All language subtitles for Bucket - 01x03 - Episode 3 (English) (1)

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish Download
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:06,470 Be ready. 2 00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:23,950 Whee! 3 00:00:29,040 --> 00:00:30,600 Go, go, go! 4 00:00:33,440 --> 00:00:34,560 Did it! 5 00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:38,190 Did it! 6 00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:40,230 Well, I always wanted to do that. 7 00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:42,710 Streak at a major sporting event. 8 00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:44,110 It was Crufts, Mum. 9 00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:45,480 And they loved it! 10 00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:11,790 - Why are you so excited? - Because this is a special occasion. 11 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:13,750 But you don't believe in marriage. 12 00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:15,830 No, I'm a bird of paradise, 13 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:19,110 not to be caged by the tricks and traps of convention. 14 00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:20,510 Or responsibility. 15 00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:23,270 But other people's weddings can be life-affirming. 16 00:01:23,320 --> 00:01:25,270 Free food, free booze. 17 00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:27,160 Free lovin'. If you're lucky. 18 00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:32,030 - Maybe we should just send apologies. - No, dear. 19 00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:33,790 Oh, you're such a foji. 20 00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:35,630 It's fogey. And since when does... 21 00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:36,950 Fo-JI. 22 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:39,270 A fearer of joining in. 23 00:01:39,320 --> 00:01:40,510 But, Mum... 24 00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:45,150 But, Franny ... this is probably the last wedding I shall ever go to. 25 00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:49,720 At this rate, I'll be going down the aisle before you ... in a wooden box. 26 00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:59,710 - Mum, are you going to tell Pat that you're, you know, dying... - No! 27 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:01,830 And you mustn't either. 28 00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:04,440 It's Gemma's wedding, it's not about me. 29 00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:06,720 That's... 30 00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:09,880 That's really very noble of you, Mum. 31 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:15,150 You know how Pat likes everything to be just so? 32 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:18,190 Perfect, ordered, calm. 33 00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:20,490 That's why she needs me here. 34 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:22,760 I'm going to raise hell. 35 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:25,600 Get stuffing. 36 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:34,360 12 to a bag, no more, no less. 37 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:40,040 Pat... 38 00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:45,110 Oh. 39 00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:47,320 This seam isn't straight, Val. 40 00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:50,560 I think you are going to have to do it again. 41 00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:55,910 We're building the fairytale, ladies. 42 00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:57,990 One favour bag at a time. 43 00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:00,550 Sounds like a busy night, Pat. 44 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:04,110 Night? This is a culmination of months, 45 00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:08,230 dare I say, a lifetime's work for Gemma's special day. 46 00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:12,030 Yes, it's exhausting, but what mother wouldn't dedicate herself to 47 00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:14,550 her only daughter's happiness? 48 00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:16,070 Everyone said yes. 49 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:17,510 We got all the Rotary. 50 00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:19,030 And the CB. 51 00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:20,510 Lots of pressies, then. 52 00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:22,390 Oh, we don't think about that. 53 00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:25,350 - What did you get? - Unusual to request a loo seat. 54 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:27,270 It's mahogany. 55 00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:30,910 Oh, Fran, I meant to ask you about your little promotion. 56 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:33,550 I'm taking some time off work, actually. 57 00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:34,760 Spending it with Mum. 58 00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:41,590 - Really? - I told you about my bucket list on my birthday, Pat. 59 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:42,680 Did you? 60 00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:47,270 Every brain cell is just filled with wedding, I'm afraid. 61 00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:49,590 We're going to swim with sharks... 62 00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:51,710 and ride a Harley down Route 66. 63 00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:56,190 - How's that for mother/daughter bonding? - Sounds very lively. 64 00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:58,630 I took Gemma for high tea at the Ritz. 65 00:03:58,680 --> 00:04:00,510 Aw, I'd love to do that, Mum. 66 00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:03,200 - Tea at the Ritz? - I'm barred. 67 00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:09,150 Well, with all your plans, I'm surprised you made the detour. 68 00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:12,070 Oh, there's plenty I can do with my bucket at a wedding. 69 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:16,990 Oh, caterers. Hello? 70 00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:18,710 Are you chewing? 71 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:22,270 I tell you, if one of my amuse-bouches is missing, 72 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:24,030 there will be merry hell. 73 00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:28,040 And don't forget, mine's a halal meal, Pat. 74 00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:32,270 OK, what are you planning? 75 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:33,710 "Raise hell"? 