All language subtitles for Royal Pains - 1x01Pilot

Time!

No pulse.

All right, call 9-1-1.

I need those two gym bags right now.

I want some ice from those coolers.okay?

Move it.

All right, thank you.

Ice, ice.

Bring it in.

Okay, i need to ice his crotch,
His armpits, and his scalp.

??Thank you.

Good.??

He can't breathe.

All right, come here.

I want you to keep pumping just like this.okay?

Go.

Thank you.

Reaching in, lifting...

All right, he's breathing.

He's breathing.

Ambulance will be here in ten minutes.

Okay, we don't have that long.

All right, who's got an suv?

Straight back, straight back.

Smooth and steady, fellas.

Smooth and steady.

Here we go.

All the way back.

Go!

Let's go, let's go.

What are you doing here, man?

Aren't you off today,dr. Lawson?

I was.

Status post cardiac arrest.

Got his pulse back and opened his airway.

Did you really use gym bags for immobilization?

Yeah, i can't wait to tell him
Some sweaty boxers saved his neck.

-??
-thank you.

Thready pulse.

All right, i got it.

O2 sat 80.

Bp 100 over 60.

Draw up 5 of versed and 150 of sucks.

Dr. Lawson, paramedics bringing
In 68-year-old with a stemi.

-when?
-now.

Thank god you're on.

We have mr. Gardener over here.

-themr. Gardener?
-yes.

All right,i'll be right there.

Oh, mr. Gardener is a friend?

We don't keep friends waiting,dr. Lawson.

Okay, let's have a look then.

Tube him.

Got it, hank.

All right, guys.

Let's get him to the cath lab.

Let's go, let's go.

Prep nitro drip and titrate to pain.

I'll get started on the cath.

Type and screen him for two units packed cells.

Going for the femoral artery.

Threading femoral artery.

No obstruction.

Eight french catheter over the wire
With dilator and into the femoral artery.

And there's the blockage.

You can finish up.

-i'm gonna go out.
-??

He's stable.

He just needs an angio.

Dr. Wolf, how's the kid?

The ekg shows a third-degree av block.

He's unresponsive to meds.

I placed an external pacer
But i'm not getting capture.

What's his bp?

Hovering around 60 systolic.

All right, he needs a wire stat.

The priority is mr. Gardener.

You'll see him all the way through.

Gardener is stable.

His bp is up.

His sat is 98% on two liters.

The st segments are
Normalizing and his pain is gone.

So how about today we
Save two for the price of one?

Let's go.

Dr. Lawson.

Dr. Lawson!

www.1000fr.com presents

B i e r d o p j e . c o m

sync:frs@С?? luscinia wydsai

Wow.

Thanks.

After a long day of life and death,

There is nothing more reassuring than the
Sight of the world's most beautiful girl.

If i had a nickel.

Come here.

Settle down, dr. Desperate.

I know that look in your eyes.

Usually leads to skipping a meal.

Hmm.

We skip apps and dessert.

We order apps with the entrees.

Cold apps only,no blackberries.

Done and done.

All right, decide now so i can get the check.

You don't own this body yet.

But i nailed the down payment, right?

Yeah, you did.

Let's go give that long day of yours a happy ending.

* come here, pretty *

* i've got a way to mess you up *

* i'll tell you something *

* to make you feel like you're in love *

* i'll find a way *

* make you what i want you to be *

* and i'll be sure when you close your eyes...*

I have a confession to make.

I will hear your confession.

I always wanted to marry a doctor.

Everything seems to be falling into place for me.

For us.

Maybe life is supposed to go according to plan.

Yeah, man plans, god laughs.

Don't you think that every day for
Us is better than the one before it?

The ones that end like this.

Mm.

I'm not--

Mm, hank.

No.

Dr. Lawson.

All right.

Yeah, hello.

I recognized mr. Gardener's level of blockage.

I knew it had to be relieved.

And i was confident he would
Be successfully angioplastied and survive...

Barring any bad luck.

Well, bad luck rained and poured, didn't it?

While you had our senior
Ct surgeon in another room.

To help me try to rescue a crashing patient.

I made a judgment call.

You made a mistake.

A fatal one.

And it's a shame,dr. Lawson,

Because we all know you're the most talented
Physician this emergency department has seen.

And your star was only on the rise.

"was?"

If i were you,i'd find a good lawyer

And a great place to hide for the next 25 years.

Maybe by then you'll be completely forgotten

And you can come back and try again.

* i'm not feeling all right today *

* i'm not feeling that great *

Hey, dad.

You wanna have a catch?

I'd like that.

...talk about all this.

You didn't have to go around and sleep on me.

I love you.

I would never do anything like that to you.

You know i wouldn't.

Wah wah.

You and me.

Not him!

Hey.

I'm always here for you.

I just ask for my guy space.

Hank.

Your guy space?

You know what today is?

Yeah, it's monday.

It's thursday.

Okay, so...

You gave yourself 30 days.

You gave me 30 days.

You agreed to it.

What do you want me to do?

You know what i want you to do.

Nikki, i can't make a new job appear out of thin air.

Yeah, no one can.

That's why we...

That's why we search, apply,interview.

It's a proven technique.

Yeah, i've tried it.

The gardener family managed to pull a few strings

And have me blackballed at every
Level-one trauma center in new york.

Oh.

What about a level-two or a level-three?

Thanks to all these lawsuits and countersuits,

No institution will touch me.

I can't get work as a school nurse.

Just remember one thing...

You put us here, not me.

You're the one who let a billionaire
Hospital trustee die on your day off.

