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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:07,720 ♪ Ah, push it ♪ 2 00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:12,920 [Colin clears throat] 3 00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:15,160 ♪ Ah, push it ♪ 4 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:16,920 [Colin groans] 5 00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:19,200 Oh. 6 00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:20,960 Oh, yeah. 7 00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:22,920 Okay. 8 00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:28,160 Talk to me. 9 00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:29,840 ♪ Oooh, baby, baby ♪ 10 00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:30,840 Hello. 11 00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:32,280 ♪ Baby, baby ♪ 12 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:34,520 ♪ Oooh, baby, baby ♪ 13 00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:36,040 Tell me what you're doing to me. 14 00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:38,960 Um, we're gonna... We're having sex, we're having intercourse. 15 00:00:39,480 --> 00:00:40,480 And, uh... 16 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:42,080 Have I been bad? 17 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:44,440 I don't know, have you? 18 00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:46,640 Oh, for God's sake, Colin! Just call me a dirty bitch. 19 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:48,880 - I don't know if I want to. Uh... - Say it. 20 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:50,120 Uh... 21 00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:51,280 - Say it! - Uh... 22 00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:53,120 - Uh... - Say it! 23 00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:56,600 Okay! Uh, you're... you're... you're a lovely little female dog. 24 00:00:57,320 --> 00:00:58,520 You're lovely. 25 00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:01,080 ["Push It" by Salt-N-Pepa playing] 26 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:06,680 [chuckles] 27 00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:08,400 ♪ Ah, push it ♪ 28 00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:09,960 ♪ P-p-p-push it ♪ 29 00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:11,040 ♪ Push it ♪ 30 00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:14,960 [Morris] Parade, shun! 31 00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:18,600 Slope arms! 32 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:23,680 General salute. 33 00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:26,480 Present arms! 34 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:34,280 Slope arms! 35 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:53,920 Not my fault, sir. The rifle's broken. 36 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,920 We don't deal with excuses in this establishment, Groff. 37 00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:00,160 Keep practicing, 38 00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:02,720 and try asking some of your peers to help you. 39 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:04,960 I don't need help, sir. 40 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:07,040 We all need help sometimes, son. 41 00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:13,680 Parade will turn to the left. 42 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:16,200 Left turn. 43 00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:19,200 To your duties. 44 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:21,480 Fall out! 45 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:28,120 [Morris] Everyone inside. Get your breakfast. 46 00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:29,816 - Come on, man, give it... - What's wrong? 47 00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:31,560 This isn't funny, just give me back the hat. 48 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:33,240 - What's wrong with him? - [boy] Hey! 49 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:34,760 [Luke] Give me the hat. 50 00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:37,320 - Give me the hat. - Don't be a pussy, Luke. Oi, Groff! 51 00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:39,440 [boys jeering] 52 00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:41,160 [boy 2] Nice one, muppet! 53 00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:46,560 Sorry. 54 00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:47,840 Bad luck, new kid. 55 00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:52,080 - War. [laughs] - [Luke] Yeah, all right. 56 00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:24,400 [alarm beeping] 57 00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:25,920 [sighs] 58 00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:30,480 [sighs] 59 00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:32,560 [clears throat] 60 00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:35,680 [Jakob singing indistinctly in the shower] 61 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:38,120 [knocking on door] 62 00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:40,200 Um, I'm late for school. 63 00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:42,360 [singing continues] 64 00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:43,440 Yeah... 65 00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:45,120 How long are you going to be? 66 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:47,880 [singing continues] 67 00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:56,680 - [Jean] Morning. - Has Jakob moved in? 68 00:03:57,920 --> 00:03:59,680 No. Why? 69 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:00,880 Bathroom is free. 70 00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:08,480 Darling, I've been looking through your SRE textbook. 71 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:13,640 There is no mention of female pleasure at all. 72 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:18,400 I was thinking of talking about it today in assembly, what do you think? 73 00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:20,160 [sighs] I don't know. 74 00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:21,240 [Jean] Otis. 75 00:04:21,840 --> 00:04:23,200 I'd like your opinion, please. 76 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:26,680 - Why? - I've never worked with teenagers before, 77 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:28,680 and you are a teenager. 78 00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:30,600 Yep, I'm a teenager who... 79 00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:34,840 doesn't want their mother talking about sex at his school. 80 00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:37,680 There has been a sexual health crisis, 81 00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:40,160 and it's my duty to help. 82 00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:41,400 You know, he is right. 83 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:42,920 It is a bit strange. 84 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:44,120 [Otis] Mmm, I mean, 85 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:47,200 my mum's a sexual health expert so it's not that strange, actually. 86 00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:49,640 Which doesn't mean you should have said yes. 87 00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:56,720 Would you prefer to call me Mum or Dr. Milburn at school? 88 00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:59,080 Neither. I'll be pretending you don't exist. 89 00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:00,320 Otis. 90 00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:03,440 [sighs] Okay. Just try and... 91 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:05,440 [blender whirring loudly] 92 00:05:07,280 --> 00:05:08,400 Try and be a bit... 93 00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:10,000 [blender whirring loudly] 94 00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:18,960 Try and be less intense. 95 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:20,440 It freaks people out. 96 00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:21,760 And it's embarrassing. 97 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:25,800 I don't know, Mum, just be normal. Try and be more relatable. 98 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:27,920 Whatever, just don't humiliate me. 99 00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:31,320 Bye, darling. I'll see you later. 