Original subtitles

Yes, sir, I am aware of the time-sensitive...

Of course, sir.

No, sir, we would never...

- I'm gonna tell you something... - I understand.

- ...I don't want you to take offense. - Mm-hm.

Your breakfast smells like the inside of an asshole.

- Uh-huh. - None taken.

Of course, Governor, I assure you, we're doing everything...

Yes. I understand. Loud and clear. Okay.

Sir?

Okay! So... our timeline's been chopped again.

We've got less than a week to deliver.

- A week? - Under a week.

The governor's got Blue Lives Matter crawling up his ass

along with police lobbying groups,

the families of the dead guards. They want charges.

And BOP wants this over before the ACLU starts heavy sniffing,

giving the media another reason to run that clip of the burning Cheetos.

Put it all together, we're holding lit dynamite with shit smeared on it.

When are we supposed to interview the inmates that went to the Ohio facility?

- What to do with shit-smeared dynamite? - Well, I...

Take it to Ohio?

Locals in Ohio will get statements,

but we'll mostly be relying on the CO statements you two got,

and the testimony of the inmates here.

No one who was in that riot, whether they participated or not, goes back to Minimum.

And BOP says they need at least five inmates to eat big charges.

So, we'll finalize Diaz's plea today,

and from this bunch we'll owe a life sentence for murder,

and three minimum tens for the riot leaders.

What am I smelling?

- Jackie has me seeing a nutritionist. - It's horrendous. Make it go away.

Let's make this easier on ourselves.

Uh, sir, none of the CO statements pointed at Tasha Jefferson being responsible...

Like it matters. She's the face people saw in the videos.

You two need to fill out the other riot slots. Who'd the CO statements point to?

In this group, there were mentions of Mendoza, Ruiz, maybe Flores.

Make sure you got enough to indict at least one of them.

Let's prosecute a rainbow, shall we?

Ugh, I can still smell it. That is fucking ungodly.

We could use it to torture inmates into confessions.

Always thinking, Nguyen. Nice.

Hey. Where y'all take Suzanne?

Hey, yo. Where Suzanne at?

You need some help shutting that mouth?

I'm sorry. I'm good.

- You sure? - I'm good.

Okay.

Taystee!

T! Look at me, God damn it!

"Dear Taystee..." Shit!

Writin' her name...

Oh.

"Giant killed. Cops framing us."

Exercise hour, inmate.

An opportunity to replenish your resources with physical renewal.

Hands.

Hands.

Girl in Gen Pop got her face slashed last week. Can't be too careful.

My leg gets numb sometimes.

- You know, I been sitting for too long. - You need to stay more active.

Let alone more proactive.

It's the first habit of highly successful people.

You know, I got an aunt from Michigan, had gout.

I bet that's what happened to her.

Couldn't get more proactive.

Nothing to do with her love of organ meats.

Come on.

T.

Do you intend to charge her formally?

It's up to Lieutenant Columbo. It's his case.

Wow. I've never seen one this big before.

Oh, it's like a dinosaur! A big, black dinosaur cock!

You're gonna stretch out my tiny pussy with that...

Hey! Knock it off!

It's a goddamn PE class out there.

Stop bouncing the ball! It's too early for that kind of noise!

It's 12:23. Go to work!

Not that it's any of your business, but I am on paid suspension.

- If you're just gonna lie to me about it... - I am not lying!

It's a complicated situation

that I am taking the hit for that you will not understand!

So now stop disturbing the entire neighborhood with your stupid racket!

Mr. Kingston. Yes, just give us a moment.

Stretch out my tiny pussy.

Getting a few...

Eat a dick.

Wait here. They'll get you some Tylenol for your face.

And it would also do wonders for those bags under your eyes...

- Lorna? Lorna! - No cuts, basehead.

- I'm trying to get to my friend. - I'm 'posed to give a fuck, basehead?

Why do you keep saying "basehead"?