I mean, jesus christ, hank.

This is not what i signed on for.

I wanted to spend on florists and
Caterers and photographers,not attorneys.

I think we need to postpone.

I'll see your postponement and raise you.

I saved the kid.

You've hashed and rehashed every excruciating
Detail of this nightmare over and over again,

But the one thing you never
Mention is that i saved the goddamn kid.

If anyone asks,that's why we called it off.

Since the day i met you, hank,

You have never been able to
Accept the things you can't change.

Right.

That's why we called it off.

I'll send rebecca to get my stuff.

Don't even think i'm splitting
The cancellation costs with you.

Just add the bills to my stack.

* shut up and let me go *

* this hurts, i tell you so *

* for the last time *

* you will kiss my lips *

* now shut up and let me go *

* your jeans were once so clean *

* i bet you changed *

* your wardrobe since we met *

* now, oh, so easily *

* you're over me *

* gone is love, it's you *

* that ought to be holding me *

* i'm not containable *

* this love now *

* is not sustainable *

* i ain't freaking, *

* i ain't faking this *

* i ain't freaking, *

* i ain't faking this *

* i ain't freaking, *

* i ain't faking this *

* shut up and let me go *

* hey *

Par-tay.

Nikki left.

Yeah.

Yeah, i heard that.

It's, uh--

It's hard to believe she would run away from all this.

Okay,what do you want, evan?

I want to get you out of here.

Yeah, well,i--i can't right now.

Yeah, clearly you're swamped.

You really need to get out of this
Apartment and get some fresh air, bro.

In brooklyn?

Honestly, it smells so bad.

It smells like a moose had sex with a
Bucket of chinese food in here, like musty.

And you kind of look like jesus
And patrick dempsey had a child,

And that child grew older
And then got really sick.

That's weird.

I'm not going anywhere.

Okay, li--look, look,

This trip is gonna get you
Back on your feet, i promise.

Trip?What trip?

Are you kidding?

To the hamptons.

I've been telling you about this all month.

Yeah, and all month,
I've been saying, "no way."

I thought you meant no way like, "no way!"

I haven't meant it that way since i was ten.

How much fun did we have then?

I'm not going.

Okay, hank, listen to me.

Look, it's memorial day weekend, okay?

It's the first weekend of the summer.

The biggest parties in the universe
Are happening out there for the next four days.

I'm not going.

I happen to have an in to
The rager tonight in sagaponack.

Thing's supposed to be epic.

The guy's flying in ice from
Antarctica just for the cocktails.

Obviously. I mean, where else
Are you gonna fly in ice from?

The sushi rolls are gonna be filled with
Southern bluefin tuna and, like, diamond chunks.

Like, people are gonna be eating.

People are gonna be like,
"oh, god. Oh, it's worth it.

Oh, my god,let's have a diamond fight!"

"diamond fight!"

Like, supermodels are gonna be
Mud wrestling over us, hank.

It's gonna be insane.

Okay, you know what?

That really actually does
Sound good,and no, not going.

You know what?You're coming.

I already have us booked in the very
Last hotel suite in the hamptons.

And it's fit for a king.

Evan, i am broke,

Unemployed, depressed,

Disillusioned, and alone.

-are you texting while i'm talking to you?
-hmm?

I can do both.

Why would i want to spend
Tonight partying with a bunch of people

Whose biggest problems revolve around whether or not

To send their yorkshire terriers to therapy, huh?

Give me one decent reason.

I'm gonna give you two.

You're all out of booze.

Two,

Netflix froze your account.

As your brother,
But also as your accountant,

I'm advising you to donate
This thing to science

And just take the write-off.

Okay, how bad's traffic gonna be?

You mean how good.

This is offensive.

This is the best thing
I've ever seen in my life.

Just relax into it.

Let it take you.

No, no, no!

Look, no, no, no.
Look, look,

I need you to book me v.i.p. Tables
At la playa and dune,

As well as pink elephant, okay?

It's called club-hopping,
Not club-stopping, all right?

And make sure that the real estate
Is current a-list this time.

Make it happen.

Sorry.

Sorry, sorry, i'm sorry.

I just--you know,

Having a lot of money,

Sometimes--i mean,
It's good sometimes,

But sometimes it's aah!
It just drives you so crazy.

You out here all weekend?

Uh, every last drop of it, uh-huh.

North or south?

What's that?

North or south
Of the highway.

Oh, right.
Yeah, of course.

Uh, south.

Do you own or rent?

Renting right now.

Which hampton?

Westhampton.

You mean "worsthampton."

See you.

I'll see you later.

Well, that went well.

- so take a right.
- all right.

Whoa, that is a cool house.

You know what's so fun
When you're driving to the hamptons

And you've been in your house
For three weeks?

- what's that?
- check this out.

- okay, that's not funny.
- just trust me.

Fit for a king, huh?

Uh, i didn't say which country.

How are you?

Dude, they can't even vote.

What?

What?

That's just wrong.

Par-tay.

Tonight is the party.

It's gonna be historic,

And that's why i don't even plan
On sleeping here tonight.

I want to get taken in like
A stray puppy on a rainy night.

Maybe brangelina
Will adopt you.

What's my favorite sport, hank?

Extreme social climbing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Thanks.

Enjoy your shift.

Whose, uh--
Whose place is this exactly?

Boris.

Boris who?

He's, uh, some german duke
And, like, a trillionaire.

Everyone just calls him boris.

So...

Follow my lead.

What do you mean?

- just act like we're invited.
- well, you said we are invited.

Uh, i said, "i have an in."

