All language subtitles for Bucket - 01x03 - Episode 3 (English) (1)

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:06,470 Be ready. 2 00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:23,950 Whee! 3 00:00:29,040 --> 00:00:30,600 Go, go, go! 4 00:00:33,440 --> 00:00:34,560 Did it! 5 00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:38,190 Did it! 6 00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:40,230 Well, I always wanted to do that. 7 00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:42,710 Streak at a major sporting event. 8 00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:44,110 It was Crufts, Mum. 9 00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:45,480 And they loved it! 10 00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:11,790 - Why are you so excited? - Because this is a special occasion. 11 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:13,750 But you don't believe in marriage. 12 00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:15,830 No, I'm a bird of paradise, 13 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:19,110 not to be caged by the tricks and traps of convention. 14 00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:20,510 Or responsibility. 15 00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:23,270 But other people's weddings can be life-affirming. 16 00:01:23,320 --> 00:01:25,270 Free food, free booze. 17 00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:27,160 Free lovin'. If you're lucky. 18 00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:32,030 - Maybe we should just send apologies. - No, dear. 19 00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:33,790 Oh, you're such a foji. 20 00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:35,630 It's fogey. And since when does... 21 00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:36,950 Fo-JI. 22 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:39,270 A fearer of joining in. 23 00:01:39,320 --> 00:01:40,510 But, Mum... 24 00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:45,150 But, Franny ... this is probably the last wedding I shall ever go to. 25 00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:49,720 At this rate, I'll be going down the aisle before you ... in a wooden box. 26 00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:59,710 - Mum, are you going to tell Pat that you're, you know, dying... - No! 27 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:01,830 And you mustn't either. 28 00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:04,440 It's Gemma's wedding, it's not about me. 29 00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:06,720 That's... 30 00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:09,880 That's really very noble of you, Mum. 31 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:15,150 You know how Pat likes everything to be just so? 32 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:18,190 Perfect, ordered, calm. 33 00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:20,490 That's why she needs me here. 34 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:22,760 I'm going to raise hell. 35 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:25,600 Get stuffing. 36 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:34,360 12 to a bag, no more, no less. 37 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:40,040 Pat... 38 00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:45,110 Oh. 39 00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:47,320 This seam isn't straight, Val. 40 00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:50,560 I think you are going to have to do it again. 41 00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:55,910 We're building the fairytale, ladies. 42 00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:57,990 One favour bag at a time. 43 00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:00,550 Sounds like a busy night, Pat. 44 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:04,110 Night? This is a culmination of months, 45 00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:08,230 dare I say, a lifetime's work for Gemma's special day. 46 00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:12,030 Yes, it's exhausting, but what mother wouldn't dedicate herself to 47 00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:14,550 her only daughter's happiness? 48 00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:16,070 Everyone said yes. 49 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:17,510 We got all the Rotary. 50 00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:19,030 And the CB. 51 00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:20,510 Lots of pressies, then. 52 00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:22,390 Oh, we don't think about that. 53 00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:25,350 - What did you get? - Unusual to request a loo seat. 54 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:27,270 It's mahogany. 55 00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:30,910 Oh, Fran, I meant to ask you about your little promotion. 56 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:33,550 I'm taking some time off work, actually. 57 00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:34,760 Spending it with Mum. 58 00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:41,590 - Really? - I told you about my bucket list on my birthday, Pat. 59 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:42,680 Did you? 60 00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:47,270 Every brain cell is just filled with wedding, I'm afraid. 61 00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:49,590 We're going to swim with sharks... 62 00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:51,710 and ride a Harley down Route 66. 63 00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:56,190 - How's that for mother/daughter bonding? - Sounds very lively. 64 00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:58,630 I took Gemma for high tea at the Ritz. 65 00:03:58,680 --> 00:04:00,510 Aw, I'd love to do that, Mum. 66 00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:03,200 - Tea at the Ritz? - I'm barred. 67 00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:09,150 Well, with all your plans, I'm surprised you made the detour. 68 00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:12,070 Oh, there's plenty I can do with my bucket at a wedding. 69 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:16,990 Oh, caterers. Hello? 70 00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:18,710 Are you chewing? 71 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:22,270 I tell you, if one of my amuse-bouches is missing, 72 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:24,030 there will be merry hell. 73 00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:28,040 And don't forget, mine's a halal meal, Pat. 74 00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:32,270 OK, what are you planning? 75 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:33,710 "Raise hell"? 