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Previously on Young Sheldon...
Do you know if he'll be doing
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00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:05,160
the full color octet
calculations?
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00:00:05,160 --> 00:00:06,770
I do not.
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00:00:06,770 --> 00:00:08,440
Do you know how to differentiate
under the integral sign?
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00:00:08,440 --> 00:00:09,690
No.
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00:00:09,690 --> 00:00:11,060
(chuckles):
Do you know anything?
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00:00:11,060 --> 00:00:13,650
Anyone know
what happens to baryons?
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00:00:13,650 --> 00:00:15,150
Yes, Paige.
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00:00:15,150 --> 00:00:16,940
We can ignore
the particle masses
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00:00:16,940 --> 00:00:18,700
at the individual quark level.
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STURGIS:
Correct.
MARY: A unique child
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00:00:20,700 --> 00:00:22,200
can require a lot of attention.
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00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:23,700
Try all the attention.
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00:00:23,700 --> 00:00:25,540
Well, I think my parents
are getting a divorce.
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00:00:25,540 --> 00:00:27,450
Why?
They fight all the time.
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00:00:27,450 --> 00:00:29,920
About what?
Mostly me.
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00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:31,960
I guess I'm lucky.
Why?
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00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:34,800
I'm the glue that holds
our family together.
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00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:37,130
Hi, Sheldon.
What did you do to your hair?
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00:00:37,130 --> 00:00:39,800
Is this because
your parents got divorced?
(Mary sighs)
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You're so smart.
Why are you acting like this?
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00:00:42,180 --> 00:00:45,390
My mom is going on dates,
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00:00:45,390 --> 00:00:47,470
and my dad is acting
like a child.
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It's just hard to care.
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00:00:53,150 --> 00:00:55,520
Can I offer you a hot beverage?
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00:00:57,830 --> 00:00:59,540
("Surfin' U.S.A."
by the Beach Boys playing)
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♪ If everybody had an ocean... ♪
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ADULT SHELDON:
Children everywhere
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are excited by summer vacation,
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and I was no exception.
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Because instead
of vacation Bible school
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with my sister, I was headed
to the local library
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00:01:12,220 --> 00:01:15,550
for a fun-filled week
of postal delights
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00:01:15,550 --> 00:01:17,810
otherwise known as stamp camp.
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00:01:17,810 --> 00:01:19,970
In 1989,
they released dinosaur stamps.
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00:01:19,970 --> 00:01:21,980
No one cares.
MARY:
Come on, now.
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He's excited. And that gets
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my stamp of approval.
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00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:26,860
I'm using that.
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00:01:26,860 --> 00:01:29,150
It's going to kill
at stamp camp.
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00:01:29,150 --> 00:01:31,240
Oh, sorry. It was canceled.
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00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:33,490
What? Why?
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00:01:33,490 --> 00:01:34,990
Not enough interest.
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00:01:34,990 --> 00:01:36,990
Not enough interest
in stamps?
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00:01:36,990 --> 00:01:39,240
It's the fastest-growing hobby
in people 70 and over
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according to Reader's Digest.
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00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:42,500
Sorry, sweetie.
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00:01:42,500 --> 00:01:44,170
Well, what am I
supposed to do now?
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00:01:44,170 --> 00:01:46,170
Ha! You have to
go to Bible camp.
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00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:50,800
♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪
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00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:53,630
♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪
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00:01:53,630 --> 00:01:56,220
♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪
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00:01:56,220 --> 00:01:58,550
♪ I am a mighty little man ♪
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00:01:58,550 --> 00:02:02,810
♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪
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00:02:07,690 --> 00:02:10,860
♪ Fly me to the moon,
and let me... ♪
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00:02:10,860 --> 00:02:12,740
Come on, Shelly.
It's a space theme.
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00:02:12,740 --> 00:02:14,360
Isn't that fun?
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00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:17,360
Jesus was a carpenter,
not an astronaut.
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00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:19,030
Maybe he built the rocket.
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00:02:19,030 --> 00:02:20,700
What would he use for fuel?
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00:02:20,700 --> 00:02:23,040
Ooh, doughnut holes.
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00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:24,870
Can I please wait
in the car?
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00:02:24,870 --> 00:02:26,790
No. I want you to be here.
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00:02:26,790 --> 00:02:28,750
I'll be fine.
You can crack the back window.
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PAIGE:
Hi, Sheldon.
