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1
00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:08,937
One and two and three and burn!
2
00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:11,557
What are you doing?
3
00:00:11,741 --> 00:00:12,941
Leg lifts.
4
00:00:13,009 --> 00:00:14,509
Keeps the man buns tight.
5
00:00:14,578 --> 00:00:16,744
[STRAINING] Four and five.
6
00:00:16,847 --> 00:00:17,979
What are you up to?
7
00:00:18,048 --> 00:00:19,881
Nicole and I are gonna go see
"Spice World."
8
00:00:19,916 --> 00:00:21,449
I didn't know you liked the Spice Girls.
9
00:00:21,518 --> 00:00:24,085
I don't,
but Nicole is obsessed with Scary.
10
00:00:24,154 --> 00:00:25,755
Guess she likes them crazy.
11
00:00:25,889 --> 00:00:29,724
Plus, one reviewer said it was
"4 stars shy of a 4-star movie."
12
00:00:29,826 --> 00:00:31,425
It's gonna be so bad it's good.
13
00:00:31,494 --> 00:00:33,490
[FALTERING BRITISH ACCENT]
Like my British accent.
14
00:00:33,753 --> 00:00:35,129
I'll give you guys a ride to the movie
15
00:00:35,198 --> 00:00:36,898
if you promise to never do that again.
16
00:00:36,966 --> 00:00:38,499
[SCOFFS] [NORMAL VOICE]
Nicole's gonna drive.
17
00:00:38,601 --> 00:00:41,435
Besides, your car is mad filthy.
18
00:00:41,537 --> 00:00:43,714
I can't be seen riding
that kind of dirty.
19
00:00:43,912 --> 00:00:46,418
What are you talking about?
My car isn't dirty.
20
00:00:47,128 --> 00:00:47,903
See?
21
00:00:48,002 --> 00:00:48,809
Clean.
22
00:00:48,878 --> 00:00:51,279
That's the side of the car that
gets hit by the sprinklers.
23
00:00:55,135 --> 00:00:56,651
Oh.
24
00:00:57,119 --> 00:00:58,319
What happened?
25
00:00:58,387 --> 00:01:00,874
You and Mom used to wash the
car together every Sunday.
26
00:01:00,973 --> 00:01:02,990
Yeah, I guess it's been a while.
27
00:01:05,838 --> 00:01:06,844
Huh.
28
00:01:06,926 --> 00:01:08,962
No wonder the grass is dying.
29
00:01:11,809 --> 00:01:13,434
S04E13
The Car Wash
30
00:01:13,536 --> 00:01:14,601
♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
31
00:01:14,704 --> 00:01:16,303
♪ I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go ♪
32
00:01:16,405 --> 00:01:18,639
♪ If you don't know,
homey, now you know ♪
33
00:01:18,708 --> 00:01:19,873
♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
34
00:01:19,975 --> 00:01:22,209
♪ Homey,
you don't know where I come from ♪
35
00:01:22,311 --> 00:01:23,677
♪ But I know where I'm goin' ♪
36
00:01:23,779 --> 00:01:25,573
♪ I'm fresh off the boat ♪
37
00:01:25,637 --> 00:01:27,713
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
38
00:01:29,985 --> 00:01:32,452
Isn't this fun,
washing the car together?
39
00:01:32,554 --> 00:01:34,287
I can't believe it's been so long.
40
00:01:34,356 --> 00:01:35,288
[FLIES BUZZING]
41
00:01:35,390 --> 00:01:36,923
Where are all these flies coming from?
42
00:01:37,025 --> 00:01:38,358
Is Marvin tanning a deer?
43
00:01:38,460 --> 00:01:40,460
[CHUCKLES]
44
00:01:40,562 --> 00:01:42,595
Hey, Jessica.
45
00:01:42,697 --> 00:01:43,930
Oh! [SNICKERS]
46
00:01:44,032 --> 00:01:45,165
What are you doing?
47
00:01:45,267 --> 00:01:47,000
Oh, come on. We love this.
48
00:01:47,102 --> 00:01:49,536
It's cheaper, faster,
and better than going to a car wash.
49
00:01:49,638 --> 00:01:52,338
And it's a free upper-body workout.
I know.
50
00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:55,208
Mommy, your book editor is on the phone.
51
00:01:55,507 --> 00:01:56,743
Uch.
52
00:01:56,845 --> 00:01:58,411
Terry.
53
00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:00,680
He's in town and wants to
meet about the manuscript.
54
00:02:00,749 --> 00:02:03,683
I sent him a new draft,
and he still has notes.
55
00:02:04,190 --> 00:02:06,275
I also had some thoughts on your
last draft if you're open...
56
00:02:06,367 --> 00:02:07,921
I'm not.
57
00:02:09,388 --> 00:02:11,991
[SIGHS] Sure,
don't mind what ol' Evan has to say.
58
00:02:12,093 --> 00:02:14,861
I'm only reading at a 9th-grade level.
59
00:02:15,602 --> 00:02:18,398
MARVIN: Hey, it's been a while
since you two washed the car.
60
00:02:19,345 --> 00:02:21,234
Hey. Marvin.
61
00:02:21,336 --> 00:02:22,502
How long have you been sitting there?
62
00:02:22,604 --> 00:02:23,503
Three hours.
63
00:02:23,605 --> 00:02:24,385
Oh.
64
00:02:24,490 --> 00:02:26,973
Yeah, Jessica and I used to
wash the car every weekend,
65
00:02:27,075 --> 00:02:28,908
but she's been busy lately.
66
00:02:29,010 --> 00:02:30,543
I guess we'll get to it
when she has the time.
67
00:02:30,645 --> 00:02:32,645
Or maybe you'll never get to it.