100 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:33,000 - You want a smoothie? - [door closes] 101 00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:36,360 No. 102 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:38,720 ["The Queen of Hearts" by Ezra Furman playing] 103 00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:45,200 ♪ And I watch you with your purse From the adjacent coffee table ♪ 104 00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:49,240 ♪ At the Starbucks they built Inside my heart ♪ 105 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:54,880 ♪ When your makeup starts to run You can see you're getting older ♪ 106 00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:58,440 ♪ You can see your life has been hard ♪ 107 00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:03,800 ♪ Your face is worn Like an old playing card ♪ 108 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:06,720 ♪ The Queen of Hearts ♪ 109 00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:10,720 ♪ The Queen of Hearts ♪ 110 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:12,000 [sighs] 111 00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:24,840 [Otis] My mum is everywhere. 112 00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:26,840 It's like it's her mission to ruin my life. 113 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,360 - Were you up all night wanking again? - No. 114 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:31,960 I've got a handle on that, actually. 115 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:34,456 I didn't sleep much because I've been doing research. 116 00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:36,240 - Research? - Yeah. 117 00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:38,360 So, Ola and I were kissing the other night 118 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:42,360 and she kept guiding my hand down to her... area. 119 00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:44,480 - So I've been looking up... - Fingering! 120 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:46,360 Don't yell "fingering," please. 121 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,280 - [laughs] - But, yes, 122 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:52,320 she's coming over later, and I think I'm fully prepared. 123 00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:55,120 Well, Otis, it's a vagina. It's not an exam. 124 00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:56,720 Actually, it's very complicated. 125 00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:58,376 - Okay. - I've been learning about something 126 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,400 - called the clock technique. - Oh, my God. 127 00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:02,360 Otis, I think you might be overthinking this. 128 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:05,480 She knows I'm a sex therapist now. I need to get this right. 129 00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:12,040 [indistinct chatter] 130 00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:26,400 Why is Angel Man staring at me like he's plotting my death? 131 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,880 I don't know. French people are intense. 132 00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:32,320 [laughs] 133 00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:33,920 - Morning, dickhead. - Oh, hey. 134 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:36,880 - I've got an 8:30 and an 8:45. - Okay. 135 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:40,200 Why... why do you look so clean? 136 00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:44,520 - What does that mean? - It's just an observation. 137 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:48,680 Your aptitude scheme, of course. Very professional, Maeve. 138 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:49,800 Shut up. 139 00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:52,560 Can you do a session after school today, by the way? 140 00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:54,400 Uh, I can't. I'm going to the fair. 141 00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:56,840 I thought you hated rides. 142 00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:59,960 Yeah, but Ola loves them, so... 143 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:02,520 Are you going to be there? 144 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:06,200 Funfairs are simply a distraction from the inevitability of death. 145 00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:08,160 Oh, I guess they are. 146 00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:10,760 - Hmm. - Have fun with the smart kids. 147 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:12,840 You look great. 148 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:16,960 - Oh, hey! How you doing? - Hey. I'm good. 149 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:19,640 [Otis] This is nice. Shall we, uh... 150 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:24,800 Oh, hi, Jackson. 151 00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:28,480 [clears throat] 152 00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:32,240 Hey, I'm sorry about your hand. 153 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,440 - At least you don't have to swim anymore. - What are you talking about? 154 00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:39,280 - You said you didn't want to swim. - Listen, Maeve, 155 00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:41,080 you're not my girlfriend anymore, all right? 156 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,600 So you don't need to pretend that you care. 157 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:46,800 Whatever it is you thought I said, you're wrong. 158 00:08:57,640 --> 00:08:59,640 [indistinct chatter] 159 00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:01,760 [sighs] 160 00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:05,560 Don't worry. You're gonna be fine. 161 00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:13,840 - May I sit here? - Uh... 162 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:15,520 Yes. 163 00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:17,080 Yeah, we'll find other seats. 164 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:18,680 No. No, no. I mean next to you. 165 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:23,320 Okay, sure. 166 00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:27,360 Rahim, you may sit with us. These people are insignificant. 167 00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:29,280 No, I'm fine here. Thank you. 168 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:32,920 [Mr. Groff clears throat] Good morning, Moordale. 169 00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:38,880 Today we shall be hearing from a sexual health expert 170 00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:42,800 who is here to review the school's sex education curriculum. 171 00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:46,800 Please give Ms. Milburn... a very warm welcome. 172 00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:54,240 Hello. 173 00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:58,080 My name is Dr. Milburn, 174 00:09:58,160 --> 00:10:02,480 and I'm here to start an open conversation 175 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:06,560 about S-E-X. 176 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:07,520 Uh, sex. 177 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:12,320 We adults know that some of you are having sex 178 00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:17,520 because when we were your age, some of us were having sex. 179 00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:20,840 - [pupils chuckling] - In fact, many of us still have sex. 180 00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:27,320 I'm sure even Headmaster Groff sometimes has sex. 181 00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:32,360 And so, I would like you to tell me 182 00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:37,080 what you would like on your sex education curriculum. 183 00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:40,240 Take control. 184 00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:42,200 [microphone feedback] 185 00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:50,480 Perhaps you'd like to know about the female orgasm... 186 00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:51,400 [laughter] 187 00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:54,360 ...or mutual masturbation. 188 00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:56,360 [laughter] 189 00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:59,320 [Jean] Or maybe you've always wondered, 190 00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:03,040 is my labia a normal length? 191 00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:05,680 [laughing] 192 00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:13,480 What I'm saying is... 193 00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:22,920 - ♪ Let's talk about sex, baby ♪ - [audience groans] 194 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:25,960 ♪ Let's talk about you and me ♪ 195 00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:28,480 Didn't you wank off a courgette? 196 00:11:28,560 --> 00:11:30,080 [audience laughing] 197 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:32,240 [audience chanting] Courgette! Courgette! 198 00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:34,200 Courgette! Courgette! 199 00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:36,160 Courgette! Courgette! 200 00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:38,320 Courgette! Courgette! 