76 00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:36,230 "Plenty I can do at a wedding with my bucket"? 77 00:04:36,280 --> 00:04:38,110 What is on your list, exactly? 78 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:41,630 Well now, when the vicar asks if there's any known impediment... 79 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:43,190 Don't. 80 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:45,630 I'm not really going to stop the wedding. 81 00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:47,750 I'm waiting for the reception. 82 00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:50,550 A roomful of tables, seating the great and good. 83 00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:53,350 Whatever it is, don't do it. 84 00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:55,630 I'm a little out of practice, 85 00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:58,270 but it's all in the wrist action and the sudden surprise! 86 00:04:58,320 --> 00:04:59,950 Crisis averted. 87 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:03,760 28lb of smoked salmon, liberated from the backup freezer. 88 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:06,910 Phew! 89 00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:10,710 Oh, this sounds good ... whale humping in Iceland. 90 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:11,960 Did I tell you? 91 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:16,790 Fiance Paul has booked a most magnificent honeymoon. 92 00:05:16,840 --> 00:05:18,080 European tour. 93 00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:21,030 Ooh. 94 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:22,310 Five-star. 95 00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:25,470 I'd love to do that, tour Europe. 96 00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:28,070 Or a surgical safari in South Africa. 97 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:31,190 Stroke a giraffe and have your bozzies hoicked. 98 00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:32,960 Two for the price of one. 99 00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:39,670 There you are, Pat. 100 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:41,270 Oh! 101 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:44,950 - I think you've earned a little drink. - Ooh! 102 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,310 Not you, Mim. Finish your favours. 103 00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:50,110 Go on, go and join the girls in the kitchen. 104 00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:53,990 - Oh, no, I'm fine here, I can help... - No. 105 00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:55,390 Don't be shy. 106 00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:59,270 Come on, I'm sure they'll all be very glad to see you. 107 00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:05,910 Hey... aw! 108 00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:08,790 - We thought you were the stripper! - Fran! 109 00:06:08,840 --> 00:06:10,750 You haven't met Brona and Beth. 110 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:13,150 This is Fran, she's my second cousin. 111 00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:15,030 She's, like, the olden days. 112 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:17,830 - I think she means I LIKE the olden days. - Aw! 113 00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:21,270 - It's kind of both, though, isn't it? - Well, have a shot to catch up. 114 00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:24,590 To Gemma's last night of freedom. 115 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:25,680 Bottoms up! 116 00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:30,590 Seriously, though, Gem, 117 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,310 you do not want to get pregnant for at least a year. 118 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:35,070 Life over. 119 00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:36,430 Hit me. 120 00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,350 But you do love your kids, though, right? 121 00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:41,750 - Oh, GOD I love my kids! - They're my whole world, they mean everything to me! 122 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:44,120 - I would kill for my kids, kill for them. - Kill, kill! 123 00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:50,070 - How are you doing, Gemma? Nervous? - Yes. 124 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:52,510 But my mum got me this book. 125 00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:55,070 Time for games to relax you. 126 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:56,950 Drinking games. 127 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,230 To relax you more. 128 00:06:58,280 --> 00:07:01,510 Right, I have never...? 129 00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:03,150 Had... 130 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:04,710 a... 131 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:06,440 foursome. Drink! 132 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:14,270 But it's my party trick. 133 00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:16,150 I whip everything off in one go. 134 00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:17,750 Put it down. 135 00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:20,190 Nobody's interested. 136 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,190 Well, your husband might be. 137 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,600 He was always excited by what I could tug. 138 00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:28,910 Where is he, anyway? 139 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:30,390 Over the road. 140 00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:34,070 The menfolk are staying in another house tonight. 141 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,910 Shame. 142 00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:37,440 He'd have liked this. 143 00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:41,960 I know what you're trying to do, but I shall not be riled. 144 00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:45,310 Now. 145 00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:46,630 Ribbons. 146 00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:47,950 Bags. 147 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:49,040 Tie! 148 00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:02,910 Psst, Val! 149 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:04,470 Look! 150 00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:10,630 Look! 151 00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:12,120 Whoo! 152 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:17,230 What, you've never had sex in a mill? 153 00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:19,910 Wait, you haven't touched your shots all game. 154 00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:22,430 OMG, Fran. 155 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:23,910 Have you never...? 