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My coach
always told me
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00:00:24,291 --> 00:00:26,592
that in order
to achieve success
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00:00:26,594 --> 00:00:29,328
you must visualize
your dreams.
4
00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:32,631
But more importantly,
you have to believe it.
5
00:00:32,633 --> 00:00:36,068
For me, that vision
has always been clear.
6
00:00:36,070 --> 00:00:39,371
NBA superstar
7
00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:45,244
and married to Kim,
the love of my life.
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00:00:45,246 --> 00:00:47,679
If this all sounds
farfetched to you,
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00:00:47,681 --> 00:00:53,085
you probably haven't
seen me play.
10
00:00:53,087 --> 00:00:55,954
My name is Chris Long.
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And tonight
12
00:00:58,225 --> 00:01:01,727
I realize my destiny.
13
00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:03,228
♪ If it weren't for the boy ♪
14
00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:04,663
♪ Who felt like
whatever he did ♪
15
00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:06,031
♪ Wasn't good enough ♪
16
00:01:06,033 --> 00:01:07,566
♪ Was different
than every kid ♪
17
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:08,700
♪ But wait,
deep down inside ♪
18
00:01:08,702 --> 00:01:10,569
♪ There was a genius within ♪
19
00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,971
♪ And his heart was of gold
and hope was eager to win ♪
20
00:01:12,973 --> 00:01:14,506
♪ Was so sick and tired
of all these people ♪
21
00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:16,108
♪ Sneaking on him ♪
22
00:01:16,110 --> 00:01:18,377
♪ No, he would come and attack
by the evil again ♪
23
00:01:18,379 --> 00:01:19,745
♪ And his family's poor ♪
24
00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:21,513
♪ He swore he would
feed them again ♪
25
00:01:21,515 --> 00:01:23,916
♪ But on his way out there goes
the Grim Reaper again ♪
26
00:01:23,918 --> 00:01:25,217
♪ They put him in
the coliseum ♪
27
00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:26,952
♪ To be food for the lions ♪
28
00:01:26,954 --> 00:01:29,488
♪ But he cut right through 'em
like the man on fire ♪
29
00:01:29,490 --> 00:01:30,856
♪ With my heart
of Leonidas ♪
30
00:01:30,858 --> 00:01:32,791
♪ He fought through
all them riots ♪
31
00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:35,961
♪ Cause he was one bad man
stick his nose to the choir ♪
32
00:01:35,963 --> 00:01:37,830
♪ But this world
was deep in for you ♪
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00:01:37,832 --> 00:01:40,699
♪ Bloodlines went back
to the people ♪
34
00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:44,002
Look at this crowd,
the feeling here is electric.
35
00:01:44,004 --> 00:01:46,438
All that anticipation
for this epic showdown
36
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:49,041
between LA Tech
and Rock Falls Pioneers.
37
00:01:49,043 --> 00:01:51,276
But the big story here
is the heroic play
38
00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:53,112
of senior phenom Chris Long.
39
00:01:53,114 --> 00:01:55,080
He has literally put
this team on his back
40
00:01:55,082 --> 00:01:57,916
and carried them into
their first final appearance
41
00:01:57,918 --> 00:01:59,351
in 23 years.
42
00:01:59,353 --> 00:02:00,219
How about that?
43
00:02:00,221 --> 00:02:01,487
That's right, Jeff.
44
00:02:01,489 --> 00:02:03,522
Chris Long has had four,
count 'em,
45
00:02:03,524 --> 00:02:05,724
four consecutive
Temple doubles.
46
00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:07,860
He shows no sign
of stopping.
47
00:02:07,862 --> 00:02:11,029
He will easily go top five
in the draft this year.
48
00:02:11,031 --> 00:02:12,197
Top five?
49
00:02:12,199 --> 00:02:13,532
What's wrong with you?
50
00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:14,933
How about the top pick?
51
00:02:14,935 --> 00:02:16,502
How do you spell MVP?
52
00:02:16,504 --> 00:02:17,803
Chris Long.
53
00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:21,573
Watch out NBA,
here comes Long.
54
00:02:21,575 --> 00:02:24,443
Okay, Kim is a ho for sho'.
55
00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:28,080
Chris deserves so much
better than her.
56
00:02:28,082 --> 00:02:29,448
Brittany, it's your turn.
57
00:02:29,450 --> 00:02:30,182
Truth or dare?
58
00:02:30,184 --> 00:02:31,116
Truth.
59
00:02:31,118 --> 00:02:32,784
Who would you rather fuck?
60
00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:35,787
David Beckham, Tom Brady,
or Chris Long?
61
00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:37,122
Duh, Chris Long!
62
00:02:42,429 --> 00:02:46,965
Chris, Chris, Chris,
Chris, Chris!
63
00:02:47,967 --> 00:02:49,902
Oh, my God!
64
00:02:49,904 --> 00:02:52,337
No, no, Dick,
it looks like it's his knee,
65
00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:53,672
this could be serious.
66
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,307
This is a crack
in the team's armor
67
00:02:55,309 --> 00:02:56,742
they do not need
right now.
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00:02:56,744 --> 00:03:01,780
Oh, this hurts
just to look at.
69
00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:27,206
Kimmy-poo.
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00:03:27,208 --> 00:03:28,874
Ah, what are you doing?
71
00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:32,411
Thought you weren't supposed to
be back for another hour.
72
00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:33,812
What's with the suitcase?
73
00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:36,248
Don't be so emotional,
Chris.
74
00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:39,184
I'm, I'm not being emotional.
75
00:03:39,186 --> 00:03:41,553
I don't have time for this,
Daddy's waiting.
76
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:42,788
But everything's
in the note.
77
00:03:42,790 --> 00:03:45,624
Whoa, whoa,
Kim, slow down.
78
00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:48,026
What's going on,
where are you going?
79
00:03:48,028 --> 00:03:50,996
You have three and a half
years of college left.
80
00:03:50,998 --> 00:03:52,664
This is your dorm room.
81
00:03:52,666 --> 00:03:55,500
You're an art major.
82
00:03:55,502 --> 00:03:58,103
I thought you,
you loved my paintings.
83
00:03:58,105 --> 00:03:59,705
Yuck.
84
00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:01,974
Kim, you can't listen to what
coaches and doctors
85
00:04:01,976 --> 00:04:03,075
and physical therapists
86
00:04:03,077 --> 00:04:05,110
and everyone else
at the school says.
87
00:04:05,112 --> 00:04:07,012
I'm getting drafted.
88
00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:08,113
You're delusional.
89
00:04:08,115 --> 00:04:10,415
Wake up.
90
00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:12,117
Kim!
91
00:04:12,119 --> 00:04:14,686
Kim, wait!
92
00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:44,316
Loud and clear,
all right,
93
00:04:44,318 --> 00:04:46,285
talk to you later.
94
00:04:46,287 --> 00:04:48,020
All right, Mr. Long.
95
00:04:48,022 --> 00:04:50,756
So, yeah, over here.
96
00:04:50,758 --> 00:04:52,758
That was my boss
on the phone.
97
00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:54,926
Sorry that took so long,
it's not just your thing,
98
00:04:54,928 --> 00:04:58,096
I've got a sexual harassment
suit thing against me.
99
00:04:58,098 --> 00:05:00,632
Whatever, you know,
bitches be crazy, you know?
100
00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:02,668
Bitches also don't like
being called bitches
101
00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:04,736
in the boardroom, so,
you live and you learn.
102
00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:06,138
Anyway, good news for you.
103
00:05:06,140 --> 00:05:07,673
He actually thinks
you look like
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00:05:07,675 --> 00:05:09,041
a professional
basketball player.
105
00:05:09,043 --> 00:05:11,877
Awesome, so does that mean
I get the loan?
106
00:05:11,879 --> 00:05:13,178
What?
107
00:05:13,180 --> 00:05:15,847
No, God no, not even,
were you serious about that?
108
00:05:15,849 --> 00:05:19,084
No, you uh, you have no assets
to speak of
109
00:05:19,086 --> 00:05:21,420
besides the size of your balls
for even asking
110
00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:22,754
for that amount of money.
111
00:05:22,756 --> 00:05:24,389
In fact, he thinks it's
a real estate scam.
112
00:05:24,391 --> 00:05:26,391
No, no, no, no,
it's not a scam.
113
00:05:26,393 --> 00:05:27,559
Okay.
114
00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:31,463
And uh, look, I need this loan,
okay?
115
00:05:31,465 --> 00:05:34,499
I, I owe a lot of rent
and--
116
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:36,034
Oh, well then, here,
take the money.
117
00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:39,504
You know, would you,
no, it's no, it's no.
118
00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:40,639
I don't know where
you're from,
119
00:05:40,641 --> 00:05:42,040
but this is America, okay?
120
00:05:42,042 --> 00:05:44,576
And in America
financial institutions
121
00:05:44,578 --> 00:05:46,511
work with rules
and regulations.
122
00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:47,713
You know?
123
00:05:47,715 --> 00:05:50,248
It keeps us out of
economic des--
124
00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:52,884
I mean, actually it lead to
economic destruction
125
00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:54,252
right now, currently.
126
00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:55,887
That's, that's on us,
admittedly,
127
00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:57,255
but we've learned.
128
00:05:57,257 --> 00:05:59,124
Probably a lot of it was from
giving loans
129
00:05:59,126 --> 00:06:01,360
to people like you, let's be
honest, I'm just saying.
130
00:06:01,362 --> 00:06:03,995
And I don't appreciate
the death stare, by the way,
131
00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:06,732
so if you could put that
in your pocket as you leave.
132
00:06:06,734 --> 00:06:08,600
But, look, okay?
133
00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:09,701
I understand, all right?
134
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:10,902
You're desperate.
135
00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:13,138
If I could offer you
some advice,
136
00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:16,808
if you wouldn't mind,
just one guy to another, okay?
137
00:06:16,810 --> 00:06:18,410
Get the fuck out
of my office.
138
00:06:55,048 --> 00:06:58,016
Six AM, papi, not ten.
139
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:20,439
Hello?
140
00:07:20,441 --> 00:07:22,240
Excuse me?
141
00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:23,275
Hello?
142
00:07:23,277 --> 00:07:24,476
We need some help here.
143
00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:27,012
There are like,
so many membership packages.
144
00:07:27,014 --> 00:07:30,182
We, like, don't know
what we want.
145
00:07:30,184 --> 00:07:31,583
Oh, my God.
146
00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:33,618
You look so familiar.
147
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:35,086
Where do we
know him from?
148
00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:36,555
I think he was at the club
last night, remember?
149
00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:37,823
No, he wasn't at the club.
150
00:07:37,825 --> 00:07:39,257
We saw him at the market,
remember?
151
00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:41,026
He as at the salad bar.
152
00:07:41,028 --> 00:07:44,062
Oh, my God,
no, wait,
153
00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:47,065
you played for LA Tech,
didn't you?
154
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:51,403
OMG, you're that
basketball guy, right?
155
00:07:51,405 --> 00:07:52,604
May I help you ladies?
156
00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:54,806
So how did you end up
in here?
157
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:56,575
Yeah, you work here now?
158
00:07:56,577 --> 00:07:58,977
I like, totally do work here.
159
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:01,446
Isn't that, like, crazy?
160
00:08:01,448 --> 00:08:03,381
Are you mocking us?
161
00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:04,850
Gosh.
162
00:08:04,852 --> 00:08:06,551
This is the rudest gym
we've ever been to.
163
00:08:06,553 --> 00:08:08,487
The rudest.
164
00:08:08,489 --> 00:08:10,088
You need deodorant.
165
00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:12,157
Elvira wants
her hairdo back.
166
00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:15,861
Excuse me, young ladies,
hi, I'm Missy, hi.
167
00:08:15,863 --> 00:08:18,129
Holy Jesus, Chris,
you really,
168
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:20,565
really gave it to 'em, huh?
169
00:08:20,567 --> 00:08:22,601
-Bitches, right?
-Amen, brother.
170
00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:25,036
Are you gonna let him speak
to our customers like that?
171
00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:26,004
Cus-, they didn't buy anything.
172
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:27,339
Did they buy anything?
173
00:08:27,341 --> 00:08:29,541
How are we supposed to
get more business
174
00:08:29,543 --> 00:08:31,243
with you scaring
everybody off?
175
00:08:31,245 --> 00:08:32,544
Did you really want
the Hilton freaks
176
00:08:32,546 --> 00:08:33,645
working out here, Missy?
177
00:08:33,647 --> 00:08:36,481
The bitches have money,
so, yeah.
178
00:08:36,483 --> 00:08:38,884
I don't give a fuck if
they wanna snort lines
179
00:08:38,886 --> 00:08:39,985
in the sauna.
180
00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:41,753
Well, thank you
for your input.
181
00:08:41,755 --> 00:08:42,754
Now if you'll excuse me
I'm gonna get back
182
00:08:42,756 --> 00:08:44,155
to some work.
183
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:45,557
You mean staring at
that skinny bitch's
184
00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:47,158
Facebook page again.
185
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:49,194
Miho, you need to go out
and get laid,
186
00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:51,897
for Christ's sakes,
let a girl play with your dick
187
00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:53,231
for all of our benefits.
188
00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:55,834
News flash,
I make minimum wage
189
00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:57,569
which makes me about
as attractive to women
190
00:08:57,571 --> 00:08:58,870
as a yeast infection.
191
00:08:58,872 --> 00:08:59,905
You're disgusting.
192
00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:02,474
You're
disgusting.
193
00:09:02,476 --> 00:09:03,775
What's up dicksfit?
194
00:09:03,777 --> 00:09:05,677
Seen the numbers on
my YouTube video?
195
00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:07,245
I'm up to 104 views.
196
00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:09,414
About to make
that sneezing panda my bitch.
197
00:09:09,416 --> 00:09:11,216
Bro, you're getting the floor
all wet.
198
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:13,184
You're getting the kitchen
all ugly.
199
00:09:13,186 --> 00:09:14,219
Hey, Chris.
200
00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:15,487
Don't you fucking
talk to her.
201
00:09:15,489 --> 00:09:16,688
I'm not even
talking to you.
202
00:09:16,690 --> 00:09:18,323
You getting smart
with me, man?
203
00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:19,791
I'm an orange belt,
I'll make you my prison bitch.
204
00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:21,893
-Are we done?
-I'm never done, Chris.
205
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:23,962
I got 20 more laps
and an hour more worth of legs
206
00:09:23,964 --> 00:09:25,664
and I'm not gonna stop
till I feel
207
00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:27,899
like I'm back in college
and there's a fucking party
208
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,334
in the quad.
209
00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:31,469
God, I love Mondays!
210
00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:41,479
Hello, Chris.
211
00:09:41,481 --> 00:09:43,114
You look a little bit down.
212
00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:48,219
Maybe I can cheer you up with
a little bit of a tap dance.
213
00:09:49,690 --> 00:09:51,089
What are you doing?
214
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:53,358
I have an audition as
a British tap dancer.
215
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:56,528
How'd I do?
216
00:09:56,530 --> 00:09:59,731
Have you tried that
maximum strength antiperspirant?
217
00:09:59,733 --> 00:10:01,700
Yes, I have tried it.
218
00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:04,436
Paycheck time.
219
00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:06,171
What are you guys
talking about, sports?
220
00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:08,540
Know, I uh, I've been hit
with a few dodge balls
221
00:10:08,542 --> 00:10:09,874
back in my time.
222
00:10:09,876 --> 00:10:11,443
We should get a hoop
out back, huh?
223
00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:12,477
Play a little B-ball.
224
00:10:12,479 --> 00:10:17,182
I don't play basketball
anymore, Todd.
225
00:10:17,184 --> 00:10:18,149
Why not?
226
00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:19,951
I used to hear about you
all the time.
227
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:22,053
Chris Long scores 30.
228
00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:24,189
Chris Long's unstoppable.
229
00:10:24,191 --> 00:10:28,493
My dad said
you were the best.
230
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:41,339
He's excited to know that
we're on the same team now.
231
00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:51,583
Pardon me.
232
00:10:51,585 --> 00:10:54,352
Jack Guy.
233
00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:55,153
♪ Jack Guy
234
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:56,388
♪ Ja-, Ja-, Jack Guy
235
00:10:56,390 --> 00:10:57,188
♪ Jack Guy
236
00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:58,623
♪ Ja-, Ja-, Jack Guy
237
00:10:58,625 --> 00:10:59,791
♪ Who's that guy
238
00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:00,558
♪ Jack Guy
239
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:01,626
♪ Jack Guy
240
00:11:01,628 --> 00:11:03,561
♪ Ja-, Ja-, Jack Guy
241
00:11:03,563 --> 00:11:06,665
♪ Oooh, Jack Guy
242
00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:09,801
♪ Is that guy
243
00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:12,437
♪ Oooh, Jack Guy
244
00:11:12,439 --> 00:11:13,805
Jack Guy?
245
00:11:13,807 --> 00:11:14,873
Is that even a real name?
246
00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:16,241
Stop being a little bitch.
247
00:11:16,243 --> 00:11:18,309
Todd said not all of us
are gonna get fired.
248
00:11:18,311 --> 00:11:21,279
Does that mean some of us
getting fired.
249
00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:22,313
Big changes are coming
Todd,
250
00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:23,581
it's gonna be awesome.
251
00:11:23,583 --> 00:11:25,884
Oh, can you change
the lock on that?
252
00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:27,986
I'm gonna hit the Starbucks
for a green tea latte.
253
00:11:27,988 --> 00:11:31,523
I'll be back in 20-ish,
all right?
254
00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:32,624
Ah, Schmitty.
255
00:11:32,626 --> 00:11:33,725
What the hell's going on?
256
00:11:33,727 --> 00:11:34,759
You hit that club last night?
257
00:11:34,761 --> 00:11:37,362
I heard it was hopping.
258
00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:40,231
Oh, yeah, your world's
about to get fucked up.
259
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:49,874
Todd.
260
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:50,842
What's up?
261
00:11:50,844 --> 00:11:52,077
You tell us, motherfucker.
262
00:11:52,079 --> 00:11:52,944
We have a new owner?
263
00:11:52,946 --> 00:11:54,512
What about your dad?
264
00:11:54,514 --> 00:11:55,947
He uh, said he was tired
of losing money on a business
265
00:11:55,949 --> 00:11:57,515
just to keep me employed
266
00:11:57,517 --> 00:11:59,784
and he wishes he would have
strapped up 30 years ago.
267
00:11:59,786 --> 00:12:01,086
Well, we can't be fired.
268
00:12:01,088 --> 00:12:03,288
In this freaking economy,
no one is hiring
269
00:12:03,290 --> 00:12:05,056
and I know because I tried
to find extra work.
270
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:05,990
Okay, calm down.
271
00:12:05,992 --> 00:12:07,358
Nobody's getting fired.
272
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:09,894
Uh, Todd, who is this
Jack Guy guy anyway?
273
00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:11,463
You stinky pigs.
274
00:12:11,465 --> 00:12:14,065
Do you realize you have
a business unattended outside?
275
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:15,500
Anybody care?
276
00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:17,802
And your gross sewage pipes
are leaking stank
277
00:12:17,804 --> 00:12:20,105
into my salon.
278
00:12:20,107 --> 00:12:22,006
Meh, meh, meh,
meh, meh, meh, meh.
279
00:12:22,008 --> 00:12:23,308
That's all I heard.
280
00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:26,144
Take the dicks
out of your ears, genius, okay?
281
00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:27,879
Because Todd, I told you
last week.
282
00:12:27,881 --> 00:12:29,380
I told you the week
before that.
283
00:12:29,382 --> 00:12:33,017
And you told him the week
before that, too, bitch.
284
00:12:33,019 --> 00:12:34,252
"Beach", really?
285
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,221
Okay, people love
the beach.
286
00:12:36,223 --> 00:12:39,824
-Welcome to America, bitch.
-Oh, really?
287
00:12:39,826 --> 00:12:44,195
Ironic coming from a girl
that looks like a Chihuahua.
288
00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:45,330
What is this,
"West Side Story"?
289
00:12:45,332 --> 00:12:46,364
You guys aren't gonna do
nothing?
290
00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:47,532
You're gonna stand there?
291
00:12:47,534 --> 00:12:49,300
Did you guys
choreograph this?
292
00:12:49,302 --> 00:12:50,735
Well, if you put this much
effort into your goddamn gym
293
00:12:50,737 --> 00:12:53,805
it wouldn't suck
so fucking bad, all right?
294
00:12:53,807 --> 00:12:55,073
Peace out, motherfuckers.
295
00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:57,041
Smell that,
that's much better.
296
00:12:57,043 --> 00:12:58,343
Did you know he currently
holds the title
297
00:12:58,345 --> 00:13:01,112
world's first ever
male supermodel?
298
00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:03,414
He's dated Kate Beckinsale,
Cameron Diaz,
299
00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:06,317
and is currently married
to Adriana Lima.
300
00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:10,388
The Victoria's Secret
supermodel?
301
00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:12,490
I bet even his dick
has a six pack.
302
00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:14,692
And he's an all Ivy League
quarterback for Yale.
303
00:13:14,694 --> 00:13:18,029
Record breaker,
28 touchdowns in one game.
304
00:13:18,031 --> 00:13:19,664
How do you know all this?
305
00:13:19,666 --> 00:13:23,001
I Google, Facebook, MySpace,
Wikipedia, and Twittered him.
