All language subtitles for the.unicorn.s02e04.1080p.web.h264-ggwp

Hey, hey, guys,
look what I found

when I was cleaning out
the garage.

Who's up for some cornhole?

Ew, it's covered in spiderwebs.

So?
Well,

I don't know, uh, spiders
would be my main concern.

No, no, no, no.
It's fine.

Here, grab it from that side.Just...

All right, let's do this.Ew.

What's up with you?
Are you drunk?

I'm-I'm actually a little drunk.

Yeah. This sangria
really sneaks up on you.

No, I'm just happy.

You know, me and Shannon,
we're doing so good.

I mean, she's going
out of town for the weekend

and-and I already miss her.

Ah, yeah?
Yeah, she's going
to Asheville

to her ex-mother-in-law's second
wedding to her first husband.

What?MICHELLE: Oh,

well, it's nice
that her life

is so colorful.
BEN:
Uh-- oh?

Sangria and cornhole? Now
that's what I'm talking about.

You're in a good mood.

Yes.MICHELLE: He's been
like this for weeks.

It's that hotel job.
Ooh, the developer loves Ben.

Calls him Mr. Can Do.

I'm installing entertainment
centers in 120 rooms.

Wow.5.1 surround sound

in every one of them,
three business centers

with smart screens,

72 miles of HDMI.

Wow.
Whoa, 72.
That's a lot miles.

So Shannon's going to a wedding
with her ex-husband?

BEN:
I get it.

Wade's love life
is more interesting

than my HDMI cable.

But impressing Trey
isn't easy.

He can be a bit fickle.

He fired his landscape guy
today.

WADE:
Really?

Any chance he's looking
for somebody new?

I guess so.

You think maybe you could
throw my name in the ring?

Ooh, that's, uh,
kind of a big ask, Wade.

I don't know about that, man.

Oh, I'm-I'm sorry.

Wow. Awkward.
[chuckles]

Ha! I'm just messing
with you, man!

What?I talked you up
all day today.

He wants to meet you tomorrow.

Really?
Yes.

Oh, Ben, you're the best, man.

Wow, man, a
job that big?

I mean, I'd probably
have to rent a trencher.

I mean, the irrigation
lines alone, oh, my God.

I'd probably have to call
the city and get a variance

so we can put in a
dedicated water line.

Wow, this makes me want to
hear more about that HDMI cable.

72 miles.

Get out.
Mr. Can Do.

DELIA:
Wow.

What do you guys want to do?

We should probably study.

We have that anatomy
test on Monday.

What? No. We're obviously
not doing that.

Let's watch a movie.Ooh.

We have to watch Caddyshack.

I watched itand it's amazing.

I didn't even know I liked golf.

ADDIE:Wait.

It's rated R?

NOAH: For language,
adult humor

and brief nudity.

I give it four stars.

Mom, can we watch Caddyshack?

NATALIE:What? What are you doing?

Why do you always have to belittle miss perfect?

DELIA:
Caddyshack?

Seriously?

Noah's seen it.

It's fine.

Girl, he hears worse than
that on the playground.

And most of the bad stuff
goes right over his head.

Oh, really?
Like Rodney Dangerfield

talking about his testicles?

'Cause he talks about
his testicles quite a bit.

Oh, yes, he does.
[laughs]

Hey. You know what, Noah,
find something else to watch.

What? This is censorship.

No, it isn't.As of this moment,

you are ondouble secret probation.

That's from Animal House.

You let him watch Animal House?

Mm-hmm.

Hey, there he is.
Mr. Can Do.

Wow. He-he actuallycalls you that.

Yeah, I'm kind of
a nickname guy.

And let me tell you something,
Tan Man,

this man does amazing work.

So, Wade, I got the work
samples that you sent over.

Very impressive.

Thank you.When can you start?

Wow, really?Just-just like that?

Yeah, I'm about a month behind
on this project,

and if you're as good
as Ben says you are,

I say we just do it.Wow.

Uh, thank you. Thank you.

I'll, uh, start on a plan,and, uh,

get you some numbers,
and, uh, my guys

can begin prep on Monday.Yeah.

Fantastic. Listen,
hold that thought.