156 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:26,270 Oh...! 157 00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:28,310 Get it out, laugh, judge, 158 00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:30,510 you can't say anything my mother hasn't already. 159 00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:33,190 That is actually... 160 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:35,190 awesome. 161 00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:37,830 You must be a special soul, Fran. 162 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:39,750 I wish I'd waited. 163 00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:42,110 I could be living the dream now. 164 00:08:42,160 --> 00:08:45,230 Curating my own gallery in Denmark. 165 00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:48,630 Instead I define myself by my sexuality. 166 00:08:48,680 --> 00:08:51,430 It's a precious, sacred part of you. 167 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:53,990 I thought you just lost it if you rode a horse? 168 00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:56,150 Integrity. 169 00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,110 Self-respect. 170 00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:00,750 Mind, body... 171 00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:02,870 .. impenetrable cocoon. 172 00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:05,470 That was the title of her A-level art piece. 173 00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:09,150 - I mean, it's not that I don't want to... - No, no, no. 174 00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:13,110 No. You will know when the time is right. 175 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:14,990 - Don't waste it. - No. 176 00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:16,590 Don't give it away. 177 00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:18,910 Because they'll take it for granted 178 00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:21,670 - and then they'll ruin it. - Ruin. 179 00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:23,030 Ruin it. 180 00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:25,990 You guys slept with your husbands before you got married, though, right? 181 00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:28,710 - Oh, first date. - Yeah, straightaway, yeah. 182 00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:33,110 But here is to Franny, true to her fucking self! 183 00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:34,590 Love it. 184 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:37,710 Thanks, guys, but it's Gemma's day. 185 00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:41,990 Get your coats, girls, the taxi's here. 186 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:44,590 I say taxi, it's just Jim in his Prius. 187 00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:45,680 Dick. Come on. 188 00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:49,080 Bye, Auntie Pat! 189 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:00,950 You help yourselves to breakfast, girls. 190 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:05,270 I have a skin-tight schedule to fit in. 191 00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:06,830 Fran, please? 192 00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:09,790 Oh, very strong spreadsheet work here, Pat. 193 00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:13,230 - Yes, well, you fail to plan... - And you plan to fail. 194 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:15,230 That's what I always say. 195 00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:16,710 It's Gemma's day. 196 00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:19,040 There is no time for unknown unknowns. 197 00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:22,750 Ah. Where IS my mum? 198 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:24,030 Ugh. 199 00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:25,320 In disgrace. 200 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:30,360 She tried to break into the men's house last night. 201 00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:34,750 Cat flap wasn't big enough, fortunately. 202 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:37,390 I apologise for everything my mother has done. 203 00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:38,950 And might do. 204 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,430 Oh, there's no need, Fran. 205 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:44,200 There are no problems today. 206 00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:48,990 Well, they're lovely. 207 00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:51,790 - I wanted a splash of red. - Where's Dad? 208 00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:54,750 Out of the way. He's doing nine holes with the vicar. 209 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:57,310 - Fran, would you? - Whoa! 210 00:10:57,360 --> 00:10:59,590 - What's in this, weights? - Yes. 211 00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:03,110 Gemma's wearing a strapless, we've been toning for weeks. 212 00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:04,200 Show Fran. 213 00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:07,320 Ooh. 214 00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:12,590 You've really thought of everything. 215 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:16,190 And you're all so... functional. 216 00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:18,790 Who knows, maybe if you'd been my mum, Pat, 217 00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:21,080 I'D be the head of HR and getting married now. 218 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:25,230 Well, well, well, this IS cosy. 219 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:27,310 I heard you. 220 00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:31,430 So, Perfect Pat can flip a kipper and sew a napkin, 221 00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:34,030 but can she do this? 222 00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:35,480 Ta-da! 223 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:41,430 Oh. What am I getting wrong? 224 00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:43,590 What are you doing?! 225 00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:45,630 This is my party trick. 226 00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:47,950 Obviously needs some work! 227 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:49,710 You can't upset me. 228 00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:52,630 You can't upset me. It's Gemma's day. 229 00:11:52,680 --> 00:11:53,720 Gemma's day. 230 00:11:57,440 --> 00:11:59,450 Wahey! 231 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:01,230 Bubbles for the Princess. 