68
00:02:32,962 --> 00:02:33,713
What?
69
00:02:33,815 --> 00:02:36,282
I'm just sayin'. You gotta stay
on top of these things, Lou.
70
00:02:36,351 --> 00:02:38,351
You don't want to lose that connection.
71
00:02:38,453 --> 00:02:39,652
You think that's what's happening?
72
00:02:39,721 --> 00:02:41,087
Could be. I mean, I don't know.
73
00:02:41,189 --> 00:02:44,657
I'm just one man,
reading Parade in the sun.
74
00:02:45,033 --> 00:02:46,559
I don't want to lose our connection.
75
00:02:46,628 --> 00:02:49,495
Well, then remind her how
much she means to you.
76
00:02:49,598 --> 00:02:50,863
Get her a nice gift.
77
00:02:50,966 --> 00:02:51,998
That's what I always do.
78
00:02:52,100 --> 00:02:53,499
[CHUCKLES]
79
00:02:53,602 --> 00:02:54,701
Aah!
80
00:02:54,803 --> 00:02:57,370
Marvin, call the store!
The diamonds got corroded!
81
00:02:57,472 --> 00:02:59,305
[LAUGHS] It's not corroded.
82
00:02:59,407 --> 00:03:00,819
It's chocolate.
83
00:03:02,777 --> 00:03:04,444
She never wore them.
84
00:03:04,512 --> 00:03:07,280
I asked her why once,
and she said, "Oh, I wear them!"
85
00:03:07,382 --> 00:03:08,715
But she doesn't.
86
00:03:08,817 --> 00:03:11,050
It's been a while since
I surprised Jessica
87
00:03:11,152 --> 00:03:12,485
with something nice.
88
00:03:12,587 --> 00:03:14,621
The last thing I got her was
a Taser when she complained
89
00:03:14,723 --> 00:03:16,756
about the crowd outside Jack in the Box.
90
00:03:16,825 --> 00:03:19,225
Yeah, ever since they introduced
that Extreme Sausage Sandwich.
91
00:03:19,327 --> 00:03:21,094
[SIGHS]
92
00:03:21,196 --> 00:03:22,762
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
93
00:03:22,864 --> 00:03:26,266
When the boy visits
Santiago's shed each night,
94
00:03:26,368 --> 00:03:28,868
why does he reference his
favorite baseball player,
95
00:03:28,970 --> 00:03:30,169
Joe DiMaggio?
96
00:03:32,083 --> 00:03:32,505
[SIGHS]
97
00:03:32,574 --> 00:03:34,240
Yes, Emery.
98
00:03:34,309 --> 00:03:37,811
DiMaggio's father was also a
poor fisherman, like Santiago.
99
00:03:38,008 --> 00:03:38,845
That's right.
100
00:03:38,913 --> 00:03:41,080
Santiago hoped the boy would
rise above his circumstance...
101
00:03:41,182 --> 00:03:43,246
I said that's right.
102
00:03:44,394 --> 00:03:47,915
Sorry to interrupt, Ms. Doris,
but I have some V.P.C. here.
103
00:03:48,156 --> 00:03:49,589
Very Precious Cargo.
104
00:03:49,658 --> 00:03:50,690
Oh.
105
00:03:50,759 --> 00:03:51,824
As you know, Lincoln Middle School
106
00:03:51,893 --> 00:03:53,926
received its first
grade-skipper this year,
107
00:03:53,995 --> 00:03:58,351
and now he's skipping his
way into 7th-grade English.
108
00:03:58,588 --> 00:04:00,765
There are no seats in the front row.
109
00:04:01,055 --> 00:04:03,187
Hey, Stripes. To the back.
110
00:04:06,740 --> 00:04:08,774
This is so exciting.
We have a class together.
111
00:04:08,843 --> 00:04:10,909
We're discussing
"The Old Man and the Sea."
112
00:04:11,011 --> 00:04:12,878
Taking on classic literature,
family style.
113
00:04:12,980 --> 00:04:14,146
I like it.
114
00:04:14,215 --> 00:04:16,548
Okay, can anyone tell me
what the Old Man's struggle
115
00:04:16,650 --> 00:04:18,217
with the marlin represents?
116
00:04:18,285 --> 00:04:20,146
Ooh. Oh, oh! I know, I know!
117
00:04:24,058 --> 00:04:25,924
Where am I supposed to sit?
118
00:04:26,030 --> 00:04:28,161
There's no empty desks back here.
119
00:04:28,361 --> 00:04:30,728
Hell, knock off early. You earned it.
120
00:04:33,833 --> 00:04:35,033
Jessica, I have a surprise for...
121
00:04:35,068 --> 00:04:37,735
Hi, Louis! This is my editor, Terry.
122
00:04:37,837 --> 00:04:39,470
He arrived via Amtrak.
123
00:04:39,572 --> 00:04:41,940
Unfortunately, I'm on a no-fly list.
124
00:04:42,042 --> 00:04:43,007
I don't want to get into it.
125
00:04:43,043 --> 00:04:46,002
Tell Louis the story about Tom Clancy.
126
00:04:46,569 --> 00:04:50,263
Rumor is, Clancy's a vegetarian.
127
00:04:50,514 --> 00:04:51,449
Crazy.
128
00:04:51,846 --> 00:04:52,617
No meat.
129
00:04:53,699 --> 00:04:54,686
Uh, yeah, impressive.
130
00:04:54,754 --> 00:04:57,261
Uh, Jessica, can I talk to you?
131
00:05:00,460 --> 00:05:02,360
Okay, so here's the plan:
We go back out there,
132
00:05:02,428 --> 00:05:04,629
I'll say my kidney is hurting,
and I need a ride to dialysis.