Yo. She smoked so much rock she forgot what they call the shit.

Are you calling me a crackhead?

Yes, bitch! You smoke up your whole vocabulary?

- She ain't a crackhead. - Thank you.

Trista, right? We used to smoke meth near the Chuck E. Cheese off 95.

Check it out. It's Trista. Mikey's cousin's mom.

- How many kids you got now, Trista? - I'm not Trista. Lorna!

I'm sorry, I'm not interested.

Lorna, it's me. It's Chapman.

Oh, of course! Don't worry, you look fine.

How are you?

I'm not so great. It's very different here.

These girls are psychos.

They will come at you for just looking at them wrong.

And my bunkie, she does four poops a day. Four.

Have you seen Alex? Was she on your bus?

No. Not that I was lookin' around a whole bunch.

I was mainly weeping softly,

but also trying to stay positive. You know. For the baby.

Oh, that's right. Nicky told us.

I'm just so glad that our bus came here, so I'm still close to Vinnie.

The other buses, I hear, they went all over the country.

Have you seen Nicky or Red?

They're in Administrative Segregation with me.

Hey, listen, I've been feeling so guilty about leaving you guys.

People are saying you're gonna get pegged for the riot.

Like, you might get extra time on your sentence.

It's like when a whole group of you are running from the security guard

after you lifted something at Sephora,

and the ones at the back, they're gonna get grabbed,

and they have to show the security guard their titties so they don't get arrested.

You guys all have your tits out.

Extra time?

- Um. Sorry. - Go, bitch.

Chapman, you take care of yourself, okay?

I gotta take my prenatals now.

Morello.

Morello. Folic acid, paroxetine.

No, that's not me. You got me all wrong. If anything, I was on your side.

- Mm-hm. - Then why are several corrections officers

telling us that you locked them in porta-potties?

- That could be considered torture. - I wasn't torturing nobody.

- I was... - Hey. You have kids, right?

Want to see them grow up?

You're looking at a full decade added to your sentence.

Gonna have to ask you to step outside, friend.

This room has been commandeered as part of a federal investigation.

Three minutes, okay. I need to eat every hour or I'll blow my gains.

Popcorn's high volume, low calorie.

Lot of people don't know that. Lot of bang for your buck.

Get it? 'Cause when the popcorn pops...

You can pop the popcorn, but you have to wait outside.

No, I can't. I have to wait till there are two to three seconds in between pops.

If I go outside, I'll miss that window and it'll burn.

Burnt things give you cancer.

Just undershoot it! Put it in for 30 seconds less!

Look. I don't know what you heard,

but I was the one trying to get those guards out of the prison safely.

Ask the... the head of, um, MCC, uh, Jack something!

I risked my own safety to help them escape.

No. That was... Who was that?

- Ruiz. - Right. Ruiz helped the guards.

Ruiz? Let me tell you what the fuck Ruiz did.

She's the one that started this riot in the first place.

Pushing Daya to use the gun.

Ask that guard, um, McCullough!

Ruiz was ordering all them other girls around,

telling them to torture the guards and everything,

She made everyone take off their name tags.

What else did Ruiz do?

What else?

She's been cooking this up for a long time.

I heard her in the cafeteria plotting this whole riot thing

two weeks before it happened.

That's some premeditation shit right there.

So you know, this is, like, half kernels.

So, Ruiz.

That's right.

Start from the beginning.

Sorry, sorry. I know I'm late, but I have a good reason.

I won a trial.

Congratulations?

I know I shouldn't brag, but I'm just so shocked.

I thought for sure this guy was going down for at least 15.

You should've seen this AUSA, smooth as silk, Eric Troutman.

Yale. Watch. You're gonna see him on the ballot in a few years.

Anyway, he is virtually undefeated, and I'm coming off a hefty slump...

Hold up. Hold up. A hefty slump?

Man, Tatelbaum told me he was sending in a big gun.

Are you even Jewish?

You lookin' mighty shegetz to me right now.