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00:02:30,380 --> 00:02:33,800
Paige. What are you doing here?
My mom made me.
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00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:35,380
See? She doesn't want
to be here either.
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00:02:35,380 --> 00:02:37,260
I'm gonna go say hi to your mom.
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00:02:37,260 --> 00:02:39,640
Why did your
mom make you?
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00:02:39,640 --> 00:02:41,970
Punishment.
I got caught with cigarettes.
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00:02:41,970 --> 00:02:42,970
Why would you want to smoke?
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00:02:42,970 --> 00:02:44,270
To look older.
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My meemaw smokes.
I guess it works.
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00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:48,400
So, why are you here?
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00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:50,310
Do you believe
in this stuff now?
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00:02:50,310 --> 00:02:52,020
No. Stamp camp got canceled.
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Further proof there is no God.
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00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:56,650
(door opens, closes)
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00:02:56,650 --> 00:02:59,240
I did it. I bought a car.
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00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:00,490
Really? You got the Mustang?
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00:03:00,490 --> 00:03:01,990
I was fixing to,
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00:03:01,990 --> 00:03:03,950
but then something else
caught my eye.
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00:03:03,950 --> 00:03:05,540
You did something dumb.
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00:03:05,540 --> 00:03:07,500
Now, it needs a
little bit of work,
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00:03:07,500 --> 00:03:09,420
but once I'm done,
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00:03:09,420 --> 00:03:11,460
it's gonna be amazing.
No.
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00:03:11,460 --> 00:03:13,130
What do you mean?
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00:03:13,130 --> 00:03:14,840
It's got low mileage,
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00:03:14,840 --> 00:03:16,550
great stereo.
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00:03:16,550 --> 00:03:18,180
Check this out.
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Look at all the room.
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00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:24,310
Hell no.
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00:03:24,310 --> 00:03:26,020
Why?
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00:03:26,020 --> 00:03:28,770
This isn't a car.
It's a motel room on wheels.
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00:03:28,770 --> 00:03:30,940
Is that how little
you think of me?
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00:03:30,940 --> 00:03:33,070
(scoffs)
Yes. Maybe less.
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00:03:33,070 --> 00:03:34,610
George, your mother works
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for the church.
This doesn't look good.
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I don't know,
looks pretty good to me.
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00:03:38,780 --> 00:03:41,490
(sighs) Please, listen to me.
Come on.
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00:03:41,490 --> 00:03:44,030
If I drive Sheldon to college,
he can sleep back there.
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00:03:44,030 --> 00:03:46,450
So, you saw that couch,
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00:03:46,450 --> 00:03:48,080
and the first thought
you had was,
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00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:50,670
"My brother can sleep on that"?
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00:03:50,670 --> 00:03:52,960
Not my first thought.
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00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:54,960
♪ Now I've read my Bible ♪
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00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:56,880
♪ And I can't understand ♪
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00:03:56,880 --> 00:03:58,300
♪ How folks can think ♪
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♪ That Jesus was... ♪
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00:03:59,720 --> 00:04:01,840
This licorice tastes terrible.
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00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:03,350
It's plastic.
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00:04:03,350 --> 00:04:05,060
You use it to weave a lanyard.
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00:04:05,060 --> 00:04:08,810
No, it's licorice.
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00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:11,980
Your mother
lets you wear lipstick?
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00:04:11,980 --> 00:04:13,810
Of course not.
Interesting.
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00:04:13,810 --> 00:04:16,150
Does she know
you're leading a double life?
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00:04:16,150 --> 00:04:17,480
Grow up.
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00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:19,780
Why do you think
you're rebelling
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00:04:19,780 --> 00:04:21,360
against parental authority?
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00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:22,780
Isn't it obvious? I'm having
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00:04:22,780 --> 00:04:24,530
a textbook reaction
to their divorce.
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00:04:24,530 --> 00:04:27,750
What textbook?
Did you get it from the library?
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00:04:27,750 --> 00:04:30,830
Hello, Biblenauts!
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00:04:30,830 --> 00:04:32,500
(chuckles)
Gather round.
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00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:35,840
Now, who's ready to find
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00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:39,380
space for Jesus in our hearts?
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00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:42,720
I can't hear you!
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00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:44,260
Perhaps that's because
space is a vacuum
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00:04:44,260 --> 00:04:45,850
where sound doesn't travel.