306
00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:24,869
Plus, he told me.
307
00:13:24,871 --> 00:13:26,638
Holy Sherlock.
308
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:29,974
Check her out, homes.
309
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:32,243
Whoa.
310
00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:44,589
Look at that
slippery fuck toy.
311
00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:46,024
Uh, yeah, what I would
do to her
312
00:13:46,026 --> 00:13:47,826
would be illegal
in most states.
313
00:13:47,828 --> 00:13:49,828
Holy shit.
314
00:13:49,830 --> 00:13:52,797
Mr. Guy's got some moves.
315
00:13:52,799 --> 00:13:54,299
You mean Gay Namath?
316
00:13:54,301 --> 00:13:56,534
Bet I can tell you
exactly what he's saying.
317
00:13:56,536 --> 00:13:58,636
"Hi, I'm Jack,
Jack Guy.
318
00:13:58,638 --> 00:14:00,471
"My dimples could
cure cancer.
319
00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:03,074
"I'm a supermodel and
I throw footballs really far."
320
00:14:03,076 --> 00:14:05,777
"Oh, my God,
your name's so cool.
321
00:14:05,779 --> 00:14:07,278
"Your wallet's so big.
322
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:09,147
"I promise if you
treat me like shit,
323
00:14:09,149 --> 00:14:12,350
"I will love you forever."
324
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:14,152
Missy's right, dude,
you need therapy.
325
00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:15,420
Bro, you wear a Speedo.
326
00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:16,955
Did you guys hear
the good news?
327
00:14:16,957 --> 00:14:18,690
We're gonna be on TV.
328
00:14:18,692 --> 00:14:19,891
Yes!
329
00:14:19,893 --> 00:14:21,860
I have been training
three years for "Ninja Warrior."
330
00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:23,862
Out of the way,
I'm doing legs.
331
00:14:23,864 --> 00:14:26,497
It'll be like "The Office"
except we're in a gym.
332
00:14:26,499 --> 00:14:30,401
Those are the basics of
the reality show.
333
00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:35,006
The less you know,
the better.
334
00:14:35,008 --> 00:14:37,041
I wanna be clear
on one thing.
335
00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:38,076
We are a team.
336
00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:39,444
We have no favorites.
337
00:14:39,446 --> 00:14:42,280
Everyone will get
plenty of screen time.
338
00:14:45,819 --> 00:14:47,185
And I'd like the world
to get to know
339
00:14:47,187 --> 00:14:49,520
each and every one of you,
340
00:14:49,522 --> 00:14:52,357
'cause I sense greatness
in this room.
341
00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:54,259
Um, I have a question.
342
00:14:54,261 --> 00:14:57,095
What if we don't want
our lives on display?
343
00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:06,971
Everybody loves
the limelight.
344
00:15:06,973 --> 00:15:08,740
And the best part about this?
345
00:15:08,742 --> 00:15:12,844
This is only the beginning
of the Dumbbells experience.
346
00:15:12,846 --> 00:15:14,212
Dumbbells?
347
00:15:14,214 --> 00:15:18,549
That's our new name,
Dumbbells 25/8.
348
00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:19,784
25/8?
349
00:15:19,786 --> 00:15:20,919
Exactly.
350
00:15:20,921 --> 00:15:22,887
'Cause 24/7's for pussies.
351
00:15:22,889 --> 00:15:24,656
We're Dumbbells all the time.
352
00:15:24,658 --> 00:15:25,757
Speak for yourself.
353
00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:27,592
So does that mean
we get extra hours?
354
00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:29,727
Negativo, operating hours
remain the same.
355
00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:32,697
So then how can we be called
25/8?
356
00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:34,766
Perception
357
00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:36,000
is reality.
358
00:15:36,002 --> 00:15:37,468
Dumbbells 25/8,
359
00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:39,570
but we're still open
from six to nine.
360
00:15:39,572 --> 00:15:40,705
Wow.
361
00:15:40,707 --> 00:15:42,407
Actually Cliff,
in today's economy
362
00:15:42,409 --> 00:15:44,609
reality shows have proven
to be a viable mechanism
363
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:47,912
to increase business profits
by as much as 300%.
364
00:15:47,914 --> 00:15:49,147
Like "Sunset Tan".
365
00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:50,715
Precisely, Bobby.
366
00:15:50,717 --> 00:15:51,950
Three hundred percent?
367
00:15:51,952 --> 00:15:53,584
And speaking of percentages,
368
00:15:53,586 --> 00:15:56,421
I'm gonna need everybody to give
that little bit extra.
369
00:15:56,423 --> 00:15:59,958
So if you've been at 100,
I need you at 150.
370
00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:01,859
And if you've been at 10%,
371
00:16:01,861 --> 00:16:04,862
I suggest a complete
attitude adjustment.
372
00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:11,970
Attitude adjustment?
373
00:16:11,972 --> 00:16:15,006
Ten fucking percent?
374
00:16:15,008 --> 00:16:17,976
Okay, so now Mr. Hollywood says
375
00:16:17,978 --> 00:16:20,411
we won't get any extra pay
or benefits
376
00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:21,813
for being on the show.
377
00:16:21,815 --> 00:16:24,749
And he wants us to sign
some bullshit contract.
378
00:16:24,751 --> 00:16:25,483
Contract?
379
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:27,952
Don't sign no contract.
380
00:16:27,954 --> 00:16:28,786
I quit.
381
00:16:28,788 --> 00:16:30,021
I am fucking done.
382
00:16:30,023 --> 00:16:32,190
I would rather deliver
pizza for Domino's
383
00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:35,927
than work for Captain Fuckwad.
384
00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:41,065
I thought about going pro,
but with so many modeling offers
385
00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:44,135
I figured, why risk it.
386
00:16:44,137 --> 00:16:45,136
Cliff, may I help you?
387
00:16:45,138 --> 00:16:48,039
Actually, it's Chris.
388
00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:50,408
He's uh, he's good looking.
389
00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:52,610
If you like that cheesy
washed-up
390
00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:55,013
daytime television
soap opera star look.
391
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:57,482
Too bad he's also married.
392
00:16:57,484 --> 00:16:59,283
I know.
393
00:16:59,285 --> 00:17:01,386
Hey, Jack, can I get your help
out back?
394
00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:03,054
There's shit everywhere.
395
00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:04,355
Oh, hey, I'm Todd.
396
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:07,925
Hi, I'm Jack's niece,
Rachel.
397
00:17:07,927 --> 00:17:09,394
Oh, nice to meet you.
398
00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:13,031
Chris, my office,
ten minutes sharp.
399
00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:15,199
Todd, move,
oh my God,
400
00:17:15,201 --> 00:17:17,201
you reek.
401
00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:24,175
Jack?
402
00:17:24,177 --> 00:17:25,076
Yeah.
403
00:17:25,078 --> 00:17:26,177
You wanted to see me?
404
00:17:26,179 --> 00:17:27,178
Yes.
405
00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:30,481
Come on in.
406
00:17:30,483 --> 00:17:32,450
I could come back.
407
00:17:32,452 --> 00:17:34,052
No, no, take a seat.
408
00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:34,919
Are you sure?
409
00:17:34,921 --> 00:17:36,687
Yeah, sit down.
410
00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:38,356
We need to talk.
411
00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:39,690
First and foremost,
412
00:17:39,692 --> 00:17:42,293
I've got two troubling
words for you.
413
00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:46,798
Cock block.
414
00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:47,398
I'm sorry?
415
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,333
Cock block.
416
00:17:49,335 --> 00:17:52,270
So you were hitting on
your niece?
417
00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:54,205
It's a metaphor.
418
00:17:54,207 --> 00:17:56,607
This show
419
00:17:56,609 --> 00:18:00,344
is like my fat,
pulsating cock.
420
00:18:00,346 --> 00:18:02,980
And nobody's gonna block it.
421
00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:05,583
And, Mr. Smart Alec,
422
00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:06,984
you didn't know
she was my niece.
423
00:18:06,986 --> 00:18:07,885
But--
424
00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:09,420
But nothing, tall guy.
425
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:11,255
Todd told me you were
some sort of
426
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:13,591
hot shot hoops star
back in the day.
427
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:15,460
That's great,
I was an athlete, too.
428
00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:17,795
But I guess your coach
didn't teach you
429
00:18:17,797 --> 00:18:20,865
about a little thing
known as teamwork.
430
00:18:20,867 --> 00:18:23,835
You go outside right now
and you ask ten people,
431
00:18:23,837 --> 00:18:26,204
even girls, if they like
a cock block.
432
00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:28,639
And you're gonna get
ten nos.
433
00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:30,208
Jack.
434
00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:31,375
I just wanted
to say bye.
435
00:18:31,377 --> 00:18:32,043
Rach.
436
00:18:32,045 --> 00:18:32,810
Six AM?
437
00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:34,812
Six AM, sharp.
438
00:18:34,814 --> 00:18:36,214
Wow, cool fish.
439
00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:37,582
-You like it?
-Yeah.
440
00:18:37,584 --> 00:18:40,218
-Take it, it's yours.
-What, really?
441
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:43,321
Yeah, I think it was Todd's
it's gonna be thrown out.
442
00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:44,522
Consider it to be
my gift to you
443
00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:45,890
for helping out
on the show.
444
00:18:45,892 --> 00:18:47,692
Thanks, wow, cool.
445
00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:49,160
So I'll see you
bright and early, okay?
446
00:18:49,162 --> 00:18:49,894
Yeah.
447
00:18:49,896 --> 00:18:52,630
All right.
448
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:53,064
Jack.
449
00:18:53,066 --> 00:18:55,566
Chris.
450
00:18:55,568 --> 00:19:00,505
Let me make it
really simple for ya, buddy.
451
00:19:00,507 --> 00:19:04,542
Either you're a cock block
or a Dumbbell.
452
00:19:04,544 --> 00:19:09,413
You need to choose.
453
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:16,554
Jeez.
454
00:19:29,369 --> 00:19:30,902
♪ Girl, don't be shy ♪
455
00:19:30,904 --> 00:19:33,304
♪ You can take a sneak peek
when I walk on by ♪
456
00:19:33,306 --> 00:19:34,872
♪ Don't stare too long ♪
457
00:19:34,874 --> 00:19:37,542
♪ 'Cause the 12 inch python
just might bite ♪
458
00:19:37,544 --> 00:19:39,710
♪ I steal your coin ♪
459
00:19:39,712 --> 00:19:42,680
♪ No shirts means I'm dressed to
please ♪
460
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:45,082
Hey, I'm a movie star.
461
00:19:45,084 --> 00:19:46,751
Yeah, hey Momma, hey.
462
00:19:46,753 --> 00:19:48,586
♪ The same as everybody ♪
463
00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:50,621
♪ I'm always at the club ♪
464
00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:52,523
♪ The life of every party ♪
465
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,458
♪ I know you love my body ♪
466
00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:55,560
♪ The same as everybody ♪
467
00:19:55,562 --> 00:19:58,062
Hey, look who's here.
468
00:19:58,064 --> 00:20:00,198
Good morning, Dumbbell.
469
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,300
So, check out
the new unis.
470
00:20:02,302 --> 00:20:03,634
Not bad, huh?
471
00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:04,502
You got here
three minutes late
472
00:20:04,504 --> 00:20:06,470
so you get the sleeves.
473
00:20:06,472 --> 00:20:08,773
So what do you think?
474
00:20:08,775 --> 00:20:11,375
You don't waste any time.
475
00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:12,643
Yup.
476
00:20:12,645 --> 00:20:15,713
Dreams do come true.
477
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,348
Hey.
478
00:20:17,350 --> 00:20:20,384
I'm glad you didn't pull
a LeBron on us, teammate.
479
00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:22,453
That's me, go team.
480
00:20:22,455 --> 00:20:24,455
Come on,
let's do this.
481
00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:26,357
Day one of the rest
of your life.
482
00:20:31,598 --> 00:20:33,064
♪ I do my thing ♪
483
00:20:33,066 --> 00:20:35,533
♪ Girl on the ground
when I do my thing ♪
484
00:20:35,535 --> 00:20:37,235
♪ I'm at the gym all day ♪
485
00:20:37,237 --> 00:20:39,036
♪ Bet your boyfriend wouldn't
try to do the same ♪
486
00:20:39,038 --> 00:20:40,938
♪ I walk around
struttin' my stuff ♪
487
00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:42,873
♪ Short shorts for the ladies
trying to check my stuff ♪
488
00:20:42,875 --> 00:20:44,875
♪ Yeah, baby, you can look
but you sure can't touch ♪
489
00:20:44,877 --> 00:20:47,278
♪ You ain't ready for my lovin'
'cause I like it rough ♪
490
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:49,213
♪ I know you
want my body ♪
491
00:20:49,215 --> 00:20:51,882
♪ The same as everybody ♪
492
00:20:51,884 --> 00:20:53,317
Small.
493
00:20:53,319 --> 00:20:55,953
Thank you, Jack Guy.
494
00:20:55,955 --> 00:20:57,455
Jesus.
495
00:20:57,457 --> 00:21:01,425
Really?
496
00:21:01,427 --> 00:21:02,660
Come on!
497
00:21:02,662 --> 00:21:07,565
Who sweats this much?
498
00:21:07,567 --> 00:21:10,434
Fuck you,
fuck you.
499
00:21:10,436 --> 00:21:14,105
♪ You should take a picture
'cause it lasts a lot longer ♪
500
00:21:14,107 --> 00:21:17,241
♪ Longer, longer ♪
501
00:21:17,243 --> 00:21:18,542
Ah.
502
00:21:18,544 --> 00:21:20,878
What sweating problem?
503
00:21:25,818 --> 00:21:28,119
Ahhh.
504
00:21:28,121 --> 00:21:30,921
Feels so good
to work out high.
505
00:21:30,923 --> 00:21:33,190
What's up, Enrique I-gay-sius?
506
00:21:33,192 --> 00:21:35,526
What are you doing in the gym
during serious training hour?
507
00:21:35,528 --> 00:21:37,228
Filming a show, right?
508
00:21:37,230 --> 00:21:39,330
Since when do you
wanna film the show?
509
00:21:39,332 --> 00:21:41,065
Bobby, leave me alone.
510
00:21:41,067 --> 00:21:43,134
Ah, I got it.
511
00:21:43,136 --> 00:21:45,136
What are you, "Ah,
I getting it" about?
512
00:21:45,138 --> 00:21:47,104
You wanna finger Jack's niece
under a blanket.
513
00:21:47,106 --> 00:21:50,675
So, I guess you made up
with my uncle.
514
00:21:50,677 --> 00:21:54,045
-Hi.
-Wow, you, you look...
515
00:21:56,048 --> 00:21:56,781
...fit.
516
00:21:56,783 --> 00:21:57,782
Okay, this is awkward.
517
00:21:57,784 --> 00:22:00,751
Great compliment.
518
00:22:00,753 --> 00:22:04,055
So, you're the Chris Long.
519
00:22:04,057 --> 00:22:05,856
You didn't think I'd
figure it out, did ya?
520
00:22:05,858 --> 00:22:09,460
I didn't really take you
for a basketball fan.
521
00:22:09,462 --> 00:22:10,895
Wait, basketball?
522
00:22:10,897 --> 00:22:13,964
No, I was, I was referring
to the fish.
523
00:22:13,966 --> 00:22:14,899
Fish?
524
00:22:14,901 --> 00:22:17,301
It was signed
"Chris Long"?
525
00:22:17,303 --> 00:22:18,669
The painting.
526
00:22:18,671 --> 00:22:21,305
Right, yes.
527
00:22:21,307 --> 00:22:22,340
Duh.
528
00:22:22,342 --> 00:22:23,941
Wow, I'm, I'm impressed.
529
00:22:23,943 --> 00:22:26,277
I can't believe you were able
to read my signature,
530
00:22:26,279 --> 00:22:29,847
most people tell me it just
looks like a C with a scar.
531
00:22:29,849 --> 00:22:31,482
Good morning, everyone.
532
00:22:31,484 --> 00:22:33,184
Welcome to
the Dumbbells experience.
533
00:22:33,186 --> 00:22:35,186
But first I'd like us all
to give a big, warm,
534
00:22:35,188 --> 00:22:38,122
Dumbbells welcome
to our very own
535
00:22:38,124 --> 00:22:39,323
Dumbbell Girls.
536
00:22:43,429 --> 00:22:44,895
I'd also like us to give
a big hand
537
00:22:44,897 --> 00:22:47,031
to our very acclaimed director,
538
00:22:47,033 --> 00:22:48,699
famous for his
award-winning short,
539
00:22:48,701 --> 00:22:53,204
"I Think It's HPV"
Mr. Sterling LeBoef Jones.
540
00:22:59,111 --> 00:23:00,978
So now we're gonna do
a little b-roll.
541
00:23:00,980 --> 00:23:05,249
So please do me a fave,
just pair up, work out,
542
00:23:05,251 --> 00:23:07,318
and, most importantly,
just mingle.
543
00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:10,221
Pretend like
we're not even here.
544
00:23:10,223 --> 00:23:13,591
Remember, it's all about
looking hot.
545
00:23:13,593 --> 00:23:16,060
So don't sweat.
546
00:23:16,062 --> 00:23:17,828
All right,
Dumbbells team out,
547
00:23:17,830 --> 00:23:20,798
let's do this.
548
00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:24,068
So we're partners,
right?
549
00:23:25,871 --> 00:23:29,140
Yes, yes,
yes, we are.
550
00:23:29,142 --> 00:23:30,808
Yeah, sorry.
551
00:23:30,810 --> 00:23:32,810
That's cool.
552
00:23:32,812 --> 00:23:34,945
I went to law school
for a few years
553
00:23:34,947 --> 00:23:36,480
and then I thought to myself,
554
00:23:36,482 --> 00:23:38,082
"Why the hell
am I doing this?
555
00:23:38,084 --> 00:23:38,716
"I hate this."
556
00:23:38,718 --> 00:23:40,284
So I quit.
557
00:23:40,286 --> 00:23:43,721
But I discovered what I loved
which was psychotherapy.
558
00:23:43,723 --> 00:23:45,122
Psychotherapy?
559
00:23:45,124 --> 00:23:47,358
Yup, I'm gonna be
a therapist.
560
00:23:47,360 --> 00:23:48,459
Really?
561
00:23:48,461 --> 00:23:49,727
Yeah, really.
562
00:23:49,729 --> 00:23:51,028
Why, you sound surprised.
563
00:23:51,030 --> 00:23:52,563
No, it's just funny
because people
564
00:23:52,565 --> 00:23:55,332
are always telling me
that I need therapy every day,
565
00:23:55,334 --> 00:23:56,700
"You need therapy".
566
00:23:56,702 --> 00:24:00,538
Great stuff, keep going,
I love the honesty.
567
00:24:00,540 --> 00:24:04,508
Physical therapy, I mean.
568
00:24:04,510 --> 00:24:07,978
And that is why
I work out here.
569
00:24:07,980 --> 00:24:11,282
Let's go, Dumbbells!
570
00:24:11,284 --> 00:24:12,983
Can you believe this shit?
571
00:24:12,985 --> 00:24:16,387
Yeah, it's a total
exploitation of women.
572
00:24:16,389 --> 00:24:18,055
I'm talking about Chris.
573
00:24:18,057 --> 00:24:20,891
He's actually talking to her
as if she's a person.
574
00:24:20,893 --> 00:24:24,762
So what I wanna know is
other than adorable fish,
575
00:24:24,764 --> 00:24:27,398
what else do you paint?
576
00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:28,866
Um...
577
00:24:28,868 --> 00:24:31,836
I uh, I don't really paint
that much anymore.
578
00:24:31,838 --> 00:24:32,970
You're good.
579
00:24:32,972 --> 00:24:34,839
You should keep at it.
580
00:24:34,841 --> 00:24:36,307
Are you drinking soda?
581
00:24:36,309 --> 00:24:37,942
Are you out of
your fucking mind?
582
00:24:37,944 --> 00:24:40,311
I don't put that shit
in my body.
583
00:24:40,313 --> 00:24:41,512
I'm downing some COC.
584
00:24:41,514 --> 00:24:43,113
Cellular Oxygen Creatine.
585
00:24:43,115 --> 00:24:45,449
A liquid formula that triples
my amino acid circulation
586
00:24:45,451 --> 00:24:48,152
while quadrupling
my recovery time by five.
587
00:24:48,154 --> 00:24:49,220
Plus, it tastes like cherries.
588
00:24:49,222 --> 00:24:50,454
Woo!
589
00:24:50,456 --> 00:24:53,691
Are we ready for
the exciting part of the show?
590
00:24:56,429 --> 00:24:59,830
In a few minutes we'll begin
the athletic competitions
591
00:24:59,832 --> 00:25:02,333
to determine
the King of the Gym.
592
00:25:02,335 --> 00:25:03,901
Yes, yes!
593
00:25:03,903 --> 00:25:05,436
I'm fucking stoked!
594
00:25:05,438 --> 00:25:09,807
But first, I'm very proud
to introduce
595
00:25:09,809 --> 00:25:12,810
our very own
celebrity host.
596
00:25:12,812 --> 00:25:15,513
Drum roll, please.
597
00:25:15,515 --> 00:25:18,849
With great pleasure
I would like to introduce
598
00:25:18,851 --> 00:25:23,587
the one, the only,
the fabulous Fabio!
