Original subtitles

SURPRISE! I COMMITTED

RUSSIA SIX MONTHS AGO

Mom, I'm nervous.

With what?

Stop with that.

There is no reason to be nervous.

What if he likes me?

What does she mean by that? Who wouldn't like how you look?

Mama, there's more to love than just appearance.

It's true, but your appearance it certainly helps. Believe me

When you are attractive

life is better.

I'm not sure I want to go to America.

Why don't you want to go to America?

Because I feel good here.

I am always on stage, performing.

You can perform in California.

Look at it,

seems very respectable.

So beautiful.

He will be the future mayor.

He sends you a lot of gifts, doesn't he?

It's rare to meet compromised by the internet.

It is totally normal.

So normal.

People even fall in love on the internet now.

It is not weird.

What if I don't fall in love with him?

He has money.

The beauty fades. The youth is ending. The money stays.

-But love? -What love are you talking about?

Where is my love? How am I today?

I've spent my whole life in the kitchen.

I have given my best years to your dad and he left, who knows where,

that idiot.

Love leaves you heartbroken

And the money leaves you with a Porsche

Yes maybe.

Mama do you really believe that I will be happy there?

Of course!

You will be rich in America.

You will live in a big and beautiful house.

How bad can that be?

LOS ANGELES TWO WEEKS LATER

What are you doing?

That is madness.

That is a bad idea.

There is no shame in canceling that.

None of his friends or relatives are here.

Just go back there and say: "No thanks".

Leave the money, forget the citizenship and go back to Russia.

Where will you live with your mom

and then marry a loser that does not support you and they will have nine children.

We are here, gathered to celebrate the union

of Bill and Anna in marriage.

If anyone is present who opposes this marriage,

please speak now or shut up forever.

I now pronounce you husband and wife,

and spouses for life.

Bill, can you kiss his amazing fiancee.

LOS ANGELES CURRENTLY

Good morning dear.

What's wrong now?

-I'm bored. -Boring?

We have a satellite dish with 800 channels.

Exactly.

TV is my only entertainment.

Mr. Bill!

Come here! Look!

-You are on TV. -Yes, my commercial.

I am bill cunningham and I am running for mayor.

Why should you vote for me?

It is very simple: I do amazing things.

I started in my dad's business.

Amazing, right? I own two Mercedes Benz.

And this is my rich wife and smoker.

BILL CUNNINGHAM FOR MAYOR

Say "hi" dear.

Do I need to say anything else? Let me summarize:

I live an amazing life.

Let me be a amazing mayor for you.

VOTE BILL CUNNINGHAM FOR MAYOR

Very good, Mr. Bill.

You are so beautiful.

And you, Mrs. Anna, you are so beautiful.

Of course yes.

-Good work, dear. -That's the closest I got to acting

Since I got here.

Who needs to act when do you have all that?

TV does not cure loneliness.

What about Martha? It does.

Yes, Mr. Bill.

I tell you what to do then.

Buy something cool for you

and I'm going to take you for dinner tonight.

-Seriously? -Insurance. We haven't been out for a long time.

I look for you at seven.

Hi Mom!

Hello dear. How are you doing in America?

I am buying a dress.

Any special occasion?

Just for fun.

Fun?

Do you know what was the last time I went buy dresses just for fun?

That country still it was called from the Soviet Union.

Mom, here it is boring and lonely.

Here too it is boring and lonely.

The truth, Bill will take me to go out tonight.

We haven't been dating for a long time.

He is hardly ever at home. I think he doesn't care with me.

What are you talking about?

How are his cooking classes?

-They're going well. -Good idea.

The fastest way to the heart of a man is through his stomach.

Well, the second fastest. The first is the ...

Mother?

I'm in the last week of class.

It was a fun eight weeks.

The teacher is very sweet.

To the tender teachers. Do not forget that you are married.

If it is possible call that marriage.

Anna, marriage is hard work.

Mom, I'm going to try on the dress I'll call you later. I love you.

Shut up, watch.

Mrs. Anna?

Martha.

-I didn't know you were still here. -Yes ma'am.

I've finished. I can go home?

Yes.

-Came? -More wine? No problem.

-I'm going to search for you right now. -No.

I want to know would you to have a glass of wine?

Me, ma'am?

But Mr. Bill ...

Well Mr. Bill is not here

And Mrs. Anna says that everything is fine then sit down.

Come.

I know what she means.

When i came to america

the people were so bad with me for being an immigrant.

Sorry, but everyone in America they immigrated from somewhere.

Yes, I know that my English is not very good,

but those who speak english

they don't know how to speak their language correctly,

but they feel special when They say "grill" in a restaurant.