I assure you, I'm Jewish.

On your mama's side?

On both sides.

And the reason I was in a slump is because I take difficult cases.

If I took the easy ones, I would still have all my hair.

I'm kidding, it's hereditary. It started vanishing in my mid-20s.

But it's a sign of high testosterone.

We are here to talk about you.

I love your meme, by the way.

Wasn't sure how you take it, so I got the same as mine. Two sugars.

Mmm-hmm.

I guess this will do.

So, down to business.

For rioting and incitement to riot charges,

they tend to go after organizers.

Did you organize the riot?

- Nope. - Good.

Good. Concise.

Now, the meme thing doesn't exactly help us,

but it does say follower more than instigator.

We'll make sure to highlight any actions you were taking to end things peacefully.

What do you know about this guard who was killed in the pool?

Uh, CO Piscatella?

Nothing. I wasn't there.

Great. This should be easy, then.

Oh, shit. Cindy. Fuck!

- Be quiet! - Mmm-hmm!

Oh, my God! Shut the fuck up before you get us caught!

All right, girl, you know I like them titties.

Them shits get bigger?

You missed this, didn't you?

Shit. You know I'd be in this shit every night if it wasn't for...

If what? You didn't have a girlfriend?

Cindy, come on, you know that ain't got nothing to do with this.

All right? Shit!

No, not my bitches.

Let me see it.

I put it in my locker. I'll show you later.

Watch that shit be in Darnell's hand right now.

Why half the lights out? It's darker than Curt's gums in here.

Ain't dark as your burnt marshmallow mama, bitch.

This from a fool look like a cross between Nelly and a black Twizzler.

Ah! She went on this nigga, yo!

Don't come at me 'cause y'all was in the dark like some dumbasses.

Yeah, right. They was fuckin' in here.

This nigga, Curt, was in Cindy pussy wrecking it like... Bong! Bong!

Curtis come near me, ain't my goodie box gettin' wrecked.

I'd wring his thing out like wet laundry.

And he'd be on his knees.

"Cindy, what you do? I'm ruined for all other women!"

Oh, shit, Jasmine be all like, "What happened to your dick, nigga?"

He all like, "Jasmine, baby, you don't understand!

Cindy pussy be crushin' it!"

Fuck you say about Jasmine? Hmm?

Yo! It was a fucking joke!

Keep fucking Jasmine's name out your mouth!

On my mama, that's my girl.

- You ever say anything about her, bro. - Chill, son. It was a joke.

Yeah, whatever.

Stupid ass nigga...

Awkward.

Yo, your boy is lunchin'.

Come on. Coach G 'bout to be pissed.

L, in Lobster.

M, in Mattress Warehouse.

Two in a row. Come on, brother. I'm smokin' you.

Uh, yeah. Sure.

Hey, I know I kinda invited myself along, but I really needed this road trip.

Something to take my mind off things.

And you shouldn't be alone either. Oh. N, in Nathan's.

This, uh... This isn't really a road trip.

I'm just dropping you off at your sister's.

Damn straight, it's not. We got no snacks.

You at least got gum or something?

No. There's nothing in there.

- What's this? - It's nothing. Put it back.

"Hersheypark, world's largest Buffalo wing,

Nic Cage's tomb, that mall from The Mighty Ducks movie."

This is a bucket list.

No, it's just some stuff I'm gonna see after I drop you off.

No, it's not. It's stuff we're gonna see. Together.

You know, fuck my sister. She's a total bitch.

Her house smells like hairspray and soup.

No! I'm taking you to your sister's. This is a solo road trip.

So you can kill yourself after?

No fucking way, brother. I can read between the lines.

I'm not going anywhere.

O, in Oil Change.

Uh, I'm not suicidal, I just...

I just wanna be alone. Now, I'm dropping you off and that's it.

I'm not afraid to say we went through some real shit.

Brought up some darkness.

You think I'm some pussy, sitting here bitchin' about my feelings?