599
00:25:43,009 --> 00:25:43,974
♪ I'm sexy ♪
600
00:25:43,976 --> 00:25:45,276
♪ Who's sexy ♪
601
00:25:45,278 --> 00:25:46,510
♪ Who's sexier ♪
602
00:25:46,512 --> 00:25:47,811
♪ She got a mean cat ♪
603
00:25:47,813 --> 00:25:50,414
♪ But I got the eye
of a tiger ♪
604
00:25:50,416 --> 00:25:51,815
♪ And I'ma go hunting ♪
605
00:25:51,817 --> 00:25:54,418
♪ We gonna be humping
like we on fire ♪
606
00:25:54,420 --> 00:25:56,453
♪ Come on baby,
let's work it out ♪
607
00:25:56,455 --> 00:25:59,023
♪ Let's bring this party
to the floor ♪
608
00:25:59,025 --> 00:26:00,724
♪ She's sexy, sexy ♪
609
00:26:00,726 --> 00:26:02,993
♪ When she turns
it right on ♪
610
00:26:02,995 --> 00:26:04,995
♪ She's sexy, sexy ♪
611
00:26:04,997 --> 00:26:07,031
♪ When she breaks it down ♪
612
00:26:07,033 --> 00:26:08,933
♪ She's sexy, sexy ♪
613
00:26:08,935 --> 00:26:10,901
♪ When she turns around,
turns around ♪
614
00:26:10,903 --> 00:26:12,136
♪ Breaks it down ♪
615
00:26:12,138 --> 00:26:15,105
♪ Work it out,
work it out ♪
616
00:26:15,107 --> 00:26:17,007
♪ Get your dumbbells girls,
spread it out ♪
617
00:26:17,009 --> 00:26:19,009
♪ And get your workout on ♪
618
00:26:19,011 --> 00:26:20,911
♪ Get your dumbbells girl,
spread it out ♪
619
00:26:20,913 --> 00:26:23,047
♪ And get your workout on ♪
620
00:26:23,049 --> 00:26:24,915
♪ Get your dumbbells girl,
spread it out ♪
621
00:26:24,917 --> 00:26:27,985
♪ And get your workout on ♪
622
00:26:27,987 --> 00:26:29,553
Eric, listen,
I told you many time
623
00:26:29,555 --> 00:26:31,055
I don't want to do
the reality TV show
624
00:26:31,057 --> 00:26:32,423
with a Kardashian.
625
00:26:32,425 --> 00:26:35,459
Beside, the only good
reality TV they make
626
00:26:35,461 --> 00:26:37,027
is when they make porn.
627
00:26:37,029 --> 00:26:38,362
You know what, Chris?
628
00:26:38,364 --> 00:26:41,365
This, this is only
the beginning.
629
00:26:41,367 --> 00:26:43,500
We're getting in
at the ground floor.
630
00:26:43,502 --> 00:26:45,102
My goal is to be
the Coca Cola
631
00:26:45,104 --> 00:26:46,637
of the film industry.
632
00:26:48,341 --> 00:26:48,973
What?
633
00:26:52,178 --> 00:26:54,345
The lights look great,
what are you talking about?
634
00:26:54,347 --> 00:26:56,814
Don't tell me
it's not artistic.
635
00:26:56,816 --> 00:27:00,618
I've got a show to run.
636
00:27:00,620 --> 00:27:01,251
You ready, big guy?
637
00:27:01,253 --> 00:27:02,553
Yeah.
638
00:27:02,555 --> 00:27:04,421
Hey, listen, don't feel
like you have to do this,
639
00:27:04,423 --> 00:27:05,756
all right?
640
00:27:05,758 --> 00:27:08,225
'Cause I know my uncle can be
a bit overzealous.
641
00:27:08,227 --> 00:27:10,628
Wow, well,
I appreciate that,
642
00:27:10,630 --> 00:27:11,996
but I think I can handle
643
00:27:11,998 --> 00:27:14,531
a little reality show
competition.
644
00:27:14,533 --> 00:27:16,600
You know, Sigmund Freud
said
645
00:27:16,602 --> 00:27:20,104
"The ego is not the master
in its own house."
646
00:27:20,106 --> 00:27:23,941
I thought he said,
"The rhythm is gonna get ya."
647
00:27:23,943 --> 00:27:26,343
Just be careful, all right?
648
00:27:26,345 --> 00:27:29,380
Did she just imply
that I have an ego?
649
00:27:29,382 --> 00:27:31,849
Little bit.
650
00:27:31,851 --> 00:27:33,250
Okay, guys.
651
00:27:33,252 --> 00:27:35,419
Let's have a good time,
let's have some fun,
652
00:27:35,421 --> 00:27:38,956
but, most importantly,
don't fuck up my shit.
653
00:27:38,958 --> 00:27:39,957
We can't do that.
654
00:27:40,826 --> 00:27:42,092
It's television.
655
00:27:42,094 --> 00:27:44,294
The girls have to wear
underwear.
656
00:27:44,296 --> 00:27:44,995
Are you crazy?
657
00:27:47,033 --> 00:27:49,667
A, E, I, O, U.
658
00:27:49,669 --> 00:27:50,868
Ready, Fabs?
659
00:27:50,870 --> 00:27:52,469
Oh, yeah,
just give me a minute.
660
00:27:59,111 --> 00:28:01,679
Fuck you, Seacrest,
it's Fabio's time.
661
00:28:01,681 --> 00:28:04,314
Oh, hello, America.
662
00:28:04,316 --> 00:28:05,115
Fabio here.
663
00:28:05,117 --> 00:28:06,850
Welcome to Dumbbells 25/8.
664
00:28:06,852 --> 00:28:09,153
Let's meet
our first contestant.
665
00:28:09,155 --> 00:28:10,854
One is a wannabe actor,
666
00:28:10,856 --> 00:28:13,524
and the other one
a washed-up hoops star.
667
00:28:13,526 --> 00:28:15,592
They must remain
in their position
668
00:28:15,594 --> 00:28:18,195
known as the breakdown stance.
669
00:28:18,197 --> 00:28:20,631
Do not stop,
do not stand up.
670
00:28:20,633 --> 00:28:22,299
Ready, and go.
671
00:28:27,506 --> 00:28:28,939
Go go!
672
00:28:28,941 --> 00:28:30,441
Come on.
673
00:29:25,264 --> 00:29:29,633
You are delusional.
674
00:29:29,635 --> 00:29:34,271
Don't be so emotional.
675
00:29:34,273 --> 00:29:39,376
You're a fuck--
fuck-- fucking
676
00:29:39,378 --> 00:29:40,978
Loser.
677
00:29:40,980 --> 00:29:41,779
Loser.
678
00:29:41,781 --> 00:29:42,679
You're a loser.
679
00:29:42,681 --> 00:29:44,414
You're delusional.
680
00:29:44,416 --> 00:29:46,817
Wake up.
681
00:29:46,819 --> 00:29:50,387
And the winner is
Dre.
682
00:29:54,894 --> 00:29:58,996
Chris, you're a pussy.
683
00:29:58,998 --> 00:30:01,365
You all right?
684
00:30:01,367 --> 00:30:06,336
Fabio's kind of a dick, huh?
685
00:30:06,338 --> 00:30:07,571
But don't beat yourself up,
686
00:30:07,573 --> 00:30:08,872
I thought you did great in
there.
687
00:30:08,874 --> 00:30:09,740
Right.
688
00:30:09,742 --> 00:30:11,008
Look at the bright side.
689
00:30:11,010 --> 00:30:14,945
You have a bad knee,
yet you still competed.
690
00:30:14,947 --> 00:30:16,013
So what'd you do?
691
00:30:16,015 --> 00:30:17,514
Did you try rehabilitating it?
692
00:30:17,516 --> 00:30:19,616
I did, I had some of the best
physical therapists
693
00:30:19,618 --> 00:30:21,018
there were, actually.
694
00:30:21,020 --> 00:30:22,886
And I was making
really good progress.
695
00:30:22,888 --> 00:30:24,855
The Miami Heat even
invited me
696
00:30:24,857 --> 00:30:25,956
to their summer league.
697
00:30:25,958 --> 00:30:27,191
Wow, that's amazing.
698
00:30:27,193 --> 00:30:29,226
It was,
it really was.
699
00:30:29,228 --> 00:30:32,129
Until dinosaur-looking
Chris Bosh
700
00:30:32,131 --> 00:30:33,597
stepped on my left ankle.
701
00:30:33,599 --> 00:30:36,166
He made me fall on my face
in front of Pat Riley
702
00:30:36,168 --> 00:30:38,836
and the whole coaching staff.
703
00:30:38,838 --> 00:30:40,571
They cut me
the next day.
704
00:30:40,573 --> 00:30:44,541
The truth is I was
never better than 50%
705
00:30:44,543 --> 00:30:48,345
after my injury.
706
00:30:50,148 --> 00:30:52,082
Strange how life takes us
in directions
707
00:30:52,084 --> 00:30:53,750
we least expect, huh?
708
00:30:53,752 --> 00:30:55,519
Tell me about it.
709
00:30:55,521 --> 00:30:57,421
Okay.
710
00:30:57,423 --> 00:30:59,156
Bullseye.
711
00:30:59,158 --> 00:31:03,694
Here we go.
712
00:31:03,696 --> 00:31:07,464
Did Chris Bosh step on
your hand, too?
713
00:31:07,466 --> 00:31:09,199
Oh, wow!
714
00:31:09,201 --> 00:31:11,935
Someone is hilarious, huh?
715
00:31:11,937 --> 00:31:12,669
I try.
716
00:31:12,671 --> 00:31:13,737
Hey, turd face!
717
00:31:13,739 --> 00:31:16,807
Some icky blonde tramp
just threw up
718
00:31:16,809 --> 00:31:18,508
in front of my salon,
719
00:31:18,510 --> 00:31:20,577
and we can hear your music
blasting.
720
00:31:20,579 --> 00:31:21,778
Ivana...
721
00:31:21,780 --> 00:31:23,180
You know what?
722
00:31:23,182 --> 00:31:24,014
-I'm gonna go.
-Hello.
723
00:31:24,016 --> 00:31:25,349
You're leaving?
724
00:31:25,351 --> 00:31:26,817
Yeah, I just,
I have some schoolwork...
725
00:31:26,819 --> 00:31:28,218
You know what?
726
00:31:28,220 --> 00:31:30,254
You can talk to
your girlfriend later, okay?
727
00:31:30,256 --> 00:31:31,521
Ivana, listen, okay?
728
00:31:31,523 --> 00:31:33,123
I know when you were
a little brat
729
00:31:33,125 --> 00:31:34,892
your dad gave you all the
puppies and ponies you wanted,
730
00:31:34,894 --> 00:31:37,794
but in the adult world you can
take a time fucking out.
731
00:31:37,796 --> 00:31:38,829
You know what?
732
00:31:38,831 --> 00:31:41,231
Time fucking in, Mister, okay?
733
00:31:41,233 --> 00:31:43,333
Because it wasn't a pony,
it was a stallion.
734
00:31:43,335 --> 00:31:45,469
His name was Prancer,
and he was perfect.
735
00:31:45,471 --> 00:31:49,306
And now he's dead,
so fuck you.
736
00:31:52,510 --> 00:31:54,478
Great.
737
00:32:24,743 --> 00:32:25,709
Hello?
738
00:32:25,711 --> 00:32:27,444
Hey, Chris,
it's Kimmy.
739
00:32:27,446 --> 00:32:28,078
Miss me?
740
00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:29,246
Of course you do.
741
00:32:29,248 --> 00:32:31,415
Oh, my gosh, Daddy and I
just got back
742
00:32:31,417 --> 00:32:33,951
from Saint-Tropez,
you would not believe it!
743
00:32:33,953 --> 00:32:35,986
I am so channeling....
744
00:32:57,175 --> 00:32:58,442
-Jack.
-Chris.
745
00:32:58,444 --> 00:32:59,676
What are you still
doing here?
746
00:32:59,678 --> 00:33:01,678
Ah, I was just using
the internet.
747
00:33:01,680 --> 00:33:04,181
I didn't realize
anyone was still here.
748
00:33:04,183 --> 00:33:05,515
You don't have internet
at home?
749
00:33:05,517 --> 00:33:08,652
Well, I kind of haven't
paid the bill
750
00:33:08,654 --> 00:33:10,921
in like, seven months,
so, no.
751
00:33:10,923 --> 00:33:13,357
Ah, money problems, huh?
752
00:33:13,359 --> 00:33:14,658
Well, you know
what they say.
753
00:33:14,660 --> 00:33:17,527
Mo' money,
mo' problems.
754
00:33:17,529 --> 00:33:19,896
Yeah, what do they say
about no money?
755
00:33:19,898 --> 00:33:21,698
Excuse me.
756
00:33:41,552 --> 00:33:43,320
So, you speak Spanish.
757
00:33:43,322 --> 00:33:44,654
What a surprise.
758
00:33:44,656 --> 00:33:47,991
Well, I did use to date
Sofia Vergara.
759
00:33:47,993 --> 00:33:51,161
Guess you could say
it comes with the package.
760
00:33:51,163 --> 00:33:53,163
Fuck you, seriously.
761
00:33:53,165 --> 00:33:55,298
What are you even
doing here still?
762
00:33:55,300 --> 00:33:56,767
Shouldn't you be at home
spooning
763
00:33:56,769 --> 00:33:59,269
with your Victoria's Secret
supermodel wife?
764
00:33:59,271 --> 00:34:01,238
Let me tell you something
about me, Chris.
765
00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:03,306
When I start
filming something,
766
00:34:03,308 --> 00:34:05,175
I never leave base camp.
767
00:34:05,177 --> 00:34:06,309
It's 25/8, baby.
768
00:34:06,311 --> 00:34:09,146
Could you put a towel on?
769
00:34:09,148 --> 00:34:10,781
Not a locker room guy, huh?
770
00:34:10,783 --> 00:34:14,017
More like not a cock
in my face guy.
771
00:34:14,019 --> 00:34:15,118
You all right?
772
00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:17,220
Yeah, I'm fine.
773
00:34:17,222 --> 00:34:19,890
You don't sound fine.
774
00:34:19,892 --> 00:34:21,958
I know that look.
775
00:34:21,960 --> 00:34:24,895
What's her name?
776
00:34:24,897 --> 00:34:25,662
Jack.
777
00:34:25,664 --> 00:34:28,298
Come on, spill the beans.
778
00:34:28,300 --> 00:34:29,766
You remind me of
my friend Tantu.
779
00:34:29,768 --> 00:34:31,034
Tantu?
780
00:34:31,036 --> 00:34:33,837
Tantu Tantutututinko,
my Native American friend.
781
00:34:33,839 --> 00:34:35,472
He was a chef
at the local diner
782
00:34:35,474 --> 00:34:37,107
at the reservation where
I do my sweat lodges
783
00:34:37,109 --> 00:34:38,308
with the Bee Gees.
784
00:34:38,310 --> 00:34:40,210
Let me tell ya,
nobody can poach an egg
785
00:34:40,212 --> 00:34:41,611
like Tantu.
786
00:34:41,613 --> 00:34:43,280
He used to always say
that he was fine,
787
00:34:43,282 --> 00:34:44,481
but he wasn't.
788
00:34:44,483 --> 00:34:46,049
I could see it all over
his Indian face
789
00:34:46,051 --> 00:34:49,920
and I see the same look
on your face right now, Chris.
790
00:34:49,922 --> 00:34:52,289
Can you stop?
791
00:34:52,291 --> 00:34:56,293
Just stop.
792
00:34:56,295 --> 00:34:57,327
Okay.
793
00:34:57,329 --> 00:35:00,530
I know what to do.
794
00:35:00,532 --> 00:35:04,401
Get comfortable, buddy.
795
00:35:04,403 --> 00:35:06,169
What are you doing?
796
00:35:06,171 --> 00:35:08,271
Bro.
797
00:35:08,273 --> 00:35:11,341
Therapy saved my life.
798
00:35:11,343 --> 00:35:12,509
Okay.
799
00:35:12,511 --> 00:35:14,544
And how does that
apply to me?
800
00:35:14,546 --> 00:35:17,147
I don't need therapy.
801
00:35:17,149 --> 00:35:19,316
What is with you people?
802
00:35:19,318 --> 00:35:21,685
She said that
she loved me
803
00:35:21,687 --> 00:35:23,954
and she didn't love me.
804
00:35:23,956 --> 00:35:27,157
She left,
she didn't even say goodbye,
805
00:35:27,159 --> 00:35:28,992
she left a note.
806
00:35:28,994 --> 00:35:31,328
It wasn't even goodbye.
807
00:35:31,330 --> 00:35:33,663
And then I say,
"Guess what, Kim?
808
00:35:33,665 --> 00:35:35,499
"I don't even wanna play
in the NBA anyway,
809
00:35:35,501 --> 00:35:37,067
"you materialistic fuck!
810
00:35:37,069 --> 00:35:38,802
"Why don't you go
whiten your teeth again?
811
00:35:38,804 --> 00:35:40,303
"Why don't you throw up
that hamburger
812
00:35:40,305 --> 00:35:41,438
"in the toilet again?
813
00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:42,439
"You don't think
I can hear it?
814
00:35:42,441 --> 00:35:44,741
"I can hear it every time!"
815
00:35:44,743 --> 00:35:47,310
I guess what bothers
me the most
816
00:35:47,312 --> 00:35:50,947
is obsessively pondering
over what I could have been.
817
00:35:50,949 --> 00:35:52,616
My true potential.
818
00:35:52,618 --> 00:35:57,721
NBA star,
happily married to Kim,
819
00:35:57,723 --> 00:36:01,558
or anything other
than what I am now.
820
00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:04,928
Chris, sometimes we need
to lose everything
821
00:36:04,930 --> 00:36:07,631
that we think we want
in order to discover
822
00:36:07,633 --> 00:36:10,534
who it is
that we really are.
823
00:36:10,536 --> 00:36:11,835
That's deep.
824
00:36:11,837 --> 00:36:14,171
It's a magnet
on my refrigerator.
825
00:36:14,173 --> 00:36:18,074
$75,000.
826
00:36:18,076 --> 00:36:20,443
Starting salary.
827
00:36:20,445 --> 00:36:24,347
Sounds like
a fucking bitch.
828
00:36:24,349 --> 00:36:26,683
I just, I don't get her.
829
00:36:26,685 --> 00:36:28,018
Why now?
830
00:36:28,020 --> 00:36:30,887
I mean, where's she been
and why do I still give a shit?
831
00:36:30,889 --> 00:36:33,690
Don't beat yourself up, pal.
832
00:36:33,692 --> 00:36:35,992
Every woman's
got a vagenda.
833
00:36:35,994 --> 00:36:39,362
The question is whether
it's the right one for you.
834
00:36:39,364 --> 00:36:41,031
Did you say "vagenda"?
835
00:36:41,033 --> 00:36:44,601
That injury was the best thing
that could ever happen to you.
836
00:36:44,603 --> 00:36:48,104
That injury saved your life.
837
00:36:50,541 --> 00:36:51,808
Do you really think
the two of you
838
00:36:51,810 --> 00:36:54,277
could have ever
been happy together?
839
00:36:54,279 --> 00:36:56,813
Yes.
840
00:36:56,815 --> 00:36:59,182
No.
841
00:36:59,184 --> 00:37:00,317
You know what?
842
00:37:00,319 --> 00:37:01,384
You're right again.
843
00:37:01,386 --> 00:37:03,620
I don't,
I don't need her
844
00:37:03,622 --> 00:37:06,056
and I don't need
her daddy's money,
845
00:37:06,058 --> 00:37:08,858
and I've got things
going on in my life.
846
00:37:08,860 --> 00:37:11,595
I've got, I've got Jack Guy.
847
00:37:11,597 --> 00:37:14,264
I've got Dumbbells 25/8,
right?
848
00:37:14,266 --> 00:37:18,101
That's right, brother.
849
00:37:18,103 --> 00:37:20,537
You know what?
850
00:37:20,539 --> 00:37:22,339
I feel good right now.
851
00:37:22,341 --> 00:37:24,207
I feel clear.
852
00:37:24,209 --> 00:37:27,510
I feel one with the universe
or something.
853
00:37:27,512 --> 00:37:29,646
I feel, I feel taller.
854
00:37:29,648 --> 00:37:31,014
I feel light.
855
00:37:31,016 --> 00:37:33,450
Everybody should try therapy
at least once.
856
00:37:33,452 --> 00:37:36,620
It's not like people haven't
tried to tell me that.
857
00:37:36,622 --> 00:37:38,088
Especially Missy.
858
00:37:38,090 --> 00:37:41,424
Did you know that Missy and Dre
take a two hour bus ride
859
00:37:41,426 --> 00:37:42,826
to get here every day?
860
00:37:42,828 --> 00:37:44,294
-From downtown.
-Really?
861
00:37:44,296 --> 00:37:48,064
I feel like I've been
a jerk to those guys.
862
00:37:48,066 --> 00:37:50,900
I feel like I wanna do
something nice for them.
863
00:37:50,902 --> 00:37:56,673
Well, we could start
by brightening their day.
864
00:38:02,881 --> 00:38:06,049
Hey, dumbass, did you forget
to lock the door last night?
865
00:38:06,051 --> 00:38:07,684
I was a little tipsy.