133
00:05:04,697 --> 00:05:05,696
Louis, it's okay.
134
00:05:05,765 --> 00:05:07,578
I'm not looking for an escape.
135
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,667
Terry's actually pretty interesting.
136
00:05:09,735 --> 00:05:11,468
But I thought you said he was annoying,
137
00:05:11,537 --> 00:05:12,836
always giving you notes.
138
00:05:12,905 --> 00:05:15,172
Yeah, that is annoying,
but Terry was telling me
139
00:05:15,241 --> 00:05:17,574
he's edited a lot of successful authors.
140
00:05:17,643 --> 00:05:20,803
You know who else hates Terry's notes,
but takes them?
141
00:05:21,607 --> 00:05:22,980
Koontz...
142
00:05:24,457 --> 00:05:26,291
I thought you were
gonna say more people.
143
00:05:26,396 --> 00:05:27,884
Well, who else do I need to say?
144
00:05:27,953 --> 00:05:29,286
It's Koontz.
145
00:05:29,354 --> 00:05:31,955
Terry invited me to his client's
book reading later this week.
146
00:05:32,024 --> 00:05:34,324
He says if I really
nail these revisions,
147
00:05:34,393 --> 00:05:37,260
I could be traveling through
Florida on my own book tour.
148
00:05:37,329 --> 00:05:40,363
If all goes well,
maybe we even hit the Rust Belt.
149
00:05:40,990 --> 00:05:42,573
Uh, uh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
150
00:05:42,771 --> 00:05:44,051
I got you something.
151
00:05:44,763 --> 00:05:46,736
Oh, what's this?
152
00:05:49,407 --> 00:05:50,507
A fly swatter?
153
00:05:50,609 --> 00:05:51,808
Mm-hmm. It's electric.
154
00:05:51,910 --> 00:05:53,343
Because earlier they were bothering you.
155
00:05:53,411 --> 00:05:55,778
The Electro-Sizzle
has a 3,000-volt grid.
156
00:05:55,881 --> 00:05:57,580
- It burns bugs' bodies on contact...
- Mm-hmm.
157
00:05:57,649 --> 00:05:59,549
And makes a victory sound
every time you kill a queen.
158
00:05:59,618 --> 00:06:01,751
Great. I'll play with it later.
159
00:06:01,853 --> 00:06:05,321
But... But you got to properly
store it in its sheathe!
160
00:06:12,096 --> 00:06:13,362
What are you doing?
161
00:06:13,464 --> 00:06:15,464
Making a diorama of
"The Old Man and the Sea."
162
00:06:15,566 --> 00:06:16,932
This is the scene where Santiago
163
00:06:17,001 --> 00:06:18,501
uses a harpoon to fend off sharks.
164
00:06:18,603 --> 00:06:20,402
[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS]
165
00:06:21,585 --> 00:06:24,329
Ms. Doris didn't assign us a diorama.
166
00:06:24,606 --> 00:06:25,625
I know.
167
00:06:26,100 --> 00:06:27,828
Okay, Evan, you're new to the class,
168
00:06:27,945 --> 00:06:29,645
so let me explain something to you:
169
00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:31,980
I'm this close to being Ms. Doris'
favorite.
170
00:06:32,082 --> 00:06:33,115
Really?
171
00:06:33,217 --> 00:06:35,083
It doesn't seem like she likes you.
172
00:06:35,152 --> 00:06:36,385
She told you to put your head down
173
00:06:36,453 --> 00:06:38,086
for the last ten minutes of class.
174
00:06:38,188 --> 00:06:39,755
She knows I get overexcited.
175
00:06:39,857 --> 00:06:42,224
I'll admit,
she's been a tough nut to crack.
176
00:06:42,326 --> 00:06:44,359
But I've almost got that walnut shelled.
177
00:06:46,808 --> 00:06:49,097
Let me explain something to you.
178
00:06:49,166 --> 00:06:51,733
I've been the favorite of
every teacher I've ever had.
179
00:06:51,801 --> 00:06:55,503
Much like Old Man Santiago,
I refuse to be defeated.
180
00:06:55,572 --> 00:06:56,638
You're out of your league, little man!
181
00:06:56,706 --> 00:06:57,605
Turn around and get outta here!
182
00:06:57,674 --> 00:06:58,973
Whoa, I hear conflict.
183
00:06:59,042 --> 00:07:00,241
Are you guys fighting over a girl?
184
00:07:00,310 --> 00:07:01,209
No, a woman.
185
00:07:01,311 --> 00:07:02,177
Oh!
186
00:07:02,212 --> 00:07:03,211
It's our teacher.
187
00:07:03,879 --> 00:07:05,039
Oh.
188
00:07:05,527 --> 00:07:07,615
I don't care enough about
this to watch it conclude.
189
00:07:07,684 --> 00:07:08,983
I'm gonna go see "Spice World" again.
190
00:07:09,085 --> 00:07:10,652
Turns out it was really good.
191
00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:12,915
I'm gonna stay for the end
credits and everything.
192
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,963
Everybody who worked on that
movie deserves my respect.
193
00:07:24,140 --> 00:07:26,033
All right.
194
00:07:26,135 --> 00:07:28,502
Hey, Marvin.
Sorry to bother you at work.
195
00:07:28,604 --> 00:07:30,171
No, no. It's totally fine.
196
00:07:30,273 --> 00:07:31,639
You got me between patients.
197
00:07:31,707 --> 00:07:33,307
Bye-bye, Mr. Jensen.
198
00:07:33,409 --> 00:07:34,675
[LAUGHS]
199
00:07:34,744 --> 00:07:36,644
[BREATHES DEEPLY] Man.