Let me tell you, brother, there's a shitstorm coming.

And if you try to ignore it, it'll explode

when you're waiting in line at Wegmans' hot food bar

with a whole thing of orange chicken and they run out of rice.

P, in Parkway.

I gotta pee. P in pee.

That's good.

Q, QuickShop.

That's a sign.

I'm gonna grab some Cajun peanuts.

Oh, my God. Ditch him already! He's taking up all of our together time!

- I'm trying! - Are you?

I can hear you playing the alphabet game.

Cajun peanuts. Everybody knows you have Slim Jims and Zotz on a road trip.

Penn, I'm gonna get rid of him, I promise.

I want to ride the Lightning Racer with you, not with Dixon.

You're so much hotter.

I am hot.

In case you have to pee.

Oh, my God.

It's like they want me to just disappear.

They want me to just take my check and, and, and, and fade into the scenery

while they, they villainize a bunch of girls who...

who were born a couple miles south of hardship

and took the only road in sight.

That's a Side Boob lyric, but it's true.

I don't want to give them that fucking satisfaction.

There are institutional problems! I've been listening to podcasts.

What do you mean by that?

I mean what I was saying, man.

Podcasts, institutional problems, those lyrics from "Misery Road," man.

Hey. I'm not gonna pretend I was a flawless warden,

- but to be put out to pasture like that? - Am I right?

I figured if there was anybody who had some perspective on it, it would be you.

This is basically... They did the same fucking thing to you.

What do you mean by that?

You're not listening to anything I'm telling you!

You're right, Joseph. I haven't been listening.

I'm not gonna lie about it.

I guess I'm just past the Litchfield leg of my life's journey.

I want to empathize, but I can't.

I don't live there anymore. Not here. Here, I've moved on.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about acceptance, man.

I'm talking about disrupting the negative thought patterns

that I've fostered for my entire life.

Why do you think I suggested Siren Smoothie?

I'm filling my life with positivity. Places that bring me joy.

You know, they have a secret menu.

I didn't know that.

Like this.

This is green Jolly Rancher flavor.

This is where I want to live.

Green Jolly Rancher. Not in a prison of the mind.

Let me ask you something.

How do I just do nothing? It's killing me.

I got no more come.

I got no more Cap'n Crunch, no more Columbo episodes.

Fucking everything drives me nuts. Everything.

I don't know, man. I don't have all the answers.

But I do know this, you don't make waves, man, you ride 'em.

And if MCC wants to give you a check and tells you to go away,

then you take that check, and you go that way.

And while you're at it, give yourself some joy.

Yeah.

Hi, Rebecca.

All right, Ruiz. You're up.

Trista. Back against the wall.

Hurry up, Hoefler. I don't want any more problems with you.

But someone's in my Ad Seg cell.

We're doubling up because of the cookies. So...

Should we talk about the sleeping arrangement?

I have my bed. I don't give a shit where you sleep.

Uh, you must be one of the riot girls?

I heard you cut off a guard's privates and flushed them down the toilet.

Do I look like a Trista to you?

Tell me. What do you see when you look at me?

I used to think that there were two versions of me.

That there was the version of me in here,

who smoked crack, had a gang that punished people for crossing her.

And then the real me... she was out there,

and she hadn't done any of those things.

But now I realize there isn't another me.

There's only this me.

And I don't know what the fuck to do with that.

Oh, honey...

Don't you fucking touch me! Don't you ever fucking touch me.

And we never would've flushed the guard's privates down the toilet.

Would've clogged the pipes.

We would've thrown 'em down the porta-potty.

I don't even know what you're talking about.

You're telling us you didn't insert a baton into the rectal cavity

of any of the correctional officers being held.

I didn't lay a finger on nobody.

We have testimony, says you ordered it.

Testimony from who?

You don't get to ask the questions.

Bitches will tell you the sky is green to save their own asses

But we should believe when you say you didn't organize a riot.