Mexican fajitas, yes!

You're right. As long as Let's go to a Mexican restaurant

Bill always says "please" like was showing off or something.

And I know what that is he is trying to do,

because he never he says "thank you" in English.

Yes.

Tonight is the 856th episode of the Snapped program.

It's about killing husbands, come on.

Wait for me! Wait for me!

Do you know that TV?

She is huge.

The heads on the screen are five times bigger than in real life.

-Yes. -And that bed is like a cloud.

If angels watched HD TV it would be exactly like that.

Extravagant.

You know why Los Angeles is called that?

-Why? -Because all angels are Mexican.

Look.

Yes, good.

-Very good. -Yes I like that.

Don't put too much. Only a little.

It's okay. Enough!

Good.

Health.

-Health. -Health.

Do you want to see the Russian dance?

-Yes? -Yes Show me.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

What the hell?

What?

Why is there an immigrant in my bed?

Because I am your wife.

No, I'm talking about her.

Well, we were drinking.

Jesus.

I don't like how that is going.

Shut up.

Is not that.

She kept me company as You didn't come home last night.

You should have taken me to dinner!

-I sent you a message. -No, you didn't send me.

Good...

Good...

If she is not the Lady Goldilocks Latina.

Guess what?

Papa bear is home and you're sleeping in his bed.

Mr. Bill!

-OMG. -I hope you're not waiting

receive overtime for sleeping in my bed.

-I go now. -Wow. You better hurry

because you need to return to work in three hours.

Unless I decide to fire you.

What?

You are an idiot.

Let me get some sleep. Where are you going?

For the guest room.

All good, at least I won't have waste of money this time.

Don't want to talk about what happened?

Yes of course.

Don't leave the maid sleep in our bed.

End of discussion.

Eggs, Mr. Bill?

-What? -She's asking she wants eggs.

English! We speak English in this house.

Where did I come from, when you say "eggs", refers to testicles.

So no "eggs"?

No, no "eggs".

No eggs.

Martha, I'm going to want the eggs, please.

So now you're trilingual?

Very well.

Thank you, Mrs. Anna.

In English.

-That means "thank you." -I know what it means.

But we are in America.

And in America, we speak English.

If we lived in Russia, I would speak Russian.

If we lived in Mexico, I would speak Mexican.

Spanish.

Does not matter.

But we are not in Russia or Mexico.

We are in the United States of America, my dear.

More eggs, Mrs. Anna?

Well, students.

Before starting, I just wanted to remind you

that this is our last class.

I just want you to know that I've had a lot of fun with you

in these last eight weeks,

e if any of you get a job in a restaurant, let me know

so that I never eat there.

I'm kidding.

Today we are going to cook salmon.

Any questions before we start?

-Bobby. -I don't like salmon.

That is not a question.

You can lower your hand. Thank you.

Who would like cut legumes?

I do that.

Thanks, Sophie.

Start cutting that, please.

Wonderful. Now who want to help me with the fish?

-Ricky, do you want to? -No.

I raised my hand because I'm not good with knives.

Alex, would you like to help with the fish?

Will I stay near the oven?

People, what have you guys done in these last eight weeks?

-Looking? -Well, sometimes participating.

Well Anna, would you like to come here and help me with the fish?

Yes.

-Great, how's it going? -Good.

-Have you cooked salmon before? -No.

Well, neither do I.

-Then that's going to be interesting, right? -Let's do that!

Okay, first, grab the fish.

-Grab from the inside. -So?

Yes, it should be.

Put it in the pot.

Well, it must be so.

Good.

Very well.

Do you feel a chemistry between them?

-We are not friends. -What are we going to do

is to leave the skin side ...

-Goodbye teacher. -Bye thank you.

-Bye. -Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

-Goodbye. -Thank you for cutting my food,

You are a very good cook.

-Goodbye. -Goodbye People. See you soon.

-Bye. -Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Yes, I'm outside waiting for you.

-Yes. -Hello.

-Everything is alright? -Yes.

My transportation is late.

Well want

sit here and wait Or is it weird to talk to your teacher?

No? Yes?

-Yes. -Yes.

If he has any questions he can call me.

So he went to France

and you know, he can't speak any language,

-and they fall in love. -I already told you:

I want to see a new, action movie.

I already told you that I want to see Le Petite Cabin.

But it is in French.

I know. This is what subtitles are for.

Reading is when I'm with a Kindle, in the bathroom at home, not at the movies.

I'm not going to see your movie.

It's okay.

We will look here after the movies, okay?

- Are we going to see different movies? -That matters?

It's not how we left chat during the movie or something.

We are not idiots.

Speak for yourself.