232 00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:04,030 Well, it's five o'clock somewhere, right? 233 00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:06,390 I don't really want this. 234 00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:08,590 It's a statement look. 235 00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:09,870 Extensions? 236 00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:11,910 Still in the trouser press. 237 00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:14,200 Franster, can you carry on with the tanning? 238 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:27,670 I must say, Gem, I wasn't expecting to enjoy any of this. 239 00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:30,910 But last night was so much fun. 240 00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:33,790 Such a great big day ahead! 241 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,270 And it doesn't end there, does it? 242 00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:38,600 With your amazing European honeymoon. 243 00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:42,150 All those historic sites and monuments... 244 00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:47,680 Oh, shit, Gemma, what is it? 245 00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:51,990 I don't want to do it! 246 00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:55,150 Erm... Shall I get your mum? 247 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:56,950 No! 248 00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:59,950 - You've got to help me, Fran! - Me?! 249 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:02,790 What about your fiance, Paul? 250 00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:06,710 - Maybe you should talk to him? - No, it's bad luck. 251 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,590 Fran, you've got to help me. 252 00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:10,680 Please. 253 00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:18,190 Pat, who am I sitting with? 254 00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:21,190 - I can't seem to find my name. - No? 255 00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:24,470 Well, that's because it's not there. 256 00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:25,990 What? 257 00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:29,560 Didn't you read your invitation? You're coming to the evening do. 258 00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:33,470 Evening do?! 259 00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:35,270 That's right. 260 00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:38,840 Don't you finger my fascinator and say, "That's right." 261 00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:41,710 It's all been arranged. 262 00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:44,070 You made us stuff favours. 263 00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:45,950 Yes, you're family. 264 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:48,550 But I have some very important people coming today. 265 00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:51,030 So that's why you've been un-rile-able. 266 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:54,710 Smug you had me relegated to the evening do. 267 00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:56,120 Well... 268 00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:00,430 And that is precisely what I wanted to avoid. 269 00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:02,750 - A scene. - Scene?! 270 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:06,590 - I'm the life and soul! - You are a liability. 271 00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:08,750 After the way you behaved at my wedding, 272 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:10,550 we had to disinfect the dance floor. 273 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,910 You put me in the corner. 274 00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:14,990 No-one puts Mim in the corner! 275 00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:17,830 Oh-ho, you're jealous! 276 00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:20,910 Jealous? Of this fairytale bullshit? 277 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:25,000 Of my perfect life and family compared with your car crash! 278 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:30,110 It's Fran I feel sorry for. 279 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:33,710 Well, just as well that poor creature will never marry. 280 00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:36,750 Who would walk her down the aisle? Eh, Mim? 281 00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:38,270 I was a single mother! 282 00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:41,160 And that is no-one's fault but your own. 283 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:48,470 Is... everything OK? 284 00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:49,560 Everything's fine. 285 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:52,400 Except your face. 286 00:14:58,400 --> 00:14:59,760 Pat... 287 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,000 We might have a bit of a problem. 288 00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:06,230 Here. 289 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:09,830 - And if that doesn't work, try Swarfega. - Mm... 290 00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:11,670 Er, it's Gemma. 291 00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:13,030 She's a bit upset. 292 00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:14,670 I have a cake to box up. 293 00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:19,630 - Well, I think, maybe, she doesn't want to go through with this? - Oh! 294 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:23,590 - Too late for that now. - But can't you do something? - Something?! 295 00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:25,710 I have done everything, everything! 296 00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:27,790 Everything is planned and perfect. 297 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:29,510 - Do you understand? - Yes, but... 298 00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:33,030 If you think I am going to waste ten gallons of parfait and turn away 299 00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:36,270 the county's finest because Gemma's changed her mind and 300 00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:39,590 feels a bit upset, you are wrong! 301 00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:41,920 This is my day! 302 00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:54,790 I was having such a good time. 303 00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:56,470 Gone to shit now. 304 00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:58,590 Humiliating. 305 00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:00,230 Evening do! 306 00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:03,430 Doesn't seem right that Gemma's so unhappy. 