866
00:38:07,686 --> 00:38:09,452
Wait, do you hear music?
867
00:38:13,659 --> 00:38:16,860
♪ I used to think
maybe you loved me ♪
868
00:38:16,862 --> 00:38:19,229
♪ Now baby I'm sure ♪
869
00:38:22,200 --> 00:38:25,068
♪ And I just can't
wait till the day ♪
870
00:38:25,070 --> 00:38:27,170
Good morning!
871
00:38:27,172 --> 00:38:28,805
First, I'd like to say
872
00:38:28,807 --> 00:38:32,809
that I think you're both
equally amazing
873
00:38:32,811 --> 00:38:35,345
and I'm sorry from
the bottom of my heart
874
00:38:35,347 --> 00:38:37,247
for being an a-hole.
875
00:38:37,249 --> 00:38:39,115
And I appreciate
both of you.
876
00:38:39,117 --> 00:38:42,719
You see, Missy,
you are like my rock.
877
00:38:42,721 --> 00:38:45,755
You're my foundation
that keeps me sturdy.
878
00:38:45,757 --> 00:38:47,624
And, Dre, you're like
the rainbow
879
00:38:47,626 --> 00:38:49,793
that shines above those rocks.
880
00:38:49,795 --> 00:38:52,395
And not like a gay rainbow,
but a masculine rainbow
881
00:38:52,397 --> 00:38:53,663
with muted colors.
882
00:38:53,665 --> 00:38:57,534
Who are you and what
have you one with Chris?
883
00:38:57,536 --> 00:39:00,570
Hey, there he is!
884
00:39:00,572 --> 00:39:02,205
Day two, baby.
885
00:39:02,207 --> 00:39:04,574
Nice wheels.
886
00:39:04,576 --> 00:39:05,642
Something wrong?
887
00:39:05,644 --> 00:39:06,843
Yeah, you know what's wrong.
888
00:39:06,845 --> 00:39:08,511
Your check bounced,
you asshole.
889
00:39:08,513 --> 00:39:09,846
What?
890
00:39:09,848 --> 00:39:11,381
There must be some mistake.
891
00:39:11,383 --> 00:39:13,450
I mean, come on, Fabs,
you know I'm good for it.
892
00:39:13,452 --> 00:39:16,219
Listen, don't call me Fabs,
it's Fabio.
893
00:39:16,221 --> 00:39:17,020
Fabio.
894
00:39:17,022 --> 00:39:17,954
-Io.
-Io.
895
00:39:17,956 --> 00:39:20,290
-Io, io, you idiot.
-Fabio.
896
00:39:20,292 --> 00:39:21,858
Let's go inside,
everyone's waiting.
897
00:39:21,860 --> 00:39:23,426
You screw me over,
and you know what?
898
00:39:23,428 --> 00:39:25,628
Nobody fucks
with Fabio.
899
00:39:25,630 --> 00:39:27,630
I've got plenty of money
in that account!
900
00:39:27,632 --> 00:39:30,900
Fabio!
901
00:39:30,902 --> 00:39:32,102
Damn.
902
00:39:39,211 --> 00:39:42,946
What?
903
00:39:42,948 --> 00:39:46,049
No!
904
00:39:46,051 --> 00:39:49,786
Let's just say the man
has a vision.
905
00:39:49,788 --> 00:39:52,389
Big changes
are coming.
906
00:39:52,391 --> 00:39:54,557
There's the genius!
907
00:39:54,559 --> 00:39:55,792
Saul, where are you?
908
00:39:55,794 --> 00:39:58,895
I've got a big problem,
call me back!
909
00:40:01,500 --> 00:40:03,466
What uh, is wrong?
910
00:40:03,468 --> 00:40:05,068
Fabio quit.
911
00:40:05,070 --> 00:40:06,136
Let me guess.
912
00:40:06,138 --> 00:40:08,004
There was too much
dialogue for him.
913
00:40:08,006 --> 00:40:09,739
Why, why,
why did he quit?
914
00:40:09,741 --> 00:40:11,841
Because he's a dick.
915
00:40:11,843 --> 00:40:13,410
And the check
I wrote him bounced.
916
00:40:13,412 --> 00:40:14,611
Oh.
917
00:40:14,613 --> 00:40:15,845
I called my money manager,
Saul,
918
00:40:15,847 --> 00:40:17,380
but what it means is,
you know,
919
00:40:17,382 --> 00:40:19,849
I gotta send everybody home
and still pay for it.
920
00:40:19,851 --> 00:40:22,352
All right, we'll find
a new host, right?
921
00:40:22,354 --> 00:40:24,087
Chris, I just can't, like
go on the internet
922
00:40:24,089 --> 00:40:25,855
to CelebrityHost.com
and push a button.
923
00:40:25,857 --> 00:40:27,223
It's not that easy.
924
00:40:27,225 --> 00:40:29,325
Not to mention I've got
the cast and crew here
925
00:40:29,327 --> 00:40:30,360
for two days, that's it.
926
00:40:30,362 --> 00:40:31,728
Well, let's take
a time out
927
00:40:31,730 --> 00:40:32,862
and let's think about this,
all right?
928
00:40:32,864 --> 00:40:34,297
We need a host,
we need a host.
929
00:40:34,299 --> 00:40:37,200
We need someone charming,
someone personable,
930
00:40:37,202 --> 00:40:42,505
someone who's not a dick,
um...
931
00:40:42,507 --> 00:40:43,540
Duh!
932
00:40:43,542 --> 00:40:45,008
Jack Guy!
933
00:40:45,010 --> 00:40:46,776
You've done a million
modeling campaigns,
934
00:40:46,778 --> 00:40:48,211
you've traveled the world,
935
00:40:48,213 --> 00:40:50,346
you've always been in front
of the camera.
936
00:40:50,348 --> 00:40:54,184
You should host the show.
937
00:40:54,186 --> 00:40:58,121
Well, I did guest star
on a soap opera once.
938
00:40:58,123 --> 00:40:59,989
That's what I'm talking about,
baby!
939
00:40:59,991 --> 00:41:01,558
Look out this window,
all right?
940
00:41:01,560 --> 00:41:03,059
This is your vision, buddy.
941
00:41:07,265 --> 00:41:08,765
We're all looking through
the point of view
942
00:41:08,767 --> 00:41:10,867
of our own reality tunnel.
943
00:41:10,869 --> 00:41:13,236
And every reality tunnel
is different.
944
00:41:13,238 --> 00:41:15,572
Wikipedia says
that Fabio's Protein
945
00:41:15,574 --> 00:41:17,440
is better than water.
946
00:41:31,756 --> 00:41:33,890
Yuck, what the...
947
00:41:42,601 --> 00:41:43,900
What's going on?
948
00:41:43,902 --> 00:41:44,834
Why is Jack getting
concealer applied?
949
00:41:44,836 --> 00:41:46,569
His skin is perfect.
950
00:41:46,571 --> 00:41:50,940
Fabio quit, Jack's the host,
and Chris is a fucking alien.
951
00:41:50,942 --> 00:41:51,841
You ready to roll, Sterling?
952
00:41:52,744 --> 00:41:53,576
Jack?
953
00:41:53,578 --> 00:41:54,577
Todd, what's up?
954
00:41:54,579 --> 00:41:56,145
I was uploading,
955
00:41:56,147 --> 00:41:57,981
trying to upload yesterday's
footage to your Mac
956
00:41:57,983 --> 00:41:59,549
like you told me,
but um,
957
00:41:59,551 --> 00:42:01,618
for some reason it doesn't
look like the footage
958
00:42:01,620 --> 00:42:02,452
actually recorded.
959
00:42:02,454 --> 00:42:03,353
What?
960
00:42:05,056 --> 00:42:06,823
Sterling, just hold on
for a second.
961
00:42:06,825 --> 00:42:07,657
What do you mean
it didn't record?
962
00:42:07,659 --> 00:42:08,491
How could that be?
963
00:42:11,396 --> 00:42:12,529
Did you know about this?
964
00:42:21,105 --> 00:42:23,306
Does anyone here
speak idiot?
965
00:42:23,308 --> 00:42:24,707
Fuck it, all right?
966
00:42:24,709 --> 00:42:27,143
You need something done right
you gotta do it yourself.
967
00:42:27,145 --> 00:42:28,912
All right, just roll this time.
968
00:42:30,448 --> 00:42:32,148
Are you the owner of
this establishment?
969
00:42:32,150 --> 00:42:33,249
I am.
970
00:42:33,251 --> 00:42:34,651
I'm with
the Department of Health,
971
00:42:34,653 --> 00:42:36,052
and pardon the pun,
972
00:42:36,054 --> 00:42:40,723
you need to get
your shit together!
973
00:42:43,728 --> 00:42:47,864
Have a nice day.
974
00:42:55,806 --> 00:42:57,173
Hello, America.
975
00:42:57,175 --> 00:42:59,242
Why is it so fun
being a dick?
976
00:42:59,244 --> 00:43:01,110
Don't wanna be
a pussy.
977
00:43:01,112 --> 00:43:05,515
Sterling,
we're losing power!
978
00:43:05,517 --> 00:43:09,385
I can't work like this!
979
00:43:13,090 --> 00:43:14,791
Everything's okay.
980
00:43:14,793 --> 00:43:17,794
It's just a coincidence that
all my checks are bouncing.
981
00:43:17,796 --> 00:43:19,028
Uncle Jack?
982
00:43:19,030 --> 00:43:21,297
Saul's hard
to get a hold of.
983
00:43:21,299 --> 00:43:21,998
He travels a lot.
984
00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:23,333
Are you okay?
985
00:43:23,335 --> 00:43:26,235
Just having a few
communication issues.
986
00:43:26,237 --> 00:43:27,937
You know what
I just thought of?
987
00:43:27,939 --> 00:43:30,206
Why don't you call
Adriana?
988
00:43:30,208 --> 00:43:32,408
She would make
a perfect host.
989
00:43:32,410 --> 00:43:34,811
Problem solved.
990
00:43:34,813 --> 00:43:36,746
Yeah, Adriana.
991
00:43:36,748 --> 00:43:39,716
Adriana left me
five months ago.
992
00:43:39,718 --> 00:43:41,517
Oh.
993
00:43:41,519 --> 00:43:43,319
Is this Octaurean related?
994
00:43:43,321 --> 00:43:44,988
Octaurean?
995
00:43:44,990 --> 00:43:47,724
He was in a cult
for 20 years.
996
00:43:47,726 --> 00:43:49,525
What, like Catholicism?
997
00:43:49,527 --> 00:43:53,630
No, they worshipped a star
called Octaurus.
998
00:43:53,632 --> 00:43:54,530
Oh.
999
00:43:54,532 --> 00:43:56,065
But he escaped.
1000
00:43:59,704 --> 00:44:01,137
Look at that!
1001
00:44:01,139 --> 00:44:03,840
See, things are already
looking brighter.
1002
00:44:03,842 --> 00:44:05,108
And there he goes,
folks,
1003
00:44:05,110 --> 00:44:07,343
money manager
Saul Rosenblattsteinberg
1004
00:44:07,345 --> 00:44:11,280
is being indicted on accusations
of running a Ponzi scheme
1005
00:44:11,282 --> 00:44:13,950
involving some of Hollywood's
biggest names,
1006
00:44:13,952 --> 00:44:15,852
many of whom are linked
to the alleged cult
1007
00:44:15,854 --> 00:44:18,688
known as Octaurean Lifestyles
which was first exposed
1008
00:44:18,690 --> 00:44:22,091
by famous model
and former member, Jack Guy,
1009
00:44:22,093 --> 00:44:25,228
who is also a victim in
this tragic turn of events.
1010
00:44:25,230 --> 00:44:27,964
Man, did he royally
fuck those people.
1011
00:44:27,966 --> 00:44:32,468
Back to you in the studio,
Bob.
1012
00:44:33,470 --> 00:44:35,004
Jack, are you okay?
1013
00:44:35,006 --> 00:44:38,141
These electronic toothbrushes
are amazing.
1014
00:44:38,143 --> 00:44:39,776
I haven't had a cavity
in over ten years,
1015
00:44:39,778 --> 00:44:43,212
you know that?
1016
00:44:45,215 --> 00:44:46,749
Jack.
1017
00:44:46,751 --> 00:44:50,086
Sit with me,
talk to me.
1018
00:44:53,357 --> 00:44:54,023
What's up?
1019
00:44:54,025 --> 00:44:55,692
Something wrong?
1020
00:44:55,694 --> 00:44:59,128
You tell me, Tantu.
1021
00:44:59,130 --> 00:45:00,863
Adriana never loved me.
1022
00:45:00,865 --> 00:45:03,666
She said she did,
but she didn't.
1023
00:45:03,668 --> 00:45:07,336
She went away on a photo shoot,
she never even came back.
1024
00:45:07,338 --> 00:45:09,505
She ran off with
some German photographer
1025
00:45:09,507 --> 00:45:10,940
with a ponytail.
1026
00:45:10,942 --> 00:45:12,475
Dirk.
1027
00:45:12,477 --> 00:45:13,342
Dirk the jerk.
1028
00:45:13,344 --> 00:45:16,879
I didn't join the cult, mother!
1029
00:45:16,881 --> 00:45:19,115
No one joins a cult!
1030
00:45:19,117 --> 00:45:20,983
I was brainwashed!
1031
00:45:20,985 --> 00:45:22,852
I mean, my God,
they told me
1032
00:45:22,854 --> 00:45:24,620
I was saving the world!
1033
00:45:24,622 --> 00:45:26,823
They said, "Sign here,
you'll help save the world."
1034
00:45:26,825 --> 00:45:28,157
I signed.
1035
00:45:28,159 --> 00:45:30,293
Wh-, what would you do?
1036
00:45:30,295 --> 00:45:31,794
Did that answer
your question?
1037
00:45:31,796 --> 00:45:36,933
Yes, yes, I did think
the spaceships were coming!
1038
00:45:36,935 --> 00:45:39,535
I guess what bothers
me the most is that
1039
00:45:39,537 --> 00:45:42,205
no one ever seems
to take me seriously.
1040
00:45:42,207 --> 00:45:46,008
Even in the cult my nickname
was Dipshit.
1041
00:45:46,010 --> 00:45:48,711
I remember the day
I escaped.
1042
00:45:48,713 --> 00:45:51,547
February second,
Groundhog Day.
1043
00:45:51,549 --> 00:45:53,616
I was running butt naked
through the forest
1044
00:45:53,618 --> 00:45:56,419
with nothing but a squirrel pelt
and my dignity
1045
00:45:56,421 --> 00:45:57,053
to keep me warm,
1046
00:45:57,055 --> 00:45:59,922
but I got away.
1047
00:45:59,924 --> 00:46:02,458
That was the first day
that I really questioned
1048
00:46:02,460 --> 00:46:05,828
my decision to change my name
to Jack Guy.
1049
00:46:05,830 --> 00:46:08,030
What's your real name?
1050
00:46:08,032 --> 00:46:10,366
Phil Wienerman.
1051
00:46:10,368 --> 00:46:12,168
Wait a second,
what should I call you?
1052
00:46:12,170 --> 00:46:15,238
Jack or Phil?
1053
00:46:15,240 --> 00:46:16,906
I don't know.
1054
00:46:16,908 --> 00:46:20,109
Actually, I was thinking
of changing my name again.
1055
00:46:20,111 --> 00:46:24,080
I always liked
the name "Jim".
1056
00:46:24,082 --> 00:46:26,282
Considering that you
wanna be taken seriously
1057
00:46:26,284 --> 00:46:29,118
and you own a fitness club now,
1058
00:46:29,120 --> 00:46:33,022
"Jim Guy" might not be
the best option.
1059
00:46:33,024 --> 00:46:35,158
I'm just saying.
1060
00:46:35,160 --> 00:46:37,093
There you go.
1061
00:46:37,095 --> 00:46:38,961
Listen, I just wanted
to thank you again
1062
00:46:38,963 --> 00:46:41,297
for helping my uncle
through this.
1063
00:46:41,299 --> 00:46:43,199
I know he can be
a bit eccentric.
1064
00:46:43,201 --> 00:46:45,568
No, no, no,
it's fine,
1065
00:46:45,570 --> 00:46:46,936
it's my pleasure.
1066
00:46:46,938 --> 00:46:47,837
Well, you're sweet.
1067
00:46:47,839 --> 00:46:51,874
You're sweet, too.
1068
00:46:51,876 --> 00:46:54,677
Well, till next time.
1069
00:46:58,616 --> 00:47:01,150
Cool Vespa.
1070
00:47:01,152 --> 00:47:02,018
You know what?
1071
00:47:02,020 --> 00:47:04,453
On Saturdays um,
1072
00:47:04,455 --> 00:47:06,622
we take the underprivileged
kids that I work with
1073
00:47:06,624 --> 00:47:09,625
to the park to get
some outdoor activity.
1074
00:47:09,627 --> 00:47:12,361
I was thinking maybe
you could come by
1075
00:47:12,363 --> 00:47:15,765
and show 'em some
basketball moves or something.
1076
00:47:15,767 --> 00:47:19,101
Yeah, that sounds awesome.
1077
00:47:19,103 --> 00:47:20,169
Cool.
1078
00:47:20,171 --> 00:47:23,840
So um, Pan Pacific Park,
one PM.
1079
00:47:23,842 --> 00:47:28,344
Pan Pacific Park,
one PM.
1080
00:47:28,346 --> 00:47:31,314
Once again I'm uh,
I'm really, really sorry.
1081
00:47:31,316 --> 00:47:33,716
Due to my current
financial situation
1082
00:47:33,718 --> 00:47:36,919
and the failure of
the reality show
1083
00:47:36,921 --> 00:47:40,356
why doesn't everyone just
take the rest of the week off.
1084
00:47:40,358 --> 00:47:41,858
We'll plan to reconvene
on Monday.
1085
00:47:41,860 --> 00:47:44,293
But uh, in light of
everything that's happened
1086
00:47:44,295 --> 00:47:47,230
unless some sort
of miracle occurs,
1087
00:47:47,232 --> 00:47:49,932
I strongly encourage everyone
to explore
1088
00:47:49,934 --> 00:47:51,634
other employment
opportunities.
1089
00:47:51,636 --> 00:47:56,072
Three days of working here,
you get us shut down?
1090
00:48:12,123 --> 00:48:14,790
♪ Lately seems
you've been distant ♪
1091
00:48:14,792 --> 00:48:19,428
♪ Or maybe I just
don't read you so well ♪
1092
00:48:21,566 --> 00:48:24,500
♪ What you want
in an instant ♪
1093
00:48:24,502 --> 00:48:26,669
♪ Would say with your eyes ♪
1094
00:48:26,671 --> 00:48:31,607
♪ It's getting harder
to tell ♪
1095
00:48:31,609 --> 00:48:36,445
♪ And I want you to know
I'm trying ♪
1096
00:48:36,447 --> 00:48:41,417
♪ Trying the best
that I can ♪
1097
00:48:41,419 --> 00:48:45,488
♪ And if our love
is slowly dying ♪
1098
00:48:45,490 --> 00:48:48,357
♪ I want you to know ♪
1099
00:48:48,359 --> 00:48:51,193
♪ Where I stand
in my heart ♪
1100
00:48:51,195 --> 00:48:53,930
♪ My heart, my heart ♪
1101
00:48:53,932 --> 00:48:55,097
You're early.
1102
00:48:55,099 --> 00:48:56,365
It's been a while.
1103
00:48:56,367 --> 00:48:59,335
I figured I could
use the practice.
1104
00:49:03,041 --> 00:49:04,941
Let's play some basketball.
1105
00:49:04,943 --> 00:49:06,275
All right guys, back up,
1106
00:49:06,277 --> 00:49:08,144
we're gonna work on defense,
okay?
1107
00:49:08,146 --> 00:49:09,345
Let's see what you got.
1108
00:49:09,347 --> 00:49:10,646
♪ If it weren't for the boy ♪
1109
00:49:10,648 --> 00:49:11,914
♪ Who felt like
whatever he did ♪
1110
00:49:11,916 --> 00:49:13,082
♪ Wasn't good enough ♪
1111
00:49:13,084 --> 00:49:14,583
♪ Was different
than every kid ♪
1112
00:49:14,585 --> 00:49:15,918
♪ But wait,
deep down inside ♪
1113
00:49:15,920 --> 00:49:17,586
♪ There was a genius within ♪
1114
00:49:17,588 --> 00:49:20,189
♪ And his heart was of gold
and hope was eager to win ♪
1115
00:49:20,191 --> 00:49:21,390
♪ Was so sick and tired
of all these people ♪
1116
00:49:21,392 --> 00:49:22,992
♪ Sneaking on him ♪
1117
00:49:22,994 --> 00:49:25,261
♪ No, he would come and attack
by the evil again ♪
1118
00:49:25,263 --> 00:49:26,629
♪ And his family's poor ♪
1119
00:49:26,631 --> 00:49:28,431
♪ He swore he would
feed them again ♪
1120
00:49:28,433 --> 00:49:30,833
♪ But on his way out there goes
the Grim Reaper again ♪
1121
00:49:30,835 --> 00:49:32,134
♪ They put him in
the coliseum ♪
1122
00:49:32,136 --> 00:49:33,869
♪ To be food for the lions ♪
1123
00:49:33,871 --> 00:49:36,472
♪ But he cut right through 'em
like the man on fire ♪
1124
00:49:36,474 --> 00:49:37,974
♪ With my heart
of Leonidas ♪
1125
00:49:37,976 --> 00:49:39,442
♪ He fought through the riots ♪
1126
00:49:39,444 --> 00:49:40,543
♪ Cause he's one bad man ♪
1127
00:49:40,545 --> 00:49:42,178
♪ Gave his notes to the choir ♪
1128
00:49:42,180 --> 00:49:45,314
♪ But this world
was deep in for you ♪
1129
00:49:45,316 --> 00:49:47,516
♪ Bloodlines went back
to the people ♪
1130
00:49:47,518 --> 00:49:50,386
♪ You gotta fight way out,
it can be done ♪
1131
00:49:50,388 --> 00:49:52,755
♪ But in him dwells the heart
of a champion ♪
1132
00:49:52,757 --> 00:49:55,691
♪ Never quit, never lose hope,
overcome ♪
1133
00:49:55,693 --> 00:49:58,961
♪ Never fear to fly,
you can be the one ♪
1134
00:49:58,963 --> 00:50:02,765
Oh, come on,
that's not fair.