You are hysterical.

Hi.

One ticket for the movie Le Petite Cabin.

One ticket for the Explosive Revenge movie.

Thank you.

So see you here after the movie.

-Have fun. -That's not funny.

People are accusing me to work for Russia,

saying things like: "He is talking to Putin."

There is nothing wrong with having a good relationship with another country.

I can assure you that ...

What the fuck!

-Can't we listen to music? -No, I want to hear that.

When you are the driver, you can hear what you want.

All three, maybe all four ...

So it's just stopping the car and let me drive.

No.

We should have done the same what we did with the movies

and have been in different cars.

Well, now we know for next time.

We are giving you small amounts intelligence and financing ...

It's all business. It is not a big deal.

-Stop. -Noo, I already told you

-I'm not going to let you drive. -Just stop!

I mean look at everyone the jobs.

I'm bringing them back to this country without the help of anyone. Many vacancies.

-What do you do? -I'm walking.

-Do you know how long it will take? -I do not care.

Do you really want to walk for house of heels?

-Open the trunk. -What? Why?

Just open the trunk!

Fortunately I keep my gym shoes in the trunk.

Enjoy the walk.

Try not to be killed.

Shit.

-Hello. -Anna?

Sorry, I know it's late, but I ...

Where I am?

I'm a few blocks from a movie theater.

All good. Stay where you are, I'll be there.

Did you ask for a car, ma'am?

Yes, I asked.

Thanks for coming.

No problem.

I was awake.

Do you want me to take you home?

I don't even know what a home is.

I live in a big house, But it doesn't look like home

I live in a small apartment with plumbing problems.

It is also not really a home.

Do you want to see it?

Let's go.

-Let me open the door for you. -What a gentleman.

No, you have to open the door a right way or she falls.

That way.

Thank you.

It's okay.

We are fine.

All good.

You will make the bet Or will it stay there all night?

I'm thinking.

Well, I'm going to tell you now: I think I should give up

You seem very confident to me.

Yes I am.

Well, I think you're lying. That's why I'm not going to listen to you.

I knew.

I'm going to bet those ten or more chips.

Good?

Good.

Number one: you're crazy

And I'm going to double the bet because you must not have good cards.

No.

Aces high!

Earning chips is much tastier than regular chips.

I think I will have to eat chicken broth tonight.

Poor.

Here it is.

Here it is.

I don't need your charity.

That is very good.

Are you really going wrong?

I'm not kidding.

I mean, I'm fine. I manage to feed myself, you know?

I have an internet connection,

dishwasher and HBO Go password.

I'm doing fine.

Well i mean if you need money ...

No.

-What? -No. Keep that.

What? I have more and I don't know what to do

with him most of the time.

All good.

I mean, it's not every woman's dream

find a rich man And not worry about money?

You are being silly.

The longer I live here more I understand that I was bought.

Bill needed a wife

because that would

appear stable and eligible. Which is hilarious.

I thought I was falling in love with him.

But now I'm just a pet and that's bullshit.

Why did you call me?

Because he needed transportation.

He could have called a Lyft or an Uber.

I think you just wanted to see me.

Maybe I would like but maybe he would like to see me.

Well I was sad when Bill left me tonight

and when I see you, I feel happy.

You also make me happy.

Well, don't fall asleep.

I'm not sleeping. I'm just resting my eyes.

Do not sleep.

I'm just resting my eyes

Well, all good, we are just resting our eyes.

-Great. -All good.

Thank you.

-He came home. -Hello.

I was worried.

I was?

No.

Thought I'd call an Uber.

I thought at least that I would go home.

Well, I have decided to stay in a hotel.

You did that?

Yes.

Was it alone?

Yes, Bill, Jesus!

What are you accusing me of?

You're welcome.

You know

we spent a fortune in those cooking classes for you.

Why don't we have dinner at home tonight?

Make some Russian food.

You hate Russian food.

Just don't make borscht soup.

Borscht soup is not the only thing that we eat in Russia.

I have already heard you speaking very badly of borscht.

It is a delicious soup.

But yes, I can do something else.

Great.

It is decided then.

You can only be joking with me.

Married?

A married woman?

That's good because if she's married

so she doesn't need worry about marrying her. Great!

Yes, it was what I originally thought.

Is she really going to do anything?

I'm doing something.

I'm watching.

I'm watching you work.

You know that watching you cook

It is like watching Da Vinci painting.

And looking at you not working is annoying.

And if they pay us in the same amount,

I could at least do half of the amount of work I do.

She stirs the soup.

Stirring the soup.

But going back to the delicious Russian immigrant,

he would be her lover.

Wouldn't she be my lover?