76 00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:36,230 "Plenty I can do at a wedding with my bucket"? 77 00:04:36,280 --> 00:04:38,110 What is on your list, exactly? 78 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:41,630 Well now, when the vicar asks if there's any known impediment... 79 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:43,190 Don't. 80 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:45,630 I'm not really going to stop the wedding. 81 00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:47,750 I'm waiting for the reception. 82 00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:50,550 A roomful of tables, seating the great and good. 83 00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:53,350 Whatever it is, don't do it. 84 00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:55,630 I'm a little out of practice, 85 00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:58,270 but it's all in the wrist action and the sudden surprise! 86 00:04:58,320 --> 00:04:59,950 Crisis averted. 87 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:03,760 28lb of smoked salmon, liberated from the backup freezer. 88 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:06,910 Phew! 89 00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:10,710 Oh, this sounds good ... whale humping in Iceland. 90 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:11,960 Did I tell you? 91 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:16,790 Fiance Paul has booked a most magnificent honeymoon. 92 00:05:16,840 --> 00:05:18,080 European tour. 93 00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:21,030 Ooh. 94 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:22,310 Five-star. 95 00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:25,470 I'd love to do that, tour Europe. 96 00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:28,070 Or a surgical safari in South Africa. 97 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:31,190 Stroke a giraffe and have your bozzies hoicked. 98 00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:32,960 Two for the price of one. 99 00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:39,670 There you are, Pat. 100 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:41,270 Oh! 101 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:44,950 - I think you've earned a little drink. - Ooh! 102 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,310 Not you, Mim. Finish your favours. 103 00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:50,110 Go on, go and join the girls in the kitchen. 104 00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:53,990 - Oh, no, I'm fine here, I can help... - No. 105 00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:55,390 Don't be shy. 106 00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:59,270 Come on, I'm sure they'll all be very glad to see you. 107 00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:05,910 Hey... aw! 108 00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:08,790 - We thought you were the stripper! - Fran! 109 00:06:08,840 --> 00:06:10,750 You haven't met Brona and Beth. 110 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:13,150 This is Fran, she's my second cousin. 111 00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:15,030 She's, like, the olden days. 112 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:17,830 - I think she means I LIKE the olden days. - Aw! 113 00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:21,270 - It's kind of both, though, isn't it? - Well, have a shot to catch up. 114 00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:24,590 To Gemma's last night of freedom. 115 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:25,680 Bottoms up! 116 00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:30,590 Seriously, though, Gem, 117 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,310 you do not want to get pregnant for at least a year. 118 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:35,070 Life over. 119 00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:36,430 Hit me. 120 00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,350 But you do love your kids, though, right? 121 00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:41,750 - Oh, GOD I love my kids! - They're my whole world, they mean everything to me! 122 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:44,120 - I would kill for my kids, kill for them. - Kill, kill! 123 00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:50,070 - How are you doing, Gemma? Nervous? - Yes. 124 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:52,510 But my mum got me this book. 125 00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:55,070 Time for games to relax you. 126 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:56,950 Drinking games. 127 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,230 To relax you more. 128 00:06:58,280 --> 00:07:01,510 Right, I have never...? 129 00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:03,150 Had... 130 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:04,710 a... 131 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:06,440 foursome. Drink! 132 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:14,270 But it's my party trick. 133 00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:16,150 I whip everything off in one go. 134 00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:17,750 Put it down. 135 00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:20,190 Nobody's interested. 136 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,190 Well, your husband might be. 137 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,600 He was always excited by what I could tug. 138 00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:28,910 Where is he, anyway? 139 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:30,390 Over the road. 140 00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:34,070 The menfolk are staying in another house tonight. 141 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,910 Shame. 142 00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:37,440 He'd have liked this. 143 00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:41,960 I know what you're trying to do, but I shall not be riled. 144 00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:45,310 Now. 145 00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:46,630 Ribbons. 146 00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:47,950 Bags. 147 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:49,040 Tie! 148 00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:02,910 Psst, Val! 149 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:04,470 Look! 150 00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:10,630 Look! 151 00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:12,120 Whoo! 152 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:17,230 What, you've never had sex in a mill? 153 00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:19,910 Wait, you haven't touched your shots all game. 154 00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:22,430 OMG, Fran. 155 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:23,910 Have you never...? 