Well, how good of an in?

I can't really speak
To that definitively right now.

By the way, my name's wilhelm.

Good evening, gentlemen.

Welcome to shadow pond.

Oh, yes, hello. Shadow pond.

Wilhelm friedrich von schmidtsberg.

Schmidtsberg.

Schmidts...

Of niedertaufkirchen
Of course.

Undmy security johann.

Johann, say hello.

He's new.

He's new.

I'm sorry,
The name again, please.

Wilhelm friedrich von schmidtstein.

I'm sorry, uh,

I thought it was schmidtsberg.

Yes, well, it was...

Until the prussian hohenzollerns
Took control of berlin in 1891.

1871.

You were there?

Uh, you have
Some identification, please?

But of course.

Identification, yes.

Thank you.

I'm sorry, sir.
Enjoy your evening.

Boris has 312 cousins
Back in deutschland.

He knows maybe four of them,

But he puts them all
On a permanent guest list

Just in case one of them
Pops in during a visit.

Ok, so how
Did you become wilhelm?

I, uh, made a few calls
To the consulate.

I studied the dynasty's
Genealogy on the web.

And then i chose the only name
I had even a shot at rembering.

Right.
And the fake german i.d.?

Puerto rican guy
I know in queens.

Okay, do me a favor.

Yeah.

Never speak to me again.

Uh, hold that thought.

Still mad at me?

Bro, this is where god
Would party.

If he could get in.

You want to hear
Something interesting?

Sure.

For the first time
In a long time,

Uh, you're smiling.

I love that shirt.

I love that shirt.

I love that shirt.

I love this shirt.

Is it from lagerfeld's
New summer collection?

Believe it or not, costco.

Costco.

Costco.

- seriously?
- yeah.

What kind of plane do you have?
And please, tell me it's yours.

I am so over
Fractional ownership.

Right.

I have no money, no job,
And my saab is older than you.

Wait.

So how did you get in here?

My, uh--my friend
Is bavarian royalty.

Honey, this is the hamptons.

Everybody's royalty.

Thanks for the tip.

Hey, come quick.

Something's happened to april.

You all right, april?
You're gonna be all right.

Clear.

Clear.

Dr. Silver here.

When are you damn kids gonna
Learn how to hold your drugs?

Boris' concierge doctor.

Start with some oxy,

Then a little crystal,

Rip a few lines,

And chase it all down
With champagne.

Heaven salad
You kids call it, right?

What?
April doesn't do drugs.

Why?

Because she says she doesn't?

News flash, pretty boy.

Most drug addicts
Are also liars.

Sorry, april, we got to get this
Straight into your system.

Doctor...

You may have misdiagnosed.

Oh, really?
Who are you?

Just a concerned observer.

Well, i observe nausea,

Photosensitivity,

Disorientation,

A few other telltale symptoms
Of an opioid overdose.

What are you observing?

The same symptoms
That you are,

Plus a couple you're not,

Like her miotic pupils
And sludge toxidrome.

It's a chemical nerve agent.

Oh, no.

No, no, no.

Stethoscope, please.

Have you been
With her all night?

- yeah, pretty much.
- okay,

Tell me everywhere
You've been.

Uh, we were
In the walk-in fireplace,

Uh, downstairs
In the recording studio,

- right.
- out in the botanical garden.

The garden...

What did you do there?

Uh, nothing.

She was smelling flowers.

Insecticide.

See, the problem with assuming
The worst about people, dr. Silver,

Is that it lets you
Stop searching for culprits.

Okay, you got any atropine
In the fancy case?

Light, please.

Thank you.

All right, now we need
To get her to a hospital.

You, call 911.

No, thank you.

No.

You can punch
Out for the night, doctor.

Thank you.

No paramedics.

You mean no cops.

Aren't you a doctor?

Yes, but only a doctor.

She needs a hospital.

Hamptons heritage hospital?
The place is a taco stand.

For anything more advanced
Than a band-aid,

We'd have to get her
To stony brook in manhattan.

What does she need?

The second half
Of the antidote.

There must be some way
To help her...

And help me.

I would be doubly grateful.

All right, look out.

Look out.

I got this from here, guy.

Who are you?

I'm a lifeguard.

Are you board certified
In clinical toxicology?

Help me get her up,
Baywatch.

Get her a pillow, please.

- your bodyguards outside.
- what about them?

Nhigh-priced, former mossad.

Okay, do they have mark i kits?

Enough to save everyone
In this house.

Baywatch, go tell them
I need the auto-injector from a mark i kit.

Go. Fast.
Go now.

Where do you practice, doctor?

Nowhere.

My last hospital fired me
For letting a rich patient die.

Bureaucracies.

I find the skilled amongst us
Are better off left to their own devices, yes?

Here.

All right,
Here we go, sweetie.

Hello, april.

She's gonna be fine, right?

She should still be taken
To a hospital,

Whether it serves
Mexican food or not.

You can't just shoot her up
And put her to bed.

My head hurts...

And my throat.

A result of your
Linda blair impersonation.

Thanks.

Here, you should drink
Some water.

Now, look, you've been asleep
Up here for an hour,

But you still need
To take it easy.

You're the one that saved me?

Yeah, the lifeguard
Helped out too.

Who are you?

I'm hank.

Hi, hank.

You always keep a detox kit
Around for the occasional o.d.?

For the protection
Of my guests.

Oh. For the protection
Of your privacy.

So, i-i gather you're boris.

Boris kuester von jurgens-ratenicz.

You'd be informal
About it too, no?

Yeah. I'm hank.

Ah, hank.

