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1
00:00:03,504 --> 00:00:05,244
Mail's here!
2
00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:10,179
Look, it's our annual rejection
letter from Family Feud.
3
00:00:10,278 --> 00:00:11,778
A mustache hair.
4
00:00:11,879 --> 00:00:13,579
Oh, my God.
5
00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:16,181
Steve Harvey licked
that envelope himself.
6
00:00:16,284 --> 00:00:18,394
Wait, this isn't
a rejection letter.
7
00:00:18,486 --> 00:00:20,546
It's an invitation to
the second phase
8
00:00:20,654 --> 00:00:21,894
of the application process --
9
00:00:21,989 --> 00:00:23,759
"filling out a questionnaire"!
10
00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:25,357
- (squeals)
- Oh, yeah!
11
00:00:25,459 --> 00:00:27,429
But we've got to be
very careful filling it out.
12
00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:29,198
Says here we can't get
another one.
13
00:00:29,297 --> 00:00:30,927
It's only one question long --
14
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,801
"What is the funniest thing
15
00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:34,870
that has ever happened
to your family?"
16
00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:37,968
I could think of 300 funny
things that have happened to us.
17
00:00:38,072 --> 00:00:40,442
(scoffs)
300 funny things.
18
00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:43,241
I can think of 400 funny things.
19
00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:44,424
I could think of a million.
20
00:00:44,512 --> 00:00:45,512
Okay, do 50.
21
00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:46,946
Okay, first one...
22
00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:55,320
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
23
00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:58,593
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
24
00:00:58,692 --> 00:01:01,802
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
25
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:06,095
♪ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪
26
00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:11,408
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
27
00:01:11,505 --> 00:01:13,835
- ♪ Good -- ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
28
00:01:13,941 --> 00:01:14,941
Aah!
29
00:01:16,644 --> 00:01:19,614
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
30
00:01:22,216 --> 00:01:23,916
This is Family Feud, guys.
31
00:01:24,017 --> 00:01:25,617
We need our A-1 stuff.
32
00:01:25,719 --> 00:01:28,089
What's the funniest thing
that's ever happened to us?
33
00:01:28,189 --> 00:01:31,129
I heard a funny word
at the doctor yesterday --
34
00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:32,625
"terminal."
35
00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:33,756
That's an airport word!
36
00:01:33,861 --> 00:01:35,361
I have a funny one.
37
00:01:35,463 --> 00:01:37,703
Remember the time
Dad got locked in the stockades
38
00:01:37,798 --> 00:01:39,368
in Colonial Williamsburg?
39
00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:41,697
Sorry I knocked over
that plant, Dad.
40
00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:43,552
They say they'll let you out
at the end of the day.
41
00:01:43,571 --> 00:01:44,771
Uh, guys?
42
00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:46,122
I started a small
electrical fire
43
00:01:46,140 --> 00:01:47,510
in Ye Olde Candlery.
44
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:50,208
- We gotta run!
- Aah!
45
00:01:50,311 --> 00:01:52,711
I forgot
Roger really ruined that trip.
46
00:01:52,813 --> 00:01:55,523
Ooh! How about that time
we saw Seinfeld in Hawaii?
47
00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:58,016
I think that's Seinfeld
at the omelet station.
48
00:01:58,118 --> 00:01:59,518
You just know he's observing
49
00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:01,390
some really funny stuff
right now.
50
00:02:01,489 --> 00:02:04,159
Guys, I accidentally
triggered an active volcano.
51
00:02:04,258 --> 00:02:06,158
- We gotta run!
- (all gasp)
52
00:02:06,260 --> 00:02:10,000
SEINFELD: What's the deal
with all this lava?
53
00:02:10,097 --> 00:02:11,867
Damn it!
Roger ruined that, too!
54
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:14,495
Ooh! What about the time
we went to that super fancy
55
00:02:14,602 --> 00:02:16,342
underground cheese shop?
56
00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:20,367
I can't believe this is the day
I finally get to try Gouda!
57
00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:23,014
Guys, I accidentally triggered
an active volcano.