I think you guys are lovers of each other.

It's like a lover's coverlet.

How are we still friends?

Because we are in a symbiotic relationship.

-You teach me to be a cook ... -Chef.

Does not matter.

You teach me to be a chef

and I will show you the definitions of words like "lover".

Anyway,

delicious russian lady

she's rich.

I don't care about money.

Everyone cares about money.

It's easier to say no especially when you don't have it.

I don't really care about money.

Did she already buy you something?

Stop talking.

-Soup. -Yes, soup. Does not matter.

Shut up, watch, I know what time it is.

It's been half an hour and my husband sucks.

He's cool, huh?

What?

I said the party is great, right?

I can not hear you.

Totally!

Hey, I can't hear you there.

Why do you like to be near the speakers?

Let me share a few secrets.

You go where the noise is.

It is there that all the girls they like to dance.

It's like the epicenter of dancers.

Dude, you know that sounds scientific And perverted at the same time?

Good.

-We can go? -Wait! No! We've just arrived.

Yes, and it is instantly terrible.

Good. Let's drink some drinks first.

You buy two drinks for twelve dollars and you pay eight in the third.

Can't tell me That is not an agreement, is it?

I suppose.

Repeat with me:

-an agreement. -An agreement.

Jack and Coca-Cola.

Hold the Coca-Cola.

Olive vodka, thank you.

Vodka?

Do not start.

You're still thinking about the girl, right?

I mean i can understand than a married woman

want to compromise your marriage just to sleep with you.

-Even using crazy decorations, on purpose. "Should that make me feel better?"

What i'm trying to tell you is that do not worry.

Do you think she is worried with you now?

I'm sure she's eating caviar

and planning her next trip to Hawaii.

I'd bet she's having fun.

Poor dog.

He has one eye and he has no home.

He should have one more or both.

Poor little cat.

HOW TO OPEN A LOCK

Do you think your husband is cheating on you?

Hiding things inside from a drawer, locked in his table?

Well, you came to the right place.

He can break the lock with a mallet,

but i will show you how to open a lock

with a single paper clip.

That is so specific to my situation.

MY FEET CAN'T WAIT FOR HIM MOVEMENT OF YOUR LOVE -MEGAN

KISS MY FEET

I was to graduate in law

and then I understood that our system justice is totally broken

And who is going to fix that?

-I'm not going. -Good.

I was like this: Ava ...

Because sometimes I talk to myself.

So, are you a cook?

Well, I'm a chef.

What is the difference?

Call me head chef makes me feel better about myself.

That is fair.

I stayed like this: "Ava, what do you like?"

Movies, that is.

So now I am at film school.

-I love movies. -What? Seriously?

-Yes. -God, I can't believe.

-Yes. -Seriously?

-Yes. -Seriously?

I don't know how many more times I can say "yes" to this question.

I'm bored.

Well, sorry.

I am not good at communication.

I'm just trying be a partner for my friend

-and trying to accompany that other thing ... -No.

I mean, I'm bored of this place

Do you want to get out of here?

Sorry?

Do you want to go home with me?

What?

Go home with me.

I think I have to go.

I have to go. It was nice meeting you, it was great.

Ava, it was nice meeting you.

-Trent, I have to go. -Wait.

I have to go.

What happens?

I'm drunk.

Yes me too. Which is great.

-No. -Yes.

I have to go.

That is very annoying of you.

I know.

-So? -I knew you would understand.

-No I do not... -You got it.

-No I do not... -Dude, you understand.

So ladies

where were we?

That is interesting.

What?

Did you know that it is illegal to use the term zoot in Los Angeles County?

What does it have to do with my green card?

Nothing.

Sorry, all good.

Let me see her case.

Here is the agreement.

You arrived...

You came here on a K1 girlfriend visa,

when you got engaged to your husband.

You got married then your status

is good at the moment,

-except... -Except what?

Except you can't get divorced and live in America.

She has to stay married to Bill at least three years

before she can get divorced

and receive the green card.

So will I have to go back to Russia?

I don't know if he needs to go back to Russia.

But it can't stay here.

-That's so unfair. -I agree.

I think early divorce it's the most american thing

that anyone could do.

But that is not the law.

So what should I do?

I think it will have to wait.

-Wait? -Yes.

Three years?

No, you have been married for almost six months,

then it will be more than two and a half years.

Things could be worse, right?

You'll be fine?

Yes.

Great, because I have programmed another appointment in five minutes.

I need it to come out. Let's go.

-Are you talking seriously? -Yes.

Come see me in a few years

and I'm going to make a lot of money for you, something like half of what he has.

And if you have a child until then,

we will even get alimony.