Have a seat, hank.

Uh, you know what?

It's a pleasure meeting you,

- but--
- i wanted to thank you.

Yeah, no sweat.

And compensate you
For the trouble.

Oh, yeah, look,
I can't accept that.

A pro bonoconcierge doctor.

Concierge doctor?

Private physician for hire.

All the rage
Amongst us elite folk.

No, i was just in the wrong
Place at the right time,

And i was ethically obligated
To intervene.

But you should've called
The girl an ambulance.

Life isn't always simple.

Well, death is.

Sit down, hank.

Please.

You're quite right.

My privacy is sacred to me.

And i can't afford
Any unwanted attention this summer.

Last thing i need is a page six
Sensation on the first weekend.

But something told me truly
She was in better hands...

With you.

Where are you staying?

Some theme park
In "worsthampton."

Stay in my guest cottage.

For the summer.

It'll be vacant shortly.

Yea--no, i'm only out here
For the weekend.

Well, if you extend
Your stay...

Bye, hank!

And then i could
Tie it up in a package for you.

Hey! Oh, my god!
Where have you been?!

Working.

Dude, wait. Hey.

Hey. I'm out of here,
Wilhelm.

What do you mean? Whoa, dude,

You can't leave right now.

I'm--i'm on the verge
Of having a roman orgy

With the entire cast
Of gossip girl.

Good. They can drop you
Back at the motel after prom.

Thank you, sir.

- Have a great evening.
- Oh, hey.

The heroic doctor.

Nice work in there.

Thanks.

Uh, i'm sorry, Did you need a ride?

Oh, no, no, thanks. I have one...

My car.

Ah.

And a nice basic car it is.

Well, out here basic Is special.

Yeah.

I think so too.

So i see You're the other person
Who bought it in this color.

Yeah, you know, they offered To throw
in free hubcaps, And i just caved.

Okay, well, I'll see you around.

Okay.

Hey, don't go running any red lights.

It may get pinned on me.

I need one last look
at my cousin's castle.

What the hell is that?

What's what?

There's a briefcase In the backseat.

This isn't yours?

Unh-Unh.

"The doctor."

That's you.

"My gratitude is nonnegotiable.

With regards, boris."

Well, this could have Some serious
tax implications For you.

This is a real bar Of gold, hank.

Dude, what were you up to In there?

Ja, that's good,
that's good, That's good.

Oh, oh, danke, baby. Yeah.

Oh, well, If you're wearing a t-Shirt,
It'll never work, yeah.

- Evan.
- Just take Your shirt off, danke.

Take your shirt off.

- Evan, shut up.
- Take your shirt--

Just take your shirt off.

Evan!

Oh, what are you--

Would you get out?

- t's already warm here.
- Go--Go to your bed.

- It's already--
- Go to bed.

All right, i'm going.

- Hello?
- Hello, hank?

Uh, yeah.

I have an emergency.
Could you come over Immediately, please?

Wait, i-I'm sorry. Who is this?

You don't know me.
Uh, my name's mr. Bryant.

I'll text you the address.
Please hurry.

Uh, it's a matter Of life and death.

No, uh--

147 GIN LANE, SOUTHAMPTON

???

So thank you so much again.

You are my man.
Have a good day.

Uh, hi. I-I'm hank.

I guess, uh...

Your dad called, mr. Bryant.

Yeah, well, Dad's not here right now.

I'm tucker bryant, And i called you.

Well, you don't--
You don't sound like the guy--

Right, oh, right.

How about now?

Oh.

I'm sorry. I had no choice.

How did you get my number?

Well, when my dad Took off this morning,

he left This list of emergency contacts,

And it says "medical emergency--
Dr. Silver, concierge doctor."

But then that's crossed out,
And it just says "hank" And your number.

Uh-Huh.

Okay, so your dad's Out of town,

And you totaled his ferrari.

Uh, yeah. But let's
avoid The billy joel jokes.

He lives within earshot.

Uh, this isn't my blood.
It's my girlfriend's.

Um, can you come inside?

Yeah. Yeah, sure.

And who is dad?

Uh, marshall david bryant iv.

Never heard of him.

Yeah, uh, well,

That's 'cause This is
my great-Grandfather's Money he spends,

Collecting all those toys.

Who's your Great-Grandfather?

Uh, marshall david bryant ii.

Never heard of him either.

Ever use a blender?

Yeah.

You're welcome.

Uh, doctor?

Think we can do this?

Yeah.

Babe, the guy's here.

Perfect, 'cause i already
Found out what's wrong with me.

I've got An epidural hematoma,
A thoracic spine fracture,

A sternoclavicular dislocation,

And obviously
Some likely internal bleeding,

But that's just so far.

Okay, libby, chill.

- Chill?
- Yeah.

How the hell Am i
supposed to chill, tucker?

Can't you see That
i'm officially dying here?

God, it's okay, okay.

What? What? God.

Okay.

Okay, all right!

Dude, you're killing me.

How is it you can remember
The name of every bone In the body,

But you can't remember
To take your key?

I'm still asleep, right?

i'm looking for hank.

Not if it's my dream, You're not.

Who are you?

i'm evan r. Lawson, cpa.

Aka, i'm--I'm hank's brother.

You're related to hank?

- Really?
- Yeah.

Thanks.

So where is he?

He is-- Uh, i don't know where he is.

Could i take a message for him?

For the first time In my life,
I may actually be In love with a guy,

And you want me To just relay
that info to him Through his half-Nude,

Number-Crunching Little brother?

It's just a bit awkward,
Don't you think?