I want to talk about
the entrance, okay?Yeah.

I'm thinking something big here,something special.

Give me a canopy,

thick, beautiful, lush,

the whole nine, all right?
Wisteria.

Yeah, wisteria. That's good.

Yeah, you know,wisteria is beautiful,

I mean, it-it's so beautiful,

but it doesn't
flower for years,

and it is bare all winter.

Y-You know, let me, uh, let me

work up some other optionsfor you.

In addition to the wisteria?

Instead of the wisteria.I'm confused,

uh, 'cause I was just
telling you what I wanted,

[chuckles]: and then
you were telling me...

What were you telling me?BEN:That he's gonna do

everything possible
to make your dreams a reality.

Great. That's all I ask.
[laughs]

Thank you, Ben,
for making that happen.

All right? I
won't forget it.

Tan Man!

See you later.

Later.

FORREST: Man, I'm so jealousyou and Wade

get to work together every day.

Hey, maybe I should
learn a trade, huh?

I don't know, man.

Yeah, I got soft hands anyway.

Delia says they're like suede.

N-No, it's just, uh...

I know it's
the first day,

but the guy's shooting down
Trey's ideas

the second he gets the job.

You know Wade, right?
He has very strong opinions.

Yes, I know that, but after
I stuck my neck out for him?

And I don't want to
make it a big thing

or anything, but, you know,
maybe if it comes up,

you could have a word with him?

Yeah, of course. Yeah.

Thank you.Hey.Of course.

Hey, buddy.Yes.

Ah...All right.

Here you go. Yeah.Thank you.

Hey, Wade, I just
wanted to say sorry

for not warning you about
what a character Trey is.

[chuckles]:Ha. Yeah, he is that.

[laughs]

He's just the kind of guy
that doesn't like

to hear the word no.

So I always say, "Oh,
I'll get into it,"

or "Huh, let me have a look."

You see, that buys me the
time to see what I can do.

You get me.Yeah, yeah, no,I totally get you.

I mean, I don't,
I don't need to buy the time,

because I know
that wisteria won't work,

but, yeah, I-I totally get you.

Yes, absolutely.

Cool, cool.

Go get us some more
mozzarella sticks.

You forgot, buddy.Ah. Thanks, man.

All right.

WADE:
Oh, my God, wow.

This new job is tricky.

Yeah, but it seems like
Ben knows

how to keep this guy happy.

I don't know, man, it just feels
like Ben wants me to agree

with everything
that this guy says.

You know, that's-that's
not how I work.

I mean, you get that, right?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean,

it's like,
why recommend you for the job

if-if he doesn't want you
to do it your way?

Yes. Thank you.Yeah.

I'm so glad you see it my way.

Look, uh...[phone vibrates]

Uh, hold on.

Sure, of course.

DELIA:
Hi, honey.

Oh, how are you?Oh, hey.

You were tossing and
turning all night.

Did you have
the turtle dream again?

Worse.

Worse than the turtle dream?Yeah.

It's this thing
with Wade and Ben.

I kept having these nightmares
that I had to take sides,

but they both made
really good points.

And-and, also...
there was this turtle there.

Yeah, and he-- and he just
kept coming for me, man.

Coming for me, you know?
Slow and steady.

Slow and steady.

Slow but steady, yeah.So, yeah,

I guess it was kind of
the turtle dream, too.

I'm sorry, honey. I know
how you hate to pick sides.

Yeah, and this is even worse.

I mean,
these are my best friends.

They're saying opposite
things... [laughs softly]

and I'm agreeing
with both of them.Mm.

It's like I have no backbone.

Why would you say that?
You have a backbone.

Okay, I'm sorry.
I have a backbone.

All right, well,
let's get the blood moving.

Start the day.Yeah.

Forrest!

We've been TP'd.

What? Who would do this?

I do know a certain Caddyshack
fan

who's out for revenge.Wow.

I'm impressed.
Noah's got quite an arm.

Forrest.

But this is unacceptable,
of course,

and I'm very, very,
very mad right now.

I don't know, it's-it's
oddly beautiful in the wind.

Addie, sweetie?

Something upsetting
has happened.

Somebody toilet-papered
our house.

Oh.