201 00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:40,400 Courgette! Courgette! 202 00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:41,760 Anyway... 203 00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:42,920 [laughing] 204 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:45,920 ...there will be an empty box at reception. 205 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:48,560 If you have any questions, it is anonymous, 206 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:51,400 so put anything in there that you would like to see 207 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:54,000 - in the curriculum. - Courgette wanker! 208 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:55,280 [audience laughing] 209 00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:02,240 [Mr. Groff] Thank you very much, Moordale. 210 00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:06,080 I'm sure we would like to say thank you to Ms., uh... 211 00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:08,520 Forgive me, Dr. Milburn, for her... 212 00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:11,200 I don't understand why everyone is laughing at this nice lady. 213 00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:12,160 Uh, uh... 214 00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:13,880 Because it's high school. [laughs] 215 00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:17,760 [Mr. Groff]...happening this evening, um, available at all prices. 216 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:19,560 - Please be careful... - I'm Rahim. 217 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:20,840 ...nut allergies... 218 00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:22,600 Uh, I'm Eric. 219 00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:23,960 ...said issues... 220 00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:25,200 Goodbye, Eric. 221 00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:28,600 Bye. 222 00:12:28,680 --> 00:12:32,240 ...nice place to go. I highly recommend you, uh, you sign up to that. 223 00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:33,360 What was that? 224 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:44,600 - Ah. Emily, howdy. - Good morning, Mr. Hendricks. 225 00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:50,400 Now I see where you get your terrible sex therapy skills from. 226 00:12:56,640 --> 00:12:58,640 Fancy putting in a question? [chuckles] 227 00:12:58,720 --> 00:12:59,960 [laughs] 228 00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:02,160 No. Nay. Thank you. 229 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:03,280 Um... [chuckles] 230 00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:06,080 I'm usually the person who answers the awkward questions. 231 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,120 - I'm Colin Hendricks. - Oh... 232 00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:10,680 - You're the SRE teacher. - Yes. 233 00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:11,920 [Jean] Mr. Groff? 234 00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:18,400 I'd really like to observe one of Colin's SRE classes, please. 235 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:22,600 As I keep saying Ms. Milburn, our curriculum is quite satisfactory. 236 00:13:22,680 --> 00:13:24,440 Well, if it's as... 237 00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:27,880 satisfactory as you keep saying, then you won't mind 238 00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:29,640 if I sit in on one of the classes. 239 00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:32,400 Of course not. [clears throat] 240 00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:34,760 But I'm sure that any questions that appear in this box 241 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:38,240 will very easily be answered by Mr. Hendricks, isn't that right, Colin? 242 00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:39,400 Uh... 243 00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:40,480 Absolutely. 244 00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:42,920 Yes. Yes. 245 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:45,280 I am, um, I'm-I'm a master of sex. 246 00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:49,640 Very good. 247 00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:55,160 Good day. 248 00:13:59,000 --> 00:13:59,840 [door closes] 249 00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:01,960 [Mr. Groff] The school is right behind you, Jackson. 250 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:05,560 We will do everything in our power to support your speedy recovery. 251 00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:07,560 Thank you, sir. 252 00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:12,240 However, your parents and I feel it would be in your best interest 253 00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:15,440 to be paired with an academic tutor for the rest of term. 254 00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:16,360 A peer. 255 00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:18,160 But my... my grades are fine. 256 00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:22,000 Well, you can get by on fine when you're a star in the pool, 257 00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:25,800 but when you're not... you have to work as hard as everybody else. 258 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:30,120 Good morning, brains of the future. 259 00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:33,800 I'm very happy to welcome Maeve Wiley to the program. 260 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:36,320 Make her feel at home, please. 261 00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:38,440 All right. 262 00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:41,480 Let's read out our ten-years'-time essays. 263 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:43,560 [whispers] We have to read them out loud? 264 00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:46,080 [Emily] Who wants to go first? 265 00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:50,640 I strive for excellence in everything I do. 266 00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:54,160 The points I gain from my extracurricular activities 267 00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:56,560 will earn me a place in Oxbridge where I will... 268 00:14:56,640 --> 00:15:00,240 Compete in the IFBB Bodybuilding Championships whilst... 269 00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:03,360 Keeping me on track to become the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom 270 00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:04,960 by the age of 30, which will... 271 00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:09,080 Land me an Erasmus scholarship to NYU Film and Television School 272 00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:12,160 and then I'll make investigative documentaries using my... 273 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:13,400 Purple penis hands. 274 00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:18,080 The Chronicles of Glenoxi is an epic alien love comic book series 275 00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:20,200 that will be made into a global movie franchise 276 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:21,760 and eventually be screened in space. 277 00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:27,320 Right, last but not least. 278 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:28,880 Maeve, you're up. 279 00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:38,320 [clears throat] I left my essay at home, Miss Sands. Sorry. 280 00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:42,120 Maeve, this class is for people who want to plan for their future 281 00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:43,920 and optimize their opportunities. 282 00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:46,280 Organizational skills are key. 283 00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:47,760 Don't let it happen again. 284 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:51,720 All right, uh, thanks to Maeve, you can all... 285 00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:53,600 head off to lunch early. 286 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,080 Oh... eh, um, uh... 287 00:15:56,160 --> 00:16:00,360 On a side note, since Nigel moved back to Australia, 288 00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:03,280 the Moordale Quiz Heads are looking for a new member 289 00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:04,960 to join the team and compete 290 00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:08,400 at the National Student Quiz Championships this year. 291 00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:11,680 So, who's interested in joining Viv, Dex and Steve 292 00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:13,120 in representing their school? 293 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,040 Oh, right, all of you then? 294 00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:22,640 Okay, well, I'll make my decision by tomorrow. Off you go. 295 00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:34,040 Man, I just don't get why Maeve Wiley is in this class. 