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00:04:45,850 --> 00:04:47,350
Nicely done.
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00:04:47,350 --> 00:04:49,180
You're not the only rebel
around here.
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00:04:49,180 --> 00:04:51,270
I thought he had stamp camp.
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00:04:51,270 --> 00:04:53,690
Just go get your money back
and buy a different car.
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00:04:53,690 --> 00:04:54,860
No.
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00:04:54,860 --> 00:04:56,940
Georgie, I'm not playing around.
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00:04:56,940 --> 00:04:58,780
Neither am I.
I bought it with my own money,
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00:04:58,780 --> 00:05:00,190
and you don't get a say.
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00:05:00,190 --> 00:05:01,530
As long as you live
under my roof,
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00:05:01,530 --> 00:05:02,740
I get plenty of say.
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00:05:02,740 --> 00:05:04,200
Fine. I'll move out.
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00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:05,700
And where you gonna go?
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00:05:05,700 --> 00:05:07,030
I'll live in the van.
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00:05:07,030 --> 00:05:08,660
(laughs)
You know what?
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00:05:08,660 --> 00:05:10,160
It was only a matter of time
145
00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:12,120
before you lived in a van.
Have at it.
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00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:14,170
Scooby-Doo lived in a van,
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00:05:14,170 --> 00:05:16,630
and he turned out fine.
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00:05:16,630 --> 00:05:18,840
♪ I'm a rocket man ♪
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00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:20,420
♪ Rocket man ♪
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00:05:20,420 --> 00:05:23,380
♪ Flying up to heaven
with the Lord ♪
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00:05:25,550 --> 00:05:29,470
♪ And I think it's gonna be
a fun old time. ♪
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00:05:30,980 --> 00:05:32,980
(laughs):
All right. Amen.
(applause)
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00:05:32,980 --> 00:05:35,150
Sing "Ice Ice Baby."
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00:05:35,150 --> 00:05:36,400
Don't know it.
155
00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:38,270
How about Paula Abdul?
156
00:05:38,270 --> 00:05:40,320
Nope.
Ooh!
The Teenage Mutant Ninja theme.
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00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:42,240
Mary, what is that I'm hearing?
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00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:44,910
Oh! Right.
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00:05:44,910 --> 00:05:47,740
It's the prize bell!
(chuckles)
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00:05:47,740 --> 00:05:49,200
What do you think
the prize is?
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00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:50,620
We get to go home?
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00:05:50,620 --> 00:05:53,580
Is the joke that leaving
would be a reward?
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00:05:53,580 --> 00:05:54,920
Yes.
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00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:56,420
I get that joke.
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00:05:56,420 --> 00:05:57,920
JEFF:
Now,
166
00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:00,170
for a psalm 100 bookmark,
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00:06:00,170 --> 00:06:01,880
who can name the 12 apostles?
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00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:03,590
Billy.
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00:06:03,590 --> 00:06:06,180
Sleepy, Grumpy, Doc...
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00:06:06,180 --> 00:06:08,180
Those are dwarves. Anyone else?
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00:06:08,180 --> 00:06:10,930
Look at these suckers trying to
compete for a stupid bookmark.
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00:06:10,930 --> 00:06:13,310
They probably
don't even know psalm 100.
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00:06:13,310 --> 00:06:14,640
Or what a book is.
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00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:16,940
How about six apostles?
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00:06:16,940 --> 00:06:18,810
Just give me six.
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I'll settle for three,
and I'll spot you Judas.
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00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:23,490
I don't even care about church,
and I can name them all.
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00:06:23,490 --> 00:06:24,700
So can I.
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00:06:25,700 --> 00:06:26,780
No, you can't.
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00:06:26,780 --> 00:06:28,570
Yes, I can.
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00:06:28,570 --> 00:06:30,780
I can even do it
in alphabetical order.
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00:06:30,780 --> 00:06:32,950
Well, I can name them
in the order they appear
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00:06:32,950 --> 00:06:34,790
in the Book of Matthew.
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00:06:37,460 --> 00:06:38,960
Paige, yes.
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00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:41,380
Peter, Andrew, James,
son of Zebedee,
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00:06:41,380 --> 00:06:43,260
John, Philip,
Bartholomew,
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00:06:43,260 --> 00:06:44,970
Thomas, Matthew,
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00:06:44,970 --> 00:06:47,970
James, son of Alpheus,
Thaddeus, Simon and Judas.