156 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:26,270 Oh...! 157 00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:28,310 Get it out, laugh, judge, 158 00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:30,510 you can't say anything my mother hasn't already. 159 00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:33,190 That is actually... 160 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:35,190 awesome. 161 00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:37,830 You must be a special soul, Fran. 162 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:39,750 I wish I'd waited. 163 00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:42,110 I could be living the dream now. 164 00:08:42,160 --> 00:08:45,230 Curating my own gallery in Denmark. 165 00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:48,630 Instead I define myself by my sexuality. 166 00:08:48,680 --> 00:08:51,430 It's a precious, sacred part of you. 167 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:53,990 I thought you just lost it if you rode a horse? 168 00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:56,150 Integrity. 169 00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,110 Self-respect. 170 00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:00,750 Mind, body... 171 00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:02,870 .. impenetrable cocoon. 172 00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:05,470 That was the title of her A-level art piece. 173 00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:09,150 - I mean, it's not that I don't want to... - No, no, no. 174 00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:13,110 No. You will know when the time is right. 175 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:14,990 - Don't waste it. - No. 176 00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:16,590 Don't give it away. 177 00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:18,910 Because they'll take it for granted 178 00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:21,670 - and then they'll ruin it. - Ruin. 179 00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:23,030 Ruin it. 180 00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:25,990 You guys slept with your husbands before you got married, though, right? 181 00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:28,710 - Oh, first date. - Yeah, straightaway, yeah. 182 00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:33,110 But here is to Franny, true to her fucking self! 183 00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:34,590 Love it. 184 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:37,710 Thanks, guys, but it's Gemma's day. 185 00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:41,990 Get your coats, girls, the taxi's here. 186 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:44,590 I say taxi, it's just Jim in his Prius. 187 00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:45,680 Dick. Come on. 188 00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:49,080 Bye, Auntie Pat! 189 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:00,950 You help yourselves to breakfast, girls. 190 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:05,270 I have a skin-tight schedule to fit in. 191 00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:06,830 Fran, please? 192 00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:09,790 Oh, very strong spreadsheet work here, Pat. 193 00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:13,230 - Yes, well, you fail to plan... - And you plan to fail. 194 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:15,230 That's what I always say. 195 00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:16,710 It's Gemma's day. 196 00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:19,040 There is no time for unknown unknowns. 197 00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:22,750 Ah. Where IS my mum? 198 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:24,030 Ugh. 199 00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:25,320 In disgrace. 200 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:30,360 She tried to break into the men's house last night. 201 00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:34,750 Cat flap wasn't big enough, fortunately. 202 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:37,390 I apologise for everything my mother has done. 203 00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:38,950 And might do. 204 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,430 Oh, there's no need, Fran. 205 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:44,200 There are no problems today. 206 00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:48,990 Well, they're lovely. 207 00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:51,790 - I wanted a splash of red. - Where's Dad? 208 00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:54,750 Out of the way. He's doing nine holes with the vicar. 209 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:57,310 - Fran, would you? - Whoa! 210 00:10:57,360 --> 00:10:59,590 - What's in this, weights? - Yes. 211 00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:03,110 Gemma's wearing a strapless, we've been toning for weeks. 212 00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:04,200 Show Fran. 213 00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:07,320 Ooh. 214 00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:12,590 You've really thought of everything. 215 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:16,190 And you're all so... functional. 216 00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:18,790 Who knows, maybe if you'd been my mum, Pat, 217 00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:21,080 I'D be the head of HR and getting married now. 218 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:25,230 Well, well, well, this IS cosy. 219 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:27,310 I heard you. 220 00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:31,430 So, Perfect Pat can flip a kipper and sew a napkin, 221 00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:34,030 but can she do this? 222 00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:35,480 Ta-da! 223 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:41,430 Oh. What am I getting wrong? 224 00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:43,590 What are you doing?! 225 00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:45,630 This is my party trick. 226 00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:47,950 Obviously needs some work! 227 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:49,710 You can't upset me. 228 00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:52,630 You can't upset me. It's Gemma's day. 229 00:11:52,680 --> 00:11:53,720 Gemma's day. 230 00:11:57,440 --> 00:11:59,450 Wahey! 231 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:01,230 Bubbles for the Princess. 