1135
00:50:07,205 --> 00:50:08,137
Hey, there.
1136
00:50:08,139 --> 00:50:09,572
Wow.
1137
00:50:09,574 --> 00:50:12,274
Aren't you amazing
with the kids, who knew?
1138
00:50:12,276 --> 00:50:13,743
Thank you.
1139
00:50:13,745 --> 00:50:16,412
Now that brings us to
a little bit of a surprise
1140
00:50:16,414 --> 00:50:18,547
that I have for you.
1141
00:50:18,549 --> 00:50:19,181
What?
1142
00:50:19,183 --> 00:50:20,516
Ta-dah!
1143
00:50:20,518 --> 00:50:23,319
I figured we'd
have to eat, right?
1144
00:50:23,321 --> 00:50:25,788
Check it out.
1145
00:50:25,790 --> 00:50:30,326
Peach and raspberry
cobbler pie.
1146
00:50:30,328 --> 00:50:32,561
Wow, um...
1147
00:50:32,563 --> 00:50:34,730
Chris.
1148
00:50:34,732 --> 00:50:35,831
I...
1149
00:50:35,833 --> 00:50:37,366
Hey, Manny,
what's up, buddy?
1150
00:50:37,368 --> 00:50:39,268
If you're such
a superstar player,
1151
00:50:39,270 --> 00:50:41,404
how come you can't dunk?
1152
00:50:41,406 --> 00:50:42,538
Kids, right?
1153
00:50:42,540 --> 00:50:44,573
Well, uh, Manny,
as you can see
1154
00:50:44,575 --> 00:50:48,177
I don't exactly have
the best knee anymore, so...
1155
00:50:48,179 --> 00:50:49,712
I still don't think you can.
1156
00:50:49,714 --> 00:50:52,181
Well, actually used to be able
to dunk pretty well
1157
00:50:52,183 --> 00:50:52,982
back in the day.
1158
00:50:52,984 --> 00:50:54,784
Then prove it.
1159
00:50:54,786 --> 00:50:55,951
Are you bullying me?
1160
00:50:55,953 --> 00:50:59,121
I got ten baseball cards
that says you can't.
1161
00:50:59,123 --> 00:51:00,122
Ooh!
1162
00:51:00,124 --> 00:51:01,357
All right, okay, Manny,
1163
00:51:01,359 --> 00:51:03,559
why don't we
stop bugging Chris
1164
00:51:03,561 --> 00:51:05,728
and thank him for
coming out today.
1165
00:51:05,730 --> 00:51:08,931
I guess since his girlfriend's
rescuing him
1166
00:51:08,933 --> 00:51:10,199
I'll leave him alone.
1167
00:51:10,201 --> 00:51:13,335
Especially since
he's chicken.
1168
00:51:13,337 --> 00:51:14,603
Manny!
1169
00:51:14,605 --> 00:51:17,440
No, Rachel,
it's totally cool.
1170
00:51:17,442 --> 00:51:20,876
Ten baseball cards, huh?
1171
00:51:20,878 --> 00:51:23,746
Listen, you do not
have to do this.
1172
00:51:23,748 --> 00:51:26,949
I think I do.
1173
00:51:26,951 --> 00:51:29,018
Dotted line, Manny.
1174
00:51:29,020 --> 00:51:31,654
Chris, Chris, Chris,
Chris, Chris, Chris...
1175
00:51:31,656 --> 00:51:33,022
Please, God, don't make me
look stupid
1176
00:51:33,024 --> 00:51:35,057
in front of Rachel
and all these kids.
1177
00:51:35,059 --> 00:51:39,929
Chris, Chris, Chris,
Chris, Chris, Chris...
1178
00:52:17,268 --> 00:52:18,300
Guess who.
1179
00:52:18,302 --> 00:52:21,137
Hey, baby,
I got out early!
1180
00:52:21,139 --> 00:52:22,838
Hey.
1181
00:52:22,840 --> 00:52:26,041
Look at you.
1182
00:52:26,043 --> 00:52:27,409
Chris.
1183
00:52:27,411 --> 00:52:28,677
Chris, wait up.
1184
00:52:28,679 --> 00:52:29,311
Chris.
1185
00:52:29,313 --> 00:52:31,347
Yeah, what's up?
1186
00:52:31,349 --> 00:52:32,548
I'm sorry.
1187
00:52:32,550 --> 00:52:33,816
Look, I meant to tell you,
but...
1188
00:52:33,818 --> 00:52:34,917
Don't be silly.
1189
00:52:34,919 --> 00:52:37,153
Look, it's totally cool,
I just um, I uh,
1190
00:52:37,155 --> 00:52:38,420
what time is it?
1191
00:52:38,422 --> 00:52:39,555
I promised a friend
that I would uh,
1192
00:52:39,557 --> 00:52:40,656
help him move today.
1193
00:52:40,658 --> 00:52:42,324
I gotta,
gotta get to IKEA.
1194
00:52:42,326 --> 00:52:43,626
Chris.
1195
00:52:43,628 --> 00:52:45,594
Rachel, I get it,
you're engaged.
1196
00:52:45,596 --> 00:52:48,564
I mean, he seems like
a really nice guy, successful.
1197
00:52:48,566 --> 00:52:50,666
-What is that, Armani?
-Chris.
1198
00:52:50,668 --> 00:52:52,868
I just came to help you
with the kids, right?
1199
00:52:52,870 --> 00:52:54,403
Babe, you ready?
1200
00:52:54,405 --> 00:52:55,871
It was nice
meeting ya, Cliff.
1201
00:52:55,873 --> 00:52:58,240
Yeah, you too,
it was a great surprise.
1202
00:52:58,242 --> 00:52:59,775
Thanks for helping her out
with all those kids,
1203
00:52:59,777 --> 00:53:02,778
they can be, you know,
semen demons.
1204
00:53:02,780 --> 00:53:07,449
Which one's your whip,
by the way?
1205
00:53:07,451 --> 00:53:09,185
Yes, for sure.
1206
00:53:09,187 --> 00:53:11,020
Okay.
1207
00:53:11,022 --> 00:53:13,222
Wow, what an angry
little Asian man.
1208
00:53:13,224 --> 00:53:15,457
Uh, okay, well, Mr. Guy, is it?
1209
00:53:15,459 --> 00:53:17,159
Is it Guy, Gee?
1210
00:53:17,161 --> 00:53:18,060
Guy.
1211
00:53:18,062 --> 00:53:19,395
Guy, all right.
1212
00:53:19,397 --> 00:53:20,729
You don't look French
but I thought
1213
00:53:20,731 --> 00:53:22,198
I'd give it a shot.
1214
00:53:22,200 --> 00:53:24,066
If you were I would
kick you out immediately.
1215
00:53:24,068 --> 00:53:25,301
Listen, that was my boss
1216
00:53:25,303 --> 00:53:27,970
and he actually saw you
coming in and uh,
1217
00:53:27,972 --> 00:53:30,539
congrats, he thinks you look
like a movie star.
1218
00:53:30,541 --> 00:53:31,774
An action hero, actually.
1219
00:53:33,678 --> 00:53:35,844
"No, Daddy, I love you."
1220
00:53:35,846 --> 00:53:37,079
Does that mean
I have the loan?
1221
00:53:37,081 --> 00:53:38,681
No, no, God no.
1222
00:53:38,683 --> 00:53:41,417
The loan? No, that's, no,
you're not even close
1223
00:53:41,419 --> 00:53:42,785
to getting a loan.
1224
00:53:42,787 --> 00:53:44,853
You have no assets
to speak of.
1225
00:53:44,855 --> 00:53:46,789
It's kinda embarrassing,
actually, at your age.
1226
00:53:46,791 --> 00:53:50,025
Uh, no, there's not a lot
we can do for you,
1227
00:53:50,027 --> 00:53:52,094
in fact you owe a ton of people
a ton of money,
1228
00:53:52,096 --> 00:53:54,396
so let's hope
they're not Italian.
1229
00:53:54,398 --> 00:53:55,431
I don't think you understand.
1230
00:53:55,433 --> 00:53:57,132
I really need this loan.
1231
00:53:57,134 --> 00:53:58,434
You really need it?
1232
00:53:58,436 --> 00:54:00,202
I didn't know that,
I didn't.
1233
00:54:00,204 --> 00:54:01,704
Hey, Charlie!
1234
00:54:01,706 --> 00:54:03,839
Hey, we got a guy in here
who really needs a loan.
1235
00:54:03,841 --> 00:54:05,975
Yeah!
1236
00:54:05,977 --> 00:54:07,142
Charlie's gone,
1237
00:54:07,144 --> 00:54:08,877
Charlie actually was fired
three weeks ago.
1238
00:54:08,879 --> 00:54:10,546
I think that office
is actually empty.
1239
00:54:10,548 --> 00:54:11,814
But let's be honest,
look in the mirror.
1240
00:54:11,816 --> 00:54:13,682
You, you know,
you were turned down
1241
00:54:13,684 --> 00:54:15,150
before you even left
your apartment.
1242
00:54:15,152 --> 00:54:16,685
And I said "apartment"
because there's no way
1243
00:54:16,687 --> 00:54:17,786
you have a house, right?
1244
00:54:17,788 --> 00:54:20,089
That's been taken away,
so...
1245
00:54:20,091 --> 00:54:22,858
No, this is, this is
an unfortunate incident
1246
00:54:22,860 --> 00:54:26,662
in that you actually
got into my office and um,
1247
00:54:26,664 --> 00:54:28,264
and I feel, I don't know.
1248
00:54:28,266 --> 00:54:33,068
I am feeling something,
but I think I'm just hungry.
1249
00:54:35,071 --> 00:54:36,705
♪ When I'm alone ♪
1250
00:54:36,707 --> 00:54:39,975
♪ That's when I'm most
dangerous, serious ♪
1251
00:54:39,977 --> 00:54:42,645
♪ On my own clock ticking
like a metronome ♪
1252
00:54:42,647 --> 00:54:44,480
♪ A feeling that
you'll never know ♪
1253
00:54:44,482 --> 00:54:48,450
♪ Unless you been
delirious ♪
1254
00:54:54,958 --> 00:54:55,924
Hey, Chris.
1255
00:54:55,926 --> 00:54:57,660
It smells good in here, man.
1256
00:54:57,662 --> 00:54:59,461
Uh, look, I really like you,
you know that.
1257
00:54:59,463 --> 00:55:00,929
You're a nice guy.
1258
00:55:00,931 --> 00:55:03,832
I wanted to tell you this
in person, all right?
1259
00:55:03,834 --> 00:55:05,234
Look, you're evicted, man.
1260
00:55:05,236 --> 00:55:06,602
-What?
-Yeah.
1261
00:55:06,604 --> 00:55:08,537
It hurts me, bro,
I'm sorry.
1262
00:55:08,539 --> 00:55:11,707
Listen, are you
cooking in here?
1263
00:55:11,709 --> 00:55:13,409
Listen, they're towing
your car downstairs,
1264
00:55:13,411 --> 00:55:14,410
four black guys.
1265
00:55:14,412 --> 00:55:15,377
Great.
1266
00:55:15,379 --> 00:55:16,245
It's crazy.
1267
00:55:16,247 --> 00:55:17,246
Awesome, thank you.
1268
00:55:17,248 --> 00:55:19,114
You uh, you been
working out?
1269
00:55:19,116 --> 00:55:20,349
You look nice, man.
1270
00:55:20,351 --> 00:55:20,949
Real good.
1271
00:55:20,951 --> 00:55:21,917
Incline?
1272
00:55:21,919 --> 00:55:22,951
What?
1273
00:55:22,953 --> 00:55:24,119
Can I borrow your
"Titanic" DVD?
1274
00:55:24,121 --> 00:55:25,120
No!
1275
00:55:25,122 --> 00:55:26,822
You still owe me
"Sleepless in Seattle".
1276
00:55:26,824 --> 00:55:27,690
I'll get it to you.
1277
00:55:27,692 --> 00:55:30,459
You like chicks, right?
1278
00:55:30,461 --> 00:55:32,227
Yeah.
1279
00:55:32,229 --> 00:55:34,096
Great.
1280
00:55:35,533 --> 00:55:38,500
Keep the damn DVD,
Harold.
1281
00:55:38,502 --> 00:55:39,601
Harold I--
1282
00:55:39,603 --> 00:55:42,137
Surprise!
1283
00:55:42,139 --> 00:55:43,572
Kim.
1284
00:55:43,574 --> 00:55:45,307
What are you...
1285
00:55:45,309 --> 00:55:48,243
What are you doing here?
1286
00:55:48,245 --> 00:55:51,380
What do you mean
what am I doing here?
1287
00:55:51,382 --> 00:55:54,883
I've come back to you.
1288
00:55:54,885 --> 00:55:56,285
Kim.
1289
00:55:56,287 --> 00:55:59,388
Uh, you should go.
1290
00:55:59,390 --> 00:56:01,256
Why?
1291
00:56:05,996 --> 00:56:07,796
Chrissy-poo.
1292
00:56:07,798 --> 00:56:10,666
I know that you think I
wasn't very nice to you
1293
00:56:10,668 --> 00:56:12,368
in the past.
1294
00:56:12,370 --> 00:56:14,370
But we were kids then.
1295
00:56:14,372 --> 00:56:19,408
We're not kids anymore.
1296
00:56:19,410 --> 00:56:22,311
That tickles.
1297
00:56:22,313 --> 00:56:25,314
By the way, Daddy said
you could start at 100.
1298
00:56:25,316 --> 00:56:27,049
$100,000?
1299
00:56:27,051 --> 00:56:30,152
Uhhuh.
1300
00:56:30,154 --> 00:56:32,654
Okay, Kim, Kim, Kim!
1301
00:56:32,656 --> 00:56:34,656
I need to know why now?
1302
00:56:34,658 --> 00:56:35,958
Why not now,
I'm horny.
1303
00:56:35,960 --> 00:56:38,594
No, Kim, why now
all of a sudden
1304
00:56:38,596 --> 00:56:40,963
do you wanna be with me?
1305
00:56:40,965 --> 00:56:43,165
Chris, I've always loved you
1306
00:56:43,167 --> 00:56:46,168
and when you got hurt
I was scared.
1307
00:56:46,170 --> 00:56:48,470
I didn't know what to do,
it was hard for me.
1308
00:56:48,472 --> 00:56:49,605
You were scared?
1309
00:56:49,607 --> 00:56:50,773
I was the one--
1310
00:56:50,775 --> 00:56:52,674
I had my walls up.
1311
00:56:52,676 --> 00:56:56,745
And now they are way down.
1312
00:56:56,747 --> 00:56:57,679
Ah, okay.
1313
00:56:57,681 --> 00:56:59,782
Oh, there's my big boy.
1314
00:56:59,784 --> 00:57:01,750
There he is, okay.
1315
00:57:01,752 --> 00:57:05,154
Kim, stop, stop,
Kim, Kim!
1316
00:57:05,156 --> 00:57:06,288
I need to ask you,
1317
00:57:06,290 --> 00:57:09,658
have you ever apologized
to anybody for anything
1318
00:57:09,660 --> 00:57:12,194
in your entire life?
1319
00:57:12,196 --> 00:57:13,796
Ew.
1320
00:57:13,798 --> 00:57:16,765
So this is my eighth
voicemail now.
1321
00:57:16,767 --> 00:57:18,033
Jack, no one
has heard from you,
1322
00:57:18,035 --> 00:57:19,568
I'm starting to get concerned.
1323
00:57:19,570 --> 00:57:20,335
Where are you?
1324
00:57:20,337 --> 00:57:21,203
Call me back.
1325
00:57:21,205 --> 00:57:23,672
Jack?
1326
00:57:27,477 --> 00:57:32,014
Jack?
1327
00:57:46,931 --> 00:57:49,965
I have a weapon and I
will fuck you up, man!
1328
00:57:49,967 --> 00:57:53,302
I am a weapon and I
will fuck you up more!
1329
00:57:53,304 --> 00:57:54,303
Jack?
1330
00:57:54,305 --> 00:57:56,572
Chris?
1331
00:57:56,574 --> 00:57:57,739
Jesus.
1332
00:57:57,741 --> 00:58:00,642
Holy cow, what happened
to your hair?
1333
00:58:00,644 --> 00:58:02,077
I know it's them!
1334
00:58:02,079 --> 00:58:03,045
Supercuts?
1335
00:58:03,047 --> 00:58:05,180
Turn the lights off,
get down.
1336
00:58:05,182 --> 00:58:05,814
Why?
1337
00:58:05,816 --> 00:58:06,648
Were you followed?
1338
00:58:06,650 --> 00:58:07,816
I don't know.
1339
00:58:07,818 --> 00:58:09,585
Did you talk to anyone?
1340
00:58:09,587 --> 00:58:10,619
My grandmother.
1341
00:58:10,621 --> 00:58:11,520
What-, what are you doing?
1342
00:58:11,522 --> 00:58:12,387
Let me see your teeth.
1343
00:58:12,389 --> 00:58:13,322
Why are you touching me?
1344
00:58:13,324 --> 00:58:15,524
Stop touching me.
1345
00:58:15,526 --> 00:58:17,826
Ow, ow, Jack!
1346
00:58:17,828 --> 00:58:18,627
Say "ah".
1347
00:58:18,629 --> 00:58:21,563
Ah, ah, ah!
1348
00:58:21,565 --> 00:58:24,466
Ah!
1349
00:58:24,468 --> 00:58:25,868
You're clean.
1350
00:58:25,870 --> 00:58:27,736
What the hell?
1351
00:58:27,738 --> 00:58:29,872
Listen.
1352
00:58:29,874 --> 00:58:31,673
I know this all
seems crazy.
1353
00:58:31,675 --> 00:58:35,277
But remember my money manager,
Saul Rosenblattsteinberg?
1354
00:58:35,279 --> 00:58:38,480
The guy who got arrested
for the Ponzi scheme?
1355
00:58:38,482 --> 00:58:41,316
Well, years ago I introduced
Saul to the cult.
1356
00:58:41,318 --> 00:58:43,252
So this weekend
the damn cult kidnapped me
1357
00:58:43,254 --> 00:58:46,522
because Saul stole over
three million dollars from them.
1358
00:58:46,524 --> 00:58:49,558
They thought I was in on it.
1359
00:58:49,560 --> 00:58:51,159
You have forsaken us all
again.
1360
00:58:51,161 --> 00:58:53,128
I'm so sorry,
Benevolent Leader.
1361
00:58:53,130 --> 00:58:55,030
I didn't know Saul was a crook.
1362
00:58:55,032 --> 00:58:56,765
He took me for everything,
1363
00:58:56,767 --> 00:58:58,667
and you bastards sill owe me
six million.
1364
00:58:58,669 --> 00:59:02,237
Stop!
1365
00:59:02,239 --> 00:59:04,640
Nobody's gonna take you
seriously, Phil.
1366
00:59:04,642 --> 00:59:07,209
You are a total fuck up.
1367
00:59:07,211 --> 00:59:11,013
We tire of your resistence
and your incompetence.
1368
00:59:11,015 --> 00:59:13,015
The end of days
is upon us.
1369
00:59:13,017 --> 00:59:17,019
The spaceships are coming
and you shall learn your lesson.
1370
00:59:17,021 --> 00:59:18,587
No, no!
1371
00:59:18,589 --> 00:59:23,358
Not the hair, no!
1372
00:59:23,360 --> 00:59:25,294
It's probably for the best
that I forget about the gym
1373
00:59:25,296 --> 00:59:26,328
for a while.
1374
00:59:26,330 --> 00:59:29,064
I gotta deal with
these assholes.
1375
00:59:29,066 --> 00:59:32,901
Chris, sorry I couldn't
turn things around.
1376
00:59:36,372 --> 00:59:37,539
Two hearts becoming one.
1377
00:59:37,541 --> 00:59:40,709
Our beautiful Kimmy and Chris,
salute.
1378
00:59:40,711 --> 00:59:44,346
Cheers, Sir.
1379
00:59:44,348 --> 00:59:46,481
Oh, Chris.
1380
00:59:46,483 --> 00:59:48,250
Guess what?
1381
00:59:48,252 --> 00:59:50,586
Daddy's getting us a condo.