Never have to worry about money again.

I don't pretend to have children.

Yes, most parents don't too.

Goodbye.

Lift your head.

Stop playing.

Where is the telephone?

Hello?

Hello Mario.

Yes i can assume your turn tonight.

What time will it be?

See you later.

Indeed, a good talk ...

That guy says how things really are.

He is terrible.

He is my role model.

I don't understand why we have to have dinner with Gary?

It's not just Gary. It's Gary and his new wife.

Who would be stupid enough to marry Gary?

Russian girlfriend on the Internet, just like you, my dear.

Just like me?

There are 140 million people in Russia

and we are not all the same.

IM just saying that they are both Russian.

You probably they will get along very well.

Just because someone is Russian

it doesn't mean we're going automatically gostar one of the others.

Of course yes.

They can talk about the borscht soup, Putin and shit.

If I told you:

"Bill, meet my friend Chad.

He is also American. "

Would that be madness?

That would sound very stupid, don't you think?

Look, I don't want to fight.

I just want to eat lobster and get a little drunk.

I want to get very drunk.

You will have to continue explaining to my, because I'll never understand.

Where did they meet?

I was sitting, thinking about what I missed,

-Yes. -And then that affected me.

Did she have a massage device?

No.

Bill, it was love.

Yes, as I said, I remembered about you.

Then i signed up on a russian bridal site.

And then I met her.

I was the cover model from the home page of that week.

Yes, and there she was.

And before she knew it we were sending messages.

I mean, she cost me $ 20 by message,

but it can't be put a price in love.

I bet my account could disagree with this estimate.

He was so cute, big as a bear

and shy as a rabbit.

And I fell in love.

Now I don't need to buy luxurious things to make me feel good.

Now he buys them for me.

Show them that bracelet that I gave you.

-It's so beautiful. Very cute. -Great.

-Congratulations. -Thank you.

Did he use to be a model in Russia?

Yes, sometimes in Russia.

But now I'm just a model for Gary.

Model, right?

This here was an actress.

The movie business, I just don't understand

Well, you used to be a producer, right?

I have financed some movies, But I've lost thousands of dollars

I will never do that again.

I keep investing in the stock market.

It is much more lucrative.

Congratulations Gary.

Thank you.

Health.

-Health. -Health.

I am also trying to learn Russian.

I want to be able to speak the language of my love.

And I am having English classes.

You don't need to do that, Gary.

The more she learn to speak more will be able to answer you.

Find her in that place

It was the best thing that ever happened to me.

I think we should have used different sites.

Sometimes i wish mine had a return policy.

What?

I'm just kidding.

Are you ready to order your tickets?

Yes, I am as hungry as a horse.

Ladies first.

Well I can't make up my mind if I want the steak or the lobster.

Why don't you just order both?

You pamper me so much.

I think I'm going to ask ...

Shit.

I want the crab.

-I mean, I want the crab. -Excellent.

I want the steak, the lobster

-I go to the bathroom. -And the crab too.

-What are you doing here? -I work here.

What happened to your job as head chef at Mendoza's?

That's called having two jobs. Lots of people do that.

Why would someone else did not attend my table?

Because you are in my section.

What else could I do. Go to Rodrigo and say:

"Rodrigo, could you attend my table?

I mean, I would do that, but I'm trying to get away

of one of the women that are on the table,

because she is married with one of those guys. "

Okay, enough.

You weren't lying. Your husband is an idiot.

Do not make me speak.

That is so weird.

No.

Everything will be fine. Everything will be fine, okay?

Just pretend you don't know me, okay?

I mean really you almost didn't recognize me.

What? That is not fair.

Yes, but do you want to know?

Many things in life are not fair.

What do you do?

No! You can not do that.

It can't just appear here get jealous and look like this ...

Nerd! Not here! Isn't that illegal or something?

Come. Come here.

I can't decide who is taking more, if it's Anna or the damn waiter.

Look at that, minha drink it's almost ending.

I'll go get Anna.

You really did well, my friend.

Anna?

Shit!

I'm already dating, Vladlena.

-Do you sleep with boys? -What?

No, he was just helping me with that.

She clogged the toilet.

-What? -No, that's disgusting.

All good, me too I sleep with young men.

Isn't America great?

Are you cheating on Gary?

Yes all the time.

But you guys seem so happy.

I'm happy.

He gives me beautiful things and I have sex with handsome men.

She looks like a version of him that agrees with that whole situation.

She just has worse English.

We can do three!

-What? -Three!

I wasn't waiting for that but I think maybe we can ...

-We are not going to have sex in three. -We can.

Why don't you have fun, Anna?

