

(SQUELCH!)

(OWL HOOTS, CRICKETS CHIRP)

O'Leary and I are on the lookout
for alien activity.

We're not scared.

We're actually quite excited.

It's a real waiting game
with this kinda stuff.

We could be out here all night
and not spot anything.
That's just how it goes.

WHISPERS: O'Leary. O'Leary!

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Oh my God.

It's an FO!

(DRAMATIC MUSIC INTENSIFIES)

O'Leary...

So, uh, we were in pursuit of
what we believed to be a UFO.

Turns out Minogue had actually
just left the police lights on.

(PANTS) Thought it would
help us find the car.

We did find it, so,
you know, he wasn't wrong.
Yeah.

And I think we can probably
just carry on. You can probably
turn those lights off.

Looks like it's
draining the battery.
Shutting it down. Shutting it down.

(METALLIC CLANKING)
Do you hear that?

(GROANING)
There!

Bazza?! Muzza!

I think he might be a triplet.
He looks a little bit different.

Sir!
Buzza!

He's running now.
We're gonna have to run.
What are you doing, sir?

You look extremely suspicious
when you're running, mate

Stop right there!
...especially when you're naked!
We don't wanna have to tackle you!

Um, so we're not quite sure
if we've caught Muzza or Bazza here.

He's very confused and doesn't
seem to remember any of our
previous conversations.

Mm. I mean, the only thing
he can really be done for is
indecent exposure,

but this is his farm, so...

You're allowed to be
naked on your own property.
Huh.

Yep.
Go on, now.

So you are allowed to be
naked on your own property?

Yeah.
So...

Well, not your one. I mean,
you don't even have a fence.
Well, yeah, that's true,

but I have tried it a couple
of times. My brother said
he'd call the cops on me.

Who did? Your brother?
Well, he's my flatmate.
(BUSHES RUSTLE NEARBY)

Said you're free to go, mate.

Yeah, sir, just return home
and get maybe put some undies on.

He's bloody gone.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What...?

Sarge said record any changes.
These have got huge.

Maybe my cow-treeing theory
wasn't so ridiculous after all, eh?

The tree didn't grow
around the cow, Minogue. OK?

Always poo-pooing my theories.

Look, let's just get some
photographic on these, OK?

(CAMERA CLICKS)
Yep, that's good.

Get one with a hat on it.
Look like a plant.

Good.
Look scared.
Beautiful.

That should do it.

(BUSHES RUSTLE)
Turn around, Minogue.

Ugh!

(UNSETTLING MUSIC)

(BUSHES RUSTLE, CREATURES RASP)
The plants are behind you, Minogue.

Why are you following us, guys?

That's corn, Minogue.
Those plants.

(CREATURE SHRIEKS)
Ugh. What is that?

Think it might be acid. Is it acid?

So you can see there that the
plant's got acid all over my jacket

and has completely ruined it,
which is a total lack of respect
for another person's property.

So I'm gonna have to turn
this jacket into a vest.

OK, that does actually look like
acid, which is quite concerning.

I mean, these plants
could be very dangerous.
Look at it.

Look at that.
(CREATURES HISS)

WHISPERS: Minogue...
WHISPERS: This jacket's stuffed.
They're coming.

I think we should go.
Go.

Come on.
Go, go, go.

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

There's so much corn.

It's a dead end, Minogue.
What?
Turn around.

(CREATURE SNARLS)
Not this way. Let's go up this way.

Back this way.
I'm gonna be too late.
I've lost my hat.

(POLICE RADIO CRACKLES)
Calling for backup,
calling for backup.

It's not gonna work; we're too
far away. We're out of range.

Look, well Calling for backup!
Can you hear us?
Stand on your tiptoes.

What?
WHISPERS: Stand on your tiptoes.
It'll get us further.

No, you do it.
I can't stand on your
tiptoes. They're your feet.

Just use your radio, Minogue!
(GRUMBLES)

I need to retrieve my hat.
I'm retrieving my hat.

(POLICE RADIO CRACKLES)
Calling for backup,
calling for backup.

Minogue, where are you?
Look at this jacket.

Did you Did anyone reply?

I wasn't thinking about that.
I was thinking about my
Turn around. Try that one.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

They're coming, O'Leary.
We've gotta exit the field.

(CREATURE SHRIEKS)

Huh.
Good.

Oh, what's this?

(SQUELCHING)

Ugh.
You should be used
to this by now, mate.

What? Seeing three freaky
plants eating a cow?

Well, yeah, that is
actually quite unusual.

So it would appear that
the plants are carnivorous.

Or omnivorous.
We haven't actually seen them
eat any plant or vegetable matter,

but it is possible that their
diet isn't strictly carnivorous.

I mean, we'd like to make an arrest
for tampering with livestock,

but it's very unclear what
proper procedure is here.
I mean, I don't care if you are

from another planet. If you come
to New Zealand, you should respect
our rules.

Yeah, but there's not a lot more we
can do here, so I think we should
just quietly make our way back

to the station and hand over those
photos to Sergeant Maaka, get some
more information on these things.

That's a fantastic idea.
I think if we get out of here
as fast and safely as we can.

And calmly.
Absolutely.
(CREATURES RASP, BUSHES RUSTLE)

Ugh!
(POLICE RADIO CRACKLES)

Calling for backup,
calling for backup.
HISSES: Calling for backup.

Are you repeating me?
SNARLS: Are you repeating me?