58
00:02:23,110 --> 00:02:25,210
- We gotta run!
- (all gasp)
59
00:02:25,313 --> 00:02:29,853
SEINFELD: And this was the day
I was finally gonna try Gouda!
60
00:02:29,950 --> 00:02:32,490
Can't we think of one memory
that wasn't ruined by Roger?
61
00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:34,046
Enchanté.
62
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:37,994
The name's Hibachi Liberace:
Terrible Origami Artist.
63
00:02:38,091 --> 00:02:40,191
Allow me to demonstrate.
Mm, too big.
64
00:02:40,294 --> 00:02:41,704
- No!
- (gasps)
65
00:02:41,795 --> 00:02:42,925
(breathing heavily)
66
00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:44,400
Bingo!
67
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:45,728
Double bingo!
68
00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:47,603
And fold, and fold, and...
69
00:02:47,701 --> 00:02:48,571
ta-da!
70
00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:49,869
Hanging chad!
71
00:02:49,970 --> 00:02:51,100
Remember that?
72
00:02:51,205 --> 00:02:52,445
From one of the elections
or something?
73
00:02:52,473 --> 00:02:53,613
Damn it, Roger!
74
00:02:53,707 --> 00:02:55,677
That was our Family Feud
application!
75
00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:57,906
We got to the next round?!
That's amazing!
76
00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,681
I wonder what I'll wear
if we make it.
77
00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:01,010
You'll wear nothing.
78
00:03:01,114 --> 00:03:02,924
That's kinda what I was
thinking, too.
79
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:05,546
Because we're not going
to be on Family Feud.
80
00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:07,893
They famously only
give you one application!
81
00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:09,288
And you ruined it!
82
00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:11,860
- You ruin everything!
- (gasps)
83
00:03:11,959 --> 00:03:13,359
I don't ruin things!
84
00:03:13,461 --> 00:03:15,901
We spent all day trying
to remember things,
85
00:03:15,996 --> 00:03:17,766
but all the rememories were bad!
86
00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:18,725
'Cause of you!
87
00:03:18,832 --> 00:03:20,072
Being on the Feud
88
00:03:20,167 --> 00:03:22,437
is all the Smiths
have ever wanted.
89
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,606
- So...
- So, what, Stan?
90
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:26,765
So, the Smiths are done
with you.
91
00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:28,944
Forever!
You must leave at once!
92
00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:32,912
(gasps) You guys
don't want me to leave, right?
93
00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:34,553
Fine! I'll go.
94
00:03:35,949 --> 00:03:37,489
Francine, let's go, baby.
95
00:03:37,585 --> 00:03:38,585
No!
96
00:03:38,686 --> 00:03:40,786
(gasps, cries)
97
00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:43,215
(camera shutter clicks)
98
00:03:43,324 --> 00:03:44,494
POPE: We found him,
99
00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:46,892
the creator
of the evil artifact.
100
00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:51,898
According to the prophecy,
101
00:03:51,999 --> 00:03:54,169
the artifact
can only be destroyed
102
00:03:54,268 --> 00:03:56,298
by sending it back
into the portal through
103
00:03:56,404 --> 00:03:58,144
which it appeared on Earth.
104
00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,238
What portal?
105
00:04:00,341 --> 00:04:02,611
(dramatic music plays)
106
00:04:08,282 --> 00:04:10,582
(bell tolls)
107
00:04:15,523 --> 00:04:17,863
I have 12 chalupas for...
108
00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:19,458
secret meeting.
109
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:23,860
The artifact corrupts
and twists the human mind.
110
00:04:23,964 --> 00:04:28,504
Once it is destroyed, the world
will finally be at peace.
111
00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:31,342
I shall take it to America
at once.
112
00:04:31,439 --> 00:04:34,139
Perhaps I should take it, hmm?
113
00:04:34,241 --> 00:04:35,941
No!
He wants it for himself!
114
00:04:36,043 --> 00:04:37,953
- I'll take it.
- No! Me!
115
00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:39,375
- Friends!