I could clean up. I don't mind.

[quietly]:
Wow.

Well... [clears throat]
that's solved.

No, Forrest, it's not solved.

We have to talk to Michelle,
we have to let her know

that-that Noah's acting out.

Because if she doesn't
take this seriously,

this could be a real problem.

Are we sure that it's Noah?

Forrest, you know
what a prankster Noah is.

Last time he was here
for dinner,

I made him eat cauliflower,
so he ordered us ten pizzas.

Oh, right, yeah.

Oh, God, those pizzas
were so good, though.

Hey, can we get pizza
for dinner tonight?

That's not the point.

It isn't the point, no.

All right, what do you think
here, huh? Got the flowers,

got the banyan tree,
got the waterfall.

Huh?
Yeah.

Not bad.Yeah, yeah. Not bad.

It-It's beautiful.

But, uh, that-that's Hawaii.

This is North Carolina.

Exactly.
I'm bringing Hawaii here.

Aloha, bitches!
[laughs]

Right, right,
but if you, if you bring

a banyan tree here, it'll die.

You'll figure it out.

Well, I-I don't know
if I can figure out

how to make
North Carolina tropical,

but what I can do is
find you some local options

with a similar feel.

Oh, boy, here we go
with the options again, huh?

Hey, Trey, just finished
wiring up the speakers

in all the suites.
Want to check it out?

Already did. Loved them.

One thought.

Let's put them
in the ceilings, huh?

Instead of the walls.
Where they are now.

Yeah. That won't be
a problem, will it?

Uh, let me see what I can do.

Uh, won't you have
to tear out all the drywall

and rewire everything?

Oh, you never know.

After all, I am Mr. Can Do.

Yes. You are Mr. Can Do.

[chuckles] Hey,
real quick. Uh...Mm?

Is there an issue with your guy?

Wade? No, no. He's good.

Yeah. Well,
you-you keep telling me that.

Hey, Delia.

Hi, Michelle. How are you?

Okay, what's going on?

[laughs]:
What? Why? Wh-- I'm not even...

Why-why do you think
something's going on?

Ooh, must be bad.[sighs]

Okay, well, um, fine.

It is possible

that Noah may or may not have
kind of, uh, TP'd my house.

Noah, did you TP Delia's house?

No.

He says he didn't do it.

You don't mind
if I talk to him, do you?

You know, as a doctor, uh,
I find that children

tend to really respect me
as an authority figure.

[laughs][chuckles]

You think he's gonna
confess to you

because he respects you so much?

[chuckles]
Well, I-I did.

Hmm.

Okay, Noah, so I'm just gonna
ask you a few simple questions

and if you answer them
as honestly as you can,

you will get this cookie.

What?

What?

No, that's for after
you answer.

Oh. I wasn't clear on that.

[chuckles]

Well, luckily I came prepared.

So, here you go.

Now please just answer--
Noah!

Okay, you know what,
just admit

that you TP'd my house, okay?

I don't think I did.

But another cookie
might jog my memory.

Okay, look, Noah, you're not
in trouble, all right?

Even if you did TP my house,

I get it.
It's not your fault.

MICHELLE:
Whoa. Wait a minute.

So whose fault would it be?

Uh, excuse me?

Well, you said it's not his
fault, so whose fault is it?

My fault?

Because I let my kids watch

a few bad movies,
I'm a bad parent?

What?

No. No, no, no, no, no.

Really? Is that--

That's what you got
from-- Really?

No.

So what are you saying?

I'm saying-- What I--
What I am saying is

that it's not your fault.

You know, I should go.

Yes, that might be best.Yeah.

Did you...
Did he what?

Nothing.

All right, men,
what'll it be?

Uh, a pitcher, some wings?

Great, yeah.Sauce on the side.
Got it.

Ooh, whoa.
I don't know, Wade.

Think about it, they may not
want to make 'em that way.

Uh, I don't think
they're gonna mind, it's fine.

Sauce on the side.Oh, that's right, because

you're the customer.Really?

Wow. Okay, I see
what you're doing.

I don't. What is he doing?
What are you doing?

Forrest, if somebody
hired you to do something,

you'd find a way to do it,
like plant a tree,

or put the sauce on the side.