That's just repeating what
she's saying, mate. It's not
a clever insult at all.

MIMICS: It's not
a clever insult at all.

It's outsmarted me, O'Leary.

(SHRIEKS)
Calling for backup.
Calling for backup!

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

(RASPS)
RT: Minogue, O'Leary,
can you hear me? Over.

Yes, yes, we can. Where are you,
Maaka? We need you. We need backup.

Yeah, I I'm right here.
Oh.
Oh.

The range on these walkie-talkies
is really terrible, eh?

INTO RADIO: Can you hear me? Is it
It's right there.
Yeah, seems to be working.

How did you know to come after us?
The alien pod in my office
grew rather large

and proceeded to attack me in
a violent and threatening manner.

Got unruly, so I had to detain it.
Anyway, I brought this along.

All right, officers, let's go
take out these weeds.

There.
Cover your noses.

(CREATURE RASPS, SPITS)

Oh! Argh! (COUGHS)
(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) Abort! Abort!

I got it in my (COUGHS, CHOKES)
I got it in my eyes!
I've got it in my mou (CHOKES)

What I have ascertained from this
encounter is that these things are

a hostile, intelligent
extraterrestrial flora.

Was pursuing aliens.
Now I'm being pursued by aliens.
(HISSES)

The extremely dangerous weed spray
is highly ineffective. It gets them,
and, uh, they keep copying us.

MIMICS: And, uh,
they keep copying us.
Shut up.

I'm gonna see how these
plants react to a Taser.

(ZAP! SPLAT!)

(THWACK! SIZZLE!)

GASPS: The plants can tase back.

(SNARLS)
Argh!

(SHRIEKS)
(GRUNTS)
Sarge. Sarge!

I'm kinda busy, Minogue!

Can I get some backup when you've
got a minute, please, Sarge?
(GROANS, GRUNTS)

O'Leary! They're trying to track us.
They're trying to track us. Look!
There's one, there.

Sarge, we need backup.

Argh!
MIMICS: Argh!

Minogue, O'Leary, put your hands up!
They're intimidated by size.

(CREATURE SHRIEKS)
(GRUNTS) Bad information.

Argh!
They're probing us now Ah!
They're touching us.

We're being probed, Sarge!
(GRUNTS)

It's the bad kind
of touching, Sarge!

MIMICS: Bad kind of touching, Sarge.

(SCREAMS)
(SCREAMS)

(MIMICS SCREAMING, SHRIEKS)

Sarge! When we're
afraid, they're afraid.
Right.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

(WHIMPERS)
(WHIMPERS)

(WHIMPERS)
(WHIMPERS)

OK. OK, now!
(SHOUTING)

(SHRIEKS)

OK, now. Go, go, go! Get, get.

(PANTS) Get Get!
(SNARLING)

Stay there, you bastard.
Did we manage to secure them all?

(SNARLS)
No.

(BIRDSONG, COW MOOS IN DISTANCE)

So, we've taken care of some,
uh, intruders on your property.

What kind of intruders?
Uh...
Just, um Just intruders.

Also, you might wanna
think about doing a bit more
spraying around the farm, OK?

Some of it's getting
a little bit out of hand.
Mm.

It might just be to your benefit.
And you might just wanna stay out
of the shed for a while.

SIGNIFICANTLY: Mm.

Ah. Sister?

Nah. This is my wife, Sharon.

Hmm.
OK, well, look. I mean, um
We should probably...

Ah.
We should probably be going.

Um, yeah. But, like we said,
just let us know if you notice
anything, um... anything weird.

Yeah. Will do.
Thank you for your time.

SOFTLY: Do you think they might have
been a family... before they became
a family? You know what I mean?

I don't know. I mean, it can happen
to have the smaller gene pool,
but that was...

...unbelievable.
...something else.

Were they quadruplets
and some of them just grew
faster than others?

Yeah, so, we've diffused
the threat in the situation,
and it Are you off, Sarge?

Ah, yep. Great job.

Uh, yeah. So we've diffused
the threat in the situation,

and everything appears to be back
to normal. Obviously, these plants
aren't endemic to New Zealand,

and we'll get the Department
of Conservation to investigate.

Oh, you're back, Sarge.
Yep, I'm here.

And we need to make sure that
they're not a threat to local flora.

You never know, could have been
trekked in on a tourist boot,
something like that.

Mm. The important thing
is that the people are safe
Mm-hm.

...and the cows are safe. And people
and cows can rest assured that
the New Zealand police force

You know, we take this
sort of thing very seriously.

(WHIRRING)
And our eyes, our ears
are always open.

(DISTRESSED MOOING)
We'll be working very
hard to make sure

that the New Zealand public know
that they don't have to worry about
this sort of thing happening again.

(ZOOM!)

Can't see anyone else handling
that any better than we did.

Let's head back, eh?

The battery's flat.

Car 4 to base. We've got
a battery down, a battery down.

If we could have some assistance
on-site as soon as possible.
Thank you. Out.

So, Minogue...
Mm-hm?
...the battery's flat.

Mm.
Yep. That runs off the battery.

Yeah, I know. I got
someone coming out.

They can't hear us. That
Hang on. Calling for backup.

Copy, O'Leary.
Go ahead for assistance.

Did you just talk to me on that?
(GROANS)

Yeah.
Leave it to me.
Copy that.

('WELLINGTON PARANORMAL' THEME)

Captions C SBS Australia 2018