I'm not saying that. I'm saying, trust what you know.

And what is it that you think we know, Ms. Ruiz?

Open the door, please.

Come on. Open the door.

- I'll be super fast. - Should I...

- Don't concern yourself. - Pretend he's not there.

Open it!

I am on a regimen. You're blowing my gains!

Are you happy about this? Come on! I swear to God!

You were telling us what you think we know.

You know that I risked my life to get those hostages out.

Funny. Other inmates have said the same thing.

I bet there's a line of bitches from here to Queens

saying they helped get hostages out.

But the only person that got hostages out

is the person that walked out with the hostages.

Everything else is just talk.

The testimony about you ordering prisoners to torture guards?

How do you think I got enough trust to get them out?

You think Mendoza was gonna let me walk out the door with all them hostages?

Gloria Mendoza?

Oh! Oh...

She got to you already, didn't she?

I bet she made it sound like she had nothing to do with any of this, right?

Blamed it on somebody else. That's not on you. That's what she does.

Hey, you! You're violating our religious rights!

- Me? - Yes, you!

Over here! To your right! That's right.

Warmer. Warmer. Warmer.

Uh-huh.

I need to go to the chapel and pray in observation of a religious holiday.

Chapel hours for Ad Seg inmates

are from 6:30 a.m. to 8:30 a.m. on Sundays, Wednesdays and Fridays.

Exceptions are made for religious holidays.

That request must be submitted six days in advance,

unless there are some extenuating circumstances, which are not enumerated.

What holiday is it?

El Día de Anunción de la Soledad.

What religion is that?

I'm Puerto Rican, so obviously, it's Catholic.

My dad is Puerto Rican and Catholic.

Hey, look at that. I knew you had some flavor in you.

But he never celebrated El Día de Anunción de la Soledad?

Yeah, well, the cult of the Holy Virgin is like the mullet of religions.

Catholic in the front, Santería in the back.

Plus, it's for ladies.

Anyone who is a member of the cult of the Holy Virgin

has a right to celebrate this day in prayer!

Okay? Anybody wanna pray with me? Blanca?

Yes! I'm also a member of this Holy Virgin cult.

Me, too. I am also a member of the cult. Do we get to leave our cells?

The three of us deserve the right

to celebrate this day in prayer, together in a group.

I don't know. This doesn't feel very extenuating.

I'm sure that the federal agents that are here

will find it interesting to know

you're refusing to allow us our most important worship day.

Especially since you already made us miss

La Fiesta de la Soledad de la Virgen Inmaculada.

That already passed?

Yeah!

Is that the one where the kids get to drink the wine?

Yeah.

Looks pretty good.

Hey, Fig, it's Joe.

Uh, straight to voicemail, huh?

I know I'm supposed to be texting instead of calling, but, uh...

Well, this is a dinner invitation, and... I'm old-fashioned.

So give me a shout when you get this. Okay.

Give me that brontosaurus rex cock!

And then I remember I had a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Turns out, I was gassy, so I went looking for milk of magnesia,

and, to my recollection, that was approximately 11:42 a.m.

I knew it was 11:42 'cause I remember looking at the clock

and being like, "Damn, how'd it get to be 11:42?"

And if you wouldn't mind skipping forward a bit

to after the CERT team had entered the building,

why didn't you surrender with the first round of inmates?

Why didn't I surrender?

That is an excellent question.

If you remember, I was entrusted with the care of

a mentally not-right-in-the-head inmate, Suzanne Warren,

and I was concerned

that she would react crazy to the Stormtroopers with guns,

so I decided to go chill in a back closet until things calmed down.

And when did you go to the pool?

Uh, no. I wasn't at the pool.

I was in the back closet with Suzanne till the Stormtroopers found us.

Why are you lying to me?

Why don't we avoid the hostile tactics, huh?

Ms. Hayes has been forthright with all of her answers thus far.

You wanna tell him, or should I?