Okay, well, what if
it wasn't sauce?

What if it was poison
they wanted you

to put on the side,
would you do that?

Wait a minute,
so every idea

you hate is poison.

The guy asked you for a tree.

You told him it was a bad idea,

he said,
"I still want the tree."

Now, either you give him
the tree, or somebody else will.

That's the job, Wade.

How is it the job
to pretend

that something that
is wrong is right?

It's called playing the game.

And you cannot win the game if
you don't play the game, Wade.

Look, it's not a game
to me, Ben.

It's my job, man.Come on.
Yeah.

That's because I got it for you.That's how you got that job.Okay. Okay.

Forrest totally agrees
with me, don't you? Right?

Remember what you said?
Go ahead, tell him.

Oh.

BEN:
Tell him.

I-I did say that.

Seriously, Forrest?!
Come on, man.

You said you wereon my side with this.And I am.

No, no, no, no, no.
Are you kidding me?Okay. Well, great.

Well, he's sitting right here.Why don't you just tell him?Okay, okay.

The truth is...

that you both make a lot
of good points.

Ah, come on!Pick a side, Forrest.

Come on, man!

This is my literal nightmare.

Where's the turtle?
[gasps]

You guys are the turtle.

Yeah, you guys are the turtle.

Okay, here are your lunches,
and let's-let's go.

Oh, a banana, a pencil
and a tape measure.

Hey, I didn't get
a tape measure.

Just two dumb sandwiches.

Okay, uh, one of
the dumb sandwiches

belongs to your sister,

and the tape measure
belongs to me.

And I'm sorry, I may be

a little distracted by
this thing with Ben.

I mean, he thinks I'm stubborn.

[chuckles]:
Oh.

What?
You think I'm stubborn?

What? No. You?
Never. No. Mm-mm.

Okay, yes,

I have opinions.Oh, no kidding.

Yeah, remember that
time at soccer

when you were reffing
and disqualified Amanda

for wearing softball cleats?

She was our best player.

Are you seriously stillmad about "cleatgate"?Of course I'm still mad.

We lost the game, and because
of your dumb rules,

we didn't make it
to the playoffs.

Okay, they weren't
my dumb rules,

they are the rules.

And I am sorry if it made people
a little upset.

The whole team hated you.Well, you know what,

I didn't become a refto be popular.
GRACE: Oh.

Then you nailed it, Dad.

And those were
the only cleats that Amanda

had at her dad's house.

And then, when she
didn't get to play,

it made her so sad.

I didn't mean to make her sad.

And, okay, yes, I guess
I can be kind of...

A jerk?

Well, I was gonna say stubborn.Yeah.

That's what Natalie meant.
[chuckles]

Michelle was so mad at me.

She thinks I'm saying
she's a bad parent.

Oh, that's crazy.
Yeah.

But, I mean,
weren't you, though?What? No.

No, of course not.

But we have to admit

she does give her kids
a long leash.

Yeah. I mean, I understand
her defending her children.

Right? But then again,
you make a great point

about the leash thing.

Oh, no. Oh...

I'm getting worse!

NATALIE:That is hilarious.Just make a decision.

[laughter]You are such a badass.

Yeah.

Addie is such a badass.

Why are we saying
that, though?

No reason.

Okay.
Okay.

Gotta go.

Bye.
Bye.

What were you two up to?I wasn't up to anything.

Why would you think
I was up to anything?

'Cause I wasn't.

FORREST:
Addie,

is there something
going on, or...

No.

Fine. Stop grilling me.

I confess... I TP'd our house.

What?

It's been killing me all week.

I'm sorry for the mess
and the obvious waste.

It was recycled.

But that's not the point.

DELIA:
W-W-Wait.

Wait. Okay, okay, I...

I see what's going on here.

It's Natalie.
She's a bad influence.

Oh, come on, Delia.

And-and-and,
Forrest, Forrest,

you are spending
too many late nights at work.

Deels.And obviously

it's my fault, too-- I let you
watch that Netflix show

with the vampires and the drugs,
and... the Wild West?

Why? Why was that?

That's just so
high-concept.
Delia!

What?Stop!

She TP'd her own house.