I think--Yeah,
it would be 100% socially unacceptable.

You know hank saved my life?

I heard if it wasn't for him,

That concierge hack Would've killed me.

I just need to give him His jacket

And say thank you.

Uh-Huh. Well, you know that
As his brother and accountant,

I'm actually legally empowered
To accept your thanks On his behalf.

You don't look Very empowered.

Can i give you The grand tour?

No. I'll just wait here.

Okay. That's, uh...

You can stay As long as you want.

Let's be clear.

I'm here for hank.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Got it.

Good.

So i'm gonna go And take
A few cold showers, then.

See you.

Okay.

Sorry, i just got To send that to...

Everyone i've ever met.

See you in a sec.

So that tree Came out of nowhere.

Actually, It came out of the ground.

Yeah, but did it have The right of way?

This is so not funny.

You wanted to go For the ride.

I wanted pinkberry, tucker.

You said you could drive
That thing, and i don't know.

I-I guess it was too much car
For you, baby.

Do not emasculate me, libby.

She's fine, right, doc?

Uh, yeah, let's have a look.

Okay, does that hurt?

Yes.

And that?

Yeah.

Okay, and that?

Take a guess, mcweenie.

Mcweenie?

I have fibromyalgia, right?

- What?
- It's a disorder

Marked by the presence Of chronic
widespread pain And tactile allodynia.

- No, i know what it is.
- Patients also Typically present

With debilitating fatigue,
Abnormal sleep architecture,

Cognitive dysfunction,
Anxiety, depression, and--

Do you see what
I'm dealing with here?

Yeah.

You don't have fibromyalgia.

Oh, my god.

You're gonna tell me
That nothing is wrong with me.

I hate when doctors do that.

Every single day.

Oh, no, there's something
Wrong with you, all right.

Thank you.

I think He's being facetious, babe.

Do not patronize me, tucker.

Are you guys really only 16?

I told her She doesn't have anything.

Actually, she does.

It's an increasingly Common condition
Called cyberchondriasis.

Oh, i so knew it. I knew it.

The whole time I totally knew it.

Oh, my god.

Is it degenerative?

All right, so, april--

April? Right.

Let's talk turkey.

Fine. Call hank.

Uh, i don't have his number.

- Bull
- That's correct.

And since we have time
Together right now,

tell me About your colleagues.

I prefer the european, you know,
Runway bulimics myself.

But also feel very strongly
That the girl-Next-Door,

Like, glamour types--
They need love too.

- Hank?
- Already?

Who are you?

I'm divya. Divya kadari.

- And?
- And i'm looking For doctor...

hank?

Note to self, Become a doctor.

Sorry, i didn't mean To upset you.

Cyberchondriasis?

Cyberchondriasis?
How could that not upset me?

That sounds awful. I mean, what is it?

Just tell me. Is it neurological,
Immunosuppressive?

Say it's not dermatological.

You can take anything,
But just not my complexion.

Right.

Cyberchondriasis Is an obsession

With researching health online.

Symptoms include excessive time

Spent on webmd, nih, And noah health.

- That's it?
- That's it.

You're just A cyberchondriac,

A rabid cyberchondriac,

I'm afraid, but, uh,

It's nothing that'll kill you.

sorry.

Okay.

let's let the good doctor
Be on his way now, libby.

Wait, I have more complaints.

My uvula dangles Really longer
than most...People's.

She's a handful, but
all The best ones are, right?

so thanks For
coming over so quick. And...

Listen, we should hang out Some time.

We could fly model planes.

Where do you do that?

In the backyard,
Where dad lands his chopper.

Yeah, i'm only here
For the weekend, pal.

Oh, too bad.

Uh, dad--Dad Would've liked you.

Yeah, and i'd like to know
How he got my number.

I mean, i just got out here.

Word travels pretty fast
In the hamptons.

You know what?
Let me have a look at that leg.

Oh, no, i'm solid, man.
I'm just a bit banged up.

But what would be mighty fine Of you

is if we could keep
This whole little episode...

On the d.L.

You don't think dad'll notice
The, uh, ferrari challenge Out front

That looks like it's been Through
your Great-Grandfather's invention?

no.

He's at his saint-Tropez Beach house
For the next ten days.

I have plenty of time.

That's A half-Million-Dollar piece
Of hand-Assembled machinery.

Ten days is plenty of time
To repair it?

No, not repair it, Replace it.

Aren't there, like,
70 In the world?

Uh, yeah, But i only need to buy one.

Look, what dad doesn't know
Won't hurt him,

And you can't really put A price
on not hurting Your old man, right?

I mean, this Is
what trust funds are for.

Sorry.

I don't sell my silence.

Are you gonna snitch on me?

Not if no one asks,
But i'm not gonna lie for a kid

Who risks lives all in search of
A few ounces of frozen yogurt--

Overhyped frozen yogurt,
I might add.

It's not overhyped, dude.

It's a tart, refreshing,
Fat-Free snack

That offers 10% rda of calcium
Per serving.

Yeah, dude, Don't punk the crackberry.

She'll light your ass up
Like a christmas tree.

Hey, look, i need
to give you A once-Over.

No, you don't.

Tucker?

Hey, i got you. I got you.

Tucker? Tucker?

Tucker?

- Tucker?
- Tucker?

Oh, my--Oh, my god.

Tucker.

Oh, my god.

it's okay. It's okay.

Why didn't you tell me
You were a hemophiliac?

Dude, my chest Is killing me.

All right, Where's
your factor viii supply?

bottom drawer Next to my aquarium.