1382
00:59:50,588 --> 00:59:53,121
It is so beautiful,
I've seen pictures.
1383
00:59:53,123 --> 00:59:55,624
And there's an extra bedroom
so we can convert it
1384
00:59:55,626 --> 00:59:57,025
into a closet for me.
1385
00:59:57,027 --> 00:59:58,894
Nothing is too good
for my princess.
1386
00:59:58,896 --> 00:59:59,728
Is it, princess?
1387
00:59:59,730 --> 01:00:00,662
No.
1388
01:00:00,664 --> 01:00:01,897
Look at her, Chris.
1389
01:00:01,899 --> 01:00:03,198
Isn't she a princess?
1390
01:00:03,200 --> 01:00:04,933
She is definitely a princess.
1391
01:00:04,935 --> 01:00:06,802
I am a princess!
1392
01:00:06,804 --> 01:00:08,337
Here we are, Princess.
1393
01:00:08,339 --> 01:00:12,341
Fat free, sugar free,
gluten free vegan lettuce cups
1394
01:00:12,343 --> 01:00:14,276
minus the rice
and the oil,
1395
01:00:14,278 --> 01:00:17,813
which I'm sure is much tastier
than the chef always makes it.
1396
01:00:17,815 --> 01:00:18,914
Jeffry.
1397
01:00:18,916 --> 01:00:20,716
Thank you so much, Sir.
1398
01:00:20,718 --> 01:00:25,153
Jeffry, um, is that corn?
1399
01:00:25,155 --> 01:00:26,788
Yes.
1400
01:00:26,790 --> 01:00:28,790
Aaahh!
1401
01:00:28,792 --> 01:00:30,492
Gross!
1402
01:00:30,494 --> 01:00:32,527
-Take it!
-Jeffry.
1403
01:00:32,529 --> 01:00:34,663
Sir, I'm so sorry,
I'm a horrible person
1404
01:00:34,665 --> 01:00:37,065
and I will go improve myself
around the corner.
1405
01:00:37,067 --> 01:00:40,936
How difficult is it
for them to get it right?
1406
01:00:40,938 --> 01:00:44,506
I'm gonna go
to the bathroom.
1407
01:00:44,508 --> 01:00:45,741
You gotta respect that.
1408
01:00:45,743 --> 01:00:47,342
She knows what she wants.
1409
01:00:47,344 --> 01:00:48,310
Respect.
1410
01:00:48,312 --> 01:00:51,480
Yeah.
1411
01:00:53,282 --> 01:00:54,850
What the hell
are you doing?
1412
01:00:54,852 --> 01:00:56,151
Eating?
1413
01:00:56,153 --> 01:00:57,519
Put down the knife
and fork, fuck head.
1414
01:00:57,521 --> 01:00:58,787
Come on, respect her.
1415
01:00:58,789 --> 01:01:00,622
Wait for your princess
to come back.
1416
01:01:00,624 --> 01:01:01,556
Sorry, my bad.
1417
01:01:01,558 --> 01:01:02,557
My bad, my bad?
1418
01:01:02,559 --> 01:01:03,759
Who are ya, Snoop Dogg, now?
1419
01:01:03,761 --> 01:01:04,693
I'm sorry.
1420
01:01:04,695 --> 01:01:05,861
You hear me, homey?
1421
01:01:05,863 --> 01:01:06,862
Pardon?
1422
01:01:06,864 --> 01:01:08,697
No, no, I think I know you.
1423
01:01:08,699 --> 01:01:10,065
You're one of those assholes
1424
01:01:10,067 --> 01:01:12,267
that plays basketball
every night, right?
1425
01:01:12,269 --> 01:01:13,869
Right, and then you're listening
to your rap music
1426
01:01:13,871 --> 01:01:15,303
with your hippie friends.
1427
01:01:15,305 --> 01:01:16,872
And you're probably on
narcotics right now,
1428
01:01:16,874 --> 01:01:18,106
huh, Cheech?
1429
01:01:18,108 --> 01:01:20,375
No, no, Sir,
you have me all wrong.
1430
01:01:20,377 --> 01:01:23,045
When it comes to my daughter
she is my everything.
1431
01:01:23,047 --> 01:01:26,081
So you hurt her,
you so much as disrespect her,
1432
01:01:26,083 --> 01:01:28,450
and I'm sending people
to your house.
1433
01:01:28,452 --> 01:01:29,384
Capisce?
1434
01:01:29,386 --> 01:01:30,552
Capisce.
1435
01:01:30,554 --> 01:01:32,587
I'm gonna run to
the restroom myself
1436
01:01:32,589 --> 01:01:35,290
really quickly.
1437
01:01:35,292 --> 01:01:37,325
Ah!
1438
01:01:37,327 --> 01:01:39,494
Hi, it's Rachel,
leave a message at the beep.
1439
01:01:40,731 --> 01:01:42,431
Hey, baby,
it's Craig.
1440
01:01:42,433 --> 01:01:44,232
Why don't you
call me back?
1441
01:01:44,234 --> 01:01:46,535
We can work through this,
we can talk this out, okay?
1442
01:01:46,537 --> 01:01:48,503
Call me back.
1443
01:01:49,273 --> 01:01:51,339
It was just a rub and tug.
1444
01:01:51,341 --> 01:01:54,843
It's not that big of a deal,
it was a massage, okay?
1445
01:01:54,845 --> 01:01:58,246
That bitch was just masturbating
with her hand on top of mine.
1446
01:01:58,248 --> 01:02:00,615
without mine being there.
1447
01:02:00,617 --> 01:02:01,883
You know what?
1448
01:02:01,885 --> 01:02:03,418
I be banging bitches
left and right.
1449
01:02:03,420 --> 01:02:05,854
You don't know shit,
you don't know nothing,
1450
01:02:05,856 --> 01:02:06,988
I don't need you.
1451
01:02:06,990 --> 01:02:09,291
Peace.
1452
01:02:12,895 --> 01:02:14,129
So, as you can see,
1453
01:02:14,131 --> 01:02:16,498
the living room
is very spacious.
1454
01:02:16,500 --> 01:02:19,167
Well, I, I see
that there's a pool,
1455
01:02:19,169 --> 01:02:20,769
but where's the tennis court?
1456
01:02:20,771 --> 01:02:23,739
We were told this property
has a tennis court.
1457
01:02:23,741 --> 01:02:26,508
Where do you expect us to go
when the servants
1458
01:02:26,510 --> 01:02:28,410
are cleaning the house?
1459
01:02:28,412 --> 01:02:30,278
Uh, well um,
1460
01:02:30,280 --> 01:02:32,047
there's a ping pong table
in the basement.
1461
01:02:32,049 --> 01:02:33,548
How dare you?
1462
01:02:33,550 --> 01:02:36,952
I have not been practicing
my backhand for nothing.
1463
01:02:36,954 --> 01:02:39,020
And why is there so much
furniture in this room?
1464
01:02:39,022 --> 01:02:40,722
Well, Ma'am, sometimes
we furnish the houses
1465
01:02:40,724 --> 01:02:42,424
to give the prospective buyers
a better idea
1466
01:02:42,426 --> 01:02:43,925
of what it will be like
once they--
1467
01:02:43,927 --> 01:02:46,828
And that trim is pretty shitty,
who did that?
1468
01:02:46,830 --> 01:02:47,662
Jack?
1469
01:02:47,664 --> 01:02:48,897
Jack who?
1470
01:02:48,899 --> 01:02:50,165
Is he in the union?
1471
01:02:50,167 --> 01:02:55,137
He's speaking to you,
dimwit.
1472
01:02:55,139 --> 01:02:57,873
I have explosive diarrhea,
1473
01:02:57,875 --> 01:03:01,343
so I will be right back.
1474
01:03:01,345 --> 01:03:03,178
He's not a dimwit.
1475
01:03:03,180 --> 01:03:05,080
You have to have a wit
to be dim.
1476
01:03:05,082 --> 01:03:06,414
-Right.
-Jack.
1477
01:03:06,416 --> 01:03:07,916
Call me Lonestar,
lay low.
1478
01:03:07,918 --> 01:03:09,851
Lonestar, why?
1479
01:03:09,853 --> 01:03:11,453
No time to explain.
1480
01:03:19,363 --> 01:03:20,695
Bianca, Bianca,
you gotta see this.
1481
01:03:20,697 --> 01:03:22,097
Where are you?
1482
01:03:22,099 --> 01:03:24,266
Bianca, this,
what are you doing down there?
1483
01:03:24,268 --> 01:03:25,834
I can't let you do this.
1484
01:03:25,836 --> 01:03:26,635
Do what?
1485
01:03:26,637 --> 01:03:27,402
This.
1486
01:03:27,404 --> 01:03:28,103
Look at you.
1487
01:03:28,105 --> 01:03:28,937
Look at me?
1488
01:03:28,939 --> 01:03:30,539
Jack, look at you.
1489
01:03:30,541 --> 01:03:33,708
You don't think I look good
as a brunette?
1490
01:03:33,710 --> 01:03:35,610
I'm happy right now, okay?
1491
01:03:35,612 --> 01:03:38,847
I've got my life together,
I've got money,
1492
01:03:38,849 --> 01:03:39,948
things are great.
1493
01:03:39,950 --> 01:03:41,249
Oh, everything's great, huh?
1494
01:03:41,251 --> 01:03:43,118
Oh, come on,
open your eyes.
1495
01:03:43,120 --> 01:03:44,419
Is this really
what you want?
1496
01:03:44,421 --> 01:03:46,321
-Yes, yes, it is.
-All right, look.
1497
01:03:46,323 --> 01:03:47,556
I'll be the first to admit
I lost my marbles there
1498
01:03:47,558 --> 01:03:49,090
for a little while.
1499
01:03:49,092 --> 01:03:51,126
But I'm back and I've never
been more clear on anything.
1500
01:03:51,128 --> 01:03:52,661
The cult tried to kill my
dreams.
1501
01:03:52,663 --> 01:03:54,496
I'm never gonna let anybody
ever do that again.
1502
01:03:54,498 --> 01:03:55,530
I can't give up.
1503
01:03:55,532 --> 01:03:57,432
Not on the gym,
and not on myself.
1504
01:03:57,434 --> 01:03:59,601
And you shouldn't either.
1505
01:03:59,603 --> 01:04:00,101
Jack.
1506
01:04:00,103 --> 01:04:00,936
Lonestar.
1507
01:04:00,938 --> 01:04:02,571
Lonestar, look.
1508
01:04:02,573 --> 01:04:06,842
Even if I did wanna
quit this job and dump Kim,
1509
01:04:06,844 --> 01:04:10,212
the gym's shut down
and you're broke.
1510
01:04:10,214 --> 01:04:11,580
Not anymore.
1511
01:04:11,582 --> 01:04:14,282
I've got a plan,
but I need your help.
1512
01:04:14,284 --> 01:04:17,919
You are a foul,
horrible young man.
1513
01:04:17,921 --> 01:04:19,454
Horrible.
1514
01:04:19,456 --> 01:04:23,625
I'm gonna call your office
and file a complaint.
1515
01:04:23,627 --> 01:04:27,329
My God, Jack, this is like,
freakishly good.
1516
01:04:27,331 --> 01:04:29,197
One great thing about
being in a cult,
1517
01:04:29,199 --> 01:04:30,899
planning to take over the world
every day
1518
01:04:30,901 --> 01:04:32,968
makes you very meticulous
and a great strategist.
1519
01:04:32,970 --> 01:04:34,269
You know what else?
1520
01:04:34,271 --> 01:04:36,104
I think we should do a whole
grassroots
1521
01:04:36,106 --> 01:04:37,772
social media marketing campaign.
1522
01:04:37,774 --> 01:04:39,307
I love it, let's do that!
1523
01:04:39,309 --> 01:04:41,610
Let's get to work.
1524
01:04:41,612 --> 01:04:43,311
Oh, man, really?
1525
01:04:43,313 --> 01:04:44,679
Can I get one day off?
1526
01:04:44,681 --> 01:04:45,881
My freaking armpits.
1527
01:04:45,883 --> 01:04:48,383
Your hyperhydrosis is
acting up again, huh?
1528
01:04:48,385 --> 01:04:49,217
What?
1529
01:04:49,219 --> 01:04:50,518
You poor bastard.
1530
01:04:50,520 --> 01:04:51,820
You haven't figured it out yet,
have you?
1531
01:04:51,822 --> 01:04:53,255
Let me guess.
1532
01:04:53,257 --> 01:04:55,724
You've tried every
antiperspirant known to mankind.
1533
01:04:55,726 --> 01:04:57,125
Yeah.
1534
01:04:57,127 --> 01:04:58,860
But nothing works, nothing,
not even clinical strength.
1535
01:04:58,862 --> 01:05:00,362
No.
1536
01:05:00,364 --> 01:05:02,530
Now you're resorted
to blow drying your pits,
1537
01:05:02,532 --> 01:05:04,099
patting them down
with paper towels.
1538
01:05:04,101 --> 01:05:05,367
Okay, are you following me?
1539
01:05:05,369 --> 01:05:07,269
Here, let me
show you something.
1540
01:05:07,271 --> 01:05:10,705
I keep this
as a reminder.
1541
01:05:10,707 --> 01:05:12,974
See, back then
we didn't have Photoshop.
1542
01:05:12,976 --> 01:05:14,809
Hyperhydrosis could have
killed my career
1543
01:05:14,811 --> 01:05:18,313
before it even started.
1544
01:05:18,315 --> 01:05:21,116
You're just like me.
1545
01:05:21,118 --> 01:05:25,020
Chris.
1546
01:05:25,022 --> 01:05:25,854
Kim.
1547
01:05:25,856 --> 01:05:27,222
Dude, she is hot.
1548
01:05:27,224 --> 01:05:28,490
You're not helping.
1549
01:05:28,492 --> 01:05:31,860
Be strong.
1550
01:05:31,862 --> 01:05:33,929
Who the hell was that
and what were you two doing?
1551
01:05:33,931 --> 01:05:35,964
That's my friend, Lonestar.
1552
01:05:35,966 --> 01:05:38,133
Daddy's waiting.
1553
01:05:38,135 --> 01:05:39,801
Ew, your armpits
are sweaty.
1554
01:05:39,803 --> 01:05:42,804
I have a condition,
hyperhydrosis.
1555
01:05:42,806 --> 01:05:43,638
Yuck.
1556
01:05:43,640 --> 01:05:44,773
Exactly.
1557
01:05:44,775 --> 01:05:46,041
Kim.
1558
01:05:46,043 --> 01:05:47,676
What?
1559
01:05:47,678 --> 01:05:49,110
I said, "what"?
1560
01:05:49,112 --> 01:05:50,011
I'm leaving.
1561
01:05:50,013 --> 01:05:51,212
I know, we have to go.
1562
01:05:51,214 --> 01:05:53,014
No, I'm leaving alone.
1563
01:05:53,016 --> 01:05:55,250
We're not driving
to Daddy's separately.
1564
01:05:55,252 --> 01:05:57,385
Bye, Kim.
1565
01:05:57,387 --> 01:06:02,190
Oh, God, is this you
being emotional again?
1566
01:06:02,192 --> 01:06:04,559
Don't be so emotional, Chris.
1567
01:06:04,561 --> 01:06:06,962
You're delusional,
wake up.
1568
01:06:11,168 --> 01:06:13,201
You know what, Kim?
1569
01:06:13,203 --> 01:06:16,037
I'm a Cancer,
and we are emotional,
1570
01:06:16,039 --> 01:06:18,707
art majoring,
empathetic,
1571
01:06:18,709 --> 01:06:21,843
fish-painting
motherfuckers.
1572
01:06:21,845 --> 01:06:25,780
Have a great life.
1573
01:06:29,785 --> 01:06:30,752
I don't get it.
1574
01:06:30,754 --> 01:06:32,053
God, I feel amazing!
1575
01:06:32,055 --> 01:06:34,923
I feel like I could climb
a mountain or something!
1576
01:06:34,925 --> 01:06:36,124
Why are we in a Prius?
1577
01:06:36,126 --> 01:06:37,993
I thought you had
a Lamborghini.
1578
01:06:37,995 --> 01:06:40,095
Had to downsize
for the mission.
1579
01:06:40,097 --> 01:06:41,429
Oh.
1580
01:06:41,431 --> 01:06:42,731
Wait, where are we going?
1581
01:06:42,733 --> 01:06:45,834
Page two, step one,
blue highlight.
1582
01:06:45,836 --> 01:06:47,902
Payback.
1583
01:06:47,904 --> 01:06:48,903
Oh, no.
1584
01:06:48,905 --> 01:06:50,205
Oh, yes.
1585
01:06:50,207 --> 01:06:51,740
These fuckers took
six million from me
1586
01:06:51,742 --> 01:06:53,675
and we need that money
to save the gym.
1587
01:06:53,677 --> 01:06:56,411
You gave a cult
six million dollars?
1588
01:06:56,413 --> 01:06:57,445
Are you crazy?
1589
01:06:57,447 --> 01:06:58,780
I didn't give it to them.
1590
01:06:58,782 --> 01:07:01,249
I was investing in land
on Octaurus.
1591
01:07:01,251 --> 01:07:02,984
Plus, they told me
it was a write-off.
1592
01:07:02,986 --> 01:07:03,885
Look, ah, Jack--
1593
01:07:03,887 --> 01:07:04,853
Lonestar.
1594
01:07:04,855 --> 01:07:05,954
I mean Lonestar, look.
1595
01:07:05,956 --> 01:07:09,391
I, I can't do this,
I'm sorry.
1596
01:07:09,393 --> 01:07:11,793
We have all the power,
just play the role,
1597
01:07:11,795 --> 01:07:14,996
it'll be fine.
1598
01:07:14,998 --> 01:07:16,097
What do I call myself?
1599
01:07:16,099 --> 01:07:17,732
Do I have a code name?
1600
01:07:17,734 --> 01:07:20,201
I don't want these guys
knowing who I am.
1601
01:07:20,203 --> 01:07:21,269
Ronald.
1602
01:07:21,271 --> 01:07:27,308
Ronald McDonaldson.
1603
01:07:27,310 --> 01:07:29,677
Okay, ready?
1604
01:07:29,679 --> 01:07:32,313
What are we doing
in a dentist's office?
1605
01:07:32,315 --> 01:07:34,582
Think about it,
that's how they get you.
1606
01:07:34,584 --> 01:07:37,052
Everybody needs to get
their teeth cleaned.
1607
01:07:52,969 --> 01:07:54,335
This is crazy.
1608
01:07:54,337 --> 01:07:56,271
What am I getting
myself into?
1609
01:07:56,273 --> 01:07:59,007
Oh, my God, what if
they have guns?
1610
01:07:59,009 --> 01:08:00,775
What if they try
to kill me?
1611
01:08:00,777 --> 01:08:03,178
Holy shit,
I'm gonna die.
1612
01:08:03,180 --> 01:08:04,045
Fuck.
1613
01:08:04,047 --> 01:08:05,547
I ate carbs today.
1614
01:08:05,549 --> 01:08:07,182
I am such a fatty.
1615
01:08:07,184 --> 01:08:09,617
Why did I think
I could do this?
1616
01:08:09,619 --> 01:08:12,520
I hardly even know
this guy.
1617
01:08:12,522 --> 01:08:14,823
What if he's trying
to brainwash me?
1618
01:08:14,825 --> 01:08:17,025
What if I'm already
in the cult?
1619
01:08:17,027 --> 01:08:19,661
I bet Rachel has
a blonde wig.
1620
01:08:19,663 --> 01:08:24,332
Yeah, but it would look
totally fake.
1621
01:08:24,334 --> 01:08:26,301
Ron?
1622
01:08:26,303 --> 01:08:27,902
Yeah.
1623
01:08:27,904 --> 01:08:31,072
I am Ron.
1624
01:08:31,074 --> 01:08:33,675
Um...
1625
01:08:33,677 --> 01:08:39,180
Mariah Carey flies south
for the winter.
1626
01:08:39,182 --> 01:08:44,819
Honey or Glitter?
1627
01:08:44,821 --> 01:08:47,021
Honey?
1628
01:08:47,023 --> 01:08:49,891
Right this way.
1629
01:09:39,676 --> 01:09:42,043
Octaurean Lifestyles,
this is Venus,
1630
01:09:42,045 --> 01:09:44,179
how can I help you?
1631
01:09:54,557 --> 01:09:56,858
Enter voice authorization
sample.
1632
01:10:11,774 --> 01:10:13,641
Activate.
1633
01:10:19,349 --> 01:10:21,616
Hello, Benevolent Leader.
1634
01:10:27,924 --> 01:10:31,159
Have a seat.
1635
01:10:31,161 --> 01:10:33,628
You dare bring in
an outsider, Dipshit?
1636
01:10:33,630 --> 01:10:38,032
This is my spiteful,
relentless, ball crushing,
1637
01:10:38,034 --> 01:10:40,501
undefeated lawyer.
1638
01:10:40,503 --> 01:10:43,571
Oh, yeah,
your worst nightmare.
1639
01:10:43,573 --> 01:10:47,609
Um, well, first I would
like to um,
1640
01:10:47,611 --> 01:10:48,843
thank you for--
1641
01:10:48,845 --> 01:10:52,313
Spit it out,
jackass.
1642
01:10:52,315 --> 01:10:56,985
Remember why we're here.