296 00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:42,920 Are you Vivienne Odesanya? 297 00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:44,200 Yeah, that's me, why? 298 00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:46,240 - Jackson Marchetti. - I know who you are. 299 00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:48,080 Okay. 300 00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:50,760 So, Headmaster Groff said you'd tutor me this term? 301 00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:51,680 [exhales] Did he now? 302 00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:53,720 Apparently, you're the smartest kid in the school. 303 00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:55,040 That's true, but I'm also busy. 304 00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:56,200 Okay, wait, wait, wait. 305 00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:59,361 Headmaster Groff said he'd give you extra credit if you'd help me out. 306 00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:01,320 And we don't actually have to do any work. 307 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:03,920 I've just got to keep Groff happy until I'm back in the pool. 308 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:06,320 - Okay. Your first session's tonight. - Yeah? 309 00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:08,600 Yeah, but it's the fair tonight. 310 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:11,600 Listen, my schedule's organized for optimum time management. 311 00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:12,680 Take it or leave it. 312 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,720 Picnic tables, six o'clock. 313 00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:17,080 Bring your maths homework, and don't be late. 314 00:17:25,120 --> 00:17:27,400 Should have seen this smug look Ola gave me earlier. 315 00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:30,040 I don't like her. 316 00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:32,560 Why? She seems nice. 317 00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:34,400 She's still hung up on Otis. 318 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:37,680 It's got nothing to do with Otis. I'm over him. 319 00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:43,800 - How you getting on with your form? - [Aimee] Everyone has a thing except me. 320 00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:47,000 I'm hoping this form is gonna tell me what my thing is. 321 00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:49,040 - Your thing? - Yes, my thing. 322 00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:51,680 You have your feminine books. 323 00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:54,920 - Feminist. - Steve has his Quiz Brains thing. 324 00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:56,040 Quiz Heads. 325 00:17:57,600 --> 00:17:58,880 So great being part of the team. 326 00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:00,400 What's so good about it? 327 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:02,080 Well, facts are fun, 328 00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:06,360 and if we get through to the final, it's going to be a very big deal. 329 00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:10,160 [Maeve] What's your form say? 330 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:13,000 It says I should be a baker. 331 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:17,000 Aims, I think it might be banker. Baker's not on there. 332 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:18,800 [mouthing] Banker? 333 00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:20,440 Hmm. 334 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,320 I think I'm going to stick with baker. 335 00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:26,360 I do really like toast. 336 00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:31,160 Wow. 337 00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,760 Maeve thinks she's so scary and revolutionary 338 00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:39,640 just because she used to have pink hair. 339 00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:41,976 Is it because she hangs out with your boyfriend all the time? 340 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:43,000 No. 341 00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:45,400 She's just not my kind of person. 342 00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:51,040 Why? Do you think it's weird that they run the sex clinic together? 343 00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:52,600 Yes. 344 00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:58,240 - So, how's it going with Otis? - Good. 345 00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:02,040 Yeah, well, kind of. Yeah, we're taking things slow. 346 00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:03,200 Which is fine. 347 00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:06,560 I sometimes just wish we'd move along a bit, you know. 348 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:08,120 Not overthink so much. 349 00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:09,840 Has he touched your vagina? 350 00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:10,920 Not yet. 351 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:13,800 He sort of hovers and then loses his nerve. 352 00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:15,920 It's... really frustrating. 353 00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:19,160 - Just tell him what you want. - I think it'll freak him out. 354 00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:22,440 Human boys are so fragile. 355 00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:37,040 [door opens] 356 00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:40,600 - [man 1, laughing] Such an idiot. - What are you laughing at? 357 00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:43,000 Nothing. 358 00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:45,800 Then what's so funny? 359 00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:48,520 Luke spilled some water and it looks like he's pissed himself. 360 00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:51,880 You need to chill out, man. 361 00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:53,760 Look... 362 00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:58,240 grab it with your right... 363 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:01,080 and let your left slap it. 364 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:03,840 Took me ages to get it as well. 365 00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:26,760 Is this okay? 366 00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:27,880 - Yeah. - Yeah. 367 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,000 [exhales nervously] 368 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:36,080 [Otis] Okay. 369 00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:40,200 [both chuckle] 370 00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:41,240 [Otis] Yep. 371 00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:49,520 Oh! 372 00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:54,160 Oh. Ah. 373 00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:58,720 [Otis, whispering] Twelve o'clock, three o'clock, six o'clock, nine o'clock. 374 00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:00,720 Did you say something? 375 00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:02,840 No, sorry. 376 00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:04,640 Are you enjoying it? 377 00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:10,400 [Ola gasps] 378 00:21:11,120 --> 00:21:15,040 - Then spread it. Back to 12 o'clock... - [moans, chuckles] 379 00:21:15,120 --> 00:21:17,080 ...three o'clock, nine o'clock. 380 00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:20,880 [Ola moaning] 381 00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:23,040 [laughing] 382 00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:27,400 - Ooh. - Ooh? 383 00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:28,840 - Yeah? - Yeah. 384 00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:30,320 - Wow. - Yeah. 385 00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:31,440 It was good? 386 00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:33,920 It was... so nice. 387 00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:37,480 Okay. 388 00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:41,680 It was really, really bad. 389 00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:45,160 He was moving his fingers like he was dialing a 1920s telephone, 390 00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:48,080 but really fast, with no rhythm. 391 00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:50,960 And then he was kind of, like, jabbing at the same time. 392 00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:52,960 And then he kept looking at the clock on his wall 393 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:55,040 like he was timing himself or something. 