Anna, why don't you have fun?

Shut up!

Find me another waiter friend, as cute as him, okay?

Yes, I can do that. Of course.

He needs to go back to the table.

You too, sexy waiter.

We are out of drinks.

Yes, our relationship just rose

for a whole new level of fucking.

It took you a long time.

Did you fall or something?

Did I fall?

Dear if you only knew

I fell?

Well let me tell the truth

You're always so impatient, love

Take your time

Do not worry. Or rush your pretty mind

Darling I can't wait any more

You make me feel so blessed

I fell?

Yes

For love

For love

There is nothing that I can do

I fell? I fell?

Yes i fell in love

For you

The lobster was an excellent idea.

It seems the Hendersons they got a new gardener.

They must have let Alejandro go.

It's a shame. He did a good job.

That guy doesn't even seem to know what he is doing.

He's just getting wet.

Look at that guy, what an idiot.

No.

No what?

Why should I care with the neighbor's gardener?

Although we also need of a gardener.

Alright i'm gonna talk to that guy and see the value it charges.

-You don't need to do that. -It's okay.

Sometimes you are difficult to understand.

Shit, I have to go.

See you later.

-I love you. -Goodbye.

I do not love you.

Jesus.

Ai! Ms!

-What? -Invasive! Invasive!

-He's not an invader. -Invasive!

No, he is an invader. He is Matt.

Jesus.

What the hell are you doing here?

Watering flowers and drinking some garden supplies.

If Bill sees you ...

No, he already left.

-I can enter? -No, you're wet.

And that? Offer me dry clothes.

You are crazy?

Maybe. But I make you smile, right?

I don't know what you make me feel

Hi, I'm Matt.

You must be Martha.

Yes.

Fantastic.

-Anna? -Shit.

Hello Anna.

Listen, I really don't care what borrow my hose,

but I would appreciate that next time ask me first.

It was an accident.

My gardener got confused.

This is my new gardener, Jacque.

-Jacque? -Shut up.

-I apologize. -All good.

Remember to roll it up when to finish, thanks.

Nice to meet you, Jacque.

He only speaks Portuguese.

What? Wait a minute.

His name is Jacque and he only speaks portuguese?

Yes.

It's okay.

Have a good day.

-I do not speak Portuguese. -Shut up, come home

-and pretend to be a gardener. -I would pretend to be his employee,

but he already has one.

Martha, I'm going upstairs with my friend.

We are going to chat and can remove the dust from the house.

-Ms? -Dust off, okay?

Yes, dust off.

Mrs. Williams, I have to finish watering the flowers.

Stop interpreting.

-I like being the sexy gardener. -Just be sexy.

I am sexy all the time.

Shut up.

I can do that. I can shut my mouth.

I can go months without speaking If I wanted.

Mrs. Anna!

I'm busy.

It's Mr. Bill.

He came back!

-Shit! -Everything is alright. I am not afraid of him.

Sure you don't.

You're 30 years younger and he has heart problems.

Martha, stop Mr. Bill!

-What? -Yes.

Entertain him.

Stop Mr. Bill. Entertain him.

Entertain him so he doesn't go up now.

It's okay.

Martha! Wow, Martha.

Mr. Bill.

How did you not realize that I was trying to open the door?

Where are my pants?

-Where are my pants? -I dont know.

I think if I jump in the direction of those bushes,

I may not die

Maybe.

-I'm sorry, Mr. Bill. -Stop calling me Mr. Bill.

Never mind, I spilled coffee on my sack.

All good, I remove the stain with soda.

-Come with me. -No! It is you who will remove the stain.

I'm going to get a new coat.

It's okay.

-Mr. Bill? -Why are you screaming,

if i'm right here?

God, those immigrants!

Good.

Is that what you do all day: does it happen walking around the house in underwear?

No, I thought it was hot in here.

So what brought you back?

I spilled coffee in my sack.

I came to find a new one.

Let me search for you.

-You don't know which one I want. -But I know which one looks good on you.

-That's my favorite jacket. -I know.

You know, I can be late for work.

What is ten more minutes late?

I think not.

I have a headache.

It seemed to be fine two seconds ago.

Yes, but she comes and goes.

-It's okay. -Yes.

Good,

I think I'll see you later.

Put on some more clothes.

I disagree with Bill.

I think you should stay with less clothes.

Possibly even without clothes.

God.

Yes.

God.

I never had a husband who almost found me hiding in the bathtub.

And then he didn't found in the bathtub.

Then he leaves and I have sex with the woman I love.

Sex.

You love Me?

No.

She was making a joke.

-So you do not love me? -No.

Good.

I mean, I don't love you.