232 00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:04,030 Well, it's five o'clock somewhere, right? 233 00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:06,390 I don't really want this. 234 00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:08,590 It's a statement look. 235 00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:09,870 Extensions? 236 00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:11,910 Still in the trouser press. 237 00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:14,200 Franster, can you carry on with the tanning? 238 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:27,670 I must say, Gem, I wasn't expecting to enjoy any of this. 239 00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:30,910 But last night was so much fun. 240 00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:33,790 Such a great big day ahead! 241 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,270 And it doesn't end there, does it? 242 00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:38,600 With your amazing European honeymoon. 243 00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:42,150 All those historic sites and monuments... 244 00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:47,680 Oh, shit, Gemma, what is it? 245 00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:51,990 I don't want to do it! 246 00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:55,150 Erm... Shall I get your mum? 247 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:56,950 No! 248 00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:59,950 - You've got to help me, Fran! - Me?! 249 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:02,790 What about your fiance, Paul? 250 00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:06,710 - Maybe you should talk to him? - No, it's bad luck. 251 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,590 Fran, you've got to help me. 252 00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:10,680 Please. 253 00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:18,190 Pat, who am I sitting with? 254 00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:21,190 - I can't seem to find my name. - No? 255 00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:24,470 Well, that's because it's not there. 256 00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:25,990 What? 257 00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:29,560 Didn't you read your invitation? You're coming to the evening do. 258 00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:33,470 Evening do?! 259 00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:35,270 That's right. 260 00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:38,840 Don't you finger my fascinator and say, "That's right." 261 00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:41,710 It's all been arranged. 262 00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:44,070 You made us stuff favours. 263 00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:45,950 Yes, you're family. 264 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:48,550 But I have some very important people coming today. 265 00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:51,030 So that's why you've been un-rile-able. 266 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:54,710 Smug you had me relegated to the evening do. 267 00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:56,120 Well... 268 00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:00,430 And that is precisely what I wanted to avoid. 269 00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:02,750 - A scene. - Scene?! 270 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:06,590 - I'm the life and soul! - You are a liability. 271 00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:08,750 After the way you behaved at my wedding, 272 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:10,550 we had to disinfect the dance floor. 273 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,910 You put me in the corner. 274 00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:14,990 No-one puts Mim in the corner! 275 00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:17,830 Oh-ho, you're jealous! 276 00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:20,910 Jealous? Of this fairytale bullshit? 277 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:25,000 Of my perfect life and family compared with your car crash! 278 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:30,110 It's Fran I feel sorry for. 279 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:33,710 Well, just as well that poor creature will never marry. 280 00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:36,750 Who would walk her down the aisle? Eh, Mim? 281 00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:38,270 I was a single mother! 282 00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:41,160 And that is no-one's fault but your own. 283 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:48,470 Is... everything OK? 284 00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:49,560 Everything's fine. 285 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:52,400 Except your face. 286 00:14:58,400 --> 00:14:59,760 Pat... 287 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,000 We might have a bit of a problem. 288 00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:06,230 Here. 289 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:09,830 - And if that doesn't work, try Swarfega. - Mm... 290 00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:11,670 Er, it's Gemma. 291 00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:13,030 She's a bit upset. 292 00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:14,670 I have a cake to box up. 293 00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:19,630 - Well, I think, maybe, she doesn't want to go through with this? - Oh! 294 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:23,590 - Too late for that now. - But can't you do something? - Something?! 295 00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:25,710 I have done everything, everything! 296 00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:27,790 Everything is planned and perfect. 297 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:29,510 - Do you understand? - Yes, but... 298 00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:33,030 If you think I am going to waste ten gallons of parfait and turn away 299 00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:36,270 the county's finest because Gemma's changed her mind and 300 00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:39,590 feels a bit upset, you are wrong! 301 00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:41,920 This is my day! 302 00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:54,790 I was having such a good time. 303 00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:56,470 Gone to shit now. 304 00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:58,590 Humiliating. 305 00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:00,230 Evening do! 306 00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:03,430 Doesn't seem right that Gemma's so unhappy. 