394 00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:57,200 You need to tell him it was bad. 395 00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:58,960 Uh-uh. It'll hurt his feelings. 396 00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:01,560 Maybe it will be better next time? 397 00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:05,240 I-I definitely have to tell him. 398 00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:06,720 - [Eric] Did you do it? - Uh-huh. 399 00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:08,560 - [laughing] - I know! 400 00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:11,120 I knew you had a freshly-fingered glow about you! 401 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:12,920 - Tell me everything. - So... 402 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:16,560 I think I might have facilitated a crescendo. 403 00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:19,000 - The big O? - Yeah. 404 00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:20,480 - First time round? - Yeah. 405 00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:23,720 I stuck to my clock technique, and I don't know, bingo. 406 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:25,680 - My God. - Orgasm town. 407 00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:29,560 I feel like maybe fingering is my sexual superpower or something. 408 00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:31,160 Oh, dude, I'm so proud of you. 409 00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:32,760 - Thanks, man. - Let's go celebrate. 410 00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:35,480 - What shall we do first? - You don't think it was beginner's luck, 411 00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:37,040 - do you? - No. 412 00:22:37,120 --> 00:22:39,440 No, no, no, no, no, you're definitely Fingertron. 413 00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:43,560 Oh, my God! They have Crazy Jungle, come on. 414 00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:47,000 [Otis grunts] 415 00:22:49,120 --> 00:22:50,560 [Eric laughing] 416 00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:54,000 Why am I here? I hate fairs. 417 00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:56,160 You're here because Steve is doing extra study 418 00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:59,080 for your stupid altitude scheme. You're my date. 419 00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:01,176 - Aptitude scheme, Aimee. - Yeah, that's what I said. 420 00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:02,920 - Yeah. - Can you win me a giant pig? 421 00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:06,680 Hi. 422 00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:08,720 Hey. 423 00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:25,000 [exhales] 424 00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:27,640 [man] And we have a winner. 425 00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:33,520 I need to go find Otis. 426 00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:38,520 That's the kind of competitive spirit 427 00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:40,760 you should be bringing to aptitude scheme, Maeve. 428 00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:47,000 See you tomorrow in class. 429 00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:51,680 I'll be right back. 430 00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:56,440 Ms. Sands. Ms. Sands. 431 00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:57,520 Um... 432 00:23:57,560 --> 00:24:00,280 I did write the... the ten-years'-time essay. 433 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:04,120 I didn't realize we had to read it out, so I got embarrassed. 434 00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:08,520 "In ten years' time, I want to live in a house with big windows, 435 00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:12,120 I want the house to be large enough to have a kitchen table with four chairs 436 00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:15,200 but not too roomy to ever feel the depth of my aloneness. 437 00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:18,600 Because I'll probably be alone. 438 00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:23,320 But I think aloneness won't feel so all-consuming with windows 439 00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:26,360 that protect me from the world but still let me watch it." 440 00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:28,160 I'm sorry. Sorry. 441 00:24:31,120 --> 00:24:33,120 I don't think I belong in the class. 442 00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:39,720 You're a beautiful writer, Maeve. 443 00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:44,360 You can have more expansive dreams than four chairs and some windows. 444 00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:48,520 Think about it. 445 00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:55,920 [sighs] 446 00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:57,720 [indistinct background chatter] 447 00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:01,640 - What? What? - You're really not good at this. 448 00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:06,200 Have you got a problem with me or something? 449 00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:08,080 Look, uh, it's simple. 450 00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:10,440 So this is hidden quadratics. 451 00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:13,360 You need to substitute the Y... 452 00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:16,160 - Mm-hmm. - ...and then back substitute... 453 00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:18,120 the X. 454 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:21,720 Oh. See, no one's ever explained it to me like this before. 455 00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:24,760 You dating Pythagoras, Jackson? 456 00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:26,600 Nah, mate, we're just studying. 457 00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:29,880 They were just being idiots. 458 00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:31,640 It's fine. 459 00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:34,120 Men who engage in sporting activities at school 460 00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:38,160 are statistically more likely to work in menial jobs as adults. 461 00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:40,120 Well, that's a bit harsh. 462 00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:42,160 No, it's realistic. 463 00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:44,880 Look, if your hand doesn't heal, 464 00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:47,160 what is your backup plan? 465 00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:49,760 And even if it does heal, 466 00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:53,000 professional athletes statistically peak at 21. 467 00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:57,720 So it might be worth acquiring some other skills. 468 00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:01,840 Statistics are a real buzzkill, you know that? 469 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,720 [Morris] Parade, shun! 470 00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:14,320 Slope arms! 471 00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:18,160 General salute! 472 00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:21,800 Present arms! 473 00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:27,280 Slope arms! 474 00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:40,000 That... 475 00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:42,920 is a real improvement, Groff. 476 00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:49,880 To your duties. 477 00:26:50,360 --> 00:26:52,440 Fall out! 478 00:26:55,120 --> 00:26:56,960 - Well done, mate. - [Luke] Good job, man. 479 00:27:03,360 --> 00:27:05,920 - We're going on the Ferris wheel. - Wind isn't good for my hair. 480 00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:08,400 I don't think I was clear. Rahim's going on the Ferris wheel, 481 00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:10,000 so we're going on the Ferris wheel. 482 00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:15,520 You can squeeze in with me and Anwar for the next ride, Rahim. 483 00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:16,960 No, thank you. 484 00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:19,040 What do you mean why are we going on it? It's fun. 485 00:27:19,120 --> 00:27:21,200 It's the least safe of any of the rides here. 486 00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:22,840 - It's fun. - How do you know it's fun? 487 00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:25,320 Because I'm telling you that it's fun, that's how I know. 488 00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:27,040 [Otis] Oh, I am going to die. 489 00:27:27,120 --> 00:27:29,400 - [Eric] Come on then. - I'm coming, I'm coming. 