My English is not the best,

but that phrase is really confusing.

Well, I mean ...

I love you.

Seriously?

Yes.

How much?

Show me with your hands.

All that.

You love Me?

Maybe.

Maybe?

Maybe.

Probably.

Yes.

Good.

How much do you love me?

All that.

So stay with me.

It's complicated.

Dude, I have to do that.

-What has that girl got, friend? -I dont know.

I mean, in principle it was just sex and now I can't ...

I can't get it out of my head.

It seems that you can't remove her from your head,

I knew?

How is your penis?

Does not matter.

I mean, friend ... I will earn enough money

to make a difference in her life, you know?

Still won't come close of what that guy can do.

Table five. Also if she really loves you

the husband would have already left.

-It's complicated. -It's always complicated.

It is true. If she leaves him, she can be deported.

What friend?

There are many girls out there with fewer problems.

Why don't we go to the club tonight?

We relax, have a few drinks and we see what is out there.

Trent loves you.

I smell burning.

That's nothing.

Are you sure? Because my hair ...

Hair almost never catches fire.

Fire, no. I would just ask if ...

Don't worry about it.

-But I... -I do that a long time ago

and that happens,

three, maybe seven or eight times.

It almost never happens.

Can I ask you something?

Of course.

Are you married?

Yes.

Are you happy?

When we got married,

he was one of the ugliest men that I have known

and had five dollars.

And now he's still ugly a little fatter,

and has $ 30,000 in debt.

If I wasn't happy I would not stay married to her.

That seems cool.

At least one part.

It won't be so good if your hair is burned out and I lose my job.

So, let's get you off that thing.

Yes, we will do that.

Martha?

Yes, Mr. Bill?

Do you know where that stocking came from?

I do not know.

Isn't it one of yours?

I'd rather be dead than wear a sock other than brand name.

That's not mine, so whose is it?

I do not know. I've never seen that stocking before.

Good,

thanks for nothing.

I really liked these rings.

They stayed very good on you.

They stayed, didn't they?

Yes, they were cute.

I can't decide which of them to buy.

I thought both of them were good.

Well, why don't I buy both?

Yes of course.

Madam, it says here that his card was declined.

That is a platinum card.

With the credit limit of this card, I could buy a car.

Please try again.

Clear.

Don't have another card?

Yes of course.

Thank you.

It must be the tape magnetic of this card.

-Yes, sometimes that happens. -Yes.

Sorry.

But this one is also not working.

Thats weird.

-I think I'll come back tomorrow. -It's okay.

Good. Thank you.

Ms?

I need those lap rings.

I'm sorry. Of course.

-I'll be back tomorrow to find them. -Of course.

I hate you.

Much!

What the hell, Bill!

Something bad?

My credit cards are not working.

Why are my cards credit not working?

Your credit cards?

They are not your credit cards.

They can even have your name on them,

but I control the account because the money is mine.

Bill, that's unfair.

Do you know what is unfair?

It's my wife fucking with another man in my bed.

-I do not know what are you talking about. -You do not know?

I found that in our room.

And so?

She is not mine.

Do you remember every pair of socks you own?

I doubt that.

I don't remember every pair of socks But that's not mine

I don't buy cheap stockings.

What if I had you betrayed?

Do you think I don't know what you do?

It is different for me.

Do you think you are better than me?

I don't think so, I know.

And I'll tell you why:

i will be the mayor

and I won't fall for none of their bullshit.

I won't admit you go out out there fooling me.

Do you know how that can harm the way my audience sees me?

Public?

I used to think that it only mattered with money.

Now you care with money and what a lot of strangers will think of you.

I don't care what the public thinks of me,

since a sufficient number of them elect me mayor.

I could leave you.

Leave me?

Can prepare your luggage, and leave right now for Russia.

Because it is exactly where does the Service go

Immigration and Naturalization will send you.

If that relationship ends,

It will be on my terms and not yours.

I really hope we can solve that.

Do you know what is ironic?

It's our day off and we are cooking.

Yes, cooking for yourself is different than cooking for other people.

Must be.

-Check the hen. -It's okay.

How long does that should I be setting fire?

Never. Jesus Christ!

Shit!

So what do we learn?

I think everything is fine.

It's not like I tried set fire to it.

Yes, and here we are.

Is nothing.

We are cooking chicken or trying to cook chicken.

What happened, Anna?

What happened?

Shit.

It is an honor to meet you.

I hear a lot about you all the time.

Only good things.

Do you happen to have a friend?

We could do a double match.

I know a girl.

She knows a girl.

Matt?

We need to talk.

Isn't that what we are doing now?

I'm seriously.

It's okay.