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00:06:47,970 --> 00:06:50,470
And that's the order that they
appear in the Book of Matthew.
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00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:53,310
JEFF:
Fantastic! (chuckles)
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00:06:53,310 --> 00:06:56,390
You just won yourself
a psalm 100 bookmark. (chuckles)
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00:06:56,390 --> 00:06:58,480
Thank you. I
love that psalm.
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00:06:58,480 --> 00:07:00,360
(applause)
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00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:01,610
ADULT SHELDON:
You would think winning
195
00:07:01,610 --> 00:07:03,320
a Nobel Prize in Physics
196
00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:05,990
would make this moment
meaningless to me,
197
00:07:05,990 --> 00:07:10,240
but all these years later,
it still burns my butt.
198
00:07:17,060 --> 00:07:19,650
Why would Paige get competitive
over Bible trivia?
199
00:07:19,650 --> 00:07:21,610
She doesn't care
about that.
200
00:07:21,610 --> 00:07:23,530
Maybe she just wanted
that bookmark.
201
00:07:23,530 --> 00:07:25,110
Yeah. I wanted
202
00:07:25,110 --> 00:07:27,120
this "what would Jesus do?"
slap bracelet.
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00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:28,740
Ow.
I liked it better
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00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:30,910
when she and I
were making fun of everything.
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00:07:30,910 --> 00:07:33,750
You might have more fun
if you participated, too.
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00:07:33,750 --> 00:07:35,620
Oh, I'll participate.
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00:07:35,620 --> 00:07:39,340
Great.
If Paige wants to go
head-to-head on Bible trivia,
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00:07:39,340 --> 00:07:41,880
she picked the wrong fact-filled
atheist to mess with.
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00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:43,050
Great.
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00:07:43,050 --> 00:07:44,590
(bracelet slaps)
MISSY:
Ow.
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00:07:44,590 --> 00:07:46,470
GEORGE JR.:
Well?
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00:07:46,470 --> 00:07:49,350
It's very... colorful.
213
00:07:49,350 --> 00:07:51,810
Not just colorful.
Patriotic.
214
00:07:51,810 --> 00:07:54,100
It's also a little gross.
215
00:07:54,100 --> 00:07:57,230
It just needs a little shampoo.
But check out the best part.
216
00:08:01,270 --> 00:08:02,860
Want to try it out?
217
00:08:03,820 --> 00:08:05,780
In front of your parents' house?
218
00:08:05,780 --> 00:08:07,950
That's what's so great.
We can drive it anywhere.
219
00:08:07,950 --> 00:08:09,030
Empty field,
220
00:08:09,030 --> 00:08:10,370
abandoned parking lot.
221
00:08:10,370 --> 00:08:12,830
Wherever love takes us.
222
00:08:12,830 --> 00:08:16,000
(sniffs)
What is that smell?
223
00:08:17,620 --> 00:08:19,630
There was a mouse
in the mini fridge.
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00:08:19,630 --> 00:08:21,290
Ew!
225
00:08:21,290 --> 00:08:22,460
Did you hear me?
226
00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:25,340
There's a mini fridge!
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00:08:26,300 --> 00:08:28,800
You're really making him
live out there?
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00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:31,390
He's not gonna last one night
in that nasty thing.
229
00:08:31,390 --> 00:08:33,180
Have you seen that boy's room?
230
00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:34,310
SHELDON:
Judah was the father
231
00:08:34,310 --> 00:08:36,310
of Perez and Zerah
by Tamar,
232
00:08:36,310 --> 00:08:38,270
Perez was the father of Hezron,
233
00:08:38,270 --> 00:08:39,560
and Hezron was
the father of Ram.
234
00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:41,190
Why's he reading the Bible?
235
00:08:41,190 --> 00:08:44,030
To humiliate and destroy Paige
at Bible camp.
236
00:08:44,030 --> 00:08:45,150
That.
237
00:08:47,650 --> 00:08:49,070
Missy doing anything stupid?
238
00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:50,660
(door opens, closes)
No.
239
00:08:50,660 --> 00:08:53,080
One out of three. Not bad. Hey!
240
00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:55,370
Where do you think you're going?
241
00:08:55,370 --> 00:08:56,830
Bathroom.
242
00:08:56,830 --> 00:08:58,660
No, you're not.
You don't live here.