490 00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:30,840 - [ride rattling] - [Otis] Ooh! 491 00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:33,160 - What was that? That was really unsafe. - Calm down. 492 00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:38,160 - Eric. Ahh, I'm sorry. I feel vulnerable. - Excuse me, Oatcake! Get back here! 493 00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:39,640 [Otis] It'll be fine, you're fine. 494 00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:45,440 - Hello. - Hi. Hello. 495 00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:47,000 [Ferris wheel music playing] 496 00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:57,200 - Why won't he notice me? - Do you think they do vegan hotdogs? 497 00:27:57,600 --> 00:27:58,760 [Ruby exhales sharply] 498 00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:03,000 Milburn, can I have a word, please? 499 00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:04,000 Um... 500 00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:06,480 It's about your... biology test. 501 00:28:07,360 --> 00:28:09,760 What... What biology test, sir? 502 00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:13,440 It's not really about a test. There is no test. Listen... 503 00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:18,560 I heard on the grapevine that you deal with matters of the heart. 504 00:28:19,360 --> 00:28:21,720 And I'm desperate for some advice. 505 00:28:22,120 --> 00:28:24,160 Thing is, I have a friend who speaks Spanish 506 00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:26,440 and I can't understand her at all. 507 00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:27,880 She says things like, "Hola... 508 00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:30,440 [speaking broken Spanish] 509 00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:33,160 ...and... all I can hear is... 510 00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:35,320 Shakira, Shakira. 511 00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:37,560 I don't speak Spanish, sir. 512 00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:39,320 I can't do dirty talk. 513 00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:42,960 I find it mortifying. 514 00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:45,000 Oh... 515 00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:47,400 Well, uh... 516 00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:52,080 sometimes when we learn new skills, we can feel exposed. 517 00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:54,440 Right? And you wouldn't go to a foreign country 518 00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:57,880 without some basic understanding of the language. 519 00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:01,280 So why don't you write a script for yourself 520 00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:04,280 and practice speaking the words until they feel more comfortable? 521 00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:08,960 It's about making an effort to take little steps to meet her halfway. 522 00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:10,960 Does that makes sense? 523 00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:13,200 Yes. 524 00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:16,560 Muchas gracias, maestro. [chuckles] 525 00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:19,800 - What shall we say, a pony? - Ah... Uh... 526 00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:21,920 - Or a monkey? - Please don't pay me. 527 00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:24,360 Let's not speak of this again. 528 00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:27,760 You bet. 529 00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:41,000 [ride hinges squeaking] 530 00:29:43,760 --> 00:29:46,160 - So, what are the interesting landmarks... - Um... 531 00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:47,280 ...around here? 532 00:29:47,360 --> 00:29:50,320 There's nothing interesting to see round here. 533 00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:51,440 [laughs] 534 00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:52,640 Very boring. 535 00:29:53,440 --> 00:29:54,440 Sorry. 536 00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:57,560 Only boring people get bored. 537 00:30:03,760 --> 00:30:05,960 "As if you were on fire from within. 538 00:30:06,040 --> 00:30:08,400 The moon lives in the lining of your skin." 539 00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:13,200 Uh, pardon? 540 00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:16,560 - It's about finding beauty in the world. - Oh. 541 00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:18,760 - It's a poem by Pablo Neruda. - Oh. 542 00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:22,760 I don't know her. 543 00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:28,640 [ride motor whirring] 544 00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:42,640 - Goodbye. - Uh, bye. 545 00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:52,680 [Ola] I think you're jabbing the duck too hard, Otis. 546 00:30:52,760 --> 00:30:55,960 Maybe you should just try it a bit softer... 547 00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:58,320 a bit slower maybe. 548 00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:00,680 Yes! See, I got... See. 549 00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:03,160 Thank you. Thank you, sir. 550 00:31:04,600 --> 00:31:05,680 Ta-da! 551 00:31:05,760 --> 00:31:06,760 For you. 552 00:31:07,280 --> 00:31:08,736 - There you go. - [mouthing] Tell him. 553 00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:10,880 Okay. Um, thank you. 554 00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:13,520 I need to tell you something. 555 00:31:13,600 --> 00:31:14,600 - Um... - Sure. 556 00:31:15,360 --> 00:31:16,680 Okay. Uh, I... 557 00:31:19,640 --> 00:31:22,800 Uh, I really, really don't like... 558 00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:27,080 goldfish. 559 00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:28,640 Here you go. 560 00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:30,400 - [chuckles] - Yeah. 561 00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:32,360 Okay, thanks. 562 00:31:32,440 --> 00:31:33,480 Yeah. 563 00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:36,600 Hey, do you wanna hang at mine? 564 00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:38,960 - We could, you know... - No. 565 00:31:39,800 --> 00:31:41,760 I've got loads of homework that I need to do. 566 00:31:41,840 --> 00:31:44,320 - In fact, I need to go... now. - Okay. 567 00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:49,320 - But thank you so much for the bear. Dog. - Thank you for the fish. 568 00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:51,440 Okay, I'll see you. [clears throat] 569 00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:54,760 [gasps] 570 00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:57,520 My friend's boyfriend doesn't know how to finger her properly. 571 00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:00,280 I'm off duty, sorry. 572 00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:01,720 He's really bad at it. 573 00:32:01,800 --> 00:32:03,440 Tell your friend's boyfriend 574 00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:05,600 to look up something called the clock technique. 575 00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:08,000 It looks a bit complicated at first, granted, 576 00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:11,240 but once you get it right, the results are astounding. 577 00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:12,880 It's you. 578 00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:14,600 You're my friend's boyfriend. 579 00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:16,320 You're bad at fingering. 580 00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:18,640 Please don't tell Ola I said anything, but... 581 00:32:19,040 --> 00:32:20,040 sort it out? 582 00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:30,840 [doorbell buzzing] 583 00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:36,400 I'm ready to talk dirty. 584 00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:46,960 [Colin gasps] 585 00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:49,160 I'm gonna do nasty things to you. 586 00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:50,480 - [Emily groans] - Yeah. 587 00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:53,040 I'm gonna get you so wet. 588 00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:55,560 You're going to feel like your water just broke. 589 00:32:57,360 --> 00:32:59,240 - What? - I'm gonna treat you so badly, 590 00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:01,840 you'll be late for work tomorrow and I'm gonna get you fired, 591 00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:03,440 completely ruin your life. 592 00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:04,520 [chuckles] 593 00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:07,160 Wait that's not... Is that right? 594 00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:08,280 Um... 595 00:33:09,360 --> 00:33:10,360 [gasps] 596 00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:12,280 [sighs] 597 00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:14,920 Uh... this isn't working. 