- Okay, libby, go.
- Okay.

Just try to keep calm.

Stay with me, pal.

- I can't breathe.
- Stay with me.

Tucker, stay with me.
Tucker, stay--

Tucker?

All right, jugular's up,
Muffled heart sounds,

Minimal pulses.

Damn, it's a beck's.

What's happening to him?
Beck's? What do you mean beck's?

He probably Contused his heart
And bled Into the pericardial sac.

What are you talking about?

His heart is being squeezed
And not circulating blood To his brain.

He needs the fluid drained,
But because of his hemophilia,

I could kill him
Trying to save him.

Please, hank, You have to save him.

It's tucker.

Okay, i need...

A bottle of vodka,
A very sharp, pointed knife,

a bic pen, A sandwich baggie,
And some duct tape.

Sandwich bag, duct tape.
Who are you, macgyver?

Hurry. Go.

Incising subcostally.

Opening into The subxiphoid area.

Blunt dissecting
Towards the pericardium.

Okay. Okay.

All right, i'm there.

oh, my god.
Oh, my god.

Now pray
He started clotting.

Opening the pericardium.

He's bleeding.
Hank, he's bleeding.

Oh, my god. We're killing him.
We're killing him.

Wait. Wait.

Okay.

He's clotting. He's clotting.

Give me the pen.

Okay.

Tape.

He's doing great.

He's clotting.

Okay.

Good, good.

He's okay.

Tucker.

Just take it easy, pal,
just take it easy.

Tucker, hi. I'm here.

What did you do to me?

He saved you. H-He saved you.
That's what he did.

Libby helped out big-Time.

Libby, now call 911.

Hamptons heritage? No way, man.

Dad calls it The local cemetery.

Okay, well, we have to get
You somewhere quick.

What would dad suggest we do?

Go into my wallet
And get the little black card

That says "american express" On it.

He's really okay,
And he isn't in pain?

Hemophiliacs Live in pain, libby.

He'll be okay.

Good times.

This way, miss.

I should meet you
At mount sinai.

No, you really Don't have to.

You're--You're An unaccompanied minor.

Yeah... Almost always.

I'm used to it.

All right.

How has your morning been?

I've never worked harder
During a vacation in my life.

That's amazing.
I had the exact same morning.

Where you going there, bro?

Back to the city
For some r and r.

What if i told you I had two beautiful
women In the bathroom right now,

And they came here Just to see you?

Yeah, sure.

If that's true, I will stay
The rest of the weekend.

Ladies, hank's home.

So you remember april.

She's here to thank you
For saving her life.

And this is divya.
She's here to apply for a job.

Okay, let's go one at a time.

So what you're suggesting--

I'm not suggesting.
I'm insisting.

We need to see More of each other.

I don't think That's such a good idea.

Why not?

Your judgment Is still clouded.

It has never been Clearer, hank.

Listen, these feelings
You think you have--

Who here knows More about my feelings?

I do.

Oh, really?

How's that?

Because this isn't An emotional issue.
It's a medical one.

It's called Nightingale syndrome.

What's that?

It's where a patient In critical care

Develops an emotional dependency
On his or her caretaker.

I don't have Nightingale syndrome.

Prove it.

How?

Don't see me for a month.

If you still Have your feelings then,

We'll talk.

Are you here all summer?

No, just for the weekend.

Well, you're not making this
Very easy on me.

Sorry.

Next!

The doctor will see you now.

Divya.

Divya, divya, hold on.

What's wrong?

Well, i think We skipped a part.

Oh. Which part?

The part where you tell me
What the hell is going on here.

I'd like to be your p.A.

My p.A.

Physician assistant.

Why would i need one?

All concierge doctors Have a p.A.

I am not a concierge doctor.

What's a concierge doctor?

It's the doctor Of the future.

It's the newest accessory Of the rich.

It's how we all did it once.

You know, the folksy neighbor

Walking up to your door
With a little black bag.

Right, but now
It's a former department chair

For mayo or mass general Or ucla
Rolling up in an suv

With portable x-Ray,
Ultrasound, and ekg gear.

It's--It's doctors on demand.

What's so wrong with that?

Nothing, nothing. It's just--
It's not what i do.

Well, what about april?

I was a bystander.

What about tucker bryant?

How could You possibly know--

I got a call
While you were talking to april.

- It's the hamptons.
- Yeah, word travels fast, I know.

Look, two freak occurrences.
I have not set up shop In the hamptons.

I know, and i guess
What i'm saying is, "why not?"

Wait a minute.

So you've been here For 24 hours,

And you already have a bar
Of gold in your nightstand.

It's chocolate.

- The maid puts it on the pillow.
- No, no, no, it's gold.

And you're chasing away
Supermodels. Like,

imagine what we could do
If we actually tried.

We? Who's we?

Hank, you're Up to your eyes in debt.
With no income To service that debt,

And your bills Back in brooklyn--

They're stacking up
Like buckwheat pancakes.

You got a better career plan?

I took the liberty of doing
Some back-Of-The-Envelope ???

A rough estimate of the emergency-Medicine
market Out here during the season

And a practice model
Of services and fees.

With virtually No capital outlay,

Conservative pricing,

And relying strictly
On word-Of-Mouth and referrals,

You could bank Some nice coin here.

Dude, I really like this girl.

Aren't you going to get it?

- Would you--That's my--
- Doctor's office.

How can i help you?

Excuse me, you're not my--

Of course, of course.
One moment please.

- For you.
- I-I have no--

It's an emergency.

Hello?

Dr. Hank, Thank god you're there.