200
00:07:36,746 --> 00:07:39,647
He always comes in just
after he's eaten salami.
201
00:07:39,715 --> 00:07:41,248
I took your advice, and it didn't work.
202
00:07:41,350 --> 00:07:44,151
I bought Jessica a fly swatter,
and she totally didn't care.
203
00:07:44,220 --> 00:07:45,953
The Electro-Sizzle. It's awesome.
204
00:07:46,022 --> 00:07:47,454
You don't have to tell me. I love mine.
205
00:07:47,523 --> 00:07:49,123
I took down a whole
family of moths with it
206
00:07:49,225 --> 00:07:51,257
after they destroyed my peacoat.
207
00:07:51,376 --> 00:07:53,727
I left one alive to deliver the message.
208
00:07:53,796 --> 00:07:55,629
Jessica normally loves practical gifts,
209
00:07:55,698 --> 00:07:57,497
but I think she was distracted by Terry.
210
00:07:57,566 --> 00:07:59,466
- Who's Terry?
- Her book editor.
211
00:07:59,568 --> 00:08:02,333
Wait,
is this a male Terry or a female Terry?
212
00:08:02,505 --> 00:08:03,837
Male Terry.
213
00:08:04,101 --> 00:08:05,672
Those are the worst kind of Terrys.
214
00:08:06,575 --> 00:08:08,075
So, she's too busy to wash the car,
215
00:08:08,177 --> 00:08:10,944
she's not interested in
bug-zapping technology,
216
00:08:11,046 --> 00:08:13,547
and now this male Terry comes
rolling in on the D train?
217
00:08:13,649 --> 00:08:16,316
Oh, this is more serious
than just loss of connection.
218
00:08:16,418 --> 00:08:18,318
This is a classic 7-Year Itch.
219
00:08:18,420 --> 00:08:19,519
No, it's not.
220
00:08:19,588 --> 00:08:21,121
Jessica and I have been
married for 15 years.
221
00:08:21,223 --> 00:08:23,824
Oh, then it's gonna hit you
slightly harder than double.
222
00:08:23,926 --> 00:08:26,093
Every marriage goes through this slump.
223
00:08:26,195 --> 00:08:27,461
Mine certainly did.
224
00:08:27,563 --> 00:08:28,495
How did you get through it?
225
00:08:28,597 --> 00:08:30,163
I got Honey!
226
00:08:34,508 --> 00:08:36,956
No way.
My marriage is not going to fall apart.
227
00:08:37,049 --> 00:08:38,777
Yeah, that's what everybody thinks.
228
00:08:38,845 --> 00:08:41,980
Then time marches on,
and you drift a little bit apart.
229
00:08:42,015 --> 00:08:44,846
Before you know it,
you end up like Chrissie Shrimpton.
230
00:08:44,991 --> 00:08:45,650
Who's that?
231
00:08:45,756 --> 00:08:47,088
Mick Jagger's first girlfriend.
232
00:08:47,187 --> 00:08:49,053
She supported Mick in the early days.
233
00:08:49,122 --> 00:08:52,323
Once The Stones got rolling,
he rolled away from her
234
00:08:52,392 --> 00:08:54,622
and into the arms of Bianca.
235
00:08:54,827 --> 00:08:57,194
I don't want to be Chrissie Shrimpton.
236
00:08:57,296 --> 00:08:58,162
Nobody does.
237
00:08:58,264 --> 00:08:59,663
Not even Chrissie Shrimpton.
238
00:08:59,732 --> 00:09:01,231
Well, what do I need to do?
239
00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:02,533
Up your game.
240
00:09:02,601 --> 00:09:05,335
You remind Jessica of the Louis
that she fell in love with.
241
00:09:09,241 --> 00:09:11,975
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
242
00:09:12,044 --> 00:09:14,311
Bye, Ms. Doris.
Hope you have a good night.
243
00:09:14,413 --> 00:09:16,680
And I hope you have a wonderful night.
244
00:09:17,472 --> 00:09:19,149
[SIGHS] Come on.
245
00:09:19,251 --> 00:09:20,817
What are you doing?
246
00:09:20,919 --> 00:09:22,452
What are you doing?
247
00:09:22,554 --> 00:09:24,654
I'm gonna clean Ms. Doris' whiteboards.
248
00:09:24,723 --> 00:09:27,116
I was gonna rake her desktop Zen garden.
249
00:09:32,431 --> 00:09:33,363
Uhh!
250
00:09:33,465 --> 00:09:36,032
Must... erase... board.
251
00:09:36,101 --> 00:09:37,267
Get back here!
252
00:09:37,369 --> 00:09:38,234
[BOTH GRUNTING]
253
00:09:38,336 --> 00:09:40,136
Let... go!
254
00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:41,104
[CRASH]
255
00:09:41,173 --> 00:09:42,439
[GRUNTS]
256
00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:44,643
Must... rake... sand.
257
00:09:44,828 --> 00:09:45,844
Aah!
258
00:09:47,110 --> 00:09:49,345
- Stop.
- You stop!
259
00:09:51,215 --> 00:09:52,783
Hey. Wait a minute.
260
00:09:53,548 --> 00:09:54,854
What's this?
261
00:09:57,041 --> 00:09:59,088
It's a photo of Eddie and Ms. Doris?
262
00:09:59,123 --> 00:10:01,078
How come you can see her teeth?
263
00:10:01,316 --> 00:10:04,020
I think she's... smiling.
264
00:10:12,334 --> 00:10:13,969
[CHRIS DE BURGH'S "LADY IN RED" PLAYS]
265
00:10:14,038 --> 00:10:16,905
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
266
00:10:17,008 --> 00:10:19,875
♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh ♪
267
00:10:20,857 --> 00:10:24,292
♪ I've never seen you looking
so lovely as you did tonight ♪
268
00:10:24,385 --> 00:10:25,480
What are you doing?