598 00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:18,480 Isn't it? 599 00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:28,360 [sighs] 600 00:33:31,480 --> 00:33:33,640 [whispering] Grab your stuff. Come with us. 601 00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:37,080 [door opens] 602 00:33:49,720 --> 00:33:51,440 [sniffs] 603 00:33:57,000 --> 00:33:58,840 [Luke] Here you go. That'll keep you warm. 604 00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:00,720 [Eli] Are you homesick yet? 605 00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:03,440 I was proper homesick when I first got here. 606 00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:05,000 Yeah. 607 00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:08,040 - He used to cry every night for his mummy. - Did not. 608 00:34:08,120 --> 00:34:09,120 [laughs] 609 00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:11,720 I miss my mum a bit, but... 610 00:34:13,240 --> 00:34:14,600 not my dad though. He's... 611 00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:15,800 An arsehole? 612 00:34:16,720 --> 00:34:18,720 Yep, my dad's a dick too. 613 00:34:18,800 --> 00:34:20,320 My dad's a pussy. 614 00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:22,360 A mean one. 615 00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:25,440 [loudly] Fuck all the mean dads. 616 00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:28,680 Fuck 'em! [laughs] 617 00:34:31,200 --> 00:34:32,720 Fuck all the dads. 618 00:34:35,440 --> 00:34:37,040 - You got a girlfriend? - Yep. 619 00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:41,040 Her name's Aimee. 620 00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:43,360 Big tits. 621 00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:47,000 You a boob or an arse man? 622 00:34:47,800 --> 00:34:49,680 I like elbows. 623 00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:52,200 [laughing] 624 00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:11,000 - I love you. - [Sofia] Oh, hold on, darling. 625 00:35:12,840 --> 00:35:14,000 I'm not training, Mum. 626 00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:15,680 Got to keep on track. 627 00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:17,480 You'll be swimming again before you know it. 628 00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:20,360 Well, what if I'm not? 629 00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:24,480 You know, maybe I should get, like, a new hobby or something. 630 00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:26,520 But your hand is going to heal. 631 00:35:27,720 --> 00:35:28,640 - Yeah. - Yes? 632 00:35:28,720 --> 00:35:29,760 - Yeah. - Okay. 633 00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:31,280 Go on. 634 00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:33,880 - Have a good day. - Yeah, you too. 635 00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:37,080 [indistinct chatter] 636 00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:40,600 - Well, what do I do? - [stammers] 637 00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:43,280 You're kind of asking the wrong guy about fingering, dude. 638 00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:46,360 I don't know. Shit. 639 00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:49,520 For you to read. 640 00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:51,680 Thanks. 641 00:35:54,520 --> 00:35:55,640 Thank you. 642 00:35:58,960 --> 00:36:00,616 First, he looks at me like he wants to kill me, 643 00:36:00,640 --> 00:36:02,736 then he calls me boring, and now he's giving me books. 644 00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:05,536 - Maybe he wants to be your friend. - Or maybe he's a teenage Ted Bundy. 645 00:36:05,560 --> 00:36:06,840 This is serious, okay? 646 00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:10,440 I need to find someone who understands vaginas. 647 00:36:10,520 --> 00:36:11,520 Your mum. 648 00:36:12,160 --> 00:36:14,960 - I'm being serious. - No, Otis, your mum is here. 649 00:36:20,240 --> 00:36:21,480 Okay. All right. 650 00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:25,920 Good luck, Fingertron. 651 00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:27,480 [laughing] 652 00:36:37,480 --> 00:36:38,560 [mutters to himself] 653 00:36:39,920 --> 00:36:42,000 I'm branching out. You should audition. 654 00:36:42,760 --> 00:36:45,240 [chuckles] That's not really my thing. 655 00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:46,640 Thanks, though. 656 00:36:47,720 --> 00:36:49,280 But you're acting all the time. 657 00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:53,720 And you'll probably get a sword. 658 00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:05,520 No hats. 659 00:37:05,960 --> 00:37:07,280 Take it to your dorm. 660 00:37:08,840 --> 00:37:09,840 Come on. 661 00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:13,200 [Eli and Luke moaning] 662 00:37:15,760 --> 00:37:17,840 I've still got your, uh, hat. 663 00:37:17,920 --> 00:37:19,760 [moaning continues] 664 00:37:19,840 --> 00:37:22,760 - We're not poofs or anything. - Yeah, I was thinking about my girlfriend. 665 00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:26,360 And I was thinking of your girlfriend, you know... with the big tits. 666 00:37:29,240 --> 00:37:30,320 I won't tell anyone. 667 00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:57,680 I need your advice. 668 00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:00,320 I'm pretty... 669 00:38:00,720 --> 00:38:04,680 I'm bad at fingering. Really bad. And my girlfriend is actively avoiding me. 670 00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:06,080 Please help. 671 00:38:07,360 --> 00:38:08,360 Okay. 672 00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:11,800 But only because I pity you. 673 00:38:17,160 --> 00:38:19,520 - Show me what you did then. - I was about to eat that. 674 00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:27,040 - You want me to... - Mm-hmm. 675 00:38:29,120 --> 00:38:30,240 Okay. Um... 676 00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:33,360 Sorry. 677 00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:34,480 Well, I... 678 00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:36,560 I started at... 679 00:38:37,440 --> 00:38:38,560 I started at 12 o'clock... 680 00:38:39,200 --> 00:38:40,760 and went to three o'clock, 681 00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:42,320 and then back down to six. 682 00:38:42,400 --> 00:38:44,320 Oh, it's juicy. And then there was nine. 683 00:38:44,400 --> 00:38:46,200 Congratulations, you can tell the time. 684 00:38:46,920 --> 00:38:47,840 [stammers] 685 00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:52,080 Then I carried on, clockwise, then I flipped it anti-clockwise. 686 00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:53,720 So you DJ-ed on her vag. 687 00:38:53,800 --> 00:38:55,240 What's with the clock thing? 688 00:38:55,720 --> 00:38:57,280 - It's a technique. - It's weird. 689 00:38:59,480 --> 00:39:00,480 Continue. 690 00:39:01,600 --> 00:39:03,600 Well, I sort of continued that motion... 691 00:39:03,680 --> 00:39:05,160 Oh, then I had a spread, 692 00:39:05,240 --> 00:39:07,560 which was kind of like that. That's... 693 00:39:07,640 --> 00:39:11,400 - And continued to apply pressure, and... - Stop jabbing. 694 00:39:11,480 --> 00:39:14,760 - It's not, I'm not really jabbing. - I think I'd know, it's my orange. 695 00:39:14,840 --> 00:39:16,520 - Actually, it's my orange. - Shh. 696 00:39:16,600 --> 00:39:17,600 Okay, um... 697 00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:20,920 - This is ridiculous. I'm sorry. - Look... 698 00:39:23,600 --> 00:39:26,280 there's no magic technique that works with all women. 699 00:39:27,440 --> 00:39:29,280 Every orange is different, 700 00:39:29,360 --> 00:39:32,960 but you shouldn't be asking me, you should be asking your girlfriend. 701 00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:34,760 Tune into her orange. 702 00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:36,320 Yeah. 703 00:39:37,240 --> 00:39:38,360 Okay, we're done now. 704 00:39:40,280 --> 00:39:41,320 Thank you. 705 00:39:52,080 --> 00:39:53,840 [Colin] Okay, everyone. 706 00:39:53,920 --> 00:39:56,520 It's SRE question time. 707 00:39:57,520 --> 00:39:58,560 Okay? 708 00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:02,320 In the old box, and... Ah! [laughs] 709 00:40:03,440 --> 00:40:05,680 It doesn't matter. [clears throat] 710 00:40:06,880 --> 00:40:07,880 Okay. 711 00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:12,840 "Can I get pregnant from only giving hand jobs?" 712 00:40:13,520 --> 00:40:14,800 [class laughing] 713 00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:16,560 [Colin] Okay, um... 714 00:40:16,640 --> 00:40:21,920 Well, fertilization only occurs when Mr. Sperm enters Mrs. Egg. 715 00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:25,000 So, no is the answer. 716 00:40:26,040 --> 00:40:27,240 Okay... 717 00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:29,840 Good. 718 00:40:30,480 --> 00:40:31,600 [Colin] Um... 719 00:40:32,520 --> 00:40:34,920 "My boyfriend doesn't want to wear a condom. 720 00:40:35,680 --> 00:40:37,240 What should I do?" 721 00:40:37,760 --> 00:40:39,760 Uh... Hell. 722 00:40:40,480 --> 00:40:42,960 Condoms protect the egg from fertilization. 