307 00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:07,390 Well, I'm unhappy. Missing out on the perfect occasion. 308 00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:12,070 Oh, come on, Mum. You said you don't believe in this fairytale bullshit. 309 00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:13,510 Well, no. 310 00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:16,590 You want a happy ending, go get a massage. 311 00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:18,790 I'm taking this. 312 00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:23,790 Poor Gemma. I think she's been dreading this wedding for ages. 313 00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:25,710 I wish we could do something. 314 00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:29,400 Maybe I can make one bucket dream out of this shipwreck. Look. 315 00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:35,390 "Stop a wedding with an impediment"? Well, that's quite a big thing. 316 00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:37,230 I'm dying! 317 00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:39,040 I WANT to do big things. 318 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:43,750 Look, maybe I didn't give you domestic bliss, 319 00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:46,630 but I gave you freedom, didn't I? 320 00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:49,230 So don't deny it to Gemma now. 321 00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:51,830 Come on, Franny, please. 322 00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:55,070 Get us to the church in time to ruin everything! 323 00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:18,520 Is it not working? 324 00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:20,680 Christ! 325 00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:25,550 - What am I meant to do? - Well, go and find somebody. 326 00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:29,470 - You mean I'VE got to stop Gemma's wedding? - I do mean that. Go on, get... 327 00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:32,430 Yes... What am I going to do? I'm going to get out. 328 00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:33,520 Go and do it! 329 00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:36,120 Christ. 330 00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:45,600 Ugh! 331 00:17:57,960 --> 00:17:59,760 Why didn't you go on? 332 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:05,030 Because I don't know where the fuck I'm going. 333 00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:07,550 Well, that's just defeatist. 334 00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:09,000 No focus. 335 00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:13,600 It's too late. 336 00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:17,070 Oh, well. 337 00:18:17,120 --> 00:18:18,710 "Oh, well"? 338 00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:21,350 Didn't you always say marriage was a life sentence? 339 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:25,160 She only needs to serve half of it, and then she'll get the duplex. 340 00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:35,020 You know, I heard what Pat said. 341 00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:40,070 She has no right to judge you, she's the monster. 342 00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:41,630 And you know what? 343 00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:44,310 - What? - I get it, Mum. 344 00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:45,470 You never married, 345 00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:47,990 you don't believe in the tricks and traps of convention. 346 00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:49,440 Well, fair enough. 347 00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:52,640 That wasn't why. 348 00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:56,910 I never married because of you. 349 00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:58,230 What? 350 00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:00,110 Oh, I had offers. 351 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:03,150 Everyone from Cliff Richard to the Aga Khan. 352 00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:06,310 But it wouldn't have been right with you here. 353 00:19:06,360 --> 00:19:08,190 No. 354 00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:11,320 You are my longest relationship, dear. 355 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:13,800 Huh. 356 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:17,680 Have you ever been in love, Mum? 357 00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:20,440 Yeah. 358 00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:22,880 It doesn't last. 359 00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:25,480 Unlike herpes. 360 00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:31,880 How long did the AA say they'd be? 361 00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:35,800 I thought YOU were calling them. 362 00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:47,110 See, I don't give a fuck about appearances. 363 00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:48,200 That's lucky. 364 00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:53,910 - You know, we're not all that different, you and I. - Oh, really? 365 00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,350 Well, I'm not a pedantic virgin. 366 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:58,830 And I don't wear my bra on my head. 367 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:02,150 - We are true to ourselves. - Yeah. 368 00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:03,840 So don't worry, Franny. 369 00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:07,430 It'll happen for you. 370 00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:09,750 Love or herpes? 371 00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:11,590 It's never too late for either. 372 00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:14,430 What I'm saying is, I get it too. 373 00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:16,280 You are who you are. 374 00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:22,440 Ah. 375 00:20:35,380 --> 00:20:36,220 Hi! 376 00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:40,240 And I am who I am! 377 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:07,670 Oh, bollocks! 378 00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:09,360 We missed the buffet! 379 00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:14,870 What's wrong with Pat? 380 00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:15,960 Hmm. 381 00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:21,240 Pat? 382 00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:24,350 Oh, you made it, then. 383 00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:26,990 It went perfectly, of course. All of it. 384 00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:28,990 I'm glad. 385 00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:30,080 Just as planned. 