269
00:10:25,515 --> 00:10:28,149
♪ I've never seen
you shine so bright ♪
270
00:10:28,791 --> 00:10:30,585
You got flowers on my keyboard.
271
00:10:30,717 --> 00:10:33,187
You won't need your
keyboard in the bedroom.
272
00:10:33,289 --> 00:10:35,156
I've been doing leg lifts.
273
00:10:35,258 --> 00:10:36,390
[SIGHS] Now is not a good time.
274
00:10:36,459 --> 00:10:37,825
I'm in the middle of something.
275
00:10:37,860 --> 00:10:39,560
Oh, come on. The boys are all out,
276
00:10:39,595 --> 00:10:42,797
and Mom's got her headphones on,
watching "NYPD Be."
277
00:10:42,899 --> 00:10:46,400
The whole house is ours!
278
00:10:46,469 --> 00:10:48,703
I'm working on my book revisions.
279
00:10:48,771 --> 00:10:51,172
♪ Or the highlights in your
hair that catch your eyes ♪
280
00:10:51,618 --> 00:10:53,359
Want me to tickle your head?
281
00:10:53,531 --> 00:10:54,041
What?
282
00:10:54,110 --> 00:10:56,433
Oh,
what's another word for "hemorrhage"?
283
00:10:57,581 --> 00:10:59,942
- Bleed out.
- ♪ The lady in red ♪
284
00:11:00,074 --> 00:11:03,142
_
285
00:11:03,234 --> 00:11:05,728
♪ Is dancing with me ♪
286
00:11:07,389 --> 00:11:08,989
I even offered to tickle her head.
287
00:11:09,091 --> 00:11:10,590
Who offers to tickle someone's head?
288
00:11:10,626 --> 00:11:12,492
I meant "neck,"
but in the moment, I said "head."
289
00:11:12,594 --> 00:11:14,094
Oh, this is worse than I thought.
290
00:11:14,162 --> 00:11:16,463
She's so focused on her book
she doesn't even see me.
291
00:11:16,531 --> 00:11:18,355
Well,
then you got to get her away from that.
292
00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:20,875
Get her out of the house.
Take her somewhere special.
293
00:11:21,165 --> 00:11:23,436
Like a romantic picnic by the water.
294
00:11:23,504 --> 00:11:26,038
Ho-ho! A checkered blanket for two.
295
00:11:26,074 --> 00:11:28,874
Oh, but Terry's in town,
she's on a deadline...
296
00:11:28,977 --> 00:11:30,009
It's not a good time.
297
00:11:30,111 --> 00:11:32,146
It's never gonna be a good time.
298
00:11:32,357 --> 00:11:34,006
Forget all the reasons for not doing it
299
00:11:34,098 --> 00:11:35,982
and just sweep her off her feet.
300
00:11:37,608 --> 00:11:39,284
Oh, a little tip...
301
00:11:39,353 --> 00:11:41,753
No matter how well you
think things are going,
302
00:11:41,822 --> 00:11:43,589
do not attempt to fly a kite.
303
00:11:46,427 --> 00:11:48,861
No, I'm pretty sure it's Porsche Spice.
304
00:11:48,929 --> 00:11:50,971
Like, what is Posh?
305
00:11:51,380 --> 00:11:53,565
All right, Nicole, agree to disagree.
306
00:11:53,634 --> 00:11:56,722
Who were you talking to?
Your best friend Ms. Doris?
307
00:11:56,814 --> 00:12:00,469
Or should we say, "Best Friends 4 Eva"?
308
00:12:01,036 --> 00:12:03,595
Oh, my God. Where'd you guys find this?
309
00:12:03,648 --> 00:12:05,877
On her desk,
in a folder marked "memories."
310
00:12:05,979 --> 00:12:08,012
Aww. Ms. Doris is the best.
311
00:12:08,081 --> 00:12:10,648
No, she's not.
She's a cold walnut we can't crack.
312
00:12:10,750 --> 00:12:11,783
How are you a teacher's pet?
313
00:12:11,851 --> 00:12:13,418
And that teacher of all teachers?
314
00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:14,585
I'm not a teacher's pet.
315
00:12:14,688 --> 00:12:15,753
We just got along.
316
00:12:15,855 --> 00:12:17,055
What's your secret?
317
00:12:17,123 --> 00:12:18,656
There's no secret.
318
00:12:19,125 --> 00:12:20,958
I was just being myself.
319
00:12:21,060 --> 00:12:22,993
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
320
00:12:23,095 --> 00:12:24,495
Shaaaq!
321
00:12:24,563 --> 00:12:26,664
MS. DORIS: Dennis Scooott!
322
00:12:28,431 --> 00:12:31,201
Ms. D? You're into the Orlando Magic?
323
00:12:31,270 --> 00:12:33,570
Season ticket holder. Going tonight.
324
00:12:33,639 --> 00:12:37,386
Penny Hardaway is gonna
dominate that nerd Grant Hill.
325
00:12:37,576 --> 00:12:39,042
We need to hang out more.
326
00:12:39,144 --> 00:12:40,110
So we did.
327
00:12:40,145 --> 00:12:41,311
And then it was picture day,
328
00:12:41,413 --> 00:12:43,280
and we thought it would be
funny to take one together.
329
00:12:43,382 --> 00:12:44,681
And it was.
330
00:12:44,750 --> 00:12:46,249
That's how you got her to like you?
331
00:12:46,351 --> 00:12:47,951
By playing trash basketball?