I was in the back closet with Suzanne until the Stormtroopers found us.

We both know that doesn't make any sense.

Because your fingerprints were found in the pool

and on a gun registered to CO Piscatella, used to fire a bullet into his face.

Need a moment with my client.

Unless you want to tell me the truth, you're looking at a murder charge,

which, you're aware, carries a life sentence.

A moment, please?

Okay, um, something I forgot to mention earlier,

this only works if you are honest with me.

Something you want to fill me in on?

What else?

I'mma need that bathing suit.

What are you gonna do with a bathing suit? Tie it around your ankle?

Bitch, I'mma wear that shit.

I'm not about to be in Michigan all summer with no pool wear.

You do understand why you're going to Michigan? To have a baby?

I understand you hating on my active lifestyle.

This is the last time I'm gonna say this,

you're making it a million times harder on yourself by not givin' up baby daddy.

I already heard a sermon this morning, Joy.

Are you scared of him?

You don't get it.

I like him.

More than anyone I've ever liked in my life.

And if I tell Mom and Dad who he is,

they're gonna want to drag him in and talk to his parents.

It'll ruin everything.

But don't you think they should probably talk to him,

since you're about to have his baby?

That ain't got nothing to do with this.

What?

Joy, excuse us. I'd like to speak with Cynthia.

You have to know, dishonesty eats away at you.

- You think lying will solve your prob... - I'm not lying.

Don't interrupt me while I'm talking. I taught you better than that.

When you lie, you're putting a Band-Aid on a leaky pipe.

At first, it can seem like the problem is fixed.

But then, drip, drip. Drip, drip. Drip, drip, drip, and pop!

It all comes flooding out in a torrent of destruction.

I'm not lying.

Yes, you are. Because you are not telling the truth.

I'm just not telling you something you don't need to know.

Don't sit in my house, that I pay for, and tell me what I need to know.

Who is the baby's father? Tell me who he is!

Who is he? Tell me!

Lucas, please.

You let her get away with too much.

This is the chapel?

If I made these, they would be much more symmetrical.

What are we doing here? You know I believe in science.

Can we have some privacy?

Yes, I'm feeling a touch crowded...

Women in Administrative Segregation

are not to be left alone under any circumstances. So, sorry.

The Lord will not be the only one hearing your prayers.

Get it?

Oh, yeah. That was a good one.

Hail Maria, full of grace.

The Lord has abandoned thee.

I don't think those are the lyrics.

Maria.

Hated art thou amongst women.

You have led us into great trouble.

And now someone must pay for those sins.

Someone will pay with many years.

And if it is not you, Maria,

it will be us.

I thought the virgin thing was bullshit, too.

Are we meant to believe Mary and Joseph spent...

Holy Maria!

We thank you for taking the blame,

because that is the only way we will save ourselves.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Let me do it.

You sure?

Yeah.

I'm surprised you haven't asked me how I got it.

Lean forward a little.

Would you believe I got it by backing into the sharp edge of a bunk?

I didn't.

It was a mouthy girl from C block.

I don't really blame her. I blame this place.

You lock a dog in a cage all day,

then you let it out and it bites you, do you blame the dog?

Outside, I was a mother and a homemaker.

You have any kids?

No.

That's good.

It's harder when you do.

How do you survive?

My first week in here, I...

I caught a shiv between my fourth and fifth ribs on my left side.

I'm still not really sure what for.

But now, I fight back.

It costs me, but I do it.

I'm gonna die in this place.

Either you lie down, it kills you quick because you're weak,

or stand up and defend yourself and it kills you the other way.

With time. And more time.

My ten-year sentence would've been up four years ago.

Now I'm lucky if I get out of here before I'm 50.

You asked me before, what I see when I look at you?

I see the person I used to be.

- I'll grab the bags. - No, no.

I'll get the bags. You, uh, you book the rooms.

You are really intense right now.

- You doing the NoFap challenge? - Maybe.