307 00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:07,390 Well, I'm unhappy. Missing out on the perfect occasion. 308 00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:12,070 Oh, come on, Mum. You said you don't believe in this fairytale bullshit. 309 00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:13,510 Well, no. 310 00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:16,590 You want a happy ending, go get a massage. 311 00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:18,790 I'm taking this. 312 00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:23,790 Poor Gemma. I think she's been dreading this wedding for ages. 313 00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:25,710 I wish we could do something. 314 00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:29,400 Maybe I can make one bucket dream out of this shipwreck. Look. 315 00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:35,390 "Stop a wedding with an impediment"? Well, that's quite a big thing. 316 00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:37,230 I'm dying! 317 00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:39,040 I WANT to do big things. 318 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:43,750 Look, maybe I didn't give you domestic bliss, 319 00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:46,630 but I gave you freedom, didn't I? 320 00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:49,230 So don't deny it to Gemma now. 321 00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:51,830 Come on, Franny, please. 322 00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:55,070 Get us to the church in time to ruin everything! 323 00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:18,520 Is it not working? 324 00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:20,680 Christ! 325 00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:25,550 - What am I meant to do? - Well, go and find somebody. 326 00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:29,470 - You mean I'VE got to stop Gemma's wedding? - I do mean that. Go on, get... 327 00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:32,430 Yes... What am I going to do? I'm going to get out. 328 00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:33,520 Go and do it! 329 00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:36,120 Christ. 330 00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:45,600 Ugh! 331 00:17:57,960 --> 00:17:59,760 Why didn't you go on? 332 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:05,030 Because I don't know where the fuck I'm going. 333 00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:07,550 Well, that's just defeatist. 334 00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:09,000 No focus. 335 00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:13,600 It's too late. 336 00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:17,070 Oh, well. 337 00:18:17,120 --> 00:18:18,710 "Oh, well"? 338 00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:21,350 Didn't you always say marriage was a life sentence? 339 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:25,160 She only needs to serve half of it, and then she'll get the duplex. 340 00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:35,020 You know, I heard what Pat said. 341 00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:40,070 She has no right to judge you, she's the monster. 342 00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:41,630 And you know what? 343 00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:44,310 - What? - I get it, Mum. 344 00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:45,470 You never married, 345 00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:47,990 you don't believe in the tricks and traps of convention. 346 00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:49,440 Well, fair enough. 347 00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:52,640 That wasn't why. 348 00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:56,910 I never married because of you. 349 00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:58,230 What? 350 00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:00,110 Oh, I had offers. 351 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:03,150 Everyone from Cliff Richard to the Aga Khan. 352 00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:06,310 But it wouldn't have been right with you here. 353 00:19:06,360 --> 00:19:08,190 No. 354 00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:11,320 You are my longest relationship, dear. 355 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:13,800 Huh. 356 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:17,680 Have you ever been in love, Mum? 357 00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:20,440 Yeah. 358 00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:22,880 It doesn't last. 359 00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:25,480 Unlike herpes. 360 00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:31,880 How long did the AA say they'd be? 361 00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:35,800 I thought YOU were calling them. 362 00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:47,110 See, I don't give a fuck about appearances. 363 00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:48,200 That's lucky. 364 00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:53,910 - You know, we're not all that different, you and I. - Oh, really? 365 00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,350 Well, I'm not a pedantic virgin. 366 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:58,830 And I don't wear my bra on my head. 367 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:02,150 - We are true to ourselves. - Yeah. 368 00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:03,840 So don't worry, Franny. 369 00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:07,430 It'll happen for you. 370 00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:09,750 Love or herpes? 371 00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:11,590 It's never too late for either. 372 00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:14,430 What I'm saying is, I get it too. 373 00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:16,280 You are who you are. 374 00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:22,440 Ah. 375 00:20:35,380 --> 00:20:36,220 Hi! 376 00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:40,240 And I am who I am! 377 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:07,670 Oh, bollocks! 378 00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:09,360 We missed the buffet! 379 00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:14,870 What's wrong with Pat? 380 00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:15,960 Hmm. 381 00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:21,240 Pat? 382 00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:24,350 Oh, you made it, then. 383 00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:26,990 It went perfectly, of course. All of it. 384 00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:28,990 I'm glad. 385 00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:30,080 Just as planned. 