- No, no, you don't unders--
- It's an emergency.

Okay, okay. No, okay, okay.

Ms. Newberg, i don't even know
What happened to you, but i--

No, right away, doctor. Right away.

- No, i am not taking cal--
- I'll text you the address.

No, do not text me the addr--

Hello?

Well, my car has gps

And a few other things
That may come in handy.

Shotgun.

You really came prepared.

Core wound care,

Home diagnostics...

Infusion i.V.

Why does a p.A. Drive around
With them in her trunk?

Well, they were on sale.

Divya.

Look, i want to show you
All i can bring to the table

Besides my work ethic,
My knowledge of the hamptons,

My relationships With the locals--

Your superbly Well-Toned figure.

Don't objectify me, Sidekick.

This is it.

This is what?

The address That woman gave hank.

No, no, no, There has to be a mistake.

No, no, this is it.

This is where mrs. Newberg Is stranded,

In desperate need Of medical assistance.

I guess we can leave The toys in the car.

Evan, that includes you.

A little faster, doctor.

I'm coming.

You think one of these people
Is ms. Newberg?

I have been waiting here
More than 45 minutes!

Never mind.

No, i will not fill out
Any more forms.

General admissions Are this way.

And there she is, In the fur coat.

This is ridiculous!
I demand to see The administrator!

Will you please Stop screaming,
ms. Newberg?

Oh, joy. Can't wait to meet her.

Oh,that ms. Newberg.

You--You know her?

Of her.

They call her "New parts" newberg.

Are you even listening To me?!

ms. Newberg?

Are you the administrator?

No, i'm hank.

Oh, good. I hear wonderful things.

Great. This is divya.

I'm his physician assistant.

She's not My physician assistant.

I need your help, hank.

Ms. Newberg, You're in a hospital.

- No, this is not a hospital.
- It's not?

It's a socialist conspiracy.

Apparently, If you're not holding
your Dismembered leg in your hand,

You don't require treatment.

There's a line,
Based on medical necessity.

And you belong At the back of it.

Lines are for the "citiots."

What's a citiot?

It's what we call you people
Who come out Just for the weekend.

Thank you. Ms. Newberg,
What's your emergency?

I've got a flat tire.

Okay, i'm not aaa.

No.

A flat tire.

Oh...

Dear.

I spent the entire off-Season
On this project.

I waited months
To debut these two saline gems

On the beach this weekend,

And i wake up this morning And pbht!

Flat tire.

That's a shame.
But it's not my area.

In fact, I shouldn't
have even come here.

Look, the good news is,
You'll be fine.

The saline is harmless.
Your body will simply absorb it.

Just wait your turn,

And the e.R. Staff here
Will take good care Of you, i'm sure.

Hank, let's help her.

- No.
- You must.

- I'm sorry.
- Please.

I can't go around
Looking like this In the hamptons,

Like some high-Society Circus freak.

What am i supposed to do With this?

Hang beach towels On this thing?

I mean, they're supposed
To come in pairs.

I have no privileges
At this hospital.

In fact, me even standing here
Consulting with you

Is probably 12
different kinds of illegal.

And i have no equipment
Or facilities of my own.

Oh, i can get us Everything we need.

Well, your assistant
Seems very confident--

She's not my assistant.

Offer to pay him generously.

Divya.

He needs the money.

- I'll pay any amount.
- That's not the point.

I'll pay enough money
To make it the point.

- Ms. Newberg--
- I don't take no For an answer.

Take it or leave it,
It's my answer.

Have a great day.

Can i be of any help here?

You already had your chance.

Nice to see you again, Ms. Newberg.

This is hank, My private physician.

I'm not Her private physician.

We kind of met--

Jill casey,
Hospital administrator.

Hank lawson, Uh, between jobs.

Nice to meet you, Dr. Lawson.

Can we confer a moment
One-On-One, please?

Yeah, sure.

He's very selective
About his clientele,

But i think he likes you.

So you're the new
Concierge doctor in town?

No, no, no. No, i'm not.

I-I ca--I can explain that.

No, don't. In fact,
I just want to thank you

For taking that
frequent flier Off our hands.

You do?

Yeah, she storms in here
Every time one of her, uh,

Renovations goes awry,

And she expects to leapfrog
Over dozens of people

With staph infections
And skull fractures, Chest pains...

Well, you know what comes
Into an e.R., i'm sure.

Yeah, yeah, i do.

So you gonna fix Her flat tire?

Like i'm aaa.

Uh, when i said consultation,

I was thinking someplace
A little more private.

Well, you don't mind, do you?

I've just got a couple things
I gotta pick up in town.

Besides, i'm not shy.

right.

So come on, Let's
cut to the chase, hank.

Okay, okay, Um, saline, not silicone.

- Right.
- Single-Lumen?

Yes.

Volume?

900 ccs.

850 is the maximum You can buy

Without going To the custom market.

I don't do anything Half-Ass, dear.

excuse me For a moment, please.

Yes, mother.

Yes, i'll be at the polo match
With you and father--

So.

She didn't buy off the rack.

Look, assuming you could even
Find us a place to do this,

Where the hell are we gonna
Get custom parts?

It will take time.

Time she'd spend Walking around
Like a high-Society Circus freak.

Symmetry Is the key to beauty.

Hey, you have some,

Some local anesthetic
And a needle in the car?

I do.

Okay, there is The opposite solution.

I don't follow you.

Well, if we can't
Refill the flat tire...

We can just Flatten the other one.

It'll even her out.

we can do That procedure anywhere.

In the comfort Of her own home.