- (gasps)
116
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,450
Beyoncé speaks!
117
00:04:41,549 --> 00:04:42,879
Don't you see?
118
00:04:42,983 --> 00:04:46,053
Its power is corrupting even us.
119
00:04:47,321 --> 00:04:49,291
(gun cocks)
120
00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:50,620
Don't touch it.
121
00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:51,724
(gun cocks)
122
00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,062
(gun cocks)
123
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:54,900
(guns cock)
124
00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:05,508
I must have it!
125
00:05:22,523 --> 00:05:26,663
Little girl, what you are
holding is very dangerous.
126
00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:28,060
You must give it to me.
127
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,661
No problemo.
128
00:05:29,763 --> 00:05:31,503
Kazim, wait.
129
00:05:31,599 --> 00:05:33,169
She offers it
without hesitation.
130
00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:35,166
It does not corrupt her.
131
00:05:35,268 --> 00:05:37,168
She is pure of heart.
132
00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:38,870
She must be the one.
133
00:05:38,906 --> 00:05:43,106
We are the Knights Turdlar,
an ancient order tasked
134
00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:46,180
with destroying
this evil excrement.
135
00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:48,679
We need you to take this
somewhere.
136
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:50,422
It could be dangerous.
137
00:05:50,518 --> 00:05:53,688
But it will save the world
from evil.
138
00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:56,117
I will deliver this
anywhere you want,
139
00:05:56,223 --> 00:05:59,033
but you must order it
through the app.
140
00:05:59,126 --> 00:06:00,556
(knocking)
141
00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:06,270
Yeah, that cat doesn't
live here anymore, ya dig?
142
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:09,096
We've looked everywhere.
Even Snot's house.
143
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:10,702
ROGER: Come back here!
144
00:06:10,804 --> 00:06:12,044
Come on, lil' cricket!
145
00:06:12,139 --> 00:06:14,309
I ain't gonna eat ya!
146
00:06:14,408 --> 00:06:15,478
Stupid cricket!
147
00:06:15,576 --> 00:06:16,906
Stupid Smiths!
148
00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:19,450
Making me lie to crickets
about eating them.
149
00:06:19,547 --> 00:06:22,047
(crickets chirping)
150
00:06:22,149 --> 00:06:23,649
ROGER:
Oh, hey, little girl.
151
00:06:23,751 --> 00:06:25,551
Can you grab that cricket
for me?
152
00:06:25,653 --> 00:06:27,423
I ain't gonna eat it
or anything.
153
00:06:29,322 --> 00:06:31,392
Oh, hey, that looks familiar.
154
00:06:31,492 --> 00:06:32,662
Nice of you to bring it back.
155
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:33,790
(thud)
156
00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:35,134
This is just the cherry
157
00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:37,468
on top
of a really interesting week.
158
00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:49,608
(arguing in native language)
159
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:05,256
Well, it's official.
160
00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:06,358
I'm not black.
161
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:07,796
- How do you know?
- Heh!
162
00:07:07,895 --> 00:07:09,455
'Cause black don't...
163
00:07:19,607 --> 00:07:21,807
Listen up.
This is an emergency.
164
00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:22,809
Has there been an attack?
165
00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:24,550
No, silly.
166
00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:26,545
We live in utopia now!
167
00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:29,847
The emergency is,
I got a new guitar!