1643
01:10:56,987 --> 01:10:59,387
We need this money
to save Dumbbells.
1644
01:11:03,560 --> 01:11:05,126
All right, motherfucker.
1645
01:11:05,128 --> 01:11:08,863
I want you to listen to me,
and I want you to listen well.
1646
01:11:08,865 --> 01:11:11,699
Your organization
owes my client
1647
01:11:11,701 --> 01:11:16,037
upwards of six million dollars.
1648
01:11:16,039 --> 01:11:17,605
American.
1649
01:11:17,607 --> 01:11:22,176
My client has suffered
from anxiety, depression,
1650
01:11:22,178 --> 01:11:24,145
erectile dysfunction--
1651
01:11:24,147 --> 01:11:26,247
I, I have that last problem
under control now.
1652
01:11:26,249 --> 01:11:31,085
And I will not stop until
justice has been upheld,
1653
01:11:31,087 --> 01:11:34,188
my bald friends.
1654
01:11:34,190 --> 01:11:35,556
What do ya got?
1655
01:11:35,558 --> 01:11:38,393
Are you dentists familiar
with the iPhone
1656
01:11:38,395 --> 01:11:39,761
audio recorder app?
1657
01:11:39,763 --> 01:11:42,530
Well, lucky for me my client was
during your little
1658
01:11:42,532 --> 01:11:44,399
routine kidnapping.
1659
01:11:44,401 --> 01:11:46,301
Do you remember that?
1660
01:11:46,303 --> 01:11:51,339
Behold evidence A.
1661
01:11:51,341 --> 01:11:53,908
No, no,
not the hair!
1662
01:11:53,910 --> 01:11:56,844
Anything but the hair,
no!
1663
01:11:56,846 --> 01:12:02,050
Goat, goat, goat, goat,
goat, goat, goat, goat...
1664
01:12:06,289 --> 01:12:08,690
Silence, Octaureans!
1665
01:12:08,692 --> 01:12:12,560
Fuck this goat.
1666
01:12:12,562 --> 01:12:14,529
Yeah.
1667
01:12:16,399 --> 01:12:20,268
Oh, and uh, that is not
the only copy of that recording.
1668
01:12:20,270 --> 01:12:22,103
I got that shit
on my iCloud.
1669
01:12:22,105 --> 01:12:23,905
What's up?
1670
01:12:23,907 --> 01:12:26,607
So if you love bugs
try any funny business
1671
01:12:26,609 --> 01:12:29,877
I will have the FBI
and the CIA and TMZ
1672
01:12:29,879 --> 01:12:33,448
all over this place like
stink on baboon, my friend.
1673
01:12:36,552 --> 01:12:39,454
Six...
1674
01:12:39,456 --> 01:12:42,557
...thousand dollars.
1675
01:12:42,559 --> 01:12:44,659
Yeah, baby!
1676
01:12:44,661 --> 01:12:47,095
Take that to the bank,
dipshits!
1677
01:12:47,097 --> 01:12:48,396
Hey,
where you going?
1678
01:12:48,398 --> 01:12:51,632
Page 12, orange highlight,
unfinished business.
1679
01:12:51,634 --> 01:12:53,034
Jack, she's engaged.
1680
01:12:53,036 --> 01:12:54,369
Not anymore.
1681
01:12:54,371 --> 01:12:55,203
How's my hair look?
1682
01:12:55,205 --> 01:12:56,571
It looks fine.
1683
01:12:56,573 --> 01:12:58,139
-Are you sure?
-Yeah.
1684
01:12:58,141 --> 01:12:59,874
Let's just go back
to the gym, instead.
1685
01:12:59,876 --> 01:13:01,409
Are you not familiar
with Eckhart Tolle's book
1686
01:13:01,411 --> 01:13:02,510
"Power of Now"?
1687
01:13:02,512 --> 01:13:03,978
Carpe diem,
seize the day.
1688
01:13:03,980 --> 01:13:05,380
I'll speak to her
eventually.
1689
01:13:05,382 --> 01:13:06,447
You just took on
a whole cult.
1690
01:13:06,449 --> 01:13:07,415
You can talk to my niece.
1691
01:13:07,417 --> 01:13:08,516
What am I supposed to say?
1692
01:13:08,518 --> 01:13:10,218
I'll do all the talking,
relax.
1693
01:13:10,220 --> 01:13:12,286
Hey, Rach.
1694
01:13:12,288 --> 01:13:15,656
Uncle Jack, Chris,
what are you guys doing here?
1695
01:13:15,658 --> 01:13:19,127
Chris will explain everything.
1696
01:13:19,129 --> 01:13:20,161
Hey, guys.
1697
01:13:20,163 --> 01:13:23,231
Who wants to play
a little HORSE?
1698
01:13:23,233 --> 01:13:27,335
So, once again, I'm,
I'm really sorry that uh,
1699
01:13:27,337 --> 01:13:30,438
that I didn't respond to
any of your text messages.
1700
01:13:30,440 --> 01:13:33,374
That was, that was immature.
1701
01:13:33,376 --> 01:13:35,777
Well, look, I'm sorry.
1702
01:13:35,779 --> 01:13:38,579
For everything.
1703
01:13:38,581 --> 01:13:40,815
So we're both sorry.
1704
01:13:40,817 --> 01:13:43,217
I know, why don't we start over.
1705
01:13:43,219 --> 01:13:44,352
Hi.
1706
01:13:44,354 --> 01:13:45,353
I'm Chris.
1707
01:13:45,355 --> 01:13:46,454
I'm Rachel.
1708
01:13:46,456 --> 01:13:47,789
So who is Jack?
1709
01:13:47,791 --> 01:13:49,424
Oh, Tom Jones over there?
1710
01:13:49,426 --> 01:13:50,591
That's my sugar daddy.
1711
01:13:50,593 --> 01:13:51,225
I knew it!
1712
01:13:51,227 --> 01:13:52,593
Mhmm.
1713
01:13:52,595 --> 01:13:54,862
I cannot believe you thought
that when we first met.
1714
01:13:54,864 --> 01:13:56,764
I have a lot of deep
core rooted issues
1715
01:13:56,766 --> 01:13:59,066
stemming from
my childhood, mostly.
1716
01:13:59,068 --> 01:14:00,501
Eat it, chew it,
1717
01:14:00,503 --> 01:14:03,638
how does failure taste?
1718
01:14:03,640 --> 01:14:07,341
All right, well, I guess I
should get back to the kids.
1719
01:14:07,343 --> 01:14:10,745
But, thanks for stopping by.
1720
01:14:10,747 --> 01:14:14,315
Would you like to go out
sometime?
1721
01:14:14,317 --> 01:14:15,817
Chris.
1722
01:14:15,819 --> 01:14:19,754
You are a super,
super sweet guy
1723
01:14:19,756 --> 01:14:22,323
and you made me laugh,
1724
01:14:22,325 --> 01:14:25,893
but I just need time.
1725
01:14:29,365 --> 01:14:30,598
Of course.
1726
01:14:30,600 --> 01:14:31,466
Totally
1727
01:14:31,468 --> 01:14:32,733
I mean, I, I get it.
1728
01:14:32,735 --> 01:14:35,837
You just broke up
with your fiancé,
1729
01:14:35,839 --> 01:14:38,506
you need some time.
1730
01:14:38,508 --> 01:14:40,942
Thanks.
1731
01:14:40,944 --> 01:14:44,378
Yeah, whore,
how does that feel?
1732
01:14:46,115 --> 01:14:47,849
It feels like the band
is back together.
1733
01:14:47,851 --> 01:14:51,018
Speaking of bands,
Jack's hair looks awesome.
1734
01:14:51,020 --> 01:14:52,920
I just hope Bon Jovi
has good news
1735
01:14:52,922 --> 01:14:55,957
because we couldn't find
anywhere that was hiring.
1736
01:14:55,959 --> 01:14:58,059
And we're saving up
for a Kia.
1737
01:14:58,061 --> 01:15:01,863
That's a great vehicle.
1738
01:15:01,865 --> 01:15:04,165
Rachel, perfect timing.
1739
01:15:04,167 --> 01:15:09,070
Wow, look who's brought
the Dumbbells uni, I like it.
1740
01:15:09,072 --> 01:15:09,837
Official.
1741
01:15:09,839 --> 01:15:11,172
I gotta rally the troops.
1742
01:15:11,174 --> 01:15:12,139
I'll see you in a little bit,
okay?
1743
01:15:12,141 --> 01:15:14,575
All right.
1744
01:15:14,577 --> 01:15:15,510
Wow.
1745
01:15:15,512 --> 01:15:16,477
Blonde is way better.
1746
01:15:16,479 --> 01:15:19,447
Yes.
1747
01:15:19,449 --> 01:15:21,883
Hey.
1748
01:15:21,885 --> 01:15:23,784
Thank you for coming.
1749
01:15:23,786 --> 01:15:27,154
I've gotta support
my uncle, right?
1750
01:15:27,156 --> 01:15:27,822
Right.
1751
01:15:27,824 --> 01:15:30,191
All right, everyone.
1752
01:15:30,193 --> 01:15:32,994
Let me just say uh,
it's fantastic
1753
01:15:32,996 --> 01:15:34,996
to see you all back
in uniform again.
1754
01:15:34,998 --> 01:15:36,998
I know we've had
some bumps in the road,
1755
01:15:37,000 --> 01:15:39,100
but uh, I hope you enjoyed
that little vacation of yours
1756
01:15:39,102 --> 01:15:40,635
'cause that's all it was,
1757
01:15:40,637 --> 01:15:42,670
'cause it's time to get down
to some work.
1758
01:15:42,672 --> 01:15:45,373
That's right, it's time to turn
the gym's business around
1759
01:15:45,375 --> 01:15:47,441
and take back control
of our lives.
1760
01:15:47,443 --> 01:15:50,578
And that's why we've come up
with a three part plan.
1761
01:15:50,580 --> 01:15:54,482
Todd, hand out
the binders.
1762
01:15:54,484 --> 01:15:57,585
Now when I escaped I knew
that I was gonna have to
1763
01:15:57,587 --> 01:15:59,153
face the Leader once more.
1764
01:15:59,155 --> 01:16:00,821
-Escaped?
-The Leader?
1765
01:16:00,823 --> 01:16:01,856
That's right.
1766
01:16:01,858 --> 01:16:04,692
I was in a cult
for 20 years.
1767
01:16:04,694 --> 01:16:06,827
Be strong.
1768
01:16:06,829 --> 01:16:08,529
But I'm not ashamed.
1769
01:16:08,531 --> 01:16:10,031
And I'm not hiding anymore.
1770
01:16:10,033 --> 01:16:12,733
In fact, not only
am I fighting back,
1771
01:16:12,735 --> 01:16:14,602
but I am taking
those mind sucking,
1772
01:16:14,604 --> 01:16:18,039
alien loving parasites down
and I won't stop
1773
01:16:18,041 --> 01:16:20,241
until I retrieve
every penny
1774
01:16:20,243 --> 01:16:24,745
of my $5,994,000
that they still owe me.
1775
01:16:24,747 --> 01:16:27,248
They will be begging me
for mercy.
1776
01:16:27,250 --> 01:16:29,617
Across the universe
the name Jack Guy
1777
01:16:29,619 --> 01:16:34,388
will cause fear in the hearts
of every Octaurean.
1778
01:16:34,390 --> 01:16:35,590
Bobby?
1779
01:16:35,592 --> 01:16:37,858
So you want us to help you
take down the cult
1780
01:16:37,860 --> 01:16:41,929
to get your money back
to save this gym.
1781
01:16:41,931 --> 01:16:42,797
No, no, not at all.
1782
01:16:42,799 --> 01:16:44,432
I was just venting.
1783
01:16:44,434 --> 01:16:46,300
It's a really important
part of the healing process.
1784
01:16:46,302 --> 01:16:47,501
My thera--
1785
01:16:47,503 --> 01:16:48,903
Um, guys.
1786
01:16:48,905 --> 01:16:52,073
I think what Jack
is trying to say is this.
1787
01:16:52,075 --> 01:16:55,076
After my injury I started
to act as if life
1788
01:16:55,078 --> 01:16:57,712
had robbed me of something
that I deserved.
1789
01:16:57,714 --> 01:16:59,614
That life owed me.
1790
01:16:59,616 --> 01:17:02,350
And I quit
on myself.
1791
01:17:02,352 --> 01:17:03,884
But I'm ready to
get back in the game.
1792
01:17:03,886 --> 01:17:05,519
I'm tired of sitting
on the sideline.
1793
01:17:05,521 --> 01:17:08,155
I wanna play some ball
and what I wanna know
1794
01:17:08,157 --> 01:17:11,359
is who is ready to play
some ball with me?
1795
01:17:11,361 --> 01:17:12,660
Bobby.
1796
01:17:12,662 --> 01:17:17,665
So, you want us to join
a basketball league, then?
1797
01:17:17,667 --> 01:17:19,100
No.
1798
01:17:19,102 --> 01:17:22,203
I think what Chris
and Jack are trying to say
1799
01:17:22,205 --> 01:17:25,339
is that if we
work together as a team
1800
01:17:25,341 --> 01:17:27,642
we can turn Dumbbells'
business around
1801
01:17:27,644 --> 01:17:30,645
and save everyone's job.
1802
01:17:30,647 --> 01:17:32,747
Oh.
1803
01:17:32,749 --> 01:17:34,115
I thought we were clear.
1804
01:17:34,117 --> 01:17:35,383
So here's the plan.
1805
01:17:35,385 --> 01:17:36,951
With the money we got
from the cult,
1806
01:17:36,953 --> 01:17:38,619
we'll throw
a promotional party.
1807
01:17:38,621 --> 01:17:40,021
But not just any party.
1808
01:17:40,023 --> 01:17:45,292
I'm talking a full on
Hollywood event.
1809
01:17:45,294 --> 01:17:48,295
When times are tough,
families pull together.
1810
01:17:48,297 --> 01:17:52,566
And say goodbye to working
for minimum wage.
1811
01:17:52,568 --> 01:17:53,901
That's right.
1812
01:17:53,903 --> 01:17:57,004
From now on everyone has
a piece of the company.
1813
01:17:57,006 --> 01:17:58,305
We are a team,
1814
01:17:58,307 --> 01:18:00,174
and there's no "I"
in "Dumbbells".
1815
01:18:00,176 --> 01:18:02,877
♪ And I just can't
wait till the day ♪
1816
01:18:02,879 --> 01:18:05,780
♪ When you knock on my door ♪
1817
01:18:08,685 --> 01:18:12,119
♪ Now every time
I go for the mailbox ♪
1818
01:18:12,121 --> 01:18:14,455
♪ Gotta hold myself down ♪
1819
01:18:17,460 --> 01:18:20,294
♪ 'Cause I just can't wait
till you write me ♪
1820
01:18:20,296 --> 01:18:25,166
♪ You're coming around ♪
1821
01:18:25,168 --> 01:18:29,437
♪ I'm walking on sunshine,
wooah ♪
1822
01:18:29,439 --> 01:18:35,342
♪ I'm walking on sunshine,
woooah ♪
1823
01:18:35,344 --> 01:18:39,046
For every problem,
we crate the solution.
1824
01:18:39,048 --> 01:18:41,082
Even the bitchiest ones.
1825
01:18:48,357 --> 01:18:51,292
♪ I used to think
maybe you love me ♪
1826
01:18:51,294 --> 01:18:56,130
♪ Now I know
that it's true ♪
1827
01:18:56,132 --> 01:18:59,366
Turns out Fabio's
not a dick after all.
1828
01:18:59,368 --> 01:19:00,267
Good evening.
1829
01:19:00,269 --> 01:19:02,470
I'm looking for Ivana.
1830
01:19:02,472 --> 01:19:04,505
I'm, I'm Ivana.
1831
01:19:04,507 --> 01:19:05,606
Wow.
1832
01:19:05,608 --> 01:19:07,541
I didn't know you were
that beautiful
1833
01:19:07,543 --> 01:19:09,310
and so sexy.
1834
01:19:09,312 --> 01:19:10,478
Oh.
1835
01:19:10,480 --> 01:19:16,016
Would you like to go for
an evening ride?
1836
01:19:16,018 --> 01:19:18,018
Let's go.
1837
01:19:18,020 --> 01:19:19,587
Once he heard that Jack
got screwed
1838
01:19:19,589 --> 01:19:20,688
out of all his money,
1839
01:19:20,690 --> 01:19:26,794
he stepped up to the plate,
big time.
1840
01:19:26,796 --> 01:19:28,295
Let me help with that.
1841
01:19:28,297 --> 01:19:33,367
Oh yeah if you could
just get that right there.
1842
01:19:33,369 --> 01:19:34,468
Perfect.
1843
01:19:34,470 --> 01:19:36,971
Perfect.
1844
01:19:36,973 --> 01:19:39,373
Guys!
1845
01:19:39,375 --> 01:19:41,142
Oh, my God, are you okay?
1846
01:19:41,144 --> 01:19:44,111
Shouldn't be on that ladder
at the same time.
1847
01:19:44,113 --> 01:19:45,846
See that big game
last night?
1848
01:19:52,922 --> 01:20:01,562
♪ Walking on sunshine ♪
1849
01:20:01,564 --> 01:20:03,564
♪ I feel the love,
I feel the love ♪
1850
01:20:03,566 --> 01:20:05,966
♪ I feel the love
that's really real ♪
1851
01:20:05,968 --> 01:20:08,035
♪ I feel the love,
I feel the love ♪
1852
01:20:08,037 --> 01:20:09,503
♪ I feel the love ♪
1853
01:20:42,205 --> 01:20:43,771
Hey, buddy, you made it.
1854
01:20:43,773 --> 01:20:45,039
How you doing, my friend?
1855
01:20:45,041 --> 01:20:45,940
Great to see you.
1856
01:20:45,942 --> 01:20:47,308
Hey.
1857
01:20:47,310 --> 01:20:49,710
Any bats in the cave?
1858
01:20:49,712 --> 01:20:51,111
You're clear.
1859
01:20:51,113 --> 01:20:52,112
Thanks, buddy.
1860
01:20:52,114 --> 01:20:53,447
You know, Chris.
1861
01:20:53,449 --> 01:20:55,416
I'm really glad you and I
teamed up.
1862
01:20:55,418 --> 01:20:57,184
It's like when Apollo Creed
and Rocky joined forces
1863
01:20:57,186 --> 01:20:58,786
to take on The Russian.
1864
01:20:58,788 --> 01:21:00,521
The Russian killed Apollo.
1865
01:21:00,523 --> 01:21:03,257
You better revert back
to your negativity, dipshit.
1866
01:21:03,259 --> 01:21:05,459
Holy "Valkyrie" on Blu-ray,
is that Tom Cruise?
1867
01:21:05,461 --> 01:21:07,661
Sometimes you just
gotta say
1868
01:21:07,663 --> 01:21:09,063
what the fuck.
1869
01:21:09,065 --> 01:21:09,930
Make your move.
1870
01:21:09,932 --> 01:21:11,966
Woo, woo!
1871
01:21:11,968 --> 01:21:14,768
No, that is not Tom Cruise.
1872
01:21:14,770 --> 01:21:16,237
That is Tom Cruise.
1873
01:21:16,239 --> 01:21:18,472
You complete me.
1874
01:21:18,474 --> 01:21:19,974
I was a bartender
in the Philippines
1875
01:21:19,976 --> 01:21:21,342
and I watched "Cocktail"
every day for inspiration.
1876
01:21:21,344 --> 01:21:22,676
That is Tom Cruise.
1877
01:21:22,678 --> 01:21:24,712
You were a bartender
in the Philippines?
1878
01:21:24,714 --> 01:21:25,613
Sure.
1879
01:21:25,615 --> 01:21:27,815
Actually, it doesn't matter.
1880
01:21:27,817 --> 01:21:29,516
Perception is reality.
1881
01:21:29,518 --> 01:21:30,851
Hey, guys, a real live
Hollywood producer
1882
01:21:30,853 --> 01:21:32,353
just gave me his card.
1883
01:21:32,355 --> 01:21:35,456
Said I had a dynamic look,
wants to make me a star.
1884
01:21:35,458 --> 01:21:36,523
Awesome.
1885
01:21:36,525 --> 01:21:38,525
Congrats, buddy.
1886
01:21:38,527 --> 01:21:41,829
He reminds me of a young
Macaulay Culkin.
1887
01:21:49,672 --> 01:21:51,739
It's kinda crazy to think
that I wanted to quit
1888
01:21:51,741 --> 01:21:53,474
not even a month ago, huh?
1889
01:21:53,476 --> 01:21:55,743
Well, we all wanna quit
at one time or another.
1890
01:21:55,745 --> 01:21:57,278
Important thing is
to hang in there
1891
01:21:57,280 --> 01:22:00,214
because tomorrow always
brings another surprise.
1892
01:22:00,216 --> 01:22:03,584
Speaking of surprises,
I got this for ya.
1893
01:22:03,586 --> 01:22:04,285
Boom.
1894
01:22:04,287 --> 01:22:05,452
What's this?
1895
01:22:05,454 --> 01:22:06,887
I was able to salvage
the footage
1896
01:22:06,889 --> 01:22:08,355
from the reality show.
1897
01:22:08,357 --> 01:22:10,591
I edited it together,
added effects,
1898
01:22:10,593 --> 01:22:13,527
cool transitions, graphics,
the whole nine.