332
00:12:48,020 --> 00:12:49,653
You didn't make an extra-credit diorama
333
00:12:49,722 --> 00:12:50,821
or come to class early
334
00:12:50,889 --> 00:12:53,183
to make sure her chair
was ergonomically set?
335
00:12:53,579 --> 00:12:55,492
When? When did you do that?!
336
00:12:55,627 --> 00:12:57,594
Dude,
stop trying to kiss up to Ms. Doris.
337
00:12:57,662 --> 00:12:58,928
That's not gonna work on her.
338
00:12:58,997 --> 00:13:01,164
If you had seen "Spice World,"
you'd realize that life
339
00:13:01,233 --> 00:13:02,232
is about trying to find a way
340
00:13:02,300 --> 00:13:03,766
to make genuine connections with people.
341
00:13:03,835 --> 00:13:05,502
Hang on. Let me write this down.
342
00:13:05,604 --> 00:13:06,469
[GASPS] Aah!
343
00:13:06,571 --> 00:13:07,971
My Keroppi!
344
00:13:08,073 --> 00:13:09,539
This is what I'm talking about.
345
00:13:09,608 --> 00:13:11,407
Don't write anything down.
346
00:13:11,510 --> 00:13:13,610
Just be regular.
347
00:13:13,712 --> 00:13:15,278
[SIGHS]
348
00:13:15,828 --> 00:13:17,012
- Do you think he...
- Shh!
349
00:13:17,115 --> 00:13:19,482
I'm committing his
instructions to memory.
350
00:13:19,550 --> 00:13:22,084
Spice Girls,
genuine connection, be regular.
351
00:13:22,186 --> 00:13:23,942
SG, GC, BR.
352
00:13:24,061 --> 00:13:24,971
Got it.
353
00:13:37,368 --> 00:13:38,634
[CHUCKLES]
354
00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:44,874
Richard Ramirez, Night Stalker!
[ELECTRICITY BUZZING]
355
00:13:46,878 --> 00:13:49,378
[GROANING]
356
00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:50,346
[SIREN CHIRPS]
357
00:13:51,009 --> 00:13:53,615
You tried to kidnap me?
358
00:13:53,684 --> 00:13:56,284
I was going to take you
on a romantic picnic.
359
00:13:56,353 --> 00:13:59,087
Until you shocked me with
the stun gun I bought you.
360
00:13:59,156 --> 00:14:00,855
That's how you wanted
to take me on a picnic?
361
00:14:00,958 --> 00:14:03,288
By sneaking up behind
me in a parking lot?
362
00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:05,193
You're lucky I didn't have my gun gun.
363
00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:06,627
You own a real gun?
364
00:14:06,696 --> 00:14:08,463
Ach, quit trying to turn this on me.
365
00:14:08,531 --> 00:14:10,540
What is going on with you, Louis?
366
00:14:10,666 --> 00:14:13,367
I'm trying to get us
through our 15-Year Itch!
367
00:14:13,436 --> 00:14:14,568
15-Year Itch?
368
00:14:14,637 --> 00:14:15,970
What is this made-up thing?
369
00:14:16,005 --> 00:14:17,738
What white friend told you this?
370
00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:19,407
Marvin. And he's right.
371
00:14:19,475 --> 00:14:20,841
We're drifting apart.
372
00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:22,810
Drifting apart? I've just been busy.
373
00:14:22,879 --> 00:14:24,979
Too busy for your husband, you mean.
374
00:14:25,081 --> 00:14:28,482
Not too busy to take notes from
Terry and work on your book
375
00:14:28,551 --> 00:14:31,118
and not properly store
your new fly swatter.
376
00:14:31,450 --> 00:14:32,753
Don't you care about our marriage?
377
00:14:32,822 --> 00:14:34,021
Of course I do.
378
00:14:34,090 --> 00:14:36,323
Well,
then why am I the only one who's trying?
379
00:14:36,426 --> 00:14:38,279
You know what your problem is, Louis?
380
00:14:38,394 --> 00:14:39,827
You think you're easy-going.
381
00:14:39,929 --> 00:14:41,061
And you are.
382
00:14:41,130 --> 00:14:42,930
Until you decide you aren't.
383
00:14:42,998 --> 00:14:44,498
And when that happens, you expect me
384
00:14:44,567 --> 00:14:47,768
to drop what I'm doing
and be there for you.
385
00:14:48,091 --> 00:14:51,605
But this one time,
I have something that is just mine,
386
00:14:51,812 --> 00:14:53,473
something that's really important to me
387
00:14:53,576 --> 00:14:55,142
outside of you and the kids,
388
00:14:55,244 --> 00:14:57,616
suddenly we're "drifting apart"?
389
00:15:02,550 --> 00:15:05,519
All right, I got her on
"assault with a deadly weapon"
390
00:15:05,621 --> 00:15:07,352
and you on "false imprisonment."
391
00:15:07,418 --> 00:15:08,622
Those charges offset.
392
00:15:08,724 --> 00:15:11,825
So how about we say
"marital misunderstanding"
393
00:15:11,927 --> 00:15:14,261
and "attempted picnic"
and call it a day?
394
00:15:24,944 --> 00:15:26,377
Thanks for the ride home.
395
00:15:26,412 --> 00:15:28,513
I'll bet this is the first
time you've ever seen a husband
396
00:15:28,581 --> 00:15:30,281
get tased by his wife.
397
00:15:30,383 --> 00:15:32,116
[LAUGHS]
398
00:15:32,585 --> 00:15:33,817
Oh, that's funny.
399
00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:35,653
That's a good one.
400
00:15:35,721 --> 00:15:37,221
Did you hear what
Jessica said back there?