386 00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:33,790 My life's work. 387 00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:34,880 It's done. 388 00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:38,270 She's married. 389 00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:39,760 So why the misery mouth? 390 00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:44,440 What am I supposed to do now? 391 00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:53,230 If you'd been a liability and fucked your daughter up, 392 00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:56,830 like me, you'd have a companion for life. 393 00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:59,230 My life is over. 394 00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:00,520 Oh, I don't know. 395 00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:05,120 Why not start nagging for grandchildren? 396 00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:08,640 Grandchildren? 397 00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:11,950 Start calling on the honeymoon. 398 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:13,550 Yes. 399 00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:18,670 Yes, I could download an ovulation app. 400 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:20,720 Time my calls precisely. 401 00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:25,440 Fran! 402 00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:29,030 Whoa! 403 00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:30,790 Is that why you've never...? 404 00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:33,870 - Oh, no, this is your fake tan. - Oh! 405 00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:35,230 Sorry. 406 00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:36,830 But, you know, it's fine, whatever, 407 00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:40,230 because Paul and I have decided to be very open-minded. 408 00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:41,800 No, really, I'm not... 409 00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:46,430 - I really need to thank you, Fran. - Thank me? 410 00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:48,790 - We nearly stopped your whole... - Yes. 411 00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:51,150 You told me to talk to my fiance, Paul. 412 00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:53,350 Sorry, husband! 413 00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:55,190 I'm married! 414 00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:57,070 Whoo! 415 00:22:57,120 --> 00:23:01,270 But I took your advice and I told him how unhappy I was. 416 00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:03,270 But, Gem, if you're unhappy... 417 00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:05,790 - About the honeymoon! - What? 418 00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:09,990 Just couldn't do it, a boring trip around Europe, I was dreading it. 419 00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:12,190 I hate old things. 420 00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:14,270 - No offence. - None taken. 421 00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:17,670 Now we're going on a two-week all-in to the Maldives. 422 00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:19,510 Like NORMAL people. 423 00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:22,150 Whoohoo! 424 00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:25,040 Congratulations, Gem, I'm very happy for you. 425 00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:28,190 Wait, I want to give you something. 426 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:29,710 Just let me get rid of this. 427 00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:31,390 Fuck these weights, right? 428 00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:32,750 Oi! 429 00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:34,830 All the single ladies! 430 00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:37,830 That's bouquet time! Form an orderly queue. 431 00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:42,040 Come on, come on, Franny, we saved this bit for you. 432 00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:48,030 - Franny, are you ready? - Come on, get your arms up! 433 00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:49,120 Never too late! 434 00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:52,960 Not her! 435 00:23:58,040 --> 00:23:59,350 Oh! 436 00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:03,840 She's down! 437 00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:08,990 She's a sprayer. 438 00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:10,120 Mum?! 439 00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:19,000 By dose! 440 00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:23,200 It's only just paid for. 441 00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:27,670 Aw, easy now, Auntie Pat. 442 00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:29,790 Head back. 443 00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:33,190 - Clear the way, people. - I'm drowning. 444 00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:35,480 - Such a shame. - I'm drowning! 445 00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:50,200 - For you. - What? 446 00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:54,510 The Europe trip? 447 00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:55,990 Wow! 448 00:24:56,040 --> 00:24:59,150 Gemma, I don't know what to say. 449 00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:00,310 Thank you. 450 00:25:00,360 --> 00:25:02,230 You'll appreciate it, right? 451 00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:05,390 Paris, Venice... 452 00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:06,800 Who you going to take? 453 00:25:08,360 --> 00:25:10,030 My mum. 454 00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:11,800 Aw! Yeah, of course. 455 00:25:33,360 --> 00:25:35,160 I did it! 456 00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:38,350 - I did it! - Did what? 457 00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:40,150 My tablecloth trick! 458 00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:41,670 Yeah. 459 00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:45,510 Now, Mum, look, a grand tour of Europe. 460 00:25:45,560 --> 00:25:48,830 - That's something real for the bucket list, huh? - But I did it! 461 00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:52,590 - Just because no-one saw it, doesn't mean it didn't happen. - OK, Mum. 462 00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:56,070 - If you think you did, then... - Right, nothing for it, then. 463 00:25:56,120 --> 00:25:57,640 I'm going to streak again! 31998

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.