243
00:08:58,660 --> 00:09:01,880
George.
You want him
making grandkids in that van?
244
00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:04,170
You heard him! Get!
245
00:09:04,170 --> 00:09:05,710
Dang it.
246
00:09:06,670 --> 00:09:08,380
(doorbell rings)
247
00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:10,890
Can I use your bathroom?
248
00:09:10,890 --> 00:09:13,220
Your dad wants to talk to you.
249
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:15,060
Hello.
250
00:09:15,060 --> 00:09:16,720
GEORGE SR.:
You can't use her bathroom
either.
251
00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:17,930
Dang it.
252
00:09:17,930 --> 00:09:19,730
There's a bucket in the garage.
253
00:09:19,730 --> 00:09:22,060
(laughs)
254
00:09:23,020 --> 00:09:25,270
(insects trilling)
255
00:09:25,270 --> 00:09:27,150
(knocking)
256
00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:30,490
Hey.
257
00:09:30,490 --> 00:09:31,860
Brought you some food.
258
00:09:31,860 --> 00:09:33,200
Don't tell your father.
259
00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:34,530
Thanks.
260
00:09:34,530 --> 00:09:35,700
Want to come in?
261
00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:37,290
It smells less disgusting now.
262
00:09:37,290 --> 00:09:40,370
I'm... really good here.
263
00:09:40,370 --> 00:09:42,210
Georgie, um,
264
00:09:42,210 --> 00:09:44,500
this is a... nice van,
265
00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:46,550
but why don't you think
about selling it
266
00:09:46,550 --> 00:09:48,380
so you can come back inside?
267
00:09:48,380 --> 00:09:50,970
No. I'm not letting him
win this one.
268
00:09:50,970 --> 00:09:52,430
(sighs)
269
00:09:52,430 --> 00:09:54,390
You know you can't live in here.
270
00:09:54,390 --> 00:09:55,600
Why not?
271
00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:58,560
It's hot out.
272
00:09:58,560 --> 00:10:00,060
The windows roll down.
273
00:10:00,060 --> 00:10:02,270
How are you gonna take a shower?
274
00:10:02,270 --> 00:10:03,900
It's supposed to rain
this weekend.
275
00:10:03,900 --> 00:10:05,610
What about a bathroom?
276
00:10:05,610 --> 00:10:07,400
See that bucket?
277
00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:08,820
Good night.
278
00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:16,490
Ask me what
the fruits of the Spirit are.
279
00:10:16,490 --> 00:10:17,620
I'm sure you know them.
280
00:10:17,620 --> 00:10:18,950
Of course I do.
281
00:10:18,950 --> 00:10:20,910
Love, joy, peace,
patience, kindness,
282
00:10:20,910 --> 00:10:23,580
goodness, faithfulness,
gentleness and self-control.
283
00:10:23,580 --> 00:10:25,080
Then why do I have to ask?
284
00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:26,960
So I can improve
my hand-raising technique.
285
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,630
Fine.
286
00:10:28,630 --> 00:10:29,800
What are
the fruits of the Spirit?
287
00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:31,840
Good. We done?
288
00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:33,130
No, you have to call on me.
289
00:10:34,430 --> 00:10:35,640
Sheldon.
290
00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:37,640
Love, joy,
peace, patience,
291
00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:38,890
kindness, goodness,
faithfulness,
292
00:10:38,890 --> 00:10:40,600
gentleness and self-control.
293
00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:43,440
Now ask me to name
three wicked women of the Bible.
294
00:10:44,100 --> 00:10:45,860
Can I ask you a question?
295
00:10:45,860 --> 00:10:47,610
If it's "Who are three
wicked women in the Bible?,"
296
00:10:47,610 --> 00:10:48,770
then go ahead.
297
00:10:48,770 --> 00:10:51,030
Why don't you believe in God?
298
00:10:52,150 --> 00:10:53,700
Sheldon.
299
00:10:53,700 --> 00:10:55,740
Because science explains
the universe
300
00:10:55,740 --> 00:10:58,450
without the need of inventing
a supernatural being.
301
00:10:58,450 --> 00:11:00,540
But how do you know for sure
he doesn't exist?
302
00:11:00,540 --> 00:11:02,160
Ooh.
Stop that.
303
00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:04,670
The burden of proof isn't on me.