168
00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:31,620
(guitar plays)
169
00:07:31,719 --> 00:07:34,789
♪ Everyone is happy in utopia ♪
170
00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:39,058
♪ From Spain to Japan
to Ethiopia ♪
171
00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:42,829
♪ Mertz was a bully
who only cared for shoving ♪
172
00:07:42,930 --> 00:07:46,830
♪ But now he's a pacifist
all about loving ♪
173
00:07:46,934 --> 00:07:48,474
♪ Now that the world
is at peace ♪
174
00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:50,499
♪ I have my own flock of geese ♪
175
00:07:50,604 --> 00:07:54,174
♪ Everyone is happy in utopia ♪
176
00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:55,884
FRANCINE:
♪ The roads are all empty ♪
177
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:58,146
♪ Everyone gets a Bentley ♪
178
00:07:58,245 --> 00:08:02,045
♪ I can dunk a basketball ♪
179
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:05,349
♪ Everyone is happy in utopia ♪
180
00:08:05,452 --> 00:08:09,392
♪ I used to smoke six times
a day, no joking ♪
181
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:15,059
♪ But in this new world,
I get high without toking ♪
182
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:18,772
♪ Everyone is happy in utopia ♪
183
00:08:18,866 --> 00:08:21,936
♪ We're all full of hope-ia ♪
184
00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:26,065
♪ I can fly without my rope-ia ♪
185
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:29,743
♪ 'Cause everyone loves utopia ♪
186
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:34,013
♪ And things are going well
for me ♪
187
00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:38,854
♪ Too-o-o-o-o ♪
188
00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:42,693
This just in.
Everything is still great!
189
00:08:42,790 --> 00:08:45,690
Coming up after the break,
a beautiful sound!
190
00:08:45,793 --> 00:08:47,673
Oh, what the heck?
Let's just play it right now.
191
00:08:49,663 --> 00:08:52,203
I hate utopia.
I hate this.
192
00:08:52,299 --> 00:08:54,129
Oh, my God!
Thank you!
193
00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:56,244
Remember when you used
to see a helicopter crash
194
00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:57,816
on the news
and get kind of horned up?
195
00:08:57,905 --> 00:08:59,105
That's gone.
196
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:01,106
And I hate singing
that song every day.
197
00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:04,278
- I miss my old song!
- Daddy.
198
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,307
That is the silver lining, Rogu.
199
00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:08,953
At least Roger's been gone
since utopia started.
200
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,219
Daddy.
201
00:09:11,318 --> 00:09:12,418
No.
202
00:09:12,519 --> 00:09:14,419
That's the door.
203
00:09:14,521 --> 00:09:15,561
(doorbell rings)
204
00:09:15,656 --> 00:09:16,656
Damn, Francine,
205
00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:18,227
you made the doorbell ring.
206
00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:19,225
Delivery!
207
00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:20,926
And may peace be with --
208
00:09:21,795 --> 00:09:23,925
Please send me to the Smiths.
209
00:09:24,031 --> 00:09:25,931
123 Cherry Street.
210
00:09:26,033 --> 00:09:27,973
It's Roger's mouth!
211
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:30,738
They're a bunch of dicks, but
I really need to talk to them.
212
00:09:30,838 --> 00:09:32,268
Roger! Shh!
213
00:09:32,372 --> 00:09:34,172
Mm. Mm.
214
00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:37,854
I think it's Steve,
but just to make sure...
215
00:09:37,945 --> 00:09:38,945
Get off me!
216
00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:41,652
Yep!
That's my Steve!
217
00:09:41,749 --> 00:09:43,779
Okay, as you can see,
I'm just a mouth.
218
00:09:43,884 --> 00:09:46,824
That's probably because
I exploded into 300 pieces.
219
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,660
My ears heard
the Knights Turdlar
220
00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:51,286
talking about how they'd spread
the pieces to the furthest,
221
00:09:51,391 --> 00:09:53,431
most inaccessible
corners of the world.
222
00:09:53,526 --> 00:09:56,526
That way no one could rebuild me
and return the world to chaos.
223
00:09:56,630 --> 00:09:57,530
Any questions?
224
00:09:57,631 --> 00:09:59,031
I might have one.
225
00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:00,532
Trick question!
226
00:10:00,634 --> 00:10:02,284
I can't hear questions
because I'm just a mouth.
227
00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:04,272
Rogu can help you find
the rest of me.
228
00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:06,111
Probably.
I just said a name.
229
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:07,266
Does he look confident?
230
00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:08,844
I can say someone else's name.
231
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:10,212
Uhh...
232
00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:11,440
Calvin?
233
00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:12,544
Is he still around?
234
00:10:12,579 --> 00:10:17,049
Daddy ear at mall.
235
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:22,623
Daddy's ear.