Trent, can you give us a minute?

-Trent. -Good.

I'm going to take the hen to take a breath.

Thank you.

She is hot.

Just like Anna, right?

-Thank you. -Sorry.

What happened?

Bill knows.

Bill know what?

He knows about us.

Did you say to him?

No, he found one of your stockings.

He found a mean.

It may be one of his stockings.

He doesn't buy vibrant colored stockings or cheap brands.

Well, that was painful.

-Matt, I'm being serious. -Yes, me too.

Those stockings are not cheap. They cost five dollars a pair.

Matt, it's over.

That is stupid.

-I think you're scared. - Afraid of what?

Oh you are comed to love me.

And loving me is going to break the rest of your life.

I don't love you, I never loved you.

You were just an adventure.

-I know you didn't mean that. -You were just an adventure.

And maybe the danger of being discovered made everything exciting and fun,

but we were discovered And it's time to say goodbye

All good.

But I don't believe in you.

It doesn't matter what you believe in.

What happened?

Where is Anna going?

Would you like some chicken?

We jump headfirst into a fire

Holding hands, we burn

Taking blind steps with our denial

We went through the end Knowing that we would never go back

Then let me sleep In your bed tonight

And if this is the last time

That your lips will touch mine

I won't fight in the morning

I won't break in the fall

There is nothing else to save

There are no more lights in this empty house

We are powerless

Powerless

I catch you.

OMG.

Good.

-I'm fine. -You're good?

You're good?

I may be a little sick.

You're not going to throw up in my car, okay?

No no no. I am sick of love.

-Well, you're drunk. -I am.

Okay, so don't throw up in my car.

If I do that, it will be through the window.

That is good.

THREE MONTHS LATER

Finally the results came out from the elections last night.

And the entrepreneur and newbie, Bill Cunningham ...

that, by little, did not lose to Jon Joyston.

With Cunningham's 51% win, he is your new mayor.

And with me here, live, your new mayor,

-Mr. Bill Cunningham. -Hello!

Thank you all!

We love you.

We managed!

It is a great moment for you, but it was nail biting ...

We eat nails up the end of the count.

-How does it feel? -We never had a doubt.

We crush the opposition.

We fulfilled our agenda and we have achieved!

Wonderful.

He's clearly in a good mood.

I have noticed that your cute wife is not here tonight.

She is out there, somewhere. Is she suggesting something?

A man with a sense of humor.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. Bill Cunningham.

The mayor is home!

Anna?

Hello, lady full of money.

In truth, she is miss now. And she has no more money.

I am poor now.

He seems very happy and has no money.

Just like me.

You may not believe in it

but I too was already a millionaire.

Seriously?

No, I'm just kidding.

She gave me a dollar and left.

Hi.

Hi.

Matt is there?

He's in the bathroom, but it must leave at any moment.

Good.

I just wanted to...

Where do you want to eat tonight? I was thinking of Russian food.

Wait. Do not go!

Wait.

-Where is he going? -Does not matter.

Can it slow down?

Why? I just met your girlfriend.

-She is beautiful, good for you. -Stop!

Why did you come here?

It was you who said that everything was fine We will go out with other people.

I said that? I don't remember saying.

Yes but you have a very selective memory.

-Don't talk about my memory. -Anna, what do you want from me?

What the hell do you want from me?

Can't come to my apartment and then run away without saying anything.

It wasn't my plan. I just needed to see you.

You can not do that!

It was you who ended with me, remember?

And I was happy to see her even though she was married.

And she now she's gonna be mad at me

Why did she see a girl in my department?

Is not that. I had a plan ...

I had things that I wanted to tell you and I practiced how I would go about doing that.

Are you going to give me a monologue?

Well basically just I needed to plan what to say

because i thought i'd end up crying and that plan backfired.

That's because I ended up crying and I couldn't say anything.

-Anna, she's my cousin. -Who?

Molly, the girl.

All good.

Now we can enter so that no Get arrested for indecent exposure?

Sorry to have come to your house. Sorry for marrying Bill.

And sorry for coming to the United States.

Don't apologize for that last thing

or the first thing. And the middle one, well,

that really sucks.

But I am happy to have met you.

I'm happy you came.

RUSSIA ONE YEAR LATER

You better hurry

or will it end up being delayed for your show.

I have time.

I forgot to tell you, Trent called.

God, he didn't burn the restaurant, did he?

No he said you need to hire more staff,

because they are overloaded.

If I had said a year ago

that I would own from a coffee shop in Russia ...

A successful coffee shop in Russia.

You know how much I love You?

Something like all that.

You know how much I love You?

How much?

SURPRISE! I COMMITTED -All that.