304
00:11:04,670 --> 00:11:06,960
If I said there was an invisible
monkey in the room with us,
305
00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:08,460
you shouldn't believe me
306
00:11:08,460 --> 00:11:10,170
just because you can't prove me
wrong.
307
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,960
Why is the monkey invisible?
308
00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:13,050
I don't know.
309
00:11:13,050 --> 00:11:14,380
Is it a ghost monkey?
310
00:11:14,380 --> 00:11:15,510
Sure.
311
00:11:15,510 --> 00:11:16,970
Then why isn't he in heaven?
312
00:11:16,970 --> 00:11:18,220
Because there is no heaven.
313
00:11:18,220 --> 00:11:19,470
What about monkey heaven?
314
00:11:19,470 --> 00:11:20,600
There is no monkey heaven.
315
00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:22,180
There is no regular heaven.
316
00:11:22,180 --> 00:11:24,190
When we die, we cease to exist.
That's it.
317
00:11:24,190 --> 00:11:26,150
You better hope you're right.
318
00:11:26,150 --> 00:11:29,110
'Cause if I end up in regular
heaven and you end up in hell,
319
00:11:29,110 --> 00:11:30,480
I'm gonna laugh.
320
00:11:31,650 --> 00:11:32,990
But if you end up
in monkey hell,
321
00:11:32,990 --> 00:11:34,530
I'm gonna laugh even harder.
322
00:11:34,530 --> 00:11:35,820
Just paint your nails.
323
00:11:36,990 --> 00:11:39,080
God, when Sheldon dies,
324
00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:40,870
please send him to monkey hell.
325
00:11:40,870 --> 00:11:42,040
Amen.
326
00:11:47,170 --> 00:11:48,960
(squeaking)
327
00:11:52,510 --> 00:11:54,510
(groans softly)
328
00:11:54,510 --> 00:11:56,340
(squeaking)
329
00:11:58,180 --> 00:11:59,680
(George Jr. screams)
330
00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:01,060
(in distance):
Get it off! Get it off!
331
00:12:01,060 --> 00:12:02,850
What was that?
It's in my hair!
332
00:12:02,850 --> 00:12:03,980
Not my problem.
333
00:12:03,980 --> 00:12:05,020
It's in my hair!
(grunts)
334
00:12:05,020 --> 00:12:06,440
It's in my hair!
335
00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:14,860
For your information,
336
00:12:14,860 --> 00:12:17,030
not only am I going
to show you up today,
337
00:12:17,030 --> 00:12:19,450
I've also prepared
some biblical trash talk.
338
00:12:19,450 --> 00:12:20,910
What is he talking about?
339
00:12:20,910 --> 00:12:23,080
He stayed up
all night studying.
340
00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:24,240
Why?
341
00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:26,080
To beat you at Bible trivia.
342
00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:28,540
Just like the prophets of mercy
beat the priestly cult
343
00:12:28,540 --> 00:12:30,420
and its emphasis
on ritual purity.
344
00:12:30,420 --> 00:12:32,130
Was that the trash talk?
345
00:12:32,130 --> 00:12:34,130
(scoffs) Was Zacchaeus
a tax collector?
346
00:12:34,130 --> 00:12:35,880
Was Nicodemus a Pharisee?
347
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:37,470
Just hit him.
348
00:12:37,470 --> 00:12:39,220
(chuckles)
JEFF:
Okay, campers!
349
00:12:39,220 --> 00:12:40,720
Bible trivia time.
350
00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:42,050
For a Noah's Ark
351
00:12:42,050 --> 00:12:44,220
rain poncho,
352
00:12:44,220 --> 00:12:46,600
what was Peter's original name?
353
00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:49,940
Sheldon.
Peter's original name was Simon.
354
00:12:49,940 --> 00:12:52,560
Correct!
You didn't know
that one, did you?
355
00:12:52,560 --> 00:12:53,610
Yes, I did.
356
00:12:53,610 --> 00:12:55,070
He was also known as Cephas.
357
00:12:55,070 --> 00:12:56,780
Then why didn't you
raise your hand?
358
00:12:56,780 --> 00:12:58,570
'Cause I don't care.
359
00:12:58,570 --> 00:13:00,160
JEFF:
Next question.
360
00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:03,160
For a John the Baptist
pencil topper,
361
00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:06,240
where did Jesus perform
his first miracle?
362
00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:12,170
Sheldon.
363
00:13:12,170 --> 00:13:13,420
A wedding.