236
00:10:22,723 --> 00:10:25,533
Finally, I can hear
your beautiful voices.
237
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:28,525
And more importantly,
my own beautiful voice!
238
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:31,798
(scatting)
239
00:10:31,899 --> 00:10:33,329
Ugh!
I can't do this!
240
00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:36,003
I can't talk to these gross,
flappy body parts.
241
00:10:36,103 --> 00:10:37,473
I've got an idea!
242
00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:39,310
This was my idea!
243
00:10:39,406 --> 00:10:42,076
And you guys promise me
you got the rainbow sloth
244
00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:44,535
and not just the brown bear
because it was cheaper?
245
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:45,914
Yes, Roger.
246
00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:47,483
Where to now, Rogu?
247
00:10:49,950 --> 00:10:52,420
(all cheering)
248
00:10:56,589 --> 00:11:00,229
(all cheering)
249
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:01,897
(growling)
250
00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:12,243
I do not want to go in there.
251
00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:14,509
Take these. Someone sold them
to me by the porta-johns.
252
00:11:14,607 --> 00:11:16,207
I have no idea what they are.
253
00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:19,779
(dance music plays)
254
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,080
Coachella!
255
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:22,921
EDM is amazing!
256
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:24,986
And I never would have
found out if we didn't have to go in there
257
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:26,588
to find Roger's elbow.
258
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:27,786
Roger's elbow!
259
00:11:27,888 --> 00:11:30,418
FRANCINE: Coachella!
260
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:35,226
♪ I'm your Venus ♪
261
00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:37,728
299 pieces.
262
00:11:37,831 --> 00:11:39,031
Only one to go.
263
00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:40,632
Possibly the most important
of all --
264
00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:41,874
my butthole.
265
00:11:41,969 --> 00:11:43,599
We have to find your butthole?
266
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:44,943
Without it, no turd.
267
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,238
You know what they say --
268
00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:50,940
Butthole always
last place you look.
269
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,654
Ha, ha, ha.
270
00:11:52,746 --> 00:11:54,376
Let's go.
271
00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:57,081
STAN: No way!
272
00:12:00,821 --> 00:12:02,091
Hello?
273
00:12:02,189 --> 00:12:04,089
(door slams)
274
00:12:06,259 --> 00:12:08,629
So, you've come
for the butthole.
275
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,328
Steve Harvey?!
276
00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:14,230
Unfortunately, I can't just
hand it over to you.
277
00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:17,144
To obtain it, you'll have
to win the Feud.
278
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:19,107
And since there's
no other family here,
279
00:12:19,206 --> 00:12:21,266
we're going straight
to Fast Money!
280
00:12:21,374 --> 00:12:25,454
I'm gonna ask Roger and Stan
the same five questions.
281
00:12:25,545 --> 00:12:28,175
If together,
they get over 200 points,
282
00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:30,621
what do the Smiths win?
283
00:12:30,717 --> 00:12:32,787
TOGETHER: The butthole!
284
00:12:32,886 --> 00:12:34,416
Let's play!
285
00:12:34,521 --> 00:12:37,091
Name something you don't want
to see in the ocean.
286
00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:38,260
- Shark.
- Zombies.
287
00:12:38,358 --> 00:12:40,428
What is a place you go
on vacation?
288
00:12:40,527 --> 00:12:41,827
- Hawaii.
- Uzbekistan.
289
00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:44,869
Something you don't want
to find in your pantry.
290
00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:47,095
- Rats.
- Gotta go with Hitler-r-r-r!
291
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,440
A drink you have in the morning.
292
00:12:49,536 --> 00:12:51,296
- Coffee.
- Warm saltwater.
293
00:12:51,404 --> 00:12:53,674
Something you get
for your birthday.
294
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,343
- Balloons.
- Potato gravy.
295
00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:57,312
- Okay, Roger.
- Yeah?
296
00:12:57,410 --> 00:13:00,380
As you know, Stan got 198.
297
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,820
- Mm-hmm.
- You've gotten zero so far.
298
00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:05,816
- Yup.