401
00:15:37,290 --> 00:15:39,256
We all heard what Jessica said.
402
00:15:39,325 --> 00:15:40,624
Her voice carries.
403
00:15:40,693 --> 00:15:42,993
I don't expect her to
drop what she's doing.
404
00:15:43,062 --> 00:15:44,929
And I am easy-going.
I don't ask for much.
405
00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:46,630
That's what most husbands think.
406
00:15:46,732 --> 00:15:48,566
'Cause they're used to
being the focal point.
407
00:15:49,499 --> 00:15:50,858
Whose side are you on?
408
00:15:51,003 --> 00:15:52,836
You know what? Just let me out.
409
00:15:53,672 --> 00:15:56,506
I think you'll find you
can't open the doors.
410
00:15:56,608 --> 00:15:57,874
I'm just saying.
411
00:15:57,943 --> 00:16:00,310
Sometimes we expect
things to be a certain way
412
00:16:00,412 --> 00:16:02,579
because that's how they've always been.
413
00:16:05,737 --> 00:16:07,150
Hmm.
414
00:16:07,219 --> 00:16:08,885
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
415
00:16:10,155 --> 00:16:11,187
'Sup?
416
00:16:11,890 --> 00:16:13,790
My favorite class is recess.
417
00:16:16,489 --> 00:16:18,983
- Hey, great job at being regular.
- You too.
418
00:16:19,075 --> 00:16:21,925
It was silly of us to compete
for Ms. Doris' attention.
419
00:16:22,070 --> 00:16:24,000
Let's never let a teacher
come between us again.
420
00:16:29,207 --> 00:16:30,839
What is that?
421
00:16:30,908 --> 00:16:31,807
I'm weak!
422
00:16:31,909 --> 00:16:33,375
- Give me that jersey!
- Aah!
423
00:16:33,477 --> 00:16:36,378
Hey, hey! No fighting in my classroom!
424
00:16:36,447 --> 00:16:38,280
You know what? That's it!
425
00:16:43,487 --> 00:16:45,320
This is going on our permanent record.
426
00:16:45,423 --> 00:16:47,471
Goodbye, Yale. Hello, Georgia Tech.
427
00:16:47,564 --> 00:16:50,592
Hey! No talking in detention.
428
00:16:53,883 --> 00:16:54,897
Oh, thanks.
429
00:16:55,466 --> 00:16:56,793
I didn't wanna bend down.
430
00:16:56,872 --> 00:16:59,467
No problem. Do you need anything else?
431
00:17:00,342 --> 00:17:02,237
Yeah. There's, uh...
432
00:17:02,305 --> 00:17:04,772
there's lots of penises
drawn on the back board.
433
00:17:04,841 --> 00:17:07,075
You can try to erase those.
434
00:17:07,505 --> 00:17:08,309
Of course!
435
00:17:08,411 --> 00:17:09,611
If you've got any spray,
436
00:17:09,679 --> 00:17:12,347
I can also hit the faint
outlines of the shadow ones.
437
00:17:12,415 --> 00:17:15,188
You can try,
but I don't think that spray works.
438
00:17:15,360 --> 00:17:18,962
I've been using it forever,
and they just don't go away.
439
00:17:19,120 --> 00:17:21,336
That's because you need
to use a microfiber towel.
440
00:17:21,442 --> 00:17:23,157
But I don't have a micro...
441
00:17:23,738 --> 00:17:25,960
You... You boys are great.
442
00:17:26,693 --> 00:17:28,487
Are you sure you belong here?
443
00:17:28,778 --> 00:17:29,763
We don't.
444
00:17:29,865 --> 00:17:32,199
But maybe we do.
445
00:17:33,316 --> 00:17:34,668
We weren't the problem.
446
00:17:34,770 --> 00:17:35,969
It was Ms. Doris.
447
00:17:36,038 --> 00:17:37,904
She's the one who messed up.
448
00:17:39,318 --> 00:17:40,674
Can I help empty the trash can?
449
00:17:40,776 --> 00:17:42,976
- Nice try, Stripes.
- My name's Jordan.
450
00:17:43,045 --> 00:17:46,072
Stop trying to humanize yourself,
okay, Stripes?
451
00:17:52,550 --> 00:17:53,920
Hey.
452
00:17:54,022 --> 00:17:55,354
Stay away, Louis.
453
00:17:55,423 --> 00:17:56,204
I'm going to the book reading.
454
00:17:56,270 --> 00:17:57,985
I know.
I was hoping I could give you a ride.
455
00:17:58,065 --> 00:17:59,977
- No.
- I thought you might say that,
456
00:18:00,043 --> 00:18:02,528
so I hid your tire.
457
00:18:05,900 --> 00:18:07,266
Where's my tire?!
458
00:18:07,335 --> 00:18:08,734
You don't want to keep Terry waiting.
459
00:18:08,837 --> 00:18:10,436
[SIGHS]
460
00:18:13,826 --> 00:18:17,977
Just so you know, I brought both.
461
00:18:22,684 --> 00:18:23,616
Where are you going?
462
00:18:23,685 --> 00:18:25,218
B. Dalton Bookseller is the other way.
463
00:18:25,286 --> 00:18:27,787
I wanted to make a pit stop.
464
00:18:29,215 --> 00:18:30,223
At a car wash?
465
00:18:31,057 --> 00:18:33,551
I thought the car was
looking a little dirty.
466
00:18:34,355 --> 00:18:36,018
I miss washing the car with you
467
00:18:36,136 --> 00:18:36,963
because it was something we did together
468
00:18:37,065 --> 00:18:39,632
back when we had more
time for each other.
469
00:18:40,252 --> 00:18:42,944
But I was only looking
at it from my side.