- What is that? - You stop jerking it,

so you get incentive to get the real thing.

I did it last fall.

Worst four days of my life.

- I'll book the room. - Rooms, dude. Two separate rooms.

We can't face the demons of our experience in separate rooms, brother. One room.

Plus, it's economical.

More scratch for Hersheypark. Although we should sneak in our sodas.

I got a way.

Hey, look what I got you. I got you Slim Jims,

and I got you your Zotz.

Look. It's like a real road trip.

I don't care about this! It doesn't make everything hunky-monkey.

You need to figure out how to ditch that big asshole, like, really, like, now!

Tonight. I swear. I'm gonna wait until he falls asleep, then write a note

and we can leave without him calling the cops.

Shit! I got to figure out how to write it so he doesn't think I'm gonna kill myself.

But I'll get it right. I'm sorry, but I'm gonna...

I need that bag under your...

- Yeah. I'm sorry. - Okay. Yep, here you go.

Take my pillow. I'll just be in the trunk.

Eating this crap, pissing in a cup. It's no worries.

I've been having all these really negative thoughts

swirling around in my mind. It's not pretty.

- I'm sorry. Just be cool. - You know what?

I wouldn't normally say this to a man, but you're fucking scared.

- I am not. - Yeah, you are. Okay.

There's Temple Run in there. I'll see you tonight. Hey, what's up?

Oh, that dickhead won't let me put down a debit card.

You got credit?

No hablo inglés.

Then would you prefer we speak in Spanish,

because that wouldn't be a problem for me.

Why does everyone know Spanish all of the sudden?

I miss when English was America's official language.

Changing demographics.

I thought they were going to build a wall. What happened to the wall?

What happened to the door over there?

- What is she saying? - Nothing.

Don't worry about this door.

Just try to help us understand why people are saying

that you were responsible for locking doors during the riot.

Is she thinking about what she's done?

That's right, think about what you've done.

Blanca, we can only help you if you help us.

Maria threatened to throw me in with the guards,

and torture me if I didn't help her.

She got people to follow her by giving them cell phones.

Sorry. What... I don't...

Ruiz is the leader of the riot.

Gracias.

- It's two against one for Ruiz. - Yeah.

Hey.

Hello.

Hello, madame.

Our meal tonight will be shakshuka with sautéed kale,

courtesy of Blue Apron.

You'll find it's only partially completed, because I have no idea what I'm doing.

Joe.

- What? - You're actually cooking?

I already ate.

But I invited you to dinner.

Yeah, I thought dinner was code for fucking.

No.

Aw... Don't be sad.

I bet I can still find your dick under that blue apron.

And trust me, you want to fuck before shakshuka, not after.

Harder! Pull harder! Ah!

- You like that, huh? - Yeah.

Tell me I have a dinosaur cock.

- Okay, that's weird. - Then say something evil, you evil bitch.

I didn't eat your stupid kale. How does that make you feel?

That was inconsiderate. You can do better than that.

- Come on. - Oh. yeah? I'm the fucking interim warden.

I took your job!

Wait, what... what's happening?

What do you mean?

Did you have to stop fucking me to ask that question? Come on.

They're letting you run Max again?

- You stole from them! - They don't know that.

If you're gonna get angry, why not put that anger to work?

I think you've fucked me enough.

Oh, come on! Half of the facility you were in charge of rioted.

You think they were gonna throw you a parade?

No way they could let you stay on running Max after Camp was a shitshow.

This is the best-case scenario.

You're still getting a check and you get to dodge the PR nightmare.

Take the cash and be happy.

I can't believe they gave it to you.

What can I tell you? They needed someone who knew the place.

It's all about optics.

Speaking of, I miss the 'stache.

Ooh! Jump! Yes.

Come on, come on.

Bam, do it.

Yes, yes, yes.

You just fucking die?

Fucking kidding me?

Oh, my God. I was just about to beat it!

Fuck!

Oh, my God. I can't take this anymore.