- All you need is two points.
299
00:13:06,887 --> 00:13:08,857
Your final question was,
300
00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:11,686
"What is something you get
for your birthday?"
301
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:12,691
You said...
302
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:15,002
- Potato gravy.
- Idiot.
303
00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:18,169
Survey says...
304
00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:21,529
- Oh, yeah!
- We did it!
305
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,674
- Whoo-hoo!
- The Smiths have done it!
306
00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:25,570
They won the butthole!
307
00:13:25,672 --> 00:13:26,842
I ain't gonna lie.
308
00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:28,380
I ain't sad to see it go.
309
00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:30,475
Welcome home, buddy!
310
00:13:39,419 --> 00:13:40,539
(arguing in native language)
311
00:13:48,195 --> 00:13:49,355
Aah!
312
00:13:49,462 --> 00:13:53,502
At long last, it's finally mine!
313
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:55,370
Wait, you wanted us to have it?
314
00:13:55,468 --> 00:13:56,788
Why did you make us
play the game?
315
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,336
I didn't really think
it through.
316
00:13:58,438 --> 00:14:00,768
That's why I gave you points
for potato gravy at the end.
317
00:14:00,874 --> 00:14:03,384
Now I'm gonna use this
to put my Family Feud
318
00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:05,006
on every channel!
319
00:14:05,112 --> 00:14:07,012
- Wait, how?
- It's very complicated.
320
00:14:07,114 --> 00:14:10,454
Just trust me when I say
that I will rule the --
321
00:14:10,550 --> 00:14:11,580
Jesus!
322
00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:14,124
- Whoa!
- STAN: Don't look at it!
323
00:14:14,221 --> 00:14:15,621
This thing is dangerous.
324
00:14:15,722 --> 00:14:17,762
I'll destroy it.
325
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,692
Suckers.
326
00:14:23,263 --> 00:14:26,273
It's just you and me now.
327
00:14:58,665 --> 00:15:00,625
(engine starts)
328
00:15:06,173 --> 00:15:09,843
BARTENDER: Usual, Dirk?
329
00:15:14,047 --> 00:15:16,577
STEVE: Where is it?
330
00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:20,286
How'd you find me?
331
00:15:20,387 --> 00:15:23,587
STEVE:
The whole world found you.
332
00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:26,290
Trust me, Steve.
You don't want it.
333
00:15:26,393 --> 00:15:28,103
Actually, it's the only thing
334
00:15:28,195 --> 00:15:30,495
I've wanted
since I saw it that day.
335
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,827
Well, you're out of luck.
336
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:35,972
I got rid of that thing
a long time ago.
337
00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:37,699
Maybe try Craigslist.
338
00:15:49,082 --> 00:15:51,382
STAN: Aah! Aah!
339
00:16:07,134 --> 00:16:10,004
(clattering)
340
00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:29,259
(grunts)
341
00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:49,608
- (vehicle approaching)
- (gasps)
342
00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:51,739
Aah!
343
00:16:58,185 --> 00:17:00,285
You led me right to it,
little brother.
344
00:17:00,387 --> 00:17:02,187
(gargles)
345
00:17:02,289 --> 00:17:05,689
(straining)
346
00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:12,025
(gunshot)
347
00:17:12,132 --> 00:17:13,532
(groans)
348
00:17:18,671 --> 00:17:20,211
You dropped something.
349
00:17:20,307 --> 00:17:23,107
(weakly)
I thought we had a deal.
350
00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:26,050
What happened to girls
against boys?
351
00:17:26,146 --> 00:17:28,446
Only one problem.
352
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:31,222
I'm a woman.
353
00:17:31,318 --> 00:17:32,618
- (gunshot)
- (gasps)
354
00:17:35,822 --> 00:17:37,792
Francine!
355
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:38,960
(grunts)
356
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,888
That's mine!
357
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:54,966
Ow!
358
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,914
Give it up, Francine!
359
00:17:57,009 --> 00:17:59,409
You look like shit, Stan.
360
00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:00,582
(spits)
361
00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:06,446
(saw whirring)
362
00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:10,458
Stan, please!