364
00:13:13,420 --> 00:13:14,590
(chuckles):
Correct!
365
00:13:14,590 --> 00:13:16,590
Aren't you even going to try?
366
00:13:16,590 --> 00:13:18,380
Nope.
367
00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:20,630
Why won't you
compete with me?
368
00:13:20,630 --> 00:13:23,470
Because it's fun
watching you get upset.
369
00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:25,140
What's fun about it?
370
00:13:25,140 --> 00:13:26,810
Everything.
371
00:13:33,610 --> 00:13:35,440
Morning, sunshine.
372
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:37,820
(exhales)
What do you want?
373
00:13:37,820 --> 00:13:39,320
Oh, just to see
how you're doing.
374
00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:40,400
I'm fine.
375
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:41,530
Thanks for the juice.
376
00:13:41,530 --> 00:13:43,160
Oh, this isn't for you.
377
00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:44,870
Mmm.
378
00:13:45,870 --> 00:13:46,870
Mmm.
379
00:13:46,870 --> 00:13:49,000
(smacks lips, sighs)
380
00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:50,460
Cold and refreshing.
381
00:13:50,460 --> 00:13:52,170
So, how'd you sleep?
382
00:13:52,170 --> 00:13:53,670
You look terrible.
383
00:13:53,670 --> 00:13:55,040
Are you done?
Depends.
384
00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:56,960
You ready to return the van?
385
00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:59,010
This van's not going anywhere.
386
00:14:00,630 --> 00:14:02,970
Don't you have to work
this morning?
387
00:14:02,970 --> 00:14:04,010
Crap.
388
00:14:07,310 --> 00:14:09,140
(engine failing to turn over)
389
00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:11,850
Yep, it's
not going anywhere.
390
00:14:14,150 --> 00:14:15,480
Paige,
391
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,270
a sprig of my hair is askew.
392
00:14:17,270 --> 00:14:18,900
Upsetting, isn't it?
393
00:14:18,900 --> 00:14:20,360
No.
394
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,110
But it's going
a different direction
395
00:14:22,110 --> 00:14:23,150
from all the other hairs.
396
00:14:23,150 --> 00:14:24,530
So?
397
00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:26,700
You think it's fun
irritating me?
398
00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:28,660
I'm giving you a taste
of your own medicine.
399
00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:30,330
Ha.
400
00:14:33,460 --> 00:14:35,500
(Dale humming)
401
00:14:38,500 --> 00:14:40,210
Hey.
(yelps)
402
00:14:41,420 --> 00:14:43,720
I'm on medication, you know.
403
00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:46,050
Wh-What are you
doing in there?
404
00:14:46,050 --> 00:14:47,470
Just washed up in your sink.
405
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:49,100
Don't want to offend
the customers.
406
00:14:49,100 --> 00:14:50,520
Why?
407
00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:52,350
My dad's mad
'cause I bought a van,
408
00:14:52,350 --> 00:14:54,020
and he's not letting me
use the house.
409
00:14:54,020 --> 00:14:56,560
Oh. So that's your old
Chevy parked out front?
410
00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:58,110
Pretty sweet, right?
411
00:14:58,110 --> 00:14:59,360
You have a clean title on it?
412
00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:00,780
Pretty much.
413
00:15:00,780 --> 00:15:02,610
I think
it's registered in Mexico.
414
00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:04,360
Well, that's something.
415
00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:07,410
But it's got a bed
and a mini fridge.
416
00:15:07,410 --> 00:15:09,370
Wow. Sweet.
417
00:15:09,370 --> 00:15:10,540
I'm gonna hang
some twinkle lights
418
00:15:10,540 --> 00:15:12,200
and maybe get a lava lamp.
419
00:15:13,540 --> 00:15:15,710
Georgie, did I ever...
420
00:15:15,710 --> 00:15:17,880
tell you why I got
married so young?
421
00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:19,460
You were in love?
422
00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:21,710
No, because,
when I was your age,
423
00:15:21,710 --> 00:15:23,840
I bought a similar vehicle.
424
00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:27,140
Cool. What was it?
425
00:15:28,140 --> 00:15:29,220
Just get dressed.
426
00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:30,140
Okay.
427
00:15:31,810 --> 00:15:33,350
(door closes)
("Moovin' 'N' Groovin'"
by Duane Eddy playing)
428
00:15:34,310 --> 00:15:36,440
Paige,
429
00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:39,480
look how close this pushpin is
to this balloon.