Oh, my God.

Nineteen, 20, 21, 22, 23...

- Man, I am shit tired. - ...24, 25...

- Maybe, uh... Maybe we should call it soon. - ...26, 27, 28...

29, 30!

Hey, don't mind me. Just trying to get back to my military weight.

A few sets of those, rest for an hour, Roman chairs, rest for an hour,

a few sets of push-ups, rest for an hour.

And when were you thinking you'd sleep?

I haven't been sleeping very much lately since...

Well, you know.

Besides, we've been sitting in the car all day. And sitting is the new cancer.

- Did something happen to cancer? - Cancer's over, man.

Hey, if you need to fap to get some shut-eye, the bathroom's open.

You expecting anybody?

No.

Probably something wrong with your credit card.

I was tired of hiding in the car.

Cindy,

go ahead and tell Special Agent Bellamy exactly what you told me.

So, it's like this.

I actually was in the pool before I went to the closet with Suzanne.

And?

And yeah, I touched the gun, but only once.

When I pulled it away 'cause it was aimed at Piscatella's head.

Then I put it down, and me and Suzanne left.

Let me get this straight, you had the gun pointed at Piscatella's head.

No, I had it for, like, two seconds, and I put it down.

After you pointed it at his head.

I ain't point no gun at nobody's head!

Stop putting words in my client's mouth.

She said she had the gun pointed at his head.

- I said I took it from T and put it down. - T? Would that be Tasha Jefferson?

Did you Tasha Jefferson point the gun at Piscatella's head?

I didn't say that.

Ms. Hayes, it doesn't make a lick of difference to me

if you spend the rest of your life in prison.

But I imagine it matters a lot to you, so,

I think you should have a refresher on how this works.

We only grant immunity for testimony we can use.

If you saw Jefferson point the gun at Piscatella, I can use that.

Otherwise, I don't know what to tell you.

Your fingerprints are on the murder weapon.

Cindy! Cindy, come here!

Cindy!

Cindy, I'm not calling you again, girl.

Cindy!

There was a third set of prints on that gun?

Yeah, Hayes, Jefferson and Frieda Berlin.

- How are you on riot charges? - Ruiz is a definite riot charge.

Testimony from the guards saying she took on a leadership role,

and two inmates have already corroborated.

Mendoza's a bit of a tougher case.

She said things that seemed like stretching,

but Jack Pearson from MCC corroborated her.

So, I think we ignore the bad facts. She could be a useful witness.

Come on, Michelson!

Indian?

It's like you're a sociopath. It's like you have no regard for human life.

She's right. You're banned from eating in here.

What? It's aloo gobi!

At least close your mouth! Jesus.

What about this one?

Um, we don't really have much guard testimony against her.

She gave a solid statement against Ruiz. We're thinking, witness.

Wait, hold on.

Actually, I think the US Attorney's gonna love this.

Not tender-headed, are you?

No. This is actually really nice.

Michaela, my oldest, made a fuss every time I tried to braid hers.

Such thick hair.

Hey!

What'd I tell you, Hoefler? Hands off, or you're going to SHU.

You know what she did, right?

She killed her kids.

Three of 'em.

Your hairdresser here is a sicko fuckin' baby killer.

Oh, don't mind him.

He's all bark.

At Hersheypark, I'm not always gonna be the single rider. Got that?

We rotate!

Yeah, hello. Jack?

This is Joe Caputo.

I want my job back.

Diaz, you're headed to Gen Pop.

Mendoza.

You, too. Let's go.

What about me?

What about me?

I'm supposed to be going, too, no?

What about me?

You took a plea, too?

No, I just made a statement.

You took a plea?

- For what? - Murder.

Diaz.

Oh, look. D for Diaz.

They named a cell block for me.

C Block.

C for cheerful.

Positive thinker. That's good.

Hey, T.

What was you trying to tell me the other morning?

Can't even remember.

I'm just glad to know you're okay.