Don't!
363
00:18:10,557 --> 00:18:11,657
You can have it!
364
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:27,838
(gasps)
365
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:30,480
(choking)
366
00:18:35,248 --> 00:18:36,948
(crack)
367
00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:50,055
Hmm, maybe I didn't have time
to stop for fries.
368
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:52,901
The turd!
369
00:18:52,999 --> 00:18:55,299
- I must have it!
- ROGER: Give me a break, Klaus.
370
00:18:55,402 --> 00:18:56,642
You're a fish.
You're fine.
371
00:18:56,736 --> 00:18:58,256
Yeah, I just wanted to be
a part of it.
372
00:18:58,305 --> 00:19:00,665
And they think
I mess everything up.
373
00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:02,643
Look what they do
when I'm not around.
374
00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:04,382
Besides, even if I do get them
in trouble,
375
00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:05,847
I always get them out of it.
376
00:19:05,945 --> 00:19:07,575
Well, not this time.
377
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,750
This time is a bad example.
378
00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:11,979
This time, they're all dead.
379
00:19:12,084 --> 00:19:13,494
You still have me, Roger.
380
00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:16,656
Klaus, please.
I'm not in the mood for jokes.
381
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:25,997
What the...?
382
00:19:26,032 --> 00:19:27,072
(groans)
383
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:28,196
No, no, no, Steve.
384
00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:29,741
Don't come near this bush.
385
00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:32,566
Pal, that burrito did a number
on my alien stomach.
386
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:33,912
Come on.
Let's just go home.
387
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,376
Too bad.
388
00:19:35,475 --> 00:19:37,935
I guess I'll never find
my special power.
389
00:19:39,212 --> 00:19:42,622
Whoa, this is where I laid
the Golden Turd!
390
00:19:42,715 --> 00:19:44,945
- Hey, what am I doing here?
- Listen!
391
00:19:45,051 --> 00:19:47,051
You can't leave that thing
in the bushes!
392
00:19:47,153 --> 00:19:49,923
Someone finds it and ruins
your family's lives.
393
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,562
What? Oh, no!
394
00:19:51,658 --> 00:19:53,728
The only way to change
the future is to hide it
395
00:19:53,826 --> 00:19:55,126
where no one can find it.
396
00:19:55,228 --> 00:19:57,428
Don't worry.
I'll hide it real good.
397
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,570
Not behind the skateboard
in the garage.
398
00:19:59,666 --> 00:20:01,726
Wow, you really want
this thing hidden!
399
00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:03,444
Oh, and -- and one more thing.
400
00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:05,566
If you don't want to get kicked
out of the house,
401
00:20:05,672 --> 00:20:07,572
don't ever take up origami.
402
00:20:07,674 --> 00:20:09,284
Okay, bye, me!
403
00:20:11,611 --> 00:20:13,451
Hey, Steve!
Road trip!
404
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:15,276
I'm thinking Boca Raton!
405
00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:17,452
It mean's "rat's mouth"!
406
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:25,885
Can't we think of one memory
that wasn't ruined by Roger?
407
00:20:25,992 --> 00:20:27,392
Enchanté!
408
00:20:27,494 --> 00:20:30,434
The name's Hibachi Liberace:
Terrible Origami Art--
409
00:20:30,530 --> 00:20:32,930
Wait a second. I feel like
I'm not supposed to do this.
410
00:20:33,032 --> 00:20:34,972
Staples McFoldsalot!
411
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:36,097
Paper hater!
412
00:20:36,202 --> 00:20:37,742
You think you hate paper?
413
00:20:37,837 --> 00:20:39,337
Wait till you see this!
414
00:20:41,274 --> 00:20:42,614
STAN: Roger! No!
That's our...
415
00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:54,618
Damn it!
I want it so bad!
416
00:20:57,290 --> 00:21:02,130
(suspenseful music plays)
417
00:21:02,228 --> 00:21:04,128
Bye-bye! See you soon!
418
00:21:04,178 --> 00:21:08,728
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