She's not gonna Like this one bit.

Yeah, i know.

Ms. Newberg.

We've got some good news,
And some bad news.

Well, i think the procedure
Went very well, ms. Newberg.

You look incredible.

And just as cfo of hankmed,
I need a billing address.

Bill me in manhattan,
Palm beach, aspen, Anywhere but here.

This is my sanctuary.

Got it.

Hank.

Darling.

Wonderman.

Although i did waste an entire
Winter of self-Beautification.

But you're out of the circus.

I'm outta the circus.

And another satisfied
Hankmed customer.

Hankmed?

I would be so delighted If you all
came To my beach party tonight.

The one i thought
i was Gonna have to cancel.

No, thank you.
I appreciate it, but--

I love beach parties.

It's weird, like, i think about
Them when i'm not even at them.

Perfect.

We make A hell of a team, too.

Cfo of hankmed?

Yeah, hankmed.
Has kind of a ring to it, right?

I have time 'Til next tax season,

Plus the social perks
Of this job should be killer.

I'd like to discuss My title, hank.

There are no titles.

There is no team.
There is no hankmed.

I'm sorry, guys, i just don't
Think i can do this.

So where does that leave us?

At good-Bye.

- Hank.
- Nice meeting you, divya.

Hank, hank, hank...

Yeah, you too.

Hey.

Okay, how do i look?

You look like an olympic
Swimmer from "queeristan."

Is that a good Or a bad thing?

You're not really
Gonna go like that, are ya?

Too much?

Way.

Okay, i suspected that.

Come to the party, okay?

Come on. It's an evening
With newparts newberg.

Like, how exclusive Does that sound?

Consider me excluded.

What're you gonna do here?

Relax. Think.

Okay, cool, well, think hard.

Or not too hard.
Whatever's better for me.

But just so you know,
As your brother and accountant--

Get out, or you'll
Cease to be either one.

Bam. I love ya.

- Like you.
- Have fun with your thoughts.

Dude. You're killin' me.

How is it you can penetrate
A heavily-Guarded castle

And not your own motel room?

Hey.

Hey.

Um, i'm sure you're wondering
How i tracked you down.

No, i stopped Wondering that out here.

Well, i hope I'm not intruding.

Actually, um, Ms. Newberg came by.

She has a goiter The size of montauk.

dr. Lawson, i wanted to--

Hank. Hank.

Hank.

You know--

I know a place down the beach.
Do you wanna grab a bite?

Everybody loves chewy's.

Yeah, i know, it looks good.

The best.

Thanks.

- ???
- Thanks.

So tell me about This little
enterprise That you're building.

Oh, yeah, no no no,

I haven't actually Decided
to build anything yet.

Can i ask you something?

As medical professionals,

Do you think we are
Who we care for?

You know, we're not all
Movie stars and moguls out here.

We do have some ordinary folk.

Like, uh, busboys, and plumbers,
Electricians...

Yeah, i saw--The contractor
With the lower back injury

- Yeah.
- And the older woman

With asthmatic bronchitis.

Well, they're the people
That keep this place running.

If it weren't for them, the vips
Wouldn't be able to tell The difference

between Easthampton and east newark.

Hey, easy on jersey.

Oh, uh, that was me
Being easy on jersey.

Oh!

Anyway...

They're mainly the people
That come into my e.R.

'Cause, well,
They get sick and injured too.

Right.

But none of that matters.

The only thing that matters
At the end of the day

is that These people need help,
and if I don't help them, who will?

Exactly.

Not your old boss In brooklyn.

My grad school has
A tight-Knit alumni network,

And i asked around.

I guess you can't Escape your past.

Yours won't follow you For too long.

What do you mean?

Well, the kid was obviously
The sicker patient,

And to have a cardiac tamponade
During an angio

Is kind of like having Your gas tank
explode When you're filling her up.

You triaged by the book.

It was bad luck, Not a bad call.

How could you possibly kn--

Thank you.

And if i were the hospital
Administrator there,

I would've had your back All the way.

Yeah, and you Would've been fired too.

Gladly.

Because i think what happened
To you is unacceptable, hank.

And we need to change the things
That we can't accept.

Yeah.

Yeah, that sounds about right.

So what were you--

A nice, normal girl--
Doing at A party like that last night?

I'm raising money
For a local free clinic.

Yeah, and boris Has been very generous.

So you know where to find me.

Well, i know where you work,

What you drive,
Where you go for clams.

I mean, i guess i could go back
To chewy's and just kinda,

You know, sit there, Waiting for you,
But it might take a while.

And now you have my number.

Hey, it's hank.
How ya feelin', pal?

Good as new, thanks to you.

Glad to hear that, tucker.

They may release me tomorrow, Actually,

But they--They said
I'll need follow-Up.

All right, well,
When your dad gets back--

Actually, uh--

Actually, he extended his trip.

By how much?

Uh, the rest of the summer.

Well, i extended mine too.

So give me a call
When you get back.

Right, so--So that you can
Do my follow-Up?

And so we can, you know,
Fly your model planes In the back yard.

Sounds great,
Dude, can't wait.

Okay, bye.

Later, man.

A-Ha!

The good doctor.

What a...pleasant surprise.

What can i do for you?

So i was wondering about that
Possible vacancy you mentioned.

Oh, yes?

Your timing is impeccable...

Hank.

Feels like All people do out here
Is knock on each other's doors.

The only thing knocking here,
Hank, is opportunity.

Dr. Hotshot.

Those observant eyes of yours--

You better keep 'em open wide

'Cause you ain't Seen nothin' yet.
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