470
00:18:43,115 --> 00:18:44,403
I understand you have your
book now and you're busy,
471
00:18:44,506 --> 00:18:46,097
and I'm all for that.
472
00:18:46,189 --> 00:18:48,313
So to show my support,
473
00:18:48,458 --> 00:18:49,642
I got you a package of gift certificates
474
00:18:49,711 --> 00:18:52,244
for 10 automatic car washes.
475
00:18:52,350 --> 00:18:55,727
That's very thoughtful,
but it is too extravagant.
476
00:18:55,816 --> 00:18:57,716
It was free with our
grocery rewards points.
477
00:18:57,785 --> 00:19:00,886
Oh, Louis. That's so sweet.
478
00:19:01,164 --> 00:19:03,803
You will always be a priority for me.
479
00:19:04,258 --> 00:19:06,600
I miss spending time with you, too.
480
00:19:07,444 --> 00:19:09,784
And I'm sorry I put
electricity through your body.
481
00:19:09,896 --> 00:19:10,962
Oh, it's okay.
482
00:19:11,064 --> 00:19:12,297
It was only a second-degree burn.
483
00:19:12,399 --> 00:19:13,531
It'll heal.
484
00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:15,467
Not as fast as skin
that hasn't been burned,
485
00:19:15,535 --> 00:19:17,168
but still, it'll heal.
486
00:19:17,871 --> 00:19:18,770
[SIGHS]
487
00:19:18,839 --> 00:19:21,272
All this exciting stuff is
happening with your book,
488
00:19:21,341 --> 00:19:22,740
and your life is expanding.
489
00:19:23,722 --> 00:19:24,909
I guess, deep down, I was scared
490
00:19:24,978 --> 00:19:27,312
that you're gonna leave me behind,
491
00:19:27,414 --> 00:19:29,914
- like Chrissie Shrimpton.
- Who's that?
492
00:19:29,983 --> 00:19:32,627
Mick Jagger's girlfriend
before he became a huge star.
493
00:19:32,706 --> 00:19:34,552
I'll never leave you behind.
494
00:19:35,331 --> 00:19:38,022
I am a beautiful Mylar balloon,
495
00:19:38,539 --> 00:19:41,793
and you're the lug nut
that keeps me grounded.
496
00:19:42,194 --> 00:19:45,558
If anything, you're my Dorothea Hurley.
497
00:19:45,716 --> 00:19:47,550
- Who's that?
- Bon Jovi's wife.
498
00:19:47,669 --> 00:19:48,600
He married his high-school sweetheart,
499
00:19:48,702 --> 00:19:50,540
and they're still together.
500
00:19:50,686 --> 00:19:52,437
And Bon Jovi could have anybody.
501
00:20:03,231 --> 00:20:05,522
And there was this one stubborn
shadow-P we couldn't get,
502
00:20:05,614 --> 00:20:07,666
so we turned it into a dog profile.
503
00:20:08,305 --> 00:20:09,735
Mr. Carlson was so thrilled,
504
00:20:09,837 --> 00:20:12,329
he ripped up the detention
slips and let us go.
505
00:20:12,461 --> 00:20:14,057
Yale is still in play.
506
00:20:14,216 --> 00:20:15,674
Mr. Carlson from detention?
507
00:20:15,776 --> 00:20:17,042
He hated my guts.
508
00:20:17,144 --> 00:20:18,510
Well, he loved us.
509
00:20:18,579 --> 00:20:20,779
Gave us a couple Zippos
from the lost and found.
510
00:20:20,881 --> 00:20:22,481
Mine has a shamrock on it.
511
00:20:22,583 --> 00:20:24,583
Anyway, we just wanted to say thank you.
512
00:20:24,685 --> 00:20:26,819
- For what?
- You told us to be regular.
513
00:20:26,921 --> 00:20:28,053
This is our regular.
514
00:20:28,155 --> 00:20:29,822
Ms. Doris may not like us,
515
00:20:29,924 --> 00:20:33,092
but as long as 99% of
authority figures do,
516
00:20:33,194 --> 00:20:34,393
that's still an A-plus.
517
00:20:34,495 --> 00:20:35,928
Not everyone has to like everyone.
518
00:20:36,265 --> 00:20:37,596
Word.
519
00:20:37,835 --> 00:20:39,598
Did you guys know Mom has a gun?
520
00:20:42,959 --> 00:20:44,803
It's hard to believe the Michelin Man
521
00:20:44,905 --> 00:20:46,538
is made up of a bunch of these.
522
00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:50,042
Huh. I never really thought about that,
but yeah.
523
00:20:50,144 --> 00:20:51,310
Why is he white, though?
524
00:20:51,412 --> 00:20:52,411
Shouldn't he be black?
525
00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:54,313
Let's not get into that whole thing.
526
00:20:54,415 --> 00:20:56,381
We're having a nice time.
527
00:20:59,360 --> 00:21:01,141
What's the rush?
528
00:21:02,487 --> 00:21:03,522
Don't you have work to do?
529
00:21:03,624 --> 00:21:04,523
Oh, it can wait.
530
00:21:04,625 --> 00:21:06,692
[CHUCKLES]
531
00:21:06,794 --> 00:21:10,262
[ELECTRICITY ZAPPING]
532
00:21:10,364 --> 00:21:11,463
[TONE PLAYS] Oh, I got a queen!
533
00:21:11,565 --> 00:21:14,066
- [LAUGHS]
- Ah.
534
00:21:14,135 --> 00:21:17,603
Aww. Those two kids are
gonna make it after all.
535
00:21:17,705 --> 00:21:19,104
[LAUGHS]
536
00:21:23,418 --> 00:21:26,822
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
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