430
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:40,570
Mm-hmm.
431
00:15:40,570 --> 00:15:42,110
It could pop
at any moment.
432
00:15:42,110 --> 00:15:43,570
I bet
that drives you cra...
433
00:15:43,570 --> 00:15:46,070
♪ ♪
434
00:15:47,910 --> 00:15:49,120
Hello.
435
00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:51,240
What now?
What now?
436
00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:53,660
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
437
00:15:53,660 --> 00:15:55,120
Are you just gonna repeat
everything I...
Are you just gonna repeat
438
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:56,500
everything I say?
439
00:15:56,500 --> 00:15:59,420
I, Sheldon Cooper...
440
00:15:59,420 --> 00:16:00,420
...accept Jesus Christ
as my Lord and Savior.
441
00:16:00,420 --> 00:16:02,920
...accept Jesus Chr...
442
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:03,960
(grunts)
443
00:16:08,260 --> 00:16:09,930
Go get me a beer, woman.
444
00:16:09,930 --> 00:16:11,510
What?
445
00:16:11,510 --> 00:16:13,680
It infuriates my mom
when my dad says it.
446
00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:15,270
Sheldon, stop.
447
00:16:15,270 --> 00:16:17,310
You can't upset me.
Why not?
448
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:19,480
Because there are things
in my life that are way worse
449
00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:21,690
than anything
that you can come up with.
450
00:16:21,690 --> 00:16:23,980
You mean your parents
splitting up.
451
00:16:23,980 --> 00:16:25,280
Obviously.
452
00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:28,280
I think I know how
to irritate you.
453
00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:30,620
I bet you think the
divorce is all your fault
454
00:16:30,620 --> 00:16:33,330
and now your family
is torn apart forever.
455
00:16:33,330 --> 00:16:34,950
Did I do it?
456
00:16:34,950 --> 00:16:36,870
Did I get under your skin?
457
00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:39,960
I can still hear the sound
of her fist hitting your face
458
00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:42,460
and your head
bouncing off the floor.
459
00:16:42,460 --> 00:16:43,460
That is enough.
460
00:16:43,460 --> 00:16:44,420
It was like, "Thwack,"
461
00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:45,550
and then, "Kathunk."
462
00:16:45,550 --> 00:16:47,090
MARY:
I said enough!
463
00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:49,180
MISSY:
And there were doughnut holes.
464
00:16:49,180 --> 00:16:50,510
What a great day.
465
00:16:56,970 --> 00:16:59,180
♪ Heartbeat... ♪
466
00:16:59,180 --> 00:17:02,350
ADULT SHELDON:
That night, my brother turned
a ratty old van
467
00:17:02,350 --> 00:17:04,980
into his chariot of love.
468
00:17:04,980 --> 00:17:08,150
♪ Heartbeat ♪
469
00:17:08,150 --> 00:17:09,650
♪ I'm looking for a... ♪
470
00:17:09,650 --> 00:17:12,490
Romance was in the air.
471
00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:13,820
♪ Beating like... ♪
472
00:17:13,820 --> 00:17:15,830
Hey.
Oh. Hey, Mr. Boggs.
473
00:17:15,830 --> 00:17:17,870
I-I'm just here to pick up Jana.
474
00:17:18,830 --> 00:17:20,750
You think you're taking
my daughter out in this?
475
00:17:20,750 --> 00:17:23,330
No worries.
I'll have her home by 11:00.
476
00:17:23,330 --> 00:17:25,000
(exhales)
477
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,590
Ooh. I wouldn't open that.
478
00:17:27,590 --> 00:17:29,550
Move.
479
00:17:34,340 --> 00:17:36,510
♪ ♪
480
00:17:36,510 --> 00:17:38,100
(exhales)
481
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:40,730
It's got a mini fridge.
482
00:17:40,730 --> 00:17:42,190
(door closes)
483
00:17:42,190 --> 00:17:43,690
I thought about what you said.
484
00:17:43,690 --> 00:17:45,230
I'm returning the van.
Good night.
485
00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:47,070
WEATHERMAN:
This is the kind of weather
486
00:17:47,070 --> 00:17:48,730
that makes you want
to stay at home.
(door closes)
487
00:17:48,730 --> 00:17:51,240
If you don't have
to go out today, don't.
32919
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