723 00:40:43,520 --> 00:40:44,880 - Okay. - Monsieur, 724 00:40:44,960 --> 00:40:46,520 what about gay sex? 725 00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:51,200 Well, you can't get pregnant from, um, homosexual activity. 726 00:40:51,280 --> 00:40:52,840 [Rahim] But what about pleasure? 727 00:40:53,360 --> 00:40:55,720 People don't always have sex to make a baby. 728 00:40:56,640 --> 00:40:57,880 [Colin] Mm. Um... 729 00:41:00,440 --> 00:41:02,280 Where was I? The, uh... The egg... 730 00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:06,760 What type of lubricant would you recommend for doing anal sex? 731 00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:12,696 [Jean] Well, you should always use a water-based lubricant. 732 00:41:12,720 --> 00:41:17,280 Oil-based products will decompose the latex in the condom. 733 00:41:18,800 --> 00:41:22,560 And, sorry, just to answer the previous question, 734 00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:25,760 no matter how persistent a sexual partner is 735 00:41:25,840 --> 00:41:28,520 about not using contraception, 736 00:41:29,120 --> 00:41:33,320 remember it is always your right to say no. 737 00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:34,760 Always. 738 00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:37,400 Cool. 739 00:41:40,640 --> 00:41:41,720 Uh, Ms. Milburn? 740 00:41:42,400 --> 00:41:44,760 Has that given you enough information for your report then? 741 00:41:44,840 --> 00:41:48,080 Well, quite frankly, Mr. Groff, I'm shocked by the ineptitude. 742 00:41:48,920 --> 00:41:51,416 I'll be spending the next few weeks getting to know the students 743 00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:52,800 and their needs a bit better. 744 00:41:52,880 --> 00:41:54,616 I'm not sure the board will agree to anything that drastic. 745 00:41:54,640 --> 00:41:58,000 I've already spoken to Maxine Tarrington, and she approves. 746 00:41:59,200 --> 00:42:01,720 I'm looking forward to working with you, Mr. Groff. 747 00:42:08,240 --> 00:42:09,760 Oh, for God's sake! 748 00:42:12,760 --> 00:42:17,520 Did you know you need, like, sugar and flour and an oven to bake? 749 00:42:17,600 --> 00:42:21,520 And you don't just shove it all in, you have to follow all these rules. 750 00:42:21,600 --> 00:42:23,040 Yeah, it's called a recipe. 751 00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:26,080 Hey, Maeve, you're our new Quiz Head. High five. 752 00:42:27,840 --> 00:42:28,920 Don't let me down. 753 00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:33,040 Hey, have you guys... Have you seen Ola anywhere? 754 00:42:34,080 --> 00:42:37,440 - Maeve got on the quiz team. - Oh, good job. 755 00:42:37,520 --> 00:42:39,520 If you see Ola, I'm looking for her. 756 00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:42,240 Are you happy, babes? 757 00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:46,960 I don't think I'm over Otis. 758 00:42:48,320 --> 00:42:50,040 That is what I keep saying. 759 00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:59,320 Oh, my God! Your mum is everyting. 760 00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:01,760 She talked about anal sex in front of Mr. Groff. 761 00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:05,600 - Jean actually gives me life. - That's not good news, Eric. 762 00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:08,640 Oh, and I think Rahim is gay. 763 00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:13,120 - That actually makes a ton of sense. - Mm-hmm. 764 00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:15,400 Staring at you, wanting to sit next to you all the time, 765 00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:17,080 giving you books. He probably likes you. 766 00:43:17,120 --> 00:43:18,200 Otis, I don't think so. 767 00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:20,840 Read the signs, Eric. I have to go. 768 00:43:32,880 --> 00:43:34,160 [exclaims] 769 00:43:35,160 --> 00:43:40,600 Sir! I was wrong. I was wrong. You have to tune into her orange. 770 00:43:40,680 --> 00:43:44,960 Just listen to what she's actually saying. That's how you learn Spanish, huh? 771 00:43:46,400 --> 00:43:47,400 Good luck! 772 00:43:51,720 --> 00:43:52,760 It's an apple. 773 00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:57,400 [grunting] 774 00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:00,600 - [bell ringing] - [exhales] 775 00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:02,760 - [door opens] - [clears throat] 776 00:44:03,640 --> 00:44:04,640 Hi. 777 00:44:05,720 --> 00:44:06,920 I know I'm bad at fingering. 778 00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:10,680 I was really busy trying to get it right, and I wasn't listening to you. 779 00:44:11,200 --> 00:44:12,960 We don't ever have to do it again. 780 00:44:16,720 --> 00:44:17,720 Or... 781 00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:19,640 I could show you what I like? 782 00:44:28,920 --> 00:44:30,200 [knock at door] 783 00:44:36,120 --> 00:44:40,520 Could you explain why you enjoy dirty talk so that I can understand? 784 00:44:41,080 --> 00:44:42,880 If not, I bought dips. 785 00:44:45,320 --> 00:44:46,320 Loads of them. 786 00:44:53,880 --> 00:44:57,080 I feel like a dowdy teacher all day, so... 787 00:44:57,760 --> 00:45:00,800 when I'm at home, I want to escape and to feel... 788 00:45:02,480 --> 00:45:03,720 Like a female dog? 789 00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:04,960 No. [laughs] 790 00:45:05,040 --> 00:45:07,160 Colin, I don't care what you say. 791 00:45:07,720 --> 00:45:08,720 I just... 792 00:45:09,640 --> 00:45:10,840 want to feel sexy. 793 00:45:12,280 --> 00:45:13,280 [scoffs] 794 00:45:14,840 --> 00:45:16,400 So it's not about the words. 795 00:45:17,480 --> 00:45:19,480 ["Sexy Boy" by Air playing] 796 00:45:23,120 --> 00:45:24,240 Spatula. 797 00:45:29,280 --> 00:45:30,560 Pepper grinder. 798 00:45:35,680 --> 00:45:37,040 Milk frother. 799 00:45:37,600 --> 00:45:39,840 ♪ Sexy boy ♪ 800 00:45:39,920 --> 00:45:41,520 Ice cream scoop. 801 00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:44,560 [moaning] 802 00:45:44,640 --> 00:45:46,680 Baba ghanoush! Oh! 803 00:45:46,760 --> 00:45:48,240 Baba ghanoush! 804 00:45:48,320 --> 00:45:50,880 Say it again! Baba... [moaning] 805 00:45:50,960 --> 00:45:52,600 Ghanoush! 806 00:45:53,120 --> 00:45:55,680 [both moaning] 807 00:45:56,640 --> 00:45:58,920 [both laugh] 808 00:45:59,320 --> 00:46:00,680 [both exhale] 809 00:46:03,400 --> 00:46:06,600 ♪ Sexy boy ♪ 810 00:46:23,120 --> 00:46:24,640 That's not mine. 811 00:46:30,320 --> 00:46:31,320 They planted it. 812 00:46:32,960 --> 00:46:34,360 And why would they do that? 813 00:46:37,120 --> 00:46:40,080 Does this... belong... 814 00:46:40,800 --> 00:46:41,800 to you? 815 00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:51,880 [sergeant] Left, right, left, right, left, right, left! 816 00:46:52,520 --> 00:46:56,160 Left, right, left, right, left, right, left! 817 00:46:56,640 --> 00:47:00,360 Left, right, left, right, left, right, left! 818 00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:14,600 I lied. 819 00:47:15,360 --> 00:47:17,000 I lied. It's not my weed. 820 00:47:18,320 --> 00:47:21,520 They wanted to get me expelled because they're... poofs. 821 00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:23,840 Sir. 822 00:47:24,160 --> 00:47:25,160 Yes. 823 00:47:26,040 --> 00:47:28,160 Quite a lot of us are poofs in this institution. 824 00:47:29,960 --> 00:47:32,200 But some things are better left unacknowledged. 825 00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:34,400 So I don't have to... 826 00:47:35,120 --> 00:47:36,120 go home? 827 00:47:37,320 --> 00:47:39,880 You were found with drugs in your possession, Adam. 828 00:47:41,240 --> 00:47:42,240 I'm sorry. 829 00:47:44,600 --> 00:47:47,520 ["Bashed Out" by This Is The Kit playing] 830 00:47:54,200 --> 00:47:58,760 ♪ And so the outside, it bashes us in ♪ 831 00:48:00,360 --> 00:48:03,440 ♪ Bashes us about a bit ♪ 832 00:48:05,400 --> 00:48:10,360 ♪ Feel it tugging you Ploughing you flat ♪ 833 00:48:11,400 --> 00:48:16,800 ♪ Then feel it filling your sails And warm on your back ♪ 834 00:48:17,640 --> 00:48:19,000 ♪ Ooh ♪ 835 00:48:19,080 --> 00:48:21,440 [Mr. Groff] That was your last chance at a formal education. 836 00:48:22,040 --> 00:48:25,680 If you put one foot out of line, you won't have a roof over your head. 837 00:48:26,520 --> 00:48:27,520 Understood? 838 00:48:30,600 --> 00:48:36,160 ♪ And blessed are those Who see and are silent ♪ 839 00:48:37,040 --> 00:48:42,120 ♪ Blessed are those Who see and are silent ♪ 840 00:48:43,680 --> 00:48:48,280 ♪ Blessed are those who see ♪ 841 00:48:52,840 --> 00:48:58,280 ♪ So won't you hoist up The bucket now, Charlie? ♪ 842 00:48:58,360 --> 00:49:01,200 ♪ Hoosh it all over the deck ♪ 843 00:49:03,400 --> 00:49:08,600 ♪ 'Cause we've been getting most Mightily filthy ♪ 844 00:49:09,720 --> 00:49:12,880 ♪ Mud marks up to our necks ♪ 845 00:49:15,600 --> 00:49:20,520 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, oooh ♪ 846 00:49:21,160 --> 00:49:24,320 ♪ Ooh, ooh, oooh ♪ 847 00:49:31,400 --> 00:49:37,120 ♪ And they did unfold And the wind, it did feel them ♪ 848 00:49:38,000 --> 00:49:42,680 ♪ And they did unfold and the wind ♪ 61173

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