386 00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:33,790 My life's work. 387 00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:34,880 It's done. 388 00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:38,270 She's married. 389 00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:39,760 So why the misery mouth? 390 00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:44,440 What am I supposed to do now? 391 00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:53,230 If you'd been a liability and fucked your daughter up, 392 00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:56,830 like me, you'd have a companion for life. 393 00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:59,230 My life is over. 394 00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:00,520 Oh, I don't know. 395 00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:05,120 Why not start nagging for grandchildren? 396 00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:08,640 Grandchildren? 397 00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:11,950 Start calling on the honeymoon. 398 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:13,550 Yes. 399 00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:18,670 Yes, I could download an ovulation app. 400 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:20,720 Time my calls precisely. 401 00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:25,440 Fran! 402 00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:29,030 Whoa! 403 00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:30,790 Is that why you've never...? 404 00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:33,870 - Oh, no, this is your fake tan. - Oh! 405 00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:35,230 Sorry. 406 00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:36,830 But, you know, it's fine, whatever, 407 00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:40,230 because Paul and I have decided to be very open-minded. 408 00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:41,800 No, really, I'm not... 409 00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:46,430 - I really need to thank you, Fran. - Thank me? 410 00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:48,790 - We nearly stopped your whole... - Yes. 411 00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:51,150 You told me to talk to my fiance, Paul. 412 00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:53,350 Sorry, husband! 413 00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:55,190 I'm married! 414 00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:57,070 Whoo! 415 00:22:57,120 --> 00:23:01,270 But I took your advice and I told him how unhappy I was. 416 00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:03,270 But, Gem, if you're unhappy... 417 00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:05,790 - About the honeymoon! - What? 418 00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:09,990 Just couldn't do it, a boring trip around Europe, I was dreading it. 419 00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:12,190 I hate old things. 420 00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:14,270 - No offence. - None taken. 421 00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:17,670 Now we're going on a two-week all-in to the Maldives. 422 00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:19,510 Like NORMAL people. 423 00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:22,150 Whoohoo! 424 00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:25,040 Congratulations, Gem, I'm very happy for you. 425 00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:28,190 Wait, I want to give you something. 426 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:29,710 Just let me get rid of this. 427 00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:31,390 Fuck these weights, right? 428 00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:32,750 Oi! 429 00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:34,830 All the single ladies! 430 00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:37,830 That's bouquet time! Form an orderly queue. 431 00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:42,040 Come on, come on, Franny, we saved this bit for you. 432 00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:48,030 - Franny, are you ready? - Come on, get your arms up! 433 00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:49,120 Never too late! 434 00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:52,960 Not her! 435 00:23:58,040 --> 00:23:59,350 Oh! 436 00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:03,840 She's down! 437 00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:08,990 She's a sprayer. 438 00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:10,120 Mum?! 439 00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:19,000 By dose! 440 00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:23,200 It's only just paid for. 441 00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:27,670 Aw, easy now, Auntie Pat. 442 00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:29,790 Head back. 443 00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:33,190 - Clear the way, people. - I'm drowning. 444 00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:35,480 - Such a shame. - I'm drowning! 445 00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:50,200 - For you. - What? 446 00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:54,510 The Europe trip? 447 00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:55,990 Wow! 448 00:24:56,040 --> 00:24:59,150 Gemma, I don't know what to say. 449 00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:00,310 Thank you. 450 00:25:00,360 --> 00:25:02,230 You'll appreciate it, right? 451 00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:05,390 Paris, Venice... 452 00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:06,800 Who you going to take? 453 00:25:08,360 --> 00:25:10,030 My mum. 454 00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:11,800 Aw! Yeah, of course. 455 00:25:33,360 --> 00:25:35,160 I did it! 456 00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:38,350 - I did it! - Did what? 457 00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:40,150 My tablecloth trick! 458 00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:41,670 Yeah. 459 00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:45,510 Now, Mum, look, a grand tour of Europe. 460 00:25:45,560 --> 00:25:48,830 - That's something real for the bucket list, huh? - But I did it! 461 00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:52,590 - Just because no-one saw it, doesn't mean it didn't happen. - OK, Mum. 462 00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:56,070 - If you think you did, then... - Right, nothing for it, then. 463 00:25:56,120 --> 00:25:57,640 I'm going to streak again! 31998

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