1899
01:22:13,529 --> 01:22:16,196
Wow, how'd you learn
to do that?
1900
01:22:16,198 --> 01:22:19,133
I was an art major.
1901
01:22:19,135 --> 01:22:20,768
How's it going, guys?
1902
01:22:20,770 --> 01:22:24,171
This party is the tits,
am I right, yeah?
1903
01:22:24,173 --> 01:22:25,239
The tit-tays.
1904
01:22:25,241 --> 01:22:26,140
It's Slutsville out there.
1905
01:22:26,142 --> 01:22:27,608
Is that a real place?
1906
01:22:27,610 --> 01:22:29,176
'Cause if it's not
I would move there.
1907
01:22:29,178 --> 01:22:31,111
Hey, you guys were the guys
from the bank.
1908
01:22:31,113 --> 01:22:32,446
Oh, my God, the loan.
1909
01:22:32,448 --> 01:22:33,948
Yeah.
1910
01:22:33,950 --> 01:22:36,183
Look, please accept
my deepest apologies, okay?
1911
01:22:36,185 --> 01:22:37,618
I really am sorry,
1912
01:22:37,620 --> 01:22:39,320
I'm just going through
some shit right now.
1913
01:22:39,322 --> 01:22:40,387
My kid's masturbating at school,
can't stop him,
1914
01:22:40,389 --> 01:22:41,522
how do you stop him?
1915
01:22:41,524 --> 01:22:43,324
His dick's there
all the time.
1916
01:22:43,326 --> 01:22:44,792
All right, I'm not gonna
bother with my hands.
1917
01:22:44,794 --> 01:22:49,563
They're gonna get dirty
in a second anyway.
1918
01:22:49,565 --> 01:22:52,800
Did you know we already have
42 new members?
1919
01:22:52,802 --> 01:22:54,401
Are any of them
rich men?
1920
01:22:54,403 --> 01:22:57,671
Crystal, don't be a slut.
1921
01:22:57,673 --> 01:22:59,773
Well, things are looking
pretty good right now,
1922
01:22:59,775 --> 01:23:01,008
huh, Todd?
1923
01:23:01,010 --> 01:23:03,344
You guys did a really good job
with this place.
1924
01:23:03,346 --> 01:23:04,945
My dad couldn't do this.
1925
01:23:04,947 --> 01:23:09,650
He said I suck,
he sucks.
1926
01:23:09,652 --> 01:23:12,920
Chris, Jack told me you have
a sweat problem.
1927
01:23:12,922 --> 01:23:14,254
I think this can help.
1928
01:23:14,256 --> 01:23:16,757
Wow, never thought
I'd say this, but,
1929
01:23:16,759 --> 01:23:18,859
thank you, Fabio,
you're a sweetheart.
1930
01:23:18,861 --> 01:23:19,893
You're welcome.
1931
01:23:19,895 --> 01:23:21,428
Hey, by the way.
1932
01:23:21,430 --> 01:23:23,864
What do you use in your hair,
it's spectacular.
1933
01:23:23,866 --> 01:23:25,899
Oh, that's simple.
1934
01:23:25,901 --> 01:23:27,401
Pussy juice.
1935
01:23:27,403 --> 01:23:31,171
♪ I know you want me
just wanna show you all night ♪
1936
01:23:31,173 --> 01:23:34,808
♪ Baby, you're mine ♪
1937
01:23:37,313 --> 01:23:39,246
All right.
1938
01:23:39,248 --> 01:23:40,347
Let's do this.
1939
01:23:40,349 --> 01:23:42,082
♪ Baby, you're mine ♪
1940
01:23:45,821 --> 01:23:49,623
I am sorry to interrupt, Buzz,
but if I may cut in.
1941
01:23:49,625 --> 01:23:51,692
Well, I was just gonna
ask her to marry me,
1942
01:23:51,694 --> 01:23:53,360
but it wouldn't
have worked out.
1943
01:23:53,362 --> 01:23:57,698
Be happy.
1944
01:23:57,700 --> 01:24:00,034
How could you not
love that guy?
1945
01:24:00,036 --> 01:24:02,069
Let's see what you got.
1946
01:24:06,709 --> 01:24:08,609
Well.
1947
01:24:08,611 --> 01:24:09,843
Shall we?
1948
01:24:12,815 --> 01:24:16,450
Well, congratulations on
a very successful party.
1949
01:24:16,452 --> 01:24:19,420
You boys have come
a long way
1950
01:24:19,422 --> 01:24:21,655
and I am very proud.
1951
01:24:21,657 --> 01:24:23,290
Well, I have you to thank.
1952
01:24:23,292 --> 01:24:24,792
For what?
1953
01:24:24,794 --> 01:24:28,395
For everything.
1954
01:24:28,397 --> 01:24:31,565
Are you getting emotional on me?
1955
01:24:31,567 --> 01:24:35,969
I'm sorry, that's lame,
I know.
1956
01:24:35,971 --> 01:24:37,371
Are you kidding me?
1957
01:24:37,373 --> 01:24:39,573
What girl wouldn't love a man
1958
01:24:39,575 --> 01:24:41,942
who's in touch with his
emotions?
1959
01:24:44,914 --> 01:24:49,650
And I wanted to thank you
for respecting my boundaries.
1960
01:24:52,421 --> 01:24:55,189
I love...
1961
01:24:55,191 --> 01:24:56,723
...respecting your boundaries.
1962
01:25:01,397 --> 01:25:04,832
And look who got it
all on camera
1963
01:25:04,834 --> 01:25:09,103
you adorable lovebirds.
1964
01:25:09,105 --> 01:25:10,637
Thank you, Jack.
1965
01:25:10,639 --> 01:25:12,539
Chris, they're playing
your DVD on the projector.
1966
01:25:12,541 --> 01:25:14,975
Everybody loves it,
you gotta come check it out.
1967
01:25:14,977 --> 01:25:16,210
Oh, I gotta see this.
1968
01:25:16,212 --> 01:25:17,211
Come on.
1969
01:25:17,213 --> 01:25:18,979
Let's go.
1970
01:25:18,981 --> 01:25:20,581
Sorry for C-blocking you.
1971
01:25:25,688 --> 01:25:28,689
♪ I still got it,
I still got it ♪
1972
01:25:28,691 --> 01:25:30,390
♪ Yeah, still got it ♪
1973
01:25:30,392 --> 01:25:32,826
♪ Still got that pop lockin',
panty droppin' ♪
1974
01:25:32,828 --> 01:25:34,962
♪ Smooth moves
in my pocket ♪
1975
01:25:34,964 --> 01:25:36,864
♪ Still got that look that
gets 'em hooked ♪
1976
01:25:36,866 --> 01:25:38,799
♪ Like a locket
off like a rocket ♪
1977
01:25:38,801 --> 01:25:40,567
♪ Being down like Kenny Powers ♪
1978
01:25:40,569 --> 01:25:42,302
♪ Now I'm up like
the Trump Towers ♪
1979
01:25:42,304 --> 01:25:44,471
♪ And I'm back in town
ain't backing down ♪
1980
01:25:44,473 --> 01:25:47,908
♪ Won't stop till
I get that crown ♪
1981
01:25:47,910 --> 01:25:51,478
♪ I still got it,
I still got it ♪
1982
01:25:51,480 --> 01:25:52,980
♪ I still got it ♪
1983
01:25:52,982 --> 01:25:56,283
♪ Still got that fire
burning hot like never before ♪
1984
01:25:56,285 --> 01:26:00,120
♪ Still got my heart beating
loud like four on the floor ♪
1985
01:26:00,122 --> 01:26:03,590
♪ Bottles poppin', fist pumpin'
and I'm ready for more ♪
1986
01:26:03,592 --> 01:26:05,092
♪ That's right ♪
1987
01:26:05,094 --> 01:26:07,427
♪ Still got it, still got it,
I still got it ♪
1988
01:26:07,429 --> 01:26:11,532
♪ Still got that tiger blood
pumpin' fast through my veins ♪
1989
01:26:11,534 --> 01:26:13,400
♪ Six foot sammies
triple whammies ♪
1990
01:26:13,402 --> 01:26:15,469
♪ I ain't feelin' no pain ♪
1991
01:26:15,471 --> 01:26:19,673
♪ Batter's up swingin' hard
'cause I'm still in the game ♪
1992
01:26:19,675 --> 01:26:22,309
♪ I still got it, still got it,
still got it ♪
1993
01:26:22,311 --> 01:26:23,777
Hey, Jack.
1994
01:26:23,779 --> 01:26:25,946
Bumbaloo,
nice to see ya.
1995
01:26:25,948 --> 01:26:27,047
Hey, Jack.
1996
01:26:27,049 --> 01:26:28,815
Fabio told us you were
having a party.
1997
01:26:28,817 --> 01:26:30,450
Yup, you guys having
some fun, huh?
1998
01:26:30,452 --> 01:26:32,886
Yeah, but unfortunately
we're in a big rush.
1999
01:26:32,888 --> 01:26:35,122
Our helicopter's picking us up
in five.
2000
01:26:35,124 --> 01:26:36,156
Oh, okay.
2001
01:26:36,158 --> 01:26:37,357
Is this roof flat?
2002
01:26:37,359 --> 01:26:38,292
Uh, yeah.
2003
01:26:38,294 --> 01:26:39,693
It doesn't matter.
2004
01:26:39,695 --> 01:26:41,395
Look, we're branching out
of Las Vegas,
2005
01:26:41,397 --> 01:26:42,963
we're producing
our own television,
2006
01:26:42,965 --> 01:26:44,531
and we were looking at
the footage over here
2007
01:26:44,533 --> 01:26:45,732
and thought that...
2008
01:26:45,734 --> 01:26:47,701
Premise rocks,
we love the name,
2009
01:26:47,703 --> 01:26:50,103
and that's some
fine ass bitches here.
2010
01:26:50,105 --> 01:26:51,805
It's like "Sunset Tan"
in a gym
2011
01:26:51,807 --> 01:26:53,574
and not only could it be
a reality show,
2012
01:26:53,576 --> 01:26:55,209
but maybe we can
franchise this.
2013
01:26:55,211 --> 01:26:57,811
Let's talk on Monday,
we'll discuss the numbers.
2014
01:26:57,813 --> 01:27:01,014
Absolutely.
2015
01:27:01,016 --> 01:27:03,050
Okay, Jack.
2016
01:27:03,052 --> 01:27:04,785
Come on, bitches.
2017
01:27:04,787 --> 01:27:06,520
We don't wanna keep
Obama waiting.
2018
01:27:06,522 --> 01:27:08,989
No, you definitely do not.
2019
01:27:14,029 --> 01:27:17,798
Dumbbells, Dumbbells,
Dumbbells, Dumbbells...
2020
01:27:17,800 --> 01:27:20,133
So I guess the vision
doesn't always manifest
2021
01:27:20,135 --> 01:27:22,302
exactly as you see it.
2022
01:27:22,304 --> 01:27:24,371
But Jack Guy sure was right.
2023
01:27:24,373 --> 01:27:26,240
Dreams do come true.
2024
01:27:30,779 --> 01:27:32,079
Oh, everything's gonna
be fine?
2025
01:27:32,081 --> 01:27:33,714
Everything's gonna
be fine?
2026
01:27:33,716 --> 01:27:34,248
Listen.
2027
01:27:34,250 --> 01:27:35,649
Do I look fine?
2028
01:27:35,651 --> 01:27:37,317
I am not fine.
2029
01:27:37,319 --> 01:27:40,087
I am very far from fine.
2030
01:27:40,089 --> 01:27:42,022
Take off that wig!
2031
01:27:42,024 --> 01:27:46,793
Goddammit!
2032
01:27:46,795 --> 01:27:48,328
Um...
2033
01:27:48,330 --> 01:27:50,731
Sorry.
2034
01:27:50,733 --> 01:27:52,332
How's the date going?
2035
01:27:52,334 --> 01:27:53,834
It is not a date.
2036
01:27:53,836 --> 01:27:55,535
Looks like a date
from over here.
2037
01:27:55,537 --> 01:27:56,670
It is not a date.
2038
01:27:56,672 --> 01:27:59,406
Just tell her
how you feel.
2039
01:27:59,408 --> 01:28:03,510
What the fuck
is your problem?
2040
01:28:03,512 --> 01:28:05,245
So what's your sign?
2041
01:28:05,247 --> 01:28:09,049
You wanna go out after this,
get a penis colada?
2042
01:28:09,051 --> 01:28:11,184
I mean, pina colada.
2043
01:28:11,186 --> 01:28:13,153
You know what I meant.
2044
01:28:13,155 --> 01:28:15,756
Cut.
2045
01:28:15,758 --> 01:28:17,324
Hey, guys,
how's it going, huh?
2046
01:28:17,326 --> 01:28:18,325
How about this party?
2047
01:28:18,327 --> 01:28:19,860
Oh, my God,
I swear to God,
2048
01:28:19,862 --> 01:28:22,129
50% of those chicks can fit
their full fist in their mouth.
2049
01:28:22,131 --> 01:28:24,164
Sucks that one couldn't
get it back out,
2050
01:28:24,166 --> 01:28:25,198
but she's gonna be okay.
2051
01:28:25,200 --> 01:28:26,233
And, mark.
2052
01:28:26,235 --> 01:28:27,668
It was a bad day
for me, okay?
2053
01:28:27,670 --> 01:28:30,103
My dad's in town right now
and, you know,
2054
01:28:30,105 --> 01:28:30,904
he was a drinker.
2055
01:28:30,906 --> 01:28:32,039
He was a drinker growing up
2056
01:28:32,041 --> 01:28:33,840
and projectile vomiting,
constantly.
2057
01:28:33,842 --> 01:28:35,242
You know he actually
threw up once
2058
01:28:35,244 --> 01:28:37,277
while he was changing me,
right on my dick.
2059
01:28:37,279 --> 01:28:39,446
You remember that shit.
2060
01:28:39,448 --> 01:28:41,148
And do either of you
have a roofie?
2061
01:28:41,150 --> 01:28:43,283
The big blonde, seriously,
one or two?
2062
01:28:43,285 --> 01:28:44,217
I say two.
2063
01:28:44,219 --> 01:28:47,654
Bets, huh?
2064
01:28:47,656 --> 01:28:51,358
Sorry, I seriously can't.
2065
01:28:54,563 --> 01:28:56,430
Sorry.
2066
01:28:56,432 --> 01:28:57,664
Why?
2067
01:28:57,666 --> 01:29:00,634
Why, why, why, why,
why, why, why?
2068
01:29:00,636 --> 01:29:06,573
Tell me why, why, why,
why, why, why, why.
2069
01:29:06,575 --> 01:29:08,642
I'm up to 104 views.
2070
01:29:08,644 --> 01:29:10,777
That dramatic chipmunk
better watch out.
2071
01:29:10,779 --> 01:29:12,279
I'm gonna give it my nuts.
2072
01:29:12,281 --> 01:29:14,114
That little kid that said,
"Charlie bit my finger"
2073
01:29:14,116 --> 01:29:16,350
better watch out before I put
him in a fucking microwave.
2074
01:29:16,352 --> 01:29:18,552
That sneezing panda better
watch its multicolored back
2075
01:29:18,554 --> 01:29:20,253
before I fist fuck it
with my nine.
2076
01:29:20,255 --> 01:29:22,923
Again, thanks for stopping by,
you have my card?
2077
01:29:22,925 --> 01:29:24,224
Yeah?
2078
01:29:24,226 --> 01:29:26,126
I mean, I ripped the number off
so you can't call me.
2079
01:29:26,128 --> 01:29:27,327
That Starbucks?
2080
01:29:27,329 --> 01:29:29,629
You know,
there's cheaper coffee, 7-11.
2081
01:29:29,631 --> 01:29:31,031
I'm a banker, okay?
2082
01:29:31,033 --> 01:29:32,399
I'm dead inside.
2083
01:29:32,401 --> 01:29:34,234
Smoked some more
of that kush.
2084
01:29:34,236 --> 01:29:37,137
I got so ripped I watched five
seasons of "Lost" in one day.
2085
01:29:37,139 --> 01:29:39,406
Yeah, that's impossible,
homey.
2086
01:29:39,408 --> 01:29:41,274
That's, like, 80 hours.
2087
01:29:41,276 --> 01:29:42,542
In one day.
2088
01:29:42,544 --> 01:29:43,510
Look, I got a show to do.
2089
01:29:45,647 --> 01:29:46,747
No, my ass is on the line.
2090
01:29:46,749 --> 01:29:48,215
You're working for me!
2091
01:29:48,217 --> 01:29:51,551
You know, you've got the IQ
of a croissant!
2092
01:29:51,553 --> 01:29:52,652
You know, I don't need this.
2093
01:29:56,191 --> 01:30:00,627
Ew.
2094
01:30:00,629 --> 01:30:02,629
Okay, go back to kissing me.
2095
01:30:02,631 --> 01:30:03,597
Cut.
2096
01:30:03,599 --> 01:30:05,098
People love that
you know.
2097
01:30:05,100 --> 01:30:06,533
It's like, nobody fuck
with the Fabio, okay?
2098
01:30:06,535 --> 01:30:09,302
Have a good day.
2099
01:30:13,075 --> 01:30:13,573
Thanks.
2100
01:30:13,575 --> 01:30:14,775
"Titanic".
2101
01:30:14,777 --> 01:30:16,410
You still owe me
"Sleepless In Seattle".
2102
01:30:16,412 --> 01:30:18,178
I'm not done with it, Chris!
2103
01:30:18,180 --> 01:30:19,413
Whatever!
2104
01:30:19,415 --> 01:30:21,314
You're whatever!
2105
01:30:21,316 --> 01:30:24,518
You are!
2106
01:30:24,520 --> 01:30:26,119
He's not a dimwit.
2107
01:30:26,121 --> 01:30:29,022
You have to have a wit
to be dim.
2108
01:30:29,024 --> 01:30:31,658
He's the dimmest
of the dimwits.
2109
01:30:31,660 --> 01:30:35,195
Mr. Dimwit.
2110
01:30:35,197 --> 01:30:37,297
Captain Dimwit.
2111
01:30:37,299 --> 01:30:38,732
General Dimwit.
2112
01:30:38,734 --> 01:30:41,067
King Dimwit.
2113
01:30:41,069 --> 01:30:43,036
Emperor Dimwit.
2114
01:30:43,038 --> 01:30:44,571
Yes.
2115
01:30:44,573 --> 01:30:47,040
Cut!
2116
01:30:47,042 --> 01:30:49,276
Listen, Dances With Queers,
I'm never fucking done.
2117
01:30:49,278 --> 01:30:51,778
I got 20 more laps
and an hour worth of legs
2118
01:30:51,780 --> 01:30:54,147
and I'm gonna fuck this line up
horribly.
2119
01:31:04,226 --> 01:31:07,427
Okay, le-,
let's cut the crap!
2120
01:31:07,429 --> 01:31:08,662
See this coat I'm wearing?
2121
01:31:08,664 --> 01:31:09,896
I don't need it anymore,
you know why?
2122
01:31:09,898 --> 01:31:11,498
Because I'm cooked
and failing
2123
01:31:11,500 --> 01:31:12,632
I had two slices of bad pizza
2124
01:31:12,634 --> 01:31:14,968
and I'm already throwing
punches.
2125
01:31:14,970 --> 01:31:16,369
Are you out of
your fucking mind?
2126
01:31:16,371 --> 01:31:18,305
I don't put that shit
in my body.
2127
01:31:18,307 --> 01:31:19,539
I'm downing some COC.
2128
01:31:19,541 --> 01:31:21,441
Cellular Oxygen Creatine.
2129
01:31:21,443 --> 01:31:22,809
A liquid formula
that quadruples
2130
01:31:22,811 --> 01:31:24,878
my amino acid recovery
by fucking up the lines
2131
01:31:24,880 --> 01:31:26,646
and having to do it
over ago.
2132
01:31:26,648 --> 01:31:27,981
I'm downing some COC.
2133
01:31:27,983 --> 01:31:31,284
Creatine Oxygen fucking
shit backwards asshole.
2134
01:31:31,286 --> 01:31:33,787
Cellular Oxygen Creatine,
a liquid formula that triples
2135
01:31:33,789 --> 01:31:37,257
my amino acid circulation
while quadrupling...
2136
01:31:37,259 --> 01:31:39,159
Goat got your tongue?
2137
01:31:39,161 --> 01:31:41,428
The "baa" is my favorite part.
2138
01:31:45,734 --> 01:31:46,700
This was fun.
2139
01:31:46,702 --> 01:31:47,601
Wasn't this fun?
2140
01:31:47,603 --> 01:31:49,369
We should do this again.
2141
01:31:49,371 --> 01:31:52,706
♪ I'm gone, I'm gone,
I'm gone, I'm gone ♪
2142
01:31:52,708 --> 01:31:55,775
♪ I'm gone, I'm gone ♪
2143
01:31:55,777 --> 01:31:57,410
♪ Gonna light it up ♪
2144
01:31:57,412 --> 01:31:59,145
♪ Tore it up ♪
2145
01:31:59,147 --> 01:32:00,447
♪ That's enough ♪
2146
01:32:00,449 --> 01:32:03,850
♪ I'm gone, I'm gone
I'm gone, I'm gone ♪
147686
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