And then she
cleaned it up after.

It's not because
of Wade's kids

or-or because of The Badlands
of Nosferatu,it's...

it's-it's because
she's not six anymore.

She's 13.
She's gonna act out.

And you know what?

That's okay.

It's okay.
She has to test her boundaries.

She should.
She needs to.

But... she's a good kid.

So we got to give
her some space.

Okay?

Yeah.Yeah.

Yeah.
I guess I was
just tired

of being little miss perfect
all the time.

Aw.
Oh.
Thanks, Dad.

You get me.Yeah.

Oh.[chuckles]

[sniffles]

She ismiss perfect.

Yeah, she is.

But, Forrest.

Yeah?

That was a lot of backbone.

Well, I'm sorry, I just...

it had to be said.Yeah.

I liked it.

[chuckles]:
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.

That's the kind of thing
you like, huh?

Yeah.
Shoot. Well,
do you like the part

where I was like, "Stop"?

[laughs][gasps]

Oh...What?

What is going on? What?Oh.

Michelle...

is going to kill me.

BEN:
Whew.

Can you believe Delia?

Questioning my parenting?

Man, oh, man.
Hmm.

You must have been furious.Mm.

She's got no right
to judge you like that.

No, she does not.
I was fit to be tied.

Huh. [chuckles]Oh, we're having dinner
with them on Friday.

What?Mm-hmm.

We are?Mm-hmm.

So just like that,
you're over it?

No. But it's only Tuesday.

By Friday, I'll be good.

Yeah, but Delia
needs to learn

how to keep her nose
out of everything.

And when is that
gonna happen?

I mean, yes, she is
a pain in the neck,

but she's also
my best friend.

I can't stay mad

at my friends forever
for being who they are.

I'm not five.

Damn it.

What's wrong?

I'm five.

[sighs]

Hold that. Stop it. Stop it.

Wade, what are you doing?I'm-I'm...

planting a banyan tree.

Will you stop it?

They can't live here.I know.

I'm playing the game.No.

No, you don't play the game.

You're the one
who wanted me to play the game.

Yeah, well, now I don't like it.
It was a bad idea.

Hey. Hold that!

Just hold that.Norwood,

don't listen to him.

Put it in.Wade, will you stop?

This is all my fault.

I can't be mad at you
for being who you are.

What I am is stubborn
and inflexible.

What the hell is that?

That is the
ugliest tree

I've ever seen.
[chuckles]

That's a banyan tree.

Dear God. Is it really?

Wow. I mean, now
that I see it,

that's not gonna work at all.But I

just had to have it
shipped from Florida.

Wade. The man said
he doesn't like the tree.

So how about we just get him
a new tree?

Right?Y-Yes.

Yeah, yeah, okay, all right, uh,
we'll get you some more options.

That's all I ask.
[chuckles]

Thank you...

Mr. Can Do 2. Oh!

There it is!
There it is!

You got it.

That's gonna stick. You watch.

Ooh-hoo, I got to go.

[sighs]

Okay, Norwood, take it out.

Okay!Hmm.

Hey, Wade, we good?

Always.

Come here.

Hey. Where's the mustard?

Oh. You know what?

Maybe Addie took it.

Okay, yeah,
guess I deserved that.

Yeah, and-and have you seen
the napkins?

Should we check
Addie's backpack?
Michelle,

I'm sorry, again.

How many times
do I have to say it?

More would be nice.

I never, ever intended

to make you feel like
you were a bad parent.

I'm the one

with the out-of-control kid.

Oh, yeah, she's a real bad seed.Oh, well,

we had to punish her, of course,
and that's tricky,

'cause we've
never done that before.

Anyway,
first it was all,

"You got to clean your room,"
and then we thought,

who are we kidding,
it's immaculate.

Hmm.Anyway,

my point is, I never,
ever should have judged you...

or your kids.

They're great.

Thank you.[door closes]

WADE:
Hey, uh...

someone just delivered ten
pizzas for a Mrs. Caddyshack.

Could I get four
slices of Hawaiian?

MICHELLE:
Damn it, Noah.

For one minute,
I had the moral high ground.

Yes! Ha!

Really?
Sorry.

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